1
00:00:08,246 --> 00:00:10,726
[laughs]
What?
2
00:00:10,770 --> 00:00:13,040
Baby, are you watching Real Housewives?
3
00:00:14,731 --> 00:00:17,381
I was gonna change the channel,
but then somebody
4
00:00:17,429 --> 00:00:20,219
threw a glass of wine
and somebody flipped a table
5
00:00:20,258 --> 00:00:23,088
and two hours later,
I'm Team Teresa.
6
00:00:23,131 --> 00:00:25,001
Well, I'm Team Brandi.
7
00:00:25,046 --> 00:00:27,746
She could get hit by a table
and keep on drinking.
8
00:00:29,746 --> 00:00:30,876
Where's Malcolm?
9
00:00:30,921 --> 00:00:32,661
Oh, he's on a date
with Sofia.
10
00:00:32,705 --> 00:00:34,665
Again?
11
00:00:34,707 --> 00:00:36,407
Wow, this is getting serious.
12
00:00:36,448 --> 00:00:38,108
I can't believe I still
haven't met that girl.
13
00:00:38,146 --> 00:00:40,406
[knocking]
14
00:00:40,452 --> 00:00:42,102
And I can't believe
Teresa thinks she can
15
00:00:42,150 --> 00:00:43,720
flip over that giant...
16
00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:46,110
Oh, no, she did it.
17
00:00:48,330 --> 00:00:49,730
Oh, hey, guys.
18
00:00:49,766 --> 00:00:51,286
Tina, did we order
two white people?
19
00:00:51,333 --> 00:00:52,283
[mouths words]
20
00:00:52,334 --> 00:00:55,294
Uh, no, uh, I did.
21
00:00:55,337 --> 00:00:57,127
But don't worry,
I'll take 'em to go.
22
00:00:57,165 --> 00:00:59,425
So what's going on?
23
00:00:59,471 --> 00:01:01,121
Marty invited us
to trivia night
24
00:01:01,169 --> 00:01:02,959
down at Ernie's Hot Spot.
25
00:01:02,996 --> 00:01:05,866
These Pasadena peeps
can't wait to play.
26
00:01:05,912 --> 00:01:09,742
[imitates buzzer]
Who are the Johnsons?
27
00:01:09,786 --> 00:01:11,656
Let me grab my jacket
and we'll go.
28
00:01:11,701 --> 00:01:13,041
Well, how about you guys?
You want to join us?
29
00:01:13,094 --> 00:01:15,794
Uh, thanks,
but I'm gonna stay in.
30
00:01:15,835 --> 00:01:18,835
I already took my bra off.
31
00:01:18,882 --> 00:01:21,842
Calvin, you want to come?Are you kidding me?
32
00:01:21,885 --> 00:01:23,795
The last thing I want to do
is sit around
33
00:01:23,843 --> 00:01:25,233
with a bunch of eggheads
34
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,160
racing to answer "what's the
biggest lake in Africa?"
35
00:01:28,196 --> 00:01:29,636
ALL:
Lake Victoria.
36
00:01:30,894 --> 00:01:32,934
Trivia isn't exactly
my dad's thing.
37
00:01:32,983 --> 00:01:35,683
The only facts he knows
are the ones that he makes up.
38
00:01:35,725 --> 00:01:38,245
And a lot of the times
he's wrong about those.
39
00:01:38,293 --> 00:01:42,163
Ho, ho. So y'all think
y'all smarter than me?
40
00:01:42,210 --> 00:01:45,170
Ha. Smart enough not to
answer that question out loud.
41
00:01:45,213 --> 00:01:47,953
Well, you don't know
what I know.
42
00:01:47,998 --> 00:01:51,088
I know stuff that I don't know
that I know I know.
43
00:01:51,132 --> 00:01:52,432
Well, so you're in?
44
00:01:52,481 --> 00:01:53,741
Hell yeah I'm in.
45
00:01:53,786 --> 00:01:56,786
And, uh, for your
information, Tina,
46
00:01:56,833 --> 00:01:58,613
penguins can fly.
47
00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,701
They just cool where they at.
48
00:02:03,622 --> 00:02:05,582
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
49
00:02:05,624 --> 00:02:06,884
♪ Welcome to the hood.
50
00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:16,290
Come on, Dad, think.
We need your answer.
51
00:02:16,331 --> 00:02:17,541
Okay, hold on, hold on, now.
52
00:02:17,593 --> 00:02:20,333
You want to get this
right, don't you?
53
00:02:22,467 --> 00:02:25,167
I'm gonna order
the buffalo wings.
54
00:02:28,169 --> 00:02:29,299
I'm guessing this
is a slightly
55
00:02:29,344 --> 00:02:31,734
different crowd than
your dart night.
56
00:02:31,781 --> 00:02:34,131
Sure is.
A lot younger.
57
00:02:34,175 --> 00:02:36,215
More man buns.
58
00:02:36,264 --> 00:02:38,354
And I heard some clown
order a gin and juice
59
00:02:38,396 --> 00:02:40,486
with no gin.
60
00:02:40,529 --> 00:02:43,539
Where is my juice? I
ordered it ten minutes ago.
61
00:02:45,403 --> 00:02:48,973
All right! Welcome to trivia
night at Ernie's Hot Spot,
62
00:02:49,015 --> 00:02:51,105
sponsored by
Carla's Fluff and Fold.
63
00:02:51,148 --> 00:02:54,938
Tell her I sent you
and get one free fluff.
64
00:02:54,978 --> 00:02:57,248
Okay, y'all know how it works.
65
00:02:57,285 --> 00:02:59,595
I spin the wheel
and read the questions,
66
00:02:59,635 --> 00:03:02,985
you write down the answers
and order at least three drinks.
67
00:03:04,553 --> 00:03:08,073
"Astronomy." "Shakespeare."
"Foreign Films."
68
00:03:08,121 --> 00:03:10,421
Shouldn't those all be
under one category
69
00:03:10,472 --> 00:03:11,512
called "Who Cares?"
70
00:03:12,865 --> 00:03:14,915
Dad, I like all those things.
71
00:03:14,954 --> 00:03:16,694
I know.
Who cares?
72
00:03:16,739 --> 00:03:18,399
ERNIE:
Okay,
73
00:03:18,436 --> 00:03:20,436
first category is...
74
00:03:23,398 --> 00:03:25,488
Ooh, "World Flags."
75
00:03:25,530 --> 00:03:26,800
Okay,
here we go.
76
00:03:26,836 --> 00:03:29,496
What is the only country
77
00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:32,494
whose flag has five sides?
78
00:03:32,537 --> 00:03:34,887
[laughs]
I got this one.
79
00:03:34,931 --> 00:03:36,621
Stop sign.
80
00:03:39,675 --> 00:03:42,325
Uh, Dad, that's an octagon.
81
00:03:42,373 --> 00:03:44,943
I don't care what kind
of government it is.
82
00:03:46,986 --> 00:03:48,556
Okay, I know this one.
83
00:03:48,597 --> 00:03:49,777
It's on the tip of my tongue.
84
00:03:49,815 --> 00:03:51,515
I know it definitely starts
with an "L".
85
00:03:51,556 --> 00:03:53,906
It's Nepal.Or ends with an "L".
86
00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:57,480
Don't worry, sweetie, you were
about to get it.
87
00:03:57,519 --> 00:03:59,919
You weren't.
88
00:03:59,956 --> 00:04:01,916
Okay, everybody, boards up.
89
00:04:01,958 --> 00:04:03,398
The correct answer
90
00:04:03,438 --> 00:04:05,878
is Nepal.Yes!
91
00:04:05,918 --> 00:04:07,488
And for everybody
who got that right,
92
00:04:07,529 --> 00:04:11,009
hike your way to the bar
and buy yourself a Fuzzy Nepal.
93
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,320
Okay, good warm-up.
Just got to focus.
94
00:04:14,362 --> 00:04:15,622
Which would be so much easier
95
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:17,537
if I had
my juice!
96
00:04:17,582 --> 00:04:18,972
ERNIE:
Okay...
97
00:04:22,326 --> 00:04:23,376
Ooh!
98
00:04:23,414 --> 00:04:24,984
Chemistry.Yes!
99
00:04:25,024 --> 00:04:28,284
Pb is the chemical symbol
100
00:04:28,332 --> 00:04:30,552
for what common element?
101
00:04:30,595 --> 00:04:32,205
Ah, I know this one.
102
00:04:32,249 --> 00:04:34,649
Plubonium.
103
00:04:34,686 --> 00:04:36,336
Final answer.
104
00:04:36,384 --> 00:04:37,734
Seriously, Dad?
That's not even a...
105
00:04:37,776 --> 00:04:39,956
I said final answer.
106
00:04:39,996 --> 00:04:42,216
Gu-Guys, this is all me.
Just give me a second.
107
00:04:42,259 --> 00:04:44,659
Pb. Pb.
108
00:04:44,696 --> 00:04:47,046
PB and J.
Aw, great.
109
00:04:47,090 --> 00:04:49,100
Now I'm hungry, too.
110
00:04:50,615 --> 00:04:51,965
It's lead.
111
00:04:52,008 --> 00:04:52,968
Boards up.
112
00:04:53,009 --> 00:04:56,499
The correct answer is lead.
113
00:04:56,534 --> 00:04:58,234
Yeah.
Nice, Marty.
114
00:04:58,275 --> 00:04:59,845
All right.
You and me got this.Yeah.
115
00:04:59,885 --> 00:05:01,795
Hey, we're here, too.
116
00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,844
Yeah, I know, but I still
think we can win.
117
00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:09,770
Hey, Ma.
118
00:05:09,808 --> 00:05:12,858
Hey. Did you have a good time
with Sofia?
119
00:05:12,898 --> 00:05:14,858
Yes, I did.
It was great.
120
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:17,560
Oh. How long have you two
been seeing each other?
121
00:05:17,599 --> 00:05:19,559
Uh, I don't know.
Maybe like two...
122
00:05:19,601 --> 00:05:21,681
73 days!
123
00:05:25,563 --> 00:05:27,913
When am I gonna
finally meet this girl?
124
00:05:27,957 --> 00:05:29,957
Look, I don't know, Ma.
Uh, soon, okay?
125
00:05:30,002 --> 00:05:31,392
Well, what's the problem?
126
00:05:31,439 --> 00:05:33,969
You act like you're afraid
to introduce her to me.
127
00:05:34,006 --> 00:05:36,226
I'm sorry if I wasn't
clear on that, Ma.
128
00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:37,749
I am terrified.
129
00:05:37,793 --> 00:05:39,663
Oh, uh...
130
00:05:39,708 --> 00:05:41,148
Malcolm, why?
131
00:05:41,187 --> 00:05:43,107
Because every time
I bring a girl home,
132
00:05:43,146 --> 00:05:45,406
you grill her like she knows
who shot Tupac.
133
00:05:45,453 --> 00:05:47,413
Oh, please.
134
00:05:47,455 --> 00:05:49,235
All moms ask questions.
135
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,712
Oh, really?
Do all moms open with,
136
00:05:51,763 --> 00:05:53,413
"Hey, I'm Tina.
Do you want
137
00:05:53,461 --> 00:05:55,371
and are you able to have kids?"
138
00:05:57,029 --> 00:06:00,209
Well, what can I say?
I'm a people person.
139
00:06:00,250 --> 00:06:02,780
I want her to make me
more people.
140
00:06:07,562 --> 00:06:08,862
Hey, Dave.
141
00:06:08,911 --> 00:06:10,651
Hey, Calvin.
142
00:06:12,567 --> 00:06:15,007
Congrats on the, uh,
big trivia win last night.
143
00:06:15,047 --> 00:06:17,577
Yeah.
You too.
144
00:06:19,704 --> 00:06:21,054
Marty was on fire.
145
00:06:21,097 --> 00:06:23,927
So was Gemma.Yeah.
146
00:06:23,969 --> 00:06:27,459
Did you see how smug he was?She was being such a show-off!
147
00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:30,015
I mean, just because
I didn't go to college,
148
00:06:30,062 --> 00:06:31,542
he thinks he's smarter than me?
149
00:06:31,586 --> 00:06:33,676
Well, technically,
it's not "smarter than me,"
150
00:06:33,718 --> 00:06:36,678
it's "smarter than I."
151
00:06:36,721 --> 00:06:39,891
But yours sounds
way more right.
152
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:41,722
All I know is
that game wasn't fair.
153
00:06:41,770 --> 00:06:44,730
It was rigged for
book-smart nerds like Marty.
154
00:06:44,773 --> 00:06:47,293
I regret the day
he learned to read.Yeah.
155
00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:50,650
You know, the only reason that
Gemma beat me to those answers
156
00:06:50,692 --> 00:06:52,692
is because I always
overthink things.
157
00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:56,656
Or do I?
158
00:06:56,698 --> 00:06:58,048
I mean, they may have
book smarts,
159
00:06:58,090 --> 00:06:59,490
but we've got street smarts.
160
00:06:59,527 --> 00:07:01,177
Yeah, you know what,
of we had another chance,
161
00:07:01,224 --> 00:07:03,314
we would bust a cat
in their ass.
162
00:07:06,838 --> 00:07:09,448
It's-it's a "cap," Dave,
not a cat.
163
00:07:12,409 --> 00:07:15,109
That does seem a lot easier.
164
00:07:16,544 --> 00:07:18,284
But like you said,
165
00:07:18,328 --> 00:07:20,288
what if we had another chance?
166
00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:22,160
You mean go back
to Ernie's next week?
167
00:07:22,201 --> 00:07:23,551
No. No, no, no.
168
00:07:23,594 --> 00:07:24,634
I got a better idea.
169
00:07:24,682 --> 00:07:26,502
We're gonna level
the playing field.
170
00:07:27,598 --> 00:07:29,998
Oh, I see where you're going.You do?
171
00:07:30,035 --> 00:07:32,125
Not at all, but I trust you.
172
00:07:35,563 --> 00:07:37,953
So, do you eat sushi a lot?Not often.
173
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,310
But I did once swallow
Marty's goldfish on a dare.
174
00:07:42,526 --> 00:07:45,006
Oh, my...
175
00:07:46,530 --> 00:07:48,230
Oh, my goodness.
176
00:07:48,271 --> 00:07:50,441
Malcolm,
what are you doing here?
177
00:07:50,491 --> 00:07:54,051
You mean eating at the place
I told you I would be?
178
00:07:54,103 --> 00:07:56,803
You did?
[laughs]
179
00:07:56,845 --> 00:07:59,455
That must be why
I'm in the mood for sushi.
180
00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:02,250
[laughing]
181
00:08:02,285 --> 00:08:04,675
Ah... So, uh,
182
00:08:04,722 --> 00:08:07,892
aren't you gonna introduce me?
183
00:08:07,943 --> 00:08:10,333
Mom, this is Sofia.
Sofia...
184
00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:11,780
prepare yourself.
185
00:08:13,818 --> 00:08:15,558
It's nice to meet you,
Mrs. Butler.
186
00:08:15,603 --> 00:08:17,693
So nice to meet you, too.
187
00:08:17,735 --> 00:08:19,695
Scoot over, Malcolm.
188
00:08:19,737 --> 00:08:20,997
[chuckling]
189
00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:24,563
Uh, Ma, this is awkward.
190
00:08:24,612 --> 00:08:26,172
Ew, so is eating with sticks.
191
00:08:26,222 --> 00:08:28,442
A sister's gonna need
a fork up in here.
192
00:08:28,485 --> 00:08:29,655
[laughs]
193
00:08:31,183 --> 00:08:33,353
Thanks for
helping us, Marty.
194
00:08:33,403 --> 00:08:35,233
Yeah, us two dummies,
195
00:08:35,274 --> 00:08:36,624
we tried everything,
196
00:08:36,667 --> 00:08:38,927
but we couldn't get
the Wi-Fi to work.
197
00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:43,585
Routers can be pretty
complicated, especially when
198
00:08:43,631 --> 00:08:45,371
you haven't plugged them in.
199
00:08:46,459 --> 00:08:49,949
Oh. Hey, guys.
200
00:08:49,985 --> 00:08:51,155
What are you
all doing?
201
00:08:51,203 --> 00:08:52,813
Well, one of us
is plugging in your router
202
00:08:52,857 --> 00:08:54,727
and the other two are
acting super sketchy.
203
00:08:57,166 --> 00:08:58,866
Dave, what's going on?
204
00:08:58,907 --> 00:09:00,647
It's rematch time!
205
00:09:01,910 --> 00:09:04,790
You two are going down.
206
00:09:06,218 --> 00:09:09,308
Welcome to Trivia Night,
Home Edition.
207
00:09:11,397 --> 00:09:13,487
Sponsored by
208
00:09:13,530 --> 00:09:15,190
Calvin made me do it.
209
00:09:22,626 --> 00:09:25,326
All right, it is game time.
210
00:09:25,368 --> 00:09:27,288
Calvin and Dave versus
211
00:09:27,326 --> 00:09:28,846
Gemma and Marty.
212
00:09:28,893 --> 00:09:30,323
Tonight's drink
specials are
213
00:09:30,373 --> 00:09:32,593
make it yourself.
This ain't my house.
214
00:09:32,636 --> 00:09:34,466
Dad,
215
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,467
why are you doing this?
216
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,689
To prove that me and Dave
are just as smart as you two.
217
00:09:39,730 --> 00:09:42,390
Oh, so you two actually think
you can beat us?
218
00:09:42,428 --> 00:09:44,608
Yeah, the guys who
were both convinced
219
00:09:44,648 --> 00:09:47,998
the tallest peak in California
was Space Mountain.
220
00:09:48,043 --> 00:09:50,523
Uh, hello?
221
00:09:50,567 --> 00:09:53,707
You start on land
and end in space.
222
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,410
All right, then.
You asked for it.
223
00:09:58,444 --> 00:09:59,964
Let's do this.
224
00:10:00,011 --> 00:10:02,051
Ha. Okay.
225
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:04,020
Before you get too cocky,
226
00:10:04,059 --> 00:10:05,759
we added a couple
of new categories
227
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,110
about some actual
important knowledge.
228
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:10,370
Yeah.Okay. Uh...
229
00:10:10,413 --> 00:10:13,413
"Making Ends Meet."
230
00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:16,159
"Tools and Their Uses."
231
00:10:16,201 --> 00:10:18,201
"Famous Daves"?
232
00:10:18,247 --> 00:10:19,727
And I'll be one
233
00:10:19,770 --> 00:10:22,210
after I lay
the snackdown.
234
00:10:23,426 --> 00:10:25,426
Dave, it's "smackdown."
235
00:10:25,471 --> 00:10:26,681
No, no, no, I know.
236
00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:27,774
I was just gonna
put some food out.
237
00:10:30,476 --> 00:10:32,346
So, Sofia, you're a teacher.
238
00:10:32,391 --> 00:10:33,781
That means you must
like children.
239
00:10:33,828 --> 00:10:35,528
Oh, yes, I love 'em.
240
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,308
They're like little
gifts from God.
241
00:10:37,353 --> 00:10:40,573
Ooh, a two-for-one answer.
242
00:10:40,617 --> 00:10:43,187
Oh. You got to keep this
one around, Malcolm.
243
00:10:43,228 --> 00:10:45,148
[both laugh]
244
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:46,847
I'm trying to.
245
00:10:48,756 --> 00:10:51,196
So tell me about your family.
Do they live in town?
246
00:10:51,236 --> 00:10:52,626
Yes.
Boyle Heights.
247
00:10:52,673 --> 00:10:54,763
Oh. It must be nice
to have them nearby.
248
00:10:54,805 --> 00:10:56,025
Do you see them a lot?
249
00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:58,247
All the time.
In fact, Malcolm and I
250
00:10:58,287 --> 00:11:00,077
just had dinner
with them last week.
251
00:11:02,421 --> 00:11:04,771
Is that right?
252
00:11:06,034 --> 00:11:08,294
So you all just met last week?
253
00:11:08,340 --> 00:11:10,480
Can a brother get
some sake up in here?
254
00:11:12,301 --> 00:11:13,731
Oh, no, that's not
when they met.
255
00:11:13,781 --> 00:11:15,561
We all went to a Lakers game
last month.
256
00:11:18,568 --> 00:11:21,308
Well, isn't that nice?
[laughs]
257
00:11:21,353 --> 00:11:23,923
You know, everybody
just meeting and greeting
258
00:11:23,965 --> 00:11:25,575
and going to games.
259
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:28,318
Ain't nobody met my ass.
260
00:11:29,797 --> 00:11:31,367
All right, look, Ma,
I can explain.
261
00:11:31,407 --> 00:11:33,757
No, no, no, no.
Don't bother.
262
00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:35,321
I've heard plenty.
263
00:11:35,367 --> 00:11:38,367
Sofia, enjoy the rest
of your evening, and Malcolm,
264
00:11:38,414 --> 00:11:39,714
you're dead to me.
265
00:11:42,331 --> 00:11:46,021
Okay, the category
is "Making Ends Meet."
266
00:11:47,379 --> 00:11:49,339
"You just moved,
267
00:11:49,381 --> 00:11:51,901
"you're trying to get
your lights on,
268
00:11:51,949 --> 00:11:54,519
"but you got bad credit.
269
00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,220
[mouths]
270
00:11:56,258 --> 00:11:57,518
What do you do?"
271
00:11:57,563 --> 00:11:58,523
[buzz]
272
00:11:58,564 --> 00:12:00,304
Put the bill
in your baby's name.
273
00:12:02,046 --> 00:12:04,266
Correct!Yes! Yes.
274
00:12:04,309 --> 00:12:06,879
What kind
of trivia question is that?
275
00:12:06,921 --> 00:12:08,181
A good one.
276
00:12:09,184 --> 00:12:10,704
One that
someone might
277
00:12:10,751 --> 00:12:12,791
actually use
in their life.
278
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,320
Wait a minute, is that
why my credit history
279
00:12:15,364 --> 00:12:17,364
goes back to
when I was five?
280
00:12:19,542 --> 00:12:21,492
ERNIE:
Okay.
281
00:12:21,544 --> 00:12:24,244
So the score
is Calvin and Dave: eight,
282
00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:26,286
Gemma and Marty: three.
283
00:12:26,331 --> 00:12:30,071
And still zero dollars
in my tip jar.
284
00:12:30,118 --> 00:12:33,208
Okay. Dave, can I talk to you
in the kitchen for a second?
285
00:12:33,251 --> 00:12:34,811
Yeah, but we're right
in the middle...
286
00:12:34,862 --> 00:12:36,122
[buzz]Wrong answer.
287
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,252
I can't believe you.
288
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,524
I know. I totally pulled
"Davy Crockett"
289
00:12:44,567 --> 00:12:46,827
out of my butt back there.
290
00:12:46,874 --> 00:12:49,044
That's not what
I'm talking about.
291
00:12:49,093 --> 00:12:51,053
I'm talking about
how important it is
292
00:12:51,095 --> 00:12:53,145
for you to prove
that you're smarter than me.
293
00:12:53,184 --> 00:12:54,924
No, it's not. And...
294
00:12:54,969 --> 00:12:58,279
technically,
it's "smarter than I."
295
00:13:00,104 --> 00:13:02,414
Maybe, when you're using "than"
as a conjunction
296
00:13:02,454 --> 00:13:03,894
with an implied "am."
297
00:13:03,934 --> 00:13:06,324
But I just used it
as a preposition.
298
00:13:08,373 --> 00:13:09,633
[sighs]
299
00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:12,989
Okay, I owe Calvin an apology.
300
00:13:13,030 --> 00:13:16,260
So I'm better at trivia
than you. Big deal.
301
00:13:16,294 --> 00:13:18,204
Why are you being so insecure?
302
00:13:18,253 --> 00:13:20,343
I'm not insecure.
I'm the most secure.
303
00:13:20,385 --> 00:13:22,735
I-I'm the securest.
304
00:13:22,779 --> 00:13:24,219
Ugh.
305
00:13:24,259 --> 00:13:26,219
And I know that's not a word.
306
00:13:26,261 --> 00:13:28,431
That's just how secure I am.
307
00:13:30,265 --> 00:13:33,225
Fine, don't admit it to me, but
at least admit it to yourself:
308
00:13:33,268 --> 00:13:35,318
you're being a giant baby.
309
00:13:37,185 --> 00:13:40,185
[chuckles] Well, you see,
that's why you're losing.
310
00:13:40,231 --> 00:13:42,581
A giant baby is just
a normal-sized adult.
311
00:13:42,625 --> 00:13:45,235
♪
312
00:13:52,069 --> 00:13:53,029
Hey.
313
00:13:53,070 --> 00:13:55,990
Ah. Look who's home early.
314
00:13:56,030 --> 00:13:58,080
I thought maybe you'd be out
getting a family portrait
315
00:13:58,119 --> 00:13:59,859
with Sofia's parents.
316
00:14:01,905 --> 00:14:03,905
Ma, will you stop?
317
00:14:03,951 --> 00:14:05,951
You met her parents, Malcolm.
318
00:14:05,996 --> 00:14:09,306
More than once, but you wouldn't
let her meet me?
319
00:14:09,347 --> 00:14:11,527
Your father I get, but me?
320
00:14:13,438 --> 00:14:15,268
Do I really embarrass you
that much?
321
00:14:15,310 --> 00:14:17,230
Ma, you asked Sofia
if she'll be wearing white
322
00:14:17,268 --> 00:14:18,968
on her wedding day.
323
00:14:19,009 --> 00:14:21,969
Malcolm, I'm sorry
that you feel the need
324
00:14:22,012 --> 00:14:23,972
to protect your girlfriends
from me.
325
00:14:24,014 --> 00:14:26,364
I didn't realize
I was such a horrible mother.
326
00:14:29,324 --> 00:14:31,894
Look, Ma, I'm not just
protecting them.
327
00:14:31,935 --> 00:14:33,895
I'm also protecting you.
328
00:14:33,937 --> 00:14:35,327
From what?
329
00:14:35,373 --> 00:14:37,373
Every time I introduce you
to a girl,
330
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,159
you get so invested.
331
00:14:39,203 --> 00:14:41,333
You get to know them,
you get close to them,
332
00:14:41,379 --> 00:14:43,339
and when it doesn't work out,
it breaks your heart.
333
00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:46,341
[laughs]:
That is not true.
334
00:14:46,384 --> 00:14:47,814
Oh, really?
335
00:14:47,864 --> 00:14:49,904
When I broke up with Jessica,
you kept
336
00:14:49,953 --> 00:14:53,083
sneaking out to see her
for three more weeks.
337
00:14:53,130 --> 00:14:55,220
I just needed more time, okay?
338
00:14:57,178 --> 00:14:59,708
Look, Ma, you know I love you.
339
00:14:59,745 --> 00:15:02,135
But it's hard enough for me
to get over a girl.
340
00:15:02,183 --> 00:15:04,743
I don't want to have to worry
about you getting over her, too.
341
00:15:04,794 --> 00:15:07,494
I guess I just keep hoping
every girl you bring home
342
00:15:07,536 --> 00:15:09,186
is gonna be the one.
343
00:15:09,233 --> 00:15:11,933
Ah, don't worry about it.
One of them will be.
344
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:15,325
Hey, maybe Sofia.
We'll see.
345
00:15:15,370 --> 00:15:16,380
[chuckles]
346
00:15:16,414 --> 00:15:18,934
Okay.
347
00:15:18,982 --> 00:15:21,412
Well, as long
as it's not that Jessica.
348
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:24,723
No, that bougie skank
totally ghosted me.
349
00:15:24,770 --> 00:15:26,390
♪
350
00:15:26,424 --> 00:15:29,474
Okay, we are neck and neck
351
00:15:29,514 --> 00:15:34,514
after an epic collapse
from Calvin and Dave.
352
00:15:34,563 --> 00:15:36,603
What the hell is with you?
353
00:15:36,652 --> 00:15:38,742
You just blew
four answers in a row.
354
00:15:38,784 --> 00:15:40,524
In a question
about "Famous Daves,"
355
00:15:40,569 --> 00:15:43,359
you answered Stephen King.
356
00:15:43,398 --> 00:15:45,318
Well, I'm sorry, Calvin.
357
00:15:45,356 --> 00:15:47,536
I guess I'm just
not that smart.
358
00:15:47,576 --> 00:15:50,976
And I'm totally okay with it.
359
00:15:51,014 --> 00:15:52,534
You're an idiot.
360
00:15:52,581 --> 00:15:54,491
Exactly.
361
00:15:54,539 --> 00:15:56,069
Okay, am I missing
something?
362
00:15:56,106 --> 00:15:58,366
I am. Tips in my jar.
363
00:16:00,589 --> 00:16:02,289
Here's a quarter.
364
00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:03,550
Spin the damn wheel.
365
00:16:03,592 --> 00:16:07,892
Okay, we are all tied up,
366
00:16:07,944 --> 00:16:10,854
and apparently, since I'm
doing this for a quarter,
367
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,383
this will be
368
00:16:12,427 --> 00:16:14,297
our last question.
369
00:16:17,780 --> 00:16:19,180
Ooh. "Auto Parts."
370
00:16:19,216 --> 00:16:21,046
MARTY:
Come on.
That's not fair.
371
00:16:21,088 --> 00:16:22,438
He's a mechanic.
372
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,440
Ah, guys, do you want
to call it now,
373
00:16:24,482 --> 00:16:27,002
or do you want to go
through the humiliation?
374
00:16:28,486 --> 00:16:31,616
I'm just kidding.
I want to see the humiliation.
375
00:16:32,882 --> 00:16:36,842
Okay. "In a car's
engine's cylinders,
376
00:16:36,886 --> 00:16:38,846
the valves..."[buzz]
377
00:16:38,888 --> 00:16:42,458
Lets the fuel in
and the exhaust out.
378
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:43,460
Final answer.
379
00:16:43,501 --> 00:16:46,191
Incorrect.What?
380
00:16:46,243 --> 00:16:49,683
I did not finish
asking the question.
381
00:16:49,725 --> 00:16:52,375
"In a car engine's
cylinders,
382
00:16:52,423 --> 00:16:55,903
"the valves let the fuel in
and the exhaust out.
383
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:58,908
This part moves the valves."
384
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,511
MARTY:
Okay, okay, okay.
385
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:02,172
Okay. I can figure this out.
386
00:17:02,216 --> 00:17:05,696
Um, the spark plugs
ignite the fuel,
387
00:17:05,741 --> 00:17:08,391
which fires the pistons,
which turns
388
00:17:08,439 --> 00:17:11,319
the crankshaft, which is
attached to the timing belt,
389
00:17:11,355 --> 00:17:14,275
which turns the camshaft.
390
00:17:14,315 --> 00:17:16,445
Correct!Yes!
391
00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:22,019
Marty and Gemma win,
and I am out of here.
392
00:17:22,062 --> 00:17:23,582
[coin clanks in jar]
393
00:17:25,848 --> 00:17:28,808
Well, looks like you were wrong.
394
00:17:28,851 --> 00:17:30,591
Clearly, I have
nothing to prove.
395
00:17:30,635 --> 00:17:34,765
Which, if you think about it,
proves I was right.
396
00:17:34,813 --> 00:17:36,813
You know what
it proves to me?
397
00:17:36,859 --> 00:17:38,729
That you're sleeping alone
tonight.
398
00:17:41,429 --> 00:17:42,779
Wait. I take it back.
399
00:17:42,821 --> 00:17:45,211
I was wrong
about being right.
400
00:17:45,259 --> 00:17:48,399
Well, Dad,
I guess I win again.
401
00:17:48,436 --> 00:17:50,696
Well, that's only 'cause I hit
the buzzer too fast.
402
00:17:50,742 --> 00:17:52,172
You know what I mean?
403
00:17:52,222 --> 00:17:54,262
The problem
is my cat-like reflexes.
404
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:57,060
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah.
405
00:17:57,097 --> 00:17:59,757
Heads up.Hey... Oh, hey...
406
00:18:01,275 --> 00:18:03,755
You saw how I blocked that,
right? I blocked that.
407
00:18:03,799 --> 00:18:06,329
Come on, Dad,
what's really going on here?
408
00:18:06,367 --> 00:18:10,637
Look, son, just because
you know a few random facts
409
00:18:10,675 --> 00:18:14,895
and have a degree, i-it's not
all the smart that you need.
410
00:18:14,940 --> 00:18:16,160
What are you talking about?
411
00:18:16,203 --> 00:18:18,463
Not everybody gets
to go to college.
412
00:18:18,509 --> 00:18:19,949
I mean, I was
gonna go,
413
00:18:19,989 --> 00:18:21,599
but then your grandfather
got sick
414
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:25,513
and I had to go to work
at his shop.
415
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,440
I-Is that what this is about?
416
00:18:27,475 --> 00:18:30,655
Dad, I-I don't think
I'm smarter than you.
417
00:18:30,695 --> 00:18:31,525
You don't?
418
00:18:31,566 --> 00:18:33,086
No.
419
00:18:33,133 --> 00:18:35,223
How do you think
I knew all that car stuff?
420
00:18:35,265 --> 00:18:37,095
When I was a kid,
I followed you around,
421
00:18:37,137 --> 00:18:38,657
soaking up everything you said.
422
00:18:38,703 --> 00:18:39,663
And then, because of
all your hard work,
423
00:18:39,704 --> 00:18:41,054
I got to go to college,
424
00:18:41,097 --> 00:18:43,147
where I learned
half of it was wrong.
425
00:18:45,580 --> 00:18:47,540
Well,
426
00:18:47,582 --> 00:18:50,362
thanks to me,
you got out of kindergarten
427
00:18:50,411 --> 00:18:52,321
with an 800 credit score, so...
428
00:18:54,589 --> 00:18:58,599
Seriously, Dad, I'm only
where I am because of you.
429
00:18:58,636 --> 00:19:00,336
So thanks.
430
00:19:00,377 --> 00:19:02,337
You're welcome, son.
431
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,386
Well, would you look at that?
432
00:19:06,427 --> 00:19:08,957
Looks like there are
no losers tonight.
433
00:19:08,994 --> 00:19:11,214
[grumbles]
434
00:19:11,258 --> 00:19:13,828
Well, looks like
I'm sleeping on the couch.
435
00:19:15,697 --> 00:19:17,697
I stand corrected.
436
00:19:27,143 --> 00:19:28,403
Hey.
437
00:19:33,062 --> 00:19:35,492
I thought of another
trivia question.
438
00:19:35,543 --> 00:19:38,713
"Which famous Dave acted
like a total idiot tonight?"
439
00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:42,242
[buzz]
440
00:19:42,289 --> 00:19:45,469
Me.
441
00:19:45,509 --> 00:19:47,469
[sighs] Or I.
442
00:19:47,511 --> 00:19:50,121
I honestly don't know.
443
00:19:50,166 --> 00:19:52,906
Can you please just tell me
why it was so important
444
00:19:52,951 --> 00:19:54,561
to prove you're smarter than me?
445
00:19:54,605 --> 00:19:56,655
Gemma, don't pretend
like you don't know.
446
00:19:56,694 --> 00:19:57,824
Know what?
447
00:19:57,869 --> 00:19:59,439
Well, that everyone thinks
448
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,270
that you're so accomplished
and smart and...
449
00:20:03,658 --> 00:20:05,658
...I'm just some hot
trophy husband.
450
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:10,100
What are you talking about?
451
00:20:10,142 --> 00:20:14,012
Sweetie, you're the most
amazing man I know.
452
00:20:14,059 --> 00:20:15,329
Really?
453
00:20:15,365 --> 00:20:18,325
Yeah. You've got
this great big heart,
454
00:20:18,368 --> 00:20:20,638
you make me laugh
all the time,
455
00:20:20,675 --> 00:20:22,415
and how can you not
think you're smart,
456
00:20:22,459 --> 00:20:24,989
Mr. Treasurer
of the Kalamazoo juggling team?
457
00:20:27,334 --> 00:20:29,634
I kept the budget low
and the juggling clubs high.
458
00:20:29,684 --> 00:20:31,644
[laughs]
459
00:20:31,686 --> 00:20:33,906
You know, you may have
lost trivia,
460
00:20:33,949 --> 00:20:37,039
but if you go light
some candles in the bedroom,
461
00:20:37,082 --> 00:20:39,252
you might win
something else instead.
462
00:20:40,695 --> 00:20:43,345
Are you talking about what
I think you're talking about?
463
00:20:43,393 --> 00:20:44,693
[buzz]
464
00:20:44,742 --> 00:20:47,742
Correct.
465
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,659
All right.
466
00:20:51,140 --> 00:20:53,450
Uh, uh...
467
00:20:53,490 --> 00:20:56,060
We are talking about sex, right?
468
00:20:56,101 --> 00:20:57,621
Yes.
469
00:21:00,236 --> 00:21:02,756
It's a good thing he's hot.
470
00:21:07,374 --> 00:21:10,414
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
471
00:21:10,464 --> 00:21:13,464
Captioned by
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