1
00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:18,960
(《勃朗特姊妹》)

2
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:39,960
(歐帝斯,你在幹嘛?)

3
00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:49,360
(歐帝斯:研究新門診,妳呢?)

4
00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,800
(正在寫作,但要回宿舍了)

5
00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:15,920
(梅芙:你回憶過我們的初吻嗎?)

6
00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,120
我忘記掛襪子了,不好意思

7
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,880
(隨時都在想)

8
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,120
(歐帝斯:真希望能見妳)

9
00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:54,640
(梅芙:換你了,豬頭)

10
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,080
搞定

11
00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,480
好爽

12
00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:24,160
好爽

13
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:26,360
(給妳一張...)

14
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:31,840
(給妳一張我的...)

15
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,760
天啊!好爽!

16
00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,160
《性愛自修室》

17
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:48,560
(謝啦,真是美胸)

18
00:02:58,560 --> 00:02:59,680
(《說出口很重要》)

19
00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,480
早

20
00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:11,760
兒子早

21
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:14,840
喬依,妳今天早上好吵喔

22
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,400
哈囉,妳好嗎?

23
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,080
妳真的很吵

24
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:23,560
抱一個,妳怎麼了?

25
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:24,640
媽

26
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,440
妳還好嗎?

27
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:28,800
我忘記開冰箱要幹嘛了

28
00:03:30,040 --> 00:03:33,320
妳換了外出服,今天要出門嗎?

29
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:35,880
我沒告訴你嗎?

30
00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:37,680
我今天要面試

31
00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:41,720
是要當性愛節目的電台主持人

32
00:03:41,720 --> 00:03:46,560
妳覺得現在回歸職場合適嗎?

33
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,000
這只是甘蘭菜葉而已,沒什麼

34
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:49,920
我...

35
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,320
我的乳腺堵塞

36
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,400
- 貼著菜葉有幫助
- 我只是覺得有點太早

37
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,200
兒子,我是生小孩
又不是動了切除腦白質手術

38
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,960
總之,經紀人認為這是好機會

39
00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:02,320
咖啡

40
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:06,640
該死

41
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:11,320
可以請你等我出門後
帶喬依去店裡買一些嗎?

42
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,480
順便買濕紙巾,我再傳購物清單給你

43
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:18,240
媽,今天是我轉學的第一天

44
00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:19,560
今天嗎?

45
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:20,640
我完全忘了

46
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,400
我該出門了

47
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,320
- 但如果妳需要我留下來...
- 不用,我們沒事,別說傻話

48
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:28,480
我們一定沒問題,我沒事

49
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:29,800
我們一定沒問題

50
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,840
- 再見
- 再見,別擔心

51
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:34,000
媽的

52
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,000
早安

53
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,040
哎唷,新造型喔

54
00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,280
- 看起來很帥
- 謝謝

55
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:50,000
你看起來很累

56
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,240
晚上不睡覺在幹嘛?

57
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,200
(找歐帝斯聊聊:免費性愛門診)

58
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,560
非常專業

59
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:05,360
我要再開完全透明的免費性愛門診

60
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,520
你之前說得對,我不想放棄幫助他人

61
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,800
我知道聽起來很傻

62
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,280
但當治療師可能就是我的天命

63
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:14,960
我好以你為傲

64
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:15,880
謝啦

65
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,240
走吧

66
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,440
- 我現在嚇屎了
- 為什麼?

67
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:22,880
萬一大家又覺得我們是廢物怎麼辦?

68
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,040
我們又不是

69
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:28,680
我們已經改頭換面了
有信心、對自己不迷惘

70
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:29,840
我們是酷哥

71
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,480
(睪固酮凝膠)

72
00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:42,960
這是我使用睪固酮半年後的聲音

73
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,760
優點是眉毛變粗了

74
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:52,520
臉上開始長鬍鬚,很爽

75
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,000
肩膀絕對有變寬

76
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,400
壞處是還是流很多汗

77
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,320
有些部位皮膚很乾燥

78
00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:02,160
性衝動突破天際

79
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,680
3.5

80
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:25,960
還有進步空間

81
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,240
(我的治癒之旅)

82
00:06:38,280 --> 00:06:39,440
我們可能

83
00:06:40,560 --> 00:06:44,160
得開始搭巴士了

84
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,560
話說我跟梅芙在傳訊

85
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:51,960
她傳裸照給我

86
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,120
啥?

87
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,680
燕麥餅!這是天大的大事耶

88
00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:57,800
- 我還沒回覆
- 你瘋了嗎?

89
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:58,800
不要再大吼大叫了

90
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:02,600
你一定要回傳一張
這是電愛禮儀,不能讓她乾等

91
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,720
好啦,我知道,我拍了好幾張

92
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,520
但一張都沒傳,因為都不滿意

93
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:10,600
我不喜歡拍裸照,會讓我焦慮...

94
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:14,080
拜託喔,我真不明白
我超常傳屌照,又沒什麼

95
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,440
你傳屌照給誰?

96
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,600
我有用幾個交友軟體

97
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:20,520
可是裡外兼優的對象都離這裡好遠

98
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,120
但今晚勞工夜店要辦同志之夜

99
00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:25,280
你想去嗎?

100
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:26,680
- 幫我助攻
- 好啊

101
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,440
- 好耶
- 我陪你去

102
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:29,760
不過我該穿什麼?

103
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,160
最好是沒有被寶寶吐奶的衣服

104
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:34,800
我有被...噁

105
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:36,040
你怎麼不早說?

106
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,080
因為很好笑

107
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,320
才不好笑,流到背上了啦

108
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:50,040
我的天啊

109
00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:54,720
(凱文迪許學院)

110
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,600
- 好像阿姆斯特丹
- 不過是在外太空

111
00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,360
每個人看起來都好開心

112
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:03,880
還有很多酷兒

113
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,200
自行車道禁止停車

114
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,400
超級酷兒

115
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:13,280
還自行車道禁止停車咧

116
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:15,080
拜託喔

117
00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:16,480
天啊,艾咪

118
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:18,080
帥哥,你們好啊

119
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:20,200
我們多久沒見...

120
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,320
不好了

121
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:25,880
這裡禁止開車

122
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:30,400
那我的車要停哪?

123
00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,840
對街有個停車場

124
00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,560
- 她好沒禮貌
- 對啊

125
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:42,680
妳沒事吧?

126
00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:44,960
沒事

127
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,600
謝謝你救我一命

128
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:48,680
- 下次見
- 再見

129
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,080
露比回來了

130
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,240
不知道安瓦爾和奧莉薇亞在哪?
他們通常都團體行動

131
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,600
好像去讀泰勒高中了

132
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,800
- 妳通常不是開車嗎?
- 對

133
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,680
我讓一窩松鼠住車上

134
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,400
結果搞得到處都故障

135
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:09,360
走吧

136
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,800
時候到了

137
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,040
- 艾瑞克,走吧
- 好啦

138
00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:13,480
- 快遲到了
- 我來了

139
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,040
這裡好不一樣

140
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,440
天啊,那是溜滑梯嗎?

141
00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,280
這裡有點酷

142
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,840
看來都是由學生主導

143
00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:39,040
妳之前有打過嗎?

144
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:42,320
天啊,到處都是同志

145
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:46,640
就數據來看,學年中轉學很不智

146
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,920
所以我和尤金決定要分手

147
00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:51,520
我們必須心無旁鶩,專心考慮未來

148
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,160
摩爾戴的同學可以過來一下嗎?

149
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:01,160
- 大家好
- 停車場超遠

150
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:02,960
沒辦法天天停那,穿高跟鞋太痛苦

151
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,200
請別打斷女巫幫發言

152
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,160
歡迎來到凱文迪許學院,我叫艾比

153
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,640
這位是艾莎,還有我男友羅曼

154
00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,240
我們是各位的班代

155
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,080
這裡有平板要發給各位

156
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,600
有點高級耶

157
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:22,960
可以上社媒平台“多莉”看課表

158
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:26,800
我好像不在前段班
你們都怎麼幫學生分級?

159
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,120
我們不分級

160
00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:31,480
我們相信只要一個人表現好
那大家都表現得很好

161
00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,400
模擬考就快到了,這種說法毫無道理

162
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,560
這件事晚點再談吧

163
00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:37,160
真的就沒道理啊

164
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:41,160
過來領凱文迪許托特包跟環保水瓶

165
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:42,360
我帶各位去參觀

166
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:43,720
跟我走

167
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,840
我們提供日常冥想、無聲迪斯可

168
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,400
聲浴跟瑜珈

169
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:57,720
因為我們相信心靈健康很重要

170
00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,120
凱文迪許禁止八卦

171
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,560
說別人壞話無助於健康學習

172
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,800
我們鼓勵學生

173
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:10,960
幫忙打掃、整理花草、社群募資

174
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,480
我們的座右銘是

175
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,360
“能環保又何苦打嘴砲?”

176
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,680
救命啊

177
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:22,760
各種設施當然都是性別中立

178
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,600
我們希望每個人都能自在做自己

179
00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,760
覺醒,看到還在睡的人們

180
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:31,880
是時候敲響戰鼓

181
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:34,080
要他們睜開雙眼

182
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:37,920
這裡是發言區
學生隨時可以暢所欲言

183
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:40,880
凱文迪許重視各位的聲音
我們想要聽你們的說法

184
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,400
有人想提問嗎?

185
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:46,680
請問一下,我想在學校開辦服務
應該要找誰呢?

186
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,600
不用,我建議你訂個房間就開始吧

187
00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,360
- 我是歐帝斯
- 我是艾瑞克

188
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,520
我要在校園提供免費性愛門診

189
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,080
- 免費性愛門診
- 午休隨時可以過來

190
00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,800
今天有免費性愛門診

191
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,080
絕對保密喔,不用嗎?

192
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,280
收下吧

193
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:05,560
勃起障礙?沒興趣嗎?

194
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:09,680
這傢伙就是《愛經》的化身

195
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,640
如果有早洩、陰道痙攣...

196
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,400
哎唷,是我最喜歡的人耶

197
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,280
還有閃亮花衣吹牛精

198
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:18,960
以撒,你怎麼會在這?

199
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,440
我上學期開始就讀
要完成普通教育高級程度

200
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:23,720
你應該要來歐帝斯的門診看看

201
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,320
完全免費,而且在一樓

202
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,920
我講句難聽的
我才不要跟你聊我的老二

203
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,520
- 隨便你
- 還有,學校是採無紙政策

204
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:34,120
糟糕

205
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,760
- 不要
- 就是要

206
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,680
我的宣傳方法只有這招耶

207
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:41,120
歐帝斯,我們不能被當作環保殺手

208
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,360
請記得要資源回收

209
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,080
真的很抱歉,對不...

210
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,520
沒關係

211
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:51,040
今天需要幫忙準備門診嗎?

212
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,320
不用,我應該沒問題

213
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:55,000
他們比較喜歡一對一,保持匿名性

214
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:56,880
你一個人可以嗎?

215
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,240
當然可以

216
00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:00,400
晚點見

217
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,440
- 好
- 對了,記得回梅芙

218
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:04,880
因為不回的話會很尷尬

219
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:06,160
- 我知道
- 傳屌照就是了

220
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,640
- 閉嘴啦
- 傳過去,從根到頭

221
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,040
- 進廁所,摩擦摩擦
- 閉嘴啦,艾瑞克!

222
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:12,960
知道嗎?

223
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,160
好險,不好意思

224
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,320
他媽的

225
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,520
- 聽起來不太妙,我們被困住了嗎?
- 對

226
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:47,120
校方有錢打造冥想室

227
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,880
卻沒錢裝能正常運作的電梯

228
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,760
我都已經投訴好幾百次了

229
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:00,640
妳不記得我了吧?

230
00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:03,720
我是以撒

231
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:06,160
算是梅芙的前男友

232
00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:07,480
是以撒啊

233
00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,680
抱歉,我很會記名字,但不太會認臉

234
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:13,600
- 妳要去上什麼課?
- 美術

235
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,240
- 我也是
- 我是從歷史課轉過去的

236
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,280
我沒上過美術,但我看了一本書

237
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,320
書上說藝術有助於撫平創傷

238
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,320
我正在進行治癒之旅,所以囉

239
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,240
你學美術也是這個原因嗎?撫平創傷

240
00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:30,440
因為你有殘疾

241
00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:34,360
對,我在尋找情感宣洩

242
00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:40,960
透過繪畫的神奇出口
宣洩每天坐輪椅的情感折磨

243
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:41,880
真的假的?

244
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,520
所以真的有幫助?

245
00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,800
我不需要任何幫助

246
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,760
因為我對人生很滿意

247
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,800
我學美術是因為我喜歡繪畫

248
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,120
不過感謝妳用
健全人士觀點推己及人喔

249
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:56,960
我是不是說錯話了?

250
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,320
我有點後悔剛才沒選擇走樓梯了

251
00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:06,360
我也是

252
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,560
葛洛夫校長

253
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:22,040
對不起...

254
00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:23,640
你...

255
00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:26,560
嚇到我了

256
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,680
叫我葛洛夫老師就好

257
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:31,280
我在當代課老師
今天是我第一天上課

258
00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:34,280
亞當也是今天開始上課嗎?

259
00:15:35,840 --> 00:15:37,440
我不知道

260
00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,160
我們其實已經不是朋友了

261
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:42,680
對喔

262
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,160
好吧

263
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:48,720
不過你...

264
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:49,880
- 請...
- 坐

265
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,760
先點名吧

266
00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,400
老師,我們都用多莉簽到

267
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,120
多莉是學校的接待員嗎?

268
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,400
不是,是這個...

269
00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:23,680
你們應該都很熟悉代數跟公式了

270
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,840
老師,那是投影幕

271
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:38,680
你們要會展開生產代數式

272
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,560
以及因式分解一元二次方程式

273
00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,040
老師,我的平板不能用

274
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,680
可以稍等一下嗎?我真的很不想落後

275
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:49,720
我幫妳抄筆記

276
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:51,360
謝謝

277
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,080
不客氣

278
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:57,560
先複習一下配方法好了

279
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:03,040
(艾咪:以撒在這,他好像討厭我)

280
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,480
(他會裝得討人厭,但其實人不錯)

281
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:13,520
(你們應該會合得來)

282
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:15,760
(艾咪:歐帝斯回覆了嗎?)

283
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,320
無法相信這是他在25歲寫的

284
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:20,600
他是超級天才

285
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,880
聽說他上一個實習生得到葛洛可獎

286
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,920
- 什麼實習生?
- 梅芙,妳有時候好天真無知

287
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,840
他每年都會挑一個人當實習生

288
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,840
實習生能受他指導
著作幾乎都能出版

289
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:34,240
大家都知道泰隆會中選

290
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:36,960
那我呢?

291
00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:40,280
話說

292
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,880
你們有多少人想當作家?

293
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:49,480
有幾個人已經開始思考怎麼寫小說?

294
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,040
好

295
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,240
我告訴你們一些殘酷事實

296
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,920
你們只有幾個人有才華寫出好作品

297
00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,480
能靠寫作賺錢的人就更少了

298
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:03,240
對不起,老師

299
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:08,600
以後再遲到就不准進教室

300
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,480
他們應該有叫你們先讀過我的書

301
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,600
《彩虹迷宮之血》

302
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,240
有什麼感想?

303
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:19,720
我認為這是你的傑作

304
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,280
非常生動

305
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,240
煽動諷喻不受監管的資本主義

306
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:30,320
妳不同意嗎?

307
00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,520
沒有,我喜歡

308
00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:34,680
我...

309
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,320
我比較喜歡
你的第一本小說《闇夜傳說》

310
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:40,200
我覺得書中的母子關係

311
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,560
非常複雜,也很感人

312
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:47,360
沒幾個人看過那本書

313
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:49,080
妳說的也沒錯

314
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,800
相比之下,《彩虹迷宮》就是一坨屎

315
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:54,680
儘管書評好像都很喜歡

316
00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:55,960
不過《闇夜傳說》

317
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,000
帶給我的寫作經驗真的很痛苦

318
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:03,280
但我相信寫作本來就該是一種內耗

319
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:08,360
所以在你們上我的課
開始思索這些小說的同時

320
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:11,560
我也要提醒你們,這個過程絕不輕鬆

321
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:15,040
下一堂課要看你們寫的第1章

322
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,360
好,繼續,在我們說到...

323
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:24,840
對不起

324
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:29,640
可以借我看一下嗎?

325
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,480
- 好
- 非常感謝

326
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,120
好

327
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,160
我剛才說到哪了?

328
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:45,160
手畫得很好

329
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,200
- 細節很棒
- 謝謝

330
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:53,440
我喜歡你對形線和光線的處理

331
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:54,560
非常棒

332
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,560
有意思

333
00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:59,480
那是什麼?

334
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:01,560
大奶

335
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:03,360
這樣啊

336
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:06,440
記住,沒必要表現得這麼直白

337
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,920
- 不錯
- 謝謝

338
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:16,880
充滿肉慾

339
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:20,480
就是那裡

340
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:23,280
美麗的質地

341
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:30,880
我喜歡

342
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,320
你很棒,很好...

343
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,280
我可以出去一下嗎?

344
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,680
你到底有什麼毛病?媽的

345
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,080
- 喂?
- 喂?莫琳,妳好

346
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:11,760
我知道機會不大

347
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,800
不過可以麻煩妳照顧喬依幾小時嗎?

348
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:18,880
珍,我很樂意,可是我還有防身課

349
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:20,680
今天要升段

350
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,720
換作別的時候,我早就飛奔過去了

351
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,600
好吧,總之還是謝了

352
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,800
- 是我問得太臨時了
- 妳還好嗎?

353
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,160
沒事,我很好,完全沒問題

354
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:32,560
謝啦,我得走了,再見

355
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,240
好,再見

356
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:41,640
我去求職中心幫你拿了這些

357
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,840
亞當,我尊重你不復學的決定

358
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,520
不是每個人都適合上學

359
00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:47,840
但你不能整天無所事事

360
00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:50,760
猛吃麥片,盯著前男友的照片

361
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,040
(林冠手術學徒)

362
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,000
(程式學徒計畫)

363
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:10,040
(農夫學徒計畫)

364
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,600
老師,很抱歉我的電話響了
我保證絕對不會再犯

365
00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,560
妳是梅芙威利吧?

366
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,920
- 對
- 聽說妳的申請資料令人驚艷

367
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,400
很期待閱讀妳的第1章

368
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:33,280
他知道妳的申請資料

369
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,000
他也把我的手機丟出窗外

370
00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,160
- 到底是誰打給妳?
- 我媽

371
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,240
她很關心妳耶

372
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,800
- 妳們感情好嗎?
- 不太好

373
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:44,000
- 她有毒癮
- 妳媽有毒癮?

374
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,080
對

375
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:46,000
那麼

376
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,520
妳在這堂課就有很多有趣題材能寫了

377
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,440
說這種話不好吧

378
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,320
我不是很同意“寫作是內耗”的說法

379
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,360
我認為故事可以單純就是故事

380
00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:58,760
找到了

381
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:04,440
問個假設性問題

382
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,320
要是傳親密照給算是在交往的對象

383
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,840
但對方沒回,你們會怎麼做?

384
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:10,840
甩掉他

385
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,000
我不能甩掉他
因為他嚴格來說不是我男友

386
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,200
那就冷處理

387
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:17,920
萬一其實是他在冷處理她呢?

388
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,880
(給歐帝斯:?)

389
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,200
(歐帝斯米爾本免費學生性愛門診)

390
00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,640
請坐

391
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,200
有什麼事嗎?今天要問什麼?

392
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:05,880
(梅芙:?)

393
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:09,160
(MMTR電台)

394
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:12,360
問題是我們的收聽率節節下滑

395
00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:16,080
不算太嚴重
只是大家最近都聽Podcast

396
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:20,960
所以我們需要這個節目火辣一點

397
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,440
吸引新聽眾

398
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:27,400
妳有什麼想法嗎?

399
00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:30,960
有

400
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:34,480
我和病患的療程有時候很有戲劇性

401
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:38,920
所以我在想
我們可以再現那種一對一的氣氛

402
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,280
不過是在線上直播

403
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:42,400
凱蒂!這是幹什麼?還好嗎?

404
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,640
她請我幫忙照顧孩子
可是寶寶一直哭個不停

405
00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,320
對不起,我找不到保母

406
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,040
沒關係,不用在意

407
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,680
所以就是普通的叩應節目嗎?

408
00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,640
不是,其實完全不普通

409
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,920
可以是不加修飾,活生生、血淋淋

410
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,960
有潛力...對不起

411
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,240
妳要改天再來嗎?

412
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,680
不用...現在就好

413
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:09,440
我要說的是...

414
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:10,520
喝吧

415
00:25:10,520 --> 00:25:12,520
我要說的是

416
00:25:13,480 --> 00:25:16,680
聽真人述說性方面的問題

417
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:19,600
其實可以非常刺激

418
00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,120
血脈賁張

419
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:25,360
甚至能使聽眾更瞭解自己的感情關係

420
00:25:25,360 --> 00:25:29,840
這是我在工作很投入的部分

421
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:35,200
- 我喜歡
- 是喔

422
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,960
對,我喜歡妳的書,也欣賞妳的氣質

423
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:41,440
可以這週就來上班嗎?

424
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,560
對不起,我沒想到會這麼快

425
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,600
是這樣的,喬依只有八週大

426
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,440
可以再給我一點時間嗎?

427
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,480
不行,我們必須補缺,現在就得搞定

428
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:59,200
- 下次有機會再找妳
- 不用,我可以立刻開始上班

429
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:02,080
太棒了,真是峰迴路轉,太棒了

430
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:04,840
很好,謝謝

431
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:06,600
棒透了

432
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,240
艾比說她喜歡我的穿著

433
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,000
聽女巫幫說現在流行燈芯絨

434
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:18,320
(女巫幫#粉絲頁)

435
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,320
“我在這裡,我夠好了
我在學著成為更好的人”

436
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:51,520
要什麼?

437
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:52,440
不用了

438
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,080
- 謝謝
- 不會

439
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,560
請問要什麼?

440
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:58,600
請給我漢堡

441
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:01,000
我喜歡小扁豆,可是吃了會拉稀

442
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:16,040
說來有點尷尬

443
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,720
不過這是艾比最愛的座位

444
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:19,920
她喜歡這裡看到的風景

445
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,200
沒關係,我坐在這就好,謝謝

446
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,320
我跟她說了這是妳的座位

447
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:29,040
別傻了,沒關係
我們今天換地方坐就好

448
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:30,320
我可以換座位

449
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:35,200
也可以繼續坐在這和你們聊聊

450
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,120
妳是今天早上開車的那個女生

451
00:27:37,120 --> 00:27:40,200
妳有考慮要騎腳踏車嗎?比較環保

452
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:41,520
我會考慮一下

453
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:44,480
我喜歡妳的外套,在哪買的?

454
00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:46,080
謝謝,這是我自己做的

455
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,680
總之,請慢慢享用午餐和風景

456
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,040
救命恩人,過來一起坐啊

457
00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:47,320
好啊,謝謝

458
00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:52,400
他真的救了我一命,你真是個小英雄

459
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:54,760
沒什麼啦

460
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:57,720
目前還滿意凱文迪許嗎?

461
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:00,440
真的很不一樣,但是非常友善

462
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:02,560
上一所學校的人不友善嗎?

463
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,560
一點也不,非常不友善

464
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:09,480
真可憐

465
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,360
保持負面心態比正面心態還要累人

466
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:14,360
你是什麼星座?

467
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,960
我是處女座

468
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,280
你是何年何月何時出生?

469
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:23,360
對了,一定要讓艾莎
幫你算整個星盤,她很厲害

470
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,600
我不知道耶,要問我媽才知道

471
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,040
不好意思,你說什麼?

472
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,320
- 艾莎要讀你的唇語才行
- 對不起

473
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:33,800
別在意,沒關係

474
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:35,760
我說我得問我媽才知道

475
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,560
- 問到了再告訴我
- 沒問題

476
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:46,840
天啊,我忘記告訴你們

477
00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:50,840
我發現馬斯特老師有在用Tinder

478
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:54,040
我敢說她一定是天秤座

479
00:29:56,600 --> 00:29:58,600
艾莎,別忘記學校不准八卦

480
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:00,400
(八卦罰錢瓶)

481
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,040
我們會把錢捐給慈善機構

482
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:05,160
那當然,我最討厭八卦

483
00:30:05,840 --> 00:30:08,400
你朋友呢?之前跟你在一起的那個

484
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:09,320
燕麥餅啊

485
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:14,960
他要在校園內開性愛門診

486
00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:21,160
我知道聽起來很怪
不過他很擅長給人建議

487
00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:23,880
他知道小歐吧?

488
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:27,640
小歐?

489
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:32,280
妳好,歡迎

490
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:34,000
請坐,妳要問什麼?

491
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,560
抱歉,我是要找小歐

492
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,480
無須道歉

493
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,960
很多女性都是高潮難求,請坐

494
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,360
不是,我是要找另一個性治療師小歐

495
00:30:58,920 --> 00:30:59,920
什麼?

496
00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:01,440
(小歐性愛與感情安心談)

497
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,600
- 歐帝斯,不好了
- 艾瑞克

498
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:12,480
學校好像還有另一個性治療師

499
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:15,880
什麼?我...

500
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:18,560
我正是要告訴你這件事

501
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:29,080
好,他大概是個騙徒

502
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,840
大概是在騙錢,跟一代宗濕一樣

503
00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,680
我得叫他關閉門診

504
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:35,800
令人作嘔

505
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,840
天啊,歐帝斯,有免費餅乾

506
00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:41,760
- 那其實是長角豆
- 你叫什麼名字?

507
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,080
- 提摩西
- 提摩西,沒人問你

508
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:47,760
這是什麼?

509
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,840
你要預約才能找小歐諮商

510
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:53,560
妳才要預約改善一下態度

511
00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:58,240
你看,週五12點有個空缺

512
00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:59,720
那還要等四天

513
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,000
燕麥餅,他大概還蠻有人氣的

514
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:07,800
歐帝斯

515
00:32:08,720 --> 00:32:11,640
剛好有人取消,你要進來嗎?

516
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:15,640
原來是女的

517
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,360
而且還知道你的名字

518
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:20,240
歐帝斯,請進

519
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:25,080
我看到你在發你的新門診傳單

520
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:29,040
你好像要提供跟我類似的服務
所以我想說找你聊聊也好

521
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,080
對

522
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:34,080
我有點好奇妳這邊是怎麼進行的

523
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:38,560
我會陪大家說話,提出建議

524
00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:41,000
請坐

525
00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:43,320
輕鬆坐就好

526
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:44,240
謝謝

527
00:32:51,720 --> 00:32:52,560
不好意思

528
00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:56,440
我不太擅長坐地上

529
00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,440
妳是什麼時候想到要做這個?

530
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,840
我一開始是拍聊性愛和感情的短片

531
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:05,800
放到網路上

532
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:09,200
後來發現和人們面對面的樂趣

533
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,240
你背上有一點污漬

534
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,360
那是嘔吐物,我媽剛生小孩

535
00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:17,360
恭喜,我很欣賞你媽的作品

536
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:19,960
不過這一定讓你得做不少調適

537
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,640
家裡來了新生兒

538
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:23,560
她是單親媽媽嗎?

539
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:25,880
對,不過...

540
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:28,920
我這麼說是因為你看起來很累

541
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:31,400
好像在家裡要幫很多忙

542
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:34,000
喬依...寶寶是早產兒

543
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:35,880
我媽剛和人分手

544
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:37,560
現在她又想要回歸職場

545
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:41,320
這實在不太可能
因為她顯然左支右絀,所以我...

546
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:43,240
很擔心?

547
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,320
你有可以求助的對象嗎?

548
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,040
我其實不是要來聊我的個人問題

549
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:50,600
我們得討論...

550
00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,160
(梅芙:你在冷處理我嗎?)

551
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:54,880
- 那個...
- 有壞消息嗎?

552
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:56,520
不是,是我在交往的女生

553
00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:58,760
她在美國,但很快就會回來

554
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,160
- 你們吵架了?
- 沒有

555
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:04,800
我也不確定

556
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:05,960
她傳簡訊給我

557
00:34:05,960 --> 00:34:08,240
我沒回覆,結果她就在生我的氣

558
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,480
我們可以言歸正傳...

559
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:13,960
你為什麼不回?

560
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,160
讓她枯等好像有點混蛋

561
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:18,400
她要我傳裸照

562
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,040
傳裸照給未滿18歲的人會犯法

563
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:21,360
我坐牢一定活不下去

564
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:23,480
有意思

565
00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,840
這是你沒回覆的唯一原因嗎?

566
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:28,680
我確實拍了幾張照片

567
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,040
但對照片上的表現不太滿意

568
00:34:31,040 --> 00:34:34,160
很多男性都會糾結於身體意象

569
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,800
拍照會讓人不得不正視這問題

570
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,280
但你會不會是在害怕?

571
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:40,720
或許你是怕自己更投入

572
00:34:41,600 --> 00:34:43,120
卻不確定她何時會回來

573
00:34:43,720 --> 00:34:45,200
甚至究竟會不會回來

574
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:47,400
她一定會回來

575
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:48,320
好

576
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:55,840
我認為校園裡有兩位性治療師不可行

577
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:59,520
歐帝斯,恐怕今天門診時間就到這了

578
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,840
不對,因為這不是在做門診

579
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,760
我們得討論該怎麼處理我們的門診

580
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,800
是我先來的,所以我什麼都不用做

581
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,680
- 我是原版性治療師,所以...
- 原版?

582
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:13,120
妳明顯是剽竊我的想法

583
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:15,560
我完全沒有剽竊,歐帝斯

584
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,200
女人確實也是有腦生物

585
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:19,640
不過祝你開張大吉

586
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:21,000
希望你能一帆風順

587
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:22,520
謝謝你來訪

588
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:33,800
你有罵她是騙徒嗎?

589
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:37,880
好吧

590
00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:39,400
不會吧

591
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:43,520
天啊,她有幾千個粉絲

592
00:35:44,560 --> 00:35:45,400
好吧

593
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:47,880
(小歐安心談)

594
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:49,400
大家好,我是小歐

595
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:53,160
感謝收看這週的《流言終結者》

596
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,120
今天我們要聊處女膜

597
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:56,200
破處

598
00:35:56,200 --> 00:36:00,760
我要嚴正聲明,沒有破處這種事情

599
00:36:03,240 --> 00:36:05,200
她簡直跟你一模一樣

600
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,600
只是她的規模更大更優秀

601
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:10,520
而且她...

602
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,240
- 她很有名
- 她剽竊我的點子

603
00:36:13,240 --> 00:36:15,200
不好說,她的網頁建立好一段時間了

604
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,160
她的建議根本沒什麼幫助

605
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:21,360
她說我怕傳裸照給梅芙
是因為怕她不會回來

606
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:22,560
她什麼時候要回來?

607
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:25,200
不知道,但這不是重點,艾瑞克

608
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,080
我才不怕

609
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:31,280
告訴你,我現在就傳裸照給她

610
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:32,560
天啊,哎唷

611
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:33,640
這張不好

612
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,040
- 感覺如何
- 非常淡定

613
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:40,400
超級淡定

614
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:44,600
- 你要去哪?
- 向大家介紹我的門診

615
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:45,880
等等

616
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:48,160
你也知道公開發言不是你的強項

617
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:49,560
還記得你的派對嗎?

618
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,240
歐帝斯,你還是三思而後行吧

619
00:36:52,240 --> 00:36:55,320
她偷走了我的門診

620
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,960
健康的環境需要蜜蜂

621
00:36:59,960 --> 00:37:03,280
- 要是沒有蜜蜂,我們都會...
- 下一個換我

622
00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:05,160
死掉

623
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:08,880
我愛蜜蜂

624
00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:14,040
記得放慢語速、別跳舞,好嗎?

625
00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:14,960
知道了

626
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:18,720
- 千萬別跳
- 好

627
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:27,600
你們好,我是艾瑞克

628
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,040
- 他是歐帝斯
- 大家好

629
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,320
大家好,我是歐帝斯米爾本

630
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,320
我是新來的
跟摩爾戴高中一票人一起轉學過來

631
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:38,080
謝謝支持

632
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:40,360
我想跟大家做個自我介紹

633
00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:42,480
我今年17歲

634
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:46,600
幾乎所有空閒時間都在想性愛

635
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:51,400
幾乎整天滿腦子都是性愛

636
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,280
他好像是在做性成癮告解

637
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:57,920
不對,這句話說得有點怪

638
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:00,080
我要說的是

639
00:38:01,480 --> 00:38:04,000
思考性愛對我來說再自然不過

640
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:08,440
因為我的性知識都是跟我媽學的

641
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,280
- 不會吧
- 哇

642
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:12,240
- 這也太病態了
- 天啊

643
00:38:12,240 --> 00:38:13,600
我們支持你

644
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:15,280
你敢說出來真勇敢

645
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:18,400
等等,我不是這個...拜託別鼓掌

646
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,120
不要...

647
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,200
我跟我媽沒有性關係

648
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:24,160
我知道聽起來是那樣,但我沒有

649
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:25,240
有的話就太噁了

650
00:38:25,240 --> 00:38:28,040
但我之所以對這個主題產生興趣

651
00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:29,680
是因為她,以及她教我的...

652
00:38:29,680 --> 00:38:32,360
拜託喔,直接說你是性治療師啦

653
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:34,080
沒錯,我就是

654
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:36,520
好,我重來一次

655
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:39,160
我是學生性治療師

656
00:38:39,680 --> 00:38:43,400
我剛才想表達的是
我學會了怎麼當個優秀的性治療師

657
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:44,840
因為我是我媽帶大的

658
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:46,600
她同樣也是性治療師

659
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:47,560
這是我的天命

660
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,920
我決定要在學校開門診
和各位分享我的知識

661
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:57,000
Micro USB,非常好

662
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,840
謝謝,成功了,請看

663
00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:01,480
我們本來就有性治療師了

664
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:02,520
我知道

665
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:04,440
我不清楚來龍去脈

666
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:06,920
可是她剽竊了我的點子

667
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,640
你們應該要來找我,不要找小歐

668
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:13,280
因為我才是原版

669
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:15,000
而且服務最頂尖

670
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:17,800
你說她剽竊是什麼意思?

671
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:18,800
她...

672
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:20,640
(訊息無法送出)

673
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:22,360
我稍後回答妳

674
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:23,840
訊息快走開

675
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:30,560
這不是我的照片

676
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:34,360
天啊,好喔

677
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,480
謝謝各位,我是歐帝斯性治療師...

678
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:38,880
成功連結藍芽

679
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:40,200
藍芽?救命啊

680
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:43,080
天啊,遮住眼睛

681
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:45,680
- 遮住眼睛
- 走開啦!別鬧了

682
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:48,000
他的陰莖為什麼軟趴趴?

683
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:49,400
走開啦,救命啊

684
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:52,760
他的陰毛為什麼剃成那樣?

685
00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:56,080
遮住眼睛

686
00:39:57,520 --> 00:39:58,840
別看了

687
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:01,160
真的太丟人了

688
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:03,240
拜託

689
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:06,960
- 天啊
- 有人能幫他關掉投影機嗎?

690
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:09,520
拜託快幫他,快...

691
00:40:11,600 --> 00:40:13,720
謝謝妳,蜜蜂小姐,謝謝大家

692
00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:16,640
希望能跟大家在門診相見

693
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:18,240
慘透了

694
00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:25,520
歐帝斯

695
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:31,000
千萬別說照片傳給梅芙了

696
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:32,920
給我進來,坐下

697
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:37,000
- 沒傳過去
- 謝天謝地,感謝上帝

698
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,040
- 剛才的事情不是在作夢嗎?
- 不是

699
00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:42,400
- 大家都在討論我?
- 對

700
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:43,800
不過這所學院好怪

701
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,520
沒人說壞話,大家都為你感到難過

702
00:40:46,520 --> 00:40:47,560
救命啊

703
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:50,640
你的陰莖為什麼會軟趴趴?

704
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,480
大家其實比較喜歡堅挺屌照

705
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:53,920
勃起感覺太咄咄逼人了

706
00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:58,000
而且你的陰毛為什麼刮得怪模怪樣?

707
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:01,240
鏡頭幹嘛拿那麼遠,燕麥餅?

708
00:41:01,240 --> 00:41:02,440
我右邊刮太多了

709
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:03,920
拿得遠是為了打自然光

710
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:06,080
竟然會發生這種事

711
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:08,920
沒人會找陰毛怪人看門診

712
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:12,800
你好,我需要諮商

713
00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:15,120
請進

714
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:25,320
對喔,我這就離開

715
00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:27,600
不好意思...

716
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:28,640
祝諮商順利

717
00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:30,280
老天保佑啊

718
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:35,400
請問有什麼事?

719
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:37,320
我剛才高潮了

720
00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:39,080
很好啊

721
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:41,240
並不好,非常奇怪

722
00:41:41,240 --> 00:41:44,720
就是剛才的事,在學校裡
我看了你的照片就高潮了

723
00:41:46,720 --> 00:41:47,640
我有點受寵若驚

724
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:50,280
你搞錯了,你一點都不吸引我

725
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:53,240
你的裸照簡直不性感到極致

726
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:54,960
中肯

727
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:56,800
我從半年前開始使用睪固酮

728
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:59,040
醫生事先警告我
感覺會像青春期重來一樣

729
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:01,000
但我現在隨時都性致勃勃

730
00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:02,560
任何東西都能讓我興奮

731
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,120
我今天早上就打了兩次手槍

732
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,400
上美術課差點就高潮了

733
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,360
然後看到你的陰莖,就爆發了

734
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:10,880
瞭解

735
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:14,560
我莫名其妙地去了,我也說不明白

736
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:18,800
我不想停用睪固酮
但我好像要失控了

737
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:23,520
我不想要隨時隨地都在高潮

738
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,640
自發性高潮很少見

739
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,480
但也不是前所未見

740
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:33,920
大家都可能會發生

741
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:36,880
但絕對不是使用睪固酮就會發生

742
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,600
青春期讓我們感到失控

743
00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:42,240
還會莫名其妙性奮

744
00:42:43,000 --> 00:42:46,080
你敘述的其實就是一般青少年的感受

745
00:42:46,080 --> 00:42:47,000
真的假的?

746
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,800
真的,相信我
我自己也好幾次都高潮得不是時候

747
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,680
這種事讓人很不自在,也很丟臉

748
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:55,920
但我保證情況一定會好轉

749
00:42:57,600 --> 00:42:59,640
所以我只是個色色的青少年

750
00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:01,920
- 我還以為是我太下流
- 不是

751
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:04,800
我知道很不容易
但你應該要試著享受這個過程

752
00:43:05,560 --> 00:43:08,000
這是瞭解你自己和身體的好機會

753
00:43:10,240 --> 00:43:11,240
謝謝你,歐帝斯

754
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:15,560
可以問你為什麼會決定來找我聊嗎?

755
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:18,520
你在全校面前秀出了軟屌照

756
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:20,160
我想說你應該不會看不起我

757
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:28,520
(梅芙,抱歉我嚇傻了
可以聊聊嗎?)

758
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:32,080
- 你好
- 好像在那下面

759
00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:34,280
你真的還沒放下他

760
00:43:34,280 --> 00:43:36,000
我在努力了,好嗎?

761
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,840
總之,我們倆都沒時間談戀愛

762
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:40,960
今年是成敗關鍵,知道嗎?

763
00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:45,720
妳的平板修好了嗎?

764
00:43:45,720 --> 00:43:46,720
我被搞定了

765
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:49,440
抱歉,我搞定了

766
00:43:50,720 --> 00:43:52,760
- 你好,我是阿波
- 我是傑克森

767
00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,520
我用多莉傳筆記給妳,妳姓什麼?

768
00:43:57,240 --> 00:43:58,400
我姓...

769
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:08,080
薇薇安奧迪桑雅,明天教室見

770
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:09,760
明天見

771
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:13,760
這是怎樣?成敗關鍵?

772
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,160
還薇薇安奧迪桑雅咧

773
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:19,680
明天教室見

774
00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:21,360
你差這麼一點就死定了

775
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,040
(MMTR電台)

776
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:28,040
上學順利嗎?

777
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,240
糟透了

778
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:33,880
有另一個學生也在開門診

779
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:39,080
她還有狗屁頻道
外加一堆影片和粉絲

780
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,680
讓我的門診顯得極為可悲

781
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:44,480
妳根本沒在聽

782
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:47,440
對不起

783
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:50,320
我錄取了

784
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:52,120
電台要我立刻上班

785
00:44:52,120 --> 00:44:54,520
我知道不太理想,但...

786
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:56,360
誰要照顧喬依?

787
00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:59,240
節目是在傍晚時段

788
00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:02,040
我想說有時候可以帶她去電台

789
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,120
有時候也可以由你照顧

790
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,080
媽,我們現在就很辛苦了

791
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,800
我才剛進學校,現在真的不適合...

792
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:10,760
喬依呢?

793
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:13,640
喬依呢?她在哪?

794
00:45:14,160 --> 00:45:16,360
我才剛回家耶,媽

795
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:17,960
妳怎麼會問我喬依在哪?

796
00:45:18,560 --> 00:45:19,440
喬依

797
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:30,520
我一定是把她放進嬰兒床了

798
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:32,200
完全忘了

799
00:45:33,120 --> 00:45:34,240
恐慌結束

800
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,120
喂?我很擔心媽的狀況

801
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:07,880
- 美呆了
- 艾瑞克

802
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:08,800
幹嘛?

803
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:13,720
新牧師今天問我你怎麼沒在教堂受洗

804
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:16,280
你應該要去聽他講道

805
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:18,480
他其實很前衛

806
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:22,080
媽,這我們已經討論過了
妳也知道我沒意願

807
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:25,120
拜託,艾瑞克,妹妹她們都受洗了

808
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:27,080
- 那又怎樣?
- 只剩下你了

809
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:29,520
你受洗會讓我和外婆都很欣慰

810
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:40,200
好啦,我會考慮考慮

811
00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:44,320
對了,媽,我是幾點出生的?

812
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:46,800
你是跟誰聊到這個?

813
00:46:48,040 --> 00:46:48,960
沒人

814
00:46:57,000 --> 00:46:57,920
(艾比加你好友)

815
00:46:57,920 --> 00:46:59,320
不會吧

816
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:08,480
感謝黑耶穌保佑

817
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:19,040
亞當今天沒去凱文迪許入學

818
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:20,200
對

819
00:47:20,840 --> 00:47:23,360
他決定不繼續就學

820
00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:24,320
他怎麼沒說?

821
00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:26,040
麥可

822
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:27,800
他會怕你

823
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:33,960
我正在努力改進

824
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:37,560
我在做心理治療

825
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:39,680
那就好

826
00:47:40,840 --> 00:47:43,600
不過你如果希望亞當對你傾訴

827
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:46,840
就必須開始對他多加把勁

828
00:48:20,160 --> 00:48:22,520
(小心輕放)

829
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:26,600
(五顆星推薦,艾咪)

830
00:48:37,920 --> 00:48:40,360
你整天都無視我,我覺得自己好白癡

831
00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:42,560
對不起,我處理得不太好

832
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:43,680
我應該要回話才對

833
00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,640
我可能只是害怕讓自己這麼毫無保留

834
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,400
卻不知道妳是不是會回來

835
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:50,640
我幹嘛不回去?

836
00:48:50,640 --> 00:48:53,400
妳聽起來在那邊過得很開心

837
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:56,440
是啊,但離鄉背井也很不好受

838
00:48:57,040 --> 00:48:58,920
而且我想你,很想你

839
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:00,040
嗯,我也想妳

840
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:02,320
我會回去

841
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:05,880
好吧

842
00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:08,840
拍裸照可能不太適合我

843
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:11,800
不過我們或許可以試試別的

844
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:14,960
好,你想試什麼?

845
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:19,480
我也不知道,我不擅長這種事

846
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:20,840
沒關係

847
00:49:24,440 --> 00:49:26,320
你現在在想什麼?

848
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:30,720
我在想妳正陪在我身邊

849
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:34,960
我在脫褲子

850
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:36,960
等一下

851
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:44,840
現在只穿內褲

852
00:49:44,840 --> 00:49:45,920
等一下

853
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:55,480
- 可以了嗎?
- 你在做什麼?

854
00:49:57,080 --> 00:49:58,080
我在

855
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:00,960
想像妳在我身旁

856
00:50:02,080 --> 00:50:04,240
我在脫妳衣服

857
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:06,640
撫摸妳

858
00:50:07,400 --> 00:50:08,680
你在摸我哪裡?

859
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:09,680
妳的臉

860
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,720
- 還有妳的嘴
- 你在親我嗎?

861
00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:14,680
對

862
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:17,720
- 哪裡?
- 妳的雙唇

863
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:20,880
往下親到脖子

864
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:24,240
你在自慰嗎?

865
00:50:24,240 --> 00:50:27,200
對,妳呢?

866
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:29,320
我也是

867
00:50:57,720 --> 00:50:58,640
好

868
00:51:11,320 --> 00:51:12,920
你那邊一定很晚了

869
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:14,520
對

870
00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:16,840
蠻晚的

871
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:18,560
妳今晚要做什麼?

872
00:51:20,720 --> 00:51:22,360
糟糕,我得走了

873
00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:24,800
我要跟泰隆吃披薩

874
00:51:25,440 --> 00:51:26,440
泰隆是誰?

875
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:27,800
我有跟你提過他吧?

876
00:51:27,800 --> 00:51:31,200
他跟我同班,既聰明又風趣

877
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:32,800
我們很合得來,常一起玩

878
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:35,280
因為艾倫和克里斯整天都在打炮

879
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:37,680
讚喔,他聽起來人不錯

880
00:51:38,680 --> 00:51:39,960
- 玩得開心點
- 謝謝

881
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:41,920
晚安

882
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:49,520
(認識我們的學生)

883
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:53,880
泰隆

884
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:05,960
字幕翻譯:韓仁耀