[distant siren wailing] [snoring]
[alarm beeping]
[alarm stops] [sighs]
[snoring]
[subway train whirring]
[panting] [indistinct chatter]
Hold it! Hold it!
Okay, hold it, please!
[sighs]
And good morning to you.
♪ Enjoy the show♪ [man] Yeah, thanks.
♪ Enjoy the show♪
[chuckles] [woman] Thank you.
I'm not a part of the show.
Unfortunately for you guys. [woman] Oh.
Hi. Oh, my God, it's so good to...
No, we don't know each other. [laughs]
The intermission is just a woman screaming for ten minutes.
-[woman] Thank you so much. -Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
There's no hats allowed in the theater.
Okay.
♪ There are no refunds♪
♪ And have the best time♪
[chuckles]
Okay, Brittany, we got to talk. Oh.
Come on. Sorry. I just got to take this very important phone call.
-[tape tearing] -Okay, I'll hold.
Just hold the phone for one second.
Okay, I'm all yours, but first, quick question:
Why do you keep calling me Brittany
when you know my name is Babe?
I am lost in the city,
and I can't find my farm.
-You're late every day. -That'll do, Shannon.
Stop. That'll do.
Brittany, this is a job.
I'm just trying to make you laugh.
Do you know what that means?
Everyone else has to pick up after you and do your stuff.
I just feel like you don't know the things that have to happen to take care of your being late.
Hang on one second. Like the things that I have to do.
Sorry, I'm just-- Got to take this.
Hello?
Oh, no.
Everyone I know is dead.
[reporter] The New York City Marathon is getting underway right now.
[reporter 2] Live on Staten Island this morning.
50,000 people from around the world are racing today.
So, what brings you in today?
Uh, I have a hard time focusing. Mm.
You get enough sleep every night?
How much is enough?
Mm, six to eight hours.
Oh, way more than that. [chuckles]
[British accent] That's not the problem.
[both chuckling]
[normal voice] Uh...
But I... I had a friend who was also just very out of it,
and she was prescribed, um...
Oh, what is it? Adderall?
And now she's very alert.
[clicks tongue] You know...
some people abuse Adderall for recreational purposes.
What? [whispers] Yeah.
That's crazy. It's true.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Well, I do. Yeah.
All the time.
Yeah, but she's a good girl like me.
Yeah, we met at church, serving soup to the homeless.
But, uh, what did...
This happens all the time. Wh-What were we saying?
Do you snore? Snore?
Maybe you're not getting good quality sleep.
This is not about sleep.
[British accent] We're getting off track.
Maybe we both need some Adderall.
[chuckles, British accent] Maybe.
All right. [both laugh]
[normal voice] Uh, you're five-six, 197 pounds.
Your body mass index is high, and that can cause a disruptive sleep pattern.
[normal voice] My wh-wh-what is what?
A healthy BMI is around 25.
Yours is 31, 32.
Uh... [chuckles]
Yelp said you were a great, cheap doctor,
and I feel like you're sort of slinging labels at me all of a sudden.
Just a diagnosis.
Diagnosing me as what, fat?
All body types are beautiful.
That's true.
And you also want to be healthy.
Okay. I feel like you totally missed the point of those Dove ads.
[sighs]
Brittany, I'm not gonna give you Adderall,
but I am glad that you're seeing a doctor.
Your resting heart rate is elevated.
Your blood pressure's very high,
especially for a 28-year-old.
For you, I'm worried about fatty liver disease.
Oh, even my liver's fat, huh?
Let's get you healthy. Diet, exercise.
I want you to try losing between 45 and 55 pounds.
That's the weight of a Siberian husky. [chuckles]
You want me to pull a medium-sized working dog off of my body. Is that right?
Hey, I know it's hard to hear.
And look, a lot of people struggle with their weight
because of thyroid issues and genetic predispositions,
and in many cases, they're heavy but healthy.
But you left a lot of your history blank,
and I can only go off what you're telling me.
Would you say that you make healthy lifestyle choices?
♪ Don't wipe this smile Right off my face♪
♪ Don't want this fragile heart To break♪
♪ Ah, emoji Ah, ah, emoji♪
♪ Boy, I think You must be cool♪
♪ 'Cause you use The alien face...♪
Alexander, drinks on me for this side of the room.
[patrons cheering] This girl's fucking awesome!
[man] Nobody listen to her. She doesn't have any money.
Hey, you're f-- you're fine. Mm.
You're fine. Thank you.
My girlfriend dumped me.
Well, your girlfriend's stupid.
-You want to go to the bathroom? -Maybe. You're pretty cute.
[both laughing]
You-- You can rest your knees on these.
[song continues playing]
♪ I'd rather stay emoji♪ ♪ Ah, emoji, ah, ah...♪
We're, like, full-blown adults.
-I don't wanna. -Promise me that we'll keep in touch.
Gretchen, you're gonna hit 25,000 followers.
-Oh, thanks, girl. -And, Brittany.
You'll always be the funniest person I know.
Who, me?
That's right, bitches! Suck it!
I'm the funniest person she knows.
♪ I'd rather stay emoji♪ ♪ Ah, emoji♪
♪ Ah, ah, emoji Ah, emoji♪
[music distorts] ♪ I'd rather stay emoji♪
♪ Ah, emoji Ah, ah, emoji♪
♪ Ah, emoji, ah, ah♪
♪ I'd rather stay emoji♪
♪ Don't wipe this smile Right off my face♪
♪ Ah, emoji♪
♪ Ah, ah, emoji♪ ♪ I'd rather stay emoji♪
♪ Don't wipe this smile Right off my face♪
Girls, I got to go to the bathroom real quick. [chuckles]
♪ I'd rather stay emoji♪
♪ Don't wipe this smile♪
♪ Right off my face♪ [subway train rattling]
♪ Just when you think Of me♪
[sighs]
Oh, look. Moneybags Martha.
With a lecture, no doubt.
Hey, guys.
Listen, when you're disrobing,
try not to leave all your shit in the hallway.
That'd be the third time this month.
Just saying, change is possible.
Right? I get going out, having fun, but...
got to be respectful of others.
[shudders]
I got to take off my jacket.
Starting to feel like everyone's lives are going places
and mine's sort of stuck.
What? [scoffs] You've got a job,
um, a top-notch best friend and roommate.
Right? No, I know. I know.
Did I tell you about that old, bald asshole at the school
who was rude to me and then asked to see a teacher?
I was like, "I am a teacher."
Like, what the fuck, right?
Is that stupid of me? To be mad? No, he's a dick.
He was such a dick. Yeah.
[chimes]
-Should we let it dry? -Yeah.
-We'll do the rest tomorrow. -All right. Night, Gretch.
Night.
[door closes]
[tapping keys]
[British accent] Oh, what a beautiful cake.
You made this for me, did you? [Brittany laughing on video]
-Oh, I love it! Beautiful.-[Brittany] Happy birthday!
[Brittany whooping on video]
Make a wish, Dad.
[blows] [others cheering, laughing]
[cheering, festive chatter over video]
[chuckles] There are so many ways
you can have an extravagant lifestyle in any space.
[Brittany murmurs mockingly] Like us right now!
Mm! [Gretchen chuckles]
[footsteps running down stairs]
[sighs]
[door bangs open in distance]
Fucking Martha.
Good morning, New York
and all of my international followers.
[chuckles] There are so many ways you can have an extrav--
I see, under "What are your fitness goals?"
you just drew a frowny face.
Yeah. [chuckles]
Yeah, uh... I just...
I need to get a teeny bit healthier.
[British accent] Doc says I'm a big fat pig. [laughs]
Well, I mean, we can help you with that.
[normal voice] Could've at least faked a compliment, like,
"No, you don't... you don't need to come here in the gym."
Oh, I'm sorry. Um... I mean, I like your shirt.
You can go ahead with whatever you're gonna-- what the spiel is.
We have a bunch of membership options to fit all your fitness needs,
with rates as low as $129 a month.
I'm sorry, I thought you said, um, "as low,"
and then $129 for a month.
Yeah, that's a starting rate.
$129 a month, and for that you get access
to everything in the gym except half of it.
That's-- So, every person we've walked by
has $129 to just give to you?
Is there a sliding scale for people in debt up to their tits?
[chuckles] Uh...
Okay, you do know that people can go outside, though,
and just be outside and, like, do things?
Absolutely.
And that's the same fitness experience.
You know, you pay for our facilities.
But going for a run outside, that is zero, and then this one is-- What is it again?
Okay.
What the fuck are you doing?
-Oh! -Excuse me. Sorry.
[vehicle passes] [horn honks]
♪ Cold rain♪
Mm. Oh, my God. [music continues playing]
Sea salt.
That's what you have. You have sea salt.
Perfect.
[Brittany sobbing in distance]
[sobbing continues]
Hello.
Hello in there.
It's Catherine.
Who?
I think you call me Moneybags Martha in 3-S.
I don't have any of my shit out there.
No, I know. I just want to know if you're okay, or--
Well, I can make some coffee if you need...
Are you okay?
I don't... [sniffles] need your pity, so--
Thank you, though. No pity.
[scoffs] Really?
I Google-stalked you when I moved in.
A husband, two kids, a penthouse on 51st and 7th.
You got an Astoria apartment that you bought 20 years ago
that you just, like, use as your photography studio.
Zero pity?
It's nice to hear someone thinks my life is so idyllic.
I'm not trying to flatter you, you fucking narcissist.
Your life is easier than mine.
I'm broke.
I'm fat.
My liver's shutting down or something.
And I applied to rescue a dog from a kill shelter...
[sniffles] and they told me that I couldn't give the dog the kind of future it deserved.
A kill shelter.
I am sure that you have a lot to offer.
[sniffles, shudders]
I'm almost 30,
and everyone's falling in love or...
getting great jobs or having kids
who are fucking adorable and get 10,000 likes.
Life's hard.
I mean, when I was your age, I was such a wreck.
Have you ever woken up on the ground
and realized that the pillow that you were sleeping on
was... was a dead rat?
It's New York City.
I've slept... Yes, I've slept on a rat.
Well, I've got secrets.
I've got things that I'm not gonna tell my kids until they're older.
I was in rehab.
For alcohol or for, like, a sprained ankle?
For, like, needle stuff.
Wh-- Heroin?
Are you gloating about it?
Congratulations. You really scrubbed that off your Web presence.
Hey, I was 23. I was...
Oh, you don't--
...insecure about everything.
It's dirty.
I found what I thought was a group of real artists, so--
We find validation in very unhealthy places sometimes.
'Cause life's overwhelming, and every single day,
I'm just trying to get through it--
just minute by minute, day by day--
and try not to get overwhelmed
by giving myself...
little goals.
Please let me be in my apartment alone.
Okay.
[sighs]
One block.
[exhales sharply]
[panting]
[indistinct chatter]
-[Brittany] Oh. -[woman] Oh!
-[boys chattering] -Whoa.
Aah! Damn!
Fucking New York.
[groaning]
[panting quietly]
[footsteps descending stairs]
[Catherine] Wow.
Look at you.
That step's broken, so just be careful.
Oh. They should put a sign up.
Hey, um, listen, I'm part of this runners' group on Saturdays, and...
You give me judgmental looks for three years,
and now you want me to join a running group with you?
I thought we had a thing.
Sorry about the olive branch.
[grunts, laughs] [Brittany] Bruno!
-Oh, my God, Demetrius he's gotten so big. -[Bruno] Hi, Aunt Brittany!
Look at him. He's got a little Afro and everything.
Looking like a civil rights attorney.
Come here. Hey, go get changed.
I'm taking Bruno to the bank today.
Go upstairs and get changed, boy.
I'm taking you to the bank just the same way I took youto the bank
when you opened your first account.
Bruno and I'll have about the same balance as of right now.
Brittany, you're gonna be fine, okay?
Everything's gonna work out for you.
You were smart and creative even when you was a kid, and that'll take you places.
Don't worry about it.
Hey, man, what happened to you? You get caught in the rain?
Oh. It's sweat.
I, uh... I ran today.
Why the hell you do that? Was somebody chasing you or something?
Philadelphia misses you, honey!
Cici, hey.
Oh, you look so good.
I look like I happened to be under a woman when her water broke.
[chuckles] I don't get it.
No? Just... Oh.
Eh. Bye.
Your sister is always moving and shaking
and walking around and doing stuff.
She won't sit down for nothing.
On Saturday, she's spearheading a Habitat for Humanity.
What are you doing this weekend?
[groans] My legs are so sore.
Would you ever want to go for a run with me?
I just got in my head.
I want to find a way to distract myself
so I can get to the point where I can run a mile.
If I do too much cardio, I get too skinny too quickly. Remember?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, don't do that.
Boink. [chuckles]
Okay, welcome, or welcome back, to Astoria Runners Group.
-Hoody-hoo! -[group whooping, clapping]
I'm Tesla, the organizer. We're going a light two miles today.
Oh, my God.
Springing for nine-minute miles,
so if that's your goal, keep up with me.
You ready? Yeah!
On your marks, get set-- [group] Hoody-hoo!
[runners whooping, clapping]
[panting]
Fuck.
[exhales] You can do it.
Yeah, I know. I'm doing it.
Oh, sorry. I'm talking to myself.
I can't give up, or my kid'll judge me.
I hyperventilated after a potato sack race at his preschool.
He was like, "Papa, are you my mommy?"
And I was like, "No, I'm your papa."
And he was like, "Well, why are you so girly?"
So, I taught him about gender stereotyping.
I went on my first run, and in six weeks, I'm running a 5K.
Why are you doing that to yourself?
You're gonna lose that thing.
The race? Yeah.
You don't do it to win it. You do it to finish it.
You can do it, Seth. You're a goddamn gazelle.
Adherence is half the battle.
[Seth groans]
[panting]
Wait. That was two miles?
I've never done that before in my life.
Hoody-hoo!
Yeah. What's your name?
I'm Brittany.
♪ Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum♪
♪ Hey, it's Brittany♪
♪ She needs to take A shit-nee♪
On the harmony. ♪ Best part of running♪
♪ Is nothing, I hate it♪
♪ But when I get home, I'm happy I made it♪
♪ Doom, doom, doom, doom♪
[panting]
-And she had the same dress on as me. -Sure, sure, sure.
-Britt! -Gretch!
Britt, let's blaze.
Fucking New York.
What was it my friend wanted?
Uh...
Oh, that's on backwards.
[laughs] Come on, it's funny.
Okay, I'll fix it.
-[Brittany chuckling] -What? Brittany, oh, my God.
Oh, hey, we need shots.
My roommate here literally lost a hundred pounds.
Well, 22.
Still, that's, like, the same weight as 11 MacBooks.
[British accent] I got a dozen less laptops in me stomach.
[crowd exclaiming]
[man] 19-20.
I, uh-- I found this health calculator online,
which is kind of cool, and I have a goal weight now.
Yeah? What is it, like 120?
Uh, 152.
My blood pressure's down, and I even signed up for my first 5K.
Shut up. You're gonna run a marathon?
No, a marathon's 26 miles. 5K's only three.
Oh, my gosh, thank you for the support, Terrence.
[Gretchen] Well, cool.
Are you gonna try and run faster than the other people or...
Oh, it's just about finishing it.
Oh, you should come out after with me and my running friend, Seth.
[Gretchen] Uh, wait. [crowd exclaiming]
-Running friend, Seth? -Yeah.
You never mentioned him before.
Is he a serious runner, or is he like you?
He's like me, I guess.
Terrence, babe, tell Brittany you're excited for her.
[Terrence] Yeah.
[man] 20-20.
[runners whooping, murmuring]
[runners] And seven, six,
five, four,
three, two, one.
[air horn blares] [runners cheering]
[both panting]
Oh, my God.
We're going backwards. [Seth exhales]
Oh, my God.
[runners shouting excitedly]
[man] All right! Good job! [man 2] Proud of you guys.
[Seth sighs]
How's my baby? Doing okay?
[man] I'm so tired.
[child babbles]
[Seth] I know. I'm a rock star.
Um, so we'll just do a large cheese pizza.
That should be enough, yeah?
Oh, do you want to do the appetizer trio, too?
We'll do the appetizer trio as well.
Brittany.
You want to go see Daddy by the flowers?
Go see Daddy by the flowers? [Brittany chuckles]
-Go! Go, go, go, go, go! -Oh, my God.
Oh, you're in our runners' group.
Yeah. Did you run the 5K?
-Hey, that's great. -You should join us.
Oh, she has kids. It's a Saturday.
Oh, no, they're at their dad's this weekend.
Oh, I didn't-- I didn't know you were divorced.
Soon. That's why I'm crashing at the studio.
I'm a photographer,
and I've got the apartment right above Brittany's.
Oh, smell you.
Wait, so you know this much-talked-about Gretchen.
I thought she was gonna be at the finish line.
She had a late night.
Oh, I wanted to meet your best friend.
[chuckles] It's not the end of the world.
[tapping keys]
Oof. [sighs]
Jesus Christ, is that me?
-[door opens] -[Gretchen] Brittany.
Oh, my God, Terrence is in Boston.
-Let's go out. -Oh, I-I can't.
I got a runners' group in the morn.
Come on.
Hey, don't you deserve a little bit of fun?
[singsongy] Just a little Addy.
[dance music pulsing]
[retching]
[spits]
[groans]
[exhales]
I wanted to go to your thing this morning,
but there was an Ace of Base cover band at Vintage last night,
and they didn't go on until, like, 2:00 a.m.
It's fine. You don't need to come to those.
"Those"?
You are so cute with this whole running thing.
-I'm a runner now. -Me, too.
I mean, we've all got legs.
We're all in a hurry sometimes.
We're all runners when we need to be, right? [chuckles]
[Seth] A marathon?
We don't have to win it. We just have to finish it.
The New York City Marathon?
I think that is such a good idea.
Catherine, you're 40 times faster than us.
-Why are you running back here? -I like talking to you guys.
They're very, very intense at the front. Not a lot of chitchat.
I don't want you to feel bad for us or something, and that's why you're back here.
No, I don't. You know, I trained for the marathon about four years ago.
But I had to quit because I got pregnant.
And my ex-husband's really dragging me through the mud right now,
so I'd really love to do this with you guys.
Mm-hmm. You girls have fun. Come on.
Don't you want to accomplish something epic?
Or be taken seriously and change how people look at you?
I don't need to pee myself on a 26.2-mile race to feel proud.
Literally no one knows what you're talking about.
People get so tired, they piss themselves during it.
No, they don't. [laughing]
Yes. Yes. That's disgusting.
When my cousin ran it, she shat her pants,
came back to her apartment for the party we threw for her,
and had to kick everyone out so she could clean herself.
I have a child, hopes for another. It's all I need in life.
Tons of people don't shit themselves.
You ever think of that? Okay, listen.
Marathon's next November.
That gives us less than a year to train.
Brittany and I will run the marathon.
Seth, you stay home, you eat ice cream,
and you just look at pictures on Facebook
of the two of us at the finish line. How's that?
While your husband and son pick out mountain bikes after his football practice.
You bitch. [Catherine, Brittany laugh]
[groaning] Fine.
We'll never actually do it, but fine.
-Yes! -[whoops]
[Catherine] You know, a lot of people fail at this,
but, guys, I have faith in this group.
[siren wailing] [Seth] Hmm. That's a bad omen.
Okay, so I'm guaranteed a slot because I joined a marathon group a while ago,
but for you two to get a slot, you have to join the lottery.
Oh, I love lotteries.
Yeah, but if you don't win, then you got to raise money for a charity,
and then they get you a slot.
And we should probably join a gym so we can do some cross-training.
Whoa, wait, excuse me.
What? Uh, ka-ching. [chuckles]
'Cause all that costs a lot of money. Can we do it on a shoestring?
Well, even the lottery costs money.
I'm fine with skipping all this, if it's too much for you.
[subway train squealing] Hold it!
[panting]
Okay. Debbie's down for her nap.
Oh, "Debbie Does Napping."
It's a reference.
It's fine. Um... Oh.
I'm so happy we could sit down and talk about this nanny position.
Yeah. I'm psyched.
Uh, so this would be the room.
Oh, this is the room? Yeah.
And this would be your bed.
Oh. Look at that surprise.
Your résumé is really impressive.
Yeah, people rag on Cornell, but it's still an Ivy, right?
-You majored in education. -Anyway--
And you babysat for the Bidens.
Uh, listen, I love kids and thinking of fun projects,
and I actually kind of flourish in chaotic atmospheres,
so this is, like... [clicks tongue]
I just-- I have a couple little questions.
Oh, yeah. Shoot.
I would love you to walk me through...
uh, the age-appropriate CPR for this doll.
Okay. Let's do that now.
The first step is to obviously...
check to see if the child is breathing.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. So...
[chuckles awkwardly]
Ooh, I'm sorry, this child is dead.
[both laughing] I know it's--
Oh, my God. It's 'cause the doll.
God, you are hilarious. [laughs]
[grunting playfully]
Oh, my God.
You have a great personality, which I love,
but to be honest, my husband's kind of looking for a nanny
who will fade into the background.
Thank you so much for coming, though.
Can I get you a bottle of water for the...
I'm just fading in the background. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah.
[sighs] I'm so sorry.
[clears throat] No, it's fine.
It's just, I keep interviewing at places,
and no one thinks I'm the right fit.
Except for dive bars, and I'm sort of trying to stay out of that scene.
Oh, my goodness. Who is this gentleman?
Oh, this is a foster.
Ooh, someone's gonna come along and love you. I just know it.
You know, if you like animals, I should refer you to my sister.
Is she a dog?
Uh, no, no, she, um-- she owns a company.
They do house-sitting and pet-sitting.
If a homeowner is out of town for a while and they can't take their pet,
they hire people to be around for 100 bucks a day.
Oh, my goodness.
You must be Milo.
Oh. [panting]
[chuckling] Oh, my goodness.
Fuck you.
♪ I do my hair toss Check my nails♪
♪ Baby, how you feelin'?♪ ♪ Feelin' good as hell♪
♪ Hair toss, check my nails♪
♪ Baby, how you feelin'?♪ ♪ Feelin' good as hell♪
♪ Whoo, child Tired of the bullshit♪
♪ Go on Dust your shoulders off Keep it moving♪
♪ Yes, Lord, tryin' To get some new shit♪
♪ In there, swimwear Going-to-the-pool shit♪
♪ Come now Come dry your eyes♪
♪ You know you a star You can touch the sky♪
♪ I know that it's hard But you have to try♪
♪ If you need advice Let me simplify♪
♪ Feelin' good as hell♪
♪ Baby, how you feelin'?♪ ♪ Feelin' good as hell♪
All right, I'll stay.
♪ Where are you going? Going?♪
[beep, music stops abruptly]
[man] What the hell?
Bad taste in music.
You the new girl? I'm the nighttime guy, Jern.
"Jairm"? Like "Jeremy"? Hello, Milo.
Mwah. No, it's Jern.
I didn't know there was a nighttime guy.
I'm sorry. What are you doing here in the middle of the day?
Oh. I moved in.
[music playing]
-Hey. -Yo.
You're living here, yeah?
I sleep here for the gig anyway,
so now I just chill here during the day, too.
You just kind of put me in a weird position, 'cause I have to report this.
Like, contractually, I have to.
[chuckles] Oh. Okay.
Yeah.
But wouldn't it be shitty if they told the owner,
and then he canceled the service altogether?
That would suck.
I mean, I'd get fired, yeah,
but who knows when another opening would come around for you?
Is this what you do full-time, then?
[burps] Oh, fuck.
How old are you?
Thirty, 35. Somewhere in there.
Doesn't matter. You know what?
Stop asking me questions, all right?
My life is dope.
Look at my house. I live in a fucking mansion.
Where'd you get that?
The mailbox.
I hate him. Like, I very much hate him.
You're gonna have sex with him.
-What? -You're gonna have sex with him.
Trust me, any tension is sexual tension.
Once I figured that out, I got along way better with my uncle.
Joke.
[chuckles]
When I'm with him, I have this crazy urge to eat cake, cookies, candy.
Just let that sexual tension propel you while the three of us train.
What if we made it just the two of us?
Look, I know Catherine's athleticism and intensity is intimidating,
but she's getting a divorce, and she needs something to channel her energy into.
[Brittany] I just hate when people, like, pity me.
Cut her some slack. She only sees her kids two days a week.
She's got maternal energy to spare.
[Brittany] I just don't need a coach.
And I definitely don't need her to, like, be my mom.
[Seth] Brittany, come on.
She's trying.
It's hard to start a new life.
[laughter, lively chatter]
Morning.
[announcer on TV] Flashback Friday continues right now with moreDoug.
I have a fun question.
Do you ever actually work at this job?
Do you like Doug?
I've been here for weeks, and you haven't checked
one thing off the homeowner's task list.
I got my first boners 'cause of Patti.
Jesus. Yeah, I know. It gets weirder.
I'd be lying down with my stepmom,
we'd be all cuddled up on the couch,
and then Patti Mayonnaise would come on TV,
and I got busted 'cause that blanket would move.
It'd be like... [makes whooshing sound]
Oh, it would move 'cause you got a boner for Patti? [laughs]
Exactly.
Way to brag about your dick size while watching cartoons.
[turns off TV] Why-- Goddamn it.
You know what? Cartoons are fun.
And they're colorful and vibrant,
and they help people actually get through real-life shit.
Did you know that?
Because when my parents got divorced, Doug--
Dougis the only thing that saved me.
How long ago was that? All right, listen.
Divorce sends shock waves through a young man's life,
a-and I need certain considerations taken for my particular circumstances.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I didn't think about the fact that you're the only person this has ever happened to.
My bad.
Oh, shit. Your dad cheated? No.
-My dad did not cheat. -Oh, my God. Your mom?
I don't ask you personal questions,
like why the fuck your parents named you Jern.
That's racist.
Is Jern an Indian name?
I mean, I don't even know. Could be.
Fuck you, man.
So your dad doesn't cheat on your mom, but he definitely leaves her.
And then she... remarries, right?
Yeah, yeah, she remarries that dude
that you keep Skyping with all the time-- What's his name?
It's like Desmond or something, right?
-Demetrius? -I was close.
He's my sister's husband. He's basically like my stepdad.
Okay. How does that work?
I...
I don't... [sighs]
Oh, come on. Don't get--
Okay. Let's make a deal. All right?
'Cause I need that juicy, juicy info
that's hidden deep in your soul,
and you need me to take out the trash.
Huh? And also clean out, uh, sections of the fridge.
The whole fridge.
Okay. For you, yes, let's do it.
Okay.
Um, my mom wanted to be an actress.
She couldn't do that in Philly, so she left.
My dad got really depressed, gave up on everything.
A few years later, he died.
My sister was studying to become a nurse,
so Demetrius and her... moved in,
and he basically raised me,
which is awesome because he himself is awesome.
Yeah, that sounds awesome.
That sounds like a Norman Rockwell panting.
I mean, just totally normal.
-Jern-- -My dad fell in love with another woman.
At least that's how they explained it to me when I was a kid.
But that's probably bullshit, right?
I bet she just caught him banging somebody,
and then we had to sell our house.
That sucks.
What are you doing?
I'll throw that shit out after I'm done with this episode.
Jern, grow up.
Oh, my God, girl. Holy shit.
Drake, third row. It was, like, so fucking good.
I was, like, almost making eye contact with him,
and I was like, "I don't know." He's...
[laughs] I almost barfed on the train, girl.
[pop music playing]
[subway train screeching]
[bell chiming] Hold it! Hold it!
[man] Miss? Oh.
God. Thank you so much.
[bell chimes]
David's picking me up. Our two-year anniversary. Ah.
He's taking me to this Mexican restaurant in Brooklyn
where they make this guac with sunflower seeds.
Ooh, that'll either be really good or terrible.
Hey, babe. Hey.
I'm David.
Yeah. I'm Brittany.
Been working here six years. [laughs]
Brittany?
You look great.
You're like a whole new person.
[British accent] I'm trainin' for the marathon.
-Many will try. Few will succeed. -[chuckles]
Okay, babe, let's do this. Yeah.
Who's the, uh, lucky guy tonight?
Well, you're not going home alone looking like that, are you?
[Shannon] David.
[typing]
Yo, girl.
Hey.
It's Tuesday. Why aren't you snoozing at Terrence's?
Um, we broke up.
When?
Last week. I posted about it.
I haven't been on.
Why didn't you tell me? Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. It's just...
You know, I just watched, like, I don't even know, 22 YouTube videos
by this girl who's, like, 4'11",
and she has a full-blown lazy eye,
and she has sponsorship deals.
I mean, like...
I'm just confused and annoyed.
What a slut. We hate her.
Is being annoyed stupid of me?
[chuckles quietly]
Hey, want to get a drink?
What do you want? Tequila? Beer? [chuckles]
Whatever you want.
I mean, I-I can't drink.
Okay, what about ice cream?
This is your night, so you-- you pick what you want.
Okay, but I want to know what sounds good to you.
[scoffs] Okay. Well...
I'm sorry.
I'm just... busy now.
I'm working two jobs.
I'm exhausted.
I've lost 34 pounds.
Okay.
It's a big deal.
I'm just trying to get my life in order.
Are you saying that my life is not in order?
No.
Because I'm a teacher's assistant
for deaf, gifted kids on the Lower East Side.
You're incredible. I just...
I just mean, like...
the weeknight drinking is hard for me.
-You're calling me an alcoholic now? -No.
Because you're the only one with the problem around here.
-Problems, plural. -Oh, that's mean.
You're fucking mean, Brittany.
Don't come in here and judge me.
I have never judged you, and trust me, there was a lot to judge.
Wow. We're on the same page that right now you are judging me, right?
You know what, just go take a run with your loser friends.
-[amplified heartbeat thumping] -[panting quietly]
You're a loser.
I make fun of people like you who spend all day humble-bragging on Instagram.
Okay, I'm not humble-bragging. That's my life.
I'm sorry no one likes your life.
Those people don't know you.
I know you.
And you may be naturally pretty,
but your whole life is about being fucking insecure.
I'm starting to feel good about myself,
and every time that happens,
you have to tear me down.
I'm not gonna be your fat sidekick anymore.
Don't throw away your fat clothes.
What did you say?
I've seen girls like you do this before.
Doesn't even matter if you keep the weight off.
You'll always be a fat girl. It's just who you are.
Do you want to see what a human koala bear feels like?
Like this.
[woman chuckles] [R&B music playing]
What's up, roomie?
Hey.
[woman] Who's she?
My family wanted to adopt a white woman, so they brought her in.
Jesus, what happened? You come up short on rent?
Just a little bit of a heads-up. That's all I need, okay?
I told that girl I was an early investor in Uber.
Come on, if we are gonna be roommates,
you got to be a little bit nicer to me.
Also, is that OkCupid that I saw?
Can you just-- Leave me alone.
You know what? You got Hinge. You got Bumble.
You got Tinder. Pick one of those.
No, I don't want it to match me with people I'm friends with through Facebook.
Okay. I want to start over.
I'm really good at making profiles.
Okay.
And you cock-blocked me, and now I have nothing to do, so--
Team-building exercise?
What the fuck?
What? It's the truth.
Why would you lead with your insecurities like this?
When I look at this, you know what I think to myself?
I don't know if I care, but what?
"Ew, gross." No.
Here, do this. [typing]
There.
All right, it's kind of vague, but it's fine.
Next one is-- Jesus, God, woman.
It's not that bad.
What are you doing to yourself here?
Just fix it.
I'm just gonna give you mine, okay?
Do you know how to spell "herpes"?
This is foolproof and fail-safe and STD-free.
Really? Uh-huh.
That sounds like you're really rich and don't need a job.
No. [scoffs] I'm taking everything in.
I am in seek of irreverence.
Okay, so that's what you're doing all day on the couch.
I'm not a bum, okay? I went to NYU.
[chuckles] I created my own major.
Art and utilitarian design.
And all my professors were like,
"Yo, that kid's got mad potential."
I don't think professors talk like that.
But in the field of what?
I was gonna create a line of functional pieces of modern art,
like you see in the MoMA gift shop.
What do you do when you're not here?
Do you wander around museums wearing a monocle?
No, man. I'm Jeff Koons meets Target.
You're sitting in a chair in someone else's townhome.
I'm enhancing your life as we speak, okay?
Which I appreciate.
This next question is definitely all you.
Oh.
No, not that one.
Mmm... "average."
Just say "average."
Boom.
[cell phone vibrates]
I'm not doing any more. [chuckles]
[panting]
["On an Island" by William Wild playing]
-♪ I'm moving up the coast♪ -[dishes clinking]
♪ Light can be freeing...♪
[utensils clattering]
Oh. Do you want to switch seats?
No. Sure?
[chuckles] Yeah. Okay.
Bon appétit.
There you go.
Tacos in candlelight. [chuckles] Yeah.
God, that restaurant was so loud.
I love that you were cool with just, like,
walking out of there and letting me cook something up.
Lot of girls wouldn't be.
Right. [laughs] [chuckles]
So, I mean, I don't know any of the basics.
Mm.
So, um... born and raised in Philly.
Ohio here. I moved to the city when I was 16.
My parents let me crash with one of my aunts while I finished high school.
Nice. Um, I moved here when I was 21
for an internship at Barden and Rose.
Oh, wow. I--
You know, I don't know anything about advertising, but I do know them.
That's, like, the best in the city, right?
Yeah. They're, um... I wanted to get into jingles.
Jingles? Like TV jingles?
Not, like, singing them. Like, writing them.
The words or the music or both? Um, like--
♪ Drinks and tacos And candlelight♪
♪ Ryan knows how To make a night right♪
[laughing] Oh, my God, that's incredible.
The wink was bonus.
Was the internship great?
[British accent] Took a bit of a detour.
[chuckles]
Oh. [normal voice] But...
Um...
Um, anywaysies...
Okay. I have something to tell you.
Hmm? That is not meat.
Not meat? Yeah.
Doesn't it taste real?
["Dreams-Come-True Girl" by Cass McCombs playing]
♪ Your eyes are two moons♪
♪ I hope this voyage♪
♪ Will not be ending Very soon♪
♪ To scry in orbit♪
♪ With these mirrors Of perfection♪
♪ To die in the arms♪
♪ Of your affection...♪
Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Not yet, not yet.
What?
I want you to go to my bed.
Okay.
[British accent] Oh, all right, then.
[chuckles] Hey, no more of this British stuff.
You can talk in your real voice.
You don't need to be guarded with me.
Oh, would you look at that? [chuckles]
So late in the eve.
I gotta get...
I gotta... I gotta...
[door opens, closes]
[siren wailing in distance]
[knocking at door]
Come in. [door opens]
Hey. Hey.
How'd it go?
It was good. Yeah?
Yeah. Did he kiss you?
Uh, yeah.
We had sex, actually.
Whoa. Okay.
[chuckling] Great. Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna get rid of this girl, 'cause she keeps talking about Casey Anthony. Ugh.
So, uh, you want to get high?
Oh, I've got to run in the morning.
What? Come on. It'll help you sleep.
And it'll, you know, relax the muscles
or however body chemistry works.
I don't know.
All right.
Well, I respect your discipline.
Hey.
How strong's the weed?
[Jern] What do you want to watch?
Dating sucks.
What? It's just not for me.
I was always jealous of girls who were, like, always going on dates,
and it's such a time suck.
Like, we all end up single anyway.
Have you heard of marriage?
[laughs] Yes.
Okay, I know marriage, but it's like,
in my experience, it doesn't end well.
I'll tell you what I learned from my parents' divorce.
Okay. In life, we're ultimately alone.
It's true. We're alone. That is so dark.
Marriage doesn't work. Nah. Nah-nah-nah.
Oh, and if it does, somebody dies, so you're still alone.
Look, I want to get married.
Really? Even after your parents?
Yeah. My parents fucked up, but I don't have to.
I want to be with somebody. It's not just that.
The saddest part about being a girl who is not a size zero
is sometimes guys talk to you like you're one of the boys.
You're privileged enough to get to hear the uncensored thoughts
that they would never tell a woman.
Fuck those guys.
[scoffs] Like the stagehands at my theater,
they'll stand right in front of me
and talk so much shit about girls on Instagram
that are slutty or ugly or fat.
Look, not all men are that immature.
Said the man-child.
Don't do that. Nah-ah. Well...
And also, just so you know, people...
they like all kinds of people, okay?
Okay.
All right, let's just...
[program playing faintly over earbuds]
[groans] Good morning.
[Jern sniffs]
What if I want to sleep with Jern?
Then I'd be a fortune-teller.
Honey, get all the cardio you can get.
You'll need stamina for the race.
When's the last time you, uh, you know...
Had sexual intercourse, Catherine? Yeah.
Four years. Ooh.
Okay, so this is big.
Yeah. I think I'm ready to go there with someone.
I don't know.
I always thought Jern and I were a brother/sister act, but I'm open to whatever.
I mean, it's not like I'm gonna force anything.
Hey. Yo!
Jesus!
-Holy fucking shit, Brittany! -Sorry.
You are too pale to be fucking sneaking up on me, okay?
That shit is fucking terrifying.
Not a ghost. Just a woman.
Do you want a glass of wine? Yes, I'd love one.
Will that calm you down? That's a heavy pour.
Wow, you were, like, crazy just then.
[laughs] Why are you looking at me like that?
Yeah, you were, like, so scared.
You're not blinking.
Blink. [chuckles]
[theme from Saved by the Bell playing on TV]
♪ It's all right♪
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the♪
-♪ It's all right♪ -[groans]
♪ 'Cause I'm saved by the♪
♪ It's all right...♪
What's up? Is your neck okay?
It's just from running.
Would you mind, actually-- Would you rub it for me?
It's just this spot I can't get.
Sure.
Oh. [chuckles]
All right. [sighs]
Ooh.
I know. It's bad, right?
You are tight. [chuckles]
[groans]
[sniffs]
What is that?
What are you wearing?
Nothing. It's just me.
Mmm.
You usually smell like sweat,
but right now you smell like grandmas.
Yeah. I got it. That was good.
[clears throat]
Neck's better? Mm-hmm. Yeah.
[vibrates]
[man on TV] I'll take four boxes of Thin Mints.
[woman on TV] Do you know how humiliating this day was?
I need to go to bed soon.
I have to get up early to run.
[sighs]
[clears throat, grunts softly]
[moans]
The blanket just moved.
No, it didn't.
I don't think it did.
You want to check on that?
[Brittany chuckles] [Jern grunts]
Mm. Let me just get something, okay? Okay.
You fucking... You stay right the fuck there.
Ah, fuck. Uh, I'll be right back.
How does this thing even work?
[both moan softly]
Wait, lean back a little.
Lean back? Yeah, just so I can...
Wait, wait. I can do that.
No, no, no. I got it. I got it.
[panting]
Fuck. [gasping]
[grunts, moans]
[both panting]
[chuckles]
Mm, mm, good. [chuckles]
Oh, my God.
No, no. What's wrong?
It's fine. I just...
I just enjoyed that very much.
I could go again.
[chuckles] I'm recharged.
[Brittany] So, I slept with Jern.
[laughter]
How many times?
Every day this week.
[Seth] You're gonna fall in love with each other.
[Brittany] Yeah, no way.
[Catherine] Enjoy this.
Have fun.
This is fun, Brittany.
[laughing]
[sighs]
[camera clicks]
Whoa, look at you. You look beautiful.
I'm five pounds away from my goal weight.
Good for you, Brittany, for going after your goals.
I told myself, by the time I hit this age, I would have my college degree.
That there frame is up there just collecting dust.
So, instead of throwing a graduation party this year, I'm throwing a birthday party.
I know I ain't do it last year at 40,
but this year, I'm getting it crackin'.
So, the Sunday after my birthday... we're roasting a pig.
Oh, I'll pick you up at the bus station.
You guys, that... that's the day of the marathon.
[Cici] Well, it's for dinner,
so after you run, just hop on the bus.
Oh, please. It's for Demetrius.
I'd love to be there for you, D,
but I'm gonna need, like, an ice bath that day.
I'm making a whole new Brittany,
and I can't really disrupt that right now.
I'm, uh... I'm gonna get back into advertising again.
I'm doing it.
I'm just... I'm doing it. Me.
[noisemakers rattling]
[people cheering, whistling] [whistle blowing]
[Gretchen] Brittany?
Hey.
You look amazing.
Uh, babe, Brittany.
Wow, you-- you look incredible.
Thank you, Terrence, but on the inside,
I'll always be who I always was.
I thought you guys broke up.
That was just a dramatic fight. [chuckles]
You know, the guy I subletted your room to, he's never home.
You should sleep there sometime.
I mean, I'm at Terrence's most nights,
but maybe we can grab dinner or something?
I'm running a marathon,
so I don't really have time for anything right now.
Well, this is my stop.
Me and all these other runners are headed to the half marathon.
I guess you could call us serious runners.
Very real, very serious,
athletic, marathon-training runners.
Bye.
What was that about?
[cell phone vibrates]
Hey.
I got a spot-- the lottery.
Oh, my God, I'm running to my computer.
Seth, I'm so happy for you.
Oh, no.
Yeah, I didn't get one.
But it's okay.
I just have to raise money for a charity now.
Totally doable. [chuckles]
I mean, I can't save money for myself, but I'll figure it out.
Shit.
Let's talk about it at Catherine's housewarming party.
She found a great place with room for her kids.
We're gonna go and support her, and I'm gonna help you.
Wh-Why would you want to do that?
[chuckling] Because I'm your friend, Brittany.
[man] Did you see Rodrigo's fire installation?
[Catherine] Uh, Tina saw it, and she liked it.
Really? Yeah. Believe so.
What'd you think? [sighs]
I found the whole showing cold.
Very cold.
And in no way subversive; very literal.
Oh, you guys are talking about The Walking Dead?
Very literal.
This is... This is Brittany.
I have the studio above her apartment.
And we're training for the marathon together.
[Brittany chuckles]
Uh... okay.
[both chuckle awkwardly]
I'm gonna get another job. [Seth] What?
You're stretched thinner than a Listerine strip.
[laughter] Just tell her.
Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
So, my family has this trust,
and every year, I get to make a donation
to an organization that I pick.
So, Seth wanted to pitch in,
because we wouldn't even be running this marathon if it wasn't for you.
You really inspired us, Britt.
You're gonna do it.
You're gonna run the marathon.
[scoffs quietly]
This money should be going to something you care about.
It is.
[laughing] Okay.
I don't need you to, like, force your way into my life
and give me pep talks and checks.
I don't need your pity.
[Seth] We're just trying to help.
[Brittany] I don't need that.
I can do this on my own.
Do you know what time it is?
I forgot, I-- I have to go to something.
[Seth] I thought we were gonna get dinner with Jern.
I told Peter we were gonna meet your boyfriend.
He's not my fucking boyfriend.
Don't know why you keep saying that.
Your place is great. I'll see you tomorrow.
[chattering] [mariachi music playing]
I'm starving. Finally. I'm famished.
Where are your friends?
Uh, something happened with their kid.
Parents.
[groans] Yeah.
All right, well, I'm always happy
when it's just the two of us anyway.
We're just having sex, right?
I mean, we're not dating.
Uh-uh, no, uh-- We don't have to define anything.
Right.
Okay, so we're not.
I could never date you.
[laughs] [Brittany chuckles]
Okay, then.
Thank you. What do you want to eat?
Chips and salsa are just fine, so...
-I thought you were starving. -Well, maybe I'm just thirsty.
[camera clicks]
Fuck.
[sighs]
Fuck.
[sighs]
[taking deep breaths]
[whimpers]
[panting]
[groaning] Oh, shit.
[shudders]
[exhales]
[whimpers in pain]
[groans]
You've made such incredible progress.
You're giving me sympathy? It's that bad?
You have a stress fracture.
Okay. Uh, from overuse.
Next time, you got to pay attention to your pain. Sure. Fine.
What do I have to do to make sure I can run the marathon?
It's in five weeks. I'm sorry.
You're gonna have to stay off your foot for eight weeks.
Maybe more, depending.
But the good news is that your blood pressure, your BMI--
I'm sorry, what do-- what do you mean?
Then how do I run the marathon?
How am I supposed to run the marathon?
Well, in six weeks, you'll come back, and we'll see what's next.
You may have suffered permanent damage.
[Seth] Brittany, ugh.
How can I help?How can you help me?
How can you help a former-turned-future fat girl
with a bum leg and chafed armpits?
Hey, everything's gonna be fine.
I was trying to turn my life around.
And now you'll be the man who proved himself to his son
by running the New York City Marathon,
and Catherine will be the woman who got out of a bad marriage and ran a freaking marathon,
and I'm gonna be a girl who was stupid enough to think she could turn her life around
and instead needed a fucking seat belt extender
and couldn't even walk dogs for a living.
Don't-- Don't say that. Stop.
Oh, I got to go.
[groaning] Hey.
[sniffles] You got to come with me.
I want to show you something, okay?
Come with me real quick. I just want you to see the--
What happened to your leg?
What, you wouldn't fuck a girl with an Aircast?
[chuckles] Wh-What?
How about a girl who weighs 50 pounds more than me, Jern?
Because guess what-- the pounds are coming back from vacation.
Did you hurt yourself?
Yes, Jern, I hurt myself.
[voice breaking] It was really nice to be a woman for once.
People held doors for me.
I'll hold doors for you.
You're not a man, Jern. You're a misguided little boy.
Milo!
Milo, come here. Come here.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Daddy missed you.
Hey, Milo.
Oh, I missed you so much.
The plants out front are dead.
Did you pieces of shit move in to our house?
Fuck.
["Sayonara" by Rebecca & Fiona playing]
♪ Fuck the world♪
♪ I don't care anymore♪ Jesus.
♪ If you're feelin' like I...♪
This is the bus to Philly, right?
Yeah.
Oh. Sorry.
♪ Both feet on the ground And a♪
Okay. ♪ Head up in the clouds♪
♪ How low can you go? Let me know♪
♪ Hey, nothing lasts forever♪
♪ I just gotta tell it To myself♪
♪ So one day I can wave it♪
No. ♪ Sayonara♪
♪ I'll be gone tomorrow♪
♪ I just need to say what's on my mind♪
[kids squealing] Potty, potty.
♪ So finally I can wave it Sayonara♪
[singer vocalizing, song fades]
[Brittany sighs] Well, um...
you know, we're really happy that you're here.
Well, thanks for having me.
We put Caroline in the room with the boys,
so you can stay in her room, you know, while you're here.
-Oh. -No big deal.
She can sleep with me or whatev-- We'll figure it out.
And, um, a-also, me and Cici
was just talking about this, but, you know,
if you decide to make Philly your permanent home again,
you can stay down in the basement.
It'd be your own apartment just to yourself.
I'm-I'm not gonna need that.
I'm just gonna be here a few weeks.
Just need some time to heal. But thanks.
[sighs]
["I've Got Something Good" by Sam & Kitty playing]
♪ Hey, I've got something good...♪
[Cici] Brittany, can you come upstairs and help me?
Coming, honey.
♪ I've got something good♪ [cell phone vibrating]
♪ Baby, I got Something good for you♪
♪ Oh, yeah♪
♪ I'm gonna save it for you♪
♪ And only you♪
Wow.
♪ 'Cause that love Is good as gold♪
[cell phone vibrating]
♪ And you won't even know It's cold♪
♪ Hey, I've got Something good♪
♪ I've got something good♪ [song fades]
[taps key]
Do you love birds?
Majestic creatures,
descendants of the dinosaurs?[video: birds chirping]
Me, too.
But when it rains, all the birds go away.
[dance music pulsing on video]
Introducing...
[grunts]
...the bird poncho.
It's art meets utility.
What is this?
And it's not just for liberal elitists.
It's for businessmen and schoolchildren
and business-children and school-men.
That's his life's dream?
The fucking bird poncho?
That is so fucking dumb. We got hats. We're gonna do boots.
[taps key, video stops]
I slept with him.
[cell phone dings]
[laughter, chatter] Mmm, mmm!
[Demetrius] I ordered a pig. Is the pig here?
What happened to the pig? It never came.
[laughter] We've been waiting on this pig.
That's why we're eating lasagna and cheesesteaks.
This don't even match.
I wanted a pig ass.
Oh. Sorry.
[woman] Hey, hey, guys! [man] Hey.
Look who it is. My favorite people.
Yeah, it's the birthday boy. How are you?
It's good to see you. Hi.
Happy birthday, Dem. We made it.
We got this for you. Thank you.
Matty! [Matty] Look at this guy.
[Demetrius] Wow, they got me a gift and everything.
Hold this for me. Thank you.
[Matty] Don't open it here. Save it.
-Go back and, uh, enjoy-- -Good to see y'all. Thanks for coming, man.
[Matty] You look great. Look at you.
[Demetrius] Hold this for me, baby.
Oh, man. Glad to see y'all.
[laughing]
Uh, we're-we're so lucky that you could all be here
to celebrate this day with us.
And we're so grateful that my little sister, Brittany, is here with us now.
I would, uh, like to say a few words
about the man known as Demetrius.
How'd you two meet?
Us?
Uh, Brittany, let Cici finish the speech.
She's saying a lot of amazing things about me.
Keep going, baby.
When it comes to the man I love, the man who is--
They're just, like, an odd couple. That's why I wonder.
Um, we first met at the showroom. Matty came in to just--
Like, a long time ago?
I don't like what you're getting at.
I'm just getting at what everyone thinks
when they see you guys together.
[Demetrius] Brittany, that's enough. Just shut up, okay?
Stop it right now.
Did you just tell me to shut up?
Don't tell me to shut up in front of everybody.
I'm gonna set up some games inside, if you want to--
I'm having a conversation with a nice overweight woman.
Stop it.
Her BMW is high, or whatever.
The chart. There's a chart.
I'm sorry. Can you guys excuse me for a second?
[Cici] No, don't leave. Jas.
-[Demetrius] Brittany! -Wouldn't you rather know the truth
than walk around with a dumb smile on your face?
I mean, it's okay to keep him around, honey,
but someone needs to tell you what everyone really thinks.
-He doesn't love you. -That's enough!
You can't love someone that you don't respect.
Covered in rolls.
Jelly rolls.
Dinner rolls, body rolls. [laughs]
Happy birthday, Dem.
Come on, man, I'm just being funny.
People love fat people when they're being funny.
Your wife's probably fucking hilarious.
[sizzling]
Advil?
[sighs]
What the fuck was that?
I was drunk.
You know you got to go over there and apologize.
Yeah, I know.
When did you become so judgmental?
Jasmine is one of the nicest women I know.
I thought you two would hit it off and be friends.
I don't need you to, like,
matchmake friends for me, Demetrius.
That's not what it's about.
Everybody need good people to have around.
I get by fine on my own.
[sighs]
Look, chum, I know it's a bummer being back here in Philly, but...
I'm here for you.
You're a good person, Demetrius, but...
my life is what it is.
So, everything I did for you was for nothing?
All those dance team shows I went to and parent/teacher conferences?
Oh, oh, going to the store at 10:00 p.m.
to buy tampons for you meant nothing?
I guess I'm the idiot, right?
I'm the stupid one.
Who withdrew my college application to make sure you were okay,
because I wanted to help make up for your mom.
And after all that, you still just want to get through life alone.
How am I supposed to fix that?
You got to let people in, Brittany.
You think I don't see you hitting "ignore" when people call you?
I'm embarrassed.
So, because you're embarrassed, you're just gonna be an island?
That's your solution?
When your mom left your dad, he was humiliated.
He was a puddle.
But you stroked his hair,
and you put paper towels on your head
and danced around him and made him laugh.
And every day, you'd wake up and do something just like that 'cause you knew he needed you.
Your dad found happiness because of that.
And I'm not gonna lie to you-- if he would've rejected that, he would've been a damn fool.
I used to do that?
Put paper towels on my head and dance?
You still do that.
I'm serious. You did it on Skype, like, three months ago.
The kids are still talking about it.
You changing your life and wanting to run this marathon
was never about your weight.
It was about you taking responsibility for yourself.
I know.
You got to stop being mean.
Some people actually want good things for you.
If someone wants to support you...
I should let them.
[knocking]
Here you go.
[chimes]
[Jasmine] I want to thank you for...
the lovely flowers and the note.
But I want you to know something.
I know your pain.
'Cause it was my pain, too.
I think about my body every day.
I have my whole life.
But I decided that even with my pain,
my fear, my self-judgment,
other people's judgments, I wanted to be happy.
And I am.
Best wishes. Jasmine.
How are you guys?
Let's start there. I feel like I never ask you that.
How are you doing?
[Seth] Yeah.
There's a lot to catch up on.
Yeah.
I mean, you guys did it. So proud of you.
Saw the pictures and...
We reached out.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I'm just, um, really fucked-up in life.
So is everyone.
We missed you, Brittany.
[knocking at door]
Why does it say you relapsed?
I didn't.
But it-it says that you did.
Mm. I was... doing a shoot.
I fell. I broke my wrist.
This was months before we started running.
And then the doctor prescribed me oxycodone.
I took it. I didn't tell my husband,
because he gets weird about these things.
He found the bottle.
And he kept that misleading trump card
in his back pocket until last month.
You don't even have visitation rights? No.
I'm just... I'm trying really, really hard
to just focus on the things that I can control,
so I started running a lot.
I stand up for myself in mediation, but Marco's a fighter.
I-- This divorce is, like, killing me.
I mean, he pushed me out of the house, and he's gonna keep pushing.
I haven't slept in three weeks.
I just don't think I can fight him anymore.
Your kids will never forgive you if you give up on them.
I know.
This could take years.
Start with this one hearing,
and then you just take it step by step.
Little goals.
Thank you.
Goddamn! It's upsetting how good this is.
Like, it's so good.
I ate a dry salad for lunch to feel okay about this. Mm. Delicious.
Yeah, it was, like, very dry.
Like, I looked like a brontosaurus eating it.
You looked like a little brontosaurus? Mm-hmm. I was like...
-[munches loudly] -[making chewing noises]
[laughs]
-Care to see a dessert menu? -Uh, uh, fuck yes.
Yes, please. Thank you.
So, I owe you an apology. No, you don't.
Mm-mm. No apologies. We're all good.
I just think we should celebrate a fancy advertising lady.
It's just a coordinator position-- basically a glorified intern.
But... the office is in Tribeca.
Ooh. There's room for growth.
And I, uh... I'll be able to get my own place.
You're really doing it. [laughing] Yeah.
Oh, my God, your Kickstarter bird poncho video.
Oh, God, no. Why?
[stammers] No, I thought the idea behind it was hilarious.
I sent it to my college professor,
and he basically said he doesn't think
somebody like me could even get into
the individualized study school at NYU,
which is shocking because I literally graduated from there.
Yeah. Well, that's-- You know, someone still--
Stop. Stop. I'll stop talking.
Tonight is about celebrating.
This is the part where I get nervous 'cause I have to be honest.
Um...
I don't think we should have sex anymore.
It's not the best thing for me right now.
Okay. Yeah, I get that.
What if it was more than sex?
Because we have, um...
I mean, I think that if...
You-- You're not making eye contact with me.
I'm sorry. Wow.
I try to get my shit together,
and it's just one rejection after another.
I get it. Do you?
Yes. I very much get it.
I'm so sorry.
My whole life has changed so much this past year,
and I'm just trying to take responsibility for myself,
and I'm not at a place where I can be responsible for someone else, too.
You don't need to be responsible for me.
But I would want to be.
[laughs] I-I would.
[chuckles] Okay. That's so nice.
We need to figure our shit out, you know?
Can we be friends?
Gross. I know.
Does it-- Do you get sick when you say it?
Yeah, I feel nauseous. 'Cause it hurts my ears.
-Could we be friends, though? -Yuck.
Is there a world... Yeah, sure.
...in which we could be friends? Yes.
Should've just told the Uber to come right to the restaurant.
[laughing] No, it's fine. It's fine.
I actually went to the doctor this morning, and, uh,
he says I'll be able to start training soon.
Are you crazy? You still want to?
Yeah, I still want to.
I want to run the goddamn New York City Marathon.
My whole life, the world told me I was lazy
because of the way I looked.
And I told myself the same thing.
Fuck that.
I said I was gonna run that race, and I'm going to.
Okay.
So, what now?
You're just gonna go home and hang with Gretchen?
Oh, she moved in with Terrence.
Oh.
You have the place to yourself.
I could come over.
But you're not... you're not going to.
I'm homeless.
Homeless? Yes.
You have whatever couch you've been sleeping on.
Oh.
That's me.
Bye, friend.
[both laugh]
[Jern] Hey.
Call me tomorrow?
Go on.
[woman] Hold it, please!
[chuckling] Thank you.
[quiet chatter]
-[cheering] -[chattering]
[heartbeat thumping]
[exhales]
[man] Runners!
On your mark!
One block.
[starting gun fires] [cheering, applause]
[man on PA] Good morning, runners.
Welcome.
You are 50,000 strong,
from over 125 nations,
all 50 states,
all here at the crossroads of the world.
Today, you are taking part in something very special,
a day that brings together people
from all walks of life,
all backgrounds and beliefs,
all ages and ability.
Today, the spirit of humanity
takes center stage.
Wakey, wakey. [child giggling]
[silly voice] Rise from your slumber.
[child giggling]
Young one, rise.
[man on PA] And the spirit of humanity
has no borders, only start lines.
So, welcome to the start line
of the TCS New York City Marathon.
[woman] It is raining out here.
A light drizzle. It's perfect for you, right?
Loving it. The runners are loving it.
[reporter] This is where the marathon and the party collide-- the eight-mile mark.
They still have a lot of pep in their step.
We still got a lot of...
Ah, that's what I'm talking about!
[cheering, applause]
[reporter 2] And the elite athletes
are finding their stride in the final paces of the race,
with over 50,000 runners behind them
hoping to go the distance themselves.
[groans]
[gasping]
Are you hurt?
[groans] Are you okay?
It's just a cramp.
I've never run further... further than 22 miles before.
Do you need a medic? No, I'm good. I got this.
[panting]
I just need a second.
Are you okay?
You want to leave the race?
You made it a really long way.
[crying softly]
I really wanted to finish, though.
Do you need any help?
[whimpers, sniffles]
[crying softly]
[Seth] We should be able to find her.
The app says she's right here. [child] There she is!
[Seth] Go, Brittany! [child] That's her!
-Go, Brittany! -Come on, Britt!
Go! Keep running!
-[Peter] Come on, you can do it! -You can do this!
[child] Come on, Brittany!
[Seth] Go! You can do it!
Come on! [child] That's her!
[crying]
[child] Come on, Brittany!
Go, Brittany!
We love you, Brittany!
You got this. Go, Brittany. You got this.
Go, Brittany!
[Seth whooping]
Yes, Brittany! Go!
[indistinct shouting, clapping]
Whoo! You can do it!
[noisemakers rattling]
[panting]
Yes! Brittany!
You're doing it! You're doing it, Brittany!
Yes! Whoo!
I love you! Yeah!
[Demetrius] She's gonna do it.
[chuckles]
[sniffles]
Okay.
Be back in 30. Okay.
We got a big problem. What?
I can't keep having sex out of wedlock.
Oh, well, that is a problem.
I guess we'll just go back to not having sex, then.
Love you. [phone beeps]
[Wagner's "Bridal Chorus" playing over phone]
Are you-- Are you serious?
I'm not fucking marrying anyone.
[phone beeps, music stops]
Love you.
["Number One" by Tove Styrke playing]
♪ Praise cool♪
♪ I'm sorry, But there's no can do♪
♪ My youth ain't tangled up In bad decisions♪
♪ Poor you, you thought You could dictate the rules♪
♪ Boo-hoo♪
♪ Oh, my The world's on fire♪
♪ And maybe I'm just Chasing rhymes♪
♪ Taking is easy♪
♪ And I don't care Where it leads me, baby♪
♪ Oh, my, the more I try♪
♪ The closer I get To wasting time♪
♪ No one ever wants To give you some♪
♪ But everybody loves A number one♪
♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na♪
♪ Oh, na Na-na, na-na♪
♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na♪
♪ Everybody loves A number one♪
♪ No one ever wants To give you some♪
♪ But everybody loves A number one♪
♪ Hot glam seems far away From where I am, yeah♪
♪ I can neither understand it Nor demand it♪
♪ Your tears Don't shake my world♪
♪ Like Britney Spears♪
♪ She's fierce♪
♪ Yeah, you're only 18♪
♪ With stomps to the beat♪
♪ But a killing machine♪
♪ With stomps to the beat♪
♪ Drain the noise Of the bullshit♪
♪ Stomps to the beat♪
♪ With stomps to the beat♪
♪ With stomps To the beat♪
♪ Oh, my The world's on fire♪
♪ And maybe I'm just Chasing rhymes♪
♪ Taking is easy♪
♪ And I don't care Where it leads me, baby♪
♪ Oh, my, the more I try♪
♪ The closer I get To wasting time♪
♪ No one ever wants To give you some♪
♪ But everybody loves A number one♪
♪ Oh, na Na-na, na-na♪
♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na♪
♪ Everybody loves A number one♪
♪ No one ever wants To give you some♪
♪ But everybody loves A number one♪
♪ I can't praise your cool♪
♪ There's just no can do♪
♪ And it's that easy♪
♪ Baby, can't you see♪
♪ You got nothing on me♪
♪ It's just that easy♪
♪ Oh, my The world's on fire♪
♪ And maybe I'm just Chasing rhymes♪
♪ Taking is easy♪
♪ And I don't care Where it leads me, baby♪
♪ Oh, my, the more I try♪
♪ The closer I get To wasting time♪
♪ No one ever wants To give you some♪
♪ But everybody loves A number one♪
♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na♪
♪ Oh, na Na-na, na-na♪
♪ Oh, na, na-na, na-na♪
♪ Everybody loves A number one♪
♪ No one ever wants To give you some♪
♪ But everybody loves A number one♪
♪ Everybody loves A number one♪
♪ No one ever wants To give you some♪
♪ But everybody loves A number one♪