1 00:00:04,191 --> 00:00:06,441 Ah, happy trash day, Calvin. 2 00:00:06,527 --> 00:00:07,317 Wow. 3 00:00:07,403 --> 00:00:09,613 White people celebrate anything. 4 00:00:12,241 --> 00:00:14,571 So, got any big plans this weekend? 5 00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:17,790 Well, I was planning on going down to the trash day parade. 6 00:00:19,039 --> 00:00:21,339 But instead I got to take Tina 7 00:00:21,417 --> 00:00:23,337 to this concert on Saturday. 8 00:00:23,419 --> 00:00:24,759 Oh, yeah? Who are you guys seeing? 9 00:00:24,837 --> 00:00:26,427 REO Speedwagon. 10 00:00:26,505 --> 00:00:28,175 Hey, brother! 11 00:00:28,257 --> 00:00:30,217 I ride the Speedwagon, too. 12 00:00:31,802 --> 00:00:34,422 You know, first time I saw them in concert was the summer of... 13 00:00:34,513 --> 00:00:36,803 Can we just go back to talking about trash? 14 00:00:36,891 --> 00:00:39,391 Wait a minute, you mean you're not a fan? 15 00:00:39,477 --> 00:00:41,607 Ah. Oh, no. It's all Tina. 16 00:00:41,687 --> 00:00:44,437 She drags me to see 'em every time they come to town. 17 00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:47,153 That's what happens when you bus a black kid 18 00:00:47,234 --> 00:00:49,444 to a white middle school. 19 00:00:49,528 --> 00:00:52,618 (chuckles): Well, do you at least have good seats? 20 00:00:52,698 --> 00:00:54,448 Well, they're in hearing distance of the stage, 21 00:00:54,533 --> 00:00:56,493 so I'm gonna say no. 22 00:00:56,577 --> 00:00:58,327 Well, I tell you, 23 00:00:58,412 --> 00:01:00,372 they are one of the best bands to see live. 24 00:01:00,456 --> 00:01:02,376 Better than when I saw Boston in Boston. 25 00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:04,508 Or Chicago in Chicago. 26 00:01:04,585 --> 00:01:08,465 Definitely better than when I saw Kansas in Montreal. 27 00:01:08,547 --> 00:01:11,137 Oh, oh, hey. You know what, in that case, uh, 28 00:01:11,217 --> 00:01:12,557 you want to go? 29 00:01:12,635 --> 00:01:14,675 Are you kidding? I'd love to. 30 00:01:14,762 --> 00:01:16,382 Great. Pick Tina up at 7:00. 31 00:01:16,472 --> 00:01:17,972 You two will have a great time. 32 00:01:18,057 --> 00:01:19,687 Wait, hold on. (chuckles) 33 00:01:19,767 --> 00:01:20,727 You're not coming with? 34 00:01:20,810 --> 00:01:22,770 Nope. Look at that. 35 00:01:22,853 --> 00:01:25,023 It did turn out to be a happy trash day. 36 00:01:26,273 --> 00:01:28,143 ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ 37 00:01:28,234 --> 00:01:29,564 ♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪ 38 00:01:34,949 --> 00:01:37,709 This concert is gonna be epic. 39 00:01:37,785 --> 00:01:39,705 I am so amped! 40 00:01:39,787 --> 00:01:40,787 I know. 41 00:01:40,871 --> 00:01:42,701 You've been singing "I Can't Fight This Feeling" 42 00:01:42,790 --> 00:01:44,380 since yesterday. 43 00:01:45,417 --> 00:01:46,047 Well, what could I say? 44 00:01:46,126 --> 00:01:47,716 I couldn't fight the feeling. 45 00:01:47,795 --> 00:01:49,215 Okay. 46 00:01:49,296 --> 00:01:50,586 What else can you tell me about Tina? 47 00:01:50,673 --> 00:01:52,213 You said that she loves to garden, 48 00:01:52,299 --> 00:01:53,889 she-she really likes to sing, 49 00:01:53,968 --> 00:01:55,968 and she don't got time for this. 50 00:01:57,346 --> 00:01:59,726 What exactly is "this"? 51 00:01:59,807 --> 00:02:01,267 I don't know, Dave. 52 00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:02,810 She just doesn't have time for it. 53 00:02:04,436 --> 00:02:07,186 Why are you asking all these questions? 54 00:02:07,273 --> 00:02:09,393 Well, because you two are already such good friends, 55 00:02:09,483 --> 00:02:11,353 and this is the first time that Tina and I 56 00:02:11,443 --> 00:02:12,273 have hung out one-on-one, 57 00:02:12,361 --> 00:02:15,191 and I just want to make sure she has fun. 58 00:02:15,281 --> 00:02:18,741 That-that she isn't intimidated by my coolness. 59 00:02:20,828 --> 00:02:23,248 If cool's what you're going for, 60 00:02:23,330 --> 00:02:25,420 you might want to leave your air guitar at home. 61 00:02:25,499 --> 00:02:27,959 Hmm. Sorry, babe. 62 00:02:28,043 --> 00:02:30,373 I just got it restrung. 63 00:02:32,214 --> 00:02:34,924 Okay, now, let's talk attire. 64 00:02:35,009 --> 00:02:37,269 Guns in? 65 00:02:37,344 --> 00:02:39,344 Guns out? 66 00:02:40,931 --> 00:02:43,341 Dave, I love you, but I don't got time for this. 67 00:02:47,354 --> 00:02:49,314 Hey, Malcolm, when did you order that pizza? 68 00:02:49,398 --> 00:02:52,408 Uh, just about 25 minutes ago. 69 00:02:52,484 --> 00:02:54,404 So five more minutes and it's free. 70 00:02:55,988 --> 00:02:58,328 Fingers crossed, the driver gets into an accident. 71 00:03:00,075 --> 00:03:01,285 Oh, Pop, that's terrible. 72 00:03:01,368 --> 00:03:02,748 Oh, just a fender bender. 73 00:03:02,828 --> 00:03:04,418 So the cheese don't slide. 74 00:03:05,706 --> 00:03:07,296 Oh, hey, if you want to do something 75 00:03:07,374 --> 00:03:08,414 instead of watching TV tonight, 76 00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,840 we can go outside and check out that meteor shower. 77 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,090 Ooh, science stuff. 78 00:03:13,172 --> 00:03:14,332 Yeah. 79 00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:17,308 Hey, I don't know, Pop. 80 00:03:17,384 --> 00:03:18,884 That actually sounds pretty cool. 81 00:03:18,969 --> 00:03:20,769 Really? 82 00:03:21,889 --> 00:03:23,309 Come on, guys. 83 00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:25,770 It's the Leonids meteor shower. It's the big one 84 00:03:25,851 --> 00:03:27,351 that only happens every 33 years. 85 00:03:27,436 --> 00:03:29,936 Great. Put me down for the next one. 86 00:03:30,022 --> 00:03:31,522 (chuckles) 87 00:03:31,607 --> 00:03:33,317 Oh, that's the pizza. 88 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,990 I'll get it. 89 00:03:35,069 --> 00:03:35,989 Let me give you some money. 90 00:03:36,070 --> 00:03:37,410 Ah, don't worry about it, Pop. 91 00:03:37,488 --> 00:03:38,328 It's on me. 92 00:03:38,405 --> 00:03:39,655 You're paying? 93 00:03:40,616 --> 00:03:42,116 Forget your meteor. 94 00:03:42,201 --> 00:03:44,361 Now, that happens less than every 33 years. 95 00:03:44,453 --> 00:03:47,123 Very, very funny, 96 00:03:47,206 --> 00:03:49,546 but I have a job now, 97 00:03:49,625 --> 00:03:52,295 so let me feed the family. (chuckles) 98 00:03:52,378 --> 00:03:53,798 Veggie pizza? 99 00:03:53,879 --> 00:03:56,139 What family you trying to feed? 100 00:03:57,424 --> 00:04:00,464 Well, to quote you for the last 20 years, 101 00:04:00,552 --> 00:04:03,172 "I pay, I pick, you shut up." (chuckling) 102 00:04:05,432 --> 00:04:06,552 Did you just tell me to shut up? 103 00:04:06,642 --> 00:04:08,262 No, he was quoting you, 104 00:04:08,352 --> 00:04:10,182 so technically you told you to shut up. 105 00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:12,030 Shut up. 106 00:04:13,107 --> 00:04:15,237 Malcolm, what's gotten into you lately? 107 00:04:15,317 --> 00:04:17,067 Well, I'm paying for myself these days, 108 00:04:17,152 --> 00:04:19,482 which means now I get a say in things. 109 00:04:19,571 --> 00:04:20,691 And right now I say... 110 00:04:20,781 --> 00:04:23,861 (chuckles): "Mmm, mmm! Broccolini." 111 00:04:23,951 --> 00:04:26,071 (doorbell rings) 112 00:04:26,161 --> 00:04:27,531 (chuckles mockingly) 113 00:04:27,621 --> 00:04:29,121 Smart-ass. 114 00:04:31,625 --> 00:04:33,505 Hey, Gemma, what's up? 115 00:04:33,585 --> 00:04:34,875 I have a problem. 116 00:04:34,962 --> 00:04:37,502 Uh-oh. Is Crackhead Victor "entertaining" 117 00:04:37,589 --> 00:04:38,849 in your car again? 118 00:04:38,924 --> 00:04:41,464 (sighs) No. 119 00:04:41,552 --> 00:04:44,342 A bird flew into our house, and I can't get it out. 120 00:04:44,430 --> 00:04:45,730 Oh. Just offer him 121 00:04:45,806 --> 00:04:46,846 a piece of this damn pizza. 122 00:04:46,932 --> 00:04:48,182 He'll leave. 123 00:04:49,268 --> 00:04:50,608 Actually, birds eat vegetables, 124 00:04:50,686 --> 00:04:51,856 so that might work. 125 00:04:51,937 --> 00:04:52,897 I told you to shut up. 126 00:04:52,980 --> 00:04:55,070 Yep. 127 00:04:55,149 --> 00:04:57,159 (squawks) 128 00:05:01,321 --> 00:05:03,571 Where does a parrot even come from? 129 00:05:03,657 --> 00:05:06,577 I bet it belongs to that pirate who lives around the corner. 130 00:05:08,495 --> 00:05:09,745 Are you talking about Eyepatch Willy 131 00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:11,380 or Peg Leg Kenny? 132 00:05:11,457 --> 00:05:13,127 The guy with the hook for a hand. 133 00:05:13,208 --> 00:05:14,458 Oh. 134 00:05:14,543 --> 00:05:15,413 That's just Steve. 135 00:05:17,671 --> 00:05:19,541 Actually, Grover, what you're looking at 136 00:05:19,631 --> 00:05:21,671 is one of the wild parrots of Pasadena. 137 00:05:22,843 --> 00:05:23,923 Yeah, they came here 138 00:05:24,011 --> 00:05:25,761 from South America when Pablo Escobar 139 00:05:25,846 --> 00:05:29,516 tried to use them to smuggle drugs into the country. 140 00:05:31,018 --> 00:05:32,438 Seriously? 141 00:05:32,519 --> 00:05:34,569 Yeah. He stopped when he realized 142 00:05:34,646 --> 00:05:37,316 they could testify against him. 143 00:05:39,651 --> 00:05:41,561 That's ridiculous, Pop. 144 00:05:41,653 --> 00:05:44,613 Uh, they escaped from an exotic bird trader back in the '60s. 145 00:05:44,698 --> 00:05:45,448 (Calvin scoffs) 146 00:05:45,532 --> 00:05:48,072 Boy, you believe everything you read. 147 00:05:50,704 --> 00:05:52,624 Can we keep it as a pet? 148 00:05:52,706 --> 00:05:55,126 No, sweetie. It's a wild animal. 149 00:05:55,209 --> 00:05:58,299 With possible gang ties. 150 00:05:58,378 --> 00:06:00,298 Look, don't worry. 151 00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:01,390 We'll take care of this. 152 00:06:01,465 --> 00:06:04,715 But, uh, you and Grover should probably go outside 153 00:06:04,802 --> 00:06:06,592 and look at the meteors with Marty. 154 00:06:06,678 --> 00:06:08,138 Calvin, it's my house. 155 00:06:08,222 --> 00:06:09,472 I should stay and help. 156 00:06:09,556 --> 00:06:10,686 Okay. 157 00:06:10,766 --> 00:06:12,476 I'm gonna need some hedge clippers, 158 00:06:12,559 --> 00:06:16,029 a nail gun and a mop you don't mind throwing away. 159 00:06:17,689 --> 00:06:18,989 (squawks) 160 00:06:19,066 --> 00:06:20,736 It's a nice night. Let's go outside. 161 00:06:24,571 --> 00:06:25,531 Well, these are pretty good seats. 162 00:06:25,614 --> 00:06:28,194 Yeah. I would have gotten us tickets on the floor, 163 00:06:28,283 --> 00:06:31,113 but last time Calvin booed so loud, 164 00:06:31,203 --> 00:06:33,623 the drummer threw his sticks at us. 165 00:06:34,623 --> 00:06:36,543 (grunts) 166 00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:38,835 Come on, now. You ain't got time for that. 167 00:06:39,795 --> 00:06:41,125 I know, right? 168 00:06:41,213 --> 00:06:42,503 Hey, you know what? 169 00:06:42,589 --> 00:06:44,349 Watch out for security. I snuck a little something 170 00:06:44,424 --> 00:06:46,344 into the concert to get this party started. 171 00:06:46,426 --> 00:06:49,226 Whoa, Dave. So you bought a little somethin' somethin'? 172 00:06:49,304 --> 00:06:51,344 Hell, yeah, I got a little somethin' somethin'. 173 00:06:53,725 --> 00:06:55,225 Ah, that little somethin' somethin' 174 00:06:55,310 --> 00:06:56,730 is a beach ball. 175 00:06:57,729 --> 00:06:58,779 Oh, uh, excuse me. 176 00:06:58,856 --> 00:07:00,186 Is this your wife's jacket? 177 00:07:00,274 --> 00:07:02,354 Whoa. (laughs) We're not married. 178 00:07:02,442 --> 00:07:04,232 (chuckles): No. We're just friends. 179 00:07:05,237 --> 00:07:06,487 Us? Married? 180 00:07:06,572 --> 00:07:08,652 Uh, no, no. Uh, no, no, no, no. 181 00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:11,040 (laughs) 182 00:07:11,118 --> 00:07:12,668 I think he gets it, Tina. 183 00:07:12,744 --> 00:07:15,034 I mean, can you believe that? 184 00:07:15,122 --> 00:07:16,532 Thinking that we're a couple? 185 00:07:16,623 --> 00:07:17,703 (laughs) 186 00:07:17,791 --> 00:07:19,411 (chuckles): Why is...? 187 00:07:19,501 --> 00:07:20,961 Oh, is it because I'm white? 188 00:07:21,044 --> 00:07:22,504 Oh, no. Been there, done that. 189 00:07:22,588 --> 00:07:24,338 (sighs) 190 00:07:24,423 --> 00:07:26,043 Well, then, is it because of the age difference? 191 00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:28,713 Hey, hey, hey. Don't go there, Dave. 192 00:07:28,802 --> 00:07:31,512 (chuckles) Well, then, what is it? 193 00:07:31,597 --> 00:07:34,727 Well, no offense, Dave, but you and I, 194 00:07:34,808 --> 00:07:37,058 we're two different types of people, you know? 195 00:07:37,144 --> 00:07:38,814 I mean, I'm a lot. 196 00:07:39,605 --> 00:07:43,645 Well, I'm quite a bit, myself. 197 00:07:44,651 --> 00:07:46,061 Sure. Sure. 198 00:07:46,153 --> 00:07:47,693 You are. 199 00:07:47,779 --> 00:07:49,659 Oh, I get it. 200 00:07:50,657 --> 00:07:52,287 You don't think that I'm as cool as you. 201 00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:55,577 Uh, Dave, it's not your fault. 202 00:07:55,662 --> 00:07:57,872 Nobody is. 203 00:07:58,957 --> 00:08:00,547 Okay. You know what? 204 00:08:00,626 --> 00:08:01,756 Let's go. 205 00:08:01,835 --> 00:08:03,545 Whoa, whoa, wait. Where are we going? 206 00:08:03,629 --> 00:08:05,429 We're gonna sneak down to the floor like you wanted. 207 00:08:05,505 --> 00:08:07,635 Oh, come on, Dave. You know that's not you. 208 00:08:07,716 --> 00:08:09,596 How do you think that I got to see Phantom 209 00:08:09,676 --> 00:08:11,846 from the ninth row at the Kalamazoo Playhouse? 210 00:08:13,847 --> 00:08:15,937 Okay. Lead the way. 211 00:08:16,016 --> 00:08:17,976 Great. But stay close. 212 00:08:18,060 --> 00:08:21,110 Much like the Phantom, I move in the shadows. 213 00:08:24,858 --> 00:08:27,658 Okay, Grover. You see those streaks of light? 214 00:08:27,736 --> 00:08:30,616 Those are thousands of space rocks being burnt up 215 00:08:30,697 --> 00:08:32,247 as they enter Earth's atmosphere. 216 00:08:32,324 --> 00:08:34,704 Wow, that's... 217 00:08:34,785 --> 00:08:37,995 Wait, are you trying to teach me something on a Saturday? 218 00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:40,459 You'll thank me at homecoming 219 00:08:40,540 --> 00:08:42,300 when they let you set up the audio equipment. 220 00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:46,090 This reminds me of one of those silly action movies 221 00:08:46,171 --> 00:08:48,081 where an asteroid's gonna crash into the planet 222 00:08:48,173 --> 00:08:50,093 and destroy all life on Earth. 223 00:08:50,175 --> 00:08:51,215 (Marty and Gemma chuckle) 224 00:08:51,301 --> 00:08:52,511 Yeah. 225 00:08:52,594 --> 00:08:53,714 But that's really gonna happen. 226 00:08:54,721 --> 00:08:56,631 What? 227 00:08:56,723 --> 00:08:58,643 Well, yeah, it-it's simple math, Gemma. 228 00:08:58,725 --> 00:09:00,685 Given the sheer number of asteroids out there, 229 00:09:00,769 --> 00:09:02,529 one of them is eventually gonna make impact, 230 00:09:02,604 --> 00:09:04,854 and when that happens, it's all over. 231 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:08,660 You mean we're all gonna die? 232 00:09:08,735 --> 00:09:10,615 Well, no, sweetie. 233 00:09:10,696 --> 00:09:12,446 Of course not. Right, Marty? 234 00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:14,991 She's right. It'll only kill people near the impact zone. 235 00:09:15,075 --> 00:09:16,785 The rest of us will cling to life 236 00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:18,248 in a nightmarish hellscape. 237 00:09:20,247 --> 00:09:22,627 Grover, why don't you go into the Butlers' and watch TV. 238 00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:25,338 But I want to hear... 239 00:09:29,298 --> 00:09:31,178 So... (chuckles) 240 00:09:31,258 --> 00:09:33,218 You want to take a peek-a-roonie? 241 00:09:35,637 --> 00:09:38,017 Didn't find the hedge clippers, 242 00:09:38,098 --> 00:09:41,108 but I did find this weird-ass butterfly net. 243 00:09:42,311 --> 00:09:43,851 Yeah, Pop, 244 00:09:43,937 --> 00:09:45,397 that's a lacrosse stick. 245 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,820 Lacrosse? 246 00:09:46,898 --> 00:09:48,198 That's a tough sport. 247 00:09:48,275 --> 00:09:50,195 I didn't know Dave had it in him. 248 00:09:50,277 --> 00:09:53,487 Oh. Says "Gemma" on it. 249 00:09:54,489 --> 00:09:56,409 Wait, so, 250 00:09:56,491 --> 00:09:58,821 your plan is to catch the bird in that tiny net? 251 00:09:58,910 --> 00:10:01,170 And scare the poor little guy? 252 00:10:01,246 --> 00:10:03,206 No. 253 00:10:03,290 --> 00:10:04,840 I'm gonna smash it. 254 00:10:04,916 --> 00:10:06,876 Oh, no, Pop. Wait. 255 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,380 How about instead of solving the problem like a caveman, 256 00:10:10,464 --> 00:10:11,714 we use our brains. 257 00:10:11,798 --> 00:10:14,218 Oh, so now I don't use my brain? 258 00:10:14,301 --> 00:10:16,171 Well, you are the one who accused this parrot 259 00:10:16,261 --> 00:10:17,381 of being a drug mule. 260 00:10:18,805 --> 00:10:21,725 And can you prove that he's not? 261 00:10:22,768 --> 00:10:24,898 Why don't you just sit down 262 00:10:24,978 --> 00:10:26,228 and let me handle this. 263 00:10:26,313 --> 00:10:28,023 Oh, okay. 264 00:10:28,106 --> 00:10:29,946 Caveman watch. 265 00:10:31,485 --> 00:10:32,865 (bird chirping) 266 00:10:32,944 --> 00:10:34,234 All right, come on, bird. 267 00:10:34,321 --> 00:10:35,521 Come on. 268 00:10:35,614 --> 00:10:37,234 Get on outta here! 269 00:10:37,324 --> 00:10:39,864 Oh. 270 00:10:39,951 --> 00:10:41,201 (chirping continues) 271 00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:42,706 Well, you got a job now. 272 00:10:42,788 --> 00:10:44,708 Maybe you should just pay him to leave. 273 00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:48,587 Come on, let's go, parrot. 274 00:10:48,668 --> 00:10:50,548 Come on. Ca-caw! 275 00:10:50,629 --> 00:10:52,719 Ca-caw! 276 00:10:52,798 --> 00:10:55,928 Give it up, son, you're making a fool of yourself. 277 00:10:56,009 --> 00:10:57,809 Come on, parrot. (cooing) 278 00:10:57,886 --> 00:11:00,096 (chirping) 279 00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:02,730 (laughs) Yeah! 280 00:11:02,808 --> 00:11:04,768 Look at that. Who's the fool now? 281 00:11:04,851 --> 00:11:06,851 (bird chirping) 282 00:11:07,979 --> 00:11:10,109 Still you. 283 00:11:19,366 --> 00:11:20,196 Pop, you've been chasing this bird 284 00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:22,453 around the living room for half an hour. 285 00:11:22,536 --> 00:11:24,826 It's called "stalking your prey." 286 00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:28,416 It's something meat lovers understand. 287 00:11:30,419 --> 00:11:32,799 Yeah, now I'm starting to see your plan. 288 00:11:32,879 --> 00:11:35,049 You're waiting for it to die of old age. 289 00:11:36,508 --> 00:11:38,098 (shouting) 290 00:11:43,056 --> 00:11:44,146 Damn it! 291 00:11:44,224 --> 00:11:46,724 Who puts a lamp on an end table? 292 00:11:48,353 --> 00:11:50,603 Yeah, well, I guess the bird heard your plan. 293 00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:53,949 Or somebody told it to him. 294 00:11:55,026 --> 00:11:56,776 Oh, just admit it, Pop. 295 00:11:56,862 --> 00:11:58,402 Your idea was even dumber than mine. 296 00:11:58,488 --> 00:12:00,288 Says who? 297 00:12:01,950 --> 00:12:03,830 You see a broken lamp, 298 00:12:03,910 --> 00:12:06,630 I see one less place for the bird to land. 299 00:12:08,373 --> 00:12:09,793 Excuse me. I'm sorry. 300 00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:11,335 Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. 301 00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:13,168 Told you I'd get us down here. 302 00:12:13,253 --> 00:12:14,873 I cannot believe that security guard 303 00:12:14,963 --> 00:12:18,003 really believed that you were Tom Cruise's stunt double. 304 00:12:18,091 --> 00:12:20,301 I just told him I got this scar jumping out of a plane 305 00:12:20,385 --> 00:12:23,305 in Mission: Impossible 5. 306 00:12:23,388 --> 00:12:24,978 Well, how did you really get it? 307 00:12:25,056 --> 00:12:26,146 Surgery. 308 00:12:26,224 --> 00:12:27,514 I got the hiccups in seventh grade 309 00:12:27,601 --> 00:12:28,971 and I swallowed my retainer. 310 00:12:30,604 --> 00:12:32,524 You know, I didn't think you could pull it off, 311 00:12:32,606 --> 00:12:34,356 but you really did it; you got us down here. 312 00:12:34,441 --> 00:12:35,851 That was pretty gangsta. 313 00:12:35,942 --> 00:12:37,152 If you thought that was gangsta, 314 00:12:37,235 --> 00:12:39,405 wait till I blow this bad boy up. 315 00:12:44,951 --> 00:12:47,201 It's a jumbo, it might take a minute. 316 00:12:49,956 --> 00:12:53,546 I can't believe you told Grover the world's gonna end. 317 00:12:53,627 --> 00:12:57,047 You know, this is why people hate scientists. 318 00:12:57,130 --> 00:12:58,890 That's kind of an alarming thing to hear 319 00:12:58,965 --> 00:13:00,425 coming from a school principal. 320 00:13:02,344 --> 00:13:05,884 You can't say those kinds of things in front of kids. 321 00:13:05,972 --> 00:13:09,052 I don't want Grover freaking out about the end of the world. 322 00:13:09,142 --> 00:13:10,722 Well, I'm sorry, Gemma, but I'm a scientist; 323 00:13:10,810 --> 00:13:11,900 I work with the facts. 324 00:13:11,978 --> 00:13:15,688 And I'm a parent, Marty; I lie. 325 00:13:15,774 --> 00:13:16,944 Okay. So what are you saying? 326 00:13:17,025 --> 00:13:18,655 We should just sugarcoat the truth 327 00:13:18,735 --> 00:13:20,905 and stuff him full of ignorance and falsehoods? 328 00:13:20,987 --> 00:13:22,947 Yes. 329 00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:26,250 He's seven years old. 330 00:13:26,326 --> 00:13:28,786 He doesn't need to know the world's a scary place. 331 00:13:28,870 --> 00:13:31,040 All he should be thinking about are comic books, 332 00:13:31,122 --> 00:13:33,582 playing with his toys and collecting Pokémon. 333 00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:35,757 You know, I thought about all three of those today. 334 00:13:37,837 --> 00:13:40,047 Look, I know it can't last forever, 335 00:13:40,131 --> 00:13:43,421 but he only gets to be innocent for a little while. 336 00:13:43,510 --> 00:13:45,220 Okay, I get it. 337 00:13:45,303 --> 00:13:47,553 And if it makes you feel better, the whole asteroid thing 338 00:13:47,639 --> 00:13:49,899 probably won't happen for another 10,000 years. 339 00:13:49,975 --> 00:13:51,605 Well, that's a relief. 340 00:13:51,685 --> 00:13:53,765 Or Wednesday. 341 00:13:57,899 --> 00:13:59,949 (bird chirping) 342 00:14:06,866 --> 00:14:09,916 That bird is taunting us, I know it. 343 00:14:09,995 --> 00:14:12,455 Yeah. He's feeling himself more than you. 344 00:14:12,539 --> 00:14:14,959 Maybe he got a job 345 00:14:15,041 --> 00:14:17,751 and bought his family some sunflower seeds. 346 00:14:19,546 --> 00:14:22,926 I don't know why I thought things would be any different. 347 00:14:23,008 --> 00:14:24,968 What are you talking about? 348 00:14:25,051 --> 00:14:27,261 You've been riding me for years about getting a job. 349 00:14:27,345 --> 00:14:28,845 Now I finally got one 350 00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:31,150 and I still can't get the respect I deserve. 351 00:14:31,224 --> 00:14:34,934 Look, you're a grown-ass man who finally got a job. 352 00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:38,610 But unless that job is making trophies, don't expect one. 353 00:14:38,690 --> 00:14:41,160 I don't want a trophy, Pop, 354 00:14:41,234 --> 00:14:43,194 I just want to be treated like an equal. 355 00:14:43,278 --> 00:14:44,778 Equal? 356 00:14:44,863 --> 00:14:46,903 (chuckles) To who? 357 00:14:49,743 --> 00:14:50,903 Equal to you. 358 00:14:50,994 --> 00:14:52,664 Okay. Look. 359 00:14:52,746 --> 00:14:54,836 Now, I'm glad that you're getting a paycheck, 360 00:14:54,914 --> 00:14:58,004 but the truth is, son, we'll never be equals. 361 00:14:58,084 --> 00:15:01,004 So, what, you're always gonna be better than me? 362 00:15:01,087 --> 00:15:04,137 No, son, I'm not better than you, 363 00:15:04,215 --> 00:15:06,135 but I am your father, 364 00:15:06,217 --> 00:15:09,017 which means I'm further down the road than you. 365 00:15:10,305 --> 00:15:12,975 And it's my responsibility to guide and teach you, 366 00:15:13,058 --> 00:15:16,148 which means if you say something stupid, 367 00:15:16,227 --> 00:15:18,107 I'm gonna tell you it's stupid. 368 00:15:20,023 --> 00:15:21,983 Now, if you say something smart, 369 00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:23,907 I'm gonna take credit for it. 370 00:15:26,279 --> 00:15:27,699 Right. So nobody gets to tell you 371 00:15:27,781 --> 00:15:28,861 when you say something stupid? 372 00:15:28,948 --> 00:15:30,158 Are you kidding me? 373 00:15:30,241 --> 00:15:31,781 I got your mother for that. 374 00:15:31,868 --> 00:15:34,378 (laughs) 375 00:15:34,454 --> 00:15:36,204 All right, man, so should we just 376 00:15:36,289 --> 00:15:37,999 go tell Gemma that this bird beat us? 377 00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:39,333 Yeah, I guess so. 378 00:15:39,417 --> 00:15:40,507 (bird chirping) 379 00:15:40,585 --> 00:15:42,585 Oh. 380 00:15:46,007 --> 00:15:47,047 Don't move, Pop. 381 00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:48,753 W-W-What should I do? 382 00:15:48,843 --> 00:15:50,173 Oh, now you want my advice? 383 00:15:52,639 --> 00:15:54,519 Don't play with me, Malcolm. Get-get out the way. 384 00:15:56,685 --> 00:15:59,105 Okay, little bird. 385 00:15:59,187 --> 00:16:01,237 Don't do nothing crazy. 386 00:16:01,314 --> 00:16:04,484 We both want to get home to our families. 387 00:16:08,947 --> 00:16:10,447 (wings flapping) 388 00:16:10,532 --> 00:16:12,532 Ha ha! You did it! 389 00:16:12,617 --> 00:16:14,417 You see that? 390 00:16:14,494 --> 00:16:16,074 You see how cool I played it? 391 00:16:16,162 --> 00:16:18,412 Took me back to my street days, man. 392 00:16:18,498 --> 00:16:20,298 Yeah, Pop, you was ice cold. 393 00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:23,585 Well, now that we handled our business... 394 00:16:23,670 --> 00:16:25,930 Right. Right. 395 00:16:26,005 --> 00:16:28,095 ...what do you say we go home? 396 00:16:28,174 --> 00:16:30,054 (both chuckling) 397 00:16:30,135 --> 00:16:32,265 (bird chirping) 398 00:16:35,390 --> 00:16:37,350 That's Dave's problem now. 399 00:16:40,186 --> 00:16:42,606 You and your stupid beach ball. 400 00:16:42,689 --> 00:16:44,699 I'm the only black girl at the concert 401 00:16:44,774 --> 00:16:47,194 and you got me doing a perp walk from the front row. 402 00:16:49,028 --> 00:16:50,448 I don't understand. 403 00:16:50,530 --> 00:16:53,200 The beach ball was a big hit at Phantom. 404 00:16:53,283 --> 00:16:55,783 You try to sneak down again, and I'm kicking you out. 405 00:16:57,203 --> 00:16:59,203 Oh, my God. 406 00:17:01,207 --> 00:17:04,087 Man, wasn't that guy's first beach ball. 407 00:17:04,169 --> 00:17:06,759 He cut it right on the seam. 408 00:17:06,838 --> 00:17:09,218 Look, Dave, just put down the beach ball, okay? 409 00:17:09,299 --> 00:17:11,139 No, I'm not letting this guy ruin our night. 410 00:17:11,217 --> 00:17:13,307 I'm getting out my patch kit. 411 00:17:13,386 --> 00:17:14,476 (grunting) 412 00:17:16,556 --> 00:17:18,346 Enough! 413 00:17:18,433 --> 00:17:20,263 He's not ruining the concert. 414 00:17:20,351 --> 00:17:23,771 You are ruining the concert for trying to be so cool. 415 00:17:23,855 --> 00:17:26,315 Trying? If I wasn't so cool, how do you think 416 00:17:26,399 --> 00:17:27,989 I got us down to the floor in the first place? 417 00:17:28,068 --> 00:17:29,158 You want to know the truth? 418 00:17:29,235 --> 00:17:30,775 I gave him 50 bucks. 419 00:17:30,862 --> 00:17:34,232 Everybody knows that Tom Cruise does his own stunts! 420 00:17:35,575 --> 00:17:38,325 (sighs) 421 00:17:38,411 --> 00:17:40,821 All right, you know what? I have another plan. 422 00:17:40,914 --> 00:17:42,284 No, no! No, please. Please, Dave, 423 00:17:42,373 --> 00:17:43,543 no more plans, okay? 424 00:17:43,625 --> 00:17:46,835 Let's just sit here, watch the concert, 425 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,300 and go home. 426 00:17:48,379 --> 00:17:50,259 All right. Fine. 427 00:17:50,340 --> 00:17:52,220 (sighs) 428 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:55,180 Well, don't just sit there. 429 00:17:55,261 --> 00:17:56,341 Well, that's what you told me to do. 430 00:17:56,429 --> 00:17:57,679 Well, you're doing it all weird. 431 00:17:57,764 --> 00:17:59,264 I-- You know... 432 00:17:59,349 --> 00:18:00,309 I can't win with you. 433 00:18:00,391 --> 00:18:03,681 All I wanted for us was to make a connection. 434 00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:05,150 You know, obviously, not as deep 435 00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:07,320 as the one that I have with Calvin, but still... 436 00:18:07,398 --> 00:18:09,568 Dave, what are you talking about? 437 00:18:09,651 --> 00:18:12,191 We do have a connection. 438 00:18:12,278 --> 00:18:13,578 Of course. If we didn't, 439 00:18:13,655 --> 00:18:15,235 I wouldn't have come here in the first place. 440 00:18:15,323 --> 00:18:16,903 Ain't nobody got no time for that. 441 00:18:20,286 --> 00:18:22,376 (sighs) Dave, I like you. 442 00:18:22,455 --> 00:18:26,375 You and your corny jokes and your goofy hobbies. 443 00:18:26,459 --> 00:18:29,089 And I like that no matter how much Calvin makes fun 444 00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:30,380 of your little short little running shorts, 445 00:18:30,463 --> 00:18:32,423 you just keep wearing them. 446 00:18:34,425 --> 00:18:35,385 You know, sometimes I wear even shorter ones 447 00:18:35,468 --> 00:18:36,718 just to mess with him. 448 00:18:38,805 --> 00:18:39,935 You see? 449 00:18:40,014 --> 00:18:42,394 You own who you are, like I do. 450 00:18:42,475 --> 00:18:43,765 You feel me? 451 00:18:43,852 --> 00:18:46,472 Yeah, I feel ya. 452 00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:52,021 So what you're saying is you got time for this. 453 00:18:52,110 --> 00:18:53,870 All day, boo. 454 00:18:55,488 --> 00:18:57,198 Ooh. 455 00:18:57,282 --> 00:18:59,242 Yeah. Here we go! 456 00:18:59,325 --> 00:19:01,365 You know, Gemma told me not to, 457 00:19:01,452 --> 00:19:03,072 but I snuck something else in. 458 00:19:03,162 --> 00:19:05,242 What? 459 00:19:05,331 --> 00:19:07,291 Oh. 460 00:19:07,375 --> 00:19:10,835 Well, last concert, Calvin broke mine. 461 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,090 But I still got my air drums! 462 00:19:13,172 --> 00:19:14,292 Yeah, ya do. 463 00:19:14,382 --> 00:19:16,342 (shouts) 464 00:19:22,015 --> 00:19:23,555 So is the asteroid gonna kill us 465 00:19:23,641 --> 00:19:25,301 or do I have to do my homework? 466 00:19:28,187 --> 00:19:29,227 Uh, no, actually, 467 00:19:29,314 --> 00:19:31,104 I just got a call from NASA, 468 00:19:31,190 --> 00:19:33,410 and they said they invented a giant laser gun 469 00:19:33,484 --> 00:19:35,364 that's gonna blow it right out of the sky. 470 00:19:35,445 --> 00:19:36,735 (gasps) That's great news. 471 00:19:36,821 --> 00:19:38,111 Right, Grover? 472 00:19:38,197 --> 00:19:39,157 Maybe for you. 473 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,580 Now I have to write a paragraph 474 00:19:40,658 --> 00:19:42,748 about the American flag. 475 00:19:45,204 --> 00:19:46,414 Thank you. 476 00:19:46,497 --> 00:19:47,497 It's no problem. 477 00:19:47,582 --> 00:19:48,952 Lying to kids is kind of fun. 478 00:19:49,042 --> 00:19:50,622 (laughs) 479 00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:52,170 Dave's been trying to get that bird 480 00:19:52,253 --> 00:19:54,253 out of y'all's house for a long time. 481 00:19:54,339 --> 00:19:56,089 Well, it's a pretty smart bird, Mama. 482 00:19:58,176 --> 00:19:59,966 And very aggressive. 483 00:20:00,053 --> 00:20:01,303 It broke your lamp. 484 00:20:04,515 --> 00:20:06,145 Oh, look. Dave's door is opening. 485 00:20:06,225 --> 00:20:08,725 Oh. (chuckles) I gotta see this. 486 00:20:16,861 --> 00:20:18,321 Good talk, little guy. 487 00:20:19,906 --> 00:20:21,446 Go be free. 488 00:20:24,911 --> 00:20:26,281 See that, Calvin? 489 00:20:26,371 --> 00:20:29,031 Just got to play it cool. 490 00:20:29,123 --> 00:20:31,503 Well, you should've closed your door, 'cause all 491 00:20:31,584 --> 00:20:34,674 he's gonna do is fly right back into your... 492 00:20:34,754 --> 00:20:36,674 MALCOLM: Help! Help! 493 00:20:36,756 --> 00:20:38,426 (indistinct shouting) 494 00:20:40,259 --> 00:20:41,469 Thank you! 495 00:20:41,552 --> 00:20:42,802 And good night. 496 00:20:42,887 --> 00:20:44,477 Captioning sponsored by CBS 497 00:20:44,555 --> 00:20:46,935 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org