1 00:00:06,548 --> 00:00:12,093 One, two, three, four pillows on couch. 2 00:00:12,094 --> 00:00:13,928 What are they doing now? What did I miss? 3 00:00:13,929 --> 00:00:15,179 - Hey! - Get out of the way. 4 00:00:15,180 --> 00:00:17,098 Nothing. They are not home yet. 5 00:00:17,099 --> 00:00:20,184 {\an8}We recently discovered, besides our neighbors 6 00:00:20,185 --> 00:00:23,062 {\an8}Sean and Charmaine on that side of the house, 7 00:00:23,063 --> 00:00:26,232 we also have neighbors on this side. 8 00:00:26,233 --> 00:00:28,359 Can you imagine? More neighbors. 9 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:32,613 It was a stroke of blind luck we discovered we even had a window 10 00:00:32,614 --> 00:00:34,574 on this side of the house. 11 00:00:34,575 --> 00:00:36,534 This side of the house. 12 00:00:36,535 --> 00:00:39,120 {\an8}Dear Guide, every time I call you, 13 00:00:39,121 --> 00:00:42,582 {\an8}I lose my nerves like a chicken for the slaughter. 14 00:00:42,583 --> 00:00:44,044 I was-- Oh. 15 00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:46,335 Oh, shit. 16 00:00:46,336 --> 00:00:50,008 We have a window. It's a... It's a house. 17 00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:52,260 Hey. Ooh. Oh, sh... 18 00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:57,221 And now we are using that window to spy on the neighbors. 19 00:00:57,222 --> 00:00:58,723 Why are they not home yet? 20 00:00:58,724 --> 00:01:00,475 Have you guys seen my phone anywhere? 21 00:01:00,476 --> 00:01:03,061 Not now, Guillermo. We are spying on the neighbors. 22 00:01:03,062 --> 00:01:04,270 - Why? - Look. 23 00:01:04,271 --> 00:01:06,230 They're home. They're home. They're home. 24 00:01:06,231 --> 00:01:10,276 What's this shit? When did old bald guy grow hair? 25 00:01:10,277 --> 00:01:11,444 What? 26 00:01:11,445 --> 00:01:15,239 They're not even wearing the same clothes they left in this morning. 27 00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:19,662 - Are they in disguise? - And somehow looking 30 years younger. 28 00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:23,289 {\an8}So yeah, the house next door is very obviously an Airbnb. 29 00:01:23,290 --> 00:01:26,959 {\an8}I guess I never taught them what-- No, you know what? I did. I did. 30 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,377 They probably weren't listening. 31 00:01:28,378 --> 00:01:29,712 Oh, no. 32 00:01:29,713 --> 00:01:33,510 That house belongs to shape-shifters. 33 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,886 - Fuck. - You're kidding me, right? 34 00:01:36,887 --> 00:01:40,848 Shape-shifters are extremely freaky. 35 00:01:40,849 --> 00:01:46,104 They're awful, abhorrent creatures that use the most ancient of sorcery 36 00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:50,066 to transform into whatever murderous, all-powerful shape 37 00:01:50,067 --> 00:01:52,151 their wicked hearts desire. 38 00:01:52,152 --> 00:01:55,196 And now they have infiltrated our street. 39 00:01:55,197 --> 00:01:58,866 I have had horrible experiences with shape-shifters in the past. 40 00:01:58,867 --> 00:02:02,829 I was once in a relationship with a woman for four years 41 00:02:02,830 --> 00:02:06,084 who then transformed into a possum. 42 00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:11,923 I stayed with her for six more months, but then I just had to end it. 43 00:02:13,508 --> 00:02:15,216 This is a fucking nightmare. 44 00:02:15,217 --> 00:02:17,595 - It's just an Airbnb. - Shut up, Guillermo. 45 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:22,890 {\an8}♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 46 00:02:22,891 --> 00:02:25,395 {\an8}♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 47 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,646 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 48 00:02:28,647 --> 00:02:30,984 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 49 00:02:32,569 --> 00:02:35,570 {\an8}♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 50 00:02:35,571 --> 00:02:38,322 {\an8}♪ You've sold out your dream to the world ♪ 51 00:02:38,323 --> 00:02:40,658 {\an8}♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 52 00:02:40,659 --> 00:02:43,329 {\an8}♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 53 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:57,717 Recently, I've been beset 54 00:02:57,718 --> 00:03:00,513 {\an8}by the most strange and eerie feeling. 55 00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:03,474 A chill down my spine. 56 00:03:04,392 --> 00:03:06,227 A weight on my shoulders. 57 00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:11,440 The most ethereal sounds coming from absolutely nowhere. 58 00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,610 Like that. Did you hear that? 59 00:03:15,611 --> 00:03:17,822 Actually, that was just me breaking wind. 60 00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:22,869 {\an8}But these macabre sounds are very similar. 61 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,914 My wife Nadja thinks they might be ghosts, 62 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:28,498 but I'm not so sure. 63 00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:37,133 - Oh, shit! - Shit. Did the summoning work? 64 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,010 So it did. 65 00:03:41,011 --> 00:03:42,680 Ah. Aha! 66 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:47,268 Hello, my son. It's me, Papa. 67 00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:49,435 Fuck off. 68 00:03:49,436 --> 00:03:51,646 Laszlo. Laszlo! 69 00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:53,940 - Oh... - No fucking way. 70 00:03:53,941 --> 00:03:56,401 I see the grumpy fellow hasn't changed a lick. 71 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,821 Well, what a lovely sight you are. 72 00:04:00,822 --> 00:04:02,657 - Oh. - Roderick Cravensworth. 73 00:04:02,658 --> 00:04:06,244 Is it really you? Laszlo's father? 74 00:04:06,245 --> 00:04:08,162 Well, if the tit fits the cup. 75 00:04:08,163 --> 00:04:09,580 - Definitely family, then. - Yes. 76 00:04:09,581 --> 00:04:12,708 And you must be his ethnic mistress. 77 00:04:12,709 --> 00:04:16,462 Yes, that is how it started. But I am actually now very much his wife. 78 00:04:16,463 --> 00:04:19,131 We have been married for many hundreds of years. 79 00:04:19,132 --> 00:04:20,551 How much I have missed. 80 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:24,303 What a divine pleasure it is to make your acquaintance. 81 00:04:24,304 --> 00:04:26,597 Oh... [chuckles] Oh. 82 00:04:26,598 --> 00:04:29,684 - Um, trying to get the kerchief. - This is a perennial ghost issue. 83 00:04:29,685 --> 00:04:31,269 So I have to ask, 84 00:04:31,270 --> 00:04:33,062 - what's your unfinished business? - Yes. 85 00:04:33,063 --> 00:04:38,776 Well, my tiny lady, I'm here to repair my long-troubled relationship with Laszlo. 86 00:04:38,777 --> 00:04:44,407 Yes, he may be a vampire and I a spirit, but we will always be, above all else, 87 00:04:44,408 --> 00:04:45,491 father and son. 88 00:04:45,492 --> 00:04:47,410 - Aw... - Yes, we love that. 89 00:04:47,411 --> 00:04:48,577 So sweet. 90 00:04:48,578 --> 00:04:50,246 - Oh. Hello. - Oh, yes. 91 00:04:50,247 --> 00:04:52,373 What are these contraptions? 92 00:04:52,374 --> 00:04:55,751 Oh, uh, these are camera machines. They take your portrait. 93 00:04:55,752 --> 00:04:57,714 Ah, yes, you have to keep very still. 94 00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:02,135 Um... 95 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:07,054 Anyone else notice the ghost, or is it just me? 96 00:05:07,055 --> 00:05:10,018 - Come on, Laszlo. Just introduce him. - All right. 97 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,352 Attention, everybody. 98 00:05:13,353 --> 00:05:17,273 May I introduce you to a man who has gone by many names. 99 00:05:17,274 --> 00:05:19,191 - The Whispering Swordsman. - Mmm. 100 00:05:19,192 --> 00:05:23,946 Scurrilous Bob. The Barkham Bone Digger. The Marquess of Manchester. 101 00:05:23,947 --> 00:05:25,489 - Nice. Huh. - The Black Finger. 102 00:05:25,490 --> 00:05:27,952 - And lastly, my father... - Nice. 103 00:05:28,536 --> 00:05:31,037 ...Lord Roderick Cravensworth. 104 00:05:31,038 --> 00:05:33,539 - You forgot one sobriquet. - Oh? 105 00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:36,292 The Night Dog of Tresco. But that was most of them. 106 00:05:36,293 --> 00:05:38,878 I'm delighted to meet all of my beloved son's roommates. 107 00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:41,756 Although I did think perhaps he would have had his own place by now, 108 00:05:41,757 --> 00:05:43,008 but what do I know? 109 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:47,722 Let me ask you, sir. How did you get all those dope nicknames? 110 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:52,185 The finest man I ever knew bestowed most of those monikers upon me. 111 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:57,897 That is, soon after he saved my life in deepest Sumatra. 112 00:05:57,898 --> 00:06:01,150 Oh, wow. And what was his name? 113 00:06:01,151 --> 00:06:04,653 I can't remember. I think it was Glen or something. 114 00:06:04,654 --> 00:06:05,905 - Glen. - And who might this, 115 00:06:05,906 --> 00:06:07,448 uh, taciturn fellow be? 116 00:06:07,449 --> 00:06:08,657 Get up. 117 00:06:08,658 --> 00:06:11,494 This, Father, is my greatest creation to date. 118 00:06:11,495 --> 00:06:13,537 I call him Cravensworth's Monster. 119 00:06:13,538 --> 00:06:17,541 Now, as you can see, I've created a man by reanimating dead human flesh. 120 00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:21,087 Surpassing any of your own scientific experiments. 121 00:06:21,088 --> 00:06:22,755 No, I tried it, but it didn't work. 122 00:06:22,756 --> 00:06:25,508 I just ended up with a dead body with lots of bits stuck together. 123 00:06:25,509 --> 00:06:26,926 I didn't reanimate it. 124 00:06:26,927 --> 00:06:29,553 I sewed the body bits together, but I didn't do the reanimation. 125 00:06:29,554 --> 00:06:31,347 So, well done. Yes. 126 00:06:31,348 --> 00:06:35,434 Although, not the most comely of fellows. Perhaps he takes after his creator. 127 00:06:35,435 --> 00:06:37,019 Hey. 128 00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:39,188 - Very good. - I would love a tour 129 00:06:39,189 --> 00:06:40,981 of Château de Cravensworth. 130 00:06:40,982 --> 00:06:44,151 Really? Well, it's a pity that because we're very busy right now. 131 00:06:44,152 --> 00:06:45,820 Actually, Night Dog of Tresco, 132 00:06:45,821 --> 00:06:48,781 I would love to show you around our humble abode. 133 00:06:48,782 --> 00:06:50,658 Fantástico. Lead on, squire. 134 00:06:50,659 --> 00:06:52,952 - Out here is what we call the foyer. - Very good. 135 00:06:52,953 --> 00:06:55,121 - What a fun guy. - So charming. 136 00:06:55,122 --> 00:06:57,540 - Love him. - What? He's not fun. 137 00:06:57,541 --> 00:06:58,999 - He's pretty fun. - You've been beguiled 138 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,793 by his wicked charms. 139 00:07:00,794 --> 00:07:04,964 The only reason he has come back here is to make amends with you. 140 00:07:04,965 --> 00:07:06,882 Why don't you give him a chance? 141 00:07:06,883 --> 00:07:09,260 My darling, that man is never to be trusted. 142 00:07:09,261 --> 00:07:10,344 Never. 143 00:07:10,345 --> 00:07:13,139 His silver tongue is as sharp as the ivory paddle 144 00:07:13,140 --> 00:07:16,392 that he used to bring down across my bare backside. 145 00:07:16,393 --> 00:07:19,186 He would spank me in front of the polo horses. 146 00:07:19,187 --> 00:07:20,688 He'd give them a right show. 147 00:07:20,689 --> 00:07:24,191 My bare backside out in the wind for all to see. 148 00:07:24,192 --> 00:07:26,152 How everyone would laugh 149 00:07:26,153 --> 00:07:30,448 as that paddle would come down hard across my bare backside. 150 00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:33,075 "Arms out, head forward, be a good boy." 151 00:07:33,076 --> 00:07:35,786 It would come down again. 152 00:07:35,787 --> 00:07:39,959 Again and again and again. 153 00:07:41,252 --> 00:07:42,501 Are you okay? 154 00:07:42,502 --> 00:07:44,295 Forgive me. I'm not quite myself. 155 00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:46,630 Uh, I thought you quite liked being spanked. 156 00:07:46,631 --> 00:07:47,675 Oh, yeah. 157 00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,889 I used to keep these in my room, but I ran out of space, 158 00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:57,976 so I had to move 'em up here. 159 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,402 You'll see why in a second. 160 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,032 - Ta-da. - What an impressive collection 161 00:08:13,033 --> 00:08:15,784 - of detailed maquettes. - Really? 162 00:08:15,785 --> 00:08:18,996 Most people don't give a flying F to the moon about my Funko army. 163 00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:20,789 No, I think they're enchanting. 164 00:08:20,790 --> 00:08:23,375 And who is this bewitching bonita? 165 00:08:23,376 --> 00:08:25,503 Oh, well, you have really good taste. 166 00:08:25,504 --> 00:08:29,715 That is Lizzo. And it's a rare one because she's holding the flute. 167 00:08:29,716 --> 00:08:31,091 This one's also Lizzo. 168 00:08:31,092 --> 00:08:34,178 This one she's holding her purse, but this one she's holding the flute. 169 00:08:34,179 --> 00:08:36,597 Geez, I'm sorry. I'm-I'm probably boring you to death-- 170 00:08:36,598 --> 00:08:37,681 No, no. Please, please. 171 00:08:37,682 --> 00:08:42,563 I could listen to you extemporize on these plastic things for hours, my boy. 172 00:08:43,064 --> 00:08:45,606 Get your ghost hand off him, Father. 173 00:08:45,607 --> 00:08:47,691 Enough of the soft-shoe. 174 00:08:47,692 --> 00:08:51,070 Reveal your game or suffer the consequences. 175 00:08:51,071 --> 00:08:53,656 Now, now. Calm down, my bubbly boy. 176 00:08:53,657 --> 00:08:54,909 Yeah? 177 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:56,825 What's that in your hands? 178 00:08:56,826 --> 00:08:58,577 - What? This? - Yes. 179 00:08:58,578 --> 00:09:00,538 It's a spirit catcher of my own invention. 180 00:09:00,539 --> 00:09:03,457 From the last time we had a ghost infestation. 181 00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:07,169 Yeah. It also coincided with me showing him Ghostbusters II, 182 00:09:07,170 --> 00:09:09,964 and a week later, he "came up" with that device. 183 00:09:09,965 --> 00:09:11,340 It was a parallel thought. 184 00:09:11,341 --> 00:09:13,259 Well, I for one am fascinated by it. 185 00:09:13,260 --> 00:09:17,137 Do tell me about this divine device, my cherubic Fibonacci. 186 00:09:17,138 --> 00:09:19,557 Well, it is quite interesting. 187 00:09:19,558 --> 00:09:24,019 - It's a atomic vacuum modified by myself. - Atomic? 188 00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:26,313 - I added the blunderbuss. - Blunderbuss? 189 00:09:26,314 --> 00:09:27,481 Yep. And as you can see, 190 00:09:27,482 --> 00:09:30,150 I've housed everything into a large carriage clock. 191 00:09:30,151 --> 00:09:32,778 - That is stupendous. - Isn't it just? 192 00:09:32,779 --> 00:09:35,322 And, uh, I used this from one of Nadja's old... 193 00:09:35,323 --> 00:09:37,032 - Mmm. Yes. - ...dresses. 194 00:09:37,033 --> 00:09:38,659 You can get fucked. 195 00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:41,956 I'm onto you. You only flatter when you want something. 196 00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:47,418 Well, you got five seconds before I suck you to kingdom come. 197 00:09:47,419 --> 00:09:51,880 The last time I heard that was on my penultimate visit to the cunny pot. 198 00:09:51,881 --> 00:09:54,008 Cunny pot. 199 00:09:54,009 --> 00:09:56,760 I didn't even hear it, but I know it was funny. 200 00:09:56,761 --> 00:09:59,055 It was really funny. [laughs] It's good. 201 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:04,228 Ah. Fleet of foot. Yes. His usual trick. 202 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,064 Show yourself, you bastard. 203 00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:11,692 Look at these two. Cooking dinner. 204 00:10:11,693 --> 00:10:13,694 - Please, as if. - Bullshit. 205 00:10:13,695 --> 00:10:17,698 What are these shape-shifting sons of bitches planning? 206 00:10:17,699 --> 00:10:21,869 Um, Airbnb shouldn't even be that hard of a concept to wrap your head around. 207 00:10:21,870 --> 00:10:24,038 Will you shut the fuck up, Guillermo? 208 00:10:24,039 --> 00:10:25,122 - Yes. - Okay. 209 00:10:25,123 --> 00:10:27,291 Nandor, I'll say it. 210 00:10:27,292 --> 00:10:30,586 We need to capture and destroy the shape-shifters. 211 00:10:30,587 --> 00:10:32,588 Yes, I'm in full agreement, Nadja. 212 00:10:32,589 --> 00:10:37,593 So maybe I just go over there, and I kill and mince them with my bare hands. 213 00:10:37,594 --> 00:10:39,637 Fuck. That's really good. 214 00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:40,638 Mmm. 215 00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:43,974 I think you should give your dad another chance, Laszlo. 216 00:10:43,975 --> 00:10:45,476 I mean, he's really nice. 217 00:10:45,477 --> 00:10:47,978 And he knows a hell of a lot about the spice trade. 218 00:10:47,979 --> 00:10:49,980 With all due respect, Colin Robinson, 219 00:10:49,981 --> 00:10:52,358 you haven't got a fucking clue who the shit you're fucking with. 220 00:10:52,359 --> 00:10:55,611 Look, we're getting closer. And closer. He's in here. 221 00:10:55,612 --> 00:10:58,281 Show yourself, Padre. Meet thy maker. 222 00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,700 Leslie, please wait. 223 00:11:01,701 --> 00:11:06,121 I know I haven't been the best father, but I felt this pull to return. 224 00:11:06,122 --> 00:11:08,415 To be the father you've always needed. 225 00:11:08,416 --> 00:11:12,795 And to learn about this incredible, modern vampire life you lead. 226 00:11:12,796 --> 00:11:15,005 You expect me to believe that shoeshine? 227 00:11:15,006 --> 00:11:16,757 No. I think he means it. 228 00:11:16,758 --> 00:11:20,511 I think he's really interested in learning about our lives. 229 00:11:20,512 --> 00:11:21,887 - Yes. - Besides, 230 00:11:21,888 --> 00:11:25,432 it's been really nice having an older male figure in the house. 231 00:11:25,433 --> 00:11:26,642 Yeah, it has. 232 00:11:26,643 --> 00:11:29,186 I sure wish I had one when I was growing up. 233 00:11:29,187 --> 00:11:30,854 What? You fucking did. It was me. 234 00:11:30,855 --> 00:11:33,565 I raised you from a baby, Colin Robinson. 235 00:11:33,566 --> 00:11:36,320 You keep saying that and people are gonna think you're... 236 00:11:37,196 --> 00:11:38,570 My son. 237 00:11:38,571 --> 00:11:40,823 You may well choose to use that apparatus on me, 238 00:11:40,824 --> 00:11:43,992 but know that I care about you deeply, my rotten little soldier. 239 00:11:43,993 --> 00:11:47,498 And I would give anything... ...for a second chance. 240 00:11:49,333 --> 00:11:52,918 Oh... 241 00:11:52,919 --> 00:11:54,045 Please don't cry, Father. 242 00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:57,340 - Please, don't cry. - All right, then. 243 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,635 All right, I'll give you a second chance. 244 00:12:01,636 --> 00:12:05,389 But if you fuck up, I will suck you dry. 245 00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:09,643 As the maître d' of the Hellfire Club said to me whilst getting my peacoat. 246 00:12:09,644 --> 00:12:13,063 You are literally the funniest man ever. 247 00:12:13,064 --> 00:12:14,775 - I like him. - All right. 248 00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:22,489 So, Mr. Cravensworth asked us to show him our New York, 249 00:12:22,490 --> 00:12:24,908 and I get to choose where we go first. 250 00:12:24,909 --> 00:12:27,494 Times Square M&M store, here we come. 251 00:12:27,495 --> 00:12:28,579 Wait, Laszlo. 252 00:12:28,580 --> 00:12:31,415 You're not just going out into the world unattended. 253 00:12:31,416 --> 00:12:35,294 I presume a gentleman of your station has a manservant of some kind. 254 00:12:35,295 --> 00:12:36,712 I do have a manservant. 255 00:12:36,713 --> 00:12:39,214 I just choose not to let him stay in the house. 256 00:12:39,215 --> 00:12:40,591 Ah. 257 00:12:40,592 --> 00:12:43,135 If you'll excuse me. I shall be a moment. 258 00:12:43,136 --> 00:12:45,181 My grandma's also a ghost. 259 00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:48,891 - Hey, knock first. - I need you to come with me, 260 00:12:48,892 --> 00:12:51,018 pretend to be my manservant and do not ask me why. 261 00:12:51,019 --> 00:12:53,896 It's okay if you're trying to impress your dad's ghost. 262 00:12:53,897 --> 00:12:54,980 - Well, I'm not. - You know, 263 00:12:54,981 --> 00:12:56,482 I would wanna impress my dad too. 264 00:12:56,483 --> 00:12:59,651 Hypothetically. He left when I was three, so I never got to meet him. 265 00:12:59,652 --> 00:13:01,737 Right. Okay. That makes you the luckiest man in the world. 266 00:13:01,738 --> 00:13:03,405 Come on, Gizmo. Uh... 267 00:13:03,406 --> 00:13:05,658 - Now! - Coming. 268 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:08,827 Give me a minute. 269 00:13:08,828 --> 00:13:10,829 Are you sure you don't need me to look under the hood? 270 00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:13,290 No, I don't need anything. I'm fine. 271 00:13:13,291 --> 00:13:14,458 Fuck! 272 00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:17,586 I'm gonna go give him a hand and sort this out. 273 00:13:17,587 --> 00:13:18,879 Fan-fucking-tastic. 274 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:22,758 You're very lucky to serve a man as wonderful as my son. 275 00:13:22,759 --> 00:13:25,511 - Hmm. - If you're anything like my butler Cecil, 276 00:13:25,512 --> 00:13:27,807 you'll know how to anticipate his every need. 277 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,268 And I do mean his every need. 278 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:36,647 The G-spot. The erotic zone. 279 00:13:36,648 --> 00:13:38,732 Oh. No, sorry. 280 00:13:38,733 --> 00:13:41,485 It's not like that with your son and I. 281 00:13:41,486 --> 00:13:44,822 Cecil worked my whirligigs like a maypole. 282 00:13:44,823 --> 00:13:47,616 He was something of a psychosexual chess master. 283 00:13:47,617 --> 00:13:49,662 Could we talk about something else, maybe? 284 00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:52,331 Have you ever kissed a ghost? 285 00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,333 Now it's go time. 286 00:13:56,334 --> 00:13:59,545 Lancer to Rawhide, do you read me? Over. 287 00:13:59,546 --> 00:14:02,297 Rawhide to Lancer, I can read you loud and clear. 288 00:14:02,298 --> 00:14:06,134 Why, hello, my sweet gooseberry jam. How much for a go-round? 289 00:14:06,135 --> 00:14:08,595 - Ahem. - Miss Nadja, my sincerest apologies. 290 00:14:08,596 --> 00:14:11,223 I briefly mistook you for a lady of the night. 291 00:14:11,224 --> 00:14:14,017 You thought I was a little fucking whore, did you? 292 00:14:14,018 --> 00:14:15,519 - Yes. - You charmer. 293 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:18,438 Cut the cross talk, Rawhide. Stay on mission! 294 00:14:18,439 --> 00:14:21,400 That's lively. Get a rag, Colin Robinson. Get a rag! 295 00:14:21,401 --> 00:14:22,486 Okay. 296 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:26,363 Rawhide, make your way through the side gate. 297 00:14:26,364 --> 00:14:27,865 Be very quiet. 298 00:14:27,866 --> 00:14:29,366 If they sense you coming, 299 00:14:29,367 --> 00:14:32,786 they'll rip you apart before you can even bare your fangs. 300 00:14:32,787 --> 00:14:34,496 But you got this. 301 00:14:34,497 --> 00:14:36,498 You will soon see a mat. 302 00:14:36,499 --> 00:14:39,293 On it is written "welcome." 303 00:14:39,294 --> 00:14:41,337 Counts as an invitation. 304 00:14:44,466 --> 00:14:46,925 It would be easier to hide if you stopped talking. 305 00:14:46,926 --> 00:14:48,635 Okay. That's smart. 306 00:14:48,636 --> 00:14:51,221 - I'll stop talking. - Shut up! 307 00:14:51,222 --> 00:14:52,308 She's in. 308 00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:56,476 Now she must hide and catch them unawares. 309 00:14:56,477 --> 00:14:58,814 Look at them! The shape-shifters. 310 00:14:59,315 --> 00:15:00,647 They don't suspect a thing. 311 00:15:00,648 --> 00:15:04,153 They're too busy playing with the combat training blocks. 312 00:15:05,529 --> 00:15:06,530 Oh, shit! 313 00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:09,489 Shit, they've heard her! They've heard her! 314 00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:10,699 She's fucked! 315 00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:14,703 Rawhide, shape-shifter one has picked up a knife. 316 00:15:14,704 --> 00:15:15,996 He's approaching you! 317 00:15:15,997 --> 00:15:18,123 He could shape-shift at any moment! 318 00:15:18,124 --> 00:15:20,959 Can you hear me? Over. Don't engage alone. 319 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,669 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 320 00:15:22,670 --> 00:15:24,129 Rawhide, do you need backup? 321 00:15:24,130 --> 00:15:25,213 Can you hear me? 322 00:15:25,214 --> 00:15:27,968 Rawhide! Do you copy? Over. 323 00:15:33,015 --> 00:15:34,514 Ha! You beauty. 324 00:15:34,515 --> 00:15:37,100 Bravo, my mechanical maestros. 325 00:15:37,101 --> 00:15:38,352 I fixed it. 326 00:15:38,353 --> 00:15:41,355 It was the exhaust manifold. I just had to get in there a little. 327 00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:46,026 It wasn't the fucking exhaust manifold. It was the spark ignition, and I fixed it. 328 00:15:46,027 --> 00:15:48,364 Trust me. I fixed it all on my own, Daddy. 329 00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:51,951 I meant, uh... 330 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:54,826 Um, I meant to say, uh, 331 00:15:54,827 --> 00:15:56,578 Mr. Cravensworth. 332 00:15:56,579 --> 00:15:58,122 Fuck's sake! 333 00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,500 Rawhide, 334 00:16:01,501 --> 00:16:04,127 the shape-shifters took out the jalopy. 335 00:16:04,128 --> 00:16:05,839 I've got your back, Rawhide! 336 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:10,133 Shit. Fuck. Sorry, Nate. 337 00:16:10,134 --> 00:16:11,637 They're shifting! Fuck this! 338 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,765 Rawhide! 339 00:16:17,601 --> 00:16:20,602 Oh, good. She made it out. 340 00:16:20,603 --> 00:16:22,646 I thought I was fucking dead. 341 00:16:22,647 --> 00:16:24,690 What's this? They got Nate? 342 00:16:24,691 --> 00:16:28,195 - Yes, Nate got got. - Oh, no. 343 00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,822 - Wait. Wait a minute. - What? 344 00:16:31,823 --> 00:16:35,575 I was not watching you the entire time that you were over there. 345 00:16:35,576 --> 00:16:39,496 How do I know that you are actually you 346 00:16:39,497 --> 00:16:42,124 and haven't been replaced by a shape-shifter? 347 00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:44,670 Are you fucking kidding me? 348 00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:51,591 - Great. - The truth is, 349 00:16:51,592 --> 00:16:54,471 Sir Colin of Robinson, that I never knew my own father. 350 00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,346 Yeah, me neither. 351 00:16:56,347 --> 00:16:59,391 It's a terrible thing and leaves a man ill-equipped 352 00:16:59,392 --> 00:17:02,102 when it comes to his own turn at parenthood. 353 00:17:02,103 --> 00:17:05,272 Oh, I-I think you're the coolest guy ever. 354 00:17:05,273 --> 00:17:08,025 Well, you know, you're not half bad yourself, young man. 355 00:17:08,026 --> 00:17:09,111 Do you think... 356 00:17:09,945 --> 00:17:11,528 Nah, it's kind of stupid. 357 00:17:11,529 --> 00:17:13,530 No, please. Tell me. 358 00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:17,745 I was going to ask if I could maybe give you a hug. 359 00:17:18,746 --> 00:17:22,207 I don't know that you'll be able to feel these translucent arms of mine... 360 00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:26,128 but I think we should have a go, don't you? 361 00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,131 All right. 362 00:17:30,966 --> 00:17:33,759 I don't know. Maybe I have been too harsh on my father. 363 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,844 After all, he is showing kindness to Colin Robinson. 364 00:17:35,845 --> 00:17:38,057 A Herculean task if ever there was one. 365 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:40,184 You're fucking kidding. 366 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:42,934 Remind me again, Nadja. 367 00:17:42,935 --> 00:17:45,395 If that is in fact who you really are. 368 00:17:45,396 --> 00:17:48,734 What is my favorite film? 369 00:17:49,276 --> 00:17:51,820 I don't fucking know! 370 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:55,739 Captive did not know that the captor's favorite film 371 00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:58,492 is The Incredible Burt Wonderstone. 372 00:17:58,493 --> 00:17:59,659 Enough of this! 373 00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:02,829 Just because I ignore all of the bullshit that you say, 374 00:18:02,830 --> 00:18:04,998 does not prove that I am a shape-shifter. 375 00:18:04,999 --> 00:18:07,375 If anything, it proves that it is me! 376 00:18:07,376 --> 00:18:09,419 Someone who doesn't care about anything you say! 377 00:18:09,420 --> 00:18:10,670 Now, will you just untie me? 378 00:18:10,671 --> 00:18:13,381 Okay, fine. You are not a shape-shifter. 379 00:18:13,382 --> 00:18:15,008 Okay? I apologize. 380 00:18:15,009 --> 00:18:16,887 I can admit when I'm wrong. 381 00:18:17,971 --> 00:18:18,970 Done. 382 00:18:18,971 --> 00:18:21,725 Sorry. I just was a little paranoid, that's all. 383 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,767 It is odd, though. 384 00:18:23,768 --> 00:18:27,854 I myself was away from you for a while while I was in the house. 385 00:18:27,855 --> 00:18:28,855 So? 386 00:18:28,856 --> 00:18:34,069 Admit it. You are just a snaky, tricky little shape-shifting bitch. 387 00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:35,070 Ha! 388 00:18:35,071 --> 00:18:37,114 - Yeah, he is. - We must not let them tear us apart 389 00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:38,323 like this. 390 00:18:38,324 --> 00:18:39,407 Oh, shit. 391 00:18:39,408 --> 00:18:43,411 Nadja, Nandor! The lady from next door is here to see you guys. 392 00:18:43,412 --> 00:18:44,496 The shape-shifters are here. 393 00:18:44,497 --> 00:18:47,040 The shape-shifters are here! What are we gonna do? 394 00:18:47,041 --> 00:18:48,458 Pull yourself together! 395 00:18:48,459 --> 00:18:50,085 - Thank you. - Yes, thank you. 396 00:18:50,086 --> 00:18:52,170 - I feel much better now. - Please come down! 397 00:18:52,171 --> 00:18:55,132 I've been here 15 years and no one by that description comes to mind. 398 00:18:55,133 --> 00:18:56,466 - Really? Not those two? - Who? 399 00:18:56,467 --> 00:18:58,051 My guests said they were in the house. 400 00:18:58,052 --> 00:19:00,053 They also said that an old-timey car exploded. 401 00:19:00,054 --> 00:19:02,931 Your guests? Hmm. 402 00:19:02,932 --> 00:19:04,391 Perhaps she is their leader. 403 00:19:04,392 --> 00:19:07,894 No, she is the host of the Airbnb and owner of-- 404 00:19:07,895 --> 00:19:08,979 Silence, Guillermo. 405 00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:12,023 My guests also said you were spying on them. With a telescope? 406 00:19:12,024 --> 00:19:13,483 Listen here, shifty. 407 00:19:13,484 --> 00:19:15,610 We are onto your little games. 408 00:19:15,611 --> 00:19:17,154 What you have going on over there 409 00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:20,075 violates all of the laws of nature. 410 00:19:20,951 --> 00:19:25,370 Okay, fine. Technically, the unit isn't zoned for an Airbnb, okay? 411 00:19:25,371 --> 00:19:28,373 I'm just trying to make some passive income. Is that such a crime? 412 00:19:28,374 --> 00:19:29,916 What the fuck is she talking about? 413 00:19:29,917 --> 00:19:33,297 - Guillermo, what is passive income? - Yes. And what is "Airppp?" 414 00:19:33,922 --> 00:19:35,422 Yeah, that's what's going on. 415 00:19:35,423 --> 00:19:38,049 We figured out that that was an illegal unit. 416 00:19:38,050 --> 00:19:40,760 Shit. Okay, listen, can we just keep this between us? 417 00:19:40,761 --> 00:19:42,638 Maybe we can work out some kind of deal. 418 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:50,937 - Great Britain. - Yes, the British Empire. 419 00:19:50,938 --> 00:19:54,274 We've plundered the world, but our museums are fucking great. 420 00:19:54,275 --> 00:19:56,234 What are you doing down here, Father? 421 00:19:56,235 --> 00:19:59,489 Just having a bit of chitchat with your curious creation. 422 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:00,991 Right. 423 00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:05,660 Well, not easy for me to say this, 424 00:20:05,661 --> 00:20:10,626 but I know you have paternal affection for me, and that affection is reciprocal, 425 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:16,463 though not often displayed due to a fear that it might not be returned in kind. 426 00:20:16,464 --> 00:20:18,173 Very well put, my boy. 427 00:20:18,174 --> 00:20:21,676 But what I'd like to do is begin a more 428 00:20:21,677 --> 00:20:24,888 free-flowing communication between the two of us. 429 00:20:24,889 --> 00:20:28,226 That would gladden my heart, my bonny lad. 430 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,480 - Hug Daddy. - What are you-- 431 00:20:33,481 --> 00:20:35,565 - Hug Daddy. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 432 00:20:35,566 --> 00:20:40,904 Explain to me why the Book of Souls is open on my workbench right behind you 433 00:20:40,905 --> 00:20:42,741 and on that particular spell. 434 00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:46,159 Yes, I thought as much. 435 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,496 I know exactly what you're doing and the answer is a big fat no. 436 00:20:49,497 --> 00:20:54,542 I forbid you to use my monster as your vessel on this earthly plane. 437 00:20:54,543 --> 00:20:57,128 I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. 438 00:20:57,129 --> 00:20:58,964 Really? As soon as my back's turned, 439 00:20:58,965 --> 00:21:02,092 you'd be up that bastard like a frankfurter sausage in a bun. 440 00:21:02,093 --> 00:21:03,593 - Coward. - But, Son, 441 00:21:03,594 --> 00:21:05,136 you don't understand what it's like, 442 00:21:05,137 --> 00:21:07,432 the place where I come from, where my spirit resides. 443 00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,225 It's fucking awful. 444 00:21:10,226 --> 00:21:12,769 All the classes are mixed together. 445 00:21:12,770 --> 00:21:14,729 I have to talk to poor people. 446 00:21:14,730 --> 00:21:17,232 I have to feign interest in the Welsh. 447 00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:19,943 I can't touch myself. It's hell. 448 00:21:19,944 --> 00:21:23,989 But if my ghost could inhabit a human body, I could begin life anew 449 00:21:23,990 --> 00:21:28,827 and have an orgasm again for the first time in 200 fucking years. 450 00:21:28,828 --> 00:21:30,245 It's all about you, isn't it? 451 00:21:30,246 --> 00:21:35,166 Always about Lord Roderick Cravensworth. No one else matters. 452 00:21:35,167 --> 00:21:39,337 Ruining my life from day one. Like when you humiliated me at Wimbledon. 453 00:21:39,338 --> 00:21:42,507 You can't play power tennis. There's no shame in that. 454 00:21:42,508 --> 00:21:46,720 - You fucked my Latin tutor! - Veni, vidi, veni. You got into Eton. 455 00:21:46,721 --> 00:21:50,181 Hiring Rasputin to be my babysitter. 456 00:21:50,182 --> 00:21:51,683 That was last minute. 457 00:21:51,684 --> 00:21:55,145 And who can forget when you murdered Mother? 458 00:21:55,146 --> 00:21:57,564 - Not this again. - Good grief. 459 00:21:57,565 --> 00:21:58,984 Prove it. 460 00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:00,569 Well, I'll tell you something. 461 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:03,320 You are not getting your hands on my monster, 462 00:22:03,321 --> 00:22:05,155 my greatest creation to date. 463 00:22:05,156 --> 00:22:08,744 You will not be using him as your meat puppet. 464 00:22:09,536 --> 00:22:12,829 You think I'd want this wretched homunculus for a body? 465 00:22:12,830 --> 00:22:15,957 - I right here! - No, you have me all wrong. 466 00:22:15,958 --> 00:22:20,295 You see, the divine human vessel I wish to inhabit is your own. 467 00:22:20,296 --> 00:22:22,922 I beg your pardon? 468 00:22:22,923 --> 00:22:24,924 Oh, come on, Son. You've had your turn. 469 00:22:24,925 --> 00:22:28,511 Be a good boy and let your daddy inhabit your flesh. 470 00:22:28,512 --> 00:22:31,681 - The Father of the Fatherless. Shammash. - No! No! 471 00:22:31,682 --> 00:22:35,145 No! This must stop! 472 00:22:35,771 --> 00:22:40,023 - O Ancient Ones. Gods of the Night. - Shut your mouth! 473 00:22:40,024 --> 00:22:41,609 Spirit catcher! 474 00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:48,114 Get me my spirit catcher! 475 00:22:48,115 --> 00:22:49,910 Yes! 476 00:22:53,914 --> 00:22:55,332 Ha! 477 00:22:56,625 --> 00:23:00,335 Prepare to get sucked, Daddy. 478 00:23:00,336 --> 00:23:01,922 No! Not like this! 479 00:23:05,425 --> 00:23:08,845 No! 480 00:23:10,305 --> 00:23:12,474 Oof! 481 00:23:20,107 --> 00:23:21,983 Farewell, Father. 482 00:23:25,195 --> 00:23:27,404 So yeah, after I spent another two hours 483 00:23:27,405 --> 00:23:30,990 explaining to Nadja and Nandor that our neighbor wasn't a shape-shifter... 484 00:23:30,991 --> 00:23:33,535 I told you what it is. It's her space. She's renting it out. 485 00:23:33,536 --> 00:23:35,912 Remember I went to an Airbnb on vacation for-- 486 00:23:35,913 --> 00:23:37,374 What has it got to do with the air? 487 00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:40,208 We made a deal with her. 488 00:23:40,209 --> 00:23:43,920 We wouldn't report Nancy's illegal Airbnb if she would let us stay 489 00:23:43,921 --> 00:23:46,631 - for a free weekend once a month. - I mean, look at this sign. 490 00:23:46,632 --> 00:23:50,135 It says, "Bye Felicia and take Karen with you." 491 00:23:50,136 --> 00:23:52,096 I'm gonna start saying that. 492 00:23:53,598 --> 00:23:55,181 - Hey. - Come on in. 493 00:23:55,182 --> 00:23:56,558 I just wanted to drop off 494 00:23:56,559 --> 00:23:58,518 - some fresh baked cookies... - Ooh! 495 00:23:58,519 --> 00:24:01,354 ...to say thank you for your discretion. 496 00:24:01,355 --> 00:24:03,106 Couldn't possibly. 497 00:24:03,107 --> 00:24:05,817 - Thank you, Nancy. - Anything you need, you let me know, okay? 498 00:24:05,818 --> 00:24:09,112 - Bye Felicia and take Karen with you. - Take Karen with you. 499 00:24:09,113 --> 00:24:12,325 You guys are so crazy. Have the best night. Amazing. 500 00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:15,118 - She's really nice. - Mm-hmm. 501 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:18,663 - Bananagrams, anyone? - Yes. Why not? 502 00:24:18,664 --> 00:24:20,167 Help me turn the tiles. 503 00:24:20,542 --> 00:24:22,085 So sorry. 504 00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:26,379 - All right, old chap. - Oh. Where's Mr. Cravensworth? 505 00:24:26,380 --> 00:24:29,551 I got him this Pop Yourself that looks like him. 506 00:24:30,051 --> 00:24:32,135 I know it's kind of stupid, but I thought-- 507 00:24:32,136 --> 00:24:34,723 - Sit down, Colin. - Okay. 508 00:24:36,016 --> 00:24:39,561 My father has gone on a very long trip. 509 00:24:40,437 --> 00:24:43,607 - He has gone on a ghost mission. - That's... 510 00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:45,148 That's weird. 511 00:24:45,149 --> 00:24:47,194 He wanted to say goodbye to you in person, 512 00:24:47,736 --> 00:24:51,990 but he was too afraid he might miss his ghost train. 513 00:24:52,824 --> 00:24:55,869 Well, that's... That's okay. 514 00:24:57,370 --> 00:25:02,165 He also told me that he cared for you very much. 515 00:25:02,166 --> 00:25:05,877 So much so that he wanted you to have this. 516 00:25:05,878 --> 00:25:08,421 - What is it? - No idea. 517 00:25:08,422 --> 00:25:10,465 But he said you must keep that somewhere safe, 518 00:25:10,466 --> 00:25:12,967 somewhere locked up where no one can get to it. 519 00:25:12,968 --> 00:25:16,515 - Wh-why? - Because he's going to need it someday 520 00:25:17,265 --> 00:25:18,517 when he comes back. 521 00:25:19,392 --> 00:25:21,309 You really have an amazing father, you know? 522 00:25:21,310 --> 00:25:23,855 I do, Colin. I really do. 523 00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:31,987 There's just some shit that I need to sort out over here. 524 00:25:56,680 --> 00:26:01,768 ♪ I was born to haunt you ♪ 525 00:26:05,230 --> 00:26:08,733 ♪ Like a shadow from above ♪ 526 00:26:11,194 --> 00:26:15,657 ♪ I was born to haunt you ♪ 527 00:26:17,617 --> 00:26:23,915 ♪ Terrorize, terrorize you through and through ♪ 528 00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:31,715 ♪ Well, I was born to haunt you ♪ 529 00:26:33,091 --> 00:26:38,471 ♪ And you were born to haunt me too ♪