1 00:00:12,559 --> 00:00:15,162 No. Naughty. [laughs] Naughty. 2 00:00:15,163 --> 00:00:16,565 Cravensworth's Monster 3 00:00:16,566 --> 00:00:19,704 has entered a remarkable new phase of development. 4 00:00:19,705 --> 00:00:20,873 He's horny. 5 00:00:20,874 --> 00:00:22,810 - No. - For a creature 6 00:00:22,811 --> 00:00:24,380 entirely cobbled together 7 00:00:24,381 --> 00:00:26,283 - with cadaver parts... - Naughty boy. 8 00:00:26,284 --> 00:00:27,554 ...his drive to fornicate 9 00:00:27,555 --> 00:00:28,622 is phenomenal. 10 00:00:28,623 --> 00:00:29,724 Okay, just make it quick. 11 00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:31,360 Like I said, he's horny. 12 00:00:31,361 --> 00:00:34,433 So we have decided this monster needs a bride. 13 00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:37,808 So, we've started building him a bride, 14 00:00:37,809 --> 00:00:39,544 but with the... 15 00:00:39,545 --> 00:00:41,114 And now he's going to town on himself again. 16 00:00:41,115 --> 00:00:44,253 Oh. Stay in the two-shot, please. 17 00:00:44,254 --> 00:00:46,190 He's got his hand in the cookie jar. 18 00:00:46,191 --> 00:00:47,593 Stop fucking doing that. 19 00:00:47,594 --> 00:00:50,432 - Now, where were we? - Dude's horny. 20 00:00:53,707 --> 00:00:56,310 ♪♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 21 00:00:56,311 --> 00:00:58,716 ♪♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 22 00:00:58,717 --> 00:01:01,454 ♪♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 23 00:01:01,455 --> 00:01:04,663 ♪♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 24 00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:08,836 ♪♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 25 00:01:08,837 --> 00:01:11,642 ♪♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 26 00:01:11,643 --> 00:01:13,912 ♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 27 00:01:13,913 --> 00:01:16,520 ♪♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 28 00:01:27,407 --> 00:01:30,646 Guillermo and I have decided to join forces 29 00:01:30,647 --> 00:01:32,550 to fight crime together. 30 00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:35,523 Technically, I have not agreed to that yet. 31 00:01:35,524 --> 00:01:37,425 Do you not like the crime-fighting outfit 32 00:01:37,426 --> 00:01:39,866 I got you for your secret identity? 33 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:43,138 Are you ready, Cowboy Kid? 34 00:01:43,139 --> 00:01:45,678 Let's clean up this city. 35 00:01:46,647 --> 00:01:47,714 Very nice. 36 00:01:47,715 --> 00:01:49,283 I don't think anyone's gonna be afraid 37 00:01:49,284 --> 00:01:50,587 of Kid Cowboy. 38 00:01:50,588 --> 00:01:52,523 They will when his partner shows up. 39 00:01:52,524 --> 00:01:54,293 And who are you supposed to be again? 40 00:01:54,294 --> 00:01:58,401 They call me The Phantom Menace. 41 00:01:58,402 --> 00:02:01,642 No. That's already taken. 42 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:02,544 Shit. 43 00:02:02,545 --> 00:02:04,347 We will track down evildoers 44 00:02:04,348 --> 00:02:07,253 from our secret underground lair. 45 00:02:08,725 --> 00:02:11,227 Wow. Look at that. 46 00:02:11,228 --> 00:02:13,031 Wh-Where exactly is this lair? 47 00:02:13,032 --> 00:02:15,168 Deep, deep under the ground, 48 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,807 like 1,000 feet down under the house. 49 00:02:17,808 --> 00:02:19,911 - Uh-huh. - Now, there will be a secret lever 50 00:02:19,912 --> 00:02:21,214 on my coffin. 51 00:02:21,215 --> 00:02:22,482 When I pull it, 52 00:02:22,483 --> 00:02:24,888 the floor opens up, and the coffin 53 00:02:24,889 --> 00:02:27,628 goes down, like an elevator. 54 00:02:28,396 --> 00:02:30,098 - That's cool. - Mm. 55 00:02:30,099 --> 00:02:32,537 - Thank you. - I don't think you need a lair, though. 56 00:02:32,538 --> 00:02:34,540 Then where am I supposed to put my super computer? 57 00:02:34,541 --> 00:02:36,043 - Hmm? - Your what? 58 00:02:36,044 --> 00:02:37,246 My super computer. 59 00:02:37,247 --> 00:02:39,651 The lair is really the best bit. 60 00:02:39,652 --> 00:02:41,888 Sounds fun, but I think I know how this ends up. 61 00:02:41,889 --> 00:02:43,759 This ends up with me doing all the work. 62 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,531 - It's gonna be equal partnership. - How so? 63 00:02:46,532 --> 00:02:49,771 - You do some stuff. I do some stuff. - Got it. Great. 64 00:02:49,772 --> 00:02:51,206 Settled. 65 00:02:51,207 --> 00:02:54,213 Then, if I am too busy, then you can do some of my stuff. 66 00:02:54,214 --> 00:02:56,317 There it is. 67 00:02:56,318 --> 00:02:58,522 We've assembled about 90% 68 00:02:58,523 --> 00:03:00,659 of the Monster's bride-to-be, 69 00:03:00,660 --> 00:03:03,331 but once again, we need the right head. 70 00:03:03,332 --> 00:03:06,103 Fortunately, the Monster has shown us his preference. 71 00:03:06,104 --> 00:03:08,942 He's made it pretty obvious which way he swings. 72 00:03:08,943 --> 00:03:10,913 For you, me lady. 73 00:03:10,914 --> 00:03:13,284 Right. It appears our Monster 74 00:03:13,285 --> 00:03:15,322 has just torn off his own penis 75 00:03:15,323 --> 00:03:18,261 and presented it to The Guide as a gift. 76 00:03:18,262 --> 00:03:19,964 Again. 77 00:03:19,965 --> 00:03:20,966 This dude loves The Guide, 78 00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,102 but so does Nandor, 79 00:03:22,103 --> 00:03:23,939 and so, we've asked Nadja 80 00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:27,246 to see if he would mind if The Guide... you know. 81 00:03:27,247 --> 00:03:29,183 Hmm... How do I put this? 82 00:03:29,184 --> 00:03:30,753 I mean, I do think 83 00:03:30,754 --> 00:03:34,594 that there is a part of The Guide that does love Nandor. 84 00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:36,363 - Mm. - So, how's about, 85 00:03:36,364 --> 00:03:38,602 with the parts that don't love you, 86 00:03:38,603 --> 00:03:42,475 maybe we do something else with those. 87 00:03:42,476 --> 00:03:45,182 Sorry, what? What do you mean by that? 88 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,954 We're hoping he won't object 89 00:03:47,955 --> 00:03:49,590 to The Guide donating her head 90 00:03:49,591 --> 00:03:51,962 for the creation of the bride of Cravensworth's Monster. 91 00:03:51,963 --> 00:03:53,297 And her-her... 92 00:03:53,298 --> 00:03:55,670 And her... boobs. 93 00:03:55,671 --> 00:03:57,907 I mean, most of her... attributes, and-- 94 00:03:57,908 --> 00:03:59,678 - I think we're done. - What's that? 95 00:03:59,679 --> 00:04:01,046 I think we've got everything we need. 96 00:04:01,047 --> 00:04:02,851 - Oh? - All right. Absolutely. 97 00:04:02,852 --> 00:04:03,853 Good stuff. 98 00:04:03,854 --> 00:04:05,221 If you had to pick a part 99 00:04:05,222 --> 00:04:06,992 that you wanted... 100 00:04:06,993 --> 00:04:08,061 - Mm-hmm. - I think we have what we need. 101 00:04:08,062 --> 00:04:09,497 Oh. Sure. 102 00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:11,200 - Oh, okay, yeah. Um... - No problemo. 103 00:04:11,201 --> 00:04:13,305 Take my microphone there. - Have a good one. 104 00:04:14,510 --> 00:04:16,143 Thank you. 105 00:04:16,144 --> 00:04:17,782 There we go. 106 00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:22,556 Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me. 107 00:04:22,557 --> 00:04:24,827 - Hey. - Wassup? 108 00:04:24,828 --> 00:04:26,598 What's going on? I just heard the crew saying 109 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,036 that the documentary is ending? 110 00:04:29,037 --> 00:04:30,338 The-- What? 111 00:04:30,339 --> 00:04:31,774 Well, it has been six years, Guillermo. 112 00:04:31,775 --> 00:04:33,478 They said they have enough footage now. 113 00:04:33,479 --> 00:04:34,914 Why? We're in the middle 114 00:04:34,915 --> 00:04:36,483 of everything, and just-- that's it? 115 00:04:36,484 --> 00:04:38,254 - Like... it's done? - Well, you know, 116 00:04:38,255 --> 00:04:40,458 - all good things must come to an end. - Preach. 117 00:04:40,459 --> 00:04:42,796 Does anyone else feel a draft in here? 118 00:04:42,797 --> 00:04:44,568 - I felt something. - Okay, what are we doing? 119 00:04:44,569 --> 00:04:45,936 - What's our game plan here? - I don't know. 120 00:04:45,937 --> 00:04:47,840 We could throw another log on the fireplace. 121 00:04:47,841 --> 00:04:51,280 - No, not that. - Or wrap ourselves up in a cozy quilt. 122 00:04:51,281 --> 00:04:53,017 No, you guys, don't you think it's weird that we've been 123 00:04:53,018 --> 00:04:54,687 doing this, and it's all of a sudden just ending? 124 00:04:54,688 --> 00:04:57,627 Just, poof, it's just done. It all ends. What? 125 00:04:57,628 --> 00:04:59,029 This is not the end of anything. 126 00:04:59,030 --> 00:05:00,265 We will keep doing 127 00:05:00,266 --> 00:05:01,702 what we always do. 128 00:05:01,703 --> 00:05:03,772 It's just these, um, camera, microphone people 129 00:05:03,773 --> 00:05:05,743 will no longer be filming it. 130 00:05:05,744 --> 00:05:07,747 Well, that's what I'm talking about. You know, we've been 131 00:05:07,748 --> 00:05:09,784 doing this for so long, like, years of our lives, like, 132 00:05:09,785 --> 00:05:11,086 don't you think it's a little weird... 133 00:05:11,087 --> 00:05:13,257 Laszlo! 134 00:05:13,258 --> 00:05:14,694 Maybe not quite now. 135 00:05:14,695 --> 00:05:16,464 Guillermo clearly needs his diaper changing. 136 00:05:16,465 --> 00:05:18,301 I'm not wearing a diaper. It's just that it's so 137 00:05:18,302 --> 00:05:20,438 sudden, you know, and-- When were you gonna tell me, 138 00:05:20,439 --> 00:05:21,842 by the way? Were you ever gonna tell me? 139 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,278 Am I the last person to know? All of a sudden, 140 00:05:23,279 --> 00:05:24,514 it's just, poof! 141 00:05:24,515 --> 00:05:26,751 It's hardly gone poof, Guillermo. 142 00:05:26,752 --> 00:05:28,387 - Okay. - The crew will be filming 143 00:05:28,388 --> 00:05:30,760 for at least another couple of hours to get some B-roll. 144 00:05:30,761 --> 00:05:32,429 You're leaving in a couple of hours? 145 00:05:32,430 --> 00:05:33,464 Yes, at sunrise. 146 00:05:33,465 --> 00:05:34,768 Ooh, ooh, ooh. 147 00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:36,538 That reminds me, get some B-roll footage 148 00:05:36,539 --> 00:05:38,441 of me reading this big book. 149 00:05:38,442 --> 00:05:40,178 Eh, Guillermo, you know, 150 00:05:40,179 --> 00:05:42,584 two hours is more than enough to finish anything 151 00:05:42,585 --> 00:05:44,119 you could possibly want to do for the cameras. 152 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,958 Do you want to do a little show-and-tell for us? 153 00:05:46,959 --> 00:05:48,862 Or maybe, uh, you could sing a little song. 154 00:05:48,863 --> 00:05:51,033 My lady wife's right. Sing a little song. 155 00:05:51,034 --> 00:05:52,436 Do a little dance. 156 00:05:52,437 --> 00:05:53,972 - Yeah, do a jig. Come on, jig. - Go on. 157 00:05:53,973 --> 00:05:55,909 Come on, boy, dance. 158 00:05:55,910 --> 00:05:57,312 - Take 'em off. - It's getting hot in here, 159 00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:58,849 and I'm gonna get some fresh air. 160 00:05:58,850 --> 00:06:00,620 - You've got the best moves. - Do a dance. 161 00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:01,888 - Let's see what you've got. - Dance! Dance! 162 00:06:01,889 --> 00:06:03,825 - Dance! Dance! - Yeah, do a jig. 163 00:06:03,826 --> 00:06:04,727 - Dance, boy. - Shake it. - Bye, bitch. 164 00:06:04,728 --> 00:06:05,830 Nandor. 165 00:06:05,831 --> 00:06:07,533 - Hmm? I... - A private moment, please. 166 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,868 Come on. 167 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:10,541 Excuse us. 168 00:06:12,679 --> 00:06:14,981 You need to go and talk to Guillermo now. 169 00:06:14,982 --> 00:06:16,183 I was doing my B-roll. 170 00:06:16,184 --> 00:06:17,553 Uh, what about this, guys? 171 00:06:17,554 --> 00:06:18,622 Is this good for the edit? 172 00:06:18,623 --> 00:06:20,258 - Hmm... - Nandor! 173 00:06:20,259 --> 00:06:21,460 Listen to me. 174 00:06:21,461 --> 00:06:22,564 I have actually learned a lot 175 00:06:22,565 --> 00:06:23,899 about human psychology 176 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:25,669 from doing my, uh, big Wall Street job, 177 00:06:25,670 --> 00:06:27,372 and I can tell that 178 00:06:27,373 --> 00:06:30,344 Guillermo is actually very sad about the documentary ending. 179 00:06:30,345 --> 00:06:31,814 Eh, he will get over it. 180 00:06:31,815 --> 00:06:33,484 Or maybe he won't. 181 00:06:33,485 --> 00:06:34,721 I guess we'll never know. 182 00:06:34,722 --> 00:06:36,256 Kidding. We will know, 183 00:06:36,257 --> 00:06:38,863 but you will not because you didn't bother filming it. 184 00:06:38,864 --> 00:06:41,333 - Don't be rude. - What about... 185 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:42,871 Yes. Something like, uh... 186 00:06:42,872 --> 00:06:46,377 - How's this? Is this anything? - Nandor! I'm serious. 187 00:06:46,378 --> 00:06:48,181 These last six years are the only 188 00:06:48,182 --> 00:06:51,187 slightly exciting thing to ever happen to Guillermo 189 00:06:51,188 --> 00:06:52,790 in his whole sad life. 190 00:06:52,791 --> 00:06:54,426 - What? - You know, it is like 191 00:06:54,427 --> 00:06:56,130 the cameras pretending to film him, 192 00:06:56,131 --> 00:06:59,203 it made him feel like he was as important as we are. 193 00:06:59,204 --> 00:07:00,739 Mm... 194 00:07:00,740 --> 00:07:02,175 It's like when you put a little raincoat on a dog, 195 00:07:02,176 --> 00:07:03,712 and the dog is walking around thinking, "Oh! 196 00:07:03,713 --> 00:07:05,215 Woof, woof. I am like a little human." 197 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,485 "I've got a coat on." But they're not. 198 00:07:07,486 --> 00:07:09,223 They're just a little shit dog. 199 00:07:09,224 --> 00:07:10,692 That is Guillermo, 200 00:07:10,693 --> 00:07:12,529 and he's not going to have any of that anymore. 201 00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:14,834 But I'm sure something interesting 202 00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,940 will happen to Guillermo eventually. 203 00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:21,247 Fine. 204 00:07:21,248 --> 00:07:23,652 I will fix. 205 00:07:23,653 --> 00:07:26,023 How are you guys doing with this whole thing ending? 206 00:07:26,024 --> 00:07:29,031 Do you need to talk to someone or...? 'Cause I'm here. 207 00:07:35,612 --> 00:07:36,578 There, there, buddy. 208 00:07:36,579 --> 00:07:38,147 Listen, you know I'm not 209 00:07:38,148 --> 00:07:40,653 the most sentimental S.O.B. on the planet, but, uh, 210 00:07:40,654 --> 00:07:42,790 one time when I was down, 211 00:07:42,791 --> 00:07:45,061 a wise man said something that 212 00:07:45,062 --> 00:07:47,298 really put it all into perspective. 213 00:07:47,299 --> 00:07:48,334 What'd he say? 214 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:51,508 "Don't cry because it's over, 215 00:07:51,509 --> 00:07:53,912 smile because it happened." 216 00:07:53,913 --> 00:07:56,651 I think I read that on a mug, 217 00:07:56,652 --> 00:07:58,254 - but thank you. That's very nice. - Sure. 218 00:07:58,255 --> 00:08:00,191 Knock, knock, knock, knock, knocking. 219 00:08:00,192 --> 00:08:03,464 Colin Robinson, would you mind if I had a word with Guillermo? 220 00:08:03,465 --> 00:08:05,468 No, not at all. We're done. 221 00:08:05,469 --> 00:08:07,205 - Thank you, Colin. - Yeah. 222 00:08:07,206 --> 00:08:08,474 Don't-don't hug me. 223 00:08:08,475 --> 00:08:09,944 Guillermo, 224 00:08:09,945 --> 00:08:12,883 I know that this is a big change for you. 225 00:08:12,884 --> 00:08:15,121 But in life, we always go through big changes. 226 00:08:15,122 --> 00:08:18,327 For example, when I was a young boy, 227 00:08:18,328 --> 00:08:20,666 my favorite color was red. 228 00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:24,072 But now, my favorite color is orange. 229 00:08:24,073 --> 00:08:26,444 Sorry, just remembered one thing. 230 00:08:26,445 --> 00:08:27,646 - Yeah. - "It's not 231 00:08:27,647 --> 00:08:30,251 "the number of breaths we take, 232 00:08:30,252 --> 00:08:34,259 but the number of moments that take our breath away." 233 00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:36,163 That's nice. Thank you. 234 00:08:36,164 --> 00:08:38,034 All right. Later. 235 00:08:38,035 --> 00:08:39,971 Goodbyes are hard. 236 00:08:39,972 --> 00:08:40,773 Yeah. 237 00:08:40,774 --> 00:08:42,910 I once waved farewell 238 00:08:42,911 --> 00:08:45,749 to a departing train for over three hours. 239 00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:48,788 And then I realized that it wasn't a train at all. 240 00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:51,761 It was a flatbed truck full of porta-potties. 241 00:08:51,762 --> 00:08:54,501 - One more quick one-- - I'm talking here. 242 00:08:54,502 --> 00:08:56,904 "We laughed until we had to cry. 243 00:08:56,905 --> 00:09:00,278 "We loved right down to our last goodbye. 244 00:09:00,279 --> 00:09:04,486 We were the best." St. Elmo's Fire. 1985. 245 00:09:04,487 --> 00:09:06,423 Okay. Later. 246 00:09:06,424 --> 00:09:08,194 Guillermo... 247 00:09:08,195 --> 00:09:10,633 things end. 248 00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:11,935 And that hurts. 249 00:09:11,936 --> 00:09:13,370 It's just the suddenness of it all. 250 00:09:13,371 --> 00:09:14,607 It just is hitting me so quickly, you know? 251 00:09:14,608 --> 00:09:16,110 I just have all these feelings-- 252 00:09:16,111 --> 00:09:17,913 - Uh, Guillermo, you're Irish, right? - No. 253 00:09:17,914 --> 00:09:19,550 Okay, great, then you probably haven't heard this one. 254 00:09:19,551 --> 00:09:22,656 "May the road rise up to meet you. 255 00:09:22,657 --> 00:09:25,361 "May the wind be always at your back. 256 00:09:25,362 --> 00:09:26,765 May the sun..." 257 00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:28,033 Fuck, I always forget this part. 258 00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,236 Yeah, why don't you think about it 259 00:09:29,237 --> 00:09:30,539 and come back, or just not. 260 00:09:30,540 --> 00:09:31,943 All right, I'll leave you guys to it. 261 00:09:33,179 --> 00:09:34,848 Where was I? I can't even remember 262 00:09:34,849 --> 00:09:36,350 what the fuck I was saying. 263 00:09:36,351 --> 00:09:37,887 You were saying that... 264 00:09:37,888 --> 00:09:40,124 - ...goodbyes are hard. - Yes. 265 00:09:40,125 --> 00:09:42,462 So why don't you stop being a little bitch, 266 00:09:42,463 --> 00:09:43,598 come downstairs, 267 00:09:43,599 --> 00:09:44,634 and we can all be together 268 00:09:44,635 --> 00:09:46,237 during your hour of need. 269 00:09:46,238 --> 00:09:48,575 House meeting, house meeting! 270 00:09:48,576 --> 00:09:49,978 Oh, good, you are all here. 271 00:09:49,979 --> 00:09:51,548 - Excellent. - Excuse me. 272 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,119 Uh, house meeting item number one: 273 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:57,860 I want to talk about general hygiene in the cell. 274 00:09:57,861 --> 00:09:59,162 Please finish a whole victim first 275 00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:01,634 before moving on to the next one, okay? 276 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,337 - Oh, yeah, that's nasty. - Copy that. 277 00:10:03,338 --> 00:10:05,007 - Shove it up your arsehole. - Just do it. 278 00:10:05,008 --> 00:10:06,844 What else do we have here? 279 00:10:06,845 --> 00:10:09,884 Ah, yes, house meeting item number two: 280 00:10:09,885 --> 00:10:12,489 It has come to my attention that Guillermo 281 00:10:12,490 --> 00:10:14,292 has become very emotional 282 00:10:14,293 --> 00:10:16,497 because the documentary is ending. 283 00:10:16,498 --> 00:10:18,167 No, I'll be fine, thank you. 284 00:10:18,168 --> 00:10:20,237 - You are not fine, you're a blubbering mess. - I'm fine. 285 00:10:20,238 --> 00:10:21,507 And I think we should discuss it. 286 00:10:21,508 --> 00:10:22,676 Gizmo's become 287 00:10:22,677 --> 00:10:23,912 addicted to the limelight, 288 00:10:23,913 --> 00:10:25,583 - quite obviously. - What? 289 00:10:25,584 --> 00:10:27,820 - No, I haven't. - He is but a walking shadow. 290 00:10:27,821 --> 00:10:29,923 A poor player, who struts and frets 291 00:10:29,924 --> 00:10:33,999 his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. 292 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,405 Laszlo, that is so profound. 293 00:10:37,406 --> 00:10:38,675 Thank you very much. 294 00:10:38,676 --> 00:10:40,278 I just thought of it a second ago. 295 00:10:40,279 --> 00:10:42,249 You know what, one time I did see Guillermo 296 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,921 take a little can of Pringles off 297 00:10:44,922 --> 00:10:48,461 the table of snacks that the documentary crew uses, 298 00:10:48,462 --> 00:10:50,231 so maybe he's worried 299 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:52,402 that he won't be able to steal food anymore? 300 00:10:52,403 --> 00:10:55,007 - Not stealing. - No, he's sad because 301 00:10:55,008 --> 00:10:58,047 he has to end his secret affair with Nate the Boom Operator. 302 00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,950 - Ooh! - Guillermo, you dirty dog! 303 00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,855 - What? - You know, another time I saw Guillermo 304 00:11:01,856 --> 00:11:03,390 as many Tic Tacs 305 00:11:03,391 --> 00:11:05,294 - as he could fit in his hands. - Okay... 306 00:11:05,295 --> 00:11:08,501 You people know nothing about human psychologies. 307 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,071 Guillermo is afraid 308 00:11:10,072 --> 00:11:13,110 that he has wasted 16 years of his life serving us, 309 00:11:13,111 --> 00:11:14,948 and it has prevented him from growing 310 00:11:14,949 --> 00:11:16,918 - or changing in any way. - Good point. 311 00:11:16,919 --> 00:11:18,755 The ending of this documentary 312 00:11:18,756 --> 00:11:20,124 is giving him a preview of the ending 313 00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:21,994 of his own frail, human life. 314 00:11:21,995 --> 00:11:24,165 Does that sound right, Gizmo? Does that resonate? 315 00:11:24,166 --> 00:11:27,606 I think the question that Gizmo is asking himself is: 316 00:11:27,607 --> 00:11:29,744 To be or not to be? 317 00:11:29,745 --> 00:11:32,415 Because that is the question 318 00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:34,821 Gizmo is asking himself. 319 00:11:34,822 --> 00:11:36,123 So eloquent. 320 00:11:36,124 --> 00:11:37,626 Again, just off the top of my head. 321 00:11:37,627 --> 00:11:39,429 Just gonna circle back to what I was saying. 322 00:11:39,430 --> 00:11:41,000 Guillermo is very worried 323 00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:43,170 that he will feel equally as unfulfilled 324 00:11:43,171 --> 00:11:44,907 by his own life's journey and meaning. 325 00:11:44,908 --> 00:11:46,309 Be well, everyone. 326 00:11:46,310 --> 00:11:47,747 - It's not-- - I know what it is. 327 00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:49,784 It's Greg the A-Camera Operator. 328 00:11:49,785 --> 00:11:52,355 Right? Is it Greg the A-Camera Operator 329 00:11:52,356 --> 00:11:53,992 - that you've been secretly fucking? - No. 330 00:11:53,993 --> 00:11:56,864 And does Nate the Boom Operator know about this? 331 00:11:56,865 --> 00:11:59,637 - I'm not having affairs with anyone. - Or is it Frank the grip 332 00:11:59,638 --> 00:12:01,039 that looks a lot like Nandor? 333 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,809 He doesn't look like me. 334 00:12:02,810 --> 00:12:04,412 No, that's not it, uh, no. 335 00:12:04,413 --> 00:12:06,851 No offense. You must get upset that things end, right? 336 00:12:06,852 --> 00:12:09,757 Wouldn't mind if this house meeting ended soon. 337 00:12:09,758 --> 00:12:11,459 Well, so what if the documentary ends? 338 00:12:11,460 --> 00:12:12,763 Before you know it, 339 00:12:12,764 --> 00:12:14,399 a new documentary crew will come in 340 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,403 and make a whole new documentary about us. 341 00:12:16,404 --> 00:12:18,875 Well, that seems highly unlikely. 342 00:12:18,876 --> 00:12:20,912 Excuse me, this is not even 343 00:12:20,913 --> 00:12:23,184 the first documentary that was made about us. 344 00:12:23,185 --> 00:12:24,989 What? 345 00:12:27,595 --> 00:12:30,130 House meeting, house meeting! 346 00:12:30,131 --> 00:12:32,903 Oh, good, you are all here. Excellent. 347 00:12:32,904 --> 00:12:36,309 Right, uh, house meeting item number one: 348 00:12:36,310 --> 00:12:40,018 I want to talk about general hygiene in the cell. 349 00:12:40,019 --> 00:12:42,823 Please, please, please finish a whole victim 350 00:12:42,824 --> 00:12:44,694 before moving on to the next, okay? 351 00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,064 I wouldn't have to keep saying 352 00:12:47,065 --> 00:12:48,501 if you just did it. 353 00:12:48,502 --> 00:12:50,739 Jerry, yes, new business? 354 00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:52,843 - Extremely old business. - Hmm? 355 00:12:52,844 --> 00:12:54,479 I really think we need to start making 356 00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:56,317 more progress conquering America. 357 00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:58,688 Um, hello, we have been making some progress. 358 00:12:58,689 --> 00:13:00,893 We've already got part of Ashley Street. 359 00:13:00,894 --> 00:13:02,495 Laszlo, are you hearing this? 360 00:13:02,496 --> 00:13:04,399 Yes, yes, very good, thank you. 361 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:05,735 That's it. 362 00:13:05,736 --> 00:13:07,471 - Wait. Where are you going? - I'll tell you 363 00:13:07,472 --> 00:13:10,044 where I'm going: I'm going into super-slumber. 364 00:13:10,045 --> 00:13:11,848 He was always saying that. 365 00:13:11,849 --> 00:13:13,585 The cheek on him. 366 00:13:13,586 --> 00:13:14,887 Laszlo, hello? 367 00:13:14,888 --> 00:13:15,923 - Eureka! - What? 368 00:13:15,924 --> 00:13:17,058 I've got it! 369 00:13:17,059 --> 00:13:18,829 Now, if I increase the voltage 370 00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:21,635 to the diaphragm muscles, the heart should start beating 371 00:13:21,636 --> 00:13:23,371 of its own accord. 372 00:13:23,372 --> 00:13:26,311 Much like this. 373 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,282 Oh, fucking hell. 374 00:13:29,283 --> 00:13:31,453 - Oh, Laszlo. - Oh, hey. 375 00:13:31,454 --> 00:13:34,459 There's an article here on the water main break 376 00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:36,497 "'That was the worst flood I've seen 377 00:13:36,498 --> 00:13:38,602 "since the Great Flood of 1892,' 378 00:13:38,603 --> 00:13:42,241 said local resident Nandor Lee, a dentist." 379 00:13:42,242 --> 00:13:44,212 Nandor, you fucking idiot! 380 00:13:44,213 --> 00:13:46,282 Now everyone's got to know that we are vampires 381 00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,087 and that we have lived here from hundreds of years! 382 00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:50,157 Everyone grab their disguises. 383 00:13:50,158 --> 00:13:52,229 We've got to hit the road before they come for us. 384 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:56,035 Everybody, grab your go-bags! 385 00:13:56,036 --> 00:13:58,575 No! This is where we make our final stand! 386 00:14:00,915 --> 00:14:03,217 Damn it! 387 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,721 Maybe they don't think we are vampires. 388 00:14:04,722 --> 00:14:06,925 I just said that I am a dentist. 389 00:14:06,926 --> 00:14:08,427 No, you idiot! 390 00:14:08,428 --> 00:14:10,364 You said, "Nandor the Relentless." 391 00:14:10,365 --> 00:14:13,103 They thought you said, "Nandor Lee, a dentist." 392 00:14:13,104 --> 00:14:15,007 - Shit. - Who the fuck are you 393 00:14:15,008 --> 00:14:16,511 and how the fuck did you get in here? 394 00:14:16,512 --> 00:14:18,649 And a pleasure to meet you, young lady. 395 00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:20,753 My name's Daytona. 396 00:14:20,754 --> 00:14:22,221 Jackie Daytona. 397 00:14:22,222 --> 00:14:23,959 And I hail from Tucson. 398 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,762 Tucson, Arizonia. 399 00:14:25,763 --> 00:14:27,198 Is this guy here to kill us? 400 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:29,369 - It's me, Laszlo. - Oh! 401 00:14:29,370 --> 00:14:33,678 Laszlo, did you just see the very sexy man from Arizonia? 402 00:14:33,679 --> 00:14:35,682 You know what, never mind, we have to go and hit the road. 403 00:14:35,683 --> 00:14:38,955 - Yes, we should. - No, I surrender to no one. 404 00:14:38,956 --> 00:14:41,694 - I got to do one more thing, my darling. - Leave it! 405 00:14:41,695 --> 00:14:44,733 She thinks I'm gonna leave here without my witch's skin hat. 406 00:14:44,734 --> 00:14:48,475 - Well, that would be bullshit. - I'm standing my ground! 407 00:14:52,584 --> 00:14:54,352 Wow. 408 00:14:54,353 --> 00:14:56,356 A lot of the stuff that happened while I was here 409 00:14:56,357 --> 00:14:58,394 happened before. 410 00:14:58,395 --> 00:15:00,398 I mean, there was no me in there, 411 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,401 but I was having very fun adventures. 412 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:05,174 - So did the documentary ever come out? - No. 413 00:15:05,175 --> 00:15:07,613 They filmed us for ten years, but then they decided 414 00:15:07,614 --> 00:15:10,184 that they didn't have enough good material. 415 00:15:10,185 --> 00:15:12,421 Yeah, said it's just a bunch of boring people doing 416 00:15:12,422 --> 00:15:15,427 the same old shit day after day, nothing changes, 417 00:15:15,428 --> 00:15:18,602 no one ever grows, it's pointless, yada, yada. 418 00:15:18,603 --> 00:15:21,708 - That, too. - See, this is what I've been trying to say, you know? 419 00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:23,176 We've gotten a second chance 420 00:15:23,177 --> 00:15:25,214 to set the record straight on-on vampire life. 421 00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,285 You can't stop filming just... Not now. 422 00:15:27,286 --> 00:15:28,721 They haven't even scratched the surface, 423 00:15:28,722 --> 00:15:30,992 you know, of the glory and majesty of vampirism. 424 00:15:30,993 --> 00:15:33,364 - They haven't even really... - Guillermo. Guillermo, sweetie? 425 00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:36,103 Would you mind if I used my deep understanding 426 00:15:36,104 --> 00:15:39,543 human psychologies to offer up some help for you? 427 00:15:39,544 --> 00:15:41,848 - No, thank you, I'm fine, Nadja. - Okay, well, I'm gonna do it anyway. 428 00:15:41,849 --> 00:15:44,920 I want you to know that I'm talking with you, not at you. 429 00:15:44,921 --> 00:15:46,891 - Thank you. - And I say this with love. 430 00:15:46,892 --> 00:15:49,030 It's over! 431 00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:52,504 - Did you receive that, or... - What?! 432 00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:00,586 If you really feel like you need a special ending to this, 433 00:16:00,587 --> 00:16:02,890 you have about an hour to make it hap'n, cap'n. 434 00:16:02,891 --> 00:16:04,694 Actually, now, about a half hour. 435 00:16:04,695 --> 00:16:08,000 Why don't you do that little dance you've been dying to do, 436 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,402 then we can call it a night. 437 00:16:09,403 --> 00:16:11,507 - Dance! Dance! - Come on, boy, dance! 438 00:16:11,508 --> 00:16:13,443 Dance! Dance! Dance! 439 00:16:13,444 --> 00:16:16,282 Stop! We need an ending, it has to be good, okay? 440 00:16:16,283 --> 00:16:18,623 It has to be good and it has mean something. 441 00:16:19,357 --> 00:16:21,293 Give viewers emotional closure. 442 00:16:21,294 --> 00:16:22,996 He's absolutely right. 443 00:16:22,997 --> 00:16:25,969 A lot of shows biff it when it comes to sticking the landing. 444 00:16:25,970 --> 00:16:27,371 I can't tell you how many comments 445 00:16:27,372 --> 00:16:29,342 I've written about this very topic. 446 00:16:29,343 --> 00:16:31,580 Check me out in the discussion threads 447 00:16:31,581 --> 00:16:34,787 on Reddit, IndieWire, Variety, Deadline, 448 00:16:34,788 --> 00:16:39,029 TV Guide, TV Insider, IMDb, Hollywood Reporter, 449 00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:41,199 - Den of Geek... - Ooh! Ooh! 450 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,937 I just got the perfect ending. 451 00:16:42,938 --> 00:16:44,238 Great. 452 00:16:44,239 --> 00:16:46,276 - Mm-hmm? - Guillermo becomes a vampire. 453 00:16:46,277 --> 00:16:49,348 - Fuck me. - We did that already, last year. 454 00:16:49,349 --> 00:16:51,453 - Did we? - Yes, we did. 455 00:16:51,454 --> 00:16:53,190 We turned Guillermo into a vampire... 456 00:16:53,191 --> 00:16:54,694 ...and then Guillermo decided 457 00:16:54,695 --> 00:16:56,564 -"I don't want to be a vampire anymore." - Okay... 458 00:16:56,565 --> 00:16:58,635 So we had to turn him back again. Took fucking ages. 459 00:16:58,636 --> 00:17:01,106 Really should have finished filming at that point, I think. 460 00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,876 - Great out. - Okay, come on. There has to be 461 00:17:02,877 --> 00:17:04,680 something we've learned over the past six years. 462 00:17:04,681 --> 00:17:06,482 You know, how we've grown. 463 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,387 Life lesson. What have we learned? 464 00:17:08,388 --> 00:17:10,191 Don't turn Guillermo into a fucking vampire. 465 00:17:10,192 --> 00:17:12,195 Okay. Anyone else? 466 00:17:12,196 --> 00:17:13,497 Uh... 467 00:17:13,498 --> 00:17:14,902 A lesson we've learned. 468 00:17:16,405 --> 00:17:18,608 How we've grown, how we've changed. 469 00:17:18,609 --> 00:17:20,411 Right? 470 00:17:20,412 --> 00:17:21,446 Anyone? 471 00:17:21,447 --> 00:17:23,450 Laszlo, come on. You're a man of science. 472 00:17:23,451 --> 00:17:26,256 Surely you must have learned something. 473 00:17:26,257 --> 00:17:27,659 Mm. All right, then. 474 00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:30,031 ♪♪ We've had lots of laughs ♪ 475 00:17:30,032 --> 00:17:31,166 Okay. 476 00:17:31,167 --> 00:17:33,370 ♪♪ Sucked lots of blood! ♪ 477 00:17:33,371 --> 00:17:34,472 Yeah. 478 00:17:34,473 --> 00:17:35,543 And then fucked each other senseless. 479 00:17:36,579 --> 00:17:37,846 - How's that? - Very nice. 480 00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:39,082 Good. That's good. 481 00:17:39,083 --> 00:17:40,552 Anyone else. The-The Guide. 482 00:17:40,553 --> 00:17:42,454 You know what, sure. I-I think I might have 483 00:17:42,455 --> 00:17:44,092 - something to contribute. - Thank you. 484 00:17:44,093 --> 00:17:45,762 - Great. - All right. 485 00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:49,402 So, all of us in this room are immigrants. 486 00:17:49,403 --> 00:17:52,275 - Mm. - We have come from far-off lands 487 00:17:52,276 --> 00:17:55,080 to this New World for a fresh start. 488 00:17:55,081 --> 00:17:57,619 - Mm. - And even though we're vampires... 489 00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,724 - Some of us. - ...this country would not be 490 00:17:59,725 --> 00:18:01,126 what it is without us. 491 00:18:01,127 --> 00:18:03,999 And we would not be who we are 492 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,102 without this country. 493 00:18:06,103 --> 00:18:07,372 - Mm. - Yes. Mm. - Yeah. 494 00:18:07,373 --> 00:18:08,841 - That's beautiful. - But lately, 495 00:18:08,842 --> 00:18:12,849 it seems like there are a lot of other immigrants 496 00:18:12,850 --> 00:18:15,855 entering this great country illegally. 497 00:18:15,856 --> 00:18:18,761 - Okay. I don't think we want to end on that note. - And we cannot-- What? 498 00:18:18,762 --> 00:18:20,832 - I'm just saying-- - So, uh, Colin, how 'bout you? 499 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:22,301 - What have you learned? - MAGAFV. 500 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,239 - Well-- - What? - MAGAFV. 501 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,744 Make America Great Again For Vampires. 502 00:18:26,745 --> 00:18:29,448 We got to-- We need to edit that part out. 503 00:18:29,449 --> 00:18:31,453 - And probably burn that thing... - Oh, my big boy. 504 00:18:31,454 --> 00:18:34,727 This really is so much simpler than you are making it. 505 00:18:34,728 --> 00:18:37,600 If you really need this special ending, 506 00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:39,737 hello, I'm a vampire-- I can just hypnotize everyone 507 00:18:39,738 --> 00:18:41,106 who watches this and give them the ending 508 00:18:41,107 --> 00:18:42,743 they would find most satisfying. 509 00:18:42,744 --> 00:18:43,711 How would that even work? 510 00:18:43,712 --> 00:18:45,314 Like this. 511 00:18:45,315 --> 00:18:48,654 You who are watching this will now see 512 00:18:48,655 --> 00:18:53,197 the most perfect ending you could possibly imagine 513 00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:58,676 with your simple, little human minds... 514 00:19:01,916 --> 00:19:02,917 Honey? 515 00:19:07,126 --> 00:19:08,728 - Honey, wake up. - Hmm? 516 00:19:08,729 --> 00:19:10,934 You won't believe the dream I just had. 517 00:19:13,406 --> 00:19:15,075 Don't you want to hear about it? 518 00:19:24,962 --> 00:19:27,466 All right, Nandor. What is it? 519 00:19:28,202 --> 00:19:30,337 I was a vampire, 520 00:19:30,338 --> 00:19:33,243 and I lived with a bunch of other vampires 521 00:19:33,244 --> 00:19:35,414 in this old house in Staten Island. 522 00:19:35,415 --> 00:19:38,888 I'm happy for you. Good night. 523 00:19:38,889 --> 00:19:43,130 Nothing... nothing made sense in this place. 524 00:19:43,131 --> 00:19:45,535 There was this vampire couple. 525 00:19:45,536 --> 00:19:49,643 He was like an old-timey British-type guy 526 00:19:49,644 --> 00:19:54,787 and his wife was from this small Mediterranean island, 527 00:19:54,788 --> 00:19:58,193 and she was, like, super aggressive 528 00:19:58,194 --> 00:20:00,064 and cleverer than me. 529 00:20:02,203 --> 00:20:04,606 And there was this bald guy 530 00:20:04,607 --> 00:20:07,178 who was, like, really boring, 531 00:20:07,179 --> 00:20:09,383 but on purpose. 532 00:20:11,255 --> 00:20:14,426 And you were like my butler or something. 533 00:20:14,427 --> 00:20:16,564 Well, that settles it. 534 00:20:16,565 --> 00:20:19,770 No more Japanese food before you go to bed. 535 00:20:19,771 --> 00:20:21,106 Good night. 536 00:20:29,190 --> 00:20:32,629 And we were all having sex with each other all the time. 537 00:20:32,630 --> 00:20:36,303 - Not with you, Guillermo. - Go back to sleep. 538 00:20:36,304 --> 00:20:38,207 Good night, honey. 539 00:20:50,232 --> 00:20:51,366 So, will the hypnosis work? 540 00:20:51,367 --> 00:20:52,836 Probably? Maybe? 541 00:20:52,837 --> 00:20:55,340 I mean, I did use very extra powerful hypnosis, 542 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:59,015 so anyone who watches, its IQ will drop by ten to 20 points 543 00:20:59,016 --> 00:21:00,852 due to their brain scramblies, 544 00:21:00,853 --> 00:21:03,758 but that's the price of business, is it not? 545 00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:08,534 I, uh, I actually have something I'd like to say, 546 00:21:08,535 --> 00:21:13,343 regarding what I've learned these past few years. 547 00:21:13,344 --> 00:21:15,213 We're born into families, 548 00:21:15,214 --> 00:21:18,788 and-and my family wasn't-wasn't great. 549 00:21:18,789 --> 00:21:22,327 But we also have our chosen families, 550 00:21:22,328 --> 00:21:24,799 the people who we choose 551 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,971 - to surround ourselves with. - Mm. 552 00:21:26,972 --> 00:21:29,209 They may not be your blood relatives, 553 00:21:29,210 --> 00:21:33,551 but they look out for you and-and you look out for them. 554 00:21:33,552 --> 00:21:37,826 And they accept you for who you are 555 00:21:37,827 --> 00:21:41,133 and lift you up when y-you're down. 556 00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:46,275 Being here tonight with you guys makes me realize, um... 557 00:21:46,276 --> 00:21:48,280 - There, there. - ...makes me realize 558 00:21:48,281 --> 00:21:52,789 how much I dearly miss my chosen family, 559 00:21:52,790 --> 00:21:57,464 who all died in a steamboat accident in 1906, 560 00:21:57,465 --> 00:21:59,034 leaving me with no choice but to hang out 561 00:21:59,035 --> 00:22:01,005 - with you stinky turds. - Okay, you know what? 562 00:22:01,006 --> 00:22:03,511 - I tried and... - No, you know what, Guillermo? 563 00:22:03,512 --> 00:22:04,713 You are right. 564 00:22:04,714 --> 00:22:06,315 This is an important moment, 565 00:22:06,316 --> 00:22:07,919 and it requires important words. 566 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:09,188 Excuse me? 567 00:22:09,189 --> 00:22:12,829 I, too, like Colin Robinson, have been thinking 568 00:22:12,830 --> 00:22:16,770 not just about this world, but my own life. 569 00:22:16,771 --> 00:22:19,943 From my humble beginnings as a foot soldier in Al Quolanudar 570 00:22:19,944 --> 00:22:23,083 to my reign of terror as a great warrior, 571 00:22:23,084 --> 00:22:24,553 pillaging and killing. 572 00:22:24,554 --> 00:22:26,322 I was riding my horse. 573 00:22:26,323 --> 00:22:27,458 From... 574 00:22:27,459 --> 00:22:28,762 from becoming a vampire 575 00:22:28,763 --> 00:22:30,565 to arriving in this land of plenty, 576 00:22:30,566 --> 00:22:32,836 I have lived a full life. 577 00:22:32,837 --> 00:22:35,074 But there's always been something missing. 578 00:22:35,075 --> 00:22:39,217 And it is now that I've realized what that something is. 579 00:22:39,952 --> 00:22:44,459 An underground crime-fighting lair accessible only 580 00:22:44,460 --> 00:22:46,429 by an elevator-coffin thingy-- 581 00:22:46,430 --> 00:22:47,732 No, hear me out: 582 00:22:47,733 --> 00:22:49,703 Use a lever in the coffin, you pull it, 583 00:22:49,704 --> 00:22:51,105 - the floor opens up... - Okay. Okay. 584 00:22:51,106 --> 00:22:52,174 ...and the coffin dives down. 585 00:22:52,175 --> 00:22:53,678 - Okay. - I'm talking here. 586 00:22:53,679 --> 00:22:54,680 Well, I feel like you've only thought about this 587 00:22:54,681 --> 00:22:56,051 for the last two weeks. 588 00:22:56,819 --> 00:22:58,587 Thank you for shitting on my dream. 589 00:22:58,588 --> 00:23:00,023 - I wasn't sh-- - In fact, you know, 590 00:23:00,024 --> 00:23:01,627 that's a really good name for this documentary. 591 00:23:01,628 --> 00:23:03,396 "Thank You for Shitting All Over My Dream." 592 00:23:03,397 --> 00:23:04,566 Okay, fine. You know what? 593 00:23:04,567 --> 00:23:06,002 - I'm out. - Wait, no, Guillermo. 594 00:23:06,003 --> 00:23:07,639 Why don't you tell us what you've learned? 595 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,974 Better still, why don't you tell us 596 00:23:08,975 --> 00:23:10,077 - in song? - Oh, yes. 597 00:23:10,078 --> 00:23:11,814 And you can do a little dance as well. 598 00:23:11,815 --> 00:23:13,416 - Yeah, and a jig, do a jig. - Dance, boy. 599 00:23:13,417 --> 00:23:16,857 Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance-- 600 00:23:16,858 --> 00:23:17,893 Silence! 601 00:23:17,894 --> 00:23:19,128 There'll be no dancing or jigging 602 00:23:19,129 --> 00:23:20,297 or singing. 603 00:23:20,298 --> 00:23:21,567 Guillermo, you have the floor. 604 00:23:21,568 --> 00:23:23,003 Speak from the heart. 605 00:23:23,004 --> 00:23:24,338 Okay. 606 00:23:24,339 --> 00:23:25,474 I believe in you. 607 00:23:25,475 --> 00:23:27,545 - Thank you. - Make it good. 608 00:23:27,546 --> 00:23:29,148 - I guess-- - For the camera. 609 00:23:29,149 --> 00:23:30,250 Okay. 610 00:23:30,251 --> 00:23:32,857 - I guess-- - For that camera. 611 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,429 - I guess-- - Sounds perfect. 612 00:23:36,430 --> 00:23:38,502 Um, so... 613 00:23:39,370 --> 00:23:41,205 I guess I came to this house 614 00:23:41,206 --> 00:23:44,311 because I wanted to be a vampire. 615 00:23:44,312 --> 00:23:46,950 And I became one. 616 00:23:46,951 --> 00:23:48,621 Well, briefly. 617 00:23:48,622 --> 00:23:51,059 It just wasn't for me, um... 618 00:23:51,060 --> 00:23:54,533 But I stayed in the house. 619 00:23:54,534 --> 00:23:56,804 And why did I stay? Well... 620 00:23:56,805 --> 00:24:00,344 I mean, for 16 years I was chasing this dream, 621 00:24:00,345 --> 00:24:02,048 you know, and when that dream was... 622 00:24:02,049 --> 00:24:05,153 ...gone, I still stayed. 623 00:24:05,154 --> 00:24:06,958 My darling, what is he doing? 624 00:24:06,959 --> 00:24:08,695 - He's fucking that bear. - I think... 625 00:24:08,696 --> 00:24:10,397 humans like to think that we have thousands of roads 626 00:24:10,398 --> 00:24:12,268 - we can choose from, right? - Can you make him stop? 627 00:24:12,269 --> 00:24:14,338 - You only have two, really. - I don't think I can. 628 00:24:14,339 --> 00:24:16,911 - He'll stop when he's finished... - You're only always leaving home 629 00:24:16,912 --> 00:24:19,082 or you're always coming back to home. 630 00:24:19,083 --> 00:24:20,685 - I don't mind that he's humping the bear... - What is home? 631 00:24:20,686 --> 00:24:22,388 Glad you asked. Home is essentially... 632 00:24:22,389 --> 00:24:24,224 ...but it seems like he's making eye contact with me 633 00:24:24,225 --> 00:24:26,029 - directly while he does it. - ...where your friends are. 634 00:24:26,030 --> 00:24:27,865 - Friends... - Maybe don't make eye contact with him 635 00:24:27,866 --> 00:24:29,168 - and he'll stop humping it. - Sorry, are you hearing me? 636 00:24:29,169 --> 00:24:30,939 Is the mic gonna pick it up? Just... 637 00:24:30,940 --> 00:24:31,907 - I was talking. Friends... - Guide lady, look, me. 638 00:24:31,908 --> 00:24:33,243 ...who are there 639 00:24:33,244 --> 00:24:34,980 - to build you up, you know? - Worth a try. 640 00:24:34,981 --> 00:24:36,784 They are there to support you. They weren't just... 641 00:24:36,785 --> 00:24:38,186 You know, I was finding this annoying, but... 642 00:24:38,187 --> 00:24:39,890 They're there, they become a part of you. 643 00:24:39,891 --> 00:24:41,325 But now I'm finding it very erotic. 644 00:24:41,326 --> 00:24:43,029 They've made you who you are. 645 00:24:43,030 --> 00:24:44,700 They are your everything. 646 00:24:44,701 --> 00:24:45,433 He found a hole somewhere. 647 00:24:45,434 --> 00:24:46,705 Thank you. 648 00:24:47,507 --> 00:24:48,741 Oh, okay. 649 00:24:48,742 --> 00:24:50,044 I guess they're clapping for the Monster 650 00:24:50,045 --> 00:24:51,747 and whatever they did with the bear. 651 00:24:51,748 --> 00:24:53,651 Guillermo, you won't believe what just happened. 652 00:24:53,652 --> 00:24:55,955 The Monster fucked that bear. 653 00:24:55,956 --> 00:24:58,093 Some wild and wacky stuff. 654 00:24:58,094 --> 00:25:00,397 Okay, and now he's ripped his penis off. 655 00:25:00,398 --> 00:25:02,602 - Oh, no. - He's handing it to The Guide. 656 00:25:02,603 --> 00:25:04,271 And they say romance is dead. 657 00:25:04,272 --> 00:25:06,811 Well, if Gizmo is not gonna sing... 658 00:25:06,812 --> 00:25:08,413 - Cheers. - ...then I might. 659 00:25:08,414 --> 00:25:10,183 - Yeah. No. - I'd love to sing a song. 660 00:25:10,184 --> 00:25:11,587 Want to join? 661 00:25:11,588 --> 00:25:13,590 You guys go ahead. 662 00:25:13,591 --> 00:25:17,732 ♪♪ We'll meet again ♪ 663 00:25:17,733 --> 00:25:20,605 ♪♪ Don't know where ♪ 664 00:25:20,606 --> 00:25:24,278 ♪♪ Don't know when... ♪ 665 00:25:24,279 --> 00:25:25,982 Everyone join in. 666 00:25:25,983 --> 00:25:29,589 ♪♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪ 667 00:25:29,590 --> 00:25:34,300 ♪♪ Some sunny day ♪ 668 00:25:37,306 --> 00:25:41,212 ♪♪ Keep smiling through ♪ 669 00:25:41,213 --> 00:25:44,251 ♪♪ Just like you ♪ 670 00:25:44,252 --> 00:25:47,425 ♪♪ Always do ♪ 671 00:25:47,426 --> 00:25:52,635 ♪♪ Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds ♪ 672 00:25:52,636 --> 00:25:55,775 ♪♪ Far away ♪ 673 00:25:55,776 --> 00:25:57,478 Everyone except The Guide! 674 00:25:57,479 --> 00:26:01,654 ♪♪ So will you please say hello ♪ 675 00:26:01,655 --> 00:26:04,258 ♪♪ To the folks that I know ♪ 676 00:26:04,259 --> 00:26:08,368 ♪♪ Tell them it won't be long. ♪ 677 00:26:14,246 --> 00:26:17,117 Guillermo, I was very moved by your final words of wisdom 678 00:26:17,118 --> 00:26:19,021 to camera. 679 00:26:19,022 --> 00:26:20,158 Thank you. 680 00:26:21,762 --> 00:26:23,631 To be honest, Guillermo, 681 00:26:23,632 --> 00:26:25,167 I was also a little sad 682 00:26:25,168 --> 00:26:27,505 when they said the documentary was ending. 683 00:26:27,506 --> 00:26:30,611 But after giving it a lot of thought, 684 00:26:30,612 --> 00:26:32,682 I think it's a good thing that 685 00:26:32,683 --> 00:26:36,055 the cameras aren't filming us all the time. 686 00:26:36,056 --> 00:26:37,224 Why's that? 687 00:26:37,225 --> 00:26:38,661 Lots of reasons. 688 00:26:38,662 --> 00:26:41,332 S... Such as? 689 00:26:41,333 --> 00:26:44,639 You know those big lights that they use when they film us? 690 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,278 - Mm-hmm. - Sometimes they get too hot. 691 00:26:47,279 --> 00:26:50,017 When they do, they give off a smell. 692 00:26:50,018 --> 00:26:52,555 And when I smell that smell, 693 00:26:52,556 --> 00:26:54,828 I think my hair's on fire. 694 00:26:55,897 --> 00:26:57,699 So I definitely won't miss that. 695 00:26:57,700 --> 00:26:58,901 And how 'bout one... 696 00:26:58,902 --> 00:27:00,940 one of the other reasons? 697 00:27:02,544 --> 00:27:04,346 Actually, no, that's it. 698 00:27:06,251 --> 00:27:07,987 Mm... 699 00:27:09,658 --> 00:27:11,526 - Wait. - Yes? 700 00:27:11,527 --> 00:27:13,231 I think you should know that... 701 00:27:13,966 --> 00:27:16,037 ...tomorrow, when you wake up... 702 00:27:16,772 --> 00:27:18,441 ...I won't be here. 703 00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:21,615 What even are you talking about, Guillermo? 704 00:27:22,651 --> 00:27:24,118 It's time to move on. 705 00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:27,057 It's been time for me to move on for... 706 00:27:27,058 --> 00:27:28,761 quite a while now. 707 00:27:28,762 --> 00:27:30,567 And with... 708 00:27:31,301 --> 00:27:34,073 ...the documentary and everything ending... 709 00:27:34,808 --> 00:27:38,614 I mean, what other kind of sign do I need from the universe? 710 00:27:38,615 --> 00:27:41,386 So, I'm going... 711 00:27:41,387 --> 00:27:42,556 to do that. 712 00:27:42,557 --> 00:27:44,726 But what about us joining forces 713 00:27:44,727 --> 00:27:47,431 and fighting crime in a coequal partnership, 714 00:27:47,432 --> 00:27:50,270 operating out of a hidden underground lair 715 00:27:50,271 --> 00:27:54,680 accessible exclusively by a top-secret coffin elevator? 716 00:27:54,681 --> 00:27:56,484 Tell you what... 717 00:27:57,253 --> 00:27:59,522 - ...wherever I go... - Hmm? 718 00:27:59,523 --> 00:28:01,125 ...wherever I am, 719 00:28:01,126 --> 00:28:03,831 - I'll look at the news every night. - Hmm. 720 00:28:03,832 --> 00:28:08,039 And if I ever hear of some magnificent, 721 00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:11,513 fearsome half-man, half-bat 722 00:28:11,514 --> 00:28:14,019 bringing evildoers to justice... 723 00:28:15,155 --> 00:28:16,824 ...I'll know who that was. 724 00:28:16,825 --> 00:28:18,226 Because it will be me. 725 00:28:18,227 --> 00:28:21,465 Yeah. That's kind of what I meant. 726 00:28:21,466 --> 00:28:25,175 Goodbye, Guillermo. 727 00:28:28,248 --> 00:28:29,817 Goodbye, Master. 728 00:28:29,818 --> 00:28:32,322 You can call me "Nandor." 729 00:28:34,595 --> 00:28:36,297 I know. 730 00:28:38,167 --> 00:28:41,274 But you'll always be "Master" to me. 731 00:28:45,549 --> 00:28:47,651 ♪♪ We'll meet again ♪ 732 00:28:47,652 --> 00:28:49,756 ♪♪ Don't know where ♪ 733 00:28:49,757 --> 00:28:52,027 ♪♪ Don't know when ♪ 734 00:28:52,028 --> 00:28:54,799 ♪♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪ 735 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,439 ♪♪ Some sunny day ♪ 736 00:29:00,212 --> 00:29:02,649 ♪♪ Keep smiling through ♪ 737 00:29:02,650 --> 00:29:06,590 ♪♪ Just like you always do ♪ 738 00:29:06,591 --> 00:29:08,927 ♪♪ Till the blue skies ♪ 739 00:29:08,928 --> 00:29:12,604 ♪♪ Drive the dark clouds far away ♪ 740 00:29:13,405 --> 00:29:16,309 ♪♪ So will you please say hello ♪ 741 00:29:16,310 --> 00:29:18,246 ♪♪ To the folks that I know ♪ 742 00:29:18,247 --> 00:29:20,687 ♪♪ Tell them I won't be long ♪ 743 00:29:21,822 --> 00:29:24,258 - ♪♪ They'll be happy to know ♪ - Tail slate. 744 00:29:24,259 --> 00:29:26,028 ♪♪ That as you saw me go ♪ 745 00:29:26,029 --> 00:29:28,969 - ♪♪ I was singing this song ♪ - Ladder. 746 00:29:29,771 --> 00:29:32,942 ♪♪ We'll meet again ♪ 747 00:29:32,943 --> 00:29:34,846 - Mark it. - ♪♪ Don't know where ♪ 748 00:29:34,847 --> 00:29:37,051 ♪♪ Don't know when ♪ 749 00:29:37,052 --> 00:29:39,823 ♪♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪ 750 00:29:39,824 --> 00:29:41,893 - ♪♪ Some sunny day... ♪ - Hi, sorry. Excuse me. 751 00:29:41,894 --> 00:29:43,396 Sorry. Sorry, guys. 752 00:29:43,397 --> 00:29:45,768 Sorry. Just a minute. I need to... 753 00:29:45,769 --> 00:29:47,137 Hold the work. 754 00:29:47,138 --> 00:29:49,141 - Thank you. - Yeah. 755 00:29:49,142 --> 00:29:50,980 Sorry. 756 00:29:55,222 --> 00:29:58,994 Guillermo, I thought I'd never see you again. 757 00:29:58,995 --> 00:30:00,531 No, I just said those things because 758 00:30:00,532 --> 00:30:02,100 I wanted to give the documentary an ending. 759 00:30:02,101 --> 00:30:03,737 So we can commence with 760 00:30:03,738 --> 00:30:05,641 our crime-fighting partnership? 761 00:30:05,642 --> 00:30:06,843 No. 762 00:30:06,844 --> 00:30:09,048 I really do need to do my own thing. 763 00:30:09,049 --> 00:30:10,985 But... just because we don't work together 764 00:30:10,986 --> 00:30:12,487 doesn't mean we can't be friends. 765 00:30:12,488 --> 00:30:13,724 Friends. 766 00:30:13,725 --> 00:30:14,960 Yeah. 767 00:30:14,961 --> 00:30:16,730 Guillermo, I have never allowed you 768 00:30:16,731 --> 00:30:19,136 to do this before, but... 769 00:30:21,876 --> 00:30:23,611 ...come and sit with me inside my coffin. 770 00:30:23,612 --> 00:30:25,948 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 771 00:30:25,949 --> 00:30:27,419 Oh... 772 00:30:31,628 --> 00:30:33,096 To be friends would be cool. 773 00:30:33,097 --> 00:30:36,402 But you know what would be really cool? 774 00:30:36,403 --> 00:30:38,509 What? 775 00:30:42,483 --> 00:30:43,818 Are you kidding me? 776 00:30:43,819 --> 00:30:46,255 What? When did you do this? 777 00:30:46,256 --> 00:30:47,959 I've been working on it a while. 778 00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,161 Well, does it work? 779 00:30:49,162 --> 00:30:50,931 There's only one way to find out. 780 00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,839 - Guillermo, let's roll. - Wait, wait, wait, wait! 781 00:30:58,047 --> 00:31:01,254 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 782 00:31:01,989 --> 00:31:05,162 ♪♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 783 00:31:05,897 --> 00:31:09,502 ♪♪ Say goodbye, my baby ♪ 784 00:31:09,503 --> 00:31:13,610 ♪♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 785 00:31:13,611 --> 00:31:16,750 ♪♪ Say goodbye, my baby ♪ 786 00:31:16,751 --> 00:31:19,889 Now, before we go into the reading of the... 787 00:31:19,890 --> 00:31:21,660 So, this is a rough cut, right? 788 00:31:21,661 --> 00:31:22,962 You're open to notes? 789 00:31:22,963 --> 00:31:24,331 Shh, Colin Robinson. 790 00:31:24,332 --> 00:31:26,603 Please, finish a whole victim 791 00:31:26,604 --> 00:31:28,740 before moving on to a next one, okay? 792 00:31:28,741 --> 00:31:30,109 I do say that a lot, don't I? 793 00:31:30,110 --> 00:31:32,949 So, this is going to be on the television? 794 00:31:32,950 --> 00:31:34,553 I bloody hope not. 795 00:31:34,554 --> 00:31:36,355 Well, I get the gist. 796 00:31:36,356 --> 00:31:37,692 It's not hygienic! 797 00:31:37,693 --> 00:31:38,928 I think I do, too. 798 00:31:42,436 --> 00:31:45,407 ♪♪ Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes ♪ 799 00:31:45,408 --> 00:31:50,216 ♪♪ I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again ♪ 800 00:31:50,217 --> 00:31:53,957 ♪♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 801 00:31:53,958 --> 00:31:57,497 ♪♪ Say goodbye, my baby ♪ 802 00:31:57,498 --> 00:32:01,038 ♪♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 803 00:32:01,039 --> 00:32:03,977 ♪♪ Say goodbye ♪ 804 00:32:03,978 --> 00:32:07,285 ♪♪ My baby. ♪