1 00:00:00,267 --> 00:00:01,668 for once, I agree with Gizmo. 2 00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:04,505 You do overuse the vampiric hypnosis. 3 00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:06,540 -What? And you don't? -I don't need to. 4 00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:10,310 I can rely on my wit and wisdom, not cheap tricks and gambits. 5 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,045 Electrical audio recording. 6 00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:14,715 Testing. One, two and... 7 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,084 My point being, I can wander about these humans 8 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,086 without having to resort to hypnosis. 9 00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:21,355 I'm a student of the human condition, 10 00:00:21,388 --> 00:00:23,590 a psychological chameleon, one might say. 11 00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,692 Well, one might also say 12 00:00:25,726 --> 00:00:29,029 that you have hypnotized your best friend Sean many times. 13 00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,431 Yeah, to clear up your mess, but I don't say anything 14 00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:34,268 that causes Sean any kind of alarm. 15 00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:36,003 In fact, if you talk to Sean, he'll tell you 16 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,238 I'm just one of the guys. 17 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:39,540 Well, he's my friend, too. 18 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,241 That's 'cause he's a nice guy, 19 00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:42,442 which makes it doubly embarrassing 20 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:44,311 when you say dumb shit like, 21 00:00:44,344 --> 00:00:47,781 "I am a vampire, I've lived for 2,000 years. 22 00:00:47,814 --> 00:00:49,550 "I like to suck-a the blood. 23 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,251 "Oh, shit. I fucked up. 24 00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:54,188 I'll now have to hypnotize the whole fucking world." 25 00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,591 -I don't do that. -You do do that. 26 00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,359 You just said "Doo doo." 27 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:03,430 Touché. Can we get on with this? 28 00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:05,599 ["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing] 29 00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,101 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 30 00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,604 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 31 00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:13,273 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 32 00:01:13,307 --> 00:01:16,009 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 33 00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:20,781 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 34 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,517 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 35 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:25,652 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 36 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:27,621 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 37 00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:40,267 [Nadja] I am not imagining anything. 38 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,237 Something is going very tits up with my life. 39 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:46,139 -In what ways? -I don't know, Colin Robinson. 40 00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:49,042 How about, my nightclub got destroyed by fire? 41 00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:51,545 -Which you set. -I was drinking 42 00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:54,314 liquor blood every day for months. 43 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,517 I know, my darling, but we did all tell you to slow down. 44 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,485 -Slow down. -We did tell you to slow down. -[Nadja] And no one, 45 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,320 none of you told me to slow down! 46 00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:04,024 -Uh... -And now, my poor, precious little dolly 47 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,260 has got her body all mangled and minced up. 48 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:09,062 You did that by sitting on me. 49 00:02:09,096 --> 00:02:10,998 While you were drunk on liquor blood. 50 00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:12,666 After we told you to slow down. 51 00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:16,003 -Yes. -This is never going to end. [cries] 52 00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,505 Now, now, Nadja. There, there. It is going to end. 53 00:02:18,539 --> 00:02:20,274 And I have just the thing that's going to help you. 54 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:23,377 Don't tell me, Nandor. Hypnosis. 55 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,611 Uh... 56 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:26,180 Hypnosis seems to be Nandor's solution 57 00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,748 to every problem. 58 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,250 And as a fellow vampire, I find this artless, 59 00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,786 and even embarrassing. 60 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:36,356 You plan to hypnotize my wife free of all her woes? 61 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:38,258 -No, actually. -Really? 62 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,527 What was it then? 63 00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,429 You know what? The atmosphere in this room... 64 00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,364 -Hey... -...is not really conducive to positive 65 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,732 contributions, so just forget it. 66 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:48,502 [rumbling] 67 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,640 -Surprise! -[gasping] 68 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,475 I'm back. 69 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,178 -Were you gone? -Yes. 70 00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,479 I was gone for a while. 71 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,082 I have been sitting over there 72 00:03:02,115 --> 00:03:04,251 at the Vampiric Council headquarters 73 00:03:04,284 --> 00:03:07,154 wondering if you guys were going to come back. 74 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,655 After a while, I just decided, 75 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,124 "Maybe they forgot I even exist!" 76 00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,627 [laughs softly] 77 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,696 Says here we're on track 78 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:19,600 for a higher than usual level of precipitation this month. 79 00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,468 -[Nandor] No doubt. -Mm. 80 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:25,138 So, what did I miss? 81 00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:27,774 What's the old gang been up to, huh? 82 00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:31,044 Actually, I'm going to sit in that chair in a few minutes. 83 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,647 No problemo. It's more comfortable over here. 84 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,350 Any fun activities planned for tonight? 85 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,051 Yes, we're off for a night on the town 86 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,120 -with Sean and his friends. -Ha, ha! 87 00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:43,123 Is this like a "Come one, come all" type deal? 88 00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,992 Uh, not sure. 89 00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,593 I'll give you a ring when I get there. 90 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,428 -All right. -[door creaks open] 91 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,063 -But you don't have a phone. -[door closes] 92 00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,598 That was weird, right? 93 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:54,401 I know it's hard to break into a vampire clique. 94 00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:57,204 Oh, no. What happened to your little body? 95 00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,540 -She sat on me. -No. 96 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,576 They've never invited me to live in the house. 97 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:06,246 Apparently, they are not allowed to have a fifth vampire here, 98 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:09,283 due to some zoning regulation 99 00:04:09,316 --> 00:04:11,251 that I have never heard of. 100 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,323 [Sean] I was never much 101 00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:17,658 of a wine guy when I was younger. 102 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:18,659 -Same. -But that's 'cause 103 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:19,660 we were drinking to get drunk. 104 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,695 Now that we're older, 105 00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:25,032 you know, you can appreciate the concept of moderation. 106 00:04:25,065 --> 00:04:26,500 Or Charmaine told you you better start appreciating it 107 00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,168 if you don't want to keep sleeping 108 00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:29,636 on an army cot in the garage. 109 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,505 -Come on. -Whoa. Why you got to bring that up? 110 00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:34,675 Wine can of their wits the wise beguile, 111 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:38,512 make a sage frolic, and the serious smile. 112 00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,614 Whoa! We got a fucking poet over here. 113 00:04:40,647 --> 00:04:42,616 Classic Laz. 114 00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,318 [Laszlo] Now I'd like to claim that as my own, 115 00:04:44,351 --> 00:04:46,286 it was actually written a long time ago by Homer. 116 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,621 [Frank] Oh. Homer's great. 117 00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,057 -Yeah. D'oh! -Yeah. D'oh. 118 00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,558 -[chuckling] -Yes! 119 00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:54,294 Wine is very cool. 120 00:04:54,328 --> 00:04:56,129 Um... 121 00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:58,499 That was... Nandor. 122 00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:02,202 -Hmm. -Oh, me. But seriously, 123 00:05:02,236 --> 00:05:04,004 yeah, how come you guys never drink? 124 00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,273 I mean, I don't think I've ever seen you guys take a sip 125 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,041 of nothing ever. 126 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,210 -Uh... -Never? 127 00:05:10,244 --> 00:05:12,145 -No? -No. 128 00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:13,480 [Sean] What's up with that? 129 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:17,017 Actually, uh, I drink lots of fluids. 130 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:20,087 -Oh. -Red fluids. 131 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,656 If Nandor were to engage his brain just once before speaking, 132 00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:25,425 he would not fall back on hypnosis. 133 00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:27,528 Much like your wine. 134 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:31,298 -Except it is not wine. -[Frank] Hmm. 135 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,267 Okay. 136 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,135 -What is it then? -Um... -Um... 137 00:05:35,169 --> 00:05:37,237 I don't know why I said that. 138 00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:39,039 [Laszlo] A real vampire uses 139 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,141 wit, wisdom and charm. 140 00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:43,377 What he's trying to say is, um, he's more 141 00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:45,479 of a Red Bull and vodka guy. 142 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:46,613 -Oh! -Oh! -Oh! 143 00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,382 -Yeah. -Yes, yes. 144 00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,450 The reason you don't see us drinking is, 145 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,253 'cause we pre-gamed before we got here very heavily. 146 00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:55,422 There you go. Budget conscious. 147 00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:57,257 And you never see us eat anything 148 00:05:57,291 --> 00:05:59,059 'cause I don't want what's going down there 149 00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:02,062 to come back up here and across your stupid faces. 150 00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:05,332 -[laughter] -Yeah! 151 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,067 See? Little charm goes a long way. 152 00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:09,570 That was close. 153 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,572 [Nadja] And on top of this 154 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:14,541 bag of shit things that keep happening to me, 155 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:17,544 I've got no one to talk to about it. 156 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,346 I am here. 157 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,715 Yes, yes, but you know what I mean. 158 00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:24,318 I have got absolutely 159 00:06:24,351 --> 00:06:28,021 no really close female friends anymore. 160 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:29,590 None? 161 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:31,758 Nope. Go figure. 162 00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,660 [Guide] I just felt like 163 00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:35,295 we had gotten closer 164 00:06:35,329 --> 00:06:37,164 with the nightclub and everything, 165 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,633 and... [sighs] 166 00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:42,102 So you're telling me 167 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:45,506 you have no close female friends? 168 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,108 None at all. 169 00:06:51,478 --> 00:06:53,313 What do I got to do? [laughs] 170 00:06:53,347 --> 00:06:55,282 [sighs] 171 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:57,284 It's got an ass-load of terroir. 172 00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,119 -What the fuck do you know, terroir? -What do you mean? 173 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,255 Nandor, uh, I don't know whether you've noticed, 174 00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:04,224 but Gizmo seems a bit odd lately. 175 00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:05,726 Yeah, I mean, he's been a bit distant lately, 176 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,361 but I think it's because 177 00:07:07,394 --> 00:07:09,263 I haven't given him enough shit work. 178 00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,697 You know what it's like with familiars. 179 00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,733 If you don't give them enough shit work, 180 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,368 then they have too much time 181 00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:16,537 to contemplate their own pathetic existences. 182 00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:18,305 I think it might be something else. 183 00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:21,775 I have a theory, but I could just be imagining things. 184 00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:24,244 [Guillermo] I don't understand what's taking so long. 185 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,079 How long did it take when you were made into a vampire 186 00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,515 to fully, you know, become a vampire? 187 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,384 For me it was, like, six to eight hours, 188 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:33,387 but as with all things, your mileage may vary. 189 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,022 It's been three weeks. Why am I not a vampire? 190 00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,757 -I should be a vampire by now. -Maybe you are one, 191 00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,158 and you just don't realize it. 192 00:07:38,192 --> 00:07:40,327 Okay, hang on. Have you tried this? 193 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,530 Form of... Microchiroptera. 194 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,399 [squeaking] 195 00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:48,268 -[gasps] -No. 196 00:07:48,302 --> 00:07:50,204 I can't do that. If I could do that, I wouldn't be here. 197 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,605 -Have you tried? -Yes, of course, I've tried. 198 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,140 Try now. 199 00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,376 Okay. 200 00:07:56,410 --> 00:07:58,378 Bat. 201 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:02,549 Whoa! That is some freaky shit. 202 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,384 -[Man] Hey, Derek? -Toilets! 203 00:08:04,418 --> 00:08:06,053 -It's overflowing. -Yeah, um, I've got to... 204 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,754 Hold that thought. 205 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,456 -[man] Derek! -Coming! 206 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:20,300 I think I have everything we need. 207 00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:22,035 For what? 208 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:23,437 All these troubles you're having-- 209 00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,472 I hate to say it, but I think it might be... 210 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,040 a hex. 211 00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,243 Do you mean, like, a curse? 212 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:33,113 No, no, curses are just supernatural excuses 213 00:08:33,146 --> 00:08:35,349 people make up for being losers. 214 00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:38,352 Hexes, on the other hand-- that's a real thing. 215 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:41,622 Targeted harassment brought on by your own past actions. 216 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,024 -Right. -Let's just rule it out. 217 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,426 Is there anyone in your life, 218 00:08:46,460 --> 00:08:50,097 current or past, that you have treated unkindly? 219 00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,565 -Nope. -No one? 220 00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:53,167 -No. -Never? 221 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,434 -No. -No one? 222 00:08:54,468 --> 00:08:55,736 Nope. 223 00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:59,306 -Oh, that's the way. -Please stop fucking doing that. 224 00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,707 -Why? Why? -What's wrong with you? 225 00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,043 Hey, hey, hey, hey, boys. 226 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,612 Why don't we just play nice? 227 00:09:05,646 --> 00:09:07,447 No, it's bullshit. 228 00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:11,051 That's a fucking eight-dollar bottle of wine, 229 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,619 and he's putting ice in it! 230 00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:15,389 That's what they do in France! 231 00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,425 -Come on. Marone. -Easy now, fellows. 232 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,227 Mikey's right. That is what they do in France. 233 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:23,430 What the fuck do you know from fucking France? 234 00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:26,166 Oh! My cousin is from France. 235 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,702 Your cousin is from fucking Quebec! 236 00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,171 -How dare you. -But I'm right, ain't I? 237 00:09:31,205 --> 00:09:32,606 -Ain't I? Huh? -Quit doing the fucking chin thing. 238 00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:34,208 -Fuck you. -Get the fuck out of-- 239 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,577 -[clamoring] -[Laszlo laughs] -[woman] Hey... stop it! 240 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,178 -Stop it! -Shouldn't we, uh...? 241 00:09:38,212 --> 00:09:40,080 No, I think let them just carry on. 242 00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:42,749 -They're having a great time. -[Mikey] You know, I think 243 00:09:42,783 --> 00:09:44,184 Céline Dion is from Quebec. 244 00:09:44,218 --> 00:09:45,185 -[indistinct shouting] -[Laszlo] Céline who? 245 00:09:45,219 --> 00:09:46,587 Céline Dion. 246 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,055 I don't know who she is. 247 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,624 -Vegas showgirl, singer type. -Is she good? 248 00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:53,026 Fucking bring it! 249 00:09:53,060 --> 00:09:55,062 -[woman shrieks] -Fuck you! 250 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,164 -That's not good. -No it's not. 251 00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,599 That's not good at all. 252 00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:00,767 All right, nothing to see here, everyone. 253 00:10:00,801 --> 00:10:02,503 -Maybe we should, uh, skedaddle. -Yeah. 254 00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:04,304 -Whoops. -You really got me. 255 00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,707 -Oh. -Sorry for the ruckus, Jimmy. 256 00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,642 -[woman] Not my name. -We'll get this cleaned up 257 00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:11,044 and squared away in no time. 258 00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:13,614 I think she's calling the police. 259 00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,582 Why don't you hypnotize them, Nandor? You're so fond of that. 260 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,317 I don't think that will be necessary. 261 00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:19,520 Maybe you fellas should apologize to Jimmy. 262 00:10:19,553 --> 00:10:21,455 -Not my name. -[Sean] Sorry, Jimmy. -And offer 263 00:10:21,488 --> 00:10:22,489 -to pay for the window. -Yo! 264 00:10:22,523 --> 00:10:24,091 -Shit. -Who the fuck's 265 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,493 -this bonanza? -Oh, go, go, go! 266 00:10:26,527 --> 00:10:28,729 -What's going on here, fellas? -Officer, thank goodness. 267 00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,631 This window-- it exploded, 268 00:10:30,664 --> 00:10:33,333 and it nearly blew the asses off these guys. 269 00:10:33,367 --> 00:10:36,336 -What guys? -These guys. The, uh... 270 00:10:36,370 --> 00:10:38,105 Uh... 271 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,040 -You need some help? -[Nandor] No, I got this. 272 00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:42,176 There were these guys. This much we know. 273 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,044 But there was also this window, 274 00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,213 -and the, uh... -Mikey? 275 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:49,249 -I... -Oh, fuck off, Terry. It was an accident. 276 00:10:49,283 --> 00:10:51,585 Whatever, Mikey. I'm filing a report. 277 00:10:51,618 --> 00:10:53,787 Hold on there. Do you two fellas know each other? 278 00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,056 Yeah, Terry, Seany, 279 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:58,025 Frank and I-- we all went to high school together. 280 00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,561 Oh, so this is Terry? These fellas-- they speak 281 00:11:00,594 --> 00:11:02,196 very highly of you. 282 00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:04,431 -This guy? Get the fuck out of here. -No. 283 00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,233 It's absolutely true. 284 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,235 I've waited a long time 285 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:11,038 to meet the world-famous Terry from high school. 286 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,506 And now I have, and I'll tell you something. 287 00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:14,575 I'm not disappointed. 288 00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:16,310 -For real? -Oh, yes. 289 00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,511 -Shit. That's good. -Just a bit of charm. 290 00:11:17,544 --> 00:11:19,179 And I'll wager 291 00:11:19,213 --> 00:11:21,348 not many constables could think of a creative way out 292 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,617 of this particular predicament, 293 00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:25,252 and that's because they're not Terry. 294 00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:28,355 [both laughing] 295 00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,190 Sean, I don't know what you're doing down there, 296 00:11:30,224 --> 00:11:32,059 but it doesn't look like a good idea. 297 00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:35,162 Hey, Terry, see you next fall. 298 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,296 -Come on, book it. Let's go. -Shit. 299 00:11:36,330 --> 00:11:38,465 -All right. -Eat shit and die, Terry. -[siren wailing] 300 00:11:38,499 --> 00:11:40,467 -[laughing] -[Nandor] Where did you get those chains? 301 00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:42,102 -From the car. -What car? 302 00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:43,637 -Right over here! -Here. 303 00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:46,173 Get in, losers! We're going shopping! 304 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,243 No, no, no, no, no, don't steal my car! 305 00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:51,445 You stole my car back in school! 306 00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,180 You sold me that piece of shit! 307 00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:56,183 -Drive on, motherfuckers. -[horn honking] 308 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,385 -[tires screeching] -[siren wailing] 309 00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:00,521 [horn blaring] 310 00:12:00,554 --> 00:12:03,056 [indistinct shouting] 311 00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,558 [Sean] [over megaphone] Eat shit, Terry! 312 00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,560 [laughter over megaphone] 313 00:12:10,531 --> 00:12:12,299 Am I needed for this bit, 314 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,301 or can I just take a nap while you do your-- 315 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,302 Shh! Honestly. 316 00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,571 It's this way? 317 00:12:17,604 --> 00:12:20,174 Is it this way? I'm listening. 318 00:12:20,207 --> 00:12:21,608 No, no. Oh. 319 00:12:21,642 --> 00:12:23,343 Oh, oh, oh, oh. 320 00:12:23,377 --> 00:12:26,213 It's here. [gasps loudly, yells] 321 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:29,116 [gasps] 322 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,451 -Is this yours? -No, 323 00:12:31,485 --> 00:12:33,787 but, no, I know this woman. 324 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:36,723 This is Yiaya Neikia. In Antipaxos, 325 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,026 this is a very bad-luck woman. 326 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:40,427 A real shit-stirrer. 327 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:43,764 How did this get here? 328 00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:46,099 [blows] That ought to do it. 329 00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:47,334 [Guide clears throat] 330 00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:48,735 Oh, my. 331 00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:50,737 What?! 332 00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,506 Oh. 333 00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,174 This shriveled bitch! 334 00:12:54,208 --> 00:12:55,342 [ripping photo] 335 00:12:57,511 --> 00:12:59,646 Now that really ought to do it. [laughs] 336 00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:02,049 Um... 337 00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:04,184 -Oh, my... -[Nadja] What?! 338 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:05,419 [panting] 339 00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,656 Ew-kay. [chuckles] 340 00:13:09,690 --> 00:13:12,659 This is a little bit really bad, isn't it? 341 00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,636 [Lazlo] Didn't feel a thing. 342 00:13:22,669 --> 00:13:23,637 [Sean] Think I went out of bounds. 343 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,039 -[coughing] -Jesus. 344 00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,708 [Sean] Everybody good? 345 00:13:27,741 --> 00:13:30,377 -Holy shit. -Hey, look, I didn't even spill my wine. 346 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:33,647 -Nice. -That was some GTA5 shit. 347 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,516 Yo, yo, Mikey, Mikey, you got a little cut. 348 00:13:35,549 --> 00:13:37,384 That's gonna be a good scar in the morning. 349 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:38,785 -Yeah. Go ahead. -[Laszlo] Say, boys. 350 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,420 I've got a great idea. 351 00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:43,690 What say we... call it a night? 352 00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:46,426 [Nandor] Laszlo makes a good point. Maybe we should all just 353 00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:49,029 -go home and go to bed? -[Mikey] Oh! Look what I found! 354 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,031 -Look what I found. -Oh! -Oh! 355 00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,300 -Nice! -Breaker 1-9, Breaker 1-9. 356 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,102 This is Rubber Duck. 357 00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:56,436 -That's a good reference. -Yeah. 358 00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:57,571 -10-4, yeah. -[Frank] That's nothing. 359 00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:59,039 Look what I found. 360 00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,674 -Whoa. -[laughs] 361 00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:02,109 [Laszlo] Why don't you put that back in the car? 362 00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,277 [Sean] Laz is right. 363 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:05,012 We got to tell Terry about that. 364 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,047 Cop's not supposed to lose his gun. 365 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,715 It's real bad. I saw it in a movie once. 366 00:14:08,749 --> 00:14:10,784 Yeah, we should leave the gun, 367 00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:13,053 -go home and go to bed. -[Sean] Empty the bullets, dipshit. 368 00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,722 You know, that's a felony-- to have a loaded weapon? 369 00:14:15,756 --> 00:14:18,158 -[gunshots] -[clamoring] 370 00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:19,293 Very loud. 371 00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:20,761 What the fuck are you doing? 372 00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:21,762 You told me to get rid of the bullets. 373 00:14:21,795 --> 00:14:25,165 -I said, empty the clip! -That's what I'm doing! 374 00:14:25,199 --> 00:14:27,167 -[siren wailing] -See? Now it's empty, 375 00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:29,036 -idiot. -[Sean] Oh, shit. Terry snitched. 376 00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:31,305 -Oh. Shit. -We got to hit the bricks. 377 00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:34,408 Go, go, go. Come on, boys, let's go! 378 00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:37,311 [siren wailing] 379 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:39,012 You're not coming? 380 00:14:39,046 --> 00:14:40,581 Well, if you want to be a coward, Nandor. 381 00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:42,783 -[cop] Freeze! -[cop 2] Put your hands up. 382 00:14:42,816 --> 00:14:44,551 -Hands where we can see them. -Uh, no, not really. I just thought maybe 383 00:14:44,585 --> 00:14:46,186 it's what you wanted to do. Hi. 384 00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:47,421 -Shit. There's a lot of them. -Stay there, stay there. 385 00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,056 -Evening. -Evening, gentlemen. 386 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,457 I'm sure you're wondering 387 00:14:50,491 --> 00:14:52,759 what are those two chaps doing with one of our cars? 388 00:14:52,793 --> 00:14:54,661 Firstly, there were these guys. 389 00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:56,029 -Ah. -This much we know. 390 00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:59,099 But, also, there was this window. 391 00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:01,435 Uh... 392 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:03,437 -Nandor, would you mind if I dealt with this? -Would you? 393 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,405 Now, tell me something, fellas. 394 00:15:05,439 --> 00:15:09,443 Is it true what they say about Staten Island policemen? 395 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:11,445 -[lock buzzes] -[door clangs] 396 00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:14,448 -Well. -Well. 397 00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:17,518 -You tried. -Yup. 398 00:15:17,551 --> 00:15:20,120 Not one of my finest moments. 399 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,455 I think this could be a situation 400 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,423 where hypnosis is warranted. 401 00:15:23,457 --> 00:15:25,225 I think you're right. 402 00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:27,261 Go ahead. 403 00:15:28,729 --> 00:15:30,564 No, well, you see, there's a problem there. 404 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,633 Um... 405 00:15:32,666 --> 00:15:34,434 I'm not very good at hypnosis. 406 00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:36,637 Sorry. I didn't catch that. 407 00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,305 I said, I'm not very good at hypnosis. 408 00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:39,573 I never have been good at it, 409 00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:41,441 and I don't think I ever will be. 410 00:15:41,475 --> 00:15:44,311 -Nonsense. -Well, it's not. 411 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:47,447 I mean, I can hypnotize Sean, but only with your help. 412 00:15:47,481 --> 00:15:49,449 And only 'cause his brain's fucked. 413 00:15:49,483 --> 00:15:53,453 I should also admit that I've been envious of your skills, 414 00:15:53,487 --> 00:15:56,690 which I think is the reason why I take the piss out of you. 415 00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,692 Much as it pains me to say this, 416 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:01,295 if anyone can get us out of this situation, Nandor, 417 00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:02,329 I think it will be you. 418 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,299 Okay, then. 419 00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:08,702 I will fix. 420 00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:12,005 Guards! 421 00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:14,107 [Nadja] So... 422 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,144 I am hexed, which... is not great. 423 00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:19,680 There is writing on the hex picture, 424 00:16:19,713 --> 00:16:21,582 but I haven't read the Antipaxon language 425 00:16:21,615 --> 00:16:23,116 in hundreds of years, so... 426 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,152 [speaking Greek] 427 00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:27,254 [stammering] 428 00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:29,156 I am a little bit rusty. [laughs] 429 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,558 Could you maybe help translate this picture 430 00:16:31,592 --> 00:16:33,026 -using your gray box? -Sure. 431 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:35,429 [Nadja] So I had to get Colin Robinson 432 00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:37,264 to help me translate on his computer machine. 433 00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:40,300 And he told me something, which, quite frankly, 434 00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:42,436 blew my mind apart. 435 00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,771 Or you could just walk down to Little Antipaxos 436 00:16:44,805 --> 00:16:47,007 and have someone translate it for you. 437 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,643 Wh-Which? There is a Little Antipaxos? What? 438 00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:52,145 Oh, yeah, not too far from here, 439 00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:54,114 just above Little Italy. 440 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,650 That's the great melting pot of America for you. 441 00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,319 -The broad mosaic. -No, no, shut up. 442 00:16:59,353 --> 00:17:01,455 Are you saying there is a Little Antipaxos 443 00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,190 right here on Staten Island? 444 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:05,159 It's only, like, a four-block-by-two-block area, 445 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,161 but it's there. 446 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,428 [laughs] 447 00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:11,298 ♪ ♪ 448 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:14,501 [speaking Greek] 449 00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:17,638 So much cheap crap and old fish. 450 00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:20,541 It's like looking out the window of my childhood home. 451 00:17:20,574 --> 00:17:22,509 There is, in Staten Island, 452 00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:25,312 a neighborhood known as "Little Antipaxos"! 453 00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,047 [speaking Greek] 454 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,315 It is where all the Antipaxons 455 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:30,317 who come to America work and live 456 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,518 and laugh and love. 457 00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:32,519 I'm Nadja. 458 00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:35,322 [speaks Greek] 459 00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,424 Three for joy. 460 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,660 Look! This is the beach of Voutoumi! 461 00:17:39,693 --> 00:17:42,563 I tried to lose my virginity here so many times. 462 00:17:42,596 --> 00:17:44,531 Souvlaki. Stifado! 463 00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:46,300 The food of my youth! 464 00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,368 Of course the Greeks stole it from us, 465 00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:49,503 and claimed it as their own, 466 00:17:49,536 --> 00:17:51,305 but the real heads know 467 00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,040 that it originally came from Antipaxos. 468 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,175 [both speak Greek] 469 00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:57,277 I mean, it would be wrong not to just try a little bit. 470 00:17:57,311 --> 00:18:00,180 Mmm. 471 00:18:00,214 --> 00:18:03,050 [loud retching] 472 00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:05,319 [gurgles, coughs] 473 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:06,553 So worth it. 474 00:18:06,587 --> 00:18:08,021 You can still sell that, I think. 475 00:18:08,055 --> 00:18:09,122 [laughs] Thank you. 476 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,525 Oh, this place. [sniffs] 477 00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:12,993 [grunts] 478 00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:14,428 How fucking long have we lived here, 479 00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,630 and you never thought to tell me 480 00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:18,165 there was a Little Antipaxos neighborhood, 481 00:18:18,198 --> 00:18:20,033 like, half a mile from our house?! 482 00:18:20,067 --> 00:18:21,235 You never asked. 483 00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:22,402 [speaks Greek] 484 00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:26,173 Oh, look. 485 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,442 A shitty diner just like my theía used to run. 486 00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:30,143 Come on. 487 00:18:30,177 --> 00:18:32,412 [woman speaking Greek] 488 00:18:32,446 --> 00:18:36,016 [laughter] 489 00:18:36,049 --> 00:18:40,521 -[laughter] -[speaking Greek] 490 00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:42,256 What did he say? What did he say? 491 00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,558 It is an Antipaxon thing. 492 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:48,529 [speaking Greek] 493 00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:51,431 -What does the writing say? -Oh, um, 494 00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:54,034 she says it says, "A simple act 495 00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:56,770 "of kindness, compassion and friendship 496 00:18:56,803 --> 00:19:00,040 will remove the hexes that is on top of your head." 497 00:19:00,073 --> 00:19:01,708 [speaking Greek] 498 00:19:01,742 --> 00:19:03,577 Starting now, this a new me. 499 00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:07,114 Kind, welcoming, inclusive, sensitive 500 00:19:07,147 --> 00:19:08,682 to the feelings of others. 501 00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:10,017 [laughter] 502 00:19:10,050 --> 00:19:11,318 What, what? 503 00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,553 Oh, it's very complicated. 504 00:19:12,586 --> 00:19:15,055 I-I don't think you can understand. 505 00:19:15,088 --> 00:19:17,157 [Nadja laughs] 506 00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:19,760 [owl hooting] 507 00:19:19,793 --> 00:19:24,431 No, I cannot say I have heard of this before. 508 00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:27,401 -This fellow you speak of. -Derek. Derek's friend. 509 00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:28,502 -[Derek] Uh, you wouldn't have met him. -Yeah, 510 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:30,304 -because he lives in Canada. -Yes. 511 00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:35,042 Ah. So, he was turned into a vampire 512 00:19:35,075 --> 00:19:38,545 by a vampire, but does not yet seem 513 00:19:38,579 --> 00:19:41,048 to be a vampire? 514 00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:42,316 Yeah, that's about the size of it, yeah. 515 00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,418 But, um, does that happen? 516 00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:45,686 Uh... uh... 517 00:19:45,719 --> 00:19:48,555 [speaking native language] 518 00:19:52,593 --> 00:19:54,461 [speaking native language] 519 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,167 Neither of us have ever heard of such a thing. 520 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,002 -Mm. -Mm. Okay. 521 00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,670 [speaking native language] 522 00:20:07,341 --> 00:20:10,377 Oh. Could work, I suppose. 523 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,045 -What could work? -He says maybe 524 00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:16,316 repeat the turning process with a different vampire. 525 00:20:16,350 --> 00:20:19,319 Of course, that could make your friend a vampire-and-a-half 526 00:20:19,353 --> 00:20:21,255 or a double vampire, 527 00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:23,023 but who gives a shit? I don't know this freak. 528 00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:26,260 [laughter] 529 00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:29,096 Let us see what happens when you turn a vampire twice. 530 00:20:29,129 --> 00:20:31,098 Jonathan is my neighbor. 531 00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:33,300 He used to run his leaf blower 532 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:35,769 all the day long while I was trying to sleep. 533 00:20:35,802 --> 00:20:38,172 So, I turned him into a vampire, and now we're all good. 534 00:20:38,205 --> 00:20:40,774 -My Liege. -Oh. 535 00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:45,179 How sweet. Arise, Jonathan. We need your help. 536 00:20:45,212 --> 00:20:48,715 -Your wish is my command, My Liege. -Oh. Boop. 537 00:20:48,749 --> 00:20:54,054 Okay, so since I already turned Jonathan, 538 00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,657 I guess, uh... Yes, Derek, is it? 539 00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,091 -Uh, yes, sir. -Right. 540 00:20:58,125 --> 00:21:01,161 Bite Jonathan and drink some of his blood. Mm. 541 00:21:01,195 --> 00:21:05,365 -Okay, um... Hi. Uh, Derek. -Mm. Mm. 542 00:21:05,399 --> 00:21:08,769 -Just gonna... -Very good. 543 00:21:08,802 --> 00:21:12,306 Now Jonathan, have a taste of Derek's blood. 544 00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:16,410 -Ah, okay. -[sucking] 545 00:21:16,443 --> 00:21:19,012 Very nice. Thank you, gentlemen. 546 00:21:19,046 --> 00:21:22,049 So... did it work? 547 00:21:22,082 --> 00:21:24,418 Ah, how are you feeling, Jonathan? 548 00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:26,653 -Uh, I feel fine. -Ah. 549 00:21:26,687 --> 00:21:28,322 I'm a little aggravated because the motor 550 00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:30,157 in this here edge trimmer keeps conking-- 551 00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:38,298 So, at least now we know one way that does not work. 552 00:21:38,332 --> 00:21:40,133 [Derek] Huh. 553 00:21:45,072 --> 00:21:46,507 [Sean] They really just gonna 554 00:21:46,540 --> 00:21:48,475 let us walk out of here? 555 00:21:48,509 --> 00:21:51,044 How'd you pull that one off, Laz? 556 00:21:51,078 --> 00:21:53,213 Actually, Sean, it was I who, um... 557 00:21:53,247 --> 00:21:57,117 At ease. It was I who convinced 558 00:21:57,150 --> 00:21:58,719 your good friend Laszlo 559 00:21:58,752 --> 00:22:01,321 to, uh, use his notorious charm. 560 00:22:01,355 --> 00:22:02,723 -Yeah, yeah. -Yeah. 561 00:22:02,756 --> 00:22:04,558 Between us, Nandor, 562 00:22:04,591 --> 00:22:07,294 what did you say to them back there? 563 00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,630 I just said that we had solved all the crimes 564 00:22:09,663 --> 00:22:11,698 that Sean and his pals had committed. 565 00:22:11,732 --> 00:22:13,700 And, also, I got them 566 00:22:13,734 --> 00:22:15,169 to give their friend Terry 567 00:22:15,202 --> 00:22:17,037 -a little promotion. -Oh, really? Great. 568 00:22:17,070 --> 00:22:19,606 And, just for funsies, I told them 569 00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,309 that I was Captain Sully Sullenberger, 570 00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:25,345 and you were the gentleman with the moustache 571 00:22:25,379 --> 00:22:27,314 in that cop show that you like. 572 00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:29,049 Thomas Selleck in Blue Bloods? 573 00:22:29,082 --> 00:22:30,584 -That's it! -Good move. 574 00:22:30,617 --> 00:22:32,319 -Look. There's Terry. -[Nandor] Hi, Terry. 575 00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:35,088 -Terry! Captain Dumbfuck. -[Laszlo] Well done, Nandor. 576 00:22:35,122 --> 00:22:37,558 [Sean] Reporting for duty. [snorts] 577 00:22:37,591 --> 00:22:40,027 [Colin] I think I'll just have the tak... 578 00:22:40,060 --> 00:22:42,229 -Tak... tak... -Tzat... tzatziki. 579 00:22:42,262 --> 00:22:43,697 -I'll get it. Tack... -Tzat... 580 00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:48,035 Tacky. Tacky. Uh, but without the, uh, yogurt. 581 00:22:48,068 --> 00:22:51,572 [sirens chirping] 582 00:22:51,605 --> 00:22:53,574 [tires screeching] 583 00:22:55,776 --> 00:23:00,781 Halt! 584 00:23:00,814 --> 00:23:02,316 That was great. 585 00:23:04,818 --> 00:23:06,720 [clears throat] 586 00:23:06,753 --> 00:23:08,088 At ease. 587 00:23:09,489 --> 00:23:11,358 -At ease. At ease. -Ah. There he is. 588 00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:13,427 At ease. 589 00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:15,229 -At ease. At ease. -Hold on. 590 00:23:15,262 --> 00:23:16,497 No, no, no, I'm with them. I'm with them. 591 00:23:16,530 --> 00:23:18,298 Gizmo, I need a word with you. 592 00:23:18,332 --> 00:23:20,200 -Okay. -Coppers, fuck off. 593 00:23:20,234 --> 00:23:22,503 Yes, sir! Thank you, Mr. Selleck! 594 00:23:22,536 --> 00:23:24,037 I think it's about time you came clean. 595 00:23:24,071 --> 00:23:26,073 About what? 596 00:23:26,106 --> 00:23:28,208 Well, the others aren't as observant as I am. 597 00:23:28,242 --> 00:23:30,077 But you've been off recently. 598 00:23:30,110 --> 00:23:31,478 And I've been watching you. 599 00:23:32,746 --> 00:23:34,314 -Uh-huh. -Yeah. 600 00:23:34,348 --> 00:23:36,717 I think we got a bit of a problem, Gizmo. 601 00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:39,052 The longer you keep it a secret, 602 00:23:39,086 --> 00:23:40,320 it's gonna remain a problem. 603 00:23:41,555 --> 00:23:43,423 I felt like I had no other choice, okay? 604 00:23:45,092 --> 00:23:46,560 I mean, Nandor's been promising to make me a vampire 605 00:23:46,593 --> 00:23:48,195 for 12 years, and it's never come true, all right? 606 00:23:48,228 --> 00:23:50,564 So, like, Derek, he was right there, he's a vampire, 607 00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:52,733 -so of course I was gonna take-- Yeah. -Whoa, whoa. 608 00:23:52,766 --> 00:23:54,735 I asked Derek to make me into a vampire, but I regretted it 609 00:23:54,768 --> 00:23:56,370 -the second it happened because-- -What the fuck? 610 00:23:56,403 --> 00:23:57,738 I thought you said you figured it out. 611 00:23:57,771 --> 00:23:59,439 No! 612 00:23:59,473 --> 00:24:00,674 I just thought you had the shits. 613 00:24:00,707 --> 00:24:03,477 I was gonna tell you to steer clear of the breakfast burritos. 614 00:24:03,510 --> 00:24:05,646 Too much of the chilaquiles. 615 00:24:05,679 --> 00:24:08,115 You let someone, who isn't your master, 616 00:24:08,148 --> 00:24:09,583 turn you into a vampire? 617 00:24:09,616 --> 00:24:10,717 You fucking idiot. 618 00:24:10,751 --> 00:24:12,386 I know, okay, I know. 619 00:24:12,419 --> 00:24:13,720 And it seems to be taking forever to take full effect. 620 00:24:13,754 --> 00:24:15,088 And I don't know what to do, okay? 621 00:24:15,122 --> 00:24:16,456 So please, please don't tell Nandor. 622 00:24:16,490 --> 00:24:17,591 Tell Nandor? 623 00:24:17,624 --> 00:24:19,359 This is the greatest humiliation 624 00:24:19,393 --> 00:24:21,295 for any vampire. 625 00:24:21,328 --> 00:24:23,330 I don't know if he would even survive it. 626 00:24:26,233 --> 00:24:28,368 All right, I've got an idea. 627 00:24:28,402 --> 00:24:30,304 But you've got to do exactly what I tell you. 628 00:24:30,337 --> 00:24:32,039 Okay, yes, of course. 629 00:24:32,072 --> 00:24:34,041 Despite the fact that you've already been bitten 630 00:24:34,074 --> 00:24:35,742 by a vampire, I could persuade 631 00:24:35,776 --> 00:24:38,111 Nandor to bite you again. 632 00:24:38,145 --> 00:24:40,280 No one'd be any the wiser. 633 00:24:43,116 --> 00:24:44,585 I don't think that's gonna work. 634 00:24:44,618 --> 00:24:46,486 You don't? 635 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:48,455 Well, then you're fucked. 636 00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:50,457 ["Hey! [I'm Dead]" by Jank Sinatra playing] 637 00:24:50,491 --> 00:24:53,594 ♪ I just went to a funeral ♪ 638 00:24:53,627 --> 00:24:57,464 ♪ I just said my goodbyes ♪ 639 00:24:57,498 --> 00:25:00,567 ♪ I just felt the cold hand of death ♪ 640 00:25:00,601 --> 00:25:03,737 ♪ Pass before my eyes ♪ 641 00:25:03,770 --> 00:25:06,106 [woman shrieks] 642 00:25:06,139 --> 00:25:07,574 ♪ Yeah, he's dead ♪ 643 00:25:07,608 --> 00:25:09,176 ♪ He is dead ♪ 644 00:25:09,209 --> 00:25:11,078 ♪ He's dead, Granny ♪ 645 00:25:11,111 --> 00:25:12,713 -♪ He's dead ♪ -♪ Dead ♪ 646 00:25:12,746 --> 00:25:14,448 -♪ He's dead now ♪ -♪ Oh, he's dead ♪ 647 00:25:14,481 --> 00:25:16,583 ♪ I'm in the oxygen you breathe ♪ 648 00:25:16,617 --> 00:25:19,453 ♪ And I'm in the cayenne on your sleeve ♪ 649 00:25:19,486 --> 00:25:22,122 ♪ I'm on the outside and the inside ♪ 650 00:25:22,155 --> 00:25:24,291 ♪ At the same time ♪ 651 00:25:24,324 --> 00:25:27,161 ♪ I'm in the sunshine on your face ♪ 652 00:25:27,194 --> 00:25:30,097 ♪ I'm in a very funky place ♪ 653 00:25:30,130 --> 00:25:33,700 ♪ I'm in a dead dog's brain, rotting on the highway line ♪ 654 00:25:33,734 --> 00:25:35,469 ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪ 655 00:25:35,502 --> 00:25:42,142 [woman shrieks]