1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,319
What does Christmas mean to me?
Um... Ham, turkey...

2
00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,199
There's a lot of lonely people
out there at Christmas,

3
00:00:11,239 --> 00:00:12,919
so it's a good time to
get your hole.

4
00:00:12,959 --> 00:00:14,720
..cheese,

5
00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:16,599
potatoes...

6
00:00:16,639 --> 00:00:17,720
Um...

7
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:19,239
Socks, jocks

8
00:00:19,279 --> 00:00:20,959
and deodorant sets from me mum.

9
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,959
I bloody hate Christmas!

10
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,319
..hot toddies,

11
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:25,440
Die Hard...

12
00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:26,959
Um...

13
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,720
Watching my kids break
200 euro worth of gifts

14
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,559
within about five minutes.

15
00:00:33,599 --> 00:00:34,959
Little pricks.

16
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,319
..oh, and spiced beef!

17
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:40,839
Huh, can't believe
I nearly forgot the spiced beef!

18
00:00:40,879 --> 00:00:43,400
People buy shit presents
that nobody wants.

19
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,680
And they pretend
they like the shit presents.

20
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:48,239
Does it look like I have feckin'
time to talk to you?

21
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,080
I like the drinking.

22
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,000
MUSIC: We Wish You A Merry Christmas

23
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,720
Even though God chose to
have his baby

24
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:09,800
on Christmas Day,
it's actually a shit time to do it.

25
00:01:09,839 --> 00:01:12,919
It's cold, you can't go on the lash
with everyone else,

26
00:01:12,959 --> 00:01:14,239
cos you're up the duff.

27
00:01:14,279 --> 00:01:17,480
And you'll end up getting fleeced
for all the baby shit you need,

28
00:01:17,519 --> 00:01:19,599
cos all the shops are doing
the Christmas rip-off.

29
00:01:19,639 --> 00:01:21,519
Sorry, can I help you? Er...

30
00:01:21,559 --> 00:01:23,160
Yeah.

31
00:01:23,199 --> 00:01:24,720
Er, is this a good one, yeah?

32
00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:26,400
Yes. How much is it?

33
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:27,919
1,100 euro.

34
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:31,199
1,100 euro for this?!

35
00:01:31,239 --> 00:01:33,199
It's a seat.
You could get a car for that.

36
00:01:33,239 --> 00:01:36,800
A shit car maybe, but, like, this is
the top-of-the-range Buggy Master.

37
00:01:36,839 --> 00:01:38,440
Who's the lucky lady?

38
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:39,800
It's for me mam.

39
00:01:39,839 --> 00:01:41,559
We're having a baby.

40
00:01:45,879 --> 00:01:47,879
I'm not having a baby
with me mam, all right?!

41
00:01:47,919 --> 00:01:48,959
Get that out of your head!

42
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:50,239
Sergeant Healy's riding me ma...

43
00:01:50,279 --> 00:01:53,519
Forget about it, all right?!
Me mam's having a baby. Oh, OK.

44
00:01:54,559 --> 00:01:56,000
I tell you what, I can give you...

45
00:01:57,199 --> 00:01:59,239
Give you two hundred today
and give you the rest tomorrow.

46
00:01:59,279 --> 00:02:01,559
Sounds good, yeah.
But I can take this now, yeah?

47
00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:03,319
When you bring back
the rest of the money.

48
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,519
OK.
Ah, you've done this before.

49
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:07,800
Ah, you're clever. Yeah, yeah.
I'll give you that.

50
00:02:07,839 --> 00:02:09,199
All right, see you tomorrow.

51
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,639
So, now that I've covered the turkey
with the herb butter,

52
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,319
which is so delicious.

53
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,760
I'm going to put
the chicken in here.

54
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:24,800
You really need to
shove it up there.

55
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,279
You want to make the turkey
look a bit like

56
00:02:27,319 --> 00:02:29,239
a pregnant woman
that's about to pop.

57
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,680
There, it's so easy.
This is idiot proof.

58
00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:42,000
Ugh. Now, it's the perfect time
for a little sip of champagne.

59
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,559
She makes everything look
so easy, doesn't she?

60
00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:47,559
I bet you when she was giving birth,
the baby just slid right out of her.

61
00:02:47,599 --> 00:02:49,120
You know, like they do on TV.

62
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,040
I hope you're enjoying your
stress-free Christmas Day

63
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,440
as much as I am.

64
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,559
Cheers!

65
00:02:54,599 --> 00:02:56,000
Mam? What?!

66
00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,760
I just can't handle
being around Conor at the moment,

67
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,559
everything he does is stressing me
out.

68
00:03:00,599 --> 00:03:02,319
Like, I need to relax for the baby.

69
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:03,879
Mam! What?!

70
00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:05,800
Do you know where
I can find some clean clothes?

71
00:03:05,839 --> 00:03:07,080
Hmm, let me think.

72
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,360
When's the last time you
washed your own clothes?

73
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:13,680
Is that a trick question? Cos
I've never washed my own clothes.

74
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,400
Exactly! And I won't be doing it
from now on either.

75
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,160
Here is the washing machine, Conor.

76
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,480
It has a round window.

77
00:03:20,519 --> 00:03:22,440
That's how you know it's
the washing machine.

78
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,040
This one has a round window too.
Yes.

79
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,760
That's the dryer and he's best
friends with the washing machine.

80
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,800
All right, like, you don't have to
talk to me like I'm an idiot.

81
00:03:28,839 --> 00:03:31,080
Yes, I do, because you
act like an idiot all the time!

82
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:32,919
No, not all the time!

83
00:03:32,959 --> 00:03:35,199
Oh, that's true,
sometimes you're sleeping.

84
00:03:35,239 --> 00:03:36,919
But you're probably having
idiot dreams!

85
00:03:36,959 --> 00:03:38,440
Come with me.

86
00:03:39,639 --> 00:03:41,919
Firstly, you put your dirty clothes
in the washing basket.

87
00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:44,839
I don't have a washing basket.

88
00:03:44,879 --> 00:03:46,839
That's your washing basket!

89
00:03:46,879 --> 00:03:48,040
Oh.

90
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,639
No, no, no, no!
That's where I keep my stuff!

91
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,199
Yeah, well, your stuff can stay
somewhere else.

92
00:03:52,239 --> 00:03:54,839
OK, I get it! Washing in the washing
basket! Thanks, Mam.

93
00:03:54,879 --> 00:03:56,360
Er, you can go now. I...

94
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:00,959
Is this real?

95
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,360
No, it's not, it's not real.

96
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,599
Really?! Yeah, really.
Should I ask Healy?

97
00:04:04,639 --> 00:04:05,919
Are you rhyming on purpose?

98
00:04:05,959 --> 00:04:07,559
No, I'm not rhyming on purpose!

99
00:04:07,599 --> 00:04:08,760
Oh, God!

100
00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,160
OK, no, no, it is a real gun,

101
00:04:11,199 --> 00:04:13,440
but, er, it's not exactly what it
looks like.

102
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:14,839
What...? Um...

103
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:17,000
Mairead? Yep.
Do you mind if I shower first?

104
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,480
Oh, yeah, sure, whatever.

105
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:19,879
Or you could join me?

106
00:04:19,919 --> 00:04:22,680
Oh, you take your time,
and you never know your luck.

107
00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,080
# On the first day of Christmas,
my true love gave to me... #

108
00:04:28,120 --> 00:04:30,760
You're not seriously going to ride
him in that tiny shower, are ya?

109
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,400
There's not exactly enough room
for the three of ye.

110
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,000
No, I'm not going to ride him
in the shower.

111
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:36,720
If I don't show up,
he'll just take care of himself.

112
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,519
I'm just buying time to sort
this shit out!

113
00:04:38,559 --> 00:04:41,080
Jeez. # Five golden rings... #

114
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,760
Where did you get a gun from?!
Conor's got a gun?!

115
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,760
Jesus Christ, Billy,
You frightened the shit out of me!

116
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,760
What did I tell you about not
letting yourself into my house?!

117
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,040
Well, I wouldn't have to let myself
in if you opened the door

118
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,000
when I rang the doorbell.
That's the whole point.

119
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,279
I don't want you in here!

120
00:04:53,319 --> 00:04:54,919
Since when do you own a gun?

121
00:04:54,959 --> 00:04:57,319
I don't own a gun,
I'm just getting paid to mind it.

122
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,120
It's just a foxer, you know what I'm
saying.

123
00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,519
A foxer is tiling someone's
bathroom on the weekend for cash.

124
00:05:01,559 --> 00:05:03,839
Yeah, well, I'm not paying
any tax on this either.

125
00:05:03,879 --> 00:05:05,599
Why are you getting
so annoyed about it?

126
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,559
I've done illegal shit before,
you should be getting used to it.

127
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,279
This isn't a stolen bike, Conor.

128
00:05:09,319 --> 00:05:11,680
This is a five-year prison
sentence with a trigger.

129
00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:14,239
Not to mention putting myself,
Healy and the baby in danger.

130
00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:16,599
Like, what are you thinking?!
Who are you doing the foxer for?

131
00:05:16,639 --> 00:05:17,959
Just this guy, Jack.

132
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:19,319
Tell me it's not Jack Hammer!

133
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,160
Jack Hammer! Oh, shit!

134
00:05:21,199 --> 00:05:24,599
What? There's only one person in the
world I'm absolutely terrified of,

135
00:05:24,639 --> 00:05:25,839
and that's Jack Hammer.

136
00:05:25,879 --> 00:05:28,639
He carries around a hammer,
and it's not for fixing shelves.

137
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,160
He's a complete lunatic.

138
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:31,559
OK, here's what's going to happen.

139
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:32,760
I'm going to drive to the coastline,

140
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,559
I'm going to chuck it in the sea
and let that be that.

141
00:05:34,599 --> 00:05:36,879
You don't want to be throwing away
Jack Hammer's loaded gun!

142
00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:39,040
He's knee-capped more people
than old age!

143
00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:41,319
What, this is loaded?
There's actually bullets in this?!

144
00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,559
No, of course it's not loaded.

145
00:05:42,599 --> 00:05:44,519
By "of course not" do you mean

146
00:05:44,559 --> 00:05:47,239
six in the cylinder
and the safety's off?

147
00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:49,120
Well... What? No way!

148
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,680
Is the safety on now? Yeah.

149
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,040
I mean, no.
Let me get that for you.

150
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:54,239
Safe as houses, Mairead.

151
00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:55,800
Mairead!

152
00:05:55,839 --> 00:05:57,519
And then I just couldn't get over
how many

153
00:05:57,559 --> 00:05:59,040
celeries there were in the shop.

154
00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:00,760
Will you look who it is!

155
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,040
It's Magic Mike.

156
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:04,720
Mairead, would you have a spare
tea towel there?

157
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,000
I feel slightly overdressed.

158
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,080
Er, Mairead,
you said you were going to ...

159
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,760
Oh, yeah, I was just having
a good long think about it.

160
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,120
Be right with you.

161
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:15,720
Go on, stick the emersion on there,
will you now.

162
00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,559
OK, look, don't worry.

163
00:06:18,599 --> 00:06:20,519
I'm going to bring Jack Hammer's
gun back to him.

164
00:06:20,559 --> 00:06:22,879
You're eight months pregnant,
you need to rest.

165
00:06:22,919 --> 00:06:24,040
You can trust me.

166
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,360
That's the problem, Conor,

167
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,239
I can't trust you as far as I can
throw you with anything.

168
00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:30,720
I wouldn't be throwing anything in
your condition now, Mairead.

169
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,160
Shut your face, Billy.
Conor, I'm going with you.

170
00:06:33,199 --> 00:06:35,440
And, Billy, you're coming too.
Why am I going with you?

171
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,239
Because it sounds like I'm going to
be meeting

172
00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:39,559
some very dangerous people, and
I need something to put between me

173
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:41,519
and them in case a bullet goes off.

174
00:06:41,559 --> 00:06:43,040
And he's just too small.

175
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,879
MUSIC: Jingle Bells

176
00:07:03,959 --> 00:07:06,279
WHISPERS: Motherfucker.
Mairead?

177
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:17,839
KNOCK ON DOOR

178
00:07:17,879 --> 00:07:19,360
Conor, are you in here?

179
00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:21,559
Yeah.
Hurry up, I'm dying for a crap!

180
00:07:25,839 --> 00:07:27,239
Who's that for?

181
00:07:27,279 --> 00:07:28,440
Jack Hammer.

182
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:29,879
I wrapped it.

183
00:07:29,919 --> 00:07:31,440
Oh, I like it.

184
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:33,040
Hiding in plain sight.

185
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:37,680
OK. Mam, do you want me
to carry it for ya?

186
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,160
No, I don't!

187
00:07:39,199 --> 00:07:41,519
Cos you'll probably do
something stupid, like drop it.

188
00:07:41,559 --> 00:07:42,959
Go, come on.

189
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,720
You're going to be a great mam,
Mairead.

190
00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:46,199
I already am a mam.

191
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,319
Oh, the law, the law, the law!

192
00:07:53,239 --> 00:07:55,800
OK, Mam, er, you're not used to
doing all this illegal stuff, right.

193
00:07:55,839 --> 00:07:57,080
So, just take a few pointers.

194
00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:58,319
Don't think about the gun.

195
00:07:58,360 --> 00:07:59,720
Don't think about the consequences

196
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,959
and just act
like it's any other day.

197
00:08:04,319 --> 00:08:06,760
Looking unsuspicious
is a state of mind.

198
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,080
Thanks, I think I got this.

199
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,239
I'm not taking advice
from you two dipshits!

200
00:08:10,279 --> 00:08:11,559
Ha, ha.

201
00:08:11,599 --> 00:08:13,319
See the United game last night?

202
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,720
Shocking altogether. Shocking.

203
00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,559
Shocking. Don't talk to me. Huh!

204
00:08:17,599 --> 00:08:18,959
Hold on, Mairead.

205
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,279
Is Healy inside?

206
00:08:21,319 --> 00:08:23,040
He gave us a call there
to give him a lift.

207
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,199
Yeah. Tony!

208
00:08:30,319 --> 00:08:31,959
I thought you were a "bike" Garda,

209
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,800
not a "I need a lift" Garda?

210
00:08:33,839 --> 00:08:35,879
We're going for Christmas
drinks after work.

211
00:08:35,919 --> 00:08:37,919
Isn't the whole reason
people own a bike

212
00:08:37,959 --> 00:08:40,639
so that they can cycle home
after the pub? Yeah.

213
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,559
It's illegal to cycle drunk too,
Billy, yeah?

214
00:08:42,599 --> 00:08:43,720
Huh?

215
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:44,959
That makes no sense.

216
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,120
It's not. It's not, like.

217
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:48,680
What does she see in him?

218
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,360
You all right?

219
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,239
Of course I'm all right.

220
00:08:53,279 --> 00:08:55,440
She's acting a bit weird, isn't she?

221
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:56,760
I was thinking that.

222
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,400
What have you got there?

223
00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:00,040
None of your business.

224
00:09:02,199 --> 00:09:03,559
Oh, you're busted!

225
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,120
It's a gift for me, isn't it?

226
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,760
Aww!

227
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,400
You've enough on your plate now
without going and getting me things.

228
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,239
Aww, I've no idea what it is.
Tony...

229
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,040
What do you think, lads?

230
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:23,199
All right, well, ju...

231
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,239
Oh, it's very heavy.

232
00:09:27,279 --> 00:09:29,519
Can you feel like a switch there?
Feel that.

233
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:30,639
No, no, no, no, no, no.

234
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:31,919
There's a knob there or something.

235
00:09:31,959 --> 00:09:34,680
Oh, do you know what? It's probably
for shaving your, your beard,

236
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,959
for your beard, it's a beard
trimmer! You're welcome.

237
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,440
The Manscaper?

238
00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,080
Good call.

239
00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,400
Look,
it's supposed to be a surprise!

240
00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,000
Do you mind handing it back, please?

241
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,120
Sure, the best part is guessing
under the tree, isn't it?

242
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,720
Should be like, "Oh, what is it?"

243
00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:49,879
Oh, well, suit yourself, girl.

244
00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:51,120
Ah, Jesus.

245
00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,680
Ha.

246
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,639
Guess we'll hit the road, so...

247
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:07,639
Oh!

248
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,800
Clear!

249
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,160
Clear of what?

250
00:10:15,199 --> 00:10:16,519
Clear...

251
00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:18,279
..your stupid car out of the way.

252
00:10:18,319 --> 00:10:19,879
You going to box me in all day?

253
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:21,959
All right, Jesus!
Merry Christmas to you too.

254
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,400
All right, lads.

255
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,160
Shotgun! It's a handgun!

256
00:10:25,199 --> 00:10:26,639
Shut up.

257
00:10:29,199 --> 00:10:31,160
They're still looking right at you.

258
00:10:31,199 --> 00:10:35,000
Mairead, is there any chance you can
move your seat forward a small bit?

259
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:37,919
Oh, yeah, I'll just pop this baby
out and pull my seat forward.

260
00:10:37,959 --> 00:10:40,760
All right, relax!
I didn't shout at you, like!

261
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,919
Oh, shut up.
Put your seat belts on.

262
00:10:44,319 --> 00:10:45,599
MUSIC PLAYS

263
00:10:45,639 --> 00:10:48,400
Just turn off the radio! Why?
Turn off the radio!

264
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,639
We need to hear...
I'm pregnant! Turn it off!

265
00:10:51,879 --> 00:10:54,559
Is my life just going to be
a series of these traumatic events?

266
00:10:54,599 --> 00:10:56,919
Watching you go into prison,
collecting you from prison,

267
00:10:56,959 --> 00:10:58,319
praying you don't
end up there again,

268
00:10:58,360 --> 00:10:59,480
but knowing in my heart of hearts

269
00:10:59,519 --> 00:11:02,160
that I'm at this halfway point of
this long list of fuck-ups with you!

270
00:11:02,199 --> 00:11:04,519
And then me feeling like the worst
mother in Ireland.

271
00:11:04,559 --> 00:11:06,199
You're your own woman.

272
00:11:06,239 --> 00:11:08,040
That's what you always say to me.

273
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:09,760
You can't let other people
define ya.

274
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:12,120
That only counts for people
you don't give birth to, all right?

275
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,959
You're my blood.
I made you, I raised you!

276
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,800
And I'm responsible for you as
the fuck-up that you currently are.

277
00:11:17,839 --> 00:11:20,199
So, yes, you do define me.

278
00:11:20,239 --> 00:11:21,919
What the hell is this kip?

279
00:11:24,839 --> 00:11:27,199
All right, Conor? Yeah.

280
00:11:27,239 --> 00:11:28,519
Who's this lovely lady?

281
00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:30,720
Er, Mam,
this is Helen, Hammer's wife.

282
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,279
Helen, this is Mam, my mam.

283
00:11:32,319 --> 00:11:34,239
Lovely to meet ya.

284
00:11:34,279 --> 00:11:37,199
Look, my son is minding
something for your husband,

285
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,680
and he can't mind it any more,
so we're here to bring it back.

286
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:43,120
Well, my husband's business
is my husband's business.

287
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,879
You'll have to talk to him
about that.

288
00:11:44,919 --> 00:11:46,360
I'll give him a call.

289
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,800
Why don't you have a seat over there
and hold on for him?

290
00:11:54,319 --> 00:11:55,839
You all right?

291
00:11:55,879 --> 00:11:59,080
My mam's had a bit of a tough day,
do you know?

292
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,360
Do you think maybe you could
fit her in for a pamper?

293
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,000
I'll pay double whatever it costs.

294
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,040
Any friend of Hammer's

295
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:06,639
is a friend of mine, Conor.

296
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:08,040
No charge.

297
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:09,440
Sheila!

298
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,319
Will you clear my schedule there,
girl?

299
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:12,959
Sorry, ladies.

300
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:15,720
No Christmas haircuts for you today.
Off with you. Go on.

301
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:17,919
That's not my coat.
Off with ya.

302
00:12:17,959 --> 00:12:19,680
We've been here all day, like!

303
00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,319
Mairead!

304
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,080
Why don't you jump on the basin
over there? What?

305
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,760
Get you sorted for Christmas.

306
00:12:30,239 --> 00:12:31,480
Come on.

307
00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,279
It's your lucky day, girl.

308
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,319
Sheila, throw her over there,
will ya?

309
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:38,680
Look after her as well.

310
00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:43,120
SHE SIGHS

311
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,040
Would you like a little
head massage with your wash?

312
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,720
Oh, that'd be amazing.

313
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,160
No bother.

314
00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:53,040
Oh!

315
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,080
MUSIC: Jingle Bells

316
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,040
WOLF WHISTLE

317
00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,360
Healy's a lucky man. Billy!

318
00:13:06,879 --> 00:13:08,000
BUZZER

319
00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,879
Himself is here, lads.

320
00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,360
Er, I just have to go to the toilet.

321
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,800
Get back here, you chicken shit!

322
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,599
Hi, love, how are ya?

323
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,800
Hiya, Hammer.
Er, sorry to get you...

324
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,440
HE SLURPS

325
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:39,839
Ah.

326
00:13:39,879 --> 00:13:42,440
I heard you were looking for me,
Conor boy, huh?

327
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,959
I heard you were looking for the
Hammer, huh? Is that right?

328
00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,959
I was, yeah. And what day is it,
Conor, boy? What day is it?

329
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,160
It's Tuesday.
Tuesday. No, well, yes.

330
00:13:51,199 --> 00:13:52,800
Tuesday. But who's coming tonight?

331
00:13:52,839 --> 00:13:54,239
S...S... Santa. Santa.

332
00:13:54,279 --> 00:13:55,760
Santa's coming, yeah?

333
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,199
It's Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve.
That's right, Conor boy.

334
00:13:58,239 --> 00:13:59,559
And I don't work on Christmas Eve.

335
00:13:59,599 --> 00:14:01,360
Did you know what I had to do,
Conor?

336
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:03,480
I had to pause Home Alone.

337
00:14:03,519 --> 00:14:06,239
I've left Home Alone home alone.

338
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,800
What?

339
00:14:07,839 --> 00:14:09,720
This better not be work related.

340
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,760
Well, no, it's not really
work related...

341
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:14,000
It is work...! It is work related.

342
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,720
Sorry, I know it's Christmas Eve,
like, but...

343
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,080
Please.

344
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,360
Who's this girl, boy?

345
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,040
Er...this girl is my mam.

346
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,000
You're his mammy then, eh?
I am the mammy.

347
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,800
You're a good looking mammy.
Wha...?

348
00:14:35,839 --> 00:14:38,000
Oh!

349
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,360
I see you've had
the Helen treatment.

350
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,279
Anywhere in the city I'd spot that,
it's lovely.

351
00:14:43,319 --> 00:14:45,599
She's done it again, girls!
Isn't that lovely?

352
00:14:45,639 --> 00:14:47,040
ALL: Yes, Hammer!

353
00:14:47,080 --> 00:14:49,639
Yes, Hammer!
That's a lovely job there, Helen.

354
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:50,879
Erm...

355
00:14:50,919 --> 00:14:52,319
Is there anywhere we can

356
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,959
kind of talk about this whole issue
in private? You...

357
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,559
Yeah, the office. Let's do it.

358
00:14:58,120 --> 00:14:59,959
Don't worry, Mam,
I've got this under control.

359
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,080
Oh, I feel so much better
hearing that, Conor.

360
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,040
What are you doing
bringing your mammy in here

361
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,279
with a baby in her belly?

362
00:15:09,319 --> 00:15:11,680
Er, she wouldn't stay at home. Huh?

363
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,440
Why wouldn't you stay at home with
your feet up,

364
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:14,720
resting with a baby in your belly,
girl?

365
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:15,919
How am I supposed to rest

366
00:15:15,959 --> 00:15:18,040
when you've got my son playing hide
and seek with a gun in my house?!

367
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,559
Did you not tell her it was a foxer?

368
00:15:19,599 --> 00:15:23,120
He came to me, said he needed
a couple of quid for Christmas,

369
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,839
so I looked after the boy, girl.

370
00:15:24,879 --> 00:15:27,160
Well, you can look after him again
now and take the gun back, please!

371
00:15:27,199 --> 00:15:28,720
Whoa, ho, ho... Whoa, whoa, whoa.

372
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,599
I don't work on Christmas Eve.

373
00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:32,199
And anyway,
we had an agreement, boy.

374
00:15:32,239 --> 00:15:35,000
Look, he's not responsible enough
to make agreements, OK?

375
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:37,319
So, you're going to have to make
a new agreement with me!

376
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:39,440
Oh!

377
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,559
Ha, ha! Have a look.

378
00:15:42,599 --> 00:15:43,800
Ah!

379
00:15:43,839 --> 00:15:45,160
Lovely.

380
00:15:45,199 --> 00:15:49,400
Oh, thanks very much now!
Thanks girl, oh!

381
00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:52,319
Oh, sure I love a bit of cooking,
me.

382
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:53,480
That's great!

383
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:54,760
Where the fuck is the gun?!

384
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,000
A gu... A what?

385
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,639
That was supposed to be a gun.

386
00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,599
Why would you wrap a gun
in Christmas wrapping paper?

387
00:16:00,639 --> 00:16:01,879
Sure, that's very dangerous, girl.

388
00:16:01,919 --> 00:16:03,760
Well, we wrapped your gun up
in paper to hide it

389
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,319
on the way here but it must have got
mixed up with a present at home.

390
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:07,800
I tell you what,
I'm going to go and get the gun

391
00:16:07,839 --> 00:16:08,919
and bring it back to you, all right?

392
00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:10,360
You're not going fuckin'
anywhere, boy.

393
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,639
Your own mother didn't even trust
you to get the gun back to me.

394
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,760
Do you really think I'm going to
trust you

395
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,239
with a fuckin' hot gun, boy,

396
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:18,000
when you don't even know
where it is?

397
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:20,199
I was in a good mood earlier on.

398
00:16:20,239 --> 00:16:22,519
Now I'm in a fuckin' shit mood!

399
00:16:22,559 --> 00:16:25,519
I fuckin'
hate working Christmas Eve!

400
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:29,519
Un-fuckin'-believable!

401
00:16:30,519 --> 00:16:31,800
Whoo.

402
00:16:31,839 --> 00:16:33,400
To the house, so!

403
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:34,720
HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

404
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:41,480
Some human shield you turned out
to be! Get up out of it!

405
00:16:43,239 --> 00:16:46,639
Open every last one of them
presents and find my gun!

406
00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,559
Where's the fuckin' gun, man?!

407
00:16:48,599 --> 00:16:50,400
You start looking, boy!

408
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:51,760
I'm looking for it.

409
00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:53,720
Look for it!

410
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:57,319
Get the fuck over here, boy.

411
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,000
Where's the fuckin' gun?!

412
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,080
I don't know where your gun is.

413
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:03,239
Where's the fuckin' gun, boy?!

414
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:05,839
Are you wearing braces?

415
00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:09,239
Are you not a bit old for braces?

416
00:17:10,839 --> 00:17:13,239
I mean, there's nothing wrong with
kind of improving your dental...

417
00:17:13,279 --> 00:17:14,720
What the fuck are you on about, boy?

418
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,040
I don't know.

419
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,599
It's a mouth guard! A fuckin'
mouth guard! All right, boy?

420
00:17:18,639 --> 00:17:21,160
All right, all right! For all the
grinding and the fuckin' stress

421
00:17:21,199 --> 00:17:22,720
I have to put up with!

422
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,919
Fuck's sake!
I can't do this any more, Conor.

423
00:17:26,959 --> 00:17:29,599
You cause me nothing
but stress and anxiety.

424
00:17:29,639 --> 00:17:32,480
Every time I look at you,
I get a knot in my stomach of worry.

425
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:34,000
I just... I can't cope any more.

426
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,599
Look, if we get out of this, I...

427
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:39,279
..I need you to move out, like.

428
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,839
I've got a new baby on the way
and I just...

429
00:17:43,239 --> 00:17:45,400
..I can't trust you
being in the house any more.

430
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,760
What? I...
I can't afford to move out.

431
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,800
I'll pay for it.
I'll figure it out somehow, OK?

432
00:17:50,839 --> 00:17:52,680
I just need you away from us,
all right?

433
00:18:04,319 --> 00:18:05,559
I've had it now!

434
00:18:05,599 --> 00:18:07,160
Agh! Keep looking!

435
00:18:07,199 --> 00:18:08,959
Why is it taking so long?!

436
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,800
Where's the fuckin' gun, boy?

437
00:18:10,839 --> 00:18:12,440
Try harder! Where is it?!

438
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,000
Oh, look at this!

439
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:17,080
No, no! Don't open that, we're
looking for a gun, not a bazooka!

440
00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:18,400
Now...

441
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:19,720
God, Hammer!

442
00:18:20,919 --> 00:18:22,319
Oh, it's a Buggy Master!

443
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:23,959
Did Tony get me that?

444
00:18:26,199 --> 00:18:28,040
"To the best mam ever.

445
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,040
"Thank you for always being there
to take care of me.

446
00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:33,199
"I love you, more than you know...

447
00:18:34,519 --> 00:18:37,080
"..Conor."
No wonder you were doing a foxer.

448
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,919
Them prams cost a bloody fortune.

449
00:18:38,959 --> 00:18:41,199
What the fuck you going on about,
boy?! Ow!

450
00:18:41,239 --> 00:18:44,360
Argh! Jesus Christ!
It's like The Waltons in here!

451
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,319
Find me gun! Where is it?!

452
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,000
I don't know, it's not here!

453
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:49,559
Where else is it going to be?!

454
00:18:49,599 --> 00:18:52,720
It's time for Secret Santa.

455
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,279
CHEERING

456
00:18:55,319 --> 00:18:56,720
Healy!

457
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,000
ALL: Ooh!

458
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,519
And for the big man behind me,
I've this one!

459
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,319
There's going to be consequences
now, boy!

460
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,680
Well, what are the consequences?

461
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,720
I'll get you your money back,
I promise.

462
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,919
It's not about the fucking money,
boy, it's about the fucking gun!

463
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,160
Can you imagine if the Garda got
a hold of that?!

464
00:19:13,199 --> 00:19:15,120
What do you think it is?
What do you think it is?

465
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:18,080
Give it a smell. What does it
feel like? Touch it. Touch it.

466
00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,599
It is heavy. Heavy. OK, heavy. What
could be heavy now? Fishing weights?

467
00:19:21,639 --> 00:19:24,639
Look, I lost the gun, OK? Not him.
It was me. No, no way.

468
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:27,199
You're just fucking saying that
because you're his fucking mammy.

469
00:19:27,239 --> 00:19:29,279
And there's no way
I'm kneecapping a fucking

470
00:19:29,319 --> 00:19:30,800
mammy with a baby in her belly!

471
00:19:30,839 --> 00:19:33,800
You're getting it, boy.
Say hello to fucking Margaret.

472
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:35,760
Here she is, ladies and gentlemen.

473
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,720
The girl herself, the mad bitch,
Margaret!

474
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,440
Here she is.

475
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,440
So, pick a knee. Eeny, meeny, miny,
fucking knee, boy.

476
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,080
I suppose the left one,
cos I'm right-legged.

477
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,000
It's not about which one
we're saving, boy,

478
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,519
cos you're getting both. It's which
one I'm going to smash first!

479
00:19:51,559 --> 00:19:53,360
Come on, let's go! Billy!

480
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,720
Something to say there, Billy boy?
Come on! You got something to say?

481
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,160
Yeah, whatever he says. Start on the
left and probably work on the right.

482
00:19:58,199 --> 00:20:00,760
Billy! You're a good man, Billy!
Let's do it!

483
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,879
Argh! All right, bye-bye, eeny,
meeny, miny, meeny...

484
00:20:04,919 --> 00:20:06,919
Oh, God! Just what I always wanted.

485
00:20:06,959 --> 00:20:08,360
Put it in there.

486
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,360
It's a handgun replica.

487
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,680
All right, here we go! Here we go!

488
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,199
Jesus! It looks just like
the real thing.

489
00:20:18,919 --> 00:20:21,319
SCREAMING

490
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:22,720
What are you screaming about, girl?

491
00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,400
Huh? I haven't even touched him yet!

492
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,000
I think I'm going into labour!

493
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:27,400
Ha! You're faking it!

494
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:30,480
It's all right, Margaret,
you mad bitch! I'm not faking it!

495
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,080
Are you faking it? Cos if you are,
you're doing a great performance.

496
00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,279
I'm not fucking faking it!
Look, my pants are soaking

497
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:37,919
and I didn't even piss myself.

498
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,839
Oh, shit, fuck, fuck!
Fuck, fuck, fuck!

499
00:20:41,879 --> 00:20:43,760
Fuck, fuck, shit!
Oh, I need to lie down.

500
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,160
All right. Billy, call an ambulance.

501
00:20:45,199 --> 00:20:47,120
We'll pick up this thing with
the hammer later, all right?

502
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,319
OK, Mam. That's it.
You're probably grand.

503
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:52,040
You probably just need a big shit.
Sit down, will you?

504
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:56,360
Who's the wise guy who gave this
as Secret Santa? Huh? Huh?

505
00:20:58,160 --> 00:20:59,599
Don't be looking at me!

506
00:20:59,639 --> 00:21:01,839
I've never even seen a real gun
before in me life.

507
00:21:01,879 --> 00:21:04,040
That is so irresponsible,
whoever did that.

508
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:05,839
Yes!

509
00:21:05,879 --> 00:21:07,599
GROANING

510
00:21:07,639 --> 00:21:10,239
You, I need you to get more cushions
and a blanket off the couch

511
00:21:10,279 --> 00:21:12,080
and bring them over here.
Then I'm going to need you to get

512
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:14,000
some paper towel and ice from
the freezer.

513
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:16,239
Billy, can you get me
a warm bowl of water

514
00:21:16,279 --> 00:21:18,319
and some facecloths
from the hot press?

515
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,120
Oh, and that scented candle
next to Mam's bed.

516
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,680
How do you know all this stuff?

517
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,519
Me and the lads got really into
One Born Every Minute

518
00:21:23,559 --> 00:21:25,919
when we were in prison.
I've seen my fair share of vaginas.

519
00:21:25,959 --> 00:21:28,199
When is the ambulance coming?
It's Christmas Eve.

520
00:21:28,239 --> 00:21:31,000
They said they're up to their tits
bringing pissheads to A&E.

521
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:34,040
I told them who I was and to
hurry up or I'd fucking kill them.

522
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,199
Mm. OK. Here, you.

523
00:21:36,239 --> 00:21:37,959
I'm not good around childbirth, boy.

524
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,839
When my kids were born, I fainted.

525
00:21:39,879 --> 00:21:42,639
What? So you can kneecap people,
but this is a problem, is it?

526
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:44,760
Yeah. Oh, you're doing great, Mam.

527
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,120
MAIREAD MOANS

528
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,279
Hurry up, ambulance!

529
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,680
We're going to get her
something to grip onto, OK?

530
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,120
Er... Here you go!

531
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,360
Nice one. Con, Con, get these
pants off. This baby's coming!

532
00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,879
Er, OK.

533
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:03,519
I will take your pants off and we
will not talk about it ever again.

534
00:22:03,559 --> 00:22:06,440
OK. How is Mam today? Is she OK?
Con, get them off!

535
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,480
Now here's the situation.

536
00:22:08,519 --> 00:22:12,800
If the public ever find out that
two dozen pissed Guards in a pub

537
00:22:12,839 --> 00:22:18,480
shot off a firearm, we will be under
scrutiny for the next ten years,

538
00:22:18,519 --> 00:22:22,160
and our jobs, that's if we still
have them,

539
00:22:22,199 --> 00:22:24,199
will be a fucking nightmare!

540
00:22:24,239 --> 00:22:29,919
Now, are we all agreed to never,
ever talk about this again?

541
00:22:29,959 --> 00:22:31,360
Yes. Yeah. Promise.

542
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,239
Yes, Sir!
ALL: Yes, Sir!

543
00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:39,879
SCREAMING

544
00:22:42,519 --> 00:22:45,360
Argh! Me fucking hand!

545
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:47,400
Mam, just hang on till
the paramedics arrive.

546
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,639
Here, we've got a bit of head
coming out.

547
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,319
It's got hair and everything.

548
00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:52,599
Brilliant. Er...

549
00:22:52,639 --> 00:22:54,480
Billy, it's been two hours.
Where's the ambulance?

550
00:22:54,519 --> 00:22:56,440
They're saying it's going to be
about ten minutes.

551
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,559
I don't have ten minutes,
this baby's coming!

552
00:22:59,599 --> 00:23:02,239
OK, Mam, why don't we say
we go for one, Mam?

553
00:23:02,279 --> 00:23:04,760
How's that sound?
Shall we give it a go? Yeah.

554
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,440
No, wait, wait! That's enough!

555
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,319
OK, why don't we push? Yeah, yeah.

556
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:10,120
No! No, no!

557
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,559
Push! OK!

558
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,360
OK, right. Good God.
You're doing great.

559
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,720
Oh, Jesus! You're doing great, girl.
Great! Great, girl!

560
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,000
You're doing great!

561
00:23:28,639 --> 00:23:30,360
SOBBING

562
00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:32,639
You're doing great, Mam!
You're doing great!

563
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,400
That's it, OK. You're doing great,
girl! You're doing great.

564
00:23:35,440 --> 00:23:36,800
We've got a whole head out now.

565
00:23:36,839 --> 00:23:38,639
That's brilliant, all right?
Just keep going.

566
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,760
Con, Con, I don't want you to
move out.

567
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:43,720
You don't have to worry about that
now, all right? OK.

568
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,839
I want you to stay. We're a family.

569
00:23:45,879 --> 00:23:47,480
I'm not going anywhere.

570
00:23:47,519 --> 00:23:49,239
I'm going to do better now,
I promise.

571
00:23:49,279 --> 00:23:50,800
You don't have to be worried about
me any more.

572
00:23:50,839 --> 00:23:53,120
You just concentrate on this, OK?

573
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,919
Yeah? Yeah. Yeah.

574
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:58,639
It's coming!

575
00:23:58,680 --> 00:23:59,959
Oh, my God! Oh!

576
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:01,400
SIREN

577
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,959
The ambulance is here!

578
00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,360
What took you? Come on, come on,
come on! There's no time for that!

579
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,360
There's a baby coming out
of her box.

580
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:12,199
Healy, Christmas has come early.
Go!

581
00:24:12,239 --> 00:24:17,040
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! OK, I'm here.

582
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,559
Oh, my goodness!

583
00:24:18,599 --> 00:24:19,879
Shit! Oh, my God!

584
00:24:19,919 --> 00:24:22,040
That's it, Mam, one last push!
There we go!

585
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:23,720
CRYING
Oh, hello. Oh, my God!

586
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:28,959
Yes! We did it!
I've got a baby brother! Hello!

587
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:30,639
Yes!

588
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,559
We've got it from here. OK.
Here.

589
00:24:33,599 --> 00:24:35,000
Cut off... Cut off the thing!

590
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:39,239
Give him an innie.

591
00:24:39,279 --> 00:24:40,680
Outies are weird!

592
00:24:42,519 --> 00:24:44,839
# These empty streets

593
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,400
# Full of glitter and gold

594
00:24:51,199 --> 00:24:53,680
# I make a wish on a star

595
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:58,519
# For you to come home for me
to hold... #

596
00:24:58,559 --> 00:24:59,760
We have a little baby.

597
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:02,440
He's beautiful.

598
00:25:03,839 --> 00:25:05,720
Now, that is a Christmas miracle.

599
00:25:12,239 --> 00:25:13,319
Thank you.

600
00:25:16,599 --> 00:25:20,599
Uh... Oh, Jesus.
Oh, my God!

601
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:26,040
Who's he? His wife, er, was doing
Mam's hair

602
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,080
and Mam left her handbag
in the salon,

603
00:25:28,120 --> 00:25:30,879
so he just brought it over here
when this happened. Yeah, yeah.

604
00:25:30,919 --> 00:25:32,319
And he fell over. Yeah, that's it.

605
00:25:32,360 --> 00:25:35,120
Yeah, you're bang on there and this
is... Christmas is all about

606
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,720
forgiving and all, so we'll forget
about that thing, OK?

607
00:25:37,760 --> 00:25:40,839
And congratulations, Mrs...
And, Guard, of course.

608
00:25:40,879 --> 00:25:43,559
I'm going back to watch Home Alone.
I've had enough of this shite.

609
00:25:43,599 --> 00:25:45,559
Hey, Jack. Yeah?

610
00:25:45,599 --> 00:25:48,680
Hammer. Oh. Oh, yeah, fair play,
fair play, fair play.

611
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:49,800
Happy Christmas.

612
00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:56,440
Oh! Holy Mary, that's amazing!

613
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:58,519
Back of the net, Mairead.

614
00:25:58,559 --> 00:25:59,559
Well done.

615
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,239
What are you going to call him?
Erm, well...

616
00:26:07,879 --> 00:26:09,199
It is after midnight,

617
00:26:09,239 --> 00:26:11,760
so, I mean,
he was born on Christmas Day.

618
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:14,919
Well, it's obvious.

619
00:26:16,639 --> 00:26:17,720
Santa.

620
00:26:20,639 --> 00:26:21,800
Er...

621
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:28,199
# My world comes alive when
I'm with you

622
00:26:32,519 --> 00:26:38,559
# And no more silent nights
when I'm with you

623
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,000
# While they sleep we can fly

624
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,239
# Through the hills in the night

625
00:26:44,279 --> 00:26:47,879
# Ring the bells
cos it's Christmas time. #