1 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,060 -[boy grunts] -[phone dings] 2 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:16,600 Hold all my calls. 3 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,770 -[giggling] -[lullaby plays] 4 00:00:19,894 --> 00:00:21,484 ♪ Boss Baby ♪ 5 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:25,443 ♪ I'm the Boss, Boss Baby, boss, boss Boss Baby, boss, boss ♪ 6 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,065 ♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪ 7 00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,703 ♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪ 8 00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:33,160 ♪ Stroller rolling Up and down the boulevard ♪ 9 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,741 ♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪ 10 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:39,082 ♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪ 11 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,674 ♪ Change my diaper, son Where's my bib? ♪ 12 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,420 ♪ Don't pacify You just got to pay me ♪ 13 00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:46,962 -♪ Who's in charge? ♪ -♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪ 14 00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,756 -[shouts gibberish, panting] -Uh... 15 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:56,769 [shouting gibberish] 16 00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:59,475 Templeton, slow down! I need actual words. 17 00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,139 [shouts gibberish, echoes] 18 00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:04,654 [shouting gibberish] 19 00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,533 Maybe he's choking on snacks. 20 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:10,650 Oh, I could do the Heimlich maneuver. 21 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:13,527 -You know how to do the Heimlich? -I know the baby version. 22 00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:14,445 Dada! 23 00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:16,372 [coughing, groaning] 24 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:20,541 I will nap so well knowing I saved a choker's life today. 25 00:01:20,622 --> 00:01:22,252 I'm not choking. I'm just excited! 26 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,632 Oh, hey, we're intelligible. What's the good news? 27 00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:26,959 Okay, so, I took my first test at school today... 28 00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:28,625 Oh, performance metrics. 29 00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:29,923 I approve. And? 30 00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:31,466 I got a B-plus! 31 00:01:31,549 --> 00:01:33,759 -You got a B-plus? -[slurs] I got a B-plus! 32 00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:36,223 With those grades and a rich uncle with legacy connections, 33 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,394 you could get into any college in the world! 34 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:40,183 This calls for a celebration! 35 00:01:40,558 --> 00:01:42,558 [festive music playing] 36 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:47,823 [babies cheering] 37 00:01:52,487 --> 00:01:53,317 [gasps] 38 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:54,695 -[thuds] -[Buskie laughs] 39 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:55,951 [babies cry] 40 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:58,744 [tires screech] 41 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,447 -[door opens] -[bell jingles] 42 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,747 -[distorted lullaby plays] -[Mrs. Kurdt] Sign in. 43 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,374 [preek babbling] 44 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,707 Honey, shush! 45 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,546 -I need throw up! -Honey, shush! 46 00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:11,509 So, this is where my doom finds me. 47 00:02:11,589 --> 00:02:14,259 -In the offices of Dr. Kevin, MD. -[bone cracks] 48 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:16,092 -Gah! -Can I say I'm sorry again? 49 00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,967 I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. 50 00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:20,179 You can knock me out of a tree if you want. 51 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:21,136 Eh, maybe later. 52 00:02:21,224 --> 00:02:23,894 For now, I'd accept a scouting report. You've been here before. 53 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,767 What am I in for, besides roving bands of contagious preeks 54 00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:29,645 and off-brand magazines from 1952? 55 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,651 Apple-Cheeked Dandy Lad? 56 00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:32,694 -Put it down! -Oh! 57 00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:36,277 Somebody already filled in all the mazes and word puzzles... wrongly. 58 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:39,124 -In pen. -Barbarians. 59 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:41,200 You don't know how serious this is. 60 00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:43,246 Right now, you're just in the waiting room. 61 00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,829 The real horror? It lives behind that door. 62 00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,535 [whispers] And it knows your name. 63 00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:51,634 [Mrs. Kurdt] Templeton. 64 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:52,875 [both] Aah! 65 00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,053 [Dad] Ooh, quick service today. 66 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:58,053 [suspenseful music playing] 67 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,726 -[fabric rips] -[yelping] 68 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:08,396 [Boss] Dah! [grunts] 69 00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:09,309 Ooh, cold! 70 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:13,360 -[grunting] -[machine whirring] 71 00:03:14,652 --> 00:03:15,782 [x-ray clicks] 72 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,283 [Boss panting] 73 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,164 -[Mrs. Kurdt] Sit. -Okeydoke. 74 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,454 [panting continues] 75 00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,615 Aw, don't you worry, buddy. 76 00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:29,044 Dr. Kevin's gonna fix your owies real good. 77 00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:30,995 -[footsteps approach] -[gasps] 78 00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:34,205 [footsteps continue] 79 00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:35,665 [door hinges creak] 80 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:40,298 Cursed be this day and all the fates that brought me here. 81 00:03:41,137 --> 00:03:42,007 [honks] 82 00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:43,968 The man's a comedian. 83 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:46,644 Sorry I'm running late. Had a walk-in. 84 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,266 Some kid swallowed a pen. 85 00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:49,853 Oh, that's terrible. 86 00:03:50,104 --> 00:03:51,654 I told him, "Be right with you. 87 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,401 Just sit down and write your name." 88 00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:55,614 Pss-oh! 89 00:03:55,693 --> 00:03:57,033 Oh! [laughs] 90 00:03:57,111 --> 00:03:58,741 That's terrible. 91 00:03:58,821 --> 00:03:59,741 -[honks] -[yelps] 92 00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:00,992 Kidding! [laughs] 93 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,334 I love jokes. 94 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,754 Friend, Roman, babyman, lend me your ear. 95 00:04:06,162 --> 00:04:07,122 Bloop! 96 00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:10,075 Just looking for spider eggs, huh? 97 00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:11,416 Kidding! [laughs] 98 00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,001 The spiders probably hatched by now. 99 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,956 Oh! Kidding! [laughs] 100 00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:16,506 Ah, no infection. 101 00:04:16,673 --> 00:04:19,383 [in Cockney accent] 'Ear 'ear, that calls for a celebration! 102 00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,547 -[electronic burp] -[Dad laughs] 103 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,636 Ah, I love the burp box. 104 00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:27,851 A-yep, looks like baby oopsied his way into a distal radial fracture. 105 00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,274 Pfft! Doctor talk. 106 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,812 Back up. [imitates truck beeping] 107 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:36,073 Let's explain that in a way that everybody can understand and enjoy. 108 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:40,154 -Huh? -[Dr. Kevin] "Oh, Dr. Kevin, Dr. Kevin! 109 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,448 My arm bone hurts real bad!" 110 00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:45,292 Well, goodness, Ossie, I believe you've broken your wrist. 111 00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:47,248 "Oh, broken wrist? 112 00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:51,748 But, Dr. Kevin, will I ever be able to play the ukulele again?" 113 00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:54,996 Why, Ossie, you'll be the king of the luau! 114 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,206 ♪ A-hula, hula, hula, hula, hula ♪ 115 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,507 ♪ A-hula, hula, hula, hula, hula ♪ 116 00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:02,220 See? You're gonna be good as new. 117 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,012 -[chuckles] You bet you are! -[door opens] 118 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:07,215 Mrs. Kurdt is gonna wrap this up with a snazzy plaster cast. 119 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:12,057 And for being such a good boy, I think someone deserves a balloon. 120 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:15,323 -Ow! -Kidding! [laughs] 121 00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,898 -You needed a tetanus booster. -Lollipop? 122 00:05:18,943 --> 00:05:20,903 [Dr. Kevin] Yerp! The reds are mine. [chuckles] 123 00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,447 Y'all come back real soon! 124 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:23,910 Kidding! [laughs] 125 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:24,870 Stay safe. 126 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:27,542 [Boss] It was horrendous! 127 00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:29,198 I'm sitting there-- Whoa! 128 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:30,250 What are you doing? 129 00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:32,833 For safety. I don't want you getting hurt again. 130 00:05:33,124 --> 00:05:33,964 Uh, thank you. 131 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,922 -Noted, but I'm fine-- Oh! [groan] -[gasps] 132 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:38,174 I'm sorry! Let me get an ice pack! 133 00:05:38,421 --> 00:05:41,671 [groans] So, anyway, I'm sitting there with a class-four boo-boo, 134 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:45,088 and Dr. Kevin decides to lead with a joke. 135 00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:46,008 [babbles] 136 00:05:46,095 --> 00:05:47,965 Exactly! "Sit down and write your name." 137 00:05:48,056 --> 00:05:51,136 -Does he tell the same stupid joke every-- -[babbles] 138 00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:52,515 Yes, spider eggs! 139 00:05:52,602 --> 00:05:55,612 -Why would you put that image in my-- -[babbling] 140 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,318 Oh, you better believe he broke out the burp box. 141 00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:02,489 [scoffs] Everyone knows bottom belches are funnier than mouth ones. 142 00:06:02,570 --> 00:06:05,160 -[babbles, imitates explosion] -Right in my face, 143 00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:08,029 while his bog-witch nurse snuck a needle in my arm. 144 00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,487 -Who does that? -[lullaby playing] 145 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:11,827 -Babies hate surprises! -[screams] 146 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:12,753 Exactly! 147 00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:14,456 Wait, wait, wait! 148 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:16,170 [laughs] This is it! 149 00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:19,670 This is how we make a huge splash at Baby Corp and win back my job! 150 00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:22,512 I can't believe I didn't spot the opportunity years ago. 151 00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:25,550 If you want to boost baby love, just make babies happy. 152 00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:28,298 And where are babies the most unhappy? 153 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:29,763 The doctor's office! 154 00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:32,557 Needles, elevator music, cold scales! 155 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:35,982 And especially that would-be funnyman Dr. Kevin! 156 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:39,862 We're going to overhaul the entire pediatric experience. 157 00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:44,321 Baby love will skyrocket, launching me all the way back to the big leagues! 158 00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:46,113 -Come on, let's-- Ow! -Ice pack! 159 00:06:46,364 --> 00:06:48,204 Sorry! I have an ice pack! 160 00:06:48,282 --> 00:06:49,662 And I have a mission. 161 00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:51,869 And I will keep you safe on that mission. 162 00:06:51,953 --> 00:06:53,583 -So just stop and I'll-- -Aah! 163 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,833 -I'm sorry! -[Boss growls] 164 00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:56,334 Stop helping! 165 00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:57,829 [shouts, panting] 166 00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:58,747 Hey! 167 00:06:59,627 --> 00:07:01,337 -Let me... [grunts] help you! -Aah! 168 00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:04,224 Whoa! [grunting] Ow! Aah! 169 00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:06,678 -Ow! Oh! Ow! [grunts] Ow! -[thudding] 170 00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:07,589 [bone cracks] 171 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:09,466 [tries screech] 172 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:11,144 -[bell jingles] -Hi again. 173 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:13,062 -Sign in. -[distorted lullaby plays] 174 00:07:13,683 --> 00:07:19,273 I like, like, the skin, like, and the juice coming out of it, 175 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:23,725 'cause I want other people to think that it's a dog so they can eat it. 176 00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,898 [coughs, screaming] 177 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,197 I'm so sorry. 178 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,320 [sighs] Apology accepted. 179 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,577 Accidents happen. 180 00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:31,743 Repeatedly. 181 00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:33,196 At my expense. 182 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,076 -I don't know what's wrong with me! -Oof! Ow! 183 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,253 [gasps] Sorry! 184 00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:40,707 I don't know either, but for my own physical and psychological well-being, 185 00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:42,498 you need to go figure it out. 186 00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,263 It's good you came to me. 187 00:07:45,339 --> 00:07:47,799 -Um, this is my house. -Indeed. 188 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:51,182 Now, let's divine the nature of your misfortune 189 00:07:51,762 --> 00:07:52,972 with book learning! 190 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:58,186 On the night of your birth, did your parents accept a boon 191 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:02,229 offered by a mysterious traveler, but with a cost? 192 00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:04,475 I assume they would have told me. 193 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:10,026 Have you offended any woodland creatures who might hold ancient and dire magicks? 194 00:08:10,114 --> 00:08:12,534 You're the one who whips quarters at squirrels. 195 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,827 Bro, that's between me and the squirrels. 196 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,661 Don't try to make this about me. 197 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:19,416 Better stockpile some snack rations. 198 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,209 We're gonna be here a while. 199 00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:27,759 And you are sure you never farted on a black cat under a blood moon? 200 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,130 -Why would I-- -Why anything, Tim? 201 00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:32,349 It's magic! 202 00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,555 No! I am positive I didn't. 203 00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:36,969 Maybe I'm just having an unlucky streak. 204 00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:39,191 What? 205 00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:43,232 Do you still have that lucky pencil my dad sold you? 206 00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:46,194 From the secret Army base where they study luckular technology? 207 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:47,275 Yeah, it's right here. 208 00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:52,742 [sniffs] 209 00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:58,446 Have you used it for any unholy or barbaric purposes? 210 00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:01,214 Uh... 211 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,039 [Mega Fat shouts] 212 00:09:04,126 --> 00:09:06,246 [crackling] 213 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,917 ...uh... 214 00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:09,415 M-Maybe? 215 00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:12,434 But the robot kangaroo sort of had it coming. 216 00:09:13,511 --> 00:09:16,511 Bro, there's no kangaroo justification clause. 217 00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:18,557 You misused an item of fortune. 218 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,893 You caused a "luckular reflux." 219 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,811 The lucky pencil stopped working? 220 00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:26,146 Oh, it works... backwards. 221 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,322 Why do you think you keep hurting your brother? 222 00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:30,319 That pencil turned on you. 223 00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:32,073 It's bad luck now. 224 00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:35,914 And if you're gonna break this curse, you need to get rid of it. 225 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:37,792 [shouts] 226 00:09:38,995 --> 00:09:39,825 Aah! 227 00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:43,373 [laughs] That pencil hates you. 228 00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:45,333 -[babies babbling] -[Boss] Game plan! 229 00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:49,208 Thanks to my, uh, unexpected second medical emergency, 230 00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:52,427 I was able to scout out every aspect of Dr. Kevin's office 231 00:09:52,508 --> 00:09:54,508 that needs a baby-friendly revamp. 232 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,894 I've prepared an itemized list with priority actionables in-- 233 00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,562 [babies babbling, shouting] 234 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:03,061 [Boss groans] I'll have Mega Fat draw pictures. 235 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:06,024 [laughs] Oh, you know I'm down for coloring! What? 236 00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:08,688 [Boss] The more important thing is that. 237 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:09,859 [Jarreau babbles] 238 00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:12,319 [Tim and Danny grunting] 239 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:14,283 I'm not getting any hits! Are you? 240 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:18,584 [groans] It must have some kind of protective force field! 241 00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:20,365 Uh, no. 242 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,953 That, over there. 243 00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,420 After two doctor visits in one day, 244 00:10:24,498 --> 00:10:27,248 parental guilt at my house is up 82 percent. 245 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:30,170 When mommies and daddies feel like awful parents, 246 00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:31,464 that's bad for baby love. 247 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:32,667 [babbling] 248 00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,802 No, we're still going to overhaul Dr. Kevin's office. 249 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,345 We just need a new approach. 250 00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:40,308 You ever toss bread to the duckies at the pond? 251 00:10:40,389 --> 00:10:41,349 Of course you have! 252 00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:44,192 And do the duckies swallow a whole slice at once? 253 00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,348 No. They nibble. 254 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:49,107 And that's exactly what we're going to do. 255 00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:52,233 You fake sick or injured, you get taken to Dr. Kevin, 256 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,858 you fix just one small thing in that office, 257 00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:56,405 and then it's someone else's turn. 258 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,909 Every baby does their part, and no one mommy and/or daddy 259 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,832 is left feeling too guilty. 260 00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:04,039 Nibble-nibble, quack-quack, poof! 261 00:11:04,121 --> 00:11:04,961 All gone, bread. 262 00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:06,997 -[babbles] -[Boss] Uh, metaphor. 263 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,503 We're wiping out Dr. Kevin's egregious buffoonery. 264 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,535 [babbles] 265 00:11:10,628 --> 00:11:13,508 No, I don't have actual bread. Now, who's up first? 266 00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,050 Quiet Psycho Baby? 267 00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,926 We'll come back to you. Any volunteers? 268 00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,931 [babies babbling] 269 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,430 It's actually helped me a lot. 270 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,018 -Um-- [gasps] -[sneezes] 271 00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:29,773 -Oh! -Ooh, I think Taffeta's got bronchitis! 272 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,940 [Mrs. Kurdt] Sign in. 273 00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:36,452 What happened to my Big Book of 1001 Doctor Jokes? 274 00:11:36,695 --> 00:11:38,235 The pages are all gunked up! 275 00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:40,954 [coos, giggles] 276 00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:45,497 What kind of cruddy library has zero books on cursed pencil destruction? 277 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:50,173 Your bravery inspires us all, Jarreau McIntosh. 278 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:53,668 -[parents gasping, shouting] -[librarian] Shh! 279 00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:55,303 [tries screech] 280 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,971 -[bell jingles] -Sign in. 281 00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,593 [distorted lullaby playing] 282 00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:01,007 [needle scratches record] 283 00:12:01,887 --> 00:12:04,557 [hard rock music playing] 284 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,850 [preek 2 babbles, grunts] 285 00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:08,104 Mega Fat, you're up. 286 00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,475 Fake chicken pox or real diaper rash? 287 00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:12,436 Ooh, surprise me. [coughs] 288 00:12:12,523 --> 00:12:15,113 Oh, pardon me. I swallowed some spit. [yelps] 289 00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:16,782 To the pediatric ward! 290 00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:19,113 -[tires screech] -[bell jingles] 291 00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:22,580 Please write on your charts that I am a devoted mother. 292 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:24,658 Everything in the house is Bubbeezee-certified, 293 00:12:24,743 --> 00:12:26,253 so you know I'm doing this right, heh. 294 00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:29,165 Have you considered any of their products for your home or office? 295 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,828 I am an authorized distributor. 296 00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:33,207 Mm, toasty. 297 00:12:33,711 --> 00:12:35,501 How's the parental guilt, Stace? 298 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:36,508 Any red flags? 299 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,419 Hmm, I'd back off Krinkle. 300 00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:41,257 One doctor visit already freaked her out pretty hardcore. 301 00:12:41,427 --> 00:12:44,097 My mommy lady loves me the most! I win! 302 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,560 Congratulations! 303 00:12:45,639 --> 00:12:47,849 -Great job! [yelps] -Aah! 304 00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:50,983 Other than that, keep spreading the doctor visits around the playgroup, 305 00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,901 and no parent should get too stressed. 306 00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:54,360 Maybe give Tim a turn. 307 00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:57,233 -He's otherwise occupied. -Timbo! 308 00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,648 Got a surprise for you! 309 00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:03,412 You accidentally dropped your pencil in the garbage. 310 00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,079 Lucky I found it, huh? 311 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:10,660 -[Tim screams] -I love this plan, BB! 312 00:13:10,873 --> 00:13:13,423 Got a feeling we'll see you back here real soon. 313 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:15,134 Bet on it. Thanks, Stace. 314 00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,416 Who's up? Quiet Psycho Baby? 315 00:13:19,215 --> 00:13:20,505 We'll circle back later. 316 00:13:20,591 --> 00:13:22,011 -Dakota? -[Dakota shouts] 317 00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,142 [grunts] 318 00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,175 [crying] 319 00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,103 [Doug] Meemaw! Meemaw! 320 00:13:28,182 --> 00:13:30,272 Dakota's got the night terrors! 321 00:13:30,351 --> 00:13:32,651 I'll fetch the ipecac. 322 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:33,850 [siren wails] 323 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,113 [Mrs. Kurdt groans] 324 00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:38,404 No infection, so those screamy-dreamies aren't fever related. 325 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:40,194 Oh, that's a relief. 326 00:13:40,402 --> 00:13:43,242 [in Cockney accent] 'Ear 'ear, that calls for a celebration! 327 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:44,162 Huh. 328 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,200 -Must have misplaced the ol' burp box. -[Dakota] Mine. 329 00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:52,705 [Shover's mom] You know what I'm saying. It's good to get another perspective. 330 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,040 I just-- It's nice. 331 00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,464 It makes me-- Hmm? 332 00:13:57,545 --> 00:14:00,085 Aegi, where's your will to thrive? 333 00:14:00,464 --> 00:14:04,514 -[grunting] -[babbling] 334 00:14:06,971 --> 00:14:08,721 -Scooter? -[babbles] 335 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,136 Aah! Hysterical blindness! 336 00:14:11,225 --> 00:14:12,055 Oh, no! 337 00:14:12,726 --> 00:14:13,766 Again? 338 00:14:14,311 --> 00:14:15,731 -[tires screech] -[bell jingles] 339 00:14:16,313 --> 00:14:19,023 Help me, help me, help me! I ate too much sweets! 340 00:14:19,108 --> 00:14:21,148 Help me, help me! I ate me too much sweets. 341 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,735 I don't know what I'm talking about. 342 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:26,200 -Okay, I'm on a beach in Montego. -[preek babbling] 343 00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:29,117 -[Scooter shouts] -[preek laughs] 344 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,748 Somebody got me a birthday! 345 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,496 -One-a, two... -Huh? 346 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,831 -One, two, three, four. -[toy squeaking] 347 00:14:35,916 --> 00:14:37,326 Love the remodel, Mrs. Kurdt! 348 00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:38,791 [groans] 349 00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:40,712 -[squeals] -Aah! 350 00:14:41,505 --> 00:14:43,255 "From Tim Templeton. 351 00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:44,630 To...?" 352 00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:46,966 "The moon." 353 00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:49,008 [grunts] 354 00:14:52,182 --> 00:14:53,022 [Tim] Whoa! 355 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:56,307 -You think one stamp is enough? -Doesn't matter. 356 00:14:56,395 --> 00:14:59,355 If you write it, the law says they have to take it there. 357 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:06,569 -[Danny] Yeah! -[Tim] Yes! 358 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:10,275 [mailman] Return to sender! [grunts] 359 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,832 [Tim screams] 360 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,376 I'll see you in prison, maildude! 361 00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:24,882 I hate you, pencil! 362 00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:25,965 [shouts] 363 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:29,974 [screams] 364 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,394 -[tires screech] -[bell jingles] 365 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:33,929 When you tell Dr. Kevin the story, don't mention 366 00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,936 the cursed, magic, bad luck pencil you can't get rid of. 367 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,359 He already must think we're the world's worst parents. 368 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,438 -[door opens] -[Mrs. Kurdt] Templeton. 369 00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:42,975 Again. 370 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,066 It's a different kid, okay? 371 00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:49,201 [Dr. Kevin] And that's a wrap! 372 00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:50,615 -High-five! -[gasps] 373 00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,779 -Kidding! -[honks] 374 00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:52,697 Ow! 375 00:15:53,202 --> 00:15:55,872 -That was for the pain. -[electronic burp] 376 00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:59,787 Numbers look like they're moving in the right direction, Boss. 377 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,419 Fantastic work, people. 378 00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:05,052 And I anticipate a major uptick from our elimination of balloon pops, 379 00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:08,550 electronic belches, and high-frequency bicycle hornings. 380 00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:09,974 [Tim] What are you talking about? 381 00:16:10,052 --> 00:16:12,892 I was just at Dr. Kevin's office, and those things were still there. 382 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:15,562 What? Dakota, you told me you'd taken all of it! 383 00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,853 [babbling] 384 00:16:18,185 --> 00:16:19,725 -[electronic burp] -[grunts] 385 00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:24,225 Of course Dr. Kevin would just replenish his stock of novelty goofery! 386 00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:25,861 We've been doing this all wrong. 387 00:16:25,943 --> 00:16:28,203 We have to eliminate the source of our problems. 388 00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:29,278 Amen! 389 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,833 So, whoever wants to help me get rid of this luckular reflux pencil... 390 00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:33,868 What? No! 391 00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:37,251 The source is Dr. Kevin's "comedian's disease." 392 00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:40,416 -And we're going to be the cure. -[Staci] Whoa there, Boss. 393 00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:43,379 If you're planning on making more trips to the doctor's office, 394 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:44,750 I'd think again. 395 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,457 Jimbo's been monitoring baby love at your homes, 396 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,048 and parental stress levels are huge! 397 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:53,054 Close to redlining for the entire playgroup. 398 00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:55,184 [Jimbo] Everybody except Joy. 399 00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,096 Who's Joy? 400 00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:59,602 Joy Freeman? The mayor's daughter? 401 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:07,570 Quiet Psycho Baby! Joy! 402 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:08,941 Hey, we need you. 403 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:09,858 -Gah! -Ow! 404 00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:12,242 I'm sorry! But just wait a second. 405 00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:16,042 That baby's obviously suffered through Dr. Kevin's awful comedy doctoring before. 406 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,288 Yes, we all have. That's why we're doing this. 407 00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:20,540 But not everyone feels things the same way. 408 00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,212 She's the quiet one, right? 409 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:24,841 Eyes always wide open, taking everything in? 410 00:17:24,918 --> 00:17:26,798 If you need her help, you need her help. 411 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:32,049 Just think about what big, loud, obnoxious Dr. Kevin must be like for her. 412 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,426 Joy? 413 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,312 I'm sorry. 414 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:41,140 I never stopped to think that this is probably harder for you 415 00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:42,386 than for any of us. 416 00:17:42,853 --> 00:17:45,563 And I wouldn't ask if there were any other option. 417 00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,977 But I'm not asking you to do this alone. 418 00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:49,527 We're a field team now. 419 00:17:49,860 --> 00:17:51,820 Yes, we're counting on you, 420 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,781 but you can count on us. 421 00:17:54,031 --> 00:17:56,451 We're with you every crawling step of the way. 422 00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,158 Food coloring. You know what to do. 423 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:04,329 [diaper rustles] 424 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,593 Sweet child of heaven! 425 00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:11,009 What is that color and why is it coming out of my baby? 426 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:13,012 [bell jingles] 427 00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:34,909 Freeman. 428 00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,334 -[squishes] -No infection, Mr. Mayor. 429 00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:41,078 [in Cockney accent] 'Ear 'ear, this calls for a celebration! 430 00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:44,868 [electronic vomiting] 431 00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,287 -[gags] -Shut it off! She's highly suggestible! 432 00:18:47,376 --> 00:18:48,996 I-I'm sorry! Sorry! 433 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:50,586 [crying] 434 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:51,844 Kidding? 435 00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,088 [truck horn blares] 436 00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:57,175 -[wailing] -[Dr. Kevin] I swear, I didn't mean it! 437 00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,721 How is this medicinal? 438 00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:00,682 It's-- It's comedy! 439 00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:02,469 Uh, here, have a balloon. 440 00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:03,773 What? 441 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:08,443 I'm sure you're a wonderful pediatrician, but your comedy stinks. 442 00:19:08,689 --> 00:19:10,519 You're right! I... [grunts] 443 00:19:11,358 --> 00:19:12,318 It's all done. 444 00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:15,571 Nothing but boring workplace professionalism from me. 445 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:16,816 I promise. 446 00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,406 Ha ha! We did it! 447 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:20,661 [babies cheering] 448 00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:22,582 Look at those baby love readouts! 449 00:19:22,661 --> 00:19:26,581 The new, duller-than-dirt Dr. Kevin is a hit with babies townwide! 450 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:28,325 Who knew I could love boring? 451 00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,037 We all do, big guy. 452 00:19:30,127 --> 00:19:32,087 And Quiet Psycho Baby, Joy... 453 00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,091 [laughs] Ho ho ho. 454 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,842 Did you ever come through clutch. Ha ha! 455 00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,259 Come on, crack a smile. You deserve it. 456 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,680 [babbling] 457 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:42,430 What did she say? 458 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:47,484 She said she sort of a little bit liked Dr. Kevin's comedy hah-hahs. 459 00:19:47,561 --> 00:19:48,691 That's not possible. 460 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:52,150 -Wha-- Why would you-- -[babbling] 461 00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:54,282 You want to be a comedian yourself? 462 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,359 I don't believe it. Tell me a joke. 463 00:19:56,695 --> 00:20:01,195 [babbling] 464 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:04,615 [laughing] 465 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,167 Okay. Oh! Whoo! 466 00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:12,537 That's pretty good, but it's beside the point. 467 00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:15,378 Look at the trend lines, the pie graphs! 468 00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:18,884 These are exactly the kind of results that are going to get my job back! 469 00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:23,507 Over 98 percent of babies agree we've made Dr. Kevin's office a better place! 470 00:20:25,724 --> 00:20:29,604 -I guess she's in the other two percent. -You really blew the call on that one. 471 00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:30,596 It's not my fault! 472 00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:32,687 It's this stupid lucky pencil that turned on me! 473 00:20:32,773 --> 00:20:35,823 There is no such thing as lucky and/or unlucky pencils! 474 00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:38,951 That is exactly the kind of unbelief that lets bad luck artifacts 475 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,909 spiral out of control in the first place! 476 00:20:40,989 --> 00:20:41,949 -[Danny] Tim? -[gasps] 477 00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,122 [Danny shouts, grunts] 478 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,874 [Tim] Danny. What are you doing here? 479 00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:48,536 Opening a new front in the squirrel wars. 480 00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:52,422 But, uh, I heard you arguing with somebody about your unlucky pencil. 481 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:53,841 The other guy take off? 482 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:57,419 Yeah, I guess he couldn't handle how real it was. 483 00:20:57,631 --> 00:21:01,471 Bro, you can't force anyone to believe in the luckular sciences. 484 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:03,601 Every dude walks their own path. 485 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:07,684 If you wanna lead them to the truth, first you gotta respect their thing. 486 00:21:10,018 --> 00:21:14,148 [groans] Oh, I can't believe I'm getting life lessons from Danny Petrosky. 487 00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:17,435 [parents chatting] 488 00:21:25,075 --> 00:21:27,445 -[parents gasp] -Oh, come on! 489 00:21:28,912 --> 00:21:31,462 No evidence of concussion, just mild contusions. 490 00:21:31,873 --> 00:21:33,463 And no fractures this time. 491 00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:37,343 Oh, thank goodness! 492 00:21:38,797 --> 00:21:41,127 Rest, ice, compression and elevation should help-- 493 00:21:41,216 --> 00:21:43,756 -[cooing] -Oh, what did you find? 494 00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:44,684 [coos] 495 00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:47,385 Sorry, ma'am. I thought I got rid of all that. 496 00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:48,893 [laughing] 497 00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:50,524 I think he wants a honk. 498 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,060 I don't really do that anymore. 499 00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,185 Just once? For old times' sake? 500 00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:56,519 [coos] 501 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,780 -[honks] -[giggling] 502 00:22:00,861 --> 00:22:02,531 Again? Again? 503 00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,908 -[honks] -[giggling] 504 00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:07,740 I got the impression this sort of thing wasn't wanted. 505 00:22:07,826 --> 00:22:10,446 Maybe doctor comedy isn't one-size-fits-all. 506 00:22:10,537 --> 00:22:12,457 Some babies like it, others don't. 507 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:16,418 Every baby walks its own path, and you just gotta respect their thing. 508 00:22:16,501 --> 00:22:18,381 Ooh, well put, Tim! 509 00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:23,681 Here, you can use this fancy fire pencil to track who's who on your charts. 510 00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:24,929 Cool! Thanks! 511 00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:31,600 [Boss] Baby satisfaction: 100 percent. 512 00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:33,389 That one's for you, Joy. 513 00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:36,647 Just be sure to do extra comedy for my little guy. 514 00:22:36,730 --> 00:22:37,860 He seems to love it! 515 00:22:37,939 --> 00:22:40,029 -You can belch on it! [laughs] -[electronic burps] 516 00:22:40,108 --> 00:22:42,278 Kidding! [laughs] 517 00:22:43,361 --> 00:22:45,781 [theme music playing] 518 00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:07,013 ♪ Boss Baby ♪