1 00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:05,141 Yay! You guys, the Parent Social's tonight! 2 00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:06,973 Just kidding. That's terrible news. Oh, God. 3 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,337 No, no, no, no, no, it's gonna be fun this year, guys. 4 00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,706 I'm your Room Parent. 5 00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,213 It's kind of my thing. Douglas is hosting. 6 00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:13,475 But I really, really need your help, guys, 7 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,724 'cause I'm gonna be circulating a petition to get 8 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,349 all of the parents in our class to agree 9 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,485 not to buy our children phones until eighth grade. 10 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,660 I call it "Wait Till Eighth." Oh, Will. 11 00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,259 Why? That's cool. 12 00:00:23,291 --> 00:00:24,431 Guys, seriously. This is important, okay? 13 00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,528 Sophie's already addicted to my phone. 14 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:27,930 Next time you see her, look at her hands. 15 00:00:27,961 --> 00:00:29,261 Her thumbs are frozen like this. 16 00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,527 That's not good. So I know that it's lame, 17 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,334 but I really need your help gathering signatures, 18 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:34,767 and I will be handing out clipboards. 19 00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:36,442 I'm not holding a clipboard in my own home. 20 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:37,840 Yeah. Clipboard's a no-go. 21 00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,211 Sorry, Will. The Parent Social's like high school. 22 00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:41,281 When the kids aren't around, 23 00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:42,779 the parent scene becomes a John Hughes movie. 24 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:44,180 It's all cliques. 25 00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,852 And I don't think I have to tell you who the losers are. 26 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,519 It's us. The losers are us. Yeah, which is fine. 27 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,279 I've never been part of the cool clique -- 28 00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:51,788 or any clique, really. 29 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,289 It was always just me and the stairwell. 30 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:57,132 But the point is, you know, I'm used to it. 31 00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:58,458 Yeah. They think we're weird because we're single, 32 00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,692 but I think they're jealous. 33 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:00,887 You know they want to sleep in the middle 34 00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,228 of their beds, 35 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,473 and I spread out like a starfish. 36 00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,128 -Hm. -Suck it, marrieds! 37 00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,795 Be nice to be in love, though. 38 00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:10,036 Mm. Yeah, that would be nice. 39 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,770 And, Poppy, you did us no favors last year. 40 00:01:13,807 --> 00:01:15,207 They called her Sloppy Poppy. 41 00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:17,283 Ooh! Hey, I had just finalized my divorce, 42 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,951 and there was an open bar. I was fun. 43 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:21,279 Oh, please. I'm the one who threw the damn thing last year, 44 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:22,775 and how was I repaid? 45 00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,616 My prize possession was stolen. 46 00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:26,292 He's talking about a pen. 47 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,990 It was a Ronald Reagan White House collectible, 48 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:33,292 stolen -- by that bastard right over there, Mark Rush. 49 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:34,297 The sweet dad from our class? Aww. 50 00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:36,328 Now, that is a kind man. 51 00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:38,004 Schmuck. I even like that guy. 52 00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,731 -Hey, guys. -Hey! 53 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,297 Thank you so much for your casserole recipe. 54 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:42,295 Mark: You're so welcome. 55 00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,236 Just remember -- 375, 40 minutes, 56 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:46,772 and then peel off the foil for the final 10. 57 00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:48,437 You're gonna think you died and went to heaven. [ Chuckles ] 58 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,136 Hey, Douglas. Yep. 59 00:01:52,012 --> 00:01:53,152 He's a monster. 60 00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:55,521 Did you forget that Mark worked for me? 61 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:58,619 I mentored him. I taught him everything he knew. 62 00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,122 And then he stole half my patients 63 00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:01,524 and started his own practice? 64 00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:03,455 And now he's the most popular guy in the school 65 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:05,191 and he thinks he can steal my pen? 66 00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,456 How do you know it was Mark? 67 00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,504 You can't just accuse an innocent man. 68 00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:11,499 Yes, I can, because I'm not as good a person as you. 69 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:12,632 You haven't done a single thing wrong 70 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,666 the whole time I've known you. 71 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,802 You -- You stop completely at stop signs. 72 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,337 You give back extra change. 73 00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,472 You're like the Dalai Lama with longer hair. 74 00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:22,308 Thanks. 75 00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,213 All right, I know what it's gonna take 76 00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,045 to get your help with the petition. 77 00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,149 Babysitting. Hit me. 78 00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,781 Bingo. I need Saturday night. 79 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,176 -I want Tuesday. -June. 80 00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,288 The month of June. 81 00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:32,989 You know what, actually? Let's make a deal. 82 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,820 Saturday nights into Sunday mornings 83 00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,985 Yes! and a Thursday sneak attack whenever we feel like it. 84 00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:37,864 She's good. 85 00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:38,861 All right. 86 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,462 -Yes! -Yes! 87 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,034 Oh, God, I love exploiting a person in need. 88 00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:46,173 -- Captions by VITAC -- 89 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,502 [ Dance music plays ] 90 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:53,038 [ Indistinct conversations, laughter ] 91 00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:54,843 Okay, visual aids are in place, and my special 92 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:55,835 guest speaker is on the way. 93 00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:56,806 Trust me. 94 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:57,854 The person I am bringing 95 00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,148 is going to blow your minds. 96 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,680 It's Dewan. Obviously Dewan. The pediatrician you're sleeping with. 97 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,015 Yes, okay. 98 00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,320 -[ Sighs ] -Douglas, I can't believe 99 00:03:04,352 --> 00:03:06,052 you agreed to host this wack-ass party again. 100 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,986 Oh, I have my reasons. 101 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,491 Big plans are afoot this evening. 102 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,764 [ Laughs ] 103 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:14,362 Well, that's not shady. 104 00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:15,755 All right, until 8:00, 105 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:16,856 you will mingle with parents in your zone. 106 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,097 There's a map on the back 107 00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:19,171 as well as talking points. 108 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,829 Angie, your card's already on the ground! 109 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,768 I have a weak grip. 110 00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,103 Is anybody interested in wearing 111 00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:25,767 a cellphone costume later? 112 00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:27,276 Super breathable, commercial quality rental... 113 00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:28,938 We all know who's wearing the costume, Will. 114 00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,436 Yeah, and it is my size. I'm pretty psyched about it. 115 00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:32,448 Okay, gang. Let's fan out. 116 00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,710 Oh, no. 117 00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:34,717 Put me in a different zone. 118 00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,118 I have the worst clique. 119 00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:37,519 We don't have cliques. This is Hilltop. 120 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,451 Oh, you sweet, dumb man. 121 00:03:39,487 --> 00:03:40,687 Look around. 122 00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:44,061 You got the hippies... 123 00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:46,131 the jocks... 124 00:03:46,159 --> 00:03:47,699 the power couples... 125 00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,028 the wannabe swingers -- 126 00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,462 don't go to their house for a nightcap. 127 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:51,528 But the scariest 128 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,925 are the class trendsetters -- 129 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,696 Jackie, Molly, and Lex. 130 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,266 [ Sighs ] I call them... 131 00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:59,035 the We'vers. 132 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,712 [ School bell rings ] 133 00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,882 We've noticed you haven't picked a dish for the bake sale yet. 134 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,211 We've sent you the SignUpGenius three times. 135 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,716 We've been very disappointed. 136 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:11,448 ** 137 00:04:11,485 --> 00:04:13,285 Jackie thinks she's so cool because her husband 138 00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:14,321 writes for "Gotham." 139 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:15,955 All five seasons? [ Sighs ] 140 00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,329 Please, don't make me talk to them. 141 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:20,888 Angie, that's what the note card is for, okay? 142 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:23,458 I think you will find I have a pretty great ear for dialogue. 143 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:27,127 There are a shocking number of stage directions, 144 00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:29,667 but I'll try. 145 00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:32,473 "...which puts kids at risk for a permanent hump 146 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:34,806 on the back of their necks. 147 00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:36,642 It's called tech neck." 148 00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:37,777 I got the jocks. 149 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,511 Ugh. Lucky. 150 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:42,822 Where'd they go?! 151 00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,620 ** 152 00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:46,292 There she is! 153 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,120 Oh. [ Chuckles ] My guest speaker! 154 00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:49,785 Okay, now, my speech isn't till 8:00, 155 00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,293 so that gives us an hour and a half 156 00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:52,455 to mingle with the parents. 157 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:53,833 Parents? [ Chuckles ] 158 00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:55,461 You said this was a high-profile event. 159 00:04:55,496 --> 00:04:58,526 Uh, it is. Every single parent is here. 160 00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,026 Even Jessica's mom. She never comes to these things. 161 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,667 Yeah, no, I can't go in there. 162 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:03,842 They will eat me alive. Those parents worship me. 163 00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,971 It's always, "Dr. Dewan, can you cure my kid?" 164 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,136 "Dr. Dewan, you're so hot." 165 00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,644 It's a real hassle. 166 00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:10,306 Monica? 167 00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,654 Mm-hmm? These are just normal people 168 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,849 trying to enjoy an evening without kids. 169 00:05:13,881 --> 00:05:15,651 [ Exhales sharply ] Okay. 170 00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,723 Yeah. [ Chuckles ] Okay. 171 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,652 It's happening. They saw me. 172 00:05:20,688 --> 00:05:22,118 This is not good. 173 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,215 None of them are blinking. 174 00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:27,289 They're gonna start to move towards me at some point. 175 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,827 One of the moms just licked her lips. 176 00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,202 All right, the traps are set. 177 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,700 All I got to do is sit back 178 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,702 and wait for the rat to smell the cheese. 179 00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:35,804 Mark's the rat. 180 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,296 Traps? Really, Douglas? 181 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,467 My TV's connected to all the security cameras. 182 00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,638 Every room in the house is being watched 183 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,176 like the "M.A.S.H." finale, 184 00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,511 especially my study, where I've laid out 185 00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:49,817 all of my most valuable, most portable possessions. 186 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:53,690 And when that Judas steals, everyone's gonna be watching. 187 00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:56,991 As an extra precaution, I got a guy on the ground. 188 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,534 It's me. I'm on the ground. 189 00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,829 Relax. Chill mode. Okay. 190 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,331 I'm a "bartender," 191 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,102 but I'm really just here to keep an eye on Mark. 192 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:07,332 Once someone tells me who he is. 193 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,197 Okay, I think this is a terrible plan, 194 00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:11,366 and I once took all the kids to the beach. 195 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,005 Let's say he did steal the pen. 196 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,780 So what? He deserves a second chance. 197 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,708 Save it for Earth Day. 198 00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:20,214 He's not a person. He's a backstabbing turd. 199 00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:22,117 He must be taken off the streets. 200 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:26,119 This is like "Spy Games," you know? Yeah. 201 00:06:26,153 --> 00:06:28,063 Okay, Miggy. I hate to break it to you. 202 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:29,518 Huh? You're not gonna catch Mark. 203 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:30,557 You don't know that. 204 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:32,461 [ Quietly ] Yes, I do! 205 00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:35,163 I stole the pen, Miggy. 206 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:38,900 Ooh, Miggy conflicted. 207 00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:46,872 ** 208 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:47,977 Hey. 209 00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,949 Uh, "Did you know smartphone dependence 210 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,549 produces the same brain response 211 00:06:53,581 --> 00:06:55,781 as a hard-core gambling addiction? 212 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,446 Don't love those odds." 213 00:06:57,485 --> 00:06:59,545 Are you literally reading off an index card right now? 214 00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:02,117 Yeah, it's a whole thing. Will gave me a script. 215 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,285 Ugh. He scripts everything. 216 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:05,133 Who does he think he is, Aaron Sorkin? 217 00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:07,498 Sorry. My husband writes for "Gotham." 218 00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:10,458 [ Inhales sharply ] Will is obsessed with control. 219 00:07:10,498 --> 00:07:11,498 [ Chuckles ] 220 00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,132 Let me guess. He brought a puppet. 221 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,466 Or a tiny smoke machine. 222 00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:17,072 Will is a smoke machine. Am I right? 223 00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:17,874 [ Chuckles ] 224 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:20,737 Well, at least you have better taste 225 00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:22,414 in clothes than you do in friends. 226 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,612 I am loving that tuxedo ensemble. 227 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:26,776 Oh. Really? 228 00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:28,684 Mm-hmm. Totally. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 229 00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:32,346 I don't care what my therapist says. 230 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:35,815 You do know that Will brought a cellphone costume 231 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:36,786 to wear tonight, right? 232 00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,134 [ Laughter ] Wait, no! 233 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,788 Hot. I'm dying. 234 00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,028 Oh, my God. Tell us more. 235 00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:45,872 Oh, he has a Hilltop Elementary bomber jacket. 236 00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,469 The school doesn't sell those. That means he made it. 237 00:07:48,502 --> 00:07:50,802 [ Laughter ] 238 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,808 Wait. Angie. 239 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,040 [ Gasps ] 240 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:56,414 Are you hilarious? 241 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:58,878 I think I am. 242 00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,652 [ Laughter ] 243 00:08:01,682 --> 00:08:03,682 We've never really talked to you before. 244 00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,817 You actually have, like a hundred times, 245 00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:06,853 but it's okay. 246 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,457 [ Laughter ] 247 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,618 Whoo! 248 00:08:09,657 --> 00:08:11,017 ** 249 00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,295 7:15 huddle, right on time. 250 00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,799 Okay, so, where are we with signatures? 251 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,301 My gut tells me 10? 252 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,172 Zero. Nothing. 253 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,370 What signatures? 254 00:08:21,401 --> 00:08:23,141 Really? No new signatures? 255 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:23,970 Well, I'm doing great in my zone. 256 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,674 I'm in with the We'vers. 257 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:27,506 Poppy: What? Really? 258 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,711 That's surprising. You hate those mean ladies. 259 00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,653 Well, that was until I realized that they get me. 260 00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:33,810 They think I'm funny. 261 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,177 You're not funny. 262 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,815 I am when I'm dunking on Will. 263 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,550 [ Chuckles ] Stings a little, 264 00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,346 but hey, if it gets them to sign on the line. 265 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:41,347 Could you get them to wear the button? 266 00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:43,158 No. No chance. [ Rattling ] 267 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,490 But we've been talking, and we've noticed 268 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:47,695 that your girlfriend's hitting the sauce pretty hard. 269 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:48,928 Did you just "we've" him? 270 00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,762 Yeah. I did. 271 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,928 Yes, my lady is on a bullet train to Wobble Town, 272 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,196 but for good reason. 273 00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,504 Anne, your kid doesn't have ADHD. 274 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,195 That's the sugar you pour down her throat. 275 00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,007 There. I said it. Sugar's a drug. Next! 276 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,509 You did this. Keep 'em coming. 277 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:01,940 Zach: My kid still wets the bed. 278 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:05,045 Zach, your son is 25 years old. Take them to a urologist. 279 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,008 [ Echoing ] Next! Have I tried cutting her off? Yes. 280 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,677 Not gonna do that again. 281 00:09:08,716 --> 00:09:10,546 Where the hell is that Mark? 282 00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:13,294 Probably too ashamed to show his face. 283 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,560 Hey, how are y'all doing? 284 00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:18,689 There's the rat. How dare you show your face? 285 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,186 Hey, Mark's so nice. 286 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,897 Look, he brought a full pound cake. 287 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:24,699 And look, he loves his age-appropriate wife. 288 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:25,972 Let it go? 289 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,069 Did Reagan let Gorbachev go? 290 00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:30,771 I will not back down! 291 00:09:30,804 --> 00:09:32,974 Miggy, you've got to hold it together. 292 00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:34,606 I'm freaking out, you know? 293 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,042 I'm supposed to be Douglas' eyeballs. 294 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,536 Eyeballs don't have secrets. 295 00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,777 Eyeballs are supposed to be loyal to the brain. 296 00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:40,783 Be loyal to me. 297 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,654 I'm your boss and your landlord. 298 00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:43,983 And, unless you were lying last week, 299 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,117 your favorite person to nap next to. 300 00:09:46,153 --> 00:09:47,553 It wouldn't rock my world to find out 301 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,787 Angie was a liar and a thief, but you're my idol. 302 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:52,963 There's still one question that haunts me. 303 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:54,463 Why? 304 00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:55,634 Haunts you? 305 00:09:55,663 --> 00:09:57,833 You just found out 10 minutes ago. 306 00:09:57,865 --> 00:10:01,025 And I didn't steal the pen. Sloppy Poppy did. 307 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,670 [ Slurring ] Now that I'm divorced, my life's my own again. 308 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,905 I am taking a pizza-making class, 309 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,980 I am become very vocal on Yelp, 310 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,739 and I -- 311 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:11,948 What are you having? 312 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:14,149 Uh... 313 00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,789 ...them digits. 314 00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,288 Poppy: And the rest is all a blur. 315 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,289 Somehow I woke up at a bus stop in Torrance. 316 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,621 How I got there, I'll never know. 317 00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:23,616 I assume it was by bus. 318 00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,127 Anyway, I kept thinking 319 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,288 that Douglas would forget about it, 320 00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,626 but now he's obsessed with taking Mark down, 321 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:28,961 and Mark's the best! 322 00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,526 So where's the pen? 323 00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:33,133 Where is any pen, Miggy? I don't know. It's a pen. 324 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,466 You got to tell Douglas the truth. 325 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,001 I know. I should. 326 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,966 But Douglas thinks of me as a saint, 327 00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,865 and honestly, I love that, 328 00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:41,167 because it means I get to yell at him 329 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,538 about all the things he does wrong, 330 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:44,175 and yelling at Douglas is one of my favorite things to do. 331 00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,681 Now, if he finds out I stole his pen 332 00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,484 and lied about it for a year, 333 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,545 he never has to listen to me again. 334 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,853 I was just about to change his mind about Tucker Carlson. 335 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,286 But what about Mark? 336 00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:55,991 You're really gonna let him take the fall? 337 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:59,463 What about Tucker Carlson? Uh -- 338 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,662 A tour is not necessary, Douglas. I've seen your house. 339 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:04,695 Well, you can see it again, give us a chance to catch up. 340 00:11:04,732 --> 00:11:05,702 So, how you been? 341 00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,303 Not great. 342 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,304 My dad's not responding to the radiation and -- 343 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,166 Yeah, that's rough. Let's walk, huh? 344 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,469 Jackie: Oh, my God. 345 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:15,136 Remember the Vegetable of the Day e-mail 346 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:16,135 that Will sent about lunches? 347 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,146 Oh, my God! The worst. 348 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,478 He cares so much. 349 00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,983 Molly: Some of us care just as much, 350 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,715 and we waited our turn for nothing. 351 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,722 Aw. I was supposed to hand down Room Parent 352 00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:28,024 to Molly this year. 353 00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:30,055 Being Room Parent was all I had. 354 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,690 I do not want to go back to life coaching. 355 00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:34,895 Will weaseled his way in with a million stupid ideas. 356 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:36,698 Remember Teacher Sleepovers? 357 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,700 Oh. Pimp My Calculator? 358 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,032 -Ugh. -Or tonight. 359 00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,867 These socials are meant for us to blow off steam, 360 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:43,202 but instead, every two minutes, 361 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,606 he comes up with a petition saying, "Hey, gang." 362 00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,668 Hey, gang. How's it going? 363 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:49,677 Just wondering if you got a chance to put your Jen Hancock 364 00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,839 on the petition for Wait For Eighth. 365 00:11:50,878 --> 00:11:51,678 Hey, Will. 366 00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,051 Hi, Lexi. 367 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,480 [ Sighing ] Oh, my God. 368 00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:58,518 Uh, you know, Will, right now really isn't a good time. 369 00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,621 Oh, okay. I'm so sorry. 370 00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,523 I'm off to the ol' sauna to don the cellphone costume. 371 00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,885 Sure you don't want to wear it? Last chance. 372 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:05,885 No? 373 00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,456 Okay. Bye. 374 00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,704 Hey, guys! 375 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,799 [ Laughter ] 376 00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,632 You're so bad, Angie! 377 00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:15,036 I hate him so much. 378 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,038 Yeah. He's -- Uh, yeah. 379 00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:19,940 It's so great you're on our side about Will. 380 00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:21,943 Now you can help us. Help you what? 381 00:12:21,975 --> 00:12:25,375 Take him down. So Molly can become Room Parent. 382 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,712 ** 383 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,477 Mm. 384 00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:34,116 ** 385 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,294 Alexa, turn on the trophy lights. 386 00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,093 Alexa: Okay. 387 00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,729 Wow. These all yours? 388 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,000 Yes. 389 00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:44,159 Go ahead. Pick 'em up. 390 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:45,397 Uh, no. I-I don't need to -- 391 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,132 Pick them up, Mark. 392 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:52,237 ** 393 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,642 Ah. That was signed by Pete Rose, 394 00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,314 Mr. Charlie Hustle himself. 395 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:59,483 I met him at a wet T-shirt contest in Reno. 396 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:00,512 There's a class act. 397 00:13:00,547 --> 00:13:03,977 ** 398 00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:06,347 "Thanks for making gorgeous so easy. 399 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,286 Best wishes, Bo Derek." 400 00:13:08,321 --> 00:13:12,461 Her Botox work alone paid for my big car. 401 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:15,502 Yep, that's just one of the many treasures that I've amassed. 402 00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:19,168 Anyway, I should probably get back to my guests now. 403 00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:21,800 No, no, no, no. 404 00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:24,795 You stay and admire my collection. 405 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:26,708 Oh, I should really get back to my wife -- 406 00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:29,639 You'll stay and admire my collection. 407 00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:30,706 Okay. 408 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:36,553 [ Quietly ] Alexa, set the temperature to 90 degrees. 409 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:38,053 Alexa: The heat is set to 90. [ Door closes ] 410 00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,558 The sauna's occupied! 411 00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:43,789 Oh. 412 00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,163 [ Slurring ] Hey, I'm leaving, okay? 413 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:47,362 Some mom had her kid call me so I could hear his cough. 414 00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:48,534 It was just the worst. 415 00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:49,531 Are you dressed like a phone? 416 00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:50,632 I am. 417 00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:51,633 And you can't leave. 418 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,834 I need you for the presentation. 419 00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,667 ** 420 00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:57,703 What's in it for me? 421 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,972 Oh, you mean sexy time. Mm-hmm. 422 00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:02,038 Boop, boop, boop... 423 00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:02,805 Oh! 424 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,142 ...boop. 425 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:06,647 If I let you dial me, you'll stay? 426 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,149 Mm-hmm. 427 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:11,181 Operator, I got disconnected. 428 00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:13,048 Can you connect me? 429 00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,358 Ooh. 430 00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:18,689 Yes, ma'am. We can help you with that. 431 00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,485 You could either consult your directory 432 00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,327 or for ten cents -- Mm-hmm. 433 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,832 Okay. Mark is in the study right now. 434 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,104 Turn on that camera. 435 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:31,943 ** 436 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,612 He's got Bo. He's got Bo! 437 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,380 Okay, everybody, gather around. 438 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,708 Zoom in, Miggy. Zoom! 439 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,353 Douglas, I'm not the eyeballs you thought I was. 440 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:40,949 Oh, crap on a cracker. 441 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,951 Someone's having sex in my sauna! 442 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,223 Yeah, I know it's roaming, but I still want data! 443 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:46,222 Sorry. 444 00:14:46,253 --> 00:14:47,723 Oh, that's great. Sorry. 445 00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,464 I think that's Will. 446 00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:52,529 By the amount of apologizing happening, it definitely is. 447 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,129 4 and the 6. Touch the 4 and the 6. 448 00:14:54,161 --> 00:14:56,201 Is that cellphone role-play? Oh, my... 449 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,499 I'm going in the canyon. Can you hear me? 450 00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,038 [ Imitates ringing ] Incoming call. 451 00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:05,470 [ Imitates buzzing ] Did someone just get a text? 452 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:06,805 Will, Will, before you go out there, 453 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:09,109 I have to tell you something. [ Imitates beep ] 454 00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,442 Gonna have to put that on hold, Angie. It's 8:00. No, I really have to tell you something. 455 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:12,678 Will you come back -- No -- Okay. Speech time, baby. 456 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,223 God, what do we do? 457 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,048 [ Amplified ] Check one, check one. 458 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,394 Can I get a level up on this? 459 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,718 Nope? Okay. 460 00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:21,792 Uh, welcome, everyone. 461 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:22,661 Are we having fun? 462 00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:23,959 Not as much as you. 463 00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,561 [ Laughter ] 464 00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,833 That's true. I am having a very good time. 465 00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:30,231 [ Breathes deeply ] 466 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,133 But now it's time to get a little serious. Angie. Psst. 467 00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,625 A phone makes our lives easier. 468 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:35,296 Oh, right. I'm still popular. 469 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,465 But it also makes our lives less present. 470 00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,674 Isn't this hilarious? He has no idea. 471 00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:42,476 [ Laughter ] 472 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:43,679 Now, you guys have seen enough of me. 473 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,250 Yeah, we have. 474 00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,408 [ Laughter ] 475 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,477 Ha! 476 00:15:48,515 --> 00:15:50,845 [ Laughter continues ] 477 00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:52,193 I missed that, but let's save all our questions 478 00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,019 till the end of the speeches, please. 479 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,664 Will. Hey. Psst. It is my privilege... 480 00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,788 ...to bring here our very special guest... Wait. 481 00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,694 taker of tonsils, fixer of boo-boos. 482 00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:04,857 Please put your hands together for Dr. Monica Dewan. 483 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:08,297 [ Applause ] 484 00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:11,035 Angie. Check it. Dewan: So, does your child have a cellphone? 485 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,871 Molly: This is our ticket to take back the room. 486 00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:15,835 But... [ Scoffs ] 487 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:18,645 ...being the Room Parent is really important to Will. 488 00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,308 I mean, he got business cards made. 489 00:16:20,347 --> 00:16:21,707 We told him never to pass them out, 490 00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,478 but still, he's got 'em. 491 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,016 After I e-mail the sex tape to the principal, 492 00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:27,152 that dork is out of here. 493 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:30,057 Assuming the principal's not, like, super into it. 494 00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,820 He's worse than Sloppy Poppy. 495 00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:33,358 [ Laughter ] 496 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,463 ...a personal parenting choice around cellphones. 497 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,525 As a doctor, um, 498 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:39,373 it's not really my field of expertise. 499 00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:40,829 Hey. 500 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,137 Can I see your phone? 501 00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:43,299 I want to re-watch that part of the video 502 00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,966 where Dewan pulls out his antenna. 503 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,974 [ Laughter ] So good. 504 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,506 And deleted. [ Gasps ] 505 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,311 What?! I was gonna watch that video multiple times. 506 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,313 You know what? 507 00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:53,314 Will might be a dork, all right, 508 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,816 but dorks are just people who care a lot, 509 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,818 and Will cares more than any of us. 510 00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:00,851 I mean, h-h-he shows up on Saturdays at school 511 00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:02,317 to pick up trash in the schoolyard. 512 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,715 He buys art supplies with his own money. 513 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:07,157 And he rented that dumb cellphone costume, 514 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:10,004 which he is never going to get his deposit back on, 515 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,399 because our children matter to him. 516 00:17:12,432 --> 00:17:14,772 Dewan: ...in closing, please respect my office hours. 517 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,101 They're there for a reason. 518 00:17:16,136 --> 00:17:17,496 Angie, hot water and lemon would be wonderful. Thank you. 519 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,837 We all saw you and Dewan in the sauna. 520 00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:20,772 Douglas has cameras everywhere. 521 00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,107 What?! 522 00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,782 Um, when you say "saw us," do you mean... 523 00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:25,951 Yes. Yes. 524 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,278 This is so humiliating. 525 00:17:27,314 --> 00:17:29,284 Nobody touch me. Just clear a path. 526 00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:31,176 Wait, Monica. We need signatures. 527 00:17:31,218 --> 00:17:32,518 I'm going home. 528 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,692 I'll meet you later if you bring that phone costume. 529 00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,161 [ Door closes ] 530 00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:40,955 Screens are known to impair sleep, 531 00:17:40,993 --> 00:17:42,803 and sleep disturbances can cause other health problems, 532 00:17:42,829 --> 00:17:44,829 like stunted growth. 533 00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:51,236 And...that should be keeping you up at night. 534 00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:53,141 I'm Angie D'Amato, 535 00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:55,143 and I'm going to wait till eighth! 536 00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:57,775 ** 537 00:17:57,810 --> 00:17:59,110 You memorized your index card. 538 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:01,106 Yeah, well... 539 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:02,818 it was a really long line to the bathroom. 540 00:18:02,849 --> 00:18:04,879 Angie. Are you the worst? 541 00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,617 Yeah! Yeah! I think I am! 542 00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:10,164 And you know what? Maybe we all are. 543 00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,320 Maybe we're the losers, 544 00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,828 but I'd rather be one of us than one of you! 545 00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:15,630 [ Gasping ] 546 00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:16,832 Except for you, Mark. You're the best. 547 00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:18,303 Will: Glad you're here, Mark. 548 00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:19,631 You're just such a nice guy. Such a nice guy. 549 00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,066 He's the best. Love Mark. Love Mark. 550 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,170 You're the man, Mark. 551 00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,972 It's true. Mark's a great man. 552 00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:25,243 He's the homey right there. 553 00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:29,412 I am so sick of everyone siding with Mark. 554 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:30,512 He's a thief. 555 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,583 [ Gasping ] 556 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,181 All right. No, Douglas, he isn't. 557 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:34,683 Mark didn't steal your pen. 558 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:35,924 Yes, I did. 559 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,518 [ Gasping ] Ha! 560 00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:39,020 How? I thought I stole it. 561 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:39,821 What? 562 00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,622 You did, and then... 563 00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:43,515 [ Slurps ] 564 00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:44,286 Mmm. 565 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,494 Wow. 566 00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:47,956 Nice hands. 567 00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,804 My grandma used to call brothers like you 568 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,469 "easy on the eyes." 569 00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:54,869 I knew it! Vindication. 570 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,301 I was just trying to even the score. 571 00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:59,336 You worked me so hard -- nights, weekends. 572 00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:01,312 No matter how many atypical moles I found, 573 00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:02,381 it was never enough. 574 00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:03,639 And that gives you the right 575 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,306 to steal another man's Reagan pen? 576 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:06,345 It filled the void! 577 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,479 And yes, I admit, 578 00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:10,324 it made me feel important because... 579 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:11,820 it made me feel like you. 580 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:12,991 -Aww. -Is that so bad? 581 00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:14,149 [ Crowd "Aww"ing ] 582 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,317 No. No, it's not bad at all. 583 00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:16,385 Thank you for telling the truth, Mark. 584 00:19:16,423 --> 00:19:18,333 That's real, bro. 585 00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:19,688 I'm human. 586 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,961 Who cares about Mark and the stupid pen?! 587 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,526 The real thief here is Will. 588 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:28,125 What? Molly was next in line for Room Parent. 589 00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:31,137 Well, it looks like you waited in the wrong line, bitch! 590 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,810 [ Gasping ] 591 00:19:32,839 --> 00:19:34,309 D'Amato mic drop! 592 00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:35,041 Oh, that's a rental. Oh! [ Feedback ] 593 00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,311 Welcome home, Mr. President. 594 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:42,647 I'll love you like Nancy never could. 595 00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,052 Hm. That's a good pen. 596 00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:45,823 I could see wanting to steal that thing. 597 00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:48,692 All right, I know I've given up the moral high ground. 598 00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,561 I'm never gonna live that down, am I, Douglas? 599 00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,330 Correct. But if I'm gonna be honest, 600 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,159 I kind of respect you more. 601 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:57,563 I mean, you lied to me for a year. That takes sand. 602 00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,997 Well, Cellphone Guy, saddle up next to Sloppy Poppy. 603 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,503 Will: It's not the worst nickname I've ever had. 604 00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:04,936 I used to be the Fur Coat Kid, 605 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,871 'cause I had this parka with, like, a fur hoo-- 606 00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,036 Oh, and Turkey Hands Will, 607 00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:09,384 just 'cause my hands always smelled like turkey. 608 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:12,449 And Snack Boy. My mom always packed so many snacks. 609 00:20:12,479 --> 00:20:15,009 Mine was "Elvis," 'cause of my haircut... 610 00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,177 and all my sequined jump suits. 611 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:19,016 I was in a real weird phase for a while. 612 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,351 Wow. 613 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:21,947 Douglas: Everyone always called me Donna 614 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,458 because I looked exactly like my sister, Donna. 615 00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:25,561 May she rest in peace. 616 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,192 Well, look at you now. 617 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,896 Still the losers. 618 00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:31,358 Maybe. But I'm proud to be a part of this group. 619 00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:32,968 And now, if you would, drum roll. 620 00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,299 Hey. 621 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,674 How many signatures did we collect? 622 00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:39,968 "Herbie Hind." [her behind] 623 00:20:40,006 --> 00:20:40,636 [ Laughter ] 624 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:41,743 Very funny. 625 00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:42,914 Ha! 626 00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,612 Herbie Hind. So clever. 627 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:47,484 Miggy. Thank you, but you don't technically count. 628 00:20:47,514 --> 00:20:49,124 "I Saw Your Weiner." That's not even a name. 629 00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:49,948 I did that! 630 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,782 Thank you. 631 00:20:51,818 --> 00:20:53,448 No cellphones till eighth grade! 632 00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:55,146 Also, we're never doing the social night again. 633 00:20:55,187 --> 00:20:56,117 -Absolutely not. -This was truly awful. 634 00:20:56,155 --> 00:20:57,115 -Never again. -Horrible! 635 00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,116 I love you guys. 636 00:20:58,157 --> 00:20:59,327 [ Sighing ] Oh, gosh. 637 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:00,959 And you ruined it. What? 638 00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,963 How did I ruin it? I just was expressing my affection. 639 00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,395 I love you, Will. 640 00:21:04,431 --> 00:21:05,671 Thank you, Miggy. I love you as well. 641 00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:07,868 Everybody get out of my house.