[Pat] Previously on Shining Vale...
This is herbal tea.
It comes from the herbs
in my garden.
Dad's afraid of Roxy, and he calls me Button.
"Button"? Good gravy.
[Terry] Button's right. You aren't normal.
None of you are.
So I'm back to where I started.
You hear voices?
I'm Rosemary.
Did the ghost come back?
[Pat] No, her name is Ruth.
[Nellie] I'm Nellie.
Then you're miles from where you started.
[Terry] As your mayor,
this whole town's gonna be reborn.
This is a great speech.
- You are a writer? - My mother is, so I am not.
The devil wrote my book when I was possessed.
You're talking about Satan.
He's interested in overthrowing governments
and disrupting world order, not writing shitty chick lit.
[Terry] It is Ruth's famous chocolate "mouse."
There is a teeny, tiny risk of pregnancy psychosis.
Quickly now, before Doctor sends you to the baths.
They put a baby in me.
I'll show them what real crazy looks like.
- That's my house. - [Jake] Her mom came back,
but Daisy says there is one way we can stop her.
[Ruth] I got you a present.
My grandma smuggled that heirloom in her 'einie.
Your baby gives us all hope for a better world.
[all] Hail Pat.
I'm looking for Father Ennio.
Perhaps you're mistaken.
[Jake] Give me a sign.
[Pat] Read page 72.
This room is the portal to hell.
[Ruth] No one would believe her.
Everyone thinks she's nuts.
- [Robyn] It's all about... - [both] ...his baby.
[laughter]
- Help! - [Rosemary] Hello, Patricia.
[dramatic music plays]
♪ ♪
You should've killed yourself when you had the chance.
Somebody!
Is anybody there?
Help! I'm stuck in the wall!
Listen to me, Patricia.
You're in grave danger.
No, you listen to me.
Oh... holy shit.
Look, I get that you're upset.
You're gigantic,
and you have a terrible haircut,
but you need to trust me.
I don't trust demons.
♪ ♪
- [eerie piano notes playing] - [Pat gasping]
[Rosemary] I'm not a demon.
It's me, Rosemary.
♪ ♪
I'm a victim just like you.
Except I wasn't able to carry a third baby to term.
My youngest, Elijah,
he was a cripple, and he destroyed my womb.
[eerie music plays]
Not now, Elijah!
I don't care about you.
And I don't care about your womb.
And I'm pretty certain you're not allowed to say cripple.
[thudding]
What the hell?
Hell is right.
There's so much darkness in this house,
and it will only get worse,
but there is one way out.
Does it involve killing my family?
Absolutely not.
Does it involve killing myself?
Yes, that's the one.
Thanks. I'll take the stairs.
Patricia, please. You helped me to move on.
Let me do the same for you.
We'll make it look like an accident.
Your family will hear the thud,
and they'll come looking for you.
Otherwise, they have to wait for the smell.
Smell this, bitch.
I bet my family's looking for me right now.
[Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds" playing]
♪ ♪
[Bob Marley] ♪ Don't worry ♪
♪ About a thing ♪
♪ ♪
♪ 'Cause every little thing ♪
♪ Is gonna be all right ♪
[loud bang]
[dramatic music plays]
Whoa.
♪ ♪
[Pat groaning]
[Jake] Cool.
[Pat grunting]
Ah!
Mom?
Hi.
- I found Roxy's ball. - Huh.
Can you call Daddy?
♪ ♪
[eerie music plays]
[eerie vocalizing]
♪ ♪
Mommy and baby look fine.
- [sighs] That's so great. - Thank God.
[Dr. Skapoli] All right, you can use
these tissues to wipe off your belly.
Feels just like high school.
Were you pregnant in high school?
No, Terry.
- I was not. - Mm.
Now, the big news is baby has dropped.
Oh, no.
You don't even know what that means.
It means baby's coming early.
Oh, no.
That's what the cootie catcher said.
I don't know what a cootie catcher is,
but 20 years of delivering babies tells me that
you're probably gonna deliver within the next two weeks.
You don't happen to know which day, do you?
I only ask 'cause there's
a special election for mayor on Tuesday.
I would have no way of knowing.
I know, but do you know who you're gonna vote for?
- Terry! - What?
It's a close race.
Now, it's important that baby stays inside of Mommy
for as long as possible, so I'm putting you on bed rest.
I'll give you some sedatives to help.
- I can't do that. - Yeah, she's a total addict.
Really, cokey?
No, I quit coke
once I got hooked on testosterone and HGH.
Mm. Okay.
So I am aware of your history.
That's why I'm giving you a non-narcotic, all right?
Now, she will take one of these every six hours.
Do not let her skip a dose.
[heartbeat thumping]
Oh, and no lifting heavy appliances.
♪ ♪
We need to go now.
Okay, but you heard him. Just take it easy.
- Right fucking now. - Movements.
[Dr. Skapoli] Wait.
♪ ♪
[Pat] Ow!
[chuckles] She'll be fine.
Phelps helps.
[Pat] I'm not tired.
Well, you heard Dr. Skapoli.
You need bed rest.
Here's a bed. Here's you.
Rest.
I don't trust Dr. Skapoli.
Did you see his cufflinks?
They are the exact symbol of this necklace
that Ruth's grandmother brought over in her 'einie.
Well, maybe that's a common symbol,
or maybe Ruth's grandmother
brought over other jewelry in her 'einie.
[Pat scoffs]
Well, what do you want me to say?
They're monsters, Terry.
I want to get a new doctor,
and I want to move from this hellhole.
You're not getting it.
Well, I'm not upending our entire lives
because you think our neighbor is in a coven.
She's not in a coven.
She's the head of the coven.
Robyn is in the coven.
Oh, now I get it.
Uh-uh, don't patronize me.
You know what? I'll prove it.
Okay, okay, okay. I believe you.
Shh.
It's okay.
I do.
It's just... I want you to be safe.
This election's in a couple of days.
I'll talk to Robyn and--
- [Pat] What? - No. Not Robyn.
A non-witch real estate agent
and look into selling our house.
- Promise? - I promise.
Now...
take your medicine, all right?
- Pat. - I don't want to.
[Terry] I'm not leaving till you take it.
Patty.
- Patty, Patty, Patty. - [sighs]
Ah.
Good girl. Now...
...get some rest.
Hey.
You promise you'll keep Ruth away from me?
They're monsters.
Shh.
[soft music plays]
♪ ♪
Fuck that.
Oh...
Oh, shit.
Sorry, Roxy.
[glass shattering]
[suspenseful music plays]
Ruth?
♪ ♪
Aw.
Freak.
Lady tea, my balls.
Oh.
Rosemary.
Oh, it's actually rosemary.
What's she doing with a breast pump?
[eerie music plays]
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
No!
Ahh!
What are you doing in my house?
What are you doing with a freezer full of breast milk?
It's au naturel.
It's not just for babies.
It has a lot of uses, Pat.
Was that in the chocolate mouse?
Huh?
Was that in the chocolate mouse?
You need to settle down,
otherwise you're gonna hurt the precious baby.
- Don't touch me. - [Ruth] Okay.
Let me make you some tea.
You like it with milk?
Wait till Terry finds out what you're up to.
Well, Ruth, I finally got her down.
It wasn't easy.
[door closes]
Oh, my God.
Terry?
Pat, what the hell are you doing?
You're supposed to be asleep.
[sighs]
Oh, God.
You're in on it?
What did she give you?
[Ruth] Only Very Terry cookies!
And they're dairy free.
That's it, honey.
Oh, and an endorsement
from the Shining Vale Ladies Auxiliary Club.
Oh, my God.
You sold our baby
so you could be mayor of this shitty town.
It's not a shitty town.
It's a shitty town now.
But I didn't sell anybody out.
You need to get back to bed.
- No, no. You stay. - [Terry] Come on.
[Pat] Stay away from me.
Put down the spatula.
No, I mean it.
[Terry] You gonna hit me again?
Stop it.
Patty...
- [Pat] Stop it. - Give me the spatula.
Stop swinging the spatula, Patty.
I mean it.
Come on.
Give me the-- give me the spatula.
- No. - Oh, damn it.
That's my gesturing thumb
when I'm on the campaign trail.
Listen, Pat, you're paranoid, okay?
But it's not your fault, honey.
No, it's the 'ormones.
- Yeah. - I'm not paranoid.
Everyone is out to get me!
- Oh. - Honey...
Hey, both of you stay right there.
Where are you going?
To the only person that I can trust.
Mommy, they're after me.
Now, slow down. Slow down. Who's after you?
The man who did this to your hair?
No, my neighbor is in a coven
with my realtor and my gynecologist.
Terry sold my baby so he could become mayor.
And I'm pretty sure that I drank
some really old breast milk,
and that's how I became preg--
You hit me.
You've never done that before.
I'm--I'm sorry.
I--I didn't know what else to do.
How did that feel?
Really satisfying.
I bet.
I've wanted to do that so many times.
Especially Gaynor.
I mean, not that I want to hurt her,
but just to feel the...
the sting of her flesh and...
and see that expression of shock.
Oh, I really pictured it.
Honey, don't make the same mistake I did.
Go home and smack your children.
I can't.
It's the only control that I've ever shown.
I hate my kids,
but I love them so much.
And this baby,
I didn't choose this.
I don't even know it,
but I love it so fucking much.
I really don't want anyone to take it away from me.
Pat, please don't cry.
Please, it's not flattering,
and without your long hair,
you know, there's nowhere else to look.
Mommy, I'm really scared.
Pat, do you really believe all these things are happening?
I know they are.
Okay.
I will take care of you.
Why are you crying?
I just want to show you how to do it
and still look pretty.
Oh.
Oh, Mom.
[Kam] "Her chaos follows like an angry shadow,
but I am sunshine, so I am out of here, bitch."
I--I only gave it to you
because you said you would read anything,
so if it sucks, you can tell me.
I can take it.
This is not a college essay.
Okay, well, fuck me. Goodbye.
Can you calm down?
This is the beginning of a great book.
I would like to read more.
Well, there isn't more.
I--I don't need a book.
I need to get into college.
Why?
Because I don't want to be like my mother.
I mean, it's literally the title of my essay.
Girl, I hate to break it to you,
but you're already like your mom.
You are strong and fierce,
and you can tell somebody to fuck off with your eyes
just like you're doing right now.
You're also a great writer.
Are you messing with me?
No. Listen.
I am all for going to college.
Some of my finest memories of incurring debt
and gaining weight are from there.
- [chuckles] - But why wait?
You got a gift.
Okay, if I wanted to be writer, what would I need to do?
Write.
But not this teenage bullshit.
What scares you?
What about sleeping with a hot exorcist
who disappeared and may not have been real to begin with?
Holy shit. You took the note.
Yes, please. I would like 5,000 words.
What? No. I don't want to write that.
That's the stuff my mom writes, and...
embracing her dark shit made her go crazy.
Honey, I have known your mom for a very long time.
That's not what made her go crazy.
If anything, it's what saved her life.
If I wanted to write a book,
what kind of advance would I get?
You really are your mother's daughter.
♪ ♪
I was dreaming about the baby.
[door opens, closes]
What's going on?
[Dr. Skapoli] Now, Pat, let's not make a scene.
I don't want to hear about witches or demons or covens,
or you're gonna have to go to the mental hospital.
And I don't think that anyone wants that.
Honey, this is for the best.
Nobody's trying to hurt you or the baby.
- Thank you for calling, Joan. - [Pat] What?
No.
How could you do this to me?
You're sick.
I was sick when I was pregnant.
They took my baby away from me,
and I never saw your sister again.
I have a sister?
Uh... I was waiting for the right time to tell you.
And you thought this was it?
[Dr. Skapoli] Let's get you home,
where you're safe.
Oh, my God.
Sorry. I love you.
Oh, provisional ballot
in case you're still using our address.
You can take me back home, but you can't keep me there.
Ah, fuck!
Jake, sweetie, listen to me.
You've got to get your mom out of this bed.
Dad gave me one instruction,
and it was to not let you out of this bed.
Your mom is giving you one instruction,
and I love you more than your dad does.
Mm.
[Daisy] Jake...
- What do you want? - [Pat] Oh, my God.
I want you to get me out of this bed!
[Daisy] You have to come to the wall.
Now!
Ah, shit.
Why can't everyone just be chill?
Wait. Where are you going?
Jake! [groans]
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
Phelps for...
- [megaphone screeches] - Phelps for mayor.
Phelps helps...
me get out of bed in the morning.
He's all I've got.
Hey, you look like my ex-girlfriend.
Except you still have your blood inside your body.
Where are you going? I won't be ignored, ma'am.
Yeah, Phelps helps. "P helps."
[chuckles] Very Terry.
[baby laughing]
[tense music plays]
- Lady! - [loud drilling]
Get out of the street!
[dramatic music plays]
♪ ♪
Get out of the street!
♪ ♪
The bus stops here.
The bus stops here!
[all] The bus stops here!
The bus stops here! The bus stops here!
The bus stops here.
Thank you so much.
- Hey, give me your baby. - What?
Give me your baby.
Give him your fucking baby!
Come on!
[all] The bus stops here! The bus stops here!
It's all right.
[cheers and applause]
[distant screaming]
Huh?
[people screaming, sobbing]
What's happening?
Nellie?
We did it, Pat.
Holy fuck.
What did you do?
We took over the asylum!
I stole a nurse's uniform, I dyed my hair blonde,
and the rest is hysteria!
[Pat] That was you in the picture?
Um, oh, wow. Um...
I don't know if you realize this,
but in 200 years,
this is gonna really fuck me up.
What happened to your baby?
It wasn't right.
It had its father's eyes, but- but wee horns like...
- A goat. - [Nellie] It had wee horns
- and a tail like a... - Goat.
- It had a beard. - [Nora] Goat.
You were fucked by a goat?
It was the evil doctor.
Made a deal with the devil himself
to have his baby,
but it didn't make it,
so you are the chosen one, Pat.
His baby will be born,
and we will raise it.
Who's we?
The Shining Vale Free Women's Association.
[cheers and applause]
This dream couldn't get any worse.
[lively music plays]
It just got worse.
♪ ♪
[all] You're going to have his baby.
You're going to have his baby.
All hail the dark one.
[Pat] Let me the fuck out!
I have to go up there.
No, you have to hide here.
It's the only place that's safe.
No.
I've been hiding my whole life.
In my room, in my VR, my mascot head,
underneath my covers, in my hair.
[chuckles]
I am really high.
[Pat] Help! Somebody!
But I have to save my family.
Stay away from me!
Help!
[dramatic music plays]
If I die, will you be my girlfriend?
[Pat] You're not taking my baby.
It's not your baby, Pat.
It's too late.
It's time to have our baby.
No.
[all] His baby.
[sinister laughter]
[Nora] Goat!
- [Pat] No, no, no! - [Jake] Mom!
- I'm here! - [Pat screaming]
[Gaynor] Ahh!
Gaynor, you saved my life.
Okay, don't be weird about it.
- What happened to your hair? - [Gaynor] I dyed it.
You look just like me.
Yeah, I'm embracing my worst fear.
Guys, you're never gonna believe what...
Pat, what are you doing out of bed?
You heard what the doctor said.
It's not safe for the baby.
The baby is fine.
[Gaynor] Ugh.
Oh, shit.
What am I doing in the bath?
Oh, fuck!
There was no time.
I didn't know what to do. They're on their way.
They told me to keep you in the tub.
Who's they?
- Hello, dear. - No, no.
You stay away from me.
No. Oh, cocks in hell!
Pat, listen to me.
If you want this baby to be born alive,
you need to do exactly as I say.
I'll be right here, honey.
I'm not going anywhere.
[screaming]
Gah!
I'll be right out there, sweetie.
Okay, it...
uh...
it looks like it's crowning,
so you're just gonna have to give me a big push
from your kishkes, okay?
I can't. I can't.
Yes, you can!
You are strong.
Are you guys sure you don't need anything?
- Not now, Terry. - Shut the fuck up, Terry!
[screaming]
[Ruth] Come on.
You can do it.
No. I really can't.
No, you must, all right?
One... two...
[all] You're going to have his baby.
♪ ♪
[screaming]
♪ ♪
[scream echoing]
[eerie vocalizing]
Where's the baby?
- Where's my baby? - [Terry] You're awake.
- How are you feeling? - Where's the baby?
What happened to the baby?
[Terry] She's fine.
She's in the other room.
She?
We had a girl?
Is she a goat?
She's beautiful and healthy,
and she's not a goat.
Ruth's feeding her as we speak.
You keep her away from the baby.
Ruth saved that baby's life, honey.
That bathtub looked like the beach at Normandy.
Without Ruth, you and the baby might not have made it.
[knock on door]
[Ruth] Look who's up.
Ruth, we were just talking about what a hero you are.
You almost bled out.
What are you gonna do?
I'm confused.
Have you always been this old?
Well, not when I was younger.
[baby crying]
There she goes.
I'll be right back with her royal highness.
That's Ruth, our neighbor?
Yeah.
Are you okay?
I guess.
She just looked so different to me before.
[Terry] Well, Dr. Skapoli said you had pregnancy psychosis.
You were completely delusional.
Honey, we were so worried about you.
Everything just seemed so real.
Yeah.
I even thought that you were running for mayor.
[both laughing]
I'm not running for mayor.
I am mayor.
I won.
Yeah, we're the first family of Shining Vale.
We're like the Kennedys.
[Jake] I want to hold her.
I want to hold her so hard.
Back off, Lennie, you're gonna crush her.
No, I won't. I'm her big brother.
Plus, she wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for me.
I'm the one who saved Mom, so...
Button, Jake, we all three played a role.
Even I did.
May I please see my baby?
Hi.
[soft music plays]
- [baby cooing] - Oh, my God.
I love her so much.
She's perfect.
We finally got it right.
We are literally right here.
This family's kind of a shit show,
but we're gonna love you so much.
You have the best big sister.
[Jake] She smiled.
- The baby? - No, Gaynor.
You're such a dick.
Uh, just a word of warning from the previous youngest,
you're gonna get...
She just pooped. Did you hear it?
- Yeah. - Almost zero attention.
- [indistinct murmurs] - [Gaynor chuckles]
Let me change this little pumpkin.
I'm her big brother. I want to change her.
I want to change her so hard.
Easy there, buddy.
Remember what happened to Roxy's sister.
I'm glad you didn't die.
That's sweet.
I'm glad too.
Also, I think I'm not gonna go to college.
I want to try to be a writer.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone.
But I know you'll be great.
[soft music plays]
I'm not becoming you.
[Pat chuckling] Good.
I wouldn't wish that on anyone either.
♪ ♪
[eerie music plays]
♪ ♪
Okay, all good.
Ruth's changing her.
A little water.
Terry, I'm so happy.
I don't even remember ever feeling this way.
[sighs]
How do I know this is real?
Because I feel it too.
And unless you're one of the very few people
who suffers from psychotic post-partum depression,
things are gonna be great from now on.
Mr. Mayor, you have some visitors.
[chuckles]
I have to take this.
Okay.
Are things going to be good?
[mysterious music plays]
What?
♪ ♪
[tense music plays]
[sighs]
Oh, no.
♪ ♪
- [Emily] There she is. - [dog growling]
[dog barking]
She's just as I imagined except as a girl.
[Mrs. Stephen Edwards] Oh, look.
She has her father's eyes.
Oh...
[dog growling]
Congratulations, Mr. Mayor.
[laughs]
- Yes. - All hail Mayor Phelps.
- [all] All hail Mayor Phelps. - Oh, God.
Terry's the devil.
[all] All hail Mayor Phelps.
All hail Mayor Phelps.
♪ ♪
[Gaynor] ♪ We all make our choices ♪
♪ To ignore the voices ♪
♪ When inside our heads ♪
♪ They will swell ♪
♪ But it's time to face it ♪
♪ Even embrace it ♪
♪ We come from a family From hell ♪
♪ ♪
♪ La, la, la, la ♪
♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
♪ La, la, la ♪
♪ ♪
Thank you, Shining Vale!
[person whistling]
[seagulls calling]