Holy [bleep]!
Vinny Guadagneeners?
- I am going to be on Season 31 of "Dancing With the Stars."
- Shut up! You guys are coming to LA?
- Vinny is going to need all the support that he can get.
- We're going to wine country.
Cheers. - Cheers.
Cheers, sis. [glasses clink]
- Oh, my God!
- Go, Deena!
- Whoo!
- [belches] - Ah, perdón!
- Champagne facial, everybody.
- Oh, my God, stop that! - [shrieks]
- ♪ Get crazy, get wild ♪
♪ Let's party, get loud ♪ - Yeah, buddy!
- ♪ If you wanna have fun ♪ - Party's here!
- The Situation is under construction.
- We're so classy now.
- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.
- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!
- Um, hello?
- ♪ If you wanna have fun, then do something crazy ♪
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- What are you doing?
- Champagne facial, everybody.
- To who?
- No!
Oh, my God, stop that! - [shrieks]
- We're definitely getting kicked out of this place.
- Well, guys, it's been real.
We're probably never going to be allowed back.
On that note, I think I'm going to go to bed.
- Gimme a paper towel. - Good night.
- I love you girls. I will see you tomorrow.
My work here is done.
I had no, no part of that.
Oh, my God.
Good night. Thank you.
I'm not friends with her, just so you know.
- Can I have a big thing so I can wipe it, please?
- No, I wanna-- I wanna do it for you.
- No, I really wanna do it.
- I'll wipe it for you. Give me a big towel.
- Oh, my God.
Leave it to Angelina to get us kicked out of this place.
All right, I'm going.
- Oh, my goodness. - Oh, my God.
I keep getting stuck on my thing.
- Oh, God, I'm going to kill myself.
- I feel like I did something wrong to you.
- I can't go to bed.
[loud crash]
- [indistinct] your chair. We got it.
We got it. Are you OK?
- I think now it's finally time for my bedtime.
I didn't mean that to happen. I'm like, oh, my God.
- We'll take care of it. - All right.
[knock at door]
- Ooh. - Ooh-hoo-hoo.
- This is different. - Nice.
Ooh.
- Can I please have Nachos Grande
and a Crunch Wrap Supreme
and a Chipotle Wrap
from the dollar menu.
I just need to eat.
I just needed my fast food.
Just, like, eat it on the bed like a real frickin' vacation.
I'm just really excited about this.
- Enjoy yourself.
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Woke up on the right side of the bed ♪
♪ Turn up, got the music in my head ♪
♪ Open the front door to see ♪
- There's my guy!
What's up? - What's up, man?
- ♪ Just keep dancing all the time ♪
- My boy, my best friend, Vinny,
is on "Dancing With the Stars."
But Vinny, this chooch,
does not want us at the premiere.
He's going to be too nervous.
- Me and the squad want to know,
can all of us come out there?
- Oh [bleep], well,
I don't really know if I want visitors the first week.
- You don't want your friends to support you?
- When they come to town,
they're like a traveling circus.
- My boyfriend hurt his leg stripping!
- You guys are embarrassing.
- Stripper injury.
- And I don't need that type of distraction right now.
- I think that's a bunch of bull
because we need to be there for him.
What is that? - Yo, these are cutlets
from Paula. - Ohh.
- Special delivery.
- Good call. - I can't promise you
that all of them made it.
- [laughs] - Some of them definitely did.
- There better be some in there for him, man.
- Yep, yep, yep. - God.
- Let's get it.
♪ ♪
- Never drinking 13 wines again.
- I need a mimoser.
♪ ♪
- I mean, listen, I don't think he going to miss this one.
- Leave it to Mike to bring the foods.
- A lot of logistics went along with getting to LA.
Paula made the cutlets, gave me the cutlets.
- Now how many are going to get there?
- Definitely a bunch.
BDS secured the cutlets and flew cross-country
to make sure that Vinny was able to get
a little taste of home, because they say
a full belly leads to success.
Wow, these are good.
At least for me.
- Save some for him, man.
- Where's my mimosers?
[traditional Danish music]
[knock at door] - Who's there?
Ooh, I like your outfit. - Thank you.
- So cute. - So pretty.
- What's there to do around here?
- We do have a big festival in Solvang.
They're Danish Days,
and normally takes place this weekend.
- Are there drinks and dancing, music?
- Yes. - And everybody wears
those outfits? - Yes.
All right, I'll let you guys enjoy.
both: Thank you.
- Danish, is that Germany?
- Danishes?
Isn't it like a crumpet?
- No, no, I'm saying, what country?
Danish is--
- From Danish. - Danish.
I feel Danishes are from, like, Holland...
[buzzer blares] Or, like, Germany.
[buzzer blares] I'm pretty confident that
that's where they come from.
- Honestly, I don't know where Danish people are from.
Ireland. [buzzer blares]
Greece. [buzzer blares]
I know it's not Italy, but I don't know,
I'm not great with geography.
- Doesn't Germany dress like that?
- I don't know. I'm not geography.
- Yo, I think we're here. Look at this guy.
They put this guy up nice. - Wow.
Ten years ago BDS did "Dancing With the Stars."
Now my little brother is following in my footsteps.
- Mike, did they put you up like this?
- Nah, man.
- Yo, I think we're here.
Gray building?
- If it's gray, you know it's mine.
- That's what I said. - Probably.
- I'm going to meet you in the lobby.
- There's my chooch!
- What's up, Mike? What?
- You're making a scene already. Come on.
- Since I started training for "Dancing with the Stars,"
my whole world has just been this competition.
So I'm glad the guys are in LA, but at the same time,
to be successful in a competition,
you have to keep your eye on the prize.
You can't have any distractions around you.
- You're looking good. - The place is very calm,
and you're all loud, so just-- - Yeah, all right, all right.
- We're not loud, Vinny.
- So I don't know.
Let's see how this goes.
What you got there? - Cutlets from your mom.
- Oh, word! - Yes.
Don't get so excited. There's only a few in there.
You know, I'm not sure how many she made.
- She usually makes a ton. - Maybe she didn't think
they were going to travel well.
♪ ♪
- [sighs]
♪ ♪
It hurts.
- Housekeeping.
- Housekeeping? - Hello?
- Hello?
- Oh, hi. - Hi.
- What are we doing? - Hey, girl.
Welcome, we got mimosas. - Ooh.
- We were just calling you guys.
- Where's Ange?
- I think she's getting ready.
I think she's trying to cover up her skin.
- [sighs] - I didn't realize
it was as bad as it is. - It's bad.
- My skin has been a problem for me.
And I just don't feel good about myself.
- Have you went to a dermatologist?
- A million times.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
- No wonder she's late all the time,
because if that was me-- - She has to cover that up.
- It would be, like-- I would feel--
- Yeah, my doctor got... - It looks painful.
- Like, an intense laser
that she got, like, a couple of months ago
that's clearing up acne.
- I get she doesn't want to, like, walk around.
- No that's terrible. - They look like sores.
- I want to call my doctor when we get home.
- She's probably so self-conscious about it.
- [sighs]
I'm dealing with another flare-up of my skin.
Look at it!
For a while now, my skin has been affecting my daily life,
like, on a constant basis.
I have a lot of scars, so I can't walk out
of the house with no makeup on.
So I'm just trying to, like,
hot compress it to make it go down--
like, the swelling go down and stuff.
I haven't really been
so transparent about my skin issues.
It's just, I've been embarrassed about it.
It's not easy for me to say,
hey, look at my skin without makeup on.
Like, it's a vulnerable state I have to put myself in.
I do have eczema and psoriasis,
which is adding to that.
And then on top of it, cystic acne,
so three major, major things.
- Well, she should be a makeup artist, because half the time
you can't even see it. - She's great at it.
Yeah, she's extremely great at makeup.
- She just said, I'm trying to do my makeup, I'm [bleep].
- Nobody as an adult or a teenager
have to live like that. - Yeah, it's difficult.
- [groans]
My skin hurts.
all: One, two, and three, four.
One, two, and three, four.
- What are you having anyway, boy or a girl?
- I can't tell you the gender.
[all cheering]
- You don't have to tell us the gender,
just tell us if it's a boy or a girl.
- [shrieking]
- Oh, my skirt! [laughs]
- It's just different this time.
- [laughing] - Oh, so it's a girl.
- No, no, I didn't say that!
- Hi, I'm drunk.
- We're not going to make our flight.
♪ ♪
- ♪ You better bring the mood up ♪
♪ Another day and the sun is shining ♪
♪ Get ready, put your shoes on ♪
- Aren't those outfits so cute?
- What are they for?
- There's a Danish festival happening.
- We're Danish today?
Oh, my God, look.
It is Danish Day.
- This is amazing.
- Where are the Danish from?
- Are they from Danish?
Like, is that a place?
- I think Germany. - No, hold on.
[buzzer blares] Not Norway.
- Looks like "Frozen." - Is it Norway?
- Norway! - It's Norway, right?
- But doesn't Germany dress like that too?
- I don't know. - Yes, but that's different.
Those are kilts. - This is really good.
- Kilts are Ireland.
[buzzer blares] - Oh, I don't [bleep] know.
I thought it was Germany.
Someone Google.
Where are Danish from?
Denmark! Motherf--
- Denmark? - Denmark.
- I never would have
thought that. - "Despite some differences,
Danish and Norwegian are almost identical."
It's because Norway belonged to Denmark
between the 14th and 19th century.
- OK. - So we had it right;
we were just off by, like,
three centuries. - Yeah.
- ♪ LA ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ All the way up ♪
- All right, fellas, here we are.
- Nice. - Hey, look at this place.
- Damn, home sweet home.
We brought a piece of home to you.
- My mom usually makes, like, a pound.
Why--she would not send me four.
- Yeah. - You're missing some
over there. Let me smell your breath.
- Did she give me four? - About that.
I don't know how it happened, but some of the cutlets
did not make it on the plane ride to Vinny.
I'd have to probably--
I'm going to blame TSA on this one.
- Let's have a seat. - Yeah.
- Oh, you're a dancer in every sense of the word now--
stripper, dancer.
- All right. Thank you.
- Yeah, man. It's been crazy.
- I feel like everything that has come to you in your life
in the past couple of years has prepared you for this moment.
- Mm-hmm, like the shower scene.
- ♪ Boss up, get your money on ♪
- That was a different type of ballroom dance.
- Yeah. - It was a lot of ball room.
- There was a lot of balls in there.
- A lot of balls flying. - Yeah.
- ♪ Boss up, boss up ♪
- Can you give us a sneak peek of at least a move?
- Yeah, show us something.
- Well, I learned how to lunge,
which is really important.
- Ooh, let's see. - Like lunges in the gym.
You lunge. - Oh, [bleep].
- Know what I mean? - Oh, damn!
- Real sharp. - Whoa.
- Oh, [bleep] - And you point the toe.
You see that toe? - Yeah.
- Got to point the toe. - Oh, yo.
- What in the world is that?
What kind of dance move is that?
- Because you can't go like this.
- No, no, no. - You got--
- Oh, [bleep]! - Yeah.
- This is a big chooch move.
- Damn! - That was a powerful move.
- Wow!
All right. - Thank you, thank you.
- Hi. - Hello, is there anything else
I can get started for you guys?
- Danish Day, huh?
- It's actually pretty lit.
- So does everybody dress up?
- Oh, yeah. There's, like, beer,
there's ebelskivers, it's this whole, like, event.
- Are you going to have a brewski?
- Brewski? - Do you drink beer?
- Yeah. - I drink beer sometimes.
- What?
I've never seen you drink a beer.
When do you drink a beer?
- Cheers... - Cheers.
- To a meatball day.
Can I have another pinot?
[upbeat music]
- Oh!
- I have to tell you, I have a nice drunk off beer.
- What kind of meatball are you?
[rock music]
- I do need to hit the gym.
- All right, let's go. - Let's do that.
♪ ♪
- ♪ You never give up, you never give in ♪
- Nothing like a nice little gym session with the boys.
Why is this gym-- - By the way,
these are so heavy. - I was [indistinct].
[laughter] Like--
- That's not five pounds.
That--bro, feel the five. - What is that?
- I was like, what is this? - Bro, what is this,
European weight? - What is that, a 30?
- I don't know what kind of--
- Bro, feel this five. - This is crunk.
- It's 20 pounds.
- No it's not--it is?
- Yo, you're in here with a girl trying to impress her,
you're like... - Yo, pass me that two.
[laughter]
- What is that? - It's a one.
- It's a one? - Your [bleep] piercing
is bigger than that. [laughter]
- I'm not Scarface. How do I know how kilos?
I don't like those, man.
♪ ♪
- Cheers, guys.
I'm here finally. - Cheers.
- Oh, your hair looks cute. - You look really cute.
- Thank you. - Cheers.
Your face looks fine. - I tried.
both: You look great. - Yeah?
- We were saying you should be a makeup artist
the way you do your makeup. - Mm-hmm.
- Because I'm mastering--
like, I've mastered how to cover that [bleep].
- Crazy. - It's weird.
- You wouldn't even know.
- I spent all morning trying to fix my skin issues.
Hopefully, eventually I could fix all this
so it won't take me hours to get ready
and I will feel good and confident about myself.
- So what do we have to do? We need a acne cleaner...
- Ugh. - A egg freezer...
- I'm falling apart. - A baby daddy.
- So you want to have a child?
- Yeah, I'm getting to that point.
I'm 36, you know?
But I have a phobia with having a kid with anybody.
- Pick one out of a catalog. It'll be a lot easier.
- You think that's a good idea?
- It's, like, almost like a closed adoption.
It's a closed sperm--
like, my mom-- were you a closed adoption?
My mom was a closed adoption.
- What's closed adoption? - Like, where you can't
find out who your parents are.
- Oh, my God. - Mm.
Mm-mm.
- You know who yours are?
- No, I never looked, but I could find out.
- Oh, yeah. So my mom was adopted,
and it was closed adoption, so she can't even,
like, look up her records.
The irony is now that those Ancestry and 23andMe came out,
I see all my mom's side popping up.
- I didn't think of that. - It's wild.
And I'm like, I don't want to [bleep] meet these people.
- One time, my mom was-- I don't--
she said she was [bleep] with me, but she said,
"Your father might not be your father."
- Girl! - And I said--I said--
- Really? - That is not a great thing
for a mom to say. - And she's like,
I'm just kidding. And I said, Mom,
I'm going to do the 23andMe.
She's like, why would you do that?
I'm like, because I'm going to do it.
- Because you just said that.
- And she's like, I was just kidding.
- Sick Mom joke. - Imagine.
And I have no clue, like, who-- - That's crazy.
- Like, the whole time I'm thinking it's him.
No wonder why, like, maybe that's why
he treated me like that, and I have no clue.
If my father turned out to not be my father,
it would actually make sense
why I was treated differently
than my sisters were growing up as a kid.
Maybe he knows that I'm not his daughter.
But I feel like I'm nervous to do it, though.
- My sister was-- well, my sister is my sister,
but my mom when she was young gave my sister up to adoption
to a family on her street. - Joanie?
- My mom always knew Joanie was--
my mom watched Joanie grow up.
But then, as it wasn't a closed adoption,
later Joanie decided she wanted to find my mom.
So I didn't know I had-- - She was right
across the street? - Oh, my God.
- So I didn't know I had a sister
until I was seven.
- Were you excited? - Oh, I was so excited.
- Were you guys hugging and like...
- Yeah, I always wanted a sister.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
- That's a really cute moment.
- I never knew this.
- My name is Claudette.
- No, it wasn't. - Yeah, it is.
- That's cute. - Isn't that the name
of your she-shed? - Yes, that's why
I said it. - What the [bleep]?
- And then she said it too.
Let's name her...
- Claudia. - Claudine.
- [shrieks] [laughter]
How is that possible? - Oh, my God!
- Aw. - Can you imagine?
I would have been a Claudette. - Wow.
- Do you know why they gave you up for adoption?
- My mom said they just had a lot of kids,
and they wanted to give me a better life.
- Oh, that's good. - So, like, I'm so grateful.
- Yeah. - Can you imagine?
I never really talk about me being adopted
just because I'm so, like, secure with, like,
how I ended up with my adopted parents.
You know, they're my parents.
I never really had the urge to, like,
go and look for my parents.
If I had the chance to, like, meet them, I think I would.
I would just love to see, like, what my parents look like.
And I had brothers and sisters too.
- How many? - I've always wanted
brothers and sisters. - How many, like, a lot?
- I feel like ten. [chuckles]
- How did your mom meet them?
Like, did she go through a whole process to get you?
- Yeah, my mom, she couldn't have babies.
So she was trying to adopt kids,
and she actually had a boy first.
And then that fell through.
And they're like, oh, we have a little tiny Chilean
in Chile. - Oh, my God.
- And she came and picked me up at six months.
- Like, in America or...
- No, she came to Chile to get me.
- Oh, [bleep].
- At the airport.
- That's crazy. That's--wow.
- It doesn't all have to be, like, cookie cutter.
Like, you don't have to find a man,
and you don't have to get remarried.
You don't-- you can do it on your own.
- I don't think I'm going to get remarried.
- Oh, we're really spilling our tea today, ladies.
- ♪ I feel electrified ♪
♪ Deep in the heat, I'm feeling butterflies ♪
- I don't really like any of these.
- Wait, are those how the socks are supposed to be?
- I think I have a wedgie.
- Ow! I just scratched my nipple.
- Yes, it looks like I have a bulge,
but I don't give a [bleep].
Is this what a guy feels like?
- They teach you how to--
the placement with the hands?
- The frame?
both: Oh!
- Come on, baby. Come on, Daddy.
Let's do it. Which way do you go?
- Yo, y'all guys changed.
I remember when you used to work out in the gym.
- Since I started training for "Dancing with the Stars,"
like, my whole world has just been this competition.
[whispering] Hips, hips, hips.
- Pelvis forward.
Nice, Vinny!
- Slow, slow, quick, quick, slow, slow.
- One, two, three.
- And, you know, I'm getting nervous about it.
But if Mike can do "Dancing With the Stars,"
like, I can definitely do "Dancing With the Stars."
- All right, let's focus on premiere night.
Gym, tanning, and laundry.
- Well, I do a different GTL now.
Gym, tan, lunch.
- [laughing] Oh. - Aye.
- You know what I'm saying?
- Wait, what's a Danish accent?
- I don't [bleep] know.
- [bad British accent] 'Ello, I'm a Danish maid.
- I don't think that's how they speak.
- Danish people, I'm thinking of, like,
the guy from "Frozen."
[bad British accent] Like, can I have a beer?
[normal voice] That's not it.
That wasn't it.
'Ello!
Nope.
- Learn Danish.
- [on phone] Ja. - Ja.
Ja. - Ja.
- Can I have some beer, ja?
- Ja. - Can I have, ja?
- Ja. both: Can I have some beer, ja?
- Everything is "ja."
You like what you see,
ja? - Ja, ja.
- Do you want a beer? Ja.
You like what you see, ja?
I want a beer.
- I'm scared. - Ja!
- Why is your eyes like that?
Why is her eyes like that?
- I want a beer stein, ja!
Do you want a frankfurter, ja?
Can I help you make a Danish, ja?
- [yelling] Can I have some beer, ja?
- Oh. - What the [bleep] is that?
- Dogs just heard you outside. Holy [bleep].
- We're going to kill it.
- Angelina, ja?
- Who is that?
- You there, ja?
- It's a Danish girl.
- It's us!
- [laughs]
- You look so cute.
Wait, why'd you put it up like that?
- Why'd you hike it up?
- Girl, this isn't, like, a sexy day.
This is, like, a Danish day.
Like, wear the outfit like it's supposed to be worn.
I love this outfit. Chris likes it.
- Are you going to bring it home to role-play?
- He told me to keep it. - No, he didn't.
- I swear. You wanna see? - He does not like it!
- He said--I'll show you.
- You like what you see, ja?
- "Weirdly sexy." - Sexy.
- I'm dead. Oh, my God.
- Let me see the picture. - Oh, my God.
All right, fine.
So don't show my vagina? - No.
- These dresses are kind of not my speed, if you will.
I like to show tits.
I like to flaunt myself.
Like, right now, I'm glad that my nipples are out.
- Are you ready to go, ja?
- Ja! - I feel like an asshole.
- I think everybody looks so cute.
- If I go out of this [bleep] hotel and no one's dressed
like this and we're the only assholes,
I'm going to be upset.
- OK. - Get ready.
Five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, and three, four.
One, two, and three.
Wait. - Wait, wait, wait.
- Let's start here. - Wait, wait.
- Get down. - We have to get down.
- Wait. - It smells like skunk.
- Okay, ready? - Everybody ready?
all: Five, six, seven, eight.
One, two, and three, four.
- That feels cozy. - I know.
- Skip to my loo, my darlings.
- I love it.
- ♪ I got it going on, yeah ♪
♪ No, this is me ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, I'm filling up ♪
- Look at how cute this is. - Oh, my God.
Are we in Little Italy? [belches]
- Ew! - [laughs]
- Are we in a little village? - You just barfed in my ear.
- You guys aren't even appreciating this.
- Why--no one else is dressed up, I feel.
- Oh, my God, Dee.
You guys, no one's dressed up.
- Are you [bleep] kidding me? - [laughs]
- I thought everybody dressed up.
For real. - Oh, my God,
no one's dressed up. - Why did you guys listen?
Everybody is not dressed in Danish outfits.
[bleep] my life.
- All right, who's ready?
- No. - Who's ready, ja?
- Come on, ja. - Let's go get some beer, ja.
- Ja!
- Oh, are we in EPCOT?
- Hi. - Skal!
- Huh? - Skal!
- What's that? - Skal?
It's--it's cold? - Skal!
- What does that mean? - It's cold?
What's a skal? Huh? - Skal!
- These two ladies are like, "skal!"
And I'm like, what the frick is skal?
- Oh, you're so cute.
- Aw, thank you. - Thank you.
- You're adorable. - Skal.
- And this is--
- Skal. - Wow, that's strong.
- I have no idea what skal means,
but listen, give me a shot.
- Kick your rocks off. - Ho, damn!
- We've already had five of them.
- You've had five?
- This is a meatball.
- You are a meatball.
You're a meatball! - Whoo!
- You had five of them already?
- Yeah.
- Skal. - I think I see our future.
- Yes, this is your future.
- I'm dead.
- This is you; that's me.
[laughter]
Oh, my God, they're meatballs.
These are fricking Swedish meatballs!
- Oh, my God.
- Skal.
all: Skal!
[laughter]
- Thank you so much. - Definitely you!
- Yep. - Nice meeting you.
- You're sweet. Yes, thank you guys.
- That older Snooki said that she took five.
- Yeah, it's 98-proof.
- That bitch had five [bleep] shots.
[laughter]
[hip-hop music]
- ♪ We run every night a custodian ♪
♪ Till we pull up in DeLorean ♪
♪ House on the hill a Victorian ♪
- You been dating anybody out here?
- Oh, no. I don't have time.
- Stripping, dancing.
- No, I'm keeping my-- - Jump-roping.
- Swiping. - Cycling.
- Swiping. - This guy got a place
in New York, a place in LA...
both: And a place in Vegas. - Yeah.
I'm living in three apartments.
Right now, I don't even know where I live,
let alone who I'm going to start to date.
I forgot what it was like to cuddle.
- Really? - Yeah, just don't even--
- Like this.
- I don't even remember anymore.
That's the most contact I've had.
- Wow, you've grown--you've grown cold in your elder age.
- Yeah. I'm about to be 35 in, like, a couple weeks.
- Damn, you've been on the market so long,
you about to go on the clearance aisle, Vin.
- [laughs] - Damn, 35.
Hang up those stripper boots, kid.
Find you a missus.
- We're the only ones wearing this [bleep].
- Who cares? I'm enjoying myself.
- I know, it's cute.
- Oh, look, a parade! - Oh, how cute!
[marching band music]
- Oh, my God, I can't.
- Skal!
- Hi, horseys. - Whoo!
- All right, girls. Let's complete our outfits.
We look amazing in our Danish dresses.
All right, shoe store.
But I feel like Danish people wear clogs.
- These are so cute! - Does it matter which one?
I don't know if I can walk in these shoes.
- 5. - I'm a 5.
- I prefer red.
Oh!
They kind of hurt.
- I like these shoes. [shoes clunking]
- They're cute on you.
- I love this kind of stuff, like dressing up,
and, like, cutesy stuff.
- Kind of hurt.
- Get these wooden clogs on my feet.
I'm ready to do this whole thing.
- S-K-A-L.
What does that mean? - Skal.
- Skal? What does that mean?
- It's cheers. - Cheers.
- Cheers? - Like when you're drinking.
- That's why she kept going like this.
- Oh.
all: Skal!
[upbeat music]
- Yo, you ready? - Yeah.
- Vin, you ready? - Yeah, let's go.
- Did you, uh... [clears throat]
- What? - You know,
christen this bad boy up, my guy?
- Uh, maybe. - What the hell?
- Yeah, maybe. - It's that stain
right there, man. - Yeah, maybe.
- What the hell? - Let's get out of here, man.
- I have the premiere
of "Dancing With the Stars" tomorrow night.
- What does one eat before a premiere?
- [bleep]. - Mm.
I was a little worried that having Mike and Pauly here
would be, like, added stress, added pressure.
But, like, the guys are definitely
helping me right now.
They're calming my nerves. I have my bros with me.
- I'm hungries, man. - I'm starving.
- It's like having a little piece of home for me.
- Are you carbing up? - No, I'm not carbing up.
I'm keeping it light work.
- Light work, light work so you'll be light on your feet.
- I'll carb up for both of us, mate.
- A'ight, mate.
- Mate.
[laughter]
[upbeat dance music]
Place is cool, man.
Mike, what are you getting? - Everything.
Tomorrow's your big day. - Yeah.
Thank you guys for coming.
I don't know how this is going to go,
but I'm happy that you guys are here.
- I'm super proud. - Thank you.
- Super proud. I know how difficult it is
to do this challenge.
- You were one of the OGs that did it,
you told me I should do it, so cheers to you.
- Cheers to us. - Cheers to us.
- Cheers to family. Cheers to MVP.
- You know? - I'll tell you what,
your range on the dance floor is legendary.
- From the strip club to the ballroom.
- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. - Your [bleep] sock got
a lot of ballroom. - Yeah.
- They can't do this for long periods of time,
there's no way. - Clickety clank.
- I feel [bleep] bowlegged.
- Yes. - I know, right?
- [winces] Ow.
They really hurt the top of my foot.
I'm coming home with, like, "cankle-itis" at this point.
- My hips hurt. - My hip!
- I'm excited for some beer
that I haven't drank in, like, ten years.
- I am excited the beer garden.
Thank you.
What is the specialty brew?
[all cheering]
- Drinking beers!
- Who would've ever thought we were drinking beers?
- We're at a Danish festival.
- I got a brewski!
- Let's fricking get beer drunk today.
- I haven't had a beer in years.
[gasps] - [shrieking]
- [gasps]
- Nicole!
- I [bleep] hate you.
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Showtime, baby ♪ - ♪ Shake it shake it ♪
- Oh, Uncle Nino's calling me.
Yo!
- What's going on?
So Uncle Nino has been blowing up my phone
wishing me luck for "Dancing with the Stars."
Mike and Pauly came to give me a send-off,
because tomorrow night's the premiere night.
I didn't want them to come to the first show, though,
because when your loved ones are there,
it's a little added stress and pressure.
- He said we're his loved ones. - We definitely are.
- You can watch from home. I don't need you torturing
the other contestants.
- I can't hear you, but text me tomorrow.
- All right. All right, bye.
I normally can't understand him, and now--
- I was going to say. - We're in a loud restaurant.
- I was like, how do you even understand what he's saying?
- Yeah. - I didn't hear not one word.
[upbeat music]
♪ ♪
- Skal!
all: Skal!
- There's our girls!
- Who?
- The meatballs!
- My future self?
- The meatballs are coming in.
both: Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, Old Deena and Old Snooki find us.
We named you the future Deena.
- Yeah, and she's the future Snooki.
- She's future Snooki.
This is, like, the best day.
- I always forget my phone.
- She forgets it everywhere.
- She's definitely Deena.
[laughter] - Yes.
- I lose everything!
I lost my phone, I'm a hot mess.
And I'm like, yeah, that's Deena.
That's me.
- And I met my husband at the bar.
- How did you meet Chris?
- At a bar.
- You two are literally the same.
- It will be 51 years in November.
- Oh, I love that!
- 51 years, do you still...
- I am low-key mortified,
but to be honest, I'm actually curious.
- He's awesome in bed.
- Do you have a husband?
- He's 87, so that's gone.
It's hanging down.
- Oh!
[laughter]
I'm out.
- What's happening here?
- No more get it up for him.
- Really?
- Skal!
all: Skal!
- Mike got his second baby on the way.
- Yo. - Yup.
- I'm now--
I almost just revealed the gender, oh, my God.
- Oh, my God, again.
- Almost slipped the gender again.
- We all know Mike the Situation,
and that man cannot keep a secret.
What are you having anyway? Boy or a girl?
- I can't tell you the gender.
- Yeah, but what is it, a boy or a girl?
- Yeah, you don't have to tell us the gender,
just tell us if it's a boy or a girl.
- Yeah.
- It's just different this time.
The pregnancy's a little different this time.
- [laughing] - Oh, so it's a girl.
He just told us! - No, no, I didn't say that!
I just said... - Wait, wait, wait.
- That it's just different. both: It's different.
- Why would it be different if it's a boy?
- Exactly. - Because every pregnancy
is different. - Nah, why are you red?
[laughs]
- I'm not going to tell you
exactly what the gender is,
but it's a really different gender than Romeo.
OK, so.
- What's Romeo's sister's name?
- Romeo is going to be a big brother.
We are super excited.
- It's always good to have a sister.
What's her name? - Yeah, Mike,
turn pink if it's a girl.
[laughs]
- What's her name? - I cannot confirm
or deny if it's a boy or a girl.
- How about this, point to this blue napkin
or this pink mortadella.
- There you go, don't give us a reveal,
just point to which one.
- Bro, you can't-- that's not fair.
That's not fair. - He pointed to the mortadella.
- I knew it! - The mortadella's
staring me in the face.
- I knew it!
- All I'm saying is that mortadella,
it's looking pretty fire.
- [laughs]
- That guy can't keep a secret.
- Nah, he can't. - Wow.
All right, you guys are going to get me in trouble again.
- Sorry. - I gotta--
- You kind of get yourself in trouble, not gonna lie.
- I gotta do the gender reveal.
- Where are we doing it? At this table?
- [laughs]
No.
Probably at our next trip,
I'm going to do a big gender reveal
and officially reveal the gender of the baby.
- I can't wait to start buying some pink [bleep].
- God, Lauren's going to kill you.
- First of all, we're not telling Lauren anything.
- She'll never find out about this.
- [screams]
- Ooh! - Oh, my skirt!
[laughs]
- Bro, there's somebody in your house.
- Bitches, are we going to the airport as maids?
- No.
- Where's my shoes?
- I don't know if we're going to make it on time.
- All right, I'll just leave it all here.
- We're not going to look weird at the airport at all.
[accordion music]
♪ ♪
- Oh, so cute.
Look at the baby.
Go to Angelina?
- Oh, my gosh. - Yeah.
- So this is where festivals go weird for me,
when you just start passing your babies off
to the "Jersey Shore" girls, and also you give it to the one
that doesn't have any kids.
He's crying, Ange.
- All right, grab him. - Drop the baby away.
All right, girls, you want to go eat?
- Yes! - Yes, let's go eat.
- Nice meeting you.
- It was so nice to meet you.
- Ready, kids?
Two, three, four.
- What is this?
- Yeah. - Come on!
- Coming in.
- Two, three, four.
- Whoo! - There you go, good job.
- I got it.
- Sorry, I don't know my clog.
Deena, I'm out.
That was a little too complicated for me.
- Dee, you want a picture with the windmill?
- Yeah. - There.
- Let's do a picture, guys.
all: Skal!
- Skal!
I need to eat.
- You guys, my feet are killing me.
Anyone else?
I can't walk in these clogs anymore.
They just hurt. It's like walking in cement.
- I would never survive in the 1900s.
- What are these things? - Oh, my God!
- What are these?
- Jenni, our feet hurt. Let's get in one.
Can we hire you?
- They're motorcycles?
Can we really get in? - Yep.
- Will you ride with me? - Yeah.
- Little sidecars that fit meatballs perfectly?
I'm in.
Can we see all of Solvang?
- Oh, we can. We will.
- I'm a lady. [laughs]
- Watch your clogs.
- Let's go.
- And you're a professional driver?
- I am. - Do I have a seat belt?
- No. - There is no seat belt.
If I don't get one, you don't get one.
- Oh, God. - Girl, we're good
with no seat belt.
- Oh, I got to take my horns off.
- Oh, no. - I'll take them for you.
- He'll take them for you.
- We're going to see Solvang,
and you're a professional driver,
and I don't need a seat belt.
- [gags] I'm gonna throw up on this thing.
- I feel like I need a seat belt.
- My [bleep] clogs are--
- Ooh! Ooh!
- [laughing] - That's a vibration.
- Wait, are we supposed to have seat belts?
- No, we're not! - No seat belts.
- That's a vibration on my cootie.
- Ooh warm it up, warm it up.
- Yeah, vroom vroom! Do it!
Vroom!
- I feel like I need a seat belt.
[engines roar]
[all shrieking]
- I feel like we're in a spaceship
and we're going to go really fast.
I mean, I'm so excited for this.
[screams]
- Ooh!
I feel like we should have seat belts.
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Drop the beat, drop-a, drop-a this work beat ♪
- ♪ Independent woman, on your own, huh? ♪
♪ You don't need a man but he's still ♪
♪ Blow your phone up ♪
all: Wow. - Awesome.
Thank you. - Thank you.
- This is how you order right here.
A little bit of everything.
- You guys know the girls are in wine country
right now, right? - Oh, no.
- All four of them.
- That's like their natural habitat.
- Oh, my God!
My skirt is going to come out.
[screams]
- My skirt's hiking up.
Oh, my skirt! [laughs]
- Yo, this is the first time that all four of them
have gone on a trip in a minute.
- It's like right up their alley
because it's all wine country.
- Oh, yeah, all wine country. - Yeah.
- "Aus" wiedersehen! - Whoo!
[horn honks]
- You're jealous. Thank you.
[laughter]
- I wonder how long they could all hold it together
before you just got four meatballs running around
not knowing what's happening.
[all screaming]
[laughter]
[Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun"]
- I'm dying. It's so funny.
- Guten tag!
♪ ♪
[screams]
- Whoo!
- This is why the other countries look good.
- This is so-- the weather is so nice.
- So perfect, perfect.
Today's just been an amazing day.
I like going on girls' trips.
It's not just friendship,
it's like family at this point,
sisterhood, like these girls are my sisters.
We love each other, and that's all that matters.
- ♪ When the workin' day is done ♪
- Oh, look at the dog. How cute.
- Whee!
- Let's go!
♪ Girls, they wanna, wanna have fun ♪
- So fun, so fun.
- This was the best.
Thank you so much.
This was so cool. - Thank you so much.
- Thank you! - Thank you for everything.
- You're the best. - Thank you!
- You guys are great.
I need another drink.
- Here we go. This is it.
- Pookie. - Hi, how are you?
Ooh, I love your shirt. - Hello.
- This is awesome. - Whoo!
[techno dance music]
♪ ♪
- Cheers to the premiere.
- Salud.
- Amazing, boys.
All right, boys, you ready? - All right, let's go.
- At least we don't have to travel far.
- I know.
The thing I need for tomorrow is some sleep.
[knock at door]
- You okay? We miss you.
- Are you guys going out?
- No, we're going to sleep.
- Strip club?
- We're going to sleep.
Damn, this guy really wants to go out.
- Mm-hmm. - You sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.
Damn, bro, this guy allowed out of the house or what?
- Are you sure you don't want to go to a strip club?
- Yo, we can go to a strip club another time.
Lauren got him locked down.
- Mm-hmm.
- That [bleep] still in prison.
[laughter]
[upbeat music]
- ♪ Hopped in I'm a hot chick ♪
♪ I own this town, so you know I hold it down ♪
- Get it, girl!
- ♪ With an attitude, do everything that I ♪
♪ Want to do because I'm crazy ♪
- I'm gonna pee my pants.
- Whoo-hoo!
- I lost my britches.
- We have literally four hours before our flight.
- ♪ Yeah I make 'em sweat, sweat ♪
- We're staying up.
- [bleep].
- We're staying up!
- We have four more hours until we have to get to the airport
and be on a plane.
- I wanna go to bed.
- We got this, girls.
- [shrieks] - [bleep].
- What is this? - What is that?
- The blue Hawaiian.
- All right, make a wish, then we're besties forever.
One, two, three.
[all blowing]
- Whoo!
- So I have a confession to make.
Hi, I'm drunk.
Will I be able to get another wine?
And I am tired.
I wanna dance!
I'm drunk. I need to go to bed.
I'm fine.
♪ ♪
- So we have three hours to get to the plane.
These bitches still want to rage.
- Drink it. Drink it.
- How am I supposed to carry two meatballs and a loaf
through the [bleep] airport?
Mm-hmm.
We're not gonna make our flight.
- So negative.
- We knew this was going to be a quick girls' trip,
so enjoy it to the last minute and then you go.
- Doing this is not okay.
- "Prickerly" elder, relax.
[groans]
- Ready, Ange? - Yes.
- Let's go.
- ♪ It's a party outside all across the globe ♪
♪ Every woman every man coming out they home ♪
♪ Put on your best shoes, put on your best clothes ♪
♪ We here, let everybody know there's a party outside ♪
- Don't worry. - Yeah.
- The cutlets are in good hands.
- I have faith in you.
[echoing] I have faith in you.
Faith in you.
Faith, faith, faith, faith.
- Oh my goodness.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Now there's three.
- Yo, listen.
- Every time I look at these cutlets, there's one less.
There's one less. There's one less.
[loud crash]
- [bleep].
- Yo.
- ♪ Mic check, 100% ♪
♪ Living in the party state of mind ♪
- Are we at the airport?
- Airport, yes.
- I look like a Viking. I just realized.
- I had a fun day. - Where is it?
- I'm a little drunk. Leave me alone.
- Nicole?
But, Deena, you look like [bleep], Deena.
- Holy [bleep].
You look like "The Ring."
[eerie music]
- Will I be able to get another wine?
- Oh, my God, are you a monster?
- You have two heads. - [laughs]
- Can I get Taco Bell again?
I might get Taco Bell.
- Angelina, get to work.
Your room looked like a [bleep] massacre murder.
- I know. Let's go.
- It's a lot of work to be me.
- Do you want Taco Bell?
- I like Taco Bell again.
- This is gonna be a problem.
[foreboding music]
All right, I'll just leave it all here.
I'm out.
- Bitch.
- We have 45 minutes!
- No.
- Where's my shoe?
- How you doing, partners? - Oh, my God.
- I would like Taco Bell again. That'd be great.
- We all have to go together, so if you're not
in our shuttle, good [bleep] luck.
So if you're not-- oh, my God.
She's showing her ass.
Good night, ho.
- That's the way you get her out.
- Somebody in your house.
[loud crinkling]
- I'm gonna see.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
You good? - Yeah, man.
I'm sleeping, man.
I heard something.
- I don't know.
- What the [bleep] are you bitches doing?
- I'm ready to go.
- Showing her ass all day. - Wait, are we going--
- Don't rub that [bleep] on me.
- Bitches, are we going to the airport as maids?
- No.
- Everyone get in your actual clothes.
- I have to tell you--
- Look at what she's doing, everybody!
- Angelina!
- Get your [bleep] together. - Oh my God.
You sound like Melanie.
[laughter]
- Hey, Ange, get your [bleep] ass
away from my [bleep] visual.
- Oh, my God.
- We got this.
- I'm proud.
You know, I wear thongs now.
- I have no underwear on.
- She got no underwear on!
Oh!
- It's a different life for me.
- Tongs for them thongs.
- What?
- Get your [bleep] suitcase, and let's [bleep] go,
or you're never going to be allowed
on a [bleep] trip again.
- And we're not gonna look weird at the airport at all.
- Let's go! [groans]
- I'm going.
- Angelina. - Angelina!
- Come on! - We'll miss our flight.
- Girl, if we gotta leave you, we're gonna leave you.
- Let's go, bitch. Come on.
- Let's go.
- Thank you so much.
We had a great time.
- This weekend was, like, one of the best trips
I think us girls have ever had.
- Push me up! - Push her up.
[grunts]
- We all just had a great time together.
It was a successful business trip for me,
and overall, the girls were there for me.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- Cheers to...
Nancy mama.
- Cheers, girls!
[all cheering]
- Drinking beers, boy.
- Who would have ever thought we're drinking beers?
- I am so glad we're leaving.
- Tina. "I'm so glad we're leaving."
- I am!
- Did you not have fun on our trip?
- I had so much fun, but-- - I had a blast.
- Well, I'm glad you enjoyed my trip.
- I did love your trip.
- "I'm so glad I'm leaving."
- All right, shut the [bleep] up.
- That's how you said it. - I can't wait--
- Your trip.
- "I can't wait to leave."
Sorry, you sound very rude.
- I'm getting anxiety.
We're in a black hole.
- I did tell you--
- I can't even see in front of us.
- I got to get away from these two.
- What did I do?
- Complained about everything.
- [bleep] yeah.
- I want to kill myself.
- Nicole's starting to like...
"Nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah,"
like, the way that she [bleep] does.
I just want to [bleep] strangle her.
- What's the problem? - All I was trying to do was--
- Meatballs are [bleep] feisty and all spicy and like, ugh.
- Holy [bleep].
- I need to go home.
- I need a breather.
- Same.
- ♪ Can I get a thank you? ♪
- Girls' trip!
- Don't [bleep] do it in my house.
- Oh, wow.
- I was trying to be a little subtle tonight.
I kind of wanted to make a statement.
- What the [bleep]?
- Oh, snap. - Look.
"If you see a single black crow,"
things are about to change in your life."
- Everybody keeps trying to take me down like him,
and it just keeps not working.
Bow out gracefully, [bleep].
- Oh, my God.