1 00:00:01,042 --> 00:00:03,086 Welcome to Hilltop. 2 00:00:03,169 --> 00:00:04,963 No! No! Pete can't stay! 3 00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,007 Through Teachers-in-Service Day! 4 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,800 You know, I don't know who Pete is, 5 00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:10,969 but I do know that you're embarrassing him. 6 00:00:11,052 --> 00:00:12,679 Douglas, our beloved Hilltop parrot 7 00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:15,890 has to stay alone at school over the three-day weekend. 8 00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:18,268 It's cruel. Inhumane. 9 00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,186 - Will you sign a petition -- - No. 10 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:24,024 Did you just dismiss my 8-year-old daughter's activism? 11 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,734 Activism? Come on. 12 00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,068 Don't be Lollypop Boy. 13 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:28,236 What does that eve-- I'm sorry. 14 00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:29,696 Am I supposed to understand that reference? 15 00:00:29,779 --> 00:00:32,157 No. Honestly, it just got away from me. 16 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:34,075 - Ah. - Don't you ignore me, Rocco! 17 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,702 Don't be a part of the problem! 18 00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:37,412 Pete shouldn't have to spend the weekend alone, 19 00:00:37,495 --> 00:00:39,581 so Sophie's petitioning Vice Principal Yarble 20 00:00:39,664 --> 00:00:40,874 to let us take him home with us. 21 00:00:40,957 --> 00:00:42,834 Man, I am so proud of that kid's conscience. 22 00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:45,086 Oh, please. You do it because it makes you look good. 23 00:00:45,170 --> 00:00:46,171 - What? - The accolades. 24 00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:48,048 10 bucks says that you're wearing a T-shirt 25 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,382 - with Sophie's face on it. - Pfft. 26 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,759 - Unzip the sweater. Let me help you. - I'm not going to. 27 00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,927 - Don't touch me! It's my body! - Okay. 28 00:00:53,011 --> 00:00:54,846 All right, fine, but you know damn well 29 00:00:54,929 --> 00:00:56,347 my resolution was to do more silk-screening. 30 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,058 There you go. 31 00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:01,019 This is about helping Sophie develop a strong moral compass. 32 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:03,021 And, yes, I've picked out my suit 33 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:04,689 for the Student of the Year ceremony. 34 00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,399 Heads-up, this guy's going with maroon. 35 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,068 It's not a suit if it isn't black. 36 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,277 It's a costume. 37 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,071 She's the next Greta... 38 00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,238 something. 39 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:13,948 Gosh! I wish I could remember her last name. 40 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,950 - She's so important. - I bet. 41 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:17,035 Will Cooper. 42 00:01:17,118 --> 00:01:19,245 Vice Principal Yarble! How are you? 43 00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:20,580 Terrible. 44 00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:23,416 I was taking a cat nap when your daughter's screams awakened me. 45 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:24,584 - Make her stop. 46 00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:28,088 Let me coast into the sweet embrace of a three-day weekend. 47 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,756 I already laid out my pajamas. 48 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,592 Oh, she'll stop as soon as you agree to let us take Pete home for the weekend. 49 00:01:32,675 --> 00:01:33,885 Oh, no. 50 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:36,930 Then another kid will want to take him home next weekend, and another, 51 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:39,432 and soon I'll be running some kind of check-out process. 52 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:42,102 Don't make my life harder, Will Cooper. Please, I can't take it. 53 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:45,897 Well, then, I'm sorry to say, Sophie's campaign will continue. 54 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:47,941 No! No! Pete can't stay! 55 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:49,025 That's my girl. 56 00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,777 Greta Thunberg! Ah, that's the name. 57 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:51,945 I remembered. 58 00:01:52,028 --> 00:01:53,321 Now, that is a face to silk-screen. 59 00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:54,781 Sophie! 60 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:56,783 Release Rocco from the headlock. 61 00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,119 That's not how we want to get our signatures. 62 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,079 Rocco, sign the petition. 63 00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:10,421 {\an8}And then Pronstroller was all, like, "Should we just do the damn thing?" 64 00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:12,423 {\an8}And I was all, like, "Uh, yeah." 65 00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:15,635 {\an8}And then, bam. Exclusive relationship, wassup? 66 00:02:15,718 --> 00:02:17,971 {\an8} Happy for you. 67 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:19,556 {\an8}And thank you for walking me through 68 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:21,141 {\an8}all the physical acts preceding that conversation. 69 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:22,475 {\an8}-You're welcome. 70 00:02:22,559 --> 00:02:24,435 {\an8}But, yo, I think I'm in love. 71 00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,146 {\an8}I gave her one of my hats. 72 00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,272 {\an8}Wow. 73 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:30,191 {\an8}- Now, hat's a big deal. Mnh-mnh. Don't do that. 74 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,902 {\an8}I was being open and vulnerable with you right now. 75 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,113 {\an8}Oh, there she is. She's coming to pick me up. 76 00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,447 {\an8}Total girlfriend move! 77 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:39,868 {\an8}Mm. 78 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,161 {\an8} 79 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:43,872 {\an8} 80 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,041 {\an8}We enjoy long hugs. 81 00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:48,501 {\an8}That's hot as hell. 82 00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,712 {\an8}♪♪ 83 00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,006 {\an8}Just got an earful of Miggy love. 84 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:54,549 {\an8}Can we talk about anything else? 85 00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,509 {\an8}Let's see, not much going on with me. 86 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:57,719 {\an8}I finally tried a Baked Lay. 87 00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,762 {\an8}- Don't know who those are for. Mnh. 88 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:01,181 {\an8}Poppy! 89 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,183 {\an8}Oh. Here we go. 90 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:05,518 {\an8}Ooh, isn't that Ron's new piece? 91 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,604 {\an8}His wife, Angie. Her name's Sharon. 92 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:08,980 {\an8}You were at her wedding. 93 00:03:09,063 --> 00:03:10,356 {\an8}You took a million pics together. 94 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:13,234 {\an8}- Geez. My memory is garbagio. Hey, Poppy! 95 00:03:13,318 --> 00:03:15,653 {\an8}What's poppin', Poppy? What's poppin'? 96 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,197 {\an8}Okay, we can just start talking, Sharon. 97 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,073 {\an8}I'm assuming you're here because Ron did something stupid. 98 00:03:19,157 --> 00:03:20,200 {\an8}Is the accent back? 99 00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:23,745 {\an8}Oh, no wine for me, uh, because, big news... 100 00:03:23,828 --> 00:03:24,829 {\an8}we're pregnant! 101 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,080 {\an8} 102 00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:27,165 {\an8}Get in here. Touch it. 103 00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:28,249 {\an8}- Mm. Kiss it. 104 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,210 {\an8}Say your name to it so it knows who you are. 105 00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,670 {\an8}Wow-eee! Poppy, did you hear that news? 106 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,422 {\an8}Yes, Angela, I heard. 107 00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:37,383 {\an8}And we're happy? I'm just trying to follow your lead here. 108 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:38,718 Congratulations, Sharon. 109 00:03:38,801 --> 00:03:40,261 Gonna go neutral. Got it. 110 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,513 Oh, Poppy, you should come with me to my ultrasound today. 111 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:43,848 I'm gonna find out the sex. 112 00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:45,350 Ooh! Wow! 113 00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:46,768 Oh, God, this is a tough one. 114 00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:50,772 I already, uh, promised Angie that I would hang out with her today. 115 00:03:50,855 --> 00:03:52,941 She's having, uh, gastrointestinal problems. 116 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,609 Yeah, it's just flowing through her. 117 00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:55,902 She's wearing a diaper right now. 118 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,570 Come on, man. 119 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,657 Yeah, it's true. 120 00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:04,327 My doc says that my butt tubes are all out of whack. 121 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:05,411 Sucks. 122 00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:06,955 Oh. Gross. 123 00:04:07,038 --> 00:04:08,498 Well, next time, then? 124 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:10,208 Maybe. You know what? So sorry. We have to go. 125 00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,794 Yeah, I can tell by Angie's face she's in great distress. 126 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:13,878 - Oh. -Okay. 127 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,380 Yeah. 128 00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,966 Okay, that was big news, and I am here for you, 129 00:04:18,049 --> 00:04:20,218 but we have to discuss why every on-the-fly excuse 130 00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:21,678 involves me dropping heat in my pants. 131 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,762 Copy that. 132 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,395 Ugh. How am I getting worse? 133 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,604 Welcome to Hilltop. 134 00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:32,689 Thanks, Pete. 135 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:33,773 Wait, what? 136 00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:40,738 Sophie Cooper, did you steal that bird? 137 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,532 I saved him. 138 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:45,410 You told me my moral compass would never steer me wrong. 139 00:04:45,493 --> 00:04:47,078 Oh, boy. That does sound like me. 140 00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:48,705 We'll give Pete a great weekend 141 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,082 and then bring him back before school starts. 142 00:04:51,165 --> 00:04:53,710 I know stealing is wrong, but in this case, 143 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:56,337 I really believe it's the right thing to do. 144 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,422 Okay, wow. 145 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:58,923 I raised a remarkable young woman. 146 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,008 Great dad! 147 00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,801 Did you just say "great dad" to yourself? 148 00:05:01,884 --> 00:05:03,803 - Sorry, what? - Welcome to Hilltop. 149 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,347 Okay. Pete can stay. 150 00:05:06,431 --> 00:05:08,433 It is such a bummer they keep him cooped up. 151 00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:10,601 Poor guy's probably never even flown before. 152 00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:18,192 Pete, it's just you and me now. 153 00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,361 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 154 00:05:20,445 --> 00:05:23,364 Welcome to Hilltop. 155 00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:26,617 That was wild back there, huh? 156 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,077 You know what? I'm gonna be here for you. 157 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,204 Today, I'm Poppy. 158 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:32,957 Okay, so, your ex-husband is having a baby. 159 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,542 Talk to me. How do you feel? 160 00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,794 Honestly? Weird. 161 00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,796 I mean, she invited me to her ultrasound, Ang. 162 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,798 I didn't knock her up. Why is it my damn problem? 163 00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,092 - It's not! -You know what I think? 164 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,136 It's a generational thing. Sharon's 23. 165 00:05:45,219 --> 00:05:46,971 The youth today have no concept of boundaries. 166 00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:49,682 Millennials. God! I hate them! 167 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:51,351 No respect. 168 00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:53,436 It's like, this is a society. 169 00:05:53,519 --> 00:05:55,480 We have rules for a reason. 170 00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:56,856 Ma'am, you have to pay for that. 171 00:05:58,232 --> 00:05:59,859 Ang, you know we're Millennials, too, right? 172 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,819 Yeah, but you get it. 173 00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,821 Mm. Yeah, anyway, back to Sharon. 174 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,324 What's next? She wants me present for the actual birth? 175 00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,326 Gosh. I'm gonna wrap my legs around her, 176 00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:09,827 Handmaid's Tale-style? 177 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,871 Uch, hate that show. 178 00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:13,331 I've never seen it. 179 00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:14,999 Hold up. Is that...? 180 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,710 Miggy's girlfriend with a man that's not Miggy. 181 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,004 A smokin'-hot man. 182 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,465 This is s-so messed! 183 00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:24,300 Just today, he was telling me they're exclusive. 184 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:26,469 - See? - Uh-huh. 185 00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:27,553 - See? - Uh-huh. 186 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:28,638 - See? - Uh-huh. 187 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:29,722 - See?! - Uh-huh! 188 00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:31,140 - This is exactly what I was talking about. - Exactly! 189 00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,226 We're not gonna let her burn Miggy like this. 190 00:06:33,309 --> 00:06:35,186 - In fact, we're gonna follow them. - Yeah. 191 00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:36,729 - Catch them in the act. - Okay. 192 00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,106 - Mm-hmm. - So, just to be clear, 193 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:39,774 you want to deal with Sharon's pregnancy by... 194 00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:41,109 tailing Miggy's girlfriend? 195 00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:42,235 You bet your ass I do. 196 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:43,319 - Yeah. - Yeah. 197 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,988 Because I am done letting this over-sharing, milk-hating, 198 00:06:46,072 --> 00:06:48,574 rotary-phone-not-remembering generation get away with it! 199 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:49,659 You in? 200 00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:50,868 - Let's ride. - All right. 201 00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,163 Hey, for the cookies. 202 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,582 And whatever else my friend stole while she was here. 203 00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,919 ♪ Washin' spoons ♪ 204 00:07:00,002 --> 00:07:01,838 ♪ Washin' the dishes ♪ 205 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,423 - ♪ Scrubbin' forks ♪ - Hey, Dad. 206 00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,508 ♪ I'm washin' a knife ♪ 207 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:06,926 ♪ Washin' spoons ♪ 208 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:11,681 ♪ First I'm gonna wash, then I'll let 'em dry ♪ 209 00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,891 ♪ 'Cause I'm washin' it all ♪ 210 00:07:13,975 --> 00:07:15,935 ♪ Yeah, I'm washin' the dishes ♪ 211 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:19,397 ♪ Scrubbin' forks, scrubbin' the knives ♪ 212 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,773 ♪ Washin' bowls ♪ 213 00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:21,858 This is it, Pete, 214 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,277 the moment you've been denied your whole life. 215 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,029 It's time to fly! 216 00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,739 Welcome to Hilltop. Wait -- 217 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,410 Sophie, what was that?! 218 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,497 I just wanted him to fly, as nature intended. 219 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:37,707 And because I loved him, 220 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,959 I assumed he would fly back to me. 221 00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:42,295 Aw, honey, you couldn't have known his wings were clipped. 222 00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:43,838 I'm a murderer. 223 00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:45,673 You are not a murderer. 224 00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:49,051 The upturned rake that Pete fell directly onto is the murderer. 225 00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,428 You just made a mistake. 226 00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:53,222 A mistake that resulted in the death of an innocent bird. 227 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:54,932 And the only thing I can do now 228 00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:57,518 is to be honest and turn myself in to Yarble. 229 00:07:58,769 --> 00:08:00,438 Which means it's over. 230 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:03,483 I can kiss that future we planned for me goodbye. 231 00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:05,401 I know you just saw a bird die, 232 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,069 but I think you're being a little dramatic. 233 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,280 Am I? I'll probably get a suspension, 234 00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:11,407 which means that'll take me out of the running 235 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,909 for Student of the Year. 236 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,452 That stings. 237 00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:18,289 Especially since we set aside such a good spot on the Sophie shelf. 238 00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:19,665 I said goodbye to all of that 239 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,626 the day that I threw that bird off the roof. 240 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,294 That was today. 241 00:08:23,377 --> 00:08:24,378 Wait. 242 00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:26,088 Sophie, what are you doing? 243 00:08:26,172 --> 00:08:28,799 I'm removing these reminders of my former self. 244 00:08:28,883 --> 00:08:30,426 I'm going nowhere. 245 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:34,263 Well... just to play devil's... 246 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,266 if you turn yourself in and lose your good standing, 247 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:39,560 you won't be able to fight for things in the future. 248 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,771 And that wouldn't be right. 249 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:46,901 Sophie, do you think that maybe your guilt is punishment enough? 250 00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:48,528 I mean, Pete wouldn't want you 251 00:08:48,611 --> 00:08:50,530 to lose everything over this, right? 252 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,949 No. He would want to welcome me to Hilltop. 253 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:54,825 That's right, he would. 254 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:56,160 But what are we gonna do? 255 00:08:56,244 --> 00:08:58,829 Vice Principal Yarble's gonna see that Pete's missing, 256 00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,540 and she'll know it was me. 257 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:03,876 Not if we cover it up. 258 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:07,129 You and I aren't built for lying. 259 00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,214 You're right. 260 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,757 We'll never be able to pull this off. 261 00:09:09,840 --> 00:09:11,259 We need a bad person. 262 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,053 Someone 100% morally bankrupt. 263 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,557 I understand our services are needed. 264 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,101 We hear there's evidence that needs to be destroyed. 265 00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:21,727 Don't worry. We're discreet. 266 00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:29,277 Ugh, they just opened another bottle of wine. 267 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,072 When are Pronstroller and Round Head McNormal Face 268 00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:34,323 gonna smush already? 269 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,616 I'm hungry. 270 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:36,951 Don't people usually have snacks at these stakeouts? 271 00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:44,333 You're offering me loose beef jerky from your glove compartment? 272 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,252 Sorry, princess. 273 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,839 Oh, hell yeah, that's hard to eat. 274 00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:52,592 Also, you own a tiny spy telescope? 275 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,260 Wanna tell me the story of buying that? 276 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:57,722 Just very curious about your headspace during that time of purchase. 277 00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:58,848 Thank you for your question. 278 00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:01,100 - First of all, it's a spyglass. - Oh. 279 00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:04,270 And it was reasonably priced at 400 tickets at Dave & B's, 280 00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:06,856 which I easily won rippin' it at Skee-Ball. 281 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,316 You know what? You and I are best friends, 282 00:10:08,399 --> 00:10:10,860 but we have very different approaches to our recreational time. 283 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,320 Yes. See? 284 00:10:12,403 --> 00:10:13,946 That is great stakeout banter. 285 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,031 Check us out, 286 00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,658 just two odd-couple, buddy-cop knucklebutts 287 00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:19,452 camped out in a van, razzing each other 288 00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:21,203 while we eagle-eye some dirtbags. 289 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,164 Enh! That's right. 290 00:10:26,959 --> 00:10:28,002 Are you okay? 291 00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:29,211 Your phone need juice? 292 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,005 I have... 293 00:10:31,088 --> 00:10:32,548 seven different chargers, 294 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:35,301 none of them for contemporary phones, but we could cobble something together. 295 00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:36,469 It's Sharon. 296 00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:40,973 She sent me her sonogram. 297 00:10:41,057 --> 00:10:42,099 It's a girl. 298 00:10:44,352 --> 00:10:48,064 Beautiful, healthy, well-positioned girl. 299 00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:51,025 Rory's little sister. 300 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:55,237 I think I'm ready to talk about how I'm really feeling. 301 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:56,739 Oh, yeah, that sounds about right. 302 00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,491 -Okay. - Come here. 303 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,160 Poppy's got ya. 304 00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:07,041 I don't know how you can eat while the twins are... 305 00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,501 disposing of the body. 306 00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,087 Well, I guess seeing you fall off your high horse 307 00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,505 left me a bit peckish. 308 00:11:13,255 --> 00:11:16,133 "All I care about is my daughter's moral compass." 309 00:11:16,217 --> 00:11:17,218 Ha! Bunk. 310 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:18,761 You're bunk, Lollypop Boy. 311 00:11:18,844 --> 00:11:20,262 Yeah, that's right. I took it, 312 00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:22,139 and it sounds better coming out of my mouth. 313 00:11:22,223 --> 00:11:23,224 I'm not judging. 314 00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:26,227 I'm just merely labeling your hypocrisy 315 00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,145 and thinking less of you for it. 316 00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:31,691 Fine. Do I enjoy being the father of a high-achieving daughter? 317 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:32,983 Of course. 318 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:36,320 Do I have an 18-year plan where she goes to Harvard 319 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:39,156 but then eschews that for a prestigious New York university 320 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,575 to chase after the love of her life, just like Felicity? 321 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:42,702 I do. 322 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,871 And do I sometimes picture myself with the Felicity haircut? 323 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,832 You know, not the good one, but the one everyone says is bad 324 00:11:47,915 --> 00:11:49,750 but I think I could pull off? 325 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,002 It's really busy up there, isn't it? 326 00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:53,379 Look, can you help us or not? 327 00:11:53,462 --> 00:11:54,839 Yes, I can help you. 328 00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,215 Sophie! 329 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:02,179 Listen, it's time to construct the perfect alibi, 330 00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:06,475 but the key is that you have to really believe your own story. 331 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,977 Okay? You got it? 332 00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,145 I-I think so. 333 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,688 Okay. 334 00:12:10,771 --> 00:12:12,273 Where were you at 3:00 P.M.? 335 00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,818 - Th-The mall? - Baloney! 336 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:20,072 Now, close your eyes and see the store you're in. 337 00:12:20,156 --> 00:12:22,032 Feel it. Smell it. 338 00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:23,993 Okay. 339 00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:25,536 I was in Claire's. 340 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:26,829 No! TCBY. 341 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:28,205 And what did you buy? 342 00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:30,374 Homework? 343 00:12:32,626 --> 00:12:34,003 At a yogurt store? 344 00:12:34,086 --> 00:12:35,713 Okay, see, your head's not in the game. 345 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:36,839 Take a lap! 346 00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:41,177 All right, give it to me straight. She's gonna blow this, right? 347 00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,678 She's the worst liar I've ever seen. 348 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,513 And kids are usually good at it. 349 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,682 They're dumb enough to believe what they're saying. 350 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,684 Damn it, I raised too good of a daughter. 351 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,228 But at least we have all weekend to figure it out. 352 00:12:54,356 --> 00:12:55,399 Will Cooper. 353 00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,067 The Hilltop parrot is missing. 354 00:12:57,151 --> 00:12:58,444 I assume it was Sophie. 355 00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,780 Thus, I am here on Friday afternoon 356 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:03,115 of my three-day weekend to investigate. 357 00:13:03,199 --> 00:13:04,658 Why do you hate me? 358 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:11,832 It just feels impossible to wrap my head around the idea 359 00:13:11,916 --> 00:13:14,543 of Rory having a sibling that isn't my kid. 360 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,880 And Sharon can tell me to kiss her belly all she wants to, 361 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,090 but the truth is, I'm not a part of this, Ang. 362 00:13:20,174 --> 00:13:21,467 And Rory will be. 363 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,386 Yeah, that's gotta be really hard to process. 364 00:13:24,470 --> 00:13:26,972 Especially with Sharon sending you pictures 365 00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,099 of her gross new body roommate. 366 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,477 Ugh. Sorry, all babies are miracles. 367 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:32,561 Proof of God. 368 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:35,523 And it's not like I can confront Sharon and tell her how I feel. 369 00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:37,399 No, I have to be the perfect ex-wife. 370 00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,568 Gracious, evolved, always has gum. 371 00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,321 I'm not allowed to get upset, and sometimes I wanna get upset. 372 00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:44,698 Well, then, do it. Get upset. 373 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:45,908 Come on. Let it out. 374 00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,493 Let it out on these losers. 375 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,954 Ugh, kissing in the window, 376 00:13:50,037 --> 00:13:53,749 like they're the leg lamp from that Christmas movie. 377 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,001 Hell yeah. Let's go bust some skulls! 378 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,920 Yeah, let's go show them what a real kiss looks like! 379 00:13:58,003 --> 00:14:00,589 Yeah! Wait. What do you think we're about to do, Angie? 380 00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:05,469 Okay, so, we need a plan so they open the door. 381 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:06,554 Do you have an air horn? 382 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,347 What? No, I'm not a morning radio deejay. 383 00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,723 I do not have an air horn. 384 00:14:09,807 --> 00:14:11,225 Angie? Poppy? Uh... 385 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:13,394 - Who are you? - Your worst nightmare. 386 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:15,479 Yeah, your worst nightmare, you hot biatch! 387 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:17,314 Who do you guys think you are? 388 00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,525 You, cheating on Miggy? Really? 389 00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,193 I should bust you over the head with Angie's spyglass. 390 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:22,695 No, Poppy! I earned this. 391 00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:25,656 You kids do whatever you want without any regard 392 00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:27,700 for the boundaries we've agreed on as a society. 393 00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:29,535 - Poppy -- - You just invite people to your ultrasound 394 00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,161 and force-confront them with your baby's sex, 395 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,997 never considering how that might be making them feel! 396 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,081 What's that, now? 397 00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:36,125 - Uh, Pop, you're veering. - I hear it. I'm bringing it home. 398 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:37,209 - You -- - Poppy! 399 00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:40,212 I thought I heard your scary, scoldy mom voice. 400 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,380 What are you guys doing here? 401 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:43,007 What are you doing here? 402 00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:45,092 Oh, you know my girlfriend, Homily. 403 00:14:45,175 --> 00:14:47,928 And this is Brian, our boyfriend. 404 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:51,849 - Ohhhhhh. - Ohhhhhh. 405 00:14:54,435 --> 00:14:56,937 We were just barging in 'cause... 406 00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,815 ...Angie's got to use your toilet. 407 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:00,900 It's a diarrhea thing. 408 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:02,484 Dude, seriously. Why? 409 00:15:05,654 --> 00:15:09,700 Okay, so the three of you are dating each other? 410 00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:11,368 Yeah, we're a throuple. 411 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,370 I've never been happier. 412 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:15,039 I-I-I call my mom now. 413 00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,790 I don't know how that relates. 414 00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,628 Dang. Y'all are cheesin' hard. 415 00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:22,546 Miggy, did I even know you dated guys? 416 00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:23,797 No, you've met his boyfriends before. 417 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,215 Remember Chubby Mario Lopez? 418 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:26,383 Yeah, if you're confused, 419 00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,511 he looked exactly like Mario Lopez but chubby. 420 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,180 Oh, yeah, he was dope. 421 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,681 Okay, I guess I did know. 422 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:36,226 Sorry, this old brain basket of mine's got a lot of holes in it. 423 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:37,353 It's all good, bro. 424 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,063 I don't really dig labels. 425 00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:41,023 It's just more of the vibe for me. 426 00:15:41,106 --> 00:15:43,192 And right now, I'm vibin' double. 427 00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,199 - Angie, no. - What, I can't wink? 428 00:15:50,282 --> 00:15:51,575 You are not part of the group. 429 00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:53,744 I have a question. 430 00:15:53,827 --> 00:15:56,956 Sorry to sound like the old Millennial, but how does this work? 431 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,916 Anybody ever feel left out or...? 432 00:15:58,999 --> 00:16:01,627 We have a three-pronged approach for working through the sticky stuff -- 433 00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:06,298 radical honesty, active listening, and open communication. 434 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:07,967 And it just works. 435 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:10,511 Well, now I want to be in a throuple! 436 00:16:10,594 --> 00:16:11,929 How did you guys meet? 437 00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:15,057 Oh, there's a poly dating app. It's called Big Bed. 438 00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:16,600 And, Brian, you're on it? 439 00:16:19,395 --> 00:16:20,396 Okay. 440 00:16:20,479 --> 00:16:24,024 Sophie Cooper, at 3:00 P.M. this afternoon, 441 00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,694 I was crawling into my indoor hammock, 442 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:29,905 firing up an audiobook on self-compassion. 443 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,949 I had just put down my cat for a nap. 444 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,492 Okay. 445 00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:34,702 Where were you at that time? 446 00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:41,417 I was shopping at the center for...shopping? 447 00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:50,050 The Eagle Rock mall. First floor. Claire's. 448 00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,176 By yourself? 449 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:54,054 No, Douglas took me with Emma and Amy after school, 450 00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:56,348 and then he brought me home, which is why he's here now. 451 00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,725 Next question. 452 00:16:59,476 --> 00:17:00,686 My God, she's doing it. 453 00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:01,979 She's good at lying. 454 00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:03,063 We did it. 455 00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,940 We destroyed her inner conscience. 456 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,859 Now there's no stopping her. 457 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:09,862 May be time to break out that Harvard bumper sticker. 458 00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,196 Though, I can tell you one thing, 459 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,324 can't hold a damn candle to SUNY Buffalo. 460 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:15,993 Did you purchase anything? 461 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,494 Yes, two scrunchies 462 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,872 and a towel with a drawing of a muscled body on it. 463 00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:22,291 My dad loves joke towels. 464 00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:25,085 All right. 465 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,755 Seems like you have your story straight. 466 00:17:27,838 --> 00:17:29,923 Don't know what to do now. 467 00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,592 Got no leads. 468 00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:34,470 Sounds like another A-plus weekend for old Yarbs. 469 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:37,514 Well, 62 bad years under my belt. 470 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,349 What's one more? 471 00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:40,934 Yeah, it's my birthday. 472 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:43,937 Thanks, Dad. 473 00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:47,274 Man, now that I've lost that pesky moral-compass thing, 474 00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:50,652 let's fill up that Sophie shelf until it explodes! 475 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,697 I'm riding these hollow insides to the top. 476 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,575 Wait! Vice Principal Yarble! 477 00:17:56,867 --> 00:17:58,577 You're screaming. I'm right here. 478 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,205 Sophie's lying, but I-I told her to lie. It's my fault. 479 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,498 Dad, no! 480 00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,208 No, I led her astray. 481 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,126 We should never have tried to cover this up. 482 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:08,045 The truth is, yes, she stole the bird, okay? 483 00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,130 But only because she was following her conscience. 484 00:18:10,214 --> 00:18:12,883 Dad! We were getting away with it. 485 00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:14,635 Yeah, but at what cost, bud? 486 00:18:14,718 --> 00:18:18,222 You have such a great heart, and you should always follow it. 487 00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:20,015 Consequences be damned. 488 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:23,060 Who cares if I only have Felicity's curly hair in my dreams? 489 00:18:23,894 --> 00:18:27,648 Look, the only crime was her lie, and I told her to do that. 490 00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:30,359 So if you're gonna blame anybody, blame me. 491 00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,111 Okay. I will blame you. 492 00:18:32,194 --> 00:18:33,445 - Oh, thank God. - And her. 493 00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:34,988 What? But -- But she didn't do anything. 494 00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,323 She didn't even mean to kill the bird. 495 00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,699 The bird's dead?! 496 00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:39,409 Okay, well, now you're screaming. 497 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:45,082 Look, both of us will accept any punishment coming our way. 498 00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,084 And what was your part in all this? 499 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:48,377 Oh, nothing. 500 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,753 Just hanging with my buds. 501 00:18:52,422 --> 00:18:54,174 Deed's done. Time to settle up. 502 00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:57,344 We can charge by hour or by weight of the remains. 503 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,013 My girls don't leave prints, Yarble. 504 00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,516 You'll never be able to prove anything. 505 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:05,352 Happy birthday. 506 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:11,775 That throuple seemed so happy and supportive of each other. 507 00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,278 Are youths...smart? 508 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,822 Did Miggy just teach me something about relationships? 509 00:19:16,905 --> 00:19:19,575 Did Brian have the bluest eyes you've ever seen? 510 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:21,326 - Huh? - I'm sorry. 511 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,453 I thought we were just asking questions about the day. 512 00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:25,831 I can't believe that I'm gonna say this, 513 00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,374 but maybe you should... 514 00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:29,793 try the three-pronged approach with Sharon. 515 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:33,130 You know, the more honest you are, the easier this will all be. 516 00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,048 Wow. 517 00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,800 That's good advice. 518 00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:42,806 I can't believe Rory's about to have a little sister. 519 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,725 It's actually pretty cool. 520 00:19:45,267 --> 00:19:46,393 Yeah. 521 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,229 Hey, thanks for getting me through tonight. 522 00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:50,689 Yeah. 523 00:19:50,772 --> 00:19:52,691 Oh, my God. I did it. 524 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:54,443 Am I...Poppy? 525 00:19:54,526 --> 00:19:57,070 Well, real Poppy wouldn't have ran out of gas on the way home. 526 00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:59,740 But...yeah, you did it. 527 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,117 Great. 528 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,496 So in another news, I'm already killing it on Big Bed. 529 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:07,748 Okay. 530 00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,378 Pete looks different. 531 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:15,505 Nah, he just missed us. 532 00:20:15,589 --> 00:20:16,840 How was your weekend, Pete? 533 00:20:16,924 --> 00:20:19,718 Welcome to Toyota of Lancaster. 534 00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,678 It's the same bird. Move along. 535 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:25,432 Why is there so much trash on the ground? 536 00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:27,226 Why is everything so wet? 537 00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:30,354 Dad, I'm sorry we won't be celebrating me 538 00:20:30,437 --> 00:20:32,064 as Student of the Year. 539 00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:35,192 Well, it turns out I'm not really a maroon guy, 540 00:20:35,275 --> 00:20:38,195 {\an8}and it was a Zara off-the-rack suit, so super baggy in the butt. 541 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,030 {\an8}Probably best if I don't wear it at all. 542 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:41,531 {\an8}And I'm really proud of you. 543 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:42,866 {\an8}And I'm proud of you, too. 544 00:20:42,950 --> 00:20:47,246 {\an8}Mostly for becoming a sociopath-level liar in one afternoon. 545 00:20:47,621 --> 00:20:50,082 {\an8}And also for standing up for what you believe in. 546 00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:51,875 {\an8}Ooh. I want to show you this. 547 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:52,960 {\an8}Huh? 548 00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:54,378 {\an8}-Is that you? 549 00:20:54,461 --> 00:20:57,130 {\an8}Yeah. I fought for a cause or two. 550 00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,841 {\an8}After all, I was a child of the '70s. 551 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,176 {\an8}1870s. 552 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,302 {\an8}Hey-oh! 553 00:21:02,386 --> 00:21:03,387 {\an8}- Boys! 554 00:21:03,470 --> 00:21:06,807 {\an8}Okay, look, the point is, kids are dumb dreamers, 555 00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:10,185 {\an8}but, you know, maybe that phase is good for something, huh? 556 00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:11,728 {\an8}Wow. That was almost touching. 557 00:21:11,812 --> 00:21:12,854 {\an8}Thanks, Douglas. 558 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:16,149 {\an8}Since when did the kids get so comfortable calling me by my first name? 559 00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:17,442 {\an8}Back to work. 560 00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,945 {\an8}Special reward if anyone finds my retainer. 561 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:22,906 {\an8}Yes, Ms. Yarble. 562 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:24,366 {\an8}Don't do that.