1 00:00:00,542 --> 00:00:06,088 One, two, three, four pillows on couch. 2 00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,923 What are they doing now? What did I miss? 3 00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:09,174 - Hey! - Get out of the way. 4 00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:11,093 Nothing. They are not home yet. 5 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:14,179 {\an8}We recently discovered, besides our neighbors 6 00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:17,057 {\an8}Sean and Charmaine on that side of the house, 7 00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:20,227 we also have neighbors on this side. 8 00:00:20,228 --> 00:00:22,354 Can you imagine? More neighbors. 9 00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:26,608 It was a stroke of blind luck we discovered we even had a window 10 00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:28,569 on this side of the house. 11 00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:30,529 This side of the house. 12 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:33,115 {\an8}Dear Guide, every time I call you, 13 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:36,577 {\an8}I lose my nerves like a chicken for the slaughter. 14 00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:38,038 I was-- Oh. 15 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,330 Oh, shit. 16 00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:44,002 We have a window. It's a... It's a house. 17 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,254 Hey. Ooh. Oh, sh... 18 00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:51,216 And now we are using that window to spy on the neighbors. 19 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,718 Why are they not home yet? 20 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,470 Have you guys seen my phone anywhere? 21 00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:57,056 Not now, Guillermo. We are spying on the neighbors. 22 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,265 - Why? - Look. 23 00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:00,225 They're home. They're home. They're home. 24 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:04,271 What's this shit? When did old bald guy grow hair? 25 00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,439 What? 26 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:09,234 They're not even wearing the same clothes they left in this morning. 27 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:13,656 - Are they in disguise? - And somehow looking 30 years younger. 28 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:17,284 {\an8}So yeah, the house next door is very obviously an Airbnb. 29 00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:20,954 {\an8}I guess I never taught them what-- No, you know what? I did. I did. 30 00:01:20,955 --> 00:01:22,372 They probably weren't listening. 31 00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:23,707 Oh, no. 32 00:01:23,708 --> 00:01:27,504 That house belongs to shape-shifters. 33 00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,881 - Fuck. - You're kidding me, right? 34 00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:34,843 Shape-shifters are extremely freaky. 35 00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:40,099 They're awful, abhorrent creatures that use the most ancient of sorcery 36 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:44,061 to transform into whatever murderous, all-powerful shape 37 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:46,146 their wicked hearts desire. 38 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:49,191 And now they have infiltrated our street. 39 00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:52,861 I have had horrible experiences with shape-shifters in the past. 40 00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:56,824 I was once in a relationship with a woman for four years 41 00:01:56,825 --> 00:02:00,078 who then transformed into a possum. 42 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:05,917 I stayed with her for six more months, but then I just had to end it. 43 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:09,211 This is a fucking nightmare. 44 00:02:09,212 --> 00:02:11,589 - It's just an Airbnb. - Shut up, Guillermo. 45 00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,885 {\an8}♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 46 00:02:16,886 --> 00:02:19,389 {\an8}♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 47 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,641 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 48 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:24,978 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 49 00:02:26,563 --> 00:02:29,565 {\an8}♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 50 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:32,317 {\an8}♪ You've sold out your dream to the world ♪ 51 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,653 {\an8}♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 52 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:37,323 {\an8}♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 53 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:51,712 Recently, I've been beset 54 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,507 {\an8}by the most strange and eerie feeling. 55 00:02:55,925 --> 00:02:57,468 A chill down my spine. 56 00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:00,221 A weight on my shoulders. 57 00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:05,434 The most ethereal sounds coming from absolutely nowhere. 58 00:03:07,812 --> 00:03:09,605 Like that. Did you hear that? 59 00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,816 Actually, that was just me breaking wind. 60 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,863 {\an8}But these macabre sounds are very similar. 61 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:19,908 My wife Nadja thinks they might be ghosts, 62 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,492 but I'm not so sure. 63 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,127 - Oh, shit! - Shit. Did the summoning work? 64 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,005 So it did. 65 00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,674 Ah. Aha! 66 00:03:37,383 --> 00:03:41,262 Hello, my son. It's me, Papa. 67 00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:43,430 Fuck off. 68 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:45,641 Laszlo. Laszlo! 69 00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:47,935 - Oh... - No fucking way. 70 00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,395 I see the grumpy fellow hasn't changed a lick. 71 00:03:51,314 --> 00:03:54,816 Well, what a lovely sight you are. 72 00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,652 - Oh. - Roderick Cravensworth. 73 00:03:56,653 --> 00:04:00,239 Is it really you? Laszlo's father? 74 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,157 Well, if the tit fits the cup. 75 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,575 - Definitely family, then. - Yes. 76 00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:06,703 And you must be his ethnic mistress. 77 00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:10,457 Yes, that is how it started. But I am actually now very much his wife. 78 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,126 We have been married for many hundreds of years. 79 00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:14,545 How much I have missed. 80 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:18,298 What a divine pleasure it is to make your acquaintance. 81 00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:20,592 Oh... [chuckles] Oh. 82 00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:23,679 - Um, trying to get the kerchief. - This is a perennial ghost issue. 83 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,264 So I have to ask, 84 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,057 - what's your unfinished business? - Yes. 85 00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:32,771 Well, my tiny lady, I'm here to repair my long-troubled relationship with Laszlo. 86 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:38,402 Yes, he may be a vampire and I a spirit, but we will always be, above all else, 87 00:04:38,403 --> 00:04:39,486 father and son. 88 00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:41,405 - Aw... - Yes, we love that. 89 00:04:41,406 --> 00:04:42,572 So sweet. 90 00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,241 - Oh. Hello. - Oh, yes. 91 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,368 What are these contraptions? 92 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,746 Oh, uh, these are camera machines. They take your portrait. 93 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:51,708 Ah, yes, you have to keep very still. 94 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:56,129 Um... 95 00:04:57,422 --> 00:05:01,049 Anyone else notice the ghost, or is it just me? 96 00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:04,012 - Come on, Laszlo. Just introduce him. - All right. 97 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,347 Attention, everybody. 98 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:11,268 May I introduce you to a man who has gone by many names. 99 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,186 - The Whispering Swordsman. - Mmm. 100 00:05:13,187 --> 00:05:17,941 Scurrilous Bob. The Barkham Bone Digger. The Marquess of Manchester. 101 00:05:17,942 --> 00:05:19,484 - Nice. Huh. - The Black Finger. 102 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,946 - And lastly, my father... - Nice. 103 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:25,032 ...Lord Roderick Cravensworth. 104 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,534 - You forgot one sobriquet. - Oh? 105 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:30,287 The Night Dog of Tresco. But that was most of them. 106 00:05:30,288 --> 00:05:32,873 I'm delighted to meet all of my beloved son's roommates. 107 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,751 Although I did think perhaps he would have had his own place by now, 108 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:37,002 but what do I know? 109 00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:41,716 Let me ask you, sir. How did you get all those dope nicknames? 110 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:46,179 The finest man I ever knew bestowed most of those monikers upon me. 111 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:51,892 That is, soon after he saved my life in deepest Sumatra. 112 00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:55,145 Oh, wow. And what was his name? 113 00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:58,648 I can't remember. I think it was Glen or something. 114 00:05:58,649 --> 00:05:59,900 - Glen. - And who might this, 115 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,443 uh, taciturn fellow be? 116 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:02,652 Get up. 117 00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:05,489 This, Father, is my greatest creation to date. 118 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:07,532 I call him Cravensworth's Monster. 119 00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:11,536 Now, as you can see, I've created a man by reanimating dead human flesh. 120 00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:15,082 Surpassing any of your own scientific experiments. 121 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,750 No, I tried it, but it didn't work. 122 00:06:16,751 --> 00:06:19,503 I just ended up with a dead body with lots of bits stuck together. 123 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:20,921 I didn't reanimate it. 124 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:23,548 I sewed the body bits together, but I didn't do the reanimation. 125 00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:25,342 So, well done. Yes. 126 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:29,429 Although, not the most comely of fellows. Perhaps he takes after his creator. 127 00:06:29,430 --> 00:06:31,014 Hey. 128 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,183 - Very good. - I would love a tour 129 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,976 of Château de Cravensworth. 130 00:06:34,977 --> 00:06:38,146 Really? Well, it's a pity that because we're very busy right now. 131 00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,815 Actually, Night Dog of Tresco, 132 00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:42,776 I would love to show you around our humble abode. 133 00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,653 Fantástico. Lead on, squire. 134 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,947 - Out here is what we call the foyer. - Very good. 135 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,116 - What a fun guy. - So charming. 136 00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:51,535 - Love him. - What? He's not fun. 137 00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:52,994 - He's pretty fun. - You've been beguiled 138 00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,788 by his wicked charms. 139 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:58,959 The only reason he has come back here is to make amends with you. 140 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:00,877 Why don't you give him a chance? 141 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:03,255 My darling, that man is never to be trusted. 142 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,339 Never. 143 00:07:04,340 --> 00:07:07,134 His silver tongue is as sharp as the ivory paddle 144 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:10,387 that he used to bring down across my bare backside. 145 00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:13,181 He would spank me in front of the polo horses. 146 00:07:13,182 --> 00:07:14,683 He'd give them a right show. 147 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:18,186 My bare backside out in the wind for all to see. 148 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:20,147 How everyone would laugh 149 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:24,443 as that paddle would come down hard across my bare backside. 150 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,070 "Arms out, head forward, be a good boy." 151 00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:29,781 It would come down again. 152 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:33,953 Again and again and again. 153 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,496 Are you okay? 154 00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:38,290 Forgive me. I'm not quite myself. 155 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,625 Uh, I thought you quite liked being spanked. 156 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:41,669 Oh, yeah. 157 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,884 I used to keep these in my room, but I ran out of space, 158 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:51,970 so I had to move 'em up here. 159 00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,396 You'll see why in a second. 160 00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:07,027 - Ta-da. - What an impressive collection 161 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:09,779 - of detailed maquettes. - Really? 162 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,991 Most people don't give a flying F to the moon about my Funko army. 163 00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,784 No, I think they're enchanting. 164 00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,370 And who is this bewitching bonita? 165 00:08:17,371 --> 00:08:19,498 Oh, well, you have really good taste. 166 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:23,710 That is Lizzo. And it's a rare one because she's holding the flute. 167 00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:25,086 This one's also Lizzo. 168 00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:28,173 This one she's holding her purse, but this one she's holding the flute. 169 00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,592 Geez, I'm sorry. I'm-I'm probably boring you to death-- 170 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,676 No, no. Please, please. 171 00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:36,557 I could listen to you extemporize on these plastic things for hours, my boy. 172 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,601 Get your ghost hand off him, Father. 173 00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,686 Enough of the soft-shoe. 174 00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:45,065 Reveal your game or suffer the consequences. 175 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:47,651 Now, now. Calm down, my bubbly boy. 176 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:48,903 Yeah? 177 00:08:49,737 --> 00:08:50,820 What's that in your hands? 178 00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,572 - What? This? - Yes. 179 00:08:52,573 --> 00:08:54,533 It's a spirit catcher of my own invention. 180 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,452 From the last time we had a ghost infestation. 181 00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:01,164 Yeah. It also coincided with me showing him Ghostbusters II, 182 00:09:01,165 --> 00:09:03,959 and a week later, he "came up" with that device. 183 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,335 It was a parallel thought. 184 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:07,254 Well, I for one am fascinated by it. 185 00:09:07,255 --> 00:09:11,132 Do tell me about this divine device, my cherubic Fibonacci. 186 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,552 Well, it is quite interesting. 187 00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:18,014 - It's a atomic vacuum modified by myself. - Atomic? 188 00:09:18,015 --> 00:09:20,308 - I added the blunderbuss. - Blunderbuss? 189 00:09:20,309 --> 00:09:21,476 Yep. And as you can see, 190 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:24,145 I've housed everything into a large carriage clock. 191 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,773 - That is stupendous. - Isn't it just? 192 00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:29,317 And, uh, I used this from one of Nadja's old... 193 00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:31,027 - Mmm. Yes. - ...dresses. 194 00:09:31,028 --> 00:09:32,654 You can get fucked. 195 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:35,950 I'm onto you. You only flatter when you want something. 196 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:41,413 Well, you got five seconds before I suck you to kingdom come. 197 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:45,875 The last time I heard that was on my penultimate visit to the cunny pot. 198 00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:48,003 Cunny pot. 199 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:50,755 I didn't even hear it, but I know it was funny. 200 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:53,049 It was really funny. [laughs] It's good. 201 00:09:54,802 --> 00:09:58,222 Ah. Fleet of foot. Yes. His usual trick. 202 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,058 Show yourself, you bastard. 203 00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:05,687 Look at these two. Cooking dinner. 204 00:10:05,688 --> 00:10:07,689 - Please, as if. - Bullshit. 205 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:11,693 What are these shape-shifting sons of bitches planning? 206 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:15,864 Um, Airbnb shouldn't even be that hard of a concept to wrap your head around. 207 00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:18,033 Will you shut the fuck up, Guillermo? 208 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,117 - Yes. - Okay. 209 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:21,286 Nandor, I'll say it. 210 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:24,581 We need to capture and destroy the shape-shifters. 211 00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,583 Yes, I'm in full agreement, Nadja. 212 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:31,588 So maybe I just go over there, and I kill and mince them with my bare hands. 213 00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,632 Fuck. That's really good. 214 00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:34,633 Mmm. 215 00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:37,969 I think you should give your dad another chance, Laszlo. 216 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:39,471 I mean, he's really nice. 217 00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,973 And he knows a hell of a lot about the spice trade. 218 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,975 With all due respect, Colin Robinson, 219 00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:46,353 you haven't got a fucking clue who the shit you're fucking with. 220 00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:49,606 Look, we're getting closer. And closer. He's in here. 221 00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:52,275 Show yourself, Padre. Meet thy maker. 222 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,695 Leslie, please wait. 223 00:10:55,696 --> 00:11:00,116 I know I haven't been the best father, but I felt this pull to return. 224 00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:02,410 To be the father you've always needed. 225 00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:06,790 And to learn about this incredible, modern vampire life you lead. 226 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:09,000 You expect me to believe that shoeshine? 227 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:10,752 No. I think he means it. 228 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:14,506 I think he's really interested in learning about our lives. 229 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:15,882 - Yes. - Besides, 230 00:11:15,883 --> 00:11:19,427 it's been really nice having an older male figure in the house. 231 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:20,637 Yeah, it has. 232 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:23,181 I sure wish I had one when I was growing up. 233 00:11:23,182 --> 00:11:24,849 What? You fucking did. It was me. 234 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,560 I raised you from a baby, Colin Robinson. 235 00:11:27,561 --> 00:11:30,314 You keep saying that and people are gonna think you're... 236 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,565 My son. 237 00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,818 You may well choose to use that apparatus on me, 238 00:11:34,819 --> 00:11:37,987 but know that I care about you deeply, my rotten little soldier. 239 00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:41,492 And I would give anything... ...for a second chance. 240 00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:46,913 Oh... 241 00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:48,039 Please don't cry, Father. 242 00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:51,334 - Please, don't cry. - All right, then. 243 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,630 All right, I'll give you a second chance. 244 00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:59,384 But if you fuck up, I will suck you dry. 245 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:03,638 As the maître d' of the Hellfire Club said to me whilst getting my peacoat. 246 00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:07,058 You are literally the funniest man ever. 247 00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:08,769 - I like him. - All right. 248 00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:16,484 So, Mr. Cravensworth asked us to show him our New York, 249 00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,903 and I get to choose where we go first. 250 00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,489 Times Square M&M store, here we come. 251 00:12:21,490 --> 00:12:22,574 Wait, Laszlo. 252 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,410 You're not just going out into the world unattended. 253 00:12:25,411 --> 00:12:29,289 I presume a gentleman of your station has a manservant of some kind. 254 00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,707 I do have a manservant. 255 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:33,209 I just choose not to let him stay in the house. 256 00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,586 Ah. 257 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:37,130 If you'll excuse me. I shall be a moment. 258 00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,175 My grandma's also a ghost. 259 00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,886 - Hey, knock first. - I need you to come with me, 260 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:45,013 pretend to be my manservant and do not ask me why. 261 00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:47,891 It's okay if you're trying to impress your dad's ghost. 262 00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:48,975 - Well, I'm not. - You know, 263 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:50,477 I would wanna impress my dad too. 264 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:53,646 Hypothetically. He left when I was three, so I never got to meet him. 265 00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,732 Right. Okay. That makes you the luckiest man in the world. 266 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,400 Come on, Gizmo. Uh... 267 00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,652 - Now! - Coming. 268 00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:02,822 Give me a minute. 269 00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:04,824 Are you sure you don't need me to look under the hood? 270 00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:07,285 No, I don't need anything. I'm fine. 271 00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,453 Fuck! 272 00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:11,581 I'm gonna go give him a hand and sort this out. 273 00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,874 Fan-fucking-tastic. 274 00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:16,753 You're very lucky to serve a man as wonderful as my son. 275 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:19,506 - Hmm. - If you're anything like my butler Cecil, 276 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,801 you'll know how to anticipate his every need. 277 00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,262 And I do mean his every need. 278 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,642 The G-spot. The erotic zone. 279 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:32,727 Oh. No, sorry. 280 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:35,480 It's not like that with your son and I. 281 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:38,817 Cecil worked my whirligigs like a maypole. 282 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,611 He was something of a psychosexual chess master. 283 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:43,656 Could we talk about something else, maybe? 284 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,325 Have you ever kissed a ghost? 285 00:13:48,118 --> 00:13:50,328 Now it's go time. 286 00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:53,540 Lancer to Rawhide, do you read me? Over. 287 00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,292 Rawhide to Lancer, I can read you loud and clear. 288 00:13:56,293 --> 00:14:00,129 Why, hello, my sweet gooseberry jam. How much for a go-round? 289 00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:02,590 - Ahem. - Miss Nadja, my sincerest apologies. 290 00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:05,218 I briefly mistook you for a lady of the night. 291 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:08,012 You thought I was a little fucking whore, did you? 292 00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:09,514 - Yes. - You charmer. 293 00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:12,433 Cut the cross talk, Rawhide. Stay on mission! 294 00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:15,395 That's lively. Get a rag, Colin Robinson. Get a rag! 295 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:16,480 Okay. 296 00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:20,358 Rawhide, make your way through the side gate. 297 00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:21,860 Be very quiet. 298 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,361 If they sense you coming, 299 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:26,781 they'll rip you apart before you can even bare your fangs. 300 00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:28,491 But you got this. 301 00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,493 You will soon see a mat. 302 00:14:30,494 --> 00:14:33,288 On it is written "welcome." 303 00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,331 Counts as an invitation. 304 00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,920 It would be easier to hide if you stopped talking. 305 00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:42,630 Okay. That's smart. 306 00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:45,216 - I'll stop talking. - Shut up! 307 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,302 She's in. 308 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:50,471 Now she must hide and catch them unawares. 309 00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:52,808 Look at them! The shape-shifters. 310 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,642 They don't suspect a thing. 311 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:58,147 They're too busy playing with the combat training blocks. 312 00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:00,524 Oh, shit! 313 00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:03,484 Shit, they've heard her! They've heard her! 314 00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:04,694 She's fucked! 315 00:15:04,695 --> 00:15:08,698 Rawhide, shape-shifter one has picked up a knife. 316 00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:09,991 He's approaching you! 317 00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:12,118 He could shape-shift at any moment! 318 00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:14,954 Can you hear me? Over. Don't engage alone. 319 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,664 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 320 00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:18,124 Rawhide, do you need backup? 321 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,208 Can you hear me? 322 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:21,962 Rawhide! Do you copy? Over. 323 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,509 Ha! You beauty. 324 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,095 Bravo, my mechanical maestros. 325 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,347 I fixed it. 326 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:35,350 It was the exhaust manifold. I just had to get in there a little. 327 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:40,021 It wasn't the fucking exhaust manifold. It was the spark ignition, and I fixed it. 328 00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:42,358 Trust me. I fixed it all on my own, Daddy. 329 00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:45,945 I meant, uh... 330 00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:48,821 Um, I meant to say, uh, 331 00:15:48,822 --> 00:15:50,573 Mr. Cravensworth. 332 00:15:50,574 --> 00:15:52,116 Fuck's sake! 333 00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,495 Rawhide, 334 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,122 the shape-shifters took out the jalopy. 335 00:15:58,123 --> 00:15:59,833 I've got your back, Rawhide! 336 00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:04,128 Shit. Fuck. Sorry, Nate. 337 00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,631 They're shifting! Fuck this! 338 00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,759 Rawhide! 339 00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:14,597 Oh, good. She made it out. 340 00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:16,641 I thought I was fucking dead. 341 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,685 What's this? They got Nate? 342 00:16:18,686 --> 00:16:22,189 - Yes, Nate got got. - Oh, no. 343 00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:25,817 - Wait. Wait a minute. - What? 344 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:29,570 I was not watching you the entire time that you were over there. 345 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:33,491 How do I know that you are actually you 346 00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,119 and haven't been replaced by a shape-shifter? 347 00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,664 Are you fucking kidding me? 348 00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:45,586 - Great. - The truth is, 349 00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:48,465 Sir Colin of Robinson, that I never knew my own father. 350 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:50,341 Yeah, me neither. 351 00:16:50,342 --> 00:16:53,386 It's a terrible thing and leaves a man ill-equipped 352 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:56,097 when it comes to his own turn at parenthood. 353 00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:59,267 Oh, I-I think you're the coolest guy ever. 354 00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:02,020 Well, you know, you're not half bad yourself, young man. 355 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,105 Do you think... 356 00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:05,523 Nah, it's kind of stupid. 357 00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,525 No, please. Tell me. 358 00:17:07,526 --> 00:17:11,739 I was going to ask if I could maybe give you a hug. 359 00:17:12,740 --> 00:17:16,201 I don't know that you'll be able to feel these translucent arms of mine... 360 00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,122 but I think we should have a go, don't you? 361 00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,125 All right. 362 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:27,754 I don't know. Maybe I have been too harsh on my father. 363 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,839 After all, he is showing kindness to Colin Robinson. 364 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,051 A Herculean task if ever there was one. 365 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,178 You're fucking kidding. 366 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:36,929 Remind me again, Nadja. 367 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:39,390 If that is in fact who you really are. 368 00:17:39,391 --> 00:17:42,728 What is my favorite film? 369 00:17:43,270 --> 00:17:45,814 I don't fucking know! 370 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:49,734 Captive did not know that the captor's favorite film 371 00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,487 is The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. 372 00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:53,654 Enough of this! 373 00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:56,824 Just because I ignore all of the bullshit that you say, 374 00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,993 does not prove that I am a shape-shifter. 375 00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:01,370 If anything, it proves that it is me! 376 00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:03,414 Someone who doesn't care about anything you say! 377 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:04,665 Now, will you just untie me? 378 00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:07,376 Okay, fine. You are not a shape-shifter. 379 00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:09,003 Okay? I apologize. 380 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,881 I can admit when I'm wrong. 381 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:12,965 Done. 382 00:18:12,966 --> 00:18:15,719 Sorry. I just was a little paranoid, that's all. 383 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,762 It is odd, though. 384 00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:21,849 I myself was away from you for a while while I was in the house. 385 00:18:21,850 --> 00:18:22,850 So? 386 00:18:22,851 --> 00:18:28,064 Admit it. You are just a snaky, tricky little shape-shifting bitch. 387 00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,065 Ha! 388 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,109 - Yeah, he is. - We must not let them tear us apart 389 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,318 like this. 390 00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:33,402 Oh, shit. 391 00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:37,406 Nadja, Nandor! The lady from next door is here to see you guys. 392 00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:38,491 The shape-shifters are here. 393 00:18:38,492 --> 00:18:41,035 The shape-shifters are here! What are we gonna do? 394 00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,453 Pull yourself together! 395 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,080 - Thank you. - Yes, thank you. 396 00:18:44,081 --> 00:18:46,165 - I feel much better now. - Please come down! 397 00:18:46,166 --> 00:18:49,127 I've been here 15 years and no one by that description comes to mind. 398 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,461 - Really? Not those two? - Who? 399 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,046 My guests said they were in the house. 400 00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:54,048 They also said that an old-timey car exploded. 401 00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:56,926 Your guests? Hmm. 402 00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:58,386 Perhaps she is their leader. 403 00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:01,889 No, she is the host of the Airbnb and owner of-- 404 00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:02,974 Silence, Guillermo. 405 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:06,018 My guests also said you were spying on them. With a telescope? 406 00:19:06,019 --> 00:19:07,478 Listen here, shifty. 407 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,605 We are onto your little games. 408 00:19:09,606 --> 00:19:11,149 What you have going on over there 409 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:14,069 violates all of the laws of nature. 410 00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:19,365 Okay, fine. Technically, the unit isn't zoned for an Airbnb, okay? 411 00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:22,368 I'm just trying to make some passive income. Is that such a crime? 412 00:19:22,369 --> 00:19:23,911 What the fuck is she talking about? 413 00:19:23,912 --> 00:19:27,291 - Guillermo, what is passive income? - Yes. And what is "Airppp?" 414 00:19:27,916 --> 00:19:29,417 Yeah, that's what's going on. 415 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:32,044 We figured out that that was an illegal unit. 416 00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:34,755 Shit. Okay, listen, can we just keep this between us? 417 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:36,632 Maybe we can work out some kind of deal. 418 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,932 - Great Britain. - Yes, the British Empire. 419 00:19:44,933 --> 00:19:48,269 We've plundered the world, but our museums are fucking great. 420 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,229 What are you doing down here, Father? 421 00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:53,483 Just having a bit of chitchat with your curious creation. 422 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:54,985 Right. 423 00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:59,655 Well, not easy for me to say this, 424 00:19:59,656 --> 00:20:04,620 but I know you have paternal affection for me, and that affection is reciprocal, 425 00:20:05,454 --> 00:20:10,458 though not often displayed due to a fear that it might not be returned in kind. 426 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:12,168 Very well put, my boy. 427 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:15,671 But what I'd like to do is begin a more 428 00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:18,883 free-flowing communication between the two of us. 429 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:22,220 That would gladden my heart, my bonny lad. 430 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:27,475 - Hug Daddy. - What are you-- 431 00:20:27,476 --> 00:20:29,560 - Hug Daddy. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 432 00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:34,899 Explain to me why the Book of Souls is open on my workbench right behind you 433 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,735 and on that particular spell. 434 00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:40,154 Yes, I thought as much. 435 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:43,491 I know exactly what you're doing and the answer is a big fat no. 436 00:20:43,492 --> 00:20:48,537 I forbid you to use my monster as your vessel on this earthly plane. 437 00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:51,123 I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. 438 00:20:51,124 --> 00:20:52,959 Really? As soon as my back's turned, 439 00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:56,087 you'd be up that bastard like a frankfurter sausage in a bun. 440 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,588 - Coward. - But, Son, 441 00:20:57,589 --> 00:20:59,131 you don't understand what it's like, 442 00:20:59,132 --> 00:21:01,426 the place where I come from, where my spirit resides. 443 00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:04,220 It's fucking awful. 444 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:06,764 All the classes are mixed together. 445 00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,724 I have to talk to poor people. 446 00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:11,227 I have to feign interest in the Welsh. 447 00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:13,938 I can't touch myself. It's hell. 448 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:17,984 But if my ghost could inhabit a human body, I could begin life anew 449 00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:22,822 and have an orgasm again for the first time in 200 fucking years. 450 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,240 It's all about you, isn't it? 451 00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:29,161 Always about Lord Roderick Cravensworth. No one else matters. 452 00:21:29,162 --> 00:21:33,332 Ruining my life from day one. Like when you humiliated me at Wimbledon. 453 00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:36,502 You can't play power tennis. There's no shame in that. 454 00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:40,715 - You fucked my Latin tutor! - Veni, vidi, veni. You got into Eton. 455 00:21:40,716 --> 00:21:44,176 Hiring Rasputin to be my babysitter. 456 00:21:44,177 --> 00:21:45,678 That was last minute. 457 00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:49,140 And who can forget when you murdered Mother? 458 00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:51,559 - Not this again. - Good grief. 459 00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:52,978 Prove it. 460 00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:54,563 Well, I'll tell you something. 461 00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:57,315 You are not getting your hands on my monster, 462 00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,150 my greatest creation to date. 463 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:02,738 You will not be using him as your meat puppet. 464 00:22:03,530 --> 00:22:06,824 You think I'd want this wretched homunculus for a body? 465 00:22:06,825 --> 00:22:09,952 - I right here! - No, you have me all wrong. 466 00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:14,290 You see, the divine human vessel I wish to inhabit is your own. 467 00:22:14,291 --> 00:22:16,917 I beg your pardon? 468 00:22:16,918 --> 00:22:18,919 Oh, come on, Son. You've had your turn. 469 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:22,506 Be a good boy and let your daddy inhabit your flesh. 470 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:25,676 - The Father of the Fatherless. Shammash. - No! No! 471 00:22:25,677 --> 00:22:29,139 No! This must stop! 472 00:22:29,765 --> 00:22:34,018 - O Ancient Ones. Gods of the Night. - Shut your mouth! 473 00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:35,603 Spirit catcher! 474 00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:42,109 Get me my spirit catcher! 475 00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:43,904 Yes! 476 00:22:47,908 --> 00:22:49,326 Ha! 477 00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:54,330 Prepare to get sucked, Daddy. 478 00:22:54,331 --> 00:22:55,916 No! Not like this! 479 00:22:59,419 --> 00:23:02,839 No! 480 00:23:04,299 --> 00:23:06,468 Oof! 481 00:23:14,101 --> 00:23:15,977 Farewell, Father. 482 00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:21,399 So yeah, after I spent another two hours 483 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,985 explaining to Nadja and Nandor that our neighbor wasn't a shape-shifter... 484 00:23:24,986 --> 00:23:27,530 I told you what it is. It's her space. She's renting it out. 485 00:23:27,531 --> 00:23:29,907 Remember I went to an Airbnb on vacation for-- 486 00:23:29,908 --> 00:23:31,368 What has it got to do with the air? 487 00:23:32,536 --> 00:23:34,203 We made a deal with her. 488 00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:37,915 We wouldn't report Nancy's illegal Airbnb if she would let us stay 489 00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:40,626 - for a free weekend once a month. - I mean, look at this sign. 490 00:23:40,627 --> 00:23:44,130 It says, "Bye Felicia and take Karen with you." 491 00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:46,090 I'm gonna start saying that. 492 00:23:47,592 --> 00:23:49,176 - Hey. - Come on in. 493 00:23:49,177 --> 00:23:50,553 I just wanted to drop off 494 00:23:50,554 --> 00:23:52,513 - some fresh baked cookies... - Ooh! 495 00:23:52,514 --> 00:23:55,349 ...to say thank you for your discretion. 496 00:23:55,350 --> 00:23:57,101 Couldn't possibly. 497 00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,812 - Thank you, Nancy. - Anything you need, you let me know, okay? 498 00:23:59,813 --> 00:24:03,107 - Bye Felicia and take Karen with you. - Take Karen with you. 499 00:24:03,108 --> 00:24:06,319 You guys are so crazy. Have the best night. Amazing. 500 00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:09,113 - She's really nice. - Mm-hmm. 501 00:24:09,114 --> 00:24:12,658 - Bananagrams, anyone? - Yes. Why not? 502 00:24:12,659 --> 00:24:14,161 Help me turn the tiles. 503 00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:16,079 So sorry. 504 00:24:16,955 --> 00:24:20,374 - All right, old chap. - Oh. Where's Mr. Cravensworth? 505 00:24:20,375 --> 00:24:23,545 I got him this Pop Yourself that looks like him. 506 00:24:24,045 --> 00:24:26,130 I know it's kind of stupid, but I thought-- 507 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:28,717 - Sit down, Colin. - Okay. 508 00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:33,555 My father has gone on a very long trip. 509 00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:37,601 - He has gone on a ghost mission. - That's... 510 00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:39,143 That's weird. 511 00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:41,188 He wanted to say goodbye to you in person, 512 00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:45,984 but he was too afraid he might miss his ghost train. 513 00:24:46,818 --> 00:24:49,863 Well, that's... That's okay. 514 00:24:51,364 --> 00:24:56,160 He also told me that he cared for you very much. 515 00:24:56,161 --> 00:24:59,872 So much so that he wanted you to have this. 516 00:24:59,873 --> 00:25:02,416 - What is it? - No idea. 517 00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:04,460 But he said you must keep that somewhere safe, 518 00:25:04,461 --> 00:25:06,962 somewhere locked up where no one can get to it. 519 00:25:06,963 --> 00:25:10,509 - Wh-why? - Because he's going to need it someday 520 00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:12,511 when he comes back. 521 00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:15,304 You really have an amazing father, you know? 522 00:25:15,305 --> 00:25:17,849 I do, Colin. I really do. 523 00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:25,981 There's just some shit that I need to sort out over here. 524 00:25:50,674 --> 00:25:55,762 ♪ I was born to haunt you ♪ 525 00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:02,727 ♪ Like a shadow from above ♪ 526 00:26:05,188 --> 00:26:09,651 ♪ I was born to haunt you ♪ 527 00:26:11,611 --> 00:26:17,909 ♪ Terrorize, terrorize you through and through ♪ 528 00:26:18,827 --> 00:26:25,709 ♪ Well, I was born to haunt you ♪ 529 00:26:27,085 --> 00:26:32,465 ♪ And you were born to haunt me too ♪