Shuttin' down your ex-husband's wedding!
Now let's dish.
Okay, so, Will and I drive up to the drive-through,
and who's there?
My ex. Graham's dad.
And how'd that deadbeat look?
- Disgusting...ly hot! - Ohh!
- Charlie's Angels! - Yeah.
Okay, and then Derek gave me his e-mail address
on one of his old CDs.
What?! Angie, are you gonna use it?
Wait. Are we headed towards a Thelma & Louise situation?
No! I'm not gonna e-mail that dummy.
- Okay. - Lookit!
- Aaahhh! - Aaahhh!
Okay, good, because you know how crazy he makes you.
One mention of something that happened nine years ago,
and you are in Obsessed Town.
Not anymore, okay?
Turns out all I had to do was have one last look at his face.
- Mad closure. - Good.
Can't wait to see what I blame my problems on now.
- Probably your mom. - Yeah.
- Prom. - Take me to prom.
Mm!
- Hey. - Hey.
Alright, well, you successfully rode out your ex-husband's wedding,
so what do you say we leave?
Okay, come on, Douglas.
- Let's take a picture. - Eh--
O-Okay, but I refuse to do a fun one.
Hold up! Are we doing a group photo?
- Miggy! Miggy!! -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Dibs on the fake saxophone!
Ooh.
Wait. You know what I just realized?
Sophie and Graham are at Space Camp,
Rory's going with Ron and Sharon on their honeymoon--
not a great sign--
and the twins are with their kinda hot grandma.
Are we looking at a kid-free summer?
- Totally unprecedented. - Oh, my God.
This'll have little effect on my day-to-day.
Guys? Really? I mean, Jack's not even two.
I'll have him the entire time.
A kid-free summer!
- Dirty little secret? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh.
Shhh.
Okay, so, let's get some parties on the books, alright?
We can take turns hosting. That way, we can see each other.
Oh, I'll be seeing you.
Ohh. Okay.
Alright, guys, summer starts now!
Whoo!
Oh! Hey, person who didn't think that I could pull off a party.
- Well, check it. Here.
We have saltines, a nice spread of breakfast cereal,
and some snacks that I've been collecting from Southwest flights.
Nailed it.
Where's your, uh, work boss/life girlfriend, Tracy Freeze?
Well, we've been hanging out quite a bit,
but we're keeping things pretty casual right now.
And that is the perfect attitude for the summer of freedom.
- Summer! Summer!
Whoo!
This is the exact reason why we made Angie and Will's List of Summer Fun!
-Mm. Yes, yes, yes. Yes.
- Shall we review? We shall.
I'm excited about the wine tasting. Ooh!
I'm very excited for that pinball bar
where everybody's gonna be 23 and, therefore, terrifying.
- Karaoke. ♪ Duh! ♪ Our thing.
And I can finally visit the dog shelter without having to worry about
Sophie's crippling bulldog allergy.
- Yeah, what a drag. Yeah.
Ooh! And the crown jewel--
that Bavarian sausage house
where you get free sausage for your birthday!
I don't know how I feel about lying.
My birthday's not until October.
Come on. You know the saying--
it's not summer unless you're lying to some Germans.
-Hey, Angie.
Ah! Gus.
My friend and my exterminator.
And you come bearing gifts.
- He was raised right.
They're deviled eggs.
Some of them aren't good.
- Oh, my... Good God.
Daaaamn!
I'm getting second-degree burns from all that fire!
If that's the bad degree.
Oh! Have you two gone on a date yet?
No, Miggy.
I thought he was gonna ask me sooner, but I don't know.
I think he's just taking his time.
He's taking his time?
The Poppy I know doesn't wait for anybody.
That's why you're always leaving me at the mall.
-Mm. - Mm-hmm.
Jack! What'd I tell you about the Sharpies?
The wall, man, not the mouth.
I'll get him.
Oh, man, this party is the pits.
No spread, no bartender, no live piano.
Dude, what's the deal?
Why haven't you asked out Poppy yet?
Well, if you must know, I'm gonna ask her tonight.
I just had to, you know, secure all the details.
You see, women are fearful creatures-- you know, skittish, like cats,
and if you put them in an unpredictable environment,
well, they panic.
That's why they want the man to make all the decisions.
- They also hate the car. - Yeah, I get that.
But see, Poppy's a modern woman. She's not your usual type.
You're gonna need some new moves.
Eh. All women are the same.
O-O-Okay. Here she comes.
Watch and learn.
- Okay, tagging you back in. - Yeah.
He somehow took his diaper off yet is still wearing his shorts.
Uh, Ms. Banks, I would like to inform you of your plans next Wednesday.
Hey, do you want to go on a date?
W-Well, I...
Calendars...
appointments...
O-Okay, are you short-circuiting or what's...going...on?
Oh. Is it because a woman's asking you out?
No! I-It's new.
But, uh, y-yes.
Yes. It would be my pleasure.
Good. Great.
Um, I'll pick you up Tuesday.
I know this great vegan joint.
Just kidding. We'll get steak.
- Guess what. - What?
That wine bar is having a tasting tonight.
We could go straight from here.
Love it. Let's do it!
Okay! Everyone out!
I'm doing something else now.
I mean it.
-What? -Oh, really?
This is it.
Yeah, sorry, I sort of meant, like, after the party,
but this is cool, too.
Uh, is that a CD shard in your pocket?
You know, just can't stop thinking about e-mailing Derek,
you know, just to yell at him one last time,
just hit him with the old "Yo, D-bag, do you have any idea how--"
Mm.
Something is...
happening...inside me.
- Feelings? - Oh, yes.
Feelings.
I just got to... shove those back down.
Okay.
That was close.
- Um... - All better now.
No! Angie, you got to let that bad stuff out.
It's like my Nana always says,
"If you don't let the steam out of the kettle, it gets too loud."
Well, your Nana was stupid!
- Sorry. - It's okay.
I'm not e-mailing Derek. End of story.
Alright.
But if I were,
you know it would be the e-mail of the century.
It would be eight years of rage.
I would find a way to use the word "butthole"
as a noun and a verb.
You're kind of obsessing about this, and I think you need to write this e-mail.
Like, now.
Yes. Yeah.
You know what?
I can't let this hang over Angie and Will's List of Summer Fun.
I'm gonna go destroy Derek.
Oh, what about the wine tasting?
How about I head over there now, get us a table,
strike up some heat with the server?
- Meet you there. - Yeah.
- Summer! - Summer! Summer!
Summer!!
Uh, sir, some of the patrons are complaining
that you look lonely.
My friend's coming.
That's the spirit, sir.
Welcome to our party!
Please enjoy our selection of fine organic California wines.
From all 58 counties of this great state.
Maybe skip the Fresno ones.
Enjoy.
I, for one, am trying them all.
- I'm gonna... - Yeah, would you?
Mm-hmm. Hey, Guy.
- Maybe go easy on the wine? - Hi.
Ohhh! Mm.
- Thanks for having me. -Of course.
Our party?
Seems like you and Tracy
have gotten serious this summer.
I don't know.
Is sex serious?
What?! Will Cooper.
Good for you!
That's what I'm talkin' about.
- Summer lovin'. Yeah. - Thank you. Mm-hmm.
I've had a little of that myself.
- Oh, that's right. Poppy's in the game! -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Where is Douglas, by the way?
How would I know?
You remember Gus, from Angie's party?
Can you believe she asked me out?
Love a woman that takes charge.
P.S. You have a serious silverfish situation.
Let's take a lap, Gus. Okay.
Angie.
Hey. Where have you been?
And are you wearing maternity sweatpants?
C-Could you move it along? I'm kind of in the middle of something.
Okay, I haven't-- I haven't seen you in like a month.
I feel like we have a lot to catch up on.
Have...you talked to Poppy about Douglas?
Oh, yeah. She's...with Gus now.
And you didn't tell me? This is a major scandal.
If our friend group was America,
this would be on the cover of People magazine.
Okay, can we talk about this later?
I'm writing the e-mail to Derek.
Really? He wrote you back? What did he say?
No. I'm writing the e-mail to Derek.
Still?
How is that possible?
Because I-I need it to be perfect.
This is the last thing that I'm ever gonna say to this jackass,
and I-I got to get it right.
Wait, I--
So, this is what you've been doing for the entire month?
This is why we haven't done our summer distraction plan?
The wine tastings, the visit to the Sriracha factory,
getting stoned on melatonin and going to the butterfly pavilion?
Could you take a look at this? I could use some feedback.
"Hey, bu--" Oh.
Oh.
I don't feel comfortable reading this out loud.
Well, Ms. Banks, I...can't help but notice
you're attending this party with Angie's exterminator.
Mm. Well, his name is Gus, and he's built like a house.
Poppy, Douglas, what's going on with you two, huh?
Is it my fault?
- Nothing's going on. - Damn right.
Nothing's going on.
- I can take a hint. - Yeah?
- I'm gonna go eat a corn chip. - Mm!
I don't get it.
You two were moony for each other at Angie's party.
I have to know what happened.
- Tenant's rights. - Alright, fine.
I didn't want to gossip about Douglas to our mutual friends,
but I need the support, so just promise to be cool, okay?
Poppy, I don't have to promise to be cool.
I am cool.
Look at the angle of my hat.
- Got it. - Mm-hmm.
Alright, Douglas and I went on the worst first date in American history.
At first, everything was going great.
- And then what happened? -That's it.
Never spoke again.
W-- That man IRL ghosted you, and you never got a reason?
We all know the reason, Miggy. It's because I asked him out.
That's all it took to set his old-fashioned brain on fire
and send him running into the night.
I can't believe you actually had to go through that.
Thank you.
And now I have to go murder Douglas.
What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Just...leave him alone.
You know, the fact that he has to live the rest of his life as Douglas
is punishment enough.
Okay.
But only because you're a queen--
-Mm. - ...an icon,
- a survivor. - Yes.
Hey, don't freakin' look at her! What-- What--
- Miggy, Miggy. - What's wrong with you?
Why aren't you laughing? This is the funny part.
I think I need a break from this e-mail.
Maybe go watch some videos of otters holding hands.
Oh, my God! Will!
We finally got the reservation at that Bavarian sausage place.
- Awesome! -Yeah.
Oh. Bavarian sausage place?
Oh.
It's just part of this crazy list we made
to make sure that we have the most fun summer ever.
We call it the Will and Tracy List of
- Summer Fun. - ...Summer Fun.
Wow.
Cool.
And great name.
Love how it just says what it is.
Yeah.
Hey, Miggy.
Jack is in the yard, huh? Get in the game.
Oh, I'm sorry, Douglas, but I have to murder you now!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Take it easy!
How could you do Poppy dirty like that?!
Hey! Relax!
Calm down. I--
I had a heart attack.
What? When?
Tony.
Cedars.
Oh, my God.
Douglas, here I thought you were the worst person in the world.
You're a king, an icon, a survivor.
A-Alright. You don't have to throw me a parade.
Half of my friends survived a heart attack this summer.
The other half...
We have to tell Poppy the truth.
- O-Oh-- N-No, no, no. You don't want-- - Yes!
Okay, I'm sorry I'm doing the Bavarian sausage thing with Tracy.
You are doing our entire list.
In the words of my ninth grade English teacher,
"You can't just write your name on the top of someone else's work, Angie."
For the record, I called, I texted,
I liked all your tweets, until I realized it was a different Angie.
I got nothing back. I got blown off for an e-mail.
An e-mail you convinced me to write.
Because I didn't know it was gonna take you two months
to write it, okay?
You abandoned me.
No, no, no. You abandoned me.
I warned you exactly how much rage was inside of me
and what would happen if it came out.
Okay? A-And not that it mattered to you.
You were with Tracy, your supposedly casual girlfriend.
Well, we were casual... a month ago.
And then you were gone, Sophie was gone, so Tracy and I started hanging out,
and then the next thing I knew, I had a girlfriend.
So I did the list with her, but I wanted to do it with you!
Okay, see...
that right there.
That's our problem.
Wait, what is?
It's weird, right?
That I'm mad at you for spending time with Tracy,
who you're in a relationship with?
I'm just your mom-friend.
Angie, you know you're more than that.
Well...
I probably shouldn't be.
Have your summer with Tracy, okay?
Do-- Do the pinball bar. Get your fake birthday sausage.
I'll see you when Graham and Sophie come back.
Will, your daughter gets bigger and more beautiful every year.
Well, Tony, I pulled out all the stops--
full pig, fat guy swinging fire in the backyard, and for what?
Poppy didn't even show up.
Well, at least you got all dolled up.
You think she'll ever forgive me?
Don't answer that. I can't take another kick to the pills.
♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
Why are they singing Happy Birthday?
It's not your birthday.
Yeah, but if we tell them it is, we get the meal for free.
Oh.
It's not summer unless you're lying to a German, right?
Wait, what?
Nothing.
Dig in.
Make a wish.
Hey.
I came 'cause I was at the Bavarian sausage place.
Way to rub it in!
No--Sorry.
The point is, I was sitting there,
and I knew in my heart
that should have been our fake birthday sausage.
What about Tracy?
Tracy's great.
Frankly, it's nice to be in a good relationship for once.
But there is some stuff I just want to do with you.
The dumb stuff.
You're really good at the dumb stuff.
I'm sorry that...
I let an e-mail ruin our summer.
It's just...
I'd be writing it, you know, ripping him a new one,
- and then... - Yeah.
...I don't know.
All this deeper stuff started coming out.
Like, you know, how hard it was having a baby on my own
and how, to this day, I still half-expect everyone in my life
to just walk out on me.
It's why I can't bring myself to send it.
I never want stupid Derek to know how badly he hurt me.
Ever.
Angie, have you ever considered
that sharing your feelings isn't a sign of weakness?
Actually, no.
It's kind of your job to tell me stuff like that.
I'm just mad that Derek somehow managed to keep us
from our list.
Well, I got some news for you.
Our kids don't get home for a couple of hours.
Are you about to suggest that we go to Douglas' lame tiki party?
I am. But first.
♪ Hot summer streets ♪
♪ And the pavements are burning ♪
♪ I sit around ♪
♪ Trying to smile ♪
♪ But the air is so heavy and dry ♪
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
♪ Strange voices are saying ♪
♪ What did they say? ♪
♪ Things I can't understand ♪
♪ It's too close for comfort ♪
♪ This heat has got right out of hand ♪
♪ It's a cruel ♪
♪ It's a cruel! ♪
♪ Cruel summer ♪
♪ Leaving me here on my own ♪
♪ It's a cruel ♪
♪ It's a cruel! ♪
♪ Cruel summer ♪
- ♪ Now you're goooooooone ♪ - ♪ Goooooooone ♪
Ah.
Thank you, Jane.
What you did to New York, New York tonight
was nothing short of spectacular.
I didn't expect you to cry.
Mahalo.
I'm gonna make this quick.
I deserve an explanation.
Did you really ghost me because I asked you out?
Are you from horse times?
I-I thought you were better than that.
At least with me.
I had a heart attack.
What?
What?!
Oh, my Go-- When?
On our date.
You were holding my hand, and that's probably what brought it on.
That and the fact that I still hadn't used the StairMaster
from my 30th birthday.
Douglas, are you okay?
I'm getting there.
Right now, I'm on a...
plant-based diet.
For God's sakes, Douglas, why didn't you tell me?
Because I didn't want you to think of me as a weak old man, okay?
So you wanted me to think of you as a jerk instead?
A-A lot of people already think of me that way.
See, "jerk" is kind of where I live.
Look, buddy, if we're gonna do this,
you're gonna have to work on your big boy communication skills.
Listen, Poppy, under any normal circumstances,
I never would have left you on that date.
I was having the time of my life.
It was a great half an appetizer.
Maybe if I'm lucky, you'll ask me out again.
I have a good feeling about it.
Last night of summer.
You know what tomorrow means. We're driving them, doing homework,
julienning their vegetables.
Backpacks full of exploded yogurt.
Their horrified screams when they discover their art in the garbage.
Talking to parents that aren't us.
Again, I've been dealing with this the entire summer.
And I did a bad job.
Jack got smaller.
I had a great summer.
Tonight.
There's just one thing left on my list to do.
Oh, my God. Is she about to send that e-mail?
- Ooh. - What e-mail?
Yep. I'm gonna do it.
I am going to truth-bomb my ex and never talk to him again.
Can you guys help me workshop some subject headings?
Send it.
- Send it. - Send it.
Send it! Send it!
- Yes! - It's in the void.
Oh, we're so proud of you, girl.
That felt good.
I think I might ride this wave, like, into the new school year.
You know, turn over a new leaf.
Maybe date some new people, try some new things.
Like, I-I don't know, putting my grocery cart back!
Angie, that would be huge for you.
It's not gonna be easy, but you guys will have my back.
See, this is gonna be a great fall.
And tomorrow, we get to go back
to doing what we do best... parenting.
We are pretty good at parenting, aren't we?
Best in the biz.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Uh, hello?!
No one was there to pick us up at the bus station!
-We had to walk home!
We had to cross the freeway.
It was actually kinda fun, but that's not the point!
Seriously, we leave, and everything falls apart?
What have you people been doing without us?
♪♪
Surpriiiise?
-Surprise!
♪♪