[dramatic music plays]
I understand this is where they shot the famous Game of Thrones walk of shame.
My advice to anyone
who has to do a walk of shame…
You should do it a little like this.
[jaunty music plays]
Shameful enough?
[theme music plays]
♪ A happy, hungry man's ♪
♪ Travelin' all across the sea And the land ♪
♪ He's trying to understand ♪
♪ The art of pasta, pork Chicken, and lamb ♪
♪ He will drive to you ♪
♪ He will fly to you ♪
♪ He will sing for you ♪
♪ And dance for you ♪
♪ He will laugh with you ♪
♪ And he'll cry for you ♪
♪ There's just one thing He asks in return ♪
♪ Somebody feed, somebody feed ♪
♪ Can somebody ♪
♪ Somebody feed Phil ♪
♪ Somebody feed him now ♪
[dramatic music plays]
[Phil] Croatia.
It's a word that was fraught in my mind as being war-torn maybe.
Former Yugoslavia
splitting up into separate countries after a decade of brutal strife.
But there's been peace here in this Balkan nation on the Adriatic
since the mid-'90s.
And I kept hearing about the Croatian coast,
dotted with islands and a sparkling sea. Right across from Italy.
Ancient towns with their own traditions.
Obviously, I want to see it all, so that's what we're doing.
Skipping around the country to find out what goes on here.
[upbeat jazz plays]
My first stop is the town of Split.
Yep, that's the name. Split.
We're clearly steeped in history here.
It's like a movie set. Universal Studios.
Spectacular.
The only thing that would make it more perfect is a bakery.
"Kruščik Bakery."
[man] "Kruščić."
-Kruščić Bakery. -[man] Yeah.
Kruščić Bakery!
-Ah, this is the place. -Hello.
I just read that this used to be a convent in the 11th century?
-So a thousand years ago? -Yes.
-You're making good use of the space. -Yes, I am.
By the way, your hat says "bad hair day."
-You know, it's… It's kinda… -Oh.
Yes, it's very bad.
Yeah, but it's okay. [chuckles]
My father had the same head, and I loved him too.
If you make a plate for me
of your favorite things, I will eat them.
-Great. -[chuckles]
[Phil] What do you call that one?
-This? -[Phil] Yeah.
This is… We call "viška pogača."
Sure, you do.
[Phil] Viška pogača?
[exaggerates pronunciation] I had the viška pogača at Kruščić Bakery.
And then my mouth fell apart from saying these words.
-Which one you want? -This, this.
-That? -[Phil] Yes.
[Phil] And then your thing here.
Thank you, my friend.
I loved meeting you. And your hair is perfect.
Thank you.
[traditional Croatian music plays]
Oh, look at that.
So far, this is the winner.
Okay, that was breakfast. Next…
We're going to the Diocletian Palace.
It was built for the emperor Diocletian.
-Gordon. -Hi.
Are you lavender shopping?
-I'm… [sniffs] Smell it. -That's very nice.
-I should get some for my wife, friend. -There you go. That's for… I don't know.
That's for my wife?
-For your wife. -Can I say it's from me?
[Gordon chuckles] Of course you can.
So Gordon picked me up from the airport two days ago
and has been my faithful companion.
Consigliere.
[both imitating Marlon Brando] Consigliere.
-Oh, what should we do? -Well, it's--
[Phil in normal voice] Okay. So, this… We're in the…
[Gordon] Yeah, this is the entrance into Diocletian Palace.
[Phil] This palace, what we're calling "the palace"
is the whole old city of Split.
[Gordon] The whole old city of Split, of course,
which started growing inside of the old fort.
So you had four entrances,
one in the water and on each side of the wall.
-This here, in the center, is that. -Yes.
[Gordon] That, yes.
-[Phil] That was his mausoleum. -[Gordon] That was his mausoleum.
[Phil] And then over the centuries it became a church.
You're walking amongst, not just ruins,
but standing structures from thousands of years ago.
So I read that this sphinx was a gift to Diocletian from Egypt.
-[Gordon]Yes. -So this is, like, 2000 B.C.
-Yes, yes. -And it's just sitting out here.
It's just there.
This was thousands of years old before this.
[Gordon] Before Diocletian.
Actually, you know, he got it as a gift.
[Phil] Wow. Such a beautiful space.
[Gordon] Can you imagine that was also probably painted and everything?
-[Phil] Yes. -This is where everything went down.
-[Phil] We're seeing the bare bones of it. -Yes.
[Phil] It was probably marble.
These are the outer walls the sea came to.
See how much they developed the port and everything?
[Phil] The king had a nice view.
Actually, he came here to retire.
-What do you think about retiring? -I think I'm retiring today.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
[Phil] That's the mausoleum.
-[Gordon] That's the mausoleum. -That became the cathedral.
[Gordon] Which is the oldest cathedral in Europe.
-[Phil] In all of Europe? -In all of Europe.
So Diocletian, he was normal with the Catholics
until the end of his rule. Then he started persecuting them.
And then he killed Duje, Saint Duje, which is the saint patron of Split.
So now, this is the Saint Duje's Cathedral.
-[Phil] So was it built for Diocletian? -Yes.
He killed this man who became a saint.
Saint patron of Split.
[Phil] And now Diocletian's mausoleum. Ha-ha!
-[Gordon] Can you imagine? -"I build my cathedral on your grave."
[Gordon] "On your grave," yeah.
-"I kicked you out of your grave." -Pretty good.
-[Gordon] Pretty good, yeah. -See, I love a good story.
And who can resist a tower built for revenge?
I'll spare you all the panting and schlepping,
and just show you the pretty part.
That was helpful, because now I know the rest of Split isn't actually a palace.
It just looks like one.
A palace with very nice food, by the way.
[jazz plays]
Oh. Are you Mr. Burek?
-Yeah, we are St. Burek. -[chuckles]
-Saint Burek? -Yeah.
-Oh, you've been elevated. -Yeah.
-What's your name? -Tim.
-Tim. I'm Phil. Nice to meet you. -Nice to meet you, sir.
I wanna try a burek I never had.
What's your favorite?
-Mine? A meat one. -Okay.
-You want one meat, one spinach to try? -Yeah.
-Two. -Thank you.
[Phil] Oh boy.
Uh-oh. I see what's happening.
I've ordered way too much, as usual.
But it's my job.
A lot of food. Trying a lot of food.
-Thank you, my friend. -You need a plastic bag, sir?
No, because I'm gonna eat it right in front of you. Oh, it's warm!
-[Tim] It is. -Very warm.
[Tim] Cheese and spinach.
[Phil] This one is cheese and… Oh!
Come on. That's a nice lunch.
[Phil] An ancient dish of fillings wrapped in filo
brought here centuries ago by the Ottoman Turks.
It's like a flaky, buttery, beautiful pastry.
I love this.
Thank you, sir.
Burek!
I'm on to the meat one. You ready?
Born ready.
[Phil] Burek, let me say this to you.
Burek!
This would be my lunch every day.
-Every day? -Yeah.
Say it with me. Burek!
Burek! People!
Get your burek!
I like how that sounds. Burek. Burek!
What else sounds good around here? Let's look.
So people are telling me I gotta go to Kantun Paulina for a ćevapi.
What's a ćevapi?
-[man] Hello. -Hello, I'm Phil.
-I'm Andre. Nice to meet you. -Hi, Andre. Nice to meet you.
I've heard about your place.
Everyone tells me it's the best ćevapi in all of Split.
And I don't know what a ćevapi is.
-[Andre] Ćevapi is a little beef sausage. -Yes?
And it's more famous
than hamburgers and cheeseburgers and everything else in the Balkans.
-[Phil] Oh, the bread is so nice and soft. -[Andre] Yes.
-I hope you can appreciate this. -Enjoy.
[Phil] It's on this soft, pillowy roll with these,
you know, sausages inside,
and the beautiful sauce, and the tomato and every…
It's delicious!
The oldest burger.
-The oldest burger is a ćevapi. -Yes, sir.
I never knew.
Croatia!
I said, "Oh my God."
"This Croatian ćevapi, it's phenomenal!" It's not Croatian.
Wow, that's good.
It's Bosnian.
Ćevapi.
It is good, though. I don't care.
People, resolve your differences
so I can just enjoy the sandwich.
And now, dessert.
Look how nice. Look at how sweet.
It's special for you.
Special for me.
-[man] Yeah. -[Phil] Lavender lemon?
-Did you invent these flavors? -Yeah. [chuckles]
You're an ice cream genius.
Do you mind if I just sit here and ruin your business?
[klezmer music plays]
[Phil] We're splitting Split and heading to Hvar, which isn't very… "H-far."
And this is how we're getting there.
It's like Jaws with none of the scariness.
[Phil vocalizing]
Maybe I should sit down.
You know, as I sit on this deck, and I look at this gorgeous view,
I'm thinking
maybe I had too much ćevapi.
Hvar's a popular place, and it looks like we got
the last parking spot here at the end of these other boats.
So getting to shore means I need to go through every boat one at a time.
[Phil] I get it. I get how to go.
Another boat.
And now I go to the next boat.
-Is this a fun cruise? -[woman 1] It's wonderful.
Should I stay?
[woman 2] This says, "young and fun."
[Phil] Young and fun. I'm one of those things.
[women laugh]
[soft music plays]
[Phil] Ah, terra firma.
Morning in Hvar.
Not terrible.
Hvar is the name of both the town
and the island it's on, and it's been an important port
in Adriatic trading routes since well before the ancient Greeks.
Located in the middle of Croatia's Dalmatian Coast,
one of the oldest cities in all of Europe is on this island,
and we're only about 100 miles from the coast of Italy.
And today, I get to meet the mayor.
The mayor of Hvar.
His name is Ricardo Novak, and he's generously agreed
to show me around a little bit.
[Phil] So one thing I was noticing,
how beautiful and clean and clear the water is.
[Ricardo] We don't have industry on the island.
We don't have blackwaters or something that goes to the sea.
-[Phil] I could look down and see fish. -Of course.
[Ricardo] You know that Hvar is the town
with the most sunny hours in Europe per year.
[Phil] I didn't know that.
[Ricardo] And that's the guarantee of very nice weather
during the whole year in Hvar Town.
We go to the oldest part of the town.
[Phil] Yes. I'm seeing a Venetian influence, yes?
[Ricardo] Yes, we have been 400 years under the Venetian Republic.
[Phil] Yes.
We're going to the mayor's favorite spot, Konoba Menego.
I figured while I had the mayor's ear, it'd be a shame not to take advantage.
So I questioned him over a bounty of traditional Dalmatian delicacies.
[Phil] Okay, let's talk about nighttime here.
-So I'm sleeping in the hotel. -Yes.
Two o'clock, three o'clock in the morning, I'm hearing outside,
"Ahh!"
-[Ricardo] People, yeah, so… -People having a good time.
This is a touristic place.
You can't push the people and say, "Go home. Let's go sleep!"
[Ricardo] You have to go outside to celebrate with the other people,
not go to sleep in the hotel asking why is it noisy until three o'clock.
I should be part of the noise.
This is his advice.
"Oh, people are making noise outside? You should go out and make noise outside."
This is a fantastic political strategy.
Don't you think? [chuckles]
"Hey, somebody threw crap on my lawn."
"You should go throw crap on your lawn."
[Phil] And then I finally got to sleep,
and at six o'clock in the morning…
-Oh. -The church bells.
-Is that traditional? -Yes.
At the beginning of the day, they have the church bells.
[church bell ringing]
How many times should the church bell ring at 6:00 a.m.?
-[church bell continues ringing] -I'll give you a little time.
I was gonna say six. That lets you know what time it is.
How many times does the bell ring on this Sunday morning?
I counted.
A hundred and thirty.
I have a church tower next to my house,
and I never hear it at six o'clock in the morning.
They never wake me up.
Mr. Mayor, I believe in the separation of church and sleep.
[Ricardo chuckles]
[Phil] One thing that's much like Italy, since we're so close to Italy,
is they have gelato, and I think I'm making it my mission to try them all.
-Ah. -Hello.
-You are Lucy? -Yeah, I'm Lucy.
[Phil] Look at this beautiful place
with this beautiful lady, Lucy, who runs it right on the water.
You wanna try my hazelnut from Piemonte?
I like everything.
Then I would recommend you hazelnut and lemon basil.
[Phil] I think I'm gonna need help.
Where's Angela? Angela?
Angela's one of our local fixers.
Come here. This is an emergency.
I know you work very hard, but I need you to work a little harder. Okay?
[chuckles] Okay.
You have to tell me your favorite gelato flavors.
Lemon with basil.
-[Lucy] Yeah. -It's so funny because she's giving me…
-[chuckles] -Okay, do that. Do you like hazelnut too?
-Yes. -Okay, so give her this one,
and then you can give me two different flavors.
-[Lucy] That's for you. -Thank you.
You're welcome. Let me see your face when you eat it.
[Angela] Okay, okay.
-[Lucy] Try the chocolate orange. -Gimme this.
[Phil] Gimme this. You don't need this. All junk. This is all junk.
-Okay. First… -This is Angela. Now, she's from Croatia.
-She's gonna be very tough. -Nice to meet you.
-Where are you from? -Nice to meet you too. I'm from Split.
-[Lucy] Great. -From Split.
This is unbelievable.
Right?
-Unbelievable. -[Lucy and Phil chuckle]
-You should try this one. -I will.
-You don't mind sharing? -[Lucy] You want another flavor?
Two different flavors.
[Lucy] Two different. Chocolate orange with rum and raisin.
-[Phil] Have you ever had rum raisin? -[Angela] No.
-[Lucy] It's one of my favorites. -[Angela] I didn't try…
[Phil] You're gonna taste it now.
Oh my gosh. It's so good.
-You have to try it. -[chuckles]
So good.
What do you think, Phil?
I would never get that.
-[Lucy] Yeah? -I'd never order it.
This is the beauty part of having this show
is people give you things to try, and then I try them and then I do this.
[Lucy and Angela laugh]
-I'll dance with you. -Usually people dance.
I'm also having an ice cream and having a nice dance.
Yeah, usually we have reactions like this.
-[Phil] Yeah? -Yeah.
You have to dance off the ice cream.
-[laughs] -[Phil] Mm, chocolate orange.
Everything in this shop is beautiful.
I would say I'm the worst-looking thing in this shop right now.
-No. -Yes!
No, there are worse things than you. [laughs]
There are worse things.
[soft music plays]
[Phil] I think the best way to work off ice cream is a walk
up to the 800-year-old fortress overlooking all of Hvar Town.
We're saying goodbye to Hvar, getting in another boat,
going to another island.
[upbeat music playing]
I will say that after my dinner with the mayor
about the noise in the streets, last night was quiet.
So I don't know if I had any influence.
It's a breakfast cruise with the crew.
Down the coast to the town of Korčula.
And I think I'm really starting to get the hang of this sailor man thing.
I think I should enter every town like this.
That one's on you.
[soft music plays]
Korčula is so idyllic.
It's this little bubble at the end of the peninsula
that's surrounded almost entirely by water.
So it does feel like you're on a tiny island that's part of a bigger island.
But I'm starting my time here on the shore
at what I've been promised is an all-you-can-eat sea urchin buffet.
All right, here we are. It's absolutely beautiful.
You sure you want to ruin it with me going in the water?
Ivan and his brother run a restaurant where they serve the sea urchins,
and Ivan is meeting me today because he's an expert
at diving for sea urchins.
You know, my driver, Gordon,
said he loves when my brother makes me do things like this. He says,
"'Cause when you look at the show you can feel the suffering."
[chuckling] Yeah.
If you know me, you know I can't wait to get in the water.
This is a bag for collecting sea urchins, people?
-Yes? -Yes.
I am right about it?
These are gloves that I have to wear when I pick up a sea urchin?
-Yes. -So I don't get stung and die.
-Yeah. -Okay.
Ivan, aren't you gonna come with me?
No, I will let you alone.
-Let me alone? -Yep.
That's a very good idea for somebody's first one.
This giant is telling me, "Go, go, go. It's fine. Go."
Where is he? He's on the shore. He's not getting wet.
You should pick the one with the stones.
"Look for the one with the stones."
"With the stones"? What does that mean?
Need to be female.
There'll be stones on top. You want the female. You don't want the male.
No?
I don't know anything.
[Ivan] I see from here.
-[Phil] Yes? Right there? -Yes.
-[Phil] That's a good one? -Yes.
All right, I'm going for it. Do I have to be careful at all?
Very, very careful because it's very, very dangerous.
[Ivan laughs]
[Phil] All right.
[Phil] I can't… I can't sink.
Females apparently roll and gather stones.
I don't know how they do it,
but you look at them and they have, like, the little stones on top.
That's how you know they're female. They're trying to hide.
I got stung.
-[Ivan] You did? -Yep.
Uh, turns out they don't have to hide. Why? Because they have weapons.
It hurts.
Ow.
"Are these gloves okay?"
"Oh yes. Fine. Go, go, go."
"Any special way to grab the thing?"
"No, no, just take them."
Sea urchin. Right through the glove.
Yes. Yes. Look at my finger.
And this one here, the stinger's not there but it was bleeding.
[faintly] Yes, I bleed. I bleed.
Oh, nurse!
Thank you.
-[medic] Natalia, alcohol and, uh… -[Phil] And a hospital bed.
Did we get it?
[man] Uh, this is not how I thought the day would go.
[Phil] It's exactly how I thought it would go.
-[laughs] -[Phil] Ah…
-Sorry. -That's okay.
-I must. -I know.
Listen, I was an action hero before this.
This just solidifies my reputation.
-Okay. -As an adventurer.
[man] Nice!
-[medic chuckles] -[man] Get the gloves on, go back in.
[men laughing]
I don't want to lie to the people, so, after my crippling injury,
I did it a couple more times.
I couldn't get down. I was floating.
They said, "You go. Give Richard your wet suit."
"Let him be your stunt double."
I'm like, "I'm all for that. Every time."
Any time I have to jump or run or do anything, just get Richard.
So this is Richard.
-[chuckles] -[man laughs]
I texted him after, "How'd it go for you?"
He goes, "Oh, I got ten."
[scoffs]
I have to say that, as an outdoorsman, I'm quite the indoorsman.
After I risked my life hunting urchins,
Ivan took pity on me and invited me to the family's restaurant
in the center of the island for lunch.
Wow.
-Hello. -Hello.
Hello, the boys!
-Welcome. -[Phil] What a place!
-You're Joncia? -Joncia, yes.
-Nice to meet you. -Joncia. I'm Phil.
-Phil, okay. -Hi.
[Joncia] My brother… My older brother, Ivan.
-We lived. -[Ivan] Yeah.
[Phil] And you are a mixologist.
Yes. We are preparing, like one…
strong for, uh, strong… for real boy cocktail.
Real boy cocktail?
-Yes, with bourbon-- -Okay. I hope one day to be a real boy.
Then we will make a fig old-fashioned.
Fig old-fashioned?
Fig old-fashioned, yes, with our dry fig.
Joncia, I'm impressed already that you thought of this.
This is already the nicest bar I think I've ever been…
Look at this, people.
[Ivan] Twenty years ago, our dad came here in the middle of nothing.
-[Phil] Yeah. -We opened. We were full every day.
-Wow. It's a beautiful place to come. -Yeah.
Even if the food was bad, I would want to be here.
[laughs]
-[Phil] Yeah. -[chuckles] Yeah.
-Do you work together all the time? -Yes.
-Your whole lives? -[Ivan] Yeah.
-Work together? -Yes.
-With your brother? -From first day.
-Isn't it annoying? -It's not normal.
-It's not normal? -No.
-It can be terrible. -Yes.
They can… Your brother can send you into dangerous situations
and not care about you. I see it happen.
[both laugh]
-This is the fig old-fashioned. -[Joncia] Yes.
People.
[Joncia] Cheers.
Oh.
Is it good?
-[Phil] You have a good brother. -Yep.
My brother can't do this.
[both laugh]
But if I have another sip, I'd like my brother more.
[Ivan] Yeah? [chuckles]
[Phil] Which reminds me, I have a score to settle.
[Ivan] Should I open? Can I?
-Please, please. Don't hurt yourself. -Okay.
Don't worry.
[Phil] Oh.
[Phil gasps] Uh-huh.
[Ivan] Huh?
Perfect.
-Can you? Please. -You want me to do it?
Yes, of course. Why not?
-"Why not?" Because I, uh… -In the middle.
Right in the middle?
-[Phil] Right here? The side… Good? -[Ivan] Perfect.
-[Joncia] Ready? -Chop?
[Ivan] Three, two, one.
-[Joncia] More energy. -Yeah.
-[Phil] Ah! People! -[Ivan] Look at this one. Huh?
[Ivan] Look at this one. Perfect one.
[Phil] Wow. Pretty.
[Phil] That deep orange, that's what you like, right?
-[Ivan] Yep. -When it's that color.
-More flavor. -[Ivan] Yeah.
-Hee-hee. -Take.
[Phil] Revenge is a dish best served
on nice bread with olive oil and a pinch of salt.
[both laugh]
[Ivan] It's okay?
-[mumbles] -[Ivan chuckles] Perfect.
[soft music plays]
[Phil] Wow.
-[Phil] Oh! -[Ivan] Look at this.
[Phil] Look at that.
We celebrate our victory over the uni
with a traditional dish of octopus slow-cooked under an iron bell.
And the boys' parents are joining us.
-[Phil] Ah! -Hello.
-I am Phil. -I am Jerco.
-Jerco, hi. -I am father.
-You are father. -Yes.
-I'm assuming this is mother. -[all] Yes.
Hello.
[Phil] Oh boy.
[Ivan] We call this peka, the same name for the iron bell.
-Yes. -And for our traditional meal.
-[Phil] For this dish? -Yes.
[Phil] So this is octopus and potato.
[Ivan] Octopus, potatoes, a little bit of pepper, onion.
-[Phil] Wow. [sniffs] Smells very good. -[Ivan] Garlic.
[Phil] Garlic always good.
-[Ivan] Capers, and-- -[Phil] Olive oil.
-[Ivan] Olive oil… red wine. -[Phil] Red wine too!
[Ivan] Mama.
[Phil] Wow, Mama!
[Ivan] Okay, friend.
[all] Živjeli!
[Phil] Živjeli. Thank you. Hvala.
[all speak Croatian]
Wow, that's good too.
[Phil] Are you proud of your boys?
Are you proud of these sons?
[Ivan speaks Croatian]
-[mother] Yes. -Yes?
My father used to say, when we asked, "What would you like for your birthday?"
he would say, "I just want two nice boys."
[both laugh]
You seem like two nice boys.
When did your father start this?
-[Ivan] Twenty years ago. -[Joncia] Uh-huh.
And what did you do before this?
-[Joncia] Taxi driver. -Oh yeah?
[Ivan] Taxi driver. Before that, he was a sailor.
[Phil] A sailor?
This is so good, you guys.
People in the past did this almost every day.
[Phil] Yeah.
Because they could work around the house, in a field,
and at the same moment, they could prepare something to eat for their family.
Yeah. It's like an ancient… what we call a slow cooker.
[Ivan] Slow cooker. Yes.
Like a crock-pot.
-[Ivan] Yes. -But ancient.
-[Ivan] Yeah. -Whole flavor and whole juices stay--
Stay inside.
[Ivan shouting Croatian]
[Phil] Why are we yelling? What are you saying to them?
-[Ivan] Bring, uh… -[Joncia] Bring some more wine.
[Phil] I like that that's what we yell about.
-[Ivan] You don't drink? -[Phil] I drink but can't drink like you.
-[Ivan] This is good wine. -[Phil] It is.
[Ivan] And very light.
You can drink four, five bottles and your head won't hurt you.
Maybe your head.
[Ivan and mother chuckle]
My head hurts to think about it.
-[Joncia] This spring… -Yeah?
[Joncia] Me and a godfather of mine drank 22 bottles of this wine.
-[Phil] You drank 22 bottles of this wine? -[Joncia] Yeah.
You must be very proud.
-[all laugh] -[Joncia] This is real story.
[Phil] Every mother's dream.
[all laugh]
He's very aggressive.
[Joncia] I'm very aggressive.
Very aggressive when he drinks.
[Phil] Oh, you start a fight?
[Ivan] Yeah. Father, when he drinks a lot…
-[Phil] Yes? -He starts singing.
-Nice. -Old songs.
-[Joncia] Yes, about love, about… -[Phil] That's nice.
[family speaking Croatian]
[inaudible]
[Joncia singing in Croatian]
[Joncia and Ivan singing in Croatian]
[Jerco joins singing]
[chuckles]
[continues singing]
-[chuckles] -[Phil] What does this song mean?
[Ivan] "My sweet, when I see you…"
Uh…
[Phil] "I have to drink."
[Ivan chuckles] "I have to drink and fight."
[laughing]
[Joncia speaks Croatian]
[traditional Croatian music plays]
[music continues]
[bells ringing loudly]
[bells continue ringing loudly]
[bells stop ringing]
Well, they like their bells.
[soft jazz plays]
[Phil] You know, my favorite thing when I travel
is the chance to meet the real locals.
And I'm lucky enough to get to sit down with two lovely families here in Korčula.
We're driving a little ways from town into the hills to Konoba Mate.
Wow, look at this.
And a beautiful family too.
[Phil] Konoba means "restaurant."
"Mate" is the name that they have for their dad.
-Who are you? -I'm Anna.
Anna, hello.
Who are you?
Lucia.
Lucia, I'm Phil.
Thank you.
-Who's the big boy? -Aruk.
Aruk. Hi, I'm Phil.
-Anna, of course. Again. -Anna. Hi. [chuckles]
I don't know yet.
In fact, they told me she might have the baby the next day.
I thought, "Why don't you have it today?"
We'll liven the show up a little bit. Maybe I become Dr. Phil.
Thank you for having me.
We've prepared you already some food.
What do you like?
[softly] Macaroni.
[Phil imitates Lucia] What's that?
[woman] Macaroni. She likes macaroni as well.
I do the same thing.
[women chuckle]
Macaroni.
[women chuckle]
-I will… -[man] Okay. Enough.
-Good? -Thank you.
[Phil] Thank you for having me.
I understand all the food comes from your farm.
-Is that right? -Yes.
And how long has Restaurant Mate been here?
More than 20 years. It started in 2000.
Živjeli.
-Živjeli. -[older Anna] Živjeli.
-[Phil] You like this? -[younger Anna] Mm, I never tried it.
I never tried it either, so we do it together, okay?
-[Phil] I see a fig. We like fig, right? -Yes.
We like ham, right?
We like everything in here, so it's gonna be good.
-Yes. -One, two, three…
[Phil] What do you think?
It's all about trying new stuff, right? That's what this whole trip is for me
because I've never been in your country before.
-I hope you like it so far. -[Phil] I love it. Are you kidding?
[soft music plays]
Wow.
This is pašticada, a traditional meal.
These are hand-rolled macaroni with wild fennel and tomato sauce.
-[Phil] Wow. -[woman] And goat cheese ravioli.
[Phil] Look at this. It's a pasta-tasting menu today.
[woman laughs]
Wow.
Delicious pasta.
This… This you like.
You like all these pastas, yes?
[older Anna chuckles] What's wrong?
[squeals]
[speaks Croatian]
-Bleh, bleh, bleh. -[Phil mimics Lucia]
[giggles]
[Lucia chuckles]
[dramatically] Lucia, what have you done to the bread?
[Phil imitates sobs]
-So, desserts? -[Phil] Yes.
[woman] Okay.
-[Phil] Hello. -Here, to the left, left, left.
[Phil] Oh, here?
I'm not looking at that. It looks fantastic.
I might just eat it in here if I look at it.
-Monkeys? -[woman] Yeah. I have monkeys.
[woman] Three monkeys.
So, no cakes for monkeys.
[Phil] No cake for monkeys?
I'm not a monkey anymore.
[laughter]
Dessert. Dessert. Dessert.
-[woman] Here you have some cakes. -[Phil] Yes.
-I'm gonna ha-- Aw! -[woman] Oh!
Oop! Oh!
Ah, see what happens?
[chuckles] Yeah! Okay.
Mm!
-This is so good. -[woman] Rose petals.
[Phil] Yes.
Thank you.
-Before the kids grab it. -[woman] Yes.
He wants this one, right?
Should I taste it? I better taste it to make sure it's okay.
Is this the famous basil?
No, that's lemon verbena.
Lemon verbena. Everybody likes this.
Including my friend over here. Let's see if he gets any.
Lucia.
-[younger Anna] Ohh… -[Phil] Mm.
[Phil laughs mockingly]
[continues laughing]
-[Lucia laughs] -[Phil] Oh.
-This is a first. -[woman laughs, speaks Croatian]
I've never been threatened at knifepoint at the dinner table.
[all laugh]
[Phil] Just a drive for our last stop
down the coast to the ancient city of Dubrovnik.
[dramatic music plays]
So here we are in Dubrovnik,
made famous by some show on that other thing.
Take a look for yourself because you're stepping back into history.
This is a city within a walled fortress, a castle.
Built between the 11th and 13th centuries.
Yes, it took all that time to build something like this
with no power tools.
Even thinking about all that work makes me hungry.
[meows]
[soft music plays]
A Croatian ham and cheese sandwich should help.
-Bon appétit. -[Phil] Hvala.
-Hello. -[woman 1] Hello.
Hello.
I heard I should have an octopus burger. Is that right?
-Yes, and it's already ready for you. -It's ready?
-Yep. -That's the burger?
That's actually the platter.
But it's, like, the best way to try everything on the menu.
But here is the octopus burger.
[women chuckle]
-This is my first octopus burger. -[woman 2] Yes.
Mm!
-Good? -I knew I was gonna like… I knew it.
Mm!
I'm so happy with this.
Fried calamari.
It is lovely to meet you.
-I'll take two for the road. -[woman 2] Okay. Bye. Have a nice day.
[Phil] Bye! I love you.
Dubrovnik, you make me happy.
-Hi. -[woman 1] Hi.
-How are you guys? -[woman 1] Good, you?
Good.
Ah!
-[man] I told you we'd see you here. -[woman 2] Hope you're having a good time.
[Phil] Yes. Always.
Hey, puppy.
The only thing that could make this day better?
You guessed it.
Mm!
We wanted to find a place to catch the sunset.
And then they said, "You wanna go to Buža Bar."
What's that? Buža means hole. "Hole in the wall."
Literally, a hole in the wall. This is the hole.
Ah.
Oh.
[swelling orchestral music plays]
[Phil] Are you ready?
Yay! Mazel tov!
And let's check if he's alive. He's alive.
[person] Whoo!
[Phil] Hey, Google. Video-call Gilbert.
[cell phone chiming]
-Oh, there he is. Hi. -Hi.
-Where did I reach you today? -[indistinct]
Are you in a closet?
-No, no, I've come out. -You've come out of the closet?
Did your wife shove you back in?
-[chuckles] Yeah, exactly. -[chuckles]
I'm in Croatia. Have you ever been to Croatia?
What is Croatia?
So if you have Italy here, then you have the Adriatic Sea
and right across from that is Croatia.
And it's this beautiful coast,
and then all these little islands and stuff,
so we've been, like, island-hopping.
You know, now, that's something that wouldn't be enjoyable for me.
And what is your ideal vacation?
My ideal vacation is that I'm not booked for anything
and I'm on the couch with the TV remote.
One time I got booked to do a club in Hawaii.
-Yeah. -And I was really dreading it.
And then I got a call that the resort was sold to some other company
so the whole job fell through
and I was so happy.
[laughs]
-So your favorite gig is a canceled one? -Uh, yes.
See, this is why people love you, Gilbert.
Because you personify the joy of performing.
[both laugh]
You do it for the love.
Gilbert. You know what it's time for?
-It's time for a joke for Max. -Oh!
Do you have a joke for Max that he would enjoy or probably tell himself?
So, like, a Jew joke?
[chuckles] We don't call it that, Gilbert, but yes.
-Ah. Okay. -[chuckles]
A little boy comes home from school.
He says, "Mom! Mom! I got a part in the school play!"
The mother says, "What part do you play?"
He says, "I play a Jewish husband."
And the mother says,
"Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking role."
[laughs]
That's perfect. Give me another one. You've got 'em. I love it.
Okay.
Uh, Goldstein and Goldberg are business partners.
Uh, one day, Goldberg gets sick and he gets rushed to the hospital.
In the hospital, he dies.
Goldstein calls the hospital.
He says, "I want to check on my partner Mr. Goldberg."
They say, "We're very sorry. Your partner Mr. Goldberg passed away."
Next day, Goldstein calls the hospital again.
He says, "I want to check on my partner Mr. Goldberg."
And they say, "Oh well, we don't know if we made this clear to you,
but your partner Mr. Goldberg has died."
Uh, next day, Goldstein calls the hospital again.
Says, "I'm checking on my partner Mr. Goldberg."
And they say, "We've already told you twice that he died."
"Why do you keep calling?"
And he says, "I can't hear it enough."
[laughing]
That's gorgeous.
And you have the best delivery in the business.
I love you for doing this. Thank you, Gilbert.
Bye-bye.
[upbeat jazz plays]
[Phil] It's my last day in Croatia, and just outside of town
is the perfect place for a last meal.
This is Gverović-Orsan.
It's set in heaven, with food to match.
This is one of the best seafood restaurants in the world.
That's right.
I have a question for you.
-Yes? -Is this place real?
I think sometimes it's like a computer.
[Phil laughs]
It's a simulation, right? If this is the Matrix, I don't mind.
You wanna try the wine? This is the oldest sort in Croatia.
-Yes. -Brought by Greeks 1,200 years B.C.
-Wow. -Can you believe that?
That's my vintage.
[waiter] Taste.
When in Croatia…
-Hee-hee. -[waiter chuckles]
[Phil] Very generous pour, my friend.
-What's your name? -Ante.
Ante. Phil.
-Nice to meet you, Phil. -Great to meet you, my friend.
Oh, hello.
-[woman] Hello. I will grab the sea. -[Phil] Wow.
-You're grabbing the sea? -Yeah.
Look at you.
Why are we grabbing the sea?
[woman] To wash oysters.
[Phil] It's run by a family. Look at this mother-daughter combo.
Neya and Etta.
We are here from 1966.
My grandparents opened.
"Orsan" is Italian meaning from garage for the boat.
-[Phil] Oh, I see -So…
All right. I'm gonna try an oyster.
Mm.
Anna said it would be sweet and salty at the same time, right?
[man] Yeah.
And she's right.
Anna, you told me about these oysters. Yes?
You told me these are the best oysters, right?
No, they're horrible.
And excuse me. I just need to keep them for myself.
You don't have to play games with me, Anna.
-I want you to sit right there. -All right.
-And eat. -And eat with me.
How about that?
[Phil] Did you try the homemade bread?
-Yep. -You can't live on oysters.
-[Anna] Wow. -Maybe you can.
-[chuckles] -Where's Sasha? Sasha, come here.
-Ever have one of these? I bet you have. -Yes.
Anna is our fixer in Dubrovnik. And Sasha, he's our local camera operator.
-You guys have been so wonderful to us. -[Anna] Sharing is caring.
Not just me, but the whole crew.
They seem to like you for some reason.
-Me? -Yeah, I don't understand it, but--
-Why? -I… [chuckles]
[Phil] My favorite thing about the world of travel
is discovering the new. Something you had no idea about,
maybe never even thought of going.
It doesn't get better than this. You know, I just love
the clean water, the beautiful food, the beautiful people.
-Thank you. -I'm so happy.
[traditional Croatian music plays]
Look, look. Look what's happening.
-Ay! -Can you guess?
-[Phil] Is that scorpionfish? -[woman] Yes.
-[Phil] My favorite fish. -[woman] Really?
[Phil] Hee!
My favorite fish? Yes, I'm telling you my favorite fish.
Scorpionfish. Yeah. It's found in the Mediterranean and the Adriatic,
and I recommend it to you when you're in this neighborhood.
It's one of the great fish of the world, people.
-The scorpionfish. -[Sasha] Yeah, it looks…
[Phil] 'Cause it looks very scary.
-Bon appétit. -[Anna and Sasha speak Croatian]
I'm sorry. There's no better fish than that.
[woman] This is black risotto, our famous meal.
I changed my mind. You can't be in the scene anymore.
-[Anna chuckles] -[Sasha] Okay. Sorry.
[Phil] Can I serve you? Did you get a mussel? No.
-[Sasha] No, it's okay. -[Phil] Don't lie.
[Anna laughs]
All right. Here we go.
Every single thing
in this little place was so beautiful
and, if you don't go, I don't know what to tell you anymore.
I want to say the same thing about all of Croatia.
So, kids, if you're looking for a first vacation, you know,
like I was when I was 23, and I had no money.
I stayed in hostels, and I stayed in pensiones,
and it was, you know, the best time of my life.
You never forget your first trip.
May I suggest Croatia as a first trip?
Why? Because it has all the beauty
of Italy or any other really romantic place that you would go
and parts of Croatia…
half the price.
The people here know how close they came to having this all ruined by war.
So now they protect it fiercely.
But it didn't seem to make them hard. Just the opposite.
From island to island, town to town, Croatia just adds up.
Where we are, who we are,
the weather, temperature of the wine, the flavor of the oysters.
The hospitality could not be better.
You couldn't make it better.
And if I just don't stop eating, maybe they can't make me leave.
[theme song plays]
♪ Somebody please, somebody please ♪
-♪ Somebody ♪ -♪ Somebody please, somebody please ♪
♪ Can somebody ♪
♪ Somebody feed Phil ♪
♪ Oh, please, somebody ♪
♪ Somebody feed Phil ♪
♪ Somebody feed him now ♪