1
00:00:39,875 --> 00:00:43,500
RATTUS RATTUS GROWLS

2
00:00:43,667 --> 00:00:44,833
HE COUGHS

3
00:00:44,917 --> 00:00:47,167
Oh, that's really not good for
your tonsils, that.

4
00:00:47,292 --> 00:00:49,708
Ugh, right, that's enough
of the logos.

5
00:00:50,042 --> 00:00:51,583
I bet you've all finished
your popcorn

6
00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:53,292
in the time it took
to watch all that.

7
00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:56,292
HE CHUCKLES
Can we please start the movie?

8
00:00:56,958 --> 00:00:57,958
Whoa!

9
00:01:04,333 --> 00:01:05,667
RATTUS RATTUS (VO):
<i>Ancient Rome.</i>

10
00:01:05,792 --> 00:01:07,875
<i>The centre of civilisation.</i>

11
00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:09,625
<i>"Wasn't built in a day,
you know".</i>

12
00:01:09,708 --> 00:01:12,083
<i>Although that was the builder's
original estimate.</i>

13
00:01:12,125 --> 00:01:13,542
<i>Little joke for builders, there.</i>

14
00:01:14,042 --> 00:01:15,375
<i>What's that other saying?</i>

15
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:17,083
<i>"All sewers lead to Rome ".</i>

16
00:01:17,167 --> 00:01:18,458
<i>Yeah, that's the one.</i>

17
00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,083
<i>Cor, look at the manure</i>
on <i>that cart.</i>

18
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,042
<i>It's like
an all-you-can-eat buffet.</i>

19
00:01:26,125 --> 00:01:27,625
<i>Om, nom, nom, nom, nom.</i>

20
00:01:27,708 --> 00:01:29,417
<i>Anyway, it's 54AD</i>

21
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:31,708
<i>and Emperor Claudius is
in charge here.</i>

22
00:01:31,833 --> 00:01:33,750
<i>But maybe not for long...</i>

23
00:01:34,167 --> 00:01:35,583
Doom!

24
00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:36,875
Doom!

25
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,042
The chicken guts
speak the future.

26
00:01:40,083 --> 00:01:44,125
Betrayal, conspiracy and death!

27
00:01:45,250 --> 00:01:47,375
In other words, just a normal
day in Rome, really.

28
00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:49,458
Has anyone seen my chicken?

29
00:01:49,833 --> 00:01:51,917
No, uh, not me.
- BELL TOLLS

30
00:01:52,625 --> 00:01:55,167
HE GROANS IN AGONY

31
00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:58,917
Oh! I am done for!

32
00:01:59,833 --> 00:02:02,042
Poisoned!
- SHE SOBS

33
00:02:02,167 --> 00:02:04,500
I journey to the underworld

34
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:07,000
happy that I...
HE GASPS

35
00:02:07,917 --> 00:02:12,833
C-C-Claudius shall ever
he remembered

36
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:17,208
as the Roman emperor
who finally...

37
00:02:17,917 --> 00:02:20,125
c-conquered Britain.

38
00:02:21,083 --> 00:02:22,667
Hey, where's Britain?

39
00:02:23,250 --> 00:02:24,417
Is that part of the empire?

40
00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:26,125
I thought it was just
a weird stain.

41
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:28,000
Argh!
- Oh!

42
00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:30,167
Oh!
- Where's the doctor?

43
00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:32,750
Oh, actually, I'm feeling
a lot better now

44
00:02:32,833 --> 00:02:34,292
I don't think I need a doctor.

45
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,417
Darling, you can't be
too careful.

46
00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:38,458
Doctor, come quickly,
it's my husband.

47
00:02:38,667 --> 00:02:40,375
What's the matter?
- He's not dying!

48
00:02:41,250 --> 00:02:42,125
Not dying?

49
00:02:42,167 --> 00:02:43,726
Between me and you, Mother
poisoned him with some mushrooms

50
00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:44,750
but he's thrown them up.

51
00:02:44,833 --> 00:02:47,042
So, I want you
to tickle his throat

52
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:48,625
with this poisoned feather

53
00:02:48,958 --> 00:02:50,000
and finish the job.

54
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:51,542
I couldn't possibly.

55
00:02:51,792 --> 00:02:52,875
Or you'll be next.

56
00:02:55,917 --> 00:02:57,000
Emperor?
- No, really

57
00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:58,333
I'm feeling OK, now.

58
00:02:58,375 --> 00:03:00,083
Open wide, say "Ah ".

59
00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:03,083
Argh!

60
00:03:04,042 --> 00:03:05,708
Yes, get in!

61
00:03:06,750 --> 00:03:07,750
Sorry, can I...

62
00:03:07,833 --> 00:03:08,833
Who's in charge now?

63
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:13,250
All hail my son

64
00:03:13,417 --> 00:03:15,375
Emperor Nero.

65
00:03:15,958 --> 00:03:18,250
THEY CHANT " NERO"

66
00:03:19,750 --> 00:03:20,917
Hail me, cheers, Mum.

67
00:03:21,167 --> 00:03:22,625
Ruler of the whole Roman Empire

68
00:03:22,750 --> 00:03:23,750
Even that stainy bit.

69
00:03:23,958 --> 00:03:26,333
Except, I'll be ruling until you
come of age.

70
00:03:26,417 --> 00:03:28,875
What? That's not for another
five years.

71
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,708
FAN FARES SOU ND

72
00:03:38,208 --> 00:03:39,792
Hu?
HE GULPS

73
00:03:41,792 --> 00:03:42,833
Oh!

74
00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:52,792
THUD

75
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:55,500
Phew.

76
00:03:56,333 --> 00:03:57,792
HE WHlSTLES
- SlGN CREAKS

77
00:04:00,458 --> 00:04:01,684
ANNOUNCEMENT:
<i>Ladies and gentlemen</i>

78
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:02,583
<i>please take your seats</i>

79
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:05,417
<i>as the Emperor Nero birthday
games will begin shortly.</i>

80
00:04:05,667 --> 00:04:09,125
<i>Would the owner of the blue
chariot registration CXB</i>

81
00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:11,917
<i>Please remove it as it is
obstructing the arena gates.</i>

82
00:04:12,625 --> 00:04:14,125
Look at the queue!

83
00:04:14,458 --> 00:04:15,792
Why is it always so long?

84
00:04:15,875 --> 00:04:17,375
SHE SIGHS
- lt's a bottleneck.

85
00:04:18,042 --> 00:04:19,958
A big crowd going through
a narrow entrance

86
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:21,322
causes an impediment
to the flow.

87
00:04:21,625 --> 00:04:22,792
Don't be clever, Atti.

88
00:04:23,333 --> 00:04:25,125
I think we should limit your
scroll time.

89
00:04:25,208 --> 00:04:26,250
What?
- We ' re here to see

90
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:27,583
real men fighting.

91
00:04:27,875 --> 00:04:29,917
Get stuck into
real Roman life, son.

92
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:32,792
Julia!
- <i>Ave</i> Flavia.

93
00:04:32,958 --> 00:04:34,042
Is this your Celcius?

94
00:04:34,333 --> 00:04:36,125
JULIA: He's been
accepted into the army.

95
00:04:36,167 --> 00:04:38,292
Proper job for a proper Roman.
Well done, lad.

96
00:04:38,458 --> 00:04:40,083
Cheers.
- JULIA: You must be so proud!

97
00:04:40,167 --> 00:04:42,351
Couldn't be prouder. We've just
bought him some new sandals

98
00:04:42,375 --> 00:04:43,833
to say well done.
- Check ' em out.

99
00:04:44,542 --> 00:04:46,125
Why can't you be
more like Celcius?

100
00:04:46,208 --> 00:04:47,750
SANDAL SELLER:
No fakes, no copies.

101
00:04:47,833 --> 00:04:49,750
Loser!
- Sporcus the Gladiator's

102
00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:52,292
very own sandals,
as worn by the man himself.

103
00:04:55,292 --> 00:04:57,833
How much?
- Two hundred Denarii.

104
00:04:58,917 --> 00:04:59,917
But it says 100.

105
00:05:00,375 --> 00:05:02,042
No, it doesn't.
- Yeah, look. See?

106
00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:03,500
A hundred Denarii.

107
00:05:04,083 --> 00:05:05,542
Oh, well that's per shoe.

108
00:05:05,875 --> 00:05:08,208
Who ever heard of " per shoe"?
Who's gonna buy one shoe?

109
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:10,042
A one-legged man?

110
00:05:11,792 --> 00:05:13,042
Do you have this one in red?

111
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:17,564
Please don't sell them
to anyone else.

112
00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:18,708
I won't...

113
00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,458
unless they bring me
the money first.

114
00:05:22,333 --> 00:05:24,542
Gladiator sweat!
Makes you young!

115
00:05:24,875 --> 00:05:26,167
Gladiator sweat!

116
00:05:26,375 --> 00:05:28,042
Lovely hum.
- How much?

117
00:05:28,083 --> 00:05:29,958
To you, two hundred Denarii.

118
00:05:30,042 --> 00:05:31,208
How do I know it works?

119
00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:32,958
I'm 97, mate.

120
00:05:33,792 --> 00:05:34,958
I'll take it.

121
00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:41,583
STREET HAWKER CRlES

122
00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:45,768
ANNOUNCEMENT: <i>Feeling peckish?</i>
- HE WHlSTLES

123
00:05:45,792 --> 00:05:47,352
<i>Why not try
our pick 'n' mix selection?</i>

124
00:05:47,417 --> 00:05:50,667
<i>Peacock tongues, stuffed snails
and roast dormouse.</i>

125
00:05:50,750 --> 00:05:52,125
<i>Available from the arena kiosk.</i>

126
00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:56,542
Right, you lot...
this is a big match.

127
00:05:56,875 --> 00:05:58,208
It's Nero's birthday.

128
00:05:58,333 --> 00:05:59,500
So I want all of you

129
00:06:00,125 --> 00:06:01,708
to give it CX percent.

130
00:06:02,208 --> 00:06:03,792
Got that?
- Yes, boss.

131
00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:05,833
And remember,
when you get out there

132
00:06:06,125 --> 00:06:07,542
you turn to Nero and you say

133
00:06:08,083 --> 00:06:09,917
"We who are about to die...

134
00:06:10,375 --> 00:06:11,375
salute you ".

135
00:06:12,875 --> 00:06:14,083
What is it, Severus?

136
00:06:14,167 --> 00:06:16,417
I've been getting into this
sports psychology thing

137
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,583
and that whole
"about to die" bit

138
00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,667
it just really messes
with my energy, man.

139
00:06:20,792 --> 00:06:22,167
I mean, it's kinda...

140
00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:25,333
negative.
I just don't think it's me.

141
00:06:25,375 --> 00:06:28,000
We all have our "thing ", right?
You're the massive one

142
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,417
you ' re the other massive one.

143
00:06:29,458 --> 00:06:30,643
You're the one
with the funny voice.

144
00:06:30,667 --> 00:06:32,625
IN A SQUEAKY VOICE:
I don't have a funny voice.

145
00:06:33,333 --> 00:06:36,458
I thought I can be the...
"doesn't die" guy.

146
00:06:37,417 --> 00:06:38,542
You listen to me.

147
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,042
Say it, or I ' ll kill you myself

148
00:06:41,125 --> 00:06:43,042
and spare all these scumbags
the bother.

149
00:06:43,417 --> 00:06:45,250
HE CHUCKLES
OK.

150
00:06:45,667 --> 00:06:47,833
GLADIATOR TRAlNER:
Go on, move it the lot of you.

151
00:06:47,917 --> 00:06:49,333
That's nowhere near enough.

152
00:06:54,708 --> 00:06:56,167
HORSE WEES NOISILY

153
00:07:01,958 --> 00:07:03,542
HE PANTS

154
00:07:03,917 --> 00:07:05,875
Oh! I'm the legate from Britain.

155
00:07:06,375 --> 00:07:08,250
Britain, you know,
edge of the Empire.

156
00:07:08,625 --> 00:07:10,333
I have a gift for Emperor Nero.

157
00:07:10,417 --> 00:07:11,583
Must be on the list.

158
00:07:13,792 --> 00:07:14,917
Oh...
HECHUCKLES

159
00:07:16,083 --> 00:07:18,042
Happy birthday, <i>mein</i> Emperor.

160
00:07:18,125 --> 00:07:20,583
We have killed a bear
in your honour.

161
00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:22,833
Hollowed him out for a onesie.

162
00:07:22,917 --> 00:07:24,583
Oh, I love it.

163
00:07:26,083 --> 00:07:27,958
Look, I'm a bear!

164
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,417
NERO ROARS
- Ow!

165
00:07:30,042 --> 00:07:31,042
You scratched me.

166
00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:34,750
Bear costume from Germany.

167
00:07:35,458 --> 00:07:37,167
What are you doing?
- I'm making a list

168
00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:38,917
so you can write
thank you letters.

169
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,000
Well, don't

170
00:07:40,167 --> 00:07:41,167
because I'm in charge now

171
00:07:41,250 --> 00:07:42,730
and I'm not writing
thank you letters.

172
00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:44,559
People can thank <i>me,</i>
for taking their presents.

173
00:07:44,583 --> 00:07:45,750
Shouldn't they? Yeah.
- Mm.

174
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:46,875
Next.

175
00:07:51,458 --> 00:07:54,458
Ah, there! There we are,
right at the bottom.

176
00:07:57,375 --> 00:07:59,083
NERO: Next?
- MAN: The Gaulish legate.

177
00:08:01,042 --> 00:08:02,208
So, where are you from?

178
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,625
Britain.
- Oh.

179
00:08:03,708 --> 00:08:05,500
What did you bring him?
A bag of rain?

180
00:08:05,583 --> 00:08:08,417
HE LAUGHS
No, uh... lead.

181
00:08:08,458 --> 00:08:10,875
Right, good luck with that.

182
00:08:10,917 --> 00:08:12,125
HE CLICKS HlS TEETH

183
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:15,042
A razor? That's rubbish.

184
00:08:15,167 --> 00:08:16,625
Take him away and punish him.

185
00:08:16,792 --> 00:08:17,792
Oh, no!

186
00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:19,917
SWORDS SWOOSH
- AGONISED GRUNT

187
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,542
NERO: Next!
- LEGATE: Greetings

188
00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:23,417
from Britain.
- The stain, huh?

189
00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:27,708
Ooh, heavy. I hope it's gold.

190
00:08:27,792 --> 00:08:29,952
I hope it's gold, I hope it's
gold, I hope it's gold!

191
00:08:30,333 --> 00:08:31,417
It's not gold.

192
00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:33,375
It's lead!

193
00:08:34,792 --> 00:08:36,625
Use it for lining tanks...

194
00:08:37,208 --> 00:08:38,625
weights and measures...

195
00:08:40,542 --> 00:08:42,167
Ha! lt's a joke!

196
00:08:42,667 --> 00:08:43,792
Joke present.

197
00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,500
I'll just go and get
your real present...

198
00:08:46,958 --> 00:08:48,125
now...

199
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:55,208
Present, present, present...

200
00:08:57,333 --> 00:08:59,625
Oh... uh... no.

201
00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:02,000
Ah...

202
00:09:02,167 --> 00:09:03,542
TRADER: Gladiator sweat!
- Oh.

203
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:05,583
Pure Gladiator sweat!

204
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:07,875
Cheers mate.

205
00:09:08,333 --> 00:09:10,875
Oh! Perfect, one bottle
of sweat, please.

206
00:09:11,042 --> 00:09:12,083
All gone, mate.

207
00:09:12,208 --> 00:09:14,250
You snooze-icus, you lose-icus.

208
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:15,917
What? But I need it now.

209
00:09:16,250 --> 00:09:18,250
Did I hear you need some
gladiator sweat?

210
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:19,559
LEGATE SIGHS
- Two hundred Dinarii.

211
00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:20,750
I'll take it.

212
00:09:24,917 --> 00:09:26,583
FAN FARE SOUNDS

213
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,083
Ladies and gentlemen...

214
00:09:29,250 --> 00:09:31,208
Christians and lions!

215
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,292
Come on you lions!
- Shush!

216
00:09:33,375 --> 00:09:35,833
Please, show your appreciation

217
00:09:35,917 --> 00:09:39,042
for the all powerful ruler

218
00:09:39,542 --> 00:09:41,958
of the Roman Empire!

219
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:45,417
Mum, Mum! He was talking
about me.

220
00:09:45,792 --> 00:09:47,351
That's my throne Mother,
get off! Get off!

221
00:09:47,375 --> 00:09:49,375
No, no! Darling, everyone's
watching.

222
00:09:49,458 --> 00:09:50,583
Don't make a spectacle.

223
00:09:50,667 --> 00:09:52,547
You said I'd be in charge,
so now I'm in charge.

224
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:54,083
Are you?
- Yes, whose face is it

225
00:09:54,167 --> 00:09:55,250
on the coins, huh?

226
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:57,208
Whose face?
- My face.

227
00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:58,542
Exactly, your face.

228
00:09:58,917 --> 00:09:59,917
What?
HE TUTS

229
00:10:00,292 --> 00:10:01,958
Well what's your face doing on
my coins?

230
00:10:06,208 --> 00:10:08,750
FAN FARE SOUNDS
- AUDlENCE APPLAUDS

231
00:10:11,375 --> 00:10:14,583
We who are about to die
salute you.

232
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,125
Oh, goody,
some mindless violence.

233
00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:19,750
IN A HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:
Who' s got a funny voice now, eh?

234
00:10:19,833 --> 00:10:20,708
Hiyah!

235
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:22,292
SICKENING THUD
- CROWD GROANS

236
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:25,167
"Come to the games", you said.

237
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,375
"I've got front row seats",
you said.

238
00:10:28,625 --> 00:10:30,292
On the head, son!
- GLADIATORS GRUNT

239
00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:31,958
Atti, where have you been?

240
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:35,708
SHE GASPS
How on earth did you get those?

241
00:10:35,792 --> 00:10:36,992
I had this really clever idea.

242
00:10:38,458 --> 00:10:40,458
My Emperor! From Britain...

243
00:10:40,583 --> 00:10:41,624
what I meant to give you.

244
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,333
Pure Gladiator sweat.

245
00:10:44,958 --> 00:10:48,000
The finest anti-aging lotion
in all of Rome.

246
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,750
Not that you need it, obviously.

247
00:10:51,417 --> 00:10:53,292
It's a challenging aroma.
- Very.

248
00:10:53,958 --> 00:10:55,292
HE SNIFFS Notes of fresh grass

249
00:10:55,375 --> 00:10:56,792
and leather, I like it.

250
00:10:57,208 --> 00:10:58,792
It's so you!

251
00:10:59,208 --> 00:11:00,333
That's horse wee.

252
00:11:02,375 --> 00:11:04,958
Horse wee?
- Lt's so " not" you.

253
00:11:06,167 --> 00:11:08,083
You're dead.
- It was him!

254
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:10,083
He sold it to me.

255
00:11:11,042 --> 00:11:12,292
My chambers now.

256
00:11:12,958 --> 00:11:13,958
Oh!

257
00:11:21,292 --> 00:11:22,458
NERO:
Right, punishments...

258
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:23,768
This one, I'm thinking,
roll down a hill

259
00:11:23,792 --> 00:11:26,167
in a barrel full of spikes.
- Lnspired.

260
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:28,708
Say thank you to the Emperor.
- Thank you, Emperor.

261
00:11:28,792 --> 00:11:29,893
Oh...
- NERO: And this one...

262
00:11:29,917 --> 00:11:32,083
crucifixion.
- Wonderful.

263
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:34,125
Teeny hiccup, ooh...

264
00:11:34,333 --> 00:11:37,500
legally you're not supposed
to crucify Roman citizens.

265
00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:39,000
Annoying.
- Mm...

266
00:11:39,125 --> 00:11:40,768
How about that one where they
sew ' em in a sack with a snake

267
00:11:40,792 --> 00:11:41,809
a dog, a rooster and a monkey

268
00:11:41,833 --> 00:11:43,143
and chuck ' em
in the river Tiber?

269
00:11:43,167 --> 00:11:44,351
SYCOPHANTUS:
Technically that's for the crime

270
00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:45,455
of killing your own father.

271
00:11:45,667 --> 00:11:47,250
Oh, this is impossible!

272
00:11:47,292 --> 00:11:48,625
He ruined my birthday!

273
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:50,208
He deserves a fate
worse than death.

274
00:11:50,750 --> 00:11:51,750
Worse than death?

275
00:11:52,042 --> 00:11:53,333
What could be worse than death?

276
00:11:56,042 --> 00:11:57,167
I've got it!

277
00:11:57,458 --> 00:11:58,833
I'll send you to Britain.

278
00:12:00,708 --> 00:12:02,625
Where?
- NERO: Exactly.

279
00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:03,917
I'll make you a soldier.

280
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,393
So you ' ll have to wear
short skirts

281
00:12:05,417 --> 00:12:06,726
with bare legs
in the freezing cold.

282
00:12:06,750 --> 00:12:08,083
No, please. I'm sorry.

283
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:10,333
To Britain with him.
- No, but...

284
00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:12,750
but I can't fight!

285
00:12:12,792 --> 00:12:14,750
I just wanted
a new pair of sandals.

286
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,542
See where being clever gets ya?

287
00:12:18,792 --> 00:12:20,333
Shall I run Emperor a bath?

288
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,625
Why?

289
00:13:00,167 --> 00:13:01,458
Oh, yeah!

290
00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:11,250
You're not having a sword.

291
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,375
Dad, please.
- I said no, Orla.

292
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:14,958
But I wanna be a Celtic warrior!

293
00:13:15,042 --> 00:13:16,083
Oh, it's not fair!

294
00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:17,792
Girls my age in other tribes
have swords.

295
00:13:18,042 --> 00:13:20,708
Yeah. Well, I am chieftain
of this tribe

296
00:13:21,083 --> 00:13:23,458
and I'm saying to you,
you're not ready to fight.

297
00:13:23,542 --> 00:13:25,417
But I am!
I want to fight Romans.

298
00:13:25,792 --> 00:13:28,417
Why? We can't beat them,
they're too strong.

299
00:13:28,875 --> 00:13:30,000
They're too organised.

300
00:13:30,083 --> 00:13:31,893
METAL CLANGS OUTSlDE
- Whereas, the Celtic tribes

301
00:13:31,917 --> 00:13:33,958
I mean they can't stop
feuding with one another.

302
00:13:34,083 --> 00:13:35,542
What is that banging?
Excuse me.

303
00:13:35,958 --> 00:13:37,833
CLANKING CONTINUES
- Uh... Brenda?

304
00:13:38,583 --> 00:13:40,542
Hello. Where did you get
that shield from?

305
00:13:40,708 --> 00:13:42,750
I, uh... I found it.

306
00:13:42,833 --> 00:13:44,893
You didn't steal it off the
Brigantes tribe, did you?

307
00:13:44,917 --> 00:13:46,667
Me? No.

308
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:49,042
Looks nice, Gran.
- Thanks, love.

309
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:51,250
Look...

310
00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:54,000
We don't want to start a war
we can't win, you know?

311
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,000
The modern way of doing it

312
00:13:56,125 --> 00:13:57,625
is to co-operate with
the Romans.

313
00:13:57,708 --> 00:13:59,417
Argh!
- Like the Iceni tribe do.

314
00:13:59,542 --> 00:14:01,333
Roman lovers!

315
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:02,875
Not all Romans are bad.

316
00:14:02,958 --> 00:14:04,667
Well, name one good thing
about them.

317
00:14:04,792 --> 00:14:06,042
Fine, um...

318
00:14:06,667 --> 00:14:07,875
their roads are excellent.

319
00:14:07,958 --> 00:14:10,208
So straight, you know.
How could you not like that?

320
00:14:10,708 --> 00:14:12,000
I don't think Dougal likes it.

321
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,750
Oh, come on, Dad.
They're so annoying.

322
00:14:17,833 --> 00:14:19,667
They just go round taking
whatever they want

323
00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:21,250
marching all over everything.

324
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,254
I mean, why would we wanna
co-operate with them?

325
00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:25,333
I've heard the lceni are doing
alright out of it.

326
00:14:25,417 --> 00:14:27,250
Let's just go and see
for ourselves.

327
00:14:27,875 --> 00:14:28,875
Can I come?

328
00:14:29,750 --> 00:14:32,208
Yes, fine. Just...
try not to steal anything

329
00:14:32,292 --> 00:14:33,583
What, me?

330
00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:39,458
ARGH US:
Oh...

331
00:14:39,708 --> 00:14:41,167
BRENDA:
Oh, lovely.

332
00:14:41,667 --> 00:14:42,833
ARGH US:
Come on, Brenda.

333
00:14:45,458 --> 00:14:48,583
Oh, look at the Roman pillars
on their chief's hut.

334
00:14:49,292 --> 00:14:50,292
Oh, I like those.

335
00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:52,542
Yes, the lceni are certainly
progressive.

336
00:14:52,833 --> 00:14:55,167
ORLA: Yeah, their girls
are allowed swords.

337
00:14:55,417 --> 00:14:57,458
Chief Prasutagus certainly knows
how to live.

338
00:14:58,458 --> 00:14:59,833
Prasutagus is dead.

339
00:14:59,917 --> 00:15:01,667
BRENDA LAUGHS
- Shh!

340
00:15:03,333 --> 00:15:04,667
I tried to save him.

341
00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:07,167
I used the most advanced
Celtic medicine.

342
00:15:07,417 --> 00:15:09,583
You got a dog to lick him?
- Mm-hm.

343
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,542
Oh, then you did all
that could be done.

344
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:12,917
HE SOBS

345
00:15:14,708 --> 00:15:16,542
That's Prasutagus ' wife,
Boudicca.

346
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:17,875
She's queen now.

347
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,125
As Roman Procurator,
it falls to me

348
00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:25,042
Catus Decianus,
to read the Will.

349
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:27,583
"I, Prasutagus,
chief of the lceni

350
00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:30,708
do hereby leave all
my worldly possessions to...

351
00:15:31,583 --> 00:15:32,708
my cat.

352
00:15:36,292 --> 00:15:37,292
I'm joking.

353
00:15:37,583 --> 00:15:39,833
Joking.
- Sorry, what's a cat?

354
00:15:39,917 --> 00:15:42,125
It's a Roman thing,
like a small furry dog

355
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,351
only it doesn't really like you

356
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,208
it just pretends to like you
to get food.

357
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:47,625
But it, it doesn't really matter
cos I, I was only joking.

358
00:15:49,083 --> 00:15:50,167
Everything goes to Nero.

359
00:15:50,292 --> 00:15:52,375
SHE LAUGHS
- That's the joke, right?

360
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:53,750
No. Perfectly serious.

361
00:15:54,208 --> 00:15:55,208
Men.
HE WHlSTLES

362
00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:56,936
SOLDIER 1: Yes, sir.
- SOLDIER 2: Sir.

363
00:15:57,833 --> 00:15:59,292
But we had an agreement.

364
00:15:59,375 --> 00:16:01,500
It was meant to be split between
Nero and me.

365
00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:03,000
Minor technicality.

366
00:16:03,583 --> 00:16:05,750
Put that back!
- Yeah, you see, in Roman law

367
00:16:05,833 --> 00:16:08,333
only men can inherit,
so Nero says

368
00:16:08,417 --> 00:16:10,458
as you don't have any sons

369
00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:12,833
all your wealth defaults to him.

370
00:16:12,917 --> 00:16:15,042
You should have read
the old small print.

371
00:16:15,125 --> 00:16:17,083
We ' re Celts, we can't read.

372
00:16:19,042 --> 00:16:20,292
Well, you can't do this.

373
00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:23,208
We ' re Romans, we can do
anything we want.

374
00:16:23,292 --> 00:16:24,292
Come on then, boys.

375
00:16:24,375 --> 00:16:25,851
Let's get this stuff
back to Colchester.

376
00:16:25,875 --> 00:16:28,417
That chaise is gonna look lovely
in my atrium.

377
00:16:29,125 --> 00:16:30,375
Look, I won't stand for this!

378
00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:32,417
This is not OK!

379
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:51,792
UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS

380
00:17:27,417 --> 00:17:29,125
Yah!

381
00:18:48,292 --> 00:18:51,292
CROWD YELLS

382
00:18:52,250 --> 00:18:53,958
Whack ' em, smash ' em

383
00:18:54,417 --> 00:18:55,583
ARGH US:
Come back here now.

384
00:18:56,042 --> 00:18:59,667
What? But you said we should
follow the lceni's example.

385
00:18:59,708 --> 00:19:01,125
Yes, well, not any more.

386
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,458
I don't get it. First you say
be more like the lceni

387
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:04,726
and then you change your mind.

388
00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:06,184
Look, Orla, I don't want
you to get hurt.

389
00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:07,250
You're all I've got.

390
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:08,542
BRENDA:
Ahem!

391
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:11,667
Stop coughing.

392
00:19:12,167 --> 00:19:13,250
I don't think you're ready.

393
00:19:13,583 --> 00:19:15,583
I am. Why won't you believe me?

394
00:19:15,667 --> 00:19:17,792
I wanna take on the Romans
and I can.

395
00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:20,000
I'll prove it.
- No, no...

396
00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:21,958
Orla, back home now, OK?

397
00:19:22,042 --> 00:19:23,917
Hey, wearing the chief's hat!

398
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:30,125
You could give Orla a chance,
you know.

399
00:19:30,208 --> 00:19:31,500
Don't encourage her.

400
00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:33,750
Where did you get that?

401
00:19:34,375 --> 00:19:36,125
It's mine.
I brought it with me.

402
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:37,958
Really?

403
00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:43,875
So I tell Catus, " Don't give any
of it to Boudicca.

404
00:19:43,958 --> 00:19:45,792
It's mine, all mine."

405
00:19:45,875 --> 00:19:47,583
Brilliant. Quite brilliant.

406
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:50,458
You do know she's started
a rebellion?

407
00:19:50,583 --> 00:19:52,708
Yes. Thank you, Mother.
I can handle this on my own.

408
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,083
Alright, darling,
if you're sure.

409
00:19:54,167 --> 00:19:55,667
I am sure.
Where are you going?

410
00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:58,375
Well, since you don't want
my help

411
00:19:58,500 --> 00:20:00,833
I thought I'd go on a little
imperial tour.

412
00:20:00,958 --> 00:20:03,292
But the imperial tour's
for the Emperor.

413
00:20:03,375 --> 00:20:06,000
For me to meet my subjects
on my imperial boat.

414
00:20:06,042 --> 00:20:07,417
I'm the one in charge.

415
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,583
In charge of a terrible mess
in Britain.

416
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,042
I hope you're not remembered

417
00:20:11,125 --> 00:20:14,292
as the Emperor who lost
part of his Empire.

418
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:16,875
Good luck stopping Boudicca.

419
00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:18,500
Ciao.

420
00:20:22,875 --> 00:20:24,667
If only there was a way
to get rid of her.

421
00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:26,375
Send in more troops.

422
00:20:26,958 --> 00:20:28,083
Not Boudicca, my mother.

423
00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:29,958
How dare she take my boat?

424
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:31,458
My boat.

425
00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:33,500
HE GASPS I have an idea.

426
00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:34,875
Brilliant. Quite brilliant.

427
00:20:35,125 --> 00:20:36,542
Well, you haven't heard it yet.

428
00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:38,458
I'm gonna booby-trap the boat.

429
00:20:38,917 --> 00:20:40,708
Make it sink
while my mother's on board.

430
00:20:43,083 --> 00:20:45,083
You can say it now.
- Brilliant. Quite brilliant.

431
00:20:45,917 --> 00:20:47,667
Anyway, I've got nothing
to worry about.

432
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:49,458
My troops ' ll smash
Boudicca to pieces.

433
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,792
FIGHTlNG NOISES
- CELTS LAUGH

434
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,167
Whoa! We smashed them!

435
00:20:54,292 --> 00:20:55,333
That was awesome!

436
00:20:55,417 --> 00:20:57,000
I'm so pumped, so pumped,
so pumped!

437
00:20:57,208 --> 00:20:59,143
What an amazing show!
- Do you think we went a bit

438
00:20:59,167 --> 00:21:00,434
overboard
with the smoke, though?

439
00:21:00,458 --> 00:21:01,939
I mean...
Bouds, you were just like

440
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,625
"Hello, Colchester! ".

441
00:21:03,708 --> 00:21:04,875
And then, you were like

442
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,500
"Goodbye, Colchester!"

443
00:21:07,667 --> 00:21:10,000
THEY LAUGH
- Yeah! We really tore ' em up!

444
00:21:10,417 --> 00:21:12,292
You were on fire.

445
00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:13,917
Yeah!

446
00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:16,042
Thanks for putting me out.
- Mm.

447
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:20,208
Hup, hup, hup, hup...

448
00:21:20,917 --> 00:21:24,500
Hup, hup, hup, hup...

449
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:27,375
And... halt!

450
00:21:28,583 --> 00:21:30,000
Welcome to Britain, loser.

451
00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:31,208
Leave me alone, Celcius.

452
00:21:31,292 --> 00:21:33,542
What are you gonna do
about it, Atti? Tell your dad?

453
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,250
ATTlGRUNTS

454
00:21:35,542 --> 00:21:36,625
On your feet, soldier!

455
00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:39,083
But, sir...
- Don't answer back.

456
00:21:39,417 --> 00:21:40,500
Get down and give me ten!

457
00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:43,917
DEClMUS: One!
- ATTl GRUNTS

458
00:21:44,583 --> 00:21:46,292
DEClMUS:
Two!

459
00:21:46,625 --> 00:21:48,500
Oh, make it five.
I haven't got all day.

460
00:21:48,750 --> 00:21:50,833
Lame.
- Right, men, listen up!

461
00:21:51,583 --> 00:21:54,000
This is my final mission
before I retire

462
00:21:54,125 --> 00:21:55,725
and I intend to get it over and
done with

463
00:21:55,833 --> 00:21:58,542
as quickly as possible
so I can return to Rome.

464
00:21:59,458 --> 00:22:01,833
ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS
- Ah, beautiful Rome.

465
00:22:01,917 --> 00:22:04,625
With its dry Mediterranean
climate and non-stop summers.

466
00:22:04,667 --> 00:22:06,042
HE SNIFFS
- MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY

467
00:22:06,417 --> 00:22:08,083
Luckily, this is
an easy posting.

468
00:22:08,167 --> 00:22:10,327
Nothing ever happens here.
- Oh, well that's a downer.

469
00:22:10,875 --> 00:22:12,625
Ah, here comes the Procurator.

470
00:22:12,667 --> 00:22:14,292
Hail, Catus Decianus!

471
00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:17,167
Yes, welcome to Britain.
And you are welcome to it.

472
00:22:17,542 --> 00:22:19,917
A Celtic Queen called Boudicca's
gone loco.

473
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:21,583
Completely destroyed Colchester.

474
00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:23,917
Anyway, there are your orders.
Bye!

475
00:22:24,292 --> 00:22:26,708
Catus, defend the Empire
and crush the Celts.

476
00:22:27,125 --> 00:22:29,125
Hang on a minute.
These are <i>your</i> orders.

477
00:22:29,292 --> 00:22:30,625
Just gonna borrow your boat.

478
00:22:30,833 --> 00:22:32,000
You won't be needing it

479
00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:34,000
seeing as you ' II all be dead!

480
00:22:34,125 --> 00:22:35,667
Right, men, forward march!

481
00:22:35,917 --> 00:22:37,250
For the glory of Rome!

482
00:22:37,917 --> 00:22:39,833
ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS
Ah, wonderful Rome.

483
00:22:39,917 --> 00:22:43,417
Its vines hanging heavy with
succulent, sun-ripened grapes.

484
00:22:43,958 --> 00:22:45,708
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
- KNOCKING ON DOOR

485
00:22:46,333 --> 00:22:49,083
Hello, I'm calling today
on behalf of Boudicca

486
00:22:49,167 --> 00:22:50,292
Queen of the Iceni.

487
00:22:50,375 --> 00:22:52,000
Sorry, I never buy things
at the door.

488
00:22:52,125 --> 00:22:54,292
Oh, no, sir we ' re not selling,
we ' re recruiting.

489
00:22:54,458 --> 00:22:57,208
For her army. We ' re asking
Celtic tribes to unite.

490
00:22:57,333 --> 00:22:58,500
Yeah, not interested.

491
00:23:00,958 --> 00:23:03,667
SWORDS SWOOSH
- You're either with us

492
00:23:04,417 --> 00:23:06,083
or you're against us.

493
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:08,750
Oh, Boudicca's army, you say?

494
00:23:09,208 --> 00:23:10,583
Yeah, that sounds great.

495
00:23:10,667 --> 00:23:12,167
Love that. Yeah.

496
00:23:13,042 --> 00:23:15,458
<i>♪ Bash them Celts
and smash their heads! ♪</i>

497
00:23:15,542 --> 00:23:17,875
ARMY: ♪ <i>Bash them Celts
and smash their heads! ♪</i>

498
00:23:17,958 --> 00:23:20,208
♪ <i>I would rather be in bed</i> ♪

499
00:23:20,542 --> 00:23:22,625
♪ <i>I would rather be in bed</i> ♪

500
00:23:22,792 --> 00:23:25,333
♪ <i>We 're Roman soldiers
trained to kill</i> ♪

501
00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:27,750
ARMY: ♪ <i>We 're Roman soldiers
trained to kill</i> ♪

502
00:23:27,958 --> 00:23:30,000
<i>♪ This guy really
needs to chill</i> ♪

503
00:23:30,208 --> 00:23:32,375
<i>♪ This guy really
needs to chill</i> ♪

504
00:23:32,458 --> 00:23:34,167
THEY CHUCKLE
- Atti, you're a legend.

505
00:23:34,250 --> 00:23:35,917
DECIMUS: Quiet at the back!
- Oh!

506
00:23:36,875 --> 00:23:37,917
I ' II show my dad.

507
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,708
DECIMUS: ♪ <i>Rattie with
the Celtic tribes ♪</i>

508
00:23:40,792 --> 00:23:43,000
ARMY: ♪ <i>Battle with the Celtic...</i>
- Stupid sandals.

509
00:23:43,083 --> 00:23:45,167
♪ <i>Just a minute, hold on, guys</i> ♪

510
00:23:46,083 --> 00:23:48,292
No, seriously. Guys, hold on.

511
00:23:48,917 --> 00:23:50,208
Guys...

512
00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:56,750
Argh!

513
00:23:57,375 --> 00:23:59,458
ARMY CONTINUES CHANTING

514
00:24:00,542 --> 00:24:02,625
Where's Atti gone?
- Dunno.

515
00:24:14,917 --> 00:24:17,250
Now who says I'm not ready
to be a warrior?

516
00:24:18,750 --> 00:24:19,958
Orla, what have you done?

517
00:24:20,042 --> 00:24:21,208
Taken a Roman prisoner...

518
00:24:21,792 --> 00:24:22,875
all on my own.

519
00:24:23,042 --> 00:24:24,667
See, told you I could do it.

520
00:24:24,833 --> 00:24:26,394
You're just gonna have to
take him back.

521
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,875
What? I thought
you'd be pleased.

522
00:24:28,958 --> 00:24:30,875
You can't keep a prisoner.
It's hard work.

523
00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,667
You have to feed it.
You have to exercise it.

524
00:24:34,458 --> 00:24:36,708
Who's gonna clean up after him?
- I am here, you know.

525
00:24:36,750 --> 00:24:38,870
He's my prisoner. I found him,
and I wanna keep him.

526
00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:40,708
OK, fine.

527
00:24:40,792 --> 00:24:42,792
You ' II get bored soon enough,
and then someone

528
00:24:42,875 --> 00:24:44,035
will have to get rid of him.

529
00:24:45,792 --> 00:24:47,667
There's no pleasing some people.

530
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:51,917
HE IMITATES BRENDA: "There's
no pleasing some people".

531
00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:56,792
ATTI SNIFFS

532
00:24:56,917 --> 00:24:58,417
You can't keep me in a pig shed.

533
00:24:58,667 --> 00:25:00,333
It, it's inhumane.
- What?

534
00:25:00,542 --> 00:25:01,958
This is our best hut.

535
00:25:02,667 --> 00:25:04,125
Why does it smell
like animal poo?

536
00:25:04,417 --> 00:25:06,097
How d 'you think we made
the walls? Stupid.

537
00:25:06,417 --> 00:25:07,708
Oh, gross.

538
00:25:08,208 --> 00:25:09,708
And who are you calling
"stupid "?

539
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,750
You're a Celt. I heard you lot
can't even read.

540
00:25:12,833 --> 00:25:15,125
So?
- So, Celts know nothing

541
00:25:15,208 --> 00:25:16,625
about anything.
- Oh, yeah?

542
00:25:16,708 --> 00:25:18,458
Yeah. Ha!

543
00:25:19,750 --> 00:25:20,875
Oh...

544
00:25:21,375 --> 00:25:23,917
Don't you like our decorations.
- Decorations?

545
00:25:24,667 --> 00:25:26,708
You lot are savages.
- Says a Roman!

546
00:25:27,083 --> 00:25:28,643
You're the ones turning up here
killing everyone.

547
00:25:28,667 --> 00:25:30,250
Uh, we're civilising you.

548
00:25:30,875 --> 00:25:33,375
Well, we don't wanna be
"civilised ", thanks.

549
00:25:33,708 --> 00:25:35,393
We ' re happy with things
just the way they are.

550
00:25:35,417 --> 00:25:37,333
What, you actually want walls
made out of poo?

551
00:25:37,417 --> 00:25:39,833
In Rome, our houses are made
out of stone.

552
00:25:39,875 --> 00:25:42,125
And we have proper decorations,
like sculptures

553
00:25:42,208 --> 00:25:43,875
and mosaics and fountains...
- Really?

554
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,280
Well if it's so amazing, why
don't you just go back home?

555
00:25:46,542 --> 00:25:47,708
No-one wants you here.

556
00:25:48,083 --> 00:25:50,375
You should all go.
Before Boudicca makes you.

557
00:25:50,458 --> 00:25:53,417
What, you seriously think the
Romans can be bested by a girl?

558
00:25:54,250 --> 00:25:55,292
HE GRUNTS

559
00:25:55,833 --> 00:25:56,833
Bested.

560
00:25:58,375 --> 00:25:59,375
HE SIGHS

561
00:26:02,375 --> 00:26:04,215
I ' II take that sword,
thank you, young lady.

562
00:26:04,542 --> 00:26:05,792
Dad!

563
00:26:11,917 --> 00:26:14,292
NERO CHUCKLES
Look, these two are fighting.

564
00:26:16,250 --> 00:26:17,375
Ahem!

565
00:26:17,500 --> 00:26:18,708
Alright, alright.

566
00:26:18,917 --> 00:26:20,792
Uh, put the catapults here.

567
00:26:20,875 --> 00:26:21,792
Very good, Emperor.

568
00:26:21,875 --> 00:26:23,768
And then our troops are like,
"Oh, the Britons look cold

569
00:26:23,792 --> 00:26:25,167
let's warm them up ".

570
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,583
They unleash burning tar
and the Britons are like

571
00:26:27,667 --> 00:26:29,708
"Help, I'm melting ".

572
00:26:29,792 --> 00:26:30,875
HE MAKES IMPACT NOISE

573
00:26:31,417 --> 00:26:33,476
That's a Roman spear going
straight through the back.

574
00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:34,875
I bring grave news, Emperor.

575
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,000
Oh, no. My mother's boat sank.
She's dead.

576
00:26:37,833 --> 00:26:39,250
It's not about your mother.

577
00:26:39,333 --> 00:26:41,667
It says Boudicca has burnt
Colchester to the ground.

578
00:26:43,583 --> 00:26:44,750
You what?

579
00:26:47,042 --> 00:26:48,958
Oh... please, Emperor,
don't shoot the...

580
00:26:49,042 --> 00:26:50,875
HE YELLS

581
00:26:51,125 --> 00:26:52,458
Fantastic shot.

582
00:26:52,583 --> 00:26:54,000
MESSENGER GROANS

583
00:26:54,917 --> 00:26:56,958
It says more tribes are joining
her uprising.

584
00:27:02,167 --> 00:27:03,458
She's uniting the Celts.

585
00:27:04,167 --> 00:27:05,958
No, no, no, no, no,
you did that all wrong.

586
00:27:06,042 --> 00:27:07,125
Look, it's like this.

587
00:27:07,625 --> 00:27:09,250
Clippity, cloppity,
clippity, cloppy.

588
00:27:09,333 --> 00:27:12,333
NERO NEIGHS Clippity, cloppity.

589
00:27:14,708 --> 00:27:16,208
How many times, Orla?

590
00:27:16,250 --> 00:27:18,000
You cannot come
to Boudicca's rally.

591
00:27:18,042 --> 00:27:19,792
Because number one,
you're not a warrior.

592
00:27:19,875 --> 00:27:20,875
Yeah, I am.

593
00:27:21,583 --> 00:27:23,875
Number two, you have got
a prisoner to feed.

594
00:27:23,958 --> 00:27:25,042
And number three...

595
00:27:25,958 --> 00:27:26,958
because I said so.

596
00:27:27,583 --> 00:27:29,500
Alright? Let's bounce.

597
00:27:33,625 --> 00:27:34,875
SHE SIGHS

598
00:27:38,833 --> 00:27:40,375
Oh, what's that? I'm starving.

599
00:27:40,417 --> 00:27:41,583
Parsnip soup.

600
00:27:42,542 --> 00:27:43,958
Have you not got any
proper food?

601
00:27:44,042 --> 00:27:46,292
Like sow's udders,
or flamingo tongues?

602
00:27:46,792 --> 00:27:48,542
What?
- Jellyfish omelette?

603
00:27:48,667 --> 00:27:49,768
SHE SIGHS
Well, if you don't want it...

604
00:27:49,792 --> 00:27:50,792
No, I...

605
00:27:51,167 --> 00:27:52,167
I'll try some.

606
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:54,125
Thanks.
- SOUP SLOPS

607
00:27:55,250 --> 00:27:56,333
I'm Atti, by the way.

608
00:27:56,583 --> 00:27:57,792
I'm...

609
00:27:58,083 --> 00:27:59,542
not telling you my name.

610
00:27:59,667 --> 00:28:02,167
Right. Well nice to meet you,
"Not Telling You My Name".

611
00:28:04,167 --> 00:28:05,417
I'm Orla, alright.

612
00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:07,500
So, Orla, what you gonna do
with me now

613
00:28:07,583 --> 00:28:09,333
or don't you know?
- Of course I know.

614
00:28:09,667 --> 00:28:11,958
I've had loads of prisoners
before. Like all the time.

615
00:28:12,375 --> 00:28:13,375
Course you have.

616
00:28:13,917 --> 00:28:15,792
I guess you're planning to...

617
00:28:17,625 --> 00:28:19,458
ransom me.
- Yeah.

618
00:28:19,542 --> 00:28:21,142
Yeah, that's exactly
what I was thinking.

619
00:28:21,208 --> 00:28:22,750
Ransom you and get some money.

620
00:28:22,833 --> 00:28:25,208
Bingo. You get the cash.
I get to go home.

621
00:28:25,333 --> 00:28:26,708
Everybody's happy.

622
00:28:28,042 --> 00:28:29,792
I'm not interested
in your happiness.

623
00:28:31,333 --> 00:28:32,333
Charming.

624
00:28:32,458 --> 00:28:34,125
CROWD CHEERS

625
00:28:34,750 --> 00:28:36,708
When two tribes go to war

626
00:28:36,958 --> 00:28:40,125
we can burn the Roman capital
to the ground!

627
00:28:40,208 --> 00:28:41,917
CROWD CHEERS

628
00:28:42,542 --> 00:28:46,250
Imagine what we could do if all
the Celtic tribes united!

629
00:28:46,417 --> 00:28:47,500
Hey, you're right.

630
00:28:47,750 --> 00:28:49,750
Oi. Stop winding up the
Brigantes, will you.

631
00:28:49,917 --> 00:28:51,292
I'm not!
- MAN: Take 'em all down.

632
00:28:51,458 --> 00:28:54,000
So put aside
your petty squabbles.

633
00:28:54,083 --> 00:28:56,125
Well who cares if he called you
names?

634
00:28:56,583 --> 00:28:58,792
Who cares if she stole
your shield?

635
00:29:00,375 --> 00:29:02,417
Was that you?
- Might have been.

636
00:29:02,500 --> 00:29:04,208
Big nose!
- MAN: Hey!

637
00:29:04,292 --> 00:29:05,667
Stealing's not nice, you know.

638
00:29:05,792 --> 00:29:07,625
I'm gonna make you regret it.
- Oh, yeah?

639
00:29:07,750 --> 00:29:09,083
You and who's army?

640
00:29:09,667 --> 00:29:11,000
Me and my army!
- MEN: Yeah!

641
00:29:11,083 --> 00:29:12,644
BOUDICCA:
Did you hear what I just said?

642
00:29:13,167 --> 00:29:15,250
Alright, we need to unite.
This is war.

643
00:29:15,375 --> 00:29:16,583
Too right it's war!

644
00:29:16,667 --> 00:29:19,625
Fight, fight, fight, fight!

645
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,375
CROWD SHOUTS

646
00:29:23,292 --> 00:29:25,000
Save it for the Romans!

647
00:29:27,917 --> 00:29:30,417
My tribe, over here now!

648
00:29:30,833 --> 00:29:32,417
You're gonna get
what's coming to you.

649
00:29:32,792 --> 00:29:34,792
Whatever!
- By the full moon.

650
00:29:36,208 --> 00:29:39,125
I'm sorry. But if you think you
can unite the Celtic tribes

651
00:29:39,208 --> 00:29:40,375
good luck.

652
00:29:40,750 --> 00:29:42,875
CROWD CLAMOURS

653
00:29:44,708 --> 00:29:46,667
NERO: Who are these guys?
- Those are trees.

654
00:29:47,500 --> 00:29:48,792
I knew that. Who are these?

655
00:29:48,875 --> 00:29:51,083
That's the Ninth Legion.
The IX men.

656
00:29:51,167 --> 00:29:53,167
The most feared fighting force
in the Roman Army.

657
00:29:53,417 --> 00:29:55,667
We shouldn't use them. We should
give them the month off.

658
00:29:55,708 --> 00:29:56,893
ARMY CHIEF:
Are you sure, Emperor?

659
00:29:56,917 --> 00:29:58,292
No, of course
we should use them!

660
00:29:58,458 --> 00:29:59,643
I was being sarcastic,
weren't I?

661
00:29:59,667 --> 00:30:01,187
Oh, yes.
- NERO: Send them into battle.

662
00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:05,417
And I suggest you make
the correct noise.

663
00:30:09,583 --> 00:30:11,958
Tchnk, tchnk, tchnk, tchnk.

664
00:30:12,125 --> 00:30:13,833
SOLDIERS CHINK

665
00:30:15,875 --> 00:30:18,083
Can't lose now, high V!

666
00:30:18,542 --> 00:30:19,833
I'm the best at war!

667
00:30:19,917 --> 00:30:21,208
Boudicca's going down.

668
00:30:21,250 --> 00:30:22,958
Much like mother
on my imperial boat.

669
00:30:23,042 --> 00:30:25,042
Yes, I don't need my mummy!
- POP MUSIC STARTS

670
00:32:31,125 --> 00:32:32,500
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY

671
00:32:32,875 --> 00:32:34,750
Oh, hello, Mum.

672
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:36,542
My boat sank.

673
00:32:37,542 --> 00:32:39,375
LAST CHORD OF SONG PLAYS

674
00:32:40,167 --> 00:32:41,250
GOATS BLEAT

675
00:32:42,458 --> 00:32:43,625
Uh, what are you doing?

676
00:32:45,083 --> 00:32:46,833
Go on then,
write your ransom note.

677
00:32:47,750 --> 00:32:49,708
You want me to write
my own ransom note?

678
00:32:49,792 --> 00:32:51,542
Oh, Celts can't write.

679
00:32:52,250 --> 00:32:53,375
Get writing, prisoner.

680
00:32:54,333 --> 00:32:57,250
Send one unarmed soldier...

681
00:32:58,208 --> 00:32:59,750
with thirty Roman coins.

682
00:32:59,958 --> 00:33:02,000
Rude. I'm worth
way more than that.

683
00:33:02,083 --> 00:33:04,000
SHE SNIGGERS
I'd say thirty was pushing it.

684
00:33:05,250 --> 00:33:07,750
By the full moon,
or we'll send him back...

685
00:33:08,875 --> 00:33:10,042
dead.

686
00:33:13,833 --> 00:33:15,333
You have written that,
haven't you?

687
00:33:16,458 --> 00:33:17,708
Word for word?

688
00:33:19,542 --> 00:33:20,625
Of course.

689
00:33:47,458 --> 00:33:48,583
IX men.

690
00:33:50,417 --> 00:33:52,917
Wow. Loving the camouflage,
Cedric.

691
00:33:53,417 --> 00:33:54,792
HE WHISPERS:
That's just a bush.

692
00:33:56,167 --> 00:33:57,208
I knew that.

693
00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,542
Right. Ready?

694
00:34:02,417 --> 00:34:05,417
Booouuu...
- CELTS SHOUT: dicaaaa!

695
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:09,667
SOLDIERS SCREAM

696
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:17,333
Uh... where do you think
you're going, messenger?

697
00:34:17,958 --> 00:34:19,542
So, how did Boudicca die?

698
00:34:19,583 --> 00:34:20,542
Is her head on a spike?

699
00:34:20,583 --> 00:34:22,167
Give me all the gory details.
Come on.

700
00:34:22,250 --> 00:34:24,125
Well, the IX men

701
00:34:24,875 --> 00:34:27,625
have now become the... ex-men.

702
00:34:27,875 --> 00:34:30,583
Because the Celts were all like,
"Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh".

703
00:34:30,625 --> 00:34:31,809
And the Roman guts were all like

704
00:34:31,833 --> 00:34:33,750
squidge, squidge...
- Don't make the noises!

705
00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:35,633
You only make the noises
when it's going well!

706
00:34:37,583 --> 00:34:38,750
HE STRAINS

707
00:34:38,958 --> 00:34:40,125
Who said you can move?

708
00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:45,625
HE GRUNTS

709
00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:47,792
Can I get some help?
- Hm?

710
00:34:47,875 --> 00:34:48,917
A little bit of help.

711
00:34:53,417 --> 00:34:54,792
Tuscan marble.

712
00:34:54,875 --> 00:34:57,792
A table worthy
of a mighty Emperor.

713
00:34:58,833 --> 00:35:00,292
On my three.

714
00:35:00,375 --> 00:35:02,917
One, two, three.

715
00:35:03,667 --> 00:35:04,958
Argh! Oooh!

716
00:35:07,375 --> 00:35:08,625
DIMIDIUS SHOUTS:
Atti!

717
00:35:11,333 --> 00:35:12,542
Atti, mate!

718
00:35:13,750 --> 00:35:15,000
Atti!

719
00:35:16,875 --> 00:35:17,875
Atti!

720
00:35:18,667 --> 00:35:20,667
It's like he was here one minute
and now he's gone.

721
00:35:20,875 --> 00:35:22,875
Oh, you don't think he was eaten
by a tiger?

722
00:35:23,875 --> 00:35:25,625
I'm not sure there's tigers
in Britain.

723
00:35:25,708 --> 00:35:26,708
A squirrel then?

724
00:35:28,833 --> 00:35:29,993
HELMET CLANGS
- TIMIDIUS GASPS

725
00:35:30,083 --> 00:35:32,125
We're under attack!
- CELCIUS: Form a testudo!

726
00:35:55,417 --> 00:35:57,684
DIMIDIUS: Oh, it's from Atti.
- TIMIDIUS: What does it say?

727
00:35:57,708 --> 00:35:59,167
Kidnapped by Celts.

728
00:35:59,250 --> 00:36:01,375
Please rescue by the full moon.

729
00:36:01,542 --> 00:36:03,458
Celts are sausages, espe...
- Uh, uh...

730
00:36:03,542 --> 00:36:05,208
I think that says "savages".

731
00:36:06,875 --> 00:36:07,792
Yeah.
- Yeah.

732
00:36:07,875 --> 00:36:10,833
"Celts are savages,
especially the girls.

733
00:36:10,917 --> 00:36:13,417
Atti. P.S. food awful.

734
00:36:13,500 --> 00:36:16,667
P.P.S. Aaaargh!"

735
00:36:16,917 --> 00:36:18,042
Are you expecting rain?

736
00:36:19,083 --> 00:36:20,083
Has he turned up yet?

737
00:36:20,125 --> 00:36:21,485
I will not lose
a man from my unit.

738
00:36:21,792 --> 00:36:23,333
Still no sign of him, sir.

739
00:36:23,375 --> 00:36:24,542
He must have deserted.

740
00:36:24,708 --> 00:36:26,292
Deserted?
- He's just the type.

741
00:36:26,458 --> 00:36:27,625
I know him from Rome.

742
00:36:28,625 --> 00:36:30,667
Ah, Rome...
- ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS

743
00:36:30,750 --> 00:36:33,167
Beautiful really not
that far away Rome.

744
00:36:33,208 --> 00:36:34,875
He's probably stolen a horse

745
00:36:34,917 --> 00:36:36,250
ridden to the coast

746
00:36:36,333 --> 00:36:37,833
found a friendly fisherman

747
00:36:37,917 --> 00:36:40,917
hitched a ride to Gaul,
and run all the way home.

748
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:42,125
MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY

749
00:36:42,208 --> 00:36:43,268
Or something like that, anyway.

750
00:36:43,292 --> 00:36:44,292
HE SNIFFS

751
00:36:47,625 --> 00:36:48,958
DECIMUS: What?
- PAPER RIPS

752
00:36:49,042 --> 00:36:50,375
Uh, what are you doing?

753
00:36:50,958 --> 00:36:52,250
Shouldn't we be rescuing him?

754
00:36:52,625 --> 00:36:54,208
You, stay out of it.

755
00:36:57,500 --> 00:36:58,500
Very rude.

756
00:37:00,292 --> 00:37:01,417
OWL HOOTS

757
00:37:01,792 --> 00:37:03,000
My men <i>are</i> coming.

758
00:37:03,250 --> 00:37:04,792
SHE SCOFFS Yeah, right.

759
00:37:05,417 --> 00:37:07,042
I bet they'll be here
within the hour.

760
00:37:07,417 --> 00:37:08,417
What's an hour?

761
00:37:09,125 --> 00:37:10,458
You don't have sundials, do you?

762
00:37:11,208 --> 00:37:12,833
Do you wanna see
something clever?

763
00:37:12,917 --> 00:37:14,042
ORLA:
if I must.

764
00:37:14,125 --> 00:37:15,125
OK.

765
00:37:15,542 --> 00:37:17,000
Imagine that that is the sun.

766
00:37:17,375 --> 00:37:19,167
This is Britain,
we don't have sun.

767
00:37:19,333 --> 00:37:21,458
Imagine you're in Rome
and that is the sun.

768
00:37:23,750 --> 00:37:25,792
Now as the sun rises

769
00:37:26,083 --> 00:37:27,083
it casts a shadow

770
00:37:27,667 --> 00:37:28,667
here...

771
00:37:28,708 --> 00:37:30,000
and then at sunset...

772
00:37:30,667 --> 00:37:31,667
there.

773
00:37:31,708 --> 00:37:34,500
Now, all you do
is divide the daylight

774
00:37:34,583 --> 00:37:36,333
into 12 equal sections

775
00:37:36,375 --> 00:37:38,125
and each one of them
is a Roman hour.

776
00:37:38,208 --> 00:37:40,708
Hours are shorter in the winter
and get longer in the summer.

777
00:37:41,208 --> 00:37:43,167
Cos that's not confusing!

778
00:37:43,250 --> 00:37:44,708
It's not, you see...

779
00:37:44,833 --> 00:37:47,458
the days are longer
so the hours are longer.

780
00:37:47,542 --> 00:37:50,000
Simple.
- So it's the summer now

781
00:37:50,292 --> 00:37:51,708
which means the hours
are longer.

782
00:37:51,792 --> 00:37:54,333
Mm-hm.
- So by my calculations

783
00:37:54,417 --> 00:37:56,375
your "men will be here
in the next hour" means

784
00:37:57,417 --> 00:37:58,750
they're never coming.

785
00:37:59,375 --> 00:38:00,417
Loser.

786
00:38:06,708 --> 00:38:08,333
CRICKETS CHIRP

787
00:38:09,333 --> 00:38:10,458
OWL HOOTS

788
00:38:20,167 --> 00:38:21,292
ATTI:
Guys, you came!

789
00:38:21,417 --> 00:38:22,833
Oh, sorry, mate, wrong hut.

790
00:38:25,333 --> 00:38:27,333
ATTI: Excuse me.
You left the door open.

791
00:38:28,458 --> 00:38:29,500
Grab the old woman.

792
00:38:29,625 --> 00:38:31,500
BRENDA:
Oi! Less of the old!

793
00:38:31,792 --> 00:38:33,917
MAN: Up you get, love.
- BRENDA: Get off me!

794
00:38:34,125 --> 00:38:36,083
SHE GRUNTS AND GROANS

795
00:38:36,333 --> 00:38:37,500
MAN LAUGHS

796
00:38:42,417 --> 00:38:44,417
That will teach you to mess with
the Brigantes.

797
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:46,875
Boot's on the other foot,
isn't it, lady?

798
00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:48,167
See how you like it.

799
00:38:50,875 --> 00:38:52,750
ATTI:
Ooh, they left the door open.

800
00:38:59,708 --> 00:39:00,708
Orla.

801
00:39:01,458 --> 00:39:03,042
Orla, Brenda's been taken.

802
00:39:03,958 --> 00:39:04,958
What?

803
00:39:08,292 --> 00:39:09,875
It must have been the Brigantes.

804
00:39:10,500 --> 00:39:12,375
And the Roman has escaped.
Brilliant.

805
00:39:12,833 --> 00:39:14,792
What if he gets his mates
and comes back here?

806
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,292
Well I don't understand.
I tied him up really well.

807
00:39:18,292 --> 00:39:19,458
I'm gonna get him back.

808
00:39:19,542 --> 00:39:21,583
No, you're not.
- He can't have got far.

809
00:39:21,667 --> 00:39:22,667
This time I'll kill him

810
00:39:22,708 --> 00:39:23,768
and then I'll go
and rescue Gran.

811
00:39:23,792 --> 00:39:25,083
No way.
- Come on, Dad.

812
00:39:25,167 --> 00:39:27,792
I'm ready to be a warrior.
Just let me prove it.

813
00:39:31,167 --> 00:39:32,167
OK.
- Yes!

814
00:39:32,958 --> 00:39:34,000
I'll need the sword.

815
00:39:34,250 --> 00:39:35,458
You're impossible.

816
00:39:35,667 --> 00:39:37,375
My own sword!
- Hey!

817
00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:38,500
It's to borrow

818
00:39:38,667 --> 00:39:39,947
and only use it in an emergency.

819
00:39:40,333 --> 00:39:43,500
Thanks, Dad!
I can do it, trust me!

820
00:39:56,292 --> 00:39:57,292
Hi, Orla.

821
00:39:57,333 --> 00:39:58,208
HELMET CLANGS

822
00:39:58,292 --> 00:39:59,833
Ugh, not again!

823
00:40:00,917 --> 00:40:03,042
Can I just say
how well-tied your knots were.

824
00:40:03,292 --> 00:40:04,542
Very impressive.
- Shut up

825
00:40:04,625 --> 00:40:06,667
and prepare to die, Roman.
- No, no, no, stop.

826
00:40:06,750 --> 00:40:08,833
They took your gran, right?

827
00:40:09,167 --> 00:40:10,458
I can help you get her back.

828
00:40:11,417 --> 00:40:12,792
How?
- I... um...

829
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,393
know stuff.
- Yeah, I won't be needing

830
00:40:14,417 --> 00:40:15,875
a sundial.
- Not just sundials

831
00:40:15,958 --> 00:40:17,917
other stuff... Roman knowhow.

832
00:40:20,125 --> 00:40:21,375
We can share our skills.

833
00:40:21,917 --> 00:40:23,500
Teamwork makes the dream work?

834
00:40:25,167 --> 00:40:26,250
OK, fine.

835
00:40:26,750 --> 00:40:28,000
But we're not a team.

836
00:40:28,250 --> 00:40:29,750
You're still my prisoner.

837
00:40:30,125 --> 00:40:31,125
I mean it.

838
00:40:31,208 --> 00:40:32,729
If you try anything...
- SWORD SWOOSHES

839
00:40:37,417 --> 00:40:38,417
Walk.

840
00:40:45,042 --> 00:40:47,917
WOMAN:
To battle! To war! Ha, ha, ha!

841
00:40:47,958 --> 00:40:49,542
Your army grows, Boudicca.

842
00:40:49,750 --> 00:40:51,833
More Britons come to your side
every day.

843
00:40:51,958 --> 00:40:53,958
How many are we now then?
- Fifty thousand.

844
00:40:54,208 --> 00:40:55,625
Oh! Fifty thousand and one.

845
00:40:55,708 --> 00:40:57,208
CROWD CHEERS

846
00:40:57,667 --> 00:40:58,958
Welcome aboard.

847
00:40:59,083 --> 00:41:01,208
Fifty thousand and two.
- CROWD CHEERS

848
00:41:02,250 --> 00:41:03,417
Good to have you.

849
00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:06,292
Fifty thousand and threeeee!

850
00:41:07,167 --> 00:41:08,750
HE GRUNTS
- CROWD: Oh!

851
00:41:09,708 --> 00:41:11,375
Uh, fifty thousand and two.
- BODY THUDS

852
00:41:11,875 --> 00:41:13,042
Whoops! Uh...

853
00:41:13,333 --> 00:41:14,417
Thanks for your service.

854
00:41:15,292 --> 00:41:16,375
Shall we, uh...

855
00:41:16,750 --> 00:41:19,000
Shall we go and burn London?
- Yeah, alright.

856
00:41:19,792 --> 00:41:21,833
THEY ALL YELL

857
00:41:28,958 --> 00:41:32,208
And this is me in Capri
at the imperial banquet

858
00:41:32,792 --> 00:41:33,792
in my honour.

859
00:41:33,875 --> 00:41:35,796
Nobody cares about
your holiday carvings, Mother.

860
00:41:35,917 --> 00:41:39,042
And here's me
in my luxury VIP suite

861
00:41:39,125 --> 00:41:41,250
in my luxury VIP villa.

862
00:41:41,958 --> 00:41:44,417
Goat's brains in a rotten fish
guts sauce?

863
00:41:44,625 --> 00:41:46,833
<i>Nein.</i> I couldn't possibly.
I'm too full.

864
00:41:46,917 --> 00:41:48,292
Bucket. Bucket!

865
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:51,667
It's the polite Roman way.

866
00:41:51,708 --> 00:41:53,667
Be sick so you can eat
more food.

867
00:41:54,083 --> 00:41:55,625
And zey call us barbarians!

868
00:41:57,125 --> 00:41:58,292
HE VOMITS

869
00:41:59,958 --> 00:42:01,750
"Come to Nero's dinner party",
you said.

870
00:42:01,958 --> 00:42:03,542
"It'll be fun", you said.

871
00:42:03,625 --> 00:42:05,458
You won't believe this,
but one night

872
00:42:05,542 --> 00:42:08,250
the ceiling right above my bed
collapsed.

873
00:42:08,625 --> 00:42:11,542
It's almost like somebody
booby-trapped it.

874
00:42:11,625 --> 00:42:13,458
Thank Juno I wasn't in bed

875
00:42:13,500 --> 00:42:14,625
or I'd have been flattened.

876
00:42:14,708 --> 00:42:16,000
Imagine.

877
00:42:16,083 --> 00:42:18,125
Do excuse me. I just need
to nip to the loo.

878
00:42:18,250 --> 00:42:19,250
Oh...

879
00:42:25,958 --> 00:42:27,333
HE WEES
- HE SIGHS

880
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:34,000
HE KEEPS WEEING

881
00:42:38,708 --> 00:42:41,417
HE KEEPS WEEING

882
00:42:42,458 --> 00:42:43,875
SILENCE

883
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,042
HE WEES AGAIN

884
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:52,292
HE SIGHS Lovely.

885
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,167
I hear Boudicca is heading
for London.

886
00:42:55,250 --> 00:42:56,708
You really ought to stop her.

887
00:42:57,458 --> 00:42:58,976
You know what Claudius would
have done?

888
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:01,081
Guess what, I don't care
what Claudius would've done.

889
00:43:01,167 --> 00:43:02,917
I'm in charge now.
Don't you forget it.

890
00:43:03,042 --> 00:43:04,292
He'd have sent in the Governor.

891
00:43:04,417 --> 00:43:05,809
HE MIMICS HER
"He'd have sent in the Governor"

892
00:43:05,833 --> 00:43:07,625
Yeah. What? There's
a Governor in Britain?

893
00:43:07,708 --> 00:43:10,375
Yes, Gaius Suetonius Paulinus.

894
00:43:10,792 --> 00:43:11,958
And what is he doing?

895
00:43:12,042 --> 00:43:15,000
He's in Wales, oh mighty one,
defeating Druids.

896
00:43:15,917 --> 00:43:18,167
Druids?
- Savage Celtic priests.

897
00:43:18,500 --> 00:43:20,167
Well, tell him to stop that

898
00:43:20,250 --> 00:43:21,583
and to sort out Boudicca.

899
00:43:21,833 --> 00:43:22,958
Well done, darling.

900
00:43:23,208 --> 00:43:25,083
Don't patronise me.
I'm on top of this.

901
00:43:26,333 --> 00:43:27,458
HE WHISPERS:
Where's Wales?

902
00:43:28,708 --> 00:43:31,083
FIGHTERS GRUNT

903
00:43:39,333 --> 00:43:41,583
ls nobody a match
for the mighty Paulinus?

904
00:43:42,375 --> 00:43:44,458
Nero will no doubt bestow an
award for this.

905
00:43:45,125 --> 00:43:46,958
ECHOING:
Paulinus! Paulinus!

906
00:43:48,375 --> 00:43:50,083
Paulinus's name on the wind.

907
00:43:50,167 --> 00:43:52,083
Tis the gods commending
his triumph.

908
00:43:52,417 --> 00:43:54,417
Paulinus! Paulinus.

909
00:43:54,667 --> 00:43:56,167
Oh, it is you, weedy messenger.

910
00:43:56,542 --> 00:43:58,250
HE PANTS It's much...

911
00:43:58,708 --> 00:43:59,792
much...

912
00:44:00,250 --> 00:44:01,292
HE WHEEZES

913
00:44:05,750 --> 00:44:07,476
It's much hillier than I thought
it would be.

914
00:44:07,500 --> 00:44:09,542
Oh, it is Wales, Weed,
Druid country.

915
00:44:09,708 --> 00:44:10,948
DRUID WAILS
- Hold that thought!

916
00:44:11,542 --> 00:44:12,708
HE GRUNTS

917
00:44:13,125 --> 00:44:14,667
SECOND DRUID WAILS
- THEY GRUNT

918
00:44:17,750 --> 00:44:20,042
Paulinus has crushed them
in the name of Nero.

919
00:44:22,500 --> 00:44:24,542
But that's just it.
Nero's message says

920
00:44:24,625 --> 00:44:26,292
you are to stop immediately.

921
00:44:26,417 --> 00:44:27,917
Stop?
- ALL BATTLE SOUNDS STOP

922
00:44:28,250 --> 00:44:29,458
Paulinus never stops!

923
00:44:29,708 --> 00:44:30,708
SOUND RESTARTS
- Oh!

924
00:44:30,792 --> 00:44:33,375
You have to stop.
Nero is really annoyed.

925
00:44:33,958 --> 00:44:34,958
What?

926
00:44:37,750 --> 00:44:39,000
Ah!

927
00:44:39,583 --> 00:44:42,833
Yes. An even greater victory
awaits Paulinus.

928
00:44:43,292 --> 00:44:46,500
To destroy Boudicca
and vanquish the Celts.

929
00:44:47,583 --> 00:44:49,292
Men! Stop!

930
00:44:50,083 --> 00:44:51,083
DRUID:
Urgh!

931
00:44:53,417 --> 00:44:54,333
Sorry.

932
00:44:54,417 --> 00:44:55,750
Follow Paulinus!

933
00:44:56,375 --> 00:44:57,625
At the double!

934
00:44:57,917 --> 00:44:59,458
MESSENGER GASPS

935
00:45:02,417 --> 00:45:04,917
You really don't need to point
that thing at me, you know.

936
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:06,167
Not now we're a team.

937
00:45:08,458 --> 00:45:10,042
Bet you don't even know
how to use it.

938
00:45:14,458 --> 00:45:15,958
SWORD SWOOSHES

939
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:19,542
Oh...
- Yep.

940
00:45:20,125 --> 00:45:22,417
I train in secret.
I'm gonna be a warrior.

941
00:45:23,667 --> 00:45:25,958
You know Celts are the toughest
fighters in the world.

942
00:45:26,500 --> 00:45:27,542
Really?

943
00:45:27,750 --> 00:45:30,250
So, why is there
a Roman Empire then?

944
00:45:30,583 --> 00:45:31,743
Never heard of a British one.

945
00:45:32,042 --> 00:45:34,082
You won't be so smug when
Boudicca has thrashed you.

946
00:45:34,375 --> 00:45:36,296
I'm gonna join her army
after we've rescued Gran.

947
00:45:36,375 --> 00:45:37,958
You actually want
to join the army?

948
00:45:38,042 --> 00:45:39,958
You're crazy.
- No, I'm not.

949
00:45:40,042 --> 00:45:41,708
It'll be awesome.
Looking all fierce

950
00:45:41,792 --> 00:45:43,667
painted with blue woad,
being in a gang.

951
00:45:44,833 --> 00:45:46,417
I was made to join up
as a punishment

952
00:45:46,500 --> 00:45:48,542
Punishment?
How is it a punishment?

953
00:45:48,625 --> 00:45:50,833
Uh... let me think about that.
Oh, there's the marching

954
00:45:50,917 --> 00:45:52,500
the being shouted at,
the marching

955
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:53,458
the getting bullied.

956
00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:54,580
Did I mention the marching?

957
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,667
CROWD CHANTS:
Boudicca! Boudicca!

958
00:45:58,042 --> 00:45:59,125
No way!

959
00:45:59,417 --> 00:46:01,500
SHE SCOFFS
It's Boudicca. She's here.

960
00:46:01,917 --> 00:46:04,708
CROWD CHANTS:
Boudicca! Boudicca!

961
00:46:04,917 --> 00:46:06,000
Come on.

962
00:46:06,417 --> 00:46:08,917
CROWD SHOUTS AND CHEERS

963
00:46:10,500 --> 00:46:12,917
BOUDICCA:
Hey! Hello!

964
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:15,333
CROWD CHANTS: Boudicca!
- BOUDICCA: Everybody OK?

965
00:46:16,167 --> 00:46:18,167
BOUDICCA:
Come, let's do this!

966
00:46:21,583 --> 00:46:23,208
MUSIC PUMPS

967
00:46:56,208 --> 00:46:57,792
CROWD: Yah!

968
00:46:58,542 --> 00:46:59,792
CROWD CHEERS

969
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:01,750
BOUDICCA:
What shall we do for an encore?

970
00:47:02,083 --> 00:47:04,333
How about London?
- CROWD CHEERS

971
00:47:05,375 --> 00:47:07,667
She's incredible.
I mean, look at her.

972
00:47:09,125 --> 00:47:10,125
What are you doing?

973
00:47:10,958 --> 00:47:13,208
Oh! Not scared
of a few Celts, are you?

974
00:47:17,250 --> 00:47:19,083
Are you just gonna keep dancing

975
00:47:19,167 --> 00:47:20,667
or do you wanna go rescue
your gran?

976
00:47:22,583 --> 00:47:23,583
Yeah...

977
00:47:23,958 --> 00:47:24,958
that's what I thought.

978
00:47:29,583 --> 00:47:31,417
MEN CHATTER

979
00:47:34,625 --> 00:47:35,708
ORLA:
There's Gran.

980
00:47:36,875 --> 00:47:37,875
Let's go.

981
00:47:39,833 --> 00:47:41,125
You can't just barge in there.

982
00:47:41,417 --> 00:47:42,417
We'll get killed.

983
00:47:42,667 --> 00:47:43,750
We need to be clever.

984
00:47:44,042 --> 00:47:45,042
We need a plan.

985
00:47:45,458 --> 00:47:47,292
Alright, big shot.
So what is your plan?

986
00:47:47,583 --> 00:47:49,917
Well, the plan was to escape
before we got here.

987
00:47:50,333 --> 00:47:51,417
So now...

988
00:47:52,958 --> 00:47:53,958
No...

989
00:47:54,083 --> 00:47:56,208
got nothing.
- You said Romans know stuff.

990
00:47:56,750 --> 00:47:57,958
We do.

991
00:48:00,417 --> 00:48:01,833
Yeah, we do.

992
00:48:04,458 --> 00:48:06,375
A poppy?
You're giving me flowers?

993
00:48:06,542 --> 00:48:07,542
No.

994
00:48:07,792 --> 00:48:10,042
There's this Roman potion
I read about in my scrolls.

995
00:48:10,833 --> 00:48:12,250
Just need a few more
ingredients.

996
00:49:00,917 --> 00:49:02,083
MEN CHATTER
- Oh...

997
00:49:10,708 --> 00:49:12,375
HE STIFLES A SNEEZE

998
00:49:12,542 --> 00:49:13,542
Don't you dare!

999
00:49:14,417 --> 00:49:15,500
It's the tree.

1000
00:49:15,958 --> 00:49:17,167
I think I'm...

1001
00:49:17,375 --> 00:49:18,667
a... allergic

1002
00:49:19,583 --> 00:49:20,625
HE SNEEZES

1003
00:49:20,833 --> 00:49:21,833
Whoa!

1004
00:49:23,208 --> 00:49:24,292
THEY GRUNT

1005
00:49:26,083 --> 00:49:27,917
CELTS SNORE

1006
00:49:29,042 --> 00:49:30,042
it worked.

1007
00:49:30,833 --> 00:49:32,042
How long before they wake up?

1008
00:49:32,125 --> 00:49:33,292
I dunno.

1009
00:49:33,458 --> 00:49:34,875
What do you mean,
you don't know?

1010
00:49:34,958 --> 00:49:36,583
HE SIGHS
I've never made it before.

1011
00:49:37,167 --> 00:49:38,167
I only read about it.

1012
00:49:38,958 --> 00:49:40,583
You mean they could wake up
any minute?

1013
00:49:42,500 --> 00:49:43,542
Gran.

1014
00:49:45,542 --> 00:49:46,667
Gran!

1015
00:49:50,333 --> 00:49:51,708
BRENDA:
Orla, you came.

1016
00:49:53,125 --> 00:49:54,792
What's he doing here?

1017
00:49:54,875 --> 00:49:56,417
Long story.
- Orla!

1018
00:49:56,750 --> 00:49:58,000
Can you chop this off for me?

1019
00:49:58,625 --> 00:49:59,625
I'll be back.

1020
00:50:01,292 --> 00:50:02,667
The plait. Not the head.

1021
00:50:03,250 --> 00:50:05,000
I know, I'm not a savage.

1022
00:50:05,417 --> 00:50:06,417
Mm...

1023
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:36,000
Whoa.

1024
00:50:36,083 --> 00:50:37,292
Roman catapult.

1025
00:50:37,333 --> 00:50:38,542
Technically a ballista.

1026
00:50:38,625 --> 00:50:39,917
Awesome.
- Well...

1027
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:41,458
It's Roman, isn't it? So...

1028
00:50:41,917 --> 00:50:43,333
Now all we need is a projectile.

1029
00:50:44,292 --> 00:50:45,417
Something heavy.

1030
00:50:47,250 --> 00:50:48,625
CELT SNORES

1031
00:50:51,625 --> 00:50:53,000
HE GROANS Not that heavy!

1032
00:50:53,500 --> 00:50:54,500
BODY THUDS

1033
00:50:56,542 --> 00:50:57,875
ORLA:
Stand back, gran!

1034
00:51:06,542 --> 00:51:09,958
Well done, my little brain ball!

1035
00:51:10,333 --> 00:51:12,042
Oh, food.

1036
00:51:12,625 --> 00:51:14,667
I am starving.

1037
00:51:14,958 --> 00:51:17,125
Gran, no!
- SHE SLURPS

1038
00:51:20,375 --> 00:51:21,833
CELT ROARS

1039
00:51:23,625 --> 00:51:25,250
Oh, no, they're waking up.

1040
00:51:36,625 --> 00:51:38,250
ZOMBIE-LIKE MOANING

1041
00:51:38,708 --> 00:51:39,708
Oh!

1042
00:51:41,875 --> 00:51:42,917
Ha!
- HORSE SNORTS

1043
00:51:43,000 --> 00:51:44,880
How do you make it go?
- Uh... give it a carrot.

1044
00:51:44,958 --> 00:51:46,583
What? You got a carrot?
- No!

1045
00:51:47,750 --> 00:51:49,833
ZOMBIE MOANING CONTINUES
- Come on, quick!

1046
00:51:50,042 --> 00:51:51,083
HORSE NEIGHS

1047
00:51:51,333 --> 00:51:52,625
Whoa!

1048
00:51:53,500 --> 00:51:54,833
Atti, where are the brakes?

1049
00:51:56,833 --> 00:51:58,208
Orla!
- MOANING CONTINUES

1050
00:51:59,792 --> 00:52:00,792
ATTI:
Wait.

1051
00:52:01,208 --> 00:52:02,375
CELTS YELL

1052
00:52:04,042 --> 00:52:05,125
Orla, slow down!

1053
00:52:07,167 --> 00:52:08,167
Oh, come on!

1054
00:52:16,792 --> 00:52:17,792
HE GASPS

1055
00:52:21,958 --> 00:52:23,208
Whoooo!
- ORLA: We did it!

1056
00:52:23,500 --> 00:52:24,500
Whoooo!

1057
00:52:33,292 --> 00:52:35,000
PAULINUS:
London burns.

1058
00:52:35,083 --> 00:52:36,083
Great fire.

1059
00:52:36,833 --> 00:52:38,208
Let's hope
it never happens again.

1060
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:42,250
And so Boudicca destroys
another Roman city.

1061
00:52:42,292 --> 00:52:43,750
Her army overwhelms us.

1062
00:52:44,667 --> 00:52:46,792
CELCIUS:
Whoa, that must be him.

1063
00:52:47,417 --> 00:52:48,875
That must be Paulinus,
the Governor.

1064
00:52:49,250 --> 00:52:51,292
He's a lot smaller
than he looks in the mosaics.

1065
00:52:52,250 --> 00:52:55,292
Centurion Decimus Maximus
reporting for duty, sir!

1066
00:52:55,750 --> 00:52:57,511
HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS
- We may be outnumbered...

1067
00:52:57,833 --> 00:52:59,250
we may face certain death...

1068
00:53:00,667 --> 00:53:02,542
but we must strike the Celts

1069
00:53:02,875 --> 00:53:04,292
for the glory of Rome!

1070
00:53:04,583 --> 00:53:06,583
ALL:
The glory of Rome!

1071
00:53:07,542 --> 00:53:08,833
Is what some might say.

1072
00:53:09,083 --> 00:53:10,292
HEROIC MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY

1073
00:53:10,750 --> 00:53:13,750
But if we turn this green grass
red with our own blood

1074
00:53:14,583 --> 00:53:15,833
the Celts will win

1075
00:53:16,250 --> 00:53:18,333
and where will the glory of Rome
be then?

1076
00:53:22,625 --> 00:53:24,333
Better to bide our time.

1077
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:28,333
Wait for another opportunity
to confront her.

1078
00:53:30,375 --> 00:53:31,917
Would be the words of a coward!

1079
00:53:32,292 --> 00:53:33,667
HEROIC MUSIC RESTARTS

1080
00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:37,875
Our swords once drawn
cannot be sheathed

1081
00:53:38,083 --> 00:53:40,542
until they slay ten Celts each!

1082
00:53:40,958 --> 00:53:43,375
It does not matter
if we live or die...

1083
00:53:43,458 --> 00:53:44,542
HE SNORTS

1084
00:53:45,542 --> 00:53:47,292
would be the words
of a rash man.

1085
00:53:47,458 --> 00:53:49,167
HEROIC MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
- HE SIGHS

1086
00:53:49,833 --> 00:53:50,958
PAULINUS:
We will wait.

1087
00:53:52,417 --> 00:53:53,625
Let London burn.

1088
00:53:55,833 --> 00:53:57,833
We will have our hour later.

1089
00:53:59,125 --> 00:54:00,833
Or will we?
- HEROIC MUSIC RESTARTS

1090
00:54:01,083 --> 00:54:02,667
PAULINUS:
Yes, we will.

1091
00:54:05,417 --> 00:54:06,833
And so speaks Paulinus.

1092
00:54:10,125 --> 00:54:11,542
I'm a bit confused now.

1093
00:54:16,208 --> 00:54:18,333
I can't believe we just fired
a guy through the air.

1094
00:54:18,417 --> 00:54:20,000
Who taught you
how to make a catapult?

1095
00:54:20,042 --> 00:54:22,458
No one. I just read about them
in my scrolls.

1096
00:54:23,375 --> 00:54:24,535
Although, I think we may have

1097
00:54:24,583 --> 00:54:25,944
borrowed that idea
from the Greeks.

1098
00:54:26,542 --> 00:54:27,542
You stole it?

1099
00:54:27,708 --> 00:54:28,976
Yeah, but there's loads of other
great things

1100
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:29,875
we did come up with.

1101
00:54:29,958 --> 00:54:31,625
Like what?
- Roman baths.

1102
00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:36,042
Actually, I think we nicked
that idea from the Greeks too.

1103
00:54:36,458 --> 00:54:38,250
You Romans are such
a bunch of thieves.

1104
00:54:38,333 --> 00:54:39,917
Gladiators. They're Roman.

1105
00:54:39,958 --> 00:54:41,042
What's a gladiator?

1106
00:54:41,125 --> 00:54:42,750
Someone who fights
for entertainment.

1107
00:54:42,833 --> 00:54:44,667
You'd love it.
- Yeah, sounds awesome.

1108
00:54:46,458 --> 00:54:47,792
ORLA:
I could have cut those ropes

1109
00:54:47,875 --> 00:54:49,292
on the cage with my sword.

1110
00:54:49,375 --> 00:54:50,625
ATTI:
Now you tell me.

1111
00:54:53,708 --> 00:54:54,833
Get down.

1112
00:54:55,458 --> 00:54:58,167
Celts. if they see you dressed
like that you're in trouble.

1113
00:55:05,833 --> 00:55:07,000
Nice!

1114
00:55:07,417 --> 00:55:08,417
HE SIGHS

1115
00:55:08,792 --> 00:55:09,875
Oh, traffic jam.

1116
00:55:10,375 --> 00:55:12,458
This is Colin,
your eye in the sky

1117
00:55:12,542 --> 00:55:13,583
with the travel news.

1118
00:55:13,792 --> 00:55:16,417
And there's heavy congestion
on Watling Street.

1119
00:55:16,625 --> 00:55:18,375
It is nose-to-tail out there.

1120
00:55:18,542 --> 00:55:20,125
HORSE FARTS
- Phew!

1121
00:55:20,208 --> 00:55:22,625
As thousands of Celts head
to join Boudicca's rebellion

1122
00:55:22,917 --> 00:55:25,333
we're seeing jams build up
right here

1123
00:55:25,417 --> 00:55:27,208
where three lanes
merge into one.

1124
00:55:28,417 --> 00:55:30,542
Ah, yes, classic bottleneck.

1125
00:55:32,167 --> 00:55:34,500
Hey, you cut me up!

1126
00:55:34,875 --> 00:55:37,500
If you don't shut it,
I <i>will cut</i> you up.

1127
00:55:37,708 --> 00:55:39,333
Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!

1128
00:55:40,625 --> 00:55:41,833
This is actually happening.

1129
00:55:42,792 --> 00:55:44,417
CROWD CLAMOURS

1130
00:55:49,917 --> 00:55:51,250
CROWD CHANTS:
Fight, fight, fight!

1131
00:55:51,375 --> 00:55:53,000
We'll get stuck
if we go up there.

1132
00:55:53,750 --> 00:55:54,750
Let's find another way.

1133
00:56:01,792 --> 00:56:02,833
HARP CLINKS

1134
00:56:03,500 --> 00:56:04,500
HARP CLINKS

1135
00:56:06,417 --> 00:56:08,458
HARP CLINKS
- FOOTSTEPS RUN AWAY

1136
00:56:14,208 --> 00:56:16,125
Sorry we missed you.
You were out.

1137
00:56:16,417 --> 00:56:17,667
Wait! I'm in!

1138
00:56:18,083 --> 00:56:19,250
I'm in, by Jupiter!

1139
00:56:24,375 --> 00:56:25,708
LIQUID SPLASHES
- HE SIGHS

1140
00:56:27,625 --> 00:56:29,833
Oh, someone's nervous.

1141
00:56:34,167 --> 00:56:35,167
Sponge?

1142
00:56:35,208 --> 00:56:36,708
Oh, thanks very much.

1143
00:56:37,333 --> 00:56:38,917
Ah, caught short were you?

1144
00:56:39,167 --> 00:56:40,167
What news?

1145
00:56:40,625 --> 00:56:43,208
No news, Emperor.
I was just passing.

1146
00:56:43,333 --> 00:56:44,333
What's that then?

1147
00:56:44,500 --> 00:56:45,500
Oh, oh, oh, oh this?

1148
00:56:45,583 --> 00:56:47,250
Oh, it's just a bit of paper...

1149
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:49,333
that I'm using to, um...

1150
00:56:49,417 --> 00:56:50,500
HE FARTS

1151
00:56:51,250 --> 00:56:52,250
wipe my bottom.

1152
00:56:52,417 --> 00:56:53,792
Toilet paper?

1153
00:56:54,125 --> 00:56:55,167
That will never catch on.

1154
00:56:55,625 --> 00:56:56,625
You're lying.

1155
00:56:59,500 --> 00:57:00,875
"London has fallen".
- HE GASPS

1156
00:57:00,958 --> 00:57:03,042
Boudicca has burnt down
another one of my cities.

1157
00:57:03,083 --> 00:57:05,042
Right! No more Mr Nice Guy.

1158
00:57:05,542 --> 00:57:07,542
THEY FART
- POO PLOPS

1159
00:57:08,875 --> 00:57:10,792
NERO: Ah, this is all
your fault, Claudius.

1160
00:57:10,875 --> 00:57:12,876
You had to go and conquer
that weird stain Britain.

1161
00:57:12,917 --> 00:57:15,542
Now I'm gonna be the Emperor
who lost the Roman Empire.

1162
00:57:15,625 --> 00:57:17,833
MYSTERIOUS VOICE:
I could help you.

1163
00:57:18,292 --> 00:57:19,292
Whoa!

1164
00:57:19,625 --> 00:57:21,375
Claudius, you speak!

1165
00:57:22,375 --> 00:57:24,176
I'm sorry about the whole
murdering you thing.

1166
00:57:24,375 --> 00:57:26,125
CLAUDIUS:
Forget about it.

1167
00:57:26,208 --> 00:57:29,458
Want to know
how to save Britain?

1168
00:57:30,167 --> 00:57:31,708
Yes, yes, yes. Please, yes.

1169
00:57:32,125 --> 00:57:35,125
CLAUDIUS: Tell Paulinus
he cannot win on strength.

1170
00:57:35,750 --> 00:57:38,083
He must use strategy.

1171
00:57:38,167 --> 00:57:40,625
Find a way to trap the Celts.

1172
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:42,792
Ooh, trap them, that's good.

1173
00:57:43,042 --> 00:57:45,208
CLAUDIUS:
And listen to your mother.

1174
00:57:45,708 --> 00:57:47,167
For she is clever

1175
00:57:47,250 --> 00:57:50,958
and cunning
and really quite beautiful.

1176
00:57:51,583 --> 00:57:53,875
Be sure to give her
whatever she asks for.

1177
00:57:54,083 --> 00:57:56,542
NERO: Mother!
- I'm right, though

1178
00:57:56,625 --> 00:57:58,125
aren't I?

1179
00:58:09,500 --> 00:58:10,500
Orla's back!

1180
00:58:15,625 --> 00:58:16,625
BRENDA YAWNS

1181
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:18,875
Dad, we did it.
We rescued Gran.

1182
00:58:19,042 --> 00:58:20,542
Ah, my girl.

1183
00:58:21,167 --> 00:58:22,417
My little Celtic warrior.

1184
00:58:22,500 --> 00:58:23,500
I'm so proud of you.

1185
00:58:23,667 --> 00:58:26,042
Hold on, what's that Roman doing
back here?

1186
00:58:26,125 --> 00:58:27,645
I thought you was gonna
kill him, Orla.

1187
00:58:28,542 --> 00:58:29,792
We could kill him.

1188
00:58:30,250 --> 00:58:32,250
Wait, I um... I helped her
rescue Brenda.

1189
00:58:32,458 --> 00:58:34,333
BRENDA:
it is true. He did.

1190
00:58:34,583 --> 00:58:36,667
We should be thanking the gods.

1191
00:58:37,042 --> 00:58:38,375
Exactly.
- BRENDA: So...

1192
00:58:38,625 --> 00:58:40,125
let's sacrifice him.

1193
00:58:40,458 --> 00:58:42,500
Ahem. What?
- Sacrifice.

1194
00:58:42,583 --> 00:58:44,292
Yeah, drown him in the bog!

1195
00:58:44,417 --> 00:58:45,417
Uh, hang on a minute.

1196
00:58:45,500 --> 00:58:47,292
No, he'll be an offering
to our gods.

1197
00:58:47,417 --> 00:58:50,042
You lucky thing.

1198
00:58:50,250 --> 00:58:51,542
Hey, it's a great honour.

1199
00:58:51,708 --> 00:58:52,908
Orla, tell them, please.
- Bog!

1200
00:58:53,208 --> 00:58:56,083
CELTS CHANT:
Bog! Bog! Bog! Bog! Bog!

1201
00:58:56,708 --> 00:58:57,833
Come on!

1202
00:58:58,750 --> 00:59:00,208
ATTI:
Orla?

1203
00:59:01,083 --> 00:59:02,167
Orla help!

1204
00:59:12,958 --> 00:59:14,018
MRS DOUGAL RAPS
♪ <i>Bog on the bog</i> ♪

1205
00:59:14,042 --> 00:59:15,000
♪ <i>A bogga bog bog</i> ♪

1206
00:59:15,042 --> 00:59:16,082
♪ <i>It's time to bogga bog</i> ♪

1207
00:59:16,125 --> 00:59:18,125
♪ <i>Take it to the bog,
can't bring it to the bog</i> ♪

1208
00:59:18,417 --> 00:59:20,042
♪ <i>A bogga bogga bogga</i>
to <i>the max I am</i> ♪

1209
00:59:20,083 --> 00:59:21,000
♪ No <i>stopping in the bog</i> ♪

1210
00:59:21,083 --> 00:59:22,000
♪ <i>Let's drop him in the bog</i> ♪

1211
00:59:22,083 --> 00:59:23,542
♪ <i>Bogga bogga bogga bogga bog</i> ♪

1212
00:59:23,625 --> 00:59:25,333
<i>♪ Let's jam, yeah,
let's jam, yeah ♪</i>

1213
00:59:25,500 --> 00:59:27,542
Yeah. As you were.

1214
00:59:27,625 --> 00:59:29,083
SHE GIGGLES
- BOG CHANTING CONTINUES

1215
00:59:29,167 --> 00:59:31,542
Orla, do something.
- ORLA: Dad, wait, just wait.

1216
00:59:34,375 --> 00:59:36,792
Look, me and Atti,
we rescued Gran together.

1217
00:59:38,917 --> 00:59:40,167
So I really think...

1218
00:59:41,250 --> 00:59:42,875
I should have the honour
of killing him.

1219
00:59:42,958 --> 00:59:43,958
What?

1220
00:59:44,875 --> 00:59:45,875
I thought we were mates.

1221
00:59:45,958 --> 00:59:47,667
Well, I have proved myself,
haven't I?

1222
00:59:49,083 --> 00:59:50,583
Yes, yes you have.

1223
00:59:50,958 --> 00:59:52,333
Go on, he's all yours.

1224
00:59:55,875 --> 00:59:56,958
Makes you proud.

1225
00:59:57,208 --> 00:59:58,708
Oh, they grow up so fast.

1226
00:59:59,833 --> 01:00:00,833
Seriously?

1227
01:00:01,292 --> 01:00:02,292
After everything?

1228
01:00:02,375 --> 01:00:03,458
Shut up and keep walking.

1229
01:00:04,500 --> 01:00:05,500
When I tell you to run

1230
01:00:05,875 --> 01:00:07,417
leg it and don't look back.

1231
01:00:08,583 --> 01:00:09,792
Really?

1232
01:00:11,875 --> 01:00:12,958
Won't you get into trouble?

1233
01:00:14,000 --> 01:00:15,000
What will your dad say?

1234
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:22,042
Thanks, Orla.

1235
01:00:30,292 --> 01:00:31,750
Run!
- MAN: Oi!

1236
01:00:31,958 --> 01:00:34,125
DOUGAL: He's getting away.
- Oh, she's letting him go.

1237
01:00:40,250 --> 01:00:41,375
What was that for?

1238
01:00:41,500 --> 01:00:43,708
We never get to chuck anyone
in the bog any more.

1239
01:00:48,917 --> 01:00:50,000
Dad, I'm sorry.

1240
01:00:51,708 --> 01:00:52,708
Yeah.

1241
01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:54,458
DOUGAL:
Not a good enough reason.

1242
01:00:59,083 --> 01:01:01,292
HE PANTS

1243
01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:16,417
ATTI:
Guys! Guys!

1244
01:01:16,833 --> 01:01:17,917
It's me, I found you.

1245
01:01:18,792 --> 01:01:19,833
Atti!
- Oh, yeah...

1246
01:01:19,917 --> 01:01:21,833
we were gonna come and rescue
you but, uh...

1247
01:01:21,917 --> 01:01:23,167
CELCIUS:
Hello, Atti!

1248
01:01:24,583 --> 01:01:26,083
I've caught the deserter!

1249
01:01:26,208 --> 01:01:27,333
Deserter? What?

1250
01:01:27,708 --> 01:01:30,542
No, I was captured and taken
prisoner by a tribe of Celts.

1251
01:01:30,750 --> 01:01:31,934
Tell us the location
of this tribe

1252
01:01:31,958 --> 01:01:33,399
and they will feel
the wrath of Rome.

1253
01:01:34,167 --> 01:01:37,833
ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS
- Beautiful, civilised Rome.

1254
01:01:37,917 --> 01:01:39,917
With its brick walls
and proper toilets.

1255
01:01:40,583 --> 01:01:41,875
ITALIAN MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY

1256
01:01:41,958 --> 01:01:42,958
What, soldier?

1257
01:01:44,042 --> 01:01:45,476
I... I can't tell you
their location.

1258
01:01:45,500 --> 01:01:47,292
Because there is no such tribe.

1259
01:01:47,542 --> 01:01:49,375
The deserter is to receive
100 lashes.

1260
01:01:49,958 --> 01:01:51,226
Could be worse.
- And then is to be

1261
01:01:51,250 --> 01:01:53,083
cudgelled to death
by his comrades.

1262
01:01:53,167 --> 01:01:54,542
Yeah, that's worse.

1263
01:02:42,833 --> 01:02:43,958
THEY BOTH SING

1264
01:02:57,125 --> 01:02:58,958
Stop that! Stop it!
- MUSIC STOPS

1265
01:02:59,042 --> 01:03:00,042
It's too slushy!

1266
01:03:00,583 --> 01:03:02,583
I won't have slushy songs,
not on my watch.

1267
01:03:03,750 --> 01:03:05,500
HIS VOICE BREAKS
Bad for troop morale.

1268
01:03:14,458 --> 01:03:15,583
Hey, Brenda.

1269
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:17,268
You haven't seen Orla, have you?

1270
01:03:17,292 --> 01:03:18,809
I thought she might have
followed us back.

1271
01:03:18,833 --> 01:03:20,667
You know where she will have
gone, don't you?

1272
01:03:20,750 --> 01:03:21,750
Boudicca.

1273
01:03:22,792 --> 01:03:24,250
Oh, and she's gone into battle.

1274
01:03:24,875 --> 01:03:26,000
ARGHUS:
Come on!

1275
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:30,250
PAULINUS: Boudicca has
destroyed St Albans.

1276
01:03:30,667 --> 01:03:32,458
The Celts outnumber us
ten to one.

1277
01:03:32,542 --> 01:03:34,750
Paulinus cannot win
on strength alone.

1278
01:03:34,833 --> 01:03:36,667
Nero wants us to use strategy.

1279
01:03:37,042 --> 01:03:38,708
Find a way to trap the Celts.

1280
01:03:38,792 --> 01:03:40,750
But Paulinus does not know how.

1281
01:03:41,625 --> 01:03:42,625
Atti knows.

1282
01:03:42,917 --> 01:03:43,917
Atti knows how.

1283
01:03:44,125 --> 01:03:46,042
Who's Atti?
- He's me.

1284
01:03:46,333 --> 01:03:48,625
Why do you speak of yourself
in the third person?

1285
01:03:49,292 --> 01:03:50,375
Only big-heads do that.

1286
01:03:50,708 --> 01:03:52,500
Sorry, sir.
- 100 lashes.

1287
01:03:52,667 --> 01:03:53,667
PAULINUS:
Wait!

1288
01:03:54,458 --> 01:03:55,458
What have you got to say?

1289
01:03:55,542 --> 01:03:56,708
He's a deserter, sir.

1290
01:03:56,792 --> 01:03:58,000
Not you, him. Hold on...

1291
01:03:58,083 --> 01:03:59,083
A deserter?
- No, wait.

1292
01:03:59,167 --> 01:04:00,667
I have an idea, just...

1293
01:04:01,542 --> 01:04:02,917
I can help you, I know stuff.

1294
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,542
Just, please, give me a chance.

1295
01:04:04,958 --> 01:04:06,917
Paulinus will not...
- WHIP SNAPS

1296
01:04:07,000 --> 01:04:08,241
ATTI GRUNTS
- No, wait, hold on.

1297
01:04:08,292 --> 01:04:11,583
Paulinus will not punish you
until he hears your idea.

1298
01:04:11,667 --> 01:04:13,958
Sorry, I thought you meant...
- You have one chance.

1299
01:04:15,458 --> 01:04:16,500
Do not fail.

1300
01:04:23,875 --> 01:04:24,875
Hello.

1301
01:04:25,667 --> 01:04:27,167
My name is Attilius Minus

1302
01:04:28,042 --> 01:04:29,958
and I was brutally captured
by the Celts.

1303
01:04:30,125 --> 01:04:32,125
We don't wanna hear
your sob story, boy.

1304
01:04:32,208 --> 01:04:33,458
Nobody likes a cry baby.

1305
01:04:34,333 --> 01:04:37,292
So what's your strategy?
- Um, well, what you need

1306
01:04:37,500 --> 01:04:39,375
is a landscape that works
as a bottleneck.

1307
01:04:40,167 --> 01:04:41,458
So loads of people can get in

1308
01:04:41,833 --> 01:04:43,833
but only a few can get
to the front at one time.

1309
01:04:44,292 --> 01:04:45,458
The rest will be trapped.

1310
01:04:45,875 --> 01:04:47,559
But where are we gonna find
somewhere like that?

1311
01:04:47,583 --> 01:04:48,667
HE SNIGGER Idiot.

1312
01:04:48,750 --> 01:04:50,125
I've seen the perfect spot.

1313
01:04:50,208 --> 01:04:51,329
It's just by Watling street.

1314
01:04:51,917 --> 01:04:53,542
Paulinus does not
like this plan.

1315
01:04:53,792 --> 01:04:54,833
HE LAUGHS Yeah!

1316
01:05:01,042 --> 01:05:02,167
He loves it.

1317
01:05:03,458 --> 01:05:04,458
Genius.

1318
01:05:04,750 --> 01:05:06,125
The boy's a credit to Rome.

1319
01:05:06,375 --> 01:05:08,417
SOLDIERS CHEER

1320
01:05:23,167 --> 01:05:24,767
Here we are at Watling Street
and look...

1321
01:05:25,500 --> 01:05:26,625
it's a bottleneck.

1322
01:05:27,375 --> 01:05:28,375
It's perfect.

1323
01:05:29,750 --> 01:05:31,083
Paulinus will sit here

1324
01:05:31,875 --> 01:05:33,917
and draw the Celts
into his trap.

1325
01:05:34,500 --> 01:05:36,000
Uh, your trap. Our trap.

1326
01:05:37,333 --> 01:05:40,792
Go. Make sure Boudicca knows
exactly where we are.

1327
01:05:42,708 --> 01:05:44,792
Paulinus is gonna
slaughter them all.

1328
01:05:44,875 --> 01:05:46,042
Slaughter them?
- Yeah.

1329
01:05:46,125 --> 01:05:47,851
What do you mean?
- Slaughter, verb. Transitive.

1330
01:05:47,875 --> 01:05:50,125
Meaning to kill or butcher
in a brutal or violent manner.

1331
01:05:50,500 --> 01:05:52,625
There, um... there must be
a misunderstanding.

1332
01:05:52,833 --> 01:05:54,934
I thought you were just gonna
trap them? Take them prisoner.

1333
01:05:54,958 --> 01:05:57,333
Oh, no. To oppose Rome
is to die.

1334
01:05:57,417 --> 01:05:59,297
And thanks to you, Attilius,
the only Celts left

1335
01:05:59,333 --> 01:06:00,458
will be dead Celts.

1336
01:06:04,083 --> 01:06:05,167
What have I done?

1337
01:06:06,083 --> 01:06:08,042
Has anyone heard from Paulinus?

1338
01:06:08,542 --> 01:06:10,167
Has he thought of a strategy?

1339
01:06:10,250 --> 01:06:12,309
Maybe I should just give
Britain up as a bad job, yeah?

1340
01:06:12,333 --> 01:06:13,643
Let them keep their miserable
little country.

1341
01:06:13,667 --> 01:06:14,875
AGRIPPINA:
Oh, my darling.

1342
01:06:15,125 --> 01:06:16,750
Would you like Mummy
to take over?

1343
01:06:17,250 --> 01:06:18,250
No, leave me alone.

1344
01:06:18,625 --> 01:06:20,083
Uh, message for you.

1345
01:06:20,583 --> 01:06:21,833
A message, my Emperor.

1346
01:06:22,292 --> 01:06:23,583
From Paulinus?

1347
01:06:24,042 --> 01:06:25,083
Boudicca.

1348
01:06:28,917 --> 01:06:29,958
I can't play the lyre?

1349
01:06:30,042 --> 01:06:32,375
Well, she has a point.
You never do your practice.

1350
01:06:32,458 --> 01:06:33,792
And I sing like a girl?

1351
01:06:36,750 --> 01:06:37,833
Well that's what it says.

1352
01:06:38,333 --> 01:06:39,333
SHE SIGHS

1353
01:06:39,417 --> 01:06:41,458
Let me give you some advice.
- Right, that's it.

1354
01:06:41,542 --> 01:06:43,583
Will someone just do me a favour
and killer her?

1355
01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:45,833
KNIFE SWOOSHES
- Ow!

1356
01:06:47,958 --> 01:06:49,458
SHE GASPS

1357
01:06:51,500 --> 01:06:52,500
I meant Boudicca.

1358
01:06:53,083 --> 01:06:55,125
Hm?
- Argh!

1359
01:06:57,000 --> 01:06:58,375
Sorry.
- Don't be.

1360
01:06:58,500 --> 01:07:00,333
It's a good job, unsubtle
but effective.

1361
01:07:00,417 --> 01:07:01,697
I was probably over-thinking it.

1362
01:07:01,750 --> 01:07:02,750
I should thank you.

1363
01:07:02,833 --> 01:07:04,500
HE CHUCKLES
Thank you, my Emperor.

1364
01:07:04,750 --> 01:07:06,333
But you did just kill my mother

1365
01:07:06,625 --> 01:07:08,250
so I will have to execute you
instead.

1366
01:07:08,917 --> 01:07:10,042
Guards.

1367
01:07:10,458 --> 01:07:13,375
Ugh! After all that I've done
for you?

1368
01:07:14,542 --> 01:07:16,917
Oh, I never liked you anyway.

1369
01:07:18,667 --> 01:07:20,507
Now that she's gone,
that just leaves Boudicca.

1370
01:07:21,125 --> 01:07:23,125
Watch out, woad face,
Rome is comin' atcha!

1371
01:07:26,208 --> 01:07:27,667
ARMIES CLAMOUR

1372
01:07:29,708 --> 01:07:31,667
Aye, well, there's loads
of us now.

1373
01:07:31,958 --> 01:07:34,917
Well, excitement here
is reaching fever pitch.

1374
01:07:35,208 --> 01:07:37,500
The headline act is due on
any minute

1375
01:07:37,583 --> 01:07:39,250
and what a turn out.

1376
01:07:39,458 --> 01:07:41,625
Cartloads of fans have come
to see the show.

1377
01:07:41,750 --> 01:07:43,311
And they haven't been put off
by the mud

1378
01:07:43,375 --> 01:07:44,875
or the terrible toilets.

1379
01:07:44,958 --> 01:07:47,667
Oh, no, I dropped
my sword down there!

1380
01:07:47,750 --> 01:07:49,375
Oh!
SHE GROANS

1381
01:07:50,750 --> 01:07:52,250
CROWD CLAMOURS

1382
01:07:52,375 --> 01:07:55,292
And here she is now,
the woman of the moment.

1383
01:07:55,542 --> 01:07:57,250
Queen B! Queen B!

1384
01:07:57,708 --> 01:08:00,583
Hello, Watling Street.
It's great to be here.

1385
01:08:00,833 --> 01:08:03,042
Let's see if we can go
and speak to her.

1386
01:08:03,333 --> 01:08:06,250
Boudicca. Colchester, London...

1387
01:08:06,333 --> 01:08:09,583
St Albans. You destroyed them
all, I mean, what a tour!

1388
01:08:09,667 --> 01:08:11,208
Yeah, thanks.
- GIRL: I love you!

1389
01:08:11,250 --> 01:08:14,417
And the followers here certainly
seem fired up for a big finale.

1390
01:08:14,542 --> 01:08:15,583
Yeah, well, you know.

1391
01:08:15,667 --> 01:08:17,500
I wanted to give the fans
what they're after.

1392
01:08:17,583 --> 01:08:20,500
Get them right up close
to the action looking at me.

1393
01:08:20,625 --> 01:08:21,708
Now, I've got to ask

1394
01:08:21,833 --> 01:08:24,750
if you do need to retreat
won't these carts be in the way?

1395
01:08:25,875 --> 01:08:27,875
Retreat?
SHE LAUGHS

1396
01:08:28,250 --> 01:08:30,000
Uh, I don't know the meaning
of the word.

1397
01:08:30,708 --> 01:08:32,833
You know, there are only
10,000 of them.

1398
01:08:33,042 --> 01:08:34,500
There's 100,000 of us.

1399
01:08:34,792 --> 01:08:36,167
We're gonna knock 'em dead!

1400
01:08:36,542 --> 01:08:38,667
Well, confident fighting talk
there.

1401
01:08:38,792 --> 01:08:40,708
Now over to the battlefield.

1402
01:08:46,125 --> 01:08:47,643
ARGHUS: How are we
gonna find her here?

1403
01:08:47,667 --> 01:08:49,333
BRENDA:
There are so many people.

1404
01:08:50,500 --> 01:08:51,500
Orla!

1405
01:08:51,958 --> 01:08:53,042
Orla!

1406
01:08:53,417 --> 01:08:54,417
Dad?

1407
01:08:54,750 --> 01:08:57,250
I'm a warrior!
Look at me! Whoo!

1408
01:09:01,167 --> 01:09:02,708
ORLA:
Wait, I'm not ready.

1409
01:09:04,458 --> 01:09:06,667
Wait, stop, wait, Dad!

1410
01:09:08,333 --> 01:09:09,583
Dad, help me!

1411
01:09:09,750 --> 01:09:10,792
I've changed my mind!

1412
01:09:16,417 --> 01:09:17,542
ORLA SHOUTS:
Dad!

1413
01:09:17,625 --> 01:09:19,500
ARGHUS:
Orla, where are you?

1414
01:09:20,375 --> 01:09:21,958
MUSIC STARTS

1415
01:10:22,083 --> 01:10:24,708
Uh, we just gotta get
our praying out of the way.

1416
01:10:24,875 --> 01:10:26,208
Oh, yeah, us too, yeah.

1417
01:11:30,500 --> 01:11:31,583
ARMY ROARS

1418
01:11:58,208 --> 01:12:00,458
MUSIC STOPS
- ARMIES SHOUT AND GRUNT

1419
01:12:04,667 --> 01:12:05,958
"Come on holiday", you said.

1420
01:12:06,667 --> 01:12:08,750
"Britain's nice this time
of year", you said.

1421
01:12:10,250 --> 01:12:11,333
I want a divorce.

1422
01:12:14,125 --> 01:12:15,208
Fair enough.

1423
01:12:15,958 --> 01:12:17,083
Anyone missing a head?

1424
01:12:23,833 --> 01:12:25,250
No!

1425
01:12:29,333 --> 01:12:30,583
Atti!
- Orla!

1426
01:12:31,208 --> 01:12:32,375
Thanks. Duck!

1427
01:12:35,417 --> 01:12:36,542
Pretend you're fighting me.

1428
01:12:40,792 --> 01:12:42,272
ATTI: Do you still
wanna be a warrior?

1429
01:12:42,417 --> 01:12:43,577
I just wanna get out of here.

1430
01:12:43,917 --> 01:12:45,583
Team?
- Team.

1431
01:12:48,083 --> 01:12:49,667
CELT MAN: Run away!
- CROWD SHOUTS

1432
01:12:49,750 --> 01:12:51,667
CELT MAN 2: I can't go through!
It's blocked!

1433
01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:53,333
Argh!
- Sorry.

1434
01:12:53,417 --> 01:12:55,792
ARGHUS GROANS

1435
01:12:59,667 --> 01:13:01,333
Boudicca. Let me kill her.

1436
01:13:09,208 --> 01:13:10,875
BOUDICCA GRUNTS

1437
01:13:12,083 --> 01:13:13,292
ATTI:
Hey, Celcius.

1438
01:13:13,542 --> 01:13:15,458
How does it feel
to be bested by a girl?

1439
01:13:15,708 --> 01:13:18,083
I will never, ever
be bested by a girl.

1440
01:13:18,250 --> 01:13:19,667
Bested.
- HE GRUNTS

1441
01:13:26,708 --> 01:13:28,583
BOUDICCA:
Oh, thanks, kid.

1442
01:13:29,042 --> 01:13:30,208
You're the best.

1443
01:13:32,375 --> 01:13:33,792
Oh, keep it. It's yours.

1444
01:13:34,333 --> 01:13:36,250
Really? Oh, I'm such a fan.

1445
01:13:37,250 --> 01:13:39,583
Being famous is not all
it's cracked up to be, you know.

1446
01:13:40,417 --> 01:13:41,792
There's a lot of haters
out there.

1447
01:13:43,208 --> 01:13:44,489
But you've got real talent, kid.

1448
01:13:45,000 --> 01:13:46,375
Do you think?

1449
01:13:46,708 --> 01:13:49,167
Sure. You remind me
of me at your age.

1450
01:13:50,625 --> 01:13:52,250
SHE SIGHS
Right, I've gotta roll.

1451
01:13:54,667 --> 01:13:56,000
BOUDICCA YELLS
A BATTLE CRY

1452
01:13:56,375 --> 01:13:57,417
Where's she gone?

1453
01:13:57,625 --> 01:13:58,750
MAN:
Orla!

1454
01:13:59,375 --> 01:14:01,458
Orla, come quick!
It's your dad!

1455
01:14:06,208 --> 01:14:07,208
Dad?

1456
01:14:07,292 --> 01:14:08,292
ATTI:
I know what to do.

1457
01:14:08,458 --> 01:14:10,000
I can help.
- Back off, Roman.

1458
01:14:10,292 --> 01:14:12,052
Dougal's getting some proper
Celtic medicine.

1459
01:14:12,583 --> 01:14:13,624
DOUGAL:
Stand back, please.

1460
01:14:14,375 --> 01:14:15,875
Give him a lick.
Give him a lick.

1461
01:14:16,083 --> 01:14:17,250
Go on. Who's a good boy?

1462
01:14:17,542 --> 01:14:18,708
Who's a good boy?

1463
01:14:19,042 --> 01:14:20,375
Don't do that, it's unhygienic.

1464
01:14:20,875 --> 01:14:22,042
You need to clean the wound.

1465
01:14:24,292 --> 01:14:26,375
Bees. Go get me
some honey from that nest.

1466
01:14:26,958 --> 01:14:28,750
Seriously?
- Honey is antiseptic.

1467
01:14:29,417 --> 01:14:30,875
Listen to him.
He knows his stuff.

1468
01:14:31,625 --> 01:14:32,625
DOUGAL GRUMBLES

1469
01:14:34,042 --> 01:14:35,542
What's that?
- Vinegar.

1470
01:14:36,417 --> 01:14:37,458
Stops infections.

1471
01:14:38,958 --> 01:14:40,583
DOUGAL GRUNTS
- BEES BUZZ ANGRILY

1472
01:14:40,708 --> 01:14:42,458
Oh, you little bees.

1473
01:14:44,250 --> 01:14:45,292
Is he gonna be OK?

1474
01:14:46,958 --> 01:14:48,500
DOUGAL: Here's the honey.
- Thanks.

1475
01:14:51,875 --> 01:14:53,000
I think he'll be alright.

1476
01:14:53,833 --> 01:14:54,833
It's all my fault.

1477
01:14:55,167 --> 01:14:56,208
It's not your fault.

1478
01:14:56,792 --> 01:14:57,792
It's mine.

1479
01:14:58,458 --> 01:15:00,792
It was me who told Paulinus
about the bottleneck.

1480
01:15:01,333 --> 01:15:03,250
What?
- I'm such an idiot.

1481
01:15:03,917 --> 01:15:04,958
No, you're not.

1482
01:15:05,458 --> 01:15:06,500
You're clever.

1483
01:15:08,792 --> 01:15:10,083
That's why I like you.

1484
01:15:11,375 --> 01:15:13,458
Thanks, Orla.
- But don't get me wrong.

1485
01:15:14,208 --> 01:15:15,792
You still messed up, big time.

1486
01:15:17,250 --> 01:15:18,250
ARGHUS GROANS

1487
01:15:19,042 --> 01:15:20,667
Dad!
- Hello.

1488
01:15:21,333 --> 01:15:22,833
Huh, oh...

1489
01:15:23,292 --> 01:15:25,458
That feels better already,
you know.

1490
01:15:26,750 --> 01:15:28,083
Got anything for bee stings?

1491
01:15:29,500 --> 01:15:31,042
I am so proud of you.

1492
01:15:32,458 --> 01:15:34,542
You are a fine Celtic warrior.

1493
01:15:35,625 --> 01:15:36,708
And that sword...

1494
01:15:37,542 --> 01:15:38,667
is yours to keep.

1495
01:15:39,167 --> 01:15:40,333
Thanks, Dad.

1496
01:15:43,042 --> 01:15:44,875
But I don't wanna be a warrior
anymore.

1497
01:15:45,292 --> 01:15:46,958
Fighting is stupid.

1498
01:15:47,042 --> 01:15:48,125
People get hurt.

1499
01:15:48,792 --> 01:15:50,583
SWORD SWOOSHES
- MAN YELLS

1500
01:15:51,917 --> 01:15:53,042
Sorry, Dougal!

1501
01:15:56,167 --> 01:15:57,250
Did we win?

1502
01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:03,917
PAULINUS:
Paulinus is victorious!

1503
01:16:04,750 --> 01:16:06,958
Throw down your weapons,
Celts! It's over!

1504
01:16:09,958 --> 01:16:12,625
Agree to live under Nero's law

1505
01:16:12,667 --> 01:16:14,542
and Paulinus will show mercy.

1506
01:16:14,958 --> 01:16:16,333
But we, we don't wanna be Roman.

1507
01:16:16,458 --> 01:16:18,000
To oppose Rome is to die.

1508
01:16:18,667 --> 01:16:19,833
Fair enough. Yay, Rome.

1509
01:16:19,958 --> 01:16:21,500
Rome brings civilisation.

1510
01:16:21,625 --> 01:16:23,417
I like being uncivilised!

1511
01:16:23,750 --> 01:16:25,125
SHE BURPS AND LAUGHS

1512
01:16:25,875 --> 01:16:27,042
Oh, for Jupiter's sake!

1513
01:16:27,208 --> 01:16:28,875
CELT FARTS
- PAULINUS: Who was that?

1514
01:16:28,958 --> 01:16:30,042
I'm Fartacus.

1515
01:16:30,125 --> 01:16:31,667
THEY LAUGH
- MAN 1: No, no.

1516
01:16:31,875 --> 01:16:33,125
I'm Fartacus.

1517
01:16:33,250 --> 01:16:34,250
No. I'm Fartacus.

1518
01:16:34,375 --> 01:16:36,333
CELTS LAUGH
- I'm Fartacus.

1519
01:16:36,417 --> 01:16:38,417
CELTS LAUGH
- I'm Fartacus.

1520
01:16:39,542 --> 01:16:41,458
I'm Fartacus and so is my wife.

1521
01:16:42,583 --> 01:16:44,792
CELTS LAUGH
- CELTS BLOW RASPBERRIES

1522
01:16:46,500 --> 01:16:49,417
Send news to Nero that Paulinus
has vanquished the Celts.

1523
01:16:49,500 --> 01:16:50,500
Although...

1524
01:16:50,583 --> 01:16:52,125
frankly, I don't know
why we bothered.

1525
01:16:53,542 --> 01:16:54,542
Centurion.

1526
01:16:54,917 --> 01:16:56,000
You've served Rome well.

1527
01:16:56,333 --> 01:16:59,208
ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS
- Sweet Rome.

1528
01:16:59,292 --> 01:17:01,268
I don't mind telling you,
I've missed the place a bit.

1529
01:17:01,292 --> 01:17:02,333
By way of reward

1530
01:17:02,417 --> 01:17:05,208
Nero gives you ten acres
of land for your retirement.

1531
01:17:05,708 --> 01:17:07,250
Oh, thank you, sir.

1532
01:17:08,250 --> 01:17:10,458
Where is it? Tuscany? Capri?

1533
01:17:10,958 --> 01:17:12,583
Essex.
- ITALIAN MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY

1534
01:17:12,667 --> 01:17:14,083
HE CRIES

1535
01:17:15,125 --> 01:17:16,458
HE SOBS

1536
01:17:16,667 --> 01:17:17,958
SOLDIERS MURMUR

1537
01:17:18,500 --> 01:17:19,625
PAULINUS:
Attilius Minus.

1538
01:17:22,583 --> 01:17:23,667
Rome thanks you.

1539
01:17:24,000 --> 01:17:25,167
Without you...

1540
01:17:25,750 --> 01:17:27,958
we should not have come to
victory in this battle.

1541
01:17:28,250 --> 01:17:29,958
Yeah. Let's not make
a big deal of it.

1542
01:17:30,042 --> 01:17:32,125
Nero will want to reward you
himself.

1543
01:17:32,625 --> 01:17:33,750
Come.

1544
01:17:34,042 --> 01:17:35,083
But wait, now?

1545
01:17:35,167 --> 01:17:37,542
Back in Rome you will
be celebrated as a hero.

1546
01:17:38,167 --> 01:17:40,333
You'll have all the scrolls
you've ever dreamed of.

1547
01:17:40,417 --> 01:17:41,625
You'll be well famous.

1548
01:17:41,708 --> 01:17:43,833
Can I have your signature?
- I wanna go home!

1549
01:17:45,208 --> 01:17:47,917
Wait. Why doesn't Decimus go
in my place?

1550
01:17:48,208 --> 01:17:50,000
Why?
- It doesn't matter. Who cares?

1551
01:17:50,083 --> 01:17:51,083
It's a brilliant idea.

1552
01:17:51,333 --> 01:17:52,583
Here, he can even have my land.

1553
01:17:53,292 --> 01:17:56,458
ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYS
Rome, sweet Rome, wahoo!

1554
01:17:56,542 --> 01:17:58,208
ITALIAN MUSIC FADES

1555
01:17:59,500 --> 01:18:01,750
The thing is, I...
I kind of like it here.

1556
01:18:02,500 --> 01:18:03,500
I like the people.

1557
01:18:04,292 --> 01:18:06,125
But they're stupid.
- They're not stupid.

1558
01:18:06,208 --> 01:18:07,500
They're just different.

1559
01:18:08,083 --> 01:18:09,583
I've learned stuff from them

1560
01:18:09,875 --> 01:18:11,000
and we've shared some fun.

1561
01:18:11,708 --> 01:18:14,500
Anyway, I see this
as Paulinus's victory.

1562
01:18:14,917 --> 01:18:16,292
You should have all the glory.

1563
01:18:17,417 --> 01:18:18,500
Yeah, you're right.

1564
01:18:19,208 --> 01:18:21,458
Paulinus does deserve
to take the credit.

1565
01:18:22,458 --> 01:18:23,625
Bring the prisoner.

1566
01:18:24,125 --> 01:18:25,750
What prisoner?
- PAULINUS: Boudicca.

1567
01:18:27,208 --> 01:18:28,292
Uh...

1568
01:18:29,167 --> 01:18:30,167
About that, she, uh...

1569
01:18:30,208 --> 01:18:31,750
Don't tell me you let her
get away?

1570
01:18:31,833 --> 01:18:34,000
Uh...
- What happened to her?

1571
01:18:34,083 --> 01:18:35,542
What will Paulinus tell Nero?

1572
01:18:36,083 --> 01:18:37,083
You have failed.

1573
01:18:37,542 --> 01:18:40,125
You will receive your just
reward when we return to Rome.

1574
01:18:43,167 --> 01:18:44,583
TIMIDIUS:
Ooooooh!

1575
01:18:44,875 --> 01:18:46,333
THEY GIGGLE Oh...

1576
01:18:49,333 --> 01:18:50,833
THEY LAUGH

1577
01:19:02,250 --> 01:19:03,292
Emperor.

1578
01:19:04,708 --> 01:19:07,042
Paulinus brings news
of a great victory.

1579
01:19:07,125 --> 01:19:09,000
Yes, I heard. I won.

1580
01:19:09,125 --> 01:19:11,625
Write that down, historian.
"Nero won a great victory".

1581
01:19:12,375 --> 01:19:14,417
So tell me, how exactly
did I kill Boudicca?

1582
01:19:15,083 --> 01:19:16,333
Ah, er, yeah.

1583
01:19:17,667 --> 01:19:20,167
Paulinus knows not the exact
nature of Boudicca's fate.

1584
01:19:20,667 --> 01:19:21,833
But she is dead, right?

1585
01:19:21,917 --> 01:19:23,637
Because if she isn't,
I know someone who is.

1586
01:19:24,333 --> 01:19:25,750
No, no, no, no, no, no.
She's dead.

1587
01:19:25,833 --> 01:19:26,875
She's definitely dead.

1588
01:19:27,583 --> 01:19:29,542
It's just the "how"
is up to you.

1589
01:19:29,625 --> 01:19:30,542
What do you mean?
- Well...

1590
01:19:30,625 --> 01:19:31,905
history is written
by the victor.

1591
01:19:32,333 --> 01:19:33,542
Yeah, that's right.

1592
01:19:34,417 --> 01:19:35,958
So, write this down historian.

1593
01:19:36,792 --> 01:19:39,000
Boudicca was so frightened

1594
01:19:39,083 --> 01:19:42,500
by the magnificent heroic
Nero...

1595
01:19:44,208 --> 01:19:45,333
that she poisoned herself.

1596
01:19:46,208 --> 01:19:47,417
And that's it. That's true.

1597
01:19:49,125 --> 01:19:51,292
I'm thinking of wearing these
to my victory parade.

1598
01:19:51,958 --> 01:19:53,083
What do you think?
Bit much?

1599
01:19:53,500 --> 01:19:54,833
Paulinus would have to say...

1600
01:19:54,917 --> 01:19:56,458
uh, no.

1601
01:19:57,917 --> 01:19:59,167
Seem very dark, though.

1602
01:19:59,208 --> 01:20:00,643
Of course they are.
They're sunglasses.

1603
01:20:00,667 --> 01:20:01,667
I've just invented them.

1604
01:20:01,708 --> 01:20:03,208
Right, is everything secure?

1605
01:20:03,250 --> 01:20:05,583
Yes. My men have checked
everywhere for assassins, sir.

1606
01:20:07,125 --> 01:20:08,458
All clear.
HE GAGS

1607
01:20:09,042 --> 01:20:10,458
Well then, let's do this.

1608
01:20:11,542 --> 01:20:12,708
Sorry.

1609
01:20:13,625 --> 01:20:17,125
CROWD CHANTS:
Nero! Nero! Nero!

1610
01:20:21,542 --> 01:20:23,083
CROWD GASPS
- NERO GRUNTS

1611
01:20:26,042 --> 01:20:28,250
Historian, don't you dare
write that down.

1612
01:20:32,833 --> 01:20:35,125
Hail Mercury, messenger
of the gods.

1613
01:20:35,375 --> 01:20:37,333
Pray send word
that Atti is safe.

1614
01:20:37,417 --> 01:20:38,583
Here's a letter from Atti.

1615
01:20:38,750 --> 01:20:40,167
Oh, that was quick!

1616
01:20:40,458 --> 01:20:41,875
What does he say?

1617
01:20:42,000 --> 01:20:43,833
Oh, Britain good.

1618
01:20:43,917 --> 01:20:46,125
Celts helping me build a house
to live in.

1619
01:20:46,333 --> 01:20:48,083
The savages are lovely.

1620
01:20:50,125 --> 01:20:52,167
I think that says "sausages".
- Oh, yeah.

1621
01:20:54,000 --> 01:20:55,167
Hey, Atti.

1622
01:20:56,000 --> 01:20:57,292
Fancy joining us for dinner?

1623
01:20:57,792 --> 01:20:59,500
Yes, please. What is it?

1624
01:20:59,750 --> 01:21:01,458
Baked parsnip.
- Lovely.

1625
01:21:02,000 --> 01:21:03,958
Need some rotten fish gut sauce
with that?

1626
01:21:04,417 --> 01:21:05,417
Dad?

1627
01:21:06,542 --> 01:21:08,250
Mum, Dad, you came.

1628
01:21:08,458 --> 01:21:11,167
JULIA:
Oh!

1629
01:21:11,458 --> 01:21:12,976
He talked so much about Britain
in his letters

1630
01:21:13,000 --> 01:21:14,500
we wanted to see it
for ourselves.

1631
01:21:15,542 --> 01:21:16,875
Well, what do you think?

1632
01:21:17,417 --> 01:21:19,208
Atti has taught us how
to make concrete.

1633
01:21:19,750 --> 01:21:20,958
ANTONIUS:
Like it.

1634
01:21:21,417 --> 01:21:22,417
Nice one, son.

1635
01:21:23,250 --> 01:21:24,583
Oh...

1636
01:21:25,708 --> 01:21:27,042
Ah...

1637
01:21:28,042 --> 01:21:29,042
Have a swig of this.

1638
01:21:29,417 --> 01:21:31,667
What is it?
- We call it wine.

1639
01:21:32,208 --> 01:21:33,667
It's basically
rotten grape juice

1640
01:21:33,750 --> 01:21:34,809
which gives you
a massive headache

1641
01:21:34,833 --> 01:21:36,143
and makes you
embarrass your kids.

1642
01:21:36,167 --> 01:21:37,792
Oh, sounds right up my street.

1643
01:21:38,292 --> 01:21:39,292
Mm.

1644
01:21:39,375 --> 01:21:40,792
I've got a brooch just like
that.

1645
01:21:42,292 --> 01:21:43,292
Really?

1646
01:21:45,375 --> 01:21:46,375
Saluté.

1647
01:21:46,792 --> 01:21:48,625
MUSIC STARTS

1648
01:23:40,833 --> 01:23:42,333
MUSIC STOPS
- They won't will they?

1649
01:23:42,750 --> 01:23:44,417
No, not for about seven years,
or so.

1650
01:24:16,125 --> 01:24:18,542
THEY LAUGH
- THEY CHATTER

1651
01:24:19,208 --> 01:24:20,708
OK? Ah...

1652
01:24:22,167 --> 01:24:23,667
Did I miss anything?
HE CHUCKLES

1653
01:24:29,917 --> 01:24:31,500
What have you done
with your hair?

1654
01:24:31,542 --> 01:24:32,542
Looks different.

1655
01:24:32,583 --> 01:24:34,000
Like Boudicca.
- Yeah, well...

1656
01:24:34,583 --> 01:24:36,292
I'm gonna be Queen
of the tribe one day.

1657
01:24:36,375 --> 01:24:38,292
Someone's gotta kick
all the Romans out.

1658
01:24:39,250 --> 01:24:40,292
You are joking, right?

1659
01:24:41,375 --> 01:24:42,375
Might be.

1660
01:24:44,167 --> 01:24:45,208
Come on.

1661
01:25:13,333 --> 01:25:15,625
<i>♪ Time flies Our story's done</i> ♪

1662
01:25:16,000 --> 01:25:19,083
♪ <i>But history keeps rolling on</i> ♪

1663
01:25:20,000 --> 01:25:21,958
♪ <i>Big winners, epic fails</i> ♪

1664
01:25:22,375 --> 01:25:25,625
♪ <i>Two sides to every tale</i> ♪

1665
01:25:26,042 --> 01:25:28,917
<i>♪ Time flies,
it's been a blast ♪</i>

1666
01:25:29,125 --> 01:25:32,833
♪ <i>But history is built to last</i> ♪

1667
01:25:33,208 --> 01:25:35,542
♪ <i>One empire gets the sack</i> ♪

1668
01:25:35,792 --> 01:25:38,500
♪ <i>Another one strikes back</i> ♪

1669
01:25:39,083 --> 01:25:42,167
♪ <i>Time flies</i> ♪

1670
01:25:42,500 --> 01:25:45,000
♪ <i>We're through</i> ♪

1671
01:25:45,375 --> 01:25:48,500
♪ <i>Still history's</i> ♪

1672
01:25:48,792 --> 01:25:52,042
♪ <i>Got plans for you</i> ♪

1673
01:25:52,542 --> 01:25:54,625
Boo!
HE CHUCKLES

1674
01:25:54,875 --> 01:25:55,917
Fooled you!

1675
01:25:56,375 --> 01:25:58,333
Hey, wait, don't go yet!

1676
01:25:58,542 --> 01:25:59,958
You'll miss the best bit!

1677
01:26:00,458 --> 01:26:02,208
Oh no, not all the names.

1678
01:26:02,542 --> 01:26:04,500
There's so many names.

1679
01:26:05,083 --> 01:26:08,292
Oh, why are there so many names?

1680
01:26:08,875 --> 01:26:10,083
HE YAWNS

1681
01:26:13,792 --> 01:26:16,375
The best bit is where I tell you
what was true

1682
01:26:16,708 --> 01:26:19,417
and 100% accu-rat!

1683
01:26:19,833 --> 01:26:21,309
I bet you're wondering what
really happened

1684
01:26:21,333 --> 01:26:22,417
to Boudicca, aren't you?

1685
01:26:22,583 --> 01:26:24,583
Yeah, well, so is everyone.

1686
01:26:25,083 --> 01:26:26,833
One roman historian did write

1687
01:26:26,917 --> 01:26:29,792
that she poisoned herself
after the battle

1688
01:26:29,875 --> 01:26:31,292
to avoid being captured.

1689
01:26:31,750 --> 01:26:33,500
But another one said
she died from illness

1690
01:26:33,583 --> 01:26:35,708
and had this great big
elaborate funeral.

1691
01:26:36,125 --> 01:26:39,458
So, basically, you can make up
your own mind.

1692
01:26:39,833 --> 01:26:43,417
One thing's for sure, the Romans
didn't capture Boudicca

1693
01:26:43,792 --> 01:26:45,542
or they'd have taken her back
to Rome

1694
01:26:45,708 --> 01:26:47,417
and bragged about it big time.

1695
01:26:47,667 --> 01:26:49,583
You know what
those Romans are like.

1696
01:26:49,833 --> 01:26:51,583
Hm, hang on!

1697
01:26:52,042 --> 01:26:53,750
Look at all that
popcorn and sweets

1698
01:26:53,833 --> 01:26:55,208
you've dropped on the floor!

1699
01:26:55,583 --> 01:26:58,250
Oh! That's not nearly enough!

1700
01:26:58,667 --> 01:27:01,000
I'm coming down there to stuff
my little furry face.

1701
01:27:01,250 --> 01:27:02,333
Back in a tick.

1702
01:27:02,542 --> 01:27:03,542
RATTUS HUMS

1703
01:27:03,583 --> 01:27:05,500
<i>♪ The sun is always
shining here ♪</i>

1704
01:27:05,708 --> 01:27:07,348
♪ <i>This city we call home</i> ♪
- WOMAN SCREAMS

1705
01:27:07,708 --> 01:27:09,875
WOMAN:
A rat! It's a rat!

1706
01:27:10,208 --> 01:27:12,042
♪ <i>An empire ruled by Rome</i> ♪
- WOMAN SCREAMS

1707
01:27:12,167 --> 01:27:13,601
MAN: What was that?
- ♪ <i>Togas, Roman baths</i> ♪

1708
01:27:13,625 --> 01:27:14,542
♪ <i>And roads</i> ♪

1709
01:27:14,583 --> 01:27:16,292
♪ <i>Creations that we spread</i> ♪

1710
01:27:16,542 --> 01:27:18,667
♪ <i>Conquered people welcomed us</i> ♪

1711
01:27:18,750 --> 01:27:20,230
♪ <i>Cos if they didn't,
they'd be dead ♪</i>

1712
01:27:20,292 --> 01:27:21,393
KID: Look, Mummy,
there's a rat!

1713
01:27:21,417 --> 01:27:23,458
♪ <i>Rome, we colonise ya!</i> ♪

1714
01:27:23,542 --> 01:27:25,625
♪ <i>Rome, we civilise ya!</i> ♪
- MAN: Ah! It's a rat!

1715
01:27:25,708 --> 01:27:27,833
♪ <i>Rome, and we brutalise ya! ♪</i>

1716
01:27:27,917 --> 01:27:32,250
♪ <i>There's no place like Rome</i> ♪

1717
01:27:33,208 --> 01:27:34,917
HE CHUCKLES

1718
01:27:35,042 --> 01:27:36,833
A particularly big thank you

1719
01:27:36,917 --> 01:27:39,000
to whoever was sitting
in row 12.

1720
01:27:39,125 --> 01:27:42,542
Yes, you. You are
my favourite litter bugs.

1721
01:27:43,083 --> 01:27:44,250
Om, nom, nom, nom.

1722
01:27:45,833 --> 01:27:50,417
So, anyway, the film is
cram-packed with juicy facts.

1723
01:27:50,667 --> 01:27:54,000
Like Agrippina really did bump
off husband Claudius

1724
01:27:54,083 --> 01:27:56,833
with a poison feather
so her son could be Emperor.

1725
01:27:56,917 --> 01:27:59,000
And she put her own face
on the coins

1726
01:27:59,083 --> 01:28:01,375
and generally annoyed
Nero so much

1727
01:28:01,458 --> 01:28:02,667
that he had her killed.

1728
01:28:02,833 --> 01:28:05,250
Yeah... after trying
the booby-trapped boat

1729
01:28:05,500 --> 01:28:08,542
and a collapsible
bedroom ceiling.

1730
01:28:10,208 --> 01:28:11,667
HE SLURPS NOISILY

1731
01:28:12,125 --> 01:28:13,750
Fizzy, mmm...

1732
01:28:14,208 --> 01:28:16,792
Then it was Nero's turn
to meet a sticky end.

1733
01:28:16,875 --> 01:28:19,292
He ended up being betrayed
by his own men.

1734
01:28:19,875 --> 01:28:21,750
Oh, and speaking of sticky...

1735
01:28:21,917 --> 01:28:24,167
Look at this. It's bubble-gum!

1736
01:28:24,333 --> 01:28:25,500
HE GOBBLES

1737
01:28:26,333 --> 01:28:27,833
It's a bit hairy, but...

1738
01:28:27,917 --> 01:28:30,042
do you know what?
It's just how I like it.

1739
01:28:30,125 --> 01:28:31,708
HE GIGGLES AND GULPS

1740
01:28:31,958 --> 01:28:33,292
AIR GURGLES
- HE GASPS

1741
01:28:33,500 --> 01:28:35,042
Oh, note to self.

1742
01:28:35,375 --> 01:28:38,208
Never drink fizzy drinks
and swallow bubble-gum!

1743
01:28:39,833 --> 01:28:42,958
POP
- Argh!

1744
01:28:46,000 --> 01:28:47,500
Now I'm Fartacus.

1745
01:28:47,917 --> 01:28:49,375
Think I need a shower.

1746
01:28:49,458 --> 01:28:50,833
In horse wee, of course.

1747
01:28:51,542 --> 01:28:52,708
Whilst I do that

1748
01:28:52,917 --> 01:28:55,708
do you want to hear the rest
of Atti and Orla's soppy song?

1749
01:28:55,833 --> 01:28:58,125
You know, the one that got
so rudely interrupted.

1750
01:28:58,667 --> 01:28:59,958
You know you do.

1751
01:29:00,083 --> 01:29:01,958
Well, here it is!

1752
01:29:17,292 --> 01:29:18,750
ATTI:
♪ <i>I'm in a bind</i> ♪

1753
01:29:18,958 --> 01:29:20,417
♪ <i>That's what I find</i> ♪

1754
01:29:20,917 --> 01:29:23,750
♪ <i>Cos I went with my heart
not my head</i> ♪

1755
01:29:24,083 --> 01:29:25,500
♪ <i>Couldn't let them hurt her</i> ♪

1756
01:29:25,667 --> 01:29:27,333
♪ Now, <i>I'm a deserter</i> ♪

1757
01:29:28,250 --> 01:29:30,583
♪ <i>Should I have
betrayed her instead? ♪</i>

1758
01:29:31,042 --> 01:29:32,500
ORLA:
♪ <i>Thought I was strong</i> ♪

1759
01:29:32,708 --> 01:29:34,208
♪ <i>Maybe I'm wrong</i> ♪

1760
01:29:34,458 --> 01:29:37,750
♪ <i>Made a friend
of my enemy, Rome</i> ♪

1761
01:29:38,708 --> 01:29:39,917
♪ <i>Lacked the killer punch</i> ♪

1762
01:29:40,000 --> 01:29:41,458
♪ <i>When it came to the crunch</i> ♪

1763
01:29:41,708 --> 01:29:43,083
♪ Now, <i>I'm Orla...</i> ♪

1764
01:29:43,167 --> 01:29:44,875
♪ <i>All alone</i> ♪

1765
01:29:45,667 --> 01:29:46,768
BOTH SING:
♪ <i>Wish I could turn</i> ♪

1766
01:29:46,792 --> 01:29:48,375
♪ <i>the sundial back</i> ♪

1767
01:29:48,500 --> 01:29:51,333
♪ To <i>before I felt this pain</i> ♪

1768
01:29:51,625 --> 01:29:53,125
♪ <i>Having a BFF</i> ♪

1769
01:29:53,208 --> 01:29:54,875
♪ <i>Made my life a mess</i> ♪

1770
01:29:55,125 --> 01:30:00,083
♪ <i>Will I ever see her again?</i> ♪
- ♪ <i>Will I ever see him again?</i> ♪

1771
01:30:00,167 --> 01:30:05,500
♪ <i>Oh, I... I miss you</i> ♪

1772
01:30:06,958 --> 01:30:13,083
♪ <i>Sorry I dissed you</i> ♪

1773
01:30:13,625 --> 01:30:16,417
♪ <i>First time that I met you</i> ♪

1774
01:30:16,958 --> 01:30:20,250
♪ <i>You drove me round the bend</i> ♪

1775
01:30:20,542 --> 01:30:22,625
♪ Now... ♪

1776
01:30:23,292 --> 01:30:25,417
♪ <i>You're a friend</i> ♪

1777
01:30:39,583 --> 01:30:41,250
ATTI:
♪ <i>I put her first</i> ♪

1778
01:30:41,417 --> 01:30:42,958
♪ <i>Seems that's the worst...</i> ♪

1779
01:30:43,792 --> 01:30:46,000
♪ <i>...crime a soldier
can commit</i> ♪

1780
01:30:46,333 --> 01:30:47,750
♪ <i>But I don't care</i> ♪

1781
01:30:47,917 --> 01:30:49,375
♪ <i>The adventures we shared</i> ♪

1782
01:30:50,292 --> 01:30:52,708
♪ <i>I loved every second of it</i> ♪

1783
01:30:52,958 --> 01:30:54,500
ORLA:
♪ <i>I'll take my sword</i> ♪

1784
01:30:54,625 --> 01:30:56,417
♪ Join <i>Boudicca's hoard</i> ♪

1785
01:30:56,625 --> 01:30:59,792
<i>♪ Lead the fight</i>
to <i>our enemy road</i> ♪

1786
01:31:00,042 --> 01:31:03,333
<i>♪ But my head is reeling,
I'm left with the feeling ♪</i>

1787
01:31:03,417 --> 01:31:04,750
♪ <i>I'm Orla...</i> ♪

1788
01:31:04,917 --> 01:31:06,458
♪ <i>All alone</i> ♪

1789
01:31:06,958 --> 01:31:08,250
BOTH SING:
♪ <i>Wish I could turn</i> ♪

1790
01:31:08,333 --> 01:31:09,958
♪ <i>The sundial back</i> ♪

1791
01:31:10,042 --> 01:31:13,000
♪ To <i>before I felt this pain</i> ♪

1792
01:31:13,083 --> 01:31:14,875
♪ <i>Having a BFF</i> ♪

1793
01:31:14,958 --> 01:31:16,500
♪ <i>Made my life a mess</i> ♪

1794
01:31:16,667 --> 01:31:21,500
♪ <i>Will I ever see her again?</i> ♪
- ♪ <i>Will I ever see him again?</i> ♪

1795
01:31:22,000 --> 01:31:27,500
♪ <i>Oh, I... I miss you</i> ♪

1796
01:31:27,792 --> 01:31:30,125
Right, that's it, film done.

1797
01:31:30,208 --> 01:31:32,292
Until the inevitable sequel.

1798
01:31:32,750 --> 01:31:34,875
Hey, I'm part of the Hollywood
in crowd now.

1799
01:31:35,167 --> 01:31:38,083
I'm going round to Scarlett
Johansson's place. Yeah.

1800
01:31:38,500 --> 01:31:39,708
I haven't been invited.

1801
01:31:39,833 --> 01:31:41,792
I'm just gonna sneak in
through the u-bend.

1802
01:31:42,125 --> 01:31:44,500
Oh, and see you
at the Oscars. Yeah.

1803
01:31:44,583 --> 01:31:46,250
I'm gonna sneak in there an all!

1804
01:31:46,333 --> 01:31:48,417
HE LAUGHS Bye!

1805
01:31:48,667 --> 01:31:51,375
ATTI SINGS:
♪ <i>You're a friend</i> ♪

1806
01:31:54,833 --> 01:31:56,917
ORLA SINGS:
♪ <i>You're a friend</i> ♪

1807
01:32:02,250 --> 01:32:04,167
BOTH SING:
♪ <i>Your friend.</i> ♪