1
00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:06,397
I can't wait to see your new renovations.

2
00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:08,747
I have not been this excited for a reveal

3
00:00:08,791 --> 00:00:11,663
since L.A. announced their new
composting program. Oh, yeah.

4
00:00:13,274 --> 00:00:14,710
You'reexcited?

5
00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:17,234
We've been living with our parents for 140 days.

6
00:00:17,278 --> 00:00:19,671
Uh, I had 175.

7
00:00:19,715 --> 00:00:21,630
At least that's what it felt like.

8
00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,240
You?

9
00:00:23,284 --> 00:00:25,677
I was about ready to
Shawshank my way out of there.

10
00:00:26,852 --> 00:00:28,376
Well, so hold on,

11
00:00:28,419 --> 00:00:30,813
Calvin, did you really let
Tina handle everything?

12
00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:32,945
Yes.Look.

13
00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:35,470
All I wanted to know was
how much is it gonna cost,

14
00:00:35,513 --> 00:00:37,689
and when is it gonna be done?

15
00:00:37,733 --> 00:00:39,474
Well, it's all done now.

16
00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:41,476
And the earthquake insurance paid for most of it.

17
00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:42,738
Most of it?

18
00:00:42,781 --> 00:00:44,131
How much did we...?

19
00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:45,915
Welcome, everybody, welcome! Yay!

20
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,874
Welcome!

21
00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,051
Oh, my God!

22
00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:52,791
This is like the best episode

23
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:54,924
of Fixer Upperever.

24
00:00:56,143 --> 00:00:58,145
Wow.

25
00:00:58,188 --> 00:00:59,972
Well, I sure hate our house now.

26
00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:01,626
Right?

27
00:01:01,670 --> 00:01:03,237
This is amazing.

28
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,195
I wish it was this ritzy when we were kids.

29
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:07,415
Hey, it's not ritzy-- hey! Oh...

30
00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:09,852
D-Don't touch anything.

31
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:12,898
It's a good thing it wasn't
this nice when we were young,

32
00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:14,378
'cause we would've destroyed it.

33
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,163
Oh, yeah, definitely, yeah,
we would've broken that.

34
00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:17,947
Yep. We would've broken that.

35
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:20,036
We definitely would've broken all that.

36
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,125
And, look, Gemma!

37
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,561
A wine fridge.

38
00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,650
No more lukewarm chardonnay. Oh!

39
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:31,091
So, Calvin, what do you think about the new digs?

40
00:01:31,134 --> 00:01:34,311
Well, it's a lot of big changes, but, um,

41
00:01:34,355 --> 00:01:36,400
I like what I've done with the place.

42
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:37,836
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

43
00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:41,275
You? You fought every
single change the whole way.

44
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:44,104
Oh, Tina, Tina.

45
00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:46,149
How about we leave the old attitude

46
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:47,803
at the old house?

47
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:49,544
It just doesn't go with the decor.

48
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,156
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

49
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,462
♪ Welcome to the hood.

50
00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:02,470
And this island is so big,

51
00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:04,559
it's almost like an actual island.

52
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:06,996
Nice.

53
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:09,085
Now, when I tell the ladies
I've been to the islands,

54
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,131
I won't be lying.

55
00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:14,960
Excuse me.

56
00:02:16,397 --> 00:02:18,225
Calvin!

57
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:20,879
Wake up. What are you
doing? We have guests, baby.

58
00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,794
Well, don't blame me, babe.

59
00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:25,884
I mean, you're the one that
reupholstered my old chair.

60
00:02:25,928 --> 00:02:27,756
Hmm. And she's so pretty,

61
00:02:27,799 --> 00:02:29,540
I might have to give her a name.

62
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:32,413
Well, I'm glad you like it,

63
00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:33,849
but if you name it,

64
00:02:33,892 --> 00:02:35,416
both of y'all gonna be in the backyard.

65
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,506
Just saying.

66
00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:40,769
Ooh, check out Mom's new fancy refrigerator.

67
00:02:40,812 --> 00:02:42,771
It makes five different types of ice.

68
00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:44,033
Ice is ice, Marty.

69
00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:45,295
How many different types do you need?

70
00:02:45,339 --> 00:02:47,123
Oh, you simple man.

71
00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:51,301
This makes crushed, cubed, shaved, pebbled,

72
00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:53,999
and a big-ass square block for your Scotch.

73
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:56,263
Check this out.

74
00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:58,134
Aha.

75
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,831
This is why people hate the rich.

76
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:01,398
Thank you.

77
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:05,489
Ooh, Tina!

78
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:06,447
Calvin.

79
00:03:07,839 --> 00:03:10,190
Your home is just gorgeous!

80
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,540
Oh, well, thank you, Miss Kim.

81
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:14,803
I'm so glad you chose to stay

82
00:03:14,846 --> 00:03:17,893
and remodel, instead of
moving out of the neighborhood.

83
00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:21,592
It's about time this block started to change.

84
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:25,074
Yeah, well, n-no, I'm not
trying to change anything.

85
00:03:26,989 --> 00:03:28,599
You've changed everything.

86
00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:32,995
I just hope you haven't
changed your bedroom curtains.

87
00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:35,650
I like seeing your silhouettes at night.

88
00:03:37,173 --> 00:03:39,131
Tina, are you hearing all this?

89
00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:41,308
Yeah, got it-- blackout curtains.

90
00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:42,526
Uh, Miss Kim?

91
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,398
Would you like to see our bedroom

92
00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:46,051
from the inside for a change?

93
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:47,183
Oh, goodie.

94
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,403
Okay, right this way.

95
00:03:49,446 --> 00:03:51,448
Well, well, well.

96
00:03:51,492 --> 00:03:53,276
Check you out.

97
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,669
New kitchen,

98
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,714
new living room, new furniture.

99
00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:59,108
I don't even know how to
act in this house anymore.

100
00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:01,676
Me neither. He even bougied out his chair.

101
00:04:01,719 --> 00:04:03,634
Well, you know, I upgraded her

102
00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:05,288
a little bit, man.

103
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:06,942
And she hugs my body

104
00:04:06,985 --> 00:04:08,944
like I just came home from the war.

105
00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:12,991
I'm thinking about giving her a name.

106
00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:15,298
Renata.Renata.

107
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:17,605
But don't tell Tina, don't
tell Tina. Oh, no, no, uh-uh.

108
00:04:17,648 --> 00:04:18,910
Hey, come on, let me get y'all a beer, man.

109
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:20,434
All right, all right.

110
00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:22,479
Uh-oh, look at that, green apples. Okay.

111
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:28,311
Thank you, sir. Now hold on.

112
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:31,358
Let me elevate the experience for you.

113
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:33,316
Because beer...

114
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:34,839
tastes better...

115
00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:36,885
in frosted mugs.

116
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,541
A fridge just for chilling beer mugs?

117
00:04:40,584 --> 00:04:42,282
Fancy. Mm.

118
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:44,240
Dang.

119
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,590
Ole Calvin used to be one of us. Mm-hmm.

120
00:04:46,634 --> 00:04:48,549
Now he done gone Hollywood.

121
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,030
Can we even use slang in this house anymore?

122
00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:53,684
Hey, man.

123
00:04:53,728 --> 00:04:56,296
Come on, now, I'm still Calvin from the block.

124
00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:58,080
Mm.Ain't nothing changed about me

125
00:04:58,123 --> 00:05:01,344
except for this house, and
insurance paid for most of it.

126
00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:04,478
What kind of bougie
insurance covers a mug froster?

127
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,611
Man, I own a bar and I don't even have that.

128
00:05:07,655 --> 00:05:10,353
Well, that's because I got real insurance.

129
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:13,138
Not one that has a table at the swap meet.

130
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:17,752
I must admit it's really nice to see

131
00:05:17,795 --> 00:05:20,581
how the other half lives... Hollywood.

132
00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:25,455
Okay, all right, you two done had your fun, man.

133
00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,501
You can stop calling me Hollywood.

134
00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:30,373
Hey, we ain't mad at you, Hollywood.

135
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,636
Don't call security.

136
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:34,072
Uh-oh.

137
00:05:34,116 --> 00:05:35,683
No, I don't have to call security,

138
00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:37,772
but I might call the IRS and let 'em know

139
00:05:37,815 --> 00:05:39,948
that them two kids you
claim are not really yours.

140
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,171
Hey, are you almost ready?

141
00:05:46,215 --> 00:05:47,825
We're gonna be late for Calvin and Tina's party.

142
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:50,219
I know, but we need to talk.

143
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:51,916
Oh, God, what did I do? What did I forget?

144
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,223
Can I just pre-apologize,
so we can go to the party?

145
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:58,314
Look, watch whatever freaky thing you're into,

146
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,229
just please do it on your own tablet.

147
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,407
♪ Ride with me, all my
girls, all my girls with me... ♪

148
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,453
♪

149
00:06:10,674 --> 00:06:13,982
Why didn't you tell me you were
into videos of women twerking?

150
00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:16,114
I'm not. I'm...

151
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:18,813
I mean, I am now, uh...

152
00:06:18,856 --> 00:06:21,424
But it wasn't me who was watching those videos.

153
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,818
Oh, come on,
Dave, who else could it be?

154
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:25,341
Hey, I'm ready to go.

155
00:06:27,082 --> 00:06:29,737
Marty said the housewarming's
turning into a dance party.

156
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:30,999
I don't want to miss that.

157
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,783
I bet you don't.

158
00:06:34,872 --> 00:06:36,787
Dave!

159
00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:38,528
Today it's twerking videos,

160
00:06:38,572 --> 00:06:40,182
tomorrow it's something...

161
00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:41,879
twerkier.

162
00:06:41,923 --> 00:06:44,186
Okay, well...

163
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:45,666
let's cancel the Internet.

164
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:47,494
No.

165
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:48,799
I think it's time we have a more

166
00:06:48,843 --> 00:06:50,671
mature conversation with him about sex.

167
00:06:51,889 --> 00:06:53,021
We've already explained the basics,

168
00:06:53,064 --> 00:06:54,414
so we just need to take it up a level.

169
00:06:54,457 --> 00:06:56,633
Yeah, you're right, but I'll-I'll do it.

170
00:06:56,677 --> 00:06:58,983
Make it a father-son bonding thing.

171
00:06:59,027 --> 00:07:00,855
But first...

172
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:03,466
I don't know how they do
this, I mean, just-just physically.

173
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,990
Oh, it's easy. It's all in the knees.

174
00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:12,823
♪ Ride with me...

175
00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:15,347
How'd you get so good at that?

176
00:07:15,391 --> 00:07:17,088
From watching twerking videos.

177
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,090
But I clear my search history.

178
00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:25,488
Hey, Calvin, is Grover inside?

179
00:07:25,532 --> 00:07:28,273
Yeah, he's in there on my iPad.

180
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:29,274
Oh, no!

181
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,192
Whoa, look at you.

182
00:07:34,236 --> 00:07:36,194
Frosted mug. Somebody's living large.

183
00:07:36,238 --> 00:07:38,283
I'm just living, Dave.

184
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,374
Look, I'm sorry, man. It's just a lot of people

185
00:07:42,418 --> 00:07:44,464
in there with a lot of opinions.

186
00:07:44,507 --> 00:07:47,031
Well, I'm glad you're out here alone.

187
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:49,686
We need to talk about sex.

188
00:07:51,993 --> 00:07:54,517
Dave, we've had that talk already.

189
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:57,999
No.

190
00:07:58,042 --> 00:08:00,262
Gemma and I found out that Grover's been watching

191
00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:01,959
these twerking videos, and now

192
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,700
I have to have a real sex talk with him.

193
00:08:03,744 --> 00:08:05,920
Oh.And I was hoping to run some ideas by you,

194
00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:08,183
since presumably you've had to do it twice.

195
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:10,664
More like six times.

196
00:08:10,707 --> 00:08:14,015
Marty refused to believe that people would engage

197
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:15,973
in such "inappropriate

198
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,106
and unsanitary behavior."

199
00:08:20,717 --> 00:08:22,327
Well, look, I'm just trying to avoid it

200
00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:24,068
being awkward and uncomfortable,

201
00:08:24,112 --> 00:08:27,507
like, like the sex talk that I had with my dad.

202
00:08:27,550 --> 00:08:29,073
Well, Dave, you have a way of making

203
00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:30,945
the simplest conversation awkward.

204
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:34,209
A lot like the way this one started.

205
00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,560
Look, I know, and I just...

206
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:38,953
I don't want to screw up this up.

207
00:08:38,996 --> 00:08:41,216
Look, man.

208
00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:43,348
In this hyper-sexualized world we live in,

209
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:46,395
Grover is bound to be
exposed one way or the other,

210
00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:49,267
so you're smart to try to get ahead of this.

211
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:52,619
But the most important thing you can teach him

212
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:55,056
is to make good decisions

213
00:08:55,099 --> 00:08:57,406
and treat his partners with respect.

214
00:08:58,450 --> 00:08:59,626
Wow.

215
00:08:59,669 --> 00:09:02,411
You see, that, that was perfect.

216
00:09:03,499 --> 00:09:05,066
Can you be there when I talk to Grover?

217
00:09:07,024 --> 00:09:10,680
So you want your neighbor to watch

218
00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:13,814
while you talk to your son about sex?

219
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:17,513
No, you're right. That's my
dad's sex talk all over again.

220
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:23,606
Oh, look, baby, the Patels sent us a gift.

221
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:25,565
You know, the neighborhood is

222
00:09:25,608 --> 00:09:28,002
still talking about the party and our remodel.

223
00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:29,525
Yeah, I know.

224
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,092
I'm just worried that showing off our house

225
00:09:31,135 --> 00:09:33,007
may have sent the wrong message.

226
00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,617
I mean, Ernie and the guys

227
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:36,140
kept saying that I've gone Hollywood.

228
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:38,969
And that the Butlers, we all Bel Air bougie now.

229
00:09:41,537 --> 00:09:43,191
Baby, they're just busting your chops.

230
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:45,497
They didn't mean it.

231
00:09:45,541 --> 00:09:48,022
Mama, can I have another espresso macchiato

232
00:09:48,065 --> 00:09:50,111
from your Italian coffee maker, please?

233
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:53,897
I love how it steams the
milk all light and foamy.

234
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:55,507
Oh, okay.

235
00:09:55,551 --> 00:09:57,466
Oh, you want one, Marty?

236
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,337
Uh, I guess, although last time

237
00:09:59,381 --> 00:10:01,165
the steamed milk was light

238
00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:03,341
but it was not particularly foamy.

239
00:10:03,385 --> 00:10:05,126
No.

240
00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:06,954
Not bougie at all.

241
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,566
So why aren't y'all drinking
the coffee at your own place?

242
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,176
'Cause you got all the good stuff.

243
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:14,352
And we need it especially after playing poker

244
00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:16,006
at Ernie's all night long.Yeah.

245
00:10:16,050 --> 00:10:17,747
Ernie had a poker night?

246
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,357
Well, yeah, Dad, all the guys were there.

247
00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:21,098
We figured you were busy at the shop.

248
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:22,883
No. I wasn't invited.

249
00:10:22,926 --> 00:10:24,493
You see, Tina?

250
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,495
Baby, they probably just forgot.

251
00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:28,366
No, they didn't forget.

252
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:31,065
They think I've changed, like
I'm not one of them anymore.

253
00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,589
No, no, look,
for what it's worth, Pop,

254
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:36,418
we did have your back when
the guys were clowning you.

255
00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:38,289
You did? BOTH: Yeah.

256
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,987
'Cause they was going in on you, Pop!

257
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:43,033
Yo, Ernie said you are so siditty,

258
00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,774
you now pronounce your name

259
00:10:44,818 --> 00:10:47,342
Cal-veen Boot-lar!

260
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,042
Ah!

261
00:10:55,219 --> 00:10:57,178
After a couple hours of clowning you,

262
00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:59,441
we was like, "That's my
daddy, come on, now, like..."

263
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,617
That's what you did?

264
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,923
Yeah. Yeah, we did.

265
00:11:02,966 --> 00:11:04,011
Okay, well, Cal-veen

266
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,056
says get your own damn coffees.

267
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,449
No, Daddy, no...

268
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,670
Mmm, this isfoamy.

269
00:11:16,850 --> 00:11:18,678
Tina? Mm-hmm.

270
00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:20,331
I was looking at that bidet

271
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:22,899
and realized this is all your fault.

272
00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:25,641
My fault? How is this my fault?

273
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,295
Well, you're the one that invited people

274
00:11:27,338 --> 00:11:28,905
over to our new abode and...

275
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,994
Did I just say "abode"?

276
00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:34,476
What have you done to me?

277
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:36,521
You know what, maybe I have changed.

278
00:11:36,565 --> 00:11:38,872
Baby, you haven't changed.

279
00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:41,439
You just now have a house
that's tailored to your taste.

280
00:11:41,483 --> 00:11:43,572
They'll come around.

281
00:11:43,615 --> 00:11:46,314
No, this is how it starts, Tina.

282
00:11:46,357 --> 00:11:48,272
First you're not invited to poker.

283
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,535
Then you're shunned by your whole community.

284
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:52,407
Eventually your only friend

285
00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:54,409
is a recliner named Renata.

286
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,761
Yeah, I knew you would name it.

287
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:02,722
Babe, the way she cradles me in her lap...

288
00:12:02,765 --> 00:12:05,376
just calling her "chair" felt rude.

289
00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:08,945
Don't make me rip out her stuffing.

290
00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,949
Look, baby, you're just
overreacting about all of this.

291
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:16,474
Our community still looks to you as a leader.

292
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:19,826
No, babe, not if they can't relate to me.

293
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,784
They're starting to pull away, Tina.

294
00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:23,743
Because they think...

295
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:25,657
they think I'm the new Omarosa.

296
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,835
Okay.

297
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,924
All right, no, how about
this, why don't you invite

298
00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:32,839
the guys over to watch a game?

299
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:35,363
You can talk a lot of trash and prove to them

300
00:12:35,406 --> 00:12:37,234
that you're still the same old Calvin.

301
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:39,759
Splendid idea!

302
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,023
This house got me saying "splendid"

303
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:44,546
with a British accent.

304
00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:46,374
Yeah.

305
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,505
You know what, now I'm peeved.

306
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:50,682
You know what, damn it,
I'm gonna just stop talking.

307
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:56,819
Which is why the most important thing is consent.

308
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,821
You know, you never want
to make anyone do something

309
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,388
that they're not comfortable with.

310
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:02,259
Well, you make me clean my room.

311
00:13:02,303 --> 00:13:03,783
I didn't consentto that.

312
00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:09,527
Well, that's your mom, not me.

313
00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:12,835
Now, let's talk about those twerking videos.

314
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:15,838
It is completely normal for
you to want to watch them.

315
00:13:15,882 --> 00:13:19,102
Oh, good, but why can't I stop watching them?

316
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,410
That's a good question.

317
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:24,412
Uh, well...

318
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,806
Grover, we have these things called hormones.

319
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:29,069
Uh, which are...

320
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,462
you know, little guys that
bounce around inside your body

321
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:34,683
and... make you want to buy engagement rings

322
00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:37,991
and... be nice to passive-
aggressive mother-in-laws.

323
00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:41,516
What?

324
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,259
No, I get it, I get it, it's-it's complicated.

325
00:13:45,302 --> 00:13:46,695
Luckily...

326
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:48,175
I've written a song.

327
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:49,219
Oh, no.

328
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:55,573
See, what'd I tell you, man?

329
00:13:55,617 --> 00:13:58,315
Just a regular old game
night with the regular fellas.

330
00:13:58,359 --> 00:14:00,274
Yeah, all right. Yeah!

331
00:14:00,317 --> 00:14:01,797
Thanks for having us over, Calvin.

332
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,234
This new 4K TV is no joke.

333
00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:07,063
The Lakers look like they're
actually in the living room.

334
00:14:08,412 --> 00:14:09,500
Oh!

335
00:14:09,544 --> 00:14:10,675
I thought Durant was

336
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:11,807
actually gonna kick me.

337
00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:15,376
Ooh, LeBron on a breakaway. There he go!

338
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:16,899
Boom!

339
00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,862
Uh... Malcolm did it.

340
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:23,950
What? Malcolm did it.

341
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:25,603
Ernie did it.

342
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:27,649
Do not point your finger at me.

343
00:14:27,692 --> 00:14:29,390
Okay, all right, guys, come on, now.

344
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:30,870
Accidents happen.

345
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,915
Ain't nothing a few napkins can't take care of.

346
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,091
Here you go, just get that.

347
00:14:35,135 --> 00:14:37,006
Are you okay? I'm okay.

348
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:38,442
Yeah.

349
00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:41,619
Ernie? Hmm?

350
00:14:41,663 --> 00:14:44,405
Old buddy, you mind, uh,
taking your feet off my ottoman?

351
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,233
It's an ottoman.

352
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,104
Isn't that where you're
supposed to put your feet?

353
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:51,325
Not when it's made out of Bolivian bovine, no.

354
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:54,284
Oh, I thought you said make ourselves at home,

355
00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:56,112
Hollywood.

356
00:14:57,809 --> 00:14:59,811
You're right, you're right.

357
00:15:01,074 --> 00:15:03,467
Mi casa, su casa.

358
00:15:03,511 --> 00:15:05,513
Yeah. Well, in that case...

359
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:07,036
Oh!

360
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,821
I'm sorry, I think I broke your remote.

361
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,954
That wasn't just a remote!

362
00:15:11,998 --> 00:15:13,913
That was a new smart-house, multi-platform,

363
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:15,349
touch-screen keypad.

364
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:17,394
My bad, Hollywood.

365
00:15:17,438 --> 00:15:20,223
But if it was so smart, it
should've moved out of the way.

366
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,140
Move... get out the way! Get out the way!

367
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:26,534
You know what, that's it!

368
00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:28,492
You know what, I'm tired
of y'all thinking I'm different

369
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:30,103
because of my house.

370
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:32,322
Yes, it's beautiful.

371
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,542
And, yes, I'm proud of it, but just like y'all,

372
00:15:34,585 --> 00:15:36,413
I work hard to have what I have.

373
00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:39,025
Now get your Sasquatch feet off my ottoman!

374
00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:40,896
Hey, uh...

375
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,463
I think what my pops is trying to say is,

376
00:15:42,506 --> 00:15:43,855
please respect his space.

377
00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:45,466
I-I'm sorry, was I not clear?

378
00:15:45,509 --> 00:15:47,250
What I'm saying is...

379
00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:48,817
get the hell out of here!

380
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:50,688
Go! Everybody... You talking to me?

381
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,734
Put the cup down, Ernie, put the cup down.

382
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:54,692
You know that, and don't try to get no salsa,

383
00:15:54,736 --> 00:15:56,390
don't try to take no chips. Everybody, go.

384
00:15:57,434 --> 00:15:59,306
You know, I got to say,

385
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:01,961
you're starting to feel
like the old Calvin again.

386
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,571
Oh, you miss the old Calvin?

387
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:04,702
Yeah, man.

388
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:05,747
Well, this is gonna warm your heart.

389
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:13,320
So, you see, there's these
things called hormones.

390
00:16:13,363 --> 00:16:15,670
And they make you want to buy expensive stuff.

391
00:16:17,019 --> 00:16:18,716
And you need consent, but not when it comes

392
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:20,762
to cleaning your room or eating broccoli.

393
00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:23,808
Well, you know, it makes
more sense if you sing it.

394
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:25,636
So the song is basically about...

395
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,204
♪ Touching and rubbing

396
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:30,163
♪ And putting... Thank you for sharing, Grover.

397
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:32,295
But I believe they've heard enough.

398
00:16:35,255 --> 00:16:36,908
What were you thinking?

399
00:16:36,952 --> 00:16:39,085
Every kid on the playground is singing about sex,

400
00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:41,043
like it's a fun Taylor Swift song.

401
00:16:41,087 --> 00:16:43,002
What do you have to say for yourself?

402
00:16:46,788 --> 00:16:49,399
Did they really compare my
songwriting to Taylor Swift?

403
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:54,317
Okay, I'm sorry...

404
00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:56,972
Ms. Johnson, but can we
please talk about this at home?

405
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,930
No, because I'm not your wife right now.

406
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:00,758
I am your son's principal.

407
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,717
Okay, well, in my defense,

408
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,719
how do you explain hormones?

409
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:06,329
I mean, nobody knows what those things are.

410
00:17:06,373 --> 00:17:09,202
They're our bodies' chemical messengers.

411
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:12,509
Ooh, that's good, I got to
add that to my sex talk song.

412
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:14,729
What rhymes with messenger?

413
00:17:14,772 --> 00:17:17,253
Got it. "Sex with her."

414
00:17:19,299 --> 00:17:20,996
Dave, Grover needs

415
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,824
real information about sex.

416
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,739
Yeah, I know... you're right.

417
00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:26,741
I overthought it. I just, I didn't want it to be

418
00:17:26,784 --> 00:17:28,482
like the sex talk I had with my dad.

419
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:30,440
Everything was a power tool reference.

420
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:33,052
I still feel dirty walking around the Home Depot.

421
00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:39,275
Okay, so...

422
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:40,798
what does this thing do again?

423
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,583
It's a convection oven.

424
00:17:42,626 --> 00:17:44,541
It can braise, roast and toast.

425
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:47,196
Isn't that what a regular oven does?

426
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,546
Well, this one convections.

427
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,070
Oh.

428
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:52,810
Well, that clears that up.

429
00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:56,292
Oh, hey, Ernie. Come on in.

430
00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:57,598
Thank you.Mm-hmm.

431
00:17:57,641 --> 00:17:59,208
Oh, quick, Tina.

432
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,992
Hide the Grey Poupon

433
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:02,820
before Ernie accuses me of being

434
00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:04,735
a mustard elitist.

435
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:10,785
Actually, that's why I'm here.

436
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,613
I want to apologize

437
00:18:12,656 --> 00:18:15,006
for all the snide comments and rude jokes.

438
00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:17,618
You didn't deserve that.

439
00:18:17,661 --> 00:18:20,142
Yeah, man, I mean, we've always kidded around,

440
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:23,667
giving each other a hard
time, but... this felt different.

441
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:26,844
I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I was jealous.

442
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:30,152
I had a bad year at the
bar. I'm two months behind

443
00:18:30,196 --> 00:18:32,067
on rent and I...

444
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,721
might have to shut down.

445
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:36,724
But-but I still shouldn't have taken

446
00:18:36,767 --> 00:18:38,639
my frustrations out on you.

447
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,729
I'm sorry.

448
00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:43,731
Wow, man.

449
00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:45,950
I didn't know.

450
00:18:45,994 --> 00:18:47,996
Look, apology accepted.

451
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:49,476
Thanks. So...

452
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,347
why don't you stay and have some dinner with us.

453
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:53,610
Well, I have good timing.

454
00:18:53,654 --> 00:18:55,090
Can I get you a beer?

455
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,613
Oh, could I get one of them frosted mugs?

456
00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,180
Oh, you ain't said nothing but a word.

457
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,529
Ah...

458
00:18:59,573 --> 00:19:01,836
Yeah, yeah, all right, y'all.

459
00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:04,055
Time for me to head home.

460
00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:05,840
Okay.

461
00:19:05,883 --> 00:19:08,712
Oh, hey, hey! Was that chicken convectioned?

462
00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:10,845
Why, yes, it was.

463
00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:12,455
Thank you for noticing.

464
00:19:12,499 --> 00:19:14,675
I knew it, yeah, yeah.

465
00:19:14,718 --> 00:19:16,198
Oh, uh, Ernie, before you go,

466
00:19:16,242 --> 00:19:18,505
um, there's something that we wanted to give you.

467
00:19:18,548 --> 00:19:20,637
What's this? Look, man,

468
00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:23,510
I'm not a rich man, but I am a blessed one.Yes.

469
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:25,425
And as a small business owner,

470
00:19:25,468 --> 00:19:27,818
I know how tough times can be.

471
00:19:27,862 --> 00:19:30,212
But even more importantly, man, you're my boy.

472
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,519
So I know you would do the same for me.

473
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:36,740
Aw...

474
00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:38,133
Hey, look...

475
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,004
Thank-thank you, but I-I can't take this.

476
00:19:40,048 --> 00:19:42,572
Oh... You can and you will.

477
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:46,228
I appreciate it.

478
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:49,362
Yeah, besides, man, that
right there, that's a loan.

479
00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:52,103
Don't think your boy out
here giving away free money.

480
00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:54,845
Now, that is the old Calvin.

481
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,412
Yeah.

482
00:19:56,456 --> 00:19:57,935
Hey, thanks, you two.

483
00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,676
And I promise I will repay this loan

484
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:01,504
when I can.

485
00:20:01,548 --> 00:20:03,027
And when you do, make sure you give me

486
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,464
that other $40 you owe me.

487
00:20:04,507 --> 00:20:06,422
Yeah!

488
00:20:11,906 --> 00:20:14,343
And that's how things really work.

489
00:20:14,387 --> 00:20:16,389
Wow!

490
00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:20,349
So, now that you have this information,

491
00:20:20,393 --> 00:20:21,785
if you share it with your friends,

492
00:20:21,829 --> 00:20:23,265
just stick to the facts.

493
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:26,268
Oh, don't worry. I'd never
talk to my friends about this.

494
00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:28,836
Now that I know how
disgusting it is, count me out.

495
00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:33,275
Well, that went well.

496
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:35,582
I know.

497
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,932
I kind of want to update my sex talk song now.

498
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:42,284
Let me know what you think of this.

499
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:46,288
♪ She's got it, she's hypnotic

500
00:20:46,332 --> 00:20:50,336
♪ But now she's on antibiotics

501
00:20:50,379 --> 00:20:53,643
♪ She's got it, she's hyp...

502
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:55,689
---oOo---