1
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,360
Ah, happy trash day, Calvin.

2
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:13,274
Wow.

3
00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,493
White people celebrate anything.

4
00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:20,498
So, got any big plans
this weekend?

5
00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:23,675
Well, I was planning on going
down to the trash day parade.

6
00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:27,288
But instead I got to take Tina

7
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:29,290
to this concert on Saturday.

8
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:30,682
Oh, yeah?
Who are you guys seeing?

9
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:32,336
REO Speedwagon.

10
00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,121
Hey, brother!

11
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:36,079
I ride the Speedwagon, too.

12
00:00:37,689 --> 00:00:40,344
You know, first time I saw them
in concert was the summer of...

13
00:00:40,388 --> 00:00:42,738
Can we just go back
to talking about trash?

14
00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:45,306
Wait a minute, you
mean you're not a fan?

15
00:00:45,349 --> 00:00:47,525
Ah. Oh, no. It's all Tina.

16
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:50,354
She drags me to see 'em
every time they come to town.

17
00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:53,096
That's what happens
when you bus a black kid

18
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,359
to a white middle school.

19
00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:58,536
[chuckles]: Well, do you
at least have good seats?

20
00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,364
Well, they're in
hearing distance of the stage,

21
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:02,410
so I'm gonna say no.

22
00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:04,281
Well, I tell you,

23
00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,327
they are one of the
best bands to see live.

24
00:01:06,370 --> 00:01:08,329
Better than when I
saw Boston in Boston.

25
00:01:08,372 --> 00:01:10,418
Or Chicago in Chicago.

26
00:01:10,461 --> 00:01:14,378
Definitely better than when
I saw Kansas in Montreal.

27
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:17,077
Oh, oh, hey. You know what,
in that case, uh,

28
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:18,513
you want to go?

29
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:20,602
Are you kidding? I'd love to.

30
00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:22,343
Great. Pick Tina up at 7:00.

31
00:01:22,386 --> 00:01:23,909
You two will have a great time.

32
00:01:23,953 --> 00:01:25,650
Wait, hold on.
[chuckles]

33
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:26,695
You're not coming with?

34
00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:28,697
Nope. Look at that.

35
00:01:28,740 --> 00:01:30,916
It did turn out
to be a happy trash day.

36
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:34,094
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

37
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:35,443
♪ Welcome to the hood.

38
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:43,625
This concert is
gonna be epic.

39
00:01:43,668 --> 00:01:45,670
I am so amped!

40
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:47,063
I know.

41
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,630
You've been singing
"I Can't Fight This Feeling"

42
00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:50,240
since yesterday.

43
00:01:51,285 --> 00:01:52,155
Well, what could I say?

44
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:53,635
I couldn't fight the feeling.

45
00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:55,158
Okay.

46
00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:56,551
What else can you tell me
about Tina?

47
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:58,161
You said that she loves
to garden,

48
00:01:58,205 --> 00:01:59,858
she-she really likes to sing,

49
00:01:59,902 --> 00:02:01,860
and she don't got time for this.

50
00:02:03,253 --> 00:02:05,647
What exactly is "this"?

51
00:02:05,690 --> 00:02:07,214
I don't know, Dave.

52
00:02:07,257 --> 00:02:08,693
She just doesn't have time
for it.

53
00:02:10,304 --> 00:02:13,133
Why are you asking
all these questions?

54
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,309
Well, because you two are
already such good friends,

55
00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:17,267
and this is the first time
that Tina and I

56
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:18,486
have hung out one-on-one,

57
00:02:18,529 --> 00:02:21,141
and I just want to
make sure she has fun.

58
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:24,622
That-that she isn't intimidated
by my coolness.

59
00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:29,192
If cool's what you're going for,

60
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,325
you might want to leave
your air guitar at home.

61
00:02:31,368 --> 00:02:33,936
Hmm. Sorry, babe.

62
00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:36,243
I just got it restrung.

63
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,899
Okay, now, let's talk attire.

64
00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:43,206
Guns in?[sighs]

65
00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,208
Guns out?

66
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:49,212
Dave, I love you,
but I don't got time for this.

67
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,262
Hey, Malcolm,
when did you order that pizza?

68
00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:58,308
Uh, just about 25 minutes ago.Oh!

69
00:02:58,352 --> 00:03:00,267
So five more minutes
and it's free.

70
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:04,184
Fingers crossed, the driver
gets into an accident.

71
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,230
Oh, Pop, that's terrible.

72
00:03:07,274 --> 00:03:08,666
Oh, just a fender bender.

73
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,277
So the cheese don't slide.

74
00:03:11,626 --> 00:03:13,236
Oh, hey,
if you want to do something

75
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,672
instead of watching TV tonight,

76
00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:16,805
we can go outside and check out
that meteor shower.

77
00:03:16,848 --> 00:03:19,024
Ooh, science stuff.

78
00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:20,287
Yeah.Pass.

79
00:03:21,679 --> 00:03:23,246
Hey, I don't know, Pop.

80
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,813
That actually sounds
pretty cool.

81
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:26,728
Really?Nope. Hard pass.

82
00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:29,252
Come on, guys.

83
00:03:29,296 --> 00:03:31,689
It's the Leonids meteor shower.
It's the big one

84
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,300
that only happens
every 33 years.

85
00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:35,867
Great. Put me down
for the next one.

86
00:03:35,911 --> 00:03:37,478
[chuckles][doorbell rings]

87
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:39,262
Oh, that's the pizza.

88
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:40,916
I'll get it.You know what?

89
00:03:40,959 --> 00:03:41,960
Let me give you some money.

90
00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:43,310
Ah, don't worry about it, Pop.

91
00:03:43,353 --> 00:03:44,267
It's on me.

92
00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:45,529
You're paying?

93
00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,053
Forget your meteor.

94
00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:50,317
Now, that happens less
than every 33 years.[chuckles]

95
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:53,058
Very, very funny,

96
00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:55,496
but I have a job now,

97
00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:58,238
so let me feed the family.
[chuckles]

98
00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,717
Veggie pizza?

99
00:03:59,761 --> 00:04:02,024
What family you trying to feed?

100
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:06,376
Well, to quote you
for the last 20 years,

101
00:04:06,420 --> 00:04:09,074
"I pay, I pick, you shut up."
[chuckling]

102
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:12,513
Did you just tell me to shut up?

103
00:04:12,556 --> 00:04:14,210
No, he was quoting you,

104
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,168
so technically youtold you
to shut up.

105
00:04:16,212 --> 00:04:17,996
Shut up.Got it.

106
00:04:19,041 --> 00:04:21,217
Malcolm, what's gotten
into you lately?

107
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,045
Well, I'm paying
for myself these days,

108
00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:25,395
which means
now I get a say in things.

109
00:04:25,439 --> 00:04:26,614
And right now I say...

110
00:04:26,657 --> 00:04:29,834
[chuckles]:
"Mmm, mmm! Broccolini."

111
00:04:29,878 --> 00:04:32,054
[doorbell rings]

112
00:04:32,097 --> 00:04:33,447
[chuckles mockingly]

113
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:35,013
Smart-ass.

114
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:39,409
Hey, Gemma, what's up?

115
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:40,802
I have a problem.

116
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:43,413
Uh-oh. Is Crackhead Victor
"entertaining"

117
00:04:43,457 --> 00:04:44,762
in your car again?

118
00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:47,374
[sighs]
No.

119
00:04:47,417 --> 00:04:50,290
A bird flew into our house,
and I can't get it out.

120
00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:51,639
Oh. Just offer him

121
00:04:51,682 --> 00:04:52,770
a piece of this damn pizza.

122
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,076
He'll leave.

123
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,557
Actually, birds eat vegetables,

124
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:57,775
so that might work.

125
00:04:57,819 --> 00:04:58,820
I told you to shut up.

126
00:04:58,863 --> 00:05:01,039
Yep.

127
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:03,041
[squawks]

128
00:05:07,263 --> 00:05:09,483
Where does a parrot
even come from?

129
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:12,442
I bet it belongs to that pirate
who lives around the corner.

130
00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:15,663
Are you talking
about Eyepatch Willy

131
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,317
or Peg Leg Kenny?

132
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,101
The guy with the
hook for a hand.

133
00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:20,407
Oh.

134
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:21,582
That's just Steve.

135
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:25,455
Actually, Grover,
what you're looking at

136
00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,544
is one of the wild parrots
of Pasadena.

137
00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:29,894
Yeah, they came here

138
00:05:29,938 --> 00:05:31,722
from South America
when Pablo Escobar

139
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:35,378
tried to use them to smuggle
drugs into the country.

140
00:05:36,945 --> 00:05:38,381
Seriously?

141
00:05:38,425 --> 00:05:40,470
Yeah. He stopped
when he realized

142
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:43,212
they could testify against him.

143
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:47,477
That's ridiculous, Pop.

144
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:50,524
Uh, they escaped from an exotic
bird trader back in the '60s.

145
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:51,612
[Calvin scoffs]

146
00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:53,962
Boy, you believe
everything you read.

147
00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:58,532
Can we keep it as a pet?

148
00:05:58,575 --> 00:06:01,056
No, sweetie. It's a wild animal.

149
00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:04,276
With possible gang ties.

150
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,278
Look, don't worry.

151
00:06:06,322 --> 00:06:07,671
We'll take care of this.

152
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:10,631
But, uh, you and Grover
should probably go outside

153
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:12,502
and look at the meteors
with Marty.

154
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,112
Calvin, it's my house.

155
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,418
I should stay and help.

156
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:16,637
Okay.

157
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,421
I'm gonna need
some hedge clippers,

158
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:21,903
a nail gun and a mop
you don't mind throwing away.

159
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:24,949
[squawks]

160
00:06:24,993 --> 00:06:26,603
It's a nice night.
Let's go outside.

161
00:06:30,477 --> 00:06:31,782
Well, these are
pretty good seats.

162
00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:34,176
Yeah. I would have gotten us
tickets on the floor,

163
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:37,048
but last time
Calvin booed so loud,

164
00:06:37,092 --> 00:06:39,486
the drummer threw
his sticks at us.

165
00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:42,489
[grunts]

166
00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:44,708
Come on, now. You ain't
got time for that.

167
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:47,058
I know, right?

168
00:06:47,102 --> 00:06:48,451
Hey, you know what?

169
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,322
Watch out for security. I
snuck a little something

170
00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,324
into the concert to get
this party started.

171
00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:55,197
Whoa, Dave. So you bought
a little somethin' somethin'?

172
00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,242
Hell, yeah, I got a little
somethin' somethin'.

173
00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,203
Ah, that little
somethin' somethin'

174
00:07:01,246 --> 00:07:02,596
is a beach ball.

175
00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:04,685
Oh, uh, excuse me.

176
00:07:04,728 --> 00:07:06,121
Is this your
wife's jacket?Whoa!

177
00:07:06,164 --> 00:07:08,297
Whoa. [laughs]
We're not married.

178
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,125
[chuckles]:
No. We're just friends.

179
00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:12,432
Us? Married?

180
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,564
Uh, no, no.
Uh, no, no, no, no.

181
00:07:14,608 --> 00:07:16,958
[laughs]

182
00:07:17,001 --> 00:07:18,568
I think he gets it, Tina.

183
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,962
I mean,
can you believe that?

184
00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:22,485
Thinking that we're
a couple?

185
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:23,617
[laughs]

186
00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,401
[chuckles]:
Why is...?

187
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,881
Oh, is it because I'm white?

188
00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:28,448
Oh, no.
Been there, done that.

189
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:30,275
[sighs]

190
00:07:30,319 --> 00:07:31,973
Well, then, is it because
of the age difference?

191
00:07:32,016 --> 00:07:34,628
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't go there, Dave.

192
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:37,457
[chuckles]
Well, then, what is it?

193
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:40,677
Well, no offense,
Dave, but you and I,

194
00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:43,027
we're two different types
of people, you know?

195
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,681
I mean, I'm a lot.

196
00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:49,512
Well, I'm quite
a bit, myself.

197
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,036
Sure. Sure.

198
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,603
You are.

199
00:07:53,647 --> 00:07:55,518
Oh, I get it.

200
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,260
You don't think that
I'm as cool as you.

201
00:07:58,303 --> 00:08:01,524
Uh, Dave,
it's not your fault.

202
00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:03,744
Nobody is.

203
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,486
Okay. You know what?

204
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,704
Let's go.

205
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,489
Whoa, whoa, wait.
Where are we going?

206
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:11,360
We're gonna sneak down to
the floor like you wanted.

207
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:13,580
Oh, come on, Dave.
You know that's not you.

208
00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:15,538
How do you think that
I got to see Phantom

209
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,714
from the ninth row at
the Kalamazoo Playhouse?

210
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,892
Okay. Lead the way.

211
00:08:21,936 --> 00:08:23,938
Great. But stay close.

212
00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:26,984
Much like the Phantom,
I move in the shadows.

213
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:33,600
Okay, Grover.
You see those streaks of light?

214
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:36,559
Those are thousands
of space rocks being burnt up

215
00:08:36,603 --> 00:08:38,169
as they enter
Earth's atmosphere.

216
00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:40,607
Wow, that's...

217
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:43,871
Wait, are you trying to teach me
something on a Saturday?

218
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,438
You'll thank me at homecoming

219
00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:48,179
when they let you set up
the audio equipment.

220
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:52,009
This reminds me of one of
those silly action movies

221
00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:54,011
where an asteroid's gonna
crash into the planet

222
00:08:54,055 --> 00:08:56,013
and destroy all life on Earth.

223
00:08:56,057 --> 00:08:57,145
[Marty and Gemma chuckle]

224
00:08:57,188 --> 00:08:58,494
Yeah.

225
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,582
But that's really gonna happen.

226
00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:02,585
What?

227
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:04,587
Well, yeah,
it-it's simple math, Gemma.

228
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,633
Given the sheer number
of asteroids out there,

229
00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:08,504
one of them is eventually
gonna make impact,

230
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,724
and when that happens,
it's all over.

231
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,597
You mean we're all gonna die?

232
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:16,556
Well, no, sweetie.

233
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:18,383
Of course not. Right, Marty?

234
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,951
She's right. It'll only kill
people near the impact zone.

235
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:22,692
The rest of us
will cling to life

236
00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:24,128
in a nightmarish hellscape.

237
00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:28,568
Grover, why don't you go into
the Butlers' and watch TV.

238
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:31,309
But I want to hear...Stop learning science
and go watch cartoons.

239
00:09:35,226 --> 00:09:37,098
So...
[chuckles]

240
00:09:37,141 --> 00:09:39,100
You want to take
a peek-a-roonie?

241
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,931
Didn't find
the hedge clippers,

242
00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:46,977
but I did find
this weird-ass butterfly net.

243
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:49,763
Yeah, Pop,

244
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,373
that's a lacrosse stick.

245
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:52,722
Lacrosse?

246
00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:54,158
That's a tough sport.

247
00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:56,117
I didn't know
Dave had it in him.

248
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:59,381
Oh. Says "Gemma" on it.

249
00:10:00,425 --> 00:10:02,384
Wait, so,

250
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,734
your plan is to catch the bird
in that tiny net?

251
00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:07,084
And scare the poor little guy?

252
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,130
No.

253
00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:10,740
I'm gonna smash it.

254
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,786
Oh, no, Pop. Wait.

255
00:10:12,829 --> 00:10:16,311
How about instead of solving
the problem like a caveman,

256
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:17,660
we use our brains.

257
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:20,141
Oh, so now I don't
use my brain?

258
00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:22,099
Well, you are the one
who accused this parrot

259
00:10:22,143 --> 00:10:23,274
of being a drug mule.

260
00:10:24,711 --> 00:10:27,627
And can you prove
that he's not?

261
00:10:28,671 --> 00:10:30,804
Why don't you just sit down

262
00:10:30,847 --> 00:10:32,153
and let me handle this.

263
00:10:32,196 --> 00:10:33,937
Oh, okay.

264
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:35,809
Caveman watch.

265
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,768
[bird chirping]

266
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:40,161
All right, come on, bird.

267
00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:41,466
Come on.

268
00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:43,207
Get on outta here!

269
00:10:43,251 --> 00:10:45,775
Oh.

270
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:47,124
[chirping continues]

271
00:10:47,168 --> 00:10:48,648
Well, you got a job now.

272
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:50,606
Maybe you should just
pay him to leave.

273
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:54,566
Come on, let's
go, parrot.

274
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:56,481
Come on. Ca-caw!

275
00:10:56,525 --> 00:10:58,658
Ca-caw!

276
00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:01,835
Give it up, son, you're making
a fool of yourself.

277
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:03,750
Come on, parrot.
[cooing]

278
00:11:03,793 --> 00:11:06,056
[chirping]

279
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,668
[laughs] Yeah!

280
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,713
Look at that.
Who's the fool now?

281
00:11:10,757 --> 00:11:12,715
[bird chirping]

282
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,979
Still you.

283
00:11:25,249 --> 00:11:26,424
Pop, you've been
chasing this bird

284
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,383
around the living room
for half an hour.

285
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,690
It's called
"stalking your prey."

286
00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,302
It's something
meat lovers understand.

287
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,741
Yeah, now I'm starting
to see your plan.

288
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:40,917
You're waiting for it
to die of old age.

289
00:11:42,397 --> 00:11:43,964
[shouting]

290
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,057
Damn it!

291
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,624
Who puts a lamp on an end table?

292
00:11:54,235 --> 00:11:56,541
Yeah, well, I guess the
bird heard your plan.

293
00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:59,806
Or somebody told it to him.

294
00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:02,722
Oh, just admit it, Pop.

295
00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:04,332
Your idea was even
dumber than mine.

296
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,247
Says who?Says the lamp.

297
00:12:07,857 --> 00:12:09,772
You see a broken lamp,

298
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:12,514
I see one less place
for the bird to land.

299
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,735
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.

300
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:17,258
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.

301
00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:19,086
Told you I'd get us
down here.

302
00:12:19,129 --> 00:12:20,827
I cannot believe
that security guard

303
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:23,917
really believed that you were
Tom Cruise's stunt double.

304
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:26,223
I just told him I got this scar
jumping out of a plane

305
00:12:26,267 --> 00:12:29,226
in Mission: Impossible 5.

306
00:12:29,270 --> 00:12:30,880
Well, how did
you really get it?

307
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:32,055
Surgery.

308
00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:33,448
I got the hiccups
in seventh grade

309
00:12:33,491 --> 00:12:34,841
and I swallowed
my retainer.

310
00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:38,496
You know, I didn't think
you could pull it off,

311
00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:40,281
but you really did it;
you got us down here.

312
00:12:40,324 --> 00:12:41,804
That was pretty gangsta.

313
00:12:41,848 --> 00:12:43,066
If you thought
that was gangsta,

314
00:12:43,110 --> 00:12:45,286
wait till I blow
this bad boy up.

315
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:53,076
It's a jumbo,
it might take a minute.

316
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:59,474
I can't believe you told Grover
the world's gonna end.

317
00:12:59,517 --> 00:13:02,956
You know, this is why people
hate scientists.

318
00:13:02,999 --> 00:13:04,827
That's kind of
an alarming thing to hear

319
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:06,307
coming from a school principal.

320
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:11,834
You can't say those kinds
of things in front of kids.

321
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:14,968
I don't want Grover freaking out
about the end of the world.

322
00:13:15,011 --> 00:13:16,665
Well, I'm sorry, Gemma,
but I'm a scientist;

323
00:13:16,708 --> 00:13:17,840
I work with the facts.

324
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:21,626
And I'm a parent, Marty; I lie.

325
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:22,889
Okay. So what are you saying?

326
00:13:22,932 --> 00:13:24,586
We should just
sugarcoat the truth

327
00:13:24,629 --> 00:13:26,849
and stuff him full
of ignorance and falsehoods?

328
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,808
Yes.

329
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:32,159
He's seven years old.

330
00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:34,770
He doesn't need to know
the world's a scary place.

331
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,946
All he should be thinking
about are comic books,

332
00:13:36,990 --> 00:13:39,557
playing with his toys
and collecting Pokémon.

333
00:13:39,601 --> 00:13:41,646
You know, I thought about
all three of those today.

334
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,955
Look, I know
it can't last forever,

335
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:49,350
but he only gets to be innocent
for a little while.

336
00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:51,134
Okay, I get it.

337
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,484
And if it makes you feel better,
the whole asteroid thing

338
00:13:53,528 --> 00:13:55,835
probably won't happen
for another 10,000 years.

339
00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:57,575
Well, that's a relief.

340
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:59,664
Or Wednesday.

341
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,845
[bird chirping]

342
00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:15,855
That bird is taunting
us, I know it.

343
00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:18,379
Yeah. He's feeling himself
more than you.

344
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,903
Maybe he got a job

345
00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:23,645
and bought his family
some sunflower seeds.

346
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:28,868
I don't know why I thought
things would be any different.

347
00:14:28,911 --> 00:14:30,913
What are you
talking about?

348
00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,176
You've been riding me for years
about getting a job.

349
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:34,830
Now I finally got one

350
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:37,093
and I still can't get
the respect I deserve.

351
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:40,880
Look, you're a grown-ass man
who finally got a job.

352
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:44,535
But unless that job is making
trophies, don't expect one.

353
00:14:44,579 --> 00:14:47,103
I don't want
a trophy, Pop,

354
00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,149
I just want to be
treated like an equal.

355
00:14:49,192 --> 00:14:50,715
Equal?

356
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,804
[chuckles] To who?

357
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:56,852
Equal to you.

358
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,593
Okay. Look.

359
00:14:58,636 --> 00:15:00,812
Now, I'm glad that
you're getting a paycheck,

360
00:15:00,856 --> 00:15:03,946
but the truth is, son,
we'll never be equals.

361
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:06,949
So, what, you're always
gonna be better than me?

362
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:10,039
No, son,
I'm not better than you,

363
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:12,041
but I am your father,

364
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:14,914
which means I'm further
down the road than you.

365
00:15:16,219 --> 00:15:18,918
And it's my responsibility
to guide and teach you,

366
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:22,051
which means
if you say something stupid,

367
00:15:22,095 --> 00:15:23,966
I'm gonna tell you it's stupid.

368
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,927
Now, if you say something smart,

369
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,798
I'm gonna take credit for it.

370
00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:33,628
Right. So nobody gets
to tell you

371
00:15:33,671 --> 00:15:34,846
when you say something stupid?

372
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:36,065
Are you kidding me?

373
00:15:36,109 --> 00:15:37,719
I got your mother for that.

374
00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:40,287
[laughs]

375
00:15:40,330 --> 00:15:42,115
All right, man,
so should we just

376
00:15:42,158 --> 00:15:43,943
go tell Gemma that
this bird beat us?

377
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:45,248
Yeah, I guess so.

378
00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:46,423
[bird chirping]

379
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:48,469
Oh.

380
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:52,995
Don't move, Pop.

381
00:15:53,039 --> 00:15:54,736
W-W-What should I do?

382
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,042
Oh, now you want my advice?

383
00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,481
Don't play with me, Malcolm.
Get-get out the way.Okay.

384
00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:05,051
Okay, little bird.

385
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:07,140
Don't do nothing crazy.

386
00:16:07,183 --> 00:16:10,360
We both want to get home
to our families.

387
00:16:14,843 --> 00:16:16,410
[wings flapping]

388
00:16:16,453 --> 00:16:18,455
Ha ha!
You did it!

389
00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:20,370
You see that?

390
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:22,024
You see how cool
I played it?
Yeah.

391
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:24,331
Took me back to
my street days, man.

392
00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:26,246
Yeah, Pop, you was ice cold.

393
00:16:26,289 --> 00:16:29,553
Well, now that we
handled our business...

394
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:31,903
Right. Right.

395
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:34,036
...what do you say
we go home?Let's go, man.

396
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,995
[both chuckling]

397
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:38,127
[bird chirping]

398
00:16:41,304 --> 00:16:43,219
That's Dave's
problem now.

399
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:48,572
You and your stupid
beach ball.

400
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:50,618
I'm the only black girl
at the concert

401
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:53,055
and you got me doing
a perp walk from the front row.

402
00:16:54,926 --> 00:16:56,363
I don't understand.

403
00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:59,105
The beach ball was
a big hit at Phantom.

404
00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:01,672
You try to sneak down again,
and I'm kicking you out.

405
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,154
Oh, my God.Enjoy the concert.

406
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:10,029
Man, wasn't that guy's
first beach ball.

407
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:12,683
He cut it right
on the seam.
Okay.

408
00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:15,121
Look, Dave, just put down
the beach ball, okay?

409
00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:17,079
No, I'm not letting this
guy ruin our night.

410
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:19,212
I'm getting out
my patch kit.

411
00:17:19,255 --> 00:17:20,343
[grunting]

412
00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:24,304
Enough!

413
00:17:24,347 --> 00:17:26,175
He's not ruining
the concert.

414
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:29,700
You are ruining the concert
for trying to be so cool.

415
00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:32,225
Trying? If I wasn't so
cool, how do you think

416
00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:33,965
I got us down to the floor
in the first place?

417
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,097
You want to know the truth?

418
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:36,707
I gave him 50 bucks.

419
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:40,102
Everybody knows that Tom Cruise
does his own stunts!

420
00:17:41,451 --> 00:17:44,280
[sighs]

421
00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:46,761
All right, you know what?
I have another plan.

422
00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:48,197
No, no! No, please.
Please, Dave,

423
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,503
no more plans, okay?

424
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:52,810
Let's just sit here,
watch the concert,

425
00:17:52,854 --> 00:17:54,203
and go home.

426
00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:56,162
All right. Fine.

427
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:58,164
[sighs]

428
00:17:58,207 --> 00:18:01,123
Well, don't just sit there.

429
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,298
Well, that's what
you told me to do.

430
00:18:02,342 --> 00:18:03,647
Well, you're doing it
all weird.

431
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:05,171
I-- You know...

432
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:06,520
I can't win with you.

433
00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:09,610
All I wanted for us was
to make a connection.

434
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,090
You know, obviously,
not as deep

435
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,222
as the one that I have
with Calvin, but still...

436
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:15,529
Dave, what are you
talking about?

437
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:18,140
We do have a connection.We do?

438
00:18:18,184 --> 00:18:19,533
Of course.
If we didn't,

439
00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:21,187
I wouldn't have come here
in the first place.

440
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,797
Ain't nobody
got no time for that.

441
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,281
[sighs]
Dave, I like you.

442
00:18:28,324 --> 00:18:32,285
You and your corny jokes
and your goofy hobbies.

443
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:35,070
And I like that no matter
how much Calvin makes fun

444
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,289
of your little short
little running shorts,

445
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:38,291
you just keep wearing them.

446
00:18:40,293 --> 00:18:41,337
You know, sometimes I
wear even shorter ones

447
00:18:41,381 --> 00:18:42,599
just to mess with him.

448
00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:45,907
You see?

449
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:48,344
You own who you are,
like I do.

450
00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:49,737
You feel me?

451
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:52,348
Yeah, I feel ya.

452
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:57,962
So what you're saying is
you got time for this.

453
00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,747
All day, boo.

454
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:03,142
Ooh.
All right!

455
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:05,187
Yeah. Here we go!

456
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:07,276
You know, Gemma
told me not to,

457
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:09,017
but I snuck
something else in.

458
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:11,193
What?
My air guitar.

459
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:13,239
Oh.

460
00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:16,764
Well, last concert,
Calvin broke mine.

461
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:19,027
But I still got
my air drums!

462
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:20,246
Yeah, ya do.

463
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:22,291
[shouts][cheering]

464
00:19:27,905 --> 00:19:29,472
So is the asteroid
gonna kill us

465
00:19:29,516 --> 00:19:31,170
or do I have to
do my homework?

466
00:19:34,129 --> 00:19:35,174
Uh, no, actually,

467
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,045
I just got a call
from NASA,

468
00:19:37,088 --> 00:19:39,308
and they said they
invented a giant laser gun

469
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:41,267
that's gonna blow it
right out of the sky.

470
00:19:41,310 --> 00:19:42,659
[gasps]
That's great news.

471
00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:44,095
Right, Grover?

472
00:19:44,139 --> 00:19:45,140
Maybe for you.

473
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,489
Now I have to
write a paragraph

474
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:48,622
about the American flag.

475
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:52,321
Thank you.

476
00:19:52,365 --> 00:19:53,453
It's no problem.

477
00:19:53,496 --> 00:19:54,889
Lying to kids is kind of fun.

478
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:56,586
[laughs]

479
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,153
Dave's been trying
to get that bird

480
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,199
out of y'all's house
for a long time.

481
00:20:00,242 --> 00:20:01,983
Well, it's a pretty
smart bird, Mama.

482
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:05,943
And very aggressive.

483
00:20:05,987 --> 00:20:07,206
It broke your lamp.

484
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,123
Oh, look.
Dave's door is opening.

485
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:14,604
Oh. [chuckles]
I gotta see this.

486
00:20:22,743 --> 00:20:24,223
Good talk, little guy.

487
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:27,313
Go be free.

488
00:20:30,838 --> 00:20:32,231
See that, Calvin?

489
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:35,016
Just got to play it cool.

490
00:20:35,059 --> 00:20:37,410
Well, you should've closed
your door, 'cause all

491
00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:40,587
he's gonna do is fly
right back into your...

492
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:42,589
MALCOLM:
Help! Help!

493
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:44,286
[indistinct shouting]

494
00:20:46,157 --> 00:20:47,376
Thank you!

495
00:20:47,420 --> 00:20:48,725
And good night.♪

496
00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:50,379
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

497
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:52,816
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org