1 00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:09,879 Lot of money in the pot, Dave. 2 00:00:09,922 --> 00:00:11,011 You thought you could come over here 3 00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:13,317 and play cards with the big dog? 4 00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:15,972 Well, you about to get bit. 5 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,321 [barks] 6 00:00:17,365 --> 00:00:18,931 [chuckles] 7 00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:21,064 Go ahead, take your best shot. 8 00:00:21,108 --> 00:00:22,761 Do you have any nines? 9 00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:25,025 Go fish. Ha, ha! 10 00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:28,463 [chuckles]: Ooh. 11 00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:31,118 Will you look at that? I hooked a nine. 12 00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:33,903 Booyah! 13 00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:36,427 Uh-oh, big dog, you got smoked 14 00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,299 by a dude who says "booyah." 15 00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:41,215 Hey, guys. Whatcha doing? 16 00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:44,044 Oh, hey, hon. I just beat Calvin and Malcolm in Go Fish. 17 00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,306 [gasps] Booyah! 18 00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:48,700 Malcolm, I'm glad you're here. 19 00:00:48,744 --> 00:00:50,789 How do you feel about blind dates? 20 00:00:50,833 --> 00:00:53,096 Oh, to be honest, Gemma, I'm not really into bl... 21 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,142 Great! 22 00:00:55,185 --> 00:00:57,753 Because there's this wonderful new English teacher at school, 23 00:00:57,796 --> 00:01:01,104 Sofia, and I think you two have a lot in common. 24 00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:04,455 Oh, so she also lives at home and takes the bus to work? 25 00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:06,109 [chuckles] 26 00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:08,198 Thank you, Gemma, but I don't think so. 27 00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:10,461 My last blind date turned out to have three children. 28 00:01:10,505 --> 00:01:12,072 Well, you like kids. 29 00:01:12,115 --> 00:01:13,725 Yeah, but she brought all of them to dinner. 30 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:18,208 And one of them was older than me. 31 00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:20,471 I promise you, you have nothing to worry about. 32 00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:22,821 I'm kind of known for my matchmaking skills. 33 00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:25,128 I have a perfect track record. 34 00:01:25,172 --> 00:01:26,608 Well... 35 00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,828 What about the Parkers? 36 00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:32,266 Oh, so he has a secret family in Winnipeg and that's on me? 37 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:34,833 Anyway, 38 00:01:34,877 --> 00:01:39,099 back in Kalamazoo, they called me Dr. Wedding Bells. 39 00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:40,361 Hey, look, I appreciate it, Gemma, 40 00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:42,102 but I'm not that desperate yet. 41 00:01:42,145 --> 00:01:44,843 You're not? 42 00:01:44,887 --> 00:01:48,238 You're playing Go Fish with two married men. 43 00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:51,111 And last night I caught you slow-dancing with a mop. 44 00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:53,635 He'll take it. 45 00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:56,290 Okay, fine. I guess we can go for a drink. 46 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,292 [gasps]Here you go, man. 47 00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,902 Whoa, what's this, Pop? 48 00:01:59,945 --> 00:02:02,557 Uh, just some extra cash in case she brings her kids. 49 00:02:04,298 --> 00:02:06,213 ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ 50 00:02:06,256 --> 00:02:07,344 ♪ Welcome to the hood. 51 00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:14,438 Calvin, I just heard that Terrence Walker died. 52 00:02:14,482 --> 00:02:16,223 Can you believe that? 53 00:02:16,266 --> 00:02:19,226 Absolutely. The man was on his last leg. 54 00:02:19,269 --> 00:02:21,141 He lost the first one in Korea. 55 00:02:23,317 --> 00:02:25,101 Well, apparently, he didn't leave a will, 56 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,060 and now his whole family is fighting over his estate. 57 00:02:28,104 --> 00:02:29,845 What estate? 58 00:02:29,888 --> 00:02:33,675 He had an '81 Buick and a closet full of left shoes. 59 00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:40,203 I don't know, Calvin. 60 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:42,118 We're not as young as we used to be. 61 00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,294 Maybe we should be thinking about making our will. 62 00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:47,906 Oh, no. Baby, we're not old enough to need a will. 63 00:02:47,950 --> 00:02:50,170 I just got carded last week. 64 00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:51,693 That's because the waiter 65 00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,912 was trying to give you a senior discount. 66 00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:56,567 Which I did not qualify for. 67 00:02:57,829 --> 00:03:00,180 Calvin, God forbid you died. 68 00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:02,182 I mean, the last thing you would want is for the boys 69 00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:04,140 to have to fight over your stuff. 70 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,839 I'm dead and you're worried about the boys? 71 00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:10,886 Wow, Tina. 72 00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:13,193 Wow. 73 00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:21,070 Hey, brother, 74 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:23,290 I am meeting a blind date for a drink. 75 00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,074 and I really don't want to be here. 76 00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:26,989 So can you call my cell in, like, half an hour? 77 00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:30,471 Say no more. Grandma's in the hospital or fire at home? 78 00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:32,255 [chuckles] Let's not take chances. 79 00:03:32,299 --> 00:03:35,476 Grandma's in the hospital because of the fire at home. 80 00:03:37,042 --> 00:03:38,653 Here's my number. 81 00:03:38,696 --> 00:03:40,655 Hi. Malcolm? 82 00:03:40,698 --> 00:03:42,787 Oh, damn. 83 00:03:42,831 --> 00:03:44,267 Sofia? 84 00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:46,226 [laughs, clears throat] 85 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:49,838 Let me guess. You were about to have a sick aunt? 86 00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:51,361 What? [laughs] 87 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:54,234 How did you know? 88 00:03:54,277 --> 00:03:56,105 [phone ringing]Because I'm getting 89 00:03:56,148 --> 00:03:58,499 a call from mysick aunt. 90 00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:01,502 Never mind, he's cute. 91 00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:03,330 [chuckles] 92 00:04:04,679 --> 00:04:07,072 Hey, wait. 93 00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:09,118 We only need a table for the two of us, right? 94 00:04:09,161 --> 00:04:10,815 Yeah. Why? 95 00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,208 I'm just checking. 96 00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:19,694 Hey, babe. Whatcha doing? 97 00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:21,391 Just getting some fresh air. 98 00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:22,958 It's a beautiful night. 99 00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:24,351 The stars are out.Yeah... 100 00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:25,352 You're waiting for Malcolm. 101 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:27,223 Where the hell is he?! 102 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,790 Well, if they're not home yet, 103 00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:30,922 the date must have gone well, right? 104 00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:34,186 Not just well. Sofia texted me and said it went great. 105 00:04:34,230 --> 00:04:36,319 Looks like Dr. Wedding Bells 106 00:04:36,363 --> 00:04:39,148 hasn't lost a patient yet. 107 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,584 Well... 108 00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:43,239 I don't know if the Cahills would agree. 109 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,806 Again, not my fault. 110 00:04:44,849 --> 00:04:47,243 If he didn't know he was gay, how was I supposed to? 111 00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:50,333 Hey, guys.Enough with the chitchat. 112 00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:51,987 Tell me everything.[chuckles] 113 00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:53,771 Look, there's not much to tell. 114 00:04:53,815 --> 00:04:55,817 It was okay. 115 00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:57,209 Wha... 116 00:04:57,253 --> 00:04:59,299 Just okay?Oh. 117 00:04:59,342 --> 00:05:02,780 Time of death: 9:32. 118 00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:06,393 Wha... But Sofia said it went great. What happened? 119 00:05:06,436 --> 00:05:08,046 All right, here's the truth. 120 00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:09,526 She has got this annoying laugh. 121 00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:11,833 A-And I mean, it's really annoying. 122 00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:13,182 How bad is it? 123 00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:14,705 People around us were checking their phones 124 00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:16,403 to see if there was a Amber Alert. 125 00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:19,928 Look, I'm sorry, Gemma, 126 00:05:19,971 --> 00:05:21,930 but that's a deal breaker for me, all right? 127 00:05:21,973 --> 00:05:23,323 Thank you for trying, though. 128 00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,674 GEMMA: I can't believe it. 129 00:05:26,717 --> 00:05:30,330 I-It's crazy for something like that to be a deal breaker. 130 00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:33,507 Catching your husband in a Jacuzzi with the mailman I get. 131 00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:37,772 But this? No. 132 00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:40,949 Well, look, Gemma, everyone has their deal breakers. 133 00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:43,386 You know, when I was single, I could never date 134 00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:44,474 someone who littered 135 00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:47,695 or had the same haircut as my mom. 136 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:51,612 Or lived east of highway 43. 137 00:05:51,655 --> 00:05:54,789 It is bumpkin central over there. 138 00:05:54,832 --> 00:05:58,096 Dave, I lived east of highway 43. 139 00:05:58,140 --> 00:06:00,055 Oh, I know. 140 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,581 But once I got to know you better, 141 00:06:04,625 --> 00:06:06,583 I discovered so many of your deal makers 142 00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:08,977 that I forgot about my one deal breaker. 143 00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:11,545 Aw. 144 00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:13,373 Plus, you were the only girl I met from over there 145 00:06:13,416 --> 00:06:14,722 who wasn't in a fight club. 146 00:06:17,725 --> 00:06:19,117 Maybe if I can get Malcolm to see 147 00:06:19,161 --> 00:06:20,641 more of Sofia's good qualities, 148 00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:23,426 he'll get over his deal breaker, just like you did. 149 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:24,558 I guess. 150 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:25,994 How long did it take you? 151 00:06:26,037 --> 00:06:28,910 Like, two or three dates? 152 00:06:28,953 --> 00:06:31,739 Yeah, let's go with that. 153 00:06:34,611 --> 00:06:36,744 Oh, hey, Dad.Hey, hey. 154 00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:39,529 Oh, y'all watching YouTube videos again? 155 00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:42,489 Play the one where the monkey steals the baby's ice cream. 156 00:06:42,532 --> 00:06:45,405 No, Calvin, I asked Marty to come over 157 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:46,928 and help us do our wills. 158 00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,146 MARTY: Yeah, I found this website 159 00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,496 that does almost all the work for you. 160 00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:52,194 So basically, all you have to do is die. 161 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:54,544 Boy, I survived black Michael Jackson, 162 00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:56,546 white Michael Jackson 163 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:59,462 and "Damn, I ain't know he did all that" Michael Jackson. 164 00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,551 I ain't going nowhere. 165 00:07:01,595 --> 00:07:04,467 Okay, fine. I'll do it without you. 166 00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:05,773 So leave his truck with Dave. 167 00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:08,645 Over my dead body. 168 00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:11,256 Exactly.Exactly. 169 00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,475 Fine. 170 00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:14,042 Come on. Let's do this, then. 171 00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:15,609 Let's-let's do it.Aw. [chuckles] 172 00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,785 Thank you, baby. And I promise you, when we're done, 173 00:07:17,828 --> 00:07:19,134 you can watch your monkey video. 174 00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:20,440 How does that sound? 175 00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:22,833 Good. 176 00:07:24,095 --> 00:07:25,836 Okay, let's get started. 177 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,317 Hmm.Uh, "Names, ages..." 178 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:30,232 Oh, do you want to be buried or cremated? 179 00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:31,494 Buried.Buried. 180 00:07:31,538 --> 00:07:32,495 Okay, great. 181 00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:34,018 Uh, moving on to the estate. 182 00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:35,585 "In the event that one of you gets remarried..." 183 00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:38,632 Ha! Next question, man. 184 00:07:38,675 --> 00:07:40,677 [chuckles]Whoa. Hold on. 185 00:07:40,721 --> 00:07:42,287 Why is that funny? 186 00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:45,465 'Cause I would never be with another woman after you. 187 00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:50,470 And you definitely couldn't be with another man. 188 00:07:50,513 --> 00:07:52,602 [chuckles] 189 00:07:52,646 --> 00:07:54,735 So, Calvin, if you up and die tomorrow, 190 00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:57,868 you would expect me to be single for the rest of my life? 191 00:07:57,912 --> 00:07:59,348 Uh, yeah. 192 00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:02,525 Winnie Mandela did it. 193 00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:05,702 Coretta Scott King did it. 194 00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:07,574 Tina Butler can do it, too. 195 00:08:08,618 --> 00:08:10,925 Mandela, Dr. King. 196 00:08:10,968 --> 00:08:13,231 Why don't you just compare yourself to Jesus? 197 00:08:13,275 --> 00:08:14,537 Well, fine. When I die, 198 00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:16,626 you got three days, and I'm coming back. 199 00:08:19,020 --> 00:08:20,804 Stop playing with me, Tina. 200 00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:23,590 I forbid you to remarry after I die. 201 00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:26,549 Well, if you keep it up, you won't have to. 202 00:08:29,421 --> 00:08:30,771 Hey, who wants to watch a monkey video? 203 00:08:34,035 --> 00:08:35,689 So, you see, Grover, 204 00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:37,473 even though Charlotte dies in the end, 205 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:40,171 the sacrifices she made for Wilbur the pig 206 00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,652 show us what true friendship really is. 207 00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:45,655 All it did was make me want bacon. 208 00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:49,267 Remind me to never let you read Old Yeller. 209 00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:52,749 Hey, Malcolm. 210 00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:55,186 Oh, hey, Dave. Uh, Gemma asked me to come over 211 00:08:55,230 --> 00:08:56,971 and help Grover out with his book report. 212 00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:59,713 Huh. That's usually my job. 213 00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,192 It was... 214 00:09:01,236 --> 00:09:03,804 until I got a C on the last one. 215 00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,110 [chuckles] 216 00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:08,591 I don't care what Ms. Sweeney says. 217 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:12,508 Charlie did nothing to deserve that chocolate factory. 218 00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,771 [doorbell rings] 219 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,733 Hi, I'm... 220 00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:21,430 Sofia?Sofia? 221 00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:22,779 Sofia! 222 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:32,876 So, Sofia, what languages do you speak again? 223 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,271 Well, English, Spanish, French... 224 00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:40,667 Ooh, French. As in fries, toast and kissing. 225 00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:43,974 Gemma, you're embarrassing me. 226 00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:46,063 Sorry. 227 00:09:46,107 --> 00:09:47,456 She also graduated cum laude from Berkeley. 228 00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:51,329 [chuckles] Yeah, she mentioned that 229 00:09:51,373 --> 00:09:52,374 at the restaurant. 230 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,506 You know who else went to Berkeley? 231 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:57,466 Frank M. Business. 232 00:09:57,509 --> 00:10:00,512 The "M" stands for Mindyourown. 233 00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:03,951 Um, 234 00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:05,605 Gemma, uh, where's the bathroom? 235 00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,868 Oh, uh, through the door next to the stairs. 236 00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:10,784 [chuckling] 237 00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:12,133 [door closes]Really? 238 00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:13,787 I can't believe y'all did this. 239 00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:16,485 Hey, don't look at me. I had nothing to do with this. 240 00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:19,749 I've been upstairs brushing up on Charlotte's Web. 241 00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,969 Like a sucker. 242 00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:23,361 [sighs] 243 00:10:23,405 --> 00:10:25,581 It's true. This is all on me. 244 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,149 I just wanted you to give Sofia another shot. 245 00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:29,933 Once you spend some more time with her, 246 00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:31,935 you'll forget all about her silly little laugh. 247 00:10:31,979 --> 00:10:33,545 Gemma, this is not cool. I told you 248 00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:35,417 I'm not interested in her or the fact that she speaks French. 249 00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:38,725 Bon-Bonjour! [chuckles] 250 00:10:38,768 --> 00:10:40,335 Oh! 251 00:10:40,378 --> 00:10:41,989 [speaking French] 252 00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:43,947 Bonjour. 253 00:10:43,991 --> 00:10:45,775 [cackling] 254 00:10:51,476 --> 00:10:53,827 I'd take my mom's haircut over that any day. 255 00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:55,959 Ooh. 256 00:10:57,613 --> 00:11:00,703 So, who gets the house-- me or Malcolm? 257 00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:02,270 Whichever one of you promises 258 00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:04,489 not to let your new stepdaddy move in. 259 00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,145 Oh, come on, Calvin. 260 00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:10,452 You know, look, if I die tomorrow, 261 00:11:10,495 --> 00:11:13,107 I would want you to do what you have to to be happy. 262 00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:14,804 Oh, really? 263 00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,677 So you'd be okay if I married Monique Baker? 264 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,810 That skank ho?! 265 00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:24,509 Don't you talk about Marty's stepmother like that. 266 00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:25,728 Wait. 267 00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,164 Wait, who is Monique Baker? 268 00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:30,559 She's a skank ho, that's who! 269 00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,082 She used to sing in the choir 270 00:11:32,126 --> 00:11:34,476 with your mother, and I ain't gonna lie-- 271 00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:36,347 she was pretty easy on the eyes. 272 00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:39,350 What? 273 00:11:39,394 --> 00:11:41,439 You wouldn't want me to be with somebody ugly now, 274 00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:45,095 would you? I mean, that would be disrespecting your legacy. 275 00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:49,883 So you been cheating on me in your mind all these years? 276 00:11:49,926 --> 00:11:52,712 Come on, Tina. You know my mind. 277 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:53,974 You know I don't think. 278 00:11:55,584 --> 00:11:58,282 Well, you thought her name up pretty quick. 279 00:11:58,326 --> 00:11:59,849 Yeah, it was pretty quick, Dad. 280 00:11:59,893 --> 00:12:01,285 You just lost the house. 281 00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:02,983 Damn it. 282 00:12:03,026 --> 00:12:05,420 And I'm not understanding why you're so upset. 283 00:12:05,463 --> 00:12:08,379 'Cause I was ready to mourn for the rest of my life, 284 00:12:08,423 --> 00:12:11,426 but no... 285 00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:13,689 you want us to be happy. 286 00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:17,432 Okay, fine. Maybe you're right. 287 00:12:17,475 --> 00:12:20,261 Maybe I shouldn't get remarried when you're gone. 288 00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:22,045 See? Now, that's what I'm talking about. 289 00:12:22,089 --> 00:12:24,265 I mean, why tie myself down to one man 290 00:12:24,308 --> 00:12:25,832 when I can date a whole bunch of 'em? 291 00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,311 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 292 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:28,835 W-What'd you just say? 293 00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,793 Uh, maybe now's a good time for me to get a snack. 294 00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:32,316 Or, you know, leave forever. 295 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,318 Oh.Yeah. 296 00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:35,885 You heard me. 297 00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:37,452 Maybe I should play the field, 298 00:12:37,495 --> 00:12:39,019 you know, even go back to Jamaica, 299 00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:41,717 get my groove back. 300 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,414 Or maybe 301 00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,416 I should date a younger guy. 302 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:48,332 I hear Monique's son is really good-looking. 303 00:12:48,376 --> 00:12:51,814 You stay away from my future wife's son. 304 00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:53,816 Wait, uh, time-out. 305 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:57,646 You do realize that means you would be dating my stepbrother? 306 00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:59,648 Ooh, you are so smart. 307 00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:01,824 I wonder if you get it from your late father. 308 00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:03,304 What's his name again? 309 00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:07,003 You know what, that's it. 310 00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:09,092 If I die, I'm coming back as a ghost. 311 00:13:09,136 --> 00:13:11,007 Let's see you keep a boyfriend 312 00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:13,009 when I'm poltergeisting his ass. 313 00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:19,320 Oh, and you know what else? 314 00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:22,540 Sofia was telling me about how much she loves to read. 315 00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:24,629 Malcolm's a big reader, too. 316 00:13:24,673 --> 00:13:25,630 What are you reading these days? 317 00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:26,936 Oh, all kinds of stuff.Mm. 318 00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,243 E-mails, 319 00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:31,811 text message... [chuckles] 320 00:13:31,854 --> 00:13:33,421 takeout menus. 321 00:13:33,464 --> 00:13:34,814 [cackling] 322 00:13:38,252 --> 00:13:40,428 Guys, I think the cat from the alley is back. 323 00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:43,561 And it sounds like she's having babies. 324 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:45,868 [chuckles] Uh, go back upstairs 325 00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,088 and finish your book report, sweetie. 326 00:13:48,131 --> 00:13:50,307 Well, I guess I should be getting home. 327 00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:52,179 Well, but it's still early. 328 00:13:52,222 --> 00:13:54,094 Yeah, well, when you're a security guard, you need 329 00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:55,095 a lot of rest. 330 00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:56,400 Otherwise you might fall 331 00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:57,575 for a sneak attack. 332 00:13:59,142 --> 00:14:00,404 Oh, okay. 333 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,319 It was nice to see you. 334 00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:03,973 It was nice to see you, too. 335 00:14:04,017 --> 00:14:06,671 Malcolm, before you leave, can I see you in the kitchen? 336 00:14:06,715 --> 00:14:08,456 I have an important... 337 00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:10,719 security guarding question. 338 00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:16,768 Sofia, uh... [chuckles] 339 00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:18,466 you're an English teacher. 340 00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:20,772 You tell me those Oompa Loompas didn't deserve 341 00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:22,296 the chocolate factory. 342 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,473 Malcolm, don't leave now. 343 00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:27,170 You're not giving her a chance. 344 00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:29,172 That's because I told you I'm not interested. 345 00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:31,174 Just because of her laugh? 346 00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:33,873 Which, by the way, I happen to think is cute. 347 00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,483 [Sofia cackling] 348 00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:42,664 Okay, Grover's right. 349 00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,753 It's like a catfight in her throat. 350 00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,061 But... 351 00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,672 she's so great in every other way. 352 00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:52,848 She's just not for me, okay? 353 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,633 Fine. I guess I'm just disappointed. 354 00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:57,722 I didn't think you were so superficial. 355 00:14:57,766 --> 00:15:00,508 No, look, Gemma, I'm not superficial, all right? 356 00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:02,640 It's just... [exhales] 357 00:15:02,684 --> 00:15:04,686 It's just what? 358 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:06,906 All right, you want the truth? 359 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:09,299 The problem is not her laugh. 360 00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,606 I actually like it.Really? 361 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:16,437 I mean, really? 362 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,134 Yes, okay? It's got character. 363 00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:20,223 She doesn't hold back, and... 364 00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:22,530 I think that's cool. 365 00:15:22,573 --> 00:15:24,749 Okay, so then what's the deal breaker? 366 00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:25,968 It's me. 367 00:15:26,012 --> 00:15:27,752 I'm the deal breaker. 368 00:15:27,796 --> 00:15:29,624 I-I got to go. 369 00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:30,712 [scoffs] 370 00:15:30,755 --> 00:15:32,932 Hey, it was really great to see you. 371 00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,934 Um, good night. 372 00:15:37,501 --> 00:15:38,676 [door closes] 373 00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,592 What just happened? 374 00:15:41,636 --> 00:15:44,204 [sputters] I don't know. 375 00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,641 It's definitely not something to laugh about. 376 00:15:49,644 --> 00:15:52,690 Oh, yeah? Well, me and my boy toy, Winston, 377 00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:54,692 we gonna lie on the beach in Jamaica 378 00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:57,869 and listen to reggae music all day. 379 00:15:57,913 --> 00:15:58,914 Yeah, well, that's all right. 380 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,437 Because I'm gonna be on the couch 381 00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:01,830 while Monique feeds me 382 00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:04,876 the best macaroni and cheese I've ever had. 383 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:08,489 You said that I made the best macaroni and cheese. 384 00:16:08,532 --> 00:16:09,490 You did. 385 00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:10,795 But you dead. 386 00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:12,449 Guys, please. 387 00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,538 No, no, no, no, no, no! That-That's all right. 388 00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:15,844 'Cause I don't even cook anymore. 389 00:16:15,887 --> 00:16:18,281 Yeah, me and Winston-- we hired a private chef 390 00:16:18,325 --> 00:16:21,284 with the money that we got from selling your shop! 391 00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:22,764 Marty, when I die, 392 00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,548 burn down my shop. 393 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,030 Okay! Before I get arrested for arson 394 00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:31,991 and have to be bailed out by my stepbrother/dad, 395 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:34,906 can you both sit down and be quiet? 396 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:35,907 Fine. 397 00:16:35,951 --> 00:16:37,648 I was gonna sit down anyway. 398 00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:42,523 I can't believe you guys are arguing about this. 399 00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:44,481 Do you know how lucky you are? 400 00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:46,483 People my age can't find somebody to be with 401 00:16:46,527 --> 00:16:48,703 for more than two weeks. 402 00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:50,487 If it weren't for you two, I... 403 00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:52,881 I wouldn't even believe in love anymore. 404 00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:56,624 I mean, look at you. 405 00:16:56,667 --> 00:16:58,930 After 30 years, you're both still so in love with each other 406 00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:01,194 that you're jealous of people that don't even exist. 407 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:06,895 Monique Baker exists. 408 00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:09,376 You know, I would've never even brought her up 409 00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:12,814 if you weren't so ready to move on and forget about me. 410 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,557 I could never forget about you. 411 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:17,819 Calvin, you're my soul mate. 412 00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:20,430 If I lost you, I would be devastated. 413 00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:25,218 How devastated? 414 00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:28,960 Calvin, why are we even talking about this? 415 00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:32,138 I don't want to imagine life without you. 416 00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,357 I know. 417 00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:36,055 I'd miss me, too. 418 00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:40,407 [chuckles] 419 00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:43,627 Give me a kiss, you big old... 420 00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:45,629 sexy honey bear, you. 421 00:17:45,673 --> 00:17:47,805 Come here. [chuckling][chuckling] 422 00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,807 Okay, okay. If you guys are good, 423 00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:51,809 let's get this over with.You know what, Marty, 424 00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:53,115 we're gonna have to do this another time. 425 00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:55,813 Your mother and I have some making up to do. 426 00:17:57,815 --> 00:18:00,514 Okay, that is it. Malcolm is definitely inheriting the couch. 427 00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,604 Well, in that case, 428 00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:05,084 you ain't gonna want the truck either. 429 00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,655 Hey, Malcolm. 430 00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:13,875 I was just coming over to see how you're doing. 431 00:18:13,918 --> 00:18:14,876 I'm fine. 432 00:18:14,919 --> 00:18:16,660 Just went for a little walk. 433 00:18:16,704 --> 00:18:19,446 So, how'd the rest of the night with Sofia go? 434 00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:20,621 Kind of weird. 435 00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:22,318 Dave tried to keep her from laughing 436 00:18:22,362 --> 00:18:23,841 by talking about the opioid crisis 437 00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:25,495 and how all the bees are dying. 438 00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:28,150 [chuckles] 439 00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:32,111 Hey, what did you mean when you said you're the deal breaker? 440 00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:35,114 Look, Sofia is amazing. 441 00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:37,768 She's beautiful, she's sophisticated, 442 00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:39,292 she's successful. 443 00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:40,902 But look at me, Gemma. 444 00:18:40,945 --> 00:18:43,861 I'm still living at home, trying to get my life together. 445 00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:46,342 That's not how anyone sees you. 446 00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:48,127 You're a great guy. 447 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:51,173 Well, maybe, but what do I have to offer her? 448 00:18:51,217 --> 00:18:54,611 Aside from watching Netflix on my parents' couch 449 00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:57,919 while my pops rubs lotion on his feet. 450 00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:02,141 Yeah, he's done that on our couch, too. 451 00:19:03,664 --> 00:19:06,623 Look, the fact is, 452 00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:09,409 Sofia's out of my league right now. 453 00:19:09,452 --> 00:19:11,193 Malcolm... 454 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:14,283 where you are now in your life is gonna change. 455 00:19:14,327 --> 00:19:16,720 What's not gonna change 456 00:19:16,764 --> 00:19:18,766 is who you are. 457 00:19:18,809 --> 00:19:21,856 And Sofia likes who you are. 458 00:19:21,899 --> 00:19:24,424 [chuckles softly] She said that? 459 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,643 Why don't you read the text yourself? 460 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:31,779 Oh. 461 00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:33,998 Well, she talks a lot about my butt. 462 00:19:34,042 --> 00:19:36,523 [chuckles] 463 00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:38,568 Kind of makes me feel like a piece of meat. 464 00:19:39,656 --> 00:19:40,744 I like that.[chuckles] 465 00:19:41,832 --> 00:19:43,094 [chuckles] 466 00:19:43,138 --> 00:19:45,619 Look, Sofia's a total catch, 467 00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:47,621 and you shouldn't let her get away. 468 00:19:47,664 --> 00:19:50,841 And I would tell her the exact same thing about you. 469 00:19:51,886 --> 00:19:53,627 Thank you, Gemma. 470 00:19:53,670 --> 00:19:55,411 I'm gonna go give her a call. 471 00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:57,631 [gasps][chuckles] 472 00:19:57,674 --> 00:20:01,287 Just like that, Dr. Wedding Bells saves another patient. 473 00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,985 CALVIN: Shut the damn door! 474 00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:10,252 Was he putting lotion on his feet? 475 00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:11,384 Yeah, let's just go with that. 476 00:20:17,955 --> 00:20:19,479 So, before you married Tina and were dating, 477 00:20:19,522 --> 00:20:20,828 did you have any deal breakers? 478 00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:22,395 I only had two rules, Dave. 479 00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:25,441 Pretty feet and a big ole butt. 480 00:20:26,921 --> 00:20:28,879 Well, what about with friends-- 481 00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:30,272 any rules there? 482 00:20:30,316 --> 00:20:31,273 A bunch. 483 00:20:31,317 --> 00:20:32,970 No one from Michigan, 484 00:20:33,014 --> 00:20:34,450 no optimists 485 00:20:34,494 --> 00:20:37,540 and definitely no one named Dave. 486 00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:40,064 Well, you know, 487 00:20:40,108 --> 00:20:42,284 I happen to have a few rules of my own. 488 00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,547 All right. Let's hear 'em. 489 00:20:44,591 --> 00:20:45,853 They have to be grumpy, 490 00:20:45,896 --> 00:20:47,507 they have to know everything 491 00:20:47,550 --> 00:20:51,206 and they definitely have to be able to fix a car. 492 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,557 Dave, if those are your rules, 493 00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:56,733 that would mean we would be best friends. 494 00:20:56,777 --> 00:20:58,300 You said it, not me. 495 00:20:58,344 --> 00:20:59,519 Booyah! 496 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,006 Captioning sponsored by CBS 497 00:21:09,050 --> 00:21:12,053 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org