1 00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:04,204 -(dance music playing) -NADJA: What can I say? 2 00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,039 The nightclub has really taken off recently. 3 00:00:06,073 --> 00:00:08,308 Nadja's has become the hot spot 4 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,078 for the tri-state area vampire community. 5 00:00:11,111 --> 00:00:12,646 And I, its queen. 6 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,282 Most of the vampires lining up won't get in 7 00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:17,084 due to general ugliness. Move! 8 00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,386 Okay, you two in the denim capes, it ain't happening. 9 00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,488 Fly back to New Jersey. 10 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:24,725 NADJA: This place has even started attracting human celebrities, 11 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,760 which is really great for business. 12 00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,128 There's three of them now. 13 00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,563 Sofia, you stupid bitch, 14 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,665 when are you gonna put me in one of your movies? 15 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:34,067 I want to show the camera my bling ring. (laughs) 16 00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:35,435 JIM: Hey, Colin really is 17 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,070 performing tonight, right? 18 00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:38,405 We are very excited, man. 19 00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:40,240 We've been hearing about him for weeks. 20 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:42,509 Colin is going to be on stage in three minutes. 21 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,011 Great, that kid is incredible. 22 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,512 More than a star, he's a phenomenon. 23 00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:48,182 He does have a certain je ne sais quoi. (laughs) 24 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,983 (speaking French) 25 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,688 He must have brain scrambles. That was utter gibberish. 26 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,523 -(laughs) -SOFIA: Can I just ask you, 27 00:00:56,557 --> 00:01:00,060 what's the "Celebrity Special," and is it really $5,000? 28 00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:03,197 Oh, the Celebrity Special! 29 00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:04,565 Something you're interested in? 30 00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,233 -Yes, very much. -Yes, please. -Jim? 31 00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:07,768 Oh, not for me. We're shooting in the morning. 32 00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,570 And, really, I don't make that kind of money. 33 00:01:09,603 --> 00:01:13,473 Oh. Celebrity Special for two, anyone? 34 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,576 -(shouting, cheering) -NADJA: Okay, uh... 35 00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:16,376 You two, over here. 36 00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:19,112 May I present for you 37 00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:21,615 the Celebrity Special? 38 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,217 It's to die for. 39 00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,320 (cheering) 40 00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:27,588 Oh, shit, that looks so real. 41 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,456 NADJA: It's so much more fun 42 00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:32,025 when the celebrities actually ask for it themselves. 43 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:33,160 He's empty. 44 00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:35,429 Come on, you guys. You are really good. 45 00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:36,630 That is amazing. 46 00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:39,132 -(chanting): Do the head. -That's right. 47 00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:42,002 -Do the head... -(cheering) 48 00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:45,138 (chuckling): I could never afford a gag like this. 49 00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:46,740 That's amazing. 50 00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:49,309 We're so glad you're enjoying the show, Jim. (laughs) 51 00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,445 ("You're Dead" by Norma Tanega playing) 52 00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:54,047 ♪ Don't sing if you want to live long ♪ 53 00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,517 ♪ They have no use for your song ♪ 54 00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:59,186 ♪ You're dead, you're dead, you're dead ♪ 55 00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:02,322 ♪ You're dead and out of this world ♪ 56 00:02:03,557 --> 00:02:06,560 ♪ Now your hope and compassion is gone ♪ 57 00:02:06,593 --> 00:02:09,363 ♪ You sold out your dream to the world ♪ 58 00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:11,632 ♪ Stay dead, stay dead, stay dead ♪ 59 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:14,568 ♪ You're dead and out of this world. ♪ 60 00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:16,370 ♪ ♪ 61 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,479 -Over here! -(cheering) 62 00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,381 -Sofia? -NADJA: You think that the celebrities 63 00:02:27,414 --> 00:02:29,283 would have caught on by now, but I have got Chloë Sevigny 64 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,051 and Tiki Barber booked for tomorrow night, 65 00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:33,453 and the great Fran Lebowitz on Thursday. 66 00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,556 She says what we're all thinking. 67 00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:39,193 Okay, time for my little moneymaker, Baby Colin. 68 00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:41,094 Let's get on with the show. 69 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:42,229 Now, where is he? 70 00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:44,731 -(grunts) -(whispers indistinctly) 71 00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:47,401 Are you fucking kidding me? 72 00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,703 What do you mean that Baby Colin is not performing? 73 00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,772 He goes on every night at 3:00 a. m.! 74 00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:54,341 I know, my darling, but things have changed. 75 00:02:54,374 --> 00:02:56,577 The nightclub is extraordinarily successful, 76 00:02:56,610 --> 00:03:00,180 and we both know why, so his contract must reflect that. 77 00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:02,349 -He doesn't have a contract. -Au contraire. 78 00:03:02,382 --> 00:03:04,585 -I drew one up this morning. -(Nadja groans) 79 00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:09,423 GUILLERMO: So, full disclosure, 80 00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,725 (whispers): I met someone. 81 00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:14,294 Well, a while back, when I was in England with Nadja, 82 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,396 there was this guy, Freddie, 83 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:19,099 and yeah, we just had this whirlwind romance. 84 00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,101 Ever since I've been back here we've been FaceTiming, 85 00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,736 like, all the time. (laughs) 86 00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:25,305 And now, he's coming to New York for the weekend. 87 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,074 -FREDDIE: See you soon. -(whispers): Okay, besos. 88 00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,576 Which is super exciting and super terrifying, 89 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,179 (chuckles): because he's the first person 90 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:36,216 that I've ever really dated dated, you know? 91 00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:37,784 I'm gonna pick him up at the airport, 92 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,287 and we're gonna spend the whole weekend in the city, 93 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,623 -just Freddie and I and... -(doorbell rings) 94 00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:45,459 Oh, sorry. Sorry, guys. I'll be back. 95 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,997 -Surprise. (laughs) -Oh. Freddie. 96 00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,165 My flight got in early. 97 00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:53,066 Oh, my God, look at your face. 98 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,669 -"Look at my face." Oh, wow. -Aww. 99 00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:57,171 Who-who are these guys? 100 00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,305 It's a, uh, a documentary crew. 101 00:03:58,338 --> 00:03:59,640 How did you find my place? 102 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,475 Oh, return address of the post you sent me. 103 00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:04,244 Sorry, the "mail" you sent me. Oh, my God, you Americans. 104 00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,113 -(laughs) -NANDOR: Guillermo? 105 00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,315 Oh. That is very kind of you, 106 00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:10,317 but I'm not hungry right now. 107 00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,088 GUIDE: (clears throat) Number one, 108 00:04:15,122 --> 00:04:18,091 "Nightclub staff will not make direct eye contact 109 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,593 with Colin unless they are giving him a gift." 110 00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,528 -(Nadja groans) -COLIN: Hey, Nadja, guess what? 111 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,397 -NADJA: What? -Chicken butt. 112 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,099 -Ugh. -Okay, number two, uh, 113 00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:27,768 "We also require a merch table, 114 00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:30,404 "where we will sell Colin's new compact disc..." 115 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:33,040 LASZLO: Call Me Colin: An Hour of Singsongs 116 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,742 and Laugh-'Em-Ups for the Whole Famn Damily. 117 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:38,378 -Are you gonna sign it? -Of course not! 118 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:39,613 My darling, if it wasn't for this boy, 119 00:04:39,646 --> 00:04:41,114 your club would be as dead as disco. 120 00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,716 -COLIN: And guess what? -BOTH: What? 121 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:45,485 All I want is to sing and dance and make people smile. 122 00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,788 I don't even really care about all this contract baloney. 123 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:50,190 No, no, no, no. He doesn't know what he's saying. 124 00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:51,492 So, do have we a deal? 125 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,428 Um, let me just have a little think, uh, mull it over. 126 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,232 -All right. -What is this made of? 127 00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:00,601 Fuck no! Do you think that my club 128 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,670 needs this little weird ventriloquist tap-dancing freak? 129 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,173 -Hey. -But he is our main attraction. 130 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:08,242 I could replace him in a second. 131 00:05:08,275 --> 00:05:09,710 Well, good luck with that. 132 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,211 I've had the owner of the hottest vampire nightclub 133 00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:12,679 on the phone to me day and night, 134 00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,147 and he's not the only one. 135 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:15,749 So you're actually going to leave? 136 00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:18,018 Looks that way, doesn't it? Come on, boy. 137 00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:20,554 Let's take your talents upstate. 138 00:05:20,587 --> 00:05:22,589 Albany and Binghamton, to be more precise, but... 139 00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,658 -got to start somewhere. -(Nadja groans) 140 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:28,428 FREDDIE: Wow, this place is like a museum. 141 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,264 I-I can't believe this is your house, Guillermo. 142 00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:32,032 Well, it's actually not my house. 143 00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,400 I just help take care of Nandor. 144 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:34,668 How'd you never mention that? 145 00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,537 I-I thought you worked at the U. N. 146 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,704 Don't be silly. 147 00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:40,507 Guillermo does not work at the U and N. 148 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,142 (whispering): He forgets a lot of things. 149 00:05:42,176 --> 00:05:44,344 His mind doesn't work the way it used to, so... 150 00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:48,015 -I volunteer on my days off. -Aw, you're so sweet. 151 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,650 -NANDOR: Guillermo. -Hmm. 152 00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,519 Why did you not tell me you had a friend coming to visit? 153 00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,188 -Friends... -Oh, we're, uh, we're a little bit 154 00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:55,556 more than friends, actually. 155 00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:58,158 Oh, I see. 156 00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:00,494 -Best friends. -GUILLERMO: No, uh... 157 00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:03,664 He's my boyfriend. 158 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,532 Oh. 159 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:09,036 -Oh, wow. -(Freddie chuckles) 160 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:12,139 And I'm sorry I didn't mention that earlier. 161 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:13,106 This is fantastic news. 162 00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,241 -FREDDIE: Right? -GUILLERMO: Good. 163 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,043 And a long time coming. 164 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,111 -Oh. -He has been very lonely. 165 00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,546 -Oh. -Extremely lonely. 166 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,148 -GUILLERMO: Not that lonely. -Pretty lonely. 167 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:22,482 Not that lonely. 168 00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:24,051 NANDOR: Very pathetic. Really lonely. 169 00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:27,120 Thank you, Nandor, that is very interesting. 170 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,790 And can I just reiterate that your home is beautiful? 171 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:32,593 I-I mean, this tapestry, is this Turkish in origin? 172 00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,394 -Y-Yes. Yes... -Around the 15th century, this one here? 173 00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:35,729 GUILLERMO: Freddie's actually a junior associate 174 00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:37,164 at an auction house in London. 175 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:39,032 He's kind of an art buff. 176 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,134 -(laughs): No. -Very good eye. 177 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:44,538 I disemboweled many villagers to get this tapestry. 178 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,073 (whispers): We're thinking of upping his medicine dose 179 00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:47,474 -'cause... -(Freddie laughs) 180 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:50,177 I would love to hear more of your stories, Nandor. 181 00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:52,045 I'm just so glad to have a new buddy. 182 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:55,048 Oh, that's me. 183 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,316 I am the buddy. 184 00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:58,452 This, uh, this place is pretty dusty, though. 185 00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,487 I'd tell you to get a Roomba in here, but, uh, 186 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,422 -I think it might kill itself. -(both laugh) 187 00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:05,259 -(laughs) -I couldn't resist. 188 00:07:05,292 --> 00:07:08,228 I don't know what any of that means, but I love it. 189 00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,364 Okay. Such long teeth. 190 00:07:10,397 --> 00:07:13,100 It's a genetic disorder in the family. 191 00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,202 And, uh, if you ever need anyone to help you look after 192 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:17,004 any of these treasures, 193 00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,273 -promise you'll give me a call, eh? -Oh. 194 00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,575 So nice to meet you. What a, what a pleasure. 195 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,110 -I'll see you very soon. -Yes. 196 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:24,244 -All right. -Hopefully. 197 00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:26,280 -Bye-bye. -GUILLERMO: Sorry about that... 198 00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:28,148 -FREDDIE: That's okay. -(door closes) 199 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,691 NANDOR: I cannot sleep. 200 00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,560 My mind has been seized by thoughts 201 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:42,362 of a very special person. 202 00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,365 A person by the name of... 203 00:07:45,399 --> 00:07:46,433 Freddie. 204 00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:48,302 Ever since he and Guillermo 205 00:07:48,335 --> 00:07:51,405 left for the hotel, Freddie's charm 206 00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:55,509 and sweet, supportive nature have echoed in my mind. 207 00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,444 He touched my arm. 208 00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,147 Also, things have grown a little stale 209 00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,015 with my beloved Marwa. 210 00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:04,151 Are you, um... 211 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:07,421 enjoying sitting in that chair? 212 00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:10,491 Yes. Hmm. 213 00:08:12,092 --> 00:08:14,027 And yours is good? 214 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,497 Yes, uh... 215 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:20,367 It was a little bit hard, so I put a cushion on it. 216 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,536 -Wonderful. -Yes. 217 00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:25,072 NANDOR (sighs): Fuck, she's boring. 218 00:08:25,105 --> 00:08:27,207 But marriage is sacred to me. 219 00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:30,177 I never once cheated on any of my 37 wives, 220 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,246 and I'm not about to start now. 221 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:35,582 Could I steal Freddie from Guillermo? 222 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,750 Of course. 223 00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,218 But that would be cruel. 224 00:08:38,252 --> 00:08:41,755 And also, you know, sloppy seconds. 225 00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,090 If only... 226 00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:45,092 Excuse me for a moment. 227 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,228 (quietly): I'm not sure if this is possible, 228 00:08:48,262 --> 00:08:50,497 but I wish for Marwa to be transformed 229 00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:55,068 into an exact copy of this person: Freddie. 230 00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,671 Appearance, personality, everything. 231 00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,773 -Why are you whispering? -Because Marwa is someone 232 00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:01,608 that I love very much, 233 00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,143 and I don't want her to hear that I'm about to change her 234 00:09:03,177 --> 00:09:05,345 into a completely different person. 235 00:09:06,146 --> 00:09:08,182 As you wish. 236 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,720 Marwa? 237 00:09:15,189 --> 00:09:17,291 (door creaks) 238 00:09:17,324 --> 00:09:18,992 Hello. 239 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,361 Hi, there. I'm Freddie. 240 00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:23,096 -Nice to meet you. -Hi. 241 00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,331 Boy, this place is pretty dusty. 242 00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:25,666 I'd tell you to get a Roomba in here, 243 00:09:25,699 --> 00:09:27,367 but I think it might kill itself. 244 00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:29,670 -(both laugh) -Sorry, I couldn't resist. 245 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:33,373 Freddie. 246 00:09:35,309 --> 00:09:37,144 Our star performer's departure 247 00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:39,646 could not come at a worse time for Mistress Nadja. 248 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,182 I'm actually a little worried about her. 249 00:09:42,216 --> 00:09:44,218 There's so much pressure running a nightclub, 250 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:47,054 and she's been consuming a massive amount 251 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,288 of liquor blood. 252 00:09:48,322 --> 00:09:49,723 Are you talking shit about me? 253 00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,992 -No. -Hey, I love you like a sister, baby, 254 00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:54,528 you know it, but even-- if you even think 255 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,998 about damaging my brand, I will cut you in two! 256 00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,333 (glass shattering) 257 00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:00,734 Okay! 258 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,704 -COLIN: Lazzo, guess what? -LASZLO: What? 259 00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:07,074 I can't believe I'm on the road, on my own tour bus. 260 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,409 Now, this one maybe isn't as nice as the one 261 00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:12,045 in Cameron Crowe's turn-of-the-century masterpiece 262 00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:15,249 -Almost Famous, but it... -We've got to work our way to the top, boy. 263 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,783 We got to strike out on tour. 264 00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,486 It's how all the best vampire acts started. 265 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,055 Gloria Estefang. Bloody Holly. 266 00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,124 Bat Stevens. Batboy Slim. 267 00:10:24,158 --> 00:10:26,693 Hall & Throats. Tame Impaler. 268 00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,595 The Undead Kennedys. 269 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,632 -(microphone whines faintly) -(clears throat) 270 00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:33,200 NADJA: Freshly drained blood 271 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,102 of a drunk human celebrity. 272 00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:37,771 Just a little something to keep Mama sharp. 273 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:41,508 Rest in peace, Sofia Copp-Coppola. 274 00:10:41,542 --> 00:10:45,012 Let us get on with it. Bring on the first little freak! 275 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:47,080 GUIDE: Well, first we have Jack Metcalf. 276 00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:49,550 He is repped by Christie Marx Management. 277 00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:52,553 He is four feet and two inches high. 278 00:10:52,586 --> 00:10:53,754 (whoops) 279 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:56,990 ♪ Let me call you sweetheart... ♪ 280 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,359 Flat! Flat! 281 00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:01,995 You don't have the range, babe. 282 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,697 Get off my stage. Next! 283 00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:07,201 GUIDE: Peter Doskin, repped by Grandpa and Grandma. 284 00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:09,102 Chrysanthemum. 285 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:10,437 C-H-R-Y-S-A... 286 00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:13,207 Why are you not stuffed in a locker somewhere? 287 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,677 Your bullies are not doing a good enough job. 288 00:11:16,710 --> 00:11:18,045 Next! 289 00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:20,581 ♪ Meet me in dream land ♪ 290 00:11:20,614 --> 00:11:22,749 ♪ Sweet dreamy dream land ♪ 291 00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:27,054 ♪ There let my dreams come true. ♪ 292 00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,455 (light applause) 293 00:11:28,488 --> 00:11:30,724 Right, well, that's enough, you freeloading deadbeats. 294 00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:33,060 If you want to watch, then you've got to pay. Come on. 295 00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:36,263 (piano playing) 296 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,432 Ugh. 297 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,668 No, no, no. 298 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,505 No. 299 00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:46,039 (grunts) Okay. 300 00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:47,541 I'm coming. Stop it. 301 00:11:47,574 --> 00:11:49,776 Okay, stop tapping. Watch and learn, bitch. 302 00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,678 ♪ There's a large bird ♪ 303 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,580 ♪ Stealing all my brothers... ♪ 304 00:11:53,614 --> 00:11:56,316 -(gasps) -GUIDE: Auditions are over. 305 00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:58,318 NADJA: No, it's going well. That was the finale. 306 00:11:58,352 --> 00:12:00,120 Ta-da! 307 00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:09,563 -Thank you. Thank you so much. -(Spanish song playing) 308 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:12,432 GUILLERMO: Aw. 309 00:12:12,466 --> 00:12:15,068 I even let him make a list of all the things 310 00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:17,237 he's always wanted to do in New York City. 311 00:12:17,271 --> 00:12:20,741 NANDOR: I'm having the best time with my Freddie. 312 00:12:20,774 --> 00:12:22,743 ♪ ♪ 313 00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:24,711 NANDOR: He has written a list of things 314 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,780 he would like to do in New York City, 315 00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:29,449 and now we are doing those things. 316 00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:32,085 -Is-is it your turn next? I-I think-- -No. 317 00:12:32,119 --> 00:12:34,054 -(cheering) -Oh, my God! 318 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,455 (laughing): Wow. 319 00:12:35,489 --> 00:12:38,158 NANDOR: (grunts) Hey! Hey! 320 00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:40,027 (laughs): Oh, wow! 321 00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,029 -Wait, wait. -Oh, okay. All right. 322 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:44,031 -Come around. -(laughs) 323 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,466 (laughter, indistinct chatter) 324 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,468 ♪ ♪ 325 00:12:48,502 --> 00:12:49,603 (laughs) 326 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,171 GUILLERMO: So, this weekend has 327 00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,606 made me realize that I really need 328 00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,441 -a life outside of work. -(laughs): Yeah. 329 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:57,044 I felt like I literally kept seeing Nandor everywhere-- 330 00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,712 which is ridiculous-- 331 00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:01,448 because that's how much space he occupies in my mind. 332 00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,050 -Anyways, we're not talking about Nandor. -No. 333 00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,384 -Let's go get some cheesecake. -Okay. 334 00:13:04,418 --> 00:13:06,186 -(laughter) -Hello. 335 00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:08,355 NADJA: Well, last night's auditions were a mess. 336 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:10,123 And then I realized, 337 00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:13,060 why am I even trying to find another child performer? 338 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,194 Fuck them kids. 339 00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:18,432 This is a scary, sexy nightclub for adults. 340 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:22,736 So I decided to call Le Cirque Érotique. 341 00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:28,075 GUIDE: Le Cirque Érotique is a legendary consortium 342 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,777 of sophisticated and deeply carnal 343 00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:33,514 vampire circus performers. 344 00:13:33,547 --> 00:13:35,315 Some of the most thrilling, obscene spectacles 345 00:13:35,349 --> 00:13:37,384 known to vampires. 346 00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:39,353 NADJA: They're famously tough to book. 347 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:40,787 GUIDE: But they are coming here 348 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:44,024 to perform tonight! (laughs) 349 00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,026 LASZLO: Lamar? 350 00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:48,195 Yeah, I'm just checking in. This place is amazing. 351 00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:51,698 It has ice on demand, 24 hours a day. 352 00:13:51,732 --> 00:13:53,033 And it's gratis. 353 00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,568 I've got to go, 'cause it's showtime. 354 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,436 Why isn't that boy doing his scales? 355 00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:58,438 Why aren't you doing your scales, boy... 356 00:13:58,472 --> 00:14:01,074 -(voice cracking): Hey. Time to hit the road. -Shit. 357 00:14:01,108 --> 00:14:04,311 This little star's ready to shake his moneymaker. 358 00:14:05,746 --> 00:14:07,247 Is something wrong? 359 00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:09,516 Do you feel there's something wrong? 360 00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:11,718 (voice cracking): No. How far is it to the venue? 361 00:14:11,752 --> 00:14:13,654 To the what? 362 00:14:13,687 --> 00:14:15,489 -COLIN: Venue. -Um... 363 00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,591 Not far. 364 00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:19,026 (whispers): The fuck? 365 00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:21,094 Right, now, that was a bit of a shock. 366 00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:24,164 He appears to have hit puberty overnight. 367 00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:26,700 The worst thing is, I don't think he realizes it. 368 00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:29,169 -(microphone whines quietly) -HOST: All right. 369 00:14:29,203 --> 00:14:31,338 All the way up from Staten Island, 370 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:33,340 let's give a warm, Binghamton welcome 371 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:36,310 to the most talented little boy in the world, 372 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:38,478 -Baby Colin. -(applause) 373 00:14:38,512 --> 00:14:40,547 Hi, Binghamton. 374 00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:46,587 (voice cracking): ♪ If you want to ring the bell not once, but twice... ♪ 375 00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:48,222 MAN: He's just a kid. 376 00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:51,425 ♪ If you want to roll and roll those lucky dice... ♪ 377 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,427 Come on, let's get a big clap going. 378 00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,329 -(rising chatter) -(scattered clapping) 379 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:58,165 ♪ If you want to spend your journey's end ♪ 380 00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:00,100 ♪ With sweet music and love... ♪ 381 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:02,302 WOMAN: That's not Baby Colin. 382 00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:04,238 -It is-- Yeah, it is. -WOMAN: Fuck-- fuck off. 383 00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:05,606 I don't think it's him. 384 00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:07,641 -MAN: Get off the stage! -Everyone hates me! 385 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,743 (audience hissing) 386 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:13,046 -Go eat shit. -Be back soon. 387 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,581 GUIDE: Oh, that's fun. 388 00:15:14,615 --> 00:15:17,117 NADJA: Come on, the circus troupe is loading in soon. 389 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,485 -GUSTAVE: Hello? -Ah. 390 00:15:18,519 --> 00:15:20,354 Gustave LeRoy of Le Cirque Érotique. 391 00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,356 Hello, I am Nadja. Welcome. 392 00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:24,024 And the rest of your troupe are, um... 393 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:26,059 Oh, I thought they told you. 394 00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,327 It's just gonna be me tonight. 395 00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,563 Yeah, nobody else was available, but lucky for you, 396 00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,565 I'm very free. Oh. 397 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,634 I'd like to have you put those up around the club, please. 398 00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:35,169 NADJA: Just you? 399 00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:38,105 "The clown who can suck himself off." 400 00:15:38,138 --> 00:15:39,606 I put a little comedy into it as well. 401 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,742 Now, where is a good place for me to, uh, 402 00:15:41,775 --> 00:15:43,310 start my stretches? 403 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:44,711 GUILLERMO: Hello? 404 00:15:44,745 --> 00:15:46,313 I just need to get some insoles for my feet. 405 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,549 -They're killing me. -(distant laughter) 406 00:15:51,685 --> 00:15:53,053 -NANDOR: ...the left nipple. -(Freddie Clone laughs) 407 00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:55,055 Hey, look who it is. 408 00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:57,357 Freddie, what are you-- How? 409 00:15:57,391 --> 00:16:00,160 -Welcome. -You were just in the car with me. 410 00:16:00,194 --> 00:16:02,496 Don't be silly. This is not your Freddie. 411 00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:06,099 -This is my own Freddie. -All right, bruv. 412 00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:08,168 What the hell? 413 00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:10,437 I asked the djinn to turn Marwa into a carbon copy 414 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,239 of your Freddie. 415 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,374 -What is wrong with you? -Don't be upset about it. 416 00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,109 -You should be flattered. -Put him back... 417 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,345 -Gigi, what's taking you so long? We need to go. -No, um... 418 00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:19,746 Freddie, you should probably wait in the car, because... 419 00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:21,348 Um... 420 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:27,354 (both screaming) 421 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:38,065 Please give a warm welcome to your entertainment 422 00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:41,235 for the evening, Mr. Gustave LeRoy, huh? 423 00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:44,171 (cheering, applause) 424 00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,707 (whooping) 425 00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:48,208 GUIDE: Ah, yeah! 426 00:16:48,242 --> 00:16:50,310 (whistling, gasping) 427 00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:52,279 Yeah! 428 00:16:54,081 --> 00:16:55,449 (laughter) 429 00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:57,050 WOMAN: Yeah, let's see it. 430 00:16:57,084 --> 00:16:59,686 (cheering) 431 00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,756 Yes! 432 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,291 MAN: He's really going for it. 433 00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:05,692 He's going for a full suck! 434 00:17:05,726 --> 00:17:07,094 Hey, Sofia, so it turns out 435 00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,496 it's just some guy sucking his own dick. 436 00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:12,166 Anyway, very funny the way you guys disappeared 437 00:17:12,199 --> 00:17:15,302 the other night after the bloody magic trick, 438 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,504 which I'm still trying to figure out. 439 00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:20,474 But enough is enough. Come on, call me back. 440 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:22,376 (whooping) 441 00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:23,744 -Really? -WOMAN: That's it? 442 00:17:23,777 --> 00:17:25,612 -MAN: That's it? -That was, like, 20 seconds. 443 00:17:25,646 --> 00:17:27,181 Ladies and gentlemen, 444 00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:29,249 it was a pleasure for me 445 00:17:29,283 --> 00:17:31,718 -to suck myself off for you. -(audience booing) 446 00:17:33,687 --> 00:17:35,389 -What the fuck was that? -Wasn't that amazing? 447 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:36,757 I've never lasted that long. 448 00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:38,692 This was supposed to be a whole evening of sucking. 449 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,060 You're useless. 450 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:41,495 (whoops) Okay, to, um, 451 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,697 keep the fun going and liven you guys up, 452 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:47,501 we're gonna release the blood sprinklers. 453 00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,303 (cheering, applause) 454 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,339 Get ready for loads of blood. 455 00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:55,609 -GUIDE: Oh, yeah! -Spill the blood for the vampires. 456 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:59,112 NADJA: We love blood so much. (whoops) 457 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:02,182 Blood sprinklers. Can we get the blood sprinklers on? 458 00:18:02,216 --> 00:18:04,351 Let's get them on. 459 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,387 -(patrons gasping) -WOMAN: Billy! 460 00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:08,522 Uh... 461 00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,757 -Um... Okay... -(indistinct chatter) 462 00:18:10,791 --> 00:18:14,027 -NADJA: Son of a bitch! -WOMAN: Peace out, I'm done. 463 00:18:14,061 --> 00:18:15,729 Hang on. No, no, no, don't go, 'cause I'm going to perform. 464 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,098 ♪ There's a large bird ♪ 465 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:19,466 ♪ Stealing my brothers... ♪ 466 00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:22,102 Come on, guys. Let's get a big clap going. 467 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:24,071 (whoops) 468 00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:26,440 ♪ And I realized that the egg was me... ♪ 469 00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,109 -(shouts) -GUIDE: Oh, no. 470 00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:31,178 NANDOR: In three, two, one, go! 471 00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:34,181 -Okay, um, uh, the Panama Canal. -Got it. 472 00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,116 -Uh, oh, uh, pizza chef. -Yep. 473 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,452 -Uh, Barbie doll. Uh, Alaska. -Yep. Yep. 474 00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,754 NANDOR: So, I did a little hypnosis 475 00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,523 on the two Freddies. 476 00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,291 Basically, I told them not to make such a big a deal 477 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,360 out of the whole cloning thing. 478 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,562 -Uh, Genji monogatari by Murasaki Shikibu. -Hai! 479 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,098 Oh, uh, T-The New Adventures of Old Christine. 480 00:18:51,131 --> 00:18:52,566 -Yes. -And that's time. 481 00:18:52,599 --> 00:18:55,469 -BOTH: Yes! Come on, Freddie. -NANDOR: Oh. 482 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:58,172 -(both Freddies laugh) -Very impressive, you two. 483 00:18:58,205 --> 00:19:00,507 Very, um, in sync. 484 00:19:00,541 --> 00:19:01,775 -(laughter) -NANDOR: Hmm? 485 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,043 -Hmm? -Very good. 486 00:19:03,076 --> 00:19:05,045 Now they're getting on great, 487 00:19:05,078 --> 00:19:07,447 so the situation is totally fine. 488 00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:08,749 Fun little evening we're having, wouldn't you say? 489 00:19:08,782 --> 00:19:10,651 No, I wouldn't say. 490 00:19:10,684 --> 00:19:13,053 -Couldn't just let me have one thing of my own? -I did. 491 00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:14,721 You have your thing and I have mine. 492 00:19:14,755 --> 00:19:16,123 Oh, so you took your wife, 493 00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:17,624 who you transformed into the perfect woman, 494 00:19:17,658 --> 00:19:19,693 and then turned her into a carbon copy of my boyfriend? 495 00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:22,029 Doesn't that register with you as being messed up? 496 00:19:22,062 --> 00:19:23,697 Stop saying things that I have done. 497 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,465 This is my last night with Freddie. 498 00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:27,501 Okay, this might seem like a huge game to you, but it's not 499 00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,603 -to me, I really care about him. -I know, I just... 500 00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:32,706 Do you understand that I've never, in my whole life, 501 00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:35,609 ever, had a long-term boyfriend? Not once. 502 00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:39,713 And you find a way to make it about yourself. 503 00:19:39,746 --> 00:19:41,048 So thanks. 504 00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:42,449 Uh, wait-- I... 505 00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:44,184 -Freddie? We're leaving. -Yes? 506 00:19:44,218 --> 00:19:45,319 -Oh, uh... -FREDDIE: Oh, uh... 507 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,054 NANDOR: That's, uh... 508 00:19:47,087 --> 00:19:48,755 That's actually... 509 00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:53,594 ...my Freddie. 510 00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:56,029 Freddie, we're leaving. 511 00:19:56,063 --> 00:19:57,364 Oh, uh, awesome to meet you, Freddie. 512 00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,765 Awesome to meet you, too, Freddie. 513 00:19:58,799 --> 00:20:00,701 GUILLERMO: Freddie, don't talk to Freddie. 514 00:20:07,074 --> 00:20:08,709 Well, 515 00:20:08,742 --> 00:20:10,577 Freddie had to go back to England... 516 00:20:10,611 --> 00:20:11,712 Bye. 517 00:20:11,745 --> 00:20:13,180 I love you. 518 00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:16,049 ...meaning I'm back to my normal life, 519 00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:18,085 being a familiar for Nandor 520 00:20:18,118 --> 00:20:22,689 and his exact clone of my boyfriend. 521 00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:25,692 At least we can stay in touch through the Internet. 522 00:20:25,726 --> 00:20:27,394 -FREDDIE (over device): How's it going? -Are you having beans 523 00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,429 -for dinner again? -Oh, yeah. Yeah. 524 00:20:29,463 --> 00:20:30,998 -You're such a little bean freak, babe. -Guilty as charged. 525 00:20:31,031 --> 00:20:32,166 FREDDIE CLONE: Is that who I think it is? 526 00:20:32,199 --> 00:20:34,134 Oh, how's it going, Fredmeister? 527 00:20:34,168 --> 00:20:35,736 Yeah, not too bad, Fredmeister. 528 00:20:35,769 --> 00:20:37,738 -Ooh, did you get a chance to read the deep dive... -Uh... 529 00:20:37,771 --> 00:20:40,174 ...on the Palatine Hill in this month's Rosetta Journal? 530 00:20:40,207 --> 00:20:43,010 Oh, let me have a think. Hmm, how about yes? 531 00:20:43,043 --> 00:20:45,312 That's section on early medieval earthenware they just excavated? 532 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,047 Bombshell, am I right? 533 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,582 I had to put the journal down and take a walk 534 00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:50,184 -around the block. -Me, too, I just had to put 535 00:20:50,217 --> 00:20:52,052 the journal down and take a walk around the block. 536 00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:54,188 -Honestly. -Me, too! I had to put... 537 00:20:54,788 --> 00:20:56,990 I'm sorry, can we can cut? 538 00:20:57,024 --> 00:20:58,725 LASZLO: You can't cancel our dates, you bastard. 539 00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:00,194 We've got a contract. 540 00:21:00,227 --> 00:21:02,663 -Don't fuck me. -Why is this happening to me? 541 00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,031 I'm repulsive. 542 00:21:04,064 --> 00:21:07,034 Good grief! Whatever is that foul odor? 543 00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:08,735 It's me. And Laszlo, guess what? 544 00:21:08,769 --> 00:21:10,571 -What? -I hate you. You're ruining my life! 545 00:21:10,604 --> 00:21:12,439 Come on, boy, don't be like that. 546 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:15,542 I can sort this out. Yeah? I'll get you on stage tonight. 547 00:21:15,576 --> 00:21:19,046 No! I'm not singing any more of those baby songs. 548 00:21:19,079 --> 00:21:20,480 -And guess what? -What? 549 00:21:20,514 --> 00:21:22,583 From here on out, I'll only consider performing 550 00:21:22,616 --> 00:21:26,086 if it's the music of Papa Roach or Evanescence. 551 00:21:26,119 --> 00:21:27,221 (nu metal playing) 552 00:21:27,254 --> 00:21:29,323 -Fuck off! -LASZLO: Shut your mouth. 553 00:21:30,624 --> 00:21:32,292 ♪ ♪ 554 00:21:32,326 --> 00:21:34,027 I am beginning to think that maybe 555 00:21:34,061 --> 00:21:37,197 what I did was wrong. 556 00:21:37,231 --> 00:21:41,168 Probably not, but maybe. 557 00:21:41,201 --> 00:21:44,705 I set out to make things right with Guillermo. 558 00:21:44,738 --> 00:21:48,041 I offered to give him my Freddie, 559 00:21:48,075 --> 00:21:49,476 as a token of apology 560 00:21:49,510 --> 00:21:51,712 and also so that they could have sex with each other. 561 00:21:51,745 --> 00:21:54,181 No. It's not the same. 562 00:21:54,214 --> 00:21:57,284 -It's pretty similar. -But it's not. 563 00:21:58,218 --> 00:22:00,053 NANDOR: That's when I knew I had to let 564 00:22:00,087 --> 00:22:01,154 my Freddie go. 565 00:22:01,188 --> 00:22:02,456 Which also meant 566 00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,526 letting my wife Marwa go. 567 00:22:05,559 --> 00:22:08,061 But I did leave her in Freddie form, 568 00:22:08,095 --> 00:22:10,330 'cause she seemed so much happier like that. 569 00:22:10,364 --> 00:22:12,733 Perhaps true love is about more than 570 00:22:12,766 --> 00:22:15,669 wishing for someone who likes all the things you like. 571 00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:17,171 My sweet Freddie. 572 00:22:17,204 --> 00:22:19,006 My Freddie always told me that his dream 573 00:22:19,039 --> 00:22:20,307 was to travel the world, 574 00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:24,044 explore his passion for art and history. 575 00:22:24,077 --> 00:22:25,546 Don't forget to buy that Roomba. 576 00:22:25,579 --> 00:22:26,747 (crying): I won't. 577 00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:28,448 I suppose I am the one 578 00:22:28,482 --> 00:22:30,551 who is now granting a wish. 579 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,054 Fucking sucks. 580 00:22:34,087 --> 00:22:35,422 (sniffles) 581 00:22:35,455 --> 00:22:37,424 NADJA: It is clear to me now 582 00:22:37,457 --> 00:22:39,693 that without Baby Colin as its main attraction, 583 00:22:39,726 --> 00:22:41,161 this club cannot survive. 584 00:22:41,195 --> 00:22:44,431 This place was the center of the vampire universe. 585 00:22:44,464 --> 00:22:47,467 But now it is just a big, empty piece of shit. 586 00:22:47,501 --> 00:22:49,570 And despite my hopes of a comeback, 587 00:22:49,603 --> 00:22:52,206 it is clear that our best days are behind us. 588 00:22:52,239 --> 00:22:54,007 -My darling? -(gasps) Laszlo! 589 00:22:54,041 --> 00:22:55,542 I've thought of a way of saving the club. 590 00:22:55,576 --> 00:22:57,010 Ah. How? 591 00:22:57,044 --> 00:22:58,579 I've heard about this amazing clown 592 00:22:58,612 --> 00:23:00,681 that can suck himself dry. 593 00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:04,051 (moans) Who is this young ruffian? 594 00:23:04,084 --> 00:23:05,719 You remember Baby Colin? 595 00:23:05,752 --> 00:23:07,321 Well, he's had a growth spurt. 596 00:23:08,255 --> 00:23:09,723 -Hey. -(gasps) 597 00:23:09,756 --> 00:23:11,425 Can we go? 598 00:23:11,458 --> 00:23:13,160 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Bye. 599 00:23:13,193 --> 00:23:15,696 GUILLERMO: Cheers from jolly old England. 600 00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:18,565 I decided to go surprise Freddie, 601 00:23:18,599 --> 00:23:21,001 because why not, right? You only live once. 602 00:23:21,034 --> 00:23:23,303 And I have all that money saved that I... 603 00:23:23,337 --> 00:23:25,305 whatever, I stole from the club. 604 00:23:25,339 --> 00:23:27,307 He has no idea that I'm here, so... 605 00:23:27,341 --> 00:23:29,576 -(distant laughter) -Oh. Is that him? 606 00:23:29,610 --> 00:23:31,445 Over there, right with... 607 00:23:31,478 --> 00:23:34,081 -I love you, Freddie. -I love you, too, Freddie. 608 00:23:34,114 --> 00:23:36,450 -Fancy a pint of bitter? -Why not? 609 00:23:36,483 --> 00:23:38,685 ("Layla" by Derek & the Dominos playing) 610 00:23:38,719 --> 00:23:40,721 ♪ ♪ 611 00:23:52,032 --> 00:23:53,300 Impaler Swift. 612 00:23:53,333 --> 00:23:55,702 Bruno Scars. Lindsey Suckingham. 613 00:23:55,736 --> 00:23:58,305 And that's not even mentioning the wraith acts. 614 00:23:58,338 --> 00:24:01,575 Bonnie Wraith. Wraith Hill. Wraith Evans. 615 00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:02,743 Billy Wraith Cyrus. 616 00:24:02,776 --> 00:24:04,711 Wraith No More. 617 00:24:04,745 --> 00:24:07,014 Wraith Charles. 618 00:24:07,047 --> 00:24:09,316 I could go on. 619 00:24:09,349 --> 00:24:11,418 ♪ ♪ 620 00:24:40,347 --> 00:24:42,416 ♪ ♪ 621 00:24:51,625 --> 00:24:54,027 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org