1
00:00:13,412 --> 00:00:14,666
Whew!

2
00:00:14,710 --> 00:00:16,668
Nine! That's a new record!

3
00:00:16,712 --> 00:00:19,019
Wow, Dave.
You just ran nine miles?

4
00:00:19,062 --> 00:00:21,475
No, I got nine people
to wave back at me.

5
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,328
Well, let's just make it
an even ten.

6
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:25,851
Bye!

7
00:00:26,623 --> 00:00:27,679
Oh, no.

8
00:00:28,326 --> 00:00:31,405
Don't look now, but here comes
your least favorite neighbor.

9
00:00:31,436 --> 00:00:33,061
What are you talking about?

10
00:00:33,086 --> 00:00:34,709
I just waved goodbye to him.

11
00:00:36,758 --> 00:00:38,381
Calvin, it's Walter.

12
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:40,764
Oh, goodness.

13
00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:43,762
Wonder what's got his
adult diaper in a bunch today.

14
00:00:44,787 --> 00:00:46,047
Hey, Walter.

15
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:48,481
Dave. Jackass.

16
00:00:49,948 --> 00:00:51,297
What do you want?

17
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:53,855
Don't you have
an obituary to be in?

18
00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:57,694
I actually came over
to give you some bad news.

19
00:00:57,818 --> 00:00:58,993
I'm moving.

20
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,686
Are you kidding?

21
00:01:00,729 --> 00:01:03,178
That's not bad news.
That's great news.

22
00:01:03,290 --> 00:01:06,350
In fact, if I didn't hate you
so much, I would hug you.

23
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,444
You didn't let me finish.

24
00:01:08,617 --> 00:01:10,880
I'm selling my house
to the Cartelli Group.

25
00:01:11,096 --> 00:01:12,123
What?

26
00:01:12,369 --> 00:01:14,248
Uh, who's the Cartelli Group?

27
00:01:14,604 --> 00:01:16,301
They're big developers.

28
00:01:16,391 --> 00:01:18,752
They've moved into neighborhoods
all around here,

29
00:01:18,777 --> 00:01:21,506
knocking down the original homes
and replacing them

30
00:01:21,531 --> 00:01:23,421
with big, ugly monstrosities.

31
00:01:23,446 --> 00:01:25,231
That's right. And finally,

32
00:01:25,256 --> 00:01:27,824
we'll have a home around here
that matches your face.

33
00:01:28,350 --> 00:01:29,998
Okay, Walter, you take that back!

34
00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:31,756
Calvin has a beautiful face!

35
00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,832
Okay, Dave, you're not helping.

36
00:01:33,857 --> 00:01:35,287
Although you're not wrong.

37
00:01:36,627 --> 00:01:37,944
And here's the best part.

38
00:01:38,054 --> 00:01:39,760
You're in for a year
of loud trucks

39
00:01:39,785 --> 00:01:42,678
and construction workers
taking pee breaks on your lawn.

40
00:01:42,862 --> 00:01:45,217
And I might even show 'em
where I like to do it.

41
00:01:46,951 --> 00:01:48,667
Come on, Walter.
You can't do this.

42
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:51,475
Oh, yes, I can. I'm signing
those papers next week.

43
00:01:51,897 --> 00:01:53,458
I'm gonna get
a whole lot of money,

44
00:01:53,483 --> 00:01:55,177
and you're gonna get
a whole lot of this.

45
00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:59,091
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

46
00:01:59,116 --> 00:02:01,858
- beep, beep...
- Can't believe this guy.

47
00:02:02,388 --> 00:02:03,787
He's got some nerve.

48
00:02:04,043 --> 00:02:05,394
And amazing balance.

49
00:02:05,419 --> 00:02:07,756
He just backed up
all the way to his front porch.

50
00:02:12,937 --> 00:02:17,482
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -

51
00:02:17,716 --> 00:02:18,935
We got a problem.

52
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,412
What's the matter, baby?

53
00:02:20,647 --> 00:02:23,326
Walter's selling his
house to a developer.

54
00:02:23,363 --> 00:02:26,192
They're gonna tear it down
and build a giant eyesore.

55
00:02:26,423 --> 00:02:27,951
What? Are you serious?

56
00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:29,232
Yeah.

57
00:02:29,335 --> 00:02:32,186
You know, I've been praying
for Walter to move for years,

58
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,057
but I always meant to heaven.

59
00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:39,108
See, man, this is happening
all over the place.

60
00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:41,961
The developers come in, start
buying up all the houses

61
00:02:41,986 --> 00:02:43,280
and take over the neighborhood.

62
00:02:43,305 --> 00:02:45,006
- Mm.
- It's classic gentrification.

63
00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:47,201
Yup, and then the prices
go through the roof,

64
00:02:47,226 --> 00:02:50,983
the landlords raise the rent,
and good people are forced out.

65
00:02:51,166 --> 00:02:53,889
I can't believe Walter would
do this to the community.

66
00:02:53,948 --> 00:02:55,161
- Mm.
- You know what?

67
00:02:55,186 --> 00:02:56,966
I'm gonna drink
a gallon of iced tea

68
00:02:56,991 --> 00:02:59,036
and go over there
and water his lawn.

69
00:03:00,795 --> 00:03:02,648
Calvin, I've told you
a thousand times...

70
00:03:02,673 --> 00:03:04,388
Use your words, not your pee.

71
00:03:05,685 --> 00:03:08,760
Uh, yeah, some of
this is on you, Pop.

72
00:03:08,803 --> 00:03:11,044
Maybe if you didn't
antagonize him so much...

73
00:03:11,069 --> 00:03:13,243
- Mm-hmm.
- He wouldn't have decided to move.

74
00:03:13,286 --> 00:03:15,044
Who would move out
the neighborhood

75
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:16,677
just because I'm mean to 'em?

76
00:03:16,798 --> 00:03:18,638
Uh, present.

77
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,324
Okay, if that's the case,

78
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:26,880
maybe... there's a way
I could change his mind.

79
00:03:27,169 --> 00:03:28,362
What do you mean?

80
00:03:28,387 --> 00:03:31,669
I mean, maybe he wouldn't move

81
00:03:31,771 --> 00:03:36,396
if I tried being
a kinder, friendlier neighbor

82
00:03:36,421 --> 00:03:38,411
to that old, wrinkly bastard.

83
00:03:40,156 --> 00:03:41,548
I don't know, Calvin.

84
00:03:41,573 --> 00:03:43,612
Don't you think
it's a little too late for that?

85
00:03:43,637 --> 00:03:44,872
Uh, yeah, Pop.

86
00:03:44,905 --> 00:03:47,122
Maybe you should've
tried being nice to him

87
00:03:47,166 --> 00:03:50,122
back when he was a young,
less wrinkly bastard.

88
00:03:51,434 --> 00:03:53,974
Look, I'm not saying
it's gonna be easy,

89
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,826
but if anyone can do it, it's me.

90
00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:58,419
After all,

91
00:03:58,669 --> 00:04:02,247
no one can resist
the Calvin Butler charm.

92
00:04:03,031 --> 00:04:05,164
What Calvin Butler charm?

93
00:04:05,208 --> 00:04:08,083
Boy, shut up.
Wasn't nobody talking to you.

94
00:04:16,802 --> 00:04:18,046
Calvin?

95
00:04:18,747 --> 00:04:20,336
There he is.

96
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:25,091
My main man, Walter...
The Denzel of Pasadena.

97
00:04:26,526 --> 00:04:28,310
Why in the hell
are you raking my yard?

98
00:04:29,263 --> 00:04:30,755
Yeah, look, man, I know

99
00:04:30,798 --> 00:04:32,740
I haven't always been
the best neighbor,

100
00:04:33,269 --> 00:04:36,402
but I got to thinking
I'm gonna turn over a new leaf

101
00:04:36,427 --> 00:04:38,576
and figured
I'd rake a few of yours.

102
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:41,871
Oh. And I found this $20 bill
on your lawn.

103
00:04:41,896 --> 00:04:43,521
I figured you must have
dropped it.

104
00:04:45,021 --> 00:04:47,411
You know, I don't know
what you're up to, but...

105
00:04:47,436 --> 00:04:49,146
I did drop that 20.

106
00:04:49,836 --> 00:04:51,771
Now, what's this really about?

107
00:04:51,796 --> 00:04:53,872
If you need a kidney,
it ain't happening.

108
00:04:53,897 --> 00:04:56,107
No, I don't need a kidney.

109
00:04:56,132 --> 00:04:58,138
Although any man would be lucky

110
00:04:58,163 --> 00:05:00,833
to have one of your organs
inside of 'em.

111
00:05:04,758 --> 00:05:07,302
Calvin, I ain't up for
all this Fruity Pebbles stuff.

112
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:10,427
Oh. Oh, no, man. You know,
I just got to thinking.

113
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,560
We wasted so much time fighting,
when instead

114
00:05:13,585 --> 00:05:15,974
we should've been
getting to know each other.

115
00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:19,224
All right. Well, I'm Walter.

116
00:05:19,271 --> 00:05:22,115
I got a screw in my knee
and a damn fool on my lawn.

117
00:05:22,716 --> 00:05:25,380
You see? I didn't even know
about your knee.

118
00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:29,318
You know what? Why don't you
come over tonight for dinner,

119
00:05:29,343 --> 00:05:31,552
- and we just let bygones be bygones?
- No.

120
00:05:31,577 --> 00:05:33,529
- No, no, I-I don't know about that.
- Ah, come on, man.

121
00:05:33,554 --> 00:05:34,951
What can I do to convince you?

122
00:05:35,428 --> 00:05:37,904
Well, I did lose
another 20 around here.

123
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:43,822
You sure it wasn't
a ten and two fives?

124
00:05:44,503 --> 00:05:45,885
That'll do.

125
00:05:51,365 --> 00:05:53,589
Okay, dinner's almost ready,

126
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:55,675
and I'm wearing a low-cut blouse.

127
00:05:55,753 --> 00:05:58,393
I've done my part.

128
00:05:58,439 --> 00:06:02,222
All right, now, remember, no
matter how miserable Walter is,

129
00:06:02,275 --> 00:06:03,776
we got to be nice to him.

130
00:06:04,026 --> 00:06:06,175
But if he starts to choke
on a piece of carrot,

131
00:06:06,655 --> 00:06:08,729
let nature take its course.

132
00:06:10,042 --> 00:06:12,198
I don't get why
this is such a bad thing.

133
00:06:12,223 --> 00:06:13,823
If he sells his house
for a lot of money,

134
00:06:13,848 --> 00:06:15,659
don't all of
our property values go up?

135
00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:18,661
Sure, but some things
are more important than money.

136
00:06:18,719 --> 00:06:21,362
Like the people and the culture
of this neighborhood.

137
00:06:21,387 --> 00:06:23,157
Which is why I'm never leaving it.

138
00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:25,253
And that means neither am I.

139
00:06:25,442 --> 00:06:27,009
Neighbors for life, bro.

140
00:06:28,351 --> 00:06:29,884
Aw, what the hell.

141
00:06:29,909 --> 00:06:32,056
Let the fake friendliness begin.

142
00:06:33,965 --> 00:06:35,543
Okay, now, that's him.

143
00:06:35,568 --> 00:06:39,095
Now, remember, we're smiling,
we're laughing,

144
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:43,166
and most important,
we're not giving the Heimlich.

145
00:06:46,255 --> 00:06:47,775
Hey, Walter! Come on in!

146
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:49,328
- Hey, Walter!
- Hi!

147
00:06:49,353 --> 00:06:50,689
Uh, evening, everybody.

148
00:06:51,158 --> 00:06:52,380
I'm glad to see

149
00:06:52,405 --> 00:06:54,580
you're not take-off-your-shoes
kind of people.

150
00:06:54,864 --> 00:06:58,088
I don't want to be eating while
staring at your nasty feet.

151
00:07:02,113 --> 00:07:04,432
Well, it's gonna be hard
to keep our shoes on

152
00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:07,088
with you knocking our socks off
with those jokes.

153
00:07:09,152 --> 00:07:10,634
Well, let's get
this party started.

154
00:07:10,659 --> 00:07:13,603
Uh, Tina, lean forward
and pour the man a drink.

155
00:07:17,248 --> 00:07:20,599
So, Walter, why don't you tell
Dave and Gemma here

156
00:07:20,624 --> 00:07:22,070
how we first met.

157
00:07:22,095 --> 00:07:23,726
Who the hell is Gemma?

158
00:07:28,567 --> 00:07:29,843
That would be me.

159
00:07:30,119 --> 00:07:32,820
The one who took you to the ER
when you broke your ankle.

160
00:07:33,111 --> 00:07:35,287
Oh, yeah.
You're a terrible driver,

161
00:07:35,331 --> 00:07:37,249
and your taste in music sucks.

162
00:07:37,978 --> 00:07:39,929
This guy's hilarious.

163
00:07:40,048 --> 00:07:41,484
Watch out, Steve Harvey.

164
00:07:41,509 --> 00:07:43,913
We got the next host
of Family Feud.

165
00:07:47,115 --> 00:07:49,163
W-Walter, how did you guys meet?

166
00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:53,609
Well, it was the first Halloween
after they moved in,

167
00:07:54,022 --> 00:07:56,687
and Calvin brought the boys by
for trick-or-treating.

168
00:07:57,140 --> 00:07:59,230
And I gave 'em each
a ketchup packet,

169
00:07:59,255 --> 00:08:01,484
and I turned
the sprinklers on 'em.

170
00:08:02,992 --> 00:08:06,304
And what's crazy is we were
having hot dogs the next day.

171
00:08:06,387 --> 00:08:09,070
It's like Walter knew
we'd need ketchup.

172
00:08:12,835 --> 00:08:15,601
So, can I get anybody anything
from the kitchen?

173
00:08:15,641 --> 00:08:18,179
Well, I'll tell you
what I could use... some salt.

174
00:08:18,213 --> 00:08:20,109
This food is bland as hell.

175
00:08:21,937 --> 00:08:23,379
Excuse me?

176
00:08:23,422 --> 00:08:25,381
There he goes again.

177
00:08:25,424 --> 00:08:27,390
Just Walter being Walter.

178
00:08:27,653 --> 00:08:30,226
- Well, Tina about to be Tina.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

179
00:08:30,251 --> 00:08:32,468
Be cool. Stay cool.

180
00:08:32,501 --> 00:08:35,468
Just keep loading up his plate
with choking carrots.

181
00:08:36,229 --> 00:08:38,664
Well, you know what?
I don't know about you guys,

182
00:08:38,689 --> 00:08:40,715
but I'm having a blast.

183
00:08:40,740 --> 00:08:42,394
You know, too bad
that you're moving.

184
00:08:42,419 --> 00:08:44,856
Otherwise, we could
make this a regular thing.

185
00:08:44,965 --> 00:08:46,805
That'd be nice, but not as nice

186
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,296
as a big pile of money
from that developer.

187
00:08:50,347 --> 00:08:51,566
What's for dessert?

188
00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:54,968
How about some
upside-down-your-head cake?

189
00:08:56,530 --> 00:08:58,054
Come on, Walter.

190
00:08:58,410 --> 00:08:59,810
You can't sell to those guys.

191
00:08:59,835 --> 00:09:01,577
They don't care about
the people around here.

192
00:09:01,602 --> 00:09:04,115
Neither do I. You think
I'd give out ketchup packets

193
00:09:04,140 --> 00:09:05,694
to people I like?

194
00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:08,077
Come on, man.

195
00:09:08,102 --> 00:09:09,826
You know, there's got to be
something I can do.

196
00:09:09,851 --> 00:09:11,857
- Like what?
- I don't know.

197
00:09:11,882 --> 00:09:12,993
Uh...

198
00:09:13,037 --> 00:09:14,343
Maybe...

199
00:09:14,865 --> 00:09:16,649
we could find you another buyer.

200
00:09:16,693 --> 00:09:18,935
- What?
- Yeah. I mean, like,

201
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,567
you said you're not signing the
papers till next week, right?

202
00:09:21,611 --> 00:09:24,546
That gives us a couple of days
to spruce up the place

203
00:09:24,571 --> 00:09:26,765
and find someone who cares
about this neighborhood

204
00:09:26,790 --> 00:09:28,124
as much as we do.

205
00:09:28,958 --> 00:09:30,307
Calvin, we can have an open house.

206
00:09:30,332 --> 00:09:32,348
I love open houses.

207
00:09:32,373 --> 00:09:35,905
Walter, I'm what's known as
a world-class lookie-loo.

208
00:09:41,739 --> 00:09:43,261
Well, why should I do that?

209
00:09:43,286 --> 00:09:44,755
I already have a buyer.

210
00:09:44,780 --> 00:09:46,481
Because...

211
00:09:47,197 --> 00:09:48,982
I'm gonna get you more money.

212
00:09:49,697 --> 00:09:51,341
Well, I like the sound of that.

213
00:09:51,528 --> 00:09:53,075
But you're also gonna
have to put me up

214
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:54,676
in a hotel while you do it.

215
00:09:54,788 --> 00:09:56,786
- Seriously? A hotel?
- Yeah.

216
00:09:56,811 --> 00:09:59,056
And not one where you open
the door and you're outside.

217
00:09:59,081 --> 00:10:00,489
I want a hallway.

218
00:10:00,514 --> 00:10:01,907
That's it.

219
00:10:02,825 --> 00:10:05,020
Fine. You know what?
You got a deal.

220
00:10:05,079 --> 00:10:08,458
Good. Now pass me
some more of those carrots.

221
00:10:09,238 --> 00:10:10,805
Go ahead, Tina.

222
00:10:10,973 --> 00:10:13,192
I mean, if it's God's will,
it's God's will.

223
00:10:20,463 --> 00:10:23,825
Oh, my God. I can't believe
how much junk Walter has.

224
00:10:23,850 --> 00:10:25,057
Ugh. I know.

225
00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:28,455
It's like 20 yard sales
threw up in his living room.

226
00:10:29,269 --> 00:10:31,588
Well, on the bright side,

227
00:10:31,797 --> 00:10:33,471
Nixon resigned.

228
00:10:35,299 --> 00:10:38,977
Okay, so maybe this place
isn't exactly move-in ready,

229
00:10:39,002 --> 00:10:40,994
but it's got good bones.

230
00:10:41,248 --> 00:10:43,744
Yeah, if by "bones,"
you mean a skeleton.

231
00:10:44,874 --> 00:10:46,660
Yeah, Calvin, this is a disaster.

232
00:10:46,685 --> 00:10:49,407
There's no way we can
sell this place in two days.

233
00:10:49,432 --> 00:10:52,322
Come on, guys. This place is
oozing with character.

234
00:10:52,416 --> 00:10:55,142
I mean, check out
the tiled fireplace.

235
00:10:55,226 --> 00:10:57,095
Got the arched doorways.

236
00:10:57,253 --> 00:10:59,799
And I bet if I pull up

237
00:10:59,824 --> 00:11:03,205
this old, moldy carpet,
I'll find the original...

238
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,141
older, moldier carpet.

239
00:11:08,446 --> 00:11:11,066
This house hasn't been updated
in years.

240
00:11:11,091 --> 00:11:13,791
I know. Look at this
velvet wolf painting.

241
00:11:13,930 --> 00:11:17,533
It's so dusty, I think
this woman used to be White.

242
00:11:18,142 --> 00:11:19,933
You know what?
I can fix that right now.Oh.

243
00:11:19,976 --> 00:11:21,791
I'll just take it down.

244
00:11:24,940 --> 00:11:27,049
Uh, Calvin, don't look in there.

245
00:11:27,696 --> 00:11:30,391
I think that's where
the skeleton may be.

246
00:11:33,503 --> 00:11:36,627
Uh-uh-uh, I'm sorry, babe,
but there's no way

247
00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:38,564
we have enough time
to fix this place up.

248
00:11:38,706 --> 00:11:41,143
Unless, of course, you're
talking about Time Magazine,

249
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:44,291
in which case...
we have all of them.

250
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,627
Come on, it's not as bad
as you guys think.

251
00:11:47,652 --> 00:11:50,648
We'll get Malcolm and Marty
to help us put this stuff away,

252
00:11:50,673 --> 00:11:54,252
then we'll slap on some paint,
replace the furniture with ours.

253
00:11:54,277 --> 00:11:56,259
This place will look great
in no time.

254
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,083
Whoa!

255
00:11:58,108 --> 00:11:59,752
Whoa!

256
00:12:00,391 --> 00:12:03,470
Boom! It's where
the flat-screen goes.

257
00:12:44,924 --> 00:12:46,405
Hey, good job, bro.

258
00:12:46,430 --> 00:12:48,119
Oh, thanks, man. I appreciate it.

259
00:13:09,432 --> 00:13:10,955
You know, I got to say,

260
00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:13,364
we really did a fabulous job
on this place.

261
00:13:13,389 --> 00:13:15,989
I know. This place is gorgeous.

262
00:13:16,036 --> 00:13:18,340
Yeah, as long as no one touches
the wet paint,

263
00:13:18,365 --> 00:13:22,169
opens a closet door, or flushes
the toilet, we're gold.

264
00:13:23,322 --> 00:13:24,480
Okay.

265
00:13:24,505 --> 00:13:25,903
Open house starts in an hour.

266
00:13:25,928 --> 00:13:28,214
I posted some pics
to my lookie-loo message board,

267
00:13:28,239 --> 00:13:29,895
and, guys,
let me tell you something.

268
00:13:30,321 --> 00:13:32,277
People are looking to loo.

269
00:13:33,091 --> 00:13:34,472
Oh, I almost forgot.

270
00:13:34,515 --> 00:13:36,487
I was gonna put some
cookies in the oven.

271
00:13:36,512 --> 00:13:38,606
Oh, great idea. That'll make it
feel nice and homey.

272
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:41,784
Oh, actually, I was just gonna
try to warm this place up.

273
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,605
When I tried to turn on the
heater, the doorbell rang.

274
00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:48,878
Okay, Calvin, what do you say?

275
00:13:49,069 --> 00:13:50,592
You ready to sell this bad boy?

276
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:51,955
You're damn straight.

277
00:13:52,073 --> 00:13:54,305
All we got to do now
is open the door

278
00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:56,262
and let the house sell itself.

279
00:14:03,777 --> 00:14:07,127
I don't know about you, but...
I don't miss it.

280
00:14:11,338 --> 00:14:13,588
You know, and the best
thing about this place is

281
00:14:13,613 --> 00:14:15,970
that you can move in tomorrow.

282
00:14:16,251 --> 00:14:17,857
And, uh, you didn't
hear it from me,

283
00:14:17,882 --> 00:14:21,416
but I heard Denzel
used to live here.

284
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:25,259
Okay, cool. Is that a closet?

285
00:14:25,455 --> 00:14:27,080
Is-is what a closet?

286
00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,282
That door behind you.

287
00:14:29,508 --> 00:14:30,596
Oh.

288
00:14:30,621 --> 00:14:32,984
Uh, as a matter of fact, it is.

289
00:14:33,009 --> 00:14:36,900
But unfortunately, someone's
taking a tour of it right now.

290
00:14:39,490 --> 00:14:41,869
And, uh, with the
kitchen right here,

291
00:14:41,933 --> 00:14:43,883
you could be making dinner

292
00:14:43,908 --> 00:14:45,727
while still keeping an eye
on your kids.

293
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:47,545
We actually don't
have any children.

294
00:14:47,588 --> 00:14:49,821
Oh. Well, after I show you
the bedroom,

295
00:14:49,846 --> 00:14:52,697
you're gonna want to get busy
making some. Come on.

296
00:14:56,171 --> 00:14:57,969
Malcolm, this thing weighs a ton.

297
00:14:57,994 --> 00:14:59,531
How much longer do
we have to hold it?

298
00:14:59,556 --> 00:15:01,228
Oh, not too much longer, man.

299
00:15:01,345 --> 00:15:02,962
Just a couple of hours.

300
00:15:03,005 --> 00:15:05,088
Well, how long has it been?

301
00:15:05,722 --> 00:15:07,689
Three and a half minutes.

302
00:15:07,714 --> 00:15:12,252
Oh, sweet baby Jesus,
this is how it's gonna end.

303
00:15:17,237 --> 00:15:20,109
Wow, Helen, would you
look at this place?

304
00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:22,369
I know, Derek.

305
00:15:22,394 --> 00:15:25,447
This house is a dream come true!

306
00:15:25,921 --> 00:15:27,879
We better put an offer in quick.

307
00:15:28,189 --> 00:15:31,369
If we don't, we're gonna regret
it for the rest of our lives.

308
00:15:31,482 --> 00:15:33,689
Mother! Father!

309
00:15:33,714 --> 00:15:34,955
Please don't let

310
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:37,799
this extraordinary opportunity
slip away!

311
00:15:38,219 --> 00:15:40,814
Okay, Oliver Twist, reel it in.

312
00:15:42,861 --> 00:15:45,700
Malcolm, I can't
keep this up much longer.

313
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:47,853
Don't you give up. You can do it.

314
00:15:47,878 --> 00:15:50,272
Okay. Ow!

315
00:15:50,370 --> 00:15:52,541
Oh, that's it. That's it.
I'm going down.

316
00:15:52,566 --> 00:15:55,516
Oh, come on, Marty.
It's just a bottle of water.

317
00:15:55,541 --> 00:15:57,900
Yeah, but it still has
the cap on it.

318
00:16:00,291 --> 00:16:01,802
Oh!

319
00:16:03,606 --> 00:16:06,068
Well, there you go.

320
00:16:06,318 --> 00:16:07,974
One less thing to dust.

321
00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:10,825
Oh! Oh!

322
00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:13,761
Oh, no!

323
00:16:13,786 --> 00:16:15,216
I forgot about the cookies!

324
00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:18,129
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
- Whoa, whoa.

325
00:16:18,154 --> 00:16:20,568
Hey, guys,
get your offers in quick.

326
00:16:20,593 --> 00:16:24,224
Everybody knows a fire truck
always bring a crowd!

327
00:16:27,859 --> 00:16:30,388
Man, we were so close.

328
00:16:30,552 --> 00:16:31,653
It was our fault.

329
00:16:31,678 --> 00:16:33,811
Our acting was way over the top.

330
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,599
What are you talking about?

331
00:16:35,624 --> 00:16:37,017
We were totally believable.

332
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,630
It was Grover who crapped the bed.

333
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,982
Well, at least you didn't almost
set the house on fire.

334
00:16:43,007 --> 00:16:45,169
- Yeah, or drop the mantel.
- Come on, guys.

335
00:16:45,194 --> 00:16:47,529
This wasn't any
one person's fault.

336
00:16:47,812 --> 00:16:49,552
You blew it as a group.

337
00:16:52,673 --> 00:16:56,349
Whoa! You guys did
a lot of work around here.

338
00:16:56,423 --> 00:16:58,381
Whoa. Hold on, hold on, hold on.

339
00:16:58,807 --> 00:17:01,880
Ah, yeah.
All my carpets are still here.

340
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,435
So did you get any offers?

341
00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:07,781
No, but we were really close.

342
00:17:07,806 --> 00:17:09,590
We just need
a little bit more time.

343
00:17:09,615 --> 00:17:10,654
He's right.

344
00:17:10,679 --> 00:17:11,724
In fact, this one couple,

345
00:17:11,749 --> 00:17:14,006
Derek and Helen,
seemed really into it.

346
00:17:14,049 --> 00:17:16,638
Their son was
a little too into it.

347
00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:19,141
I'm sorry, Calvin,
but a deal is a deal.

348
00:17:19,185 --> 00:17:21,013
I gave you two days,
and you couldn't deliver.

349
00:17:21,038 --> 00:17:22,872
I'm signing those papers tomorrow.

350
00:17:23,929 --> 00:17:24,929
Come on, Walter.

351
00:17:24,954 --> 00:17:26,333
You can't do this, man.

352
00:17:26,358 --> 00:17:27,968
This community is special.

353
00:17:27,993 --> 00:17:30,622
It has history. It has a soul.

354
00:17:30,838 --> 00:17:32,669
Families have lived here
for generations.

355
00:17:32,848 --> 00:17:34,148
Doesn't that matter to you?

356
00:17:34,173 --> 00:17:37,200
Oh, I'll tell you what matters...
My bank account matters.

357
00:17:37,266 --> 00:17:39,263
And my wolf painting.

358
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:43,544
It's the only thing
I asked for in the divorce.

359
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:47,552
Oh, come on, Walter.
My pops is right, man.

360
00:17:47,577 --> 00:17:50,622
This house deserves to be
lived in, not knocked down.

361
00:17:50,647 --> 00:17:53,347
Yeah, man.
Look how nice this place is.

362
00:17:53,372 --> 00:17:55,435
Any family would love
to live here.

363
00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,583
Hell, I would love to live here.

364
00:17:57,629 --> 00:17:59,114
Wait a minute.

365
00:17:59,209 --> 00:18:01,637
So you're saying you would
live here if you could?

366
00:18:01,662 --> 00:18:03,013
Absolutely.

367
00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:07,950
In that case, I think
I have a way we can solve this.

368
00:18:09,116 --> 00:18:10,700
Let me buy the house.

369
00:18:10,725 --> 00:18:11,732
Wait. What?

370
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:12,811
Well, uh, hold on. Calvin.

371
00:18:12,836 --> 00:18:14,279
Uh, I know
it's only one house down,

372
00:18:14,304 --> 00:18:16,975
but if you move,
it'll break my heart.

373
00:18:17,467 --> 00:18:21,819
Look, Tina, look, I know
this is a lot of money,

374
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:24,377
but if Marty moves in,

375
00:18:24,475 --> 00:18:26,817
his rent could cover
some of the cost.

376
00:18:27,076 --> 00:18:29,592
And I could move in, too.

377
00:18:29,639 --> 00:18:30,881
That would double the rent.

378
00:18:30,906 --> 00:18:33,584
Ooh, actually, I don't know
if I'm looking for a roommate.

379
00:18:33,609 --> 00:18:36,077
Okay, but I know a lot of girls,

380
00:18:36,102 --> 00:18:37,717
and those girls have friends.

381
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,639
Oh, and just like that,
I got a roommate, Dad.

382
00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:42,475
Think about it, Tina.

383
00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:44,599
This will be good
for the neighborhood,

384
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,834
and it will help our boys
learn to be homeowners.

385
00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:51,819
Plus, we're finally getting
Malcolm out the house.

386
00:18:51,844 --> 00:18:55,327
And if you ask me, that's God
speaking through real estate.

387
00:18:59,408 --> 00:19:01,046
Oh, what the hell.
Let's buy a house.

388
00:19:01,071 --> 00:19:02,116
Yeah!

389
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:03,927
No, no, no. Hold on.
Hold on, all of you!

390
00:19:03,952 --> 00:19:05,943
I haven't agreed to a thing yet.

391
00:19:05,987 --> 00:19:08,729
- Oh, God.
- Come on, Walter.

392
00:19:09,217 --> 00:19:11,013
Now, I know we haven't
always gotten along,

393
00:19:11,038 --> 00:19:13,678
but do the right thing.

394
00:19:14,428 --> 00:19:17,983
Well, I do like the idea
of you having two mortgages.

395
00:19:18,008 --> 00:19:20,091
Plus, you'll be renting to family,

396
00:19:20,116 --> 00:19:21,624
and that always goes bad.

397
00:19:22,623 --> 00:19:25,079
So... congratulations.

398
00:19:25,225 --> 00:19:27,014
I'm screwing you again.

399
00:19:30,057 --> 00:19:33,076
Well, Calvin, I don't know
about the neighborhood,

400
00:19:33,101 --> 00:19:36,756
but because of you,
the property value of my heart

401
00:19:36,781 --> 00:19:39,155
- just went through the roof.
- Oh.

402
00:19:39,335 --> 00:19:41,116
Neighbors for life, bro.

403
00:19:41,370 --> 00:19:43,478
Oh, well, what the hell.

404
00:19:43,503 --> 00:19:45,827
Let the fake friendliness
continue.

405
00:19:51,944 --> 00:19:56,288
Well, truck's all loaded.
This is it. Bye, Dave.

406
00:19:56,646 --> 00:19:58,209
Bye, jackass.

407
00:19:59,568 --> 00:20:01,585
Well, I'm glad to see you go.

408
00:20:02,115 --> 00:20:05,225
Although it may not be a hearse,
I guess a moving truck will do.

409
00:20:06,693 --> 00:20:09,217
So, Walter, you never told
us where you were moving.

410
00:20:09,327 --> 00:20:12,835
To a singles retirement
community in Palm Springs.

411
00:20:13,194 --> 00:20:14,817
Seventy percent female.

412
00:20:14,842 --> 00:20:17,319
Oh. Please.

413
00:20:17,363 --> 00:20:19,247
Like you got some game
with the ladies.

414
00:20:19,272 --> 00:20:20,891
Oh, I don't need game.

415
00:20:20,916 --> 00:20:23,866
I got two good hips
and all my teeth.

416
00:20:25,107 --> 00:20:27,561
It's like fishing with dynamite.

417
00:20:28,585 --> 00:20:30,854
Well, you take care
of yourself, Walter.

418
00:20:31,107 --> 00:20:32,463
Yeah, good luck.

419
00:20:32,678 --> 00:20:34,882
Hope you die of a heart attack
while having sex.

420
00:20:34,907 --> 00:20:36,647
Me, too.

421
00:20:40,859 --> 00:20:43,294
Well, you got
to give the guy credit.

422
00:20:43,319 --> 00:20:45,365
After all those years of fighting,

423
00:20:45,390 --> 00:20:46,671
he did the right thing.

424
00:20:46,696 --> 00:20:48,324
Yeah, he sure did.

425
00:20:48,557 --> 00:20:50,820
You know, not to get
ahead of ourselves,

426
00:20:50,845 --> 00:20:52,741
but what do you think
about us being neighbors

427
00:20:52,766 --> 00:20:54,702
at a retirement community?

428
00:20:55,116 --> 00:20:56,741
I'll tell you what I think.

429
00:20:56,878 --> 00:20:59,718
Beep, beep, beep,

430
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,124
beep, beep, beep.

431
00:21:03,504 --> 00:21:08,002
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