1 00:00:01,415 --> 00:00:04,210 - No. Naughty. Naughty! - [grunting] 2 00:00:04,211 --> 00:00:05,832 Cravensworth's Monster has entered 3 00:00:05,833 --> 00:00:08,352 a remarkable new phase of development. 4 00:00:08,353 --> 00:00:09,422 - He's horny. - [grunts] 5 00:00:09,423 --> 00:00:10,802 No. 6 00:00:10,803 --> 00:00:12,873 [Laszlo] For a creature entirely cobbled together 7 00:00:12,874 --> 00:00:14,116 with cadaver parts... 8 00:00:14,117 --> 00:00:16,187 [Nadja Doll] Naughty boy. Down. Down, boy. 9 00:00:16,188 --> 00:00:18,189 - ...his drive to fornicate is phenomenal. - Okay, just make it quick then. 10 00:00:18,190 --> 00:00:20,295 Like I said, he's horny. 11 00:00:20,296 --> 00:00:23,298 So, we have decided this monster needs a bride. 12 00:00:23,299 --> 00:00:27,682 So, we've started building him a bride, but with the... 13 00:00:28,304 --> 00:00:30,477 And now he's going to town on himself again. 14 00:00:30,478 --> 00:00:32,686 Oh, fuck. Stay in the two shot, please. 15 00:00:32,687 --> 00:00:34,930 He... He's got his hand in the cookie jar! 16 00:00:34,931 --> 00:00:36,311 - Stop fucking doing that. - [Monster grunts] 17 00:00:36,312 --> 00:00:37,898 Now, where were we? 18 00:00:37,899 --> 00:00:38,830 Dude's horny. 19 00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:40,040 [grunts] 20 00:00:42,766 --> 00:00:44,975 ♪ Don't sing If you want to live long ♪ 21 00:00:45,148 --> 00:00:47,495 ♪ They have no use For your song ♪ 22 00:00:48,255 --> 00:00:50,911 ♪ You're dead You're dead, you're dead ♪ 23 00:00:50,912 --> 00:00:53,053 ♪ You're dead And out of this world ♪ 24 00:00:54,916 --> 00:00:57,953 ♪ Now your hope And compassion is gone ♪ 25 00:00:57,954 --> 00:01:00,680 ♪ You've sold out your dream To the world ♪ 26 00:01:00,681 --> 00:01:02,854 ♪ Stay dead Stay dead, stay dead ♪ 27 00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:04,719 ♪ You're dead And out of this world ♪ 28 00:01:16,214 --> 00:01:18,042 Guillermo and I have decided 29 00:01:18,043 --> 00:01:21,459 to join forces to fight crime together. 30 00:01:21,460 --> 00:01:24,393 Technically, I have not agreed to that yet. [chuckles] 31 00:01:24,394 --> 00:01:26,257 Do you not like the crime-fighting outfit 32 00:01:26,258 --> 00:01:28,225 I got you for your secret identity? 33 00:01:28,226 --> 00:01:29,812 [clicks tongue] 34 00:01:29,813 --> 00:01:33,955 Are you ready, Cowboy Kid? Then let's clean up this city. 35 00:01:35,302 --> 00:01:36,716 Very nice. 36 00:01:36,717 --> 00:01:39,339 I don't think anyone's gonna be afraid of Kid Cowboy. 37 00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:41,445 They will when his partner shows up. 38 00:01:41,446 --> 00:01:43,102 And who are you supposed to be again? 39 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:47,313 They call me "The Phantom Menace." 40 00:01:47,314 --> 00:01:48,418 No. 41 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:50,074 That's already taken. 42 00:01:50,075 --> 00:01:51,144 Shit. 43 00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,146 We will track down evildoers 44 00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:55,736 from our secret underground lair. 45 00:01:57,289 --> 00:01:59,946 Wow. Look at that. 46 00:01:59,947 --> 00:02:01,637 Where-Where exactly is this lair? 47 00:02:01,638 --> 00:02:03,846 Deep, deep under the ground, 48 00:02:03,847 --> 00:02:06,642 like, a thousand feet down under the house. 49 00:02:06,643 --> 00:02:08,230 Uh-huh. 50 00:02:08,231 --> 00:02:10,094 [Nandor] Now, there will be a secret lever on my coffin. 51 00:02:10,095 --> 00:02:12,476 When I pull it, the floor opens up 52 00:02:12,477 --> 00:02:15,825 and the coffin goes down like an elevator. 53 00:02:16,826 --> 00:02:18,654 That's cool. 54 00:02:18,655 --> 00:02:21,416 - Mmm. Thank you. - I don't think you need a lair though. 55 00:02:21,417 --> 00:02:23,557 And where am I supposed to put my "super compuder," hmm? 56 00:02:23,764 --> 00:02:25,628 - Your what? - My "super compuder." 57 00:02:26,353 --> 00:02:28,595 The lair is really the best bit. 58 00:02:28,596 --> 00:02:30,977 Sounds fun, but I think I know how this ends up. 59 00:02:30,978 --> 00:02:32,668 [whispering] This ends up with me doing all the work. 60 00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:34,325 [whispering] It's gonna be equal partnership. 61 00:02:34,326 --> 00:02:36,327 - How so? - You do some stuff. 62 00:02:36,328 --> 00:02:37,397 - Got it. - I do some stuff. 63 00:02:37,398 --> 00:02:40,193 Great. Settled. 64 00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:42,645 Then if I am too busy, then you can do some of my stuff. 65 00:02:43,853 --> 00:02:45,681 [normal] There it is. 66 00:02:45,682 --> 00:02:49,754 [Colin] We've assembled about 90% of the monster's bride-to-be, 67 00:02:49,755 --> 00:02:52,101 but once again we need the right head. 68 00:02:52,102 --> 00:02:55,035 Fortunately, the monster has shown us his preference. 69 00:02:55,036 --> 00:02:57,452 He's made it pretty obvious which way he swings. 70 00:02:57,453 --> 00:02:59,730 For you, milady. 71 00:02:59,731 --> 00:03:01,835 [Laszlo] Right. It appears our monster 72 00:03:01,836 --> 00:03:04,044 has just torn off his own penis 73 00:03:04,045 --> 00:03:06,737 and presented it to The Guide as a gift. 74 00:03:06,738 --> 00:03:08,359 Again. 75 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,362 This dude loves The Guide, but so does Nandor. 76 00:03:11,363 --> 00:03:13,640 And so, we've asked Nadja to see 77 00:03:13,641 --> 00:03:15,987 if he would mind if The Guide... you know. 78 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,851 Hmm, how do I put this? 79 00:03:17,852 --> 00:03:21,234 I mean, I do think that there is a part of The Guide 80 00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:23,478 that does love Nandor. 81 00:03:23,479 --> 00:03:27,482 So, how's about with the parts that don't love you, 82 00:03:27,483 --> 00:03:31,244 maybe we do something else with those? [chuckles] 83 00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:33,833 Sorry, what? What do you mean by that? 84 00:03:33,834 --> 00:03:36,180 [Laszlo] We're hoping he won't object 85 00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:38,044 if The Guide donated her head 86 00:03:38,045 --> 00:03:40,460 for the creation of the bride of Cravensworth's Monster. 87 00:03:40,461 --> 00:03:42,013 And her... her... 88 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:44,602 And her... boobs. 89 00:03:44,603 --> 00:03:45,984 I mean, most of her attributes and-- 90 00:03:46,191 --> 00:03:48,261 - [cameraperson] They're saying we're done. - What's that? 91 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,850 - I think we've got everything we need. - All right. 92 00:03:50,851 --> 00:03:52,266 - Absolutely. Good stuff. - Yeah. 93 00:03:52,922 --> 00:03:55,199 [Nadja] If you had to pick a part that you wanted-- 94 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,477 [cameraperson 2] Sorry, but we think we have all we need. 95 00:03:57,478 --> 00:03:58,961 - Sure. - Oh, okay, yeah. Um... 96 00:03:58,962 --> 00:04:00,273 No problemo. 97 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:01,688 [Laszlo] Take my mic off over there. 98 00:04:01,689 --> 00:04:03,103 - [Colin] Have a good one. - [cameraperson] Cheers. 99 00:04:03,104 --> 00:04:04,760 [Nadja] Thank you. [chuckles] 100 00:04:04,761 --> 00:04:06,246 - [cameraperson 2] No, thank you. - [Nandor] There we go. [grunts] 101 00:04:09,145 --> 00:04:10,284 [Guillermo] Sorry. Excuse me. 102 00:04:11,285 --> 00:04:13,182 - Hey. - [Colin] Wassup. 103 00:04:13,183 --> 00:04:14,839 What's going on? [pants] 104 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:18,291 I just heard the crew saying the documentary's ending. 105 00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:20,880 - Like, what? [titters] - Well, it has been six years, Guillermo. 106 00:04:20,881 --> 00:04:22,295 They said they have enough footage now. 107 00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,539 But why? We're in the middle of everything and... 108 00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:26,610 That's it? Like, it's done? 109 00:04:26,611 --> 00:04:28,888 Well, you know, all good things must come to an end. 110 00:04:28,889 --> 00:04:31,340 - Preach. - Does anyone else feel a draft in here? 111 00:04:31,547 --> 00:04:32,892 I felt something. 112 00:04:32,893 --> 00:04:34,963 Okay, what are we doing? What's our game plan here? 113 00:04:34,964 --> 00:04:36,551 We could throw another log on the fireplace and-- 114 00:04:36,552 --> 00:04:37,897 No, not that. 115 00:04:37,898 --> 00:04:39,899 Or wrap ourselves up in a cozy quilt? 116 00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:41,866 No. You guys, don't you think it's weird that we've been doing this, 117 00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:43,420 and it's all of a sudden just ending? 118 00:04:43,421 --> 00:04:45,836 Just, poof, it's just done? It all ends? What? [titters] 119 00:04:45,837 --> 00:04:47,769 [Nadja] This is not the end of anything. 120 00:04:47,770 --> 00:04:49,736 We will keep doing what we always do. 121 00:04:49,737 --> 00:04:52,429 It's just these, um, camera microphone people 122 00:04:52,430 --> 00:04:53,947 will no longer be filming it. 123 00:04:53,948 --> 00:04:55,570 That's what I'm talking about. 124 00:04:55,571 --> 00:04:57,744 We've been doing this for so long. Like, years of our lives. 125 00:04:57,745 --> 00:04:59,263 You guys don't think it's a little weird-- 126 00:04:59,264 --> 00:05:00,852 - [tool whirring] - Laszlo! 127 00:05:01,956 --> 00:05:03,543 Maybe not quite now. 128 00:05:03,544 --> 00:05:05,200 Guillermo clearly needs his diaper changing. 129 00:05:05,201 --> 00:05:06,477 I'm not wearing a diaper. 130 00:05:06,478 --> 00:05:08,168 It's just that it's so sudden. 131 00:05:08,169 --> 00:05:09,860 When were you gonna tell me, by the way? 132 00:05:09,861 --> 00:05:11,482 Were you gonna tell me? Am I the last person to know? 133 00:05:11,483 --> 00:05:13,139 All of a sudden it's just pfft. [panting] 134 00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:16,280 - It's hardly gone "pfft," Guillermo. - [Guillermo] Okay. 135 00:05:16,281 --> 00:05:17,592 The crew will be filming for at least 136 00:05:17,593 --> 00:05:19,766 another couple of hours to get some B-rolls. 137 00:05:19,767 --> 00:05:22,182 - You're leaving in a couple of hours? - Yes, at sunrise. 138 00:05:22,183 --> 00:05:24,012 Ooh, ooh, ooh. That reminds me. 139 00:05:24,013 --> 00:05:27,085 Get some B-roll footage of me reading this big book. 140 00:05:27,292 --> 00:05:29,120 Uh, Guillermo, hello. 141 00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,157 Two hours is more than enough to finish anything 142 00:05:31,158 --> 00:05:33,297 you could possibly want to do for the cameras. 143 00:05:33,298 --> 00:05:35,161 You want to do a little show-and-tell for us? 144 00:05:35,162 --> 00:05:37,819 Or maybe, uh, you could sing a little song. 145 00:05:37,820 --> 00:05:39,683 My lady wife's right. Sing a little song. 146 00:05:39,684 --> 00:05:40,994 Do a little dance. 147 00:05:40,995 --> 00:05:42,755 Yeah, and do a jig. Come on, jig. 148 00:05:42,756 --> 00:05:44,653 [Laszlo] Come on, boy. Dance! 149 00:05:44,654 --> 00:05:46,621 It's hot in here. I'm gonna get fresh air. 150 00:05:46,622 --> 00:05:48,795 - [The Guide] You've got the best moves. - [Laszlo] Do a dance! 151 00:05:48,796 --> 00:05:51,350 - [Nandor] Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! - [Laszlo] Dance, boy. 152 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,731 - [Nandor] Shake it. - [Colin] Bye, bitch. 153 00:05:53,732 --> 00:05:56,493 - Nandor. A private moment, please. - Hmm? [stammers] 154 00:05:56,494 --> 00:05:58,254 - [Nadja] Come on. - [sighs] Excuse us. 155 00:06:00,049 --> 00:06:01,601 [Nadja sighs] 156 00:06:01,602 --> 00:06:03,465 You need to go talk to Guillermo now. 157 00:06:03,466 --> 00:06:05,156 I was doing my B-roll! 158 00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:07,400 What about this, guys? Is this good for the edit? 159 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,609 - Hmm. - [Nadja] Nandor! Listen to me! 160 00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:12,198 I have actually learned a lot about human psychology 161 00:06:12,199 --> 00:06:14,718 from doing my, uh, big Wall Street job. 162 00:06:14,719 --> 00:06:17,410 And I can tell that Guillermo is actually very sad 163 00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:18,998 about the documentary ending. 164 00:06:18,999 --> 00:06:21,069 - Eh, he will get over it. - [sighs] 165 00:06:21,070 --> 00:06:22,415 Or maybe he won't. 166 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:25,073 I guess we'll never know. Kidding. We will know. 167 00:06:25,074 --> 00:06:27,524 But you will not because you didn't bother filming it. 168 00:06:27,525 --> 00:06:28,663 Don't be rude. [scoffs] 169 00:06:28,664 --> 00:06:30,561 What about... Yes. 170 00:06:30,562 --> 00:06:33,392 Something like, uh... How's this? Is this anything? 171 00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,842 Nandor! I'm serious. 172 00:06:35,843 --> 00:06:38,949 These last six years are the only slightly exciting thing 173 00:06:38,950 --> 00:06:41,676 to ever happen to Guillermo in his whole sad life. 174 00:06:41,677 --> 00:06:43,954 - What? - You know, it is like, the cameras 175 00:06:43,955 --> 00:06:45,473 pretending to film him. 176 00:06:45,474 --> 00:06:48,717 It made him feel like he was as important as we are. 177 00:06:48,718 --> 00:06:50,650 It's like when you put a little raincoat on a dog, 178 00:06:50,651 --> 00:06:52,031 and the dog is walking around thinking, 179 00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:54,413 "Oh, woof, woof. I'm like a little human. 180 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,966 I've got a coat on." 181 00:06:55,967 --> 00:06:57,761 But they're not. They're just a little shit dog. 182 00:06:57,762 --> 00:06:59,141 That is Guillermo, 183 00:06:59,142 --> 00:07:01,247 and he's not going to have any of that anymore. 184 00:07:01,248 --> 00:07:03,594 But I'm sure something interesting 185 00:07:03,595 --> 00:07:05,217 will happen to Guillermo eventually. 186 00:07:07,634 --> 00:07:10,913 [sighs] Fine. I will fix. 187 00:07:12,501 --> 00:07:14,572 How are you guys doing with this whole thing ending? 188 00:07:15,158 --> 00:07:17,437 Do you need to talk to someone? Or... 'Cause I'm here. 189 00:07:22,131 --> 00:07:23,131 [Colin] There, there, buddy. 190 00:07:23,132 --> 00:07:24,304 Listen, you know I'm not 191 00:07:24,305 --> 00:07:27,342 the most sentimental SOB on the planet, 192 00:07:27,343 --> 00:07:30,069 but, uh, one time when I was down, 193 00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:32,174 a wise man said something 194 00:07:32,175 --> 00:07:34,832 that really put it all into perspective. 195 00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:36,420 What'd he say? 196 00:07:36,421 --> 00:07:41,564 Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. 197 00:07:42,289 --> 00:07:45,015 I think I read that on a mug, but thank you. 198 00:07:45,016 --> 00:07:46,395 - That's very nice. - Sure. 199 00:07:46,396 --> 00:07:48,156 [Nandor] Knock-knock. Knock-knock, knocking. 200 00:07:48,157 --> 00:07:51,262 Colin Robinson, would you mind if I had a word with Guillermo? 201 00:07:51,263 --> 00:07:52,541 No, not at all. We're done. 202 00:07:53,196 --> 00:07:54,507 Thank you, Colin. 203 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,130 Yeah, don't... don't hug me. 204 00:07:57,131 --> 00:08:00,755 Guillermo, I know that this is a big change for you. 205 00:08:00,756 --> 00:08:03,516 But in life, we always go through big changes. 206 00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,967 For example, when I was a young boy, 207 00:08:05,968 --> 00:08:08,141 my favorite color was red. 208 00:08:08,142 --> 00:08:12,111 But now my favorite color is orange. 209 00:08:12,112 --> 00:08:14,803 - Sorry, just remembered one thing. - [Guillermo] Yeah. 210 00:08:14,804 --> 00:08:18,186 It's not the number of breaths we take, 211 00:08:18,187 --> 00:08:21,777 but the number of moments that take our breath away. 212 00:08:22,363 --> 00:08:23,640 That's nice. Thank you. 213 00:08:23,641 --> 00:08:24,504 All right. Later. 214 00:08:25,574 --> 00:08:27,333 Goodbyes are hard. 215 00:08:27,334 --> 00:08:28,576 Yeah. 216 00:08:28,577 --> 00:08:30,716 I once waved farewell 217 00:08:30,717 --> 00:08:33,546 to a departing train for over three hours, 218 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:36,411 and then I realized that it wasn't a train at all. 219 00:08:36,412 --> 00:08:39,484 It was a flatbed truck full of port-a-potties. 220 00:08:40,071 --> 00:08:42,141 - One more quick one. - I'm talking here! 221 00:08:42,142 --> 00:08:44,799 "We laughed until we had to cry. 222 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:49,666 We loved right down to our last goodbye. We were the best." 223 00:08:49,667 --> 00:08:53,360 St. Elmo's Fire, 1985. Okay, later. 224 00:08:54,603 --> 00:08:57,537 [sighs] Guillermo, things end! 225 00:08:58,399 --> 00:08:59,814 And that hurts! 226 00:08:59,815 --> 00:09:01,850 It's just the suddenness of it all. 227 00:09:01,851 --> 00:09:03,369 It's hitting me so quickly, you know? I just have all these feelings-- 228 00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:05,509 - Uh, Guillermo, you're Irish, right? - No. 229 00:09:05,510 --> 00:09:07,511 Okay, great. Then you probably haven't heard this one. 230 00:09:07,512 --> 00:09:10,376 [in Irish accent] "May the road rise up to meet you. 231 00:09:10,377 --> 00:09:13,172 May the wind be always at your back. 232 00:09:13,173 --> 00:09:15,830 May the sun..." [sighs] Fuck, I always forget this part. 233 00:09:15,831 --> 00:09:17,728 Yeah, why don't you think about it and come back? Or just not. 234 00:09:17,729 --> 00:09:18,868 All right. I'll leave you guys to it. 235 00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:24,010 [sighs] Where was I? I can't even remember what the fuck I was saying. 236 00:09:24,011 --> 00:09:27,358 You were saying that... [sighs] ...goodbyes are hard. 237 00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:30,085 Yes. So why don't you stop being a little bitch? 238 00:09:30,086 --> 00:09:32,225 Come downstairs and we can all be together 239 00:09:32,226 --> 00:09:34,020 during your hour of need. 240 00:09:34,021 --> 00:09:36,609 [Nandor] House meeting! House meeting! 241 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,197 Oh, good. You are all here. 242 00:09:38,198 --> 00:09:39,267 - Excellent. - Excuse me. 243 00:09:39,268 --> 00:09:42,063 Uh... House meeting item number one. 244 00:09:42,064 --> 00:09:45,653 I want to talk about general hygiene in the cell. 245 00:09:45,654 --> 00:09:47,586 Please finish a whole victim first 246 00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,036 before moving on to the next one, okay? 247 00:09:50,037 --> 00:09:51,210 - Oh, yeah. That's nasty. - Copy that. 248 00:09:51,211 --> 00:09:53,557 - Shove it up your asshole. - Just do it. [sighs] 249 00:09:53,558 --> 00:09:55,628 What else do we have here? Oh, yes. 250 00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,699 House meeting item number two. 251 00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,114 It has come to my attention 252 00:09:59,115 --> 00:10:02,083 that Guillermo has become very emotional 253 00:10:02,084 --> 00:10:04,085 because the documentary is ending. 254 00:10:04,086 --> 00:10:06,743 - No, I'll be fine. Thank you. - You're not fine. 255 00:10:06,744 --> 00:10:07,985 - I'’m fine. - You're a blubbering mess. 256 00:10:07,986 --> 00:10:09,677 And I think we should discuss it. 257 00:10:09,678 --> 00:10:12,611 Gizmo has become addicted to the limelight, quite obviously. 258 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,129 What? No, I haven't. 259 00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:16,649 He is but a walking shadow, a poor player, 260 00:10:16,650 --> 00:10:19,479 who struts and frets his hour upon the stage 261 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:21,621 and then is heard no more. 262 00:10:22,794 --> 00:10:25,244 Laszlo, that is so profound. 263 00:10:25,245 --> 00:10:27,660 Thank you very much. I just thought of it a second ago. 264 00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:30,042 You know what? One time I did see Guillermo take 265 00:10:30,043 --> 00:10:32,769 a little can of Pringles 266 00:10:32,770 --> 00:10:36,048 off the table of snacks that the documentary crew uses. 267 00:10:36,049 --> 00:10:37,912 So, maybe he's worried 268 00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:40,259 that he won't be able to steal food anymore. 269 00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:41,743 Not stealing. 270 00:10:41,744 --> 00:10:44,332 No, he's sad because he has to end his secret affair 271 00:10:44,333 --> 00:10:45,816 with Nate, the boom operator. 272 00:10:45,817 --> 00:10:47,680 - What? - [Nandor] Guillermo, you dirty dog. 273 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:50,096 You know, another time I saw Guillermo take 274 00:10:50,097 --> 00:10:52,305 as many Tic Tacs as he could fit in his hands. 275 00:10:52,306 --> 00:10:53,928 Okay. 276 00:10:53,929 --> 00:10:56,102 You people know nothing about human psychologies. 277 00:10:56,103 --> 00:10:57,966 [Nadja] Guillermo is afraid 278 00:10:57,967 --> 00:11:01,073 that he has wasted 16 years of his life serving us 279 00:11:01,074 --> 00:11:03,075 and it has prevented him from growing 280 00:11:03,076 --> 00:11:04,732 - or changing in any way. - [Nandor] Good point. 281 00:11:04,733 --> 00:11:07,320 The ending of this documentary is giving him 282 00:11:07,321 --> 00:11:09,840 a preview of the ending of his own frail, human life. 283 00:11:09,841 --> 00:11:12,532 Does that sound right, Gizmo? Does that resonate? 284 00:11:12,533 --> 00:11:15,087 I think the question that Gizmo is asking himself is, 285 00:11:15,088 --> 00:11:17,262 "To be or not to be?" 286 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:22,542 Because that is the question Gizmo is asking himself. 287 00:11:22,543 --> 00:11:23,716 So eloquent. 288 00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:25,269 Again, just off the top of my head. 289 00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:27,686 Just gonna circle back to what I was saying. 290 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,825 Guillermo is very worried 291 00:11:28,826 --> 00:11:31,137 that he will feel equally as unfulfilled 292 00:11:31,138 --> 00:11:33,001 by his own life's journey and meaning. 293 00:11:33,002 --> 00:11:34,209 Be well, everyone. 294 00:11:34,210 --> 00:11:35,486 - It's not. - [Colin] I know what it is. 295 00:11:35,487 --> 00:11:38,110 It's Greg, the A-camera operator, right? 296 00:11:38,111 --> 00:11:39,905 Is it Greg, the A-camera operator, 297 00:11:39,906 --> 00:11:41,665 that you've been secretly fucking? 298 00:11:41,666 --> 00:11:43,805 - [Guillermo] No. - And does Nate, the boom operator, 299 00:11:43,806 --> 00:11:45,911 - know about this? - I'm not having affairs with anyone. 300 00:11:45,912 --> 00:11:49,431 Or is it Frank the grip that looks a lot like Nandor? 301 00:11:49,432 --> 00:11:51,848 - [Nandor] He doesn't look like me. - No, that's not it. 302 00:11:51,849 --> 00:11:53,159 No. No offense. 303 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:54,574 You must get upset that things end, right? 304 00:11:54,575 --> 00:11:57,474 Wouldn't mind if this house meeting ended soon. 305 00:11:57,475 --> 00:11:59,200 So what if the documentary ends? 306 00:11:59,201 --> 00:12:01,650 Before you know it, a new documentary crew 307 00:12:01,651 --> 00:12:04,343 will come in and make a whole new documentary about us. 308 00:12:04,344 --> 00:12:06,690 [scoffs] Well, that seems highly unlikely. 309 00:12:06,691 --> 00:12:09,589 Excuse me. This is not even the first documentary 310 00:12:09,590 --> 00:12:10,557 that was made about us. 311 00:12:11,696 --> 00:12:12,732 What? 312 00:12:15,424 --> 00:12:18,150 [Nandor] House meeting! House meeting! 313 00:12:18,151 --> 00:12:20,773 Oh, good. You are all here. Excellent. 314 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:24,259 Right. Uh, house meeting item number one. 315 00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:27,918 I want to talk about general hygiene in the cell. 316 00:12:27,919 --> 00:12:30,438 Please, please, please finish a whole victim 317 00:12:30,439 --> 00:12:32,543 before moving on to the next, okay? 318 00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:34,407 [all groan] 319 00:12:34,408 --> 00:12:36,340 Well, I wouldn't have to keep saying it if we just did it. 320 00:12:36,341 --> 00:12:38,308 [grunts] Jerry, yes. New business? 321 00:12:38,309 --> 00:12:40,586 Extremely old business. 322 00:12:40,587 --> 00:12:43,106 I really think we need to start making more progress 323 00:12:43,107 --> 00:12:44,590 conquering America. 324 00:12:44,591 --> 00:12:46,626 Um, hello? We have been making some progress. 325 00:12:46,627 --> 00:12:48,628 We've already got some of Ashley Street. 326 00:12:48,629 --> 00:12:50,078 Laszlo, are you hearing this? 327 00:12:50,079 --> 00:12:51,873 Yes, yes. Very good. Thank you! 328 00:12:51,874 --> 00:12:53,426 That's it.[sighs] 329 00:12:53,427 --> 00:12:55,256 Wait, where are you going? 330 00:12:55,257 --> 00:12:57,603 I'll tell you where I'm going. I'm going into super-slumber. 331 00:12:57,604 --> 00:12:59,570 - He was always saying that. - [Nadja] Here we go again. 332 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,608 The cheek on it! Laszlo! Hello? 333 00:13:02,609 --> 00:13:03,885 - Eureka! - What? 334 00:13:03,886 --> 00:13:06,819 I've got it! Now, if I increase the voltage 335 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:09,580 to the diaphragm muscles, the heart should start beating 336 00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:12,792 of its own accord, much like this. 337 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:16,967 [Laszlo] Oh, fucking hell. 338 00:13:16,968 --> 00:13:18,624 [Nadja] Oh, Laszlo. 339 00:13:18,625 --> 00:13:22,628 [Colin] Oh, hey. Big article here on the water main break. 340 00:13:22,629 --> 00:13:25,424 "That was the worst flood I've seen since the Great Flood 341 00:13:25,425 --> 00:13:29,911 of 1892, says local resident Nandor Lee, a dentist." 342 00:13:29,912 --> 00:13:32,017 Nandor, you fucking idiot! 343 00:13:32,018 --> 00:13:34,226 Now everyone's going to know that we are vampires, 344 00:13:34,227 --> 00:13:35,848 and that we've lived here for hundreds of years. 345 00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,988 [Laszlo] Everyone grab their disguises. 346 00:13:37,989 --> 00:13:40,094 We've gotta hit the road before they come for us. 347 00:13:40,095 --> 00:13:41,716 - [Nandor groans] - [Nadja grunts] 348 00:13:41,717 --> 00:13:43,856 Everybody, grab your go bags! 349 00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:48,654 No! This is where we make our final sta... [screaming] 350 00:13:48,655 --> 00:13:50,863 [grunting] Oh, damn it! 351 00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:52,831 Maybe they don't think we are vampires. 352 00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,798 I just said that I'm a dentist. 353 00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:58,422 No, you idiot! You said "Nandor the Relentless." 354 00:13:58,423 --> 00:14:00,666 They thought you said "Nandor Lee, a dentist." 355 00:14:00,667 --> 00:14:02,633 Shit. 356 00:14:02,634 --> 00:14:04,290 Who the fuck are you? And how the fuck did you get in here? 357 00:14:04,291 --> 00:14:06,948 - And a pleasure to meet you, young lady. - [Nadja] Oh. 358 00:14:06,949 --> 00:14:10,020 My name's Daytona, Jackie Daytona. 359 00:14:10,021 --> 00:14:13,334 And I hail from Tucson. Tucson, "Arizonia." 360 00:14:13,335 --> 00:14:15,646 Is this guy here to kill us? 361 00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,338 It's me, Laszlo! 362 00:14:17,339 --> 00:14:19,892 Oh, Laszlo, did you just see the very sexy man 363 00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:21,860 from "Arizonia"? That's... 364 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,069 Do you know what? Never mind. We have to go and hit the road. 365 00:14:24,070 --> 00:14:27,003 - Yes, we should. - No, I surrender to no one! 366 00:14:27,004 --> 00:14:28,452 - Come on! - I've gotta do one more thing, my darling. 367 00:14:28,453 --> 00:14:30,351 Leave it! 368 00:14:30,352 --> 00:14:32,663 She thinks I'm gonna leave here without my witch's skin hat. 369 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,838 - [Nadja] Leave it! - Well, that would be bullshit. 370 00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:35,909 [Colin] I'm standing my ground! 371 00:14:41,363 --> 00:14:43,433 Wow. Lot of the stuff that happened 372 00:14:43,434 --> 00:14:46,298 while I was here happened before. 373 00:14:46,299 --> 00:14:48,231 I mean, there was no me in there, 374 00:14:48,232 --> 00:14:50,336 but I was having very fun adventure. 375 00:14:50,337 --> 00:14:52,131 So, did the documentary ever come out? 376 00:14:52,132 --> 00:14:54,582 No. They filmed us for ten years, 377 00:14:54,583 --> 00:14:56,722 but then they decided that they didn't have 378 00:14:56,723 --> 00:14:58,034 enough good material. 379 00:14:58,035 --> 00:15:00,174 Yeah. Said it's just a bunch of boring people 380 00:15:00,175 --> 00:15:02,141 doing the same old shit day after day. 381 00:15:02,142 --> 00:15:04,868 Nothing changes. No one ever grows. 382 00:15:04,869 --> 00:15:07,422 - It's pointless. Yada yada. - That too. 383 00:15:07,423 --> 00:15:09,252 See, this is what I've been trying to say, you know? 384 00:15:09,253 --> 00:15:10,701 We've gotten a second chance 385 00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:13,049 to set the record straight on... on vampire life. 386 00:15:13,050 --> 00:15:15,154 We can't stop filming. [chuckles] Just not now. 387 00:15:15,155 --> 00:15:16,397 They haven't even scratched the surface 388 00:15:16,398 --> 00:15:18,951 you know, of the glory and majesty of vampirism. 389 00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,264 - They haven't even really-- - Guillermo. Guillermo, sweetie. 390 00:15:21,265 --> 00:15:24,129 Would you mind if I use my deep understanding 391 00:15:24,130 --> 00:15:27,304 of human psychologies to offer up some help for you? 392 00:15:27,305 --> 00:15:28,719 No, thank you. I'm fine, Nadja. 393 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,514 Okay, well I'm gonna do it anyway. 394 00:15:30,515 --> 00:15:32,827 I want you to know that I'm talking with you, not at you. 395 00:15:32,828 --> 00:15:34,553 - Thank you. [breathing heavily] - And I say this with love. 396 00:15:34,554 --> 00:15:36,487 It's over! 397 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:39,939 - Did you receive that, or... - [yells] What? 398 00:15:44,598 --> 00:15:47,635 If you really feel like you need a special ending to this, 399 00:15:47,636 --> 00:15:49,568 you have about an hour to make it happen, cap'n. 400 00:15:49,569 --> 00:15:51,811 Actually, now about a half hour. 401 00:15:51,812 --> 00:15:55,125 Why don't you do that little dance you've been dying to do? 402 00:15:55,126 --> 00:15:57,576 - Then we can call it a night. - [all] Dance. 403 00:15:57,577 --> 00:15:59,612 - Come on, boy. Dance! - Dance! Dance! Dance! 404 00:15:59,613 --> 00:16:01,062 Dance! Dance! Dance! Dance! 405 00:16:01,063 --> 00:16:03,168 Stop! We need an ending. It has to be good! Okay? 406 00:16:03,169 --> 00:16:05,412 It has to be good, and it has to mean something. 407 00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:08,587 Give viewers emotional closure. 408 00:16:08,588 --> 00:16:10,244 [Colin] He's absolutely right. 409 00:16:10,245 --> 00:16:12,694 A lot of shows biff it when it comes to sticking the landing. 410 00:16:12,695 --> 00:16:14,213 I can't tell you how many comments 411 00:16:14,214 --> 00:16:16,250 I've written about this very topic. 412 00:16:16,251 --> 00:16:18,493 Check me out in the discussion threads 413 00:16:18,494 --> 00:16:21,980 on Reddit, IndieWire, Variety, Deadline, 414 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:26,881 TV Guide, TV Insider, IMDb, Hollywood Reporter, Den of Geek. 415 00:16:26,882 --> 00:16:29,642 Oh, oh. I just got the perfect ending. [chuckles] 416 00:16:29,643 --> 00:16:31,299 Great. [sighs] 417 00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:34,164 - Guillermo becomes a vampire. - [Guillermo] Mm-hmm. Fuck me. 418 00:16:34,165 --> 00:16:36,270 We did that already last year. 419 00:16:36,271 --> 00:16:38,444 - [The Guide] Did we? - [Nandor] Yes, we did. 420 00:16:38,445 --> 00:16:40,032 We turned Guillermo into a vampire, 421 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,447 and then Guillermo decided, 422 00:16:41,448 --> 00:16:43,001 "I don't want to be a vampire anymore." 423 00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:44,036 So we had to turn him back again. 424 00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,451 Took fucking ages. 425 00:16:45,452 --> 00:16:46,832 Really should have finished filming 426 00:16:46,833 --> 00:16:48,351 at that point, I think. Great out. 427 00:16:48,352 --> 00:16:49,835 Okay, come on. There has to be something 428 00:16:49,836 --> 00:16:51,354 we've learned over the past six years. 429 00:16:51,355 --> 00:16:54,046 You know, how we've grown, life lesson. 430 00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:55,392 What have we learned? [titters] 431 00:16:55,393 --> 00:16:57,187 Don't turn Guillermo into a fucking vampire. 432 00:16:57,188 --> 00:16:58,878 Okay. Anyone else? 433 00:16:58,879 --> 00:17:00,363 [Nandor] Uh... 434 00:17:00,364 --> 00:17:02,021 [Guillermo] A lesson we've learned. [sighs] 435 00:17:03,436 --> 00:17:04,954 How we've grown, how we've changed. 436 00:17:05,127 --> 00:17:07,923 Right? Anyone? 437 00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:10,683 Laszlo, come on. You're a man of science, 438 00:17:10,684 --> 00:17:12,858 so surely you must have learned something. 439 00:17:12,859 --> 00:17:14,687 Oh. All right, then. 440 00:17:14,688 --> 00:17:16,586 ♪ We've had lots of laughs ♪ 441 00:17:16,587 --> 00:17:17,622 Okay. 442 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,692 ♪ Sucked lots of blood ♪ 443 00:17:19,693 --> 00:17:21,349 Yeah. 444 00:17:21,350 --> 00:17:24,249 And then fucked each other senseless. How's that? 445 00:17:24,250 --> 00:17:25,836 - [Nadja] Very nice. - Good. It's good. 446 00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:27,528 Anyone else? [stammers] The Guide. 447 00:17:27,529 --> 00:17:29,150 You know what? Sure, I think I might have 448 00:17:29,151 --> 00:17:31,049 something to contribute. 449 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,602 - [Guillermo] Thank you! Great. - All right. [clears throat] 450 00:17:32,603 --> 00:17:36,193 So, all of us in this room are immigrants. 451 00:17:36,779 --> 00:17:39,160 We have come from far-off lands 452 00:17:39,161 --> 00:17:41,784 to this New World for a fresh start. 453 00:17:42,889 --> 00:17:45,097 - And even though we're vampires... - [whispers] Some of us. 454 00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,893 ...this country would not be what it is without us. 455 00:17:47,894 --> 00:17:52,863 And we would not be who we are without this country. 456 00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,037 - Mmm. Yeah. - Yes. 457 00:17:54,038 --> 00:17:55,763 That's beautiful. 458 00:17:55,764 --> 00:18:00,078 But lately it seems like there a lot of other immigrants 459 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,873 entering this great country illegally. 460 00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,324 - Okay. - And we cannot-- 461 00:18:04,531 --> 00:18:05,704 We don't think we wanna end on that note. 462 00:18:05,705 --> 00:18:07,050 I'm just saying. 463 00:18:07,051 --> 00:18:07,982 Colin, how 'bout you? What have you learned? 464 00:18:07,983 --> 00:18:09,121 MAGAFV. 465 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:10,122 - [Guillermo] Well-- - What? 466 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,399 MAGAFV. [sighs] 467 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,608 Make America great again for vampires. 468 00:18:13,609 --> 00:18:15,265 [chuckles] We gotta... 469 00:18:15,266 --> 00:18:17,060 We need to edit that part out. And probably burn that thing. 470 00:18:17,061 --> 00:18:18,579 Oh, my big boy. 471 00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:21,547 This really is so much simpler than you are making it. 472 00:18:21,548 --> 00:18:24,654 If you really need this special ending, 473 00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:26,000 hello, I'm a vampire. 474 00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:27,553 I can just hypnotize everyone who watches this, 475 00:18:27,554 --> 00:18:29,245 and give them the ending they would find most satisfying. 476 00:18:29,246 --> 00:18:30,211 How would that even work? 477 00:18:30,212 --> 00:18:31,282 Like this. 478 00:18:32,249 --> 00:18:34,146 You who are watching this, 479 00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:38,046 will now see the most perfect ending 480 00:18:38,047 --> 00:18:44,295 you could possibly imagine with your simple little human minds. 481 00:18:48,886 --> 00:18:50,129 - Honey. - [audience laughing] 482 00:18:53,994 --> 00:18:54,823 Honey, wake up. 483 00:18:55,996 --> 00:18:58,309 - You won't believe the dream I just had. - Mmm. 484 00:19:00,311 --> 00:19:01,450 Don't you wanna hear about it? 485 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,728 [grunts, sighs] 486 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:14,083 All right, Nandor. What is it? 487 00:19:15,119 --> 00:19:20,296 I was a vampire, and I lived with a bunch of other vampires 488 00:19:20,297 --> 00:19:22,022 in this old house in Staten Island. 489 00:19:23,403 --> 00:19:25,716 I'm happy for you. Good night. 490 00:19:26,475 --> 00:19:29,375 Nothing. Nothing made sense in this place. 491 00:19:30,686 --> 00:19:32,446 There was this vampire couple. 492 00:19:32,447 --> 00:19:36,175 He was, like, a old-timey, British type guy. 493 00:19:36,865 --> 00:19:41,007 And his wife was from this small Mediterranean island. 494 00:19:42,008 --> 00:19:43,284 And she was, like, 495 00:19:43,285 --> 00:19:46,599 super aggressive and cleverer than me 496 00:19:49,636 --> 00:19:51,534 And there was this bald guy who was, 497 00:19:51,535 --> 00:19:52,570 like, really boring... 498 00:19:54,641 --> 00:19:55,470 but on purpose. 499 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:01,026 And you were, like, my butler or something. 500 00:20:01,027 --> 00:20:02,303 [chuckles] 501 00:20:02,304 --> 00:20:03,787 Well, that settles it. 502 00:20:03,788 --> 00:20:06,238 No more Japanese food before you go to bed. 503 00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:07,206 Good night. 504 00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:19,320 And we were all having sex with each other all the time. 505 00:20:19,321 --> 00:20:20,771 Not with you, Guillermo. 506 00:20:21,358 --> 00:20:23,082 [Guillermo] Go back to sleep. 507 00:20:23,083 --> 00:20:24,706 Good night, honey. 508 00:20:25,293 --> 00:20:27,226 [theme song playing] 509 00:20:34,405 --> 00:20:37,338 So will the hypnosis work? 510 00:20:37,339 --> 00:20:39,029 Probably. Maybe. 511 00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:41,584 I mean, I did use very extra powerful hypnosis. 512 00:20:41,585 --> 00:20:42,757 So anyone who watches, 513 00:20:42,758 --> 00:20:45,243 its IQ will drop by ten to 20 points 514 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:46,727 due to the brain scramblies. 515 00:20:46,728 --> 00:20:49,039 But that's the price of business, 516 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,352 is it not? [chuckles] 517 00:20:51,457 --> 00:20:54,631 I, uh... I actually have something I'd like to say 518 00:20:54,632 --> 00:20:59,153 regarding what I've learned these past few years. 519 00:20:59,154 --> 00:21:01,293 We're born into families, 520 00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:04,607 and-and my family wasn't... wasn't great. 521 00:21:04,608 --> 00:21:08,059 But we also have our chosen families. 522 00:21:09,095 --> 00:21:12,891 Uh, people who we choose to surround ourselves with. 523 00:21:12,892 --> 00:21:15,343 They may not be your blood relatives 524 00:21:15,550 --> 00:21:19,138 but they look out for you and you look out for them. 525 00:21:19,139 --> 00:21:20,554 Mmm. 526 00:21:20,555 --> 00:21:23,351 And they accept you for who you are 527 00:21:23,558 --> 00:21:27,112 and lift you up when you're down. 528 00:21:27,113 --> 00:21:30,979 Being here tonight with you guys makes me realize, um... 529 00:21:32,118 --> 00:21:33,601 There, there. 530 00:21:33,602 --> 00:21:39,124 Makes me realize how much I dearly miss my chosen family, 531 00:21:39,125 --> 00:21:43,335 who all died in a steamboat accident in 1906, 532 00:21:43,336 --> 00:21:46,338 leaving me with no choice but to hang out with you stinky turds. 533 00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:48,409 Okay, you know what? I tried and-- 534 00:21:48,410 --> 00:21:50,343 [Nandor] No. You know what, Guillermo? You're right. 535 00:21:51,137 --> 00:21:52,380 This is an important moment 536 00:21:52,587 --> 00:21:54,830 and it requires important words. Excuse me? 537 00:21:55,624 --> 00:21:58,764 I too, like Colin Robinson, have been thinking 538 00:21:58,765 --> 00:22:02,803 not just about this world but my own life. 539 00:22:02,804 --> 00:22:05,772 From my humble beginnings as a foot soldier in Al Quolanudar 540 00:22:06,428 --> 00:22:08,947 to my reign of terror as a great warrior, 541 00:22:08,948 --> 00:22:13,331 pillaging and killing whilst riding my horse, John. 542 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:14,780 From becoming a vampire 543 00:22:14,781 --> 00:22:17,024 to arriving in this land of plenty. 544 00:22:17,025 --> 00:22:18,853 I've lived a full life, 545 00:22:18,854 --> 00:22:20,993 but there's always been something missing 546 00:22:20,994 --> 00:22:24,377 and it is now that I realize what that something is: 547 00:22:25,999 --> 00:22:29,001 An underground crime fighting lair 548 00:22:29,002 --> 00:22:32,109 accessible only by an elevator coffin thingy. 549 00:22:32,316 --> 00:22:35,180 Now, hear me out, use a lever in the coffin, 550 00:22:35,181 --> 00:22:36,596 - you pull it, the floor opens up... - Okay. 551 00:22:36,803 --> 00:22:37,942 - ...and the coffin... - Okay. Okay. 552 00:22:38,149 --> 00:22:40,081 I'm talking here. 553 00:22:40,082 --> 00:22:41,360 Well, I feel like you've only thought about this for the last two weeks. 554 00:22:42,740 --> 00:22:44,431 Thank you for shitting on my dream. 555 00:22:44,432 --> 00:22:45,605 - I wasn't sh-- - In fact, you know, 556 00:22:45,812 --> 00:22:47,365 that's a really good name for this documentary. 557 00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,228 Thank You For Shitting All Over My Dream. 558 00:22:49,229 --> 00:22:50,229 Okay, fine. You know what? 559 00:22:50,230 --> 00:22:52,024 - I'm out. - Wait. No, Guillermo. 560 00:22:52,025 --> 00:22:53,474 Why don't you tell us what you've learned? 561 00:22:53,475 --> 00:22:55,234 Better still, why don't you tell it in song? 562 00:22:55,235 --> 00:22:57,651 Oh, yes. And you could do a little dance as well. 563 00:22:57,652 --> 00:22:59,238 - Yeah, and a jig. Do a jig. - [Laszlo] Dance, boy. 564 00:22:59,239 --> 00:23:01,102 [all cheering] Dance. Dance. Dance. 565 00:23:01,103 --> 00:23:02,656 Dance. Dance. Dance. Dance. 566 00:23:02,657 --> 00:23:06,245 Silence! There'll be no dancing or jigging or singing. 567 00:23:06,246 --> 00:23:08,524 Guillermo, you have the floor. Speak from the heart. 568 00:23:08,525 --> 00:23:10,111 Okay. 569 00:23:10,112 --> 00:23:11,354 I believe in you. 570 00:23:11,355 --> 00:23:13,391 - Thank you. - Make it good. 571 00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:14,737 - I guess-- - To the camera. 572 00:23:14,738 --> 00:23:15,980 Okay. 573 00:23:16,187 --> 00:23:17,223 - I guess-- - To that camera. 574 00:23:20,226 --> 00:23:21,054 - I guess-- - Don't biff it. 575 00:23:22,262 --> 00:23:23,850 [clears throat] So... 576 00:23:24,989 --> 00:23:26,990 [clicks tongue] I guess I came to this house 577 00:23:26,991 --> 00:23:29,408 because I wanted to be a vampire. 578 00:23:30,305 --> 00:23:31,755 And I became one. 579 00:23:32,928 --> 00:23:34,343 Well, briefly. 580 00:23:34,516 --> 00:23:36,622 It just wasn't for me, um... 581 00:23:37,899 --> 00:23:39,245 But I stayed in the house. 582 00:23:40,315 --> 00:23:41,488 And why did I stay? 583 00:23:41,489 --> 00:23:44,076 Well... [chuckles] ...I mean, for 16 years, 584 00:23:44,077 --> 00:23:47,045 I was chasing this dream, you know? 585 00:23:47,046 --> 00:23:50,428 - And when that dream was gone... - [Nandor] Shit. 586 00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:51,532 ...I still stayed. 587 00:23:51,533 --> 00:23:53,396 [Nadja] My darling. What is he doing? 588 00:23:53,397 --> 00:23:55,087 - I think humans like to think... - [Laszlo] He's fucking that bear. 589 00:23:55,088 --> 00:23:56,951 - ...that we have thousands of roads... - [Nadja] Can you make him stop? 590 00:23:56,952 --> 00:23:58,539 we can choose from, right? 591 00:23:58,540 --> 00:24:00,541 - [Laszlo] I don't think I can. - We only have two, really. 592 00:24:00,542 --> 00:24:02,647 - He'll stop when he's finished. - You're only always leaving home... 593 00:24:02,648 --> 00:24:05,132 - If you know what I mean. - ...or you always coming back to home. 594 00:24:05,133 --> 00:24:06,892 [The Guide] I don't mind that he's humping the bear... 595 00:24:06,893 --> 00:24:08,584 What is home? I'm glad you asked. 596 00:24:08,585 --> 00:24:10,240 [The Guide] He's making eye contact with me directly while he does it. 597 00:24:10,241 --> 00:24:11,932 Home is essentially where your friends are. 598 00:24:11,933 --> 00:24:13,589 - Friends... - [Nandor] Don't make eye contact... 599 00:24:13,590 --> 00:24:15,418 You able to hear me? Is the mic gonna pick it up? 600 00:24:15,419 --> 00:24:18,110 - I was talking about friends... - [Monster] Guide lady, look me. 601 00:24:18,111 --> 00:24:20,492 - ...who are there to build you up, you know? - [Nandor] Worth a try. 602 00:24:20,493 --> 00:24:22,805 They are there to support you. They weren't just-- 603 00:24:22,806 --> 00:24:25,566 - [Nadja] I was finding it... - They're there. They become a part of you. 604 00:24:25,567 --> 00:24:30,226 They've made you who you are. They are your everything. 605 00:24:30,227 --> 00:24:31,918 - [all cheering, applauding] Nice. - Thank you. 606 00:24:33,851 --> 00:24:35,818 Oh, okay. I guess, they're clapping for the Monster 607 00:24:35,819 --> 00:24:37,475 and whatever they did with the bear. 608 00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:39,546 Guillermo, you won't believe what just happened. 609 00:24:39,547 --> 00:24:41,651 The Monster fucked that bear. 610 00:24:41,652 --> 00:24:44,171 Some wild and whacky stuff. 611 00:24:44,172 --> 00:24:47,277 - [Nadja] Now he's ripped his penis off. - [The Guide] Oh, no. 612 00:24:47,278 --> 00:24:48,624 [Laszlo] He's handing it to The Guide, 613 00:24:48,625 --> 00:24:50,522 and they say romance is dead. 614 00:24:50,523 --> 00:24:53,145 - [The Guide snickers] - [Laszlo] If Gizmo is not gonna sing... 615 00:24:53,146 --> 00:24:54,561 - Cheers. - [Laszlo] ...then I might. 616 00:24:54,562 --> 00:24:55,838 - Yeah. No. - [piano playing] 617 00:24:55,839 --> 00:24:57,115 [Laszlo] I love the singsong. Wanna join? 618 00:24:57,116 --> 00:24:59,462 - You guys go ahead. - [The Guide clears throat] 619 00:24:59,463 --> 00:25:02,811 ♪ We'll meet again ♪ 620 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,883 ♪ Don't know where ♪ 621 00:25:06,643 --> 00:25:10,162 ♪ Don't know when ♪ 622 00:25:10,163 --> 00:25:11,095 Everyone, join in. 623 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,513 [all] ♪ But I know We'll meet again ♪ 624 00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:19,518 ♪ Some sunny day ♪ 625 00:25:21,416 --> 00:25:22,762 [sobbing] 626 00:25:22,969 --> 00:25:26,490 [all] ♪ Keep smiling through ♪ 627 00:25:27,042 --> 00:25:29,182 ♪ Just like you ♪ 628 00:25:29,873 --> 00:25:33,186 ♪ Always do ♪ 629 00:25:33,739 --> 00:25:36,395 ♪ Till the blue skies drive ♪ 630 00:25:36,396 --> 00:25:41,781 ♪ The dark clouds far away ♪ 631 00:25:41,988 --> 00:25:43,611 - [Laszlo] Everyone except The Guide. - [The Guide] Yeah. 632 00:25:43,818 --> 00:25:47,372 [all] ♪ So will you please Say hello ♪ 633 00:25:47,373 --> 00:25:50,375 ♪ To the folks that I know ♪ 634 00:25:50,376 --> 00:25:54,932 ♪ Tell them it won't be long ♪ 635 00:25:58,660 --> 00:26:00,005 Guillermo, I was very moved 636 00:26:00,006 --> 00:26:02,595 by your final words of wisdom to camera. 637 00:26:03,941 --> 00:26:05,046 Thank you. 638 00:26:06,841 --> 00:26:10,119 To be honest, Guillermo, I was also a little sad 639 00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:12,224 when they said the documentary was ending. 640 00:26:12,225 --> 00:26:15,434 But after giving it a lot of thought, 641 00:26:15,435 --> 00:26:16,850 I think it's a good thing 642 00:26:16,851 --> 00:26:20,543 that the cameras aren't filming us all the time. 643 00:26:20,544 --> 00:26:21,820 Why is that? 644 00:26:21,821 --> 00:26:23,270 Lots of reasons. 645 00:26:23,271 --> 00:26:26,514 Such as? 646 00:26:26,515 --> 00:26:29,207 You know those big lights that they use when they film us? 647 00:26:29,208 --> 00:26:30,380 Mm-hmm. 648 00:26:30,381 --> 00:26:32,244 Sometimes they get too hot. 649 00:26:32,245 --> 00:26:34,662 And when they do, they give off a smell. 650 00:26:34,869 --> 00:26:37,387 And when I smell that smell, 651 00:26:37,388 --> 00:26:39,045 I think my hair is on fire. 652 00:26:40,322 --> 00:26:42,116 So I definitely won't miss that. 653 00:26:42,117 --> 00:26:45,224 And how about one... one of the other reasons? 654 00:26:47,467 --> 00:26:48,607 Actually, you know, that's it. 655 00:26:50,747 --> 00:26:52,162 [Nandor sighs] 656 00:26:54,509 --> 00:26:55,372 - Wait. [sighs] - Yes. 657 00:26:56,097 --> 00:26:59,306 I think you should know that tomorrow 658 00:26:59,307 --> 00:27:02,655 when you wake up, I won't be here. 659 00:27:04,174 --> 00:27:06,176 What even are you talking about, Guillermo? 660 00:27:07,487 --> 00:27:08,936 It's time to move on. 661 00:27:08,937 --> 00:27:11,043 It's been time for me to move on 662 00:27:11,250 --> 00:27:13,665 for quite a while now. [chuckles] 663 00:27:13,666 --> 00:27:18,326 And with the documentary and everything ending, 664 00:27:19,707 --> 00:27:21,466 I mean... [chuckles] 665 00:27:21,467 --> 00:27:22,641 ...what other kind of sign do I need from the universe? 666 00:27:24,021 --> 00:27:27,300 So I'm going to do that. 667 00:27:27,991 --> 00:27:29,647 But what about us joining forces 668 00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:32,442 and fighting crime in a coequal partnership? 669 00:27:32,443 --> 00:27:35,445 Operating out of a hidden underground lair 670 00:27:35,446 --> 00:27:39,278 accessible exclusively by a top-secret coffin elevator. 671 00:27:40,072 --> 00:27:41,004 Tell you what. 672 00:27:42,522 --> 00:27:45,318 - Wherever I go, wherever I am, - Mm-hmm. 673 00:27:46,319 --> 00:27:48,976 - I'll look at the news every night. - Hmm. 674 00:27:48,977 --> 00:27:54,154 And if I ever hear of some magnificent fearsome 675 00:27:54,155 --> 00:27:58,297 half-man, half-bat bringing evildoers to justice, 676 00:28:00,299 --> 00:28:01,679 I'll know who that was. 677 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,094 Because it will be me. 678 00:28:03,095 --> 00:28:05,856 Yeah. That's kinda what I meant. 679 00:28:06,823 --> 00:28:08,825 Goodbye, Guillermo. 680 00:28:12,380 --> 00:28:14,692 [smacks lips] Goodbye, Master. 681 00:28:14,693 --> 00:28:16,522 You can call me Nandor. 682 00:28:19,318 --> 00:28:20,388 I know. 683 00:28:23,287 --> 00:28:25,600 But you'll always be Master to me. 684 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,053 [♪ "We'll Meet Again" playing] 685 00:28:31,054 --> 00:28:32,193 ♪ We'll meet again ♪ 686 00:28:32,918 --> 00:28:35,714 ♪ Don't know where Don't know when ♪ 687 00:28:36,749 --> 00:28:41,720 ♪ But I know we'll meet again Some sunny day ♪ 688 00:28:44,930 --> 00:28:47,379 ♪ Keep smilin' through ♪ 689 00:28:47,380 --> 00:28:50,936 ♪ Just like you always do ♪ 690 00:28:51,799 --> 00:28:56,942 ♪ Till the blue skies Drive the dark clouds far away ♪ 691 00:28:58,391 --> 00:29:01,014 ♪ So will you please say hello ♪ 692 00:29:01,015 --> 00:29:03,188 ♪ To the folks that I know? ♪ 693 00:29:03,189 --> 00:29:04,950 ♪ Tell them I won't be long ♪ 694 00:29:06,814 --> 00:29:08,193 ♪ They'll be happy to know...♪ 695 00:29:08,194 --> 00:29:09,850 [Nail] Tail slate. 696 00:29:09,851 --> 00:29:12,336 ♪ That as you saw me go I was singing this...♪ 697 00:29:12,543 --> 00:29:13,406 [Nate] Ladder. 698 00:29:15,132 --> 00:29:17,547 ♪ We'll meet again ♪ 699 00:29:17,548 --> 00:29:19,273 Right there. 700 00:29:19,274 --> 00:29:21,138 ♪ Don't know where Don't know when ♪ 701 00:29:21,967 --> 00:29:24,900 ♪ But I know We'll meet again...♪ 702 00:29:24,901 --> 00:29:27,385 Hi. Sorry. Excuse me. 703 00:29:27,386 --> 00:29:30,629 Sorry. Sorry, guys. Sorry. Just a minute. I need to... 704 00:29:30,630 --> 00:29:31,804 [Nate] Hold the work. 705 00:29:32,701 --> 00:29:33,564 - Thank you. - Yeah. 706 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:35,774 Sorry. 707 00:29:40,295 --> 00:29:43,401 Guillermo, I thought I'd never see you again. 708 00:29:43,402 --> 00:29:45,127 No, I just said those things 709 00:29:45,128 --> 00:29:46,854 because I wanted to give the documentary an ending. 710 00:29:47,061 --> 00:29:50,339 So we can commence with our crime fighting partnership? 711 00:29:50,340 --> 00:29:53,687 No. I really do need to do my own thing. 712 00:29:53,688 --> 00:29:55,931 But just because we don't work together, 713 00:29:55,932 --> 00:29:57,104 doesn't mean we can't be friends. 714 00:29:57,105 --> 00:29:58,519 Friends? 715 00:29:58,520 --> 00:29:59,487 Yeah. 716 00:30:00,799 --> 00:30:03,387 Guillermo, I've never allowed you to do this before, but... 717 00:30:06,528 --> 00:30:08,288 come and sit with me inside my coffin. 718 00:30:08,289 --> 00:30:09,289 Really? 719 00:30:09,290 --> 00:30:11,395 - Mm-hmm. - Oh. 720 00:30:16,366 --> 00:30:18,677 To be friends would be cool. 721 00:30:18,678 --> 00:30:20,956 But you know what would be really cool? 722 00:30:20,957 --> 00:30:21,820 What? 723 00:30:27,204 --> 00:30:31,311 Are you kidding me? What? When did you do this? 724 00:30:31,312 --> 00:30:33,865 - I've been working on it a while. - Well, does it work? 725 00:30:33,866 --> 00:30:37,594 There's only one way to find out. Guillermo, let's roll. 726 00:30:37,801 --> 00:30:40,286 Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. [screams] 727 00:30:44,497 --> 00:30:46,809 [♪ "Say Goodbye to Hollywood"] 728 00:30:46,810 --> 00:30:49,537 ♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 729 00:30:50,710 --> 00:30:53,472 ♪ Say goodbye my baby ♪ 730 00:30:54,473 --> 00:30:57,131 ♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 731 00:30:58,097 --> 00:31:01,859 ♪ Say goodbye my baby ♪ 732 00:31:01,860 --> 00:31:04,689 [Nandor] Now before we go into the reading of the letter... 733 00:31:04,690 --> 00:31:07,899 So this is a rough cut, right? You're open to notes? 734 00:31:07,900 --> 00:31:09,349 [shushes] Colin Robinson. 735 00:31:09,350 --> 00:31:12,007 Please, finish a whole victim before moving on 736 00:31:12,008 --> 00:31:13,285 to a next one, okay? 737 00:31:13,492 --> 00:31:15,044 I do say that a lot, don't I? 738 00:31:15,045 --> 00:31:17,736 So this is going to be on the television? 739 00:31:17,737 --> 00:31:19,428 I bloody hope not. 740 00:31:19,429 --> 00:31:21,465 - Well, I get the gist. - [Nandor] It's not hygienic! 741 00:31:21,672 --> 00:31:22,881 Think I do too. 742 00:31:27,575 --> 00:31:30,542 ♪ Life is a series of hellos And goodbyes ♪ 743 00:31:30,543 --> 00:31:34,926 ♪ I'm afraid it's time For goodbye again ♪ 744 00:31:34,927 --> 00:31:38,723 ♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 745 00:31:38,724 --> 00:31:42,520 ♪ Say goodbye, my baby ♪ 746 00:31:42,521 --> 00:31:45,764 ♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 747 00:31:45,765 --> 00:31:49,493 ♪ Say goodbye, my baby ♪