1
00:00:00,023 --> 00:00:01,382
So, let's see. You wanted to
2
00:00:01,437 --> 00:00:04,055
ease into the idea of
moving in together,
3
00:00:04,086 --> 00:00:06,653
and then you put this
giant crystal on my dresser?
4
00:00:06,722 --> 00:00:08,029
- Oh, it's an amethyst.
- Ah.
5
00:00:08,054 --> 00:00:10,224
I only have nickels
and Skittles on my dresser,
6
00:00:10,292 --> 00:00:12,192
so this is pretty cool.
7
00:00:12,294 --> 00:00:14,261
Why is Miggy here?
8
00:00:14,330 --> 00:00:16,805
Because I have an open-door
policy at my home.
9
00:00:16,829 --> 00:00:19,133
Yes. And I have a policy
where I don't let friends
10
00:00:19,235 --> 00:00:23,470
lie on my bed, junk-side down,
eating tube yogurt.
11
00:00:23,539 --> 00:00:26,507
Poppy, I don't know about
this move in, girl.
12
00:00:26,575 --> 00:00:27,875
See? This is why
13
00:00:27,943 --> 00:00:29,476
I wanted to take it slow, Douglas.
14
00:00:29,578 --> 00:00:31,678
Moving in is a big deal.
15
00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,080
And plus, there's kids involved.
16
00:00:33,149 --> 00:00:34,415
So we need to make sure
that we're ready,
17
00:00:34,483 --> 00:00:36,450
and right now, we can't even
handle an amethyst.
18
00:00:36,552 --> 00:00:40,120
Well, honey, I-I mean,
with all due respect, it's huge.
19
00:00:40,189 --> 00:00:41,722
- Yeah, it's big.
- Mm.
20
00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:46,927
It's so quiet without the kids here.
21
00:00:46,996 --> 00:00:49,129
Gosh, imagine ten years from now...
22
00:00:49,231 --> 00:00:52,433
we're empty nesters,
kids are away at college.
23
00:00:52,501 --> 00:00:54,268
Amy and Emma are at West Point
24
00:00:54,370 --> 00:00:56,336
and the naval academy, respectively.
25
00:00:56,405 --> 00:00:58,005
I mean, sure, we miss the kids,
26
00:00:58,107 --> 00:01:02,810
but also, we have this
entire house to ourselves.
27
00:01:02,878 --> 00:01:06,747
We can do whatever we want.
28
00:01:07,950 --> 00:01:10,350
Hi! Quick quesh...
29
00:01:10,453 --> 00:01:12,686
Poppy, do you know where Ron is?
30
00:01:12,788 --> 00:01:14,087
I'm kind of in labor.
31
00:01:14,190 --> 00:01:16,123
- Oh, my God!
- I blame this on the crystal.
32
00:01:17,493 --> 00:01:21,128
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
33
00:01:22,898 --> 00:01:25,833
All right, busy TV day.
We should strategize.
34
00:01:25,935 --> 00:01:27,501
The key is no bathroom breaks.
35
00:01:27,603 --> 00:01:29,336
Sounds good. So, what are we bingeing?
36
00:01:29,438 --> 00:01:31,839
"Gavel Town." It's incredible.
37
00:01:31,941 --> 00:01:33,006
The pilot's bad.
38
00:01:33,108 --> 00:01:35,175
Second episode is like
a totally different show.
39
00:01:35,277 --> 00:01:37,344
Three to five
are treading water. Six sucks.
40
00:01:37,446 --> 00:01:40,347
But the seventh episode
has an amazing twist
41
00:01:40,449 --> 00:01:41,982
that will make it all worth it.
42
00:01:42,084 --> 00:01:43,984
A show that takes six hours to get good?
43
00:01:44,086 --> 00:01:45,419
Yeah, I'll give it a chance.
44
00:01:45,521 --> 00:01:46,620
And binge.
45
00:01:46,722 --> 00:01:48,388
Now remember, the pilot's really bad.
46
00:01:48,491 --> 00:01:50,224
- You're gonna hate it.
- Great.
47
00:01:50,326 --> 00:01:51,959
In my breathing workshop,
48
00:01:52,061 --> 00:01:54,661
we practiced thanking the pain.
49
00:01:56,699 --> 00:01:58,866
Thank you, contraction.
50
00:01:58,968 --> 00:02:00,567
- Ooh.
- Here you go.
51
00:02:00,669 --> 00:02:01,602
This is just false labor.
52
00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:02,769
I'm not due for another two weeks.
53
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:04,071
Okay, good. So let's...
54
00:02:04,173 --> 00:02:05,639
Well, babies aren't always
born on their due date.
55
00:02:05,741 --> 00:02:07,107
I mean, Rory was a month early.
56
00:02:07,209 --> 00:02:09,409
Yes, but Ron and I have a birth plan.
57
00:02:09,512 --> 00:02:10,644
We developed it under the guidance
58
00:02:10,746 --> 00:02:12,379
of our midwife, Tabitha Q.
59
00:02:12,481 --> 00:02:15,015
She'll be hanging on the edge
of the tub when I give birth.
60
00:02:15,117 --> 00:02:16,450
You're giving birth in a tub?
61
00:02:16,559 --> 00:02:18,330
Yes. Water is very significant for me.
62
00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,855
Okay, "The child will be born
listening to Stevie Wonder,
63
00:02:21,957 --> 00:02:24,768
by the light of the moon
and lavender-scented candles."
64
00:02:24,838 --> 00:02:26,927
Say what you will...
my ex-husband can draw.
65
00:02:26,952 --> 00:02:27,895
- Aah!
- Uh...
66
00:02:27,997 --> 00:02:29,596
Thank you, blinding pain!
67
00:02:29,698 --> 00:02:31,365
Namaste!
68
00:02:31,467 --> 00:02:32,866
I'm very scared of birth.
69
00:02:32,968 --> 00:02:34,234
Has anyone seen my phone?
70
00:02:34,336 --> 00:02:35,602
Ron's probably calling.
71
00:02:35,704 --> 00:02:37,204
It's an Android.
72
00:02:37,306 --> 00:02:38,772
Did I mention that
I'm very scared of birth?
73
00:02:38,874 --> 00:02:40,240
You know, let me move the mink throw.
74
00:02:40,342 --> 00:02:41,308
Uh, okay, so,
75
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:43,110
Sharon is Ron's problem, all right?
76
00:02:43,165 --> 00:02:44,103
- Yeah.
- Not ours.
77
00:02:44,141 --> 00:02:46,258
I'm gonna track him down
and tell him to come get his woman.
78
00:02:46,329 --> 00:02:48,213
Okay, please don't leave me with her.
79
00:02:48,275 --> 00:02:49,583
Okay.
80
00:02:49,608 --> 00:02:50,584
So...
81
00:02:50,686 --> 00:02:52,152
Do you need...
82
00:02:52,254 --> 00:02:53,987
...a pad?
83
00:02:54,089 --> 00:02:56,290
Don't be mad. Just here for my hat.
84
00:02:56,392 --> 00:02:57,524
Hey, Miggy! Welcome!
85
00:02:57,626 --> 00:02:58,725
Yeah, be part of this!
86
00:02:58,827 --> 00:02:59,760
Be part of what?
87
00:03:01,497 --> 00:03:03,597
Oh, dip, she's having a baby.
88
00:03:03,699 --> 00:03:04,898
So, I left a message for Ron.
89
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,633
Sharon, let's get you
to the hospital, okay?
90
00:03:06,735 --> 00:03:08,669
I'm not going anywhere without Ron.
91
00:03:08,737 --> 00:03:10,871
Oh, no, you don't want to wait
to get to the hospital.
92
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:12,239
Trust me.
93
00:03:12,341 --> 00:03:14,341
I learned the hard way.
94
00:03:14,443 --> 00:03:16,176
It was the summer I discovered "Friends"
95
00:03:16,245 --> 00:03:17,678
and had my barber give me The Rachel.
96
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,813
So I looked and felt amazing.
97
00:03:19,882 --> 00:03:22,516
I was obsessed with my
new favorite video game,
98
00:03:22,585 --> 00:03:24,293
"Taxicab Honkers,"
99
00:03:24,363 --> 00:03:27,328
where you take a hot lady to
the airport during rush hour.
100
00:03:27,389 --> 00:03:28,622
- Miggy!
- I don't have PreCheck.
101
00:03:28,699 --> 00:03:30,465
I knew Zara was close to her due date,
102
00:03:30,526 --> 00:03:31,959
and it sounded important.
103
00:03:32,027 --> 00:03:34,661
- This is important!
- My head said, "Pause!"
104
00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:36,263
- But my heart said, "Lay on the horn.
- Drive!
105
00:03:36,332 --> 00:03:37,998
This hot lady's gonna miss her flight!"
106
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,499
I played for 10 more minutes,
107
00:03:39,602 --> 00:03:41,335
and we didn't make it to the hospital.
108
00:03:41,437 --> 00:03:42,402
A gas station?
109
00:03:42,504 --> 00:03:43,971
Push!
110
00:03:44,073 --> 00:03:45,205
Silver lining...
111
00:03:45,307 --> 00:03:47,808
we get free unleaded for life!
112
00:03:47,910 --> 00:03:49,309
Up to 30 bucks.
113
00:03:51,347 --> 00:03:53,480
But that night ended up
being a turning point.
114
00:03:53,582 --> 00:03:55,048
I grew up.
115
00:03:55,117 --> 00:03:58,218
I gave my video games and my
beanbag to my frenemy, Dwayne.
116
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,287
- Yeah.
- Thanks, homie.
117
00:04:00,389 --> 00:04:02,789
I said goodbye to the kid I was...
118
00:04:02,891 --> 00:04:06,360
and hello to the man I am.
119
00:04:06,462 --> 00:04:08,762
Everything changed in that 76 Station.
120
00:04:08,864 --> 00:04:10,764
I was in charge. A leader.
121
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,100
Staff agreed I was
the best of all the dads.
122
00:04:13,168 --> 00:04:15,402
- Oh, how good could you have been?
- What other dads?
123
00:04:15,504 --> 00:04:17,237
The gas station is next to the hospital.
124
00:04:17,306 --> 00:04:21,208
Seven babies have been born
there... "The 76 Seven"...
125
00:04:21,276 --> 00:04:22,542
bonded by a bathroom stall
126
00:04:22,645 --> 00:04:24,411
and parents with poor
time-management skills.
127
00:04:24,513 --> 00:04:26,279
- Thank you, Miggy.
- You're welcome.
128
00:04:26,348 --> 00:04:28,448
I'm not going anywhere
after hearing that.
129
00:04:28,550 --> 00:04:29,850
Maybe if I say it again, but different.
130
00:04:29,952 --> 00:04:30,917
Nah, you're done.
131
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,219
You know what we need?
132
00:04:32,287 --> 00:04:34,488
We need to share a positive birth story.
133
00:04:34,590 --> 00:04:35,522
- Yes.
- Right?
134
00:04:35,624 --> 00:04:37,832
One that we've heard many, many times.
135
00:04:37,895 --> 00:04:39,300
- Oh, God.
- The worst part is how
136
00:04:39,361 --> 00:04:40,861
he pretends he doesn't want to tell it.
137
00:04:40,929 --> 00:04:42,763
You really want to hear it?
138
00:04:42,831 --> 00:04:44,698
I bet you guys are sick of
hearing this story by now.
139
00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:46,633
But I guess it's like my
therapist always tells me...
140
00:04:46,702 --> 00:04:48,001
stop being so paranoid, Will!
141
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,403
Maybe people just love you.
142
00:04:49,505 --> 00:04:50,971
Yeah, can you just tell it
quickly, please?
143
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,172
'Cause we have four more episodes
144
00:04:52,274 --> 00:04:53,974
of "Gavel Town" until the big twist.
145
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:55,275
Oh, most intense experience of my life.
146
00:04:55,344 --> 00:04:56,943
- I had goose bumps, yo!
- All right, guys,
147
00:04:57,046 --> 00:04:58,845
I cannot do four more episodes, okay?
148
00:04:58,870 --> 00:04:59,923
I really hate it.
149
00:04:59,948 --> 00:05:01,148
You're supposed to hate it.
150
00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:03,784
The twist doesn't work
if you haven't suffered.
151
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:05,819
What? I can't like a twist?
152
00:05:05,888 --> 00:05:06,953
Okay, can you just
let him tell the story?
153
00:05:07,022 --> 00:05:08,388
The story of Sophie's birth
154
00:05:08,457 --> 00:05:11,892
begins as the Earth's story begins...
155
00:05:11,994 --> 00:05:13,293
with light.
156
00:05:13,395 --> 00:05:16,730
Sophie was born
in the glow of the sunset.
157
00:05:16,799 --> 00:05:22,369
♪ Five hundred twenty-five
thousand six hundred minutes ♪
158
00:05:22,471 --> 00:05:26,873
♪ Five hundred twenty-five
thousand moments so dear ♪
159
00:05:26,975 --> 00:05:29,943
- ♪ Five hundred twenty-five thousand ♪
- And I, Will Cooper,
160
00:05:30,012 --> 00:05:31,678
- ♪ Six hundred minutes ♪
- caught my baby
161
00:05:31,780 --> 00:05:34,881
at the precise moment
of the most incredible chorus
162
00:05:34,950 --> 00:05:37,250
- in musical theater history.
- ♪ How do you measure, measure a year? ♪
163
00:05:37,352 --> 00:05:38,652
♪ How about ♪
164
00:05:38,754 --> 00:05:42,355
- ♪ Love? ♪
- Loooove!
165
00:05:42,458 --> 00:05:44,057
♪ How about ♪
166
00:05:44,159 --> 00:05:46,226
- ♪ Love? ♪
- Love!
167
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:50,731
♪ Measure in love ♪
168
00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:53,200
Mia, meet your daughter.
169
00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,737
Hi, sweetie.
170
00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:02,809
Sharon, the hospital is a place
171
00:06:02,911 --> 00:06:04,978
of beauty and wonder.
172
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:06,713
Let us take you there.
173
00:06:08,383 --> 00:06:10,076
Nah, I'll wait for Ron.
174
00:06:11,186 --> 00:06:13,854
Is that my Android? Ohh!
175
00:06:13,956 --> 00:06:15,555
- Is it Ron?
- No.
176
00:06:15,624 --> 00:06:17,991
Hey, guys, can you meet me
by the wall for a group huddle?
177
00:06:18,093 --> 00:06:19,860
Now.
178
00:06:19,928 --> 00:06:21,628
I feel like we should've
moved further away from her.
179
00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:22,696
She's, like, right there.
180
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:26,833
Ron finally texted Sharon back.
181
00:06:26,935 --> 00:06:28,368
Turns out he's at the Foot Locker.
182
00:06:30,706 --> 00:06:32,038
Bring it in.
183
00:06:32,141 --> 00:06:33,673
He's at the Foot Locker in Phoenix!
184
00:06:33,783 --> 00:06:35,149
That's far.
185
00:06:35,244 --> 00:06:37,110
Yeah. So, we have to be
186
00:06:37,212 --> 00:06:39,312
my ex-husband's new wife's
emotional support system
187
00:06:39,414 --> 00:06:41,381
during the birth of their first child.
Are you with me?
188
00:06:41,483 --> 00:06:42,983
- Yeah, totally.
- I love births.
189
00:06:43,085 --> 00:06:44,384
These crackers contain
190
00:06:44,486 --> 00:06:45,852
an outrageous amount of sodium.
191
00:06:45,954 --> 00:06:47,487
Douglas!
192
00:06:47,589 --> 00:06:49,657
With you.
193
00:06:51,894 --> 00:06:53,894
I'm fine.
194
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:55,028
Everything's fine.
195
00:06:58,355 --> 00:07:00,857
It's fine, guys.
I have a super-strong core.
196
00:07:00,959 --> 00:07:02,291
I-I'll just hold the baby in.
197
00:07:02,394 --> 00:07:03,459
Ahh...
198
00:07:03,528 --> 00:07:04,761
Okay, now that Ron's not coming,
199
00:07:04,829 --> 00:07:05,928
the only thing standing between
200
00:07:06,031 --> 00:07:07,263
Sharon giving birth in a hospital
201
00:07:07,332 --> 00:07:08,965
and Sharon giving birth
on Douglas' couch is us!
202
00:07:09,034 --> 00:07:11,234
Do you know how hard it is
to get placenta off a leather?
203
00:07:11,302 --> 00:07:12,869
Do you?
204
00:07:12,937 --> 00:07:14,470
Okay, can we just scooch the huddle
205
00:07:14,539 --> 00:07:15,938
- away from Sharon?
- Okay. Okay.
206
00:07:16,041 --> 00:07:18,574
Thanks. I didn't want
to say it back there,
207
00:07:18,677 --> 00:07:20,410
but the father isn't necessary.
208
00:07:20,478 --> 00:07:21,944
Do you know what I was doing while Rose
209
00:07:22,047 --> 00:07:23,746
was giving birth to the twins?
210
00:07:27,285 --> 00:07:28,885
- You didn't even go in?!
- Your character, it's bad.
211
00:07:28,953 --> 00:07:30,420
You were reading about boats?
You're a doctor!
212
00:07:30,488 --> 00:07:32,221
Oh, yeah, like you all are so perfect.
213
00:07:32,323 --> 00:07:33,423
Angie burned her house down.
214
00:07:33,525 --> 00:07:35,758
O-Okay, well it's different
with the first, though, right?
215
00:07:35,827 --> 00:07:36,759
What about Xander?
216
00:07:36,861 --> 00:07:38,528
It was different.
217
00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:43,633
Your hair sounded amazing.
218
00:07:43,702 --> 00:07:44,667
How was that different?
219
00:07:44,736 --> 00:07:47,336
The boat magazine hired a new editor.
220
00:07:47,405 --> 00:07:48,805
The whole layout had changed.
221
00:07:48,873 --> 00:07:50,373
You know what?
I'd like to move off this topic.
222
00:07:50,475 --> 00:07:52,141
Ron's gonna call. I just know it.
223
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:53,676
Uh, has anybody seen my phone?
224
00:07:53,745 --> 00:07:54,744
It's an Android.
225
00:07:54,813 --> 00:07:55,712
We know it's an Android!
226
00:07:55,814 --> 00:07:57,346
- Oh. Hey.
- Sorry.
227
00:07:57,415 --> 00:07:59,048
Sorry, sorry.
228
00:07:59,150 --> 00:08:01,350
Poppy's back.
229
00:08:01,419 --> 00:08:02,719
Okay, I can't keep it together.
230
00:08:02,787 --> 00:08:04,721
Sharon needs to know
that she married a goofazoid
231
00:08:04,789 --> 00:08:06,723
who's great on the dance floor,
but not in a crisis!
232
00:08:06,825 --> 00:08:07,790
I'm gonna tell her. I'm going in.
233
00:08:07,859 --> 00:08:08,794
- No, no, no.
- Red light!
234
00:08:08,827 --> 00:08:10,763
- She's going through a lot right now.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
235
00:08:10,788 --> 00:08:11,794
Have any of you had a baby with Ron?
236
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:12,829
He's useless!
237
00:08:12,897 --> 00:08:14,130
Rory was born a month early,
238
00:08:14,199 --> 00:08:15,231
and the only thing Ron cared about
239
00:08:15,333 --> 00:08:17,433
was missing the series finale of "Lost."
240
00:08:17,502 --> 00:08:19,569
And it only got more
traumatic from there...
241
00:08:19,637 --> 00:08:21,771
Rory didn't gain weight the first month,
242
00:08:21,873 --> 00:08:23,439
so he stayed in the NICU.
243
00:08:23,541 --> 00:08:24,774
I couldn't hold him.
244
00:08:24,843 --> 00:08:27,677
All I could do
was smile through the glass.
245
00:08:27,746 --> 00:08:30,279
Hi. Look at him.
246
00:08:30,348 --> 00:08:32,048
He already knows how to smize.
247
00:08:32,150 --> 00:08:33,783
He is very cute.
248
00:08:33,852 --> 00:08:35,351
Interesting name.
249
00:08:35,453 --> 00:08:37,453
And that's when I saw it.
250
00:08:39,724 --> 00:08:42,291
Ron had one job...
turn in the name form.
251
00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,961
And he made it all about
that damn "Lost" finale.
252
00:08:45,063 --> 00:08:47,697
For six months, my son's legal
name was "Smoke Monster."
253
00:08:47,766 --> 00:08:50,427
Sharon needs to know that Ron
is not someone she can rely on.
254
00:08:50,482 --> 00:08:52,183
Maybe then she'll let us
take her to the hospital
255
00:08:52,237 --> 00:08:54,103
before Douglas' floors
are covered in afterbirth.
256
00:08:54,172 --> 00:08:56,873
Okay, you had me
at "afterbirth." Let's go.
257
00:08:56,975 --> 00:08:58,374
Sharon...
258
00:08:58,443 --> 00:09:00,877
we know where Ron is.
259
00:09:00,979 --> 00:09:02,745
The Foot Locker. In Phoenix.
260
00:09:02,774 --> 00:09:03,790
I know.
261
00:09:03,815 --> 00:09:04,981
I stole my Android back.
262
00:09:05,049 --> 00:09:06,582
We've been texting.
263
00:09:06,651 --> 00:09:08,017
This is all just...
264
00:09:08,119 --> 00:09:10,052
it's so frickin'...
265
00:09:10,121 --> 00:09:11,754
- sweet!
- Wait, what?
266
00:09:11,856 --> 00:09:13,189
Twist.
267
00:09:13,258 --> 00:09:15,525
So, for the birth announcement,
I wanted to put the baby
268
00:09:15,593 --> 00:09:17,527
in a really big sneaker
269
00:09:17,595 --> 00:09:20,696
and then underneath say,
"Guess Shoes Here!"
270
00:09:20,765 --> 00:09:22,965
Oh, that's good. That's very good.
271
00:09:23,067 --> 00:09:25,501
I told Ron I needed
the biggest sneaker possible.
272
00:09:25,570 --> 00:09:27,970
And he was like, "You need
a Shaquille O'Neal shoe."
273
00:09:28,039 --> 00:09:29,972
And I was like, "That's impossible."
274
00:09:30,074 --> 00:09:31,741
And then, this morning,
275
00:09:31,810 --> 00:09:34,710
his cousin who works
at the Foot Locker called
276
00:09:34,779 --> 00:09:36,679
and said that Shaq
came in over the weekend
277
00:09:36,781 --> 00:09:38,347
and gave him a shoe for me!
278
00:09:38,449 --> 00:09:41,818
And my man went to Arizona to get it.
279
00:09:43,254 --> 00:09:45,254
And you... like that?
280
00:09:45,356 --> 00:09:46,689
Oh, I love it.
281
00:09:46,791 --> 00:09:47,723
He's a wildcard.
282
00:09:47,826 --> 00:09:49,692
Exactly.
283
00:09:49,761 --> 00:09:51,627
I-I mean, you don't want a wildcard
284
00:09:51,729 --> 00:09:52,962
by your side in the hospital.
285
00:09:53,064 --> 00:09:54,630
You'd be better off with us.
286
00:09:54,699 --> 00:09:57,333
Rob tried to name Rory "Smoke Monster."
287
00:09:57,435 --> 00:10:00,136
- Is that a "Lost" reference?
- Mm-hmm.
288
00:10:00,238 --> 00:10:01,938
That's freaking awesome!
289
00:10:02,006 --> 00:10:03,506
Ow. Ooh.
290
00:10:03,608 --> 00:10:05,842
Well, Sharon's crazy, so new plan.
291
00:10:05,910 --> 00:10:07,910
This is kidnapping!
292
00:10:08,012 --> 00:10:09,579
- Breathe.
- You all make fun of my big-ass van,
293
00:10:09,681 --> 00:10:11,681
but who's saving the day now? Angie!
294
00:10:11,783 --> 00:10:13,249
I can't believe Ron's
gonna miss the birth.
295
00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:15,551
I can. He is not a responsible guy.
296
00:10:15,653 --> 00:10:17,887
You can be responsible and still
miss the birth of your child.
297
00:10:17,989 --> 00:10:20,275
- Even I was there for the birth.
- Yeah, same.
298
00:10:20,338 --> 00:10:22,558
I was at a healthy distance,
but I was there.
299
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:23,826
If you're not, you're a deadbeat.
300
00:10:23,928 --> 00:10:25,394
- Yeah.
- Um, I am not a deadbeat!
301
00:10:26,397 --> 00:10:27,797
All right, look, I have
a confession to make.
302
00:10:27,866 --> 00:10:29,799
The story I told you all is a lie.
303
00:10:29,901 --> 00:10:30,900
I missed Sophie's birth.
304
00:10:31,002 --> 00:10:34,070
The actual story
begins not with light...
305
00:10:34,172 --> 00:10:35,404
but with rain.
306
00:10:35,473 --> 00:10:37,673
It was the storm of the century.
307
00:10:37,775 --> 00:10:40,810
All of Redondo Beach was
looking to me for guidance.
308
00:10:40,879 --> 00:10:42,044
What could I do?
309
00:10:42,113 --> 00:10:43,913
The people were scared.
310
00:10:43,982 --> 00:10:47,817
They needed a weatherman, and I was he.
311
00:10:47,886 --> 00:10:49,151
Once I issued the flood warning
312
00:10:49,220 --> 00:10:50,887
and threw it over to
Frankie D in Sports,
313
00:10:50,989 --> 00:10:52,255
I-I rushed to the hospital.
314
00:10:52,323 --> 00:10:54,891
But it was too late.
315
00:10:54,993 --> 00:10:57,460
Meet your daughter, hero.
316
00:10:59,797 --> 00:11:01,097
It wasn't easy,
317
00:11:01,199 --> 00:11:04,934
- but I knew it was the right thing to do.
- Yeah.
318
00:11:05,036 --> 00:11:07,003
- Um, the head is out.
- Oh, my God!
319
00:11:07,105 --> 00:11:08,070
- Oh!
- There's a baby!
320
00:11:08,172 --> 00:11:09,472
I made eye contact with it.
321
00:11:09,574 --> 00:11:10,606
- It's being born!
- Aah!
322
00:11:10,708 --> 00:11:12,141
Not in my van!
323
00:11:12,210 --> 00:11:13,542
I eat in here!
324
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,046
Dear lord.
325
00:11:17,148 --> 00:11:18,547
- Ooh!
- Wow.
326
00:11:19,651 --> 00:11:20,917
- Ow!
- Oh!
327
00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:24,487
- Oh, my God.
- My gas station.
328
00:11:24,589 --> 00:11:26,889
Hello, old friend.
329
00:11:26,991 --> 00:11:28,576
Daddy's home.
330
00:11:29,108 --> 00:11:30,858
Okay, I got the stuff
for Sharon's birth plan.
331
00:11:30,928 --> 00:11:33,092
No lavender candles, but I did
find lemon-scented bleach.
332
00:11:33,155 --> 00:11:34,387
Cool. And it's not Stevie Wonder,
333
00:11:34,456 --> 00:11:36,793
but I found a Michael Bolton CD
on a random shelf somewhere.
334
00:11:36,875 --> 00:11:38,008
- Nice.
- The shelf is in my car.
335
00:11:38,075 --> 00:11:39,508
- It's mine. For make-outs.
- Okay.
336
00:11:39,584 --> 00:11:42,152
- Really, Douglas, a boating magazine?
- Sorry, force of habit!
337
00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:43,586
You guys seeing this? Miggy's right.
338
00:11:43,688 --> 00:11:45,288
He's legitimately amazing here.
339
00:11:45,357 --> 00:11:47,590
Have we called the ambulance?
It's speed dial four!
340
00:11:47,659 --> 00:11:48,825
Steve, we need the bathroom key
341
00:11:48,927 --> 00:11:50,960
attached to the hub cap,
not the fly swatter!
342
00:11:51,029 --> 00:11:53,563
And beef jerky for the mother
to bite on for pain!
343
00:11:53,665 --> 00:11:55,331
Madge, is the cot set?
344
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:56,666
You da freaking best, Madge!
345
00:11:56,735 --> 00:11:58,873
Noice! I love this team!
All right, let's hustle!
346
00:12:00,108 --> 00:12:02,623
Guys, I might be into Miggy.
347
00:12:02,654 --> 00:12:04,152
Oh, hey, who's with Sharon?
348
00:12:04,246 --> 00:12:07,146
Oh. Go, go, go, go!
349
00:12:10,552 --> 00:12:11,851
Can you believe those dummies
charged me for the cup?
350
00:12:11,953 --> 00:12:12,886
Bite that jerky!
351
00:12:12,954 --> 00:12:16,189
Oh, God, what is my life?! Aah!
352
00:12:16,291 --> 00:12:18,358
Okay, you want some scratchers?
353
00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:19,993
A real authentic Hollywood Hat?
354
00:12:20,095 --> 00:12:22,028
Or... Ooh! A fake Oscar?
355
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:25,632
I'll take the Oscar.
356
00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:28,668
I moved to LA to become an actress!
357
00:12:28,737 --> 00:12:29,869
Take it away. Get... Get...
358
00:12:29,894 --> 00:12:30,803
Hide it.
359
00:12:32,617 --> 00:12:34,250
I can't believe I'm alone.
360
00:12:34,319 --> 00:12:36,919
Hey. I get it.
361
00:12:36,988 --> 00:12:38,821
This isn't how you pictured it, right?
362
00:12:38,890 --> 00:12:40,356
I mean, it was a little
different with me
363
00:12:40,391 --> 00:12:42,992
because I always knew I was
gonna be having my baby alone.
364
00:12:43,061 --> 00:12:44,994
So I decided to give birth in a place
365
00:12:45,063 --> 00:12:48,965
filled with other overweight,
sweaty, lost souls...
366
00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:50,800
Vegas, baby.
367
00:12:50,869 --> 00:12:54,470
I was nine months pregnant,
and I was on a hot streak.
368
00:13:04,449 --> 00:13:07,116
Ehh!
369
00:13:09,809 --> 00:13:11,053
Ah!
370
00:13:17,295 --> 00:13:19,262
Hey, blue eyes.
371
00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:21,097
I'm in labor.
372
00:13:21,199 --> 00:13:22,498
Shh.
373
00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:24,100
I'm legally required
to call you an ambulance.
374
00:13:24,202 --> 00:13:26,068
And I'm morally required
375
00:13:26,170 --> 00:13:28,503
to roll another seven!
376
00:13:30,418 --> 00:13:31,751
Yeah!
377
00:13:34,312 --> 00:13:36,978
I'm gonna go have this baby,
but I'll be right back!
378
00:13:38,283 --> 00:13:41,450
And suddenly, I was in this
hospital room in a strange city
379
00:13:41,519 --> 00:13:43,352
with no friends or family.
380
00:13:43,403 --> 00:13:46,219
And... this didn't seem
like such a good idea anymore.
381
00:13:46,267 --> 00:13:47,790
Is the father here?
382
00:13:49,594 --> 00:13:51,060
It's just me.
383
00:13:51,129 --> 00:13:53,262
I was truly alone.
384
00:13:53,364 --> 00:13:55,696
Not just in Vegas or the hospital.
385
00:13:55,766 --> 00:13:56,907
But in life.
386
00:13:56,985 --> 00:13:59,936
Four, five.
387
00:14:00,004 --> 00:14:01,648
Come on, push, push, push, push.
388
00:14:01,673 --> 00:14:03,739
But then, an amazing thing happened.
389
00:14:03,808 --> 00:14:06,642
I realized I wasn't alone.
390
00:14:06,711 --> 00:14:09,545
He had been there with me
the whole time.
391
00:14:09,614 --> 00:14:12,348
And then a true miracle occurred.
392
00:14:12,450 --> 00:14:13,983
Brought you something.
393
00:14:14,085 --> 00:14:16,819
Ohh.
394
00:14:16,921 --> 00:14:19,755
Oh, his first toy.
395
00:14:19,824 --> 00:14:22,525
I also thought you would want this.
396
00:14:22,594 --> 00:14:24,894
Aww! My money!
397
00:14:24,919 --> 00:14:25,861
Come to mama.
398
00:14:25,964 --> 00:14:27,630
Wow.
399
00:14:27,732 --> 00:14:30,166
Thank you... Graham.
400
00:14:31,502 --> 00:14:33,636
Hey, baby, you wanna be Graham?
401
00:14:35,473 --> 00:14:37,206
Eh, you'll get used to it.
402
00:14:37,275 --> 00:14:39,709
That craps dealer
was your guardian angel.
403
00:14:39,777 --> 00:14:41,043
Let's not get carried away, okay?
404
00:14:41,112 --> 00:14:42,945
He took a generous finder's fee.
405
00:14:43,047 --> 00:14:44,280
But the point is...
406
00:14:44,382 --> 00:14:47,016
sometimes you just gotta
let your plan go
407
00:14:47,118 --> 00:14:52,121
and let yourself be embraced
by a random group of weirdos.
408
00:14:52,223 --> 00:14:55,057
Let us be your weirdos, Cheryl.
409
00:14:55,159 --> 00:14:56,525
Sharon.
410
00:14:56,628 --> 00:14:58,094
Sharon.
411
00:14:58,196 --> 00:15:00,463
Hand me my birth plan.
412
00:15:00,531 --> 00:15:01,831
Yeah. Right here. Right here.
413
00:15:04,836 --> 00:15:06,002
Yay!
414
00:15:08,006 --> 00:15:10,552
Hey, ETA on that, uh, ambulance, Madge?!
415
00:15:13,044 --> 00:15:14,857
- Douglas.
- Is there a doctor in the house?!
416
00:15:14,919 --> 00:15:17,653
Oh, God, you were, like,
one second too late.
417
00:15:17,747 --> 00:15:19,012
All right, Poppy, you want to help me
418
00:15:19,082 --> 00:15:20,450
deliver this baby or what?
419
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,497
I do.
420
00:15:22,575 --> 00:15:24,820
Ooh. Ooh!
421
00:15:34,866 --> 00:15:40,569
Oh, my gosh.
422
00:16:02,393 --> 00:16:03,993
Finally.
423
00:16:10,568 --> 00:16:13,469
Three children, and this
is my first actual birth.
424
00:16:13,538 --> 00:16:15,571
I can't believe that
we delivered a baby.
425
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:16,639
It... It's crazy!
426
00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:18,374
When we're together, we...
427
00:16:18,476 --> 00:16:20,276
We just work.
428
00:16:20,344 --> 00:16:22,011
Douglas, I don't need to take it slow.
429
00:16:22,113 --> 00:16:23,713
I know I want to move in with you.
430
00:16:23,781 --> 00:16:25,047
- Really?
- Yes!
431
00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:27,516
Aah!
432
00:16:27,585 --> 00:16:30,186
Is it crazy to say
I think she looks like me?
433
00:16:30,288 --> 00:16:32,955
- Yeah, that's insane.
- I kind of think she looks like me!
434
00:16:33,057 --> 00:16:34,256
- Ron!
- Ron!
435
00:16:36,127 --> 00:16:37,968
- It's beautiful, baby!
- Oh! So is she!
436
00:16:38,046 --> 00:16:38,984
Ohh!
437
00:16:39,063 --> 00:16:40,796
- Oh, my God.
- Hi, baby.
438
00:16:40,865 --> 00:16:43,399
- Mm, mm, mm, mm.
- Mm, mm.
439
00:16:43,501 --> 00:16:45,634
It seems like we should go. No?
440
00:16:45,703 --> 00:16:47,103
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
441
00:16:47,171 --> 00:16:49,538
- Oh, I think I have a name.
- Ooh, I have a name, too.
442
00:16:49,607 --> 00:16:50,606
Shaquelyn.
443
00:16:50,675 --> 00:16:52,790
- Ohh!
- What?!
444
00:16:53,768 --> 00:16:56,112
So, she's just, like, a female Ron, huh?
445
00:16:56,214 --> 00:16:57,847
- Uncanny.
- All right, Poppy,
446
00:16:57,915 --> 00:17:00,049
- I want you, please...
- Aww.
447
00:17:00,151 --> 00:17:01,450
- ...hold Shaquelyn.
- Oh.
448
00:17:01,552 --> 00:17:02,852
Meet Rory's sister.
449
00:17:02,927 --> 00:17:04,175
Congratulations, Ron.
450
00:17:04,215 --> 00:17:05,621
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
451
00:17:05,723 --> 00:17:07,656
Man, I can't believe I missed the birth.
452
00:17:07,725 --> 00:17:09,325
For a shoe.
453
00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:11,527
How am I gonna explain this
to little Shaquelyn?
454
00:17:11,629 --> 00:17:13,662
You won't! You'll lie,
and you'll lie again!
455
00:17:13,731 --> 00:17:15,965
Guys, I have another
confession to make...
456
00:17:16,067 --> 00:17:18,134
the second story
I told you is also a lie.
457
00:17:18,202 --> 00:17:19,735
- Of course it was.
- I missed Sophie's birth
458
00:17:19,804 --> 00:17:23,005
for a reason I have kept hidden
for nine years.
459
00:17:23,107 --> 00:17:24,607
But I'm about to tell all of you
460
00:17:24,675 --> 00:17:26,909
in an act of solidarity with Ron.
461
00:17:26,978 --> 00:17:28,177
Oh, don't do this for me.
462
00:17:28,246 --> 00:17:31,680
Sophie's birth story doesn't
begin with light or rain.
463
00:17:31,783 --> 00:17:32,848
It begins with a bagel.
464
00:17:32,917 --> 00:17:35,050
Mia had been in labor for 15 hours,
465
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:38,287
and I was hungry,
so I went to get some food.
466
00:17:38,389 --> 00:17:40,055
And that's when I saw him...
467
00:17:41,425 --> 00:17:42,766
- Regis Philbin.
- Can you hear me?
468
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,593
Getting a coffee like it was nothing.
469
00:17:44,662 --> 00:17:47,133
That's when I realized
he was on the phone with...
470
00:17:47,196 --> 00:17:49,273
Gelman! Can you hear me?
471
00:17:49,367 --> 00:17:51,233
I'm gonna move around
till I get a signal.
472
00:17:51,335 --> 00:17:53,536
He has a-a magnetic pull.
473
00:17:53,604 --> 00:17:56,639
I-I couldn't help it, I just
drifted toward him.
474
00:17:56,741 --> 00:17:59,742
Gelman! I've only got one bar!
475
00:17:59,794 --> 00:18:00,820
Gelman!
476
00:18:00,845 --> 00:18:02,378
And so he moved.
477
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,280
Gelman. Gelman!
478
00:18:04,348 --> 00:18:05,614
And he moved.
479
00:18:05,716 --> 00:18:07,449
I got no service!
480
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:11,253
What the hell is wrong with this?
481
00:18:12,256 --> 00:18:13,756
Until he gave up.
482
00:18:19,063 --> 00:18:20,429
Hey, you.
483
00:18:20,531 --> 00:18:21,630
You got a signal?
484
00:18:21,732 --> 00:18:23,365
I'm trying to phone a friend.
485
00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:24,834
He talked to me!
486
00:18:24,902 --> 00:18:27,636
I ran to tell Mia.
487
00:18:27,705 --> 00:18:29,705
Oh, my God, Mia, I met Regis Philbin,
488
00:18:29,807 --> 00:18:30,806
and... Uh-oh. You look mad.
489
00:18:30,875 --> 00:18:33,209
You met Regis, I met our baby.
490
00:18:33,311 --> 00:18:34,677
Big day for both of us.
491
00:18:34,779 --> 00:18:37,246
Did... Did anybody tape it?
492
00:18:37,315 --> 00:18:39,515
After that, I vowed to never miss
493
00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:41,884
another moment of Sophie's life
ever again.
494
00:18:41,953 --> 00:18:44,286
And I haven't, except for
that pumpkin contest thing,
495
00:18:44,355 --> 00:18:45,754
and that still kills me.
496
00:18:45,857 --> 00:18:46,856
Thanks.
497
00:18:46,924 --> 00:18:48,390
Your story is way stupider than mine.
498
00:18:48,492 --> 00:18:50,693
- Mm-hmm.
- I feel better now.
499
00:18:50,761 --> 00:18:53,529
All right, go ahead. Make fun of me.
500
00:18:53,631 --> 00:18:56,832
That story was... humanizing.
501
00:18:56,934 --> 00:18:59,735
It's Regis. Of course you follow.
502
00:18:59,837 --> 00:19:02,171
Yeah. No wonder you're so crazy!
503
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,373
Come here, ya big screw-up!
504
00:19:15,052 --> 00:19:16,518
Oh, my God...
505
00:19:19,857 --> 00:19:21,790
Do you think they'll keep it?
506
00:19:21,893 --> 00:19:23,759
- The baby?
- Mm-hmm.
507
00:19:23,861 --> 00:19:25,094
Yes.
508
00:19:25,162 --> 00:19:29,431
Can you believe Sharon and Ron
rejected my present?
509
00:19:29,533 --> 00:19:32,434
Just because I found it in
an empty hospital room?
510
00:19:32,536 --> 00:19:34,303
Ang, can we talk? I have feelings.
511
00:19:34,332 --> 00:19:35,371
Yeah, I'm sure.
512
00:19:35,426 --> 00:19:36,705
Watching your ex-husband have a new baby
513
00:19:36,807 --> 00:19:38,207
must be difficult.
514
00:19:38,309 --> 00:19:40,242
Well, no. It's... It's not that.
I'm happy for Ron.
515
00:19:40,344 --> 00:19:42,278
It's just that
when I was holding that baby,
516
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:44,079
I realized that I want one.
517
00:19:44,181 --> 00:19:47,449
You want one, like, you want a baby one?
518
00:19:47,551 --> 00:19:49,652
- I thought you were done.
- I know, so did I.
519
00:19:49,754 --> 00:19:52,121
I don't know, something
happened, something changed.
520
00:19:52,223 --> 00:19:53,322
I can't explain it, Ang,
521
00:19:53,424 --> 00:19:56,358
but I think I want a baby...
with Douglas.
522
00:19:56,460 --> 00:19:57,993
Does Douglas want a baby?
523
00:19:58,095 --> 00:19:59,495
I don't know. I...
524
00:19:59,597 --> 00:20:00,796
Okay, shut up, he's coming.
525
00:20:00,898 --> 00:20:02,831
Excuse us, Angie, but Poppy and I
526
00:20:02,934 --> 00:20:05,100
are gonna go back to our home.
527
00:20:05,303 --> 00:20:06,835
I cannot wait
528
00:20:06,938 --> 00:20:09,638
to get back to that empty nest fantasy
529
00:20:09,740 --> 00:20:11,106
- from this morning.
- Mm.
530
00:20:11,208 --> 00:20:13,575
Just you and me and nothing else.
531
00:20:13,678 --> 00:20:14,977
The dream.
532
00:20:15,079 --> 00:20:16,645
Right. The dream.
533
00:20:21,264 --> 00:20:23,889
Smoke Monster? Seriously, Ron?
What is wrong with you?
534
00:20:23,968 --> 00:20:26,111
I know it's an iconic
moment in the series,
535
00:20:26,190 --> 00:20:28,257
but this is the name of our son
we're talking about!
536
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:29,783
A tiny human being
537
00:20:29,908 --> 00:20:31,793
who's depending on us
to make good decisions for him,
538
00:20:31,896 --> 00:20:33,495
and you went and gave him
a two-word name,
539
00:20:33,597 --> 00:20:34,830
one of which is monster!
540
00:20:34,932 --> 00:20:36,098
You're pregnant?
541
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:37,666
With twins?!
542
00:20:37,768 --> 00:20:39,768
Ah, the Fogerty DNA.
543
00:20:39,870 --> 00:20:41,770
You know my twin sisters,
Donna and Lenore...
544
00:20:41,872 --> 00:20:43,005
may they rest in peace...
545
00:20:43,107 --> 00:20:44,909
Yeah, uh, Rose, Rose, calm down.
546
00:20:44,972 --> 00:20:46,120
I will not calm down!
547
00:20:46,190 --> 00:20:48,310
Of course you'll still
look good in a thong.
548
00:20:48,412 --> 00:20:50,612
This is LA... they can do
anything to your butt!
549
00:20:50,714 --> 00:20:51,914
- Oh, sorry.
- Excuse me.
550
00:20:52,016 --> 00:20:53,282
All right, look, I gotta go.
551
00:20:53,384 --> 00:20:54,917
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
552
00:20:55,019 --> 00:20:57,247
Oh, he's doing jazz hands!
553
00:20:57,357 --> 00:21:02,357
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com