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00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:06,307
Welcome to Will Cooper's 2018
Spook-tacular Spook-A-Thon.

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1-2-3...lights!

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[ Spooky music plays ]

4
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Only, imagine it's nighttime.Okay, I should be
somewhere else.

5
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-I cancelled a patient for this.
-You said this was an emergency.

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Hey, guys,
there's only eight more hours

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00:00:15,667 --> 00:00:17,277
until my spook-tacular bash
begins,

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00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:18,541
so there's still time
for improvement.

9
00:00:18,583 --> 00:00:21,283
But let's keep it in the world
of tweaks, okay? No big ideas.

10
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Okay, as much as I'd love
to talk lighting tweaks,

11
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I have to get
to the office.

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With a bag
of furry pipe cleaners?

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[ Grunts ] I haven't finished
sewing Graham's costume yet.

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He's really picky.

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He has to wear
something terrifying

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or else he's too scared
to go trick-or-treating,

17
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so now I'm stuck sewing

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a giant black widow spider
under my desk.

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Why can't he be scared of
normal things like dying alone?

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-Yes.
-That's a great story.

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Ugh. It's not her.
-Ooh. Who's her?

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Angie and Poppy:
April 16th, Giuseppe's Italian,
I was waiting for a cab...

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April 16th, Giuseppe's Italian,
I was waiting for a cab.

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[ Sultry jazz playing ]

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Beep-beep!
Move it or lose it!

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What are you --

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Valet: Oh, no problem.
I got it.

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♪♪

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That's the way
the cookie crumbles.

30
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♪♪

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Ohhh, Daddy likes.

32
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I ran after that car
for eight blocks like a dog,

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but she got away.

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Big Red was gone.

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Douglas,
that was beautiful --

36
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-So stupid.
-Chauvinistic dumbass.

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You know what?
I'm a rich doctor.

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I need none of you.

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Miggy: [ Singsong voice ] Man,
my first Halloween as a dad!

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It's crazy, this time last year,

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the gummies had just kicked in,

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and I threw up in a corn maze.

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Dude, there's so much
fun stuff to do.

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Sophie and I, we always dress up

45
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in a daddy-daughter costume

46
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and then we try
to out-scare each other.

47
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It's the best.
I am hyped.

48
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I promised my baby mama, Zara,

49
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I'd send a pic of Jack
in his costume.

50
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She's gonna love it.

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I should probably
go buy that, huh?

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[ Door opens ]Sophie: Dad?

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Hey, Miggy.
Have you seen my --

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Raaaaah!

55
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Ahhhhhhh...?

56
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I know that wasn't real,

57
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but I appreciate the effort.

58
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Who's ready for

59
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their daddy-daughter costume?

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[ Cloth rustling ]

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[ Colonial accent ] 'Tis I,

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politician, freemason,

63
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and humorist, Benjamin Franklin.

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And you look just about

65
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the same size as my kite!

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[ Doorbell rings ]

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[ Door opens ]

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Poppy!

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Are you a street walker?

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All right, save it,
Quaker Oats guy.

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Rory, we said
keep it simple.

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Every second
we're explaining our costumes

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is a second
we're not getting candy.

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Duh, "Pretty Woman."
I'm Edward Lewis.

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My mom is Julia Roberts' friend

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and story engine, Kit De Luca.

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Do the line.

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"We say who, we say when,
we say how much."

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Seriously? Nothing?

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Okay, okay,
smart people will get this.

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So, girls,
what are your costumes?

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I guess you can't recognize
Simon and Theodore

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without Alvin.

84
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Well, then it looks like
you'll be trick-or-treating

85
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in unrecognizable costumes.

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You knew
this gambit would fail.

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[ Chuckles ]
-Are you kidding me?

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Douglas, your girls wanted
to do a group costume,

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and you said no?

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I believe I said,
"Get out of the car.

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You're walking home,"
but the no was implied.

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You don't get to say "no."

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You think I wanted to be
an early-'90s prostitute?

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I own a feminist bookstore.It's not the same.

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A mom in a Halloween costume
with her kids looks cute,

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but no self-respecting man
dresses up in a child's costume.

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No?
What about Will?

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♪ La la la la la,
trick-or-treat ♪

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I said "self-respecting."

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You know,
the way I see it,

101
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Will is secure enough in
his manhood to wear a costume,

102
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while big Dr. Douglas
isn't.

103
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So, girls, who's the bigger man
this Halloween --

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Will or your dad?

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-Will, easy.
-Cooper by a mile.

106
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♪♪

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Give me the damn sweater.Uh-huh.

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♪♪

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[ Indistinct talking,
telephones ringing ]

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[ Line ringing ]

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Ang!

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The spook-tacular bash
has boo-gun!

113
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Cool. Listen.

114
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[ Sighs ]
I have to work late tonight.

115
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I-I just heard Rick yell,
"Buckle up, bitches!"

116
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What? Just tell your boss
you need to go trick-
or-treating with Graham.

117
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No. What? I can't tell him that
I have to leave for mom stuff.

118
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Then he'll start
treating me differently.

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You're afraid you're gonna be
treated like a mom?

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I don't understand.

121
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Of course you don't.
You're a man.

122
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Then, why do I always feel
so cold?

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What's up,
Big Dubs?

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Hey, Lil G!
Just talking to your mom here.

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God, she's
a wonderful woman.

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[ Chuckles ]

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Can't wait
to see the costume, Mom!

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Tell Graham
I'm on my way.

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God, I was really hoping
this would be the one year

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I don't have to put on a costume
behind the wheel.

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See you soon.

132
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Your mom's pretty great.

133
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You're telling me.

134
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She's my rock.

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♪♪

136
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Hey, Rick? Hi.

137
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Um, is it all right
if I...go?

138
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I have a...
personal matter.

139
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Yeah. Go.

140
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Take care
of your personal matter.

141
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I'll just give all
your case work to somebody

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who takes their career
a little more seriously.

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My best friend
was murdered.

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Will.

145
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So, yeah,
I got to catch a flight.

146
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It's a destination funeral.

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[ Voice breaking ]
God, Will.

148
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Why'd you have to
look in that Dumpster?

149
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What Dumpster?

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♪ The party will get started
soon as darkness falls ♪

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Sophie: Hey, Dad.

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[ Colonial accent ]
Why, hello, little girl.

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[ Normal voice ]
Where's your costume?

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I have a new friend
from school coming.

155
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Carol's a second grader
and not real big on Halloween.

156
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So could we maybe...
dial it back?

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Dial it back.

158
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Um...yeah, yeah.

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I, uh -- I-I-I-I think
we could do that.

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I-I get it.
I see what's happening.

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You grew up overnight, and now
you hang out with older girls,

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and I went from being
your best friend to an old man

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who lives in your house
who you wish would just die!

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Dad, is this the start
of a thing?

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No.

166
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No, I'm just processing.

167
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Uh, I'll definitely
dial it back,

168
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take it from a ten
to a nine and a half --

169
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Five?
Why don't you just
make it one?!

170
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I'm totally good.
I'm fine.

171
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[ Chuckles nervously ]
Hi.

172
00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:04,627
I'm fine.

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Oh. Okay.

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♪♪

175
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God, these shoes
are killing me.

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If I was a real prostitute,
I'd be home on my computer.

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This is so humiliating.

178
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It's the low point
of my life.

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I look like
the world's biggest tool.

180
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No, you look like a great dad.
Now come on.

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You gotta stand together
for the costumes to make sense.

182
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Yeah, heaven forbid
the costumes don't make sense.

183
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Kids: Trick or treat!

184
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[ Sultry jazz playing ]

185
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[ Candy thuds ]

186
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[ Whispering ] Oh, my God.
That's Big Red.

187
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Okay, kids, chop chop.
I gotta tinkle.

188
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Hello.
You're stunning.

189
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I'm --

190
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A giant chipmunk
in a onesie!

191
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[ Laughs ]

192
00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:44,839
That's adorable.

193
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Wiggle your nose, chipmunk.

194
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Wiggle your nose.

195
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Oh, that's good.

196
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That's good.

197
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[ Door closes ]

198
00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:55,329
Well, she got the costume,
so you can...

199
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:56,501
feel good about that.

200
00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:57,496
Okay.

201
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:58,587
Let's go, guys.

202
00:06:58,635 --> 00:07:00,715
Hey, Graham.

203
00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:02,378
I'm really sorry
that I'm late,

204
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:05,602
but I'm really excited
to go trick-or-treating.

205
00:07:05,642 --> 00:07:06,732
How do you feel?

206
00:07:06,774 --> 00:07:09,394
Honestly? I'm hanging on
by a thread.

207
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:10,519
You got this. Okay?

208
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,650
Especially from inside
the super terrifying

209
00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:16,174
black widow...

210
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:17,608
body?

211
00:07:17,654 --> 00:07:18,744
[ Sighs ]
Oh, no.

212
00:07:18,786 --> 00:07:19,736
I left the legs at work.

213
00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:21,307
We have to get them!

214
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:22,403
I can't go back.

215
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,102
I already told my boss
that Will got mur--

216
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,660
it's complicated,
work stuff.

217
00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:29,317
A no-leg spider
isn't scary!

218
00:07:29,361 --> 00:07:30,411
It can't walk!

219
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,490
It's a goner!

220
00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:33,978
Oh, no, no. No.
That's even scarier.

221
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:36,408
'Cause he's got nothing
left to lose, right?

222
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,626
No? Okay.

223
00:07:37,674 --> 00:07:40,424
I-I-I'm just gonna
throw together a new costume.

224
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:41,500
I can do that.

225
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,108
Mom's got this.

226
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:43,848
Meow!

227
00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:46,198
[ Grunts ]

228
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:47,638
Hey. You made it.

229
00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:48,774
So, you told your boss
the truth?

230
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:49,856
Isn't honesty the best --

231
00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:51,514
Whatever.
I lied my ass off.

232
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:53,208
Now I need to find Graham
a new costume.

233
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:55,605
What are you doing?
Why are you taking
down your decorations?

234
00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,869
Sophie's second grade friend,
Carol, is coming over,

235
00:07:57,912 --> 00:07:59,352
so I'm toning it down.

236
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,961
Angie, I'm not ready
to be the parent of a tween.

237
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,923
That is a world
of nail polish and scrunchies

238
00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:05,351
[whispering]
and starter bras,

239
00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:07,137
and how am I gonna talk to her
about any of that stuff?

240
00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:10,532
Well, step 1 is being able
to say the word "bra" out loud.

241
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,227
And anyway, it's fine.

242
00:08:12,274 --> 00:08:14,364
You'll figure out
how to talk to her.

243
00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:16,406
Counterpoint: no, it's not,
and no, I won't.

244
00:08:16,452 --> 00:08:17,582
[ Sighs ]

245
00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:19,667
But if Sophie needs me
to dial it down,

246
00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:20,666
I can handle that.

247
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:21,537
[ Doorbell rings ]

248
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,458
For my baby girl,
I can handle anything.

249
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,380
'Sup. Sophie here?

250
00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:28,899
I'm Carol.

251
00:08:28,943 --> 00:08:30,423
Oh, dip.

252
00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:31,596
Carol's a man.

253
00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,381
♪♪

254
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:40,555
Ooh! Graham can be a skeleton
with spatula hands

255
00:08:40,607 --> 00:08:41,607
who takes...

256
00:08:41,651 --> 00:08:43,611
multivitamins
for ladies over 60.

257
00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:44,703
Why do you have these?

258
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:45,831
Carol is a guy.

259
00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:48,403
Sophie is hanging out
with older boys.

260
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,360
And you know
how I like everyone, right?

261
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:51,569
Well, I do not like
this kid,

262
00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:54,008
and I am pretty sure
he does not like me.

263
00:08:54,055 --> 00:08:58,275
Me, I'm just kind of over
the whole Halloween thing.

264
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,930
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not anti.

265
00:09:00,975 --> 00:09:03,275
But you want something scary?
Read the news.

266
00:09:03,325 --> 00:09:04,495
[ Laughs ]

267
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,594
Yuk it up.

268
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,242
This is
the kind of complacency

269
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:08,285
that got us where we are.

270
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,850
Have you tried
being nice?

271
00:09:09,897 --> 00:09:11,287
Of course
I tried being nice.

272
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,943
I'm Will. I take off my shoes
anywhere there's carpet.

273
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:16,288
I gave this kid my all!

274
00:09:16,338 --> 00:09:18,038
Can I get you anything,
Carol?

275
00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:19,299
Are you a candy man?

276
00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:21,521
Dad, Carol prefers
soft cheese.

277
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,081
Anything French
with a tang.

278
00:09:23,127 --> 00:09:24,517
Okay.

279
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,654
I will get my seven-year-old
daughter and her male companion

280
00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:29,307
some cheese.

281
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:31,091
I just -- I'm not ready
for this, okay? What do I do?

282
00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:32,305
You calm down, okay?

283
00:09:32,354 --> 00:09:34,844
Because you can't stop Sophie
from growing up.

284
00:09:34,878 --> 00:09:36,878
She's going to,
no matter what.

285
00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:37,664
Now, if you'll excuse me,

286
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,537
I really need to find
a new scary costume

287
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,189
because I left the spider legs
at work and I lied

288
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:42,762
and told my boss
that my best friend,
Will, got murdered.

289
00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,109
I'm your best friend?

290
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:45,318
AndI got murdered?

291
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:47,978
Look, I'm sure you have
given this a ton of thought,

292
00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:50,022
but is it not much simpler
to just go back to work

293
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:51,627
and tell your boss
that your son needs you?

294
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:53,108
[ Chuckles ]
You don't get it.

295
00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:54,637
If I play the "mom card,"

296
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,901
suddenly I'm this sad,
single lady

297
00:09:56,944 --> 00:09:59,034
who's gonna need to come in late
and take time off

298
00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:00,246
and then start asking

299
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:02,425
if my kid can come in
and sell cookies.

300
00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:03,991
"Don't feel pressured
to buy some."

301
00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:05,648
Oh, but they will
feel pressured to buy some.

302
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:07,782
I always buy some.
I buy a lot.

303
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,224
And I'm scared
to lose my job,

304
00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:11,570
but I'm scared
if I don'tlose my job

305
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,001
then I'm not gonna be there
for Graham.

306
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:16,217
Angie, c'mon,
you're doing great, okay?

307
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:17,877
Certainly much better
than me.

308
00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:18,841
I got murdered,
remember?

309
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:19,919
Ooh.

310
00:10:19,967 --> 00:10:22,707
I think I just found
Graham's costume.

311
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:24,322
And it is terrifying.

312
00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:25,932
Ha ha. Yes,
it's a shower cap.

313
00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:27,583
Sometimes I don't
have time to shampoo.

314
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,147
Hey, uh, guys,
I got a problem.

315
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:31,464
Wow.

316
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,850
Yeah, um,
everything was sold out,

317
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,163
so I had to
mix and match.

318
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:36,768
Okay, so it's Orphan Annie
on top...

319
00:10:36,810 --> 00:10:38,460
and dog body
on the bottom?

320
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:39,457
No good?

321
00:10:39,508 --> 00:10:40,808
I spent 110 bucks!

322
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:41,947
Oh.[ Cellphone ringing ]

323
00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,159
Oh. [ Clears throat ]

324
00:10:43,207 --> 00:10:44,377
Hey, Zara.

325
00:10:44,426 --> 00:10:45,726
Oh, you told
all your friends?

326
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:49,255
And they're super excited
to see our adorable baby.

327
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,520
That's great. Very great.
That's, uh --

328
00:10:51,563 --> 00:10:52,783
Sorry. Got to go.

329
00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:55,606
Will's on fire again,
so gotta put that out.

330
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,565
[ Chuckles ]"Again"?

331
00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:59,353
-Move it, Rory!
-We're cleaning up!

332
00:10:59,397 --> 00:11:01,527
Okay, we get it.
You're upset.

333
00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:03,313
No, I'm not upset.

334
00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:04,618
I'm -- I'm more like...

335
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,754
[ Clanking ]

336
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:08,486
That!
I'm more that!

337
00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:11,187
Why are you losing your mind
over this? She's just a woman.

338
00:11:11,235 --> 00:11:13,055
She's not just a woman.

339
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:14,537
She's my white whale!

340
00:11:14,586 --> 00:11:16,846
So she saw you in a costume.
Big deal.

341
00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:18,633
Women aren't so hung up
on appearances.

342
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,718
And plus...

343
00:11:19,766 --> 00:11:21,636
wasn't Alvin the one
that got the most ass?

344
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:22,731
Let me tell you
something.

345
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:26,079
Women are exactly
as shallow as men.

346
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,120
And a first impression like that
i-i-is a stain

347
00:11:29,166 --> 00:11:30,726
that'll never wash off.

348
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:33,867
Once a weasel in a muumuu,
always a weasel in a muumuu.

349
00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:36,430
Hmm. So, once women get their
minds made up on one thing,

350
00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:38,218
it's burned there for all time,
never to change.

351
00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:40,002
Okay, see,
now you're talking sense.

352
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:41,217
Where was that
an hour ago?

353
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:42,745
Alvinnnn!

354
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:44,919
Cram it, Bill![ Laughs ]

355
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:46,785
Douglas, can we go?

356
00:11:46,836 --> 00:11:49,136
[ Spooky up-tempo music
playing ]

357
00:11:51,580 --> 00:11:54,020
Wow.
Wow, cute baby.

358
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:55,631
Great costume.

359
00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,021
Any chance maybe
I could borrow it?

360
00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:58,984
No.
Oh.

361
00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,982
Well, then your baby
can't have thiscostume.

362
00:12:01,024 --> 00:12:02,464
What's up?

363
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:05,334
Okay, get ready because
you will be scaring people

364
00:12:05,376 --> 00:12:07,936
to the verge
of a pants-pee as...

365
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:09,898
Boom!

366
00:12:09,946 --> 00:12:11,596
The great, floating,

367
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:14,653
Texas-size garbage patch
of the Pacific!

368
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,212
Okay, so...

369
00:12:17,258 --> 00:12:21,218
there's this plastic trash
island floating in the Pacific.

370
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:22,442
It's the size of Texas,

371
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,050
and a lot of people
might not be aware of it,

372
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:25,961
so I have printed out
this HuffPo article

373
00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:28,046
you can carry around
and let people read.

374
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:29,745
What do you think?

375
00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:33,836
It's a great effort, Mom.

376
00:12:33,883 --> 00:12:35,843
You get used to the smell
pretty quick.

377
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:37,055
Mm.
But...

378
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:39,454
I-I don't really need
to go trick-or-treating.

379
00:12:39,497 --> 00:12:40,927
[ Sighs ]

380
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:43,677
I'm sorry I asked you
to go back to work.

381
00:12:43,719 --> 00:12:45,499
I know it's complicated.

382
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:48,457
Your job comes first.

383
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:51,026
♪♪

384
00:12:51,074 --> 00:12:52,294
No, it doesn't.

385
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:56,083
You strap
that spider body on.

386
00:12:56,123 --> 00:12:59,003
I'm coming back
with legs.

387
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:02,519
♪♪

388
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,743
I'm a trash island.

389
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:06,825
Rory: No one.

390
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:09,403
Not one person
got my costume.

391
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:11,880
Someone called me Benson.

392
00:13:11,921 --> 00:13:13,881
Hey. Wondering
where I've been?

393
00:13:13,923 --> 00:13:15,103
No.

394
00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:17,842
I knew you were gone,
and it was nice.

395
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,764
You're a hard man
not to punch.

396
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,409
I was out
making a friend.

397
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:23,762
You think women are too shallow
to see past a costume?

398
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,763
Well, you're wrong.

399
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,684
And to help me
prove it...

400
00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:28,328
[ Sultry jazz playing ]

401
00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:30,552
Hi, there.Uh, hello.

402
00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:32,772
This is
Dr. Douglas Fogerty.

403
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,472
Botox king
of Beverly Hills

404
00:13:34,509 --> 00:13:36,119
and world's
most handsome caveman.

405
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:38,433
[ Imitates grunting ]

406
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:39,859
It's a pleasure
to meet you.

407
00:13:39,906 --> 00:13:41,116
Again.

408
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:42,338
Likewise.

409
00:13:43,779 --> 00:13:44,999
[ Smooches ]

410
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:47,041
[ Whispering ] Scram.[ Whispering ] Okay.

411
00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:49,178
You're radiant.

412
00:13:50,568 --> 00:13:51,478
Yeah.

413
00:13:51,526 --> 00:13:52,876
♪ Find me in the graveyard

414
00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:55,699
There he is --
Carol the cheese man.

415
00:13:55,747 --> 00:13:57,047
Per your request,
six varieties

416
00:13:57,097 --> 00:13:59,447
of soft, tangy,
French cheeses.

417
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:02,890
I prefer my cheese
aftera meal.

418
00:14:02,929 --> 00:14:04,229
Happy Halloween, Carol.

419
00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:06,928
Hey.
Just ran into your buddy.

420
00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:09,976
Seemed intent, as always,
on bringing down the mood.

421
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:10,943
He's going home.

422
00:14:10,980 --> 00:14:13,590
So good news,
you can go nuts

423
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:15,715
and do all the crazy
Halloween stuff you love.

424
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:17,157
Hey, hey, hey.
Wait a second.

425
00:14:17,204 --> 00:14:18,254
Why is he leaving?

426
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,952
He said he wanted to go
because...

427
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,770
he thinks I'm a baby.

428
00:14:22,818 --> 00:14:26,078
Dad, why do you think
he doesn't like me?

429
00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:31,522
I honestly don't know,
my love.

430
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:32,866
Probably
'cause he's crazy.

431
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:37,181
I wish I had a better answer,
but sometimes

432
00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:39,574
the people you like
don't like you back,

433
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:41,577
and it hurts.

434
00:14:41,619 --> 00:14:44,269
But that kid is nuts,

435
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:45,798
'cause you're perfect.

436
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,933
Plus, he's got a dumb name.
And I don't want that for you.

437
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:51,976
[ Chuckles ]

438
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:54,501
I'm sorry
we missed Halloween.

439
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,625
[ Sighs ]We didn't even
get to do a big scare.

440
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:57,638
Mm.

441
00:14:57,679 --> 00:14:58,639
It's okay.

442
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,030
I'll just go to bed.

443
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:02,033
Or...

444
00:15:02,075 --> 00:15:04,725
you help me dial this Halloween
back up to eleven

445
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:07,173
and we show Carol
who the real baby is.

446
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:08,600
What do you say
you and I

447
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:11,076
go scare the living crap
out of that kid?

448
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:12,867
Think we could
make him cry?

449
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,872
I'll be disappointed
if we don't.

450
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,094
[ Both chuckling evilly ]

451
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:20,963
[ Both laughing evilly ]

452
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:24,047
Hey, how's it going, Mary?
You having fun?

453
00:15:24,097 --> 00:15:27,577
[ Both laughing evilly ]

454
00:15:31,104 --> 00:15:32,674
Nah, Baer left for private
practice a long time ago.

455
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:34,024
We just haven't
changed the signs yet.

456
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:35,023
Man:
That's quite surprising.

457
00:15:35,064 --> 00:15:37,374
Hey.
What are you doing?

458
00:15:37,414 --> 00:15:38,894
Shouldn't you be
on a flight?

459
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,028
But you're here
dressed as a cat?

460
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:42,680
Am I?

461
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,604
Oh. Wow.

462
00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:45,729
That's weird.

463
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,473
Actually,
you know what?

464
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,210
There is no flight.

465
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:57,219
And I'm dressed like a cat
because it's Halloween.

466
00:15:57,260 --> 00:15:59,480
And I don't talk
about him much, but...

467
00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:01,353
I have a seven-year-old.

468
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:02,865
And he's scared
of everything --

469
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:05,228
fake plants, large shoes,

470
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:07,048
empty shopping carts,
adults with braces.

471
00:16:07,096 --> 00:16:08,916
Sometimes he needs me.

472
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,138
Sometimes, when you think
I'm in the copy room,

473
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,797
I'm actually FaceTiming him
from a bathroom stall.

474
00:16:13,842 --> 00:16:16,712
Most of the time,
I get by just fine.

475
00:16:16,758 --> 00:16:21,108
Other times, I need to be
in two places at once,

476
00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:24,164
and I lie about my friend Will
getting murdered.

477
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:28,070
Look, if you need
to fire me...

478
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:30,027
go ahead.

479
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,726
But my son's
waiting for me.

480
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:37,304
And I left him in a bathroom
wearing a garbage poncho.

481
00:16:37,344 --> 00:16:39,744
Wait, so there was nothing
in the Dumpster?

482
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,571
[ Spooky music playing]

483
00:16:44,351 --> 00:16:46,271
♪♪

484
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:48,489
[ Whispering ]
Okay, that's his window.

485
00:16:50,096 --> 00:16:51,226
[ Exhales sharply ]

486
00:16:52,141 --> 00:16:53,751
You know, last year,

487
00:16:53,795 --> 00:16:55,745
you would've been too young
to do something like this,

488
00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:58,497
so I guess
getting older's not all bad.

489
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,151
Let's light him up!

490
00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:01,984
Yeah!

491
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,461
Okay, guys.
Everyone set?

492
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,330
Good to go.

493
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:06,332
Locked and loaded.

494
00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:08,073
♪♪

495
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,734
Hold on. Are you filling those
squirt guns with fake blood?

496
00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:14,986
Sure. Fake.

497
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,344
Smoke team, check.

498
00:17:16,383 --> 00:17:18,123
Let's roll out.

499
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:21,557
♪♪

500
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:25,165
[ Screaming]

501
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:28,478
♪♪

502
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:30,215
Will: How you feeling,
Spider-Graham?

503
00:17:30,266 --> 00:17:31,346
I can't feel my legs.

504
00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,358
Well,
four of them are fake.

505
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,140
Oh, thank God.

506
00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:37,754
Listen, Graham.

507
00:17:37,795 --> 00:17:39,355
I know you're scared
right now.

508
00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:42,236
But, you know, sometimes
when we face our fears,

509
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:43,798
turns out they're not
really that scary.

510
00:17:43,845 --> 00:17:46,715
Like when I confronted
my fear of turning 27.

511
00:17:46,761 --> 00:17:48,151
Then 28.

512
00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:49,977
Then 29.

513
00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:51,155
And...so on.

514
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,380
And how tonight, I told my boss
that I had to be here

515
00:17:54,421 --> 00:17:57,211
because you are
my whole world.

516
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:58,990
♪♪

517
00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:02,394
So, if you're not ready,
we can go home.

518
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:04,389
[ Sighs ]

519
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:05,651
We're not going
anywhere.

520
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:08,300
Will? Hoist me.

521
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:12,314
[ Pulley squeaking ]

522
00:18:12,352 --> 00:18:15,962
But topping out
at 75 miles per hour,

523
00:18:16,007 --> 00:18:19,267
the cheetah is far and away
the fastest land mammal.

524
00:18:19,315 --> 00:18:21,265
My goodness,
you're fascinating.

525
00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:23,617
All that knowledge
andyou know Dennis Franz.

526
00:18:23,667 --> 00:18:24,837
I lasered his ears.

527
00:18:24,886 --> 00:18:25,836
Huh.

528
00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:27,107
You are exquisite.

529
00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:30,411
Dine with me.
Friday.

530
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,068
I'm sorry.

531
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:34,552
You're handsome,
charming.

532
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:36,641
Ordinarily, so my type.

533
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,640
But in terms of
"honk-honk, hubba-hubba,"

534
00:18:38,682 --> 00:18:40,212
I'm just not there.

535
00:18:40,249 --> 00:18:43,169
Something's throwing me,
I can't put my finger on it.

536
00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:44,299
May I hazard a guess?

537
00:18:44,340 --> 00:18:45,860
Hmm?

538
00:18:45,907 --> 00:18:47,337
You still see me
as a chipmunk.

539
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,997
Yes, that's it.

540
00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:51,651
Now I can't get it
out of my head.

541
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,645
I mean,
if I were to date an animal,

542
00:18:53,697 --> 00:18:55,177
it'd be like a deer
or something.

543
00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:56,831
I understand.

544
00:18:56,874 --> 00:18:58,094
I blame my children.

545
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,357
Mm-hmm.

546
00:18:59,399 --> 00:19:00,789
Mnh.

547
00:19:00,835 --> 00:19:02,655
Excuse me one sec.

548
00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:04,576
Hold up. You're gonna
walk away from this man

549
00:19:04,621 --> 00:19:06,881
because he dressed
like a chipmunk for his kids?

550
00:19:06,928 --> 00:19:09,448
I'm not a great person.

551
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:11,240
Oh, well.

552
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,240
Big mistake!
Big! Huge!

553
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:15,853
And I know, Kit doesn't say that
in the movie,

554
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:17,293
but she does tonight!

555
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,901
What? It's not about you.
It's the principle.

556
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:24,823
[ Spooky music playing]

557
00:19:24,859 --> 00:19:26,379
[ Indistinct talking]

558
00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:28,296
[ Rustling ]

559
00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:32,391
♪♪

560
00:19:32,432 --> 00:19:33,482
Aah!

561
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:34,830
[ Bird cawing ]

562
00:19:34,869 --> 00:19:37,829
[ Electricity crackling,
thunder crashing ]

563
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:40,482
[ Ominous music playing ]

564
00:19:40,527 --> 00:19:50,227
♪♪

565
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:51,486
[ Screeching music plays ]

566
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:53,708
I'm a big, scary spider!

567
00:19:53,757 --> 00:19:57,807
And there's a Texas trash island
in the ocean!

568
00:19:57,848 --> 00:20:00,018
[ Screaming ]

569
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:02,068
[ Laughs evilly ]

570
00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:05,943
-Way to go, Graham!
-Yes!
-[ Laughs ]

571
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:08,287
Carol: Mom! Dad! Help!

572
00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:10,027
We should go.
Rory: Yeah.

573
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:11,908
Oh. Okay.[ Pulley squeaking ]

574
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,690
Carol's mom: Hey!
What's wrong with you?!

575
00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:18,516
You're sneaking into my yard
to scare an eight-year-old boy?

576
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,515
To be fair,
he started it.

577
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,657
You're adults!

578
00:20:22,699 --> 00:20:24,749
You came here
for some stupid prank,

579
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:26,528
roping in
a bunch of children,

580
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:28,973
one of whom you've dressed up
as Edward Lewis.

581
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:30,750
[ Gasps ]
She got it.

582
00:20:30,794 --> 00:20:33,194
Someone got it.

583
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,282
Will: Look, ma'am...

584
00:20:37,018 --> 00:20:39,238
♪♪

585
00:20:43,938 --> 00:20:45,508
Why is candy so much sweeter
when it's stolen from children?

586
00:20:45,548 --> 00:20:46,938
[ Cellphone dings ]Ooh, a text from my boss.

587
00:20:46,984 --> 00:20:48,774
I have to get back
and finish the briefs.

588
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:50,162
Good news,
I'm not fired.

589
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:51,415
[ Colonial accent ]
Stupendous news!

590
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:53,507
I have to go back to Paris,
where I'll become

591
00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:56,206
the first United States
ambassador to France.

592
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,385
[ Normal voice ]
I know Halloween's done,

593
00:20:57,430 --> 00:20:58,780
but honestly,
this guy did everything.

594
00:20:58,822 --> 00:20:59,952
[ Groans ]

595
00:20:59,997 --> 00:21:01,867
So big. So red.

596
00:21:01,912 --> 00:21:03,572
And so
outta her damn mind.

597
00:21:03,610 --> 00:21:05,740
If she can't recognize
something great when
she sees it, her loss.

598
00:21:05,786 --> 00:21:07,656
Oh, so now you think
I'm great? Interesting.

599
00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:09,221
I was talking
about the costume.

600
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,178
And FYI, that was
sonot a natural red.

601
00:21:11,226 --> 00:21:12,396
No, no, don't -- don't do that.It wasn't.

602
00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:15,185
Oh, she loved it!
Zara loved Jack's costume!

603
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:16,360
Man, I knew she would!

604
00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:17,575
Oh, Miggy,
that's fantastic!

605
00:21:17,624 --> 00:21:19,324
It's a head-scratcher!Miggy's gonna
dance now!

606
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:20,705
Yeah, he is! Go, Miggy!Ehhhhew!

607
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:22,457
Go, Miggy!

608
00:21:22,498 --> 00:21:24,628
[ All cheering ]