[pensive string music plays]
Now these are from right here?
[Peter] Yeah, these are from right here. Do you know how to shuck oysters?
So once you kind of go in here, you'll feel, like,
kind of the tip, kind of go in.
-Yeah. -You go along the top.
Voilà.
-[Phil] Me? -You can enjoy, yeah.
Thank you. All right, people.
[slurps]
How's this for a fantasy?
Have a great chef shuck you oysters while you drink Chenin Blanc on the bay.
Don't just feed me. I want you to eat. They're-- they're really good.
-All right. Well, cheers. -Cheers.
Would you like to try?
Uh, I guess.
So you want to kind of…
-Right here? -Yeah.
-I'm literally pushing as hard as I can. -I think you're far in enough.
-Oh! Mm… -[man laughs]
[imitates squishing]
-What do you think of Portland so far? -I liked it until right now.
-[laughing] -[clacks on rocks]
[opening theme song playing]
♪ A happy, hungry man's Traveling all across the sea ♪
♪ And the land ♪
♪ He's trying to understand ♪
♪ The art of pasta, pork Chicken, and lamb ♪
♪ He will drive to you ♪
♪ He will fly to you ♪
♪ He will sing for you ♪
♪ And he'll dance for you ♪
♪ He will laugh with you ♪
♪ And he'll cry for you ♪
♪ There's just one thing He asks in return ♪
♪ Somebody feed, somebody feed ♪
♪ Can somebody ♪
♪ Somebody feed Phil? ♪
♪ Somebody feed him now ♪
Do you know what the best cities in the world are for street food?
Marrakesh, Rio, Bangkok,
and Portland, Oregon. Yeah!
-[pleasant music playing] -I was shocked to read that.
I think if you're like me, you love street food.
Why? Because it's casual, it's easy, and it's great when it's done well.
We have the city government to thank for all this bounty.
Outdoor dining took off here during the last recession,
and regulations were streamlined to make it easier to set up shop.
That's a smart government.
How have I never been here before? It's literally two hours from my house.
Never here. Never been.
I'm a little stupid.
But I'm told I'll get smart quick at something called a food pod.
What's a food pod?
It's like a food court.
The best one, they tell me, is Prost!
You want to go there.
It's this beautifully curated collection of very complementary food trucks,
and you would not expect to get three-star, four-star food.
But you do.
[mellow jazz plays]
Michael Russell's been writing about these food pods for ten years,
and there's quite a culture here.
Every cool neighborhood has their food pod.
-Who's this young man? -Hi. Name's Deepak.
Hi, Deepak, I'm Phil. This is the famous Desi.
-[Deepak] Yes, it is. -[Phil] Oh, I love Indian.
[Michael] I was thinking about the chicken,
but a young lady outside said we had to order the lamb.
Gotta do one of each.
Chicken and lamb? Be a couple minutes.
[Phil] All right. Great.
Maybe we should order something else while this is happening.
[gentle music plays]
-What should I have? -Gotta try the Yoko Ono.
-Yoko Ono, and then… -[Michael] The Sriracha Mix-A-Lot.
Yeah, let's do that too.
-Let me get it together. -Beautiful. Thank you.
-All right, so we got two. -Round three.
[Phil] So we ordered those two things. Are we supposed to order something else?
-Desi, Fried Egg-- -What about Matt's barbecue? Let's go.
Matt's Barbecue. Let's do it. That's the best barbecue in the city.
Oh, right here?
[mellow jazz playing]
-How you doing? Are you Matt? -[Matt] How are you? I am.
Mike is saying very nice things about you.
-Yeah, awesome. -Are you doing a mixed sampler?
Yeah, we're gonna give you a little bit of everything. Plenty of food.
That's my favorite thing, is a little bit of everything.
-[Matt] Hold it like a baby. -[Phil] Wow!
-Oh, mama. -What's Mike gonna eat?
[laughs]
Lookie, lookie, people!
[people cheering]
That's the reaction you want.
[woman laughs]
We're gonna be right here.
If you're lucky, you'll get some leftovers.
[people] Oh!
[Michael] Okay, so, brisket, ribs, obviously…
-Yes. Turkey, my favorite. -Turkey's delicious.
-That's his jalapeño-cheddar sausage. -Links. I love that.
Every bite that I'm having on this tray…
-Yeah. -…is pretty phenomenal.
Yeah.
-[upbeat music plays] -[Phil] Fried Egg I'm in Love.
Oh, that's good.
So that's a beautiful thing.
Are you a fan of Yoko Ono's music? The namesake.
Way ahead of her time, and a-- a lovely person.
And, uh, you know, she got a terrible rap. She didn't break up the Beatles.
-Why did the Beatles break up, though? -They couldn't take Ringo's jokes anymore.
[chuckles]
[Phil] Next, Indian.
-And that's the lamb? -Correct.
Look at that. The lamb, people.
Beautiful spicing. Yeah, that's nice.
No wonder you like it here.
Oh my God! I love that.
[chuckles] Desi rules.
Where is he?
-Deepak's right over there. -Deepak's awesome.
Young man… Deepak… I gotta tell you,
this is a great-- one of the best Indian restaurants
I've ever been to, and you're doing it out of a tiny cart.
Mm-hmm.
How long you been cooking? What's your story?
Uh, I've been cooking at the cart for about six years.
My story is, I was a tech industry guy.
I decided when I turned 40, I want to go do something else and start a food cart.
-That's why I love you! -Yeah.
Because your heart is in it. And you gave up tech.
-Yup. -Can I ask you some tech questions?
-'Cause my computer-- -[laughs] No! I don't remember anymore.
People ask me sometimes, "Can you fix my computer?"
I'm like, "No, but I can make you some pretty good curry."
If you can make this,
-I don't care about my computer. -[laughs]
Madison, I wanna-- I loved your fried egg sandwiches so much.
-Oh, I'm so glad. I knew you would. -They're so delicious.
A lot of times you get a-- an egg sandwich,
and it's a scrambled egg.
I mean, you want to bite into it, you want stuff to come out. That's…
-It's a sauce on its own. -Exactly.
Why doesn't everybody do it?
Do they think-- 'Cause they don't want it to get on their shirt?
That's our biggest complaint. "I-- I got yolk on my shirt."
-Yeah. What do you expect? -"That's our thing. Sorry, not sorry."
"Sorry, not sorry."
[chuckles]
-Matt… -[Matt] Oh, hey, Phil.
-I'm at a table of geniuses here. -How was the barbecue?
It's some of the best I've ever had, and I'm not-- I'm not just saying that.
-[Matt] Oh, awesome. -I think it's amazing.
I-- I said a large.
[Michael laughs]
-To my new friends in Portland. -[Michael] To you.
To Portland! Where have you been all my life?
Great. Great. Great. Great. Great.
It's just so much fun…
because the food is spectacular.
Wow, that's really good, right?
-Look at you! -[laughs]
[man] We're just going to get some wides.
So just keep on standing and eating and having fun.
If I keep standing and eating, you'll get plenty of wide.
[man and woman laughing]
I've been to Moscow once.
The Russians had asked me to turn my old sitcom into Everybody Loves Kostya.
I suggest you see Exporting Raymond.
My family loves it because of how much I suffer.
But one thing that I fell in love with in Moscow was their food.
I didn't expect to, but it's all delicious,
and it's all brilliantly designed to go with vodka.
[dramatic music plays]
-Hi! -You are Bonnie Morales.
-Yes, I am. -I'm Phil.
-Nice to meet you, Phil. -It's so nice to meet you.
So I heard that one of the best restaurants in Portland, Oregon,
is a place called Kachka.
Which features a menu inspired by Russia and other former Soviet Republics.
[music ends]
Um, I don't know everything, but I'm guessing
Bonnie Morales is not a Russian name.
My parents, when they immigrated from the Soviet Union,
wanted, like, a nice American name.
And they thought "Bonnie" sounded so exotic and American.
And then my husband's last name is Morales.
-He's, uh, half-Mexican, so, uh… -Is this him?
-That is him. What are you doing here? -Hello. It is me.
-Israel. Another non-Russian name. -[Israel] Hello.
[intriguing music plays]
What is your family's last name?
Frumkin.
-[chuckles softly] -[man laughs]
[Bonnie chuckles]
-[Israel] There you go. -I'm not gonna say Morales is an upgrade.
-Yeah! -I wouldn't insult the Frumkins.
[Israel] Why would you?
-No. -[Israel] Yeah.
Listen, I'm-- I'm Jewish too. We have a lot of, uh, funny names.
-[Bonnie] That's right. -There's a lot of Lipschitz in there.
[all laughing]
[classical music plays]
Now, what-- what, uh, vodka is this?
This is horseradish vodka that we make.
You need to commemorate with a toast, though.
-What's the toast? -This is to Phil.
That's very sweet. And to you guys.
Oh, you did the whole thing. I don't do that. I'm a sipper.
Have a little and you'll figure out that you want to have all of it.
All right, that… I want to put a bottle of that in my suitcase.
We can make that happen.
-Oh, look at this. -Hello. Here we go.
-Move that out of the way. -I-- I could not be happier.
[Israel] My mother-in-law has this idea that, you know,
a properly set table is where you shouldn't
be able to put your finger in between two plates, you know?
It should be jammed together.
Every table should be that.
-[Israel chuckles] I think so, right? -Right?
[pleasant music plays]
These are pelmeni, which are a beef, pork, and veal dumpling.
-[Phil gasps] Who doesn't like this? -[Israel] Oh yeah.
Dressed in a little bit of butter, a little vinegar, and then smetana,
which is a-- a cultured dairy that we make.
That is so much better than it looks!
[Israel laughs]
That-- No. I mean, it looks like…
-If I had a nickel for every time… -[both laughing]
It-- It looks like… It's a beautiful…
It's little dumplings.
But then there's an explosion of flavor.
I did not expect that.
I thought it was gonna be just a "comforty" thing.
I didn't expect it to have a kick to it.
Oh man. It's awesome.
-[Bonnie] Like, we want people… -[man laughs]
…to add this cuisine to their, like,
-mental Rolodex of foods. -Exactly.
"What do I want to have for dinner tonight?"
-Yes. You don't think of Russian. -"Sushi, Italian…"
Right. They think it's gonna be very dull and very, uh…
-Drab. Mm-hmm. -[Phil] Yes, drab.
[Francisco] Here we are.
-Hi. -[Francisco] Oh, hello.
-[Bonnie] This is Francisco, our CDC. -[Phil] Nice to meet you.
[Francisco] Nice to meet you.
-The big guns have come out. -[chuckles softly]
-You're the big gun. -Show the big guns. [laughs]
-Come on, Francisco! -[Francisco] All the guns.
So this is one of our classic dishes here. Rabbit in a clay pot.
-[Phil] Oh! -Um, braised in our house-made smetana.
A little bit of, uh, porcini. Sour cherries.
-Um… -[Bonnie] And a ton of garlic.
[Francisco] Ton of garlic.
[Israel] Want to work in the dining room?
I've been asking for a stage in the front of the house for a while,
but the ownership's not getting back to me, so…
[all laughing]
[Phil] So why is the restaurant called Kachka?
Um, so when we decided we really wanted to do this,
I immediately thought
of my father's mother, who I never got to meet.
During World War II, you know, Germans were advancing into Belarus,
and she was trying to convince
her fam-- her younger siblings and her parents that they should all go.
So she left with a three-month-old in her arms
and, um, was heading towards Russia, and somebody stopped her and was, like,
"You're a Jew," and she said, "No. No, no, I'm Ukrainian."
"Just passing through to get to my in-laws."
And they were like, "Oh yeah, if you're Ukrainian,
how do you say 'duck' in Ukrainian?"
And she doesn't know Ukrainian, obviously, and so she just guessed "kachka."
And they let her through.
And it turns out that kachka is the word for duck in Ukrainian,
Belarusian, Polish, uh, and Yiddish.
And the word "duck" saves your life.
And that it saves your life.
And to me, this was like such an important word.
Everyone has their version of "kachka," so…
And-- and the-- the thinnest line of luck…
-Yeah. -…that we all live on, right?
-There's always luck. -That's a beautiful story.
-It's unbelievable. -Thank you.
To everything that joins us.
-Aw, that's sweet. Right? -Yeah, we all have something,
and I think in these times it's important to remember.
[Phil] And now, for a bike ride through the city.
Yes, this park is in the city.
[jaunty piano music playing]
[music ends]
[upbeat rock music playing softly]
Hey, puppy.
Two puppies.
Peter Chao has been a great chef in New York for many years,
and then he moved to Portland and he opened this incredible place
called Han Oak, in his house.
Yes.
-[Sun] Yay! -He has this beautiful family.
I met his wife, Sun, and his sons, Frankie and Elliot.
[Peter] Ready? Throw it to--
-Oh! Aw! -[laughs]
[Peter] Right in the face.
[Phil] And I got lucky.
He's making me a private lunch here today in his garage.
This is your actual house?
Yeah, so we lived here for five years.
You'd never suspect this oasis is back here.
For sure.
[dramatic music playing]
All right, so we got a little short rib.
This is kalbi, marinated.
Nice and marbled too. This stuff is very fatty, delicious.
-Can I get a high five? -[Peter] Yeah!
[Phil] The waitstaff here is very enthusiastic.
-Ow! -Hey, how about some beverages?
You want to to get Dad's favorite drink from the fridge?
-You can open it too, right? -[laughs]
He…
-Is that the one? Is that what you wanted? -This is the one.
-Frankie… -[Peter] Can you open it?
…you're the best.
-[mouthing silently] -Is this your proudest moment,
when your kid brings you a beer for the first time?
[sighs]
[Phil] Thank you, Frankie! You want to open that one?
-You're strong. But that's-- -What's that?
Oh, that's called a microphone.
Hi!
[laughs] That's good. Thanks for the beer, Frankie.
-Oh, what… what's happening? -[Peter] Thank you.
There was this sort of Smashburger craze that swept Portland.
And so we were kind of like, okay, let's just smash a couple patties,
put it in this bao bun, and then pan-sear it.
So this is like a pan-fried dumpling, really, but it's…
-But it's a cheeseburger. -Yeah.
All right, you gotta like this, people. Come on.
So, yeah, I think that's gonna be the kids' college fund.
Of course it is.
Holy moly.
It's just one of these brilliant inventions that you go,
"Why haven't I had that before?"
[Peter] You got this, bud.
You got it.
-Don't touch this part. It's a little hot. -[Phil] Very good!
-[Peter] Good job, bud! Yes! -[Phil] Very good!
[chuckling] The pupil has replaced the master.
[laughs]
[Peter] All right, I'm gonna make you this giant lettuce wrap, but here's the deal.
You know how big of a bite this has to be, right?
It's gotta be so big you can barely shove it in your mouth.
You mean, the whole thing?
Yeah, you gotta do the whole thing. This is the move.
[Richard] Ah!
-[Peter] This is a little-- -Serious? I never heard that.
That's a thing?
-Oh yeah. -You have to…
This seems giant.
This right here.
Right. How about Richard?
-Yes. Everyone. -Should we have Richard do one?
This is real?
-[Peter] Yeah. -[Sun chuckles]
Even the little kid does it, eh, with a dumpling, like it's nothing.
-What? -[Richard] Oh…
-All right, here we go. -All right.
-All together? -I think you can do this. Yeah. Cheers.
[Sun] Wow.
-[crunching] -[upbeat music plays]
[Peter laughs]
[Phil] Look. Look. Look.
[Sun laughing] Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh…
-[Phil grunts softly] -[Sun] Oh my God.
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
[Sun] Maybe this isn't the right time to tell you…
Too much.
-[Peter] You nailed it. -[Sun] Nice work.
[chuckling] I love this. You're bracing yourself as you eat.
'Cause you have to be careful.
[laughs] Totally. All right, have some--
That was spectacular. Yes, hello.
-[Richard] That was so fun. -I can eat,
uh, finish, uh, ten dumplings on one plate in ten bites.
You-- you can?
-He finished ten dumplings in ten bites. -I think he's just bragging.
Yeah, he-- he likes to brag. It's a humble-brag, right?
-[chuckles] That's a straight-up brag. -That's a brag-brag. [laughs]
That's just "brag." Nothing humble about that kid.
All right, I want to finish eating in peace.
Okay. [laughs]
-[Peter] Oh, sure. -[chuckles]
Ah.
[sweeping classical music plays]
[Phil] You like nature?
Today, we're going kayaking in Clackamas County.
And despite hazardous conditions…
Wake. Giant wake.
…stupid Richard wants me to get in a tiny kayak.
This is my most nervous part.
[whimsical music playing]
Oy.
Again, people, even though I have gotten
a little bit more adventurous as these shows continue…
-Is it facing the right way? -[man] It sure is.
…I'm still not much of an outdoorsman.
Goodbye, Monica.
[man] Move your hands right into the middle.
[Phil] Is that right?
I do not have the hang of this.
[intriguing music plays]
Within five minutes, my shoulders hurt from the kayaking and the paddling.
And I think scurvy might be setting in.
Do you lean forward when you're paddling?
So as soon as I dip the oar and then turn it,
all the water from the oar pours right into my lap in the boat.
And then you do it this way, and all that water pours into your lap from the boat.
My only requirement, the only thing I told everybody,
is under no circumstances would I like to get wet.
I shouldn't get wet. It's like Gremlins.
I'm listing.
[adventurous music playing]
Welcome to another episode of The Crooked Kayaker.
[Phil's voice] Suddenly, I'm confronted by people somehow enjoying themselves.
[Phil] Forgive me. It's my first time.
[women] Oh!
-[Phil] How am I doing? -[woman 1] Great.
-[Phil giggles] -[woman 1 laughs]
[pleasant music playing]
[Phil's voice] And I think I'm beginning to see why.
[Phil] Well, this is peaceful.
[birds chirping]
Very pretty!
Very pretty.
I'm a kayaker.
-[giggles] -[thuds]
[grunts]
Do you like Top Chef? Did you see Top Chef Portland, Oregon?
If you did, then you love Shota Nakajima.
Today we're going to a very cool place that didn't sound very cool to me.
It's called the Jacobsen Salt Company.
I'm meeting the head of Jacobsen Salt Company today
with Shota, Ben Jacobsen.
Guy knows a lot about salt.
-Hey, guys. -I thought salt was salt.
-But apparently it's not. -[chuckles] It is, but it's not.
-[chuckles] Nice to meet you. -Good to see you.
Good to see you. Welcome. Come on down to the water.
All right. I'm not gonna get wet, am I?
This is Netarts Bay,
and we'll take you out here, show you our water intake.
We've got this neat little salt company,
but it's like a two-inch PVC line
-that is sitting out here in the bay-- -[Shota] I love it.
What do you mean? All the…
-The salt is funneled through this line? -[chuckles] Yeah, all the seawater is.
The seawater, and it's all this little pipe?
[Ben] This underwhelming little pipe. Yeah, exactly.
Listen, I know about underwhelming pipes.
[both laughing]
[Ben] Tens of millions of oysters are farmed in this bay.
-This is a protected marine estuary. -Yeah.
Um, so, you know, mass, major development will not happen here.
-Great. -Um, the quality of our salt,
um, is directly dependent on the health of the bay.
We're literally a micro distillation of this environment here.
And you got to love the giant trees coming right up against the shore.
It's beautiful. [sighs happily]
Should we walk up the hill and show you how salt is made?
-[Shota] Yeah. -You know, here's what I know about salt.
[laughs]
My father used to, you know-- Any-- any food that came to the table,
he did this.
And my mother would say, "Max, why don't you taste it first?"
He'd say, "I like salt."
[man laughing]
-Are we hair netting? -[Ben] We are hair netting.
[whimsical music playing]
-[in high voice] Hello. -[Ben laughs]
This is our boil shed.
We filter seawater, then we boil it,
and we boil it to remove calcium and magnesium.
Is this the way it's done around the world?
You start with different seawater, and you use different processes,
and you end up with different types of salt.
-All right, let's see the salt. -Let's do it.
You could make a lot of pasta in there.
-[laughs] You can make a lot of pasta. -A lot of pasta. [laughs]
-How much do you salt your pasta water? -[Shota] Uh, "T.R.A." The Right Amount.
-Uh… -[all laughing]
[pleasant music playing]
[Ben] This is where things begin to get really, really fun.
So we use, um, a tiny bit of heat underneath these evaporation tables.
-Yeah. -And you can see
salt crystals forming very slowly on the surface.
-[Phil] This is the method? -[Ben] This is the method we use. Yes.
Oh my God. [gasps]
-[Ben] Isn't that pretty? -[Phil] Is that edible now?
-So this is a beautiful flake. -Look at that.
-[Phil] Look at that. Like a snowflake. -[Ben] Beautiful. Like a snowflake.
-It's gorgeous. -Cheers, my friend.
-I like that. It keeps going. -Isn't that cool?
-Yeah, it's really sweet at the end. -Yeah.
Anybody, once they try great salts…
-Yeah. -…will taste the difference.
I just tasted that, and it was kind of revelatory, right?
Absolutely. You want to take a shot here?
-[Phil] Yeah! I do. -All right.
[gentle rock music playing]
-So start from here. -I knew there was a wrong way to do it.
-[laughing] -See how it just went across there and…
[Phil] Oh yeah.
…all the way across.
You can go all the way across as well. Yeah.
-Nice job. -I am a salt-- What do you call the job?
-Salt man? -Salt maker.
I'm a salt maker.
Look right in there.
Beautiful snow or an illegal drug.
[Shota and Ben laugh]
My parents always said I should have something to fall back on.
[all laugh]
[Phil chuckles]
[mellow jazz plays]
Hey.
-Phil. -Phil, nice to meet you.
Whoa, that's really good.
[upbeat reggae music playing]
Just when you think you got a handle on this city,
Portland throws another curveball.
Peter Chao is taking me to one of his favorites,
a truck that serves a cuisine I didn't even know was a cuisine.
We're heading to Ruthie's,
which features food based in Mormon traditions,
but cooked in a Portland style.
I love it. Come on. This is happening.
Right?
-Hey. -How's it going?
-Are you Colin? -I am. How are you?
-Hi, I'm Phil. -[Colin] Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, my friend.
-What's up? -What's up, dude?
[Phil's voice] Out of this hundred-square-foot trailer,
Colin and his partner Aaron have created
a culinary love letter to Colin's grandma Ruthie.
So, we're both from Ogden, Utah, originally.
My grandmother, who the cart is named after, is Mormon,
and she has what's called a ward cookbook.
All the people at her church, uh, gather recipes from their families
from generations and put it in this little book.
-Yeah. -But that's where we draw, like,
a good amount of our inspiration from, is my grandma's cooking,
her preserving, ward cookbook.
-[Phil] Right. -And, of course, the local farms.
-Awesome, we're stoked. -Should we sit?
Yeah, we got-- we got some food just about ready for you.
[Phil] Look, there's drinks for us!
-Hello. -[Colin] Alrighty.
-Colin. -[Colin] So, we got our corn salad here.
-A bit of marinated tomatoes, basil. -[Phil] Beautiful.
[Colin] And then on top is corn bread and puff sorghum.
And then that's our rockfish slider.
It's cured for an hour.
Stiffens it up, makes it nice and crispy.
This is our pork coppa, kind of like a pork steak.
It's cured for one day in pink salt.
-[Phil] Yes. -[Colin] Sous vide for 24 hours.
-[Phil] Yes. -Seared in the wood-fire oven.
And then these are our pride and joy. These are my Grandma Ruth's rolls.
I've had them my whole life.
They're one of my favorite things I've ever ate.
-They're smiling. -[Colin] They're happy.
[Phil] Thank you, Colin.
Just kind of like, you know, get a little bit of everything.
Mm!
[mellow pop music playing]
Man, if you only had thumbs.
[patrons chatting]
So fresh and cold and…
corn and tomato and…
crunchy and cheesy.
[chuckles]
-It's fantastic. -No, this is great.
You ate your thing already?
Yeah, one bite. You didn't even see it? [laughs]
Now, see, this is very similar to the ssam bite, right?
-You gotta get a little of everything. -Yes. Little of everything.
-I understand the concept now. Look. -So good.
[Phil] I have everything?
[laughs]
-Yeah! -It's his fault!
See? Now you're learning.
[Phil] And just when you think you can't beat the pork…
Oh my God.
This is a delicious grilled fish sandwich on a beautiful bun with great sauce.
That's good, right?
Okay, why does every fish sandwich, America, need to be fried? It doesn't.
It's just delicious. I could eat this two or three times a week. Why not?
This is as good a fish sandwich as anyone's ever made.
Hey, thank you. We love clean, crisp and fun.
I want people to be able to eat a lot of our food,
and I don't want it to, like, slow them down.
I've had the best truck food I've ever had in my life this week.
Yeah. There's a lot of people out here doing really special stuff and…
-In a tiny space. -[Colin] Yeah.
I think that's the benefit of the trucks, right, is it's small.
You can't go crazy. It's super focused.
You have to, like, stay in your lane.
-[Phil] Yes. -[Colin] So…
I'm having your bottom. Make of that what you will.
[all laugh]
[pleasant music playing]
Oh. Carly and Crystal, I presume.
Phil, I presume.
Yes! You presume right.
When you first walk into Doe Donuts, a vegan donut shop here in Portland,
you might think you stepped into a scene from Portlandia.
[both chuckle]
[Phil] Hearing "vegan" makes me slightly nervous
that they're not going to be as good as bad-for-you donuts.
And then you taste the donut.
-We'll take care of you here. -All right.
You're not gonna know the difference.
I'm gonna start with what you tell me to start with.
Okay, well, our most popular one is our Portland Fog.
So it's an Earl Grey glaze.
It's got a little puff of whipped cream on top,
and some vanilla bean dusted on top of that.
-Portland loves Earl Grey. -Why is that?
We're dark and gloomy people who like dark and gloomy food.
[Phil] Hilarious.
[mellow music playing]
Look at that. Look at that.
[man laughs]
[chuckles softly]
Yes, I understand the appeal.
Wait a minute.
If it's vegan…
-[Carly] Mm-hmm? -…what is that?
[Carly] It's made from coconut and soy.
You would never know.
Most people don't. I'd say the majority of our customers are not vegan.
They're here for good donuts.
-They're smart, the people. -[chuckles]
[Phil] Mm!
-This is our Oregon Trail. -Oh man!
We love doing sweet and salty here, so it's pretzels, pepitas,
fresh raspberries, mini chocolate chips.
[mellow blues music playing]
-This is a complete, nutritious breakfast. -Perfect hiking food, really.
Yes.
[Phil's voice] Even more perfect without the hike.
[Phil] This is your place. You own this place.
Yes, myself and Crystal.
We thought, why not make a vegan donut shop in Portland
-before anyone else did, so… -And you were the first?
And we were the first, and still the only.
-Is that right? -Yeah, yeah.
-What's your favorite? -Right now, mine is the corn fritter,
'cause it has corn in the dough with a maple glaze,
and then a corn streusel on top.
Fritters are never small.
[chuckling] No. That's one of the good things about them.
[jaunty music playing]
Wow. It makes me want to curse.
[chuckles]
[Phil] Foolishly, Carly and Crystal invite me into the kitchen.
I like it.
[Carly] So this is our rhubarb lassi glaze
with green cardamom and nutmeg and coconut milk.
Indian.
Time to wreck the donuts.
What do you think? It needs more, right?
It could use a little more.
-I was a little shy. -Do a little swirl.
There you go.
I'm making donuts.
Just add safflower petals and coconut chips.
Then I'd eat it.
Wow! Never had anything like that.
[pleasant music playing]
That's a heavy topped…
[laughs] …peach donut.
Too much?
[Carly] I would say right there is good enough.
Okay, but let me see one that you did.
Right there. Behind you.
-[Phil giggles] Delicate. -[man laughs]
Do you mind? I'm not telling you how to run your thing,
but you might want to try a little extra sprinkles.
[man chuckles]
This is a-- a red grape fritter in an almond butter glaze, right?
[Carly] Yes.
[Phil] I have to say, I've gotten pretty good at this.
And I'm especially good at this.
[laughs] Ho ho ho!
This almond butter and grape donut
was like the ultimate peanut butter and jelly experience.
I think you need that.
I think I need that.
You may be a genius.
Richard.
This one is too good for you. I'm going to give it to Matt.
It's a little drippy.
I ate about 12 donuts.
Every time I have one, that's my new favorite.
[upbeat jazz plays]
Any thoughts of veganism
might not be as good as regular-ism,
go away.
Now I'm a vegan donut lover.
Hey, Google, video call Paul Reiser.
[video call chimes]
-Oh! Hello there. -What?
Hello, Phil.
The hotel where I'm staying,
they put these beautiful Portland, Oregon, chocolates in my room.
"Moonstruck."
And I have to say, I already ate one. I think Richard ate one too.
[Richard] I did.
[chuckles]
Mm! Mm, what is that?
This is very much like bad porn.
I'm watching a-- a Jew eat…
-I told-- -…while I have nothing.
I have nothing. What's inside there?
-Chicken? -A lovely, like--
[laughs]
[Richard laughs]
That's what makes these truffles so unusual.
Really? [laughs]
'Cause you think they're gonna be like some sort of creamy caramel.
I've got another mushroom basil thing over here.
I got-- It's crazy here.
-Almost-- Mm. -It's milk chocolates
with-- with-- with black cod.
-[Phil and Richard laugh] -What?
That's not right.
What'd you eat today, Paul?
Well, it's funny you should ask. I have it typed up. Hold on.
[laughing]
[Richard laughs]
I-- I ate nothing interesting.
But I love that you did a whole show with food trucks,
because my whole life, I was raised to not eat off a truck.
[laughs]
I was discouraged from eating near a truck.
"That came off a truck, don't eat that."
-In Portland, they've elevated it. -You go out of your way to eat from one.
They've elevated it to an art form here in Portland.
What if it turns out you get sick, you go back to yell at them, they're gone?
They moved to another corner.
[laughs] That's the advantage of having a restaurant on wheels.
-Paul… -Yes? Well, okay.
-…we've now come to the part of our show… -Yes.
…where you have graciously volunteered to do…
-Yes. -…what we're calling a joke for Max.
Yes. I-- And you'll cut out everything
-preceding this, but… -[laughs]
I found an old record in my house,
an old Myron Cohen record.
-Love him. -And I love Myron Cohen,
who I know grew up in your neighborhood.
-Yeah. -"Grew up."
-"Grew up." Yeah. [laughing] -When you were-- In 1847.
But he lived in your-- You grew up in his neighborhood.
But when I heard this joke, ironically, I said,
"That is such a Max Rosenthal joke."
And I will-- I will tone down the Jewishness by 12 to 15%.
-Okay. [chuckles] -Just as an automatic cut. Um…
So an older gentleman has a heart attack, goes into the hospital.
He's there for a few weeks. He's fully recuperated.
He gets home and he can't be more thrilled to be home.
He sees his beautiful wife and he's been feeling a little lonely.
He looks at his wife amorously, gives her a little, uh, raised eyebrow.
And she stopped him, she goes, "Don't even think about it."
"We're not gonna do anything like that. You're sick. You're a sick person."
"You can't-- You just got out of the hospital."
He said, "I'm fine. I'm fine. I can do--"
She said, "Get me a note from your doctor, and then we'll talk."
So he goes back to the doctor, explains the situation.
Doctor says, "I'll be happy to help."
Takes out a piece of paper and pen, and he writes,
"Dear Mrs. Levine, as your husband's primary physician,
I can assure you he is fully recuperated."
"His heart is in great shape."
"He can pursue any physical activities
or affairs of the heart he should so choose."
"Not only that, but with the new medications that we have him on,
he has the strength, the stamina, and the vigor of a man half his age."
"How's that?" This guy says, "Uh, Doc, do me a favor."
"Cross out where it says 'Mrs. Levine,' put in, 'To whom it may concern.'"
[all laughing]
-Yes! -[men laugh]
If your dad told that joke, he would have worked in a phone.
"So he calls the doctor…"
[Richard chuckles]
Yeah, he would say. "Yeah, you can tell this is an old joke."
[chuckles] Yes. Yes.
Anyway, there it is. That's a-- It's a beauty of a joke, and…
-It is. -…I give that to Max.
Aw, that's so sweet.
But I will say this. May I say this? You can include this in your little show.
Do it.
I'm so honored to do a joke for Max, because I loved your father.
-Thank you. -And-- and I have always been
and continue to be moved and inspired by the fact that,
considering how the early part of his life went,
and some of the horrible things,
that he became such a successful and happy man
who relished telling and hearing great jokes,
and I think the arc of that life
is as good as you can get.
Isn't that the whole thing?
Take adversity and still win.
So I loved him for that.
-That's very nice. We're gonna cut all-- -Your mother, I never cared for.
[all laughing]
I'm just-- Look, we're being honest.
I was waiting for-- I knew it was coming. I knew something was coming.
-No! Leave it alone. -That's sweet.
And I want to tell the people…
Uh, Paul,
on my dad's last days in the hospital,
uh, Paul actually recorded some jokes for him,
and we laughed and laughed, and it was so sweet and so great.
And you'll forever be part of that legacy.
That was an honor to help close the show.
Yes. To help close the show. That's right.
-I love you, Paul. You're a nice boy. -All right. Love you.
-Thanks for including me. I will, uh-- -I love your family. Say hello.
I will. Thanks, Philip. Thanks, Richard.
-[Richard] Thank you, Paul! -I'll see you soon. Don't thank Richard.
-[chuckles] -[laughs]
[Phil] Last but not least,
one of my very favorite things in the world,
a food festival.
It's Feast Portland.
We're gonna see some, uh, old friends and make some new ones.
[upbeat music playing]
Everything looks good. Everything looks good. Oh! Good?
We're off to a good start.
Bonnie and Israel from Kachka are the first people I see.
Oh, here are my favorites right here.
-[Bonnie] Hey. -Hi, Bonnie.
-[Bonnie] How you doing? -Hi, Israel.
[Israel] Hi!
-Can I feed you? -From you, I'd take anything.
-[Bonnie] Yeah. Please. Take. -What, uh-- what am I having?
[Bonnie] Some heirloom tomatoes with a sunflower tahini,
some ajika-seasoned sunflower seeds, and then a marigold and sunflower oil.
[pleasant music playing]
Do you do anything badly?
Porchetta and peaches?
-[women] And padrón! -[Phil] What's a padrón?
-It's a pepper. -Little green pepper.
They're gonna take my show away if I don't know these things.
[women laughing]
Mm!
Thank you.
Red Sauce Pizza?
This is, uh, yes, a re-creation of the old-school pizza pocket
with three different sauces.
[hums] That's a little joyful thing.
[laughs]
Oh my God!
Oh my God! What am I having?
Seared albacore with coconut chili, leche de tigre, watermelon,
and, uh, peanut and coconut duqqa, and baby shiso.
-[man] He's got it. -[woman chuckles]
Mm!
[laughing]
[whimsical music plays]
I am in my element!
Oh, I heard about you guys.
This is Nong's Khao Man Gai,
where Nong makes Thai chicken and rice.
[upbeat music playing]
Here we go, baby.
Yes, perfect.
-Nong? -How may I help you? Yes? Very good?
-[man chuckles] -It's very, very good.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
Can't stop.
You want more sauce?
Yes.
As I was eating it, I thought this sauce should be bottled and sold.
And then I found out that it is, and it's called Nong's Khao Man Gai Sauce.
It should be called Nong's Delicious Sauce That You Should Put On Everything.
The sauce is extraordinary.
Thanks for noticing that.
-[giggles] -[chuckles]
Everyone should be as good at what they do as Nong is at what she does.
Mm. Yum yum.
[both laugh]
-Yum yum. -[chuckles]
Have you had that one over there?
-You want me to? -I do.
-Okay. I can. -Come on.
Yes, yes, yes.
I think Nong needs a break.
Oh, hello!
I'm here to broker a trade.
Oh!
-[laughs] -If you give Nong and I some of yours,
I happen to know Nong, she's gonna give you some of hers.
[jaunty music plays]
[woman] That one has hot sauce and honey on top.
-Hot sauce and honey. -Hot sauce, honey. Okay.
Take that out and have it one big bite.
-[Phil] No, I can't put-- -Yes! You can. I believe in you.
-What is with Portland? -[laughs]
Everybody wants me to eat in one bite!
You have to have every taste, though, in one bite.
I understand. How-- You didn't do one bite.
-Uh, I, uh-- I'm working on it. -[chuckles]
-All right. Here we go. -[woman] Ready?
-Uh-uh. -[woman laughs]
-Oh. -Yes! Almost, almost. There you go.
-I need help. -Mm!
-Yeah? -This is good.
-[woman chuckles] Yeah. -[Phil] Still a mess, but good.
-Oh, it's amazing. -Wow.
How about the marionberry in the waffle? That's kind of genius.
Who thought of that?
This-- this-- this girl. This person.
Why do I have a show, and these two beautiful people don't have a show?
-I feel like this should be a thing. -This is a good show right here.
I love you. I love your marionberry waffle with your fried chicken and your quail egg
and your honey on top.
-[woman] Glad you liked it. -I love it. Thanks.
I couldn't have done it without my whole team here.
-[Phil] Yes! -[woman] Yeah!
-[women cheering] -As opposed to me. I do it all myself.
[laughs]
[pleasant music playing]
[Phil] These pies are handmade by Bart VanDomelen.
And I just love the process.
You are on the honor system, people!
Don't take advantage.
Do what it says.
[clatters]
That one's for Richard.
[all chanting] Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie! Pie!
[all cheering]
[Phil] Very nice. That's the one I dropped.
-[woman] The marionberry. -You dropped it?
-Yes. It's still good. -[man laughs]
[man] Where is the marionberry? Damn, it's good.
-[Phil] To you people! -[man] Yeah! To you!
-[Phil] To my favorite people! -[man] Cheers!
Give the camera to Matt for a second, 'cause I have to give you something.
[cameraman] Banana.
Uh-oh.
[laughs]
That's for you.
[giggles]
[gentle guitar music playing]
I recommend Portland, Oregon.
Probably the best food city per capita I've ever been to,
because there's so many home runs, right?
In a very small space.
I love these brilliant, creative, young people
taking tiny spaces
and producing immense flavors out of them.
Why didn't I come here sooner?
Now, look, I'm very old.
I could have been coming this whole time.
So don't let that happen to you. Let me be a lesson to you.
[indistinct conversations]
[Phil] Portland, everybody!
-[man] Yeah. -[all] Whoo!
[music fades out]
-[theme song plays] -♪ Somebody please, somebody please ♪
♪ Somebody please, somebody please ♪
♪ Somebody ♪
♪ Somebody please, somebody please ♪
♪ Somebody ♪
♪ Somebody please, somebody please ♪
♪ Somebody ♪
♪ Somebody please, somebody please ♪
♪ Somebody ♪
♪ Somebody please, somebody please ♪
♪ Somebody ♪
♪ Somebody please, somebody please ♪
♪ Somebody ♪
♪ Somebody feed Phil ♪
♪ Oh please, somebody ♪
♪ Somebody feed Phil ♪
♪ Somebody feed him now ♪