Drew is gonna publish another one of my essays.
It's about a dream I had about Matt.
I've been dreaming about Matt, too,
and not good dreams.
No one knows what you're going through more than me.
We're not going through the same thing, Leigh.
You see Matt differently than I do.
How do you see him?
Not as the Matt that made everyone feel loved
and cared for, that's for sure.
- I met someone. - That's great.
What's happening with us feels really right.
You're using me to get to Matt.
You're so angry at him.
What does screwing your brother's widow do for you?
Stop the car.
Matt!
What time is it?
Where are you going?
There's a full moon, and I can't sleep.
- Gonna surf. - Mm.
- You want to come? - Mm-mm. I'm tired.
- Ask me the next full moon. - I won't be here.
I have to give this place up.
Running out of savings.
All right.
Is... is that why you can't sleep?
No.
I got an interview with that headhunter tomorrow.
You're gonna be great.
Thanks.
Yeah, it's just weird going back to real life.
- Sure you don't want to come? - Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I have to get up early.
I'm gonna meet Becca for coffee.
Okay.
- I'll see you in the morning. - Mm.
- Stay safe. - Mm-hmm.
Tell all the midnight surfers hi for me.
It looks so good.
- It's not even done yet. - Just wait.
Oh, look at you, business lady.
Kicking ass and taking names.
Kicking is easier when you have two functional knees.
Mm.
Is that your idea, too?
I'm fostering community.
Well...
- Ooh. - Mm.
Yeah.
It's supposed to be challenging,
so I'm just gonna take that off.
I'm sorry, do you know how expensive it is
to get in these days?
- That's true. - Yeah.
- Where's yours? - It's in my head.
Install filtered water dispenser,
buy bookkeeping software... That's a todo list.
Okay, thanks for the feedback.
Um...
Here. Check this out.
It's our summer calendar.
Okay, it's 45 minutes of bodyweight exercises.
I have more muscle now than I did before I busted my knee.
You kick my ass in the best way.
- You'd slay in that slot. - It's okay.
I like chilling at the consignment shop.
I'm in this mellow groove, you know?
Yeah, no, I get it.
Um, give it some thought, though.
You'd be a rock star here.
How about you be the rock star,
and I will happily be your biggest fan?
Aww.
- Okay, I like that. - Okay.
I read your essays.
You know, you got a lot going on.
Your...
all-night walk and that crazy casino trip.
You're living your life right now.
It's... it's a good thing.
I just...
Want to get to the place you're at.
You got to tell me how you're doing it.
Well, I started seeing someone.
He's helping.
- Like a... like a therapist or... - Mm-mm.
Oh, God, of course. Right.
For how long?
Like about a month?
I, uh... I did the walk with him, and the casino.
Ah.
I... it sounded like you were doing those things by yourself,
the way you wrote about them.
No, he was there.
Well, where'd you meet him?
It's...
Uh, it's Matt's brother, actually.
Danny?
Yeah, I...
I hadn't been happy for a... a really long time, and...
I mean, he... he makes me happy.
I just thought that you of all people would get it
'cause, you know, everything in my life is messy
and complicated, so of course the one thing that...
that makes me happy is also messy and complicated.
I... I get that, but you're not writing about that one thing.
You're... you're writing about the messy and complicated stuff
that people will be okay with and won't judge you for.
You know, I...
I'm actually not required to tell everyone on the Internet
who I'm having sex with.
No, but, Leigh, uh,
all those people commenting on your essays
think you're, like, the perfect widow.
Well, I'm definitely not perfect.
But people think you are.
It's like on Instagram,
where people's photos look perfect
because they put a filter on it
or they crop things out of frame.
You've just cropped out this huge part of your life.
- So... - So you're lying to everyone.
I'm not a liar.
But you're lying.
I'm sorry.
Maybe I would feel better
if I was sleeping with my dead husband's sister.
Except she's an asexual corporate attorney
based out of Toronto, so...
I saw my reflection in the door.
I'm wearing the same rig I wore to both your funerals.
You got me running around town in a damn death suit.
I just want to sleep.
But you won't leave me alone.
Get out of my head, Matt.
Get out of my head.
Leigh, if you don't get off your phone,
I'm going to come and take it from you.
I'm just reading all the essays
I've written this last month.
I mean, I thought I was being completely honest,
but now all I see are the lies.
You were being honest.
They're 500-word essays.
You can't put everything in them.
Yeah, and there's truth in there,
like the casino essay where you had your existential awakening.
I mean, it can't get realer than that.
But would you feel differently
if you knew that fell on the heels
of a full night of sex with my dead husband's brother?
I mean, this year, it felt like almost everything
was taken from me,
but no matter how bad things got,
at least I knew I was being honest.
That was the one thing I knew about myself.
Hey.
How was the headhunter?
I decided not to go.
Why?
I just wanted to take a walk.
You walked here from Venice?
Yep.
How long were you walking?
Ten hours, give or take.
That's a long walk.
Yeah, sometimes you need a long walk.
This one knows.
So you just walked?
No, I, uh, had lunch in Culver City.
Second lunch downtown.
I visited the Underground Museum on Washington.
Strange to see the city all slowed down like that.
Nobody walks in LA, so...
Yeah, I'll go to the headhunter on Friday.
I'm gonna go shower.
You okay?
Just beat.
- See you upstairs? - Mm-hmm.
Whoo, I feel like a new man.
Hey, sorry for not being social earlier.
It's okay.
Is, um...
now a good time to talk about stuff?
What kind of stuff?
Just stuff that's going on with you.
Nothing's going on.
Okay.
But if it were, you know that you can talk to me
about it, right?
- And vice versa. - I know.
Something going on with you?
Uh, yeah.
How would you feel if I wrote about our relationship
in my next essay?
You want to write about us?
Well, I don't want to, but I feel like I have to.
But if that makes you uncomfortable,
that's fine, and I... I'm-I'm...
- I'm okay with it. - Really?
Do what you got to,
as long as you mention my fiery calves
and my ferocious stamina.
- Goes without saying. - Cool.
- I'm gonna crash now. - Okay.
Your sister and her boyfriend...
That was...
She needs to actually talk to him.
Yeah, but I get why she wouldn't want to, though.
I don't.
Um...
It's like there's this door, right?
And you know you got to open it but you don't know
what you're gonna find, so you think maybe
it's better just to keep it shut.
I feel like that when I think about going to Vietnam.
Stuff about my birth family
could be stuff I'm better off not knowing.
Like, what if I...
dig for gold and hit a sewage pipe?
You just swim through the shit, babe.
You hose off, and you move on.
You got plans on Monday?
Are we going to Disneyland?
Yeah? Yeah?
- Close. - Aww.
I signed you up for a CPR class.
It's mandatory for all instructors, so...
Yeah, but I'm not an instructor.
This is so you can become one.
I told you I didn't want that.
But you're good, and you deserve it.
This is not a handout.
Oh, come on, Jules.
You don't think that my job or my life are good enough.
Right? I'm like a fixer-upper?
You just want me fixed already?
That's not what's happening here, Tommy.
I... I can see the person you could be, and I believe in you.
I want you to believe in yourself, too.
I do believe in myself.
Okay, I just don't believe in all of your classist bullshit.
- Okay, I'm sorry... - No, I...
I can't do this. Um, I'm out.
Did you have a nightmare?
Yeah.
You want to talk about it?
No.
Are you sure?
Mm-hmm.
Danny.
- Hey. - What you doing?
Eh, I'm just trying to write this thing about me and Danny.
- How's it going? - I'm stuck.
Every time I try to write something,
it's like half the story is missing.
I... I don't know what's going on with Danny these days.
Well, if you don't know what's going on, ask him.
Oh, I just... I mean, he's going through some stuff.
I mean, you've seen him, and I'm just trying
to give him the space to do that.
Yeah.
How's that been working out for you?
It's not.
It's... yeah.
Actually, maybe don't take relationship advice
from me right now.
Oh, no.
What's happening?
I created a job for Tommy at the studio.
And she, uh, did not like that.
Did she want a job at the studio?
No.
And you tried giving her one anyway?
Yes.
- I'm an idiot. - You're not an idiot.
You're just a Shaw.
What do I do?
Well, you have to de-Shaw the situation.
Or un-Shaw it. Anti-Shaw.
- I like de-Shaw. - Me too.
- My first instinct. - Yeah.
- Impulse. - It's my first impulse.
De-Shaw.
- Hey. - Hey.
I like you.
I like everything about you,
and I don't need you to be my employee.
I do need to learn to hear and respect your needs.
Did you memorize that speech?
Yeah, I've been standing here a while.
Look.
If you're trying to turn me into something I'm not,
this isn't gonna work.
Okay, I had enough of that growing up.
And I'm not perfect,
okay, but I'm not broken, either.
- Tommy, I'm really sorry. - I know you are.
Look, but it's not enough to be sorry.
Okay.
Look, I just need someone that's got it together.
You know?
Someone who's working through their issues.
You know what I mean?
I'm actually working really hard on all my issues.
Or you're working really hard to avoid dealing with the shit
that actually freaks you out.
Wow.
I... I got to get back to work.
Yeah.
I got to get back to work, too.
Okay.
See you.
Okay, so I wrote down some questions.
I'm gonna record this so that I can listen and talk
instead of typing and scribbling.
- Damn. - So formal.
- Does it make you feel weird? - No, no, it's cool.
I just... what's the article about, exactly?
The working title is
"Sex, Lies, and My Dead Husband's Brother."
Subtle.
Right, well, it's not a confession.
It's an explanation, 'cause I want people to understand
the why along with the what.
And the who, obviously.
Which is why we're doing this.
There's a lot I don't know about you, Daniel Greer.
- You ready? - Yeah.
First question,
has being with me changed you at all?
It sounds like you're fishing for a compliment.
Well...
being with you has changed me.
How?
Um, I feel lighter, maybe.
Like you understand my grief
so I don't have to carry it all myself,
if that makes sense.
Kind of.
Do you feel that way?
I'm happier, I guess.
How were you before?
Less happy.
Okay.
Uh, next question.
What are your nightmares about?
It's not a big deal.
Right, but if it's not a big deal,
then why can't you just tell me what they're about?
Yeah.
Uh...
this thing happened to me and Matt before he met you.
Um,
we're driving home one night,
and Matt screams for me to stop the car.
Just bolts.
I see him talking to some dude on the overpass.
The guy was about to jump.
Jesus.
If I had been driving alone, that guy would be dead.
Sorry, that, um...
He never told me about that.
It was a long time ago.
- What? - No, I'm just...
I'm just thinking.
What are you thinking?
I don't know.
Um...
So Matt saved this person's life?
Are you...
You don't think that you were supposed to save Matt?
Is this still for your article?
I am not gonna use any of this.
'Cause it's starting to feel like this whole thing
was just an excuse for you to pry me open.
- No, I am just trying to help. - You know what?
How about I ask you some things
that you don't want to talk about,
since you're so interested in the truth?
How come you refuse to see Matt for who he was?
Why do you stick a shiny gold halo on his head
whenever you talk about him?
Danny, you have got to stop doing this.
We both loved him, and yet you have this thing
against acknowledging his good parts.
Maybe because there was more bad than good,
and you're living in some wounded-widow fairyland.
Just because someone dies doesn't make them a hero.
You just told me that he saved a total stranger's life.
You don't think that you have the volume turned up right now
on the wrong memories?
Which memories should I turn up?
When he Sharpied my Pokémon cards
- because I wouldn't trade them? - Oh, my God.
When I accused him of becoming our dad
and he didn't talk to me for four months?
Why are you holding on to all this ridiculous shit?
Because it affected me!
You wouldn't think the stuff that affected you
is ridiculous.
Like when he fell for the teacher from his job
two years ago.
What?
Sorry, uh...
Was it... was it Nina? The...
The one from the memorial?
He wouldn't, uh...
I... I told him not to... Did anything, um...
Did they... No.
Nothing happened.
He had a moment, and it passed.
But you just said that he fell for her.
Did you tell me that
so I could just hate him as much as you do?
- No. - Then why?
So you can see him for who he really was.
But why?
So you can see me for who I am.
Yeah, I see you, Danny!
I see someone who would rather set fire to the things he loves
than deal with his own guilt.
I am never going to hate him.
Do you understand that?
Go home.
Damn it!
Maybe I'm kidding myself, but...
I still think we can make it work.
People don't slam their fists through walls
when things are going well.
I mean, we can't do this.
So it's over?
Yeah.
You should go.
I'm not leaving you here.
Waiting in urgent care with someone is something you do
when you're in a relationship.
Then we will be in one until they call your name.
- That's dumb. - I don't care.
How long have we been waiting here?
Feels like hours.
Days.
McKean.
What if they never call your name?
What if we're in actual purgatory?
Then we'll never break up, I guess.
Do something funny.
Why?
'Cause if I don't start laughing,
I'm gonna start crying and never stop.
Okay.
Something funny.
Do you remember my impression of the whale from "Pinocchio"?
- Oh, God. - You do remember.
Leigh.
Remember this one?
Shh, shh, shh.
Greer?
- Oh! - Welcome back!
I had to see you before you flew halfway around the world.
When you get back, um...
Oh, I should talk to you about that.
Mom, I don't know how everything got so bad.
- They're your choices. - Own them.
You're not even gonna try and solve my problems?
You're an adult.
I just feel like I am waiting around
for the next bad thing to happen to me.
- Leigh. - Hi.
What happened between you and Matt?
Please tell me.