1 00:00:11,557 --> 00:00:14,228 ["Grieg Asia Minor" by Andrea and Ervin Litkei playing] 2 00:00:16,967 --> 00:00:18,504 [Laszlo] Nandor has disappeared. 3 00:00:18,505 --> 00:00:20,874 - Nandor? - [Laszlo] No one has seen 4 00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:22,945 or heard from him in weeks. 5 00:00:22,946 --> 00:00:24,682 Well, not since Gizmo fired him. 6 00:00:24,683 --> 00:00:25,951 Nandor? 7 00:00:25,952 --> 00:00:27,053 [Laszlo] Gave him the old heave-ho 8 00:00:27,054 --> 00:00:28,857 from his janitor job. 9 00:00:28,858 --> 00:00:31,495 The blade of the proverbial guillotine has dropped, 10 00:00:31,496 --> 00:00:34,267 and the blood of Nandor's broken dreams 11 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:37,140 has pooled at Gizmo's oddly-shaped feet. 12 00:00:37,141 --> 00:00:40,648 [Colin] So, yeah, we've tried just about everything 13 00:00:40,649 --> 00:00:41,850 to find Nandor. 14 00:00:41,851 --> 00:00:43,485 Set traps... 15 00:00:43,486 --> 00:00:44,689 Nandor? 16 00:00:44,690 --> 00:00:46,727 ...checked the vents, hung posters... 17 00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:49,999 [Nadja] We have even yelled his name very loudly 18 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,035 into the wind. 19 00:00:51,036 --> 00:00:53,338 [in power voice] Nandor! 20 00:00:53,339 --> 00:00:54,776 - [neighbor] Shut the fuck up. - Piss off. 21 00:00:54,777 --> 00:00:56,311 You shut the fuck up. 22 00:00:56,312 --> 00:00:58,550 That broody little bitch is missing. 23 00:00:58,551 --> 00:00:59,685 The dude is gone. 24 00:00:59,686 --> 00:01:02,190 And we can't find the fucker anywhere. 25 00:01:02,191 --> 00:01:04,595 [Nadja] Five dollars seems like a lot. 26 00:01:04,596 --> 00:01:06,465 - [door closes] - Hey. - [Doll Nadja] Ugh. 27 00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,269 I can't even look at you. Ugh. 28 00:01:08,270 --> 00:01:09,905 Any update on Nandor? 29 00:01:09,906 --> 00:01:11,275 Not since you fired him. 30 00:01:11,276 --> 00:01:12,376 [Nadja] From the job he loved. 31 00:01:12,377 --> 00:01:13,646 [Laszlo] What a coincidence. 32 00:01:13,647 --> 00:01:15,249 You have a lot of guts coming in here, 33 00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:16,920 - you little floating traitor. - [phone ringing] 34 00:01:16,921 --> 00:01:18,857 - Floating away with your little bitch ways. - Hello? 35 00:01:18,858 --> 00:01:20,527 - Yes? - [Baron over phone] Nandor has been located. 36 00:01:20,528 --> 00:01:22,196 [sighs] It's the Baron. 37 00:01:22,197 --> 00:01:23,533 And he knows where Nandor is. 38 00:01:23,534 --> 00:01:25,971 Don't tell him about the reward money. 39 00:01:25,972 --> 00:01:29,411 [Baron] I thought we might have a bite of lunch while we talk. 40 00:01:29,412 --> 00:01:30,780 Let us see what we have here. 41 00:01:30,781 --> 00:01:33,921 Some punch, some jellied blood, and, uh, 42 00:01:33,922 --> 00:01:35,089 Ke dekti patan. 43 00:01:35,090 --> 00:01:36,258 And, yes, 44 00:01:36,259 --> 00:01:38,329 the Sire prepared the finger foods. 45 00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:40,568 Mmm. My compliments to the chef. 46 00:01:40,569 --> 00:01:43,673 - [Sire chuckles] - Again, like I mentioned in my email, 47 00:01:43,674 --> 00:01:47,113 I don't eat blood, so maybe just a crescent roll or... 48 00:01:47,114 --> 00:01:48,482 [Baron] Uh, Sire, 49 00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:50,720 would you play that tape of Nandor, 50 00:01:50,721 --> 00:01:52,758 - please? - [agrees in ancient language] 51 00:01:52,759 --> 00:01:56,867 This was recorded by a vampire monitoring the ether. 52 00:01:58,403 --> 00:02:02,778 [Nandor on tape] Enemies abound, and only I can defeat them. 53 00:02:02,779 --> 00:02:07,420 I used to think ghouls were just the spirits of the dead. 54 00:02:07,421 --> 00:02:10,459 But now I know they walk among the living, too. 55 00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:14,401 - [Nadja] Oh, dear. - Up and down Wall Street, 56 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,572 with their suits and their ties 57 00:02:16,573 --> 00:02:19,211 and their build-your-own-salad bowls. 58 00:02:19,212 --> 00:02:22,016 I watched a snail 59 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,253 crawl across the edge of a... 60 00:02:24,254 --> 00:02:26,693 one of those things you use to shave. 61 00:02:26,694 --> 00:02:28,530 - What's it called? - Razor. 62 00:02:28,531 --> 00:02:30,165 - [Nandor] Not a knife. - He's thinking razor. 63 00:02:30,166 --> 00:02:31,570 [Nandor] What are those things called again? 64 00:02:31,571 --> 00:02:34,040 - A Sharpie? No, no... - Enough. 65 00:02:34,041 --> 00:02:36,145 - [recording stops] - [Nadja] Well, 66 00:02:36,146 --> 00:02:37,180 yikes. 67 00:02:37,181 --> 00:02:38,649 - [weak chuckle] - Indeed. 68 00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:40,153 [Baron] Oh, he used to be one of the most 69 00:02:40,154 --> 00:02:42,625 promising vampires in this New World. 70 00:02:42,626 --> 00:02:44,327 - Well, I wouldn't go that far. - But now... 71 00:02:44,328 --> 00:02:46,297 [scoffs] ...he is unrecognizable. 72 00:02:46,298 --> 00:02:47,935 Dangerous. 73 00:02:47,936 --> 00:02:49,505 - Dangerous, you say? - Yes. 74 00:02:49,506 --> 00:02:52,878 We are hearing reports of increasingly erratic behavior. 75 00:02:52,879 --> 00:02:56,351 - [Nadja] Mm. - Nandor is drawing attention. 76 00:02:56,352 --> 00:02:58,790 Too much attention. 77 00:02:58,791 --> 00:03:00,026 And attention puts 78 00:03:00,027 --> 00:03:03,065 all vampires at risk. 79 00:03:03,066 --> 00:03:04,300 Understood. 80 00:03:04,301 --> 00:03:06,672 He must be stopped. 81 00:03:06,673 --> 00:03:09,410 - So, Nandor's here? - [Baron] Yes. 82 00:03:09,411 --> 00:03:12,083 We traced Nandor's dispatches to that location. 83 00:03:12,084 --> 00:03:13,920 Go to New Hampshire. 84 00:03:13,921 --> 00:03:16,124 Retrieve Nandor. 85 00:03:16,125 --> 00:03:17,695 [sucks, pops] 86 00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:19,765 And with haste. 87 00:03:19,766 --> 00:03:21,903 [cover of Norma Tanega's "You're Dead" playing] 88 00:03:21,904 --> 00:03:24,942 ♪♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 89 00:03:24,943 --> 00:03:26,813 ♪♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 90 00:03:26,814 --> 00:03:30,452 ♪♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 91 00:03:30,453 --> 00:03:34,027 ♪♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 92 00:03:34,028 --> 00:03:36,966 ♪♪ You'll never get a second chance ♪ 93 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,337 ♪♪ Plan all your moves in advance ♪ 94 00:03:39,338 --> 00:03:43,345 ♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead ♪ 95 00:03:43,346 --> 00:03:46,720 ♪♪ And out of this world ♪ 96 00:03:47,656 --> 00:03:51,094 ♪♪ Shadows and light, baby ♪ 97 00:03:51,095 --> 00:03:54,267 ♪♪ You're dead. ♪ 98 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:56,973 [Guillermo] Okay, so we made it to New Hampshire. 99 00:03:56,974 --> 00:04:00,580 The dossier said that Nandor is hiding here 100 00:04:00,581 --> 00:04:02,918 at the Hancock & Sons factory. 101 00:04:02,919 --> 00:04:04,889 I mean, it was the factory until you 102 00:04:04,890 --> 00:04:07,561 and your Cannon Capital cronies stripped it down for parts. 103 00:04:07,562 --> 00:04:09,865 Actually, a leveraged buyout is a pretty neat way 104 00:04:09,866 --> 00:04:12,103 for a failing business to reinvent itself for the future. 105 00:04:12,104 --> 00:04:13,907 - [Nadja] Shut up, Guillermo! - [Laszlo] Shut up, Gizmo! 106 00:04:13,908 --> 00:04:15,343 Okay. 107 00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:18,883 [Nadja] What the hell happened here? 108 00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:20,888 - Stay close, my darling. - Hey, look. 109 00:04:20,889 --> 00:04:23,225 What if the H, A and N were missing? 110 00:04:23,226 --> 00:04:24,294 - Get it? - [Laszlo] Nope. 111 00:04:24,295 --> 00:04:25,296 [Colin] Cock & Sons. 112 00:04:25,297 --> 00:04:26,933 [Colin laughs] 113 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,268 [Nadja groans] 114 00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:30,406 [Nadja] Smells like slow death in here. 115 00:04:30,407 --> 00:04:32,443 - [Colin] Malaria. - [Laszlo] Nightmares. 116 00:04:32,444 --> 00:04:33,446 [Guillermo] A little dusty. 117 00:04:33,447 --> 00:04:34,915 [Nadja mutters] 118 00:04:34,916 --> 00:04:36,017 [Colin] Nan-man? 119 00:04:36,018 --> 00:04:37,687 Are-are you here? 120 00:04:37,688 --> 00:04:39,124 Nan-man? 121 00:04:39,125 --> 00:04:41,428 [Nandor] There is... 122 00:04:41,429 --> 00:04:45,069 no Nan-man here. 123 00:04:47,474 --> 00:04:50,781 There is only Nandor the Relentless. 124 00:04:52,184 --> 00:04:53,921 Warrior. 125 00:04:56,159 --> 00:04:57,628 Leader. 126 00:04:57,629 --> 00:04:59,799 So, Na-Nandor, have you been here 127 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,903 the whole time since you were, um... 128 00:05:01,904 --> 00:05:02,871 Fired? 129 00:05:02,872 --> 00:05:04,642 Yes. 130 00:05:04,643 --> 00:05:06,680 I have. 131 00:05:08,383 --> 00:05:09,852 [Guillermo] And, uh, 132 00:05:09,853 --> 00:05:13,793 - why? - Vampire-only explanations. 133 00:05:13,794 --> 00:05:15,730 That means not you, Guillermo. 134 00:05:15,731 --> 00:05:17,400 [Guillermo] Okay. 135 00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:20,440 When one is burned... 136 00:05:21,442 --> 00:05:25,450 ...one feels most at home amongst the ashes. 137 00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:27,955 Which is why I came here, 138 00:05:27,956 --> 00:05:32,029 to the husk of the Hancock & Sons factory, 139 00:05:32,030 --> 00:05:34,434 amongst others that have been discarded 140 00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:38,241 by Cannon Capital Strategies. 141 00:05:38,242 --> 00:05:40,312 But what I found... 142 00:05:40,313 --> 00:05:42,316 Oh, what I found... 143 00:05:42,317 --> 00:05:43,452 [Colin] A... 144 00:05:43,453 --> 00:05:45,256 bunch of preppy crap? 145 00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:46,959 Preppy essentials. 146 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,328 - Mm. - And, no, 147 00:05:48,329 --> 00:05:50,501 I found soldiers. 148 00:05:51,603 --> 00:05:55,510 Many of the humans left when the jobs did. 149 00:05:55,511 --> 00:05:57,681 Those that remained, they needed, 150 00:05:57,682 --> 00:06:00,987 they craved a leader. 151 00:06:00,988 --> 00:06:02,992 A warrior. 152 00:06:02,993 --> 00:06:04,928 A commander. 153 00:06:04,929 --> 00:06:07,400 And they became my army. 154 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:11,041 And, uh, where is this army? 155 00:06:11,042 --> 00:06:12,443 In the field, 156 00:06:12,444 --> 00:06:14,380 awaiting our next strike. 157 00:06:14,381 --> 00:06:15,784 - Ah. - Which reminds me, 158 00:06:15,785 --> 00:06:18,856 I have a war council meeting now. 159 00:06:18,857 --> 00:06:21,294 You may walk with me, if you must. 160 00:06:21,295 --> 00:06:23,098 Oh, mind the shirt pins. 161 00:06:23,099 --> 00:06:24,468 They're fucking everywhere. 162 00:06:24,469 --> 00:06:26,606 [Nadja] So, Nandor, this army 163 00:06:26,607 --> 00:06:27,975 you have raised... 164 00:06:27,976 --> 00:06:30,146 what is the, uh, endgame? 165 00:06:30,147 --> 00:06:31,214 To conquer. 166 00:06:31,215 --> 00:06:33,619 To take the battle town by town, 167 00:06:33,620 --> 00:06:37,594 from here to the very steps of Cannon Capital itself. 168 00:06:37,595 --> 00:06:40,032 Right, but, um... 169 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,034 why? 170 00:06:41,035 --> 00:06:42,269 So that Cannon Capital 171 00:06:42,270 --> 00:06:45,342 will rue the day they cast out 172 00:06:45,343 --> 00:06:47,814 their greatest warrior. 173 00:06:47,815 --> 00:06:49,150 Ah! 174 00:06:49,151 --> 00:06:50,520 We are here. 175 00:06:50,521 --> 00:06:52,691 Good evening, comrades! 176 00:06:52,692 --> 00:06:54,662 - [Laszlo] Fuck my old boots. - [Colin whistles] 177 00:06:54,663 --> 00:06:55,797 [Colin] Good gravy. 178 00:06:55,798 --> 00:06:58,335 [Nadja] Uh, so this 179 00:06:58,336 --> 00:07:00,239 is your war council? 180 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:01,340 [Nandor] Yes. 181 00:07:01,341 --> 00:07:02,778 [Laszlo] And who are these chaps? 182 00:07:02,779 --> 00:07:04,715 - My reserves. - [Colin] And what about them? 183 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:06,986 [Nandor] My concubines. 184 00:07:06,987 --> 00:07:08,656 - [Laszlo] Shit. - [Nadja] Huh. 185 00:07:08,657 --> 00:07:10,159 [Nandor] Now, look, I really need to get on 186 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:11,696 with my strategy session. 187 00:07:11,697 --> 00:07:13,298 Unless you have any more questions? 188 00:07:13,299 --> 00:07:14,636 - [Guillermo] I do. - No. 189 00:07:15,370 --> 00:07:16,471 Are you okay? 190 00:07:16,472 --> 00:07:18,509 What is he still doing here? 191 00:07:18,510 --> 00:07:20,245 - Well, I drove. - You... 192 00:07:20,246 --> 00:07:21,682 are the enemy. 193 00:07:21,683 --> 00:07:26,191 An errand boy sent by greengrocers 194 00:07:26,192 --> 00:07:27,226 to spy on me. 195 00:07:27,227 --> 00:07:28,563 Leave. 196 00:07:28,564 --> 00:07:30,466 I'm not the enemy. Tell him. 197 00:07:30,467 --> 00:07:32,470 - See you later. - [Laszlo] Bugger off. 198 00:07:32,471 --> 00:07:33,573 Okay. 199 00:07:33,574 --> 00:07:34,674 I will be out here. 200 00:07:34,675 --> 00:07:36,111 [Laszlo] Well, it looks like 201 00:07:36,112 --> 00:07:37,981 you've had quite the exciting time here, Nandor. 202 00:07:37,982 --> 00:07:39,384 - No one can deny that. - [Nadja] Mm. 203 00:07:39,385 --> 00:07:40,820 But what say we go home now? 204 00:07:40,821 --> 00:07:43,358 Before you freak the fuck out of anyone else. 205 00:07:43,359 --> 00:07:45,262 This is my home. 206 00:07:45,263 --> 00:07:46,699 The battlefield. 207 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,837 - Okay. [whistles] - Mm-hmm. - Hmm. 208 00:07:48,838 --> 00:07:50,473 What is that, Major Briggs? 209 00:07:50,474 --> 00:07:52,744 A maneuver from the east? 210 00:07:52,745 --> 00:07:55,483 Perhaps. 211 00:08:00,761 --> 00:08:03,031 I think it's safe to assume he's gone absolutely mad. 212 00:08:03,032 --> 00:08:05,169 Yeah, I don't like using this word, but he is crazy. 213 00:08:05,170 --> 00:08:06,605 Oi. No. 214 00:08:06,606 --> 00:08:08,843 You do not get to use that word, you twee demon. 215 00:08:08,844 --> 00:08:10,446 - He's like this because of you. - [Nandor hoots] 216 00:08:10,447 --> 00:08:11,749 - [cackling] - But, yes, 217 00:08:11,750 --> 00:08:14,286 he is absolutely crazy. 218 00:08:14,287 --> 00:08:16,692 Well, we can't just leave him here like this. 219 00:08:16,693 --> 00:08:18,529 Unless... [chuckles softly] 220 00:08:18,530 --> 00:08:20,533 can we? 221 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:22,236 [Nandor groaning] 222 00:08:22,237 --> 00:08:23,405 [Laszlo] No, we cannot. 223 00:08:23,406 --> 00:08:24,575 He's a danger to himself. 224 00:08:24,576 --> 00:08:26,411 How about we sit him down and say, 225 00:08:26,412 --> 00:08:28,015 "Hey, you're nuts. 226 00:08:28,016 --> 00:08:29,016 "Stop it. 227 00:08:29,017 --> 00:08:30,286 Stop being nuts." 228 00:08:30,287 --> 00:08:32,891 I see someone is well-versed in psychology. 229 00:08:32,892 --> 00:08:34,494 Well, let's just grab him by the neck and yank him out 230 00:08:34,495 --> 00:08:36,197 - of this hell box. - [Laszlo] We can't. 231 00:08:36,198 --> 00:08:38,770 To extract Nandor by force would be like... 232 00:08:38,771 --> 00:08:40,439 waking a sleepwalker. 233 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:41,475 So what, then? 234 00:08:41,476 --> 00:08:42,811 There is only one solution. 235 00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:44,146 We role-play the scenario 236 00:08:44,147 --> 00:08:46,552 that Nandor has concocted in his mind. 237 00:08:46,553 --> 00:08:48,690 In time our presence will shine a light 238 00:08:48,691 --> 00:08:50,626 on the holes in his fantasy, 239 00:08:50,627 --> 00:08:53,666 and he can follow that light back to reality. 240 00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,903 So, Shutter Island rules, so to speak. 241 00:08:55,904 --> 00:08:57,974 [Laszlo mutters mockingly] 242 00:08:57,975 --> 00:08:59,344 [Nandor laughing] 243 00:08:59,345 --> 00:09:01,548 We are the hollow men. 244 00:09:01,549 --> 00:09:04,019 Well, it's worth a shot. 245 00:09:04,020 --> 00:09:05,055 All right. 246 00:09:05,056 --> 00:09:06,859 Okay. I'm in. 247 00:09:06,860 --> 00:09:08,462 Excellent. Fuck off. 248 00:09:08,463 --> 00:09:10,099 - What? - You need to go now. 249 00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,935 - Why? - 'Cause he believes you are the enemy. 250 00:09:11,936 --> 00:09:13,573 - But I'm not the enemy. - What are you still doing here? 251 00:09:13,574 --> 00:09:14,742 - [Colin] Bye, bitch. - Okay. 252 00:09:14,743 --> 00:09:15,743 Bye-bye, bitch. 253 00:09:15,744 --> 00:09:17,313 Keep walking, bitch. 254 00:09:17,314 --> 00:09:18,381 Stop calling me "bitch." 255 00:09:18,382 --> 00:09:19,417 [Nadja] Sorry, bitch. 256 00:09:19,418 --> 00:09:20,854 [singsongy] Nandor. 257 00:09:20,855 --> 00:09:22,223 [Nandor] Bit busy. 258 00:09:22,224 --> 00:09:23,291 [Laszlo] Your army. 259 00:09:23,292 --> 00:09:24,862 We'd like to enlist. 260 00:09:24,863 --> 00:09:26,565 [Nandor] "Sir." 261 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:27,634 [Laszlo] What? 262 00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:30,205 If you wish to be in my army, 263 00:09:30,206 --> 00:09:33,177 then you will all address me as "sir." 264 00:09:33,178 --> 00:09:35,148 - Okay, I'm out. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 265 00:09:35,149 --> 00:09:37,253 [all] Yes, sir. 266 00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:38,421 Good. 267 00:09:38,422 --> 00:09:41,260 So, basic training begins now! 268 00:09:41,261 --> 00:09:44,300 - ["Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival playing] - ♪♪ Cannon Capital nemeedooni ♪ 269 00:09:44,301 --> 00:09:46,705 [others] ♪♪ Cannon Capital nemeedooni ♪ 270 00:09:46,706 --> 00:09:48,676 ♪♪ Mah too jahdeyeh peeroosee Eem. ♪ 271 00:09:48,677 --> 00:09:50,312 - You are clay. - No. 272 00:09:50,313 --> 00:09:51,481 - Soft. - [groans] 273 00:09:51,482 --> 00:09:53,451 - Weak. Goopy. - [Colin growling] 274 00:09:53,452 --> 00:09:56,057 But I am here to mold you. 275 00:09:56,058 --> 00:09:56,859 Yes, sir! 276 00:09:56,860 --> 00:09:57,961 To make you strong. 277 00:09:57,962 --> 00:09:59,430 - To shape you. - Whoo! 278 00:09:59,431 --> 00:10:02,002 [Nandor] ♪♪ Cannon Capital chalgoozeh ♪ 279 00:10:02,003 --> 00:10:04,007 [others] ♪♪ Cannon Capital chalgoozeh. ♪ 280 00:10:04,008 --> 00:10:06,144 [Laszlo] I joined the Royal Navy a few years ago. 281 00:10:06,145 --> 00:10:08,482 For the sea, the sun and mainly the sex. 282 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,285 But what I'm finding here, it's just a lot of marching... 283 00:10:10,286 --> 00:10:12,657 - [Nandor] That's it! - ...push-ups for no reason... 284 00:10:12,658 --> 00:10:14,494 20,001. 285 00:10:14,495 --> 00:10:15,830 20,002. 286 00:10:15,831 --> 00:10:17,534 ...and no one's offered me anything 287 00:10:17,535 --> 00:10:19,905 - that looks like a medal. - [buzzing] - What the fuck?! 288 00:10:19,906 --> 00:10:21,407 Shave your own head. 289 00:10:21,408 --> 00:10:23,244 [Nandor] Okay. On your marks, 290 00:10:23,245 --> 00:10:24,848 get set, 291 00:10:24,849 --> 00:10:26,384 crawl, worms! 292 00:10:26,385 --> 00:10:28,454 - That's it! - [Nadja] I did not realize 293 00:10:28,455 --> 00:10:29,958 being in Nandor's fake army 294 00:10:29,959 --> 00:10:32,797 would involve so much of doing what Nandor says. 295 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:34,166 [Nandor] You call that crawling?! 296 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:35,737 [Nadja] He's very lucky that I have 297 00:10:35,738 --> 00:10:37,840 that rule about not killing the demented. 298 00:10:37,841 --> 00:10:40,780 - [grunting] - ♪♪ Lord, the house lookin' like a rummage sale... ♪ 299 00:10:40,781 --> 00:10:41,816 [Colin] Sure, 300 00:10:41,817 --> 00:10:43,552 Nandor's military delusions 301 00:10:43,553 --> 00:10:45,690 are a strange little brew. 302 00:10:45,691 --> 00:10:49,598 A dash of memories from his time in Al Quolanudar 303 00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:53,371 and a sprinkle of war movies he's seen over the years. 304 00:10:53,372 --> 00:10:56,110 But, heck, if I don't want to take another sip. 305 00:10:56,111 --> 00:10:59,517 ♪♪ It ain't me, it ain't me. ♪ 306 00:10:59,518 --> 00:11:02,089 - [song continues over speaker] - Well, maggots. 307 00:11:02,090 --> 00:11:03,592 You have trained 308 00:11:03,593 --> 00:11:04,928 and trained well. 309 00:11:04,929 --> 00:11:06,966 Especially you, Colin Robinson. 310 00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:08,569 You are very violent. 311 00:11:08,570 --> 00:11:09,905 Oorah, sir! 312 00:11:09,906 --> 00:11:12,476 Alexa, please pause the music. 313 00:11:12,477 --> 00:11:14,113 - [song ends] - [Alexa] Okay. - Thank you. 314 00:11:14,114 --> 00:11:17,220 Alexa is my director of internal comms. 315 00:11:17,221 --> 00:11:18,756 Okay! So, 316 00:11:18,757 --> 00:11:20,960 on to your assignments. 317 00:11:20,961 --> 00:11:23,198 - Laszlo Cravensworth! - Yeah. 318 00:11:23,199 --> 00:11:24,567 Intelligence. 319 00:11:24,568 --> 00:11:25,837 Obviously. 320 00:11:25,838 --> 00:11:27,774 - Nadja of Antipaxos. - Hmm? 321 00:11:27,775 --> 00:11:29,611 Signal Corps. 322 00:11:29,612 --> 00:11:30,680 What is that? 323 00:11:30,681 --> 00:11:32,618 Never mind. Who gives a shit? 324 00:11:32,619 --> 00:11:33,753 Colin Robinson. 325 00:11:33,754 --> 00:11:34,654 [quietly] Come on, Logistics. 326 00:11:34,655 --> 00:11:35,823 Come on, Logistics. 327 00:11:35,824 --> 00:11:36,993 Logistics. 328 00:11:36,994 --> 00:11:38,261 Yes! [chuckling] Yes. 329 00:11:38,262 --> 00:11:39,297 Now listen up. 330 00:11:39,298 --> 00:11:41,635 - Tonight is a proud night. - Psst. 331 00:11:41,636 --> 00:11:44,340 Together we will take back 332 00:11:44,341 --> 00:11:46,244 the honor, the power, 333 00:11:46,245 --> 00:11:47,580 the respect 334 00:11:47,581 --> 00:11:51,955 that Cannon Capital have so cruelly tried to take away. 335 00:11:51,956 --> 00:11:54,360 [Nadja] Okay, so this is a pit of shit. 336 00:11:54,361 --> 00:11:56,164 Can we not just make Nandor think that this stupid 337 00:11:56,165 --> 00:11:58,235 imaginary battle has happened already? 338 00:11:58,236 --> 00:12:00,105 - And how do we do that? - [Colin] I know. 339 00:12:00,106 --> 00:12:01,241 Shoot me. 340 00:12:01,242 --> 00:12:03,111 That's not a real gun, Colin Robinson. 341 00:12:03,112 --> 00:12:06,217 It's a decorative firearm from the Outdoorsman section. 342 00:12:06,218 --> 00:12:07,721 All right, then whack me with it. 343 00:12:07,722 --> 00:12:08,722 Hard. 344 00:12:08,723 --> 00:12:09,758 All right. 345 00:12:09,759 --> 00:12:10,927 [chuckles] 346 00:12:10,928 --> 00:12:12,697 - Again. Harder, though. - Really? 347 00:12:12,698 --> 00:12:14,433 Yes! [chuckling] Oh! 348 00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:17,541 How is this going to help with the Nandor thing? 349 00:12:17,542 --> 00:12:18,709 What Nandor thing? 350 00:12:18,710 --> 00:12:20,212 Hold on. I think I've got it. 351 00:12:20,213 --> 00:12:21,949 I've thought of a way that Nandor will think 352 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,217 that the war is won. 353 00:12:23,218 --> 00:12:25,122 A ruse de guerre that will make 354 00:12:25,123 --> 00:12:28,395 the Trojan horse look like a witless child's papier-mâché. 355 00:12:28,396 --> 00:12:29,664 Fuck, I'm good. 356 00:12:29,665 --> 00:12:31,100 Now all I need is the adequate supplies 357 00:12:31,101 --> 00:12:32,637 from this shit-forsaken town. 358 00:12:32,638 --> 00:12:36,546 Wait. You guys can leave, but I don't want Nandor to think 359 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:37,680 I'm a deserter. 360 00:12:37,681 --> 00:12:39,484 I ain't no deserter! 361 00:12:48,002 --> 00:12:49,738 [Nandor] You live a thousand years 362 00:12:49,739 --> 00:12:52,945 and you think you know what betrayal is. 363 00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:54,815 What horror is. 364 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,986 [Colin] Awaiting further orders, sir. 365 00:12:56,987 --> 00:13:00,359 But then, in a single instant, you find out 366 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:04,501 you haven't the slightest idea what man is truly capable of. 367 00:13:04,502 --> 00:13:06,838 [man over phone] Oh, man. That sounds rough out there, Nandor. 368 00:13:06,839 --> 00:13:08,843 Listen, I've got to move on to the next caller, 369 00:13:08,844 --> 00:13:10,513 but did you want to request a song? 370 00:13:10,514 --> 00:13:12,917 Uh, yes. I would like to request 371 00:13:12,918 --> 00:13:16,124 "Scarborough Fair" by Simon & Garfunkel. 372 00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:18,362 No. Let's limit the public broadcasts. 373 00:13:18,363 --> 00:13:20,299 The brass back home are getting a little squirrely. 374 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,804 But to whom am I supposed to orate? 375 00:13:22,805 --> 00:13:24,574 Well, me, you big lummox. 376 00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:26,377 [laughs] All right. 377 00:13:26,378 --> 00:13:30,285 Now, you were saying something about the horror. 378 00:13:30,286 --> 00:13:32,023 [Laszlo] You know what, my darling? 379 00:13:32,024 --> 00:13:33,993 It feels like an eternity 380 00:13:33,994 --> 00:13:35,764 since we've had some time alone. 381 00:13:35,765 --> 00:13:37,432 Oh, it does, it does. 382 00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:39,571 So what is the plan, my dark lover? 383 00:13:39,572 --> 00:13:42,143 Well, you'll see. You'll see. 384 00:13:43,379 --> 00:13:44,413 I'll "see"? 385 00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:46,117 Yes. What's the problem, my darling? 386 00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:47,887 I'm hearing a lot of this 387 00:13:47,888 --> 00:13:50,593 "You'll see" these days. I'm hearing 388 00:13:50,594 --> 00:13:53,899 "You'll see" about the plan to fix Nandor's melted brain. 389 00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:55,537 I'm hearing "You'll see" 390 00:13:55,538 --> 00:13:57,172 about the sex doll monster thing 391 00:13:57,173 --> 00:13:58,642 that you're creating in the basement. 392 00:13:58,643 --> 00:14:00,780 Well, the sex doll monster thing-- not a sex doll-- 393 00:14:00,781 --> 00:14:02,584 is part of the grand plan. 394 00:14:02,585 --> 00:14:03,853 Which is...? 395 00:14:03,854 --> 00:14:05,857 Complex scientific experiments 396 00:14:05,858 --> 00:14:08,028 that I don't think you'll understand. 397 00:14:08,029 --> 00:14:09,831 Oh, so you're calling me stupid? 398 00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:10,900 Well, of course not. 399 00:14:10,901 --> 00:14:12,704 That's a stupid thing to say. 400 00:14:12,705 --> 00:14:14,608 - [speaks Greek] - No. 401 00:14:14,609 --> 00:14:16,177 - Whoa, whoa. No. - Piss off. 402 00:14:16,178 --> 00:14:17,847 Nadja, what I meant to say was something 403 00:14:17,848 --> 00:14:19,350 with the identical sentiment that wouldn't piss you off. 404 00:14:19,351 --> 00:14:20,352 Well, it did. 405 00:14:20,353 --> 00:14:21,522 Shit. 406 00:14:22,490 --> 00:14:25,195 [Nandor] In my empire, Colin Robinson, 407 00:14:25,196 --> 00:14:27,767 we will be free. [blows] 408 00:14:27,768 --> 00:14:29,537 Free from liars. 409 00:14:29,538 --> 00:14:32,442 From the cowards who say you are not a 410 00:14:32,443 --> 00:14:33,913 "good culture fit." 411 00:14:33,914 --> 00:14:36,552 I dig that, sir. I hear that. 412 00:14:36,553 --> 00:14:38,222 [Guillermo] Hey. 413 00:14:38,991 --> 00:14:40,192 [Nandor] I thought I said this person 414 00:14:40,193 --> 00:14:41,695 was not welcome here. 415 00:14:41,696 --> 00:14:43,566 - You sure did, sir. - [Guillermo] Yeah, I know, 416 00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:45,436 but if I keep charging my phone in the car, 417 00:14:45,437 --> 00:14:47,439 it'll kill the battery, so I'm just looking for an outlet. 418 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,479 Don't mean to disrupt your whole "war" thing. 419 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:51,915 "War thing"? 420 00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:53,652 This is a war. 421 00:14:53,653 --> 00:14:54,854 No winky fingers. 422 00:14:54,855 --> 00:14:56,358 Okay, enough. 423 00:14:57,662 --> 00:14:59,030 Private Robinson, 424 00:14:59,031 --> 00:15:00,499 would you give us a moment? 425 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,335 You got it. 426 00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:03,672 Traitor. 427 00:15:03,673 --> 00:15:06,077 What did you say to me? 428 00:15:06,078 --> 00:15:09,150 I'm sorry. I'm done playing along with this fantasy. 429 00:15:09,151 --> 00:15:12,055 I'm not the enemy, and you know that. 430 00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:13,424 You're just pissed. 431 00:15:13,425 --> 00:15:15,864 You're pissed that I'm killing it at Cannon. 432 00:15:15,865 --> 00:15:17,701 You're pissed that... 433 00:15:17,702 --> 00:15:19,036 that you weren't 434 00:15:19,037 --> 00:15:21,373 a good culture fit. 435 00:15:21,374 --> 00:15:22,978 [growls] 436 00:15:23,814 --> 00:15:24,982 Lieutenant Alexa. 437 00:15:24,983 --> 00:15:27,854 Tell this piece of shit to leave. 438 00:15:27,855 --> 00:15:31,093 [Alexa] Now playing "Leave (Get Out)" by JoJo. 439 00:15:31,094 --> 00:15:35,102 - ["Leave (Get Out)" by JoJo playing] - Wait for the chorus. 440 00:15:39,144 --> 00:15:40,980 Well, I'm not the only one kept in the dark 441 00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:43,318 by their lover's extracurricular activities. 442 00:15:43,319 --> 00:15:45,289 So you admit you keep me in the dark. 443 00:15:45,290 --> 00:15:46,992 Well, no more than you keep me in the dark. 444 00:15:46,993 --> 00:15:50,265 I don't got a fucking clue what you get up to at Cannon Capital. 445 00:15:50,266 --> 00:15:51,869 Laszlo, there is nothing to tell. 446 00:15:51,870 --> 00:15:53,371 It is a job. You show up, 447 00:15:53,372 --> 00:15:55,175 you pretend to do shit, and then you go home. 448 00:15:55,176 --> 00:15:57,680 Why the fuck would you want to do that? 449 00:15:57,681 --> 00:15:59,283 Because it is better than sitting at home 450 00:15:59,284 --> 00:16:00,987 and twiddling with my tits while you are 451 00:16:00,988 --> 00:16:03,258 downstairs locked up in the basement with your meat parts. 452 00:16:03,259 --> 00:16:05,262 All right, all right. All right, my darling. 453 00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:06,799 I think I know what's going on here. 454 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,335 Give me your hand. 455 00:16:09,872 --> 00:16:11,107 I need to apologize. 456 00:16:11,108 --> 00:16:12,375 I'm listening. 457 00:16:12,376 --> 00:16:14,013 Clearly, the reason for you being 458 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,516 so overemotional 459 00:16:15,517 --> 00:16:16,852 is because 460 00:16:16,853 --> 00:16:18,789 it is your time of the month. 461 00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:19,958 [speaks Greek] 462 00:16:19,959 --> 00:16:22,229 [screams in power voice] 463 00:16:22,230 --> 00:16:23,966 The dead do not menstruate! 464 00:16:23,967 --> 00:16:27,006 - [car alarm blaring] - Fuck me. Bloody hell, darling. 465 00:16:27,007 --> 00:16:28,509 Oops. 466 00:16:28,510 --> 00:16:29,945 - ♪♪ Get out ♪ - ♪♪ Leave ♪ 467 00:16:29,946 --> 00:16:31,447 - [sighs] - ♪♪ Right now ♪ 468 00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:33,586 ♪♪ It's the end of you and me... ♪ 469 00:16:33,587 --> 00:16:36,124 I can't believe you're blowing this one little setback 470 00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:37,159 - so out of proportion. - [song stops] 471 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,795 I was humiliated! 472 00:16:38,796 --> 00:16:41,367 Do you even know what loyalty is, Guillermo? 473 00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:42,904 Do I know what loyalty is? 474 00:16:42,905 --> 00:16:45,976 Uh, yeah. I was blindly loyal to you for 15 years. 475 00:16:45,977 --> 00:16:47,981 Until you got rid of me. 476 00:16:47,982 --> 00:16:49,718 I never got rid of you. 477 00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:51,154 I protected you. 478 00:16:51,155 --> 00:16:52,690 Even with all the fuckups 479 00:16:52,691 --> 00:16:54,728 and the time you forgot to buy glitter 480 00:16:54,729 --> 00:16:56,130 and the "I want to be a vampire. 481 00:16:56,131 --> 00:16:58,535 No, actually, I don't want to be vampire." 482 00:16:58,536 --> 00:17:00,907 The time you nearly killed The Baron, twice! 483 00:17:00,908 --> 00:17:03,011 Through all that shit, 484 00:17:03,012 --> 00:17:04,547 I was loyal. 485 00:17:04,548 --> 00:17:07,052 I may have done a lot of things, Guillermo, 486 00:17:07,053 --> 00:17:10,760 but I never got rid of you! 487 00:17:10,761 --> 00:17:12,730 Do you think I felt good firing you? I didn't want to fire you, 488 00:17:12,731 --> 00:17:15,536 but that's how things are in the real world, in the human world! 489 00:17:15,537 --> 00:17:17,339 - I had to do it! - I used to be a human 490 00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:20,012 before I was a vampire, in case you forgot, 491 00:17:20,013 --> 00:17:22,283 and I never betrayed my friends, 492 00:17:22,284 --> 00:17:24,219 my comrades in arms, never. 493 00:17:24,220 --> 00:17:25,523 Maybe some of the wives, 494 00:17:25,524 --> 00:17:27,059 but you know, it was a different time. 495 00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:29,431 I'm sorry. I didn't... 496 00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:31,935 I didn't know that the janitor job 497 00:17:31,936 --> 00:17:33,071 was so important to you. 498 00:17:33,072 --> 00:17:35,008 Well, it was. 499 00:17:35,009 --> 00:17:37,412 It was my purpose. 500 00:17:37,413 --> 00:17:40,184 My purpose used to be raising you 501 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:43,391 to become a great vampire, 502 00:17:43,392 --> 00:17:45,462 until you pussed out 503 00:17:45,463 --> 00:17:48,434 and found a new master in Jordan. 504 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,338 - [phone buzzing] - Jordan is not my master, 505 00:17:50,339 --> 00:17:53,512 and he doesn't own me, and I'm not there at his... 506 00:17:53,513 --> 00:17:54,380 Hi, Jordan. 507 00:17:54,381 --> 00:17:56,250 - [sighs] - Yeah, I can talk. 508 00:17:56,251 --> 00:17:58,121 No, I'm not busy. 509 00:17:58,122 --> 00:17:59,958 Uh, that should be in your inbox. 510 00:17:59,959 --> 00:18:02,195 I could actually bump it. 511 00:18:02,196 --> 00:18:04,000 [laughs] "The Bumpmaster." 512 00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:05,435 [Nandor growls] 513 00:18:05,436 --> 00:18:06,572 Yeah. 514 00:18:13,586 --> 00:18:15,489 Fireworks. 515 00:18:15,490 --> 00:18:16,691 What? 516 00:18:16,692 --> 00:18:18,327 You were angry at me for not telling you 517 00:18:18,328 --> 00:18:21,502 what we're out here looking for. It's fireworks. 518 00:18:21,503 --> 00:18:23,639 And I didn't tell you because, again, I wanted to be 519 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,311 the hero that swoops down and saves the day. 520 00:18:26,312 --> 00:18:29,216 [sighs] Laszlo. 521 00:18:29,217 --> 00:18:33,424 I do not need you to always be the hero. [sighs] 522 00:18:33,425 --> 00:18:36,698 My darling, you are the funniest, most clever, 523 00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:40,238 sweetest, and most beautiful woman in the world. 524 00:18:40,239 --> 00:18:42,643 Not just Staten Island, the world. 525 00:18:42,644 --> 00:18:45,415 And I'm not even mentioning the ten-out-of-ten pussy. 526 00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:47,419 You deserve the best. 527 00:18:47,420 --> 00:18:49,857 That is so sweet. [sniffles] 528 00:18:49,858 --> 00:18:51,127 Ah. 529 00:18:51,128 --> 00:18:53,365 [kisses] Aw. [laughs] 530 00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:55,804 My koukla. [chuckles] 531 00:18:56,973 --> 00:18:58,809 - Laszlo. - Yeah? 532 00:18:58,810 --> 00:19:01,280 Think I may have found your fireworks. 533 00:19:01,281 --> 00:19:02,851 Really? Where? 534 00:19:02,852 --> 00:19:05,857 There, in this shop just here across the street 535 00:19:05,858 --> 00:19:07,794 with the rows and rows of fireworks in the window 536 00:19:07,795 --> 00:19:11,034 and the sign that says "Fireworks Fireworks." 537 00:19:11,035 --> 00:19:12,971 Well, that's perfect. 538 00:19:12,972 --> 00:19:14,439 How did I miss that, my darling? 539 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:15,909 - [Nadja] I don't know. - [Laszlo laughs] Right. 540 00:19:15,910 --> 00:19:18,883 You just let your husband take care of this. 541 00:19:18,884 --> 00:19:21,221 Stand back. 542 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:27,032 No wonder no one buys newspapers anymore. 543 00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:28,703 - Toss it again. - Okay. 544 00:19:29,404 --> 00:19:32,209 [in power voice] Open! 545 00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:33,344 [alarm ringing] 546 00:19:33,345 --> 00:19:35,883 - Shall we? - Yes. 547 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,920 [Guillermo] Uh-huh. 548 00:19:37,921 --> 00:19:40,325 Okay, well, I'll just cc Lisa. 549 00:19:40,326 --> 00:19:41,628 You got it. 550 00:19:41,629 --> 00:19:42,764 Bye. 551 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:46,203 I, too, was once cc'd. 552 00:19:46,204 --> 00:19:48,509 You know, I do know what it feels like 553 00:19:48,510 --> 00:19:50,344 to lose your purpose. 554 00:19:50,345 --> 00:19:53,786 I used to want to be a vampire. 555 00:19:54,755 --> 00:19:56,490 So bad. 556 00:19:56,491 --> 00:19:58,829 It guided every choice I made. 557 00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:02,604 I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy I'm a human again, 558 00:20:02,605 --> 00:20:03,505 but it was hard. 559 00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,442 It was hard waking up every day 560 00:20:05,443 --> 00:20:08,081 with that not being the goal, 561 00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:09,249 to be a vampire. 562 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:11,120 Well, I am already a vampire, 563 00:20:11,121 --> 00:20:12,990 so that only sort of applies. 564 00:20:12,991 --> 00:20:14,994 Right. Well, the point is, 565 00:20:14,995 --> 00:20:18,001 I think I found a new purpose. 566 00:20:18,002 --> 00:20:20,939 You will, too, somewhere. 567 00:20:20,940 --> 00:20:23,111 But maybe right now 568 00:20:23,112 --> 00:20:25,081 our purposes... 569 00:20:25,082 --> 00:20:27,787 are taking us... 570 00:20:27,788 --> 00:20:29,123 in different directions. 571 00:20:29,124 --> 00:20:31,795 And that's okay. 572 00:20:31,796 --> 00:20:34,735 Perhaps you are right, Guillermo. 573 00:20:34,736 --> 00:20:37,005 I am a warrior, 574 00:20:37,006 --> 00:20:40,112 but maybe this is not my fight. 575 00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:43,084 [Colin] You don't just talk to Nandor, man, you know. 576 00:20:43,085 --> 00:20:44,419 You listen, you dig? 577 00:20:44,420 --> 00:20:45,823 - I'm a little man. - Yes, I know you are. 578 00:20:45,824 --> 00:20:48,260 Just a little man, but he's a great man. 579 00:20:48,261 --> 00:20:49,731 Nandor, we have news from the front line. 580 00:20:49,732 --> 00:20:51,768 [clears throat] Guess what. 581 00:20:51,769 --> 00:20:55,475 Your troops have executed your battle plan perfectly. 582 00:20:55,476 --> 00:20:57,446 The enemy have been lured into a trap. 583 00:20:57,447 --> 00:20:59,183 There are casualties. 584 00:20:59,184 --> 00:21:01,722 - We expect more. - You know, we can all stand down because 585 00:21:01,723 --> 00:21:03,391 - he's decided to come home. - [Colin] What? 586 00:21:03,392 --> 00:21:04,660 - What? - He what? 587 00:21:04,661 --> 00:21:05,863 [Nadja] What is the fucking point? 588 00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:07,299 Yes, I, um... 589 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:10,739 After careful consideration, I have come to the realization 590 00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:13,945 that perhaps I was looking for battles where none need exist. 591 00:21:13,946 --> 00:21:15,883 - You don't say. - [Nandor] So I think it's best 592 00:21:15,884 --> 00:21:17,787 for everyone if I just come home. 593 00:21:17,788 --> 00:21:21,360 Plus, you know, I miss my coffee and I miss my favorite sword. 594 00:21:21,361 --> 00:21:22,963 - There's nothing like... - [fireworks exploding] 595 00:21:22,964 --> 00:21:24,668 Oh, what the fuck is that? 596 00:21:24,669 --> 00:21:26,537 - Oh... No. - [Nandor] It is an attack. 597 00:21:26,538 --> 00:21:27,974 - [Laszlo] No, it's not. - We are under attack! 598 00:21:27,975 --> 00:21:29,243 - [Colin] Yes, yes. Yes. - [Nadja] No, no, Nandor. 599 00:21:29,244 --> 00:21:30,311 [Nandor shouts indistinctly] 600 00:21:30,312 --> 00:21:31,615 [Colin] Yes, yes, yes! 601 00:21:31,616 --> 00:21:33,017 [Nadja] I thought we were done with this! 602 00:21:33,018 --> 00:21:34,687 [Colin] Where's my gun? Where's my gun? 603 00:21:34,688 --> 00:21:35,789 - [Nadja] Wait, Nandor. - [Laszlo] Nandor, wait. 604 00:21:35,790 --> 00:21:37,459 - Nandor! - [Nandor] Stay low, 605 00:21:37,460 --> 00:21:38,929 they may try to flank us. 606 00:21:38,930 --> 00:21:41,768 - Hit the deck! - No, Nandor, it's a bloody ruse. 607 00:21:41,769 --> 00:21:43,304 [Laszlo] It's not real, you idiot. 608 00:21:43,305 --> 00:21:46,310 [Colin] Make it stop! I can't take it! 609 00:21:46,311 --> 00:21:48,582 Somebody help me frag myself! 610 00:21:48,583 --> 00:21:51,722 [Laszlo] Get ahold of yourself, man. 611 00:21:51,723 --> 00:21:53,424 The fighting seems to be situated 612 00:21:53,425 --> 00:21:55,630 by the Shipley Dollar Barn on Piedmont Street. 613 00:21:55,631 --> 00:21:57,498 It's no good, my darling. 614 00:21:57,499 --> 00:21:59,169 He's still too bloody crackers. 615 00:21:59,170 --> 00:22:02,109 Well, isn't it a good thing, then, that I have a plan B? 616 00:22:02,110 --> 00:22:03,812 Ah, silver chains. 617 00:22:03,813 --> 00:22:05,516 - Hey! Release me. - Get out of that. 618 00:22:05,517 --> 00:22:06,785 - Stand back. - Mutiny. 619 00:22:06,786 --> 00:22:08,287 [Nadja] Get in there. 620 00:22:08,288 --> 00:22:09,524 You brought it on yourself, Nandor. 621 00:22:09,525 --> 00:22:11,794 Nice work, my darling. 622 00:22:11,795 --> 00:22:13,532 Shotgun. 623 00:22:15,604 --> 00:22:17,373 - [sighs] - [chains rattle] 624 00:22:17,374 --> 00:22:20,044 [Nandor] Okay, guys, I forgive you. 625 00:22:20,045 --> 00:22:21,815 - [Colin snoring] - It was the heat of battle 626 00:22:21,816 --> 00:22:24,821 and you panicked and you made a mutiny. 627 00:22:24,822 --> 00:22:26,825 - [Nadja] Shush. - [Nandor] Untie me! - [siren chirping] 628 00:22:26,826 --> 00:22:28,562 - [Laszlo] It's the coppers. - [Nadja] It is. Shit. 629 00:22:28,563 --> 00:22:29,898 [Guillermo] Great. 630 00:22:29,899 --> 00:22:31,601 - Floor it! - No, you don't want to make 631 00:22:31,602 --> 00:22:33,137 - a bad situation worse. - [patrolman] Pull over! 632 00:22:33,138 --> 00:22:34,439 What's your problem? Put your foot down, you prick. 633 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:35,576 Okay, I'm just gonna pull over. 634 00:22:35,577 --> 00:22:36,477 - Useless. - I wasn't even speeding. 635 00:22:36,478 --> 00:22:37,580 Just, everyone, be cool, 636 00:22:37,581 --> 00:22:38,616 and I'll do all the talking. 637 00:22:38,617 --> 00:22:40,385 Gizmo, there's a fucking vampire 638 00:22:40,386 --> 00:22:41,721 hog-tied in the trunk. 639 00:22:41,722 --> 00:22:42,891 [patrolman] Hello? 640 00:22:42,892 --> 00:22:43,959 Oh, yeah. 641 00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,263 Hello, Mr. Officer. 642 00:22:46,264 --> 00:22:47,700 What seems to be the problem? 643 00:22:47,701 --> 00:22:50,606 Apart from the fact that my large, wet bosom 644 00:22:50,607 --> 00:22:53,043 won't stop sloshing around. 645 00:22:53,044 --> 00:22:55,950 You, uh, you got a left taillight out there, son. 646 00:22:55,951 --> 00:22:57,218 Yeah, I've been meaning to get that fixed. 647 00:22:57,219 --> 00:22:58,588 Sorry about that, Officer. 648 00:22:58,589 --> 00:23:00,025 It's all right. I'll take care of this. 649 00:23:00,026 --> 00:23:01,728 I say, Officer, 650 00:23:01,729 --> 00:23:03,231 you know, you remind me of a cross 651 00:23:03,232 --> 00:23:05,201 between a young Paul Newman 652 00:23:05,202 --> 00:23:07,573 and a man I'm about to fuck. 653 00:23:07,574 --> 00:23:10,378 - Get out of the car. All of you. - Yeah. Absolutely. 654 00:23:10,379 --> 00:23:12,081 - Hands are going over my head. - Colin Robinson, you need to wake up. 655 00:23:12,082 --> 00:23:13,417 - We got to get out. - [Colin] What? What? 656 00:23:13,418 --> 00:23:14,553 What are you doing? 657 00:23:14,554 --> 00:23:17,025 We are regular human travelers. 658 00:23:17,026 --> 00:23:19,898 There is nothing out of the ordinary here, 659 00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:22,937 so you have nothing to be concerned about. 660 00:23:22,938 --> 00:23:24,607 - [distant shouting] - What the f... 661 00:23:24,608 --> 00:23:26,377 - [Colin] Whoa. - [Laszlo] What the fuck is that? 662 00:23:26,378 --> 00:23:28,748 - [Colin] Who are they? - [Nadja] Uh... 663 00:23:28,749 --> 00:23:31,821 Oh, that's nothing out of the ordinary, regular human. 664 00:23:31,822 --> 00:23:33,592 What do you mean? They're coming straight for us. 665 00:23:33,593 --> 00:23:34,727 [Nadja] What is happening? 666 00:23:34,728 --> 00:23:35,929 [Laszlo] Gizmo, you talk to them. 667 00:23:35,930 --> 00:23:36,964 [Guillermo] What, what? No. 668 00:23:36,965 --> 00:23:39,003 [whooping] 669 00:23:40,974 --> 00:23:42,877 Go handcuff yourself to a tree. 670 00:23:42,878 --> 00:23:45,783 - Yes, ma'am. - [hooting, shouting] 671 00:23:47,554 --> 00:23:49,189 [Guillermo] Wait, so, 672 00:23:49,190 --> 00:23:52,530 Nandor's army is... is real? 673 00:23:57,774 --> 00:23:58,842 [Nadja] Wait, so he wasn't crazy. 674 00:23:58,843 --> 00:23:59,878 - [Nandor shouts] - [Colin] Whoa! 675 00:23:59,879 --> 00:24:01,013 [Laszlo] It appears not. 676 00:24:01,014 --> 00:24:02,315 [Nandor groaning] 677 00:24:02,316 --> 00:24:03,952 - Unchain me. - General. 678 00:24:03,953 --> 00:24:06,156 - Unchain me. - Sir, yes, sir. 679 00:24:06,157 --> 00:24:08,127 Just grab it with both hands and yank it. 680 00:24:08,128 --> 00:24:09,631 - Watch the hair. - [Guillermo] There you go. 681 00:24:09,632 --> 00:24:11,099 Yes, that's it. 682 00:24:11,100 --> 00:24:13,572 ♪ ♪ 683 00:24:13,573 --> 00:24:15,442 - [grunts] - [others grunt] 684 00:24:15,443 --> 00:24:17,445 [Nandor] Well, yeah, of course the mannequins 685 00:24:17,446 --> 00:24:19,082 were just for practice. 686 00:24:19,083 --> 00:24:20,085 Wait. 687 00:24:20,086 --> 00:24:21,754 All this time you thought my army 688 00:24:21,755 --> 00:24:24,493 was just a bunch of mannequins? 689 00:24:24,494 --> 00:24:25,996 The fuck? 690 00:24:25,997 --> 00:24:28,067 - At ease. - Are they hypnotized? 691 00:24:28,068 --> 00:24:30,739 No, I'm just a really fucking good general. 692 00:24:30,740 --> 00:24:32,375 - [soldier] Yes, sir, you are. - [soldier 2] Excellent. 693 00:24:32,376 --> 00:24:34,145 - [Briggs] Sir. - Major Briggs. 694 00:24:34,146 --> 00:24:35,849 - You're leaving? - Yes. 695 00:24:35,850 --> 00:24:37,987 I am leaving the field of operations. 696 00:24:37,988 --> 00:24:40,559 My fate is calling me in a different direction. 697 00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,696 South on the I-93. 698 00:24:42,697 --> 00:24:45,067 Towards the Verrazzano Bridge. 699 00:24:45,068 --> 00:24:48,208 We may even cut through Jersey if there is traffic! 700 00:24:48,209 --> 00:24:49,610 [O'Hara] General. 701 00:24:49,611 --> 00:24:51,781 - What do we do now? - Good question, O'Hara. 702 00:24:51,782 --> 00:24:54,452 You will do what you must always do. 703 00:24:54,453 --> 00:24:57,459 You will go forth and follow your purpose. 704 00:24:57,460 --> 00:24:59,262 What is your purpose? 705 00:24:59,263 --> 00:25:00,900 Fucked if I know. 706 00:25:00,901 --> 00:25:04,741 Be it continuing the fight or... 707 00:25:04,742 --> 00:25:08,013 you know, finding new jobs. 708 00:25:08,014 --> 00:25:09,884 - [woman] Where? - Somewhere. 709 00:25:09,885 --> 00:25:12,723 - Any more questions? - [Briggs] Is there anything, 710 00:25:12,724 --> 00:25:15,294 like, more specific, like an actual thing we could do? 711 00:25:15,295 --> 00:25:16,631 [sighs] 712 00:25:16,632 --> 00:25:17,967 - Um... - [horse neighs] 713 00:25:17,968 --> 00:25:20,639 Burn down a Walmart or some shit. 714 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,543 - [cheering] - No. No, don't do that. 715 00:25:22,544 --> 00:25:24,246 - No. - [Nandor] Ooh, ooh, I've got it. 716 00:25:24,247 --> 00:25:25,749 What is that nearby college 717 00:25:25,750 --> 00:25:28,922 that sends most of its graduates to Wall Street? 718 00:25:28,923 --> 00:25:30,292 Dartmouth? 719 00:25:30,293 --> 00:25:31,895 Yes! Dartmouth. 720 00:25:31,896 --> 00:25:35,234 Cry havoc and unleash the dogs of war on those nerds! 721 00:25:35,235 --> 00:25:36,905 - [cheering] - Yeah! 722 00:25:36,906 --> 00:25:39,075 [Briggs] You heard the man. Mount up! 723 00:25:39,076 --> 00:25:41,013 We ride for Hanover! 724 00:25:41,014 --> 00:25:44,319 Ride for Hanover! 725 00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:46,023 [Nadja] This is insane. 726 00:25:46,024 --> 00:25:47,526 [all chanting] Get those nerds! 727 00:25:47,527 --> 00:25:52,335 Get those nerds! Get those nerds! 728 00:25:52,336 --> 00:25:53,972 Go! 729 00:25:53,973 --> 00:25:56,277 [cover of Norma Tanega's "You're Dead" playing] 730 00:25:59,417 --> 00:26:02,756 [Colin] Wait for me! You're gonna need logistics support! 731 00:26:02,757 --> 00:26:04,594 Not you, Colin Robinson! 732 00:26:04,595 --> 00:26:06,097 - [Colin] Oorah! - Shit. 733 00:26:06,098 --> 00:26:07,399 [Colin] Slow down, you idiots! 734 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,606 - Come on, let me... - [grunts] 735 00:26:10,607 --> 00:26:12,108 - [Colin grunts] - [Laszlo] Shit. 736 00:26:12,109 --> 00:26:13,144 Still got it. 737 00:26:13,145 --> 00:26:15,515 Go get him and put him in the trunk. 738 00:26:15,516 --> 00:26:17,987 ♪ ♪ 739 00:26:17,988 --> 00:26:21,861 ♪♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 740 00:26:21,862 --> 00:26:24,433 ♪♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 741 00:26:24,434 --> 00:26:27,171 ♪♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 742 00:26:27,172 --> 00:26:30,245 ♪♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 743 00:26:30,246 --> 00:26:33,350 ♪♪ You'll never get a second chance ♪ 744 00:26:33,351 --> 00:26:36,123 ♪♪ Plan all your moves in advance ♪ 745 00:26:36,124 --> 00:26:39,062 ♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 746 00:26:39,063 --> 00:26:43,171 ♪♪ Stay dead and out of this world ♪ 747 00:26:44,975 --> 00:26:49,416 ♪♪ Shadows and light, baby ♪ 748 00:26:49,417 --> 00:26:53,258 ♪♪ What a ride, baby ♪ 749 00:26:56,865 --> 00:26:59,504 ♪♪ You're dead ♪ 750 00:26:59,505 --> 00:27:03,411 ♪♪ You're dead. ♪ 751 00:27:08,188 --> 00:27:10,660 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org