[grunts]
Hold all my calls.
[giggling]
♪ Boss Baby ♪
♪ I'm the boss, Boss Baby Boss boss, Boss Baby, boss boss ♪
♪ Watch a itty-bitty kid get large ♪
♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪
♪ Stroller rolling Up and down the boulevard ♪
♪ I'm the big Boss Baby in charge ♪
♪ I run this house, I rule this crib ♪
♪ Change my diaper, son, where's my bib? ♪
♪ Don't pacify, you just got to pay me ♪
-♪ Who's in charge? ♪ -♪ Me, the Boss Baby ♪
-[Tim grunting] -[Boss Baby grunting]
Higher, Templeton. No holding back.
You don't want me to go full rocket boost.
It's too risky. I'm amazing at it.
[Boss Baby] I'm sure you'll have a long, lavishly paid career
as a professional trampolinist,
but, for now, I need a new hiding place for the stinkless serum.
-What was wrong with the basement? -We have to keep it moving.
I've got Frederic Estes out there plotting who knows what,
a suspicious grandmother who won't leave me alone for five minutes,
and this vial is like a nuclear missile made out of the crown jewels!
So you're hiding it in a tree in our backyard.
Hidden in plain sight. Our enemies will never suspect it.
They don't have to suspect it. It's in plain sight.
-Just rocket boost me, man. -Fine!
-[shouts] -[screams]
-[gasps] My rocket boost powers! -[grunts]
My serum!
Oh, my tree.
[yells, grunts] My ribs.
Oh, my bad.
Whoa-- [gasps]
-My serum again. -[grunts] My head!
-[Boss Baby] My face! -My back!
-[Tim] My face! My back! -My back! My face!
[both grunting]
[Boss Baby groans]
[Tim gasps]
Oh, good call, Templeton. That's a much better hiding spot.
-[branch creaking] -[screams] My privates!
[gasps] My goodness!
You've got six seconds to come up with a plausible cover lie.
-I believe in you. -What?
-Timmy! -[Boss Baby babbles]
Are you okay? What happened?
The baby ran away, but I saved the baby, and I'm a hero probably.
Really?
[Gigi] Ran away, Ted.
Your baby's been out of control since I got here.
I can't take my eyes off him for five seconds before he's getting into this,
causing trouble with that, disappearing into who knows where.
-Tim was never like this. -Yes! Still the good kid.
Sorry.
I panic around authority figures.
Noted. If you'll excuse me...
Ixnay, runaway. Baby stays put.
Timmy, pin him down if you have to.
[groans]
How am I supposed to keep babies number one in the world
if I can't even get out in the world?
She's all over me like ointment on a rash.
Why would you purposely be the rash in your own story?
Focus, Templeton. I need Gigi off my back.
You're good with old people. How do you get rid of one?
-Temporarily. -You heard her.
She feels like she can't leave you alone, and can you blame her?
You fight her on everything.
[chuckles] Of course I do.
How else is she supposed to learn I'm the boss?
-You want Gigi off your back? -I literally just said I did.
Then you back off.
You and Gigi are my two favorite people younger than me or twice as old as Dad.
Just try being good for her.
I'd rather drink a bottle of spiders.
Okay, your dad tells me the library does a tiny tots story hour.
Some bright-eyed college kid reading picture books about,
I don't know, magic bears and crap. Ugh.
I guess your parents think baby needs some stimulation.
I don't know.
What do you think, Timmy?
I think it's a great idea.
You get an hour of quiet,
and baby gets a chance to prove how good he can be.
Plus, they have comic books.
-[Boss Baby screaming] -[Tim groans]
Ow!
-Oh, no, you don't, mister. Get-- No! -Hey!
-Head him off, Tim. -[crying, grunts]
-I got that baby! -[Gigi] Hooah!
This will never be forgiven.
[Gigi] You got room for one more?
There's always room in story hour.
Just find baby a place on the magic carpet,
and we'll get started in two shakes of a unicorn's tail.
[babies babbling]
She seems nice. Behave.
[giggles]
Comics!
We're getting farther from the goal here, Templeton.
How does this get me back out in the field?
Easy. You want Gigi to leave you alone for a while,
show her you can be good for a while. Like an hour.
Like a story hour.
Yes, Templeton, I got it.
-Come on, who's a big boy? -[laughing]
Who's a big boy?
-Krav Maga finger lock! -[Tim yells]
I am a big boy.
[sighs] Understood. I'm gonna go read comics.
-[chuckles] -[Staci] Boss?
-Since when do you come here? -Since when do you come here?
Ah, got hooked when I did my stretch in daycare.
The sweet mellow bliss of story hour was the only thing that kept me sane.
So to be clear, the person I deal with on a daily basis is sane Staci?
[laughs maniacally]
Yes.
And I love picture books and human companionship.
Oh, happy for both of you.
What's the fastest way to ditch this dog and pony show?
-The sooner I get out of here-- -Where did baby's bottle go?
The better.
-Why is that child missing his bottle? -[shushing]
Is it under his pillow?
Makes sense. Sometimes mine rolls under--
No.
[groans] Well, now it's a mystery.
Is it under his crib?
Nope. Just Teddy.
Question the bear. He knows something.
Is it under the rhinoceros? Ooh, I hope not.
[laughs] That's absurd. Why would it even be there?
Hmm. Where is baby's bottle?
Come on, woman, quit giving the hard sell.
Mommy has it, all warmed up.
-Oh, thank goodness. -[babies giggling]
Sure you wouldn't rather drink spiders?
I suppose, if it'll keep Gigi off my back,
I could sit and be good for one more story.
Boom went the cannon, sploosh went the ship
and down went the dirty, surly, scurvy pirate.
Ha-ha! Arrgghhh.
And when little lost gorilla looked around, he was all alone.
Dinosaur, you don't wear pajamas.
[laughing]
And when the kindly old leopard told the little lost gorilla, "You are home"...
[gasps, stammers] ...I felt something. I mean, right here.
Well, look who sat and played nice for a whole hour.
What a surprisingly good boy.
Yeah, I think he really liked it.
Can the baby and me go play in our room for a while?
Sure. He seems well-behaved today.
Thanks, Gigi.
Well, look at that.
You played nice for a while, and now you're free to go do business.
You really want me to say you were right, don't you?
-I do. -[Gigi] What do you think, Timmy?
-Story hour again tomorrow? -Sure.
I'm so glad we found something you like,
and I had a great time reading trashy magazines with the other seniors.
In fact, I was telling Frederic how lucky it was to find something
the babies all enjoy so much.
You told Frederic?
Frederic Estes, and these are my associates,
the Consortium of Ancients.
[all grunt]
It's lovely to meet you.
Would I be correct if I called this place a library?
Yes, of course you would.
And this library is a place where everyone is supposed to... shh.
It's our most important rule.
Well, then,
-I'd say these babies don't belong here. -What?
Do they?
But... this is story hour.
And you go on and read your hippy-dippy picture books.
But rules is rules: any baby makes any loud noises...
pfft! Outta here!
Uhh...
Courtesy of local law enforcement.
I literally have nothing better to do right now. I hate crime.
It's an old-fashioned turf war.
Estes and his gang are trying to muscle us out,
take this library for themselves.
They can't take story hour!
I need my stories, man. Lookit.
My shiv hand is getting antsy.
Well, my tiny tots, rules are rules.
No noises, or the nice policeman will have to take you bye-bye.
I'm sure you can all be on your very quietest behavior. Right?
[giggles]
[man grunts]
[Officer Doug] I'm sorry, sir, but I'm sworn to uphold the law.
[seniors grumbling]
[grumbling]
This library is baby territory. We are not giving it up.
Stay strong, stay silent.
Can you see the puppy?
[giggles, grunts]
-[Officer Doug] Sorry. -Wha...?
Uh-oh, Badger spilled his applesauce.
[giggles, gasps]
Caterpillar.
[squeals]
[librarian] Upside down!
[babbling]
[Officer Doug] Sorry. Sorry.
Boss, I can't. My mouth keeps wanting to say things.
Hang on, Jimbo. Don't let the oldies win.
Who could it be? Boo!
[shrieks]
Uh-oh.
[chair scraping]
[senior grumbling]
Gigi, Frederic Estes is being evil again.
The "no loud noises" thing? It is a library, Tim.
Maybe we should just go.
You kidding? This place is the first peace I've gotten since I moved in.
Your brother's been on his best behavior. He'll be fine.
Okay, who wants to read a book about kittens?
[Staci growls, squeaks]
Throwing up wherever he pleases? Is that how Janice raised your boy, Ted?
He got kicked out of the public library.
[groans] How bad was the fallout after I got the boot?
Timmy, of course, was a perfect angel.
Yes! Still the good kid.
-I assume no more story hour. -Even worse.
Estes got them to turn it into "no babies" hour.
If they even see a baby in there between 11 and noon,
all babies will be banned from the library, any time, forever.
Ugh, Estes!
And Gigi's probably never gonna trust you out of her sight again.
-Ugh, Gigi! -[monitor chimes, vibrates]
[Jimbo] Boss.
Uh, Jimbo?
-Uh, we got a situation. -Yeah, sorry about story hour.
We'll take our library back, don't you worry.
-How you holding up, big guy? -I'm fine, thanks.
[Staci screaming]
-Staci's not. -[ragged panting]
I told you, boss. I need my stories.
They keep me in my happy place,
and you do not want me in my unhappy place!
Stay happy, stay happy. I'll fix this.
[grunts, clears throat]
Templeton, you've got a basic public education.
How'd you like to fill in for emergency story hour?
Better idea.
So if you read the stories, it's a win for everybody.
I don't follow.
He gets stories, you get him calm and quiet.
Why can't you just read him the stories?
Because I want the two of you to get along,
and then you learn to trust the baby and won't have to watch him all the time,
and everybody stays completely sane.
[sighs]
Aw. I could never say no to my Timmy.
Yes! Story hour with Gigi.
I'm gonna go invite the baby's friends. Love you.
That baby has friends?
[Staci squeals quietly]
[giggles]
-How does this work? -You just read.
Pick anything.
Hmm. The Sassy, Gassy Crocodile.
Nope, nope, and nope.
[gasps, grunting]
"'Oh, no,' said Hippo sadly. 'All my friends forgot my birthday.'"
Ugh. Don't tell me. They're planning a surprise party.
Yep, there it is. Shocker. [blows raspberry]
I did not see that coming.
Does this family own any storybooks that aren't flaming garbage?
[whimpering]
They're babies, Gigi. They like this stuff.
I'm not cut out for soft and fuzzy nonsense.
I'm from steel country.
Spent my life in the mill, turning fire into metal
and beating down any goon squads who tried to break our union.
[babies giggle and coo]
Goon beating, that's what gets your attention.
-If it works, it works. -All right, kiddos.
We're playin' this Gigi style.
"Union," we'd shout.
And oh, boy, did we give 'em what for. Boom!
[fighting grunts]
[babies giggling]
I can't believe this is actually working.
Another win for bonding with Gigi.
And as Henry the boilermaker lay there, two words escaped his lips.
"Avenge me."
[angry grunts]
Well, if you've ever been hit with brass knuckles, you know how that feels.
[growling]
This kid gets me.
You better believe we stood our ground.
Somebody tries to take something from you in this life, what do you do?
You take it right back!
[combat scream]
Oh, my, is she okay?
[growling and snarling]
[Tim] Staci!
Did you see which way she went?
And there goes Gigi's story time.
-[Tim] Babies, no. -What in the world?
Don't worry. I'll go after them.
Timmy! What?
[whistles]
[grunts, laughs]
[howls]
Oh, no.
What is that place?
[Boss Baby] The public library.
"Hollywood, the government and young people.
Are they plotting to steal your silverware?
Yes."
-Oh, yes. -Mm-hmm.
-[vent cover slams] -[Staci chuckles]
I should probably see what's going on.
[groans]
[gasps]
What are you doing here?
Your grandma was right.
Frederic and his old people gang took this library from us, so what do we do?
We take it back. [shrieks] Union!
[groans, grunts]
This place is crawling with seniors.
I would love to take back our library from them, but we need a plan.
Got one.
-[groans] Dagnabit! -Sir, this is a library.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Horse apples. I pay my taxes.
Miss Summer's right. You're outta here, Mister Loud Noise Man.
Wow, good thing I never leave this place.
This could actually work.
[Tim] Are you insane?
It's grown-ups only hour.
If they spot any of you here, they'll ban babies from this library forever.
Well, then I guess we'd better not get caught. Right, Staci?
[chuckling]
Babies!
Shh. That's not a baby, ma'am.
That's a big boy,
and you're gonna need to take that yelling outside.
March.
Keep the librarian distracted. We'll take care of the old people.
Here, little baby. Did you get lost?
This is Consortium of Ancients turf now.
[Staci giggles]
[loud grunt] Gosh-all hemlock!
[echoing giggle]
[creaking]
[whispering] Mama.
[screams]
-[Boss Baby and Jimbo giggling] -Huh?
Sorry to keep distracting you for absolutely no reason involving babies,
but are you telling me there's now a fiction and a nonfiction?
-Mm-hmm. -[woman grunting]
And what would you say is the difference between the two?
Well, one is fictional, and the other isn't.
Fascinating.
Might you direct me to some of your nonfiction-iest books?
Of course.
And aren't you the most polite young man I've ever--
[woman] Thunderation!
There's babies right over there!
Some people have no respect for library etiquette.
Sorry, Meemaw. Love you.
You're out of the will.
I never felt so alive, sir.
Tell me there's more of 'em. Who's next?
Only one senior left.
The Big Kahuna. Where's Estes?
[chuckles]
[metallic clang]
Steel implants. Lost both my buttocks in the war.
Wave bye-bye to the library forever, babies.
[laughs] I feel like such a fool.
Here I was, calling it the Doody Decimal System.
-[laughs] Doody. -[Staci screaming]
-[babies babbling] -What's that noise?
I'm sure it's fine.
Tell me more about these newspapers on sticks.
[Estes grunting]
I should really look.
I looked for you.
Turns out, nothing there. Whoo!
-I'm just gonna turn around for one sec. -[distorted] No!
Where are those babies? [panting]
Shh.
Eww-eww-eww!
That'll be quite enough from our noisy seniors today, thank you.
The babies!
What about the babies?
Don't worry, Gigi. I'll get them all home safe.
[whispers] I feel so good about this day.
Nice work, Templeton.
Dodging a police officer and distracting a librarian?
I'd say you've gotten over your panic around authority figures.
Hmm. Still one more to go.
I know you're upset they banned you from the library for life.
Eh, I hate the quiet.
I just thought for a minute there, I actually was bonding with this one.
What are you talking about? You totally bonded with him.
He saw a baby in trouble, and his first instinct was to go help.
Sticking together, just like your union stories
or like a family.
Let's call you a work in progress.
[Boss Baby coos]
Same to you, Gigi.
Yes! I am calling that a win.
Whoo!
[Summer] The angry seniors were banished,
and with no one left to object, the tiny tots returned,
and they all had story hour happily ever after.
Oh, yeah. [chuckles]
That's the good stuff.
[theme song playing]
♪ Boss Baby ♪