1
00:00:02,252 --> 00:00:04,671
I don't get why you're boxing up
this wine I recommended.

2
00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:07,507
It's got everything you need --
grapes, et cetera.

3
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,884
Because, Miggy, according
to this letter from the FDA,

4
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,846
this wine with goat on the bottle
also has goat in the bottle.

5
00:00:12,929 --> 00:00:14,931
The hair or the meat?
How much goat we talking?

6
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,558
Isn't any amount of goat bad?

7
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:18,226
- Mm...
-Look, we're not doing this.

8
00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:19,728
- I gotta get it off the shelves.
-'Kay.

9
00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:22,105
And now Rory's giving me
his "Where's my snack?" eyes.

10
00:00:22,188 --> 00:00:23,356
Daddy hungry.

11
00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:27,485
There she is -- Poppy,
the May to my December.

12
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,280
There he is -- Douglas, my sexy, eh...

13
00:00:30,363 --> 00:00:31,823
lighthouse.

14
00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,450
Hey, why don't we, uh, skip out of here

15
00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:35,493
and spend the afternoon together, huh?

16
00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:38,038
I gotta blow off steam
after this three-day work week.

17
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,289
Ugh. I would love to,

18
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:41,166
but I've got a busy day
carting Rory around.

19
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:43,209
Plus, now I've got a goat situation.

20
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,462
- There's hoof in the wine.
- Yeah.

21
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:46,713
Okay. That's my cue.

22
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:50,175
I'm gonna go to the club
and maybe hop in a golf cart,

23
00:00:50,258 --> 00:00:52,427
nod off, and just see where I wake up.

24
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,054
- Mm.
- You know, rich guy weekend.

25
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,513
Mm-hmm. Bye.

26
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,140
Ah, sir, a moment?

27
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:59,267
Thanks. Hi.

28
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:00,435
Couldn't help but overhear

29
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:03,563
you totally dropping the ball
with your girlfriend!

30
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:06,024
She clearly needs your help here.

31
00:01:06,107 --> 00:01:07,567
If she wanted help, she would've asked.

32
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,695
- That's what grown-ups do.
- Shush! Sweet child.

33
00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:13,114
- Shush.
- Don't shush me.

34
00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,365
My mother would never ask for help.

35
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:15,784
That's not who she is.

36
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:18,286
But go ahead. End up like Davey.

37
00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:20,413
- Who's Davey?
- Who's Davey?

38
00:01:20,705 --> 00:01:22,540
Her last serious boyfriend.

39
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,085
He was great. Tall like you, maybe taller.

40
00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,586
Oh, taller than me is too tall.

41
00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:30,256
Anyway, he never helped her,
and she never asked him to,

42
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:31,549
so now he's dead.

43
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:32,634
To her.

44
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:34,886
But...I get it.

45
00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:36,596
You're totally incapable of pitching in.

46
00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:38,098
Incapable? It's a choice.

47
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:41,142
That's why I hired a 60-year-old butler
30 years ago.

48
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,103
Well, you keep those hands clean, Davey.

49
00:01:43,186 --> 00:01:44,229
I mean, Douglas.

50
00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:45,980
Damn you!

51
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,482
Poppy?

52
00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:49,317
Uh, let me help you out.

53
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,069
Why don't I take Rory for the day?

54
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:52,320
Really? No, no, no, no.

55
00:01:52,403 --> 00:01:54,239
I could never ask you to do that.

56
00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:56,074
Eh, you're not asking.
I'm offering. Come on.

57
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,784
- Are you sure?
- Yes.

58
00:01:57,867 --> 00:01:58,868
Because I can just -- I can --

59
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,121
No, really, it'll be a breeze.

60
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:04,666
And I can tell that you have
your hands full with, uh...

61
00:02:04,749 --> 00:02:06,000
Ohhh, Poppy.

62
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:08,378
I-I think my tum-tums got the rumb-rumbs!

63
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:10,839
But it's okay. I'm gonna wash it
down with some more wine.

64
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:12,465
- No, Miggy.

65
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,472
{\an8}Ohh. 40 years. Wow.

66
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:22,267
{\an8}Your parents have been married for, like,
over two-thirds of Douglas.

67
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:25,061
{\an8}Yeah, if you'd told me a month ago
we'd be celebrating their anniversary,

68
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,813
{\an8}I would've said "Buzzer sound!"

69
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:28,106
{\an8}'Cause I had a really sore throat

70
00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:29,607
{\an8}and it would've hurt
to make an actual buzzer sound.

71
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,568
{\an8}But also because I thought
their marriage was doomed.

72
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:32,694
{\an8}Right. Right.

73
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,195
{\an8}Because when you were giving my son the...

74
00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:35,363
{\an8}sex talk, you learned...

75
00:02:35,446 --> 00:02:37,282
{\an8}A fact about sex that I didn't know --

76
00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,659
{\an8}my father was having it
with someone besides my mother.

77
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:40,743
{\an8}And not just anyone.

78
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,912
{\an8}His fellow health teacher,
Ms. Sugars Hawthorne.

79
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,664
{\an8}Ah, two health teachers.

80
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:47,876
{\an8}Do you think it was, like,
super hot or super clinical?

81
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:51,045
{\an8}I confronted him about it,
and he talked to my mom,

82
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,589
{\an8}and clearly, they worked things out

83
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,424
{\an8}because here we are,
celebrating their love.

84
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:56,634
{\an8}I don't trust anyone
who works through problems.

85
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,136
{\an8}It's not a real thing.

86
00:02:58,219 --> 00:02:59,345
{\an8}But I do love your parents.

87
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:02,640
{\an8}They're the only people still using
technology that I can help with.

88
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,017
{\an8}Yeah. Well, they really love you.

89
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,226
{\an8}And the free tech support.

90
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,312
{\an8}Hey, you should actually stay
for the party.

91
00:03:07,395 --> 00:03:09,480
{\an8}Ah, you don't need me.
I mean, won't Tracy be here?

92
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:12,650
{\an8}No, she got called into work.
A big story broke.

93
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:15,320
{\an8}Apparently, a group of cats
took over a sushi restaurant.

94
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:16,404
{\an8}It's pretty funny.

95
00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:19,282
{\an8}It's an anniversary party.
It's gonna be all couples. Smells datey.

96
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:21,284
{\an8}I'm gonna head out.

97
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:24,412
{\an8}I came, I saw, helped set up,

98
00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:26,831
{\an8}- ate all the mini grilled cheeses.
Thank you for that.

99
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,083
{\an8}- This is a wrap on D'Amato.
Alright.

100
00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,210
{\an8}-Look who's here!
Whoo!

101
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,879
{\an8}Your two favorite palindromes --
Mom and Dad!

102
00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:33,963
{\an8}

103
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:36,633
{\an8}I'll take one large hug, please,
hold the pickles.

104
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:37,759
{\an8}- Ohh!
Ohh!

105
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:38,927
{\an8}-
Hey.

106
00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:40,803
{\an8}- Ohhhh!
Happy anniversary.

107
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:42,180
{\an8}Yeah.

108
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,473
{\an8}Ohh!

109
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:45,225
{\an8}- Look at you.

110
00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:47,101
{\an8}- Oh, it's good to see you.
You, too.

111
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,646
{\an8}Listen, my Garmin is on the fritz again.

112
00:03:49,729 --> 00:03:51,397
{\an8}- Again? Ugh.
I know. Yeah.

113
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,607
{\an8}What's with the purse?

114
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:54,234
{\an8}You're gonna stay
for the party, aren't you?

115
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:55,568
{\an8}Oh. Uh...

116
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:56,861
{\an8}♪♪

117
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,571
Uh...

118
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,575
Yeah. Sure. Of course.

119
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,078
I mean, who am I? Meghan Markle?
Where do I gotta be?

120
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:09,207
Aah! Staying!

121
00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:12,543
- She just threw it over there.
- Ohhh!

122
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:13,836
What's wrong with Tony?

123
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,548
Cassandra dumped him again.
This time, she ain't coming back.

124
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,635
I know that look. Tony's in pain.

125
00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,346
There's only one way
to make that man whole again.

126
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:24,430
He needs a woman.

127
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:25,807
Should we call his mom?

128
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,393
Tony used to babysit Elvis.

129
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:30,895
You think his mom's still alive?

130
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,313
I'll get the shovels.

131
00:04:32,397 --> 00:04:33,481
Won't be the first time.

132
00:04:33,564 --> 00:04:35,817
Ladies, I'm not talking about a mom.

133
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,319
I'm talking about
a special kind of friend.

134
00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:41,906
I don't mean to be crass,
but we need to get this man...

135
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:43,199
hugged.

136
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,743
Well, no one's gonna hug him
looking like that.

137
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:51,708
Come on. Let's put in a new backsplash
and flip this house.

138
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,334
Alright. We did it.

139
00:04:53,418 --> 00:04:56,337
Three farmer's markets,
two laps around the ointment district,

140
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:59,507
and a very confusing stop
at a Judaica store.

141
00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:01,968
Okay, they have the best candles,

142
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,136
and you just know nothing
about atmosphere.

143
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:04,220
Yeah?

144
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:08,099
Why don't you tell that
to my $30,000 chandelier, you scrub?

145
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,475
I'm exhausted.

146
00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,061
How long have I been
watching you? Two, three weeks?

147
00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:13,563
- It's been four hours.
- Really?

148
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,982
I don't know how
your mom does this every day.

149
00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:18,026
Alright, here's what I'm gonna
do. I'm gonna take a soft 20.

150
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:19,777
Do you have a Wall Street
Journal lying around?

151
00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:21,904
Don't you dare check the markets now.

152
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,740
You still have to take me
to go get my new tap shoes.

153
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,199
Okay, now, I know for a fact

154
00:05:25,283 --> 00:05:27,368
you have seven different pairs
in your closet.

155
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,162
I've turned on them all.

156
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,663
And they on me.

157
00:05:30,747 --> 00:05:32,707
Well, then you're gonna
have to dance barefoot.

158
00:05:32,790 --> 00:05:34,208
You can make the sounds with your mouth.

159
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:36,961
"Click-clack-tap." See? It's easy.

160
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:40,381
Well, guess I should be grateful.
Least I didn't get kidnapped.

161
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:43,384
Let me just text my mom.

162
00:05:43,801 --> 00:05:44,927
Hey, Siri.

163
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,596
Send message to Poppy.

164
00:05:46,679 --> 00:05:48,139
"Douglas dropping the ball, period.

165
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:49,682
Couldn't provide help, period.

166
00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,517
Suggestions, question mark."

167
00:05:51,601 --> 00:05:53,144
A-A-At ease, Sarah.

168
00:05:53,227 --> 00:05:54,729
Alright, fine.

169
00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:57,648
You want shoes? I know the guy
at the Ferragamo store.

170
00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,567
He can get us the illegal stuff.

171
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:01,027
Oh, no, no, no.

172
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,029
I only get my dance shoes

173
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:06,532
from Foot Clothes for
Number One Best Music Moving.

174
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:08,951
It's foreign-owned.

175
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:12,997
Well, thank you all for coming.

176
00:06:13,164 --> 00:06:17,210
Uh, boy, being married to me
for all those years,

177
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:19,295
well, it couldn't have been easy.

178
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,380
No.

179
00:06:20,463 --> 00:06:23,341
My, uh, hair-plug trial nearly ruined us.

180
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:28,262
Uh, my weight fluctuates 70 pounds
in each direction every six months,

181
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:30,556
and I don't go to Burning Man,

182
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,517
but I talk about it...

183
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,519
all the time.

184
00:06:34,602 --> 00:06:36,354
Oh, and also, honey,

185
00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:38,856
don't forget you banged
the girls' health teacher.

186
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,483
Oh. That was a big one.

187
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:41,818
They're incredible.

188
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,070
They've had both their arms
ripped off by a gorilla,

189
00:06:44,153 --> 00:06:45,655
and they're still pitching a perfect game.

190
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:46,739
I don't know how they did it.

191
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,366
You're probably wondering how we did it.

192
00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:51,494
Well, we sought the help
of a licensed marriage counselor.

193
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:55,039
And then an unlicensed one
whose office had better parking.

194
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,377
But what we found most helpful...

195
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:03,172
was how inspired we were
by a very special couple.

196
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,133
Yes. They're best friends.

197
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,927
They're co-captains of the S.S. Romance.

198
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:12,098
They're partners in the law firm
of Smooch, Hug, and Feingold.

199
00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:13,224
That's right.

200
00:07:13,307 --> 00:07:15,351
We're talking about our son Will.

201
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,062
And his girlfriend, Angie.

202
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:20,773
To Will and Angie.

203
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:22,608
Will and Angie!

204
00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:24,652
Wait. What is happening?
Why are they throwing to us?

205
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,070
Do they want us to say
the name of the couple?

206
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,530
The couple is us, Angie.

207
00:07:27,613 --> 00:07:28,823
Terrible twist --

208
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:30,741
the toast is coming from inside the house.

209
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,326
Oh.

210
00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,166
Hey, guys. A note about your toast --

211
00:07:38,249 --> 00:07:41,043
Yeah, less of a note, more of just, like,
a "What-chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?"

212
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,462
That's a synonym for note.

213
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:43,963
Mom, Dad, uh...

214
00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:46,007
- the thing about Angie and I is that we --
-I'm sorry.

215
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:47,341
Did we embarrass you,

216
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,552
Mr. Big Shot Weatherman
Public Personality?

217
00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,554
So, sue us.

218
00:07:51,637 --> 00:07:54,015
We're very proud that you found true love.

219
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:56,559
We're parents. We brag. It's what we do.

220
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,644
No, Mom, we're not --

221
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,605
We didn't want to get
bogged down in details

222
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:03,357
in front of our friends,
but the truth is...

223
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:06,152
we were this close to a divorce.

224
00:08:06,235 --> 00:08:07,945
- Oh.
-My bags were packed.

225
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:09,780
Your father grew a soul patch.

226
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,492
I was one click away
from a black leather couch.

227
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,577
Started wearing my wedding ring
on my thumb.

228
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:18,247
But in our darkest times,
when it just feels like

229
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,042
there is no point in trying anymore,

230
00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:23,169
that one ray of light

231
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:26,923
that cuts through the blackness
and it gives us hope.

232
00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,468
- Me and Angie?
- Us?

233
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,470
Yes, you're so inspiring,

234
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:34,805
the way you communicate
and support each other.

235
00:08:34,889 --> 00:08:37,225
Look, we understand it might not
make any sense to you,

236
00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,810
- but it makes sense to us.
- Yeah.

237
00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:42,647
So, Will's relationship with me

238
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:45,691
is what's keeping you...

239
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,860
from...a divorce?

240
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:48,945
Boop.

241
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,321
-Perfectly said.
- Yes.

242
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:51,489
Will, hang on to this one.

243
00:08:51,572 --> 00:08:53,491
She has a knack for summaries,

244
00:08:53,574 --> 00:08:56,035
and she can figure out the tabs
on your Netscape!

245
00:08:56,118 --> 00:09:00,206
And your sexual chemistry
is the stuff of volcanoes.

246
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,210
Okay, you know what?

247
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:05,378
I'm gonna stop you right there.

248
00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:07,505
While it is true that I, myself,

249
00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:10,091
ooze sexuality all over the place,

250
00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:11,676
uh, Will and I --

251
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:12,927
Babe?

252
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,011
A mo'?

253
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:16,430
-Oh!
-Oh!

254
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:19,016
I think that was short for moment.

255
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,685
Ugh, your hand is soaking wet.

256
00:09:20,768 --> 00:09:22,353
Because I'm nervous, okay?

257
00:09:22,436 --> 00:09:24,605
The only thing keeping my
parents' real marriage together

258
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,482
is our fake relationship.
We have to play along.

259
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,610
Okay, dude. You are a grown man, alright?

260
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,320
You can handle your parents
getting divorced.

261
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:34,156
The thing you should really be upset about
is that they are going to die.

262
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,658
Not today, but soon.

263
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:38,369
Come on, all we have to do is
convince a bunch of old people

264
00:09:38,452 --> 00:09:40,037
that we're in love for like two hours,

265
00:09:40,121 --> 00:09:42,415
just until the sun sets, and they
return home to watch Jeopardy!

266
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:44,375
- It'll be easy.
-That's what you think.

267
00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:46,460
No one's gonna buy
that you scored this hot piece.

268
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:47,545
What?!

269
00:09:47,628 --> 00:09:49,005
I'm on TV. I'm a local celebrity.

270
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:52,008
Women look at me and they salivate
like I'm a rotisserie chicken.

271
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,677
The fan mail I get, Angie -- insane.

272
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,305
Most of it's from prison, but the things
they say they want to do to me...

273
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:59,807
- You're not writing them back, are you?
- It would be rude if I didn't,

274
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,101
but I am worried I'm getting in too deep
and can't get out of it.

275
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:03,894
Anyway, please just pretend
to be my girlfriend.

276
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:06,397
Don't you think
that this is all a bit much?

277
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:07,815
I don't like it either, okay?

278
00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:09,734
But I can't let my mom and dad
get divorced.

279
00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:11,527
Divorce is what happens to other people

280
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,696
and to me personally,
but not to my parents.

281
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:18,367
Ohh! Bud and Lucy spoke about
the two of you so beautifully.

282
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,578
-Oh!
- So, tell us, what's your secret?

283
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:23,039
Um...

284
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,754
- Honey.
-Mm-hmm?

285
00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:30,838
I'll take this one.

286
00:10:30,921 --> 00:10:32,048
Okay.

287
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:33,591
When I come home from work,

288
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,010
there are three things
he has waiting for me.

289
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:37,762
Number one, a hot meal,

290
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,263
number two, an ice-cold martini...

291
00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,682
- Agh.
- ...and number three, foot rub so intense,

292
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:42,767
Mama sees angels.

293
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:45,269
A-A-Also, we like beaches.

294
00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:47,021
The movie and the place.

295
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:49,774
How you feeling?

296
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:53,778
I'm gonna find that goat and make it
drink a wine made out of me.

297
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,864
Well, I finished boxing up the goat wine.

298
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:58,574
So, guess I should go get Rory.

299
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,952
He probably has Douglas
in some kind of outfit by now.

300
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:06,207
O-Or, since he offered to help,
you ask Douglas to keep watching Rory.

301
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:07,375
You deserve a break.

302
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,627
To do what? Sit around and enjoy myself?

303
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:10,753
Who am I? Angie?

304
00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,630
Come on! Let Douglas help you.

305
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:13,839
You don't want another Davey.

306
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:15,383
Ooh! Davey!

307
00:11:15,466 --> 00:11:16,676
- He was useless.
-Useless.

308
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,177
-But boy, was he tall.
- Tall.

309
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,555
I once saw him eat a leaf
off a tree like a brontosaurus.

310
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:22,932
Hunh.

311
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,433
But you're right. I should do this.

312
00:11:24,725 --> 00:11:25,935
- How should I do it?
-Okay.

313
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,144
So, you text Douglas

314
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:29,730
and ask him to keep Rory
for the rest of the afternoon

315
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,982
while you go shopping -- for you!

316
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,068
And maybe for me, if you feel so inclined.

317
00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:35,194
- I don't.
-Okay.

318
00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,278
But okay.

319
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,072
Um...you know what?

320
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:40,741
Just gonna text him "I'm tied up."

321
00:11:40,825 --> 00:11:41,867
Right? I mean, why start a thing?

322
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:42,952
Yeah, close enough.

323
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,161
Alright. Let's hit the mall.

324
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:48,708
I want to see teens and old people
comfortably co-exist.

325
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:50,418
How did we meet? Uh...

326
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,713
Well, buckle up, because it is a yarn.

327
00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:54,922
Remember, darling?

328
00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:56,716
Uh, like it was yesterday, buttercup.

329
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:59,176
Uh, we met on a...

330
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,261
- ski trip --
- Hot August night.

331
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:04,348
Because we both love water skiing...

332
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,474
in the dark.

333
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,309
- It's actually safer.
- Yeah.

334
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,228
Here we go.

335
00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:10,980
Watch me. They have to match.

336
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,690
Believe me, I know symmetry.

337
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:15,151
Tony! Hold still!

338
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:18,195
So, next thing we know, this knucklehead

339
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,990
has signed us up
for the pair skiing competition

340
00:12:21,073 --> 00:12:23,200
at the Lake Winnipesaukee Olympics!

341
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:24,702
- And we win!
- Wha!

342
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:25,995
What did you win?

343
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:27,830
- Fish dinner.
- $50,000!

344
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:31,500
It's an easy mistake
because, you know what?

345
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,878
To look into this man's eyes
while he is eating...

346
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:37,047
makes you feel like you have won $50,000.

347
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:40,009
I do eat fish very sexually.

348
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:42,344
Watch me, Tony!

349
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:43,679
♪ Take on me ♪

350
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,681
-You missed a spot!
-You missed a spot!

351
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:46,932
So, now we're back at our cabin,

352
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:48,642
first place trophy on the mantel,

353
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:51,103
- our bellies full of catfish --
-Our hearts full of love.

354
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,730
And at the exact same time,

355
00:12:52,813 --> 00:12:54,064
we look at one another and we say...

356
00:12:54,148 --> 00:12:56,901
"I love you. Would you like
to go out on a second date?"

357
00:12:58,861 --> 00:13:01,906
♪ Take on me ♪

358
00:13:02,698 --> 00:13:04,492
♪ Take on me ♪

359
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:05,576
And then what happened?

360
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,203
You know what, Betty? Calm down.

361
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,496
C'mon, you big chimney.

362
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:12,291
Now that we have my shoes,
only six more stops until dance class.

363
00:13:12,374 --> 00:13:15,002
Could we take a break? I've done
everything you wanted and more.

364
00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:16,128
I even pulled over coming here

365
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:19,006
because you thought you saw
Jennifer Lawrence at a Rite Aid.

366
00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:22,218
Okay, it was Jennifer Lopez,
and it also...wasn't her.

367
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:23,511
That was my B.

368
00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:26,680
Now let's go to a deli.
I haven't eaten in 45 minutes.

369
00:13:26,764 --> 00:13:27,890
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.

370
00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:30,059
You ate 45 minutes ago?
I haven't eaten all day.

371
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:31,185
Let's sit, huh?

372
00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:32,937
My mom hasn't sat in 10 years.

373
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,438
Do you know how hard that woman works?

374
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:37,107
Whoo! We're wearing everything we bought!

375
00:13:37,191 --> 00:13:38,400
Two for leisure, please.

376
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:44,198
It's not what you think.

377
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,575
Lady, you forgot your alto saxophone.

378
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,743
Ssst!

379
00:13:49,453 --> 00:13:50,454
Here he is!

380
00:13:50,538 --> 00:13:53,165
Men want to be him, women want to hug him.

381
00:13:53,249 --> 00:13:54,667
Tony!

382
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:04,927
All that's left to do
is to get this show pony to the rodeo.

383
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:07,596
Now somebody wake him up.

384
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:12,601
See? Look how happy they are.

385
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,354
If only there was some music playing,
they wouldn't seem so crazy.

386
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:20,568
Hey, uh, thank you for...
being my pretend girlfriend.

387
00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:22,278
Oh. Pfft. No problem.

388
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:23,737
It was actually...

389
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,365
Easy.

390
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:28,701
Yeah.

391
00:14:30,995 --> 00:14:33,998
I'm gonna go double-napkin
some cake to take home.

392
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:35,791
Delicious.

393
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,921
Son, you really dressed this party up,

394
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:43,173
but Angie strutted it down the runway.

395
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:44,842
Oh, yeah. That's my lady.

396
00:14:44,925 --> 00:14:46,844
The ol' ball and chain. My one and only.

397
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:49,638
Ohh! I am so sorry I'm late.

398
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,432
I had to shower twice just to get off

399
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:52,766
- all the sake and fur.
- H--

400
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:53,851
- Oh, hi.
- Hi!

401
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,477
Mmm!

402
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:02,026
♪ Angie's walkin' backwards ♪

403
00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:04,862
♪ Tryin' to leave the room ♪

404
00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:08,490
Ah. Okay, so,
that's just a kiss that we do

405
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,950
that everybody's cool with.

406
00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,785
Uh, Angie, do you want
to take Tracy into the kitchen,

407
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:13,412
show her that kangaroo-shaped
soap dispenser

408
00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:14,496
where the soap comes out of the mouth

409
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:15,748
but you put the sponge in
the pouch, like a little joey?

410
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:16,832
Thank you.

411
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:21,879
I am going to take these parents of mine
into a room that is not this one.

412
00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:23,339
Guys.

413
00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:26,133
Let's throw another soap on the spongy.

414
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,552
- What are you --
- Just come see it.

415
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:31,305
Kissing another woman?

416
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:32,806
In your own home? It's brazen.

417
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:34,892
It's brazen! He got this from you.

418
00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:36,143
Those might as well be your lips.

419
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,938
Ah. You got my ass, but you got his lips!

420
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:42,024
Damn it, Lucy, I take responsibility
for my own mouth,

421
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,776
- no one else's!
- Okay, guys,

422
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,235
I have a lot of info to get out,

423
00:15:45,319 --> 00:15:47,154
so I need you to put on
your young-people brains, okay?

424
00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:48,572
Yes, you saw me kissing a woman.

425
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,158
That woman, known as Tracy,
is my actual girlfriend.

426
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,368
- Angie is not my girlfriend,
-What?

427
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:53,994
but when you thought she was,
we went along with it

428
00:15:54,078 --> 00:15:56,080
because you said our relationship
was saving your marriage.

429
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,582
And it's true -- my friendship
with Angie is very inspiring,

430
00:15:58,666 --> 00:15:59,959
but I have a great thing going with Tracy,

431
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:01,585
and not to build it up
too much -- hopefully,

432
00:16:01,669 --> 00:16:03,128
that will be the relationship
that keeps you guys together.

433
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,213
Any questions?

434
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,258
Mom, there's three people in this room.
You don't have to raise your hand.

435
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,885
- Do you always lie to us?
- How long have you known Tracy?

436
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,011
- Was your marriage to Mia real?
-Are you intimate?

437
00:16:11,095 --> 00:16:12,388
- And is Sophie still Sophie?
- Where's her family from?

438
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,056
O-Okay, obviously,
we do need to raise hands,

439
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,724
and, Mom, I saw yours first.

440
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,394
Actually, mine was raised,
but it was low, so...okay.

441
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:20,396
Is this the Tracy from work?

442
00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:21,563
Yes. She's my boss.

443
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:24,441
Follow-up question --
do we think that's a good idea?

444
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:26,944
So, it's two questions per hand raise?
It's good to know.

445
00:16:27,069 --> 00:16:28,320
Everyone will get their turn.

446
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,448
Yes, Tracy is my boss,
but we are navigating the tricky waters

447
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:33,075
of a modern office romance very well,

448
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:34,702
and she means a lot to me.

449
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,162
Yes, Father?

450
00:16:37,246 --> 00:16:38,414
Well, what were we supposed to think?

451
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:39,748
We've never even met Tracy,

452
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,251
and we've been to where
Angie went to elementary school.

453
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:43,877
We didn't want to go,
but she took us there anyway.

454
00:16:43,961 --> 00:16:45,963
Look, Angie is a good fr--

455
00:16:46,046 --> 00:16:47,464
a great friend.

456
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,467
Honestly, she's...my best friend.

457
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,761
Caught between two women.

458
00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,930
Sounds familiar.

459
00:16:56,348 --> 00:16:58,475
I was referencing my own affair.

460
00:16:58,559 --> 00:16:59,643
You're not that deep.

461
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,228
Yeah, Dad, we were able to crack the code.

462
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,024
Yes, Mother?

463
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:06,900
Is Tracy Presbyterian?

464
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,485
Are we Presbyterian?

465
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:13,866
See, you push on the head,
and it barfs out the soap, which I love.

466
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:16,410
Angie... what are you doing?

467
00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:21,999
See, you push on the head,
and it barfs out the soap, which I love.

468
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,083
Okay, Angie.

469
00:17:23,167 --> 00:17:25,169
Look...

470
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,839
It's weird that I'm here.

471
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,885
And not just today, but...all the times.

472
00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:35,596
And that can't be fun for you.

473
00:17:35,679 --> 00:17:37,014
You're right. It's...

474
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:38,849
it's not.

475
00:17:42,811 --> 00:17:46,231
See, you push on the head,
and it barfs out the soap, which I love.

476
00:17:46,815 --> 00:17:48,609
Sorry. I'm re-reading your text.

477
00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:50,861
"Still up to my ears in goat wine.

478
00:17:50,944 --> 00:17:53,363
Miggy continues to complain of rumb-rumbs.

479
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:54,990
No end in sight."

480
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:56,825
Yeah. Yeah.

481
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:59,745
And get this -- the only store
that sells rumb-rumb medicine

482
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,664
keeps woodwinds by the register
for impulse buys.

483
00:18:03,582 --> 00:18:05,292
Alright. I'm sorry.

484
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:07,252
I just -- I wanted
to take an afternoon off,

485
00:18:07,336 --> 00:18:09,046
and I couldn't bring myself to ask you.

486
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:10,589
Look, Poppy, you shouldn't be afraid

487
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:13,759
to ask me to do anything,
especially if it involves Rory.

488
00:18:15,594 --> 00:18:19,765
Douglas, can you please take Rory
for the rest of the day

489
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:22,768
so that I can have the afternoon off?

490
00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:23,852
Just for me?

491
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,729
It would be my pleasure.

492
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:27,564
Click-clack, click-clack,
click-clickity-clack,

493
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:29,817
clack-clack-, clack-clack,
click-clickity-clack,

494
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,653
clackity-clack, clackity-clack,
clack-clack-clack-clack.

495
00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:35,489
Son of a bitch
isn't even wearing the shoes.

496
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,326
Angie.

497
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:41,370
- Hey.
- Hey.

498
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,872
I'm leaving, but are you okay?

499
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,249
Not really.

500
00:18:45,999 --> 00:18:48,627
Pretty sure my parents' marriage
is screwed.

501
00:18:49,586 --> 00:18:51,004
It's a lot to process.

502
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,798
Do you think that
maybe I could call you later

503
00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:54,466
- and we could --
- Will, I love hanging out with you,

504
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,093
but we need to do less of it.

505
00:18:56,176 --> 00:18:58,095
For Tracy's sake and...

506
00:18:59,638 --> 00:19:01,098
...for everything.

507
00:19:02,558 --> 00:19:04,101
Okay. Yeah.

508
00:19:04,184 --> 00:19:06,728
No, you're -- you're probably right.

509
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,273
So, are we getting divorced, or...

510
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:10,899
Is this like a best-friend divorce?

511
00:19:10,983 --> 00:19:12,860
Oh, no, that would -- that'd crush Betty.

512
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,027
Yeah. Yeah.

513
00:19:14,111 --> 00:19:16,905
No, let's just call it
a best-friend trial separation.

514
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:18,448
Okay.

515
00:19:18,532 --> 00:19:20,159
But I gotta live my life.

516
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,119
I'm gonna be best friends
with other people.

517
00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,829
Hey, we're separated.

518
00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:25,289
None of my business.

519
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,010
We'll always have Lake Winnipesaukee.

520
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:39,845
Ah. First place.

521
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,147
Oh. Cool. You guys have met.

522
00:19:50,272 --> 00:19:51,732
No, we missed our window,

523
00:19:51,815 --> 00:19:53,901
and now we're stuck
in uncomfortable silence.

524
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:56,862
Okay. Even better,
because I want to do the honors.

525
00:19:56,945 --> 00:20:01,074
Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend,
Tracy Freeze.

526
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:02,659
Hi.

527
00:20:02,743 --> 00:20:04,286
Lovely to meet you.

528
00:20:04,369 --> 00:20:08,415
Uh...now, correct me if I'm wrong,
but is "Freeze" Methodist?

529
00:20:09,499 --> 00:20:12,002
- I don't know if a name can be Methodist,
- Oh.

530
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:14,046
...but my family's Presbyterian.

531
00:20:14,338 --> 00:20:15,881
I knew it.

532
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,552
We're Episcopalian.

533
00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:25,974
Okay. We've done everything we can.
It's up to him now.

534
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,267
Come on, Tony.

535
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:30,395
Spread those cheeks and...
let the smile do the talking.

536
00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:33,273
Yeah. Take a lap. Check out the talent.

537
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,025
Good.

538
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,401
Good.

539
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:37,945
Yeah.

540
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:40,906
Now perch and let the birds flock.

541
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:46,411
Here you go.

542
00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,666
{\an8}

543
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,209
{\an8}-Oh, my gosh!

544
00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,254
{\an8}Guys, look at my arm.

545
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:56,463
{\an8}I'm shaking.

546
00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:57,798
{\an8}-

547
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:00,175
{\an8}Goodbye, Cassandra.

548
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:03,387
{\an8}He's found a new woman,
and he's gonna hug her forever.

549
00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:04,846
{\an8}Just think of the wedding.

550
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:07,015
{\an8}-Something small and intimate.

551
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,267
{\an8}By the sea.

552
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:12,145
{\an8}♪♪

553
00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:14,189
{\an8}What have we done?

554
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,649
{\an8}Oh, my God.

555
00:21:15,732 --> 00:21:17,651
{\an8}We've created a hug ho!

556
00:21:17,734 --> 00:21:19,736
{\an8}♪♪

557
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,071
{\an8}Guys, Tony's asleep.

558
00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:24,324
{\an8}