1 00:00:05,588 --> 00:00:07,659 -(clangs) -NANDOR: Huh? 2 00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:11,500 Guillermo? 3 00:00:13,470 --> 00:00:15,173 Guillermo! 4 00:00:16,476 --> 00:00:18,280 -Boo! (chuckles) -(screams) -NADJA: The child 5 00:00:18,313 --> 00:00:19,683 who clawed his way out of the abdomen 6 00:00:19,716 --> 00:00:21,252 of our dead friend Colin Robinson 7 00:00:21,286 --> 00:00:23,390 has reached that wild age. 8 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:25,027 -(Colin laughs) -NANDOR: That's mine. You'll take it off 9 00:00:25,060 --> 00:00:27,532 -this second. -Catch me, catch me! (grunts) 10 00:00:27,566 --> 00:00:29,770 -He's a very active lad. -(Colin laughs) -It feels like weeks 11 00:00:29,803 --> 00:00:31,406 since I had had a good day's slumber. 12 00:00:31,439 --> 00:00:34,312 Fucking little guy. (grunts) 13 00:00:34,345 --> 00:00:36,216 -This ruckus never seems to end. -(Colin laughing) 14 00:00:36,249 --> 00:00:37,552 He's very loud, and unlike us, 15 00:00:37,586 --> 00:00:38,754 he does not sleep during the day. 16 00:00:38,788 --> 00:00:40,792 Nor does he sleep during the night. 17 00:00:40,825 --> 00:00:42,696 -When does he sleep? -I don't think he does. -(glass breaks) 18 00:00:42,729 --> 00:00:45,100 Never a dull moment with that scalawag. 19 00:00:45,133 --> 00:00:47,639 -NADJA: I'm pretty sure he must be part demon. -LASZLO: Nonsense. 20 00:00:47,672 --> 00:00:49,408 He's all boy. 21 00:00:49,442 --> 00:00:52,181 ♪ A-well a-everybody's heard about the bird ♪ 22 00:00:52,214 --> 00:00:55,153 -♪ B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word... ♪ -(playing discordant notes) 23 00:00:55,187 --> 00:00:58,126 -NANDOR: We tried to distract him by buying him toys. -(Nadja hisses) 24 00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,430 But he just breaks the toy and plays with the box. 25 00:01:00,464 --> 00:01:02,802 Which he then sets on fire. 26 00:01:02,836 --> 00:01:04,338 LASZLO: Ah, well, at least 27 00:01:04,372 --> 00:01:05,675 he's not showing signs of being a bore 28 00:01:05,708 --> 00:01:07,278 or an energy vampire. 29 00:01:07,311 --> 00:01:08,714 He has a very curious 30 00:01:08,748 --> 00:01:10,083 -and inquisitive mind. -GUILLERMO: Colin, no! 31 00:01:10,117 --> 00:01:11,587 LASZLO: Gizmo, shut the fuck up! 32 00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:14,225 We're doing a piece to camera. As I was saying, 33 00:01:14,258 --> 00:01:16,162 he has a very inquisitive and curious mind. 34 00:01:16,195 --> 00:01:18,701 That is just a very nice, bullshitty way of saying that 35 00:01:18,734 --> 00:01:20,805 -if we leave him unsupervised for even one moment... -GUILLERMO: Colin, no! No! 36 00:01:20,838 --> 00:01:22,575 ...he runs down to the bloody flooded basement 37 00:01:22,609 --> 00:01:24,145 and wreaks havoc. 38 00:01:24,178 --> 00:01:25,480 For no good reason at all. 39 00:01:25,515 --> 00:01:27,151 -(Colin grunts) -GUILLERMO: Colin, no! 40 00:01:27,184 --> 00:01:29,288 -(Colin laughs) -Colin! -LASZO: No, 41 00:01:29,322 --> 00:01:30,558 I think there's method in his madness. 42 00:01:30,592 --> 00:01:31,827 -(thudding) -What we're seeing 43 00:01:31,860 --> 00:01:33,229 are the early, tentative explorations 44 00:01:33,263 --> 00:01:35,100 of maybe a sculptor 45 00:01:35,133 --> 00:01:37,104 -or an architect. -Or a psychopath. 46 00:01:37,137 --> 00:01:38,440 -(glass breaks) -GUILLERMO: He's got a weapon! -Maybe it's... 47 00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,442 -(Colin shouts) -He's got a weapon! 48 00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:40,745 -Whoa! -(Nandor grunts) 49 00:01:40,778 --> 00:01:43,216 I'm gonna get you! (grunts) 50 00:01:44,385 --> 00:01:46,489 ("You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing) 51 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,861 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 52 00:01:48,894 --> 00:01:51,466 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 53 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:54,205 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 54 00:01:54,238 --> 00:01:57,211 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 55 00:01:58,614 --> 00:02:01,654 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 56 00:02:01,687 --> 00:02:04,392 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 57 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:06,697 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 58 00:02:06,730 --> 00:02:09,435 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 59 00:02:09,468 --> 00:02:11,272 ♪ ♪ 60 00:02:18,888 --> 00:02:20,525 GUILLERMO: But he needs to go to school 61 00:02:20,558 --> 00:02:22,361 so he can burn off some of this energy 62 00:02:22,394 --> 00:02:25,334 and learn structure and be around normal kids his own age. 63 00:02:25,367 --> 00:02:26,904 -But he's not a normal kid. -NADJA: Mm. 64 00:02:26,937 --> 00:02:29,241 He's a singer, he's a dancer, he's an entertainer. 65 00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:30,545 -He's got the magic. -(footsteps running overhead) 66 00:02:30,578 --> 00:02:32,281 -(glass breaks) -(Colin laughs) 67 00:02:32,314 --> 00:02:33,918 -You've got to do something! -LASZLO: What about you? 68 00:02:33,951 --> 00:02:35,688 -Have you been to a school? -I have. 69 00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:38,494 Actually, I happened to go to public school 70 00:02:38,527 --> 00:02:39,896 when I was little, and look at me. 71 00:02:39,930 --> 00:02:41,900 -I turned out fine. -(Nadja and Laszlo laugh) 72 00:02:41,934 --> 00:02:43,303 LASZLO: Great plan. 73 00:02:43,336 --> 00:02:44,773 Send Baby Colin Robinson to a school, 74 00:02:44,806 --> 00:02:46,175 and he ends up like you. 75 00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:47,846 NANDOR: I have been thinking. 76 00:02:47,879 --> 00:02:50,852 Perhaps the answer is to send Baby Colin Robinson 77 00:02:50,885 --> 00:02:53,491 to a performing arts school 78 00:02:53,524 --> 00:02:56,262 where they just pretend to learn reading and writing 79 00:02:56,295 --> 00:02:57,499 and math, but at least they're out of the house 80 00:02:57,532 --> 00:02:59,603 for, like, eight hours of the day. 81 00:03:00,705 --> 00:03:02,942 What's going on here, then? 82 00:03:02,976 --> 00:03:05,515 -Where? -NADJA: Have you had a haircut? 83 00:03:05,548 --> 00:03:07,251 Why? Have you had a haircut? 84 00:03:07,284 --> 00:03:10,190 LASZLO: Have you been watching Star Trek? 85 00:03:11,927 --> 00:03:14,866 Let's not, uh, focus on looking at me, 86 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:16,369 okay, and focus on the big issue, 87 00:03:16,402 --> 00:03:18,541 which is the Baby Colin, correct? 88 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,210 NADJA: Okay. What if we send him 89 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,515 to a very selective private school so he doesn't 90 00:03:22,549 --> 00:03:23,718 have to worry about rubbing shoulders 91 00:03:23,751 --> 00:03:25,420 with street tramps and dullards? 92 00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:27,391 No. We have plenty of good public schools here, 93 00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:29,496 -and they're free. -I thought you were doing the accounting. 94 00:03:29,529 --> 00:03:31,399 Isn't the nightclub swimming in the trillions? 95 00:03:31,432 --> 00:03:34,004 No, we need that money to fix the house. 96 00:03:34,038 --> 00:03:36,510 And I wouldn't say "trillions." No, definitely not. 97 00:03:36,543 --> 00:03:38,246 How much money have we made this month? 98 00:03:38,279 --> 00:03:40,350 (inhales) Have to, like, crunch the numbers. 99 00:03:40,383 --> 00:03:43,323 -Top of my head, I don't... -Hold on a second. Nandor, 100 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:45,427 -why don't you rub your genie? -NANDOR: He is a djinn. 101 00:03:45,460 --> 00:03:47,398 LASZLO: Well, whether he's a djinn or not, give him a rub, 102 00:03:47,431 --> 00:03:49,368 make a wish and we can clean this bullshit up. 103 00:03:49,402 --> 00:03:50,638 NANDOR: Well, I cannot do that. 104 00:03:50,671 --> 00:03:51,774 -LASZLO: Why? -Because I only have 105 00:03:51,807 --> 00:03:53,343 a very limited number of wishes, 106 00:03:53,376 --> 00:03:55,447 -and I cannot be wasting them. -NADJA: Selfish. 107 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,251 And anyway, I already asked him. 108 00:03:57,284 --> 00:04:01,593 -(Nadja gasps) -And he said that he is legally prohibited 109 00:04:01,627 --> 00:04:04,499 from doing any kind of house stuff. 110 00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:05,868 Bummer. 111 00:04:05,902 --> 00:04:07,939 Of course I could ask the djinn 112 00:04:07,972 --> 00:04:10,277 to make all of our troubles with the house disappear. 113 00:04:10,310 --> 00:04:13,049 But it's a very slippery slope. 114 00:04:13,082 --> 00:04:14,886 Are you sure you haven't had a haircut? 115 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,389 NANDOR: First we fix the house. 116 00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,959 Then it's like, "Oh, Nandor, 117 00:04:17,992 --> 00:04:20,531 can you wish for a new rug?" or some shit. 118 00:04:20,565 --> 00:04:22,836 And before you know it, all of my wishes will be used up, 119 00:04:22,869 --> 00:04:26,275 and I will have no more wishes left to make a global impact. 120 00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:29,014 Which is what I plan on focusing on next: 121 00:04:29,048 --> 00:04:31,018 philanthropy. 122 00:04:31,052 --> 00:04:32,822 -(Djinn grunts) -Hey. 123 00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:34,358 You rang? 124 00:04:34,391 --> 00:04:36,329 I did? Oh. 125 00:04:36,362 --> 00:04:38,032 It was an accident. 126 00:04:38,066 --> 00:04:40,505 So, uh, you are satisfied 127 00:04:40,538 --> 00:04:42,307 with the results of your last wish? 128 00:04:42,341 --> 00:04:44,646 Would you excuse us for just a moment? 129 00:04:44,679 --> 00:04:46,082 Philanthropy stuff. 130 00:04:46,115 --> 00:04:48,453 (whispers): So, about my last wish. 131 00:04:48,486 --> 00:04:51,660 I think the removing of the wrinkles around the eyes 132 00:04:51,693 --> 00:04:53,531 was a success, yes? 133 00:04:53,564 --> 00:04:55,000 I live to serve. 134 00:04:55,033 --> 00:04:57,806 Uh, however, I feel like the smoothness of the skin 135 00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,976 is now drawing some attention 136 00:05:00,010 --> 00:05:02,414 to some bagginess under the eyes. 137 00:05:02,447 --> 00:05:05,053 -Hmm. Come. Come, let me see? -See here? 138 00:05:05,086 --> 00:05:06,723 -("Meet Me Tonight in Dreamland" playing on piano) -(indistinct chatter) 139 00:05:06,757 --> 00:05:11,533 ♪ Meet me tonight in dreamland ♪ 140 00:05:11,567 --> 00:05:15,975 ♪ Under the silvery moon ♪ 141 00:05:16,910 --> 00:05:20,618 -♪ Meet me tonight in dreamland. ♪ -(feedback screeches) 142 00:05:20,651 --> 00:05:23,122 -(indistinct chatter) -Shit. Not again. 143 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,026 -COLIN: Hey, guess what? Do you guys have YouTube? -What? 144 00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:27,030 And have you seen the new MrBeast video 145 00:05:27,064 --> 00:05:29,536 where he makes the world's largest elephant's toothpaste? 146 00:05:29,569 --> 00:05:32,474 -GIRL: No. -GIRL 2: What the fuck are you talking about? 147 00:05:32,509 --> 00:05:34,011 We may look as children, 148 00:05:34,044 --> 00:05:37,084 but we're 143 years old. 149 00:05:37,117 --> 00:05:39,856 Oh, okay. S-Sorry. 150 00:05:39,890 --> 00:05:42,729 It's all right, boy, they don't know what they're missing. 151 00:05:42,762 --> 00:05:45,133 Come on. Let's get on with the job in hand. 152 00:05:45,166 --> 00:05:47,572 Now I come to think of it, 153 00:05:47,605 --> 00:05:49,509 I suppose schooling isn't such a bad idea 154 00:05:49,543 --> 00:05:50,845 as long as he can have some japes 155 00:05:50,878 --> 00:05:52,615 and tomfoolery with his young cohorts. 156 00:05:52,649 --> 00:05:54,553 -NANDOR: Oops. -NADJA: My love, it will be very good 157 00:05:54,586 --> 00:05:56,623 for him and very good for us. 158 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,527 Yeah, but none of this public school shit. 159 00:05:58,561 --> 00:06:00,965 -NADJA: Mm. -He's gonna be amongst the elites like I was. 160 00:06:00,998 --> 00:06:02,635 Well, I got some brochures here 161 00:06:02,669 --> 00:06:05,575 on some very impressive private schools 162 00:06:05,608 --> 00:06:07,545 in the area. Here you go. 163 00:06:07,579 --> 00:06:10,016 -NANDOR: Hmm? -I'm just gonna put it down here. 164 00:06:10,050 --> 00:06:11,620 Well, you can forget this one. Doesn't have a cricket field. 165 00:06:11,653 --> 00:06:14,024 -Or even a whipping post. -Good point. 166 00:06:14,058 --> 00:06:15,928 NADJA: And what do you pose as a better solution? 167 00:06:15,962 --> 00:06:19,034 Well, I would say, um... 168 00:06:19,068 --> 00:06:22,542 Uh... this one looks good. 169 00:06:22,575 --> 00:06:24,144 -That's, uh, that's a receipt. -Oh. 170 00:06:24,178 --> 00:06:26,148 -(Sean grunting) -COLIN: Put me down, you idiot! 171 00:06:26,182 --> 00:06:28,019 -SEAN: Stop struggling, you little rascal. -(Colin grunting) 172 00:06:28,052 --> 00:06:29,154 -Oh, no. -Ugh. -COLIN: You hurt my stomach, 173 00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:30,491 -you dummy. -Good little guy. 174 00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:31,560 -NADJA: Baby Colin! -Whoa. 175 00:06:31,593 --> 00:06:32,127 COLIN: Nice try, asshole. 176 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,864 My back. 177 00:06:33,898 --> 00:06:35,801 Little nephew found his way over to my house again. 178 00:06:35,835 --> 00:06:37,070 I caught him in the garage, 179 00:06:37,104 --> 00:06:39,074 knocking, uh, holes in the drywall 180 00:06:39,108 --> 00:06:41,513 -with a ball peen hammer. -A thousand apologies to you, Sean. 181 00:06:41,546 --> 00:06:43,517 What's this? You sending the little guy to private school? 182 00:06:43,550 --> 00:06:44,786 GUILLERMO: Yeah, we're thinking about it. 183 00:06:44,819 --> 00:06:46,022 Oh. Well, you better add 184 00:06:46,055 --> 00:06:48,159 Helen Country Day School to the list 185 00:06:48,192 --> 00:06:50,898 'cause you're talking to an HCD grad right here. 186 00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:54,639 Really? Well, there you go. That's where the boy shall go. 187 00:06:54,673 --> 00:06:55,875 Yeah, I can help you with that. I happen to be 188 00:06:55,908 --> 00:06:57,545 very tight with the headmaster. 189 00:06:57,578 --> 00:06:59,048 Don't you think that's a rather hasty decision? 190 00:06:59,081 --> 00:07:00,985 Sean went there, and look how he's turned out. 191 00:07:01,018 --> 00:07:02,922 -Right. -LASZLO: Tuck his trousers in and everything. 192 00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:06,730 I've never been more cocksure of any decision in my life. 193 00:07:13,176 --> 00:07:14,879 Is everybody ready? The headmaster's gonna be here 194 00:07:14,913 --> 00:07:16,617 in ten minutes! 195 00:07:16,650 --> 00:07:18,621 And remember, you're just a regular human being 196 00:07:18,654 --> 00:07:20,491 who likes to do regular human things. 197 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,160 You are not a vampire, 198 00:07:22,194 --> 00:07:23,797 and if... Oh, no. 199 00:07:23,831 --> 00:07:26,670 Ta-da! 200 00:07:26,703 --> 00:07:28,507 Well... 201 00:07:28,540 --> 00:07:32,782 "A" for effort on the whole looking human aspect, but no. 202 00:07:32,815 --> 00:07:34,953 -(Nadja sighs) -Go upstairs and change into whatever your least vampirey 203 00:07:34,986 --> 00:07:36,890 vampire attire is. 204 00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,794 -But that is this. -LASZLO: Yes. -GUILLERMO: That is this? 205 00:07:38,827 --> 00:07:41,533 -This is that. -NADJA: Okay, try this. 206 00:07:41,566 --> 00:07:44,038 (American accent): Oh, I love pizza so much. 207 00:07:44,071 --> 00:07:46,142 That's pretty good. 208 00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:48,514 -(Nadja chuckles) -We have some water for... 209 00:07:48,547 --> 00:07:50,183 Wait, what happened? I thought you were gonna change. 210 00:07:50,216 --> 00:07:51,920 (normal voice): I couldn't find anything else to wear, 211 00:07:51,953 --> 00:07:53,524 -Guillermo. Just leave it. -GUILLERMO: Okay, okay. 212 00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:55,060 It's fine. You look great. Okay, let's do this. 213 00:07:55,093 --> 00:07:56,797 -(doorbell rings) -Oh! Here they are. 214 00:07:56,830 --> 00:07:58,834 Now, don't you worry, big man. You just do exactly 215 00:07:58,867 --> 00:07:59,936 -what we rehearsed, all right? -COLIN: Mm-hmm. 216 00:07:59,969 --> 00:08:01,707 SEAN: Guys, here he is. 217 00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,911 The man of the hour, Headmaster Warren. 218 00:08:03,944 --> 00:08:05,681 -NANDOR: Hi. -(Nadja chuckles) -SEAN (chuckles): Yeah. 219 00:08:05,715 --> 00:08:07,117 Now, back when I was in school, 220 00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:09,522 he was nothing but a loser guidance counselor, 221 00:08:09,556 --> 00:08:11,192 but he really helped me 222 00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:14,164 set some more realistic goals for college. 223 00:08:14,198 --> 00:08:15,801 A four-year program isn't for everyone. 224 00:08:15,835 --> 00:08:19,208 But you turned out to be a fine young man, Sean. 225 00:08:19,241 --> 00:08:21,813 -Talking of fine young men, uh... -WARREN: Oh! 226 00:08:21,847 --> 00:08:23,951 -And this must be Colin. -LASZLO: Go on. 227 00:08:23,984 --> 00:08:25,588 Hello, young man. 228 00:08:25,621 --> 00:08:28,092 It's my pleasure to make your acquaintance, sir. 229 00:08:28,126 --> 00:08:29,829 -And guess what? -What's that? 230 00:08:29,863 --> 00:08:33,069 I'm a remarkable smart lad who can sing and dance, 231 00:08:33,102 --> 00:08:35,608 and I never watch YouTube, 232 00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,678 -and I never pound holes in the wall using a hammer. -LASZLO: Ah! 233 00:08:37,712 --> 00:08:39,214 -Okay! (laughs) -LASZLO: Off you go, Colin. 234 00:08:39,248 --> 00:08:40,885 I think we've had enough of that. 235 00:08:40,918 --> 00:08:42,588 -It's your bedtime, I think. -GUILLERMO: Please. 236 00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,693 -Please, take a seat. -Oh, out of the mouths of babes. 237 00:08:44,726 --> 00:08:48,199 -NADJA: Oh, so human of him. (chuckles) -NANDOR: Yes. 238 00:08:48,232 --> 00:08:50,604 WARREN: So, uh, my apologies 239 00:08:50,638 --> 00:08:51,840 for not being fully up to speed, 240 00:08:51,873 --> 00:08:55,113 but, uh, who exactly are the parents? 241 00:08:55,146 --> 00:08:57,618 Uh... 242 00:08:57,652 --> 00:08:58,954 -LASZLO: Yeah. -NADJA: Uh... 243 00:08:59,889 --> 00:09:02,027 When I click my fingers, 244 00:09:02,060 --> 00:09:04,264 you will enter a trancelike state 245 00:09:04,298 --> 00:09:07,003 where you will hear nothing or see nothing. 246 00:09:07,037 --> 00:09:09,108 I will then click my fingers once more, 247 00:09:09,141 --> 00:09:11,145 and you will regain consciousness, 248 00:09:11,178 --> 00:09:13,751 remembering nothing of this pause. 249 00:09:13,784 --> 00:09:16,857 -(snaps fingers) -We really should have figured this out before they came. 250 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,627 Who are we gonna say the parents are? 251 00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:20,263 Let's just say that I'm the mother and you are the father. 252 00:09:20,296 --> 00:09:22,134 -Good idea. -LASZLO: That won't work, my darling. 253 00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:24,138 -I've already told him I'm the boy's uncle. -Shit. 254 00:09:24,171 --> 00:09:26,108 Fine, I will be the father. 255 00:09:26,142 --> 00:09:27,645 -Looking like that? -Yes. 256 00:09:27,678 --> 00:09:29,114 -Better than nothing. -Well, look at him. 257 00:09:29,148 --> 00:09:30,885 -NADJA: Laszlo, get over it! -LASZLO: Come on. 258 00:09:30,918 --> 00:09:32,889 -NADJA: Ouch! Nandor. (clears throat) -Sorry. 259 00:09:32,922 --> 00:09:34,024 -(snaps fingers) -(laughs) 260 00:09:34,057 --> 00:09:35,995 Yes, hello. 261 00:09:36,028 --> 00:09:37,999 We are Colin's parents. I am Nadja. 262 00:09:38,032 --> 00:09:39,869 I carried him to full term. 263 00:09:39,903 --> 00:09:42,809 Yes, and I am Matthew. 264 00:09:42,842 --> 00:09:45,614 Well, I'd love to ask you a few questions 265 00:09:45,648 --> 00:09:47,685 -about yourselves and Colin. -NANDOR: Mm. 266 00:09:47,718 --> 00:09:49,188 Yes, and we can answer those questions 267 00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:51,325 because we are very much Colin's parents. 268 00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:52,728 -(chuckles) -NANDOR: Yes. 269 00:09:52,762 --> 00:09:54,264 And I am Matthew. 270 00:09:54,298 --> 00:09:55,801 Okay. 271 00:09:55,835 --> 00:09:58,005 -So, uh, let's get into it. -(zipper rasps) 272 00:09:58,039 --> 00:10:00,878 How old is Colin? 273 00:10:00,911 --> 00:10:02,748 -Twelve. -Forty-two. 274 00:10:02,782 --> 00:10:04,318 -Sixteen. -One. 275 00:10:04,351 --> 00:10:05,955 -(whispers): He's nine years old. -Nine! 276 00:10:05,988 --> 00:10:07,792 -♪ He's nine. ♪ -Nine. 277 00:10:07,825 --> 00:10:09,629 Okay, great. (chuckles) 278 00:10:09,662 --> 00:10:12,367 Is everybody going to be staying for this next part, as well? 279 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,071 I mean, usually, 280 00:10:14,104 --> 00:10:15,808 -it's only the... -(snaps fingers) -NADJA: I think 281 00:10:15,841 --> 00:10:17,377 he thinks it's weird that it's not just me and Nandor. 282 00:10:17,410 --> 00:10:18,914 -Matthew. -LASZLO: I think it's weird 283 00:10:18,947 --> 00:10:20,383 he wants you two alone in a room. 284 00:10:20,416 --> 00:10:22,120 Well, if everyone's staying, then I should stay, too. 285 00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:23,356 -You know, for human guidance. -(Nadja groans) 286 00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:24,793 Fine. I will fix this. 287 00:10:24,826 --> 00:10:26,630 -(clears throat) -(snaps fingers) 288 00:10:26,663 --> 00:10:28,934 -(Nadja chuckles) -...uh, parents 289 00:10:28,967 --> 00:10:31,338 -who do the interview. -NADJA: Good point, yes. 290 00:10:31,372 --> 00:10:33,777 But I would like to say that we're all going to stay 291 00:10:33,811 --> 00:10:35,681 because we very much think of everyone 292 00:10:35,714 --> 00:10:37,685 -in this room as members of the family. -NANDOR: Mm-hmm. 293 00:10:37,718 --> 00:10:39,722 So, please, meet our butler 294 00:10:39,756 --> 00:10:43,095 -and our groundskeeper. -I'm the groundskeeper, by the way. Ha! 295 00:10:43,129 --> 00:10:46,402 (chuckles): Okay, then. One big, happy family. 296 00:10:46,435 --> 00:10:48,272 Everyone helps out here. 297 00:10:48,306 --> 00:10:51,111 -There's a lot of love in this family. -NANDOR: Mm. 298 00:10:51,145 --> 00:10:52,380 In fact, there's so much love, 299 00:10:52,414 --> 00:10:53,717 apparently, you're with Nandor now 300 00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,220 and Laz doesn't mind? 301 00:10:55,253 --> 00:10:57,257 (chuckles): I mean, you know, it's no judgment. 302 00:10:57,290 --> 00:10:58,961 What's the word for what you guys are? It's... 303 00:10:58,994 --> 00:11:00,798 -Polyamorous? -SEAN: Oh, 304 00:11:00,831 --> 00:11:02,100 I was thinking filthy hippies, 305 00:11:02,133 --> 00:11:03,837 but, uh, like I said, no judgement. 306 00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:05,708 -Right, Mr. Warren? -(snaps fingers) 307 00:11:05,741 --> 00:11:07,812 -NADJA: Fuck's sake. -Of course this is a disaster. 308 00:11:07,845 --> 00:11:09,983 -He knows we're married, my darling. -NADJA: Let's just say 309 00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:11,953 that I am the mother and Laszlo is the father. 310 00:11:11,987 --> 00:11:14,258 -Who am I going to be? -You're the groundskeeper now. 311 00:11:14,291 --> 00:11:15,828 -Keep up. -(Nandor groans) -GUILLERMO: Come on. 312 00:11:15,861 --> 00:11:17,865 -Go, go, go, go, go. Careful. -I can see. 313 00:11:17,899 --> 00:11:19,869 Careful, the camera. Stop. No. 314 00:11:19,903 --> 00:11:22,274 -Stop. Ready. -Okay? 315 00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:24,746 -(snaps fingers) -(Nadja laughs) 316 00:11:24,779 --> 00:11:27,250 WARREN: So, uh... 317 00:11:27,284 --> 00:11:29,288 I'm sorry. Uh... (chuckles) 318 00:11:29,321 --> 00:11:31,860 -Where was I? -NANDOR: I don't know. 319 00:11:31,893 --> 00:11:34,966 I am just Matthew, the groundskeeper. 320 00:11:40,778 --> 00:11:41,947 (Nadja crying) 321 00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:43,416 And there Colin was, 322 00:11:43,449 --> 00:11:45,821 just perched on the top of the tree 323 00:11:45,854 --> 00:11:48,025 like a little snake. 324 00:11:48,059 --> 00:11:50,096 But not a snake. (sniffles) 325 00:11:50,129 --> 00:11:51,432 A real human baby. 326 00:11:51,465 --> 00:11:54,371 Very normal human baby. 327 00:11:54,404 --> 00:11:55,975 And we had no choice 328 00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:59,147 but to, um, take him in, crying. 329 00:11:59,181 --> 00:12:00,851 That is very odd. 330 00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:03,523 -But really quite beautiful. -NADJA: Yeah. 331 00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:04,792 WARREN: We consider it a positive 332 00:12:04,826 --> 00:12:06,395 to support family structures 333 00:12:06,428 --> 00:12:09,034 that at one time might have seemed unorthodox. 334 00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:11,740 In fact, I'd venture to say 335 00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:16,115 we have families far less traditional than yours. 336 00:12:16,148 --> 00:12:18,787 -(snaps fingers) -Shit. We aren't different enough. 337 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,456 We need a weirder family structure. 338 00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,060 The more unorthodox we are, 339 00:12:22,093 --> 00:12:23,764 the more chance we have of getting him in. 340 00:12:23,797 --> 00:12:25,400 No, I think we're doing fine with the adoption angle. 341 00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:27,170 -We need to be gay. -(Nadja gasps) 342 00:12:27,203 --> 00:12:29,842 No, there's plenty of gay parents out there. 343 00:12:29,876 --> 00:12:31,813 Trust me. Gay is in. 344 00:12:31,846 --> 00:12:33,984 Gay is hot. I want some gay. 345 00:12:34,017 --> 00:12:35,888 Gay it's gonna be. Nandor? 346 00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:38,392 -(snaps fingers) -As you can see, we're Colin's two dads. 347 00:12:38,426 --> 00:12:42,067 Wonderful. You know, our school is quite proud 348 00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:44,071 of our acceptance of family structures 349 00:12:44,104 --> 00:12:46,241 -that at one time might... -Yeah, can I stop you there? 350 00:12:46,275 --> 00:12:48,947 You need to know that we're very gay for each other. 351 00:12:48,981 --> 00:12:50,216 NANDOR: Completely gay. 352 00:12:50,249 --> 00:12:52,320 We are like two French trombones. 353 00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,926 And this guy? I ream him nightly. 354 00:12:54,959 --> 00:12:56,395 NANDOR: And I'm always sucking him off. 355 00:12:56,428 --> 00:12:58,132 They are like, "Come, it's dinner! 356 00:12:58,165 --> 00:13:00,136 Stop sucking off your gay husband!" 357 00:13:00,169 --> 00:13:02,842 (chuckles) Which is amusing, 'cause I am dinner. 358 00:13:02,875 --> 00:13:05,146 -And I just carry on reaming him. -(whispering): Nadja. Nadja. 359 00:13:05,179 --> 00:13:07,350 Sexually. You must understand that. 360 00:13:07,384 --> 00:13:10,323 Hey! You got a problem with these guys being gay? 361 00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:11,993 -I will ream you. -(normal voice): No. 362 00:13:12,027 --> 00:13:14,031 -No, I don't have a problem. -SEAN: You better not. 363 00:13:14,064 --> 00:13:15,834 'Cause I don't mess with homophobes. 364 00:13:15,868 --> 00:13:17,270 -It's the 20th century now. -Thank you for that, Sean. 365 00:13:17,304 --> 00:13:19,141 -Well said. -Please just freeze them. Okay? 366 00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,844 -Oh, for fuck's sake. (snaps fingers) -Appreciated. 367 00:13:20,878 --> 00:13:22,548 What'd you do that for? That was going great. 368 00:13:22,581 --> 00:13:24,451 If you're gonna do this, just hold hands and act normal. 369 00:13:24,484 --> 00:13:27,390 Stop talking about your explicit sexual activities. 370 00:13:27,424 --> 00:13:29,094 -LASZLO: Why? -Jealous. 371 00:13:29,127 --> 00:13:30,497 (snaps fingers) 372 00:13:30,531 --> 00:13:32,067 Y-Your relationship aside, 373 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:34,204 could you tell me a little bit about Colin? 374 00:13:34,237 --> 00:13:36,342 Oh, yes. Yes, they can. 375 00:13:36,375 --> 00:13:38,079 Yes. 376 00:13:38,112 --> 00:13:39,615 We can. 377 00:13:39,649 --> 00:13:42,153 LASZLO: Yeah. Um, Colin is a... 378 00:13:42,187 --> 00:13:44,057 -NANDOR: Um... -LASZLO: Yes. 379 00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:45,393 -Give us a minute. -WARREN: Okay. 380 00:13:45,426 --> 00:13:47,163 Colin... 381 00:13:47,197 --> 00:13:49,401 -He... -LASZLO: Colin... 382 00:13:49,434 --> 00:13:53,476 -Uh... -Colin is a bright and energetic boy 383 00:13:53,510 --> 00:13:55,013 who's eager to make friends. 384 00:13:55,046 --> 00:13:56,883 His favorite number is 31. 385 00:13:56,916 --> 00:13:58,452 His favorite color is brown, 386 00:13:58,486 --> 00:14:01,526 and he loves both classic stage and movie musicals. 387 00:14:01,559 --> 00:14:05,166 -He's actually quite a gifted singer and performer himself. -WARREN: Wow. 388 00:14:05,199 --> 00:14:07,203 For a non-parental figure, 389 00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:09,474 -you sure seem to know a lot about Colin. -(Nadja snaps fingers) 390 00:14:09,509 --> 00:14:11,579 You bragging about all your Colin Robinson knowledge 391 00:14:11,613 --> 00:14:13,449 is making all of us look like skata. 392 00:14:13,482 --> 00:14:15,587 But no one was saying anything, so I had to say something. 393 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:17,457 Now he's going to think we're those absentee parent types 394 00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:18,960 who know nothing about their children 395 00:14:18,994 --> 00:14:20,463 and let the nanny do all the work. 396 00:14:20,497 --> 00:14:23,002 -Yeah, well, you are. -NADJA: Fine. 397 00:14:23,035 --> 00:14:25,139 You want to be king of Baby Colin Robinson? 398 00:14:25,173 --> 00:14:27,343 -(Nadja snaps fingers) -GUILLERMO: So, has it been hard 399 00:14:27,377 --> 00:14:30,283 raising Colin alone by myself 400 00:14:30,316 --> 00:14:33,355 as a single parent? Yeah. 401 00:14:33,389 --> 00:14:34,892 Perhaps that's why we're so close. 402 00:14:34,926 --> 00:14:37,531 We only have each other in this cold, 403 00:14:37,565 --> 00:14:40,136 -scary world. -NANDOR: Could I interest you in some 404 00:14:40,169 --> 00:14:42,340 refreshments? Uh... 405 00:14:42,373 --> 00:14:43,677 Potato chips, some eggs, 406 00:14:43,710 --> 00:14:45,514 cigarette, or perhaps a nice, ripe 407 00:14:45,547 --> 00:14:47,885 banana. 408 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,557 WARREN: Uh... 409 00:14:50,591 --> 00:14:52,628 -Did that upset you? -I'm sorry, what? 410 00:14:52,661 --> 00:14:55,166 WARREN: Well, you look a little, uh, surprised, or maybe 411 00:14:55,199 --> 00:14:56,603 troubled by what 412 00:14:56,636 --> 00:14:58,105 -Guillermo just said. -NANDOR: No. 413 00:14:58,139 --> 00:15:00,309 That's just... allergies. 414 00:15:00,343 --> 00:15:02,681 This is how I look when I get my allergies. 415 00:15:02,715 --> 00:15:04,585 (stifled sneeze) 416 00:15:04,619 --> 00:15:06,455 WARREN: You know, one of the parents at our school is a 417 00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,927 top-notch allergist. I could put you in touch with him. 418 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,263 -Yes. -WARREN: A very nice family. 419 00:15:10,296 --> 00:15:13,436 Uh, his wife is a wonderful actress, 420 00:15:13,469 --> 00:15:15,974 but it wouldn't be appropriate for me to mention her name. 421 00:15:16,008 --> 00:15:17,545 -Absolutely, no. -SEAN: Oh, go ahead. 422 00:15:17,578 --> 00:15:19,014 -Tell us. -No, no. -(overlapping chatter) 423 00:15:19,047 --> 00:15:20,116 SEAN: Come on. 424 00:15:20,149 --> 00:15:21,519 Let's just say that you would 425 00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:24,492 recognize her from... 426 00:15:24,525 --> 00:15:27,297 more than a few episodes of Law & Order. 427 00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:28,967 Law & Order. I was going to say... 428 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,103 NADJA: (snaps fingers) Okay. 429 00:15:30,136 --> 00:15:31,238 I know what's going on here. 430 00:15:31,271 --> 00:15:33,242 It's as clear as day. 431 00:15:33,275 --> 00:15:35,981 This motherfucker is a starfucker. 432 00:15:36,014 --> 00:15:38,185 What? No, I don't think that's what he meant. 433 00:15:38,219 --> 00:15:39,956 NADJA: Yes, that is what these schools want. 434 00:15:39,989 --> 00:15:41,593 They want the famous parents, so they can be like, 435 00:15:41,626 --> 00:15:43,964 (mumbles) "I couldn't possibly 436 00:15:43,997 --> 00:15:45,266 "say anything, but 437 00:15:45,299 --> 00:15:47,070 "Lionel fucking Barrymore's kids 438 00:15:47,103 --> 00:15:49,441 might just go here." (mumbles) 439 00:15:49,474 --> 00:15:52,715 Nadja's right. He fucks stars. 440 00:15:52,748 --> 00:15:54,384 Where can we find a celebrity, and fast? 441 00:15:54,417 --> 00:15:56,121 LASZLO: Well, this is Staten Island, 442 00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:59,729 which is a veritable playground for the glitterati. 443 00:15:59,762 --> 00:16:02,133 (Nadja laughs) 444 00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:03,435 This way. 445 00:16:03,469 --> 00:16:05,507 So, yeah, as long as it's SAG minimum, 446 00:16:05,541 --> 00:16:07,076 I'm down for anything. 447 00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:08,078 Who's this guy? 448 00:16:08,112 --> 00:16:10,116 Shut up. (clears throat) 449 00:16:10,149 --> 00:16:11,553 (laughs) 450 00:16:11,586 --> 00:16:13,623 It is actually very interesting you say that 451 00:16:13,657 --> 00:16:16,161 because, uh, Colin's father here, Mr... 452 00:16:16,195 --> 00:16:18,199 Sal Vulcano, 453 00:16:18,232 --> 00:16:20,704 is a very famous actor also. 454 00:16:20,737 --> 00:16:23,475 I wouldn't consider what I do acting, but... 455 00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:25,413 LASZLO: This is Colin's father, 456 00:16:25,446 --> 00:16:29,087 you know, the guy from Incomprehensible Jesters. 457 00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,391 -Impractical Jokers... -Nobody cares. 458 00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:33,095 Just sit there silent. 459 00:16:33,128 --> 00:16:35,266 So, Sal here is Colin's father? 460 00:16:35,299 --> 00:16:36,335 -NADJA: Mm-hmm. -Yeah. 461 00:16:36,368 --> 00:16:38,239 Or... 462 00:16:38,272 --> 00:16:41,011 (chuckles) I'm sorry, it's been a long day, 463 00:16:41,044 --> 00:16:43,048 and my memory isn't what it once was. 464 00:16:43,082 --> 00:16:44,384 (laughter) 465 00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:47,023 Whoa. Who the hell is that guy? 466 00:16:48,727 --> 00:16:51,566 -It is me, Nandor. -SEAN: Oh, no, no. 467 00:16:51,599 --> 00:16:53,035 You're not Nandor. 468 00:16:53,068 --> 00:16:54,539 Okay, fine, fine, I am not Nandor. 469 00:16:54,572 --> 00:16:56,776 I am... Adolfo, 470 00:16:56,809 --> 00:16:58,412 the butler or some shit. 471 00:16:58,445 --> 00:17:00,182 -Yeah, all right. -Right. 472 00:17:00,216 --> 00:17:03,355 So... who exactly are the parents here? 473 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,627 -(laughs) Shit. -(snaps fingers) 474 00:17:05,661 --> 00:17:08,600 Uh... I'm not sure I get the joke of the bit. 475 00:17:08,633 --> 00:17:11,104 -(neck cracks) -(grunts) Laszlo! 476 00:17:11,138 --> 00:17:12,440 -(muffled scream) -Woops. 477 00:17:12,473 --> 00:17:13,442 LASZLO: Prick was getting on my nerves 478 00:17:13,475 --> 00:17:14,444 with his jibber-jabber. 479 00:17:14,477 --> 00:17:16,181 We'll drain him later. 480 00:17:16,215 --> 00:17:17,718 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If you can hypnotize them 481 00:17:17,751 --> 00:17:19,555 for them to freeze and forget everything, 482 00:17:19,589 --> 00:17:21,559 wouldn't it be easier to just hypnotize Headmaster Warren 483 00:17:21,593 --> 00:17:23,195 into allowing Colin 484 00:17:23,229 --> 00:17:25,433 into the school without all this play-acting? 485 00:17:25,466 --> 00:17:27,437 Did this bitch 486 00:17:27,470 --> 00:17:28,840 just say what I think he said? 487 00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:30,777 -He did. -Are you off your tits, boy? 488 00:17:30,811 --> 00:17:32,848 -What? -NANDOR: He is. -NADJA: Exactly. 489 00:17:32,881 --> 00:17:34,752 We are in far too deep now, baby. 490 00:17:34,785 --> 00:17:36,321 The only way forward 491 00:17:36,355 --> 00:17:38,660 is to stick to the plan. 492 00:17:39,261 --> 00:17:41,733 NADJA: Little Colin has so many hobbies, 493 00:17:41,766 --> 00:17:43,570 it's just very hard to keep track. 494 00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:46,208 Yeah, he definitely loves his big little head, you know? 495 00:17:46,241 --> 00:17:47,645 It's always bobbling all around. 496 00:17:47,678 --> 00:17:49,649 -Like yours, honey. -(laughs) 497 00:17:49,682 --> 00:17:51,786 This one and that one, they're all bobbling. 498 00:17:52,554 --> 00:17:54,492 DOLL NADJA: The pain of childbirth is nothing 499 00:17:54,525 --> 00:17:56,428 compared to the pain of child rearing. 500 00:17:56,461 --> 00:17:58,132 That's beautifully said. 501 00:17:58,165 --> 00:18:00,504 It's definitely not easy being a single mother, 502 00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:03,108 but I love Baby Colin, my son. 503 00:18:03,142 --> 00:18:06,214 What the actual fuck is that? Is that a talking doll? 504 00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:09,454 So, um, please to tell me a little bit 505 00:18:09,487 --> 00:18:11,158 about Colin's hobbies? 506 00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:12,327 Who is Colin? 507 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:15,232 Colin is our son, my darling. 508 00:18:15,734 --> 00:18:17,437 LASZLO: Just to be clear, old-timer, 509 00:18:17,470 --> 00:18:19,307 I'm not always the sucker, and he's 510 00:18:19,341 --> 00:18:20,510 not always the reamer. 511 00:18:20,544 --> 00:18:22,146 Though, he does ream me nightly. 512 00:18:22,180 --> 00:18:24,451 Adolfo, you dirty dog. 513 00:18:24,484 --> 00:18:26,889 Wait a second, haven't we already done this one? 514 00:18:26,923 --> 00:18:28,793 Hello. 515 00:18:31,499 --> 00:18:32,835 -LASZLO: Seany! -OTHERS: Hey! 516 00:18:32,868 --> 00:18:34,237 Yo, Lasz. 517 00:18:34,270 --> 00:18:36,408 (skunk chittering) 518 00:18:36,441 --> 00:18:38,747 You know what? I'm not doing this. 519 00:18:38,780 --> 00:18:40,116 -(Laszlo sighs) -GUILLERMO: Baby. 520 00:18:41,686 --> 00:18:44,725 I'm sorry to cut this short, but my head is killing me. 521 00:18:44,759 --> 00:18:47,598 Oh, you, too? I got, like, the mother of all migraines. 522 00:18:47,631 --> 00:18:49,134 -(chuckles) -WARREN: Anyway, it's been 523 00:18:49,167 --> 00:18:51,706 a most informative evening. (chuckles) 524 00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:53,643 So, uh, do you have Colin's transcripts? 525 00:18:53,677 --> 00:18:56,683 What? (stammers) What's that? 526 00:18:56,716 --> 00:18:59,254 His transcripts from his previous school. 527 00:18:59,287 --> 00:19:01,224 -He's never been to school... -I'll have them sent over tomorrow. 528 00:19:06,669 --> 00:19:08,540 GUILLERMO: So, yeah, I pulled a few strings to get 529 00:19:08,573 --> 00:19:11,211 the guidance counselor from my old school to work up 530 00:19:11,244 --> 00:19:12,715 a fake transcript for Baby Colin. 531 00:19:12,748 --> 00:19:14,351 You know, not really happy about dipping 532 00:19:14,384 --> 00:19:15,821 into the nightclub fund for it, 533 00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:17,390 or the whole bribery thing in general, 534 00:19:17,423 --> 00:19:18,760 but it's what's best for the child. 535 00:19:18,793 --> 00:19:21,566 Anyways, uh, I'm gonna go for a little walk, 536 00:19:21,599 --> 00:19:24,471 and I'll catch you guys back at the house, okay? 537 00:19:30,751 --> 00:19:33,556 (car beeps) 538 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,660 (muffled music playing) 539 00:19:36,796 --> 00:19:38,465 (music stops) 540 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,570 (speaking Spanish) 541 00:19:46,682 --> 00:19:48,352 You take care of that, all right? 542 00:19:48,385 --> 00:19:50,590 (speaking Spanish) 543 00:19:58,472 --> 00:20:01,311 Hey, guys. 544 00:20:01,344 --> 00:20:03,583 Uh, what's up? (laughs) 545 00:20:03,616 --> 00:20:06,388 I thought we wrapped for me, I was wrapped for the day. 546 00:20:06,421 --> 00:20:08,258 This isn't what it looks like. 547 00:20:08,292 --> 00:20:10,362 I mean, sure, yes, I've had, you know, 548 00:20:10,396 --> 00:20:11,866 access to more cash lately, 549 00:20:11,899 --> 00:20:13,803 ever since I became the bookkeeper for the club, 550 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:15,406 but... 551 00:20:16,809 --> 00:20:18,713 I know I shouldn't be stealing 552 00:20:18,747 --> 00:20:20,282 from the club, and I'm not stealing. 553 00:20:20,316 --> 00:20:21,451 I was just putting some cash aside 554 00:20:21,485 --> 00:20:22,921 to pay myself. 555 00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:24,324 It's not even about me. 556 00:20:24,357 --> 00:20:25,727 It's about family, okay? 557 00:20:25,761 --> 00:20:27,898 I just happen to have two families 558 00:20:27,931 --> 00:20:29,535 I got to take care of, huh? 559 00:20:29,568 --> 00:20:31,004 Just like you have a family. 560 00:20:31,037 --> 00:20:33,409 No? 561 00:20:33,442 --> 00:20:35,647 I'll put it right there. 562 00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,456 No takers? 563 00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:42,026 LASZLO: Pick it up, lad! 564 00:20:42,059 --> 00:20:43,563 That's it. 565 00:20:43,596 --> 00:20:45,032 -Come on. Baby! -NANDOR: Power through. 566 00:20:45,065 --> 00:20:47,403 -Oh! -This is embarrassing. 567 00:20:47,437 --> 00:20:49,441 These kids need to watch some more Dream Team footage 568 00:20:49,474 --> 00:20:50,744 and then play like that. 569 00:20:50,777 --> 00:20:52,046 -Shut up bitching. -(hisses) 570 00:20:52,079 --> 00:20:53,683 LASZLO: He's doing a marvelous job. 571 00:20:53,716 --> 00:20:54,785 NADJA: Well, after all our hard work, 572 00:20:54,819 --> 00:20:56,622 Baby Colin did not get accepted. 573 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:59,662 Apparently, Headmaster Warren suffered a massive stroke 574 00:20:59,695 --> 00:21:01,532 only hours after meeting up with us. 575 00:21:01,566 --> 00:21:03,402 The reason for that is most human beings 576 00:21:03,435 --> 00:21:05,540 can only take seven hypnoses per hour. 577 00:21:05,574 --> 00:21:08,412 That man went through 428. 578 00:21:08,445 --> 00:21:10,416 So we didn't have to start all over again, 579 00:21:10,449 --> 00:21:12,386 we decided to enroll Baby Colin 580 00:21:12,420 --> 00:21:14,357 in every community sports league 581 00:21:14,390 --> 00:21:15,459 we could think of. 582 00:21:15,494 --> 00:21:17,063 The volleyballs, softballs... 583 00:21:17,096 --> 00:21:19,300 -LASZLO: And large balls. -NADJA: Baseballs, 584 00:21:19,334 --> 00:21:20,369 sports balls... 585 00:21:20,402 --> 00:21:22,340 Human stuff. 586 00:21:22,373 --> 00:21:23,977 They're obsessed with balls. 587 00:21:24,010 --> 00:21:26,047 Kill them! Kill them dead! 588 00:21:26,081 --> 00:21:29,688 -Don't you think we might be pushing him a little too hard? -No. 589 00:21:29,722 --> 00:21:31,492 This is essential for his college application. 590 00:21:31,526 --> 00:21:32,928 Plus, he's having a great time. 591 00:21:32,961 --> 00:21:35,366 NANDOR: Put it in the basket! 592 00:21:35,399 --> 00:21:36,669 (cheering) 593 00:21:36,702 --> 00:21:38,438 That's my boy! 594 00:21:38,472 --> 00:21:40,309 -NADJA: Yes, Colin! -LASZLO: Time for hockey. 595 00:21:40,342 --> 00:21:41,411 Okay. 596 00:21:42,915 --> 00:21:44,919 NADJA: And now, finally, the boy's 597 00:21:44,952 --> 00:21:47,691 too tired to be such a little shit. 598 00:21:50,497 --> 00:21:52,701 NANDOR: So, ultimately, I realized 599 00:21:52,734 --> 00:21:55,774 I have been completely ruining my life 600 00:21:55,807 --> 00:21:56,776 and my face. 601 00:21:56,809 --> 00:21:58,847 What is ironical is that 602 00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,817 I was only doing this to make myself 603 00:22:00,851 --> 00:22:02,988 look better for my wife Marwa. 604 00:22:03,021 --> 00:22:05,459 This was for her, not for me. 605 00:22:05,494 --> 00:22:07,063 So, back to one? 606 00:22:07,096 --> 00:22:08,432 NANDOR: Yes, 607 00:22:08,465 --> 00:22:10,402 if you would be so kind. 608 00:22:10,436 --> 00:22:11,572 I live to serve. 609 00:22:11,606 --> 00:22:12,975 NANDOR: Yes, you do. 610 00:22:13,008 --> 00:22:14,645 Oh! 611 00:22:17,383 --> 00:22:18,653 Kind of tickled. 612 00:22:18,686 --> 00:22:20,422 -I say, Nandor... -NANDOR: Yeah? 613 00:22:20,456 --> 00:22:22,895 ...you really need to quit with the plastic surgery. 614 00:22:22,928 --> 00:22:23,897 You look insane. 615 00:22:23,930 --> 00:22:26,434 Ha, ha. Very funny, Laszlo. 616 00:22:26,468 --> 00:22:28,138 -No reaming for you tonight. -Oh. 617 00:22:28,171 --> 00:22:30,877 No reaming, no sucking, no tickling, 618 00:22:30,911 --> 00:22:32,648 -no fingering, no fucking. -(chuckles) 619 00:22:32,681 --> 00:22:34,818 And don't even think about scritchy-scratching 620 00:22:34,852 --> 00:22:37,423 on my door like a little horny squirrel. 621 00:22:37,456 --> 00:22:39,495 You can bury your own nuts. 622 00:22:39,528 --> 00:22:41,599 ♪ ♪ 623 00:22:47,611 --> 00:22:48,780 GUILLERMO: Tonight's take. 624 00:22:48,813 --> 00:22:51,051 Oh, and a very good night indeed. 625 00:22:52,888 --> 00:22:54,558 It's all there. 626 00:22:54,592 --> 00:22:57,363 -Thank you, Guillermo. -Okay. Yeah, you're welcome. 627 00:23:05,179 --> 00:23:06,414 (sighs) 628 00:23:06,448 --> 00:23:09,087 This is not what it looks like. 629 00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:11,792 No. It's exactly what it looks like. 630 00:23:11,826 --> 00:23:13,128 -(laughs) -Oh, um, 631 00:23:13,161 --> 00:23:14,632 if you tell anyone this, 632 00:23:14,665 --> 00:23:16,769 I will kill you and your entire family, 633 00:23:16,802 --> 00:23:18,673 and I will invite all your friends to their funeral, 634 00:23:18,706 --> 00:23:21,979 and then I'll kill all of them, too, so... your choice. 635 00:23:22,013 --> 00:23:23,917 ♪ ♪