1 00:00:12,559 --> 00:00:15,163 - No. Naughty. [laughs] Naughty. - [grunts] 2 00:00:15,164 --> 00:00:16,566 [Laszlo] Cravensworth's Monster 3 00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:19,705 has entered a remarkable new phase of development. 4 00:00:19,706 --> 00:00:20,874 - He's horny. - [grunts] 5 00:00:20,875 --> 00:00:22,811 - No. - [Laszlo] For a creature 6 00:00:22,812 --> 00:00:24,381 entirely cobbled together 7 00:00:24,382 --> 00:00:26,284 - with cadaver parts... - [Doll Nadja] Naughty boy. 8 00:00:26,285 --> 00:00:27,555 [Laszlo] ...his drive to fornicate 9 00:00:27,556 --> 00:00:28,623 is phenomenal. 10 00:00:28,624 --> 00:00:29,725 [Doll Nadja] Okay, just make it quick. 11 00:00:29,726 --> 00:00:31,361 Like I said, he's horny. 12 00:00:31,362 --> 00:00:34,434 So we have decided this monster needs a bride. 13 00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:37,809 So, we've started building him a bride, 14 00:00:37,810 --> 00:00:39,545 but with the... 15 00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:41,115 - And now he's going to town on himself again. - [grunting] 16 00:00:41,116 --> 00:00:44,254 Oh. Stay in the two-shot, please. 17 00:00:44,255 --> 00:00:46,191 He's got his hand in the cookie jar. 18 00:00:46,192 --> 00:00:47,594 Stop fucking doing that. 19 00:00:47,595 --> 00:00:50,432 - Now, where were we? - Dude's horny. 20 00:00:50,433 --> 00:00:51,569 [grunts] 21 00:00:51,570 --> 00:00:53,706 ["You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing] 22 00:00:53,707 --> 00:00:56,311 ♪♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 23 00:00:56,312 --> 00:00:58,717 ♪♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 24 00:00:58,718 --> 00:01:01,455 ♪♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 25 00:01:01,456 --> 00:01:04,663 ♪♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 26 00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:08,837 ♪♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 27 00:01:08,838 --> 00:01:11,643 ♪♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 28 00:01:11,644 --> 00:01:13,913 ♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 29 00:01:13,914 --> 00:01:16,520 ♪♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 30 00:01:21,195 --> 00:01:23,466 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:27,407 --> 00:01:30,647 Guillermo and I have decided to join forces 32 00:01:30,648 --> 00:01:32,551 to fight crime together. 33 00:01:32,552 --> 00:01:35,524 Technically, I have not agreed to that yet. 34 00:01:35,525 --> 00:01:37,426 Do you not like the crime-fighting outfit 35 00:01:37,427 --> 00:01:39,866 I got you for your secret identity? 36 00:01:41,269 --> 00:01:43,139 Are you ready, Cowboy Kid? 37 00:01:43,140 --> 00:01:45,678 Let's clean up this city. 38 00:01:46,647 --> 00:01:47,715 Very nice. 39 00:01:47,716 --> 00:01:49,284 I don't think anyone's gonna be afraid 40 00:01:49,285 --> 00:01:50,588 of Kid Cowboy. 41 00:01:50,589 --> 00:01:52,524 They will when his partner shows up. 42 00:01:52,525 --> 00:01:54,294 And who are you supposed to be again? 43 00:01:54,295 --> 00:01:58,402 They call me The Phantom Menace. 44 00:01:58,403 --> 00:02:01,643 No. That's already taken. 45 00:02:01,644 --> 00:02:02,545 Shit. 46 00:02:02,546 --> 00:02:04,348 We will track down evildoers 47 00:02:04,349 --> 00:02:07,253 from our secret underground lair. 48 00:02:07,254 --> 00:02:08,724 [fanfare playing] 49 00:02:08,725 --> 00:02:11,228 [Guillermo] Wow. Look at that. 50 00:02:11,229 --> 00:02:13,032 Wh-Where exactly is this lair? 51 00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:15,169 Deep, deep under the ground, 52 00:02:15,170 --> 00:02:17,808 like 1,000 feet down under the house. 53 00:02:17,809 --> 00:02:19,912 - Uh-huh. - Now, there will be a secret lever 54 00:02:19,913 --> 00:02:21,215 on my coffin. 55 00:02:21,216 --> 00:02:22,483 When I pull it, 56 00:02:22,484 --> 00:02:24,889 the floor opens up, and the coffin 57 00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:27,628 goes down, like an elevator. 58 00:02:28,396 --> 00:02:30,099 - That's cool. - Mm. 59 00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:32,538 - Thank you. - I don't think you need a lair, though. 60 00:02:32,539 --> 00:02:34,541 Then where am I supposed to put my super computer? 61 00:02:34,542 --> 00:02:36,044 - Hmm? - Your what? 62 00:02:36,045 --> 00:02:37,247 My super computer. 63 00:02:37,248 --> 00:02:39,652 The lair is really the best bit. 64 00:02:39,653 --> 00:02:41,889 Sounds fun, but I think I know how this ends up. 65 00:02:41,890 --> 00:02:43,760 [whispering] This ends up with me doing all the work. 66 00:02:43,761 --> 00:02:46,532 - [whispering] It's gonna be equal partnership. - How so? 67 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,772 - You do some stuff. I do some stuff. - Got it. Great. 68 00:02:49,773 --> 00:02:51,207 Settled. 69 00:02:51,208 --> 00:02:54,214 Then, if I am too busy, then you can do some of my stuff. 70 00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:56,318 [normal volume] There it is. 71 00:02:56,319 --> 00:02:58,523 [Colin] We've assembled about 90% 72 00:02:58,524 --> 00:03:00,660 of the Monster's bride-to-be, 73 00:03:00,661 --> 00:03:03,332 but once again, we need the right head. 74 00:03:03,333 --> 00:03:06,104 Fortunately, the Monster has shown us his preference. 75 00:03:06,105 --> 00:03:08,943 He's made it pretty obvious which way he swings. 76 00:03:08,944 --> 00:03:10,914 For you, me lady. 77 00:03:10,915 --> 00:03:13,285 [Laszlo] Right. It appears our Monster 78 00:03:13,286 --> 00:03:15,323 has just torn off his own penis 79 00:03:15,324 --> 00:03:18,262 and presented it to The Guide as a gift. 80 00:03:18,263 --> 00:03:19,965 Again. 81 00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:20,967 This dude loves The Guide, 82 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:22,103 but so does Nandor, 83 00:03:22,104 --> 00:03:23,940 and so, we've asked Nadja 84 00:03:23,941 --> 00:03:27,247 to see if he would mind if The Guide... you know. 85 00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:29,184 Hmm... How do I put this? 86 00:03:29,185 --> 00:03:30,754 I mean, I do think 87 00:03:30,755 --> 00:03:34,595 that there is a part of The Guide that does love Nandor. 88 00:03:34,596 --> 00:03:36,364 - Mm. - So, how's about, 89 00:03:36,365 --> 00:03:38,603 with the parts that don't love you, 90 00:03:38,604 --> 00:03:42,476 maybe we do something else with those. [chuckles] 91 00:03:42,477 --> 00:03:45,183 Sorry, what? What do you mean by that? 92 00:03:45,184 --> 00:03:47,955 [Laszlo] We're hoping he won't object 93 00:03:47,956 --> 00:03:49,591 to The Guide donating her head 94 00:03:49,592 --> 00:03:51,963 for the creation of the bride of Cravensworth's Monster. 95 00:03:51,964 --> 00:03:53,298 And her-her... 96 00:03:53,299 --> 00:03:55,671 And her... boobs. 97 00:03:55,672 --> 00:03:57,908 I mean, most of her... attributes, and-- 98 00:03:57,909 --> 00:03:59,679 - [crew member] I think we're done. - What's that? 99 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,047 [crew member] I think we've got everything we need. 100 00:04:01,048 --> 00:04:02,852 - Oh? - All right. Absolutely. 101 00:04:02,853 --> 00:04:03,854 Good stuff. 102 00:04:03,855 --> 00:04:05,222 [Nadja] If you had to pick a part 103 00:04:05,223 --> 00:04:06,993 that you wanted... 104 00:04:06,994 --> 00:04:08,062 - Mm-hmm. - [female crew member] I think we have what we need. 105 00:04:08,063 --> 00:04:09,498 Oh. Sure. 106 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,201 - Oh, okay, yeah. Um... - No problemo. 107 00:04:11,202 --> 00:04:13,305 - [Laslo] Take my microphone there. - [Colin] Have a good one. 108 00:04:13,306 --> 00:04:14,509 [grunts] 109 00:04:14,510 --> 00:04:16,144 [Nadja] Thank you. [chuckles] 110 00:04:16,145 --> 00:04:17,782 [Nandor] There we go. 111 00:04:19,719 --> 00:04:22,557 [Guillermo] Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me. 112 00:04:22,558 --> 00:04:24,828 - Hey. - [Colin and Nandor] Wassup? 113 00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,599 [Guillermo] What's going on? I just heard the crew saying 114 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,037 that the documentary is ending? 115 00:04:29,038 --> 00:04:30,339 The-- What? 116 00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:31,775 Well, it has been six years, Guillermo. 117 00:04:31,776 --> 00:04:33,479 They said they have enough footage now. 118 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:34,915 [Guillermo] Why? We're in the middle 119 00:04:34,916 --> 00:04:36,484 of everything, and just-- that's it? 120 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,255 - Like... it's done? - [Nadja] Well, you know, 121 00:04:38,256 --> 00:04:40,459 - all good things must come to an end. - [Nadja Doll] Preach. 122 00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:42,797 Does anyone else feel a draft in here? 123 00:04:42,798 --> 00:04:44,569 - I felt something. - [Guillermo] Okay, what are we doing? 124 00:04:44,570 --> 00:04:45,937 - What's our game plan here? - [Nandor] I don't know. 125 00:04:45,938 --> 00:04:47,841 We could throw another log on the fireplace. 126 00:04:47,842 --> 00:04:51,281 - No, not that. - Or wrap ourselves up in a cozy quilt. 127 00:04:51,282 --> 00:04:53,018 No, you guys, don't you think it's weird that we've been 128 00:04:53,019 --> 00:04:54,688 doing this, and it's all of a sudden just ending? 129 00:04:54,689 --> 00:04:57,628 Just, poof, it's just done. It all ends. What? 130 00:04:57,629 --> 00:04:59,030 [Nadja] This is not the end of anything. 131 00:04:59,031 --> 00:05:00,266 We will keep doing 132 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:01,703 what we always do. 133 00:05:01,704 --> 00:05:03,773 It's just these, um, camera, microphone people 134 00:05:03,774 --> 00:05:05,744 will no longer be filming it. 135 00:05:05,745 --> 00:05:07,748 Well, that's what I'm talking about. You know, we've been 136 00:05:07,749 --> 00:05:09,785 doing this for so long, like, years of our lives, like, 137 00:05:09,786 --> 00:05:11,087 - don't you think it's a little weird... - [saw whirring] 138 00:05:11,088 --> 00:05:13,258 - Laszlo! - [saw stops] 139 00:05:13,259 --> 00:05:14,695 [Nadja] Maybe not quite now. 140 00:05:14,696 --> 00:05:16,465 Guillermo clearly needs his diaper changing. 141 00:05:16,466 --> 00:05:18,302 [Guillermo] I'm not wearing a diaper. It's just that it's so 142 00:05:18,303 --> 00:05:20,439 sudden, you know, and-- When were you gonna tell me, 143 00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:21,843 by the way? Were you ever gonna tell me? 144 00:05:21,844 --> 00:05:23,279 Am I the last person to know? All of a sudden, 145 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,515 it's just, poof! 146 00:05:24,516 --> 00:05:26,752 It's hardly gone poof, Guillermo. 147 00:05:26,753 --> 00:05:28,388 - [Guillermo] Okay. - The crew will be filming 148 00:05:28,389 --> 00:05:30,761 for at least another couple of hours to get some B-roll. 149 00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,430 You're leaving in a couple of hours? 150 00:05:32,431 --> 00:05:33,465 [Nandor] Yes, at sunrise. 151 00:05:33,466 --> 00:05:34,769 Ooh, ooh, ooh. 152 00:05:34,770 --> 00:05:36,539 That reminds me, get some B-roll footage 153 00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:38,442 of me reading this big book. 154 00:05:38,443 --> 00:05:40,179 Eh, Guillermo, you know, 155 00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:42,585 two hours is more than enough to finish anything 156 00:05:42,586 --> 00:05:44,120 you could possibly want to do for the cameras. 157 00:05:44,121 --> 00:05:46,959 Do you want to do a little show-and-tell for us? 158 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,863 Or maybe, uh, you could sing a little song. 159 00:05:48,864 --> 00:05:51,034 My lady wife's right. Sing a little song. 160 00:05:51,035 --> 00:05:52,437 Do a little dance. 161 00:05:52,438 --> 00:05:53,973 - Yeah, do a jig. Come on, jig. - [Laszlo] Go on. 162 00:05:53,974 --> 00:05:55,910 - Come on, boy, dance. - [overlapping chatter] 163 00:05:55,911 --> 00:05:57,313 - Take 'em off. - It's getting hot in here, 164 00:05:57,314 --> 00:05:58,850 and I'm gonna get some fresh air. 165 00:05:58,851 --> 00:06:00,621 - You've got the best moves. - [Laszlo] Do a dance. 166 00:06:00,622 --> 00:06:01,889 - Let's see what you've got. - [Nandor] Dance! Dance! 167 00:06:01,890 --> 00:06:03,826 - Dance! Dance! - [Colin] Yeah, do a jig. 168 00:06:03,827 --> 00:06:04,728 - [Laszlo] Dance, boy. - [Nandor] Shake it. - Bye, bitch. 169 00:06:04,729 --> 00:06:05,831 Nandor. 170 00:06:05,832 --> 00:06:07,534 - Hmm? I... - A private moment, please. 171 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:08,869 - [Nadja] Come on. - [sighs] 172 00:06:08,870 --> 00:06:10,541 Excuse us. 173 00:06:11,409 --> 00:06:12,678 [sighs] 174 00:06:12,679 --> 00:06:14,982 You need to go and talk to Guillermo now. 175 00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,184 I was doing my B-roll. 176 00:06:16,185 --> 00:06:17,554 Uh, what about this, guys? 177 00:06:17,555 --> 00:06:18,623 Is this good for the edit? 178 00:06:18,624 --> 00:06:20,259 - Hmm... - Nandor! 179 00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:21,461 Listen to me. 180 00:06:21,462 --> 00:06:22,565 I have actually learned a lot 181 00:06:22,566 --> 00:06:23,900 about human psychology 182 00:06:23,901 --> 00:06:25,670 from doing my, uh, big Wall Street job, 183 00:06:25,671 --> 00:06:27,373 and I can tell that 184 00:06:27,374 --> 00:06:30,345 Guillermo is actually very sad about the documentary ending. 185 00:06:30,346 --> 00:06:31,815 Eh, he will get over it. 186 00:06:31,816 --> 00:06:33,485 - [sighs] - Or maybe he won't. 187 00:06:33,486 --> 00:06:34,722 I guess we'll never know. 188 00:06:34,723 --> 00:06:36,257 Kidding. We will know, 189 00:06:36,258 --> 00:06:38,864 but you will not because you didn't bother filming it. 190 00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:41,334 - Don't be rude. - What about... 191 00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:42,872 Yes. Something like, uh... 192 00:06:42,873 --> 00:06:46,378 - How's this? Is this anything? - Nandor! I'm serious. 193 00:06:46,379 --> 00:06:48,182 These last six years are the only 194 00:06:48,183 --> 00:06:51,188 slightly exciting thing to ever happen to Guillermo 195 00:06:51,189 --> 00:06:52,791 in his whole sad life. 196 00:06:52,792 --> 00:06:54,427 - What? - You know, it is like 197 00:06:54,428 --> 00:06:56,131 the cameras pretending to film him, 198 00:06:56,132 --> 00:06:59,204 it made him feel like he was as important as we are. 199 00:06:59,205 --> 00:07:00,740 Mm... 200 00:07:00,741 --> 00:07:02,176 It's like when you put a little raincoat on a dog, 201 00:07:02,177 --> 00:07:03,713 and the dog is walking around thinking, "Oh! 202 00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:05,216 Woof, woof. I am like a little human." 203 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,486 - [laughs] -"I've got a coat on." But they're not. 204 00:07:07,487 --> 00:07:09,224 They're just a little shit dog. 205 00:07:09,225 --> 00:07:10,693 That is Guillermo, 206 00:07:10,694 --> 00:07:12,530 and he's not going to have any of that anymore. 207 00:07:12,531 --> 00:07:14,835 But I'm sure something interesting 208 00:07:14,836 --> 00:07:16,940 will happen to Guillermo eventually. 209 00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:21,248 [sighs] Fine. 210 00:07:21,249 --> 00:07:23,653 I will fix. 211 00:07:23,654 --> 00:07:26,024 How are you guys doing with this whole thing ending? 212 00:07:26,025 --> 00:07:29,031 Do you need to talk to someone or...? 'Cause I'm here. 213 00:07:35,612 --> 00:07:36,579 [Colin] There, there, buddy. 214 00:07:36,580 --> 00:07:38,148 Listen, you know I'm not 215 00:07:38,149 --> 00:07:40,654 the most sentimental S.O.B. on the planet, but, uh, 216 00:07:40,655 --> 00:07:42,791 one time when I was down, 217 00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:45,062 a wise man said something that 218 00:07:45,063 --> 00:07:47,299 really put it all into perspective. 219 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,335 What'd he say? 220 00:07:48,336 --> 00:07:51,509 "Don't cry because it's over, 221 00:07:51,510 --> 00:07:53,913 smile because it happened." 222 00:07:53,914 --> 00:07:56,652 I think I read that on a mug, 223 00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:58,255 - but thank you. That's very nice. - Sure. 224 00:07:58,256 --> 00:08:00,192 [Nandor] Knock, knock, knock, knock, knocking. 225 00:08:00,193 --> 00:08:03,465 Colin Robinson, would you mind if I had a word with Guillermo? 226 00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:05,469 No, not at all. We're done. 227 00:08:05,470 --> 00:08:07,206 - Thank you, Colin. - Yeah. 228 00:08:07,207 --> 00:08:08,475 Don't-don't hug me. 229 00:08:08,476 --> 00:08:09,945 [Nandor] Guillermo, 230 00:08:09,946 --> 00:08:12,884 I know that this is a big change for you. 231 00:08:12,885 --> 00:08:15,122 But in life, we always go through big changes. 232 00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:18,328 For example, when I was a young boy, 233 00:08:18,329 --> 00:08:20,667 my favorite color was red. 234 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:24,073 But now, my favorite color is orange. 235 00:08:24,074 --> 00:08:26,445 Sorry, just remembered one thing. 236 00:08:26,446 --> 00:08:27,647 - [Guillermo] Yeah. - [Colin] "It's not 237 00:08:27,648 --> 00:08:30,252 "the number of breaths we take, 238 00:08:30,253 --> 00:08:34,260 but the number of moments that take our breath away." 239 00:08:34,261 --> 00:08:36,164 That's nice. Thank you. 240 00:08:36,165 --> 00:08:38,035 All right. Later. 241 00:08:38,036 --> 00:08:39,972 Goodbyes are hard. 242 00:08:39,973 --> 00:08:40,774 Yeah. 243 00:08:40,775 --> 00:08:42,911 I once waved farewell 244 00:08:42,912 --> 00:08:45,750 to a departing train for over three hours. 245 00:08:45,751 --> 00:08:48,789 And then I realized that it wasn't a train at all. 246 00:08:48,790 --> 00:08:51,762 It was a flatbed truck full of porta-potties. 247 00:08:51,763 --> 00:08:54,502 - One more quick one-- - I'm talking here. 248 00:08:54,503 --> 00:08:56,905 "We laughed until we had to cry. 249 00:08:56,906 --> 00:09:00,279 "We loved right down to our last goodbye. 250 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:04,487 We were the best." St. Elmo's Fire. 1985. 251 00:09:04,488 --> 00:09:06,424 Okay. Later. 252 00:09:06,425 --> 00:09:08,195 [Nandor] Guillermo... 253 00:09:08,196 --> 00:09:10,634 things end. 254 00:09:10,635 --> 00:09:11,936 And that hurts. 255 00:09:11,937 --> 00:09:13,371 It's just the suddenness of it all. 256 00:09:13,372 --> 00:09:14,608 It just is hitting me so quickly, you know? 257 00:09:14,609 --> 00:09:16,111 I just have all these feelings-- 258 00:09:16,112 --> 00:09:17,914 - Uh, Guillermo, you're Irish, right? - No. 259 00:09:17,915 --> 00:09:19,551 Okay, great, then you probably haven't heard this one. 260 00:09:19,552 --> 00:09:22,657 [Irish accent] "May the road rise up to meet you. 261 00:09:22,658 --> 00:09:25,362 "May the wind be always at your back. 262 00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:26,766 - May the sun..." - [sighs] 263 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:28,034 [normal voice] Fuck, I always forget this part. 264 00:09:28,035 --> 00:09:29,237 Yeah, why don't you think about it 265 00:09:29,238 --> 00:09:30,540 and come back, or just not. 266 00:09:30,541 --> 00:09:31,943 All right, I'll leave you guys to it. 267 00:09:33,179 --> 00:09:34,849 [Nandor sighs] Where was I? I can't even remember 268 00:09:34,850 --> 00:09:36,351 what the fuck I was saying. 269 00:09:36,352 --> 00:09:37,888 You were saying that... 270 00:09:37,889 --> 00:09:40,125 - [sighs] ...goodbyes are hard. - Yes. 271 00:09:40,126 --> 00:09:42,463 So why don't you stop being a little bitch, 272 00:09:42,464 --> 00:09:43,599 come downstairs, 273 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,635 and we can all be together 274 00:09:44,636 --> 00:09:46,238 during your hour of need. 275 00:09:46,239 --> 00:09:48,576 [singsongy] House meeting, house meeting! 276 00:09:48,577 --> 00:09:49,979 Oh, good, you are all here. 277 00:09:49,980 --> 00:09:51,549 - Excellent. - [Guillermo] Excuse me. 278 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:54,120 Uh, house meeting item number one: 279 00:09:54,121 --> 00:09:57,861 I want to talk about general hygiene in the cell. 280 00:09:57,862 --> 00:09:59,163 Please finish a whole victim first 281 00:09:59,164 --> 00:10:01,635 before moving on to the next one, okay? 282 00:10:01,636 --> 00:10:03,338 - Oh, yeah, that's nasty. - [Nadja] Copy that. 283 00:10:03,339 --> 00:10:05,008 - Shove it up your arsehole. - [Nandor] Just do it. 284 00:10:05,009 --> 00:10:06,845 [sighs] What else do we have here? 285 00:10:06,846 --> 00:10:09,885 Ah, yes, house meeting item number two: 286 00:10:09,886 --> 00:10:12,490 It has come to my attention that Guillermo 287 00:10:12,491 --> 00:10:14,293 has become very emotional 288 00:10:14,294 --> 00:10:16,498 because the documentary is ending. 289 00:10:16,499 --> 00:10:18,168 No, I'll be fine, thank you. 290 00:10:18,169 --> 00:10:20,238 - You are not fine, you're a blubbering mess. - I'm fine. 291 00:10:20,239 --> 00:10:21,508 And I think we should discuss it. 292 00:10:21,509 --> 00:10:22,677 Gizmo's become 293 00:10:22,678 --> 00:10:23,913 addicted to the limelight, 294 00:10:23,914 --> 00:10:25,584 - quite obviously. - [Guillermo] What? 295 00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:27,821 - No, I haven't. - [Laszlo] He is but a walking shadow. 296 00:10:27,822 --> 00:10:29,924 A poor player, who struts and frets 297 00:10:29,925 --> 00:10:34,000 his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more. 298 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:37,406 Laszlo, that is so profound. 299 00:10:37,407 --> 00:10:38,676 Thank you very much. 300 00:10:38,677 --> 00:10:40,279 I just thought of it a second ago. 301 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,250 You know what, one time I did see Guillermo 302 00:10:42,251 --> 00:10:44,922 take a little can of Pringles off 303 00:10:44,923 --> 00:10:48,462 the table of snacks that the documentary crew uses, 304 00:10:48,463 --> 00:10:50,232 so maybe he's worried 305 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,403 that he won't be able to steal food anymore? 306 00:10:52,404 --> 00:10:55,008 - Not stealing. - [Colin] No, he's sad because 307 00:10:55,009 --> 00:10:58,048 he has to end his secret affair with Nate the Boom Operator. 308 00:10:58,049 --> 00:10:59,951 - Ooh! - [Nandor] Guillermo, you dirty dog! 309 00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:01,856 - [Guillermo] What? - [Guide] You know, another time I saw Guillermo 310 00:11:01,857 --> 00:11:03,391 as many Tic Tacs 311 00:11:03,392 --> 00:11:05,295 - as he could fit in his hands. - [Guillermo] Okay... 312 00:11:05,296 --> 00:11:08,502 You people know nothing about human psychologies. 313 00:11:08,503 --> 00:11:10,072 Guillermo is afraid 314 00:11:10,073 --> 00:11:13,111 that he has wasted 16 years of his life serving us, 315 00:11:13,112 --> 00:11:14,949 and it has prevented him from growing 316 00:11:14,950 --> 00:11:16,919 - or changing in any way. - [Nandor] Good point. 317 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,756 The ending of this documentary 318 00:11:18,757 --> 00:11:20,125 is giving him a preview of the ending 319 00:11:20,126 --> 00:11:21,995 of his own frail, human life. 320 00:11:21,996 --> 00:11:24,166 Does that sound right, Gizmo? Does that resonate? 321 00:11:24,167 --> 00:11:27,607 I think the question that Gizmo is asking himself is: 322 00:11:27,608 --> 00:11:29,745 To be or not to be? 323 00:11:29,746 --> 00:11:32,416 Because that is the question 324 00:11:32,417 --> 00:11:34,822 Gizmo is asking himself. 325 00:11:34,823 --> 00:11:36,124 So eloquent. 326 00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:37,627 Again, just off the top of my head. 327 00:11:37,628 --> 00:11:39,430 [Nadja] Just gonna circle back to what I was saying. 328 00:11:39,431 --> 00:11:41,001 Guillermo is very worried 329 00:11:41,002 --> 00:11:43,171 that he will feel equally as unfulfilled 330 00:11:43,172 --> 00:11:44,908 by his own life's journey and meaning. 331 00:11:44,909 --> 00:11:46,310 Be well, everyone. 332 00:11:46,311 --> 00:11:47,748 - It's not-- - [Colin] I know what it is. 333 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:49,785 It's Greg the A-Camera Operator. 334 00:11:49,786 --> 00:11:52,356 Right? Is it Greg the A-Camera Operator 335 00:11:52,357 --> 00:11:53,993 - that you've been secretly fucking? - [Guillermo] No. 336 00:11:53,994 --> 00:11:56,865 And does Nate the Boom Operator know about this? 337 00:11:56,866 --> 00:11:59,638 - [Guillermo] I'm not having affairs with anyone. - [Nadja] Or is it Frank the grip 338 00:11:59,639 --> 00:12:01,040 that looks a lot like Nandor? 339 00:12:01,041 --> 00:12:02,810 [Nandor] He doesn't look like me. 340 00:12:02,811 --> 00:12:04,413 No, that's not it, uh, no. 341 00:12:04,414 --> 00:12:06,852 No offense. You must get upset that things end, right? 342 00:12:06,853 --> 00:12:09,758 Wouldn't mind if this house meeting ended soon. 343 00:12:09,759 --> 00:12:11,460 Well, so what if the documentary ends? 344 00:12:11,461 --> 00:12:12,764 Before you know it, 345 00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,400 a new documentary crew will come in 346 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,404 and make a whole new documentary about us. 347 00:12:16,405 --> 00:12:18,876 [scoffs] Well, that seems highly unlikely. 348 00:12:18,877 --> 00:12:20,913 Excuse me, this is not even 349 00:12:20,914 --> 00:12:23,185 the first documentary that was made about us. 350 00:12:23,186 --> 00:12:24,989 What? 351 00:12:27,595 --> 00:12:30,131 [Nandor singsongy] House meeting, house meeting! 352 00:12:30,132 --> 00:12:32,904 Oh, good, you are all here. Excellent. 353 00:12:32,905 --> 00:12:36,310 Right, uh, house meeting item number one: 354 00:12:36,311 --> 00:12:40,019 I want to talk about general hygiene in the cell. 355 00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:42,824 Please, please, please finish a whole victim 356 00:12:42,825 --> 00:12:44,694 before moving on to the next, okay? 357 00:12:44,695 --> 00:12:45,930 [all groaning] 358 00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:47,065 I wouldn't have to keep saying 359 00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:48,502 if you just did it. 360 00:12:48,503 --> 00:12:50,740 Jerry, yes, new business? 361 00:12:50,741 --> 00:12:52,844 - Extremely old business. - Hmm? 362 00:12:52,845 --> 00:12:54,480 I really think we need to start making 363 00:12:54,481 --> 00:12:56,318 more progress conquering America. 364 00:12:56,319 --> 00:12:58,689 Um, hello, we have been making some progress. 365 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,894 We've already got part of Ashley Street. 366 00:13:00,895 --> 00:13:02,496 Laszlo, are you hearing this? 367 00:13:02,497 --> 00:13:04,400 Yes, yes, very good, thank you. 368 00:13:04,401 --> 00:13:05,736 That's it. 369 00:13:05,737 --> 00:13:07,472 - Wait. Where are you going? - I'll tell you 370 00:13:07,473 --> 00:13:10,045 where I'm going: I'm going into super-slumber. 371 00:13:10,046 --> 00:13:11,849 He was always saying that. [chuckles] 372 00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:13,586 The cheek on him. 373 00:13:13,587 --> 00:13:14,888 Laszlo, hello? 374 00:13:14,889 --> 00:13:15,924 - Eureka! - [Nadja] What? 375 00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:17,059 I've got it! 376 00:13:17,060 --> 00:13:18,830 Now, if I increase the voltage 377 00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:21,636 to the diaphragm muscles, the heart should start beating 378 00:13:21,637 --> 00:13:23,372 of its own accord. 379 00:13:23,373 --> 00:13:26,311 Much like this. 380 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,283 - [gasps] - Oh, fucking hell. 381 00:13:29,284 --> 00:13:31,454 - [Nadja] Oh, Laszlo. - [Colin] Oh, hey. 382 00:13:31,455 --> 00:13:34,460 There's an article here on the water main break 383 00:13:34,461 --> 00:13:36,498 "'That was the worst flood I've seen 384 00:13:36,499 --> 00:13:38,603 "since the Great Flood of 1892,' 385 00:13:38,604 --> 00:13:42,242 said local resident Nandor Lee, a dentist." 386 00:13:42,243 --> 00:13:44,213 Nandor, you fucking idiot! 387 00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:46,283 Now everyone's got to know that we are vampires 388 00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,088 and that we have lived here from hundreds of years! 389 00:13:48,089 --> 00:13:50,158 [Laszlo] Everyone grab their disguises. 390 00:13:50,159 --> 00:13:52,229 We've got to hit the road before they come for us. 391 00:13:52,230 --> 00:13:53,365 [grunts] 392 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:56,036 Everybody, grab your go-bags! 393 00:13:56,037 --> 00:13:58,575 No! This is where we make our final stand! 394 00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,914 [shouting] 395 00:14:00,915 --> 00:14:03,218 [whimpering] Damn it! 396 00:14:03,219 --> 00:14:04,722 [Nandor] Maybe they don't think we are vampires. 397 00:14:04,723 --> 00:14:06,926 I just said that I am a dentist. 398 00:14:06,927 --> 00:14:08,428 No, you idiot! 399 00:14:08,429 --> 00:14:10,365 You said, "Nandor the Relentless." 400 00:14:10,366 --> 00:14:13,104 They thought you said, "Nandor Lee, a dentist." 401 00:14:13,105 --> 00:14:15,008 - [Nandor] Shit. - Who the fuck are you 402 00:14:15,009 --> 00:14:16,512 and how the fuck did you get in here? 403 00:14:16,513 --> 00:14:18,650 And a pleasure to meet you, young lady. 404 00:14:18,651 --> 00:14:20,754 My name's Daytona. 405 00:14:20,755 --> 00:14:22,222 Jackie Daytona. 406 00:14:22,223 --> 00:14:23,960 And I hail from Tucson. 407 00:14:23,961 --> 00:14:25,763 Tucson, Arizonia. 408 00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,199 Is this guy here to kill us? 409 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,370 - It's me, Laszlo. - [Nadja] Oh! 410 00:14:29,371 --> 00:14:33,679 Laszlo, did you just see the very sexy man from Arizonia? 411 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,683 You know what, never mind, we have to go and hit the road. 412 00:14:35,684 --> 00:14:38,956 - Yes, we should. - No, I surrender to no one. 413 00:14:38,957 --> 00:14:41,695 - I got to do one more thing, my darling. - Leave it! 414 00:14:41,696 --> 00:14:44,734 She thinks I'm gonna leave here without my witch's skin hat. 415 00:14:44,735 --> 00:14:48,475 - Well, that would be bullshit. - [Colin] I'm standing my ground! 416 00:14:48,476 --> 00:14:49,878 [explosion] 417 00:14:49,879 --> 00:14:52,583 [indistinct shouting] 418 00:14:52,584 --> 00:14:54,353 Wow. 419 00:14:54,354 --> 00:14:56,357 A lot of the stuff that happened while I was here 420 00:14:56,358 --> 00:14:58,395 happened before. 421 00:14:58,396 --> 00:15:00,399 I mean, there was no me in there, 422 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,402 but I was having very fun adventures. 423 00:15:02,403 --> 00:15:05,175 - So did the documentary ever come out? - [Nandor] No. 424 00:15:05,176 --> 00:15:07,614 They filmed us for ten years, but then they decided 425 00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:10,185 that they didn't have enough good material. 426 00:15:10,186 --> 00:15:12,422 Yeah, said it's just a bunch of boring people doing 427 00:15:12,423 --> 00:15:15,428 the same old shit day after day, nothing changes, 428 00:15:15,429 --> 00:15:18,603 no one ever grows, it's pointless, yada, yada. 429 00:15:18,604 --> 00:15:21,709 - That, too. - See, this is what I've been trying to say, you know? 430 00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:23,177 We've gotten a second chance 431 00:15:23,178 --> 00:15:25,215 to set the record straight on-on vampire life. 432 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:27,286 You can't stop filming just... [chuckles] Not now. 433 00:15:27,287 --> 00:15:28,722 They haven't even scratched the surface, 434 00:15:28,723 --> 00:15:30,993 you know, of the glory and majesty of vampirism. 435 00:15:30,994 --> 00:15:33,365 - They haven't even really... - Guillermo. Guillermo, sweetie? 436 00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:36,104 Would you mind if I used my deep understanding 437 00:15:36,105 --> 00:15:39,544 human psychologies to offer up some help for you? 438 00:15:39,545 --> 00:15:41,849 - No, thank you, I'm fine, Nadja. - Okay, well, I'm gonna do it anyway. 439 00:15:41,850 --> 00:15:44,921 I want you to know that I'm talking with you, not at you. 440 00:15:44,922 --> 00:15:46,892 - Thank you. - And I say this with love. 441 00:15:46,893 --> 00:15:49,030 [power voice] It's over! 442 00:15:49,031 --> 00:15:50,332 [screams] 443 00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:52,504 - Did you receive that, or... - What?! 444 00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:00,587 If you really feel like you need a special ending to this, 445 00:16:00,588 --> 00:16:02,891 you have about an hour to make it hap'n, cap'n. 446 00:16:02,892 --> 00:16:04,695 Actually, now, about a half hour. 447 00:16:04,696 --> 00:16:08,001 Why don't you do that little dance you've been dying to do, 448 00:16:08,002 --> 00:16:09,403 then we can call it a night. 449 00:16:09,404 --> 00:16:11,508 - Dance! Dance! - Come on, boy, dance! 450 00:16:11,509 --> 00:16:13,444 - Dance! Dance! Dance! - [all clamoring] 451 00:16:13,445 --> 00:16:16,283 Stop! We need an ending, it has to be good, okay? 452 00:16:16,284 --> 00:16:18,623 It has to be good and it has mean something. 453 00:16:19,357 --> 00:16:21,294 Give viewers emotional closure. 454 00:16:21,295 --> 00:16:22,997 [Colin] He's absolutely right. 455 00:16:22,998 --> 00:16:25,970 A lot of shows biff it when it comes to sticking the landing. 456 00:16:25,971 --> 00:16:27,372 I can't tell you how many comments 457 00:16:27,373 --> 00:16:29,343 I've written about this very topic. 458 00:16:29,344 --> 00:16:31,581 Check me out in the discussion threads 459 00:16:31,582 --> 00:16:34,788 on Reddit, IndieWire, Variety, Deadline, 460 00:16:34,789 --> 00:16:39,030 TV Guide, TV Insider, IMDb, Hollywood Reporter, 461 00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:41,200 - Den of Geek... - Ooh! Ooh! 462 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,938 I just got the perfect ending. 463 00:16:42,939 --> 00:16:44,239 Great. 464 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:46,277 - Mm-hmm? - Guillermo becomes a vampire. 465 00:16:46,278 --> 00:16:49,349 - [Guillermo] Fuck me. - We did that already, last year. 466 00:16:49,350 --> 00:16:51,454 - [Guide] Did we? - [Nandor] Yes, we did. 467 00:16:51,455 --> 00:16:53,191 We turned Guillermo into a vampire... 468 00:16:53,192 --> 00:16:54,695 - [sighs] - ...and then Guillermo decided 469 00:16:54,696 --> 00:16:56,565 -"I don't want to be a vampire anymore." - Okay... 470 00:16:56,566 --> 00:16:58,636 So we had to turn him back again. Took fucking ages. 471 00:16:58,637 --> 00:17:01,107 Really should have finished filming at that point, I think. 472 00:17:01,108 --> 00:17:02,877 - Great out. - Okay, come on. There has to be 473 00:17:02,878 --> 00:17:04,681 something we've learned over the past six years. 474 00:17:04,682 --> 00:17:06,483 You know, how we've grown. 475 00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,388 Life lesson. What have we learned? [chuckles] 476 00:17:08,389 --> 00:17:10,192 [quietly] Don't turn Guillermo into a fucking vampire. 477 00:17:10,193 --> 00:17:12,196 Okay. Anyone else? 478 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:13,498 [Nandor] Uh... 479 00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:14,902 [Guillermo] A lesson we've learned. 480 00:17:14,903 --> 00:17:16,404 - [chuckles softly] - [stammers] 481 00:17:16,405 --> 00:17:18,609 [Guillermo] How we've grown, how we've changed. 482 00:17:18,610 --> 00:17:20,412 Right? 483 00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:21,447 Anyone? 484 00:17:21,448 --> 00:17:23,451 Laszlo, come on. You're a man of science. 485 00:17:23,452 --> 00:17:26,257 Surely you must have learned something. 486 00:17:26,258 --> 00:17:27,660 Mm. All right, then. 487 00:17:27,661 --> 00:17:30,032 ♪♪ We've had lots of laughs ♪ 488 00:17:30,033 --> 00:17:31,167 Okay. 489 00:17:31,168 --> 00:17:33,371 ♪♪ Sucked lots of blood! ♪ 490 00:17:33,372 --> 00:17:34,473 Yeah. 491 00:17:34,474 --> 00:17:35,543 And then fucked each other senseless. 492 00:17:35,544 --> 00:17:36,578 [plays chord] 493 00:17:36,579 --> 00:17:37,847 - How's that? - [Nadja] Very nice. 494 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,083 Good. That's good. 495 00:17:39,084 --> 00:17:40,553 Anyone else. The-The Guide. 496 00:17:40,554 --> 00:17:42,455 You know what, sure. I-I think I might have 497 00:17:42,456 --> 00:17:44,093 - something to contribute. - [Guillermo] Thank you. 498 00:17:44,094 --> 00:17:45,763 - Great. - All right. [clears throat] 499 00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:49,403 So, all of us in this room are immigrants. 500 00:17:49,404 --> 00:17:52,276 - Mm. - We have come from far-off lands 501 00:17:52,277 --> 00:17:55,081 to this New World for a fresh start. 502 00:17:55,082 --> 00:17:57,620 - Mm. - And even though we're vampires... 503 00:17:57,621 --> 00:17:59,725 - [whispers] Some of us. - ...this country would not be 504 00:17:59,726 --> 00:18:01,127 what it is without us. 505 00:18:01,128 --> 00:18:04,000 And we would not be who we are 506 00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:06,103 without this country. 507 00:18:06,104 --> 00:18:07,373 - Mm. - Yes. Mm. - Yeah. 508 00:18:07,374 --> 00:18:08,842 - That's beautiful. - But lately, 509 00:18:08,843 --> 00:18:12,850 it seems like there are a lot of other immigrants 510 00:18:12,851 --> 00:18:15,856 entering this great country illegally. 511 00:18:15,857 --> 00:18:18,762 - Okay. I don't think we want to end on that note. - And we cannot-- What? 512 00:18:18,763 --> 00:18:20,833 - I'm just saying-- - So, uh, Colin, how 'bout you? 513 00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:22,302 - What have you learned? - [quietly] MAGAFV. 514 00:18:22,303 --> 00:18:24,240 - [Colin] Well-- - What? - MAGAFV. 515 00:18:24,241 --> 00:18:26,745 - Make America Great Again For Vampires. - [Guillermo chuckles nervously] 516 00:18:26,746 --> 00:18:29,449 We got to-- We need to edit that part out. 517 00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:31,454 - And probably burn that thing... - Oh, my big boy. 518 00:18:31,455 --> 00:18:34,728 This really is so much simpler than you are making it. 519 00:18:34,729 --> 00:18:37,601 If you really need this special ending, 520 00:18:37,602 --> 00:18:39,738 hello, I'm a vampire-- I can just hypnotize everyone 521 00:18:39,739 --> 00:18:41,107 who watches this and give them the ending 522 00:18:41,108 --> 00:18:42,744 they would find most satisfying. 523 00:18:42,745 --> 00:18:43,712 How would that even work? 524 00:18:43,713 --> 00:18:45,315 Like this. 525 00:18:45,316 --> 00:18:48,655 You who are watching this will now see 526 00:18:48,656 --> 00:18:53,198 the most perfect ending you could possibly imagine 527 00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:58,676 with your simple, little human minds... 528 00:19:01,916 --> 00:19:02,917 Honey? 529 00:19:02,918 --> 00:19:05,222 [audience laughing, clapping] 530 00:19:07,126 --> 00:19:08,729 - Honey, wake up. - Hmm? 531 00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:10,934 You won't believe the dream I just had. 532 00:19:10,935 --> 00:19:12,202 [groans softly] 533 00:19:12,203 --> 00:19:13,405 [audience laughs] 534 00:19:13,406 --> 00:19:15,075 Don't you want to hear about it? 535 00:19:15,076 --> 00:19:17,446 [groans softly] 536 00:19:18,182 --> 00:19:20,753 [audience laughter] 537 00:19:20,754 --> 00:19:22,758 [applause] 538 00:19:24,962 --> 00:19:27,466 All right, Nandor. What is it? 539 00:19:28,202 --> 00:19:30,338 I was a vampire, 540 00:19:30,339 --> 00:19:33,244 and I lived with a bunch of other vampires 541 00:19:33,245 --> 00:19:35,415 in this old house in Staten Island. 542 00:19:35,416 --> 00:19:38,889 I'm happy for you. Good night. 543 00:19:38,890 --> 00:19:43,131 Nothing... nothing made sense in this place. 544 00:19:43,132 --> 00:19:45,536 There was this vampire couple. 545 00:19:45,537 --> 00:19:49,644 He was like an old-timey British-type guy 546 00:19:49,645 --> 00:19:54,788 and his wife was from this small Mediterranean island, 547 00:19:54,789 --> 00:19:58,194 and she was, like, super aggressive 548 00:19:58,195 --> 00:20:00,064 and cleverer than me. 549 00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:02,202 [audience laughter] 550 00:20:02,203 --> 00:20:04,607 And there was this bald guy 551 00:20:04,608 --> 00:20:07,179 who was, like, really boring, 552 00:20:07,180 --> 00:20:09,383 but on purpose. 553 00:20:11,255 --> 00:20:14,427 And you were like my butler or something. 554 00:20:14,428 --> 00:20:16,565 Well, that settles it. 555 00:20:16,566 --> 00:20:19,771 No more Japanese food before you go to bed. 556 00:20:19,772 --> 00:20:21,106 Good night. 557 00:20:21,107 --> 00:20:23,211 [laughter, applause] 558 00:20:23,212 --> 00:20:25,214 [cheering, whistling] 559 00:20:25,215 --> 00:20:27,286 [Guillermo sighs softly] 560 00:20:29,190 --> 00:20:32,630 And we were all having sex with each other all the time. 561 00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:36,304 - Not with you, Guillermo. - [Guillermo] Go back to sleep. 562 00:20:36,305 --> 00:20:38,207 Good night, honey. 563 00:20:38,208 --> 00:20:40,547 ♪ ♪ 564 00:20:50,232 --> 00:20:51,367 So, will the hypnosis work? 565 00:20:51,368 --> 00:20:52,837 Probably? Maybe? 566 00:20:52,838 --> 00:20:55,341 I mean, I did use very extra powerful hypnosis, 567 00:20:55,342 --> 00:20:59,016 so anyone who watches, its IQ will drop by ten to 20 points 568 00:20:59,017 --> 00:21:00,853 due to their brain scramblies, 569 00:21:00,854 --> 00:21:03,758 but that's the price of business, is it not? 570 00:21:03,759 --> 00:21:05,529 [chuckles] 571 00:21:05,530 --> 00:21:08,535 I, uh, I actually have something I'd like to say, 572 00:21:08,536 --> 00:21:13,344 regarding what I've learned these past few years. 573 00:21:13,345 --> 00:21:15,214 We're born into families, 574 00:21:15,215 --> 00:21:18,789 and-and my family wasn't-wasn't great. 575 00:21:18,790 --> 00:21:22,328 But we also have our chosen families, 576 00:21:22,329 --> 00:21:24,800 the people who we choose 577 00:21:24,801 --> 00:21:26,972 - to surround ourselves with. - [Nadja] Mm. 578 00:21:26,973 --> 00:21:29,210 They may not be your blood relatives, 579 00:21:29,211 --> 00:21:33,552 but they look out for you and-and you look out for them. 580 00:21:33,553 --> 00:21:37,827 And they accept you for who you are 581 00:21:37,828 --> 00:21:41,134 and lift you up when y-you're down. 582 00:21:41,135 --> 00:21:46,276 Being here tonight with you guys makes me realize, um... 583 00:21:46,277 --> 00:21:48,281 - There, there. - ...makes me realize 584 00:21:48,282 --> 00:21:52,790 how much I dearly miss my chosen family, 585 00:21:52,791 --> 00:21:57,465 who all died in a steamboat accident in 1906, 586 00:21:57,466 --> 00:21:59,035 leaving me with no choice but to hang out 587 00:21:59,036 --> 00:22:01,006 - with you stinky turds. - Okay, you know what? 588 00:22:01,007 --> 00:22:03,512 - I tried and... - [Nandor] No, you know what, Guillermo? 589 00:22:03,513 --> 00:22:04,714 You are right. 590 00:22:04,715 --> 00:22:06,316 This is an important moment, 591 00:22:06,317 --> 00:22:07,920 and it requires important words. 592 00:22:07,921 --> 00:22:09,189 Excuse me? 593 00:22:09,190 --> 00:22:12,830 I, too, like Colin Robinson, have been thinking 594 00:22:12,831 --> 00:22:16,771 not just about this world, but my own life. 595 00:22:16,772 --> 00:22:19,944 From my humble beginnings as a foot soldier in Al Quolanudar 596 00:22:19,945 --> 00:22:23,084 to my reign of terror as a great warrior, 597 00:22:23,085 --> 00:22:24,554 pillaging and killing. 598 00:22:24,555 --> 00:22:26,323 I was riding my horse. 599 00:22:26,324 --> 00:22:27,459 From... 600 00:22:27,460 --> 00:22:28,763 from becoming a vampire 601 00:22:28,764 --> 00:22:30,566 to arriving in this land of plenty, 602 00:22:30,567 --> 00:22:32,837 I have lived a full life. 603 00:22:32,838 --> 00:22:35,075 But there's always been something missing. 604 00:22:35,076 --> 00:22:39,217 And it is now that I've realized what that something is. 605 00:22:39,952 --> 00:22:44,460 An underground crime-fighting lair accessible only 606 00:22:44,461 --> 00:22:46,430 - by an elevator-coffin thingy-- - [exhales] 607 00:22:46,431 --> 00:22:47,733 [Nandor] No, hear me out: 608 00:22:47,734 --> 00:22:49,704 Use a lever in the coffin, you pull it, 609 00:22:49,705 --> 00:22:51,106 - the floor opens up... - Okay. Okay. 610 00:22:51,107 --> 00:22:52,175 ...and the coffin dives down. 611 00:22:52,176 --> 00:22:53,679 - Okay. - I'm talking here. 612 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:54,681 Well, I feel like you've only thought about this 613 00:22:54,682 --> 00:22:56,051 for the last two weeks. 614 00:22:56,819 --> 00:22:58,588 Thank you for shitting on my dream. 615 00:22:58,589 --> 00:23:00,024 - I wasn't sh-- - In fact, you know, 616 00:23:00,025 --> 00:23:01,628 that's a really good name for this documentary. 617 00:23:01,629 --> 00:23:03,397 "Thank You for Shitting All Over My Dream." 618 00:23:03,398 --> 00:23:04,567 [Guillermo] Okay, fine. You know what? 619 00:23:04,568 --> 00:23:06,003 - I'm out. - Wait, no, Guillermo. 620 00:23:06,004 --> 00:23:07,640 Why don't you tell us what you've learned? 621 00:23:07,641 --> 00:23:08,975 Better still, why don't you tell us 622 00:23:08,976 --> 00:23:10,078 - in song? - Oh, yes. 623 00:23:10,079 --> 00:23:11,815 And you can do a little dance as well. 624 00:23:11,816 --> 00:23:13,417 - Yeah, and a jig, do a jig. - [Laszlo] Dance, boy. 625 00:23:13,418 --> 00:23:16,858 [all] Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance-- 626 00:23:16,859 --> 00:23:17,894 Silence! 627 00:23:17,895 --> 00:23:19,129 There'll be no dancing or jigging 628 00:23:19,130 --> 00:23:20,298 or singing. 629 00:23:20,299 --> 00:23:21,568 Guillermo, you have the floor. 630 00:23:21,569 --> 00:23:23,004 Speak from the heart. 631 00:23:23,005 --> 00:23:24,339 Okay. 632 00:23:24,340 --> 00:23:25,475 I believe in you. 633 00:23:25,476 --> 00:23:27,546 - Thank you. - Make it good. 634 00:23:27,547 --> 00:23:29,149 - I guess-- - For the camera. 635 00:23:29,150 --> 00:23:30,251 Okay. 636 00:23:30,252 --> 00:23:32,857 - I guess-- - For that camera. 637 00:23:34,360 --> 00:23:36,430 - I guess-- - Sounds perfect. 638 00:23:36,431 --> 00:23:38,502 Um, so... 639 00:23:39,370 --> 00:23:41,206 I guess I came to this house 640 00:23:41,207 --> 00:23:44,312 because I wanted to be a vampire. 641 00:23:44,313 --> 00:23:46,951 And I became one. 642 00:23:46,952 --> 00:23:48,622 Well, briefly. 643 00:23:48,623 --> 00:23:51,060 It just wasn't for me, um... 644 00:23:51,061 --> 00:23:54,534 - [Monster grunts] - But I stayed in the house. 645 00:23:54,535 --> 00:23:56,805 And why did I stay? Well... [chuckles softly] 646 00:23:56,806 --> 00:24:00,345 I mean, for 16 years I was chasing this dream, 647 00:24:00,346 --> 00:24:02,049 you know, and when that dream was... 648 00:24:02,050 --> 00:24:05,154 - [Monster grunting] - ...gone, I still stayed. 649 00:24:05,155 --> 00:24:06,959 [Nadja] My darling, what is he doing? 650 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,696 - [Laszlo] He's fucking that bear. - I think... 651 00:24:08,697 --> 00:24:10,398 humans like to think that we have thousands of roads 652 00:24:10,399 --> 00:24:12,269 - we can choose from, right? - [Nadja] Can you make him stop? 653 00:24:12,270 --> 00:24:14,339 - You only have two, really. - [Laszlo] I don't think I can. 654 00:24:14,340 --> 00:24:16,912 - He'll stop when he's finished... - You're only always leaving home 655 00:24:16,913 --> 00:24:19,083 or you're always coming back to home. 656 00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:20,686 - [Guide] I don't mind that he's humping the bear... - What is home? 657 00:24:20,687 --> 00:24:22,389 Glad you asked. Home is essentially... 658 00:24:22,390 --> 00:24:24,225 [Guide] ...but it seems like he's making eye contact with me 659 00:24:24,226 --> 00:24:26,030 - directly while he does it. - ...where your friends are. 660 00:24:26,031 --> 00:24:27,866 - Friends... - Maybe don't make eye contact with him 661 00:24:27,867 --> 00:24:29,169 - and he'll stop humping it. - Sorry, are you hearing me? 662 00:24:29,170 --> 00:24:30,940 Is the mic gonna pick it up? Just... 663 00:24:30,941 --> 00:24:31,908 - I was talking. Friends... - [Monster] Guide lady, look, me. 664 00:24:31,909 --> 00:24:33,244 ...who are there 665 00:24:33,245 --> 00:24:34,981 - to build you up, you know? - [Nandor] Worth a try. 666 00:24:34,982 --> 00:24:36,785 They are there to support you. They weren't just... 667 00:24:36,786 --> 00:24:38,187 [Nadja] You know, I was finding this annoying, but... 668 00:24:38,188 --> 00:24:39,891 They're there, they become a part of you. 669 00:24:39,892 --> 00:24:41,326 [Nadja] But now I'm finding it very erotic. 670 00:24:41,327 --> 00:24:43,030 - They've made you who you are. - [Monster groans] 671 00:24:43,031 --> 00:24:44,701 - They are your everything. - [others exclaiming] 672 00:24:44,702 --> 00:24:45,434 - [Colin] He found a hole somewhere. - [applause] 673 00:24:45,435 --> 00:24:46,705 Thank you. 674 00:24:47,507 --> 00:24:48,742 Oh, okay. 675 00:24:48,743 --> 00:24:50,045 I guess they're clapping for the Monster 676 00:24:50,046 --> 00:24:51,748 and whatever they did with the bear. 677 00:24:51,749 --> 00:24:53,652 Guillermo, you won't believe what just happened. 678 00:24:53,653 --> 00:24:55,956 The Monster fucked that bear. 679 00:24:55,957 --> 00:24:58,094 [mimics Johnny Carson] Some wild and wacky stuff. 680 00:24:58,095 --> 00:25:00,398 Okay, and now he's ripped his penis off. 681 00:25:00,399 --> 00:25:02,603 - Oh, no. - [Laszlo] He's handing it to The Guide. 682 00:25:02,604 --> 00:25:04,272 And they say romance is dead. 683 00:25:04,273 --> 00:25:06,812 - [weak chuckle] - Well, if Gizmo is not gonna sing... 684 00:25:06,813 --> 00:25:08,414 - Cheers. - [Laszlo] ...then I might. 685 00:25:08,415 --> 00:25:10,184 - Yeah. No. - [Nandor] I'd love to sing a song. 686 00:25:10,185 --> 00:25:11,588 [Laszlo] Want to join? 687 00:25:11,589 --> 00:25:13,591 - You guys go ahead. - [Nadja clears throat] 688 00:25:13,592 --> 00:25:17,733 ♪♪ We'll meet again ♪ 689 00:25:17,734 --> 00:25:20,606 ♪♪ Don't know where ♪ 690 00:25:20,607 --> 00:25:24,279 ♪♪ Don't know when... ♪ 691 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:25,983 [Laszlo] Everyone join in. 692 00:25:25,984 --> 00:25:29,590 ♪♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪ 693 00:25:29,591 --> 00:25:34,300 ♪♪ Some sunny day ♪ 694 00:25:35,570 --> 00:25:37,305 [sniffles] 695 00:25:37,306 --> 00:25:41,213 ♪♪ Keep smiling through ♪ 696 00:25:41,214 --> 00:25:44,252 ♪♪ Just like you ♪ 697 00:25:44,253 --> 00:25:47,426 ♪♪ Always do ♪ 698 00:25:47,427 --> 00:25:52,636 ♪♪ Till the blue skies drive the dark clouds ♪ 699 00:25:52,637 --> 00:25:55,776 ♪♪ Far away ♪ 700 00:25:55,777 --> 00:25:57,479 [Laszlo] Everyone except The Guide! 701 00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:01,655 ♪♪ So will you please say hello ♪ 702 00:26:01,656 --> 00:26:04,259 ♪♪ To the folks that I know ♪ 703 00:26:04,260 --> 00:26:08,368 ♪♪ Tell them it won't be long. ♪ 704 00:26:14,246 --> 00:26:17,118 Guillermo, I was very moved by your final words of wisdom 705 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,022 to camera. 706 00:26:19,023 --> 00:26:20,158 Thank you. 707 00:26:21,762 --> 00:26:23,632 To be honest, Guillermo, 708 00:26:23,633 --> 00:26:25,168 I was also a little sad 709 00:26:25,169 --> 00:26:27,506 when they said the documentary was ending. 710 00:26:27,507 --> 00:26:30,612 But after giving it a lot of thought, 711 00:26:30,613 --> 00:26:32,683 I think it's a good thing that 712 00:26:32,684 --> 00:26:36,056 the cameras aren't filming us all the time. 713 00:26:36,057 --> 00:26:37,225 Why's that? 714 00:26:37,226 --> 00:26:38,662 Lots of reasons. 715 00:26:38,663 --> 00:26:41,333 S... Such as? 716 00:26:41,334 --> 00:26:44,640 You know those big lights that they use when they film us? 717 00:26:44,641 --> 00:26:47,279 - Mm-hmm. - Sometimes they get too hot. 718 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,018 When they do, they give off a smell. 719 00:26:50,019 --> 00:26:52,556 And when I smell that smell, 720 00:26:52,557 --> 00:26:54,828 I think my hair's on fire. 721 00:26:55,897 --> 00:26:57,700 So I definitely won't miss that. 722 00:26:57,701 --> 00:26:58,902 And how 'bout one... 723 00:26:58,903 --> 00:27:00,940 one of the other reasons? 724 00:27:02,544 --> 00:27:04,346 Actually, no, that's it. 725 00:27:06,251 --> 00:27:07,987 [Nandor] Mm... 726 00:27:07,988 --> 00:27:09,657 [sighs] 727 00:27:09,658 --> 00:27:11,527 - Wait. - Yes? 728 00:27:11,528 --> 00:27:13,231 I think you should know that... 729 00:27:13,966 --> 00:27:16,037 ...tomorrow, when you wake up... 730 00:27:16,772 --> 00:27:18,441 ...I won't be here. 731 00:27:19,210 --> 00:27:21,615 What even are you talking about, Guillermo? 732 00:27:21,616 --> 00:27:22,650 [inhales deeply] 733 00:27:22,651 --> 00:27:24,119 It's time to move on. 734 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:27,058 It's been time for me to move on for... 735 00:27:27,059 --> 00:27:28,762 quite a while now. [chuckles softly] 736 00:27:28,763 --> 00:27:30,567 And with... 737 00:27:31,301 --> 00:27:34,073 ...the documentary and everything ending... 738 00:27:34,808 --> 00:27:38,615 I mean, what other kind of sign do I need from the universe? 739 00:27:38,616 --> 00:27:41,387 [inhales sharply] So, I'm going... 740 00:27:41,388 --> 00:27:42,557 to do that. 741 00:27:42,558 --> 00:27:44,727 But what about us joining forces 742 00:27:44,728 --> 00:27:47,432 and fighting crime in a coequal partnership, 743 00:27:47,433 --> 00:27:50,271 operating out of a hidden underground lair 744 00:27:50,272 --> 00:27:54,681 accessible exclusively by a top-secret coffin elevator? 745 00:27:54,682 --> 00:27:56,484 Tell you what... 746 00:27:57,253 --> 00:27:59,523 - ...wherever I go... - Hmm? 747 00:27:59,524 --> 00:28:01,126 ...wherever I am, 748 00:28:01,127 --> 00:28:03,832 - I'll look at the news every night. - Hmm. 749 00:28:03,833 --> 00:28:08,040 And if I ever hear of some magnificent, 750 00:28:08,041 --> 00:28:11,514 fearsome half-man, half-bat 751 00:28:11,515 --> 00:28:14,019 bringing evildoers to justice... 752 00:28:15,155 --> 00:28:16,825 ...I'll know who that was. 753 00:28:16,826 --> 00:28:18,227 Because it will be me. 754 00:28:18,228 --> 00:28:21,466 Yeah. That's kind of what I meant. 755 00:28:21,467 --> 00:28:25,175 Goodbye, Guillermo. 756 00:28:28,248 --> 00:28:29,818 [whispering] Goodbye, Master. 757 00:28:29,819 --> 00:28:32,322 You can call me "Nandor." 758 00:28:34,595 --> 00:28:36,297 I know. 759 00:28:38,167 --> 00:28:41,274 But you'll always be "Master" to me. 760 00:28:43,946 --> 00:28:45,548 ["We'll Meet Again" by Guy Lombardo playing] 761 00:28:45,549 --> 00:28:47,652 ♪♪ We'll meet again ♪ 762 00:28:47,653 --> 00:28:49,757 ♪♪ Don't know where ♪ 763 00:28:49,758 --> 00:28:52,028 ♪♪ Don't know when ♪ 764 00:28:52,029 --> 00:28:54,800 ♪♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪ 765 00:28:54,801 --> 00:28:57,439 ♪♪ Some sunny day ♪ 766 00:29:00,212 --> 00:29:02,650 ♪♪ Keep smiling through ♪ 767 00:29:02,651 --> 00:29:06,591 ♪♪ Just like you always do ♪ 768 00:29:06,592 --> 00:29:08,928 ♪♪ Till the blue skies ♪ 769 00:29:08,929 --> 00:29:12,604 ♪♪ Drive the dark clouds far away ♪ 770 00:29:13,405 --> 00:29:16,310 ♪♪ So will you please say hello ♪ 771 00:29:16,311 --> 00:29:18,247 ♪♪ To the folks that I know ♪ 772 00:29:18,248 --> 00:29:20,687 ♪♪ Tell them I won't be long ♪ 773 00:29:21,822 --> 00:29:24,259 - ♪♪ They'll be happy to know ♪ - [Nate] Tail slate. 774 00:29:24,260 --> 00:29:26,029 ♪♪ That as you saw me go ♪ 775 00:29:26,030 --> 00:29:28,969 - ♪♪ I was singing this song ♪ - Ladder. 776 00:29:29,771 --> 00:29:32,943 ♪♪ We'll meet again ♪ 777 00:29:32,944 --> 00:29:34,847 - Mark it. - ♪♪ Don't know where ♪ 778 00:29:34,848 --> 00:29:37,052 ♪♪ Don't know when ♪ 779 00:29:37,053 --> 00:29:39,824 ♪♪ But I know we'll meet again ♪ 780 00:29:39,825 --> 00:29:41,894 - ♪♪ Some sunny day... ♪ - Hi, sorry. Excuse me. 781 00:29:41,895 --> 00:29:43,397 Sorry. Sorry, guys. 782 00:29:43,398 --> 00:29:45,769 Sorry. Just a minute. I need to... 783 00:29:45,770 --> 00:29:47,138 [Nate] Hold the work. 784 00:29:47,139 --> 00:29:49,142 - Thank you. - [Nate] Yeah. 785 00:29:49,143 --> 00:29:50,980 Sorry. 786 00:29:55,222 --> 00:29:58,995 Guillermo, I thought I'd never see you again. 787 00:29:58,996 --> 00:30:00,532 No, I just said those things because 788 00:30:00,533 --> 00:30:02,101 I wanted to give the documentary an ending. 789 00:30:02,102 --> 00:30:03,738 So we can commence with 790 00:30:03,739 --> 00:30:05,642 our crime-fighting partnership? 791 00:30:05,643 --> 00:30:06,844 No. 792 00:30:06,845 --> 00:30:09,049 I really do need to do my own thing. 793 00:30:09,050 --> 00:30:10,986 But... just because we don't work together 794 00:30:10,987 --> 00:30:12,488 doesn't mean we can't be friends. 795 00:30:12,489 --> 00:30:13,725 Friends. 796 00:30:13,726 --> 00:30:14,961 Yeah. 797 00:30:14,962 --> 00:30:16,731 Guillermo, I have never allowed you 798 00:30:16,732 --> 00:30:19,136 to do this before, but... 799 00:30:21,876 --> 00:30:23,612 ...come and sit with me inside my coffin. 800 00:30:23,613 --> 00:30:25,949 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 801 00:30:25,950 --> 00:30:27,419 [laughs] Oh... 802 00:30:31,628 --> 00:30:33,097 To be friends would be cool. 803 00:30:33,098 --> 00:30:36,403 But you know what would be really cool? 804 00:30:36,404 --> 00:30:38,509 What? 805 00:30:42,483 --> 00:30:43,819 Are you kidding me? 806 00:30:43,820 --> 00:30:46,256 What? When did you do this? 807 00:30:46,257 --> 00:30:47,960 I've been working on it a while. 808 00:30:47,961 --> 00:30:49,162 Well, does it work? 809 00:30:49,163 --> 00:30:50,932 There's only one way to find out. 810 00:30:50,933 --> 00:30:53,839 - Guillermo, let's roll. - Wait, wait, wait, wait! 811 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:58,046 [screaming] 812 00:30:58,047 --> 00:31:01,254 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org 813 00:31:01,989 --> 00:31:05,162 ♪♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 814 00:31:05,897 --> 00:31:09,503 ♪♪ Say goodbye, my baby ♪ 815 00:31:09,504 --> 00:31:13,611 ♪♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 816 00:31:13,612 --> 00:31:16,751 ♪♪ Say goodbye, my baby ♪ 817 00:31:16,752 --> 00:31:19,890 [Nandor on film] Now, before we go into the reading of the... 818 00:31:19,891 --> 00:31:21,661 So, this is a rough cut, right? 819 00:31:21,662 --> 00:31:22,963 You're open to notes? 820 00:31:22,964 --> 00:31:24,332 [Nadja] Shh, Colin Robinson. 821 00:31:24,333 --> 00:31:26,604 Please, finish a whole victim 822 00:31:26,605 --> 00:31:28,741 before moving on to a next one, okay? 823 00:31:28,742 --> 00:31:30,110 I do say that a lot, don't I? 824 00:31:30,111 --> 00:31:32,950 So, this is going to be on the television? 825 00:31:32,951 --> 00:31:34,554 I bloody hope not. 826 00:31:34,555 --> 00:31:36,356 Well, I get the gist. 827 00:31:36,357 --> 00:31:37,693 [Nandor on film] It's not hygienic! 828 00:31:37,694 --> 00:31:38,928 [Nandor] I think I do, too. 829 00:31:38,929 --> 00:31:42,435 [both hissing] 830 00:31:42,436 --> 00:31:45,408 ♪♪ Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes ♪ 831 00:31:45,409 --> 00:31:50,217 ♪♪ I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again ♪ 832 00:31:50,218 --> 00:31:53,958 ♪♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 833 00:31:53,959 --> 00:31:57,498 ♪♪ Say goodbye, my baby ♪ 834 00:31:57,499 --> 00:32:01,039 ♪♪ Say goodbye to Hollywood ♪ 835 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,978 ♪♪ Say goodbye ♪ 836 00:32:03,979 --> 00:32:07,285 ♪♪ My baby. ♪