1 00:00:02,732 --> 00:00:05,103 (screeching softly) 2 00:00:05,377 --> 00:00:06,580 Look at this line. 3 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:08,684 This is the big opening of our nightclub 4 00:00:08,784 --> 00:00:10,087 and everyone is here. 5 00:00:10,187 --> 00:00:12,358 Grundwulf, you old fornicator, 6 00:00:12,458 --> 00:00:13,828 don't you look snazzy? 7 00:00:13,928 --> 00:00:15,565 Frau Blixen, you bitch. 8 00:00:15,665 --> 00:00:20,340 To launch our grand opening, we are going to be presenting 9 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:23,113 the one and the only-- 10 00:00:23,213 --> 00:00:24,716 drumroll-- 11 00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:26,019 Richie Suck! 12 00:00:26,119 --> 00:00:27,822 -(cheering) -(shouts) Wow! 13 00:00:27,923 --> 00:00:30,194 NADJA: If you are a vampire, then you will know 14 00:00:30,294 --> 00:00:31,597 who Richie Suck is. 15 00:00:31,697 --> 00:00:33,300 He is probably the greatest vampire rap artist 16 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,536 of all time. 17 00:00:34,636 --> 00:00:35,872 He's actually sucked Richie Suck, 18 00:00:35,972 --> 00:00:37,943 haven't you, Phillip? (laughing) 19 00:00:38,043 --> 00:00:40,615 Bitin' My Style or Sundown Funtown. 20 00:00:40,715 --> 00:00:43,453 And everyone knows Throat Juice. 21 00:00:43,554 --> 00:00:45,090 "Gonna bust loose 22 00:00:45,190 --> 00:00:46,326 "on the club roof 23 00:00:46,426 --> 00:00:47,796 "sucking throat juice 24 00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:49,733 like it's Grey Goose." 25 00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:51,202 Richie Suck has not performed 26 00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:54,041 or put out any new music for ten years. 27 00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,012 It is said that he has gone into seclusion 28 00:00:56,112 --> 00:00:57,983 to work on his ultimate masterpiece. 29 00:00:58,083 --> 00:01:00,020 Doing his first live performance in over a decade 30 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:01,957 is a very huge deal for him. 31 00:01:02,057 --> 00:01:03,661 And it's also a huge deal for us. 32 00:01:03,761 --> 00:01:06,199 This is my club, everyone, just so you know. 33 00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:07,201 I'm Nadja, 34 00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:08,403 and it's called Nadja's. 35 00:01:08,504 --> 00:01:09,940 It's my club! (chuckles) 36 00:01:10,742 --> 00:01:11,911 (laughing) 37 00:01:12,011 --> 00:01:13,915 ("You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing) 38 00:01:14,015 --> 00:01:16,319 ♪♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪♪ 39 00:01:16,419 --> 00:01:19,593 ♪♪ They have no use for your song ♪♪ 40 00:01:19,693 --> 00:01:22,532 ♪♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪♪ 41 00:01:22,632 --> 00:01:25,437 ♪♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪♪ 42 00:01:26,105 --> 00:01:29,078 ♪♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪♪ 43 00:01:29,178 --> 00:01:31,684 ♪♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪♪ 44 00:01:31,784 --> 00:01:35,057 ♪♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪♪ 45 00:01:35,157 --> 00:01:37,729 ♪♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪♪ 46 00:01:37,829 --> 00:01:39,967 ♪♪ ♪♪ 47 00:01:46,513 --> 00:01:48,016 Coming through, that's right. 48 00:01:48,116 --> 00:01:50,354 Um, we're going to try and keep these dogs at bay 49 00:01:50,454 --> 00:01:52,291 for another hour or two, okay, guys? 50 00:01:52,391 --> 00:01:54,796 'Cause we want to try and build anticipation and desire. 51 00:01:54,896 --> 00:01:56,432 I can't tell if she heard me. 52 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:59,238 Does anyone down here want to see Richie Suck? 53 00:01:59,338 --> 00:02:00,742 (cheering) 54 00:02:00,842 --> 00:02:05,551 I said, are there any vampires in this motherfucking dungeon 55 00:02:05,652 --> 00:02:07,822 who want to see Richie Suck? 56 00:02:07,922 --> 00:02:10,427 (cheering, whooping) 57 00:02:10,528 --> 00:02:12,766 And you'll just have to wait a little bit longer 58 00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:14,435 and then you will pay her, 59 00:02:14,536 --> 00:02:16,306 and then you'll probably have to wait a little bit longer. 60 00:02:16,406 --> 00:02:18,511 -(muttering, hissing) -Yay, we love to wait. 61 00:02:18,611 --> 00:02:19,947 -(crowd hissing) -Yeah! 62 00:02:20,047 --> 00:02:21,684 Um, if any of them try to start to kill you, 63 00:02:21,784 --> 00:02:24,790 just let me know and I will send someone down to take your place. 64 00:02:24,890 --> 00:02:26,259 GUIDE: Love the pillows. 65 00:02:26,359 --> 00:02:28,096 I know you haven't had a pillow before, 66 00:02:28,196 --> 00:02:29,465 but they have to be soft. 67 00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,537 Everything is in order, Mistress Nadja. 68 00:02:31,637 --> 00:02:33,708 The wraiths have topped off the blood sprinklers. 69 00:02:33,808 --> 00:02:34,977 NADJA: Wonderful. 70 00:02:35,077 --> 00:02:37,081 People think that a vampire nightclub 71 00:02:37,181 --> 00:02:39,051 is just a 24-hour live suck-and-fuck fest 72 00:02:39,151 --> 00:02:40,755 that prints money. 73 00:02:40,855 --> 00:02:43,126 -But it is not. -GUIDE: No, it's a lot of hard work. 74 00:02:43,226 --> 00:02:44,730 NADJA: Nandor. 75 00:02:44,830 --> 00:02:46,065 What are you doing just stood there 76 00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:47,569 like a big fat mopey load? 77 00:02:47,669 --> 00:02:49,973 -Where is your undead fiancée? -Marwa is at home. 78 00:02:50,073 --> 00:02:52,378 I'm kind of giving her some space. 79 00:02:52,478 --> 00:02:53,413 Oh. 80 00:02:53,514 --> 00:02:54,583 (groans) 81 00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:58,323 Can you go and stand over there and just pretend not to listen? 82 00:02:58,423 --> 00:02:59,425 I can do that. 83 00:02:59,526 --> 00:03:01,162 Trouble in paradise already, is it? 84 00:03:01,262 --> 00:03:04,435 It's just... Marwa is the perfect woman. 85 00:03:04,536 --> 00:03:06,172 -Right. -And I've got the djinn 86 00:03:06,272 --> 00:03:08,143 to make her even more perfect. 87 00:03:08,243 --> 00:03:09,780 I mean, you should see the modifications 88 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,149 we've done to her ass. 89 00:03:11,249 --> 00:03:12,652 -But... -Ass, butt, 90 00:03:12,752 --> 00:03:15,257 whatever you want to call it. It is now perfect. 91 00:03:15,357 --> 00:03:17,461 NADJA: But... the problem is... 92 00:03:17,562 --> 00:03:18,964 Again, the butt is not the problem. 93 00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:21,637 The problem is that she is so perfect. 94 00:03:21,737 --> 00:03:24,075 I am just worried that... (sighs) 95 00:03:24,175 --> 00:03:26,112 I am not perfect enough for her. 96 00:03:26,212 --> 00:03:27,481 It's never too late to do some improvements 97 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:28,851 on yourself, so as... 98 00:03:28,951 --> 00:03:31,356 you would be deserving of her love, huh? 99 00:03:31,456 --> 00:03:32,157 Yes. 100 00:03:32,257 --> 00:03:33,861 I had not thought of that. 101 00:03:33,961 --> 00:03:36,399 Thank you. I will try this. 102 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:38,904 -And nice hats. -Thank you. 103 00:03:39,004 --> 00:03:41,008 It's okay, thank you. Don't mind if I do? 104 00:03:41,109 --> 00:03:44,248 -(whispering) -NANJA: Ooh, so exciting, ha! 105 00:03:44,348 --> 00:03:46,553 -Mistress Nadja? -Yes? 106 00:03:46,653 --> 00:03:49,760 I am afraid Richie Suck has cancelled. 107 00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:51,229 What? 108 00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:55,203 -Motherfucker! -(glass shattering) 109 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:57,041 -(alarm blaring) -Oh, shit. 110 00:03:57,141 --> 00:04:00,347 (screeching softly) 111 00:04:00,447 --> 00:04:02,786 GUIDE: Richie Suck lives in a smokestack? 112 00:04:02,886 --> 00:04:04,288 NADJA: Okay, when we get inside, 113 00:04:04,388 --> 00:04:07,061 I'm going to go in and scare him and be the bad cop, 114 00:04:07,161 --> 00:04:09,231 and you're going to go to him and be very friendly. 115 00:04:09,331 --> 00:04:11,302 -The good cop, you know? -I ain't a cop. 116 00:04:11,402 --> 00:04:12,505 It's a tactic. 117 00:04:12,605 --> 00:04:15,511 Look, I ain't a cop or a narc or a snitch. 118 00:04:15,611 --> 00:04:18,416 It is pretend. Keep your perm on. 119 00:04:18,517 --> 00:04:19,553 Open up! 120 00:04:19,653 --> 00:04:21,557 Can I help you? 121 00:04:21,657 --> 00:04:24,796 Where the hell is Richie Suck? Take us to him at once. 122 00:04:24,896 --> 00:04:26,800 My master is not to be disturbed. 123 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:27,936 He's resting right now. 124 00:04:28,036 --> 00:04:30,006 Like hell he is. 125 00:04:30,107 --> 00:04:31,710 He's supposed to be performing tonight. 126 00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,012 I'm not inviting you in. 127 00:04:33,113 --> 00:04:34,583 RICHIE: Hey, Tom. Just let them in, Tom. 128 00:04:34,683 --> 00:04:36,152 Oh, come on. (exhales) 129 00:04:36,252 --> 00:04:38,089 Sounded like an invite to me. 130 00:04:38,189 --> 00:04:39,593 -Thank you. -GUIDE: Move. 131 00:04:39,693 --> 00:04:41,062 NADJA: Okay, you pussy bitch, I'm telling you, 132 00:04:41,162 --> 00:04:42,197 you cannot cancel the show. 133 00:04:42,297 --> 00:04:43,567 What the fuck are you doing? 134 00:04:43,667 --> 00:04:44,970 -Chillin'? -Chilling? 135 00:04:45,070 --> 00:04:47,007 TOM: You need to leave. 136 00:04:47,107 --> 00:04:49,145 My master is way too tired for this. 137 00:04:49,245 --> 00:04:50,447 -Good night. -(Nadja gasps) 138 00:04:50,548 --> 00:04:51,984 Richie Suck, who the hell is this jackzass? 139 00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:55,056 -This is my familiar, Tom. -Doctor Tom. 140 00:04:55,157 --> 00:04:56,927 And you let him speak to you like this? 141 00:04:57,027 --> 00:04:58,531 I take care of my master. 142 00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,868 He's been traumatized by the music business. 143 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,872 Okay, okay. Begone, familiar. 144 00:05:02,972 --> 00:05:04,175 I'm not speaking to you. 145 00:05:04,275 --> 00:05:06,112 This is a vampires-only discussion. 146 00:05:06,212 --> 00:05:07,147 Right, Richie? 147 00:05:07,247 --> 00:05:08,818 Tom protects me from myself, 148 00:05:08,918 --> 00:05:10,420 so you need to be respectful. 149 00:05:10,521 --> 00:05:12,926 -Of a familiar? -I have a name. 150 00:05:13,026 --> 00:05:14,328 Shut up, familiar Tom. 151 00:05:14,428 --> 00:05:16,800 -It's "Doctor Tom." -NADJA: Oh. A doctor? 152 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:18,203 Diagnose this. 153 00:05:18,303 --> 00:05:20,708 It's a middle finger in my face. 154 00:05:22,311 --> 00:05:24,649 He's a good doctor. 155 00:05:24,749 --> 00:05:25,985 Hey, guys, what's up? 156 00:05:26,085 --> 00:05:27,387 Before we dive in, be sure to smash 157 00:05:27,488 --> 00:05:29,024 the like button and subscribe. 158 00:05:29,124 --> 00:05:30,427 It really helps up my channel a lot. 159 00:05:30,528 --> 00:05:31,997 GUILLERMO: So... 160 00:05:32,097 --> 00:05:34,235 Baby Colin is growing at an alarming rate. 161 00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,740 Check out this village from Infinity Wars. 162 00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:38,042 It's cool, right? 163 00:05:38,143 --> 00:05:39,111 GUILLERMO: I mean, last week 164 00:05:39,211 --> 00:05:40,515 he was in diapers, and this week 165 00:05:40,615 --> 00:05:42,484 he looks like a six, seven-year-old, maybe? 166 00:05:42,585 --> 00:05:44,255 I mean, every time I buy him a new pair of shoes, 167 00:05:44,355 --> 00:05:45,992 he outgrows them between breakfast and lunch. 168 00:05:46,092 --> 00:05:47,595 But guess what? You can mod it 169 00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:50,333 so it looks just like the set of South Pacific. 170 00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:52,237 -I turn the set... -Oh, no. Gizmo. 171 00:05:52,337 --> 00:05:55,645 There you are. What the fuck have you got that boy doing? 172 00:05:55,745 --> 00:05:57,649 What? I didn't do anything. He does that all on his own. 173 00:05:57,749 --> 00:05:59,553 -LASZLO: I told you I wanted him to grow up... -See? 174 00:05:59,653 --> 00:06:01,255 ...to be an interesting son of a bitch, 175 00:06:01,355 --> 00:06:02,725 practicing fine art and culture. 176 00:06:02,826 --> 00:06:04,863 So how come he's still doing this boring shit? 177 00:06:04,963 --> 00:06:06,733 To him, this isn't boring. He's just like any other kid 178 00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:10,808 who likes Legos and Roblox and Nerf guns and musi... 179 00:06:10,908 --> 00:06:13,179 -All that stuff. -Whoa, whoa, whoa. And musi...? 180 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:15,585 -What? -And musi...? 181 00:06:16,753 --> 00:06:18,356 What were you going to say? 182 00:06:18,456 --> 00:06:19,726 (sighs) 183 00:06:19,826 --> 00:06:21,128 (whispering): Okay. 184 00:06:21,229 --> 00:06:24,034 He really loves musical theater. 185 00:06:24,836 --> 00:06:26,339 Oh, no. 186 00:06:26,439 --> 00:06:28,476 What hath the dark lord wrought? 187 00:06:28,577 --> 00:06:29,913 Stop, okay? Maybe it's good for him. 188 00:06:30,013 --> 00:06:31,583 Maybe it's good for him. It's a good art, 189 00:06:31,683 --> 00:06:34,054 no different than literature or the cinema... 190 00:06:34,154 --> 00:06:35,892 It is not like any other art. 191 00:06:35,992 --> 00:06:38,998 Musical theater is the lowest of all entertainments. 192 00:06:39,098 --> 00:06:40,501 It's a gutter pantomime, 193 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,939 performed by half-wits with painted faces, 194 00:06:43,039 --> 00:06:44,609 enjoyed by lower wits. 195 00:06:44,709 --> 00:06:46,479 Maybe some. But have you ever seen Rent? 196 00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:48,784 From you? Not a penny. Anyway. Shut up. 197 00:06:48,884 --> 00:06:50,020 I forbid it. 198 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,657 No, he's a child. This is who he is. 199 00:06:51,757 --> 00:06:53,192 -And you have to learn to acce-- -Don't you fuckin' tell me-- 200 00:06:53,293 --> 00:06:54,829 -Hey, guys. -Hey, buddy. -Hey. 201 00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:56,733 -Great to see you. -Guess what? Come look at this. 202 00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:58,303 Wow, big time studio here. 203 00:06:58,403 --> 00:07:00,173 Yeah, I got two subscribers. 204 00:07:00,273 --> 00:07:02,044 You got two subscribers? Someone's a star. 205 00:07:07,187 --> 00:07:08,122 -♪♪ ♪♪ -LASZLO: I'm exposing 206 00:07:08,222 --> 00:07:09,759 my boy to danger. 207 00:07:09,859 --> 00:07:11,429 Namely, art theft. 208 00:07:11,530 --> 00:07:14,736 No boy of mine's gonna be a pasty-faced musical theater nut 209 00:07:14,836 --> 00:07:17,542 with a Sondheim lyric for every occasion. 210 00:07:17,642 --> 00:07:19,011 -Lazzo, guess what? -What? 211 00:07:19,111 --> 00:07:20,715 Do you know what knolling is? 212 00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:22,150 It's... Hey! 213 00:07:22,251 --> 00:07:26,192 So knolling is this thing in Legos where you, like, 214 00:07:26,292 --> 00:07:28,631 organize all the pieces before you build it. Oh! 215 00:07:28,731 --> 00:07:31,302 LASZLO: No more musicals and Legos. It's time to grow up. 216 00:07:31,402 --> 00:07:33,473 Bat. (screeching softly) 217 00:07:34,275 --> 00:07:35,443 ♪♪ ♪♪ 218 00:07:35,544 --> 00:07:36,913 COLIN: Once I learned how to knoll, 219 00:07:37,014 --> 00:07:38,717 I threw away all my Lego instruction booklets. 220 00:07:38,817 --> 00:07:40,053 Fantastic. 221 00:07:40,153 --> 00:07:42,357 -Use this magic powder... -Uh-huh. 222 00:07:42,457 --> 00:07:44,161 ...to find the laser alarm triggers. 223 00:07:44,261 --> 00:07:47,034 Okay. Whoa. (laughs) 224 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,606 Then, you have to avoid the lasers. 225 00:07:49,706 --> 00:07:51,743 Much like this. 226 00:07:51,843 --> 00:07:52,779 (grunts) 227 00:07:52,879 --> 00:07:54,181 (laughs mischievously) 228 00:07:54,281 --> 00:07:55,417 Oh, ho! 229 00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:56,419 Hello. 230 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:57,655 Oh, yes. 231 00:07:57,755 --> 00:07:59,124 Fuck it. 232 00:07:59,224 --> 00:08:00,828 (laughs) See? 233 00:08:00,928 --> 00:08:02,665 -You're like a big Slinky. -All right. 234 00:08:02,765 --> 00:08:06,172 Then you take this glass cutter and cut a hole in here. 235 00:08:06,272 --> 00:08:08,009 -But, Lazzo, guess what? -What? 236 00:08:08,109 --> 00:08:11,048 I used knolling when I got that Stranger Things Lego set. 237 00:08:11,148 --> 00:08:14,188 I used it to make the library in The Music Man, which is... 238 00:08:14,288 --> 00:08:15,925 Boy, we don't have time for this right now. 239 00:08:16,025 --> 00:08:18,162 -Let's get on. -Okay, but, Lazzo, guess what? 240 00:08:18,262 --> 00:08:19,599 You don't have to keep saying "Guess what?" 241 00:08:19,699 --> 00:08:21,570 to preface every remark that you make. 242 00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:24,208 Just say whatever the fuck it is that you want to say. 243 00:08:24,308 --> 00:08:27,247 Uh, I'm sorry. 244 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,418 No, look, I'm... 245 00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:31,088 I'm sorry. What is it that you wanted to say? 246 00:08:31,188 --> 00:08:34,729 That set broke, so I shoved all the pieces under the bed. 247 00:08:34,829 --> 00:08:38,469 Okay. Fair enough. Now, can we continue with the crime? 248 00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:40,240 Yeah, sure. Do you think that Marian... 249 00:08:40,340 --> 00:08:42,779 -(alarm blaring) -What the fuck are you doing? I just said... 250 00:08:42,879 --> 00:08:44,849 -Shut up. -...because it kind of rhymes with "librarian," 251 00:08:44,949 --> 00:08:46,052 or do you think it was so... 252 00:08:46,152 --> 00:08:48,289 NANDOR: I decided 253 00:08:48,389 --> 00:08:50,995 that to improve my relationship with my fiancée 254 00:08:51,095 --> 00:08:53,901 I need to do some work on myself. 255 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,136 Hmm. It couldn't hurt. 256 00:08:55,236 --> 00:08:57,675 Little things like being present 257 00:08:57,775 --> 00:09:00,881 -or being a good listener. -Don't be so stupid, Guillermo. 258 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:04,889 I wish to have the world's biggest penis. 259 00:09:04,989 --> 00:09:06,693 I see. 260 00:09:06,793 --> 00:09:07,929 Hmm. 261 00:09:08,029 --> 00:09:09,164 Of course. Your wish is... 262 00:09:09,264 --> 00:09:10,601 Oh, actually, can I just call 263 00:09:10,701 --> 00:09:12,705 a quick time-out? Can I have a minute with Nandor? 264 00:09:12,805 --> 00:09:15,243 If you'd be so kind as to give us a moment, Djinn. 265 00:09:15,343 --> 00:09:16,580 Is there a reason why you have delayed 266 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:18,383 the bestowal upon me a giant dick? 267 00:09:18,483 --> 00:09:19,886 You need to be really careful here, okay? 268 00:09:19,986 --> 00:09:22,190 'Cause these djinns, they like to be tricky. 269 00:09:22,290 --> 00:09:24,061 Yes, I have heard this. 270 00:09:24,161 --> 00:09:26,465 Yeah, and if you're not precise and perfect with your wish, 271 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,269 it can come back to bite you in the ass. 272 00:09:28,369 --> 00:09:30,140 Are you saying he's gonna give me a penis 273 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,910 that's gonna bite me in my own ass? 274 00:09:32,010 --> 00:09:35,250 What? No. But may-maybe. Yes. To teach you a lesson. 275 00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:36,753 Make sure that it's where it's supposed to be, 276 00:09:36,853 --> 00:09:38,356 and not like a random spot like your forehead. 277 00:09:38,456 --> 00:09:39,692 NANDOR: I get what you're saying. 278 00:09:39,793 --> 00:09:41,963 This reminds me of the tale of the man 279 00:09:42,064 --> 00:09:44,034 who wished to be the richest man in the world, 280 00:09:44,134 --> 00:09:47,675 but was then crushed under a mountain of gold coins. 281 00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:49,612 Exactly. Irony. 282 00:09:49,712 --> 00:09:52,852 Not iron. Gold. Gold coins. Try to keep up. 283 00:09:52,952 --> 00:09:55,056 -All right. -Okay. I'm going to ask 284 00:09:55,156 --> 00:09:56,325 for the world's biggest penis, 285 00:09:56,425 --> 00:09:58,931 but not so big that it crushes me. 286 00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:00,200 Good. 287 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,872 And that it replaces my current penis, 288 00:10:02,972 --> 00:10:05,210 not an additional one. 289 00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,847 Or... extra penis 290 00:10:06,947 --> 00:10:09,451 attached to the end of the one I have already. 291 00:10:09,552 --> 00:10:10,988 We should really be writing this down. 292 00:10:11,088 --> 00:10:12,759 NADJA: Don't worry so much about the show. 293 00:10:12,859 --> 00:10:15,831 You can just do the hits and let us do the rest. 294 00:10:15,931 --> 00:10:18,504 -And... -Oh. ♪♪ Do-do-do-do-do. ♪♪ 295 00:10:18,604 --> 00:10:21,342 You can have as much blood as you like. 296 00:10:21,442 --> 00:10:23,212 -Virgin. Huh? (laughs) -No. 297 00:10:23,312 --> 00:10:24,682 Just a little sippy sip? 298 00:10:24,783 --> 00:10:27,287 You're not hungry, Master. That's in your mind. 299 00:10:27,387 --> 00:10:28,791 -Please. -No. 300 00:10:28,891 --> 00:10:31,028 -Just a little sip. -It's not feeding time. 301 00:10:31,128 --> 00:10:33,366 -Look... -(Nadja sighs) 302 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:34,736 I'm sorry. (kisses) 303 00:10:34,836 --> 00:10:37,107 -Ew. -I'm sorry. I love you, Master. 304 00:10:37,207 --> 00:10:38,610 I'm just here to protect you. 305 00:10:38,710 --> 00:10:40,881 Obviously, Richie is being very much manipulated 306 00:10:40,981 --> 00:10:41,883 by his familiar, Tom. 307 00:10:41,983 --> 00:10:43,319 You don't want this. 308 00:10:43,419 --> 00:10:44,488 NADJA: It is something that happens. 309 00:10:44,589 --> 00:10:45,758 Yeah, not so much with vampires, 310 00:10:45,858 --> 00:10:48,095 but all the time in the music business. 311 00:10:48,196 --> 00:10:49,732 So we both thank you very much. 312 00:10:49,833 --> 00:10:51,435 -I kind of want it, though. -And we're gonna give it... 313 00:10:51,536 --> 00:10:52,972 -We're gonna give it back. -Sippy, sippy. 314 00:10:53,072 --> 00:10:54,408 -If you can help me... -Just a little corner, man. 315 00:10:54,509 --> 00:10:56,111 TOM: You don't want it. No blood. 316 00:10:56,212 --> 00:10:58,650 But we'd like twice the money. 317 00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:01,255 And we're only doing new material. 318 00:11:01,355 --> 00:11:02,257 -(hisses) -TOM: Come on. 319 00:11:02,357 --> 00:11:03,961 It's Richie Suck. 320 00:11:04,061 --> 00:11:06,065 Featuring DJ Tom Schmidt. 321 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:07,869 I thought you were Doctor Tom. 322 00:11:07,969 --> 00:11:10,240 I'm Doctor Tom, the DJ. 323 00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:12,277 Okay. Fine. It is settled. 324 00:11:12,377 --> 00:11:14,348 You will be there, okay? In 30 minutes. 325 00:11:14,448 --> 00:11:17,254 I also happen to manage a small jazz trio. 326 00:11:17,354 --> 00:11:20,260 It'd be great as an opening act. They're called the Jazzmen 3. 327 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:21,696 They wail. 328 00:11:21,796 --> 00:11:23,132 GUIDE: Obviously, 329 00:11:23,232 --> 00:11:24,468 we've got to kill this Tom guy. 330 00:11:24,569 --> 00:11:26,305 Yes, also very standard 331 00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:27,975 music business protocol, but... (laughs) 332 00:11:28,075 --> 00:11:30,514 Please, can we put a pin in that until after the show? 333 00:11:30,614 --> 00:11:31,850 -(both laughing) -Of course. 334 00:11:37,093 --> 00:11:38,396 (siren wailing) 335 00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:40,400 It would appear the boy has no interest 336 00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:41,803 in larceny or vandalism. 337 00:11:41,903 --> 00:11:43,674 And obviously, he's too young for whoring. 338 00:11:43,774 --> 00:11:46,412 So to keep this excursion from being a total waste of time, 339 00:11:46,513 --> 00:11:48,382 I threw him in this dumpster, 340 00:11:48,482 --> 00:11:50,153 and told him he wasn't allowed out 341 00:11:50,253 --> 00:11:51,923 until he'd killed six rats. 342 00:11:52,023 --> 00:11:53,426 Hey, Lazzo, guess what? 343 00:11:53,527 --> 00:11:54,729 -What? -Some dumb idiot 344 00:11:54,829 --> 00:11:56,465 threw out all these Playbills. 345 00:11:56,566 --> 00:11:58,035 This one's from Miss Saigon. 346 00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:01,108 Did you know they used a real helicopter on stage? 347 00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:02,745 But I don't think it could fly. 348 00:12:02,845 --> 00:12:04,916 I think they made it look that way with ropes... 349 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:06,820 -LASZLO: Shut up. -...or what have you. 350 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:07,755 Unbelievable. 351 00:12:07,855 --> 00:12:09,926 So we are clear on placement? 352 00:12:10,026 --> 00:12:13,500 Yes, yes. It should be in the usual place between the legs. 353 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,704 Yes, and not in a separate container 354 00:12:15,804 --> 00:12:18,209 such as a jar or a briefcase. 355 00:12:18,309 --> 00:12:19,879 And not on my chin. 356 00:12:21,081 --> 00:12:23,954 "Not on chin." 357 00:12:24,054 --> 00:12:25,524 Fine. So stipulated. 358 00:12:25,624 --> 00:12:27,460 DJINN: Well, you know, I'm used to the questions 359 00:12:27,562 --> 00:12:29,331 about the penis enlargement 360 00:12:29,431 --> 00:12:30,901 because people want to get it right. 361 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:34,509 But, uh, I have to say, I've never dealt with two people 362 00:12:34,609 --> 00:12:36,312 that are this detail-oriented. 363 00:12:36,412 --> 00:12:38,482 NANDOR: As far as size goes, 364 00:12:38,584 --> 00:12:40,988 it should not be so big that it crushes me. 365 00:12:41,088 --> 00:12:42,592 What about a mouse? 366 00:12:42,692 --> 00:12:44,596 For a penis? I don't think so, 367 00:12:44,696 --> 00:12:45,965 Djinn, you little trickster. 368 00:12:46,065 --> 00:12:47,635 No, no, I think he means should the new member be 369 00:12:47,735 --> 00:12:49,639 big enough that it could crush a mouse? 370 00:12:49,739 --> 00:12:51,375 That is actually what I meant. 371 00:12:51,475 --> 00:12:52,678 Hmm. 372 00:12:52,778 --> 00:12:55,316 A penis so big it could crush a mouse... 373 00:12:55,416 --> 00:12:58,122 -Yes, don't mind if I do. -DJINN: Okay. 374 00:12:58,222 --> 00:13:00,093 Well, I think we're all squared. 375 00:13:00,193 --> 00:13:01,462 Wait up. One minute. 376 00:13:01,563 --> 00:13:03,266 One second. My client... (continues indistinctly) 377 00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:06,071 DJINN: What they are doing, it's correct, but, um... 378 00:13:06,171 --> 00:13:08,442 it's annoying. 379 00:13:08,543 --> 00:13:11,583 (indistinct shouting) 380 00:13:11,683 --> 00:13:13,987 (piano rehearsing) 381 00:13:14,087 --> 00:13:15,524 Jazz. Ugh. 382 00:13:15,624 --> 00:13:18,931 (claps once) Richie Suck, looking good. 383 00:13:19,031 --> 00:13:22,437 -Welcome. -Doctor Tom likes them better. 384 00:13:22,538 --> 00:13:23,840 Will you please go distract 385 00:13:23,941 --> 00:13:25,778 that stupid doctor familiar for a minute? 386 00:13:25,878 --> 00:13:29,217 Excuse me? Jazz. What is jazz? 387 00:13:29,318 --> 00:13:30,654 Richie, baby. 388 00:13:30,754 --> 00:13:32,725 Who is the vampire, and who is the familiar? 389 00:13:32,825 --> 00:13:34,328 -Doctor Tom says... -(spits) 390 00:13:34,428 --> 00:13:36,666 Doctor Tom is a familiar. It doesn't matter what he says. 391 00:13:36,766 --> 00:13:40,239 You have let a human man transform you from a wild, 392 00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:42,611 horny, rampaging artist 393 00:13:42,712 --> 00:13:45,551 into a little pussy-bitch who "collaborates"? 394 00:13:45,651 --> 00:13:48,322 What happened to the visionary who wrote 395 00:13:48,422 --> 00:13:50,828 For My Corpsefuckers? 396 00:13:50,928 --> 00:13:52,364 ♪♪ My bloodsuckers ♪♪ 397 00:13:52,464 --> 00:13:55,971 ♪♪ Drain a fourtop at the Fuddruckers ♪♪ 398 00:13:56,071 --> 00:13:57,742 ♪♪ Bite necks and write checks ♪♪ 399 00:13:57,842 --> 00:13:59,545 ♪♪ Turn into a bat and have flying sex ♪♪ 400 00:13:59,646 --> 00:14:02,117 ♪♪ Don't call me Count Dracula, I'll smack you, uh ♪♪ 401 00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:04,789 ♪♪ I'm like a Crip disease, I'll attack your blood. ♪♪ 402 00:14:04,889 --> 00:14:07,260 Man. I really had bars back in the day. 403 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:08,462 TOM: Hey, uh... 404 00:14:08,563 --> 00:14:09,732 Everything okay over there? 405 00:14:09,832 --> 00:14:11,301 NADJA: Yes, everything is fine, 406 00:14:11,402 --> 00:14:12,505 doctor familiar boy. 407 00:14:12,605 --> 00:14:14,609 Richie, this is your only chance. 408 00:14:14,709 --> 00:14:16,345 Speak your truth. (purrs) 409 00:14:16,445 --> 00:14:18,215 Take back your life. 410 00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:20,854 Now, show me those fangs. 411 00:14:20,954 --> 00:14:21,923 (chuckles) 412 00:14:22,023 --> 00:14:23,493 You got to wear them with pride, baby. 413 00:14:23,593 --> 00:14:25,196 ♪♪ ♪♪ 414 00:14:25,296 --> 00:14:26,398 Eesh. 415 00:14:26,499 --> 00:14:27,868 Okay, read that back, please. 416 00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:29,171 DJINN: "No substitution 417 00:14:29,271 --> 00:14:32,010 of whale or other species penis..." 418 00:14:32,110 --> 00:14:34,014 -Yes. -DJINN: "Party in possession of new penis... 419 00:14:34,114 --> 00:14:35,183 That's me. 420 00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:37,788 "...should be able to comfortably perform 421 00:14:37,888 --> 00:14:39,257 "physical activities 422 00:14:39,358 --> 00:14:42,798 "such as walking, running, skipping, crossing legs, 423 00:14:42,898 --> 00:14:43,934 -etcetera." -Hmm. 424 00:14:44,034 --> 00:14:45,069 DJINN: "Should not require 425 00:14:45,169 --> 00:14:46,573 purchase of new clothes." 426 00:14:46,673 --> 00:14:48,175 Now, are you sure about that one? 427 00:14:48,275 --> 00:14:49,746 Why do you ask? 428 00:14:49,846 --> 00:14:52,016 Ninety percent of my business is penis enlargements. 429 00:14:52,117 --> 00:14:53,687 -GUILLERMO: That much? Really? -Oh, yeah. 430 00:14:53,787 --> 00:14:57,027 And most clients don't mind buying new clothes 431 00:14:57,127 --> 00:14:58,429 to feature the updated package. 432 00:14:58,530 --> 00:14:59,932 Hmm. 433 00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:02,571 -NANDOR: Fine. Strike it out. -DJINN: Very well. 434 00:15:02,671 --> 00:15:04,007 It has been struck. 435 00:15:04,107 --> 00:15:05,443 -MARWA: Darling? -(shushing) 436 00:15:05,544 --> 00:15:07,414 I'm not doing anything! 437 00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:09,017 Just business stuff. 438 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:12,658 Okay, I hate to interrupt your business, 439 00:15:12,758 --> 00:15:15,564 but I know you wish to see Richie Suck at the club. 440 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,000 -Yes. -MARWA: Yes. 441 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:18,837 -Almost done, my morning star. -MARWA: Okay. 442 00:15:18,937 --> 00:15:20,541 -(whispering): I see you soon. -DJINN: Richie Suck, 443 00:15:20,641 --> 00:15:22,444 -the rap artist? -Mm-hmm. 444 00:15:22,545 --> 00:15:25,249 Oh, my cousin granted his wish to get five mics in The Source. 445 00:15:25,349 --> 00:15:26,886 -Can we wrap this up, please? -DJINN: Okay. 446 00:15:26,986 --> 00:15:28,957 You guys said you wanted to circle back 447 00:15:29,057 --> 00:15:30,961 to some concerns about the balls? 448 00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:33,633 -Yes. -Yes, let's talk balls. 449 00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,238 Why are you sad, Lazzo? 450 00:15:36,338 --> 00:15:39,111 I'm not sad, my boy. I'm just reflective. 451 00:15:39,211 --> 00:15:41,516 When I was your age, I loved only two things: 452 00:15:41,616 --> 00:15:43,285 my nanny and my piano. 453 00:15:43,385 --> 00:15:45,056 And my father took them both. 454 00:15:45,156 --> 00:15:46,793 Then he sent me off to boarding school 455 00:15:46,893 --> 00:15:48,497 -to give me polish. -Okay. 456 00:15:48,597 --> 00:15:49,832 It wasn't such a waste of time. 457 00:15:49,932 --> 00:15:51,201 I learned how to cheat at cards, 458 00:15:51,301 --> 00:15:52,905 hit the other fellow before he hit me. 459 00:15:53,005 --> 00:15:55,644 I also learned not to trust my father 460 00:15:55,744 --> 00:15:57,615 or anyone else, for that matter. 461 00:15:57,715 --> 00:15:59,451 And that took centuries with my Nadja 462 00:15:59,552 --> 00:16:00,954 -to unravel. -Okay. 463 00:16:01,054 --> 00:16:05,764 What I'm trying to say is... I think Gizmo was right. 464 00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:08,970 I think you're going to be incredibly boring. 465 00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:12,578 The type of chap who goes to see revival of Auntie Mame 466 00:16:12,678 --> 00:16:13,914 and writes about it in his diary. 467 00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,517 But I don't hold that against you. 468 00:16:15,617 --> 00:16:17,153 You're a better man than I am. 469 00:16:18,322 --> 00:16:20,928 You were raised to be charming, not sincere. 470 00:16:21,028 --> 00:16:22,598 Really? Well, that's nicely put. 471 00:16:22,698 --> 00:16:24,134 You're full of surprises. 472 00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:26,405 That's from Into the Woods by Stephen Sondheim. 473 00:16:26,506 --> 00:16:27,808 -Right. -I was thinking about it 474 00:16:27,908 --> 00:16:30,547 because I want to turn my Ewok Village Lego set 475 00:16:30,647 --> 00:16:32,116 into the Giant's tree... 476 00:16:32,217 --> 00:16:34,221 Do you? Really? Now, why don't we fuck that off 477 00:16:34,321 --> 00:16:36,559 -and go and see Richie Suck. -Okay. 478 00:16:36,659 --> 00:16:37,795 ♪♪ ♪♪ 479 00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:40,299 Okay, balls in proportion... 480 00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:42,237 Note the changes... 481 00:16:43,205 --> 00:16:45,811 Very well, Master, your wish... 482 00:16:45,911 --> 00:16:48,115 Wait. You can't give him the world's largest penis 483 00:16:48,215 --> 00:16:49,852 by making everyone else's smaller. 484 00:16:49,952 --> 00:16:53,058 Oh, very good catch, Guillermo. 485 00:16:53,159 --> 00:16:54,929 (sputters) Shit. 486 00:16:55,029 --> 00:16:56,098 I mean, well done, familiar. 487 00:16:56,198 --> 00:16:58,169 I was moments away from giving 488 00:16:58,269 --> 00:17:01,776 every man in the world but Nandor a micro wang. 489 00:17:01,876 --> 00:17:03,680 NANDOR: Why would you do such a thing? 490 00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:05,116 It's just part of the job, I guess. 491 00:17:05,216 --> 00:17:08,890 I teach lessons about greed, desires, etcetera, 492 00:17:08,990 --> 00:17:11,796 by fucking with the wishes of my so-called masters. 493 00:17:11,896 --> 00:17:13,934 But you two have bested me. 494 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:17,373 Your familiar has a very shrewd and incisive mind 495 00:17:17,473 --> 00:17:20,012 -when it comes to the penis stuff. -Thank you. 496 00:17:20,112 --> 00:17:22,551 Or you could've just said "thank you" to me. 497 00:17:22,651 --> 00:17:24,254 (sighs) Always so needy. 498 00:17:24,354 --> 00:17:27,293 Thank you, Guillermo, I appreciate all your help. 499 00:17:27,393 --> 00:17:30,299 And every time I use my new big dick, 500 00:17:30,399 --> 00:17:32,838 I will think of you and all you've done for me. 501 00:17:32,938 --> 00:17:34,174 Ah, this is your wish? 502 00:17:34,274 --> 00:17:36,546 -This is my wish. -This is his wish. 503 00:17:36,646 --> 00:17:38,717 Wish granted! 504 00:17:41,522 --> 00:17:42,725 Excuse me for a moment. 505 00:17:42,825 --> 00:17:43,827 -GUILLERMO: Yes. -DJINN: Yeah, go ahead. 506 00:17:43,927 --> 00:17:46,666 Would you care for some Yoo-hoo? 507 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:47,801 No, thank you. 508 00:17:47,902 --> 00:17:49,772 (creaking) 509 00:17:49,872 --> 00:17:51,141 NANDOR: Oh, wow. 510 00:17:51,241 --> 00:17:52,912 That'll do, pig. 511 00:17:53,012 --> 00:17:55,316 Guillermo, come check out the size of this unit. 512 00:17:55,416 --> 00:17:56,853 (chuckling): I'm good. 513 00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:59,391 It's only about 20 percent bigger than what you had. 514 00:17:59,492 --> 00:18:01,061 I'll be damned. 515 00:18:01,161 --> 00:18:03,098 DJINN: I was surprised you wanted more, but, uh... 516 00:18:03,198 --> 00:18:05,369 Yeah, it turned out beautifully if I do say so myself. 517 00:18:05,469 --> 00:18:07,373 Guillermo, are you sure you don't want a little peek? 518 00:18:07,473 --> 00:18:09,812 No, I have to get down to the club. 519 00:18:09,912 --> 00:18:11,883 Oh, okay. Please tell Marwa 520 00:18:11,983 --> 00:18:14,387 that I wish to see her in the bedroom. 521 00:18:14,487 --> 00:18:15,423 Okay. 522 00:18:15,524 --> 00:18:17,528 -Great work. -Thanks. 523 00:18:17,628 --> 00:18:19,030 -Yes. -Yeah. 524 00:18:24,307 --> 00:18:25,944 -(jazz music playing) -(indistinct chattering) 525 00:18:26,044 --> 00:18:28,382 -(hissing) -Hey! Where's Richie? 526 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:29,919 (snapping fingers) 527 00:18:30,019 --> 00:18:32,257 -(booing) -(glass shattering) 528 00:18:32,357 --> 00:18:36,298 (chanting): Richie Suck. Richie Suck. 529 00:18:36,398 --> 00:18:37,501 Richie Suck. 530 00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:40,072 -Richie Suck. Richie Suck. -All right. Hi. 531 00:18:40,172 --> 00:18:41,709 -Sorry, guys. -Richie Suck. 532 00:18:41,809 --> 00:18:43,212 -All right, hold it down. -Richie Suck. 533 00:18:43,312 --> 00:18:45,416 Be patient. You look beau... You don't know jazz 534 00:18:45,517 --> 00:18:47,220 -if you haven't heard it yet, right? -Richie Suck. 535 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:51,128 Hey, how's the, uh... how's the home? 536 00:18:51,228 --> 00:18:52,330 Fine. 537 00:18:52,430 --> 00:18:53,833 It's perfectly normal. 538 00:18:53,934 --> 00:18:55,637 Happens to every guys. 539 00:18:55,737 --> 00:18:57,407 -Can you sh...? -We are still getting reacquainted. 540 00:18:57,508 --> 00:18:58,777 Don't say it here. 541 00:18:58,877 --> 00:19:00,279 -Is everything okay? -No. 542 00:19:00,379 --> 00:19:02,016 The djinn tricked me into saying that every time 543 00:19:02,116 --> 00:19:04,387 I used my new big dick, I will think of you. 544 00:19:04,487 --> 00:19:06,425 -Richie Suck. Richie Suck. -He got us. 545 00:19:06,526 --> 00:19:07,661 He did. 546 00:19:07,761 --> 00:19:10,634 -Eesh. -All right. It's not eesh. 547 00:19:10,734 --> 00:19:12,303 How is everybody doing tonight? 548 00:19:12,403 --> 00:19:14,341 -(mixer scratching) -(crowd whooping) 549 00:19:14,441 --> 00:19:16,044 Is everybody ready to have a good time, 550 00:19:16,144 --> 00:19:17,313 maybe slightly unpredictable 551 00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:19,150 because it's live, but still good? 552 00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:20,887 -(cheering) -(mixer scratching) 553 00:19:20,988 --> 00:19:22,190 (whooping) 554 00:19:22,290 --> 00:19:24,862 Well, then, let's welcome a true artist 555 00:19:24,962 --> 00:19:27,100 who doesn't give two wet shits what you think. 556 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,505 Let's get loud for Richie Suck! 557 00:19:29,605 --> 00:19:32,276 (cheering, whooping) 558 00:19:32,377 --> 00:19:34,548 Remember, be yourself. Free yourself. 559 00:19:34,649 --> 00:19:36,519 -♪♪ Wild in here right now ♪♪ -(cheering) 560 00:19:36,619 --> 00:19:39,725 ♪♪ Yeah, we go wild in here right now ♪♪ 561 00:19:39,825 --> 00:19:42,296 ♪♪ Yeah, we go wild in here right now ♪♪ 562 00:19:42,397 --> 00:19:45,504 ♪♪ Yeah, we've gone wild in here right now ♪♪ 563 00:19:46,806 --> 00:19:48,208 (stops music) 564 00:19:48,308 --> 00:19:49,712 RICHIE: Thank you all for coming out. 565 00:19:49,812 --> 00:19:53,419 I've been away for a while, and it's been a journey. 566 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,659 Uh, so before I start the show, I want to bring out a man 567 00:19:56,759 --> 00:19:58,663 who's been a really important part of that. 568 00:19:58,763 --> 00:20:01,703 My familiar, Dr. Tom Schmidt. 569 00:20:01,803 --> 00:20:04,207 GUILLERMO: (whoops) Familiars! 570 00:20:04,307 --> 00:20:05,811 Thank you, Richie. First of all... 571 00:20:05,911 --> 00:20:07,948 So me and Tom decided that I need to be more authentic, 572 00:20:08,048 --> 00:20:10,152 so we collaborated on a bunch of new songs 573 00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:13,793 for me to do with the Jazzmen 3 over here. 574 00:20:13,893 --> 00:20:15,229 (booing) 575 00:20:15,329 --> 00:20:16,866 RICHIE: But guess what? 576 00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,570 I'm not going to do them! 577 00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:21,542 -(cheering) -NADJA: The right decision. 578 00:20:21,642 --> 00:20:23,379 -Master, listen. -No, man. 579 00:20:23,479 --> 00:20:25,817 I'm done listening to you. Forever! 580 00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:27,286 No, Master, no! Ahh! 581 00:20:27,387 --> 00:20:28,890 -(hissing) -RICHIE: Eat that bitch. 582 00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:30,292 Eat that bitch. 583 00:20:30,393 --> 00:20:33,733 Eat bitch. Eat that bitch. Eat that bitch. 584 00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:34,835 Eat the bitch! 585 00:20:34,935 --> 00:20:36,271 RICHIE: Now, now, now, 586 00:20:36,371 --> 00:20:38,242 how many of you want to hear me do my thing? 587 00:20:38,342 --> 00:20:40,914 Who want to hear me do my truth? 588 00:20:41,014 --> 00:20:42,350 -(cheering) -NADJA: Yes, please, Richie. 589 00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,454 Who wants to hear some new shit from Richie Suck 590 00:20:44,555 --> 00:20:46,224 that they ain't never heard before? 591 00:20:46,324 --> 00:20:49,097 -(whooping) -Go, Richie! 592 00:20:49,197 --> 00:20:51,636 Who wants to hear me do some observational comedy? 593 00:20:51,736 --> 00:20:53,973 NADJA: What the fuck? 594 00:20:55,544 --> 00:20:58,248 Like, have you ever been flying around as a bat... 595 00:20:58,348 --> 00:21:00,119 (chuckles) ...and you get hit by a drone 596 00:21:00,219 --> 00:21:03,560 and you be like, "Damn, the robots coming for us?" 597 00:21:03,660 --> 00:21:05,296 (laughing) 598 00:21:05,396 --> 00:21:07,568 VAMPIRE: Hey, do Throat Juice. 599 00:21:07,668 --> 00:21:09,070 RICHIE: You know what... what is really cool 600 00:21:09,170 --> 00:21:10,372 about being a vampire, though? 601 00:21:10,473 --> 00:21:12,076 You ain't never got to do no dishes. 602 00:21:12,176 --> 00:21:13,412 -VAMPIRE: Bring back the jazz. -(hissing) 603 00:21:13,513 --> 00:21:15,216 Never, no dishes. It's all skin and bone. 604 00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:16,853 -You know? -(hissing, complaining) 605 00:21:16,953 --> 00:21:18,055 But seriously, though, grandmamas 606 00:21:18,155 --> 00:21:19,625 be saying some stupid shit. 607 00:21:19,725 --> 00:21:22,463 Oh, Richie Suck, courageously working without a net. 608 00:21:22,564 --> 00:21:24,334 Don't throw shit at my wife, you fuck. 609 00:21:24,434 --> 00:21:27,440 It makes the live experience more irreplaceable and fun... 610 00:21:27,541 --> 00:21:29,477 Hey! Show's over. 611 00:21:29,578 --> 00:21:31,014 (Nadja gasps, yelps) 612 00:21:31,114 --> 00:21:33,051 RICHIE: Hey, what the... Get the fuck off me. 613 00:21:33,152 --> 00:21:34,354 -NANDOR: Out of my way. -NADJA: Laszlo! 614 00:21:34,454 --> 00:21:35,857 Hang on! I've-I've lost the boy. 615 00:21:35,957 --> 00:21:37,193 Laszlo, get your... 616 00:21:37,293 --> 00:21:38,496 get out your hands and help your wife. 617 00:21:38,596 --> 00:21:40,466 I'm trying. This men are too horny. 618 00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:42,671 ♪♪ If you want to ring the bell not once but twice ♪♪ 619 00:21:42,771 --> 00:21:44,340 -What the f... What? -Huh? 620 00:21:44,441 --> 00:21:47,848 ♪♪ If you want to roll and roll those lucky dice ♪♪ 621 00:21:47,948 --> 00:21:50,419 ♪♪ If you want to spend your journey's end ♪♪ 622 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,891 ♪♪ With sweet music and love ♪♪ 623 00:21:52,991 --> 00:21:56,799 ♪♪ If you want to rid this world of men and Mickey Mice ♪♪ 624 00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:59,137 -(band playing along) -♪♪ Take my advice... ♪♪ 625 00:21:59,237 --> 00:22:01,676 From the 1936 movie musical, Born to Dance. 626 00:22:02,511 --> 00:22:04,849 -♪♪ When you sit down, one day ♪♪ -Don't fuck it up, boy. 627 00:22:04,949 --> 00:22:06,719 ♪♪ Look over yourself and say ♪♪ 628 00:22:06,819 --> 00:22:08,021 ♪♪ "You're very good" ♪♪ 629 00:22:08,121 --> 00:22:09,424 He can really move. 630 00:22:09,525 --> 00:22:11,762 ♪♪ Rap tap on wood ♪♪ 631 00:22:11,863 --> 00:22:13,065 Score by Cole Porter, 632 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,969 sung by the late, great Eleanor Powell. 633 00:22:15,069 --> 00:22:17,908 It's so disgusting, I love it. 634 00:22:18,008 --> 00:22:18,943 NADJA: Vampires have 635 00:22:19,043 --> 00:22:20,947 always loved child novelty acts. 636 00:22:21,047 --> 00:22:22,416 I mean, who knows why. 637 00:22:22,518 --> 00:22:24,722 Some say they are transfixed by the youth 638 00:22:24,822 --> 00:22:27,895 and innocence they themselves lost long ago. 639 00:22:27,995 --> 00:22:30,232 Others just love how creepy 640 00:22:30,332 --> 00:22:32,003 and exploitative it is. 641 00:22:32,103 --> 00:22:33,640 But I don't care, anyway, 642 00:22:33,740 --> 00:22:36,311 because the most important thing is that Baby Colin Robinson 643 00:22:36,411 --> 00:22:38,348 is going to keep my club in business. 644 00:22:38,448 --> 00:22:40,887 LASZLO: I was worried the kid was a dud. 645 00:22:40,987 --> 00:22:43,392 Turns out he's got the groove. 646 00:22:43,493 --> 00:22:44,829 ♪♪ Rap tap on wood. ♪♪ 647 00:22:44,929 --> 00:22:47,133 -(cheering) -LASZLO: Fantastic. 648 00:22:47,233 --> 00:22:49,605 NANDOR: Bravo, Baby Colin Robinson. 649 00:22:49,705 --> 00:22:52,511 Any more kids, welcome to Nadja's. 650 00:22:52,611 --> 00:22:56,351 ♪♪ Mystical magical musical madness ♪♪ 651 00:22:56,451 --> 00:23:00,594 ♪♪ Take it and make it a part of your day ♪♪ 652 00:23:00,694 --> 00:23:05,236 ♪♪ Musical themes of wishes and dreams ♪♪ 653 00:23:05,336 --> 00:23:10,647 ♪♪ Love songs anew just written for you ♪♪ 654 00:23:10,747 --> 00:23:14,688 ♪♪ Mystical magical musical madness ♪♪ 655 00:23:14,788 --> 00:23:18,897 ♪♪ Filled with the sounds that wipe sadness away ♪♪ 656 00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:23,506 ♪♪ We bring a happy message of love ♪♪ 657 00:23:23,606 --> 00:23:27,480 ♪♪ Keep it and take it home with ♪♪ 658 00:23:27,581 --> 00:23:32,290 ♪♪ We bring a happy message of love ♪♪ 659 00:23:32,390 --> 00:23:35,964 ♪♪ Keep it and take it home ♪♪ 660 00:23:36,064 --> 00:23:39,572 ♪♪ With you. ♪♪ 661 00:23:39,672 --> 00:23:42,143 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org