1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,679
Ah, happy trash day, Calvin.
2
00:00:04,704 --> 00:00:05,756
Wow.
3
00:00:05,781 --> 00:00:07,759
White people celebrate anything.
4
00:00:10,261 --> 00:00:12,695
So, got any big plans this weekend?
5
00:00:12,763 --> 00:00:15,865
Well, I was planning on going
down to the trash day parade.
6
00:00:17,249 --> 00:00:19,483
But instead I got to take Tina
7
00:00:19,508 --> 00:00:21,442
to this concert on Saturday.
8
00:00:21,493 --> 00:00:22,927
Oh, yeah? Who are you guys seeing?
9
00:00:23,043 --> 00:00:24,710
REO Speedwagon.
10
00:00:24,969 --> 00:00:26,536
Hey, brother!
11
00:00:26,604 --> 00:00:28,446
I ride the Speedwagon, too.
12
00:00:29,718 --> 00:00:32,670
You know, first time I saw them
in concert was the summer of...
13
00:00:32,695 --> 00:00:34,827
Can we just go back to
talking about trash?
14
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Wait a minute, you
mean you're not a fan?
15
00:00:37,439 --> 00:00:39,874
Ah. Oh, no. It's all Tina.
16
00:00:40,110 --> 00:00:42,912
She drags me to see 'em every
time they come to town.
17
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That's what happens when
you bus a black kid
18
00:00:45,571 --> 00:00:47,173
to a white middle school.
19
00:00:47,859 --> 00:00:50,606
Well, do you at least have good seats?
20
00:00:50,657 --> 00:00:52,688
Well, they're in hearing
distance of the stage,
21
00:00:52,713 --> 00:00:54,389
so I'm gonna say no.
22
00:00:55,203 --> 00:00:56,445
Well, I tell you,
23
00:00:56,470 --> 00:00:58,546
they are one of the
best bands to see live.
24
00:00:58,571 --> 00:01:00,617
Better than when I saw Boston in Boston.
25
00:01:00,753 --> 00:01:02,687
Or Chicago in Chicago.
26
00:01:03,234 --> 00:01:06,523
Definitely better than when
I saw Kansas in Montreal.
27
00:01:06,689 --> 00:01:09,453
Oh, oh, hey. You know
what, in that case, uh,
28
00:01:09,478 --> 00:01:10,572
you want to go?
29
00:01:10,621 --> 00:01:12,822
Are you kidding? I'd love to.
30
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Great. Pick Tina up at 7:00.
31
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You two will have a great time.
32
00:01:16,486 --> 00:01:17,870
Wait, hold on.
33
00:01:17,895 --> 00:01:18,984
You're not coming with?
34
00:01:19,033 --> 00:01:20,960
Nope. Look at that.
35
00:01:21,003 --> 00:01:23,250
It did turn out to be a happy trash day.
36
00:01:28,672 --> 00:01:32,234
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
37
00:01:32,742 --> 00:01:35,008
This concert is gonna be epic.
38
00:01:35,033 --> 00:01:36,462
I am so amped!
39
00:01:37,242 --> 00:01:38,264
I know.
40
00:01:38,289 --> 00:01:40,181
You've been singing "I
Can't Fight This Feeling"
41
00:01:40,206 --> 00:01:41,673
since yesterday.
42
00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:43,352
Well, what could I say?
43
00:01:43,384 --> 00:01:44,717
I couldn't fight the feeling.
44
00:01:45,095 --> 00:01:46,148
Okay.
45
00:01:46,475 --> 00:01:47,947
What else can you tell me about Tina?
46
00:01:47,972 --> 00:01:49,319
You said that she loves to garden,
47
00:01:49,344 --> 00:01:51,532
she-she really likes to sing,
48
00:01:51,557 --> 00:01:53,572
and she don't got time for this.
49
00:01:54,774 --> 00:01:56,742
What exactly is "this"?
50
00:01:57,238 --> 00:01:58,252
I don't know, Dave.
51
00:01:58,277 --> 00:02:00,038
She just doesn't have time for it.
52
00:02:02,174 --> 00:02:04,167
Why are you asking all these questions?
53
00:02:04,351 --> 00:02:06,836
Well, because you two are
already such good friends,
54
00:02:06,861 --> 00:02:08,651
and this is the first
time that Tina and I
55
00:02:08,676 --> 00:02:09,670
have hung out one-on-one,
56
00:02:09,695 --> 00:02:12,508
and I just want to
make sure she has fun.
57
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:15,970
That-that she isn't
intimidated by my coolness.
58
00:02:18,756 --> 00:02:20,299
If cool's what you're going for,
59
00:02:20,324 --> 00:02:22,601
you might want to leave
your air guitar at home.
60
00:02:22,626 --> 00:02:25,349
Hmm. Sorry, babe.
61
00:02:25,374 --> 00:02:27,190
I just got it restrung.
62
00:02:29,422 --> 00:02:31,862
Okay, now, let's talk attire.
63
00:02:32,422 --> 00:02:34,364
Guns in?
64
00:02:34,819 --> 00:02:36,657
Guns out?
65
00:02:38,686 --> 00:02:41,098
Dave, I love you, but I
don't got time for this.
66
00:02:44,759 --> 00:02:46,760
Hey, Malcolm, when did
you order that pizza?
67
00:02:46,785 --> 00:02:48,882
Uh, just about 25 minutes ago.
68
00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:49,940
Oh!
69
00:02:49,965 --> 00:02:51,875
So five more minutes and it's free.
70
00:02:53,328 --> 00:02:55,796
Fingers crossed, the driver
gets into an accident.
71
00:02:57,064 --> 00:02:58,639
Oh, Pop, that's terrible.
72
00:02:58,664 --> 00:02:59,898
Oh, just a fender bender.
73
00:02:59,923 --> 00:03:01,591
So the cheese don't slide.
74
00:03:02,837 --> 00:03:04,304
Oh, hey, if you want to do something
75
00:03:04,329 --> 00:03:05,875
instead of watching TV tonight,
76
00:03:05,915 --> 00:03:08,024
we can go outside and check
out that meteor shower.
77
00:03:08,049 --> 00:03:10,151
Ooh, science stuff.
78
00:03:10,176 --> 00:03:11,820
- Yeah.
- Pass.
79
00:03:12,950 --> 00:03:14,279
Hey, I don't know, Pop.
80
00:03:14,304 --> 00:03:16,006
That actually sounds pretty cool.
81
00:03:16,031 --> 00:03:18,164
- Really?
- Nope. Hard pass.
82
00:03:19,301 --> 00:03:20,835
Come on, guys.
83
00:03:20,860 --> 00:03:22,789
It's the Leonids meteor shower.
It's the big one
84
00:03:22,814 --> 00:03:24,711
that only happens every 33 years.
85
00:03:24,852 --> 00:03:26,945
Great. Put me down for the next one.
86
00:03:29,504 --> 00:03:30,836
Oh, that's the pizza.
87
00:03:30,861 --> 00:03:32,070
- I'll get it.
- You know what?
88
00:03:32,095 --> 00:03:33,102
Let me give you some money.
89
00:03:33,127 --> 00:03:34,515
Ah, don't worry about it, Pop.
90
00:03:34,653 --> 00:03:35,676
It's on me.
91
00:03:35,701 --> 00:03:36,901
You're paying?
92
00:03:37,754 --> 00:03:39,122
Forget your meteor.
93
00:03:39,147 --> 00:03:41,258
Now, that happens less
than every 33 years.
94
00:03:42,594 --> 00:03:44,289
Very, very funny,
95
00:03:44,314 --> 00:03:46,399
but I have a job now,
96
00:03:46,424 --> 00:03:49,679
so let me feed the family.
97
00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:51,084
Veggie pizza?
98
00:03:51,203 --> 00:03:53,108
What family you trying to feed?
99
00:03:55,321 --> 00:03:57,484
Well, to quote you for
the last 20 years,
100
00:03:57,509 --> 00:04:00,908
"I pay, I pick, you shut up."
101
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,744
Did you just tell me to shut up?
102
00:04:03,769 --> 00:04:05,110
No, he was quoting you,
103
00:04:05,135 --> 00:04:07,304
so technically you told you to shut up.
104
00:04:07,373 --> 00:04:09,305
- Shut up.
- Got it.
105
00:04:10,531 --> 00:04:12,178
Malcolm, what's gotten into you lately?
106
00:04:12,203 --> 00:04:14,213
Well, I'm paying for myself these days,
107
00:04:14,238 --> 00:04:16,431
which means now I get a say in things.
108
00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:17,883
And right now I say...
109
00:04:17,908 --> 00:04:20,898
"Mmm, mmm! Broccolini."
110
00:04:25,042 --> 00:04:26,602
Smart-ass.
111
00:04:29,285 --> 00:04:30,953
Hey, Gemma, what's up?
112
00:04:30,978 --> 00:04:32,070
I have a problem.
113
00:04:32,095 --> 00:04:34,631
Uh-oh. Is Crackhead
Victor "entertaining"
114
00:04:34,656 --> 00:04:36,057
in your car again?
115
00:04:36,529 --> 00:04:38,841
No.
116
00:04:38,866 --> 00:04:41,501
A bird flew into our house,
and I can't get it out.
117
00:04:41,526 --> 00:04:43,000
Oh. Just offer him
118
00:04:43,025 --> 00:04:45,077
a piece of this damn pizza. He'll leave.
119
00:04:46,355 --> 00:04:47,855
Actually, birds eat vegetables,
120
00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:48,980
so that might work.
121
00:04:49,005 --> 00:04:50,874
- I told you to shut up.
- Yep.
122
00:04:58,187 --> 00:05:00,489
Where does a parrot even come from?
123
00:05:00,552 --> 00:05:03,846
I bet it belongs to that pirate
who lives around the corner.
124
00:05:05,192 --> 00:05:06,592
Are you talking about Eyepatch Willy
125
00:05:06,617 --> 00:05:08,051
or Peg Leg Kenny?
126
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:10,119
The guy with the hook for a hand.
127
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:11,345
Oh.
128
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,105
That's just Steve.
129
00:05:14,869 --> 00:05:16,770
Actually, Grover, what you're looking at
130
00:05:16,795 --> 00:05:19,195
is one of the wild parrots of Pasadena.
131
00:05:19,463 --> 00:05:20,836
Yeah, they came here
132
00:05:20,861 --> 00:05:23,140
from South America when Pablo Escobar
133
00:05:23,184 --> 00:05:26,243
tried to use them to smuggle
drugs into the country.
134
00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:29,383
Seriously?
135
00:05:29,460 --> 00:05:31,812
Yeah. He stopped when he realized
136
00:05:31,837 --> 00:05:34,251
they could testify against him.
137
00:05:36,874 --> 00:05:38,507
That's ridiculous, Pop.
138
00:05:38,578 --> 00:05:41,601
Uh, they escaped from an exotic
bird trader back in the '60s.
139
00:05:42,832 --> 00:05:45,262
Boy, you believe everything you read.
140
00:05:47,995 --> 00:05:49,639
Can we keep it as a pet?
141
00:05:49,845 --> 00:05:52,380
No, sweetie. It's a wild animal.
142
00:05:52,503 --> 00:05:54,814
With possible gang ties.
143
00:05:55,749 --> 00:05:57,517
Look, don't worry.
144
00:05:57,542 --> 00:05:58,562
We'll take care of this.
145
00:05:58,587 --> 00:06:01,405
But, uh, you and Grover
should probably go outside
146
00:06:01,430 --> 00:06:03,655
and look at the meteors with Marty.
147
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:04,929
Calvin, it's my house.
148
00:06:04,954 --> 00:06:06,359
I should stay and help.
149
00:06:06,384 --> 00:06:07,685
Okay.
150
00:06:07,710 --> 00:06:09,616
I'm gonna need some hedge clippers,
151
00:06:09,753 --> 00:06:13,332
a nail gun and a mop you
don't mind throwing away.
152
00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:18,213
It's a nice night. Let's go outside.
153
00:06:21,585 --> 00:06:22,952
Well, these are pretty good seats.
154
00:06:22,977 --> 00:06:25,296
Yeah. I would have gotten
us tickets on the floor,
155
00:06:25,321 --> 00:06:27,952
but last time Calvin booed so loud,
156
00:06:27,977 --> 00:06:30,184
the drummer threw his sticks at us.
157
00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:35,855
Come on, now. You ain't
got time for that.
158
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,130
I know, right?
159
00:06:38,170 --> 00:06:39,437
Hey, you know what?
160
00:06:39,462 --> 00:06:41,452
Watch out for security. I
snuck a little something
161
00:06:41,477 --> 00:06:43,280
into the concert to get
this party started.
162
00:06:43,305 --> 00:06:46,241
Whoa, Dave. So you bought a
little somethin' somethin'?
163
00:06:46,266 --> 00:06:48,575
Hell, yeah, I got a little
somethin' somethin'.
164
00:06:50,552 --> 00:06:52,538
Ah, that little somethin' somethin'
165
00:06:52,563 --> 00:06:54,063
is a beach ball.
166
00:06:54,327 --> 00:06:55,583
Oh, uh, excuse me.
167
00:06:55,608 --> 00:06:57,155
- Is this your wife's jacket?
- Whoa!
168
00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:59,248
Whoa. We're not married.
169
00:06:59,273 --> 00:07:01,421
No. We're just friends.
170
00:07:02,007 --> 00:07:03,536
Us? Married?
171
00:07:03,561 --> 00:07:05,629
Uh, no, no. Uh, no, no, no, no.
172
00:07:07,836 --> 00:07:09,366
I think he gets it, Tina.
173
00:07:10,094 --> 00:07:11,992
I mean, can you believe that?
174
00:07:12,017 --> 00:07:13,475
Thinking that we're a couple?
175
00:07:14,931 --> 00:07:16,312
Why is...?
176
00:07:16,458 --> 00:07:17,992
Oh, is it because I'm white?
177
00:07:18,017 --> 00:07:19,607
Oh, no. Been there, done that.
178
00:07:21,462 --> 00:07:23,256
Well, then, is it because
of the age difference?
179
00:07:23,281 --> 00:07:25,321
Hey, hey, hey. Don't go there, Dave.
180
00:07:26,192 --> 00:07:28,532
Well, then, what is it?
181
00:07:28,809 --> 00:07:31,678
Well, no offense, Dave, but you and I,
182
00:07:31,703 --> 00:07:34,015
we're two different types
of people, you know?
183
00:07:34,057 --> 00:07:35,558
I mean, I'm a lot.
184
00:07:36,886 --> 00:07:40,002
Well, I'm quite a bit, myself.
185
00:07:41,603 --> 00:07:43,136
Sure. Sure.
186
00:07:43,161 --> 00:07:44,562
You are.
187
00:07:45,311 --> 00:07:46,812
Oh, I get it.
188
00:07:47,262 --> 00:07:49,219
You don't think that I'm as cool as you.
189
00:07:50,124 --> 00:07:52,556
Uh, Dave, it's not your fault.
190
00:07:52,581 --> 00:07:54,474
Nobody is.
191
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,812
Okay. You know what?
192
00:07:57,837 --> 00:07:58,850
Let's go.
193
00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,468
Whoa, whoa, wait. Where are we going?
194
00:08:00,493 --> 00:08:02,399
We're gonna sneak down to
the floor like you wanted.
195
00:08:02,435 --> 00:08:04,770
Oh, come on, Dave. You
know that's not you.
196
00:08:04,795 --> 00:08:06,496
How do you think that
I got to see Phantom
197
00:08:06,521 --> 00:08:09,199
from the ninth row at the
Kalamazoo Playhouse?
198
00:08:10,685 --> 00:08:12,753
Okay. Lead the way.
199
00:08:12,778 --> 00:08:14,786
Great. But stay close.
200
00:08:15,106 --> 00:08:18,483
Much like the Phantom,
I move in the shadows.
201
00:08:22,087 --> 00:08:24,819
Okay, Grover. You see
those streaks of light?
202
00:08:24,925 --> 00:08:27,398
Those are thousands of
space rocks being burnt up
203
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:28,968
as they enter Earth's atmosphere.
204
00:08:29,048 --> 00:08:31,349
Wow, that's...
205
00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:35,182
Wait, are you trying to teach
me something on a Saturday?
206
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:37,083
You'll thank me at homecoming
207
00:08:37,108 --> 00:08:39,603
when they let you set
up the audio equipment.
208
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,830
This reminds me of one of
those silly action movies
209
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,148
where an asteroid's gonna
crash into the planet
210
00:08:45,173 --> 00:08:46,569
and destroy all life on Earth.
211
00:08:47,921 --> 00:08:49,121
Yeah.
212
00:08:49,330 --> 00:08:50,948
But that's really gonna happen.
213
00:08:52,303 --> 00:08:53,409
What?
214
00:08:53,434 --> 00:08:55,599
Well, yeah, it-it's simple math, Gemma.
215
00:08:55,624 --> 00:08:57,561
Given the sheer number
of asteroids out there,
216
00:08:57,586 --> 00:08:59,415
one of them is eventually
gonna make impact,
217
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,043
and when that happens, it's all over.
218
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,879
You mean we're all gonna die?
219
00:09:05,904 --> 00:09:07,492
Well, no, sweetie.
220
00:09:07,517 --> 00:09:09,077
Of course not. Right, Marty?
221
00:09:09,102 --> 00:09:11,803
She's right. It'll only kill
people near the impact zone.
222
00:09:11,828 --> 00:09:13,362
The rest of us will cling to life
223
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,335
in a nightmarish hellscape.
224
00:09:16,905 --> 00:09:18,974
Grover, why don't you go into
the Butlers' and watch TV.
225
00:09:18,999 --> 00:09:20,007
But I want to hear...
226
00:09:20,032 --> 00:09:22,647
Stop learning science
and go watch cartoons.
227
00:09:26,481 --> 00:09:28,349
So...
228
00:09:28,374 --> 00:09:30,342
You want to take a peek-a-roonie?
229
00:09:33,231 --> 00:09:34,867
Didn't find the hedge clippers,
230
00:09:35,178 --> 00:09:37,870
but I did find this
weird-ass butterfly net.
231
00:09:39,305 --> 00:09:40,478
Yeah, Pop,
232
00:09:40,503 --> 00:09:41,915
that's a lacrosse stick.
233
00:09:42,166 --> 00:09:43,400
Lacrosse?
234
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:45,083
That's a tough sport.
235
00:09:45,387 --> 00:09:47,116
I didn't know Dave had it in him.
236
00:09:47,183 --> 00:09:50,216
Oh. Says "Gemma" on it.
237
00:09:51,387 --> 00:09:52,989
Wait, so,
238
00:09:53,014 --> 00:09:55,513
your plan is to catch the
bird in that tiny net?
239
00:09:56,225 --> 00:09:58,144
And scare the poor little guy?
240
00:09:58,570 --> 00:09:59,897
No.
241
00:09:59,922 --> 00:10:01,388
I'm gonna smash it.
242
00:10:01,413 --> 00:10:03,559
Oh, no, Pop. Wait.
243
00:10:04,328 --> 00:10:07,173
How about instead of solving
the problem like a caveman,
244
00:10:07,198 --> 00:10:08,398
we use our brains.
245
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,944
Oh, so now I don't use my brain?
246
00:10:10,969 --> 00:10:13,153
Well, you are the one
who accused this parrot
247
00:10:13,178 --> 00:10:14,614
of being a drug mule.
248
00:10:15,542 --> 00:10:18,410
And can you prove that he's not?
249
00:10:19,934 --> 00:10:21,649
Why don't you just sit down
250
00:10:21,674 --> 00:10:23,075
and let me handle this.
251
00:10:23,401 --> 00:10:25,169
Oh, okay.
252
00:10:25,338 --> 00:10:27,206
Caveman watch.
253
00:10:29,768 --> 00:10:31,002
All right, come on, bird.
254
00:10:31,027 --> 00:10:32,466
Come on.
255
00:10:32,491 --> 00:10:33,919
Get on outta here!
256
00:10:33,944 --> 00:10:35,385
Oh.
257
00:10:37,830 --> 00:10:39,220
Well, you got a job now.
258
00:10:39,245 --> 00:10:41,475
Maybe you should just pay him to leave.
259
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,343
Come on, let's go, parrot.
260
00:10:45,388 --> 00:10:47,255
Come on. Ca-caw!
261
00:10:48,068 --> 00:10:49,754
Ca-caw!
262
00:10:49,779 --> 00:10:52,278
Give it up, son, you're
making a fool of yourself.
263
00:10:52,628 --> 00:10:54,781
Come on, parrot.
264
00:10:56,967 --> 00:10:59,349
Yeah!
265
00:10:59,374 --> 00:11:01,442
Look at that. Who's the fool now?
266
00:11:05,605 --> 00:11:07,212
Still you.
267
00:11:14,598 --> 00:11:16,166
Pop, you've been causechasing this bird
268
00:11:16,191 --> 00:11:18,159
around the living room for half an hour.
269
00:11:18,629 --> 00:11:20,890
It's called "stalking your prey."
270
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,376
It's something meat lovers understand.
271
00:11:26,358 --> 00:11:28,659
Yeah, now I'm starting to see your plan.
272
00:11:28,853 --> 00:11:31,234
You're waiting for it to die of old age.
273
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:40,167
Damn it!
274
00:11:40,192 --> 00:11:42,244
Who puts a lamp on an end table?
275
00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:46,492
Yeah, well, I guess the
bird heard your plan.
276
00:11:47,046 --> 00:11:49,752
Or somebody told it to him.
277
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,578
Oh, just admit it, Pop.
278
00:11:52,603 --> 00:11:54,297
Your idea was even dumber than mine.
279
00:11:54,379 --> 00:11:56,559
- Says who?
- Says the lamp.
280
00:11:57,970 --> 00:11:59,716
You see a broken lamp,
281
00:11:59,741 --> 00:12:02,598
I see one less place
for the bird to land.
282
00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:05,988
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
283
00:12:06,013 --> 00:12:07,315
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
284
00:12:07,340 --> 00:12:08,771
Told you I'd get us down here.
285
00:12:09,041 --> 00:12:10,958
I cannot believe that security guard
286
00:12:10,983 --> 00:12:13,614
really believed that you were
Tom Cruise's stunt double.
287
00:12:13,639 --> 00:12:16,239
I just told him I got this
scar jumping out of a plane
288
00:12:16,264 --> 00:12:18,613
in Mission: Impossible 5.
289
00:12:19,393 --> 00:12:20,860
Well, how did you really get it?
290
00:12:20,885 --> 00:12:22,075
Surgery.
291
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:23,520
I got the hiccups in seventh grade
292
00:12:23,545 --> 00:12:25,036
and I swallowed my retainer.
293
00:12:26,332 --> 00:12:28,300
You know, I didn't think
you could pull it off,
294
00:12:28,325 --> 00:12:30,535
but you really did it;
you got us down here.
295
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:31,856
That was pretty gangsta.
296
00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:33,466
If you thought that was gangsta,
297
00:12:33,576 --> 00:12:35,710
wait till I blow this bad boy up.
298
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,362
It's a jumbo, it might take a minute.
299
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:49,151
I can't believe you told
Grover the world's gonna end.
300
00:12:49,438 --> 00:12:52,357
You know, this is why
people hate scientists.
301
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:54,934
That's kind of an alarming thing to hear
302
00:12:54,959 --> 00:12:56,610
coming from a school principal.
303
00:12:58,023 --> 00:13:01,459
You can't say those kinds
of things in front of kids.
304
00:13:01,629 --> 00:13:04,664
I don't want Grover freaking out
about the end of the world.
305
00:13:04,689 --> 00:13:06,590
Well, I'm sorry, Gemma,
but I'm a scientist;
306
00:13:06,615 --> 00:13:07,769
I work with the facts.
307
00:13:07,794 --> 00:13:10,917
And I'm a parent, Marty; I lie.
308
00:13:11,641 --> 00:13:13,008
Okay. So what are you saying?
309
00:13:13,033 --> 00:13:14,395
We should just sugarcoat the truth
310
00:13:14,420 --> 00:13:16,957
and stuff him full of
ignorance and falsehoods?
311
00:13:17,152 --> 00:13:18,632
Yes.
312
00:13:20,079 --> 00:13:22,200
He's seven years old.
313
00:13:22,225 --> 00:13:24,627
He doesn't need to know the
world's a scary place.
314
00:13:24,652 --> 00:13:26,773
All he should be thinking
about are comic books,
315
00:13:26,798 --> 00:13:29,059
playing with his toys
and collecting Pokémon.
316
00:13:29,289 --> 00:13:31,645
You know, I thought about
all three of those today.
317
00:13:33,894 --> 00:13:35,809
Look, I know it can't last forever,
318
00:13:35,834 --> 00:13:38,652
but he only gets to be
innocent for a little while.
319
00:13:39,217 --> 00:13:40,740
Okay, I get it.
320
00:13:40,786 --> 00:13:43,090
And if it makes you feel better,
the whole asteroid thing
321
00:13:43,115 --> 00:13:45,825
probably won't happen for
another 10,000 years.
322
00:13:45,916 --> 00:13:47,450
Well, that's a relief.
323
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,786
Or Wednesday.
324
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:05,218
That bird is taunting us, I know it.
325
00:14:05,931 --> 00:14:08,299
Yeah. He's feeling
himself more than you.
326
00:14:08,817 --> 00:14:10,574
Maybe he got a job
327
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:13,442
and bought his family
some sunflower seeds.
328
00:14:16,033 --> 00:14:18,775
I don't know why I thought
things would be any different.
329
00:14:18,955 --> 00:14:20,505
What are you talking about?
330
00:14:20,564 --> 00:14:22,989
You've been riding me for
years about getting a job.
331
00:14:23,014 --> 00:14:24,349
Now I finally got one
332
00:14:24,374 --> 00:14:26,934
and I still can't get
the respect I deserve.
333
00:14:27,046 --> 00:14:30,329
Look, you're a grown-ass
man who finally got a job.
334
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:34,500
But unless that job is making
trophies, don't expect one.
335
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:36,958
I don't want a trophy, Pop,
336
00:14:36,983 --> 00:14:39,087
I just want to be treated like an equal.
337
00:14:39,112 --> 00:14:40,479
Equal?
338
00:14:40,535 --> 00:14:42,757
To who?
339
00:14:45,238 --> 00:14:46,567
Equal to you.
340
00:14:46,656 --> 00:14:48,390
Okay. Look.
341
00:14:48,415 --> 00:14:50,765
Now, I'm glad that you're
getting a paycheck,
342
00:14:50,791 --> 00:14:53,436
but the truth is, son,
we'll never be equals.
343
00:14:53,902 --> 00:14:56,544
So, what, you're always
gonna be better than me?
344
00:14:56,592 --> 00:14:59,733
No, son, I'm not better than you,
345
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:01,736
but I am your father,
346
00:15:01,904 --> 00:15:04,739
which means I'm further
down the road than you.
347
00:15:06,145 --> 00:15:08,937
And it's my responsibility
to guide and teach you,
348
00:15:08,962 --> 00:15:12,030
which means if you say something stupid,
349
00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:13,997
I'm gonna tell you it's stupid.
350
00:15:15,837 --> 00:15:17,645
Now, if you say something smart,
351
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:19,795
I'm gonna take credit for it.
352
00:15:21,339 --> 00:15:22,873
Right. So nobody gets to tell you
353
00:15:22,898 --> 00:15:24,507
when you say something stupid?
354
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:25,865
Are you kidding me?
355
00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:27,427
I got your mother for that.
356
00:15:30,337 --> 00:15:31,938
All right, man, so should we just
357
00:15:31,963 --> 00:15:33,731
go tell Gemma that this bird beat us?
358
00:15:33,756 --> 00:15:34,973
Yeah, I guess so.
359
00:15:36,089 --> 00:15:37,520
Oh.
360
00:15:41,581 --> 00:15:42,815
Don't move, Pop.
361
00:15:42,968 --> 00:15:44,469
W-W-What should I do?
362
00:15:44,545 --> 00:15:46,405
Oh, now you want my advice?
363
00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:50,184
Don't play with me, Malcolm.
Get-get out the way.
364
00:15:50,209 --> 00:15:51,903
Okay.
365
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,704
Okay, little bird.
366
00:15:54,846 --> 00:15:56,707
Don't do nothing crazy.
367
00:15:56,958 --> 00:15:59,708
We both want to get
home to our families.
368
00:16:06,534 --> 00:16:08,176
Ha ha! You did it!
369
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,622
You see that?
370
00:16:09,723 --> 00:16:11,664
- You see how cool I played it?
- Yeah.
371
00:16:11,689 --> 00:16:14,208
Took me back to my street days, man.
372
00:16:14,588 --> 00:16:16,456
Yeah, Pop, you was ice cold.
373
00:16:16,481 --> 00:16:19,187
Well, now that we
handled our business...
374
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,190
Right. Right.
375
00:16:21,834 --> 00:16:24,489
- What do you say we go home?
- Let's go, man.
376
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,118
That's Dave's problem now.
377
00:16:35,851 --> 00:16:37,997
You and your stupid beach ball.
378
00:16:38,383 --> 00:16:40,302
I'm the only black girl at the concert
379
00:16:40,327 --> 00:16:43,379
and you got me doing a perp
walk from the front row.
380
00:16:44,436 --> 00:16:46,131
I don't understand.
381
00:16:46,156 --> 00:16:48,926
The beach ball was a big hit at Phantom.
382
00:16:49,710 --> 00:16:52,179
You try to sneak down again,
and I'm kicking you out.
383
00:16:52,204 --> 00:16:54,669
- Oh, my God.
- Enjoy the concert.
384
00:16:56,826 --> 00:16:59,427
Man, wasn't that guy's first beach ball.
385
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:02,278
- He cut it right on the seam.
- Okay.
386
00:17:02,332 --> 00:17:04,745
Look, Dave, just put down
the beach ball, okay?
387
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:06,602
No, I'm not letting this
guy ruin our night.
388
00:17:06,627 --> 00:17:08,466
I'm getting out my patch kit.
389
00:17:11,810 --> 00:17:13,409
Enough!
390
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,889
He's not ruining the concert.
391
00:17:15,914 --> 00:17:19,434
You are ruining the concert
for trying to be so cool.
392
00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,723
Trying? If I wasn't so
cool, how do you think
393
00:17:21,748 --> 00:17:23,653
I got us down to the floor
in the first place?
394
00:17:23,678 --> 00:17:24,912
You want to know the truth?
395
00:17:24,937 --> 00:17:26,425
I gave him 50 bucks.
396
00:17:26,450 --> 00:17:30,050
Everybody knows that Tom
Cruise does his own stunts!
397
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:36,109
All right, you know what?
I have another plan.
398
00:17:36,134 --> 00:17:37,435
No, no! No, please. Please, Dave,
399
00:17:37,460 --> 00:17:39,142
no more plans, okay?
400
00:17:39,351 --> 00:17:42,450
Let's just sit here, watch the concert,
401
00:17:42,475 --> 00:17:43,742
and go home.
402
00:17:44,016 --> 00:17:45,534
All right. Fine.
403
00:17:48,694 --> 00:17:50,321
Well, don't just sit there.
404
00:17:50,346 --> 00:17:51,721
Well, that's what you told me to do.
405
00:17:51,746 --> 00:17:52,947
Well, you're doing it all weird.
406
00:17:52,972 --> 00:17:54,393
I... You know...
407
00:17:54,418 --> 00:17:56,075
I can't win with you.
408
00:17:56,188 --> 00:17:58,964
All I wanted for us was
to make a connection.
409
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:00,801
You know, obviously, not as deep
410
00:18:00,826 --> 00:18:02,894
as the one that I have
with Calvin, but still...
411
00:18:03,130 --> 00:18:05,158
Dave, what are you talking about?
412
00:18:05,183 --> 00:18:07,618
- We do have a connection.
- We do?
413
00:18:07,643 --> 00:18:09,113
Of course. If we didn't,
414
00:18:09,138 --> 00:18:10,899
I wouldn't have come
here in the first place.
415
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,737
Ain't nobody got no time for that.
416
00:18:15,554 --> 00:18:18,003
Dave, I like you.
417
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,768
You and your corny jokes
and your goofy hobbies.
418
00:18:21,932 --> 00:18:24,467
And I like that no matter
how much Calvin makes fun
419
00:18:24,492 --> 00:18:25,942
of your little short
little running shorts,
420
00:18:25,967 --> 00:18:27,735
you just keep wearing them.
421
00:18:29,489 --> 00:18:31,309
You know, sometimes I
wear even shorter ones
422
00:18:31,334 --> 00:18:32,862
just to mess with him.
423
00:18:34,378 --> 00:18:35,478
You see?
424
00:18:35,503 --> 00:18:37,784
You own who you are, like I do.
425
00:18:38,115 --> 00:18:39,348
You feel me?
426
00:18:40,549 --> 00:18:42,163
Yeah, I feel ya.
427
00:18:43,403 --> 00:18:46,960
So what you're saying is
you got time for this.
428
00:18:48,099 --> 00:18:49,900
All day, boo.
429
00:18:51,074 --> 00:18:52,607
- Ooh.
- All right!
430
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,371
Yeah. Here we go!
431
00:18:54,793 --> 00:18:56,558
You know, Gemma told me not to,
432
00:18:56,583 --> 00:18:58,639
but I snuck something else in.
433
00:18:58,664 --> 00:19:00,732
- What?
- My air guitar.
434
00:19:00,757 --> 00:19:02,958
Oh.
435
00:19:03,177 --> 00:19:06,396
Well, last concert, Calvin broke mine.
436
00:19:06,421 --> 00:19:08,398
But I still got my air drums!
437
00:19:08,423 --> 00:19:09,707
Yeah, ya do.
438
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,765
So is the asteroid gonna kill us
439
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,524
or do I have to do my homework?
440
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:22,957
Uh, no, actually,
441
00:19:22,982 --> 00:19:25,016
I just got a call from NASA,
442
00:19:25,041 --> 00:19:27,800
and they said they
invented a giant laser gun
443
00:19:27,825 --> 00:19:29,629
that's gonna blow it
right out of the sky.
444
00:19:29,654 --> 00:19:31,182
That's great news.
445
00:19:31,207 --> 00:19:32,223
Right, Grover?
446
00:19:32,248 --> 00:19:33,324
Maybe for you.
447
00:19:33,349 --> 00:19:34,582
Now I have to write a paragraph
448
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,927
about the American flag.
449
00:19:39,269 --> 00:19:40,436
Thank you.
450
00:19:40,461 --> 00:19:41,627
It's no problem.
451
00:19:41,652 --> 00:19:42,919
Lying to kids is kind of fun.
452
00:19:44,756 --> 00:19:46,432
Dave's been trying to get that bird
453
00:19:46,457 --> 00:19:48,114
out of y'all's house for a long time.
454
00:19:48,139 --> 00:19:50,356
Well, it's a pretty smart bird, Mama.
455
00:19:52,018 --> 00:19:53,885
And very aggressive.
456
00:19:53,938 --> 00:19:55,644
It broke your lamp.
457
00:19:58,577 --> 00:20:00,311
Oh, look. Dave's door is opening.
458
00:20:00,356 --> 00:20:02,786
Oh. I gotta see this.
459
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:12,611
Good talk, little guy.
460
00:20:14,369 --> 00:20:16,132
Go be free.
461
00:20:18,914 --> 00:20:20,525
See that, Calvin?
462
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,764
Just got to play it cool.
463
00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:25,486
Well, you should've closed
your door, 'cause all
464
00:20:25,511 --> 00:20:27,895
he's gonna do is fly
right back into your...
465
00:20:28,646 --> 00:20:30,580
Help! Help!
466
00:20:34,423 --> 00:20:35,590
Thank you!
467
00:20:36,094 --> 00:20:37,689
And good night.
468
00:20:38,221 --> 00:20:44,767
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -