- I had written myself notes. I only have five minutes.
I didn't want to spend the entire time rambling.
- It's okay if you ramble.
- No, it's not. - Yes, it is.
- No, it's not. I don't...
It's right here, so....
Um...
I...
I was online yesterday
and, um, a bunch of people had posted links
to this infographic, and...
Sorry, does everyone know what that...
It's a... it's a cartoon that illustrates statistics.
So, um...
this infographic was about marriages,
and, um, it said that if your spouse dies,
it... it feels like losing $308,780 a year,
which sounded crazy to me at first.
Like, how do you...
how do you put a dollar amount on death?
Like, how is that even a thing with a price tag?
Um...
But then I...
I started to think
about what it would feel like to lose...
$308,780 a year.
And it would feel like...
like a problem you could never fix.
It's an impossible amount of money to lose.
Um...
I don't know if it's that exact number.
The 780 at the end feels a bit weird.
Um...
But I...
would say that my...
husband being dead...
Feels like the same kind of impossible thing.
That's what I got.
- Thanks for sharing. - Okay, you're welcome.
- You still have a few minutes.
- I don't really want them.
- No. - Up. Yes, come on.
You teach at 7:00. No. No. No. No "Moms." Come on.
- Hey, stop. I'm not wearing pants.
- Your body literally came out of my vagina.
Do not talk to me about pants. Come on.
I don't want to be awake.
- I know, sweetie, but no one wants to be awake.
That's how mornings work.
Here, there's those pants you were so worried about.
- Yeah. Get up. Get up.
Get up. Get up. Get up.
Get up.
Get up. Get up. Get up. Get up.
Babe..
I'm going back to sleep.
You need to take a shower.
You do not smell good enough to be around my family.
- I smell okay.
- I promise you don't smell okay.
- I didn't know I was coming with.
- Do you not want to come?
- I-it's just been a long week.
I thought I'd take the morning to sleep.
- Matt, please. I need you.
You always make things better with my family.
I don't, but you do.
- You know that's not true about you.
- Please, get up.
Oh, my God.
- Thank you.
- I love you. - I love you, too.
I'll love you more after you've brushed your teeth.
- Yeah, how about we try all that again?
- I just love you and nothing else.
- Yeah, there it is.
- Leigh. Leigh.
Honey.
You have the 7:00 and 8:15 classes... 9:30.
I'm at noon.
Uh, Jules, you have the evening slots.
You have group at 8:30.
And I have a date with a guy who seems nice,
but, you know, kind of boring on eHarmony.
So let's hope he's nice
and kind of interesting in real life.
- Hello.
- Hey. - Hi.
Good morning.
- Hi. - Can't believe you're here.
Okay, you guys I got to show you something funny.
Come on. Look at what Mom made. - What? Oh.
No. - Yes.
- Wow. - What?
- What? What's so funny?
Hey, that's not cool. I don't make fun of your stuff.
- Mom, if you don't want people to laugh at your vision boards,
don't put so much healing crystals.
- They are not vision boards. They are soul collages.
- Oh, right. Of course.
- Well, I think this is really cool art.
What's the story? - Thank you.
You collage a card for each aspect of your soul,
and then you use the cards to answer your life questions.
So it's sort of like a personalized tarot deck.
- Oh, my God, you've got to stop
being a parody of yourself.
- You don't subscribe to my belief system.
That's just fine, but you give some respect where it's due.
Everything I have accomplished in my life
is a result of believing that I could create my own reality,
and that includes raising both of you by myself
and running my own business,
which also apparently employs you both.
So don't make fun of my magic. You should be respectful of it.
- I mean, I hear that. - Thank you. Thank you.
He is my favorite.
- Are you serious? - You're my favorite.
See? He's nice. Why are they so horrible to me?
Okay, so that's Thursday. Let's do this.
Okay?
- Wait, say that all again? - Come on.
- I'm sorry.
I'm just, like, stupid excited
to get my three-month chip tonight.
You are a beast.
You're kicking this thing in the teeth,
and we could not be more proud of you.
Could we, Leigh?
- Yeah. Everything she said.
- Just, like, these last few months,
everything has been so emotional and stressful,
and I could have fallen off the wagon so many times, but...
I didn't.
I handled it.
- Yep, it really, uh, screwed me up, too,
when my husband died.
- That's not what I was saying.
- That's exactly what you were saying...
that my husband being dead is making it harder
for you to stay sober.
- I wasn't saying it like that. - You still said it.
- Hey, you. That's enough. - What?
Take a breath. - I'm breathing.
- Now do it with some intention.
Come on - Whatever.
I'm gonna go to the studio.
How do you expect anyone to be in a good mood
before the sun's up?
Just think about that.
- Up and press. Heels up like you're wearing stilettos.
Come on, I know you girls have higher hells than that.
And up, and press.
Now you're gonna lower yourself
three inches and hold.
Three inches.
You guys have zero inches. Three inches.
Come on. Here, you got this.
Come on, match me. Match me. You got this.
Right now. One inch up. One inch down.
We're gonna pulse for ten seconds to tempo.
Yep.
You can do anything for ten seconds. Mm-hmm.
And pulse. Two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
And release. Good job. Good job.
Now we're gonna go to butt school, ladies,
and work those seats.
- I'll see you girls later. - Bye. See you later.
I love you.
Okay.
- Oh, hey, real quick... I have to ask you something.
- Are you saying you love me because you have
to ask me something?
- No, I love you, and I have to ask you something.
- What?
- You've been wearing a lot of my workout stuff.
But you have your own stuff.
- Yeah, but it's at my apartment.
- When's the last time you went to your apartment?
- A little before the funeral.
- It's, like, three months?
All your stuff is still there,
and you're still paying rent and utilities.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
- So maybe you could go by your apartment
and get your stuff.
- Sure. Yeah, sure.
- Okay, great.
Thank you. - You're welcome.
I love you. - I love you, too.
Can you be my sounding board?
It's for my column.
A high-school girl just got her heart broken
for the first time,
feels like she is dying.
What does she do?
Keeping doing your homework,
you'll be in love with someone new by Winter Formal.
You're gonna say that.
No, I'm not gonna say that,
but I just... I feel like she's 15
and her heart is broken, and she's going to use it
as an excuse to be an asshole to her mom.
And I want to tell her not to do that.
- Yeah, just say all that in a not-patronizing way.
Ooh. - I'm going to.
- Yeah? - Um...
"You've lost someone important to you,
"but there are people
"who still depend on you.
"So help your friend
"with her mock-trial audition
"and your brother with his Latin homework
"and tell your mom
"you love her.
"Even though you know she knows...
she still needs to hear it."
- I really like that.
- Thank you for being my sounding board.
- Yeah, always.
- You want to get ramen for dinner?
- Oh, I can't.
I told my brother I would hang out with him tonight.
- You're always hanging out with your brother.
- No, I'm always hanging out with you.
I live with you.
Well, he just got dumped. It's been hard on him.
You can hang with us if you want.
- I don't really like hanging out with regular Danny,
and I definitely don't want to hang out with dumped Danny.
- Okay, well, I just thought I'd offer, just in case.
All right, I'm gonna, um...
head out in a few, all right?
Bye, bye, bye.
- Oh, sorry. - It's okay.
- Thanks. - Mm-hmm.
- Hey. - Hey.
- You look pretty.
- I slept four hours. I look like a cadaver.
- Super-hot cadaver.
- It's 'cause I teach three barre classes a day
and I only get to eat one fun thing a week.
- What's your fun thing?
- Doughnuts at grief group.
- Jesus. - I know.
- Well, as long as we're not having fun...
- There's something I need to talk to you about.
- What?
- Taylor wants to get the advice column going again.
- I just don't feel like the same person
who wrote that anymore.
- I get it,
but I'd love for you to still write it
as whoever you are now.
- You're a good editor.
And you're a really good friend.
- And that is a yes?
- That's an "I'll think about it."
- Okay. Thinking cadaver.
- Yo, you just, uh, checked yourself out, didn't you?
Yeah. I did.
Did you get to go by your apartment?
- You know what? I didn't end up having time.
- You got to go over there. I'm out of clothes.
I'm gonna have to teach naked.
- Right. Well, I don't know what to tell you, Jules.
You're asking me to do something that I can't do.
- I don't want this to be a thing.
- I'm just trying to help. - Yeah, but you're not helping.
I know what helping looks like
'cause that's what I did for you for, like, a decade.
- Are you gonna list every mistake I ever made.
Should I get comfortable?
- Sure, 'cause apparently you don't remember
the hundreds of times that I had to help you out
'cause you were too wasted to help yourself.
- But I do remember that look that you always have
on your face when you get to feel superior to me.
You never do anything nice for me
without making me pay for it later.
- Okay, well, you never do anything nice for me at all.
I have an idea.
How about you go to my apartment to get my stuff,
since you're the one who wants it so badly?
These are my keys.
I got to go to grief group 'cause my husband died.
- How are you getting there?
Smile about it.
"Everyone keeps telling me that I'll get over him.
"Everyone keeps telling me it's not the end of the world,
"but if that's true, then why does it feel
like the end of the world?"
Hi.
Are you here for group?
- Yeah, I was, uh, just gonna try it out,
see if it was any good or if it was stupid.
- It's not stupid. - You been going?
- Mm, yeah, this is my sixth, seventh week,
something like that.
- I just Googled "grief group near me,"
and this is what came up.
- Yeah, that's what I did.
I think that's what everyone does.
- You know what?
Uh, you been going. This is your thing.
I don't want to show up and screw with your thing,
so I could... - I don't own grief group.
- More than me. - Okay, well, just come,
because I'm gonna feel bad if you don't.
- No, you won't.
You'd be happy, 'cause you hate me, so...
- I don't hate anyone.
- That's what people say when they hate you.
- I don't hate you.
Are you coming?
- Hi.
- What is this?
- Oh, we're switching up snacks.
- Why? - I got a couple emails.
People are trying to cut out sugar.
- So there's just, like, no doughnuts?
- Hey, we have a few minutes before we start.
Do you want to go outside and talk?
- Nope, I don't want to talk to you.
I don't even want to be here most of the time.
I just... I come here because usually
it doesn't make me feel better, but sometimes it does.
But...
you know what?
Nothing makes me feel better enough!
All I wanted was a doughnut.
That's, um...
what was going to make me feel better.
Can you stop following me?
Just go back. Do group. It's good.
- Why don't you go back?
- I just literally had a psychotic break
over carrot sticks.
- I've seen worse. - That's not helpful.
- I'm not trying to be helpful. You want to get a doughnut?
- No, that's okay.
- You were just crying five seconds ago
because you couldn't have one.
- I wasn't crying. - Okay, come on.
I know a doughnut shop near here.
- Yeah, I know the same one.
I drive by it all the time, and I think about going in,
and I never do.
- Okay. So come on.
- I will buy you a doughnut, and if you're not being
too much of a bitch, I'll buy you two.
- That's an ugly word with an ugly history.
- Now I'm only buying you one.
- I hate when people use the word "condolences."
- I hate it when people tell me that I'm in their prayers.
Yeah.
I hate how in the beginning,
everyone wants to send you flowers and donate
to, like, a foundation for your dead person.
And then they stop calling and writing
and doing nice things for you because they're over it,
and they expect you to be over it.
- I hate it when people ask me if I was close to my brother...
like they're trying to decide how sorry
they have to feel for me.
- And they want me to say, "Not close,"
as if that would make it better or whatever.
- I hate running into someone I haven't seen in a long time,
and I know they know he's dead.
But we have an entire conversation,
and they never bring him up.
They never say they're sorry.
They don't ask how I'm doing.
They just pretend like everything's fine.
I hate that.
God, that's so good.
- Do you want another doughnut?
- No. - Come on.
You want another one. Yes.
- Yes, I do. - Yes, you do.
- I would love one.
Jesus.
Oh, God.
Matt.
Matt?
- Hey, you reached Matt. Sorry I missed your call.
Leave a message, and I'll get back to you.
- Hey, you reached Matt. Sorry I missed your call.
Leave a message, and I'll get back to you.
- Yes. - Is Matt here?
- Wha...
What time is it? - Is Matt here?
- No, he went home. - No, he didn't.
- Well, that's what he said.
We walked back here from the bar,
and I told him to crash,
but he said he had to get back to you.
- Was he okay to drive?
- Y-yeah.
- Well, he's not picking up his phone.
You don't know where he is. I don't know where he is.
So what am I supposed to do, Danny?
- Don't yell at me. I didn't do anything.
Leigh. Leigh!
- Hey, hey. Hey.
What are you doing?
- I was just waiting till I was okay to drive.
- I thought you were dead. - No.
No.
- You can never die.
- No, I won't. - I'm serious.
I'm serious... like, ever.
- I think I have to someday.
- Just do it after me.
- Okay.
Okay. Okay. Hey. Hey. Hey.
I'm here.
- Okay, then.
- So you, uh, want to hang out sometime?
- Why?
- Never mind.
- No, that's not what... I actually mean why.
- No, it's okay. Forget it. You know...
I'm having a shitty enough time without having to go
through this whole thing with you, Leigh.
- I'm having a shitty time, too.
- I'm having an objectively shittier time than you.
- Really? - Yeah.
- How is that?
- Because you can get another husband.
I can't just get another brother.
Okay.
Oh, wow.
I cannot believe you just said that.
- It's true.
'Cause you're young. You'll find someone new.
You'll be fine. I'm the one who's screwed here.
- Okay, this is why I never wanted to hang out with you.
Right, and this is why
I still don't want to hang out with you.
So, Danny, thank you.
- Did you get my stuff?
I want to talk to you.
Cool, that's a no.
- No, I really need you to listen to me.
I went to your apartment,
and I stood outside the door,
but I didn't go in
because I kept thinking about this thing
that people say when they're in the program...
"suit up and show up."
Even if you don't feel like going to a meeting,
you have to get dressed up and go.
How you feel about it doesn't matter.
What matters is that you do it.
I can go with you.
I will.
I will sit with you for however long it takes
for you to feel like you can go in,
but I can't go for you.
You have to show up for yourself.
"Everyone keeps telling me that I'll get over him.
"Everyone keeps telling me it's not the end of the world,
"but if that's true,
then why does it feel like the end of the world?"
"The reason everyone keeps telling you
"it's not the end of the world
"is because it's not
"the end of their world.
"They don't have to figure out"
"how to live
"inside a world that's over.
You do."
- You're up.
- Yep.
- Why don't we make this
as straightforward as this impossible thing can be?
Divide everything into three piles...
keep, toss, and give away.
How does that sound?
- This is the nicest gift
I've ever gotten.
- I think there was a lot about him I didn't know.
- Nobody really knows anything about anyone.
- I don't want to fight. - But...
- You're belongings have meaning,
and they should be treated with the respect that they're owed.
- Well, why don't you spend
a week in this place respecting the objects?
Because if I do that, I'm gonna throw myself out a window.