1 00:00:11,236 --> 00:00:12,435 Lights, camera, action. 2 00:00:12,437 --> 00:00:14,471 It's Sam Zander time. 3 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:16,339 I know what you're thinkin': what's this? 4 00:00:16,341 --> 00:00:17,775 You'll find out soon enough, but yeah, 5 00:00:17,777 --> 00:00:19,442 I'm growing the beard out. 6 00:00:19,444 --> 00:00:20,610 So I'm just here at my parent's house in Malibu. 7 00:00:20,612 --> 00:00:21,946 The look. 8 00:00:21,948 --> 00:00:22,780 Oh. 9 00:00:22,782 --> 00:00:24,214 I'm rich. 10 00:00:24,216 --> 00:00:25,582 Deal with it. 11 00:00:25,584 --> 00:00:28,385 Lots of wine boxes 'cause my parents are drunks. 12 00:00:28,387 --> 00:00:29,654 Drunks and fat. 13 00:00:29,656 --> 00:00:31,354 Yeah, I shame my parents, whatever. 14 00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:32,790 This is a message from Sam Zander. 15 00:00:32,792 --> 00:00:34,557 Do you know where your children are? 16 00:00:34,559 --> 00:00:36,259 They're on my website, where you should be. 17 00:00:36,261 --> 00:00:36,961 Yeah, I've been thinkin', I've been thinkin', 18 00:00:36,963 --> 00:00:37,895 I've been thinkin'. 19 00:00:37,897 --> 00:00:38,696 What does it all mean? 20 00:00:38,698 --> 00:00:39,730 I don't know. 21 00:00:39,732 --> 00:00:41,231 Once upon a time there was a boy 22 00:00:41,233 --> 00:00:42,599 who didn't know what he was gonna do 23 00:00:42,601 --> 00:00:44,334 so he did something to change the world. 24 00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:44,935 What are you doing? 25 00:00:44,937 --> 00:00:45,836 Who are you? 26 00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:47,370 Where are we going? 27 00:00:49,374 --> 00:00:50,941 Listen, I want you guys to know I'm about to something 28 00:00:50,943 --> 00:00:52,743 really courageous for you all. 29 00:00:52,745 --> 00:00:54,310 I'm about to do something really bold. 30 00:00:54,312 --> 00:00:56,981 Send me your comments below. 31 00:00:57,884 --> 00:00:59,516 Peace up, bash down, ah. 32 00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:03,856 I'm tellin' ya, Patronies Pizza's goin' under. 33 00:01:05,490 --> 00:01:06,556 Now how would you know that and I don't? 34 00:01:06,558 --> 00:01:08,324 Trust me. 35 00:01:08,326 --> 00:01:09,727 Knee Cha! 36 00:01:09,729 --> 00:01:11,261 Oh he's probably canned from being 37 00:01:11,263 --> 00:01:12,863 God's loyal opposition. 38 00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:14,364 So tell me your 39 00:01:14,366 --> 00:01:15,802 - crackpot theory. - You can't see it? 40 00:01:17,602 --> 00:01:18,903 It always get slow around this time of the year. 41 00:01:18,905 --> 00:01:19,804 - You know that... - No, no, no. 42 00:01:19,806 --> 00:01:20,871 It's more than that. 43 00:01:20,873 --> 00:01:21,708 Shalom. 44 00:01:25,678 --> 00:01:27,510 - You're not Jewish. - Why not? 45 00:01:27,512 --> 00:01:28,913 It doesn't work that way. 46 00:01:28,915 --> 00:01:30,748 My step grandmother was a German Jew is the 40s. 47 00:01:30,750 --> 00:01:32,615 That should count double for me, all right? 48 00:01:32,617 --> 00:01:35,452 - It's Saturday. - That's why we're walking. 49 00:01:35,454 --> 00:01:36,787 So, you're working on the Sabbath? 50 00:01:36,789 --> 00:01:38,288 I'm culturally Jewish, all right? 51 00:01:38,290 --> 00:01:40,559 - Give me break, will ya? - Right, proceed. 52 00:01:44,362 --> 00:01:46,030 Patronies Pizza is going under 53 00:01:46,032 --> 00:01:48,366 because of one small detail. 54 00:01:49,736 --> 00:01:50,703 Single ply. 55 00:01:52,471 --> 00:01:53,838 We went from two ply to single ply. 56 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,673 Bankruptcy starts in the bathroom. 57 00:01:55,675 --> 00:01:57,675 You know, I'm drawing the line here. 58 00:01:57,677 --> 00:02:00,343 As a matter of fact, I liked you a lot better 59 00:02:00,345 --> 00:02:01,714 when you was practicing Kwanzaa. 60 00:02:02,849 --> 00:02:04,917 That was just a phase. 61 00:02:06,719 --> 00:02:08,018 What do you think? 62 00:02:08,020 --> 00:02:09,653 Listen, this aint no feel good story 63 00:02:09,655 --> 00:02:11,588 about some pizza joint. 64 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:13,657 It's about the one lie we all believe in. 65 00:02:13,659 --> 00:02:15,025 Me? 66 00:02:15,027 --> 00:02:16,827 I'm the happiness without a reason guy. 67 00:02:16,829 --> 00:02:19,329 My philosophy is you don't need reasons to be happy. 68 00:02:19,331 --> 00:02:21,699 You only need reasons to be unhappy. 69 00:02:21,701 --> 00:02:25,803 I know, I know, it sounds unreasonable. 70 00:02:25,805 --> 00:02:27,972 You see, the whole human experience is just 71 00:02:27,974 --> 00:02:30,373 a speck of dust in the blink of time. 72 00:02:30,375 --> 00:02:32,843 And every single one of us is born incomplete. 73 00:02:32,845 --> 00:02:34,812 We spend our whole lives searching for meaning 74 00:02:34,814 --> 00:02:36,680 that fills a little hole in our hearts. 75 00:02:36,682 --> 00:02:40,450 For the eight slices, it's the name tags we wear, 76 00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:41,886 and whether we're doing a good job 77 00:02:41,888 --> 00:02:44,955 portraying our favorite writers who, at some point, 78 00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:46,458 filled that hole in us. 79 00:02:47,093 --> 00:02:47,927 Temporarily. 80 00:02:49,561 --> 00:02:52,863 I do wonder what Kerouac would think of all this. 81 00:02:52,865 --> 00:02:54,098 Anyway. 82 00:02:54,100 --> 00:02:56,301 All that really matters is one question: 83 00:02:58,070 --> 00:02:59,672 what makes the perfect pizza? 84 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:09,814 As an actor, 85 00:03:09,816 --> 00:03:11,782 your freedom happens between the lines. 86 00:03:11,784 --> 00:03:13,818 What does your character want? 87 00:03:13,820 --> 00:03:15,653 What stands in their way? 88 00:03:15,655 --> 00:03:17,620 These are the two most important questions 89 00:03:17,622 --> 00:03:19,422 going into the scene. 90 00:03:19,424 --> 00:03:21,759 Self-self-self-self promotion 91 00:03:21,761 --> 00:03:24,897 is 90% of acting in today's world against a famous... 92 00:03:26,132 --> 00:03:27,834 All right, here we go. 93 00:03:28,701 --> 00:03:29,702 Woo hoo hoo! 94 00:03:30,870 --> 00:03:31,771 America, look at this! 95 00:03:33,139 --> 00:03:36,441 Oh, the things I do for you. 96 00:03:41,413 --> 00:03:43,180 Really? 97 00:03:43,182 --> 00:03:45,448 Come on, Oscar. 98 00:03:45,450 --> 00:03:46,549 It's just a shirt. 99 00:03:46,551 --> 00:03:47,818 "Come on, Oscar." 100 00:03:47,820 --> 00:03:48,821 - Yeah? - Yeah. 101 00:03:49,956 --> 00:03:51,655 It makes people think. 102 00:03:51,657 --> 00:03:54,625 Well I don't want my customers thinking about anything, 103 00:03:54,627 --> 00:03:56,827 except for how good my pizza is. 104 00:03:59,431 --> 00:04:00,432 Hey Wendy. 105 00:04:01,968 --> 00:04:04,567 So, tell me everything. 106 00:04:04,569 --> 00:04:05,503 How was the campus? 107 00:04:06,839 --> 00:04:08,873 Is college a waste of money? 108 00:04:08,875 --> 00:04:10,875 Only if you're getting a degree in something practical 109 00:04:10,877 --> 00:04:13,177 - like philosophy. - I don't even know 110 00:04:13,179 --> 00:04:14,912 if I'll get in. 111 00:04:14,914 --> 00:04:16,780 Would you do it if it were free? 112 00:04:16,782 --> 00:04:18,215 Anyone would. 113 00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:19,917 Then that's your answer. 114 00:04:19,919 --> 00:04:23,453 Yeah, but I'd get like a golden toilet if it was free. 115 00:04:23,455 --> 00:04:24,621 What? 116 00:04:24,623 --> 00:04:25,923 - Morning, G. - Morning, G. 117 00:04:30,897 --> 00:04:32,897 Some locals. 118 00:04:32,899 --> 00:04:34,164 'Sup dude? 119 00:04:35,801 --> 00:04:37,600 Look at this place. 120 00:04:37,602 --> 00:04:38,936 Yo. 121 00:04:38,938 --> 00:04:41,105 We're not in Malibu anymore. 122 00:04:41,107 --> 00:04:42,572 - A - callback is when 123 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,775 a casting director wants to see you again. 124 00:04:44,777 --> 00:04:47,811 This is a good indication that you did something well. 125 00:04:50,850 --> 00:04:52,582 Hey, Ann. 126 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:53,951 How'd the book tour go? 127 00:04:53,953 --> 00:04:56,619 I didn't even make it out of Brunswick County. 128 00:04:56,621 --> 00:04:57,655 Hey. 129 00:04:57,657 --> 00:04:58,824 It still counts in my book. 130 00:05:00,993 --> 00:05:01,994 How's Kelli doin'? 131 00:05:03,996 --> 00:05:04,830 Screw Kelli. 132 00:05:08,834 --> 00:05:09,934 Oh hey. 133 00:05:09,936 --> 00:05:11,168 - Mornin'. - Hey guys. 134 00:05:11,170 --> 00:05:12,870 - Morning. - Hi. 135 00:05:12,872 --> 00:05:15,473 After this, check the toilet paper. 136 00:05:18,044 --> 00:05:19,009 Hi, Ann. 137 00:05:19,011 --> 00:05:20,978 How'd the book tour go? 138 00:05:23,049 --> 00:05:24,684 All kinds of hostility today. 139 00:05:25,751 --> 00:05:27,718 Hey man, how's Kelli doin'? 140 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:29,219 All right, let's get started. 141 00:05:30,723 --> 00:05:32,923 Schopenhauer, nice of you to join us. 142 00:05:32,925 --> 00:05:34,024 Care to explain yourself? 143 00:05:34,026 --> 00:05:35,558 Uh, sure. 144 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,027 I'm somewhere in this body, condemned to this 145 00:05:37,029 --> 00:05:38,963 completely indifferent universe that was created 146 00:05:38,965 --> 00:05:40,530 by someone or from something that forgot 147 00:05:40,532 --> 00:05:42,166 to put human happiness in its design. 148 00:05:42,168 --> 00:05:43,067 Amen. 149 00:05:43,069 --> 00:05:44,702 Time is an illusion. 150 00:05:44,704 --> 00:05:46,569 We are the only creatures on this planet 151 00:05:46,571 --> 00:05:47,972 that keep track of time. 152 00:05:47,974 --> 00:05:50,074 Therefore, we are the only creatures that 153 00:05:50,076 --> 00:05:51,709 have a fear of time running out. 154 00:05:51,711 --> 00:05:52,676 Exactly! 155 00:05:52,678 --> 00:05:53,877 Just look at Guillermo. 156 00:05:53,879 --> 00:05:55,179 What? 157 00:05:55,181 --> 00:05:56,647 If you believe in human happiness, 158 00:05:56,649 --> 00:05:57,247 just look at an old person's face. 159 00:05:57,249 --> 00:05:58,849 Ah, come on. 160 00:05:58,851 --> 00:06:00,918 I mean it, they're like deeply wrinkled, 161 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:02,820 permanent displays of disappointment. 162 00:06:02,822 --> 00:06:04,924 It's just etched in there. 163 00:06:05,958 --> 00:06:07,992 I'm happy without a reason. 164 00:06:09,261 --> 00:06:11,998 I don't need a reason to be happy! 165 00:06:13,966 --> 00:06:15,598 Going to Patronies. 166 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:16,667 This is gonna be awesome. 167 00:06:16,669 --> 00:06:17,935 Are you excited? 168 00:06:17,937 --> 00:06:18,669 I'm excited. 169 00:06:20,072 --> 00:06:21,739 All right, all right, time to get to work. 170 00:06:22,708 --> 00:06:23,640 All right, all right. 171 00:06:23,642 --> 00:06:25,075 Calm down, Jack. 172 00:06:25,077 --> 00:06:26,910 Listen, I brought you in early today because I... 173 00:06:28,214 --> 00:06:29,749 We are closed. 174 00:06:31,117 --> 00:06:32,950 Read the sign. 175 00:06:32,952 --> 00:06:34,051 It's 10 am. 176 00:06:34,053 --> 00:06:35,786 I thought time was an illusion. 177 00:06:35,788 --> 00:06:36,619 Schopenhauer. 178 00:06:36,621 --> 00:06:37,254 Look at that. 179 00:06:37,256 --> 00:06:38,689 Oh, shoot. 180 00:06:38,691 --> 00:06:40,960 Hi, welcome to Patronies, we're closed. 181 00:06:43,095 --> 00:06:44,661 I'm a new hire. 182 00:06:44,663 --> 00:06:46,098 Do we have a new hire today? 183 00:06:52,671 --> 00:06:53,739 For you, sir. 184 00:06:59,979 --> 00:07:01,845 Uh, hi. 185 00:07:01,847 --> 00:07:02,913 I'm uh, I'm John. 186 00:07:02,915 --> 00:07:04,081 I'm the new hire. 187 00:07:04,083 --> 00:07:05,749 Hi, John. 188 00:07:05,751 --> 00:07:06,950 John, pull up a seat. 189 00:07:06,952 --> 00:07:08,719 Join the circle. 190 00:07:08,721 --> 00:07:11,388 I just thought I'd give you all fair warning. 191 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:14,058 You should probably start updating your resumes. 192 00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:15,893 - What? - Oh no. 193 00:07:15,895 --> 00:07:16,894 Two ply. 194 00:07:16,896 --> 00:07:17,895 It's the toilet paper, man. 195 00:07:17,897 --> 00:07:18,964 That's why we're going under. 196 00:07:19,865 --> 00:07:21,198 Are you seeing this? 197 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,199 Two months ago, the majority partner 198 00:07:22,201 --> 00:07:25,102 sold their shares back to me, 199 00:07:25,104 --> 00:07:29,039 and uh, we just didn't have the summer season 200 00:07:29,041 --> 00:07:29,975 I was hoping for. 201 00:07:31,644 --> 00:07:33,844 This is just a precaution, Knee Cha. 202 00:07:33,846 --> 00:07:34,680 Ann? 203 00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:36,213 All right? 204 00:07:36,215 --> 00:07:37,848 Service stays the same. 205 00:07:37,850 --> 00:07:39,383 Menu's staying simple. 206 00:07:39,385 --> 00:07:41,785 Now attached to your envelopes are the new 207 00:07:41,787 --> 00:07:43,087 pizza membership program. 208 00:07:43,089 --> 00:07:45,923 Albert will explain how it's going to work. 209 00:07:45,925 --> 00:07:48,659 Guys, if we each sell 25 of these, 210 00:07:48,661 --> 00:07:49,426 we'll have enough money to get 211 00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,994 us through the winter season 212 00:07:50,996 --> 00:07:52,863 and we won't have to worry about closing. 213 00:07:52,865 --> 00:07:55,232 At any rate, I hope the recommendation letters 214 00:07:55,234 --> 00:07:56,102 work for everyone. 215 00:07:57,736 --> 00:07:59,670 John, I'll need to get to know who you are 216 00:07:59,672 --> 00:08:01,040 before I can write you one. 217 00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:05,077 Well should I even start, or? 218 00:08:05,945 --> 00:08:07,111 - Yeah. - Yeah. 219 00:08:07,113 --> 00:08:08,679 - It's money, ya nuts? - Yes. 220 00:08:08,681 --> 00:08:09,746 Yeah man, stay positive, man. 221 00:08:09,748 --> 00:08:10,615 It's up to you. 222 00:08:12,017 --> 00:08:13,283 I hope you guys know if there's anything 223 00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:15,087 I could have done differently, I would've. 224 00:08:17,923 --> 00:08:19,823 Oh, 30 minutes before the doors open. 225 00:08:19,825 --> 00:08:21,091 Let's keep our heads up 226 00:08:21,093 --> 00:08:23,395 and uh, if you guys need anything, 227 00:08:24,363 --> 00:08:25,364 don't hesitate to ask. 228 00:08:28,134 --> 00:08:29,466 You and me, we're gonna make it through this. 229 00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:30,467 We're gonna make it through this day, 230 00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,136 we're gonna do it together, 231 00:08:32,138 --> 00:08:33,437 'cause you are everything I need. 232 00:08:33,439 --> 00:08:35,038 You are my love. 233 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,740 You are going to pour out your love to me 234 00:08:36,742 --> 00:08:39,343 in a perfect balance of sugar and carbonation. 235 00:08:39,345 --> 00:08:40,878 You got it? 236 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,048 And this is Schopenhauer and Wendy. 237 00:08:44,183 --> 00:08:45,249 Hi. 238 00:08:45,251 --> 00:08:46,884 'Sup guys? 239 00:08:46,886 --> 00:08:48,085 We're actually women. 240 00:08:48,087 --> 00:08:49,219 You'll get used to that. 241 00:08:49,221 --> 00:08:50,723 Do I know you? 242 00:08:51,891 --> 00:08:52,424 Familiar face. 243 00:08:53,759 --> 00:08:55,127 Gotta keep goin' on the tour. 244 00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,230 I feel like I know him. 245 00:09:00,232 --> 00:09:01,066 Yeah? 246 00:09:03,068 --> 00:09:05,135 This is Ann, she's actually a writer. 247 00:09:05,137 --> 00:09:06,837 And this is our cook. 248 00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:08,805 - Hey, what's up man? - He doesn't speak. 249 00:09:08,807 --> 00:09:10,807 And that is G. 250 00:09:10,809 --> 00:09:12,176 Okay. 251 00:09:12,178 --> 00:09:13,010 Oh, let me take you back here on the... 252 00:09:13,012 --> 00:09:13,846 What? 253 00:09:38,337 --> 00:09:40,771 What makes the perfect pizza? 254 00:09:40,773 --> 00:09:43,273 Hey, I'm supposed to shadow you? 255 00:09:43,275 --> 00:09:44,376 First stop, best stop. 256 00:09:45,911 --> 00:09:47,444 You ever work in the service industry before? 257 00:09:47,446 --> 00:09:48,478 Uh no. 258 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,180 Get ready for the big leagues. 259 00:09:50,182 --> 00:09:51,381 Welcome to Patronies where pizza is our philosophy 260 00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:52,816 and our philosophy is pizza. 261 00:09:52,818 --> 00:09:54,151 What's that, the specials you asked for? 262 00:09:54,153 --> 00:09:55,986 I'm so glad you did because today's special's 263 00:09:55,988 --> 00:09:57,988 the sausage and pepperoni pie with gluten on the side. 264 00:09:59,358 --> 00:10:01,358 And if you're interested, which I know you are, 265 00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:06,096 we have a very special genetically modified option as well. 266 00:10:06,098 --> 00:10:09,066 So what can I get you fellas started off to drink today? 267 00:10:09,068 --> 00:10:10,100 I'll do a water. 268 00:10:10,102 --> 00:10:11,802 - All right. - Same. 269 00:10:11,804 --> 00:10:12,803 Got it. 270 00:10:12,805 --> 00:10:14,306 Boring, let me guess, water? 271 00:10:17,176 --> 00:10:19,745 We'll be right back with the H20s, okay? 272 00:10:21,547 --> 00:10:23,280 Be careful with your comedy choices. 273 00:10:23,282 --> 00:10:25,015 Around here, customer is king. 274 00:10:25,017 --> 00:10:26,485 We serve them, okay? 275 00:10:29,288 --> 00:10:30,354 Hey, Schop, what can I get ya? 276 00:10:30,356 --> 00:10:32,589 - Two lagers. - Done and done. 277 00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:34,291 Uh, any auditions this week? 278 00:10:34,293 --> 00:10:35,859 Not this week. 279 00:10:35,861 --> 00:10:37,828 All right, well, every director I meet 280 00:10:37,830 --> 00:10:39,465 eventually asks me how comfortable I am getting naked, so. 281 00:10:43,869 --> 00:10:46,136 Did that guy's name tag say Jack Berouac? 282 00:10:46,138 --> 00:10:47,871 That's what they do here. 283 00:10:47,873 --> 00:10:50,042 All these trailer park kids pretend to be famous writers. 284 00:10:51,343 --> 00:10:52,843 You see that sweet thing right there? 285 00:10:52,845 --> 00:10:54,480 She cleans my beach house in the off season. 286 00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:58,784 How many copies did you sell? 287 00:11:00,019 --> 00:11:01,318 Sorry. 288 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:02,855 I'm still struggling with the reality of it. 289 00:11:04,256 --> 00:11:06,356 Well, plenty of people try to write books but... 290 00:11:06,358 --> 00:11:07,357 And whenever I think of reality, 291 00:11:07,359 --> 00:11:09,192 I think of reality stars, 292 00:11:09,194 --> 00:11:10,560 and the newly paved route to becoming 293 00:11:10,562 --> 00:11:12,898 President of the United States. 294 00:11:13,866 --> 00:11:15,299 Well, look at this way. 295 00:11:15,301 --> 00:11:18,237 You've got a new market for adult coloring books. 296 00:11:22,574 --> 00:11:23,507 Patronies. 297 00:11:23,509 --> 00:11:24,408 Uh yes, hello. 298 00:11:24,410 --> 00:11:26,209 How big is your 14 inch? 299 00:11:26,211 --> 00:11:27,277 I'm sorry? 300 00:11:27,279 --> 00:11:28,412 How big is your 14 inch? 301 00:11:28,414 --> 00:11:31,315 - How big is our 14 inch? - Yeah. 302 00:11:31,317 --> 00:11:33,984 - 14 inches. - Oh, okay. 303 00:11:33,986 --> 00:11:35,352 - Sounds good. - Yeah. 304 00:11:35,354 --> 00:11:37,389 - Okay, thank you. - All right, bye. 305 00:11:42,629 --> 00:11:44,029 You don't have an address. 306 00:11:45,464 --> 00:11:48,834 Oh, yeah, I'm just in between housing right now. 307 00:11:50,302 --> 00:11:53,503 Well, I am sure that this is just a pit stop 308 00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,972 on the way to wherever it is you're going. 309 00:11:55,974 --> 00:11:58,175 But just approach each day, perform every task 310 00:11:58,177 --> 00:12:00,310 with the devotion of building a better resume, 311 00:12:00,312 --> 00:12:01,646 you should be fine. 312 00:12:01,648 --> 00:12:03,315 I'll get a PO box next week. 313 00:12:05,017 --> 00:12:06,852 You uh, you need a place to stay? 314 00:12:07,986 --> 00:12:09,088 Oh, no, no, I'm good. 315 00:12:10,222 --> 00:12:11,223 Shower's an issue? 316 00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:13,457 No. 317 00:12:13,459 --> 00:12:15,959 People like to come here to smell garlic and sauce. 318 00:12:15,961 --> 00:12:16,629 I'll be showered. 319 00:12:18,263 --> 00:12:19,363 Well have a washing machine and the clothes line 320 00:12:19,365 --> 00:12:21,198 in the back if you need. 321 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,500 You ever, uh, you ever been arrested? 322 00:12:23,502 --> 00:12:25,302 Uh no. 323 00:12:25,304 --> 00:12:26,905 You ever almost been arrested? 324 00:12:28,507 --> 00:12:30,273 You can do a background check if you'd like. 325 00:12:30,275 --> 00:12:31,310 Do I need to? 326 00:12:33,312 --> 00:12:34,380 Aye, boss man? 327 00:12:35,381 --> 00:12:36,081 Joe's here. 328 00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:38,482 Hey, Albert, come here. 329 00:12:38,484 --> 00:12:41,017 You finish this up and bring him to the pit. 330 00:12:41,019 --> 00:12:43,053 And get him a book and a name tag for me. 331 00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:44,490 - Welcome aboard, bud. - Thanks. 332 00:12:50,730 --> 00:12:52,028 Hey, I'm Albert. 333 00:12:52,030 --> 00:12:53,130 What's your name? 334 00:12:53,132 --> 00:12:54,231 My name's John. 335 00:12:54,233 --> 00:12:55,232 Well that's not gonna matter, 336 00:12:55,234 --> 00:12:56,333 we're gonna change it anyway. 337 00:12:56,335 --> 00:12:57,601 Oh. 338 00:12:57,603 --> 00:12:59,136 Yeah, so, make sure you fill out 339 00:12:59,138 --> 00:13:01,338 all that paperwork and try to get it back to me 340 00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:03,340 - no later than tomorrow. - Okay. 341 00:13:03,342 --> 00:13:05,041 So we can get it on file and stuff like that. 342 00:13:05,043 --> 00:13:06,410 I'm sorry, I gotta ask. 343 00:13:06,412 --> 00:13:08,979 What's up with the stone aged typewriter? 344 00:13:08,981 --> 00:13:11,047 He's very nostalgic like that. 345 00:13:11,049 --> 00:13:13,651 We just recently got him a flip phone, too, so. 346 00:13:13,653 --> 00:13:14,584 A flip phone? 347 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:17,254 Yeah, like the StarTAC. 348 00:13:17,256 --> 00:13:19,122 Yeah, the girls are kind of working on him. 349 00:13:19,124 --> 00:13:21,057 - Wow, okay. - Yeah, yeah. 350 00:13:21,059 --> 00:13:24,361 Well the good thing about it, all his checks cash, so. 351 00:13:24,363 --> 00:13:26,062 - Good, good. - He can have three 352 00:13:26,064 --> 00:13:27,364 of these as far as I'm concerned. 353 00:13:27,366 --> 00:13:29,501 All right, come on, let's go meet Knee Cha. 354 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,169 Are you gonna make my pizza? 355 00:13:32,171 --> 00:13:33,603 Joe, we have been through this, okay? 356 00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:35,605 You're the only one who knows how to do it right. 357 00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:39,009 Crispy, not a lot of cheese. 358 00:13:39,011 --> 00:13:40,010 Everybody makes the pizza the exact same... 359 00:13:40,012 --> 00:13:41,545 Bull crap! 360 00:13:41,547 --> 00:13:44,016 These rednecks don't know how to do it right. 361 00:13:45,117 --> 00:13:46,651 Okay. 362 00:13:46,653 --> 00:13:49,586 I don't know why it's such a big deal every time. 363 00:13:49,588 --> 00:13:51,221 I'll make his pizza. 364 00:13:51,223 --> 00:13:53,158 All I want is the crispy pizza. 365 00:13:55,695 --> 00:13:57,260 Hey, what's boss man's name? 366 00:13:57,262 --> 00:13:58,361 It's Oscar Smith. 367 00:13:58,363 --> 00:14:00,063 He makes us wear these name tags, 368 00:14:00,065 --> 00:14:01,431 and don't wear one himself. 369 00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:04,100 - Awesome. - So, you get 10 cent a month 370 00:14:04,102 --> 00:14:06,470 every time that you're on time, 371 00:14:06,472 --> 00:14:08,639 and you get a dollar raise for every one 372 00:14:08,641 --> 00:14:11,208 of these that you finish. 373 00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:12,643 A dollar for reading a book? 374 00:14:12,645 --> 00:14:15,078 Yeah, which is probably one of the reasons 375 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,381 why we're going under, but... 376 00:14:17,717 --> 00:14:19,717 Oh yeah, speaking of that. 377 00:14:19,719 --> 00:14:21,620 We have a no phone policy. 378 00:14:23,188 --> 00:14:25,455 - Right, no phone. - Yeah. 379 00:14:25,457 --> 00:14:26,624 Make sure you choose one of these 380 00:14:26,626 --> 00:14:28,258 by the end of the day. 381 00:14:28,260 --> 00:14:29,526 Does it have to be one of these? 382 00:14:29,528 --> 00:14:30,529 Yep. 383 00:14:37,169 --> 00:14:40,470 Right's for soaking, center's for scrubbing, 384 00:14:40,472 --> 00:14:42,506 left is for sanitizing. 385 00:14:42,508 --> 00:14:43,540 Don't mix 'em up. 386 00:14:43,542 --> 00:14:44,576 Good luck. 387 00:14:51,583 --> 00:14:53,216 And 20% off after that. 388 00:14:53,218 --> 00:14:54,551 I like pepperoni. 389 00:14:54,553 --> 00:14:57,420 And thank you for becoming a member. 390 00:14:57,422 --> 00:14:59,155 So you get the free soda and the water 391 00:14:59,157 --> 00:15:00,156 every single time you come in. 392 00:15:00,158 --> 00:15:02,160 You can't beat it, am I right? 393 00:15:11,303 --> 00:15:13,436 If you think about the dishes as a holon, 394 00:15:13,438 --> 00:15:15,607 they become just as important as the sauce. 395 00:15:18,243 --> 00:15:19,509 If all the dishes were dirty, 396 00:15:19,511 --> 00:15:21,213 then the pizzas would be affected. 397 00:15:22,614 --> 00:15:25,148 What did you do to get stuck back here? 398 00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:26,653 - Why am I in the pit? - Yeah. 399 00:15:28,453 --> 00:15:32,224 Some days I volunteer, to stay away from the bar. 400 00:15:33,893 --> 00:15:35,360 You're in the program? 401 00:15:36,261 --> 00:15:37,529 Anonymity, man. 402 00:15:39,464 --> 00:15:40,633 I was in it, too. 403 00:15:43,636 --> 00:15:44,802 Off the counter boys. 404 00:15:48,641 --> 00:15:49,842 John, come with me. 405 00:15:52,845 --> 00:15:54,578 It's very easy. 406 00:15:54,580 --> 00:15:57,449 Right is for soaking, left is for sanitizing. 407 00:15:58,584 --> 00:16:00,185 All right, move it Gandhi. 408 00:16:03,455 --> 00:16:05,155 So, first slice down. 409 00:16:05,157 --> 00:16:06,291 What'd you think? 410 00:16:07,794 --> 00:16:09,426 It's a job. 411 00:16:09,428 --> 00:16:10,560 Ah, you picked the controversial one. 412 00:16:10,562 --> 00:16:12,164 Got a perfect name tag for that. 413 00:16:13,666 --> 00:16:17,167 So I get a dollar raise just for reading this book? 414 00:16:17,169 --> 00:16:18,468 Yep. 415 00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:19,469 Yep, you just tell me what you think 416 00:16:19,471 --> 00:16:20,437 about it afterwards. 417 00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:21,304 Kind of the reason I do it. 418 00:16:21,306 --> 00:16:21,939 You got a pen? 419 00:16:21,941 --> 00:16:22,709 Uh yeah. 420 00:16:24,409 --> 00:16:25,542 You know, I always wanted to be a college professor. 421 00:16:25,544 --> 00:16:27,210 Culinary arts. 422 00:16:27,212 --> 00:16:28,646 And uh, this is the closest thing I have 423 00:16:28,648 --> 00:16:29,716 to a survey course. 424 00:16:30,950 --> 00:16:31,784 You read much? 425 00:16:32,819 --> 00:16:34,551 Not really. 426 00:16:34,553 --> 00:16:37,356 Well, Knee Cha will make you one of these tomorrow. 427 00:16:38,825 --> 00:16:41,826 I tell ya man, humanity is in need of a major change. 428 00:16:41,828 --> 00:16:44,662 A good book is the best way to view the world 429 00:16:44,664 --> 00:16:45,732 through a different lens. 430 00:16:48,701 --> 00:16:50,567 All right, circle up, circle up, circle up. 431 00:16:50,569 --> 00:16:52,237 Wendy, you did it! 432 00:16:53,673 --> 00:16:56,774 You completed the required voluntary reading list. 433 00:16:58,243 --> 00:17:00,343 One full year at Patronies! 434 00:17:00,345 --> 00:17:02,379 - Yes! - What did you learn? 435 00:17:02,381 --> 00:17:03,748 All these writers are great 436 00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:06,751 because of what they created, not who they were. 437 00:17:06,753 --> 00:17:09,754 Most of them were actually pretty disturbed people. 438 00:17:09,756 --> 00:17:13,991 Hypochondriacs, self absorbed, alcoholics. 439 00:17:13,993 --> 00:17:15,160 Some even suicidal. 440 00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:17,862 I gave Wendy a challenge this month. 441 00:17:17,864 --> 00:17:20,463 Oh yes, what's the challenge? 442 00:17:20,465 --> 00:17:22,432 To get the heck out of here. 443 00:17:22,434 --> 00:17:24,935 This kid has never been outside of North Carolina. 444 00:17:24,937 --> 00:17:27,404 - No way. - Challenge accepted. 445 00:17:28,573 --> 00:17:29,707 Time frame? 446 00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:30,641 Four weeks. 447 00:17:30,643 --> 00:17:32,242 No, bull. 448 00:17:32,244 --> 00:17:33,711 She can go to South Carolina in like 30 minutes. 449 00:17:33,713 --> 00:17:35,612 Nah, she's right, South Carolina's too close. 450 00:17:35,614 --> 00:17:36,513 Okay, okay. 451 00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:38,481 Fine, I'll do it. 452 00:17:39,384 --> 00:17:40,383 - Yes. - Yes. 453 00:17:40,385 --> 00:17:41,418 No, you are not done yet. 454 00:17:41,420 --> 00:17:42,318 What are you reading next? 455 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:43,286 Viktor E. Frankl. 456 00:17:43,288 --> 00:17:44,354 Oh, I've already read him. 457 00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:45,255 - You know that. - That's enough. 458 00:17:45,257 --> 00:17:46,657 Okay, okay, okay. 459 00:17:46,659 --> 00:17:47,825 Will you ready anybody off the board again? 460 00:17:47,827 --> 00:17:49,727 - Nope. - Oh, then what philosopher? 461 00:17:49,729 --> 00:17:52,462 Well I guess it'll probably have to be Nicolas Sparks. 462 00:17:53,766 --> 00:17:54,699 Okay, okay, who was your favorite? 463 00:17:54,701 --> 00:17:55,833 Who was your favorite? 464 00:17:55,835 --> 00:17:56,669 Albert Camus. 465 00:17:57,704 --> 00:17:59,670 Because he was a good guy. 466 00:17:59,672 --> 00:18:02,272 I like reading philosophy that was written by someone 467 00:18:02,274 --> 00:18:04,742 who was an actually happy person. 468 00:18:04,744 --> 00:18:06,276 That's sweet. 469 00:18:06,278 --> 00:18:08,580 All right, the results are in, folks. 470 00:18:12,652 --> 00:18:15,686 We sold 43 brand new pizza memberships! 471 00:18:19,558 --> 00:18:21,859 Only 207 more to go. 472 00:18:21,861 --> 00:18:23,493 Oh. 473 00:18:23,495 --> 00:18:25,361 Challenge accepted. 474 00:18:27,066 --> 00:18:29,900 And just like the pizza dough 475 00:18:29,902 --> 00:18:32,535 that G made yesterday morning, bruh! 476 00:18:32,537 --> 00:18:35,840 Let's eat this, come on! 477 00:18:35,842 --> 00:18:37,440 Come on G. 478 00:19:03,002 --> 00:19:04,369 Who are you? 479 00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:07,272 What? 480 00:19:14,847 --> 00:19:16,847 What's up ladies and germs? 481 00:19:16,849 --> 00:19:18,649 I hope you're holding onto your butts, 482 00:19:18,651 --> 00:19:20,450 'cause it's day two of John Galt. 483 00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:22,052 Guess what I'm doing? 484 00:19:22,054 --> 00:19:23,888 Just laundry on a clothesline. 485 00:19:23,890 --> 00:19:26,657 Just, you know, normal laundry day. 486 00:19:26,659 --> 00:19:27,758 This is nuts. 487 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:28,694 'Sup John? 488 00:19:29,829 --> 00:19:30,830 Hey. 489 00:19:31,631 --> 00:19:33,764 You need an extra work shirt? 490 00:19:33,766 --> 00:19:34,667 I don't wear mine. 491 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:36,434 No, I'm good. 492 00:19:39,739 --> 00:19:40,807 Are you filming me? 493 00:19:41,874 --> 00:19:43,874 No. 494 00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:53,719 Make the name tags in the back. 495 00:19:54,553 --> 00:19:55,886 What'd you get? 496 00:19:55,888 --> 00:19:59,556 Uh, John Galt, but you can just call me John. 497 00:19:59,558 --> 00:20:00,825 I like my real name. 498 00:20:00,827 --> 00:20:01,661 Yeah? 499 00:20:03,428 --> 00:20:04,795 Holden all the way. 500 00:20:04,797 --> 00:20:06,797 Who's Holden Caulfield? 501 00:20:06,799 --> 00:20:08,766 Are you serious? 502 00:20:08,768 --> 00:20:09,900 That's it. 503 00:20:09,902 --> 00:20:11,003 You get John Galt now. 504 00:20:12,171 --> 00:20:13,737 Catcher in the Rye? 505 00:20:13,739 --> 00:20:15,471 Never read it. 506 00:20:15,473 --> 00:20:16,843 Don't tell anybody else that. 507 00:20:22,581 --> 00:20:23,747 Schopenhauer. 508 00:20:23,749 --> 00:20:24,750 Dishes. 509 00:20:30,022 --> 00:20:31,922 I swear I've seen him before. 510 00:20:31,924 --> 00:20:33,891 Hm, weird dude. 511 00:20:33,893 --> 00:20:35,626 What is he even doing? 512 00:20:35,628 --> 00:20:37,695 What is up my search and destroyers? 513 00:20:37,697 --> 00:20:39,129 Welcome to where dreams go to die. 514 00:20:39,131 --> 00:20:40,530 That's where they go. 515 00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:41,767 I want you to stay tuned. 516 00:20:43,069 --> 00:20:44,668 I think she just saw me. 517 00:20:44,670 --> 00:20:46,003 Let me tell you. 518 00:20:46,005 --> 00:20:47,570 You know, I know you kids are young out there, 519 00:20:47,572 --> 00:20:48,973 so I'm gonna try to behave myself today. 520 00:20:48,975 --> 00:20:50,875 Anyway, I can't say too much now, but stay posted. 521 00:20:50,877 --> 00:20:52,778 Peace up, bash down. 522 00:20:53,913 --> 00:20:54,814 Cool selfie, bro. 523 00:20:59,952 --> 00:21:00,784 Why do you do that? 524 00:21:00,786 --> 00:21:01,819 I'm right here. 525 00:21:03,155 --> 00:21:04,520 I like you man, you know that? 526 00:21:04,522 --> 00:21:06,025 Yeah, yeah. 527 00:21:15,768 --> 00:21:17,500 You guys got two ply in your bathroom? 528 00:21:17,502 --> 00:21:18,836 What? 529 00:21:18,838 --> 00:21:20,738 Is the toilet paper gettin' thinner? 530 00:21:20,740 --> 00:21:21,705 Don't you think North Carolina's 531 00:21:21,707 --> 00:21:22,909 had enough bathroom trouble? 532 00:21:24,844 --> 00:21:27,244 I need a nap now more than ever. 533 00:21:27,246 --> 00:21:28,047 Tired? 534 00:21:28,948 --> 00:21:30,714 Well yeah. 535 00:21:30,716 --> 00:21:32,883 Someone kept interfering with my Hebrew studies last night. 536 00:21:32,885 --> 00:21:34,952 And who would do such a horrible thing? 537 00:21:34,954 --> 00:21:36,720 Aren't you supposed to be washin' dishes? 538 00:21:36,722 --> 00:21:38,055 Nah, Knee Cha took ever. 539 00:21:38,057 --> 00:21:40,492 And Bat Mitzvahs are for 13 year olds. 540 00:21:41,961 --> 00:21:43,127 I love you. 541 00:21:43,129 --> 00:21:44,128 Fine. 542 00:21:44,130 --> 00:21:45,665 Fine, I will send it tomorrow. 543 00:21:53,873 --> 00:21:54,674 There you go. 544 00:21:58,945 --> 00:22:00,012 Put your finger here, and squeeze. 545 00:22:01,747 --> 00:22:02,181 Thank you. 546 00:22:03,716 --> 00:22:05,082 Guess we should have seen it coming. 547 00:22:05,084 --> 00:22:06,616 Seen what coming? 548 00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:08,018 Jack told me about the toilet paper. 549 00:22:08,020 --> 00:22:10,120 What does that have to do with anything? 550 00:22:10,122 --> 00:22:11,689 Where's the bottle opener? 551 00:22:11,691 --> 00:22:13,523 - Behind the moose head. - Behind the moose head. 552 00:22:13,525 --> 00:22:15,159 You updated your resume yet? 553 00:22:15,161 --> 00:22:15,993 I never had one. 554 00:22:15,995 --> 00:22:17,728 You? 555 00:22:17,730 --> 00:22:19,129 Hey John, that's it, we're closed, man. 556 00:22:19,131 --> 00:22:20,965 Yes, sir. 557 00:22:20,967 --> 00:22:23,067 I got a job lined up cleaning houses again. 558 00:22:23,069 --> 00:22:24,768 What about your writing? 559 00:22:24,770 --> 00:22:27,603 All my passions projects are gonna make me broke. 560 00:22:27,605 --> 00:22:30,040 What do you think the human life's worth? 561 00:22:30,042 --> 00:22:31,976 Aint it the worth of something, 562 00:22:31,978 --> 00:22:34,044 whatever someone else is willing to pay for it? 563 00:22:34,046 --> 00:22:35,646 So we're all just slaves for the people 564 00:22:35,648 --> 00:22:36,914 with time and money? 565 00:22:36,916 --> 00:22:40,985 Well, tonight, you are worth 125. 566 00:22:40,987 --> 00:22:41,952 Uh, got these too. 567 00:22:41,954 --> 00:22:44,154 Oh, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. 568 00:22:44,156 --> 00:22:45,856 - Bye. - Bye. 569 00:22:45,858 --> 00:22:47,257 My turn! 570 00:22:47,259 --> 00:22:49,293 Hello, ladies and gentlemen and welcome 571 00:22:49,295 --> 00:22:53,897 to my new character study, John Galt. 572 00:22:53,899 --> 00:22:55,933 Since attaining 900,000 followers, 573 00:22:55,935 --> 00:22:59,336 and almost 300 million total views on my channel, 574 00:22:59,338 --> 00:23:03,674 I thought it was imperative that I go undercover. 575 00:23:03,676 --> 00:23:04,276 Check it out. 576 00:23:05,678 --> 00:23:07,144 I'm even sleepin' in my car. 577 00:23:07,146 --> 00:23:08,645 Method actor, sort of. 578 00:23:08,647 --> 00:23:09,947 Okay, okay. 579 00:23:09,949 --> 00:23:11,581 I gotta get started and tell you guys about 580 00:23:11,583 --> 00:23:15,019 this place, little restaurant, that somehow, somehow, 581 00:23:15,021 --> 00:23:19,058 made it on Reddit's top 10 best places to work. 582 00:23:21,694 --> 00:23:24,061 Okay, so, I've been doing a little research on this boss 583 00:23:24,063 --> 00:23:26,663 who's basically failed at everything he's tried to do. 584 00:23:26,665 --> 00:23:30,600 He flunked out of a bachelor's degree in culinary arts. 585 00:23:30,602 --> 00:23:31,735 Culinary arts. 586 00:23:31,737 --> 00:23:33,003 How do you even do that? 587 00:23:33,005 --> 00:23:34,604 Oh my, you know what I always say: 588 00:23:34,606 --> 00:23:36,974 Those who can, do. 589 00:23:36,976 --> 00:23:39,109 Those who can't, teach. 590 00:23:39,111 --> 00:23:41,945 And bro, boss man can't even do that. 591 00:23:41,947 --> 00:23:43,814 Come on, man, I gotta give it to him. 592 00:23:43,816 --> 00:23:45,983 He's had this restaurant for 18 years, 593 00:23:45,985 --> 00:23:49,386 and here's the sad part, this is his fourth failed business. 594 00:23:49,388 --> 00:23:52,923 That's right, folks, the place is going under. 595 00:23:52,925 --> 00:23:55,127 What kind of top 10 place is that? 596 00:23:56,262 --> 00:23:57,961 Go talk to daddy, 597 00:23:57,963 --> 00:23:59,730 hey daddy, can I get some more money to open another one? 598 00:23:59,732 --> 00:24:01,732 Baby boomers, ugh. 599 00:24:01,734 --> 00:24:05,736 And it's not just the restaurant, it's like this whole town 600 00:24:05,738 --> 00:24:07,104 has a disease. 601 00:24:07,106 --> 00:24:11,041 Everybody here is just a redneck, pathetic loser, 602 00:24:11,043 --> 00:24:13,777 and that is the capital T, truth folks. 603 00:24:13,779 --> 00:24:15,813 What, are people gonna get mad at me for class shamin' now? 604 00:24:15,815 --> 00:24:17,414 Guess what, let me put it to you like this: 605 00:24:17,416 --> 00:24:19,750 it doesn't matter how many books you read, 606 00:24:19,752 --> 00:24:20,984 you're still gonna be poor, and you're still 607 00:24:20,986 --> 00:24:23,053 gonna have that terrible accent. 608 00:24:23,055 --> 00:24:27,324 And you'll never, ever, leave this dump of a place. 609 00:24:27,326 --> 00:24:31,895 Oh, oh, oh, and there's even a feminist who works there. 610 00:24:31,897 --> 00:24:34,731 A feminist. 611 00:24:34,733 --> 00:24:36,233 Let me mansplain something to you real quick. 612 00:24:36,235 --> 00:24:37,701 The word feminism? 613 00:24:37,703 --> 00:24:39,203 It came from a man! 614 00:24:39,205 --> 00:24:42,739 Charles Fourier, he was a Utopian Socialist. 615 00:24:42,741 --> 00:24:44,643 Oh, and we all know how utopias end. 616 00:24:46,078 --> 00:24:49,179 For all you peeps who responded to my last video, 617 00:24:49,181 --> 00:24:51,048 the excuses that fat people make, 618 00:24:51,050 --> 00:24:53,917 I wanted to thank you for your encouraging comments 619 00:24:53,919 --> 00:24:55,185 and your death threats, 620 00:24:55,187 --> 00:24:57,321 all of which allow me the platform 621 00:24:57,323 --> 00:24:59,289 you get to see me on here today. 622 00:24:59,291 --> 00:25:02,027 You know, what I think that some of you don't get 623 00:25:03,062 --> 00:25:04,995 is that I offer you a service. 624 00:25:04,997 --> 00:25:07,197 I think I deserve a little bit of recognition. 625 00:25:07,199 --> 00:25:09,133 I'm not being mean. 626 00:25:09,135 --> 00:25:12,069 I'm just a journalist who happens to be funny. 627 00:25:12,071 --> 00:25:16,740 I'm a truth teller and I'm doing it for you guys, for you. 628 00:25:16,742 --> 00:25:21,011 This is my first subject in my debunking top 10 series. 629 00:25:21,013 --> 00:25:24,414 If you like this video, please go like and subscribe. 630 00:25:24,416 --> 00:25:28,218 Also, for my die hard search and destroyer fans out there, 631 00:25:28,220 --> 00:25:30,854 if you find me, I will feature you in my video. 632 00:25:30,856 --> 00:25:34,191 Give you a little taste of what it's like to be me. 633 00:25:34,193 --> 00:25:35,759 Am I bragging? 634 00:25:35,761 --> 00:25:37,060 Eh. 635 00:25:37,062 --> 00:25:40,764 I also left a little clue in the comment box 636 00:25:40,766 --> 00:25:42,132 where you can come find the bridge 637 00:25:42,134 --> 00:25:43,433 and find where I'm at. 638 00:25:43,435 --> 00:25:45,736 Trust me, there's nothing else here. 639 00:25:45,738 --> 00:25:48,338 Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go attend some 640 00:25:48,340 --> 00:25:51,074 really cool redneck bonfire. 641 00:25:51,076 --> 00:25:53,010 All right kids, until next time. 642 00:25:53,012 --> 00:25:54,380 Peace up, bash down. 643 00:25:58,918 --> 00:26:00,217 All right, all right, good. 644 00:26:00,219 --> 00:26:01,518 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 645 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,253 That was good, that was good, that was good. 646 00:26:03,255 --> 00:26:08,192 Yeah, just uh, I'll just edit that tomorrow. 647 00:26:08,194 --> 00:26:10,294 No, pizza was invented in Brooklyn. 648 00:26:10,296 --> 00:26:12,196 I know that for a fact. 649 00:26:12,198 --> 00:26:14,498 Pizza was invented in Naples, 650 00:26:14,500 --> 00:26:17,134 for King Umberto and Queen Margherita. 651 00:26:17,136 --> 00:26:18,969 Bunny, bunny. 652 00:26:18,971 --> 00:26:20,070 - Hey. - How you doin'? 653 00:26:20,072 --> 00:26:22,139 Hey, what's goin' on? 654 00:26:22,141 --> 00:26:23,473 Mazel tov. 655 00:26:27,146 --> 00:26:29,947 So, somebody comes in the restaurant the other day 656 00:26:29,949 --> 00:26:34,486 and they want me to cut a pie in odd numbers. 657 00:26:35,321 --> 00:26:36,887 - What? - Yeah. 658 00:26:36,889 --> 00:26:38,057 They wanted it in seven slices instead of eight. 659 00:26:39,124 --> 00:26:40,824 Has anybody had that happen yet? 660 00:26:40,826 --> 00:26:42,326 No, but someone asked me if I had 661 00:26:42,328 --> 00:26:44,361 diet water the other day. 662 00:26:44,363 --> 00:26:45,963 - Oh my god. - Yeah. 663 00:26:48,234 --> 00:26:52,202 Everybody here is just a redneck, pathetic loser, 664 00:26:52,204 --> 00:26:54,004 and that is a capital T, truth. 665 00:26:54,006 --> 00:26:56,540 What are people gonna get mad at me for class shamin' now? 666 00:26:56,542 --> 00:27:00,310 You're still gonna be poor, and you'll never, ever leave. 667 00:27:00,312 --> 00:27:02,012 A feminist! 668 00:27:02,014 --> 00:27:04,448 Let me mansplain something to you real... 669 00:27:04,450 --> 00:27:05,251 Hey! 670 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:08,754 Hey. 671 00:27:10,256 --> 00:27:11,888 You look nice. 672 00:27:11,890 --> 00:27:13,959 You saw me like an hour ago. 673 00:27:14,994 --> 00:27:16,293 Thank you. 674 00:27:16,295 --> 00:27:17,561 - Bonfire. - Yes. 675 00:27:17,563 --> 00:27:19,231 - On the beach. - Yes. 676 00:27:22,067 --> 00:27:23,834 I think I'm gonna finish that bartending course, 677 00:27:23,836 --> 00:27:24,901 you know, for real this time? 678 00:27:24,903 --> 00:27:26,336 Mhm. 679 00:27:26,338 --> 00:27:28,005 I'll probably go back to the cruise ship, you know? 680 00:27:28,007 --> 00:27:31,108 Micromanaging rich people's happiness and what not. 681 00:27:31,110 --> 00:27:34,211 Sometimes I think, when I'm looking down my driveway, 682 00:27:34,213 --> 00:27:36,079 about what it would actually be like 683 00:27:36,081 --> 00:27:37,414 to leave for the last time, 684 00:27:37,416 --> 00:27:39,516 but it's always the same thing holding me back. 685 00:27:39,518 --> 00:27:41,954 Like who would take care of mama? 686 00:27:43,088 --> 00:27:43,922 Or Knee Cha? 687 00:27:45,424 --> 00:27:47,958 - Hey. - What's up guys? 688 00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:49,526 Where y'all been at? 689 00:27:49,528 --> 00:27:50,360 Ooh. 690 00:27:50,362 --> 00:27:51,528 It's so warm. 691 00:27:53,165 --> 00:27:54,197 So what do you think about it so far, John? 692 00:27:54,199 --> 00:27:55,999 - Patronies? - Yeah. 693 00:27:56,001 --> 00:27:56,502 It's cool. 694 00:27:58,270 --> 00:28:01,271 It's uh, it's exactly like Ann wrote about in the article. 695 00:28:01,273 --> 00:28:02,372 - Wait, wait... - What? 696 00:28:02,374 --> 00:28:03,340 What article? 697 00:28:03,342 --> 00:28:04,374 What are you talking about? 698 00:28:04,376 --> 00:28:06,109 Well it took me a minute, but, 699 00:28:06,111 --> 00:28:07,244 when I realized she was a writer, 700 00:28:07,246 --> 00:28:08,646 I put two and two together. 701 00:28:08,648 --> 00:28:10,213 Wait, our Ann? 702 00:28:10,215 --> 00:28:11,248 I wrote a small article on Patronies 703 00:28:11,250 --> 00:28:13,383 and it got passed around. 704 00:28:13,385 --> 00:28:15,218 I wrote it under that pseudonym. 705 00:28:15,220 --> 00:28:16,586 We all have our pseudonyms. 706 00:28:16,588 --> 00:28:19,289 - Ann, that's amazing. - It was a small article. 707 00:28:19,291 --> 00:28:20,924 - Still. - Where'd you read it? 708 00:28:20,926 --> 00:28:23,060 Reddit's Top 10 Most Unique Places to Work 709 00:28:23,062 --> 00:28:24,294 in the Service Industry. 710 00:28:24,296 --> 00:28:27,130 - Wait, what number are we? - Eight. 711 00:28:27,132 --> 00:28:28,365 - Oh. - Wow. 712 00:28:28,367 --> 00:28:29,433 - That's good. - That is amazing. 713 00:28:29,435 --> 00:28:31,335 You're a published writer. 714 00:28:31,337 --> 00:28:33,370 I don't think Reddit counts. 715 00:28:33,372 --> 00:28:35,005 Hey Ann, why didn't you tell us about the article? 716 00:28:35,007 --> 00:28:36,006 I guess I also forgot to tell you 717 00:28:36,008 --> 00:28:37,474 I had a grilled cheese today, 718 00:28:37,476 --> 00:28:39,409 I'm allergic to strawberries, and sometimes I wake up 719 00:28:39,411 --> 00:28:41,178 with a small neck pain on the left side. 720 00:28:41,180 --> 00:28:43,313 No, but you told everyone about the book tour. 721 00:28:43,315 --> 00:28:45,349 Now why wouldn't you tell us about the article? 722 00:28:45,351 --> 00:28:46,616 Ann, I thought we were friends. 723 00:28:46,618 --> 00:28:48,018 How could we still be going under 724 00:28:48,020 --> 00:28:49,286 if we're so popular? 725 00:28:49,288 --> 00:28:51,421 Top 10 places to work, not eat. 726 00:28:51,423 --> 00:28:52,522 I know how. 727 00:28:52,524 --> 00:28:54,024 - Don't. - Are you... 728 00:28:54,026 --> 00:28:54,958 - Don't do it. - I know, because our 729 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,160 toilet paper's single ply! 730 00:28:57,162 --> 00:28:59,529 - No. - Jack, sit your behind down. 731 00:28:59,531 --> 00:29:02,432 All right, all right, all right, ya pain bodies. 732 00:29:02,434 --> 00:29:04,334 If we can't save the restaurant, 733 00:29:04,336 --> 00:29:07,337 then I don't know, can we do something for Oscar? 734 00:29:07,339 --> 00:29:09,506 He's done so much for all of us. 735 00:29:09,508 --> 00:29:13,076 Patronies is a reflection of our own mortality, kid. 736 00:29:13,078 --> 00:29:13,912 It's over. 737 00:29:15,447 --> 00:29:16,580 They know. 738 00:29:16,582 --> 00:29:18,181 Who's he talking to? 739 00:29:18,183 --> 00:29:19,182 Oh don't worry, baby. 740 00:29:19,184 --> 00:29:20,450 He's just a little different. 741 00:29:20,452 --> 00:29:22,386 Wait, what are you doin'? 742 00:29:22,388 --> 00:29:24,087 I am looking for the optimist 743 00:29:24,089 --> 00:29:25,055 that I normally go to bed with. 744 00:29:25,057 --> 00:29:26,556 Oh, yeah. 745 00:29:26,558 --> 00:29:28,024 I just, I wanna do more than 746 00:29:28,026 --> 00:29:30,262 sell pizza memberships, you know? 747 00:29:31,698 --> 00:29:33,666 Yeah, I don't know, I just don't get it. 748 00:29:35,167 --> 00:29:36,734 You guys wanna spend your free time 749 00:29:36,736 --> 00:29:38,971 trying to save someone else's restaurant? 750 00:29:40,139 --> 00:29:41,739 It's all of ours. 751 00:29:41,741 --> 00:29:45,344 Yeah, but, you work for him, all of you. 752 00:29:47,479 --> 00:29:48,480 Hey John? 753 00:29:49,314 --> 00:29:52,048 What do you do with all those photos you've been taking? 754 00:29:52,050 --> 00:29:53,051 Publish the truth. 755 00:29:55,053 --> 00:29:57,421 People have this idea. 756 00:29:57,423 --> 00:29:59,222 They think they know what life is really like, but, 757 00:29:59,224 --> 00:30:00,492 it's usually quite different. 758 00:30:02,027 --> 00:30:02,594 So I show 'em the truth. 759 00:30:04,096 --> 00:30:05,462 I've wanted to be a journalist since 760 00:30:05,464 --> 00:30:07,063 I was like 10 years old and nobody ever hired me 761 00:30:07,065 --> 00:30:08,633 so I just kind of do what I can on my own. 762 00:30:08,635 --> 00:30:09,767 - Yeah. - That's pretty cool, John. 763 00:30:09,769 --> 00:30:11,501 - Yeah, it is. - Thanks. 764 00:30:11,503 --> 00:30:15,238 So you're gonna be writing about us, and the restaurant? 765 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:16,375 Yeah, maybe. 766 00:30:16,643 --> 00:30:18,175 Maybe you and Ann could team up 767 00:30:18,177 --> 00:30:19,476 - and write something... - I write alone. 768 00:30:19,478 --> 00:30:21,011 Yeah, and I do mostly video. 769 00:30:21,013 --> 00:30:22,279 Wait, wait, wait, dude, dude, dude, 770 00:30:22,281 --> 00:30:23,380 I'll take you to the perfect place 771 00:30:23,382 --> 00:30:25,081 for some photojournalism magic. 772 00:30:25,083 --> 00:30:27,017 You free tomorrow before work? 773 00:30:27,019 --> 00:30:28,385 Yeah, yeah that'd be great. 774 00:30:28,387 --> 00:30:30,554 Could we see some of your photos now? 775 00:30:30,556 --> 00:30:33,624 Uh, I haven't quite got my story yet. 776 00:30:33,626 --> 00:30:35,292 Well I think that's cool. 777 00:30:35,294 --> 00:30:36,794 It'd be like an archive of my life 778 00:30:36,796 --> 00:30:38,328 for the past 10 years. 779 00:30:38,330 --> 00:30:39,697 Hey, mine too. 780 00:30:39,699 --> 00:30:41,531 You've only been here for three years. 781 00:30:41,533 --> 00:30:43,467 No, but still, I think it'd be really nice 782 00:30:43,469 --> 00:30:45,502 to have like a little album, you know? 783 00:30:45,504 --> 00:30:47,473 And you'd be like 10 years old. 784 00:30:50,542 --> 00:30:52,609 - Let's go, nope, no more. - That's it, come on. 785 00:30:52,611 --> 00:30:54,344 You guys leaving already? 786 00:30:54,346 --> 00:30:56,246 Hey, make sure y'all put out the fire. 787 00:30:56,248 --> 00:30:57,748 - Woo hoo! - Yeah! 788 00:30:57,750 --> 00:30:59,650 Just don't do anything I would do. 789 00:31:01,253 --> 00:31:03,489 - Cimone, you comin'? - No, you go ahead. 790 00:31:09,294 --> 00:31:12,395 Do you wanna go for a walk or something? 791 00:31:12,397 --> 00:31:14,099 - Yeah, let's go it. - Okay. 792 00:31:17,135 --> 00:31:18,468 What's up with that rabbit? 793 00:31:18,470 --> 00:31:19,639 Eh, don't ask. 794 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:26,178 So Oscar's all about just be a good person, you know? 795 00:31:27,479 --> 00:31:29,847 Good things happen to good people. 796 00:31:29,849 --> 00:31:31,784 If I'm really being honest with myself, 797 00:31:33,151 --> 00:31:35,552 I want more, you know? 798 00:31:35,554 --> 00:31:37,189 There's all these things I wanna do and 799 00:31:38,490 --> 00:31:39,857 I get a glimpse of an opportunity 800 00:31:39,859 --> 00:31:41,759 and I don't even take it. 801 00:31:41,761 --> 00:31:45,228 The jack of all trades and the master of none. 802 00:31:45,230 --> 00:31:47,732 You're too hard on yourself. 803 00:31:47,734 --> 00:31:48,367 You're not? 804 00:31:49,669 --> 00:31:51,470 No, I gave up on myself a long time ago. 805 00:31:52,504 --> 00:31:53,773 Really? 806 00:31:55,607 --> 00:31:56,375 Exhibit A: 807 00:31:57,844 --> 00:32:00,577 when I rolled into this lovely little town of yours, 808 00:32:00,579 --> 00:32:02,445 the only music on the radio were 809 00:32:02,447 --> 00:32:04,614 these country songs with lyrics like, 810 00:32:04,616 --> 00:32:05,883 "Baby, since you left me, 811 00:32:05,885 --> 00:32:08,318 "I can't go on living without you." 812 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,657 - I love that song. - Oh, it's a terrible song. 813 00:32:12,391 --> 00:32:13,758 And then I thought to myself, 814 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,292 if you replace the woman in the song 815 00:32:15,294 --> 00:32:16,827 that he's complaining about with some 816 00:32:16,829 --> 00:32:19,766 sort of higher concept, it gives the song a deeper meaning. 817 00:32:22,467 --> 00:32:25,168 You're way more trapped in your head than I thought. 818 00:32:26,706 --> 00:32:28,240 No, I'm just saying. 819 00:32:29,308 --> 00:32:30,841 The reason the song is so crappy 820 00:32:30,843 --> 00:32:33,545 is because it takes itself so seriously. 821 00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:36,114 If you wanna 822 00:32:37,249 --> 00:32:38,548 live a life with more meaning, 823 00:32:38,550 --> 00:32:40,550 then you have to create something 824 00:32:40,552 --> 00:32:42,287 by making something out of nothing. 825 00:32:48,628 --> 00:32:50,560 I like that you're a journalist. 826 00:32:50,562 --> 00:32:51,561 - Yeah? - Yeah. 827 00:32:51,563 --> 00:32:52,665 I think it's cool. 828 00:32:56,568 --> 00:32:58,537 You know, when I first started at Patronies, 829 00:32:59,839 --> 00:33:01,340 Oscar pulled me aside and he said, 830 00:33:02,675 --> 00:33:05,277 - "What are your dreams?" - Oh god, that guy. 831 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,683 That was the first time anyone's ever asked me that. 832 00:33:14,687 --> 00:33:16,654 He views the restaurant as a pit stop 833 00:33:16,656 --> 00:33:19,422 and it's become a home to me, 834 00:33:19,424 --> 00:33:21,628 and I know I've been there for way too long. 835 00:33:22,629 --> 00:33:23,796 But he's done a lot for us. 836 00:33:26,431 --> 00:33:27,597 And it'd be cool if you could capture that 837 00:33:27,599 --> 00:33:29,501 in your video essay or whatever. 838 00:33:33,605 --> 00:33:34,539 Why are you here? 839 00:33:35,742 --> 00:33:37,273 I don't know. 840 00:33:37,275 --> 00:33:38,575 If I could go back and tell my parents 841 00:33:38,577 --> 00:33:40,212 to use protection, I probably would. 842 00:33:41,814 --> 00:33:44,717 I mean, why are you here in Holden Beach, North Carolina? 843 00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:49,619 Why are you laying on the hood 844 00:33:49,621 --> 00:33:51,490 of a guy's car you barely know? 845 00:33:55,594 --> 00:33:56,663 You're right. 846 00:33:58,665 --> 00:33:59,699 I don't know you. 847 00:34:02,567 --> 00:34:04,569 So who are you, John Galt? 848 00:34:06,571 --> 00:34:08,173 Who is John Galt? 849 00:34:19,518 --> 00:34:21,752 Where I come from, we call that being a tease. 850 00:34:24,489 --> 00:34:25,758 See you tomorrow. 851 00:34:28,427 --> 00:34:31,028 Just choose something, anything. 852 00:34:31,030 --> 00:34:31,864 Sorry? 853 00:34:35,768 --> 00:34:37,737 Good things don't happen to good people. 854 00:34:39,271 --> 00:34:40,671 They happen because someone sacrificed 855 00:34:40,673 --> 00:34:42,940 everything they had to get what they want. 856 00:34:42,942 --> 00:34:44,376 Just choose one thing. 857 00:34:47,714 --> 00:34:48,648 No, thanks. 858 00:34:50,382 --> 00:34:51,716 There's nothing in the world that would 859 00:34:51,718 --> 00:34:54,685 make me sacrifice my relationships with people, 860 00:34:54,687 --> 00:34:55,688 if that's what you mean. 861 00:34:56,956 --> 00:34:59,056 Look, I like you, John. 862 00:34:59,058 --> 00:35:00,993 You came into that restaurant confident. 863 00:35:02,695 --> 00:35:05,497 There's a thin line between confidence and arrogance. 864 00:35:15,041 --> 00:35:16,374 I'm not arrogant. 865 00:35:22,614 --> 00:35:24,014 Ah, come on. 866 00:35:37,830 --> 00:35:39,562 Sounds like you need a jump, huh? 867 00:35:39,564 --> 00:35:40,833 Yeah, I guess I do. 868 00:35:41,868 --> 00:35:42,702 Pop your hood. 869 00:35:43,502 --> 00:35:44,835 Oh. 870 00:35:44,837 --> 00:35:47,504 I guess if I had to choose something, 871 00:35:47,506 --> 00:35:48,908 this is always an option for me. 872 00:35:54,446 --> 00:35:56,747 Just sittin' on the beach here in Holden Beach. 873 00:35:56,749 --> 00:35:57,748 With... 874 00:35:57,750 --> 00:35:59,016 Cimone. 875 00:35:59,018 --> 00:36:01,819 You do realize we watched the sun go down 876 00:36:01,821 --> 00:36:03,687 - and now it's come up? - I do, I do. 877 00:36:03,689 --> 00:36:04,955 I think I'm... 878 00:36:04,957 --> 00:36:06,657 We have to be at work in an hour. 879 00:36:06,659 --> 00:36:07,892 I mean, I don't think I have to work today. 880 00:36:07,894 --> 00:36:09,693 Stop taking pictures. 881 00:36:09,695 --> 00:36:10,795 I probably should go to work. 882 00:36:10,797 --> 00:36:11,829 Let's do one more, hurry. 883 00:36:13,900 --> 00:36:15,833 Have you been collecting seashells 884 00:36:15,835 --> 00:36:17,003 - from Holden Beach? - Yeah. 885 00:36:23,743 --> 00:36:26,777 Let's go. 886 00:36:26,779 --> 00:36:27,814 No. 887 00:37:09,188 --> 00:37:10,486 What are you doing? 888 00:37:10,488 --> 00:37:11,689 It's for my Instagram handle. 889 00:37:11,691 --> 00:37:12,890 You can follow me. 890 00:37:12,892 --> 00:37:15,993 It's called AnotherOneBitesTheDust. 891 00:37:15,995 --> 00:37:18,629 You redneck, pathetic loser. 892 00:37:18,631 --> 00:37:20,099 Ollie, come on, let's go. 893 00:37:24,103 --> 00:37:25,403 I gotta go. 894 00:37:43,588 --> 00:37:45,089 This is gonna be epic, man. 895 00:37:45,091 --> 00:37:46,657 - I stand right here, right? - Yes, yes, yes, all right. 896 00:37:46,659 --> 00:37:47,658 And the red button is recording, yeah? 897 00:37:47,660 --> 00:37:48,859 Red button, I told you. 898 00:37:48,861 --> 00:37:49,793 - Yeah, you're fine. - Oh, okay. 899 00:37:49,795 --> 00:37:50,895 I'm ready, are you ready? 900 00:37:50,897 --> 00:37:51,795 - I'm ready. - All right. 901 00:37:51,797 --> 00:37:53,563 And three, two, one. 902 00:37:53,565 --> 00:37:54,832 Take a look at this place. 903 00:37:54,834 --> 00:37:56,133 Have you ever seen something that is just... 904 00:37:56,135 --> 00:37:57,635 - So cool. - Jack, you gotta be 905 00:37:57,637 --> 00:37:59,469 - quiet while I'm filming. - Oh, oh yeah, yeah. 906 00:37:59,471 --> 00:38:00,671 Sorry, sorry. 907 00:38:00,673 --> 00:38:01,471 - And action... - Take a look at... 908 00:38:01,473 --> 00:38:02,106 Are you ready? 909 00:38:02,108 --> 00:38:02,875 - Yeah. - Okay. 910 00:38:04,576 --> 00:38:07,811 Welcome to a junk yard museum, filled with tiny houses 911 00:38:07,813 --> 00:38:09,880 and a whole lotta crap. 912 00:38:09,882 --> 00:38:11,882 This place is like classic southern hoarding 101. 913 00:38:11,884 --> 00:38:13,583 They even built a sidewalk down the middle. 914 00:38:13,585 --> 00:38:15,953 I feel like Moses parting the sea of bad habits. 915 00:38:15,955 --> 00:38:16,987 Jack, what are you doin'? 916 00:38:16,989 --> 00:38:17,821 Up. 917 00:38:17,823 --> 00:38:19,223 Come on. 918 00:38:19,225 --> 00:38:22,427 Search and destroyers, welcome to your second clue. 919 00:38:23,763 --> 00:38:25,896 And cut, that was awesome. 920 00:38:25,898 --> 00:38:27,631 Wasn't that sort of mean? 921 00:38:27,633 --> 00:38:28,899 What? 922 00:38:28,901 --> 00:38:30,768 I mean, Mary's a very nice lady. 923 00:38:30,770 --> 00:38:31,702 Ah, I mean, but let's face it. 924 00:38:31,704 --> 00:38:32,970 This place is a dump. 925 00:38:32,972 --> 00:38:34,271 Well here's a fact. 926 00:38:34,273 --> 00:38:35,973 Mary's a very well known artist in the south. 927 00:38:35,975 --> 00:38:39,043 People come from all over the country to see her work. 928 00:38:39,045 --> 00:38:40,277 Yeah, but, look dude. 929 00:38:40,279 --> 00:38:41,779 My followers are more interested 930 00:38:41,781 --> 00:38:43,513 in the comedy and the jokes I have. 931 00:38:43,515 --> 00:38:45,716 I found like a nice balance between journalism and comedy. 932 00:38:45,718 --> 00:38:46,984 Look, I'll show you one day. 933 00:38:46,986 --> 00:38:48,551 Come on, let's go get some B roll. 934 00:38:48,553 --> 00:38:49,853 Now I want everything nice and straight. 935 00:38:49,855 --> 00:38:51,922 Keep it side to side, good quality. 936 00:38:51,924 --> 00:38:54,091 You're doin' great man, you're doing great. 937 00:38:54,093 --> 00:38:55,859 Oh, now look at this. 938 00:38:55,861 --> 00:38:57,129 Jack, you gotta see this. 939 00:39:01,033 --> 00:39:03,033 Hey, hey, what do you think about my me roll? 940 00:39:03,035 --> 00:39:04,600 B, B roll. 941 00:39:04,602 --> 00:39:05,970 - Oh, yeah. - It's pretty good actually. 942 00:39:05,972 --> 00:39:07,771 Oh, well what are you doin' right now? 943 00:39:07,773 --> 00:39:08,939 I am transferring your footage 944 00:39:08,941 --> 00:39:10,174 over to my phone. 945 00:39:10,176 --> 00:39:11,709 How you know what, maybe tomorrow 946 00:39:11,711 --> 00:39:13,110 I can show you how to edit some of this stuff? 947 00:39:13,112 --> 00:39:15,045 Yeah, are you gonna add the stuff about 948 00:39:15,047 --> 00:39:16,747 Mary being a renowned artist? 949 00:39:16,749 --> 00:39:17,982 Sure. 950 00:39:17,984 --> 00:39:19,249 You ought to interview her sometime. 951 00:39:19,251 --> 00:39:20,518 She's fantastic. 952 00:39:21,954 --> 00:39:24,021 Hey, I was thinkin', what if you did a commercial 953 00:39:24,023 --> 00:39:25,022 for Patornies, huh? 954 00:39:25,024 --> 00:39:26,056 Not really much of a point 955 00:39:26,058 --> 00:39:27,191 if it's going under, right? 956 00:39:27,193 --> 00:39:28,759 Right, yeah. 957 00:39:28,761 --> 00:39:31,161 Um, what is the, what is, what is that? 958 00:39:31,163 --> 00:39:32,329 Ah, lens clip. 959 00:39:32,331 --> 00:39:33,897 It's kind of like my trademark. 960 00:39:33,899 --> 00:39:34,865 Kind of like your yarmulke. 961 00:39:34,867 --> 00:39:36,166 Yeah, or my fanny pack. 962 00:39:36,168 --> 00:39:38,004 Yeah, that fanny pack's weird, bro. 963 00:39:39,005 --> 00:39:40,603 Bingo! 964 00:39:40,605 --> 00:39:42,639 Hey come on, we're gonna be late! 965 00:39:42,641 --> 00:39:44,775 I can't believe you walk to work. 966 00:39:44,777 --> 00:39:46,243 Guys, come here. 967 00:39:46,245 --> 00:39:48,280 Hey everybody, can you gather 'round, please? 968 00:39:54,954 --> 00:39:56,022 Thanks, uh... 969 00:39:58,190 --> 00:40:00,558 One of the hardest things I've ever done, but uh, 970 00:40:02,128 --> 00:40:06,930 after 18 years, Patronies Pizza will be closing its doors. 971 00:40:06,932 --> 00:40:08,332 Everything will go on as normal for 972 00:40:08,334 --> 00:40:09,935 the next week to 10 days. 973 00:40:11,103 --> 00:40:13,639 Get your paychecks, hours, 974 00:40:15,107 --> 00:40:16,940 memberships, thank you so much for the memberships, 975 00:40:16,942 --> 00:40:18,942 all your hard work. 976 00:40:18,944 --> 00:40:22,012 Don't discount anything that any one of you 977 00:40:22,014 --> 00:40:23,947 has ever done for this place. 978 00:40:23,949 --> 00:40:25,949 You made Patronies Pizza. 979 00:40:25,951 --> 00:40:27,086 Thank you for that. 980 00:40:29,121 --> 00:40:30,723 Man, what a run it's been. 981 00:40:32,191 --> 00:40:36,829 Albert, can you uh, collet the leftover memberships? 982 00:40:39,999 --> 00:40:42,735 Let's have a great last week, guys. 983 00:40:44,103 --> 00:40:47,339 Keep your heads up. 984 00:42:01,313 --> 00:42:04,116 So do you uh, got any idea what you'll do now? 985 00:42:05,151 --> 00:42:06,118 Uh... 986 00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:08,952 I've always wanted to be a journalist. 987 00:42:08,954 --> 00:42:10,220 A journalist? 988 00:42:10,222 --> 00:42:11,056 Yeah. 989 00:42:12,024 --> 00:42:12,823 John, that's great. 990 00:42:12,825 --> 00:42:14,358 That is terrific. 991 00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,894 I'll be right on that letter of recommendation right away. 992 00:42:16,896 --> 00:42:17,861 Thanks. 993 00:42:17,863 --> 00:42:18,795 Yeah. 994 00:42:18,797 --> 00:42:20,166 In the meantime, uh... 995 00:42:23,836 --> 00:42:26,238 Here's a little somethin' to get your own place. 996 00:42:32,111 --> 00:42:34,745 - Oscar, I can't take this... - John. 997 00:42:34,747 --> 00:42:36,813 You're a good guy. 998 00:42:36,815 --> 00:42:39,251 I'm just sorry we didn't have more time together. 999 00:42:40,953 --> 00:42:41,919 I can't accept this. 1000 00:42:41,921 --> 00:42:42,755 No. 1001 00:42:45,257 --> 00:42:47,693 A guy like you should be sleeping in his own bed. 1002 00:42:48,794 --> 00:42:49,862 Now get back to work. 1003 00:42:52,531 --> 00:42:53,365 Yeah. 1004 00:43:14,053 --> 00:43:15,221 What's wrong with you? 1005 00:43:16,422 --> 00:43:18,188 Day three and I'm taking out 1006 00:43:18,190 --> 00:43:19,923 the trash like a regular peasant. 1007 00:43:19,925 --> 00:43:21,391 "The meaning of life may be all the things. 1008 00:43:21,393 --> 00:43:23,126 "What if it's truth that means..." 1009 00:43:23,128 --> 00:43:24,895 Hey, Knee Cha. 1010 00:43:24,897 --> 00:43:26,163 "What's if it's true that the meaning..." 1011 00:43:26,165 --> 00:43:28,065 What makes the perfect pizza? 1012 00:43:28,067 --> 00:43:29,366 Is it the sauce? 1013 00:43:29,368 --> 00:43:30,500 The dough? 1014 00:43:30,502 --> 00:43:32,069 The presentation? 1015 00:43:32,071 --> 00:43:34,972 Every ingredient is simultaneously a whole. 1016 00:43:34,974 --> 00:43:37,343 You're part of something great. 1017 00:43:39,044 --> 00:43:39,878 Because... 1018 00:43:42,982 --> 00:43:43,914 Your happiness doesn't 1019 00:43:43,916 --> 00:43:45,050 fix everything, Jack. 1020 00:43:49,321 --> 00:43:50,155 How's it goin'? 1021 00:43:53,592 --> 00:43:56,460 Not good. 1022 00:43:56,462 --> 00:43:57,296 Not good. 1023 00:44:00,899 --> 00:44:02,199 All right, come on, Ann. 1024 00:44:02,201 --> 00:44:03,533 I got a lot of paperwork, what's up? 1025 00:44:03,535 --> 00:44:04,968 How much do we need? 1026 00:44:04,970 --> 00:44:06,270 I don't know. 1027 00:44:06,272 --> 00:44:07,604 Oscar doesn't talk to me about that. 1028 00:44:07,606 --> 00:44:09,172 So basically it's a fundraising site 1029 00:44:09,174 --> 00:44:10,274 and I think we can get people to donate. 1030 00:44:10,276 --> 00:44:11,176 Here, take a look. 1031 00:44:18,250 --> 00:44:19,516 What, no yarmulke today? 1032 00:44:19,518 --> 00:44:21,084 Not feeling Jewish anymore? 1033 00:44:21,086 --> 00:44:22,252 Oh yeah, your rabbit ate it, all right? 1034 00:44:22,254 --> 00:44:24,089 My rabbit is more of a... 1035 00:44:27,326 --> 00:44:28,294 She must be lonely. 1036 00:44:30,329 --> 00:44:32,362 Schop's right, I gotta be serious. 1037 00:44:32,364 --> 00:44:33,899 Those six dollars are mine. 1038 00:44:34,967 --> 00:44:36,199 Hey, wait, wait, ooh. 1039 00:44:36,201 --> 00:44:37,936 You don't have your pad, slugger. 1040 00:44:43,042 --> 00:44:45,208 Mrs. Fiona Graham, I'll have you know I plan on 1041 00:44:45,210 --> 00:44:46,977 being ever free today and earn 1042 00:44:46,979 --> 00:44:49,146 all six of those dollars. 1043 00:44:49,148 --> 00:44:50,881 We'll see. 1044 00:44:50,883 --> 00:44:53,517 I'll do the gluten free pepperoni calzone. 1045 00:44:53,519 --> 00:44:57,923 Uh, we only have gluten free dough for the large pies. 1046 00:44:58,957 --> 00:45:00,257 Fine. 1047 00:45:00,259 --> 00:45:01,525 How is that, ah, that's more like an error 1048 00:45:01,527 --> 00:45:03,896 on your part, don't you think, hm? 1049 00:45:06,498 --> 00:45:07,531 You're right. 1050 00:45:07,533 --> 00:45:08,633 Sorry. 1051 00:45:08,635 --> 00:45:09,535 Customer is king. 1052 00:45:10,302 --> 00:45:11,568 Or queen. 1053 00:45:11,570 --> 00:45:13,437 I'll do the gluten free pepperoni 1054 00:45:13,439 --> 00:45:15,207 and mushroom pizza then. 1055 00:45:16,342 --> 00:45:17,242 And a water. 1056 00:45:18,510 --> 00:45:19,345 My pleasure. 1057 00:45:22,649 --> 00:45:24,514 So together, we have 3,000 friends. 1058 00:45:24,516 --> 00:45:26,149 If 10 percent of them donate a few bucks, 1059 00:45:26,151 --> 00:45:27,617 or at least respond to the message... 1060 00:45:27,619 --> 00:45:28,985 I don't know, Ann, that seems like a pyramid scheme. 1061 00:45:28,987 --> 00:45:30,020 No, no, no. 1062 00:45:30,022 --> 00:45:32,055 It's multi-level marketing. 1063 00:45:32,057 --> 00:45:33,423 Let's just see what happens. 1064 00:45:33,425 --> 00:45:36,560 More like some multi-level waste of my time. 1065 00:45:36,562 --> 00:45:38,061 You're a hater. 1066 00:45:38,063 --> 00:45:39,563 Knee Cha's in here breaking dishes 1067 00:45:39,565 --> 00:45:43,066 and you talkin' about pyramids, the Sphinx and the Nile? 1068 00:45:43,068 --> 00:45:44,401 G, where's my order? 1069 00:45:44,403 --> 00:45:45,670 What'd you have? 1070 00:45:45,672 --> 00:45:46,905 Gluten free pepperoni mushroom. 1071 00:45:48,407 --> 00:45:50,240 Oh, I'm supposed to tell you we're out 1072 00:45:50,242 --> 00:45:51,608 of gluten free dough. 1073 00:45:51,610 --> 00:45:54,980 So, we're out of gluten free dough. 1074 00:45:56,281 --> 00:45:57,447 - Great. - It's not congealing. 1075 00:45:57,449 --> 00:45:59,151 Oh, don't tell me that. 1076 00:46:06,458 --> 00:46:08,325 Uh, Mrs. Graham, I'm really sorry but we're 1077 00:46:08,327 --> 00:46:10,026 out of gluten-free dough. 1078 00:46:10,028 --> 00:46:11,528 It's not congealing, and I brought a water here for you 1079 00:46:11,530 --> 00:46:13,397 and to see maybe if you wanna order something else. 1080 00:46:13,399 --> 00:46:15,033 I'm really sorry, but... 1081 00:46:16,435 --> 00:46:19,336 No, actually, let me tell you something. 1082 00:46:19,338 --> 00:46:22,072 You shouldn't say I'll do your gluten free calzone, 1083 00:46:22,074 --> 00:46:25,041 or I'll do a diet soda, or I'll do your house salad. 1084 00:46:25,043 --> 00:46:26,977 Just say you want the house salad. 1085 00:46:26,979 --> 00:46:30,046 Or better yet, you'll have the house salad, please. 1086 00:46:30,048 --> 00:46:31,682 And don't bring your cell phone to a restaurant. 1087 00:46:31,684 --> 00:46:34,451 You came here to eat, and it's rude. 1088 00:46:34,453 --> 00:46:35,320 You got that? 1089 00:46:36,388 --> 00:46:38,121 That's a great idea. 1090 00:46:38,123 --> 00:46:39,358 But I came here to be served. 1091 00:46:43,996 --> 00:46:44,631 No. 1092 00:46:46,265 --> 00:46:48,267 You come to a restaurant to spend time with people. 1093 00:46:53,505 --> 00:46:56,239 I'll do your IPA at the locals discount. 1094 00:46:56,241 --> 00:47:00,444 Okay, so that's two lagers and one IPA. 1095 00:47:00,446 --> 00:47:01,746 John. 1096 00:47:01,748 --> 00:47:03,380 John! 1097 00:47:03,382 --> 00:47:04,316 Sam Zander! 1098 00:47:09,656 --> 00:47:10,489 Hey! 1099 00:47:12,591 --> 00:47:14,627 Peace up, bash down. 1100 00:47:16,629 --> 00:47:18,629 Search and destroy! 1101 00:47:18,631 --> 00:47:21,231 - Oliver, come back! - Sam Zander! 1102 00:47:21,233 --> 00:47:22,733 Come back here. 1103 00:47:22,735 --> 00:47:25,402 Come on, a bunch of redneck, pathetic losers work here. 1104 00:47:25,404 --> 00:47:26,403 What is wrong with you? 1105 00:47:26,405 --> 00:47:28,607 Get off of me, now! 1106 00:47:32,611 --> 00:47:33,577 John? 1107 00:47:33,579 --> 00:47:35,278 Are you okay? 1108 00:47:35,280 --> 00:47:36,480 I gotta go. 1109 00:47:36,482 --> 00:47:38,448 What's going on? 1110 00:47:38,450 --> 00:47:40,417 Will you please just stop? 1111 00:47:40,419 --> 00:47:42,152 Where are you going? 1112 00:47:42,154 --> 00:47:43,420 John. 1113 00:47:43,422 --> 00:47:44,354 John, what happened in there? 1114 00:47:44,356 --> 00:47:45,690 Why are you so upset? 1115 00:47:45,692 --> 00:47:48,091 Please talk to me. 1116 00:47:48,093 --> 00:47:49,459 Please. 1117 00:47:49,461 --> 00:47:50,828 Why did that kid upset you? 1118 00:47:50,830 --> 00:47:52,531 Will you please just talk to me? 1119 00:47:55,133 --> 00:47:55,768 John. 1120 00:47:57,236 --> 00:47:58,070 Please. 1121 00:47:59,839 --> 00:48:01,338 What was that kid saying? 1122 00:48:01,340 --> 00:48:03,273 I'm just building content for my channel, 1123 00:48:03,275 --> 00:48:04,407 you wouldn't understand. 1124 00:48:04,409 --> 00:48:05,308 Channel? 1125 00:48:05,310 --> 00:48:06,610 I don't understand. 1126 00:48:06,612 --> 00:48:08,078 What does that even mean, I don't... 1127 00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:08,681 John? 1128 00:48:10,148 --> 00:48:11,183 What's going on here? 1129 00:48:13,820 --> 00:48:15,485 Sam Zander. 1130 00:48:15,487 --> 00:48:18,088 He's the troll who fat shames people on the internet. 1131 00:48:18,090 --> 00:48:19,155 What? 1132 00:48:19,157 --> 00:48:20,490 I knew it. 1133 00:48:20,492 --> 00:48:22,425 Cimone, he's been lying to us this whole time. 1134 00:48:22,427 --> 00:48:23,426 All right. 1135 00:48:23,428 --> 00:48:25,097 He's a monster in a costume. 1136 00:48:27,634 --> 00:48:28,467 Monster? 1137 00:48:30,168 --> 00:48:31,702 I am achieving my dreams when all you 1138 00:48:31,704 --> 00:48:33,503 ever do is talk about yours. 1139 00:48:33,505 --> 00:48:34,872 You stay here waiting for something 1140 00:48:34,874 --> 00:48:36,809 that will never happen for you. 1141 00:48:38,745 --> 00:48:41,746 I have a million followers, and I earned every one of 'em. 1142 00:48:41,748 --> 00:48:42,815 How many do you have? 1143 00:48:44,516 --> 00:48:46,449 Oh, and if you guys wanna stop being on 1144 00:48:46,451 --> 00:48:48,318 the wrong end of people's jokes, 1145 00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:50,620 then maybe stop being such an American freakin' tragedy. 1146 00:48:50,622 --> 00:48:52,790 Let go of me now! 1147 00:48:52,792 --> 00:48:54,157 Get off me! 1148 00:48:55,494 --> 00:48:57,494 You're supposed to feature me on your channel. 1149 00:48:57,496 --> 00:48:59,398 Peace up, bash down! 1150 00:49:00,599 --> 00:49:01,766 Get off! 1151 00:49:03,836 --> 00:49:04,671 Stop it! 1152 00:49:06,839 --> 00:49:09,539 This is our renaissance. 1153 00:49:09,541 --> 00:49:11,341 The world is changing, and you all have 1154 00:49:11,343 --> 00:49:13,813 front row seats to sit and watch it happen on your screens. 1155 00:49:15,447 --> 00:49:17,316 If you wanna make it, you have to create. 1156 00:49:18,718 --> 00:49:21,251 Otherwise, sit back and enjoy the show. 1157 00:49:21,253 --> 00:49:24,554 'Cause all you'll ever be is someone else's audience. 1158 00:49:24,556 --> 00:49:26,222 Very good. 1159 00:49:26,224 --> 00:49:28,193 You're a real hero behind the keyboard. 1160 00:49:29,561 --> 00:49:30,195 Yeah. 1161 00:49:31,631 --> 00:49:34,297 And you'll make a great house wife one day, Wendy. 1162 00:49:34,299 --> 00:49:35,133 John. 1163 00:49:37,603 --> 00:49:38,535 Knee Cha, no. 1164 00:49:38,537 --> 00:49:39,670 I'm gonna kill you! 1165 00:49:39,672 --> 00:49:40,905 Knee Cha, stop! 1166 00:49:40,907 --> 00:49:42,807 - Come on, come on, stop. - Get off of me! 1167 00:49:42,809 --> 00:49:43,774 Stop it, it's not worth it. 1168 00:49:43,776 --> 00:49:45,678 Get inside, get inside. 1169 00:49:48,614 --> 00:49:49,448 Cimone. 1170 00:49:50,415 --> 00:49:51,949 Cimone, sweetie. 1171 00:49:51,951 --> 00:49:52,785 Come on. 1172 00:50:22,314 --> 00:50:23,681 Maybe he's right. 1173 00:50:23,683 --> 00:50:24,882 Okay, how much have we raised 1174 00:50:24,884 --> 00:50:26,449 on that fundraiser site? 1175 00:50:26,451 --> 00:50:28,351 I don't know, 50 bucks? 1176 00:50:28,353 --> 00:50:30,587 - That's good. - It's from Albert. 1177 00:50:30,589 --> 00:50:32,555 How is this not against the law? 1178 00:50:32,557 --> 00:50:33,691 I don't know. 1179 00:50:33,693 --> 00:50:35,358 There's nothing we can do. 1180 00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:36,961 His audience is split down the middle. 1181 00:50:36,963 --> 00:50:39,562 There's people who love him, people who hate him. 1182 00:50:39,564 --> 00:50:41,566 Both sides make him money by watching. 1183 00:50:43,568 --> 00:50:44,369 You can't win. 1184 00:50:45,738 --> 00:50:47,504 You gotta kill him. 1185 00:50:47,506 --> 00:50:49,774 He's popular because he hates everything. 1186 00:50:49,776 --> 00:50:52,242 He doesn't even know who Holden Caulfield is. 1187 00:50:52,244 --> 00:50:52,845 I know! 1188 00:50:54,279 --> 00:50:55,412 I'm like him. 1189 00:50:55,414 --> 00:50:56,579 - No. - No, Ann. 1190 00:50:56,581 --> 00:50:58,415 We both wanna be our own boss. 1191 00:50:58,417 --> 00:51:00,417 He's just found a way to get an audience. 1192 00:51:00,419 --> 00:51:03,656 Well, you can read the eulogy at his funeral. 1193 00:51:06,626 --> 00:51:08,425 Wait, Ann, what are you thinking? 1194 00:51:08,427 --> 00:51:09,426 Oscar tells us that we're here 1195 00:51:09,428 --> 00:51:11,528 to build a great resume, 1196 00:51:11,530 --> 00:51:13,666 but we're actually building a great eulogy. 1197 00:51:25,343 --> 00:51:26,711 Sam Zander! 1198 00:51:26,713 --> 00:51:28,213 Search and destroy! 1199 00:51:29,481 --> 00:51:30,848 Dude, yes! 1200 00:51:30,850 --> 00:51:32,284 Yes, dude, yes! 1201 00:51:34,854 --> 00:51:36,319 Man, I need to stop smokin'. 1202 00:51:36,321 --> 00:51:38,756 Dude, why are you walking alone? 1203 00:51:38,758 --> 00:51:40,057 Oh dude, he's thinking about his 1204 00:51:40,059 --> 00:51:42,459 - next top 10 debunked videos. - Yes, yes! 1205 00:51:42,461 --> 00:51:43,460 Yeah. 1206 00:51:43,462 --> 00:51:44,895 Actually, my car broke down. 1207 00:51:44,897 --> 00:51:46,063 Oh, dude, we had to take four hour shifts 1208 00:51:46,065 --> 00:51:47,698 just to get here man, oh my god. 1209 00:51:47,700 --> 00:51:49,499 Hey, who's we white man? 1210 00:51:49,501 --> 00:51:50,433 Dude. 1211 00:51:50,435 --> 00:51:51,669 It doesn't work like that. 1212 00:51:51,671 --> 00:51:52,937 Hey, do you guys happen to have 1213 00:51:52,939 --> 00:51:54,604 a couch I could crash on tonight? 1214 00:51:54,606 --> 00:51:55,706 Dude, so what time does Patronies close? 1215 00:51:55,708 --> 00:51:56,674 - Yes! - We totally went by there 1216 00:51:56,676 --> 00:51:58,776 and the lights were all off. 1217 00:51:58,778 --> 00:51:59,744 But that's probably the reason 1218 00:51:59,746 --> 00:52:00,811 why they're closing, right? 1219 00:52:00,813 --> 00:52:02,345 Yeah! 1220 00:52:02,347 --> 00:52:03,647 Oh, and there's a bunch of cars 1221 00:52:03,649 --> 00:52:05,015 still in the parking lot, it's weird. 1222 00:52:05,017 --> 00:52:06,549 So how does this work? 1223 00:52:06,551 --> 00:52:07,818 Yeah, can you set us up like that Asian guy? 1224 00:52:07,820 --> 00:52:09,319 Yeah, he has his own channel now? 1225 00:52:09,321 --> 00:52:10,620 Dude... 1226 00:52:10,622 --> 00:52:11,454 We could be the two dudes! 1227 00:52:11,456 --> 00:52:12,790 The two dudes! 1228 00:52:12,792 --> 00:52:13,924 Dude, oh, oh, and don't worry about 1229 00:52:13,926 --> 00:52:15,826 the Feminist2oh25 comments. 1230 00:52:15,828 --> 00:52:17,828 We totally handled that keyboard warrior. 1231 00:52:17,830 --> 00:52:19,063 Yeah, she should do the world a favor 1232 00:52:19,065 --> 00:52:20,396 and just kill herself. 1233 00:52:20,398 --> 00:52:21,333 Whoa, dude. 1234 00:52:22,802 --> 00:52:24,534 Look man, what we're trying to say is that 1235 00:52:24,536 --> 00:52:25,870 you're an inspiration, man. 1236 00:52:25,872 --> 00:52:27,938 You're the only truth teller on the internet. 1237 00:52:27,940 --> 00:52:29,539 Only one. 1238 00:52:29,541 --> 00:52:31,041 Thanks guys, but look, I don't have my equipment. 1239 00:52:31,043 --> 00:52:32,509 - So you guys have a good night. - Oh dude, but that's okay 1240 00:52:32,511 --> 00:52:33,510 'cause I brought mine. 1241 00:52:33,512 --> 00:52:34,745 We could use mine. 1242 00:52:34,747 --> 00:52:35,646 We've been recording you since we 1243 00:52:35,648 --> 00:52:37,081 got out of the car. 1244 00:52:37,083 --> 00:52:39,049 You know, for people to see how you are off camera. 1245 00:52:39,051 --> 00:52:41,051 You know what I mean? 1246 00:52:41,053 --> 00:52:42,686 I can't wait to see the comments when I post this. 1247 00:52:42,688 --> 00:52:44,655 Dude, my dad said never to meet your heroes, 1248 00:52:44,657 --> 00:52:46,657 but like, in person you're totally dope. 1249 00:52:46,659 --> 00:52:47,758 Yeah, we didn't even know when we 1250 00:52:47,760 --> 00:52:49,026 were gonna catch you by yourself. 1251 00:52:49,028 --> 00:52:50,460 I always thought that you'd be all 1252 00:52:50,462 --> 00:52:51,862 around all the females, you know? 1253 00:52:51,864 --> 00:52:54,564 But I guess you are still undercover, so, 1254 00:52:54,566 --> 00:52:55,666 yeah, that makes sense. 1255 00:52:55,668 --> 00:52:56,967 So yeah man. 1256 00:52:56,969 --> 00:53:01,371 Uh, Sammy, when my friend, is the next party? 1257 00:53:01,373 --> 00:53:02,807 Yeah, is there another bonfire tonight? 1258 00:53:02,809 --> 00:53:03,876 - Bonfire! - Bonfire! 1259 00:53:05,577 --> 00:53:07,845 - Tonight! - Bonfire! 1260 00:53:07,847 --> 00:53:08,712 Turn that off man, come on. 1261 00:53:08,714 --> 00:53:09,847 Ah, come on man. 1262 00:53:09,849 --> 00:53:11,048 Yeah, bonfire! 1263 00:53:11,050 --> 00:53:12,317 Man, turn it off! 1264 00:53:13,618 --> 00:53:14,452 What? 1265 00:53:20,392 --> 00:53:22,793 Just met the president of Peace Up, Bash Down channel, 1266 00:53:22,795 --> 00:53:24,527 Mr. Sam Zander, and you know what? 1267 00:53:24,529 --> 00:53:25,863 He's not even as cool as you think. 1268 00:53:25,865 --> 00:53:28,766 He's more of a lone soul, so needless to say, 1269 00:53:28,768 --> 00:53:30,400 we're no longer fans. 1270 00:53:30,402 --> 00:53:31,534 Sam Zander. 1271 00:53:31,536 --> 00:53:32,905 More like Sam Phony. 1272 00:53:34,073 --> 00:53:35,373 Turn it off, dude! 1273 00:53:36,742 --> 00:53:38,610 Don't touch his phone, bruh. 1274 00:53:42,949 --> 00:53:44,715 You're about to become World Star famous, bro. 1275 00:53:44,717 --> 00:53:46,616 Yeah, dude. 1276 00:53:46,618 --> 00:53:49,119 We got Sam Zander, president of Peace Up, 1277 00:53:49,121 --> 00:53:50,921 about to get bashed down channel! 1278 00:53:52,457 --> 00:53:53,391 - Oh! - Yeah! 1279 00:53:55,061 --> 00:53:57,427 World Star! 1280 00:54:06,806 --> 00:54:10,975 Hey, you comin'? 1281 00:54:10,977 --> 00:54:15,948 He's gotta come back for his car sometime. 1282 00:54:35,902 --> 00:54:37,234 Hey. 1283 00:54:37,236 --> 00:54:39,870 You okay? 1284 00:54:39,872 --> 00:54:41,537 Come. 1285 00:54:41,539 --> 00:54:42,174 Come on. 1286 00:55:13,940 --> 00:55:15,975 My life thinks you look like Brad Pitt. 1287 00:55:17,076 --> 00:55:17,910 Thank you. 1288 00:55:19,879 --> 00:55:20,713 Come. 1289 00:55:36,028 --> 00:55:36,862 Here you go. 1290 00:55:48,674 --> 00:55:50,708 It's just a phase. 1291 00:55:50,710 --> 00:55:51,875 When you're in it, you think it might 1292 00:55:51,877 --> 00:55:53,609 be that way forever. 1293 00:55:53,611 --> 00:55:55,578 The 60s were about free love. 1294 00:55:55,580 --> 00:55:57,247 The 70s, with the hippies. 1295 00:55:57,249 --> 00:55:59,883 The 80s with the cocaine and jogging. 1296 00:55:59,885 --> 00:56:02,653 Today, the art of listening is gone 1297 00:56:02,655 --> 00:56:04,955 because of all these technologies. 1298 00:56:04,957 --> 00:56:06,659 But it's just a phase, Johnny. 1299 00:56:09,028 --> 00:56:09,829 It's um, 1300 00:56:11,163 --> 00:56:11,998 Sam. 1301 00:56:13,165 --> 00:56:14,000 My name's Sam. 1302 00:56:15,267 --> 00:56:16,834 That's a good name. 1303 00:56:16,836 --> 00:56:17,870 My grandson's Sam. 1304 00:56:21,606 --> 00:56:25,042 You know, sometimes when bad things happen to me, 1305 00:56:25,044 --> 00:56:26,611 I say to myself, "Guillermo." 1306 00:56:33,919 --> 00:56:34,920 Thanks. 1307 00:56:37,323 --> 00:56:38,657 It's just a phase. 1308 00:56:50,602 --> 00:56:51,871 Got it! 1309 00:56:55,307 --> 00:56:57,009 I believe you owe me some money. 1310 00:57:08,988 --> 00:57:11,891 I uh, I wrote that for you last night. 1311 00:57:12,925 --> 00:57:14,024 A letter of recommendation. 1312 00:57:14,026 --> 00:57:15,027 Yeah, you can keep that. 1313 00:57:16,829 --> 00:57:17,863 Just be a good guy. 1314 00:57:18,798 --> 00:57:19,763 "Just be a good..." 1315 00:57:19,765 --> 00:57:20,800 Why do people say that? 1316 00:57:21,801 --> 00:57:23,002 This is how I make a living. 1317 00:57:24,203 --> 00:57:26,103 You feel alive? 1318 00:57:26,105 --> 00:57:27,204 Do I feel alive? 1319 00:57:27,206 --> 00:57:28,906 Oh, god. 1320 00:57:28,908 --> 00:57:31,008 Other than yesterday, and apparently last night, 1321 00:57:31,010 --> 00:57:32,910 have you ever once had a conversation? 1322 00:57:32,912 --> 00:57:35,679 Went to dinner with one of your followers, hm? 1323 00:57:35,681 --> 00:57:36,980 The whole internet is my conversation 1324 00:57:36,982 --> 00:57:38,115 and my dating life is just fine, 1325 00:57:38,117 --> 00:57:39,051 but thanks for asking. 1326 00:57:40,820 --> 00:57:43,122 You know, I watched the first video you ever published. 1327 00:57:44,390 --> 00:57:46,824 How you were battling depression. 1328 00:57:46,826 --> 00:57:47,891 Mad at the world 'cause you couldn't 1329 00:57:47,893 --> 00:57:49,161 find a job as a journalist. 1330 00:57:49,929 --> 00:57:51,228 Yeah. 1331 00:57:51,230 --> 00:57:52,896 You know, it almost felt like I was 1332 00:57:52,898 --> 00:57:56,102 watching a real human being with feelings there. 1333 00:57:59,071 --> 00:58:01,872 I wonder how much of that guy is left. 1334 00:58:01,874 --> 00:58:05,142 What's left is I'm a successful journalist now, 1335 00:58:05,144 --> 00:58:07,144 making my own way in the world. 1336 00:58:07,146 --> 00:58:10,182 Like you, or like you before you put your business under. 1337 00:58:12,351 --> 00:58:16,153 And like me, you need an audience. 1338 00:58:16,155 --> 00:58:18,224 You cater to them the same way I do. 1339 00:58:20,092 --> 00:58:22,394 Different methods shooting for the same results. 1340 00:58:23,462 --> 00:58:24,630 You're like me. 1341 00:58:26,031 --> 00:58:27,898 I'm just better at it. 1342 00:58:27,900 --> 00:58:29,900 You know, when you get to be my age, 1343 00:58:29,902 --> 00:58:31,768 and I do hope you get there, 1344 00:58:31,770 --> 00:58:35,272 you'll start to realize that everybody used to be something. 1345 00:58:35,274 --> 00:58:37,910 You just make sure that this is the something that you want. 1346 00:58:39,211 --> 00:58:40,813 'Cause it'd be a real, real tragedy 1347 00:58:42,181 --> 00:58:44,815 if you did this because you thought you had to 1348 00:58:44,817 --> 00:58:46,752 in order to make something people want. 1349 00:58:50,189 --> 00:58:51,957 I wish you more than luck, Sam. 1350 00:58:54,126 --> 00:58:55,726 Yeah. 1351 00:58:55,728 --> 00:58:56,362 Luck... 1352 00:58:59,031 --> 00:59:00,166 Is for losers. 1353 00:59:07,239 --> 00:59:08,440 It's just a phase. 1354 00:59:14,079 --> 00:59:18,248 Well they say giants fall hard, but I did not expect this. 1355 00:59:18,250 --> 00:59:22,152 Boss man gave me a letter of recommendation. 1356 00:59:22,154 --> 00:59:23,287 Hm. 1357 00:59:23,289 --> 00:59:24,821 What do you guys think? 1358 00:59:24,823 --> 00:59:27,391 Should we read this tonight? 1359 00:59:27,393 --> 00:59:29,361 I can't imagine what this says, it's... 1360 00:59:43,142 --> 00:59:43,976 Rough night? 1361 00:59:46,011 --> 00:59:48,278 Some cars are poorly made. 1362 00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:52,017 Leaving your lights on, that's sort of a user error. 1363 00:59:53,319 --> 00:59:55,552 Yeah, I'm starting to learn that. 1364 00:59:55,554 --> 00:59:57,223 It still runs though. 1365 01:00:00,159 --> 01:00:01,327 Tell me, Sam. 1366 01:00:07,032 --> 01:00:09,266 What happens when you sacrifice everything you have 1367 01:00:09,268 --> 01:00:10,869 for a dream that doesn't work out? 1368 01:00:11,870 --> 01:00:12,938 What are you left with? 1369 01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:17,140 Well, this video's only projected 1370 01:00:17,142 --> 01:00:18,108 to have a couple million views 1371 01:00:18,110 --> 01:00:19,478 and the one before had nine. 1372 01:00:21,180 --> 01:00:23,315 So it seems like my business is in a bit of a decline. 1373 01:00:25,884 --> 01:00:26,518 I don't know. 1374 01:00:28,554 --> 01:00:30,923 Maybe I need to choose some better subjects. 1375 01:00:32,258 --> 01:00:34,260 Something a little more interesting. 1376 01:00:37,429 --> 01:00:38,264 Nice one. 1377 01:00:58,417 --> 01:01:01,251 Look, ladies and gentlemen, there she is. 1378 01:01:01,253 --> 01:01:05,791 Cimone, Patronies own Academy award winning actress. 1379 01:01:07,226 --> 01:01:08,294 I could've had her. 1380 01:01:11,196 --> 01:01:12,264 So lonely. 1381 01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:22,141 Never find happiness. 1382 01:02:01,580 --> 01:02:02,848 Whoa! 1383 01:02:09,521 --> 01:02:12,389 You guys wanna watch a video of him gettin' knocked out? 1384 01:02:12,391 --> 01:02:13,225 I do. 1385 01:02:14,093 --> 01:02:14,927 Let's go. 1386 01:02:19,298 --> 01:02:21,365 This is gonna be our last Tuesday together. 1387 01:02:21,367 --> 01:02:22,933 - Hello. - Oh, hey. 1388 01:02:22,935 --> 01:02:24,201 What are you doin'? 1389 01:02:24,203 --> 01:02:25,369 Ah, I think I wanna make movies. 1390 01:02:25,371 --> 01:02:26,937 Really? 1391 01:02:26,939 --> 01:02:28,405 Oh, don't worry, you're already casted. 1392 01:02:28,407 --> 01:02:29,674 Oh, thank you, but what are you doing right now? 1393 01:02:29,676 --> 01:02:31,141 Ah, it's hard to say because it's 1394 01:02:31,143 --> 01:02:32,542 always right now, you know? 1395 01:02:32,544 --> 01:02:34,010 What are you doing on your phone, nimrod? 1396 01:02:34,012 --> 01:02:35,345 Scrolling through John's videos. 1397 01:02:35,347 --> 01:02:36,279 I've been watching his camera angles... 1398 01:02:36,281 --> 01:02:37,682 Come on, seriously? 1399 01:02:37,684 --> 01:02:38,982 - Don't watch his stuff. - Well he didn't log 1400 01:02:38,984 --> 01:02:40,250 out of his account on my phone, 1401 01:02:40,252 --> 01:02:41,318 so I've been studying how and when 1402 01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:42,653 he releases his videos. 1403 01:02:42,655 --> 01:02:44,254 He's got a real strategy behind this. 1404 01:02:44,256 --> 01:02:47,627 He just keep goin'... 1405 01:02:49,228 --> 01:02:51,428 Hey Cimone, come here, you've got to see this. 1406 01:02:51,430 --> 01:02:53,031 Ann, this is how we do it. 1407 01:02:53,999 --> 01:02:55,534 Got my to go orders? 1408 01:03:01,073 --> 01:03:01,674 Hey man. 1409 01:03:03,643 --> 01:03:05,611 I always wondered if you had a name tag. 1410 01:03:12,117 --> 01:03:13,018 I don't wear it. 1411 01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:16,321 Bureaucratic reasons. 1412 01:03:24,363 --> 01:03:27,030 So we have full access to John's account? 1413 01:03:27,032 --> 01:03:27,667 Yep. 1414 01:03:29,168 --> 01:03:31,301 I say we just delete everything. 1415 01:03:31,303 --> 01:03:32,703 He probably has back ups. 1416 01:03:32,705 --> 01:03:34,271 Well, whatever, it'd take him like hours 1417 01:03:34,273 --> 01:03:35,708 to find all of that, so we delete it all. 1418 01:03:37,376 --> 01:03:40,377 So his videos would go back to zero views? 1419 01:03:40,379 --> 01:03:41,380 Mhm. 1420 01:03:42,514 --> 01:03:44,016 And he'd have to start over. 1421 01:03:45,752 --> 01:03:48,585 Cimone, welcome to the dark side. 1422 01:03:48,587 --> 01:03:49,421 It's about time. 1423 01:03:54,794 --> 01:03:55,628 Do it. 1424 01:03:59,264 --> 01:04:00,363 I got accepted! 1425 01:04:00,365 --> 01:04:02,399 - Wendy, that's awesome! - Yeah! 1426 01:04:02,401 --> 01:04:03,433 I'm going in the Spring. 1427 01:04:03,435 --> 01:04:04,802 I've been doing so much research 1428 01:04:04,804 --> 01:04:06,403 into like their culture. 1429 01:04:06,405 --> 01:04:07,504 Oh my god, I gotta sit down. 1430 01:04:07,506 --> 01:04:08,572 Yeah, yeah, wait, wait, wait. 1431 01:04:08,574 --> 01:04:09,506 UNCW has a culture? 1432 01:04:09,508 --> 01:04:10,741 No, get this, get this. 1433 01:04:10,743 --> 01:04:13,979 I'm going to the University of Primorska. 1434 01:04:15,280 --> 01:04:17,314 - Primorska? - Yeah, it's a thing. 1435 01:04:17,316 --> 01:04:20,217 And it's got free tuition, even for non citizens. 1436 01:04:20,219 --> 01:04:22,118 Wait, where's Primorska at? 1437 01:04:22,120 --> 01:04:23,322 Slovenia. 1438 01:04:24,289 --> 01:04:25,155 Oh. 1439 01:04:26,291 --> 01:04:27,692 I know, I know. 1440 01:04:27,694 --> 01:04:29,292 I guess I gotta get a passport now, right? 1441 01:04:29,294 --> 01:04:30,795 Yeah, I guess you do. 1442 01:04:30,797 --> 01:04:32,596 So wait, wait, wait, what are you gonna be studying? 1443 01:04:32,598 --> 01:04:33,631 Happiness. 1444 01:04:33,633 --> 01:04:35,065 No, don't play language games. 1445 01:04:35,067 --> 01:04:36,199 - Tell me, for real. - No, no, no. 1446 01:04:36,201 --> 01:04:38,435 It's called positive psychology. 1447 01:04:38,437 --> 01:04:40,203 You gettin' a PhD in happiness? 1448 01:04:40,205 --> 01:04:42,272 Well it's undergrad, but yeah. 1449 01:04:42,274 --> 01:04:44,709 Oh my god, Wendy, I am so freakin' proud of you. 1450 01:04:44,711 --> 01:04:46,109 Thank you, thank you. 1451 01:04:46,111 --> 01:04:49,412 I, I didn't do it for you. 1452 01:04:49,414 --> 01:04:51,682 Oh man, I don't care why you did it. 1453 01:04:51,684 --> 01:04:53,316 You are going to be gettin' out of here. 1454 01:04:53,318 --> 01:04:55,452 - Thank you, thank you. - Yeah. 1455 01:04:55,454 --> 01:04:56,654 I gotta go, I gotta go tell Knee Cha. 1456 01:04:56,656 --> 01:04:57,822 - Yeah, yeah, tell him. - Okay, okay. 1457 01:04:57,824 --> 01:05:00,423 Knee Cha, come here! 1458 01:05:07,599 --> 01:05:09,332 Come with me. 1459 01:05:09,334 --> 01:05:11,101 Come with me. 1460 01:05:11,103 --> 01:05:11,736 What's wrong, Ann? 1461 01:05:11,738 --> 01:05:12,571 What? 1462 01:05:13,605 --> 01:05:14,538 Are you smilin'? 1463 01:05:14,540 --> 01:05:15,840 It's like you are smiling. 1464 01:05:15,842 --> 01:05:16,741 What is that about? 1465 01:05:16,743 --> 01:05:18,809 Come on. 1466 01:05:18,811 --> 01:05:21,144 Oscar's more of a father figure than anyone 1467 01:05:21,146 --> 01:05:22,080 my mom brings home. 1468 01:05:23,348 --> 01:05:24,447 I come in early every morning just 1469 01:05:24,449 --> 01:05:25,816 to hang out with him for a bit. 1470 01:05:25,818 --> 01:05:28,218 - Is this for Oscar? - It's for us. 1471 01:05:28,220 --> 01:05:29,221 It was a good job. 1472 01:05:30,455 --> 01:05:32,188 I don't know what else to say. 1473 01:05:32,190 --> 01:05:33,791 And cut. 1474 01:05:33,793 --> 01:05:34,794 Good work, brother. 1475 01:05:36,595 --> 01:05:37,460 Okay, Albert, you're up. 1476 01:05:37,462 --> 01:05:38,528 All right, cool. 1477 01:05:38,530 --> 01:05:39,864 All right, come on over here. 1478 01:05:39,866 --> 01:05:40,898 All right, so what we got going on? 1479 01:05:40,900 --> 01:05:42,365 All right, you're gonna stand, 1480 01:05:42,367 --> 01:05:42,867 you're gonna stand right here, right here. 1481 01:05:42,869 --> 01:05:44,434 Okay. 1482 01:05:44,436 --> 01:05:45,703 Right in front of that thing, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1483 01:05:45,705 --> 01:05:46,804 Turn around, turn around for me, very good. 1484 01:05:46,806 --> 01:05:47,604 You handle me too much, Jack. 1485 01:05:47,606 --> 01:05:48,605 Okay. 1486 01:05:48,607 --> 01:05:49,640 All right now, ready? 1487 01:05:49,642 --> 01:05:52,409 In three, two, one. 1488 01:05:52,411 --> 01:05:53,711 Action. 1489 01:05:53,713 --> 01:05:56,647 I applied to work here because I had a kid 1490 01:05:56,649 --> 01:05:58,883 and I missed the first two years of her life 1491 01:05:58,885 --> 01:06:01,585 and I was determined that I wasn't gonna miss any more. 1492 01:06:01,587 --> 01:06:05,355 So Oscar gave me an opportunity to do that 1493 01:06:05,357 --> 01:06:06,924 and I'm always gonna be grateful, 1494 01:06:06,926 --> 01:06:09,593 even though I punched you when you tried to hug me. 1495 01:06:09,595 --> 01:06:12,329 And I didn't mean it, but when a 6'8" dude 1496 01:06:12,331 --> 01:06:16,701 comes in to hug you, it's not gentle love. 1497 01:06:16,703 --> 01:06:18,936 So I thank you man, I appreciate it. 1498 01:06:18,938 --> 01:06:19,870 Pow! 1499 01:06:19,872 --> 01:06:20,905 Nah, I'm just playin'. 1500 01:06:20,907 --> 01:06:22,238 And cut. 1501 01:06:22,240 --> 01:06:23,741 - Very nice. - That was good, right? 1502 01:06:23,743 --> 01:06:24,541 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - All right, all right. 1503 01:06:24,543 --> 01:06:25,910 Not too much? 1504 01:06:25,912 --> 01:06:27,277 I came out a little over two years ago 1505 01:06:27,279 --> 01:06:28,713 and the only aspect of my life 1506 01:06:28,715 --> 01:06:31,548 that hadn't flipped upside down was Patronies Pizza. 1507 01:06:31,550 --> 01:06:33,617 To all the Sam Zander fans out there, 1508 01:06:33,619 --> 01:06:35,218 if you wanna be a part of a good cause, 1509 01:06:35,220 --> 01:06:36,553 click the box here to make a donation 1510 01:06:36,555 --> 01:06:39,222 to help us keep this place going. 1511 01:06:39,224 --> 01:06:41,424 - We need more people. - You wanna get Patrone? 1512 01:06:41,426 --> 01:06:42,361 He spoke today. 1513 01:06:48,300 --> 01:06:50,835 The testimonials are nice, but uh, 1514 01:06:50,837 --> 01:06:53,303 they only fit on the small screen. 1515 01:06:53,305 --> 01:06:54,537 Ann? 1516 01:06:54,539 --> 01:06:55,607 She's got a plan. 1517 01:06:57,376 --> 01:06:59,242 Every person, past and present. 1518 01:06:59,244 --> 01:07:00,711 Just to be clear, you're asking for my help? 1519 01:07:00,713 --> 01:07:01,812 Can you do it? 1520 01:07:01,814 --> 01:07:03,548 Pinky swear you need my help. 1521 01:07:04,583 --> 01:07:05,883 Okay, yay. 1522 01:07:05,885 --> 01:07:08,653 Um, I'll have Albert draw up a list of names 1523 01:07:08,655 --> 01:07:09,586 and then where should I start? 1524 01:07:09,588 --> 01:07:10,587 From the beginning. 1525 01:07:10,589 --> 01:07:11,354 Okay, I can do it. 1526 01:07:11,356 --> 01:07:12,255 Yes, I can. 1527 01:07:12,257 --> 01:07:13,390 I believe in myself. 1528 01:07:13,392 --> 01:07:14,357 Guess this is what she meant 1529 01:07:14,359 --> 01:07:15,560 by buildin' a great eulogy. 1530 01:07:16,595 --> 01:07:17,630 Told you. 1531 01:07:18,563 --> 01:07:19,897 Herd. 1532 01:07:19,899 --> 01:07:21,564 What if we can't get the people here? 1533 01:07:21,566 --> 01:07:22,667 We're gonna get them here, they're gonna come. 1534 01:07:22,669 --> 01:07:23,768 Okay, right. 1535 01:07:23,770 --> 01:07:25,268 I believe in us. 1536 01:07:25,270 --> 01:07:26,569 - We got this. - Should we do affirmations? 1537 01:07:26,571 --> 01:07:27,640 Teamin' on. 1538 01:07:29,307 --> 01:07:30,573 It's too much. 1539 01:07:30,575 --> 01:07:31,642 I know, I'm really trying with you. 1540 01:07:31,644 --> 01:07:32,511 - Send an email. - Okay. 1541 01:07:34,681 --> 01:07:35,580 She wants my help. 1542 01:07:48,027 --> 01:07:49,359 Hey Wendy. 1543 01:07:49,361 --> 01:07:50,195 Hey. 1544 01:07:55,768 --> 01:07:57,034 Lettin' the rabbit out of the cage, huh? 1545 01:07:57,036 --> 01:07:58,301 Yeah. 1546 01:07:58,303 --> 01:07:59,837 That's very poetic. 1547 01:07:59,839 --> 01:08:01,739 Well I was letting him take a crap 1548 01:08:01,741 --> 01:08:03,542 before we get into the car. 1549 01:08:09,481 --> 01:08:10,715 What'd you name this one? 1550 01:08:10,717 --> 01:08:11,749 Tolstoy. 1551 01:08:11,751 --> 01:08:14,652 Of course. 1552 01:08:14,654 --> 01:08:15,688 Hey Wendy? 1553 01:08:17,289 --> 01:08:21,226 We're all gonna miss you, where you're goin'. 1554 01:08:24,731 --> 01:08:25,998 I'm gonna miss you too. 1555 01:08:30,002 --> 01:08:31,902 Hey, don't have too much fun in Transylvania. 1556 01:08:31,904 --> 01:08:33,771 - It's Slovenia. - Same thing. 1557 01:08:33,773 --> 01:08:35,675 - It's a place. - Yeah, whatever. 1558 01:08:43,082 --> 01:08:43,916 Hey Knee Cha. 1559 01:08:48,553 --> 01:08:49,720 I forgot to tell you that yesterday 1560 01:08:49,722 --> 01:08:51,523 was the last day for deliveries. 1561 01:08:54,727 --> 01:08:56,528 How you doin', you doin' all right? 1562 01:08:58,363 --> 01:08:58,998 Well. 1563 01:09:00,099 --> 01:09:01,634 I know it's about to start. 1564 01:09:02,735 --> 01:09:03,669 Goin' back? 1565 01:09:05,570 --> 01:09:06,569 I got to really know the guy 1566 01:09:06,571 --> 01:09:07,940 who led the program last time. 1567 01:09:09,441 --> 01:09:11,809 So uh, I've been thinking about asking him 1568 01:09:11,811 --> 01:09:13,811 if I can become his apprentice. 1569 01:09:13,813 --> 01:09:14,847 Sounds like a plan. 1570 01:09:15,715 --> 01:09:16,548 Yeah. 1571 01:09:19,351 --> 01:09:20,820 - I didn't fail. - I know that. 1572 01:09:22,354 --> 01:09:25,925 I'm just going in on my own terms. 1573 01:09:28,027 --> 01:09:29,059 I see you've given God a break. 1574 01:09:30,696 --> 01:09:33,733 I guess so. 1575 01:09:36,568 --> 01:09:37,534 Hey, you're turning in your badge? 1576 01:09:37,536 --> 01:09:38,702 Uh uh. 1577 01:09:38,704 --> 01:09:39,538 It's for you. 1578 01:09:46,578 --> 01:09:47,847 "We're all in the gutter. 1579 01:09:50,415 --> 01:09:52,718 "Some of us just choose to look at the stars." 1580 01:09:55,554 --> 01:09:56,923 I wanted to thank you for that. 1581 01:09:59,792 --> 01:10:00,793 Thank you, pal. 1582 01:10:02,094 --> 01:10:03,461 This is really cool. 1583 01:10:04,163 --> 01:10:04,997 It's time. 1584 01:10:07,733 --> 01:10:08,768 Time for what? 1585 01:10:25,685 --> 01:10:27,718 - Keep 'em closed. - Okay. 1586 01:10:27,720 --> 01:10:30,453 We may never be famous. 1587 01:10:30,455 --> 01:10:32,357 Hardly anyone will remember our name. 1588 01:10:33,659 --> 01:10:34,827 But what we do have is each other. 1589 01:10:36,128 --> 01:10:38,494 And today we brought everyone here 1590 01:10:38,496 --> 01:10:40,833 whose lives have forever been changed by you. 1591 01:10:41,934 --> 01:10:43,968 Okay, you can open your eyes. 1592 01:10:46,839 --> 01:10:48,438 Man. 1593 01:10:48,440 --> 01:10:49,874 Oh. 1594 01:10:49,876 --> 01:10:53,443 I was 16 and I'd just be hanging around this place. 1595 01:10:53,445 --> 01:10:55,511 I was gettin' in to all sorts of trouble, 1596 01:10:55,513 --> 01:10:57,447 and you gave me a broom. 1597 01:10:57,449 --> 01:11:00,619 You brought me in like family and now I have one of my own. 1598 01:11:02,188 --> 01:11:04,154 You were always more influential than any 1599 01:11:04,156 --> 01:11:06,957 of those books you made us read. 1600 01:11:06,959 --> 01:11:08,792 You know workin' here changed me. 1601 01:11:08,794 --> 01:11:11,461 Not just books, but people, and then to have 1602 01:11:11,463 --> 01:11:13,032 my daughter work here was too cool. 1603 01:11:16,802 --> 01:11:17,637 Hey boss. 1604 01:11:18,838 --> 01:11:19,839 Ernie. 1605 01:11:20,605 --> 01:11:23,175 I see my name tag tradition held up. 1606 01:11:24,844 --> 01:11:28,979 Well boss, we took this and had everybody sign it 1607 01:11:28,981 --> 01:11:31,715 from the past to the present. 1608 01:11:31,717 --> 01:11:33,751 This is the one I used when I dropped that pizza 1609 01:11:33,753 --> 01:11:35,653 on the ground and you said I couldn't 1610 01:11:35,655 --> 01:11:37,023 apply the five second rule, so, 1611 01:11:37,957 --> 01:11:39,156 here you go. 1612 01:11:39,158 --> 01:11:40,824 Thank you. 1613 01:11:40,826 --> 01:11:43,027 Everyone who has worked for Patronies Pizza is here 1614 01:11:43,029 --> 01:11:44,562 in one form or another. 1615 01:11:46,832 --> 01:11:47,898 Ah. 1616 01:11:47,900 --> 01:11:48,734 Man. 1617 01:11:52,872 --> 01:11:56,941 You know, I always knew when we started this project 1618 01:11:56,943 --> 01:12:00,780 that I wanted something more than just a pizza restaurant. 1619 01:12:02,148 --> 01:12:03,981 It's every book report you turned in, 1620 01:12:03,983 --> 01:12:06,216 even though some of you hated doing it. 1621 01:12:06,218 --> 01:12:07,019 Schopenhauer. 1622 01:12:08,921 --> 01:12:11,288 But they all just, they brought me so much joy. 1623 01:12:11,290 --> 01:12:14,191 Yeah, I think it's because I wanted 1624 01:12:14,193 --> 01:12:16,961 to hear about how you viewed the world, 1625 01:12:16,963 --> 01:12:18,764 and books meant something to me, but, 1626 01:12:19,899 --> 01:12:21,932 it was so much more interesting 1627 01:12:21,934 --> 01:12:23,669 to hear what they meant to you. 1628 01:12:26,238 --> 01:12:27,740 So thank you all for that. 1629 01:12:31,043 --> 01:12:31,877 Wendy? 1630 01:12:35,715 --> 01:12:39,719 You've taught me so much and when I think about my life, 1631 01:12:41,087 --> 01:12:43,020 I've learned that I'll forget way more 1632 01:12:43,022 --> 01:12:44,622 than I could ever remember. 1633 01:12:45,858 --> 01:12:48,258 It's like trying to hold sand 1634 01:12:48,260 --> 01:12:49,195 with your fingers open. 1635 01:12:50,796 --> 01:12:53,596 A lot of it falls away, but the important stuff, 1636 01:12:53,598 --> 01:12:54,867 it'll stick to your hand. 1637 01:12:56,268 --> 01:12:57,103 Thank you. 1638 01:12:59,171 --> 01:13:00,006 Ugh. 1639 01:13:01,974 --> 01:13:06,879 I was trying to think of a good metaphor, like Wendy. 1640 01:13:07,579 --> 01:13:08,580 But uh... 1641 01:13:15,755 --> 01:13:17,321 It's two ply. 1642 01:13:17,323 --> 01:13:18,190 It's perfect. 1643 01:13:19,125 --> 01:13:19,959 Thank you. 1644 01:13:21,994 --> 01:13:24,030 This has all been really very touching. 1645 01:13:25,097 --> 01:13:26,897 But how about we get some pizza? 1646 01:13:26,899 --> 01:13:28,766 Yeah! 1647 01:13:28,768 --> 01:13:29,668 Love it! 1648 01:13:31,103 --> 01:13:33,837 So this guy came in and asked for eight slices, 1649 01:13:33,839 --> 01:13:37,341 and I was like, well, it'd be cheaper to get the large pie. 1650 01:13:37,343 --> 01:13:39,009 And he says to me, "I want eight slices 1651 01:13:39,011 --> 01:13:40,846 "broken up on individual plates." 1652 01:13:42,248 --> 01:13:44,048 So I come back with the whole large pie 1653 01:13:44,050 --> 01:13:46,685 and say, "Nothing can be broken when everything is one." 1654 01:13:48,054 --> 01:13:50,087 Then he asks me if I'm feeling okay and I say, 1655 01:13:50,089 --> 01:13:52,056 "Considering humanity's just a bunch of apes 1656 01:13:52,058 --> 01:13:54,160 "with ego trips, I'm doin' just fine." 1657 01:13:55,828 --> 01:13:58,164 Then I served all eight slices on individual plates. 1658 01:13:59,965 --> 01:14:02,868 And he looks at me and says, "Shalom." 1659 01:14:04,303 --> 01:14:05,204 So then it hit me. 1660 01:14:06,839 --> 01:14:08,774 Not only did I just serve pizza to Incubus, 1661 01:14:10,176 --> 01:14:12,178 but Brandon Boyd may be a little Jewish. 1662 01:14:13,312 --> 01:14:14,180 Maybe I am, too. 1663 01:14:15,815 --> 01:14:18,115 The thing is, if you wanna be religious 1664 01:14:18,117 --> 01:14:20,951 or a rapper or a poet, go do it. 1665 01:14:20,953 --> 01:14:22,419 Just don't be an a-hole, 1666 01:14:22,421 --> 01:14:24,788 'cause everyone else is trying to find their own thing 1667 01:14:24,790 --> 01:14:26,824 and way through this contradictory, beautiful mess 1668 01:14:26,826 --> 01:14:28,125 of a world to get to the root of their 1669 01:14:28,127 --> 01:14:30,062 true, authentic individuality. 1670 01:14:32,031 --> 01:14:34,133 And if that aint true, at least it's a pretty thought. 1671 01:14:35,701 --> 01:14:37,167 Basically, we're all just a small slice 1672 01:14:37,169 --> 01:14:39,169 of a very old, extra large pie. 1673 01:14:39,171 --> 01:14:41,038 We all come out of the oven the same way, 1674 01:14:41,040 --> 01:14:42,339 spend our lives in our own ways, 1675 01:14:42,341 --> 01:14:44,141 only to get eaten in the end. 1676 01:14:44,143 --> 01:14:48,714 And, well, you know how the digestive system works by now. 1677 01:14:50,282 --> 01:14:52,816 So what makes the perfect pizza? 1678 01:14:52,818 --> 01:14:53,853 I'll give you a hint: 1679 01:14:54,954 --> 01:14:56,420 it's a circle. 1680 01:14:56,422 --> 01:14:59,189 Typically it has eight slices. 1681 01:14:59,191 --> 01:15:00,891 You could have more, you could have less, 1682 01:15:00,893 --> 01:15:02,025 but any amount is better than none at all 1683 01:15:02,027 --> 01:15:04,194 and what makes it perfect is 1684 01:15:04,196 --> 01:15:06,196 if by the end you enjoy it, 1685 01:15:06,198 --> 01:15:07,264 and then you keep eatin' it and then... 1686 01:15:07,266 --> 01:15:08,332 Jack. 1687 01:15:08,334 --> 01:15:09,800 Come on. 1688 01:15:09,802 --> 01:15:11,303 They get it, stop talking to them. 1689 01:15:14,940 --> 01:15:17,007 As much as I love portraying Sir Kerouac, 1690 01:15:17,009 --> 01:15:17,943 I gotta admit, 1691 01:15:19,445 --> 01:15:20,279 words, 1692 01:15:21,947 --> 01:15:23,115 and the act of writing, 1693 01:15:24,183 --> 01:15:26,250 only point towards reality. 1694 01:15:26,252 --> 01:15:27,353 Jack! 1695 01:15:29,288 --> 01:15:30,656 They never get there. 1696 01:15:32,291 --> 01:15:33,125 Got that? 1697 01:15:39,765 --> 01:15:40,764 What are you doin'? 1698 01:15:40,766 --> 01:15:41,999 Checkin' me out or somethin'? 1699 01:15:42,001 --> 01:15:43,002 Get outta here. 1700 01:17:34,880 --> 01:17:38,217 Who is Sam Zander? 1701 01:17:40,953 --> 01:17:43,253 I wanted to post this video today to let you guys 1702 01:17:43,255 --> 01:17:44,855 know I'm taking a break from my channel. 1703 01:17:44,857 --> 01:17:47,190 Not because I'm gonna stop searching for the truth, 1704 01:17:47,192 --> 01:17:51,030 but because in a way, I feel like maybe I already found it. 1705 01:17:52,498 --> 01:17:54,598 It was a famous French writer who once said, 1706 01:17:54,600 --> 01:17:58,302 "I tore myself away from the comfort of certainties 1707 01:17:58,304 --> 01:18:01,307 "through my love for truth, and truth rewarded be." 1708 01:18:02,374 --> 01:18:04,910 Her name was Simone de Beauvoir. 1709 01:18:06,278 --> 01:18:07,944 If she's out there listening somewhere, 1710 01:18:07,946 --> 01:18:10,180 I just wanna let her know that I'm sorry. 1711 01:18:10,182 --> 01:18:12,584 Maybe, maybe she can forgive me. 1712 01:18:15,287 --> 01:18:17,356 Also, I left my lights on, 1713 01:18:18,658 --> 01:18:20,357 and I could really use a jump start.