1 00:00:15,521 --> 00:00:17,289 Huh. 2 00:00:17,322 --> 00:00:20,593 Says here that sour cream is on sale over at Shop Mart. 3 00:00:20,626 --> 00:00:22,094 [Laszlo] Shut up, Colin Robinson. 4 00:00:22,127 --> 00:00:23,462 [Guide] Knock, knock. 5 00:00:23,495 --> 00:00:26,432 Guillermo, there's someone at the door. 6 00:00:26,465 --> 00:00:28,367 [laughs] No, that was me 7 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,802 just saying, "Knock, knock." 8 00:00:29,835 --> 00:00:32,805 Guillermo, never mind. It was nobody. 9 00:00:32,838 --> 00:00:36,609 Mm. Oh, I just came by to remind everyone 10 00:00:36,642 --> 00:00:39,612 that tonight is my big art gallery opening 11 00:00:39,645 --> 00:00:42,248 -of all the paintings I've been working on. -[Laszlo] Paintings? 12 00:00:42,281 --> 00:00:45,651 The intoxicating elixir to the weary mind. 13 00:00:45,684 --> 00:00:47,052 Who is the artist? 14 00:00:47,085 --> 00:00:48,486 I am. 15 00:00:49,287 --> 00:00:52,157 -Tell me more about the sour cream sale, Colin Robinson. -[Guide] Wait. 16 00:00:52,190 --> 00:00:55,761 You're all coming, right? 'Cause you did RSVP yes. 17 00:00:55,794 --> 00:00:58,530 Eh... sort of hard to shuffle things around 18 00:00:58,563 --> 00:01:02,134 at this late stage, but let us think on it. 19 00:01:02,167 --> 00:01:05,303 This is a really good book, so... 20 00:01:06,605 --> 00:01:08,674 [sighs] Okey doke. 21 00:01:08,707 --> 00:01:10,142 Oh! 22 00:01:10,175 --> 00:01:12,211 Uh, you received 23 00:01:12,244 --> 00:01:14,246 a message in the post 24 00:01:14,279 --> 00:01:16,749 from a Perdita Morrigan? 25 00:01:16,782 --> 00:01:18,317 Perdita Morrigan? 26 00:01:18,350 --> 00:01:21,186 -Yeah. -Oh, the Perdita Morrigan? 27 00:01:21,219 --> 00:01:22,554 Who's Perdita Morrigan? 28 00:01:22,587 --> 00:01:24,423 -Could you read the note? -[clears throat] 29 00:01:24,456 --> 00:01:26,191 -[Nadja] Hurry it up. Let's hear it. -All right. 30 00:01:26,224 --> 00:01:29,528 "Mrs. Morrigan requests the pleasure of your company 31 00:01:29,561 --> 00:01:34,133 for a weekend at her ancestral state Morrigan Manor." 32 00:01:34,166 --> 00:01:35,601 Morrigan Manor, my love! 33 00:01:35,634 --> 00:01:36,702 [whoops] 34 00:01:36,735 --> 00:01:37,736 [Nadja] Perdita Morrigan 35 00:01:37,769 --> 00:01:39,571 is the grand dame of 36 00:01:39,604 --> 00:01:42,775 vampiric high society in the New World. 37 00:01:42,808 --> 00:01:44,243 Yeah. She's the matriarch of one of 38 00:01:44,276 --> 00:01:45,611 America's first vampiric families. 39 00:01:45,644 --> 00:01:47,246 She came over on the Mayflower. 40 00:01:47,279 --> 00:01:49,281 She was there at the Plymouth Colonies 41 00:01:49,314 --> 00:01:51,650 during the first winter, when 45 men died. 42 00:01:51,683 --> 00:01:53,586 [Nadja] And 23 of those were murders 43 00:01:53,619 --> 00:01:55,220 committed by Perdita herself. 44 00:01:55,253 --> 00:01:56,722 She just did it... 45 00:01:56,755 --> 00:01:59,692 very quietly, and then blamed it on the cold weather. 46 00:01:59,725 --> 00:02:01,327 [laughs] 47 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,063 Perdita Morrigan holds a Met Ball after-party 48 00:02:04,096 --> 00:02:05,764 that is so exclusive, 49 00:02:05,797 --> 00:02:08,233 no one is invited. 50 00:02:08,266 --> 00:02:09,435 [Guide] I mean, I get it. 51 00:02:09,468 --> 00:02:11,437 This Perdita is some big shot, 52 00:02:11,470 --> 00:02:13,706 but my vampires know how hard 53 00:02:13,739 --> 00:02:15,374 I've been working on these paintings. 54 00:02:15,407 --> 00:02:17,076 I think they will make the right decision. 55 00:02:17,109 --> 00:02:21,680 Guillermo, bring the car around. We are out of here. 56 00:02:23,582 --> 00:02:25,684 ["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing] 57 00:02:25,717 --> 00:02:28,287 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 58 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,689 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 59 00:02:30,722 --> 00:02:34,493 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 60 00:02:34,526 --> 00:02:36,361 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 61 00:02:37,796 --> 00:02:40,833 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 62 00:02:40,866 --> 00:02:43,636 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 63 00:02:43,669 --> 00:02:46,105 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 64 00:02:46,138 --> 00:02:48,206 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 65 00:02:53,111 --> 00:02:55,146 ♪ ♪ 66 00:02:58,250 --> 00:03:00,352 [gate creaking] 67 00:03:02,587 --> 00:03:04,089 [thunder rumbling] 68 00:03:04,122 --> 00:03:06,292 [Guillermo] All right, here we are. 69 00:03:06,325 --> 00:03:08,360 -Wakey-wakey. -[Colin groans] 70 00:03:08,393 --> 00:03:10,062 [Guillermo] Wow, look at this place. 71 00:03:10,095 --> 00:03:11,196 Fan-cy. 72 00:03:11,229 --> 00:03:13,098 I need to realign my chakras. 73 00:03:13,131 --> 00:03:15,267 [groaning, farting] 74 00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:16,468 Oops. Yeah. 75 00:03:16,501 --> 00:03:18,070 That's gonna happen. 76 00:03:18,103 --> 00:03:19,471 -[bats screeching] -[Colin] Whew. 77 00:03:19,504 --> 00:03:22,508 It means you're doing it right. [laughs] 78 00:03:22,541 --> 00:03:24,443 What's with this silly shit? 79 00:03:24,476 --> 00:03:26,078 -Is that stuck on? -Oh. 80 00:03:26,111 --> 00:03:28,447 No, I-I thought I'd grow it out for the weekend. 81 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,249 Mm. Really? 82 00:03:30,282 --> 00:03:31,684 -You can grow a mustache that fast? -Oh, yeah. 83 00:03:31,717 --> 00:03:33,686 No, I have to shave, like, three times a day. 84 00:03:33,719 --> 00:03:35,287 Not just my face either. 85 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,324 -Okay. -Undercarriage, chest, balls... 86 00:03:38,357 --> 00:03:40,225 Ooh! We made it. 87 00:03:40,258 --> 00:03:42,795 -[chuckles] -Yes, sorry you had to fly the whole way. 88 00:03:42,828 --> 00:03:44,463 -[coughs] -It's just there wasn't really 89 00:03:44,496 --> 00:03:46,231 -any room in the car. -Yeah. 90 00:03:46,264 --> 00:03:47,666 I think it was almost 200 miles. 91 00:03:47,699 --> 00:03:49,101 -[Nandor] About that. -[Guillermo] Over 200. 92 00:03:49,134 --> 00:03:50,636 [Guide] I have a treat for you. 93 00:03:50,669 --> 00:03:52,371 -I brought the paintings. -Oh. 94 00:03:52,404 --> 00:03:54,740 I figured if you all couldn't come to the art opening, 95 00:03:54,773 --> 00:03:58,210 then the art opening can come to you guys. 96 00:03:58,243 --> 00:04:00,479 Oh. Guys? 97 00:04:00,512 --> 00:04:03,682 Oh, I get it, you want to look at them inside. Okay. 98 00:04:03,715 --> 00:04:06,252 -[door creaks] -[Nadja] Ooh. 99 00:04:06,285 --> 00:04:08,254 -[thunder rumbling] -[Guide] Hello? 100 00:04:08,287 --> 00:04:10,289 Perdita? Hello? 101 00:04:10,322 --> 00:04:12,157 [Nandor] A little dingy. 102 00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:15,628 Are you sure the invitation was for this weekend? 103 00:04:15,661 --> 00:04:19,064 -Yes! Oh, she left us a note. -[Nandor] A note? 104 00:04:19,097 --> 00:04:20,399 It says, "Dear Guests..." 105 00:04:20,432 --> 00:04:21,433 -[gasps] -That's us. 106 00:04:21,466 --> 00:04:23,402 "Welcome to Morrigan Manor. 107 00:04:23,435 --> 00:04:27,306 "So sorry not to greet you in person, but please repair 108 00:04:27,339 --> 00:04:29,408 "to the drawing room, where I have left 109 00:04:29,441 --> 00:04:32,077 a more personal message for you." 110 00:04:32,110 --> 00:04:34,446 -[button clicks] -[Perdita] Well, hello, 111 00:04:34,479 --> 00:04:37,116 my darling guests, and also greetings. 112 00:04:37,149 --> 00:04:40,252 I beg you, please excuse my absence, 113 00:04:40,285 --> 00:04:42,288 -but something has come up... -What? 114 00:04:42,321 --> 00:04:45,391 [Perdita] ...and I won't be joining you this weekend. 115 00:04:45,424 --> 00:04:47,559 -Shit. -But please, do enjoy 116 00:04:47,592 --> 00:04:49,395 all the amenities 117 00:04:49,428 --> 00:04:51,196 my home has to offer-- 118 00:04:51,229 --> 00:04:52,798 the fencing gymnasium, 119 00:04:52,831 --> 00:04:54,633 the hunting grounds, the historic bell tower... 120 00:04:54,666 --> 00:04:57,236 Is it me or is this chick hella boring? 121 00:04:57,269 --> 00:04:59,538 [Perdita] ...and of course, the board games room. 122 00:04:59,571 --> 00:05:01,807 -[Colin groans] -But be warned-- 123 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,777 Morrigan Manor can be a treacherous place. 124 00:05:04,810 --> 00:05:07,646 -[clock chiming] -You must all watch out for one another, 125 00:05:07,679 --> 00:05:09,181 and take care of each other. 126 00:05:09,214 --> 00:05:10,649 -Yeah. -[Perdita] You must operate 127 00:05:10,682 --> 00:05:13,218 as the family that you are, 128 00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:15,754 -not as six individuals... -Six? 129 00:05:15,787 --> 00:05:17,389 [Perdita] ...who only look out for themselves. 130 00:05:17,422 --> 00:05:19,158 -Ah. -[Perdita] So, good luck 131 00:05:19,191 --> 00:05:21,360 and ciao-ciao for now. 132 00:05:21,393 --> 00:05:23,128 [Nadja] What a big fat bummer. 133 00:05:23,161 --> 00:05:26,665 But she is known for her extremely busy social schedule. 134 00:05:26,698 --> 00:05:28,500 Is anyone concerned about that last part? 135 00:05:28,533 --> 00:05:31,136 About Morrigan Manor being treacherous? 136 00:05:31,169 --> 00:05:32,705 Not in the slightest. However... 137 00:05:32,738 --> 00:05:35,507 sunrise is approaching. Perhaps we should slumber 138 00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:37,142 -and worry about it later. -[yawns] 139 00:05:37,175 --> 00:05:38,777 -Good? -Now you're talking. -[yawning] 140 00:05:38,810 --> 00:05:42,214 -Except for the luggage. -[Nadja] Good night. 141 00:05:42,247 --> 00:05:45,184 I was kind of hoping you'd get it unloaded and unpacked, 142 00:05:45,217 --> 00:05:47,219 if you don't mind. ASAP. 143 00:05:47,252 --> 00:05:49,788 -Thank you. -I should probably get my paintings from the car. 144 00:05:49,821 --> 00:05:52,057 That's okay. I can grab them for you. 145 00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:54,059 Thank you, Guillermo. You're so kind. 146 00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:56,362 [thunder rumbles] 147 00:05:56,395 --> 00:05:58,364 ♪ ♪ 148 00:05:58,397 --> 00:06:00,432 [crickets chirping] 149 00:06:04,603 --> 00:06:06,772 [Laszlo] My first thought was to "parry." 150 00:06:06,805 --> 00:06:08,440 My second intention, to "riposte." 151 00:06:08,473 --> 00:06:10,075 It's just my "point-in-line." 152 00:06:10,108 --> 00:06:12,745 That's fencing humor. You'll get used to it. 153 00:06:12,778 --> 00:06:17,316 -Ah, I see you're enjoying the gymnasium, mm? -Yes. 154 00:06:17,349 --> 00:06:19,518 -What a well-appointed one it is at that. -Indeed. 155 00:06:19,551 --> 00:06:22,087 Care to go a few rounds, my friend? 156 00:06:24,489 --> 00:06:25,724 En garde! 157 00:06:31,663 --> 00:06:33,565 Whew! 158 00:06:33,598 --> 00:06:35,134 What's wrong? 159 00:06:35,167 --> 00:06:36,802 Afraid of a little friendly competition? 160 00:06:36,835 --> 00:06:39,204 No. I prefer to practice on my dummy. 161 00:06:39,237 --> 00:06:40,739 Oh. Are you sure? 162 00:06:40,772 --> 00:06:41,807 Quite sure. 163 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:44,076 Okay. Um... 164 00:06:44,109 --> 00:06:46,578 -All right. Have fun. -Ta-ta. 165 00:06:48,113 --> 00:06:50,082 ♪ ♪ 166 00:06:50,115 --> 00:06:51,650 Where did you come from? 167 00:06:53,218 --> 00:06:56,288 Well, I see sportsmanship is not your forte. 168 00:06:56,321 --> 00:06:58,624 You need to be taught a lesson. 169 00:06:58,657 --> 00:07:00,693 And then there were two. 170 00:07:00,726 --> 00:07:03,262 Well, I've always been partial to a threesome. 171 00:07:03,295 --> 00:07:05,196 Shall we dance? 172 00:07:07,499 --> 00:07:11,270 Hey, Laszlo, I thought you didn't want a fencing partner. 173 00:07:11,303 --> 00:07:15,107 [Laszlo] Sorry, can't talk right now. I have my hands full. 174 00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:16,508 Here, you forgot this. 175 00:07:16,541 --> 00:07:18,777 And you're certain you don't need my help? 176 00:07:18,810 --> 00:07:20,446 No, I'm in the zone with these chaps. 177 00:07:20,479 --> 00:07:22,481 -[Guide sighs] -[Laszlo] Now, where were we? 178 00:07:22,514 --> 00:07:23,482 Ah, yes. 179 00:07:23,515 --> 00:07:25,417 En garde! 180 00:07:26,652 --> 00:07:27,719 Take that! 181 00:07:29,254 --> 00:07:30,489 And that. Ha! 182 00:07:30,522 --> 00:07:33,125 And... that. 183 00:07:33,158 --> 00:07:35,160 Like that, do you? 184 00:07:35,193 --> 00:07:38,096 Ménage à quatre. Why not? 185 00:07:40,866 --> 00:07:42,501 Oh-ho! 186 00:07:42,534 --> 00:07:43,535 [fencer groans] 187 00:07:44,336 --> 00:07:46,605 [Laszlo] A bit of the rope-a-dope! To here. 188 00:07:46,638 --> 00:07:48,340 Come on, chaps, this is too easy. 189 00:07:48,373 --> 00:07:49,708 Ha ha! 190 00:07:50,676 --> 00:07:53,178 Is that all you've got? 191 00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:54,613 You what? 192 00:07:54,646 --> 00:07:57,216 Well, I suppose this gives you 193 00:07:57,249 --> 00:08:00,586 what we gentlemen call a sporting chance. 194 00:08:00,619 --> 00:08:02,187 Watch your fingers. 195 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:03,421 I learned that in Germany. 196 00:08:04,756 --> 00:08:06,725 That, in Afghanistan. 197 00:08:06,758 --> 00:08:08,060 [Laszlo laughs] 198 00:08:08,093 --> 00:08:10,195 [grunting] 199 00:08:12,664 --> 00:08:14,400 -[fencer grunts] -[Laszlo] Oh, yes. 200 00:08:14,433 --> 00:08:16,668 Lovely. 201 00:08:19,604 --> 00:08:21,540 [all grunting] 202 00:08:21,573 --> 00:08:23,341 -[fencers groaning] -[Laszlo laughs] 203 00:08:25,611 --> 00:08:27,646 ♪ ♪ 204 00:08:32,684 --> 00:08:35,320 -Oh, shit. -[fencers shout] 205 00:08:42,527 --> 00:08:44,530 So... 206 00:08:44,563 --> 00:08:49,368 the horsies can go up two and over one? 207 00:08:49,401 --> 00:08:50,769 I don't know how to play this shit. 208 00:08:50,802 --> 00:08:53,272 I thought you'd know how to play this shit. 209 00:08:53,305 --> 00:08:54,673 -Mm, that's fun. -[shrieks] -Eesh! 210 00:08:54,706 --> 00:08:56,742 Shades of Bacchus. 211 00:08:56,775 --> 00:08:59,345 Guess what? We got another message from our hostess. 212 00:08:59,378 --> 00:09:02,281 "My staff has prepared a traditional hunt 213 00:09:02,314 --> 00:09:05,618 for all of you shortly after moonrise." 214 00:09:05,651 --> 00:09:07,386 -Ooh. -"In the meantime, 215 00:09:07,419 --> 00:09:10,155 "please enjoy this art show 216 00:09:10,188 --> 00:09:13,525 of recent oil paintings." -[laughs] 217 00:09:13,558 --> 00:09:15,794 -Perdita wrote that? -[Guide] Well, 218 00:09:15,827 --> 00:09:17,830 I added that last bit. 219 00:09:17,863 --> 00:09:20,499 -But I do think you will love these. -[Colin] No, I won't... 220 00:09:20,532 --> 00:09:23,535 because I have never worn those glasses in my life. 221 00:09:23,568 --> 00:09:26,505 [Nadja] Has anyone seen Laszlo? I can't find him anywhere. 222 00:09:26,538 --> 00:09:28,741 -And it's really not like him. -[Colin] Oh... 223 00:09:28,774 --> 00:09:31,210 -Laszlo's missing, eh? -Yeah. 224 00:09:31,243 --> 00:09:33,512 Mm, the game is afoot. 225 00:09:33,545 --> 00:09:37,750 You know, this house does have a belfry filled with local bats. 226 00:09:37,783 --> 00:09:39,285 Maybe Laszlo went up there. 227 00:09:39,318 --> 00:09:42,354 Oh, so like my darling perverted husband, 228 00:09:42,387 --> 00:09:44,290 to sniff out the local bordello 229 00:09:44,323 --> 00:09:46,158 immediately upon arrival. [chuckles] 230 00:09:46,191 --> 00:09:47,660 Could you take me to the belfry? 231 00:09:47,693 --> 00:09:50,696 Of course I can. And also, before we go, 232 00:09:50,729 --> 00:09:53,699 -would you like to take in? -Uh, you know? 233 00:09:53,732 --> 00:09:55,668 I saw some art last year. So I'm good. 234 00:09:55,701 --> 00:09:57,369 -This way? -Okay. 235 00:09:57,402 --> 00:10:00,306 -Your move. -Yes. 236 00:10:00,339 --> 00:10:02,408 -Two at once. -[exhaling softly] 237 00:10:02,441 --> 00:10:04,109 Inspired. 238 00:10:04,142 --> 00:10:07,813 This is the belfry, and where there's a belfry, 239 00:10:07,846 --> 00:10:09,515 -there's bound to be-- -Bats. 240 00:10:09,548 --> 00:10:11,650 Yes, that is so like my Laszlo. 241 00:10:11,683 --> 00:10:14,286 Laszlo is so lucky to have someone like you. 242 00:10:14,319 --> 00:10:16,088 -[stairs creaking] -Someone who cares about him 243 00:10:16,121 --> 00:10:18,357 and worries about his well-being. 244 00:10:18,390 --> 00:10:20,526 Well, yes, Laszlo is not just my husband, 245 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:24,496 or my number one fuckbuddy, but he is also my best friend. 246 00:10:24,529 --> 00:10:25,497 Must be nice. 247 00:10:25,530 --> 00:10:27,232 Laszlo, you little pervert, 248 00:10:27,265 --> 00:10:29,101 -here I come. -[thudding] 249 00:10:29,134 --> 00:10:30,369 [both scream] 250 00:10:30,402 --> 00:10:32,171 What the fuck is behind that door? 251 00:10:32,204 --> 00:10:34,340 Let me go first, to keep you safe. 252 00:10:34,373 --> 00:10:35,574 [Nadja] Be careful. 253 00:10:37,376 --> 00:10:40,379 [shouts, screams] 254 00:10:40,412 --> 00:10:41,680 Nadja, help! 255 00:10:41,713 --> 00:10:43,515 -Yes, I'm coming. -Help! 256 00:10:43,548 --> 00:10:45,651 Here I come. I'm coming to he-- 257 00:10:45,684 --> 00:10:47,485 -[floorboards crashing] -[Nadja screams] 258 00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:49,622 [pants] 259 00:10:49,655 --> 00:10:51,656 [laughing] 260 00:10:53,592 --> 00:10:55,294 It was just my eyes playing tricks on me. 261 00:10:55,327 --> 00:10:56,495 It's nothing. 262 00:10:56,528 --> 00:10:57,630 [groans] 263 00:10:57,663 --> 00:10:59,431 Nadja, come back up! 264 00:10:59,464 --> 00:11:01,466 Let's look for Laszl-- oh. 265 00:11:03,135 --> 00:11:04,637 Oh, no. 266 00:11:04,670 --> 00:11:06,438 -[horn playing] -[Nandor] Hurry, Guillermo. 267 00:11:06,471 --> 00:11:07,673 That horn signifies 268 00:11:07,706 --> 00:11:09,208 the release of the humans. 269 00:11:09,241 --> 00:11:11,477 They're getting a head start on us. 270 00:11:11,510 --> 00:11:13,345 They must be college athletes. 271 00:11:13,378 --> 00:11:16,181 -The most challenging prey. -[shouts] 272 00:11:17,382 --> 00:11:18,550 Did you catch their scent? 273 00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:19,752 -What? -Lead me. 274 00:11:19,785 --> 00:11:21,353 No. I'm not a bloodhound. 275 00:11:21,386 --> 00:11:24,423 Here. You can catch their scent from this. 276 00:11:24,456 --> 00:11:26,225 No, I'm not gonna touch that. 277 00:11:26,258 --> 00:11:28,227 Just get your muzzle in there and get a nice big whiff. 278 00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:29,495 -No. -You can track them with this. 279 00:11:29,528 --> 00:11:30,496 You know what? How about this? 280 00:11:30,529 --> 00:11:32,097 You wait here, 281 00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:33,766 and I'm gonna go and you wait for my signal. 282 00:11:33,799 --> 00:11:35,501 -Okay? -Signal? 283 00:11:35,534 --> 00:11:37,369 Yeah. You wait for it, okay? 284 00:11:37,402 --> 00:11:39,238 -[Nandor] What's the signal? -[Guillermo] You'll see! 285 00:11:39,271 --> 00:11:40,773 [Nandor] Look at him go. 286 00:11:40,806 --> 00:11:44,076 Guy like that catches a whiff of something musky, 287 00:11:44,109 --> 00:11:46,745 he absolutely will not stop. 288 00:11:46,778 --> 00:11:48,347 -[indistinct chatter over phone] -Oh, yeah. 289 00:11:48,380 --> 00:11:50,649 I just ran into the woods and then circled back in 290 00:11:50,682 --> 00:11:52,151 when Nandor wasn't looking. 291 00:11:52,184 --> 00:11:56,655 [whistling tune] 292 00:11:57,723 --> 00:12:00,092 The key to hunting humans 293 00:12:00,125 --> 00:12:02,428 is to divide and then crush. 294 00:12:02,461 --> 00:12:06,131 If the humans begin operating in a pack, 295 00:12:06,164 --> 00:12:08,133 they can be very formidable. 296 00:12:08,166 --> 00:12:10,135 But they're usually too dumb for that 297 00:12:10,168 --> 00:12:11,837 and end up just scattering. 298 00:12:11,870 --> 00:12:13,238 [distant dog barking] 299 00:12:13,271 --> 00:12:14,540 -Guillermo? -[dog barks] 300 00:12:14,573 --> 00:12:16,342 -What have you found? -[dog barks] 301 00:12:16,375 --> 00:12:18,110 What a good boy! 302 00:12:18,143 --> 00:12:20,145 I just don't have the heart to, like, hunt humans. 303 00:12:20,178 --> 00:12:21,413 Yet. 304 00:12:21,446 --> 00:12:23,215 I know I'll have to do it eventually, 305 00:12:23,248 --> 00:12:25,651 but... I'm just not feeling it. 306 00:12:25,684 --> 00:12:27,653 Guillermo! 307 00:12:27,686 --> 00:12:28,821 Here, boy. [smooching] 308 00:12:28,854 --> 00:12:30,356 [Guide groaning] 309 00:12:30,389 --> 00:12:33,092 -What the fuck? -I'm not going to lie. 310 00:12:33,125 --> 00:12:35,361 This is as bad as it looks. 311 00:12:35,394 --> 00:12:36,829 [Nandor] It looks pretty bad. 312 00:12:36,862 --> 00:12:39,365 What are you even doing all the way out here? 313 00:12:39,398 --> 00:12:40,633 I was looking for you. 314 00:12:40,666 --> 00:12:42,701 Nadja and Laszlo have disappeared. 315 00:12:42,734 --> 00:12:45,104 You're worrying about nothing. It's fine. 316 00:12:45,137 --> 00:12:46,505 Okay, let me find a stick, 317 00:12:46,538 --> 00:12:48,474 and I will pry your leg from the trap. 318 00:12:48,507 --> 00:12:50,676 -A stick, stick, stick, stick, stick. -Oh, no. 319 00:12:50,709 --> 00:12:53,145 -What? -They're coming. 320 00:12:53,178 --> 00:12:54,480 [whimpers] 321 00:12:54,513 --> 00:12:57,082 And they seem to be working as a team. 322 00:12:57,115 --> 00:12:59,618 Nandor, if you must leave me behind... 323 00:12:59,651 --> 00:13:00,753 -I must. See you. -Oh. 324 00:13:00,786 --> 00:13:02,254 Bye. 325 00:13:02,287 --> 00:13:05,391 Guillermo! I am in need of your help! 326 00:13:05,424 --> 00:13:07,626 Guillermo-- oh! [shouting] 327 00:13:07,659 --> 00:13:09,628 ♪ ♪ 328 00:13:09,661 --> 00:13:11,697 -Where is everyone? -Mm. 329 00:13:11,730 --> 00:13:13,799 An intriguing question. 330 00:13:13,832 --> 00:13:19,438 But perhaps one I should be asking you, no, monsieur? 331 00:13:19,471 --> 00:13:20,639 What are you talking about? 332 00:13:22,674 --> 00:13:24,810 Quite the "predict-ament" 333 00:13:24,843 --> 00:13:27,479 we find ourselves in here tonight, 334 00:13:27,512 --> 00:13:29,248 no, Guillermo? 335 00:13:29,281 --> 00:13:33,118 Not a soul in sight. Just you and me. 336 00:13:33,151 --> 00:13:35,720 "And then there were two." 337 00:13:36,488 --> 00:13:39,224 Again, what are you talking about? 338 00:13:39,257 --> 00:13:41,493 I know it was you, Guillermo. 339 00:13:41,526 --> 00:13:44,496 I know it was you who lured us all here 340 00:13:44,529 --> 00:13:46,131 under false pretenses. 341 00:13:46,164 --> 00:13:48,500 And it's you who's making everyone disappear 342 00:13:48,533 --> 00:13:52,104 -one by one. -What? 343 00:13:52,137 --> 00:13:54,073 That's bananas. Why would I even do that? 344 00:13:54,106 --> 00:13:56,809 Because you know that Nandor is eventually gonna find out 345 00:13:56,842 --> 00:13:59,345 that you went and got yourself turned into a vampire 346 00:13:59,378 --> 00:14:01,480 -by someone other than him. -Okay. 347 00:14:01,513 --> 00:14:03,215 So, then why not just kill Nandor? 348 00:14:03,248 --> 00:14:04,350 Why kill everyone else? 349 00:14:04,383 --> 00:14:06,785 Uh... 350 00:14:06,818 --> 00:14:08,287 Um, because... 351 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:09,755 we all know your secret. 352 00:14:09,788 --> 00:14:12,224 Okay, so then I kill everyone 353 00:14:12,257 --> 00:14:14,793 because I want to keep the secret from Nandor, 354 00:14:14,826 --> 00:14:17,096 but then I still kill Nandor, too? 355 00:14:17,129 --> 00:14:19,197 ♪ ♪ 356 00:14:20,699 --> 00:14:21,700 Huh. 357 00:14:21,733 --> 00:14:23,636 Well, maybe I missed a clue. 358 00:14:23,669 --> 00:14:26,772 [stammers] Is it something where the last person alive 359 00:14:26,805 --> 00:14:28,474 inherits the house? 360 00:14:28,507 --> 00:14:30,509 -No. -Yeah, well, even when I was saying that, 361 00:14:30,542 --> 00:14:31,744 that didn't really make sense. 362 00:14:31,777 --> 00:14:34,480 -[door opens] -[groaning] 363 00:14:34,513 --> 00:14:35,748 Zut alors! 364 00:14:35,781 --> 00:14:37,783 -What happened? -Now Nandor is gone. 365 00:14:37,816 --> 00:14:41,487 I was caught in a trap and I told him to leave me behind. 366 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,223 And he did. Like, really quickly. 367 00:14:44,256 --> 00:14:46,091 Like you would think he would say, 368 00:14:46,124 --> 00:14:47,826 "No, I'm not going to leave you behind," 369 00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:50,496 just to be nice, but he took off. 370 00:14:50,529 --> 00:14:53,165 And then he got swooped up into the trees 371 00:14:53,198 --> 00:14:54,366 and I couldn't find him. 372 00:14:54,399 --> 00:14:56,435 And then there were three. 373 00:14:56,468 --> 00:14:57,803 [Guillermo] Can I take a look? 374 00:14:57,836 --> 00:15:00,139 It's all right, Guillermo. I'm a vampire. 375 00:15:00,172 --> 00:15:02,341 -It'll heal by tomorrow. -You sure? 376 00:15:02,374 --> 00:15:04,143 -Does it hurt? -[Guide] Not much. 377 00:15:04,176 --> 00:15:05,744 Let's at least level it up, see what we're dealing with. 378 00:15:05,777 --> 00:15:06,745 -Careful. Careful. -All right. 379 00:15:06,778 --> 00:15:07,746 -[leg cracks] -[shouts] 380 00:15:07,779 --> 00:15:09,114 That's a lot of blood. 381 00:15:09,147 --> 00:15:10,616 [Guide] Thank you for caring. 382 00:15:10,649 --> 00:15:13,519 You know, a small act of kindness can mean so much. 383 00:15:13,552 --> 00:15:16,388 And every day, we're given so many opportunities 384 00:15:16,421 --> 00:15:18,123 to be kind to someone else. 385 00:15:18,156 --> 00:15:20,159 You know, to make them feel included, 386 00:15:20,192 --> 00:15:22,628 to make them feel like they're part of the old gang. 387 00:15:22,661 --> 00:15:24,563 Doesn't seem like much to ask. 388 00:15:24,596 --> 00:15:26,532 But for some people, I guess 389 00:15:26,565 --> 00:15:28,767 it's just something they won't do, 390 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,402 even though they should know 391 00:15:30,435 --> 00:15:32,771 it would mean the world to some other people. 392 00:15:32,804 --> 00:15:35,641 Do you know what it's like to know 393 00:15:35,674 --> 00:15:39,745 there's a whole group of buddies and no matter what you do, 394 00:15:39,778 --> 00:15:42,748 they will never see you as part of that group? 395 00:15:42,781 --> 00:15:44,416 I do. 396 00:15:44,449 --> 00:15:46,285 For all those years, I was just a familiar. 397 00:15:46,318 --> 00:15:47,653 -I always felt like I-- -I'm sorry, Guillermo. 398 00:15:47,686 --> 00:15:50,522 I wasn't asking you. I was asking him. 399 00:15:50,555 --> 00:15:52,524 Ah. 400 00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:54,627 The Celtics won. Noice. 401 00:15:54,660 --> 00:15:56,562 -Colin. -Yeah. 402 00:15:56,595 --> 00:15:59,365 What? Were you saying something? 403 00:15:59,398 --> 00:16:01,266 Oh, fuck it. These can't all be clever. 404 00:16:03,135 --> 00:16:04,637 -[screams] -[Guillermo gasps] 405 00:16:04,670 --> 00:16:06,671 -[scream fading] -[thunder rumbling] 406 00:16:13,111 --> 00:16:14,480 -[quietly] This way. -[Nandor 407 00:16:14,513 --> 00:16:16,282 -[gasps] -[Guillermo] What the hell? 408 00:16:16,315 --> 00:16:18,484 Finally. Quickly. 409 00:16:18,517 --> 00:16:20,753 Someone or something has imprisoned all of us. 410 00:16:20,786 --> 00:16:23,489 [Laszlo] No, you fucking doughnut. It's her that did it. 411 00:16:23,522 --> 00:16:25,491 -[laughs] Guilty as charged. -[Nandor] What? 412 00:16:25,524 --> 00:16:27,092 -[hisses] -[Guide] Tee-hee. 413 00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:29,094 [laughs] And I see you're all taking nicely 414 00:16:29,127 --> 00:16:30,562 to your new homes, yes? 415 00:16:30,595 --> 00:16:32,298 Solid silver. 416 00:16:32,331 --> 00:16:33,766 -[sizzles] -Ay, fucking silver. 417 00:16:33,799 --> 00:16:35,601 [Guide] Careful. 418 00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:38,370 Well, I'm immune to silver, so good luck keeping me in. 419 00:16:38,403 --> 00:16:40,639 -Oh, do you have the key? -Touché. 420 00:16:40,672 --> 00:16:43,609 What is this despicable torture that you have concocted? 421 00:16:43,642 --> 00:16:46,579 But I like to think of it as a lesson, really. 422 00:16:46,612 --> 00:16:47,746 An education. 423 00:16:47,779 --> 00:16:49,448 Did Perdita put you up to this? 424 00:16:49,481 --> 00:16:51,617 [laughing] Perdita? 425 00:16:51,650 --> 00:16:52,818 You mean... 426 00:16:52,851 --> 00:16:54,286 [Perdita's voice] Morrigan Manor 427 00:16:54,319 --> 00:16:55,554 -can be a treacherous place... -[gasps] 428 00:16:55,587 --> 00:16:57,456 [normal voice] ...et cetera, et cetera? 429 00:16:57,489 --> 00:16:59,558 -You mean that Perdita? -[Nadja] Witch. 430 00:16:59,591 --> 00:17:01,560 -[Laszlo] Well done. -It was me the whole time. 431 00:17:01,593 --> 00:17:03,062 Yeah, no doy. 432 00:17:03,095 --> 00:17:05,297 I-I knew when you shot me from my chair. 433 00:17:05,330 --> 00:17:07,633 -[Guide] Good. -Quite a glass onion. 434 00:17:07,666 --> 00:17:09,201 [Nandor] [quietly] I think Perdita Morrigan 435 00:17:09,234 --> 00:17:11,437 is pretending to be The Guide. 436 00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:13,105 No, you fucking idiot. 437 00:17:13,138 --> 00:17:15,407 She just said that it was her that was doing it. 438 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,276 -Who? -[Nadja] Fucking hell. 439 00:17:17,309 --> 00:17:18,677 -Let me just say this slowly. -[Laszlo] I wouldn't bother. 440 00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:19,678 -I'd just carry on. -[Guide] Should I not? 441 00:17:19,711 --> 00:17:21,213 -No. -[Colin] Yeah. 442 00:17:21,246 --> 00:17:22,448 I know that Perdita spends the offseason 443 00:17:22,481 --> 00:17:24,283 at her chalet in Gstaad, 444 00:17:24,316 --> 00:17:26,085 and that her mansion would be empty. 445 00:17:26,118 --> 00:17:28,220 And the perfect place to teach you all 446 00:17:28,253 --> 00:17:30,222 a valuable lesson 447 00:17:30,255 --> 00:17:32,725 about the importance of being nice to people 448 00:17:32,758 --> 00:17:35,327 who maybe aren't part of your core group 449 00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:37,296 but who have done a lot of nice things for you 450 00:17:37,329 --> 00:17:39,498 and yet you still treat them like shit. 451 00:17:39,531 --> 00:17:41,834 [Nadja] Wait, you did all of this 452 00:17:41,867 --> 00:17:43,502 instead of just asking us 453 00:17:43,535 --> 00:17:45,638 to have a short conversation about your feelings? 454 00:17:45,671 --> 00:17:48,474 -Yeah, I guess I did. [chuckles] -Okay, I think you taught them a lesson, 455 00:17:48,507 --> 00:17:50,276 -so now we just get them... [groans] -No, Guillermo. 456 00:17:50,309 --> 00:17:52,311 My lesson has but only begun. 457 00:17:52,344 --> 00:17:53,812 You will each 458 00:17:53,845 --> 00:17:57,082 spend the rest of your eternal lives here. 459 00:17:57,115 --> 00:18:01,086 Close to each other yet kept at a distance. 460 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:05,457 So you will know how you have made me feel this whole time. 461 00:18:05,490 --> 00:18:07,359 Always on the outside. 462 00:18:07,392 --> 00:18:09,428 And every time I try to get close, 463 00:18:09,461 --> 00:18:11,563 -I get burned. -[Nadja] I thought 464 00:18:11,596 --> 00:18:13,365 you really liked us. 465 00:18:13,398 --> 00:18:14,366 I did. 466 00:18:14,399 --> 00:18:16,101 Deeply and desperately. 467 00:18:16,134 --> 00:18:18,737 And all I wanted was for you to like me. 468 00:18:18,770 --> 00:18:21,440 Instead, you treated me like... 469 00:18:21,473 --> 00:18:23,342 an afterthought. 470 00:18:23,375 --> 00:18:28,614 I have got absolutely no really close female friends anymore. 471 00:18:28,647 --> 00:18:29,548 An annoyance. 472 00:18:29,581 --> 00:18:31,483 Oh, nice going, dipshit. 473 00:18:31,516 --> 00:18:33,085 A hanger-on. 474 00:18:33,118 --> 00:18:34,420 Stand over there and just pretend not to listen. 475 00:18:34,453 --> 00:18:35,454 I can do that. 476 00:18:35,487 --> 00:18:36,622 An inconvenience. 477 00:18:36,655 --> 00:18:38,624 You did R-S-veep "yes." 478 00:18:38,657 --> 00:18:42,428 Sort of had to shuffle things around at this late stage. 479 00:18:42,461 --> 00:18:45,564 So this is basically a clip show now? 480 00:18:45,597 --> 00:18:46,832 Are we Golden Girls? 481 00:18:46,865 --> 00:18:48,300 You know, I'm starting to think 482 00:18:48,333 --> 00:18:50,769 that this might be all of my fault. 483 00:18:50,802 --> 00:18:54,206 This is the hex that I have been cursed with. 484 00:18:54,239 --> 00:18:55,441 [Guide] Oh, 485 00:18:55,474 --> 00:18:57,343 -my dear Mistress Nadja. -[sniffles] 486 00:18:57,376 --> 00:18:59,411 -I have good news. -Huh? 487 00:18:59,444 --> 00:19:01,146 There is no hex. 488 00:19:01,179 --> 00:19:03,048 There never was a hex. 489 00:19:03,081 --> 00:19:04,350 -[gasping] -I just made you think 490 00:19:04,383 --> 00:19:06,318 -there was a hex. -What? 491 00:19:06,351 --> 00:19:07,620 -Witch! -[Colin] Did not have that 492 00:19:07,653 --> 00:19:10,589 on my 2023 bingo card. 493 00:19:10,622 --> 00:19:12,825 -Why?! -So that I could try to help you. 494 00:19:12,858 --> 00:19:15,828 -[Laszlo chuckles] -So that you would, I don't know, see me as a friend, 495 00:19:15,861 --> 00:19:17,830 treat me as a friend. 496 00:19:17,863 --> 00:19:20,099 I did say thank you for your help with the hex. 497 00:19:20,132 --> 00:19:21,634 -Not once. -I meant to? 498 00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:24,336 -You didn't. -Thank you so much. 499 00:19:24,369 --> 00:19:25,471 -Too late! -[groans] 500 00:19:25,504 --> 00:19:27,072 Even to the bitter end, 501 00:19:27,105 --> 00:19:28,741 hoping against hope, 502 00:19:28,774 --> 00:19:32,211 I gave each of you one last chance to show me 503 00:19:32,244 --> 00:19:35,214 the smallest amount of kindness. 504 00:19:35,247 --> 00:19:36,749 And even that was beyond you! 505 00:19:36,782 --> 00:19:40,152 -[hisses] -No one told us it was a fucking test. 506 00:19:40,185 --> 00:19:42,354 -W-Wait, why isn't Gumball in here with us? -[Laszlo chuckles] 507 00:19:42,387 --> 00:19:45,357 Because Guillermo is the only one out of all of you 508 00:19:45,390 --> 00:19:47,493 that has ever shown me any kindness. 509 00:19:47,526 --> 00:19:49,361 -[coughs] Brownnoser. -And yet you all 510 00:19:49,394 --> 00:19:51,330 treat him so shabbily 511 00:19:51,363 --> 00:19:54,233 that even after all this time of waiting to become 512 00:19:54,266 --> 00:19:55,434 one of you... 513 00:19:55,467 --> 00:19:56,769 he's forced to give up 514 00:19:56,802 --> 00:19:59,070 and take matters into his own hands. 515 00:19:59,871 --> 00:20:02,074 Sorry, what? 516 00:20:02,107 --> 00:20:03,409 -[sighs] -Well, I think, y-you know, 517 00:20:03,442 --> 00:20:05,177 I don't think they mean to exclude you. 518 00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:06,412 -Guillermo, do not stick up for them. -I'm not-- 519 00:20:06,445 --> 00:20:07,680 [Nandor] Circling back to "taking matters 520 00:20:07,713 --> 00:20:09,348 into his own hands..." 521 00:20:09,381 --> 00:20:11,450 Well, I don't think that's the point. The point is, 522 00:20:11,483 --> 00:20:12,718 -those paintings are very important. -Well, it kind of is the point. 523 00:20:12,751 --> 00:20:14,219 Is anyone else curious about this? 524 00:20:14,252 --> 00:20:15,287 Laszlo? 525 00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:16,689 Nadja? Curiosity there at all? 526 00:20:16,722 --> 00:20:18,424 I-I like this cage. 527 00:20:18,457 --> 00:20:20,593 -Colin Robinson? Any... -No, sir. 528 00:20:20,626 --> 00:20:22,328 [Nandor] Okay, you know, it kind of feels like 529 00:20:22,361 --> 00:20:24,730 there's something going on and everyone knows 530 00:20:24,763 --> 00:20:26,632 what it is except me. 531 00:20:26,665 --> 00:20:28,067 -[Nadja sputters] -Awkward. 532 00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,636 [thunder rumbling] 533 00:20:30,669 --> 00:20:32,204 Master. 534 00:20:32,237 --> 00:20:33,705 Yes? 535 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,141 I, uh... 536 00:20:36,174 --> 00:20:37,276 Spit it out. 537 00:20:37,309 --> 00:20:39,411 I made a-a big mistake. 538 00:20:39,444 --> 00:20:42,548 And I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt... 539 00:20:42,581 --> 00:20:44,083 you. 540 00:20:44,116 --> 00:20:45,818 -[Laszlo mouths] -I had someone else turn me 541 00:20:45,851 --> 00:20:47,486 into a vampire. 542 00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:49,288 I-I asked them to do it. 543 00:20:49,321 --> 00:20:50,422 [Laszlo] [whispers] Oh, fuck. 544 00:20:50,455 --> 00:20:52,457 ♪ ♪ 545 00:20:56,528 --> 00:20:58,063 You asked... 546 00:20:58,864 --> 00:21:00,565 ...someone else? 547 00:21:01,533 --> 00:21:04,669 A vampire who was not me? 548 00:21:05,737 --> 00:21:08,140 I felt like I had no other choice. 549 00:21:08,173 --> 00:21:09,408 You could have asked me. 550 00:21:09,441 --> 00:21:11,210 Are you fucking kidding me? 551 00:21:11,243 --> 00:21:13,712 I asked you repeatedly for 13 years. 552 00:21:13,745 --> 00:21:16,482 Yes, and I was gonna get round to it. 553 00:21:16,515 --> 00:21:18,417 I've had a lot on my plate at the moment! 554 00:21:18,450 --> 00:21:20,085 [thunder rumbling] 555 00:21:20,118 --> 00:21:21,153 -Who? -What? 556 00:21:21,186 --> 00:21:22,354 Who was it? 557 00:21:22,387 --> 00:21:24,089 I don't think that's really relevant. 558 00:21:24,122 --> 00:21:25,691 -It's relevant to me. -It's just, what's done is done. 559 00:21:25,724 --> 00:21:27,058 -Guillermo! -Derek. 560 00:21:28,327 --> 00:21:29,828 Okay. 561 00:21:29,861 --> 00:21:31,830 Well, thank you for being honest with me. 562 00:21:31,863 --> 00:21:33,499 -Okay. -I appreciate it. 563 00:21:33,532 --> 00:21:36,068 Now I'm going to be honest with you. 564 00:21:36,101 --> 00:21:37,169 This is good. 565 00:21:37,202 --> 00:21:38,370 I... 566 00:21:38,403 --> 00:21:39,505 am going... 567 00:21:39,538 --> 00:21:40,773 to kill you, 568 00:21:40,806 --> 00:21:42,308 Guillermo. 569 00:21:42,341 --> 00:21:44,076 And then quite possibly myself. 570 00:21:44,109 --> 00:21:45,411 [whispers] It all depends 571 00:21:45,444 --> 00:21:47,046 on whether I'm still completely 572 00:21:47,079 --> 00:21:49,181 and utterly humiliated 573 00:21:49,214 --> 00:21:50,449 after I'm done killing you! 574 00:21:50,482 --> 00:21:52,151 -[grunts, screams] -[sizzling] 575 00:21:52,184 --> 00:21:54,219 [Laszlo] Whoa-whoa-whoa, if it makes you feel any better, 576 00:21:54,252 --> 00:21:55,588 he's only a half-baked vampire. 577 00:21:55,621 --> 00:21:58,057 Yes, I know. He has Van Helsing blood. 578 00:21:58,090 --> 00:21:59,758 His vampire-killer cells 579 00:21:59,791 --> 00:22:02,428 are fighting off his vampire cells with all their might. 580 00:22:02,461 --> 00:22:06,098 -Okay. That's what's going on. -Oh, shit. 581 00:22:06,131 --> 00:22:08,167 -Fuck. -Another mystery solved. 582 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:09,435 Well, you live and learn, right? 583 00:22:09,468 --> 00:22:10,769 [Colin, Nadja and Laszlo laugh] 584 00:22:10,802 --> 00:22:13,072 Master, if you would just let me talk-- 585 00:22:13,105 --> 00:22:14,540 You're a dead man! 586 00:22:14,573 --> 00:22:16,775 [growls] 587 00:22:24,283 --> 00:22:26,051 Stay back there. And in the meantime, 588 00:22:26,084 --> 00:22:28,254 where are the documentarians? Behind me? 589 00:22:28,287 --> 00:22:29,622 There you are. I say, 590 00:22:29,655 --> 00:22:32,091 could you find the tapes 591 00:22:32,124 --> 00:22:36,428 from November the 21st, 2022? 592 00:22:38,263 --> 00:22:42,101 [Colin] Yeah. I know she doesn't have, like, a last name 593 00:22:42,134 --> 00:22:44,336 or a first name, for that matter, 594 00:22:44,369 --> 00:22:47,740 but I-I just think that The Guide is really nice. 595 00:22:47,773 --> 00:22:49,108 [Laszlo] I'd say she's more than nice, Colin Robinson. 596 00:22:49,141 --> 00:22:50,676 She has a tremendous wit 597 00:22:50,709 --> 00:22:52,645 and a fantastic backside. 598 00:22:52,678 --> 00:22:54,480 [Nadja] That would usually make me very jealous, 599 00:22:54,513 --> 00:22:56,782 if I didn't completely agree! 600 00:22:56,815 --> 00:22:59,585 And, you know, she's also a very good listener. 601 00:22:59,618 --> 00:23:01,487 And once you get used to that voice, 602 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,189 she has some very interesting things to say. 603 00:23:04,222 --> 00:23:06,292 [Nandor] I have often thought, as I've searched for a wife, 604 00:23:06,325 --> 00:23:09,295 that the answer might just be here under my nose 605 00:23:09,328 --> 00:23:10,596 the whole time. 606 00:23:10,629 --> 00:23:12,197 I think that's enough now, Ryan. 607 00:23:12,230 --> 00:23:13,432 You can turn that off. She gets the point. 608 00:23:13,465 --> 00:23:15,134 -Oh. -Thank you. -[beep] 609 00:23:15,167 --> 00:23:16,802 That was so lovely. 610 00:23:16,835 --> 00:23:20,172 But how come none of you ever said any of this to me? 611 00:23:20,205 --> 00:23:22,308 Because we're vampires, 612 00:23:22,341 --> 00:23:24,510 my squeaky-voiced, 613 00:23:24,543 --> 00:23:27,613 fucking berserk, nutjob, idiot friend. 614 00:23:27,646 --> 00:23:31,350 And sometimes we're not too good with the old niceties 615 00:23:31,383 --> 00:23:33,519 and kindness towards those we care about. 616 00:23:33,552 --> 00:23:35,321 But our hearts... 617 00:23:35,354 --> 00:23:37,156 are full of love. 618 00:23:37,189 --> 00:23:39,324 [Nadja] He's not wrong. 619 00:23:42,661 --> 00:23:44,163 I am so embarrassed. 620 00:23:44,196 --> 00:23:45,598 Oh! 621 00:23:45,631 --> 00:23:47,499 Don't sweat it, girly. We all make mistakes. 622 00:23:47,532 --> 00:23:49,234 Now let-let me out now. 623 00:23:49,267 --> 00:23:50,569 -[chuckles] Okay. -Come on. -[Laszlo] Here we are. 624 00:23:50,602 --> 00:23:52,471 Forgive and forget, that's what I say. 625 00:23:52,504 --> 00:23:55,274 Now let me out of this cage so I can kill Guillermo. 626 00:23:55,307 --> 00:23:57,176 [Guide] Guess I kind of got in my head 627 00:23:57,209 --> 00:23:58,777 -a little bit. [laughing] -Yes. -[Lazlo] Yes, 628 00:23:58,810 --> 00:24:00,646 I think you did. 629 00:24:00,679 --> 00:24:02,481 -[squeaking] -Ooh! -[Laszlo] Fuck. 630 00:24:02,514 --> 00:24:03,749 I've never been able to do that. 631 00:24:03,782 --> 00:24:04,750 [Nandor] Now you're just rubbing it in. 632 00:24:04,783 --> 00:24:06,551 Very Derek. 633 00:24:07,686 --> 00:24:09,655 Master, if I let you out of this cage, 634 00:24:09,688 --> 00:24:11,256 do you promise not to kill me? 635 00:24:12,691 --> 00:24:14,159 I promise. 636 00:24:14,192 --> 00:24:15,461 You mean it? 637 00:24:15,494 --> 00:24:16,729 No! 638 00:24:16,762 --> 00:24:18,330 -[keys jangle] -What are you doing? 639 00:24:18,363 --> 00:24:19,632 I'm giving you a head start, you knob lord. 640 00:24:19,665 --> 00:24:20,733 [Nandor] Laszlo, let me out of this cage 641 00:24:20,766 --> 00:24:22,601 so I can kill Guillermo! 642 00:24:22,634 --> 00:24:23,769 Give me that key! 643 00:24:23,802 --> 00:24:24,670 [Laszlo] If I were you, I'd run. 644 00:24:24,703 --> 00:24:26,571 Run, boy, run! 645 00:24:27,372 --> 00:24:29,808 -[squeaking] -[Nandor] Guillermo...! 646 00:24:29,841 --> 00:24:32,077 [sizzling] 647 00:24:33,378 --> 00:24:35,413 ["Damnation Alley" by Bitch playing] 648 00:24:42,587 --> 00:24:44,757 I have often thought, as I've searched for a wife, 649 00:24:44,790 --> 00:24:47,559 that the answer might just be here under my nose 650 00:24:47,592 --> 00:24:49,261 -the whole time. -[Nadja] I know. 651 00:24:49,294 --> 00:24:50,796 She also has such great style. 652 00:24:50,829 --> 00:24:52,798 All those blacks and grays. 653 00:24:52,831 --> 00:24:54,633 Oh, I see. 654 00:24:54,666 --> 00:24:57,303 I get it. You guys are... 655 00:24:57,336 --> 00:24:59,705 trying to get me to hook up with her 656 00:24:59,738 --> 00:25:01,607 and so we become a couple 657 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,810 and I eventually move out and leave you guys alone. 658 00:25:04,843 --> 00:25:07,046 -I get it. -What? -LASZLO: What? 659 00:25:07,079 --> 00:25:09,148 -We would never do that. -[blows raspberry] -NADJA: Of course not! 660 00:25:09,181 --> 00:25:13,185 ♪ Damnation, Damnation Alley ♪ 661 00:25:13,218 --> 00:25:16,455 ♪ Don't walk alone through the valley ♪ 662 00:25:16,488 --> 00:25:18,123 ♪ Yeah ♪ 663 00:25:18,156 --> 00:25:19,358 ♪ Damnation ♪ 664 00:25:19,391 --> 00:25:22,194 ♪ Damnation Alley ♪ 665 00:25:22,227 --> 00:25:27,199 ♪ Don't walk alone through the valley, yeah ♪ 666 00:25:27,232 --> 00:25:28,400 ♪ Damnation ♪ 667 00:25:28,433 --> 00:25:31,604 ♪ Damnation Alley ♪ 668 00:25:31,637 --> 00:25:36,442 ♪ You'll never get out of here alive ♪ 669 00:25:36,475 --> 00:25:37,610 ♪ Damnation ♪ 670 00:25:37,643 --> 00:25:40,512 ♪ Damnation Alley ♪ 671 00:25:40,545 --> 00:25:45,451 ♪ Don't walk alone through the valley, yeah ♪ 672 00:25:45,484 --> 00:25:46,785 ♪ Damnation ♪ 673 00:25:46,818 --> 00:25:49,321 ♪ Damnation Alley ♪ 674 00:25:49,354 --> 00:25:51,757 ♪ You'll never get out of here ♪ 675 00:25:51,790 --> 00:25:53,759 [echoing] ♪ Alive. ♪ 676 00:25:53,792 --> 00:25:59,064 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org