1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,349 Baby Colin is miserable, 2 00:00:01,392 --> 00:00:02,741 and it's a mystery to me. 3 00:00:02,785 --> 00:00:05,135 [heavy metal playing through headphones] 4 00:00:05,179 --> 00:00:08,530 Seems like only yesterday when he danced and sang and was 5 00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:09,922 full of joys and smiles. 6 00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:11,489 [singer screaming] 7 00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:13,143 Now he barely talks to me. 8 00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:14,753 And when he does, it's very unpleasant. 9 00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:17,452 Shit. Have you got enough toys on the floor? 10 00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:19,497 I say, can you take the headphones off? 11 00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:20,890 My headphones are on. 12 00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:22,152 Yeah, I know. Can you take them off? 13 00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:23,371 Just for one second. 14 00:00:23,414 --> 00:00:24,981 [sighs] Hold on. What? 15 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:28,115 I was thinking, why don't we hop the fence at the zoo 16 00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:30,291 and see if those baby rhinos have grown 17 00:00:30,334 --> 00:00:32,206 - since the last time we - Yeah, I'm kind of busy right now. 18 00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:33,337 looked at them. 19 00:00:33,381 --> 00:00:35,296 Thank you. 20 00:00:35,339 --> 00:00:36,340 Why are you still here? 21 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,255 - Okay. Uh... - Huh? 22 00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:40,605 LASZLO: I know he has the body of a man now, 23 00:00:40,649 --> 00:00:44,174 but it was literally last week when he was but a small boy. 24 00:00:44,218 --> 00:00:45,958 And I've read all the relevant literature 25 00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:48,526 on the trials and tribulations of being a young person, 26 00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:50,920 but it's provided me with no guidance at all. 27 00:00:50,963 --> 00:00:54,576 He doesn't even enjoy his playdates anymore. 28 00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:57,535 - He's really had quite the growth spurt, hasn't he? - [Colin shouts] 29 00:00:57,579 --> 00:00:59,885 Ain't that the truth, Alison? You see, he's on the cusp 30 00:00:59,929 --> 00:01:01,191 - of that awkward age. - [giggles] 31 00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:03,454 - [shouts] - No, I'm on base. I'm on base! 32 00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:05,717 [crying]: Dylan! 33 00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:07,241 Dylan said that the staircase 34 00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:11,201 was base, and I was touching base, but he hit me anyway! 35 00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,595 - [crying]: It wasn't fair! - It's all right. 36 00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:15,249 I wish you were dead, Dylan! 37 00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:17,120 - LASZLO: No, no, come on. No, you don't. - Yes, I do! 38 00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:18,730 GUILLERMO: It's like he's half kid, half adult. 39 00:01:18,774 --> 00:01:20,210 It's okay. 40 00:01:20,254 --> 00:01:21,559 I mean, he looks like Colin Robinson 41 00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:23,605 and he sounds like Colin Robinson, but mentally 42 00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:25,737 - he's all over the place. - So, you're gonna hold the bat. 43 00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:28,392 - Why? - As the other parental figure in his life, 44 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,394 I thought I'd have the opportunity to teach him things. 45 00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:32,092 Swing! All right! 46 00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:33,745 - Okay. It's okay. I'll get it. - It just happened so fast. 47 00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,051 [chuckles] Just... 48 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:37,140 So you really want to look at the ball, okay? 49 00:01:37,184 --> 00:01:38,968 - I did look at the ball. - LASZLO: The only thing that seems to give him 50 00:01:39,011 --> 00:01:41,579 any joy these days and has done since he learned to walk 51 00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:42,754 is hammering holes 52 00:01:42,798 --> 00:01:44,582 in his old room in the basement. 53 00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:45,931 Now, I've tried to stop him, 54 00:01:45,975 --> 00:01:47,629 but it seems like a healthy release 55 00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:49,631 for this seemingly relentless 56 00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:51,633 and unwarranted anger. 57 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,289 ["Sunrise, Sunset" from Fiddler on the Roof playing] 58 00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:03,906 ♪ When did she get to be a beauty? ♪ 59 00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:08,476 ♪ When did he grow to be so tall? ♪ 60 00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:13,437 ♪ Wasn't it yesterday when they ♪ 61 00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:17,137 ♪ Were small? ♪ 62 00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,791 ♪ Sunrise, sunset ♪ 63 00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:22,707 ♪ Sunrise, sunset ♪ 64 00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:27,321 ♪ Swiftly flow the days ♪ 65 00:02:28,191 --> 00:02:33,240 ♪ Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers ♪ 66 00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:38,158 ♪ Blossoming even when we gaze. ♪ 67 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:42,292 [plays "You're Dead" riff on piano] 68 00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:47,167 NADJA: Now that we don't have Baby Colin as our big draw, 69 00:02:47,210 --> 00:02:50,126 the nightclub has just gone to a big steaming shit! 70 00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,215 - I wouldn't say "shit," but... - Well, I would. 71 00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,217 And we still don't have even close to enough money 72 00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:56,480 - to repair the house. - But we're not giving up. 73 00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,178 She's full of ideas, this one. 74 00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,049 I am. I still think we should try 75 00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:02,660 that all-vampire freestyle rap battle again. 76 00:03:02,704 --> 00:03:05,881 It's no good. Vampires are too hotheaded. 77 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:07,491 ♪ Why you out here competing? ♪ 78 00:03:07,535 --> 00:03:09,014 ♪ Why's that hairline receding? ♪ 79 00:03:09,058 --> 00:03:10,320 - ♪ Why'd you even... ♪ - [shouts] 80 00:03:10,364 --> 00:03:11,365 [gasping] 81 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:12,757 And then there was 82 00:03:12,801 --> 00:03:15,673 the human improvisational comedy troupe. 83 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:16,805 Okay, so, to get us started, 84 00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:17,806 first we're gonna need a suggestion. 85 00:03:17,849 --> 00:03:19,329 VAMPIRE: Suck each other's dicks! 86 00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:20,591 - VAMPIRE 2: Yeah! - GUIDE: Seems like vampires 87 00:03:20,635 --> 00:03:22,637 just don't get improv comedy. 88 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:24,116 Because it's not funny. 89 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,379 More like a location. 90 00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:26,554 VAMPIRE 1: Suck each other's dicks 91 00:03:26,597 --> 00:03:28,164 - in outer space! - [vampire 2 laughs] 92 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,296 You know, I really thought 93 00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,341 that Laszlo showcasing his new songs 94 00:03:31,385 --> 00:03:32,690 would be a big hit. 95 00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:37,260 ♪ Is my song too complex? ♪ 96 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:40,524 ♪ Why you looking perplexed? ♪ 97 00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:43,875 ♪ My intelligence is a ten ♪ 98 00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:48,271 ♪ Yours are three and fours ♪ 99 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,881 ♪ It's not my fault ♪ 100 00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:52,710 ♪ Stupid motherfuckers, it's yours ♪ 101 00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,234 - Come on, join in, you stupid... - VAMPIRE 2: Fuck off, Laszlo! 102 00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:55,539 ♪ It's not my... ♪ 103 00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:57,715 But we're still making a little bit of income. 104 00:03:57,759 --> 00:03:59,456 Yes, a little trickle. [clears throat] 105 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,718 - ♪ It's not my fault ♪ - [booing] 106 00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:02,720 ♪ You thick pieces of shit ♪ 107 00:04:02,764 --> 00:04:05,375 - ♪ It's yours ♪ - [clinks] 108 00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:07,116 - ♪ It's not my fault ♪ - But we're really scraping 109 00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,335 - the bottom - Shh. 110 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,380 of the old desperate barrel at this point. 111 00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,426 A lot of bachelorette parties. 112 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,776 - [whooping] - ♪ Throw it back, all the girls... ♪ 113 00:04:14,819 --> 00:04:16,299 GUIDE: And then we worked so hard 114 00:04:16,343 --> 00:04:17,561 on the haunted house. 115 00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,084 NADJA: Seemed like a slam dunk. 116 00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:21,173 [thunder cracks] 117 00:04:21,217 --> 00:04:23,132 [roaring] 118 00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:26,091 It's like, did they just order the costumes off of Amazon? 119 00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:27,963 - Yeah, let's get out of here. - [sighs] 120 00:04:28,006 --> 00:04:30,922 Children's birthday parties are now, unfortunately, 121 00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,402 our biggest draw. 122 00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,186 Oh, no, no! Not on the stairs! 123 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:35,579 Upstairs out-of-bounds! 124 00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:36,754 I got you! 125 00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:37,755 This one! 126 00:04:37,799 --> 00:04:39,148 He keeps cheating me! 127 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:41,106 [exhales] 128 00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:42,891 GUILLERMO: It's just a phase. He'll grow out of it. 129 00:04:42,934 --> 00:04:44,327 Well, at the rate he's growing, 130 00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:45,981 he should have grown out of it already. 131 00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:48,462 Well, at least he's not a boring energy vampire. 132 00:04:48,505 --> 00:04:51,508 I'd rather he was boring than this insolent monster. 133 00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:53,031 NANDOR: With respect, 134 00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:55,599 the trouble is that neither of you know how to speak 135 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:58,254 to the younger generation in their own language. 136 00:04:58,298 --> 00:04:59,386 What, and you do? [chuckles] 137 00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:01,170 Some of my finest soldiers 138 00:05:01,213 --> 00:05:02,432 were just teenagers. 139 00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:04,347 It was essential to communicate 140 00:05:04,391 --> 00:05:06,306 with them in their own lingo-- 141 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,220 or gutter patois, if you will-- 142 00:05:08,264 --> 00:05:10,440 to inspire and motivate them 143 00:05:10,484 --> 00:05:12,224 onto the battlefield 144 00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:14,531 because we'd usually put the youngsters at the front. 145 00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,054 - [groans] - And they would instantly 146 00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:18,318 be mowed down by the attacking army. 147 00:05:18,361 --> 00:05:19,667 So they were always a little 148 00:05:19,710 --> 00:05:21,712 reluctant to stand there. 149 00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:24,585 - [groans] - You know what? I will fix. 150 00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:26,717 We're fucked. 151 00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:28,502 - [heavy metal playing] - [hammering] 152 00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,242 Watch and learn. 153 00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:36,379 Very cool tunes. 154 00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:38,729 I, too, get off on rocking out 155 00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:40,557 to cool tunes like these. 156 00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:43,212 - [music ends] - But you know, 157 00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:44,822 there's more to life than just... 158 00:05:44,866 --> 00:05:46,868 [music resumes] 159 00:05:50,219 --> 00:05:51,655 - Dude. - But you know, 160 00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:53,353 there's more to life than just 161 00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:55,442 rocking out to cool tunes. 162 00:05:55,485 --> 00:05:57,182 - Like what? - Ah, 163 00:05:57,226 --> 00:05:59,184 you're probably too young to grok 164 00:05:59,228 --> 00:06:01,404 what I'm trying to lay down. 165 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,319 One of the all-time 166 00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:06,540 coolest ways of rocking out is to be nice and polite 167 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:09,673 to your housemates and to your elders. 168 00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:11,719 Wow. R-Really? 169 00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:14,025 A-A-And you think this could work for me? 170 00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:16,550 I... I do. 171 00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:18,160 Thanks, man. 172 00:06:18,203 --> 00:06:20,380 Uh, thank you for blessing me 173 00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,251 with these pearls of wisdom. 174 00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:24,688 You are very welcome... 175 00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:26,168 man. [chuckles] 176 00:06:26,211 --> 00:06:27,691 You see? 177 00:06:27,735 --> 00:06:30,781 You just have to know how to speak their language. 178 00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:35,046 NADJA: If anyone complains, that's when you can kill them. 179 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,266 And I was wondering... Oh-oh, Mistress Nadja. 180 00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:39,181 - Oh. [chuckles] - May I introduce to you 181 00:06:39,224 --> 00:06:41,226 to Mr. Phineas Taylor Barnum? 182 00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:42,619 - Hmm. - Oh. 183 00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:44,447 Mr. Barnum was just giving me some great advice 184 00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:46,710 - about bringing in the crowds. - Mm-hmm. 185 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:49,539 Mr. Barnum. Please, do give us just one moment. [chuckles] 186 00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:51,541 Okay, thank you. [chuckles] 187 00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:54,718 P.T. Barnum died over 150 years ago. 188 00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:57,025 - Is he a vampire? - Yeah, don't ask me to explain. 189 00:06:57,068 --> 00:06:58,722 Well, I feel like I must ask you to explain. 190 00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:00,768 - Ah, it's no big deal. - Well, I'm your boss, 191 00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:02,247 so do you want me to use my loud voice? 192 00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:03,727 - Hi, guys. - Oh, for... - Oh, hi. 193 00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:07,035 Uh, hey, uh, sorry, I-I feel like I'm interrupting. 194 00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,428 - You are. - Oh. 195 00:07:08,471 --> 00:07:09,951 I just wanted to give you 196 00:07:09,994 --> 00:07:12,083 this CD of some songs that I 197 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:15,435 burned for you. I mean, I-I didn't burn it just for you, 198 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,741 'cause that'd be creepy and pathetic. 199 00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:20,265 Well, I had an extra CD, I guess, and so... 200 00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:21,353 Thank you, Colin. 201 00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:23,225 I will definitely figure out 202 00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:25,401 how to listen to this. 203 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,924 If you like the songs, 204 00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:29,884 maybe we could hang out sometime. 205 00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:32,495 And if you don't like the songs, I don't really give a shit. 206 00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,889 So, either way, it's, you know, whatever. 207 00:07:34,932 --> 00:07:36,934 All right, later. Bye. 208 00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:39,676 - Speak, bitch. - All right. 209 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,070 But you mustn't breathe a word of this to anyone. 210 00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:43,898 [both clear throats] 211 00:07:43,941 --> 00:07:46,509 Over the last few decades, I have come across 212 00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:48,729 some books in the Vampiric Council library 213 00:07:48,772 --> 00:07:51,166 that contain the most forbidden-est 214 00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:53,951 of secret knowledges, and I have learned 215 00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:56,345 the ancient art form of summoning the dead. 216 00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:57,781 [gasps] 217 00:07:57,825 --> 00:08:00,175 - But this is witchcraft. - [groans] 218 00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:01,524 Cut that out. 219 00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:04,484 So you can bring any person back from the dead? 220 00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:06,616 Only the ones that I own the souls of. 221 00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:07,965 One moment. 222 00:08:08,009 --> 00:08:09,880 Mr. Barnum, right this way, please. 223 00:08:11,578 --> 00:08:13,754 May I present... 224 00:08:13,797 --> 00:08:15,625 the second finest collection 225 00:08:15,669 --> 00:08:18,323 of human dead souls in these United States. 226 00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:19,499 NADJA: Wow. 227 00:08:19,542 --> 00:08:21,152 And who has the finest collection? 228 00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:23,154 [sighs] Some rich computer guy. 229 00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:26,810 So, um, how do you turn these souls back into people? 230 00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,943 [chuckles] Now, sadly, 231 00:08:28,986 --> 00:08:31,598 once the souls are reanimated into human form, 232 00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,643 they only live for about 24 hours 233 00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:35,602 and then they dissolve back 234 00:08:35,645 --> 00:08:37,560 into the ingredients from whence they came. 235 00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,344 - Oh. Ooh. - Okay, hand me the soul. 236 00:08:39,388 --> 00:08:42,696 Okay. Thank you. And in it goes. 237 00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:45,742 Oh, it stinks. 238 00:08:45,786 --> 00:08:47,570 That's life, baby. Take it in. [sniffs] 239 00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:48,658 MAN: Hello? 240 00:08:48,702 --> 00:08:50,834 - [gasps] - [Guide squeals] 241 00:08:50,878 --> 00:08:54,272 - [laughing] - Ah! 242 00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:55,491 It worked. 243 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,493 - Scott Joplin, I presume? - [Scott chuckles] 244 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,669 Happy to make your acquaintance, madam. [chuckles] 245 00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:01,758 - And yours. - Uh, and you as well, madam. - [chuckles] 246 00:09:01,802 --> 00:09:04,369 SEAN: Look, uh, we all make mistakes. 247 00:09:04,413 --> 00:09:05,762 It's no big deal. 248 00:09:05,806 --> 00:09:07,068 Well, it kind of is a big deal, Sean, 249 00:09:07,111 --> 00:09:08,417 'cause he stole your car. 250 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:09,723 [mumbles]: I was gonna bring it back. 251 00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:11,028 I beg your pardon? 252 00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:13,074 I said I was going to bring it back. 253 00:09:13,117 --> 00:09:14,641 SEAN: Listen, he was just taking it 254 00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:16,077 for a little joyride. 255 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,208 Colin, maybe you could help us 256 00:09:17,252 --> 00:09:18,383 understand what you were thinking. 257 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,603 - I don't know. - LASZLO: Your behavior 258 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,518 is nothing like the Colin we know. 259 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,260 The Colin you know? You don't know me at all. 260 00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:28,263 I mean, you can't tell me who my parents are 261 00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:30,134 or where I came from 262 00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:32,397 or why I have these thoughts in my head 263 00:09:32,441 --> 00:09:34,225 about hammering holes 264 00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:36,314 - in the wall. - We don't know ourselves! 265 00:09:36,358 --> 00:09:38,142 COLIN: You can't tell me why I grew 266 00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:41,232 a foot and a half overnight like a human radish. 267 00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:42,930 Listen, you ungrateful fuck, you're giving me the pip. 268 00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,366 - SEAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - We're doing our best here. 269 00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,020 Oh, well, that makes me feel so much better. 270 00:09:46,063 --> 00:09:47,238 SEAN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Guys, guys, guys. 271 00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:48,239 LASZLO: All right, you cheeky fuck. 272 00:09:48,283 --> 00:09:49,240 Things are getting 273 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:50,372 a little too heated in here. 274 00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:51,721 Yeah, 'cause he fucking started it. 275 00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:52,809 - He started it. - Okay, listen, 276 00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,506 my dad and I used to fight 277 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:55,899 like this all the time! 278 00:09:55,943 --> 00:09:57,901 And nothing good came from it! 279 00:09:57,945 --> 00:10:00,164 - You understand me? - Yes. 280 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,731 - Okay. - SEAN: But my pops and I, 281 00:10:01,775 --> 00:10:04,734 we were able to figure out a way to settle our differences. 282 00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:07,911 And that's what we're gonna do right now. So, get up. 283 00:10:07,955 --> 00:10:08,999 - What? - Get up. 284 00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:10,435 Both of youse. 285 00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:12,612 Let's do it. You can trust Seanie. 286 00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:14,004 All right, face each other. 287 00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:16,050 - We are. - Good. Make eye contact. 288 00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:18,966 Okay? Good enough. 289 00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:20,184 Now, I'm gonna count down from three. 290 00:10:20,228 --> 00:10:22,926 When I say go, start swinging. 291 00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:24,536 - Wait, what? - First one to tap out, 292 00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:25,929 other one's head of the household. 293 00:10:25,973 --> 00:10:27,931 - Three, two, one... - No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 294 00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:30,107 - We're not doing that. - Come on! 295 00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,719 Wait, it-it's-it's all right. I feel better now. 296 00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:34,938 I'm sorry that I disappointed you. 297 00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,853 Mm. 298 00:10:36,897 --> 00:10:38,202 There's got to be a "but." 299 00:10:38,246 --> 00:10:41,118 No, no "buts." Mr. Rinaldi, maybe we can 300 00:10:41,162 --> 00:10:43,120 go find a tow truck and get your 301 00:10:43,164 --> 00:10:45,122 - car out of Richmond Creek. - SEAN: Good man. 302 00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:47,777 Come on. I mean, I'd rather take the insurance, 303 00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:48,865 but... 304 00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:52,347 He's a lot calmer and more pleasant 305 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:53,522 when he's made me angry. 306 00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:55,698 - [door opens] - He's feeding on us. 307 00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:57,265 - But not by boring us, - [door closes] 308 00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:59,397 but by infuriating us. 309 00:10:59,441 --> 00:11:01,269 - I think you might be right. - Colin Robinson 310 00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:03,706 is and will always be 311 00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,621 - an energy vampire. - Yeah. 312 00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:07,492 Which means I have to tell him. 313 00:11:07,536 --> 00:11:10,670 I have to tell him exactly what he is. 314 00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:14,891 Why didn't you tell me about this secret wisdom 315 00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:17,154 and this collection of souls? I can't believe it. 316 00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:18,982 Well, you don't seem very interested 317 00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:20,810 when I try to share things about my life. 318 00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:22,899 - [groans] - Hey, what about asking 319 00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:25,728 Diamond Jim Brady for some tips about the crowds, huh? 320 00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:29,079 He was a noted gourmand and nightlife habitué. 321 00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:30,080 NADJA: No. 322 00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,300 The reanimated humans themselves 323 00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:33,693 will be the show. 324 00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:35,738 Imagine the crowds we will get. 325 00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:38,741 The greatest minds in all of human history 326 00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,483 together onstage for one night only 327 00:11:41,526 --> 00:11:43,311 - at Nadja's. - Wow. 328 00:11:43,354 --> 00:11:46,009 I really should have thought of that. 329 00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:47,968 Yeah. It's actually very troubling that you didn't. 330 00:11:48,011 --> 00:11:50,405 Ah! [chuckles] 331 00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:54,191 [speaking Russian] 332 00:11:56,541 --> 00:11:59,719 So, it's not going so well. I told Nadja 333 00:11:59,762 --> 00:12:02,243 she might want to do some homework before the panel, 334 00:12:02,286 --> 00:12:04,419 but she said she just wanted to wing it. 335 00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:05,899 [continues speaking Russian] 336 00:12:08,684 --> 00:12:10,730 [laughs] 337 00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:14,124 Wow. Food for thought, Mr. Tchaikovsky. 338 00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:16,997 Food for bloody thought. [chuckles] Now, um, 339 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,781 Lady Murasaki Shikibu, 340 00:12:18,825 --> 00:12:21,653 some say your Tales of Genji 341 00:12:21,697 --> 00:12:24,874 created the literary form we now call the novel. 342 00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:27,268 So, I must ask you, 343 00:12:27,311 --> 00:12:29,574 where do you get your ideas from? 344 00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:32,273 [speaking Japanese] 345 00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:36,712 NADJA: Uh, Mr. Da Vinci, if you want 346 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,192 to jump in anytime, just feel like a normal 347 00:12:38,235 --> 00:12:40,498 conversation, where we all cut in each other and... 348 00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,196 [speaks Italian] 349 00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,329 Too true. 350 00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:47,375 - COLIN: An energy vampire? - LASZLO: Yeah. 351 00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,899 And so there's... 352 00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:53,163 like, nothing I can do to-to change it? 353 00:12:53,207 --> 00:12:55,296 No. I'm afraid not, my boy. 354 00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:57,254 You see, it's genetics. It's beyond our control. 355 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,082 If I'd have been told when I was your age 356 00:12:59,126 --> 00:13:01,128 that I'd be burdened with rugged good looks, 357 00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:03,521 a rapier wit, and a thick cock, 358 00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:06,916 I, too, would have protested, but, uh, them's the breaks. 359 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,484 Just... an energy vampire, 360 00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,442 it just, it sounds so awful. 361 00:13:11,486 --> 00:13:13,096 Yeah, it's not great. 362 00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:17,100 Well, why didn't you do something? 363 00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:19,189 You should have ought to done something about it 364 00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,625 instead of just sitting here. 365 00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:23,585 You know the saying, "Man makes plans and... 366 00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:25,369 hmm, laughs." 367 00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:26,457 Who, God? 368 00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:28,329 - [groaning] - Now you're blaming God? 369 00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:30,548 Who next, Baby Jesus?! 370 00:13:30,592 --> 00:13:32,855 - [groans loudly] - I hate you! 371 00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,466 Shit, that's painful. 372 00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:38,469 GUILLERMO: I'm doing fine, I guess. 373 00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:39,949 You know, with Nandor's wife Marwa gone 374 00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:41,733 and Colin basically all grown up, 375 00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:44,171 I feel like there's not much for me to do around here. 376 00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:47,870 So, I guess this is what it feels like 377 00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,306 to be an empty nester. 378 00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,613 I never thought I'd get bored of this job 379 00:13:51,656 --> 00:13:53,136 'cause there's always 380 00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:55,617 something to do, but nothing ever changes, 381 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:57,184 even in my personal life. 382 00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:58,489 I found my first boyfriend, and he... 383 00:13:58,533 --> 00:14:00,491 left me for himself. 384 00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:03,625 It's back to where it all started and the same 385 00:14:03,668 --> 00:14:05,366 day in, day out. 386 00:14:05,409 --> 00:14:07,324 It's like hamsters in those wheels. 387 00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:08,978 I'm a hamster in a... 388 00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:11,851 [sighs] wheel. 389 00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:23,427 Knock, knock. Seeing if you need anything. 390 00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:25,865 No. All good. Thanks. 391 00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:27,214 You're kind of quiet lately. 392 00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:30,130 Are you sad because Marwa's gone? 393 00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:32,436 There's nothing like the end of a relationship 394 00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:35,178 to really make one appreciate being alone. 395 00:14:35,222 --> 00:14:36,876 [scoffs] So that's it? 396 00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,529 - That is what? - It was so important 397 00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:39,835 for you to find a wife 398 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,097 and have a huge wedding, 399 00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:43,926 and now that's all gone, and you're just fine? 400 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,754 Pretty much, yeah. 401 00:14:45,797 --> 00:14:48,888 Don't you feel like nothing ever changes around here? 402 00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:51,194 Like, every day just leads to the next 403 00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:52,674 and then the next, and before you know it, 404 00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:55,024 years go by? 405 00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:58,027 Yes. Isn't it wonderful? 406 00:14:58,071 --> 00:14:59,333 Okay. 407 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,379 So then what's next? 408 00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:03,815 As you may have noticed, 409 00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:06,035 I've really got back into reading books, 410 00:15:06,079 --> 00:15:07,384 so I think 411 00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:09,560 I'm just gonna do this for a while. 412 00:15:09,604 --> 00:15:10,910 - Oh, for how long? - Not long. 413 00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:13,260 15 years, maybe 20. 414 00:15:18,613 --> 00:15:20,310 [sighs] 415 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,227 [sniffles] 416 00:15:24,271 --> 00:15:26,229 [heavy metal playing] 417 00:15:35,456 --> 00:15:37,240 As I once said, 418 00:15:37,284 --> 00:15:39,590 you can only win over the opponent... 419 00:15:39,634 --> 00:15:41,462 We figured out, we don't need to do these 420 00:15:41,505 --> 00:15:42,854 in front of a live audience. 421 00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:45,553 We can reach a bigger group of people by simply 422 00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:48,121 recording it and then broadcasting it electronically. 423 00:15:48,164 --> 00:15:49,949 NADJA: Hello, and welcome to 424 00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:51,863 Talk History with Nadja of Antipaxos. 425 00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,517 On tonight's episode... 426 00:15:53,561 --> 00:15:56,390 Then we can make money by selling advertising on it. 427 00:15:56,433 --> 00:16:00,089 Hatred is the subtlest form of violence... 428 00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:01,873 If I could just, uh, quickly interrupt for a moment. 429 00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:03,484 Would you be so kind as to read off 430 00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:05,442 - this card, Mr. Gandhi? - Mm. 431 00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:07,749 "Pan-seared steaks 432 00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:09,751 "with hot honey biscuits. 433 00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:13,102 "Cheesy pork chorizo enchiladas. 434 00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:16,236 "And those are just two of the signature dishes 435 00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:17,541 - coming from" - Mmm, mmm. 436 00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:19,456 "Blue Apron this month." 437 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,806 Yum, yum, yum. But tell me, Mahatma, 438 00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:23,025 when was the first time 439 00:16:23,069 --> 00:16:24,984 you tried Blue Apron? 440 00:16:25,027 --> 00:16:26,289 [clears throat] 441 00:16:26,333 --> 00:16:27,638 Fuck it. Give it here. I'll read it. 442 00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:29,336 Oh, no, no, no, sorry, Mr. Hemingway. 443 00:16:29,379 --> 00:16:30,641 I-I wanted you to do 444 00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:32,643 the Casper mattresses one before the next break. 445 00:16:35,516 --> 00:16:37,909 NADJA: So, the money from our sponsorships 446 00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:40,521 was dependent on total listeners. We made Guillermo 447 00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:43,611 listen 11 times and made 0.6 cents. 448 00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:44,655 [groans] 449 00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:47,441 All that witchcraft for nothing. 450 00:16:47,484 --> 00:16:49,182 Turns out the world just isn't ready 451 00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,227 for electronic audio stories. 452 00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:52,837 It also has no use 453 00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:54,491 for a vampire nightclub. 454 00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:55,492 [sighs] 455 00:16:55,536 --> 00:16:56,798 Enough is enough. 456 00:16:56,841 --> 00:16:58,843 I told The Guide to go and sleep at my house 457 00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,845 for a girls night, and she obviously 458 00:17:00,889 --> 00:17:03,065 jumped far too enthusiastically at that chance. 459 00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,459 Ciao. Au revoir. 460 00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:07,722 NADJA: I told the wraiths that they've been working too hard, 461 00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:09,158 so they should go on vacation. 462 00:17:09,202 --> 00:17:11,160 Send me a postcard. See you when you're back. 463 00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:13,728 Desperate times call for desperate measures. 464 00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,860 [sighs] 465 00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:17,340 You guys should probably get out of here. 466 00:17:17,384 --> 00:17:19,821 It's over. 467 00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:26,828 I said get out. Fuck off. [hisses] 468 00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:28,351 [heavy metal playing] 469 00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,146 [music stops] 470 00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:09,958 ♪ 471 00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:33,634 [muttering]: Move. 472 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,702 ♪ 473 00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,321 [mechanical rumbling] 474 00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,873 ♪ 475 00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:56,717 [farts] 476 00:19:57,674 --> 00:19:59,850 This is all my fault. If I had not accepted 477 00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:01,765 your kind invitation last night-- 478 00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:03,332 - thank you again, by the way. - Mm-hmm. 479 00:20:03,376 --> 00:20:04,855 I would have been here, and I could have 480 00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:06,509 - kept this from happening. - Listen, 481 00:20:06,553 --> 00:20:08,729 we can't be everywhere all the time, can we? 482 00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:10,905 No, but we did get lucky. 483 00:20:10,948 --> 00:20:14,038 Nothing actually got burned. Phew. 484 00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:15,518 Nothing got burned? 485 00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:16,998 The blood sprinklers went off 486 00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:18,826 and extinguished the fire before it could 487 00:20:18,869 --> 00:20:19,870 really get going. 488 00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,220 - The blood sprinklers? - Yes. 489 00:20:21,263 --> 00:20:24,397 The blood sprinklers that have never worked 490 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,182 any of the times we have tried to make them work? 491 00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,751 [sighs] This is making me very hungry. 492 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,929 So, your office 493 00:20:34,972 --> 00:20:36,670 is the only room that got burned 494 00:20:36,713 --> 00:20:38,411 because there are no blood sprinklers in it. 495 00:20:38,454 --> 00:20:39,586 Yes. 496 00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:43,372 [voice breaking]: I am so upset right now. 497 00:20:43,416 --> 00:20:44,895 [normal voice]: So, I was just wondering, um, 498 00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:46,288 how much money can we get for this? 499 00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:47,985 Depends what kind of insurance you have. 500 00:20:48,029 --> 00:20:50,423 What is "insur-suriance," 501 00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:51,902 and, uh, where can we get some? 502 00:20:51,946 --> 00:20:55,297 Uh, probably a little late for that at this point. 503 00:20:55,341 --> 00:20:56,777 You said you had a floor plan 504 00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:58,561 - I can take a look at? - Yes, right this way. 505 00:20:58,605 --> 00:21:00,389 Shit. 506 00:21:00,433 --> 00:21:02,435 [whimpering] 507 00:21:05,046 --> 00:21:08,571 NADJA: I haven't been making the best decisions recently, 508 00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:12,314 thanks to all the delicious liquor blood I've been drinking. 509 00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:14,316 [chuckles] 510 00:21:16,187 --> 00:21:19,626 [crying] My money. 511 00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:23,717 She was so fresh and green, 512 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:27,024 and now the faces are all burnt! 513 00:21:43,432 --> 00:21:44,477 [sniffles] 514 00:21:58,229 --> 00:21:59,970 GUILLERMO: No. The way it works 515 00:22:00,014 --> 00:22:01,885 is you buy the insurance 516 00:22:01,929 --> 00:22:03,757 before something bad happens, 517 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,193 - and then... - NADJA: No, I think, my friend, 518 00:22:05,236 --> 00:22:07,456 you buy. And did you buy? No. [scoffs] 519 00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,415 How much money could we get 520 00:22:09,458 --> 00:22:11,199 if we set him on fire? 521 00:22:11,242 --> 00:22:12,853 - [gasps] - Hey, hey. What's up? 522 00:22:12,896 --> 00:22:14,289 How's it hanging? 523 00:22:14,333 --> 00:22:16,291 L-O-L. R-O-F-L. 524 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:19,381 Y-O-L-O. O-M-G. W-T-F. [chuckles] 525 00:22:19,425 --> 00:22:22,993 All those acronyms, I love them. [grunts] 526 00:22:24,212 --> 00:22:26,649 Colin Robinson? 527 00:22:26,693 --> 00:22:28,085 Is it really you? 528 00:22:28,129 --> 00:22:29,609 Well, it's not Don Knotts. [chuckles] 529 00:22:29,652 --> 00:22:32,394 - But how the shit have you... - Oh, well, 530 00:22:32,438 --> 00:22:36,180 the great thing about keeping a detailed diary is, 531 00:22:36,224 --> 00:22:39,662 if you ever forget anything about your life, 532 00:22:39,706 --> 00:22:42,970 you can look it up. It's also great 533 00:22:43,013 --> 00:22:45,581 for receipts. Now, a lot of people 534 00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:48,018 keep receipts, but they forget to write down 535 00:22:48,062 --> 00:22:49,933 what they were for, which causes 536 00:22:49,977 --> 00:22:52,153 a major headache come tax time. 537 00:22:52,196 --> 00:22:54,677 Whether you hire an accountant or 538 00:22:54,721 --> 00:22:56,723 you do it online by yourself, 539 00:22:56,766 --> 00:22:58,159 you're gonna miss some deductions 540 00:22:58,202 --> 00:23:00,683 because you won't be able to reference 541 00:23:00,727 --> 00:23:03,033 what they were when Johnny Taxman 542 00:23:03,077 --> 00:23:04,513 - comes and... - Colin Robinson, tell me something, 543 00:23:04,557 --> 00:23:07,516 a while ago, we went to a lads night at Sean's house, 544 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,692 and as we entered his premises, 545 00:23:09,736 --> 00:23:11,694 you used some ridiculous childish voice. 546 00:23:11,738 --> 00:23:14,393 Meesa Jar Jar Binks. 547 00:23:14,436 --> 00:23:16,220 - It's him. - NADJA: Ah. Well, 548 00:23:16,264 --> 00:23:19,223 welcome back, original Colin Robinson. Now, 549 00:23:19,267 --> 00:23:21,182 how much money do we have in our bank account? 550 00:23:21,225 --> 00:23:25,099 Uh, around $655,415 551 00:23:25,142 --> 00:23:26,230 and change. 552 00:23:26,274 --> 00:23:27,275 - [squeals] - Oh, yes, very nice. 553 00:23:27,318 --> 00:23:28,450 COLIN: Now, I wanted to roll that 554 00:23:28,494 --> 00:23:30,191 into a Roth IRA, not to be confused... 555 00:23:30,234 --> 00:23:31,540 What's our bank account PIN code? 556 00:23:31,584 --> 00:23:34,238 Oh, our personal identification number 557 00:23:34,282 --> 00:23:36,545 is 420, 69, 24, 7. 558 00:23:36,589 --> 00:23:38,155 I'll call the contractors in the morning. 559 00:23:38,199 --> 00:23:41,245 Actually, if it's to fix up this shithole, 560 00:23:41,289 --> 00:23:42,246 I'll do it. 561 00:23:42,290 --> 00:23:43,900 If there's anything I enjoy more 562 00:23:43,944 --> 00:23:45,249 than managing a project, 563 00:23:45,293 --> 00:23:47,208 it's micromanaging a project. 564 00:23:47,251 --> 00:23:50,733 And, so, after you replace these pipes, 565 00:23:50,777 --> 00:23:52,474 - we're gonna want to put in... - New Sheetrock and... 566 00:23:52,518 --> 00:23:54,563 Excuse me, if I may finish. 567 00:23:54,607 --> 00:23:56,696 We're gonna want to put on half-inch 568 00:23:56,739 --> 00:23:58,785 VOC-absorbing drywall, 569 00:23:58,828 --> 00:24:02,005 not Sheetrock, as you mistakenly said. 570 00:24:02,049 --> 00:24:04,747 Uh, Laszlo, what do you want to do with this race car bed? 571 00:24:04,791 --> 00:24:06,575 Do you want to keep it, or can we get rid of it? 572 00:24:06,619 --> 00:24:08,925 Well... 573 00:24:08,969 --> 00:24:10,318 that's your bed. 574 00:24:10,361 --> 00:24:11,537 Well, it was. 575 00:24:11,580 --> 00:24:13,495 I-I-I've never seen this bed in my life. 576 00:24:13,539 --> 00:24:15,454 All right, well, shitcan the bed. 577 00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:16,759 Now let's head downstairs. 578 00:24:16,803 --> 00:24:19,283 I want to give you guys a couple quick tips 579 00:24:19,327 --> 00:24:22,504 on how to remove old Formica tiling. 580 00:24:22,548 --> 00:24:23,853 The asbestos 581 00:24:23,897 --> 00:24:25,202 in the adhesive 582 00:24:25,246 --> 00:24:26,595 - can become quite a... - Colin? 583 00:24:26,639 --> 00:24:28,510 - Yeah. - So, you really don't remember 584 00:24:28,554 --> 00:24:30,730 anything from the last year? 585 00:24:30,773 --> 00:24:32,601 Uh, no. Not really. 586 00:24:32,645 --> 00:24:35,169 I-I remember it was my 100th birthday party, 587 00:24:35,212 --> 00:24:37,127 and I had a bit of, uh, tummy trouble, 588 00:24:37,171 --> 00:24:39,129 - Right. - and the next thing I remember is, 589 00:24:39,173 --> 00:24:41,523 I'm reading my diaries, and, yeah, 590 00:24:41,567 --> 00:24:43,090 everything in between's a blank. 591 00:24:43,133 --> 00:24:46,354 You don't remember me bringing you up from a small baby? 592 00:24:46,397 --> 00:24:48,791 No. No, not at all. 593 00:24:48,835 --> 00:24:50,706 Do you remember, um, 594 00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:52,926 me playing the piano and you singing and dancing? 595 00:24:52,969 --> 00:24:55,798 And then sometimes we'd jump over the fence at the zoo 596 00:24:55,842 --> 00:24:57,800 in the middle of the night to look at the baby rhinos? 597 00:24:57,844 --> 00:25:00,629 Yeah, no. Doesn't ring a single bell. 598 00:25:00,673 --> 00:25:01,978 - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah. 599 00:25:02,022 --> 00:25:03,153 - You sure? - Yeah. 600 00:25:03,197 --> 00:25:04,894 Do-do you smell toast or anything? 601 00:25:04,938 --> 00:25:06,853 - I'm-I'm good. - All right. 602 00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:11,945 [whistling "Rap Tap on Wood"] 603 00:25:13,860 --> 00:25:16,515 [piano playing "Sunrise, Sunset"] 604 00:25:24,305 --> 00:25:25,872 GUILLERMO: Nothing ever changes in this house. 605 00:25:25,915 --> 00:25:28,091 Nothing is ever going to change, 606 00:25:28,135 --> 00:25:29,440 unless I change it. 607 00:25:29,484 --> 00:25:31,442 So, that's it for me. 608 00:25:31,486 --> 00:25:33,444 Oh, and you guys can use my room for storage if you want. 609 00:25:33,488 --> 00:25:35,011 I won't need it. 610 00:25:35,055 --> 00:25:36,839 [sighs] 611 00:25:38,928 --> 00:25:40,408 [entry bell dings] 612 00:25:41,409 --> 00:25:42,889 Derek? 613 00:25:42,932 --> 00:25:44,151 DEREK: Yeah, in the back. 614 00:25:45,152 --> 00:25:46,370 Derek. 615 00:25:46,414 --> 00:25:47,850 DEREK: Yeah, back here. 616 00:25:47,894 --> 00:25:51,027 I just got to finish this account. 24 times 18. 617 00:25:51,071 --> 00:25:53,682 Okay. What is so urgent? 618 00:25:53,726 --> 00:25:55,858 Well, Derek... [sighs] 619 00:25:55,902 --> 00:25:57,860 this... 620 00:25:57,904 --> 00:25:59,209 is for you. 621 00:25:59,253 --> 00:26:01,255 Whoa. [chuckles] 622 00:26:01,298 --> 00:26:03,910 - What did I do to deserve this? - Nothing. 623 00:26:03,953 --> 00:26:05,694 It's what you're about to do. 624 00:26:05,738 --> 00:26:06,956 Which is? 625 00:26:07,957 --> 00:26:10,003 You're gonna make me a vampire. 626 00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:14,268 NADJA: ♪ Is this the little girl ♪ 627 00:26:14,311 --> 00:26:17,488 ♪ I carried? ♪ 628 00:26:17,532 --> 00:26:20,317 LASZLO: ♪ Is this the little boy ♪ 629 00:26:20,361 --> 00:26:23,190 ♪ At play? ♪ 630 00:26:24,583 --> 00:26:27,237 COLIN: ♪ I don't remember ♪ 631 00:26:27,281 --> 00:26:30,589 ♪ Growing older ♪ 632 00:26:31,546 --> 00:26:36,116 NANDOR and GUIDE: ♪ When did they? ♪ 633 00:26:37,683 --> 00:26:41,904 ALL: ♪ Sunrise, sunset ♪ 634 00:26:41,948 --> 00:26:43,906 ♪ Sunrise ♪ 635 00:26:43,950 --> 00:26:45,908 ♪ Sunset ♪ 636 00:26:45,952 --> 00:26:47,997 ♪ Swiftly ♪ 637 00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:50,043 ♪ Flow the days. ♪