1
00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:12,927
Nandor has disappeared.
2
00:00:12,928 --> 00:00:14,137
Nandor?
3
00:00:14,138 --> 00:00:18,891
No one has seen or heard from him
in weeks. Well, not since Gizmo fired him.
4
00:00:18,892 --> 00:00:20,143
Nandor?
5
00:00:20,144 --> 00:00:23,062
Gave him the old heave-ho
from his janitor job.
6
00:00:23,063 --> 00:00:25,898
The blade of the proverbial guillotine
has dropped,
7
00:00:25,899 --> 00:00:31,740
and the blood of Nandor's broken dreams
has pooled at Gizmo's oddly-shaped feet.
8
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:37,160
So, yeah, we've tried just about
everything to find Nandor. Set traps...
9
00:00:37,161 --> 00:00:38,494
Nandor?
10
00:00:38,495 --> 00:00:40,832
...checked the vents, hung posters.
11
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,334
{\an8}We have even yelled his name
very loudly into the wind.
12
00:00:45,335 --> 00:00:47,712
Nandor!
13
00:00:47,713 --> 00:00:49,088
- Shut the fuck up!
- Piss off!
14
00:00:49,089 --> 00:00:50,673
You shut the fuck up.
15
00:00:50,674 --> 00:00:52,717
That broody little bitch is missing.
16
00:00:52,718 --> 00:00:54,135
The dude is gone.
17
00:00:54,136 --> 00:00:56,512
And we can't find the fucker anywhere.
18
00:00:56,513 --> 00:00:59,015
Five dollars seems like a lot.
19
00:00:59,016 --> 00:01:00,850
Hey.
20
00:01:00,851 --> 00:01:02,643
Ugh. I can't even look at you. Ugh.
21
00:01:02,644 --> 00:01:05,646
- Any update on Nandor?
- Not since you fired him.
22
00:01:05,647 --> 00:01:07,732
- From the job he loved.
- What a coincidence.
23
00:01:07,733 --> 00:01:10,985
You have a lot of guts coming in here,
you little floating traitor.
24
00:01:10,986 --> 00:01:12,820
Floating away with your little bitch ways.
25
00:01:12,821 --> 00:01:15,575
- Hello. Yes?
- Nandor has been located.
26
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,909
It's the Baron,
and he knows where Nandor is.
27
00:01:17,910 --> 00:01:20,497
Don't tell him about the reward money.
28
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,790
I thought we might have
a bite of lunch while we talk.
29
00:01:23,791 --> 00:01:28,170
Let us see what we have here.
Some punch, some jellied blood and, uh...
30
00:01:29,756 --> 00:01:33,216
And, yes,
the Sire prepared the finger foods.
31
00:01:33,217 --> 00:01:34,967
My compliments to the chef.
32
00:01:34,968 --> 00:01:39,514
Again, like I mentioned
in my email, I don't eat blood,
33
00:01:39,515 --> 00:01:41,432
so maybe just a crescent roll or...
34
00:01:41,433 --> 00:01:42,892
Sire?
35
00:01:42,893 --> 00:01:45,897
Would you play
that tape of Nandor, please?
36
00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:50,985
This was recorded by a vampire
monitoring the Ether.
37
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:57,240
Enemies abound.
And only I can defeat them.
38
00:01:57,241 --> 00:02:01,911
I used to think ghouls were
just the spirits of the dead.
39
00:02:01,912 --> 00:02:04,956
But now I know
they walk among the living too.
40
00:02:04,957 --> 00:02:05,873
Oh, dear.
41
00:02:05,874 --> 00:02:11,003
Up and down Wall Street,
with their suits and their ties
42
00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:14,298
and their build-your-own-salad bowls.
43
00:02:14,299 --> 00:02:21,180
I watched a snail crawl across the edge
of one of those things you use to shave.
44
00:02:21,181 --> 00:02:22,974
- What's it called?
- Razor.
45
00:02:22,975 --> 00:02:24,892
- Not a knife.
- He's thinking razor.
46
00:02:24,893 --> 00:02:28,312
- What are those things called?
- Enough.
47
00:02:28,313 --> 00:02:29,522
A sharpie? No, that's not it--
48
00:02:29,523 --> 00:02:31,440
Well, yikes.
49
00:02:31,441 --> 00:02:32,733
Indeed.
50
00:02:32,734 --> 00:02:36,571
Ugh. He used to be one of the most
promising vampires in this New World.
51
00:02:36,572 --> 00:02:37,989
Well, I wouldn't go that far.
52
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:41,701
But now...
...he is unrecognizable. Dangerous.
53
00:02:41,702 --> 00:02:42,827
Dangerous, you say?
54
00:02:42,828 --> 00:02:47,373
Yes. We are hearing reports
of increasingly erratic behavior.
55
00:02:47,374 --> 00:02:50,710
- Mmm.
- Nandor is drawing attention.
56
00:02:50,711 --> 00:02:53,004
Too much attention.
57
00:02:53,005 --> 00:02:58,134
- And attention puts all vampires at risk.
- Understood.
58
00:02:58,135 --> 00:03:01,012
He must be stopped.
59
00:03:01,013 --> 00:03:03,055
So, Nandor's here?
60
00:03:03,056 --> 00:03:06,350
Yes, we traced Nandor's
dispatches to that location.
61
00:03:06,351 --> 00:03:08,394
Go to New Hampshire.
62
00:03:08,395 --> 00:03:10,940
Retrieve Nandor
63
00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,359
and with haste.
64
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:19,447
{\an8}♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪
65
00:03:19,448 --> 00:03:22,158
{\an8}♪ They have no use for your song ♪
66
00:03:22,159 --> 00:03:25,036
{\an8}♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪
67
00:03:25,037 --> 00:03:28,539
{\an8}♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪
68
00:03:28,540 --> 00:03:31,459
{\an8}♪ You'll never get a second chance ♪
69
00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:34,212
{\an8}♪ Plan all your moves in advance ♪
70
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:40,845
{\an8}♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead
Stay dead and out of this world ♪
71
00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:45,932
♪ Shadow's lost, baby ♪
72
00:03:45,933 --> 00:03:48,811
♪ You're dead ♪
73
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,479
Okay,
so we made it to New Hampshire.
74
00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:57,401
The dossier said that Nandor is hiding
here at the Hancock and Sons Factory.
75
00:03:57,402 --> 00:04:00,696
{\an8}I mean, it was the factory until you
and your Cannon Capital cronies
76
00:04:00,697 --> 00:04:01,948
{\an8}stripped it down for parts.
77
00:04:01,949 --> 00:04:05,451
{\an8}Actually, a leveraged buyout is a pretty
neat way for a failing business
78
00:04:05,452 --> 00:04:06,744
{\an8}to reinvent itself for the future--
79
00:04:06,745 --> 00:04:08,537
- Shut up, Guillermo.
- Shut up, Gizmo.
80
00:04:08,538 --> 00:04:10,541
Okay.
81
00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,376
What the hell happened here?
82
00:04:13,377 --> 00:04:14,585
Stay close, my darling.
83
00:04:14,586 --> 00:04:17,755
Hey, look, what if
the H, A and N were missing?
84
00:04:17,756 --> 00:04:19,591
- Get it? Cock and Sons.
- No.
85
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:25,137
Oh.
Smells like slow death in here.
86
00:04:25,138 --> 00:04:27,181
- Malaria.
- Nightmares.
87
00:04:27,182 --> 00:04:28,349
Little dusty.
88
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:31,854
- My, my, my, my...
- Nan-man, are-are you here?
89
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:33,562
Nan-man?
90
00:04:33,563 --> 00:04:39,194
There is no "Nan-man" here.
91
00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:44,993
There is only Nandor the Relentless.
92
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,037
Warrior.
93
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:51,998
Leader.
94
00:04:51,999 --> 00:04:56,127
So, Na-Nandor, have you been here
the whole time since you were, um--
95
00:04:56,128 --> 00:04:57,088
Fired?
96
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,716
Yes, I have.
97
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:05,303
And, uh, why?
98
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:09,432
Vampire-only explanations.
That means not you, Guillermo.
99
00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:10,685
Okay.
100
00:05:12,186 --> 00:05:14,397
When one is burned,
101
00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:19,775
one feels most at home amongst the ashes,
102
00:05:19,776 --> 00:05:26,490
which is why I came here to the husk
of the Hancock and Sons factory
103
00:05:26,491 --> 00:05:32,538
amongst others that had been discarded
by Cannon Capital Strategies.
104
00:05:32,539 --> 00:05:34,623
But what I found...
105
00:05:34,624 --> 00:05:36,876
oh, what I found...
106
00:05:36,877 --> 00:05:39,545
A bunch of preppy crap?
107
00:05:39,546 --> 00:05:41,964
-"Preppy essentials."
- Hmm.
108
00:05:41,965 --> 00:05:44,510
And no. I found soldiers.
109
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,847
Many of the humans left when the jobs did.
110
00:05:49,848 --> 00:05:55,728
Those that remained,
they needed... they craved a leader.
111
00:05:55,729 --> 00:06:00,818
A warrior. A commander.
And they became my army.
112
00:06:01,778 --> 00:06:05,281
And, uh, where is this army?
113
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:09,492
- In the field. Awaiting our next strike.
- Huh.
114
00:06:09,493 --> 00:06:13,371
Which reminds me,
I have a war council meeting now.
115
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:15,581
You may walk with me, if you must.
116
00:06:15,582 --> 00:06:18,795
Oh. Mind the shirt pins.
They're fucking everywhere.
117
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:24,548
So, Nandor, this army you have raised.
What is the, uh, end game?
118
00:06:24,549 --> 00:06:28,094
To conquer. To take the battle,
town by town,
119
00:06:28,095 --> 00:06:31,931
from here to the very steps
of Cannon Capital itself.
120
00:06:31,932 --> 00:06:35,184
Right. But, um, why?
121
00:06:35,185 --> 00:06:38,521
So that Cannon Capital will rue the day
122
00:06:38,522 --> 00:06:42,817
they cast out their greatest warrior.
123
00:06:42,818 --> 00:06:44,862
Ah! We are here.
124
00:06:45,738 --> 00:06:47,279
Good evening, comrades.
125
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:50,366
- Fuck my old boots.
- Good gravy.
126
00:06:50,367 --> 00:06:55,538
- Uh. So this is your war council?
- Yes.
127
00:06:55,539 --> 00:06:57,873
- And who are these chaps?
- My reserves.
128
00:06:57,874 --> 00:07:01,544
- And what about them?
- My concubines.
129
00:07:01,545 --> 00:07:03,212
- Shit.
- Huh.
130
00:07:03,213 --> 00:07:06,048
Now, look, I really need
to get on with my strategy session,
131
00:07:06,049 --> 00:07:07,550
unless you have any more questions?
132
00:07:07,551 --> 00:07:08,636
- I do.
- No.
133
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:10,803
Are you okay?
134
00:07:10,804 --> 00:07:12,847
What is he still doing here?
135
00:07:12,848 --> 00:07:16,058
- Well, I drove...
- You are the enemy.
136
00:07:16,059 --> 00:07:21,482
An errand boy sent
by greengrocers to spy on me.
137
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,775
- Leave.
- I'm not the enemy. Tell him.
138
00:07:24,776 --> 00:07:26,320
- See ya later.
- Bugger off.
139
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,280
Okay. I will be out here.
140
00:07:29,281 --> 00:07:32,408
Well, it looks like you've had
quite the exciting time here, Nandor.
141
00:07:32,409 --> 00:07:33,784
No one can deny that.
142
00:07:33,785 --> 00:07:37,621
But what say we go home now before
you freak the fuck out of anyone else?
143
00:07:37,622 --> 00:07:38,875
This is my home.
144
00:07:39,584 --> 00:07:41,043
The battlefield.
145
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,252
- Okay.
- Hmm.
146
00:07:43,253 --> 00:07:46,881
What is that, Major Briggs?
A maneuver from the east?
147
00:07:46,882 --> 00:07:48,843
Perhaps...
148
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:56,474
I think it's safe to assume
he's gone absolutely mad.
149
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:58,893
Yeah, I don't like using this word,
but he is crazy.
150
00:07:58,894 --> 00:08:02,229
Oy! No. You do not get to use that word,
you tweed demon.
151
00:08:02,230 --> 00:08:04,148
He's like this because of you.
152
00:08:04,149 --> 00:08:08,068
- But, yes, he is absolutely crazy.
- Yeah.
153
00:08:08,069 --> 00:08:10,029
Well, we can't just
leave him here like this.
154
00:08:10,030 --> 00:08:11,324
Unless...
155
00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,367
Can we?
156
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,912
No, we cannot. He's a danger to himself.
157
00:08:17,913 --> 00:08:19,705
How about we sit him down and say,
158
00:08:19,706 --> 00:08:23,792
"Hey, you're nuts. Stop it.
Stop being nuts."
159
00:08:23,793 --> 00:08:25,920
I see someone is well-versed
in psychology.
160
00:08:25,921 --> 00:08:28,839
Well, let's just grab him by the neck
and yank him out of this hell box.
161
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:33,719
We can't. To extract Nandor by force
would be like waking a sleepwalker.
162
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,180
- So, what, then?
- There is only one solution.
163
00:08:36,181 --> 00:08:39,850
We role-play the scenario
that Nandor has concocted in his mind.
164
00:08:39,851 --> 00:08:43,938
In time, our presence will shine a light
on the holes in his fantasy,
165
00:08:43,939 --> 00:08:46,398
and he can follow
that light back to reality.
166
00:08:46,399 --> 00:08:49,611
So Shutter Island rules, so to speak.
167
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,951
"We are the hollow men."
168
00:08:55,451 --> 00:08:57,201
Uh. It's worth a shot.
169
00:08:57,202 --> 00:08:58,327
All right.
170
00:08:58,328 --> 00:09:00,246
Okay. I'm in.
171
00:09:00,247 --> 00:09:01,205
Excellent.
172
00:09:01,206 --> 00:09:02,540
- Fuck off.
- What?
173
00:09:02,541 --> 00:09:03,541
You need to go now.
174
00:09:03,542 --> 00:09:05,292
- Why?
- 'Cause he believes you are the enemy.
175
00:09:05,293 --> 00:09:06,877
- I'm not the enemy.
- What're you still doing here?
176
00:09:06,878 --> 00:09:08,087
- Bye, bitch.
- Okay.
177
00:09:08,088 --> 00:09:09,255
Bye-bye, bitch.
178
00:09:09,256 --> 00:09:10,548
Keep walking, bitch.
179
00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:11,674
Stop calling me bitch.
180
00:09:11,675 --> 00:09:12,591
Sorry, bitch.
181
00:09:12,592 --> 00:09:14,136
Nandor?
182
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:15,594
Bit busy.
183
00:09:15,595 --> 00:09:18,222
Your army, we'd like to enlist.
184
00:09:18,223 --> 00:09:20,768
{\an8}- Sir.
- What?
185
00:09:21,269 --> 00:09:23,686
If you wish to be in my army,
186
00:09:23,687 --> 00:09:26,647
then you will all address me as "sir."
187
00:09:26,648 --> 00:09:28,357
- Okay, I'm out.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
188
00:09:28,358 --> 00:09:30,484
Yes, sir.
189
00:09:30,485 --> 00:09:34,991
Good. So, basic training begins now.
190
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:40,036
Cannon Capital nemeedooni.
191
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:43,706
- You are clay.
- No.
192
00:09:43,707 --> 00:09:47,126
Soft, weak, goopy.
193
00:09:47,127 --> 00:09:50,212
- But I am here to mold you...
- Yes, sir!
194
00:09:50,213 --> 00:09:52,758
- ...to make you strong, to shape you.
- Whoo.
195
00:09:53,342 --> 00:09:57,553
Cannon Capital chalqoozeh.
196
00:09:57,554 --> 00:09:59,597
I joined the Royal Navy
a few years ago,
197
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:02,016
for the sea, the sun and mainly the sex.
198
00:10:02,017 --> 00:10:04,602
But what I'm finding here
is just a lot of marching...
199
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:06,604
- That's it.
- ...push-ups for no reason...
200
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:09,064
30,001, 30,002.
201
00:10:09,065 --> 00:10:12,109
...and no one's offered me
anything that looks like a medal.
202
00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:14,653
What the fuck? Shave your own head.
203
00:10:14,654 --> 00:10:19,867
Okay. On your marks. Get set.
Crawl, worms.
204
00:10:19,868 --> 00:10:21,035
That's it.
205
00:10:21,036 --> 00:10:23,996
I did not realize being
in Nandor's fake army would involve
206
00:10:23,997 --> 00:10:26,123
so much of doing what Nandor says.
207
00:10:26,124 --> 00:10:27,458
You call that crawling?
208
00:10:27,459 --> 00:10:31,004
He's very lucky that I have that rule
about not killing the demented.
209
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:39,261
Sure, Nandor's military delusions are
a strange little brew.
210
00:10:39,262 --> 00:10:43,140
A dash of memories
from his time in Al Quolanudar
211
00:10:43,141 --> 00:10:46,852
and a sprinkle of war movies
he's seen over the years.
212
00:10:46,853 --> 00:10:49,482
But heck if I don't wanna
take another sip.
213
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:54,487
Well, maggots.
214
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:58,280
You have trained and trained well.
215
00:10:58,281 --> 00:11:00,159
Especially you, Colin Robinson.
216
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,117
You are very violent.
217
00:11:02,118 --> 00:11:03,285
Oorah, sir!
218
00:11:03,286 --> 00:11:05,996
Alexa, please pause the music.
219
00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:07,539
- Okay.
- Thank you.
220
00:11:07,540 --> 00:11:10,417
Alexa is my director of internal comms.
221
00:11:10,418 --> 00:11:14,338
Okay. So, on to your assignments.
222
00:11:14,339 --> 00:11:16,382
- Laszlo Cravensworth.
- Yeah.
223
00:11:16,383 --> 00:11:18,634
- Intelligence.
- Obviously.
224
00:11:18,635 --> 00:11:21,095
- Nadja of Antipaxos.
- Hmm.
225
00:11:21,096 --> 00:11:23,516
- Signal corps.
- What is that?
226
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:25,891
Never mind. Who gives a shit.
227
00:11:25,892 --> 00:11:26,934
Colin Robinson.
228
00:11:26,935 --> 00:11:30,354
- Come on, logistics. Come on, logistics.
- Logistics.
229
00:11:30,355 --> 00:11:31,772
Yes! Yes.
230
00:11:31,773 --> 00:11:35,484
Now, listen up. Tonight is a proud night.
231
00:11:35,485 --> 00:11:39,988
Together we will take back
the honor, the power,
232
00:11:39,989 --> 00:11:45,327
the respect that Cannon Capital have
so cruelly tried to take away.
233
00:11:45,328 --> 00:11:47,830
Okay. So this is a pit of shit.
234
00:11:47,831 --> 00:11:50,624
Can we not just make Nandor think
that this stupid imaginary battle
235
00:11:50,625 --> 00:11:52,000
has happened already?
236
00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:54,503
- And how do we do that?
- I know. Shoot me.
237
00:11:54,504 --> 00:11:56,714
It's not a real gun, Colin Robinson.
238
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:59,091
It's a decorative firearm
from the outdoorsman section.
239
00:11:59,092 --> 00:12:02,010
All right, then. Whack me with it. Hard.
240
00:12:02,011 --> 00:12:03,097
All right.
241
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:04,596
Oh.
242
00:12:04,597 --> 00:12:05,973
- Again. Harder though.
- Really?
243
00:12:05,974 --> 00:12:07,057
Yes.
244
00:12:07,058 --> 00:12:08,684
Oh.
245
00:12:08,685 --> 00:12:10,811
How is this going to help
with the Nandor thing?
246
00:12:10,812 --> 00:12:12,020
What Nandor thing?
247
00:12:12,021 --> 00:12:13,772
Hold on. I think I've got it.
248
00:12:13,773 --> 00:12:16,650
I've thought of a way that
Nandor will think that the war is won.
249
00:12:16,651 --> 00:12:17,735
A ruse de guerre
250
00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:21,613
that will make the Trojan Horse look
like a witless child's papier-mâché.
251
00:12:21,614 --> 00:12:22,781
Fuck, I'm good.
252
00:12:22,782 --> 00:12:26,493
Now all I need is the adequate supplies
from this shit-forsaken town.
253
00:12:26,494 --> 00:12:31,081
Wait. You guys can leave, but I don't
want Nandor to think I'm a deserter.
254
00:12:31,082 --> 00:12:32,585
I ain't no deserter.
255
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,259
You live a thousand years,
256
00:12:42,260 --> 00:12:45,429
and you think you know what betrayal is,
257
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:47,556
what horror is.
258
00:12:47,557 --> 00:12:48,934
Awaiting further orders, sir.
259
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,437
But then in a single instant,
260
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:54,897
you find out you haven't
the slightest idea
261
00:12:54,898 --> 00:12:57,107
what man is truly capable of.
262
00:12:57,108 --> 00:12:59,610
Oh, man.
That sounds rough out there, Nandor.
263
00:12:59,611 --> 00:13:03,030
Listen, I've gotta move on to the next
caller, but did you wanna request a song?
264
00:13:03,031 --> 00:13:08,577
Yes, I would like to request
"Scarborough Fair" by Simon & Garfunkel.
265
00:13:08,578 --> 00:13:10,871
No.
Let's limit the public broadcast.
266
00:13:10,872 --> 00:13:12,790
The brass back home are getting
a little squirrelly.
267
00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:15,292
But to whom am I supposed to orate?
268
00:13:15,293 --> 00:13:16,919
Well, me, you big lummox.
269
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,881
All right.
270
00:13:19,423 --> 00:13:22,802
Now, you were saying something
about the horror.
271
00:13:23,761 --> 00:13:25,052
You know what, my darling?
272
00:13:25,053 --> 00:13:28,013
It feels like an eternity
since we've had some time alone.
273
00:13:28,014 --> 00:13:31,934
Oh. It does. It does.
So what is the plan, my dark lover?
274
00:13:31,935 --> 00:13:34,772
Well, you'll see. You'll see.
275
00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:36,855
I'll see?
276
00:13:36,856 --> 00:13:38,565
Yes. What's the problem, my darling?
277
00:13:38,566 --> 00:13:42,444
I'm hearing a lot of this
"you'll see" these days.
278
00:13:42,445 --> 00:13:46,281
I'm hearing "you'll see" about the plan
to fix Nandor's melted brain.
279
00:13:46,282 --> 00:13:49,660
I'm hearing "you'll see"
about the sex doll monster thing
280
00:13:49,661 --> 00:13:51,161
that you're creating in the basement.
281
00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:54,915
Well, the sex doll monster thing-- not
a sex doll-- is part of the grand plan.
282
00:13:54,916 --> 00:13:55,999
Which is?
283
00:13:56,000 --> 00:14:00,462
Complex scientific experiments
that I don't think you'll understand.
284
00:14:00,463 --> 00:14:02,714
Oh, so you're calling me stupid.
285
00:14:02,715 --> 00:14:05,093
Well, of course not.
That's a stupid thing to say.
286
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:08,053
- No. Whoa, whoa. No.
- Piss off.
287
00:14:08,054 --> 00:14:09,721
Nadja, what I meant to say was something
288
00:14:09,722 --> 00:14:11,932
with the identical sentiment
that wouldn't piss you off.
289
00:14:11,933 --> 00:14:13,727
- Well, it did!
- Shit.
290
00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:18,649
In my empire, Colin Robinson,
we will be free.
291
00:14:20,484 --> 00:14:21,652
Free from liars,
292
00:14:22,194 --> 00:14:26,321
from the cowards
who say you are not a good culture fit.
293
00:14:26,322 --> 00:14:28,868
Yeah, I dig that, sir. I hear that.
294
00:14:29,493 --> 00:14:30,494
Hey.
295
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:34,288
I thought I said
this person was not welcome here.
296
00:14:34,289 --> 00:14:35,414
You sure did, sir.
297
00:14:35,415 --> 00:14:38,917
Yeah, I know, but if I keep charging my
phone in the car, it'll kill the battery,
298
00:14:38,918 --> 00:14:40,502
so I'm just looking for an outlet.
299
00:14:40,503 --> 00:14:42,713
Don't mean to disrupt
your whole "war thing."
300
00:14:42,714 --> 00:14:47,217
War thing? This is a war.
No winky fingers.
301
00:14:47,218 --> 00:14:48,429
Okay, enough.
302
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:52,725
Private Robinson,
would you give us a moment?
303
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:54,852
You got it.
304
00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:58,687
- Traitor.
- What did you say to me?
305
00:14:58,688 --> 00:15:01,607
I'm sorry.
I'm done playing along with this fantasy.
306
00:15:01,608 --> 00:15:04,484
I'm not the enemy, and you know that.
307
00:15:04,485 --> 00:15:05,944
You're just pissed.
308
00:15:05,945 --> 00:15:08,238
You're pissed
that I'm killing it at Cannon.
309
00:15:08,239 --> 00:15:13,578
You're pissed that...
that you weren't a good culture fit.
310
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:20,334
Lieutenant Alexa,
tell this piece of shit to leave.
311
00:15:20,335 --> 00:15:23,338
Now playing
"Leave (Get Out)" by JoJo.
312
00:15:24,965 --> 00:15:26,926
Wait for the chorus.
313
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,472
Well, I'm not the only one
kept in the dark
314
00:15:33,473 --> 00:15:35,807
by their lover's
extracurricular activities.
315
00:15:35,808 --> 00:15:37,893
So you admit you keep me in the dark.
316
00:15:37,894 --> 00:15:39,686
Well, no more
than you keep me in the dark.
317
00:15:39,687 --> 00:15:42,814
I haven't got a fucking clue
what you get up to at Cannon Capital.
318
00:15:42,815 --> 00:15:44,232
Laszlo, there is nothing to tell.
319
00:15:44,233 --> 00:15:47,611
It is a job. You show up, you pretend
to do shit, and then you go home.
320
00:15:47,612 --> 00:15:50,197
Why the fuck would you wanna do that?
321
00:15:50,198 --> 00:15:53,283
Because it is better than sitting at home
and twiddling with my tits
322
00:15:53,284 --> 00:15:56,411
while you are downstairs locked up
in the basement with your meat parts!
323
00:15:56,412 --> 00:15:57,704
All right, all right.
All right, my darling.
324
00:15:57,705 --> 00:16:00,876
I think I know what's going on here.
Give me your hand.
325
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:03,502
I need to apologize.
326
00:16:03,503 --> 00:16:04,795
I'm listening.
327
00:16:04,796 --> 00:16:07,756
Clearly, the reason for you being
so overemotional
328
00:16:07,757 --> 00:16:11,386
is because it is your time of the month.
329
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,889
The dead do not menstruate!
330
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:17,557
Fuck me.
331
00:16:17,558 --> 00:16:19,351
Bloody hell, darling.
332
00:16:19,352 --> 00:16:20,437
Oops.
333
00:16:21,105 --> 00:16:23,563
♪ Get out right now ♪
334
00:16:23,564 --> 00:16:26,233
♪ It's the end of you and me ♪
335
00:16:26,234 --> 00:16:28,568
I can't believe
you're blowing this one little setback
336
00:16:28,569 --> 00:16:30,572
- so out of proportion.
- I was humiliated!
337
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:33,740
Do you even know
what loyalty is, Guillermo?
338
00:16:33,741 --> 00:16:35,242
Do I know what loyalty is?
339
00:16:35,243 --> 00:16:38,328
Uh. Yeah, I was blindly loyal
to you for 15 years.
340
00:16:38,329 --> 00:16:39,873
Until you got rid of me.
341
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:41,667
I never got rid of you.
342
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:43,583
I protected you
343
00:16:43,584 --> 00:16:47,045
even through all the fuckups,
and the time you forgot to buy glitter,
344
00:16:47,046 --> 00:16:50,551
and the, "I wanna be a vampire. No,
actually, I don't want to be a vampire."
345
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:53,220
The time you nearly killed
the Baron twice!
346
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:55,389
Through all that shit,
347
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:57,016
I was loyal.
348
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,435
I may have done a lot
of things, Guillermo,
349
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,811
but I never got rid of you.
350
00:17:02,812 --> 00:17:05,355
Do you think I felt good firing you?
I didn't wanna fire you.
351
00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:07,858
But that's how things are
in the real world, the human world.
352
00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:08,942
I had to do it.
353
00:17:08,943 --> 00:17:12,362
I used to be a human before
I was a vampire, in case you forgot.
354
00:17:12,363 --> 00:17:16,658
I never betrayed my friends,
my comrades in arms. Never.
355
00:17:16,659 --> 00:17:19,413
Maybe some of the wives,
but you know, it was a different time.
356
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:25,419
I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't know that
the janitor job was so important to you.
357
00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:29,882
Well, it was. It was my purpose.
358
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:34,845
My purpose used to be raising you
to become a great vampire.
359
00:17:35,929 --> 00:17:40,891
Until you pussed out
and found a new master in Jordan.
360
00:17:40,892 --> 00:17:42,976
Jordan is not my master...
361
00:17:42,977 --> 00:17:45,397
...and he doesn't own me.
And I'm not there at his--
362
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,774
Hi, Jordan. Yeah, I can talk.
363
00:17:48,775 --> 00:17:50,484
No, I'm not busy.
364
00:17:50,485 --> 00:17:53,028
Uh. That should be in your inbox.
365
00:17:53,029 --> 00:17:56,364
I could actually bump it.
The bump master.
366
00:17:56,365 --> 00:17:58,702
Yeah.
367
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,918
- Fireworks.
- What?
368
00:18:07,919 --> 00:18:11,254
You were angry at me for not telling you
what we're out here looking for.
369
00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:12,341
It's fireworks.
370
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,466
And I didn't tell you because, again,
371
00:18:14,467 --> 00:18:17,803
I wanted to be the hero
that swoops down and saves the day.
372
00:18:17,804 --> 00:18:23,893
Laszlo, I do not need you
to always be the hero.
373
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:29,272
My darling, you are the funniest,
most clever, sweetest
374
00:18:29,273 --> 00:18:31,733
and most beautiful woman in the world.
375
00:18:31,734 --> 00:18:34,194
Not just Staten Island, the world.
376
00:18:34,195 --> 00:18:38,907
And I'm not even mentioning the ten out
of ten pussy. You deserve the best.
377
00:18:38,908 --> 00:18:41,161
That is so sweet.
378
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:44,872
Hmm.
379
00:18:48,335 --> 00:18:49,628
- Laszlo.
- Yeah?
380
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,879
I think I may have found your fireworks.
381
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:53,966
Really? Where?
382
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,509
There, in this shop
just here across the street
383
00:18:57,510 --> 00:18:59,261
with the rows and rows
of fireworks in the window
384
00:18:59,262 --> 00:19:02,099
and the sign that says,
"Fireworks, fireworks."
385
00:19:02,599 --> 00:19:04,307
Well, that's perfect.
386
00:19:04,308 --> 00:19:05,809
How did I miss that, my darling?
387
00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:07,769
- I don't know.
- Right.
388
00:19:07,770 --> 00:19:11,817
You just let your husband
take care of this. Stand back.
389
00:19:15,821 --> 00:19:18,405
No wonder no one buys newspapers anymore.
390
00:19:18,406 --> 00:19:19,908
- Toss it again.
- Okay.
391
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:22,995
Open!
392
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:26,290
- Shall we?
- Yes.
393
00:19:28,125 --> 00:19:29,416
Uh-huh.
394
00:19:29,417 --> 00:19:33,463
Okay. Well, I'll just cc Lisa.
You got it. Bye.
395
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,009
I, too, was once cc'd.
396
00:19:37,801 --> 00:19:41,761
You know, I do know
what it feels like to lose your purpose.
397
00:19:41,762 --> 00:19:46,935
I used to wanna be a vampire so bad
398
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:50,395
it guided every choice I made.
399
00:19:50,396 --> 00:19:54,902
I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm happy
I'm a human again, but it was hard.
400
00:19:55,569 --> 00:20:00,697
It was hard waking up every day with
that not being the goal, to be a vampire.
401
00:20:00,698 --> 00:20:04,451
Well, I am already a vampire,
so that only sort of applies.
402
00:20:04,452 --> 00:20:09,372
Right. Well, the point is,
I think I found a new purpose.
403
00:20:09,373 --> 00:20:11,668
You will too, somewhere.
404
00:20:12,502 --> 00:20:15,172
But maybe right now our purposes
405
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:20,510
are taking us in different directions,
406
00:20:21,511 --> 00:20:22,554
and that's okay.
407
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,972
Perhaps you are right, Guillermo.
408
00:20:25,973 --> 00:20:30,979
I am a warrior,
but maybe this is not my fight.
409
00:20:31,855 --> 00:20:34,439
You don't just
talk to Nandor, man.
410
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:35,857
You know, you listen, you dig.
411
00:20:35,858 --> 00:20:37,943
- I'm a little man. Just a little man.
- Yes, I know you are.
412
00:20:37,944 --> 00:20:41,404
- But he's a great man.
- Nandor, we have news from the front line.
413
00:20:41,405 --> 00:20:46,910
Guess what? Your troops
have executed your battle plan perfectly.
414
00:20:46,911 --> 00:20:51,206
The enemy have been lured into a trap.
There are casualties. We expect more.
415
00:20:51,207 --> 00:20:54,334
You know, we can all stand down,
because he's decided to come home.
416
00:20:54,335 --> 00:20:55,543
- What?
- What?
417
00:20:55,544 --> 00:20:57,128
- He what?
- What is the fucking point?
418
00:20:57,129 --> 00:21:02,259
Yes, I, um... After careful consideration,
I've come to the realization
419
00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:05,553
that perhaps I was looking for battles
where none need exist.
420
00:21:05,554 --> 00:21:08,014
- You don't say?
- I think it's best for everyone
421
00:21:08,015 --> 00:21:09,349
if I just come home.
422
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:12,811
Plus, you know, I miss my coffin.
I miss my favorite sword.
423
00:21:12,812 --> 00:21:14,229
There's nothing like...
424
00:21:14,230 --> 00:21:16,147
Oh. What the fuck is that?
425
00:21:16,148 --> 00:21:19,567
- Oh. No, it's not.
- It's an attack. We're under attack.
426
00:21:19,568 --> 00:21:23,154
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes!
427
00:21:23,155 --> 00:21:24,948
- Nandor.
- Laszlo, we were done with this.
428
00:21:24,949 --> 00:21:27,325
- Fuck.
- Wait. Nandor, wait.
429
00:21:27,326 --> 00:21:28,326
Wait, Nandor.
430
00:21:28,327 --> 00:21:31,246
- Lay low. They may try to flank us.
- Hit the deck!
431
00:21:31,247 --> 00:21:33,248
No, Nandor, it's a bloody ruse.
432
00:21:33,249 --> 00:21:35,208
It's not real, you idiot.
433
00:21:35,209 --> 00:21:37,711
Make it stop. I can't take it.
434
00:21:37,712 --> 00:21:40,046
Somebody help me frag myself.
435
00:21:40,047 --> 00:21:42,175
Get a hold of yourself, man.
436
00:21:43,302 --> 00:21:47,679
The fighting seems to be situated by the
Shipley Dollar Barn on Piedmont Street.
437
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,724
It's no good, my darling.
He's still too bloody crackers.
438
00:21:50,725 --> 00:21:53,852
Well, isn't it a good thing then
that I have a plan B?
439
00:21:53,853 --> 00:21:55,520
Ah. Silver chains.
440
00:21:55,521 --> 00:21:58,898
- Get out of that. Stand back.
- Hey! Release me. Mutiny!
441
00:21:58,899 --> 00:22:00,985
Get in there.
You brought it on yourself, Nandor.
442
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:03,030
Nice work, my darling.
443
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:04,614
Shotgun.
444
00:22:08,744 --> 00:22:12,120
Okay, guys, I forgive you.
445
00:22:12,121 --> 00:22:16,333
It was the heat of battle,
and you panicked and you made a mutiny.
446
00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:17,959
- Shush.
- Untie me.
447
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:20,086
- It's the coppers.
- It is. Shit.
448
00:22:20,087 --> 00:22:22,005
- Great.
- Floor it.
449
00:22:22,006 --> 00:22:23,715
No. I don't wanna make
a bad situation worse.
450
00:22:23,716 --> 00:22:25,550
What's your problem?
Put your foot down, you prick.
451
00:22:25,551 --> 00:22:26,676
Okay, I'm just gonna pull over.
452
00:22:26,677 --> 00:22:28,386
- Useless.
- I wasn't even speeding.
453
00:22:28,387 --> 00:22:29,929
Just everyone be cool,
and I'll do all the talking.
454
00:22:29,930 --> 00:22:33,641
Gizmo, there's a fucking vampire
hog-tied in the trunk.
455
00:22:33,642 --> 00:22:35,312
- Hello.
- Oh, yeah.
456
00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:37,645
Hello, Mr. Officer.
457
00:22:37,646 --> 00:22:39,147
What seems to be the problem,
458
00:22:39,148 --> 00:22:44,611
apart from the fact that my large
wet bosom won't stop sloshing around?
459
00:22:44,612 --> 00:22:47,489
You, uh, got
a left taillight out there, son.
460
00:22:47,490 --> 00:22:49,991
Yeah, I've been meaning to get that fixed.
Sorry about that, Officer.
461
00:22:49,992 --> 00:22:51,534
It's all right. I'll take care of this.
462
00:22:51,535 --> 00:22:53,244
I say, Officer,
463
00:22:53,245 --> 00:22:56,956
you know, you remind me of a cross
between a young Paul Newman
464
00:22:56,957 --> 00:22:59,044
and a man I'm about to fuck.
465
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:02,045
- Get out of the car. All of you.
- Yeah. Absolutely.
466
00:23:02,046 --> 00:23:03,505
- Hands are going over...
- Colin, you need to wake up.
467
00:23:03,506 --> 00:23:04,839
- ...my head.
- We gotta get out.
468
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:05,965
What are you doing?
469
00:23:05,966 --> 00:23:11,679
We are regular human travelers.
There is nothing out of the ordinary here.
470
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:15,016
So you have nothing to be concerned about.
471
00:23:15,017 --> 00:23:16,351
What the...
472
00:23:16,352 --> 00:23:18,353
Whoa. What the fuck is that?
473
00:23:18,354 --> 00:23:20,605
- Who are they?
- Uh...
474
00:23:20,606 --> 00:23:23,316
Well, that's nothing out
of the ordinary, regular human.
475
00:23:23,317 --> 00:23:25,028
What do you mean?
They're coming straight for us.
476
00:23:25,654 --> 00:23:26,694
What is happening?
477
00:23:26,695 --> 00:23:29,115
- Gizmo, you talk to them.
- What? Wh... No.
478
00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:35,330
- Go handcuff yourself to a tree.
- Yes, ma'am.
479
00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:43,588
Wait, so Nandor's army is... It's real?
480
00:23:46,883 --> 00:23:49,009
Wait. So he wasn't crazy?
481
00:23:50,178 --> 00:23:51,555
He is not. He--
482
00:23:52,097 --> 00:23:54,764
- Shit. He'll...
- Unchain me.
483
00:23:54,765 --> 00:23:56,766
- Unchain me!
- Sir, yes, sir!
484
00:23:56,767 --> 00:23:58,726
Just grab it
with both hands and yank it.
485
00:23:58,727 --> 00:24:00,103
Watch the hair.
486
00:24:00,104 --> 00:24:02,149
- There you go.
- Yes. That's it.
487
00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:10,405
Well, yeah. Of course
the mannequins were just for practice.
488
00:24:10,406 --> 00:24:14,661
Wait, all this time you thought my army
was just a bunch of mannequins?
489
00:24:15,328 --> 00:24:16,578
The fuck?
490
00:24:16,579 --> 00:24:17,829
- At ease.
- Yes, sir.
491
00:24:17,830 --> 00:24:18,955
Are they hypnotized?
492
00:24:18,956 --> 00:24:21,624
No, I'm just a really
fucking good general.
493
00:24:21,625 --> 00:24:22,792
Yeah, you are.
494
00:24:22,793 --> 00:24:24,544
- Sir.
- Major Briggs.
495
00:24:24,545 --> 00:24:26,379
- You're leaving?
- Yes.
496
00:24:26,380 --> 00:24:28,548
I am leaving the field of operations.
497
00:24:28,549 --> 00:24:30,633
My fate is calling me
in a different direction.
498
00:24:30,634 --> 00:24:31,593
What?
499
00:24:31,594 --> 00:24:35,638
South on the I-93
towards the Verrazano Bridge.
500
00:24:35,639 --> 00:24:38,558
We may even cut through Jersey
if there is traffic.
501
00:24:38,559 --> 00:24:40,685
General, what do we do now?
502
00:24:40,686 --> 00:24:44,898
Good question, O'Hara.
You will do what you must always do.
503
00:24:44,899 --> 00:24:47,859
You will go forth and follow your purpose.
504
00:24:47,860 --> 00:24:49,112
What is your purpose?
505
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:51,448
Fuck if I know.
506
00:24:52,115 --> 00:24:56,244
Be it continuing the fight or, you know,
507
00:24:57,412 --> 00:24:58,578
finding new jobs.
508
00:24:58,579 --> 00:25:00,413
- Where?
- Somewhere.
509
00:25:00,414 --> 00:25:02,040
Any more questions?
510
00:25:02,041 --> 00:25:05,712
Is there anything, like, more specific?
Like an actual thing we could do?
511
00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:08,256
Um.
512
00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:12,217
- Burn down a Walmart or some shit?
- Yeah!
513
00:25:12,218 --> 00:25:14,594
- No. No, don't do that. No.
- Ooh. Ooh. I've got it.
514
00:25:14,595 --> 00:25:19,891
What is that nearby college that sends
most of its graduates to Wall Street?
515
00:25:19,892 --> 00:25:22,143
- Dartmouth?
- Yes. Dartmouth.
516
00:25:22,144 --> 00:25:26,022
Cry havoc and unleash
the dogs of war on those nerds!
517
00:25:26,023 --> 00:25:27,440
Yeah!
518
00:25:27,441 --> 00:25:28,650
You heard the man.
519
00:25:28,651 --> 00:25:33,281
- Mount up. We ride for Hanover!
- Ride for Hanover!
520
00:25:35,534 --> 00:25:36,574
This is insane.
521
00:25:36,575 --> 00:25:41,873
Get those nerds.
Get those nerds. Get those nerds.
522
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:51,172
Wait for me.
523
00:25:51,173 --> 00:25:55,009
- You're gonna need logistics support.
- Not you, Colin Robinson.
524
00:25:55,010 --> 00:25:57,720
- Oorah! Oorah, you idiots.
- Shit.
525
00:25:57,721 --> 00:26:00,433
Come on! Let me...
526
00:26:01,184 --> 00:26:02,433
Shit.
527
00:26:02,434 --> 00:26:03,768
Still got it.
528
00:26:03,769 --> 00:26:05,938
Go get him and put him in the trunk.
529
00:26:09,317 --> 00:26:12,318
♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪
530
00:26:12,319 --> 00:26:15,029
♪ They have no use for your song ♪
531
00:26:15,030 --> 00:26:18,074
♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪
532
00:26:18,075 --> 00:26:21,119
♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪
533
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:24,414
♪ You'll never get a second chance ♪
534
00:26:24,415 --> 00:26:27,125
♪ Plan all your moves in advance ♪
535
00:26:27,126 --> 00:26:30,086
♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪
536
00:26:30,087 --> 00:26:33,842
♪ Stay dead and out of this world ♪
537
00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:38,805
♪ Shadow's lost, baby ♪
538
00:26:40,473 --> 00:26:43,685
♪ What a rush, baby ♪
539
00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:53,653
♪ You're dead ♪