1 00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:04,004 - My husband died for nothing, 2 00:00:04,005 --> 00:00:06,423 and I'm beginning to think I didn't even know him. 3 00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:07,551 - What do you want to build, Jules? 4 00:00:07,551 --> 00:00:08,552 Who do you want to be? 5 00:00:08,553 --> 00:00:10,135 - I can't wait for you to screw up 6 00:00:10,136 --> 00:00:12,137 so you can call me. 7 00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:14,139 - Why does he have this? - It was your dad's. 8 00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:16,225 - I don't believe exercise can be fun. 9 00:00:16,226 --> 00:00:18,769 - Okay, in my dance class, we pose through the pain. 10 00:00:20,230 --> 00:00:21,814 - I want to believe this was an accident, 11 00:00:21,815 --> 00:00:23,983 but I just don't know. 12 00:00:23,984 --> 00:00:28,487 - I have spent four months blaming the universe, 13 00:00:28,488 --> 00:00:33,826 and maybe the one I really should be angry with is Matt. 14 00:00:33,827 --> 00:00:35,494 - I don't know what you want me to say. 15 00:00:35,495 --> 00:00:37,204 - I want you to tell me if you think he jumped. 16 00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,456 - Maybe! 17 00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:41,626 Maybe. 18 00:01:01,438 --> 00:01:04,106 - How'd you get it again? 19 00:01:09,821 --> 00:01:11,989 Special ops mission in Paraguay. 20 00:01:11,990 --> 00:01:14,283 Top secret, I shouldn't even be talking to you about it. 21 00:01:14,284 --> 00:01:18,579 - I thought it was a battle with a velociraptor 22 00:01:18,580 --> 00:01:22,499 after your DeLorean broke down. - Nope. 23 00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:24,668 - How'd you get it again? 24 00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:27,963 - We were dropping in by parachute 25 00:01:27,964 --> 00:01:31,884 to maintain the element of surprise. 26 00:01:31,885 --> 00:01:33,677 But unfortunately, the only thing 27 00:01:33,678 --> 00:01:36,305 I caught by surprise was a jaguar. 28 00:01:36,306 --> 00:01:40,601 - You ever gonna tell me what really happened? 29 00:01:40,602 --> 00:01:44,397 - Just some stupid accident from when I was a kid. 30 00:01:45,815 --> 00:01:48,901 - How'd you get it again? 31 00:01:52,322 --> 00:01:55,951 - You know, you never really talk about your childhood. 32 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:32,404 - Why are you awake? - The tragedy of my life. 33 00:02:33,446 --> 00:02:34,948 - Same. 34 00:02:40,787 --> 00:02:43,205 Step Four. 35 00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:47,960 I'm supposed to make a moral inventory, 36 00:02:47,961 --> 00:02:50,296 which is basically a catalog 37 00:02:50,297 --> 00:02:52,006 of all the not-good things I've done. 38 00:02:53,383 --> 00:02:57,928 - Every lie, every mistake, every insecurity. 39 00:02:57,929 --> 00:03:01,098 And I'm supposed to be rigorously honest 40 00:03:01,099 --> 00:03:04,602 so that I understand myself 41 00:03:04,603 --> 00:03:07,229 and the choices I've made. 42 00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:08,647 It's not fun. 43 00:03:08,648 --> 00:03:10,816 - No, that sounds like literal hell. 44 00:03:10,817 --> 00:03:12,276 - It is, 45 00:03:12,277 --> 00:03:16,030 which is why I'm watching "Real Housewives" instead. 46 00:03:20,702 --> 00:03:22,494 - Is she throwing a welcome-home party 47 00:03:22,495 --> 00:03:23,663 for her new boobs? 48 00:03:23,664 --> 00:03:25,706 - Yep, that's what this show is. 49 00:03:25,707 --> 00:03:31,587 It's like, these housewives pull these crazy stunts 50 00:03:31,588 --> 00:03:33,505 to distract themselves from the fact 51 00:03:33,506 --> 00:03:36,717 that they're barely functioning alcoholics. 52 00:03:38,637 --> 00:03:41,096 I really missed my calling. 53 00:03:41,097 --> 00:03:43,224 What would your tagline be? 54 00:03:43,225 --> 00:03:45,142 - I'm Jules. 55 00:03:45,143 --> 00:03:49,271 I may stab you in the front, but I'll always have your back. 56 00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:50,940 - That's good. 57 00:03:54,110 --> 00:03:56,278 Oh, what would mine be? 58 00:03:58,531 --> 00:04:00,199 I'm Leigh. 59 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,077 If you want my advice, you won't have to ask. 60 00:04:03,078 --> 00:04:04,578 Exactly. 61 00:04:06,373 --> 00:04:08,415 - You're killing it. 62 00:04:15,215 --> 00:04:16,925 - So why are you really up? 63 00:04:20,011 --> 00:04:23,265 - I'm not sure if Matt's death was an accident. 64 00:04:39,614 --> 00:04:42,075 - Hey. - Hey. 65 00:04:45,912 --> 00:04:47,830 I got this for you. 66 00:04:47,831 --> 00:04:50,374 It's my peace offering. 67 00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:53,502 It was really nice... 68 00:04:53,503 --> 00:04:55,588 of you to come to my birthday, 69 00:04:55,589 --> 00:04:58,007 and I shouldn't have come at you like that. 70 00:04:58,008 --> 00:05:01,510 - Ooh, oh. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, my God. 71 00:05:01,511 --> 00:05:04,555 - Sorry, that's gluten-free. It was all they had. 72 00:05:04,556 --> 00:05:06,558 - You suck at apologizing. 73 00:05:09,311 --> 00:05:14,648 - Can I ask you something about Matt? 74 00:05:14,649 --> 00:05:16,317 - If it's the same question you asked me 75 00:05:16,318 --> 00:05:17,651 at your birthday, absolutely not. 76 00:05:17,652 --> 00:05:19,153 I'm not doing that... again. - Yeah, no. 77 00:05:19,154 --> 00:05:21,405 No one wants to... do that again. 78 00:05:21,406 --> 00:05:23,866 I just want to... 79 00:05:23,867 --> 00:05:25,785 know what he was like as a kid. 80 00:05:27,412 --> 00:05:28,580 - Why? 81 00:05:28,581 --> 00:05:30,372 - Because I met him after college, 82 00:05:30,373 --> 00:05:32,333 and I know a lot about the after, 83 00:05:32,334 --> 00:05:36,170 not much about the before because he... 84 00:05:36,171 --> 00:05:38,297 never wanted to talk about his childhood. 85 00:05:38,298 --> 00:05:40,007 - You know, people who want to talk about their childhoods 86 00:05:40,008 --> 00:05:41,717 are weird, so... 87 00:05:41,718 --> 00:05:44,094 - I just want to know things about him 88 00:05:44,095 --> 00:05:45,805 that I didn't get to know. 89 00:05:48,016 --> 00:05:52,436 Like, he had this scar on his back, 90 00:05:52,437 --> 00:05:55,189 and he said he got it when he was a kid, 91 00:05:55,190 --> 00:05:57,734 so I was wondering... - What are you... 92 00:05:59,319 --> 00:06:00,695 What are you wondering? 93 00:06:02,781 --> 00:06:07,660 - Matt said that his depression was biopsychosocial, 94 00:06:07,661 --> 00:06:10,704 psycho being his personality... 95 00:06:10,705 --> 00:06:14,125 - Maybe psycho is just your personality, Leigh. 96 00:06:15,877 --> 00:06:18,504 - Psycho like psychology. - Oh. 97 00:06:18,505 --> 00:06:20,881 - Bio like biology, and... 98 00:06:20,882 --> 00:06:23,926 the social was how he was raised, 99 00:06:23,927 --> 00:06:26,053 so I'm just trying to understand 100 00:06:26,054 --> 00:06:28,514 the family dynamic so that I can... 101 00:06:28,515 --> 00:06:30,432 - What do you want me to tell you? 102 00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:34,645 That my dad was too tired to go to my third grade recital? 103 00:06:34,646 --> 00:06:36,981 Yeah, you got me. 104 00:06:36,982 --> 00:06:40,359 Our childhood was a nightmare. 105 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:41,819 House on a cul-de-sac. 106 00:06:41,820 --> 00:06:43,445 Uh... - Mm. 107 00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:46,824 - Parents been married for 30 years. 108 00:06:46,825 --> 00:06:49,034 - Okay, whatever. I'll just ask your mom. 109 00:06:49,035 --> 00:06:50,619 - Don't... don't ask my mom about that. 110 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:52,913 Don't ask her what you asked me at the party. 111 00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:54,915 Actually, don't ask her anything. 112 00:06:54,916 --> 00:06:56,876 Like, at all. - She's still my mother-in-law. 113 00:06:56,877 --> 00:06:58,086 - Is she? - Mm-hmm. 114 00:06:58,086 --> 00:06:59,212 - You're saying that like you two 115 00:06:59,213 --> 00:07:00,963 have an actual relationship. 116 00:07:00,964 --> 00:07:03,924 You haven't even seen her since the funeral. 117 00:07:03,925 --> 00:07:07,553 I don't know what's going on, but... 118 00:07:07,554 --> 00:07:11,348 whatever meltdown you're having this week, 119 00:07:11,349 --> 00:07:13,435 leave my mother out of it. 120 00:07:20,233 --> 00:07:21,859 - Leigh. 121 00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:23,444 - Hey, Bobby. 122 00:07:23,445 --> 00:07:26,697 - Hi. - Hi. 123 00:07:28,325 --> 00:07:30,201 Come, come in. 124 00:07:32,245 --> 00:07:33,621 - Hey. 125 00:07:33,622 --> 00:07:36,040 - The cheesy mash should be done in a minute. 126 00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:38,667 I made it with instant potatoes. 127 00:07:38,668 --> 00:07:41,003 No lumps, just like your father made it. 128 00:07:41,004 --> 00:07:42,379 - Mom, he made those, like, one time. 129 00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:44,131 - Oh, your brother called. He'll be a few minutes late. 130 00:07:44,132 --> 00:07:45,966 But we have the movie in the player already 131 00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:47,968 for when he gets here. - Mom, can we just start? 132 00:07:47,969 --> 00:07:49,845 I mean, he's seen it, like, 5,000 times. 133 00:07:49,846 --> 00:07:51,097 He won't care. 134 00:07:51,098 --> 00:07:52,806 - I have to... Be right back. 135 00:07:55,685 --> 00:07:58,395 - Hey. 136 00:07:58,396 --> 00:08:00,981 What's going on with you? 137 00:08:00,982 --> 00:08:04,193 She just wants to celebrate your dad. 138 00:08:04,194 --> 00:08:06,445 - Yeah, and he's bringing as much joy and happiness now 139 00:08:06,446 --> 00:08:08,406 as he did when he was still alive. 140 00:08:10,408 --> 00:08:12,785 I hate this day. 141 00:08:12,786 --> 00:08:14,079 Don't want to have an anniversary party 142 00:08:14,079 --> 00:08:15,080 for my dead dad. 143 00:08:15,081 --> 00:08:17,456 I just want to... shove my feelings down 144 00:08:17,457 --> 00:08:19,500 and ignore them like white people. 145 00:08:19,501 --> 00:08:22,586 - Oh, well, tell me more about white people. 146 00:08:24,005 --> 00:08:26,757 Uh, white people like spreading smallpox through blankets 147 00:08:26,758 --> 00:08:28,384 and taking improv classes. 148 00:08:33,265 --> 00:08:36,976 I know that this is hard for you. 149 00:08:36,977 --> 00:08:40,730 But I think it means a lot to your mom. 150 00:08:49,906 --> 00:08:53,868 - Hey, Mom? You need some help? 151 00:08:57,747 --> 00:08:59,331 - Just a minute ago. 152 00:08:59,332 --> 00:09:02,334 I know, right? 153 00:09:02,335 --> 00:09:05,796 Okay. Okay, sweetie. See you then. 154 00:09:05,797 --> 00:09:08,632 So that was Danny. He said he's gonna swing by. 155 00:09:08,633 --> 00:09:10,259 - Great. 156 00:09:10,260 --> 00:09:13,137 - So I have Earl Grey 157 00:09:13,138 --> 00:09:15,431 or mint tea 158 00:09:15,432 --> 00:09:16,891 or chamomile if you want. 159 00:09:16,892 --> 00:09:18,225 I can, uh... 160 00:09:18,226 --> 00:09:22,271 - Um, I... I'll just have whatever you're having. 161 00:09:22,272 --> 00:09:24,065 - Okay. 162 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,576 - I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. 163 00:09:35,577 --> 00:09:38,830 - No, it's okay. It's a long drive. 164 00:09:42,125 --> 00:09:43,418 So how are you? - How are you? 165 00:09:48,215 --> 00:09:51,091 I really am sorry. I-I... 166 00:09:51,092 --> 00:09:53,761 could have at least called. 167 00:09:53,762 --> 00:09:56,972 - Leigh, it's... it's okay. 168 00:09:56,973 --> 00:09:59,016 This is hard. 169 00:09:59,017 --> 00:10:01,268 And just as long as it doesn't take another 170 00:10:01,269 --> 00:10:03,187 four long months for your next visit. 171 00:10:03,188 --> 00:10:06,858 - No, it won't. I promise. 172 00:10:08,276 --> 00:10:10,904 It's really nice being here. 173 00:10:24,042 --> 00:10:26,210 Do you have any more... 174 00:10:26,211 --> 00:10:28,128 pictures of Matt when he was a kid? 175 00:10:28,129 --> 00:10:30,798 'Cause he never really kept many at the apartment. 176 00:10:30,799 --> 00:10:32,466 - Oh, honey. 177 00:10:32,467 --> 00:10:33,801 How much time do you have? 178 00:10:33,802 --> 00:10:35,345 Come, come, come. 179 00:10:44,145 --> 00:10:45,854 - Hi. 180 00:10:45,855 --> 00:10:48,023 - Hi. - Hey. 181 00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:50,150 - Oh, was it your jacket that we found at the party? 182 00:10:50,151 --> 00:10:52,987 I can text Leigh and see if she's still at the house. 183 00:10:52,988 --> 00:10:55,906 - What? No, uh... 184 00:10:55,907 --> 00:10:59,368 I'm here for the dance party. 185 00:10:59,369 --> 00:11:01,537 Uh, awesome. 186 00:11:01,538 --> 00:11:04,415 Yeah, just go get a spot. We're about to get started. 187 00:11:04,416 --> 00:11:06,042 - Okay. 188 00:11:24,019 --> 00:11:25,604 That's sweet. 189 00:11:29,941 --> 00:11:32,985 Oh, my God, Danny. 190 00:11:32,986 --> 00:11:36,447 Just could never smile right. - Yeah. 191 00:11:36,448 --> 00:11:38,157 - They all look like that till he got to high school. 192 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,827 - And by then, he was too cool to smile at all. 193 00:11:41,828 --> 00:11:44,331 Ah, that makes sense. 194 00:11:45,874 --> 00:11:47,833 - Oh, there's Matt in chess club. 195 00:11:47,834 --> 00:11:50,377 - Yeah, he loved to play. 196 00:11:50,378 --> 00:11:53,422 James started teaching him around, like, five or six. 197 00:11:53,423 --> 00:11:55,966 Now, you'd think a kid that little would be too squirrely. 198 00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:58,677 But not Matt. 199 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:03,808 The two of them used to sit at that chessboard for hours. 200 00:12:06,228 --> 00:12:09,104 With the town house, I've been trying to downsize, 201 00:12:09,105 --> 00:12:12,650 and I thought you might like to have it. 202 00:12:12,651 --> 00:12:14,944 - Mom, I barely have time to grade papers, 203 00:12:14,945 --> 00:12:16,112 let alone play chess. 204 00:12:16,113 --> 00:12:17,488 You should give this to Danny. 205 00:12:17,489 --> 00:12:19,198 - Hell no. You the chess champ. 206 00:12:19,199 --> 00:12:21,867 - "You are." Danny, grammar, please. 207 00:12:21,868 --> 00:12:23,911 Look, Grandpa gave it to Daddy, 208 00:12:23,912 --> 00:12:25,454 and Daddy wanted to give it to you 209 00:12:25,455 --> 00:12:27,248 so that someday, you could play with your own 210 00:12:27,249 --> 00:12:29,083 son or daughter. 211 00:12:29,084 --> 00:12:31,210 - It's just gonna collect dust. - Oh, that's okay. 212 00:12:31,211 --> 00:12:32,254 You'll have it when you need it. 213 00:12:32,255 --> 00:12:34,004 - No, Mom. We don't have the space. 214 00:12:34,005 --> 00:12:35,714 - I'm sure you can find some space... 215 00:12:35,715 --> 00:12:37,634 - Mom, I don't want it. 216 00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:41,513 - Okay, you know what? 217 00:12:41,514 --> 00:12:43,764 I think, that, um, everyone's tired. 218 00:12:43,765 --> 00:12:46,725 And it's just getting a bit late, so... 219 00:12:46,726 --> 00:12:50,021 I think I'll just go get some leftovers for everybody. 220 00:13:00,949 --> 00:13:03,033 - Let's just take it. 221 00:13:03,034 --> 00:13:05,411 We can find a place for it. 222 00:13:05,412 --> 00:13:07,414 - I hate chess. 223 00:13:09,791 --> 00:13:13,294 - I'm sorry I never got to meet James. 224 00:13:13,295 --> 00:13:16,755 - That man read everything under the sun. 225 00:13:16,756 --> 00:13:19,091 You two could have talked books for hours. 226 00:13:19,092 --> 00:13:21,051 - Yeah? 227 00:13:21,052 --> 00:13:23,137 - Yeah, you would have loved each other. 228 00:13:23,138 --> 00:13:25,973 And he was easy on the eyes. - Oh, yeah? 229 00:13:25,974 --> 00:13:28,184 - Where do you think Matt got his good looks from? 230 00:13:29,728 --> 00:13:31,562 Let me show you. 231 00:13:31,563 --> 00:13:37,067 He was so busy with all his... papers 232 00:13:37,068 --> 00:13:38,944 and conferences. 233 00:13:38,945 --> 00:13:41,155 Let me see. 234 00:13:41,156 --> 00:13:44,825 Yeah, he was such a... good provider. 235 00:13:44,826 --> 00:13:47,411 Oh, there he is. - Hmm. 236 00:13:47,412 --> 00:13:49,496 - Look at that fine man. 237 00:13:49,497 --> 00:13:51,624 - Yeah. 238 00:13:54,336 --> 00:13:57,922 - Um, what happened to... 239 00:13:57,923 --> 00:14:01,091 to Matt's back? 240 00:14:01,092 --> 00:14:03,260 - What was that? I-I... 241 00:14:03,261 --> 00:14:04,678 I think that Matt and Danny, 242 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:07,181 they were just messing around, I think. 243 00:14:07,182 --> 00:14:10,518 - Well, that's some serious messing around. 244 00:14:11,811 --> 00:14:14,230 - There's my baby. 245 00:14:14,231 --> 00:14:17,274 Oh, I am so glad you could swing by. 246 00:14:19,277 --> 00:14:22,112 - I didn't know we were, uh, having a, uh, family reunion. 247 00:14:22,113 --> 00:14:24,240 - Oh, so nice. 248 00:14:24,241 --> 00:14:26,659 And we were just talking about your brother, right? 249 00:14:26,660 --> 00:14:28,577 Can I get you something? 250 00:14:28,578 --> 00:14:30,329 - Um, some water. - Oh, of course. 251 00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:31,956 You want anything? - No, I'm fine. 252 00:14:31,957 --> 00:14:32,999 Thank you. - Okay. 253 00:14:34,668 --> 00:14:36,544 - I told you to leave my mom out of this. 254 00:14:36,545 --> 00:14:39,171 - I can spend time with her. She's my family too. 255 00:14:39,172 --> 00:14:41,383 - Are you serious right now with this? 256 00:14:43,552 --> 00:14:44,761 - Here we go. 257 00:14:47,389 --> 00:14:49,098 Good. 258 00:14:49,099 --> 00:14:50,100 - Thanks, Mom. You good? 259 00:14:50,101 --> 00:14:51,850 - Oh, yeah, fine. 260 00:14:51,851 --> 00:14:53,394 My family's here. 261 00:14:53,395 --> 00:14:55,688 So let's sit. Let's catch up. 262 00:15:01,820 --> 00:15:04,029 - And turn to the left. 263 00:15:05,324 --> 00:15:08,909 Right, left. 264 00:15:08,910 --> 00:15:10,494 And eight counts of ponies. 265 00:15:17,628 --> 00:15:20,838 - Okay, uh, it's okay if you're not perfect. 266 00:15:20,839 --> 00:15:22,590 It's okay if you mess up. 267 00:15:22,591 --> 00:15:24,925 You are not... 268 00:15:24,926 --> 00:15:26,677 your mistakes. 269 00:15:35,395 --> 00:15:37,855 - Uh, we're gonna go back to the... 270 00:15:37,856 --> 00:15:39,189 - Ponies? - Ponies, exactly. 271 00:15:54,164 --> 00:15:55,874 - Hey. 272 00:15:57,626 --> 00:15:59,544 Are you okay? 273 00:16:01,004 --> 00:16:03,255 - Not really. 274 00:16:06,134 --> 00:16:08,469 Richard told me about your recovery. 275 00:16:08,470 --> 00:16:10,846 I hope that's okay. 276 00:16:10,847 --> 00:16:14,767 - Richard is my mom's ex-husband, 277 00:16:14,768 --> 00:16:19,022 my sister's dad, and my nothing. 278 00:16:20,398 --> 00:16:22,274 - You... we don't know each other very well, 279 00:16:22,275 --> 00:16:25,986 but what I know about you, I really like. 280 00:16:25,987 --> 00:16:29,449 And every sober day is a miracle. 281 00:16:31,493 --> 00:16:33,452 - Are you a friend of Bill's? 282 00:16:33,453 --> 00:16:34,663 - Friend-adjacent. 283 00:16:37,457 --> 00:16:42,294 - I, um, texted my sponsor, but she can't talk until 5:00. 284 00:16:42,295 --> 00:16:44,422 - Well, let me take you home, then. 285 00:16:48,677 --> 00:16:51,262 - I can't go home right now. 286 00:16:51,263 --> 00:16:52,514 - My home. 287 00:16:58,770 --> 00:17:01,063 - How old was he when he made this? 288 00:17:01,064 --> 00:17:04,400 - Oh, 11, 12, I guess. 289 00:17:04,401 --> 00:17:06,443 He was always drawing. 290 00:17:06,444 --> 00:17:08,571 I had to bribe him with Pentel brush pens 291 00:17:08,572 --> 00:17:10,364 to make him do his homework. 292 00:17:11,908 --> 00:17:14,243 - It's good. - Mm. 293 00:17:14,244 --> 00:17:15,953 - It's intense. 294 00:17:17,372 --> 00:17:19,457 Well, that was Matt. 295 00:17:25,505 --> 00:17:28,465 - Was Matt ever depressed as a kid? 296 00:17:28,466 --> 00:17:31,677 - Your generation is always trying to put labels on things. 297 00:17:31,678 --> 00:17:34,763 Depression, ADHD, gluten allergies. 298 00:17:34,764 --> 00:17:36,473 Nothing but excuses. 299 00:17:36,474 --> 00:17:38,851 - Yeah, I only ask because, um, 300 00:17:38,852 --> 00:17:42,271 you know Matt was on antidepressants since college. 301 00:17:42,272 --> 00:17:43,356 - Leigh, you don't need to bother 302 00:17:43,357 --> 00:17:44,982 my mother with that stuff. 303 00:17:44,983 --> 00:17:46,442 - I just want to know what Matt was like 304 00:17:46,443 --> 00:17:48,694 before I knew him and... and... 305 00:17:48,695 --> 00:17:51,071 like, if something happened to him 306 00:17:51,072 --> 00:17:53,867 when he was growing up that... - What are you talking about? 307 00:17:55,744 --> 00:17:58,495 - Matt never talked about his childhood 308 00:17:58,496 --> 00:18:01,415 or his dad or his scar. 309 00:18:01,416 --> 00:18:03,125 - That's what you've been getting at this whole time? 310 00:18:03,126 --> 00:18:04,169 Are you kidding me? 311 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,669 That's your... that's your one explanation 312 00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:08,422 for why a black man has a scar he never wants to talk about? 313 00:18:08,423 --> 00:18:10,424 You gonna ask me if my dad was an addict too? 314 00:18:10,425 --> 00:18:11,842 - No, no, no, that's not... 315 00:18:11,843 --> 00:18:14,345 that is not what I meant at all. 316 00:18:14,346 --> 00:18:16,347 I'm... 317 00:18:16,348 --> 00:18:18,682 No, I... Oh, God. 318 00:18:18,683 --> 00:18:22,019 I am... just working 319 00:18:22,020 --> 00:18:24,521 with the information that I have 320 00:18:24,522 --> 00:18:26,357 to try and understand, 321 00:18:26,358 --> 00:18:28,984 and... and if I'm wrong, I apologize. 322 00:18:28,985 --> 00:18:30,237 - Yeah, well... well, you are. 323 00:18:30,238 --> 00:18:32,404 My husband was a... a good father 324 00:18:32,405 --> 00:18:33,864 and never laid a hand on my boys. 325 00:18:33,865 --> 00:18:35,616 And Matt's scar, it was his fault. 326 00:18:35,617 --> 00:18:37,201 He was roughhousing with... with Danny, 327 00:18:37,202 --> 00:18:38,411 and he hurt himself. 328 00:18:38,412 --> 00:18:40,204 - So... so why wouldn't he just tell me that? 329 00:18:40,205 --> 00:18:41,789 - I-I guess because he felt bad. 330 00:18:41,790 --> 00:18:43,916 We... we had to, uh, take him to get stitches, 331 00:18:43,917 --> 00:18:46,210 and we had to leave, uh, Danny's game. 332 00:18:46,211 --> 00:18:48,087 I think it was the Little League playoffs or something. 333 00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:49,297 - It was tryouts. 334 00:18:49,298 --> 00:18:50,714 - Yeah, well, something like that. 335 00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:52,800 I can never get the details right. 336 00:18:52,801 --> 00:18:54,760 - It was tryouts, and it wasn't Matt's fault. 337 00:18:54,761 --> 00:18:56,428 It was Dad's because he wouldn't get out of bed. 338 00:18:56,429 --> 00:18:58,055 - Oh, Danny, please don't be so dramatic. 339 00:18:58,056 --> 00:18:59,932 - We were late, and I was gonna have to wait 340 00:18:59,933 --> 00:19:01,725 a whole nother year if we didn't get there. 341 00:19:01,726 --> 00:19:03,978 Matt begged him, even tried to drag him out of bed. 342 00:19:03,979 --> 00:19:05,896 Dad didn't move. Matt got pissed, 343 00:19:05,897 --> 00:19:07,439 started whaling on him until Dad pushed him 344 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,233 into the closet door and broke the mirror. 345 00:19:09,234 --> 00:19:10,235 - Your brother never should have come 346 00:19:10,235 --> 00:19:11,278 at your father like that! 347 00:19:11,279 --> 00:19:13,153 - He never got out of bed! He was always in bed. 348 00:19:13,154 --> 00:19:14,406 He would go to work, 349 00:19:14,407 --> 00:19:15,948 give everything to a bunch of strangers, 350 00:19:15,949 --> 00:19:18,200 and there was never anything left for us. 351 00:19:18,201 --> 00:19:19,494 - So you're saying that your father was a bad parent 352 00:19:19,495 --> 00:19:20,911 because he went to work every day? 353 00:19:20,912 --> 00:19:24,164 - No, I'm saying that he was depressed! 354 00:19:24,165 --> 00:19:25,916 He was depressed, and so was Matt. 355 00:19:25,917 --> 00:19:28,043 And maybe if you would have just actually acknowledged 356 00:19:28,044 --> 00:19:30,630 and have dealt with that fact, Matt might still be here! 357 00:19:32,924 --> 00:19:34,843 - That's what you think? 358 00:19:36,303 --> 00:19:37,304 Okay. 359 00:19:45,061 --> 00:19:47,272 - At least you got your answers, right? 360 00:19:52,193 --> 00:19:57,365 - My mom was in and out of AA my whole life. 361 00:19:59,159 --> 00:20:03,038 It just... never seemed to stick for her. 362 00:20:05,206 --> 00:20:07,375 Al-Anon did for me. 363 00:20:09,336 --> 00:20:12,631 So I'm here to listen if you want to talk. 364 00:20:17,969 --> 00:20:19,471 Yeah, thanks. 365 00:20:27,562 --> 00:20:30,106 The night before Matt died, he called me. 366 00:20:31,650 --> 00:20:36,528 I was drunk and had driven over tire spikes the wrong way, 367 00:20:36,529 --> 00:20:39,240 so Leigh was coming to get me, and... 368 00:20:39,241 --> 00:20:41,742 I didn't want a lecture. 369 00:20:41,743 --> 00:20:43,662 So I didn't answer. 370 00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:48,540 What if he needed me? 371 00:20:48,541 --> 00:20:52,419 What if he was calling because... 372 00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:55,798 I don't know, because he wanted to tell me something? 373 00:20:55,799 --> 00:20:59,009 - Or maybe he was just calling to give you a lecture. 374 00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:01,053 Or maybe he was calling to let you know 375 00:21:01,054 --> 00:21:03,098 that Leigh was close by. 376 00:21:04,849 --> 00:21:07,685 - I still should have picked up. 377 00:21:07,686 --> 00:21:12,356 I'm never getting that chance back, and... 378 00:21:12,357 --> 00:21:17,444 this stupid inventory thing, I mean, I... 379 00:21:17,445 --> 00:21:19,363 When I tell Leigh, she's gonna freak out. 380 00:21:19,364 --> 00:21:22,741 - Why would you tell Leigh? 381 00:21:22,742 --> 00:21:24,660 Jules, I know you feel bad about this, 382 00:21:24,661 --> 00:21:26,161 but you're gonna have to feel bad 383 00:21:26,162 --> 00:21:28,330 without bringing her into it. 384 00:21:28,331 --> 00:21:30,874 She's got enough going on without... 385 00:21:30,875 --> 00:21:32,836 having to make you feel better. 386 00:21:34,462 --> 00:21:38,424 Sometimes the more generous act is... 387 00:21:38,425 --> 00:21:40,594 to just keep things to yourself. 388 00:21:53,481 --> 00:21:54,900 - Hi. - Come in. 389 00:22:03,366 --> 00:22:06,785 Do you really think... that Matt... 390 00:22:06,786 --> 00:22:09,038 - No. 391 00:22:09,039 --> 00:22:11,540 No. 392 00:22:11,541 --> 00:22:13,292 And Danny doesn't really think that. 393 00:22:13,293 --> 00:22:15,337 He was just lashing out. 394 00:22:17,881 --> 00:22:22,468 I just came because... 395 00:22:22,469 --> 00:22:24,971 I wanted to feel close to him. 396 00:22:29,684 --> 00:22:31,560 - You know why I thought you came? 397 00:22:31,561 --> 00:22:33,312 - No. 398 00:22:33,313 --> 00:22:36,899 - Well, I haven't seen you since... Matt died, 399 00:22:36,900 --> 00:22:40,110 and it's only about four months ago, 400 00:22:40,111 --> 00:22:43,906 and... and... you wanted to see his baby pictures, 401 00:22:43,907 --> 00:22:47,368 and I thought... 402 00:22:47,369 --> 00:22:50,288 I really thought you were gonna tell me you were pregnant. 403 00:22:54,125 --> 00:22:57,086 Uh, no, I'm... 404 00:22:57,087 --> 00:23:00,590 I'm not, sorry. - I know. 405 00:23:02,842 --> 00:23:07,805 I just desperately wanted a... a piece of him in this world. 406 00:23:10,684 --> 00:23:13,310 When you have a child, 407 00:23:13,311 --> 00:23:16,021 you never think... 408 00:23:16,022 --> 00:23:18,107 you never think... 409 00:23:23,863 --> 00:23:27,157 I-I did the best I could. 410 00:23:27,158 --> 00:23:30,495 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 411 00:23:36,334 --> 00:23:39,795 - Matt was my... favorite person. 412 00:23:42,382 --> 00:23:44,925 - You made him. 413 00:23:44,926 --> 00:23:47,053 You raised him. 414 00:23:49,639 --> 00:23:52,267 And he was amazing. 415 00:23:54,019 --> 00:23:55,769 - He was. 416 00:23:55,770 --> 00:23:58,898 - Yeah. 417 00:24:04,279 --> 00:24:07,072 Why didn't you just take the whole set? 418 00:24:07,073 --> 00:24:08,450 - I just wanted the one piece. 419 00:24:25,217 --> 00:24:29,178 - Hi, I'm... 420 00:24:29,179 --> 00:24:31,430 I'm sorry. 421 00:24:31,431 --> 00:24:36,185 And I'm sorry that I have to keep saying I'm sorry. 422 00:24:36,186 --> 00:24:37,646 - Don't be. 423 00:25:02,629 --> 00:25:05,714 I just wish that, um... 424 00:25:05,715 --> 00:25:09,009 that Matt... 425 00:25:09,010 --> 00:25:10,553 was comfortable sharing with me, 426 00:25:10,554 --> 00:25:12,639 like, everything that I heard today. 427 00:25:14,766 --> 00:25:18,727 - I mean, it's not... not like he didn't trust you. 428 00:25:18,728 --> 00:25:23,607 That scar was... 429 00:25:23,608 --> 00:25:27,319 everything he hated about our childhood. 430 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,531 He didn't... he didn't want to deal with it. 431 00:25:30,532 --> 00:25:32,866 - And I think I-I, um... 432 00:25:32,867 --> 00:25:34,160 I went to your mom's house, like, 433 00:25:34,161 --> 00:25:36,412 looking for someone to blame, because if it was her fault 434 00:25:36,413 --> 00:25:39,290 or your father's fault or your whole family's fault, 435 00:25:39,291 --> 00:25:40,958 um, then it... 436 00:25:40,959 --> 00:25:45,380 then it didn't have to be my fault that he was unhappy. 437 00:25:47,173 --> 00:25:49,925 - Wasn't your fault, Leigh. 438 00:25:49,926 --> 00:25:51,802 - I just really wanted to make him happy, 439 00:25:51,803 --> 00:25:54,180 and I don't know if I did. 440 00:25:57,934 --> 00:26:01,145 - Come here. Let me show you something. 441 00:26:01,146 --> 00:26:03,647 Can I show you something? 442 00:26:08,153 --> 00:26:13,073 Oh, my God! Oh! 443 00:26:15,035 --> 00:26:18,037 Oh, my God. What are you doing? 444 00:26:22,208 --> 00:26:26,462 - Oh, my God. You are the worst. 445 00:26:26,463 --> 00:26:28,547 This is the saddest... ever. 446 00:26:28,548 --> 00:26:30,341 The saddest... ever, look. 447 00:26:30,342 --> 00:26:32,760 Flip cup... come here, bro. 448 00:26:32,761 --> 00:26:36,263 Flip cup with orange soda, listening to Jack Johnson. 449 00:26:36,264 --> 00:26:37,932 That's how you spent your last night of freedom, bro. 450 00:26:37,933 --> 00:26:38,975 - Oh, yeah? 451 00:26:38,976 --> 00:26:40,768 - Remember that 20 years from now. 452 00:26:40,769 --> 00:26:42,603 20 years from now. 453 00:26:42,604 --> 00:26:44,271 You're sitting on the couch watching this 454 00:26:44,272 --> 00:26:45,814 with your boring wife and your light-ass kids. 455 00:26:45,815 --> 00:26:47,149 Look at her. 456 00:26:48,361 --> 00:26:50,027 Ew, gross. 457 00:26:50,028 --> 00:26:52,863 Hey, man, it's not too late to change your mind. 458 00:26:52,864 --> 00:26:54,865 You know it's not. - Yeah, well, never. 459 00:26:54,866 --> 00:26:56,784 - What? - Ah! 460 00:27:05,961 --> 00:27:10,381 - You gonna tell me that guy isn't happy? 461 00:27:10,382 --> 00:27:12,299 - Thank you. 462 00:27:22,060 --> 00:27:24,728 - I have some more of Matt playing charades later. 463 00:27:24,729 --> 00:27:27,147 You want to watch it? - Yeah, immediately. 464 00:27:30,486 --> 00:27:32,486 - Let's go, bring it home for the home team. 465 00:27:32,487 --> 00:27:34,446 - No, this is impossible. I won't... 466 00:27:34,447 --> 00:27:35,448 - No, no, no, no, no. 467 00:27:35,448 --> 00:27:36,616 If you pulled it, you have to play. 468 00:27:36,617 --> 00:27:37,950 There's no passing. - Yeah, I'm starting 469 00:27:37,951 --> 00:27:39,285 the timer right now. - Here we go. 470 00:27:39,286 --> 00:27:40,703 - It's already started. - Come on, man. 471 00:27:40,704 --> 00:27:42,580 - Come on, dude. - Okay, um... 472 00:27:42,581 --> 00:27:43,998 - Let's get it. Let's get it. This is game time. 473 00:27:43,999 --> 00:27:45,374 - Um... 474 00:27:45,375 --> 00:27:48,419 - Two, two words. Two words, two words. Okay. 475 00:27:48,420 --> 00:27:50,671 - Four, four... four words. 476 00:27:50,672 --> 00:27:54,341 Four syllables. Ten seconds! 477 00:27:54,342 --> 00:27:56,510 Oh, man. 478 00:28:08,565 --> 00:28:12,027 Oh, it's amazing. 479 00:28:24,539 --> 00:28:26,957 I know I should pull it together for my best friend, 480 00:28:26,958 --> 00:28:28,375 but if I stay, I'm gonna lose it, 481 00:28:28,376 --> 00:28:30,294 and I don't want to make this about me. 482 00:28:30,295 --> 00:28:32,254 - Oh, my God. Leigh? 483 00:28:32,255 --> 00:28:33,256 Ginny Maxwell. 484 00:28:33,257 --> 00:28:34,632 I did the flowers for your wedding. 485 00:28:34,633 --> 00:28:36,050 Is Matt here too? 486 00:28:36,051 --> 00:28:38,677 - This wedding is making me feel really, really single. 487 00:28:38,678 --> 00:28:39,846 - Me too. 488 00:28:39,847 --> 00:28:42,848 When I was drinking, I had no problem meeting people. 489 00:28:42,849 --> 00:28:45,142 - She's been sober for almost five months. 490 00:28:45,143 --> 00:28:46,685 - Her compass is broken. 491 00:28:46,686 --> 00:28:48,646 She gets too close to people too fast. 492 00:28:48,647 --> 00:28:51,232 - That dude is definitely swiping right on you right now. 493 00:28:51,233 --> 00:28:54,109 - Um, I guess I should go see if it's a match. 494 00:28:54,110 --> 00:28:55,570 Don't wait up.