1
00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:28,680
What the...

2
00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:32,620
Who the hell gave you permission

3
00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:34,680
to monkey around
with my precious volumes?

4
00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:36,266
I have no idea what
you're talking about.

5
00:00:36,290 --> 00:00:37,590
What has he done now?

6
00:00:37,650 --> 00:00:39,466
He's been monkeying around
with my precious volumes.

7
00:00:39,490 --> 00:00:42,830
- No, I haven't been monkey... I haven't touched your books.
- Oh, really?

8
00:00:42,890 --> 00:00:45,190
Well, explain this.

9
00:00:45,260 --> 00:00:46,960
Shit, he's taken it up a notch.

10
00:00:47,030 --> 00:00:48,230
That's worse than before.

11
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:50,330
Guillermo, why would you
do such a thing?

12
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,376
I didn't do it. I-I haven't even
been in this room.

13
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:53,540
I wasn't even here.

14
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:54,640
Well, you're in there now.

15
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:56,570
- What's going on?
- It's Gizmo.

16
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,510
He's been causing havoc
in the household.

17
00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,840
Ooh.

18
00:01:00,910 --> 00:01:02,710
Look. Look.

19
00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:09,150
"Laszlo sucks," backwards.

20
00:01:09,220 --> 00:01:10,720
Laszlo doesn't suck.

21
00:01:10,790 --> 00:01:13,020
And if he did, he certainly
wouldn't do it backwards.

22
00:01:13,090 --> 00:01:14,020
I didn't write it.

23
00:01:14,090 --> 00:01:16,160
Hmm.

24
00:01:16,230 --> 00:01:17,790
We've got ghosts.

25
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:19,130
Bullshit.

26
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,370
♪♪ Don't sing if you want
to live long ♪♪

27
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,740
♪♪ They have no use
for your song ♪♪

28
00:01:28,810 --> 00:01:31,510
♪♪ You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead ♪♪

29
00:01:31,570 --> 00:01:35,810
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world ♪♪

30
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,880
♪♪ Now your hope and compassion
is gone ♪♪

31
00:01:38,950 --> 00:01:41,680
♪♪ You sold out your dream
to the world ♪♪

32
00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:43,950
♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead ♪♪

33
00:01:44,020 --> 00:01:46,890
♪♪ You're dead
and out of this world. ♪♪

34
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:58,640
A ghost is the spirit
of a person who has died,

35
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:01,970
but still has unfinished
business

36
00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:03,070
on this mortal plane.

37
00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:04,316
There's no such thing as ghosts.

38
00:02:04,340 --> 00:02:05,680
Okay, here we go again.

39
00:02:05,740 --> 00:02:07,086
My wife comes from
the kind of town

40
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:09,480
that believes in all this kind
of superstitious nonsense.

41
00:02:09,550 --> 00:02:11,550
She also thinks
goblins are real.

42
00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:13,920
Personally, I'm a man
of science.

43
00:02:13,980 --> 00:02:16,750
All right, then, Dr. Arsehole,
how does your science

44
00:02:16,820 --> 00:02:19,290
- explain what we just saw?
- Now, you see,

45
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:20,920
it can be one of two things.

46
00:02:20,990 --> 00:02:22,160
One, a mercurical zephyr.

47
00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:24,190
Two, it's a farrago of gasses,

48
00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:25,700
possibly from a peat bog.

49
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,860
Now, if you capture these
and add them together,

50
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:30,770
using yellow bile
from a plague victim...

51
00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:33,240
you've got what
looks like a ghost.

52
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:35,240
- But it's science.
- Ooh!

53
00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:36,970
Ghosts are

54
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,780
the stuff of fairy tales.

55
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,980
Stories we tell children
to frighten out

56
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,810
their excess energy
so that they might

57
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:46,480
- slumber more peacefully.
- Huh.

58
00:02:48,420 --> 00:02:50,490
Did you say something?

59
00:02:50,550 --> 00:02:52,890
I'm sorry, vampires are real,
but ghosts are not?

60
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:57,290
He's heard too many
fairy stories from Nadja.

61
00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:58,436
No, I actually just want
to make sure

62
00:02:58,460 --> 00:02:59,530
we're on the same page.

63
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:01,530
You know, after years
of working for you,

64
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,830
a known vampire, I have seen

65
00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:05,840
werewolves, necromancers...

66
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,670
a zombie and several Babadooks,

67
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:09,970
but a ghost, that's where
we draw the line.

68
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,440
Several?
You saw one Bababook.

69
00:03:12,510 --> 00:03:15,210
- Several Ba...
- Don't exaggerate.

70
00:03:16,350 --> 00:03:18,210
Do I believe in ghosts?
Uh, no.

71
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:19,720
Color me skeptical.

72
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:24,290
Um, though, maybe it's ghosts
that are always stealing

73
00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:28,190
that one sock from the dryer.

74
00:03:28,260 --> 00:03:31,960
I've been experimenting
with, uh, humor

75
00:03:32,030 --> 00:03:34,360
to drain energy.

76
00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:37,000
Which reminds me,
does anyone here

77
00:03:37,070 --> 00:03:38,970
have any updog?

78
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,370
Updog?

79
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,240
If I didn't know what updog was,

80
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:46,510
I would at least ask-ask me.

81
00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:52,880
Hey, everybody, look at
my enormous crystal balls.

82
00:03:52,950 --> 00:03:56,820
Maybe these ghosts will
bring with them some updog.

83
00:03:56,890 --> 00:04:01,490
Guillermo, did you get my joke
about my enormous balls?

84
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:04,030
- I did, Master.
- Silence!

85
00:04:04,090 --> 00:04:05,160
The time is nigh.

86
00:04:05,230 --> 00:04:06,900
Everybody join hands.

87
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:08,970
Sorry if my hands are
a little oily.

88
00:04:09,030 --> 00:04:11,500
It's from my rash cream.

89
00:04:11,570 --> 00:04:14,500
Troubled spirits, draw ye near.

90
00:04:14,570 --> 00:04:19,040
Uncloak yourselves
and reveal to us your forms

91
00:04:19,110 --> 00:04:20,340
on this terrestrial plane.

92
00:04:20,410 --> 00:04:24,010
I beseech you,
using the ancient words.

93
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,410
'Eye' tis ka lay

94
00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:29,520
ksenikon e patroion,
e pakouston e foraton e keye,

95
00:04:29,590 --> 00:04:31,390
kath-eye-restho hon-'pear'

96
00:04:31,450 --> 00:04:33,920
apokatharet-eye.

97
00:04:35,890 --> 00:04:37,260
Mm...

98
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:46,540
- Guillermo, did you make a fart?
- No.

99
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,940
I think someone summoned
a breakfast burrito.

100
00:04:49,010 --> 00:04:49,940
Silence!

101
00:04:50,010 --> 00:04:51,840
A spirit is struggling
to be heard.

102
00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:55,910
Is it maybe a spirit
who's struggling with IBS?

103
00:04:57,810 --> 00:04:59,780
You have ruined
the energy of the séance

104
00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:02,690
with your toilet potty
poo-poo-mouth humor!

105
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:06,060
And a price will be paid.
You fools!

106
00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:10,690
Nadja, we were only joking.

107
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:11,930
Idiots.

108
00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:23,170
Oh, yes.

109
00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:26,040
Jeff... Jesk.

110
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:27,840
So you are a ghost now, yes?

111
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,380
My Nadja.

112
00:05:30,450 --> 00:05:32,110
For an eternity,
I have longed to hear

113
00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:34,850
your sweet, angelic voice
say my name again.

114
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:36,850
Well, it's only been a few
months since you died,

115
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:40,220
but that's...
Thank you, very nice.

116
00:05:40,290 --> 00:05:42,090
I have missed you so.

117
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,460
Sorry, can I just stop you?

118
00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:45,560
It's really weird
with you down there.

119
00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:46,906
If you could... Sorry, the head.

120
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,706
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

121
00:05:48,730 --> 00:05:50,406
- Put it back on the neck. Sorry, it's just...
- Right, right, right, right.

122
00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:52,900
- Duh. Ew.
- Ugh.

123
00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:53,970
This is better, huh?

124
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:54,800
So much better.

125
00:05:54,870 --> 00:05:58,140
- Thanks.
- So, Jesk, what can I...

126
00:05:58,210 --> 00:06:00,740
Um, sorry for not taking you
seriously, my darling.

127
00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:03,450
And what do you
think about it now?

128
00:06:03,510 --> 00:06:05,080
What do I think about what?

129
00:06:05,150 --> 00:06:06,280
Jesk, say something.

130
00:06:06,350 --> 00:06:08,420
Hey, thanks for
cutting my head off.

131
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:10,920
- Again. You dick.
- Now, now.

132
00:06:10,990 --> 00:06:12,960
He was just doing
his husbandly duties.

133
00:06:13,020 --> 00:06:14,990
Who are you talking to,
my darling?

134
00:06:15,060 --> 00:06:16,160
Can't you see him?

135
00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:18,930
There's nobody there, my dear.
Are you okay?

136
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,160
- He's sitting right there.
- There's no one there.

137
00:06:21,230 --> 00:06:22,800
- But he's...
- I'll, uh,

138
00:06:22,870 --> 00:06:24,230
just go back inside
and leave you

139
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,940
to, uh, talking to the air.

140
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:31,110
Shit.

141
00:06:31,170 --> 00:06:32,680
Nandor!

142
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,840
- There's a fucking ghost on the front lawn.
- What?

143
00:06:34,910 --> 00:06:36,850
- Not you, too.
- I couldn't believe it myself.

144
00:06:36,910 --> 00:06:39,780
But what mine own eyes have
seen, mine own eyes have seen.

145
00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:40,896
I pretended I couldn't see it,

146
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,820
which will give us
the element of surprise.

147
00:06:42,890 --> 00:06:46,020
- Okay. Okay.
- We must act quickly.

148
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:47,220
Take the large one.

149
00:06:47,290 --> 00:06:48,360
Yes, good idea.

150
00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:50,590
Yeah, that's better.

151
00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,530
Right, where's this
fucking ghost?!

152
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,500
Ghost stuff.

153
00:06:56,570 --> 00:07:00,240
Aah! Get ready to swallow
my sword!

154
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,540
But it's... What the fuck?

155
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,880
Whoa, shit.

156
00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:11,910
- That's wild.
- Thank you!

157
00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:12,465
- So, this...

158
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:14,220
- You need to keep your
voice down, otherwise

159
00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:16,420
- that thing will hear us.
- I can hear you.

160
00:07:16,490 --> 00:07:17,690
Now look what you've done.

161
00:07:17,750 --> 00:07:19,720
- What is this gloopy shit?
- Huh.

162
00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:21,060
Looks like ectoplasm.

163
00:07:21,120 --> 00:07:23,360
- Is that right?
- I guess so.

164
00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:27,200
- Is there any in my hair?
- Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

165
00:07:27,260 --> 00:07:28,330
Guillermo, tissue, please.

166
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:30,330
- Quite a bit.
- Fucking guy.

167
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,506
That thing needs to be gone.

168
00:07:31,530 --> 00:07:32,740
He's not going to hurt us.

169
00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,340
- You're not going to hurt them, right?
- No.

170
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:36,740
I'm not gonna hurt you guys.

171
00:07:36,810 --> 00:07:38,116
I'm just here to scare
you guys. Bollocks.

172
00:07:38,140 --> 00:07:39,716
- Well, we're not scared.
- You should be scared of us.

173
00:07:39,740 --> 00:07:41,540
- Calm down.
- Really?

174
00:07:41,610 --> 00:07:43,110
How about now?

175
00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:45,210
- Been there, done that.
- How about now?

176
00:07:49,650 --> 00:07:50,990
Cut it out!

177
00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:53,420
Would you stop it!?

178
00:07:53,490 --> 00:07:55,760
Pardon me, ghost.

179
00:07:55,830 --> 00:07:57,490
Later, man.
It was nice meeting you.

180
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,130
So here's the situation.

181
00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:03,300
Every time my human ex-lover
is reincarnated,

182
00:08:03,370 --> 00:08:06,440
our bodies call to one another.

183
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:10,510
But without a body,
he's all Jesk and no Gregor.

184
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:11,810
And it stinks.

185
00:08:11,870 --> 00:08:14,710
My unfinished business,
how it torments me.

186
00:08:14,780 --> 00:08:18,920
- Please, help me complete it so I may leave this plane.
- Sure.

187
00:08:18,980 --> 00:08:21,150
But what, exactly,
do you want me to do?

188
00:08:21,220 --> 00:08:23,890
Just, like, swear that
you'll help me...

189
00:08:23,950 --> 00:08:25,860
Do what?! No.
I don't have time for this.

190
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,820
My husband is shitting himself
down the road.

191
00:08:27,890 --> 00:08:30,060
All right, all right.
I love you.

192
00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:33,260
And a little to the left.

193
00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:36,100
It sort of looks like updog.

194
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:38,940
These ghosts, what are they?

195
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,300
Humans have bodies.

196
00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:42,670
And within the body
resides the spirit.

197
00:08:42,740 --> 00:08:45,810
When the human dies,
the spirit is released.

198
00:08:45,880 --> 00:08:48,380
And that spirit is a ghost!

199
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,150
We are all dead, technically.

200
00:08:51,210 --> 00:08:52,480
You, me and Laszlo.

201
00:08:52,550 --> 00:08:54,920
Each of us died
when we became vampires.

202
00:08:54,980 --> 00:08:56,790
Colin Robinson
I'm not so sure about.

203
00:08:56,850 --> 00:08:58,150
But the three of us.

204
00:08:58,220 --> 00:09:01,120
Yeah, I'm not positive
what my deal is either,

205
00:09:01,190 --> 00:09:03,790
so I just sort of
keep on truckin'.

206
00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:05,360
But what is the point?

207
00:09:05,430 --> 00:09:07,730
If we are technically dead,
like he says,

208
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:09,100
could ghosts of us exist?

209
00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:12,000
No, but...

210
00:09:12,070 --> 00:09:13,270
Huh.

211
00:09:13,340 --> 00:09:16,570
- Hmm.
- Hmm.

212
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,670
Huh...

213
00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:20,580
- Not now.
- Shut up.

214
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,680
Hootorektas e-'pay' k-elastero

215
00:09:23,750 --> 00:09:25,580
kath-eye-restho

216
00:09:25,650 --> 00:09:26,850
hon-'pear' hootorektas

217
00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:30,820
e-'pay' k-elastero
apokatharet-eye.

218
00:09:30,890 --> 00:09:33,090
Ooh, what the blazes?

219
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,890
- Where am I?
- Bloody hell.

220
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,400
- That looks like me.
- What have you done?

221
00:09:40,460 --> 00:09:41,860
Get off me.

222
00:09:44,830 --> 00:09:46,370
Be quiet.

223
00:09:48,870 --> 00:09:51,270
Laszlo, he's wearing
your old night skirt.

224
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:54,640
He is. Got nothing underneath it
by the looks of it.

225
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:58,550
It's like looking in the mirror.

226
00:09:58,620 --> 00:10:00,850
So handsome.

227
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:02,250
I didn't even know

228
00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,290
I had any unfinished business
when I died.

229
00:10:05,350 --> 00:10:06,560
But, as you can see,

230
00:10:06,620 --> 00:10:07,990
I have a ghost,

231
00:10:08,060 --> 00:10:09,190
so there must be something.

232
00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:13,900
Guillermo, can you help him
with that, please?

233
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:19,040
He seems very agitated
and restless.

234
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:23,610
And also, he doesn't seem
to speak any English.

235
00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:24,770
Excuse me.

236
00:10:29,180 --> 00:10:31,450
I can't believe
I've completely forgotten

237
00:10:31,510 --> 00:10:32,950
how to speak Al Qolnidarese.

238
00:10:33,020 --> 00:10:35,850
My own language.
So embarrassing.

239
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,820
Guillermo, what is he saying?

240
00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:39,860
How-how would I know?

241
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,990
I do remember how to say
"Good morning," though.

242
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,560
Aspam...

243
00:10:44,630 --> 00:10:46,800
Sob bekher.

244
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:48,770
Baleh?

245
00:10:48,830 --> 00:10:50,630
Sob bekher.

246
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,170
Yeah, no, that's all I've got.

247
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,110
Aspam oonjahss.

248
00:11:00,210 --> 00:11:01,786
You could have learned
to play the bouzouki,

249
00:11:01,810 --> 00:11:03,356
you could have learned
to play the zither,

250
00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:06,050
you could have warmed six
million flatbreads on hot coals.

251
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:07,820
You could have done
one thousand things

252
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:09,720
a one thousand times,
but what have you done?

253
00:11:09,790 --> 00:11:12,250
Well, I have some things I've
been planning on getting to.

254
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,090
Maláka! All you do
is sit around this house

255
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,260
with these two dumb men
just talking

256
00:11:17,330 --> 00:11:19,460
about their willies
and their arseholes.

257
00:11:19,530 --> 00:11:21,900
I wouldn't call them dumb.

258
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:23,470
- And their farts.
- Whatever.

259
00:11:23,530 --> 00:11:25,000
Enough about me. What about you?

260
00:11:25,070 --> 00:11:27,100
How can I help you finish
your unfinished business?

261
00:11:27,170 --> 00:11:29,040
Oh...

262
00:11:29,110 --> 00:11:30,370
You are my unfinished business.

263
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,580
How can I rest
until you do something

264
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,210
with your eternal life?

265
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,880
Instead of sitting around here
like a bump on a log's ass.

266
00:11:36,950 --> 00:11:39,180
What? Like, learning
to play the bouzouki?

267
00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:41,380
- That might be a start! Ugh...
- Oh...

268
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:42,750
you are absolutely impossible.

269
00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:45,390
I am like...

270
00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:48,790
We said exactly the same...

271
00:11:48,860 --> 00:11:50,760
We did the same with the words.

272
00:11:50,830 --> 00:11:52,660
Oh, come on.

273
00:11:52,730 --> 00:11:56,000
Hey. I was, uh, just giving you
an update on my, um...

274
00:11:56,070 --> 00:11:57,900
unfinished business?

275
00:11:57,970 --> 00:11:59,400
It remains unfinished.

276
00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:02,470
- So, if you have...
- All right, not now, Jesk.

277
00:12:02,540 --> 00:12:04,710
Yeah, okay.

278
00:12:04,770 --> 00:12:07,080
Who was that pasty
little piece of hummus?

279
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:08,416
I'm telling you,
don't even go there, girly.

280
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,880
Nothing but a pain
and the heartache.

281
00:12:10,950 --> 00:12:13,180
Sounds like somebody
has gone there

282
00:12:13,250 --> 00:12:14,550
and then come back from there.

283
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:16,050
Well, what can I say?

284
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,790
I'm a ravenous little monster.

285
00:12:17,850 --> 00:12:20,620
We both are.
We're very, very horny.

286
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:26,030
I bagged this chap on a midnight
sojourn to the Lake District.

287
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:28,400
- Keswick?
- Grasmere, actually.

288
00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:30,970
Grasmere, yeah, I used to visit
a duchess in Grasmere.

289
00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:34,040
- Yes, I remember.
- Yes, of course you do.

290
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:37,240
Now I am led to believe that
your presence here indicates

291
00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:41,210
some kind of unfinished business
on this terrestrial plane.

292
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,550
- Indeed so.
- Sorry about that, old chap.

293
00:12:43,610 --> 00:12:45,720
- Anything I can help with?
- Well, actually, yes.

294
00:12:45,780 --> 00:12:47,180
I believe you can.

295
00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:49,490
You remember the night
you officially died, I presume?

296
00:12:49,550 --> 00:12:51,050
Oh, I remember it well.

297
00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,660
My lovely Nadja came in through
the window, took my life,

298
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,490
thus making me the vampire
you see before you now.

299
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,460
A damn handsome one at that,
I might say.

300
00:12:58,530 --> 00:13:00,500
You're too kind.

301
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:03,770
Now, you remember the precise
moment Nadja took our life,

302
00:13:03,830 --> 00:13:06,340
I was on the verge
of a sexual climax.

303
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,540
Well, here's the thing. I was
on the verge of fulfillment,

304
00:13:09,610 --> 00:13:12,310
yet I couldn't quite finish.

305
00:13:12,370 --> 00:13:13,980
Ah. I see.

306
00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,250
You want to finish
your final human orgasm?

307
00:13:17,310 --> 00:13:19,750
Yes. I have tried to finish
myself off with these hands,

308
00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:21,150
but they're ghost hands.

309
00:13:21,220 --> 00:13:23,250
- They don't have the necessary stimulus.
- Hmm.

310
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:24,520
How irritating.

311
00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:27,160
Yeah, whereas your meat hands,
I'm convinced,

312
00:13:27,220 --> 00:13:31,560
would give me the traction
for full sexual release.

313
00:13:42,940 --> 00:13:44,170
Things are not going so great.

314
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,040
The language barrier
is insurmountable.

315
00:13:47,110 --> 00:13:49,310
Een khar asan zabooneh
khodesham yadesh nist.

316
00:13:49,380 --> 00:13:52,080
Khejahlatam khoob chisiyeh.

317
00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,880
Evah.

318
00:13:54,950 --> 00:13:56,550
Aspam oonjahss.

319
00:13:58,820 --> 00:14:01,520
You want to learn how to paint?

320
00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,730
Nah. Aspam.

321
00:14:04,790 --> 00:14:06,860
Aspam John.

322
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:09,230
Yes, my horse John.

323
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,400
John.

324
00:14:10,470 --> 00:14:12,370
Yes.

325
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:13,900
I get it now.

326
00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:16,040
Aspam John.

327
00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:19,240
Areh. Aspam John.

328
00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:22,850
Aspam means "my horse."

329
00:14:22,910 --> 00:14:24,350
John.

330
00:14:24,410 --> 00:14:26,850
John was my closest companion.

331
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,650
Closer than even members
of my own family.

332
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:33,020
House slaves, concubines,

333
00:14:33,090 --> 00:14:35,290
37 wives.

334
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:39,530
Sometimes I would feed him nuts
and berries from my own mouth.

335
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,730
He would accompany me
everywhere.

336
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,370
On the battlefield,

337
00:14:43,430 --> 00:14:46,470
as I relentlessly slaughtered
thousands of enemies.

338
00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:50,540
And also, he would be there
when I felt a little sad.

339
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:53,910
John.

340
00:14:56,310 --> 00:14:58,950
We have decided that my ghost

341
00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:00,550
is going to stick around
for a while.

342
00:15:00,620 --> 00:15:02,720
Because we're having
a real laugh together.

343
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:05,590
A very funny hat situation.

344
00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:07,520
Two. One and two.

345
00:15:07,590 --> 00:15:11,290
You know, it is just so nice

346
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,106
to have someone smart
to talk to for a change.

347
00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:15,730
I love Laszlo, I do,
but it's always...

348
00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,930
- Of course.
- "Ah, darling, I seem

349
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,770
"to have got my crotch stuck

350
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:23,270
- "to the taxidermy fox's mouth again. Whoopsie."
- So desperate.

351
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:24,870
You know?
And Nandor is just like,

352
00:15:24,940 --> 00:15:27,210
"Oh,
this battle and that battle."

353
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,450
So much toxic masculinity
in the Ottoman Empire.

354
00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:31,750
- Serious. Real problem.
- It is a lot me

355
00:15:31,810 --> 00:15:34,920
sitting there silently,
nodding and smiling politely

356
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:36,950
and not a lot of plain talk.

357
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:39,920
Until this one came along.

358
00:15:39,990 --> 00:15:42,930
Oh. Hang on.

359
00:15:42,990 --> 00:15:44,490
Ooh.

360
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,100
- You know, that could be perfect.
- Do you like?

361
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,530
- I love.
- Okay, so do we need to do any sort

362
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:53,670
of occult procedure
or ceremony or...

363
00:15:53,740 --> 00:15:55,500
Ah. It was that easy.

364
00:15:55,570 --> 00:15:58,510
Oh, yes. Yes,
this will do nicely.

365
00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:00,410
Oh, shh. Shh, shh.

366
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,750
No more talking.
I don't want the boys to know

367
00:16:02,810 --> 00:16:04,250
that you have taken a new form.

368
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:05,710
I don't think
they would understand.

369
00:16:05,750 --> 00:16:07,850
Hey, Nadja?

370
00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:10,550
My unfinished business, please?

371
00:16:10,620 --> 00:16:13,760
Gregor, please, just fuck off
for real this time.

372
00:16:13,820 --> 00:16:16,730
Listen, will you at least
hear my tales of woe?

373
00:16:16,790 --> 00:16:19,800
I want to tell you about them,
I need to tell you about them.

374
00:16:19,860 --> 00:16:23,200
Jesk, you are very sweet,

375
00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:25,300
but you're not
my responsibility anymore.

376
00:16:25,370 --> 00:16:27,940
Jesk, I think you need
to hear this.

377
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,110
You are just a lovely guy that
I took very strong sex with

378
00:16:31,170 --> 00:16:32,710
a few hundred thousand times,

379
00:16:32,780 --> 00:16:35,580
and then my husband
cut your head off. Move on!

380
00:16:35,650 --> 00:16:38,250
So you have been busy
these past 700 years.

381
00:16:40,050 --> 00:16:41,480
So you want me to go?

382
00:16:41,550 --> 00:16:44,350
- Go!
- All right, all right.

383
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,520
Oh, he's so pathetic.

384
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:48,260
I love it.

385
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:51,090
Seriously. Call me.

386
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:53,560
Jesk!

387
00:16:53,630 --> 00:16:55,400
- Mm-hmm.
- See you again soon,

388
00:16:55,460 --> 00:16:56,600
you tasty little honeypot.

389
00:16:58,270 --> 00:17:01,140
Tonne a'otonne-tropon

390
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,240
kathi-restao.

391
00:17:03,310 --> 00:17:07,110
Hon-pear apokatharet-eye.

392
00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:10,750
Yuck.

393
00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:31,730
- Aspam John.
- John.

394
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,040
John?

395
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:35,070
I have missed you so.

396
00:17:35,140 --> 00:17:38,370
I never thought I would
see you again.

397
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,240
John and I were
inseparable, but, uh,

398
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:44,750
eventually, I had to eat him.

399
00:17:44,810 --> 00:17:48,020
My army and myself found
ourselves stranded

400
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,590
with no food.

401
00:17:49,650 --> 00:17:51,850
I ate John.

402
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:55,090
I wept the entire meal...

403
00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,460
even though he tasted delicious.

404
00:18:01,060 --> 00:18:03,100
Been a good boy, yes?

405
00:18:06,370 --> 00:18:09,840
John? What is happening?

406
00:18:09,910 --> 00:18:12,370
- Where are they going?
- I think your ghost's

407
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,140
unfinished business is that

408
00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:19,350
he wanted to be reunited
with your guys's horse.

409
00:18:19,420 --> 00:18:20,480
- John.
- John.

410
00:18:20,550 --> 00:18:23,690
Right. And now that
you've reunited them,

411
00:18:23,750 --> 00:18:27,660
they can move on from this world
to the afterlife.

412
00:18:28,790 --> 00:18:30,660
Farewell, John.

413
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:34,100
Perhaps we will be
reunited again

414
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:36,930
in the hereafter.

415
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,400
Sob bekher.

416
00:18:38,470 --> 00:18:42,670
Yes. Good morning to you, too,
my friend.

417
00:18:44,110 --> 00:18:46,610
Good morning to you both.

418
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,780
Mm...

419
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,450
There, there.

420
00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:55,890
Hug?

421
00:18:58,520 --> 00:19:02,160
I think
you just need a little updog.

422
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:04,260
Can we go get some now?

423
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,276
Interesting choice
for the walls.

424
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:11,570
It's not how I would do it.

425
00:19:11,630 --> 00:19:13,046
- Hello, darling.
- Hello, my darling.

426
00:19:13,070 --> 00:19:15,000
- What have you got there?
- Oh...

427
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:17,670
Nothing, really, just a little
dolly I thought might

428
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:20,210
- cuten up the place.
- What a charming addition.

429
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:21,380
So, where is your ghost?

430
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,080
Oh, he, uh, he's moved on,

431
00:19:24,150 --> 00:19:25,550
to the next world.

432
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:28,220
Did you helped him finish
his unfinished business?

433
00:19:29,050 --> 00:19:30,950
- Yes.
- Good.

434
00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:33,160
- I'm gonna show her around.
- Ah, ha, ha.

435
00:19:33,220 --> 00:19:36,990
Ugh, what is all this
sticky stuff?

436
00:19:37,060 --> 00:19:38,860
Oh, it-it's everywhere.

437
00:19:38,930 --> 00:19:40,660
Is it ghost ectoplasm?

438
00:19:40,730 --> 00:19:43,230
Yes, my darling.
That's exactly what it is.

439
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:46,100
Ghost ectoplasm.

440
00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:52,110
Hon-pear hootorektas e-pay

441
00:19:52,170 --> 00:19:57,250
k-elastero apokatharet-eye.

442
00:20:01,950 --> 00:20:04,020
- Colin.
- Hi, Grandma.

443
00:20:04,090 --> 00:20:07,390
You are such a big boy now.

444
00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:09,660
And even more handsome.

445
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:13,200
It's probably because I have
so much updog.

446
00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:14,800
What's updog?

447
00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:17,170
Nothing much, dog,
what's up with you?

448
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:21,300
Oh, Colin.

449
00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:23,510
You are such a stitch.

450
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:27,210
- All right, then.
- So tell me, how is your life?

451
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,050
I have missed so much.

452
00:20:29,110 --> 00:20:31,710
Uh, Grandma, I'm gonna be
honest, I'm pretty busy

453
00:20:31,780 --> 00:20:34,280
right now, so maybe we can
catch up another time.

454
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:36,320
But there's so much
I want to ask you about.

455
00:20:36,390 --> 00:20:38,920
- Okay, got to go.
- Oh...

456
00:20:38,990 --> 00:20:40,990
Later.

457
00:20:42,790 --> 00:20:48,500
♪♪ Darling, I will miss you so ♪♪

458
00:20:48,570 --> 00:20:54,470
♪♪ When you have gone away ♪♪

459
00:20:54,540 --> 00:20:57,710
♪♪ Miss your kisses ♪♪

460
00:20:57,770 --> 00:21:01,610
♪♪ And fond caress ♪♪

461
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,750
♪♪ Your haunting voice ♪♪

462
00:21:03,810 --> 00:21:07,850
♪♪ And your loveliness ♪♪

463
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:13,790
♪♪ Darlin, I will miss you so ♪♪

464
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:18,030
♪♪ Darling, I'll miss you so. ♪♪

465
00:21:24,230 --> 00:21:26,940
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