1
00:00:04,270 --> 00:00:06,800
That's the... C-Come here.
That's the Baron.

2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,800
- Come on, Barry.
- Come on.

3
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:10,640
We are so high.

4
00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:12,040
We're on drugblood.

5
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,710
Put the hat on.
Oh, yeah...

6
00:00:13,740 --> 00:00:16,410
- Oh! Ugh, no.
- Shit.

7
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,580
- I broke his half off.
- His bodies' half off.

8
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,520
No, no, no, he's just coming
through the floor.

9
00:00:21,550 --> 00:00:22,990
Guillermo?

10
00:00:23,020 --> 00:00:25,050
Help us!
Don't just stand there.

11
00:00:25,090 --> 00:00:27,220
I don't think that's Guillermo.

12
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:28,920
- Guillermo?
- No.

13
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,660
N- No, Nandor,
that's the StairMaster.

14
00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:33,430
The master of the stairs.

15
00:00:33,460 --> 00:00:35,530
- We fucked up. This is bad.
- Where's Guiller...

16
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:37,400
Guillermo!

17
00:00:37,430 --> 00:00:40,400
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God. Oh, my God...

18
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,570
("You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing)

19
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,040
♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪

20
00:00:45,070 --> 00:00:47,580
♪ They have no use
for your song ♪

21
00:00:47,610 --> 00:00:50,210
♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪

22
00:00:50,250 --> 00:00:52,580
♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪

23
00:00:54,650 --> 00:00:57,720
♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪

24
00:00:57,750 --> 00:01:00,460
♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪

25
00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:02,860
♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪

26
00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:04,960
♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪

27
00:01:17,270 --> 00:01:21,110
We are gathered here
tonight in our backyard

28
00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:24,410
to commemorate
the second death of the Baron.

29
00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:26,820
We are having a ceremony

30
00:01:26,850 --> 00:01:28,650
to commemorate
the Baron's passing.

31
00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:29,720
Problem is, though,

32
00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:31,390
we don't remember how he died,

33
00:01:31,420 --> 00:01:32,620
because we were absolutely

34
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,820
messed up on drugblood.

35
00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:37,930
And as a sign of respect,
we have decided to bury you

36
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:40,930
betwixt my two favorite vaginas:

37
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:44,630
that of my wife and my mother.

38
00:01:44,670 --> 00:01:47,940
Baron, such a wonderful,
filthy times

39
00:01:47,970 --> 00:01:49,310
we did have.

40
00:01:49,340 --> 00:01:50,970
What a way

41
00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,680
to live your life after death,

42
00:01:52,710 --> 00:01:54,440
and what a way to die.

43
00:01:58,310 --> 00:01:59,680
Did we murder him?

44
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,520
We, um, we might have
floated the idea

45
00:02:01,550 --> 00:02:04,420
of murdering him,
but we didn't do it.

46
00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:05,650
Did we?

47
00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:07,890
Oh, I think something
awful happened.

48
00:02:10,990 --> 00:02:12,860
Fuck.

49
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,000
Maybe we should
keep this under our hats.

50
00:02:15,030 --> 00:02:16,970
If any vampires
find out about this,

51
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,670
then it...

52
00:02:25,540 --> 00:02:27,340
Give the Baron his last sip.

53
00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:28,710
Of course.

54
00:02:31,580 --> 00:02:34,150
So just get him in.

55
00:02:34,180 --> 00:02:35,520
- Yep.
- Goodbye, Baron.

56
00:02:36,850 --> 00:02:38,520
Master, there's a raven
looking at us.

57
00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:42,360
It is a bad omen.
It means that

58
00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:44,460
bad luck is approaching.

59
00:02:44,490 --> 00:02:45,460
Hey, gang.

60
00:02:45,490 --> 00:02:47,130
What's up? Oh!

61
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:48,130
Oh, my God.

62
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,170
Did-did you guys kill him?

63
00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:52,316
No! No one murdered him. - No! What...
He was just... - We found him in there.

64
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,670
I'm just giving you guff.

65
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:56,640
And, uh, just so you know, I am
feeding on you guys right now.

66
00:02:56,670 --> 00:02:58,410
You can be such a prick, Colin.

67
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,140
I have heard that.

68
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,680
Shit.
The Baron's familiar.

69
00:03:04,580 --> 00:03:06,750
There's more ravens.
They're giving me the shits.

70
00:03:06,780 --> 00:03:09,220
Guillermo, shield us
from the ravens.

71
00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:11,090
The sky is filled with them.

72
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:12,566
- No, let's just go inside.
- Let's go inside.

73
00:03:12,590 --> 00:03:15,020
Fill the hole.
Keep filling.

74
00:03:15,060 --> 00:03:16,430
But the ravens...

75
00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:17,590
They're everywhere!

76
00:03:19,630 --> 00:03:22,060
There are ravens all over
the front lawn now, too.

77
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,900
They're trying to frighten us.
But it won't work.

78
00:03:24,930 --> 00:03:26,500
Aah!
What is going on?

79
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,500
Master. - Aah! 
- Ay yai yai.

80
00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:30,186
There's a floating woman
on the front porch.

81
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,470
She needs to talk to you.

82
00:03:36,710 --> 00:03:39,350
You have been summoned...

83
00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:44,020
to appear before
the Vampiric Council

84
00:03:44,050 --> 00:03:47,490
at the Temple
of Blood-Devourers.

85
00:03:48,560 --> 00:03:50,260
Could you not have
just telephoned?

86
00:03:50,290 --> 00:03:52,560
We sent ravens.

87
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,200
We sent 500 ravens!

88
00:03:55,230 --> 00:03:57,200
Yes, but we have a telephone.

89
00:03:57,230 --> 00:04:00,370
I'm shocked and appalled
that you didn't raven us back.

90
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,200
We didn't know how.

91
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,470
You just say,
"Raven, we will be there.

92
00:04:04,510 --> 00:04:06,940
Thank you. Fly."

93
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:09,580
You've been invited.

94
00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:17,320
Couldn't you
just have telephoned?

95
00:04:21,490 --> 00:04:25,290
The Vampiric Council
is a very ancient organization.

96
00:04:25,330 --> 00:04:27,960
Very powerful.
And, apparently,

97
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,830
very scary.

98
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:33,400
They travel from
all corners of the globe

99
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,500
to administer supreme
and final justice

100
00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:37,640
upon any vampire

101
00:04:37,670 --> 00:04:39,780
who's violated
the Vampiric Code.

102
00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:42,510
Laszlo was very nearly summoned
when he turned a baby

103
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:45,250
into a vampire,
which is a big no-no.

104
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,656
It's true.
You're not supposed to do that.

105
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:49,520
But, to be honest, I was bored.

106
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:51,590
I gave it to an acquaintance
in the Bronx,

107
00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:52,820
where, I believe,

108
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,490
it remains to this day.

109
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:57,190
That baby would be about
90 years old now.

110
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,630
You really fucked up there.

111
00:04:58,660 --> 00:05:00,200
I certainly did.

112
00:05:00,230 --> 00:05:01,460
Maybe we should visit it.

113
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,230
I'd rather not.

114
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,930
Here it is.

115
00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:08,670
Okay, so, obviously,
we are all on edge.

116
00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:10,840
This could be about anything,

117
00:05:10,870 --> 00:05:14,440
so we must say nothing about
you-know-what. - Obviously.

118
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,156
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa...

119
00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:18,180
It is that woman.

120
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,990
I think she wants us
to come inside.

121
00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:24,650
Hello again.

122
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:28,220
Follow me.

123
00:05:28,260 --> 00:05:30,190
So glad you could make it.

124
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,270
Oh.

125
00:05:39,270 --> 00:05:41,070
Enter.

126
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,510
How did she do that?

127
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,340
Oh.

128
00:05:50,110 --> 00:05:51,980
And we're here.

129
00:05:52,010 --> 00:05:54,050
And follow me.

130
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,420
How does she do that?

131
00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,090
The Tribunal have gathered
in the Chamber of Judgment,

132
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,720
and there
you'll be put on trial.

133
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,330
Why does this hallway never end?

134
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:07,360
Well, it's just
a freaky-long hallway.

135
00:06:15,770 --> 00:06:17,840
I thought the Council
was bigger than that.

136
00:06:17,870 --> 00:06:19,880
- Maybe we can battle them.
- Shh!

137
00:06:19,910 --> 00:06:21,010
Enter.

138
00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:22,850
Not the human.

139
00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,780
Vampire-only trial, Guillermo.

140
00:06:27,650 --> 00:06:29,520
What will happen to me?

141
00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:32,050
Oh, you'll see.

142
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,860
Sorry, I have a...

143
00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:37,560
little blood bubble
in my throat.

144
00:06:38,830 --> 00:06:40,730
You'll see...

145
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,400
a room at the end of the hallway

146
00:06:42,430 --> 00:06:44,270
for the familiars.

147
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:47,370
Ludwig will take you
to the familiar lounge.

148
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,540
Ludwig. Ludwig.

149
00:06:49,570 --> 00:06:51,040
Ludwig!

150
00:06:51,070 --> 00:06:52,580
I'll just do it.
Follow me.

151
00:06:52,610 --> 00:06:53,910
Watch your step.

152
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:56,110
I don't have to, I glide.

153
00:06:57,810 --> 00:07:00,450
Good evening, Your Excellencies.

154
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:03,820
This is Vasillika the Defiler.

155
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:05,290
Hello.

156
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,290
And I am...

157
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,290
Garrett.

158
00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:10,790
Garrett the...

159
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:12,290
The vampire.

160
00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:13,330
Simple. Nice.

161
00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:15,230
Hi, Garrett the vampire.

162
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:17,970
Now, what happened
with the Baron?

163
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,840
- He's dead.
- Oh...

164
00:07:19,870 --> 00:07:22,640
- Sorry, everyone.
- It w... We didn't make him dead.

165
00:07:22,670 --> 00:07:24,970
- No, it's true.
- It was a misunderstanding.

166
00:07:25,010 --> 00:07:27,680
Um, as a joke, we said,
"Why not kill the Baron?"

167
00:07:27,710 --> 00:07:29,440
And if you were there
at the time,

168
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,856
you, too, would have laughed.
Yes.

169
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,450
Now we realize that it was
probably a stupid thing to say,

170
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,580
and we are truly sorry,

171
00:07:35,620 --> 00:07:37,420
and we're taking this
very seriously.

172
00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:38,790
And these are our serious faces.

173
00:07:38,820 --> 00:07:42,590
Serious, serious, serious.

174
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,730
Follow.

175
00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:48,330
What are you doing?

176
00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,600
I'm warming my face.
It's so cold in here.

177
00:07:50,630 --> 00:07:52,470
Well, it's an LED light.

178
00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:55,270
- Oh.
- There's no way we could have fire.

179
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:58,240
The fire marshals
would have a fit.

180
00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:02,950
I have to say

181
00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:05,380
we are deeply moved

182
00:08:05,410 --> 00:08:07,650
by your story,
and-and maybe it's just me,

183
00:08:07,680 --> 00:08:09,056
but I don't think
you're guilty at all.

184
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,320
- Vasillika?
- Mm, no,

185
00:08:10,350 --> 00:08:11,720
I don't think you sound guilty.

186
00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:15,020
I- I think...
they might let you go.

187
00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:17,030
Sorry, what do you mean
by "they"?

188
00:08:17,060 --> 00:08:19,460
The Vampiric Council.

189
00:08:19,490 --> 00:08:21,300
You're not the Vampiric Council?

190
00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:23,070
Oh.

191
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,300
No. No, we're...

192
00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:26,516
- we're prisoners here.
- No, we have

193
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,146
- been imprisoned in this boring room
- Oh...

194
00:08:28,170 --> 00:08:31,210
for... 1,000 years?

195
00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:34,080
- Oh, it's really awful.
- Since 1932.

196
00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:35,710
Mm.

197
00:08:35,740 --> 00:08:38,210
That's not 1,000 years.

198
00:08:38,250 --> 00:08:40,550
What-what year is it?

199
00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:42,280
It's 2019.

200
00:08:44,350 --> 00:08:46,050
We have been here for 90 years.

201
00:08:46,090 --> 00:08:47,720
- Oh, shit.
- What did you do?

202
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,890
Oh, me?
Too much defiling.

203
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,060
They say I turned a baby
into a vampire

204
00:08:52,090 --> 00:08:53,900
and left it in the Bronx.

205
00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:57,370
Who would do such a thing?
If I ever find out who did it,

206
00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,600
I will take a dagger
and stab them 5,000 times

207
00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,110
with this hand,
switch hands, and stab them

208
00:09:04,140 --> 00:09:06,210
another 5,000 times!

209
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:09,040
I can fill up this book

210
00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:12,450
with the ways I would
torture that vampire.

211
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,020
Wouldn't want to be him.

212
00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:18,990
- That poor baby.
- Poor, poor baby.

213
00:09:20,620 --> 00:09:24,460
The Vampiric Council
will see you now.

214
00:09:24,490 --> 00:09:27,530
- Doesn't have to be right now.
- I mean, right now...

215
00:09:27,560 --> 00:09:30,600
Right now. I... They had a break,
but they're ready now. - They...

216
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:45,750
Hey.
Are you a familiar, too?

217
00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:47,780
Yes.

218
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,580
Welcome.

219
00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:05,470
This is the chamber
where you will be tried.

220
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,640
You could hang...

221
00:10:07,670 --> 00:10:11,110
Hang? - ...here,
until the trial starts.

222
00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:12,780
I think we're ready.

223
00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:14,086
No... We are not ready.
Yes. We are ready.

224
00:10:14,110 --> 00:10:15,286
- No, we're not...
- What? What's going...

225
00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:18,350
The spectacle
of judgment begins.

226
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:22,820
What the hell is this?

227
00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:40,500
That's very elaborate.

228
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:42,000
Since this may be
your last night

229
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,970
of existence,
the Vampiric Council

230
00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:47,340
likes to do something
a little bit special.

231
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,950
They rehearsed it for decades.

232
00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,720
This is very odd.

233
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:24,550
What the blazes is this?

234
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,520
Dark greetings of the night

235
00:11:28,550 --> 00:11:30,520
to all the members

236
00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:33,860
of the Vampiric Council,
from all the continents,

237
00:11:33,890 --> 00:11:37,530
gathered here together on...

238
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,560
- Staten Island.
- On St...

239
00:11:39,590 --> 00:11:41,900
O- On Staten Island.

240
00:11:41,930 --> 00:11:45,730
Welcome, vampires
from near and far,

241
00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:49,540
to this here
grand Vampiric Council,

242
00:11:49,570 --> 00:11:53,040
to judge over
these three accused.

243
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,410
Accused of what, you may ask.

244
00:11:56,440 --> 00:11:57,750
- Murder...
- Vampire murder.

245
00:11:57,780 --> 00:11:59,780
- Vampire murder.
- Sor... vampire murder.

246
00:12:02,550 --> 00:12:05,390
So that's why we're here.

247
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:07,260
I'll now introduce
the leaders of the council,

248
00:12:07,290 --> 00:12:10,560
starting here with Tilda.

249
00:12:10,590 --> 00:12:12,190
Pretty much our leader.

250
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:14,470
She's the one who makes all
the big decisions. - Hello.

251
00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:17,400
Welcome, Tilda.

252
00:12:17,430 --> 00:12:21,370
I am Viago Von Dorna Schmarten

253
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,770
Scheden Heimburg.

254
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,610
This is Deacon Brucke.

255
00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,080
- Hello.
- Vladislav the Poker.

256
00:12:28,110 --> 00:12:29,780
We also have

257
00:12:29,810 --> 00:12:31,250
Evan, the Immortal

258
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,880
Princess of the Undead.

259
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,326
You don't have to say my whole
name. You can just say Evan,

260
00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:36,950
- it's fine.
- Or just Evan.

261
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,750
Who else do we have?
Danny.

262
00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:41,090
Hey, Danny. With his shirt off,
as usual.

263
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,060
Cool Mexican tattoos
all over his chest.

264
00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:47,100
- Dark greetings, everyone.
- Welcome, Danny.

265
00:12:47,130 --> 00:12:50,570
- We also have Paul.
- Dark greetings, everyone. Dark greetings.

266
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:54,100
Great to be here.

267
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:57,970
- Rob... Wh... Is Rob here? Is...
- Couldn't make it.

268
00:12:58,010 --> 00:13:00,580
- We couldn't get Rob?
- Uh, no, I-I talked to Rob, he didn't...

269
00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:03,180
didn't want to come.
Want to... leave it behind.

270
00:13:03,210 --> 00:13:04,480
That's fine. No, he didn't want

271
00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:07,180
- to be here. Kiefer?
- I don't see Kiefer.

272
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,426
Kiefer said that he wanted
to do it, but he couldn't come.

273
00:13:09,450 --> 00:13:11,520
- He was busy?
- Tom and Brad...

274
00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:12,960
- Tom, not... No.
- Not interested.

275
00:13:12,990 --> 00:13:15,290
- Tom and Bra... Well...
- Not into it.

276
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:16,790
They're not committed like us.

277
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,830
It's just an availability thing.

278
00:13:18,860 --> 00:13:21,800
- Well, who is here?
- Calling in via Skype,

279
00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:25,030
we have Wesley over there,
the day-walker.

280
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:26,446
Wesley! Hey, Wesley.
Is this working?

281
00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:28,640
- Look at him then...
- Oh, God, not this fucking guy.

282
00:13:28,670 --> 00:13:30,970
He is a vampire killer!

283
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:33,340
Hey, he is half vampire.

284
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,480
His opinion still counts.

285
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:38,680
Yeah, well, I'm only listening
to half his opinion.

286
00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:40,720
Look at him in the sunlight.
Showing off.

287
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:42,820
- Can you hear me?
- Wesley, can you hear us?

288
00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:44,196
- Hey, can you hear me?
- There's a lag.

289
00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:46,890
The Skype seems glitchy.

290
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,120
- Hello?
- Push the mute button. It looks like

291
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,360
a little microphone,
it's got a-got a ring around it.

292
00:13:51,390 --> 00:13:52,536
- I'm pushing it.
- Can you hear us now?

293
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:55,230
I can hear you.
Dark greetings.

294
00:13:55,260 --> 00:13:56,870
Okay. Great.

295
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:58,800
Moving on. As is vampire law,

296
00:13:58,830 --> 00:14:00,840
we also have
a local vampire here

297
00:14:00,870 --> 00:14:04,010
on the council this evening,
Colin Robinson.

298
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,410
Hello.

299
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,010
What the fuck
are you doing here?

300
00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,710
Okay, now...

301
00:14:08,740 --> 00:14:10,810
So why are we gathered
on "Statee" Island?

302
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,020
Because one of our brothers
has passed from this world.

303
00:14:13,050 --> 00:14:17,550
Baron Afanas,
also known as The Undying One.

304
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,820
Well, he died.
That's why we're here.

305
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,020
Call the witness.

306
00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:24,030
First witness.

307
00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,830
- Oh, good grief.
- Oh, shit.

308
00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,930
Where the hell
did she come from?

309
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,930
This is Baron Afanas' familiar.

310
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:33,840
Witness number one, speak.

311
00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:36,840
It's okay. She doesn't speak.

312
00:14:36,870 --> 00:14:40,840
On the eve of the death
of my master...

313
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,040
Well, she's speaking now.

314
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,510
These three vampires

315
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,620
- took Baron Afanas...
- She's speaking.

316
00:14:47,650 --> 00:14:51,920
And they let him partake
of human food.

317
00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:56,930
We cannot eat human food.
It's gross.

318
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,290
The fuck is wrong with you guys?

319
00:14:58,330 --> 00:14:59,560
Earlier,

320
00:14:59,590 --> 00:15:03,230
I overheard them
plotting to murder him.

321
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:06,770
She speaks the bullshit.

322
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,100
We simply floated the idea.

323
00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:10,910
You floated the idea
of murdering him?

324
00:15:10,940 --> 00:15:14,040
- Yes.
- Not floated, you plotted.

325
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,710
Floating and plotting
are very similar. Wait,

326
00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:19,650
- The Baron is dead?
- Oh, my God, Wesley,

327
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:21,426
- we're past that now.
- Wesley, catch up, we're past that.

328
00:15:21,450 --> 00:15:23,820
- Remove the witness. Yeah.
- Thanks a lot.

329
00:15:23,850 --> 00:15:26,390
Bye, bitch. Human food?
Like-like-like

330
00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:28,560
hamburger or some-something like that?
Wesley.

331
00:15:28,590 --> 00:15:30,166
We're over the human food thing.
Shut up.

332
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:31,890
We're not talking
about that, Wesley.

333
00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:33,330
You need better Wi-Fi.

334
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,960
Move the computer
next to your router, homes.

335
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,800
Hey, hey, hey.
It's not my Wi-Fi.

336
00:15:37,830 --> 00:15:40,170
I got the best Wi-Fi. Okay?

337
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,840
I heard about one familiar
who was made into a vampire,

338
00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:46,610
and now he has a big castle
and he is really successful...

339
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:50,150
My master says I'm gonna be
a vampire in a few days.

340
00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:52,580
It's only been seven decades.

341
00:15:52,610 --> 00:15:54,980
So, have any of you

342
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:58,720
met a familiar
who's become a vampire?

343
00:16:00,820 --> 00:16:01,920
Not personally,

344
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,360
never met one.

345
00:16:04,390 --> 00:16:08,700
Well, I'll be a vampire soon,
and then you'll know a vampire.

346
00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:11,030
And then you can
become my familiar.

347
00:16:11,070 --> 00:16:13,670
Did anyone really like
The Baron, anyway?

348
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:16,346
Well, I... no, I didn't like him.
He was creepy. - I mean, I didn't...

349
00:16:16,370 --> 00:16:19,970
He was loco. - I thought he was
pretty rude and a backstabber.

350
00:16:20,010 --> 00:16:22,040
- He was a bit of an asshole.
- Loco.

351
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,510
He was a psychotic madman.

352
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:24,856
Aren't we all, though?
A little bit?

353
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:26,050
He was a whackjob,

354
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,680
he was crazy,
but rules are rules.

355
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,720
- Now what?
- Bring in the other witness.

356
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:32,826
Now let us call the next witness.
What other witness?

357
00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:35,490
Another witness.
Witness number whatever-it-is.

358
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,230
- Oh, my life.
- Guillermo.

359
00:16:37,260 --> 00:16:38,690
Who's this
delicious-looking thing?

360
00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:40,660
What is this?
Is this-is this lunch?

361
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:41,906
- Yes, it's lunch.
- No, it's not lunch.

362
00:16:41,930 --> 00:16:43,070
It's lunch.

363
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,830
This is one of their
familiars, council.

364
00:16:45,870 --> 00:16:46,970
He bears witness.

365
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,170
Did these vampires three

366
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:51,740
murder The Baron?

367
00:16:51,770 --> 00:16:53,040
No, they did not.

368
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,240
Did they "float" it?

369
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,980
They discussed it,
but they-they were just talking.

370
00:16:58,010 --> 00:16:59,650
They weren't going
to really do it.

371
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,520
So who murdered The Baron?

372
00:17:02,550 --> 00:17:04,290
Um...

373
00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:11,290
They... It was I.
I-I killed him.

374
00:17:13,030 --> 00:17:14,500
- You did it?
- Yes.

375
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:17,230
It was I.
I did it.

376
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,370
Okay. Unlikely.

377
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,270
Don't take offense,
but you don't seem like someone

378
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:24,510
who would be capable
of killing a vampire.

379
00:17:24,540 --> 00:17:26,240
- But I did it.
- Uh, hard to believe.

380
00:17:26,270 --> 00:17:28,056
- Well, I did.
- From maybe a tougher-looking guy,

381
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:31,080
- I'd believe it, but...
- I think you're lying

382
00:17:31,110 --> 00:17:32,686
- to protect your master.
- Of course he is.

383
00:17:32,710 --> 00:17:34,720
This little guy
couldn't kill a vampire.

384
00:17:34,750 --> 00:17:36,926
No, it was, it was me. I opened
the door and it was dawn

385
00:17:36,950 --> 00:17:38,350
and then the sun came in and...

386
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:40,290
and then it happened.

387
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,690
That sounds very made-up.

388
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,030
I mean, I don't know, guys.

389
00:17:44,060 --> 00:17:45,930
None of us really liked
The Baron,

390
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:48,360
so maybe we just kill
this cute little guy

391
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:50,400
and then let the other three go.

392
00:17:50,430 --> 00:17:51,570
Send his soul to hell.

393
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,370
Does anyone else
feel like having

394
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,470
- a cheeky little snack?
- Sneaky snack?

395
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,470
What do you think, Wesley?

396
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:01,480
Who is this motherfucker now?
This glasses motherfucker?

397
00:18:01,510 --> 00:18:02,740
It's lunch, Wesley.

398
00:18:02,780 --> 00:18:05,210
Lunch. - Oh, yeah. - No!

399
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:06,750
I cannot abide by this.

400
00:18:06,780 --> 00:18:08,950
- Oh.
- Get to the point.

401
00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:12,550
- Have you got a point to make?
- Listen to me.

402
00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:14,890
- We're all listening.
- You got... Everyone's listening.

403
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,336
Everyone's like... - Everyone
has stopped what they were doing,

404
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:17,836
we were all about to chomp down
on this guy,

405
00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:20,430
and then you said,
"Oh, I'm gonna say something."

406
00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:22,430
- Speak.
- It was we...

407
00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:24,900
No.
Who killed The Baron.

408
00:18:24,930 --> 00:18:26,500
We thought that!
That's what we thought.

409
00:18:26,530 --> 00:18:28,770
- We-we...
- We were all discussing that.

410
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:29,840
You have committed

411
00:18:29,870 --> 00:18:33,070
premeditated vampicide.

412
00:18:33,110 --> 00:18:35,010
Pass the judgment, Tilda.

413
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,910
I pronounce these three

414
00:18:36,940 --> 00:18:38,750
guilty.

415
00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:41,150
Raise your fangs, all who agree.

416
00:18:48,220 --> 00:18:49,990
The punishment is

417
00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:52,130
they will be killed
in the same manner

418
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,530
that their victim was:

419
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,100
exposed to sunlight.

420
00:18:56,130 --> 00:18:58,670
- Ooh!
- Ow, Chihuahuas.

421
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,500
Man, that's fucking rough.

422
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,940
You gonna help us,
Colin Robinson?

423
00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:05,540
Fuck can I do?

424
00:19:05,570 --> 00:19:07,780
Follow me to your doom.

425
00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:09,180
Don't worry.

426
00:19:09,210 --> 00:19:12,550
I've coordinated
a secret escape plan.

427
00:19:13,980 --> 00:19:15,350
Bat!

428
00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:17,190
- Laszlo, you fucking asshole!
- How could...

429
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:19,220
- How could...
- Ludwig, get him.

430
00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:22,260
Dan, get her.

431
00:19:24,990 --> 00:19:26,960
Watch the hands, Mr. Hands!

432
00:19:26,990 --> 00:19:29,630
Fucking hell!

433
00:19:29,660 --> 00:19:33,070
Release my blade.

434
00:19:33,100 --> 00:19:35,040
- Ooh.
- Is it welded on there, or...?

435
00:19:35,070 --> 00:19:37,000
Well, it's for
decoration, really.

436
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,140
- Thank you, Ludwig, very good.
- Fuck me.

437
00:19:40,170 --> 00:19:41,980
What is that?
Uh... Hey!

438
00:19:42,010 --> 00:19:44,180
He's a vampire, he couldn't get
an ax off a wall.

439
00:19:44,210 --> 00:19:45,750
Well, you should see it.

440
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:47,980
It's, like, welded on there
or something.

441
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,850
We have to find a way
out of here.

442
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:53,490
This is the thing
where we wa... Okay,

443
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,690
I broke this, turned right, and
then we turned left to the...

444
00:19:58,630 --> 00:19:59,760
Stay back!

445
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,430
Oh...

446
00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:06,730
It was an accident.

447
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:09,000
It was an accident.
It was an accident.

448
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:10,470
It was an accident!

449
00:20:13,710 --> 00:20:16,440
So, they're being sent
into a well, and, uh,

450
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,680
the sun's going
to slowly come up,

451
00:20:18,710 --> 00:20:21,096
- and then they'll burn to death.
- It's a very horrible way to die.

452
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,750
- Very dramatic way to die.
- Yes.

453
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:27,290
♪

454
00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:40,600
That's so macabre.

455
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,440
They could have
at least cleared them up

456
00:20:42,470 --> 00:20:44,910
before putting us in here.

457
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,580
I wish I had made more
of my leadership skills.

458
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:57,590
I could have ruled
many more countries

459
00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:01,290
instead of dying in a well
with two perverts.

460
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,560
I was Jack the Ripper.

461
00:21:03,590 --> 00:21:05,990
I've never told
anyone that before.

462
00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:07,830
And I wish I'd made love more.

463
00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:10,260
Well, you did that a lot.
A lot.

464
00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:12,930
- I suppose I did.
- Yeah, a-a lot.

465
00:21:12,970 --> 00:21:15,400
I miss my horse John.

466
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:19,140
I wish I was better to him.
And to you both.

467
00:21:19,170 --> 00:21:22,140
That's very kind of you, Nandor,
to say that, and, um,

468
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:25,980
I know we haven't got on
over the years, but, uh...

469
00:21:26,010 --> 00:21:28,950
Nope, that's it.

470
00:21:28,980 --> 00:21:31,490
I hate to say it,
but I think it's gonna hurt.

471
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,360
- Oh, no!
- Fucking Colin Robinson.

472
00:21:34,390 --> 00:21:37,090
- Oh, shit.
- No! No!

473
00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,960
- Save me! Oh, Gregor, I love you!
- No! No!

474
00:21:39,990 --> 00:21:42,430
Gregor!

475
00:21:42,460 --> 00:21:44,830
- Oh, my love, my love...
- I'm burning!

476
00:21:48,500 --> 00:21:50,970
- I-It is an eclipse.
- What is that?

477
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:53,110
Hey, dudes. It's me,
Colin Robinson, your roommate.

478
00:21:53,140 --> 00:21:55,540
Colin Robinson?
Yeah,

479
00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:57,656
Guillermo's here, too. He was
running around, peeing himself.

480
00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:59,280
I didn't pee myself, Master.

481
00:21:59,310 --> 00:22:01,120
- He was freaked out.
- No, I wasn't.

482
00:22:01,150 --> 00:22:03,790
So, anyway, I, uh, I was walking
by this hardware store

483
00:22:03,820 --> 00:22:05,566
and I says to myself,
"Colin, you should go in

484
00:22:05,590 --> 00:22:08,890
and, uh, see if they have
any umbrellas for the well."

485
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,730
Made sure to keep the receipt,
I'm gonna probably take it back.

486
00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:13,400
You can do that
on non-food items.

487
00:22:13,430 --> 00:22:16,030
- Is he zapping our energy?
- He's taking advantage of us.

488
00:22:16,060 --> 00:22:18,170
- Don't do that.
- Shut up.

489
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,000
Do you not want me to stay?
I can... I'll go.

490
00:22:20,030 --> 00:22:22,400
- No, no, no, no, no! No!
- No, don't do that! No!

491
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,240
Just giving you guys guff.

492
00:22:24,270 --> 00:22:26,010
Yeah, I'm gonna save you.

493
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:28,380
You guys awake?

494
00:22:28,410 --> 00:22:31,810
Hello?

495
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:34,080
Oh, no,
a roller coaster for vampires.

496
00:22:36,220 --> 00:22:39,650
- Oh, no, oh, no! Roller coaster again.
- Stop it, Colin Robinson.

497
00:22:39,690 --> 00:22:42,160
And sorry about the camera crew
at the bottom of the well.

498
00:22:42,190 --> 00:22:44,530
You're gonna want to get them
out sooner than later.

499
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:46,290
They're in-they're in
grave danger.

500
00:22:48,230 --> 00:22:51,030
- You had a heck of a day, too, huh?
- Yeah.

501
00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:54,100
- How long have you been with us?
- Ten years.

502
00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,540
I guess that's
the whole deal, right?

503
00:22:56,570 --> 00:22:58,170
That, you know,
you work for him,

504
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:01,810
and he eventually turns you
into a, uh, a vampire?

505
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:05,450
Yeah.

506
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,450
That's the deal.

507
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,080
♪ Can't trust his kind today ♪

508
00:23:13,250 --> 00:23:17,220
♪ Love has died
and death is here to stay... ♪

509
00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:24,270
♪ Guess our plan can fade away ♪

510
00:23:24,300 --> 00:23:28,270
♪ On a cloud so far away ♪

511
00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:32,240
♪ Time will come
when death will pave the way ♪

512
00:23:34,310 --> 00:23:39,310
♪ Time will come
when death will pave the way ♪

513
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:45,290
♪ Time will come
when death will pave the way ♪

514
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:52,260
♪ Time will come
when death will pave the way ♪

515
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,170
♪ Time will come
when death will pave the way. ♪

516
00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:07,170
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH