1
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,156
- Okay, listen up.
2
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,690
Finally, official department
photos are next week.
3
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,760
So mark your calendars.
Make your preparations.
4
00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:29,361
- Hey-o.
- Mm.
5
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:30,763
- We need a week to prepare?
- Well, you might.
6
00:00:30,897 --> 00:00:32,564
But I don't because I'm noyce.
7
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,499
- [chuckles] noyce.
8
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:37,302
- Hey, this is your first
department photo, probie, hmm?
9
00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:38,837
- Yeah.
- It's important.
10
00:00:38,973 --> 00:00:40,172
We do it every few years,
and we use it
11
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,040
For all kinds
of professional things.
12
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,376
Id cards, press releases,
newspaper articles.
13
00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:46,178
- Cool, how do I get my picture
in the newspaper?
14
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:47,379
- You die.
- What?
15
00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:48,981
- These are
also affectionately known
16
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:50,649
As the "firefighter
death photo."
17
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,917
It's the picture
they use for your obituary.
18
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,787
- So not to be taken lightly
19
00:00:54,921 --> 00:00:56,721
Unless you want to end up
20
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,524
Like captain boris chaffee.
21
00:00:59,994 --> 00:01:01,059
Triple chin chaffee.
22
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,728
All: Triple chin chaffee.
23
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:04,863
[laughter]
- there he is.
24
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,264
- He was a revered captain.
25
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:08,733
He died saving an entire
school bus full of kids.
26
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:10,002
And he was pretty good-lookin',
but...
27
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,136
He did not take picture day
seriously.
28
00:01:12,138 --> 00:01:14,539
And this is how he will
always be remembered.
29
00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:16,208
- It looks like he's wearing
a necklace of chins.
30
00:01:16,343 --> 00:01:18,943
- I always wondered if that bus
landed on his face.
31
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,345
- All he had to do
was hold that chin up.
32
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:21,746
- And grow a mustache
for christ's sake.
33
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:22,747
- Come on.
- I mean, come on.
34
00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,282
- And close your mouth.
35
00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:25,484
- You know,
he was actually kind of a dick.
36
00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:27,219
- Yeah,
with the smelliest feet.
37
00:01:27,354 --> 00:01:29,087
- And he was a close-talker.
- And terrible breath.
38
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,489
- Liar.
- Big gambler.
39
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:31,956
- Philanderer.
40
00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:32,957
- Stole a lot of stuff
from the station.
41
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,092
- But he did save those kids.
42
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,227
- That's true.
- Yes, yes.
43
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,029
- Yes. May he rest in peace.
44
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:38,230
Both: Yeah, rest in peace.
- Yeah.
45
00:01:38,365 --> 00:01:40,165
- Rest in peace.
- Rest in peace.
46
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:44,036
[foreigner's "hot blooded"]
47
00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:49,908
♪ ♪
48
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,310
- ♪ well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
49
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,847
♪ check it and see ♪
50
00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:58,383
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
51
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,453
♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪
52
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:03,988
- Hey-o.
53
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,657
Who's ready for picture day,
huh?
54
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,792
- Yeah, chief,
do you want some breakfast?
55
00:02:07,928 --> 00:02:09,261
- Nope,
I'm gonna stay lean today
56
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:10,863
For a good, professional photo.
57
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,264
- It's a good call, chief.
- Oh.
58
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:13,465
- Oh, boy.
59
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,867
- What's wrong
with your shoulder?
60
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:15,934
- I tweaked it
pulling up my comforter.
61
00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:17,269
- What, do you have, like,
62
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:18,537
A weighted blanket
or something?
63
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:19,738
- Nah, just
high-quality comforter.
64
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:21,073
- It's time to switch
65
00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,274
To the lightweight
summer comforter.
66
00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:23,275
- I don't know.
I like to sweat.
67
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:24,409
- If I had a dime...
68
00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:25,410
- Hey, lucy, don't make fun
69
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,345
Of your dad's failing health.
70
00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,982
- I'm not failing.
Just got a bad shoulder.
71
00:02:30,685 --> 00:02:33,618
- [chuckling] okay.
72
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:34,819
- What is happenin' here?
73
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,755
- Who you takin' to the prom,
there, tin tin?
74
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,423
- Okay, settle down.
75
00:02:38,425 --> 00:02:40,825
Probie, this is exactly
the picture day energy I like.
76
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:42,227
Huh?
The hair, the teeth.
77
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,628
Look at him. Perfect.
78
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:45,497
- Yeah, yeah.
The kid looks good.
79
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,499
The rest of you could learn
something from the probie
80
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,033
And take some pride
in your photo.
81
00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:50,235
- For what?
82
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:51,236
They always get
my lighting wrong,
83
00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:52,637
And my pictures suck.
84
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:53,972
- What am I supposed to do,
wear makeup?
85
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:55,107
- Do my hair?
86
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,841
- Maybe you should do
your hair.
87
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:58,310
Your mother bought you that
nice new blow-dryer online.
88
00:02:58,445 --> 00:02:59,844
- That thing's from europe.
89
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,313
And it doesn't even have
the right plugs.
90
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:02,915
- A little effort
would go a long way.
91
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:05,584
- If you care so much,
where is all your effort, guy?
92
00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:07,252
- This face needs no effort,
guy.
93
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:08,921
- It is very distinguished,
cap.
94
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:10,322
- Thank you, mickleberry.
95
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:11,990
- Distinguished
is just another word for old.
96
00:03:12,126 --> 00:03:14,259
- Lucy, that's ageism.
- Mm-hmm.
97
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:15,928
- At least your dad and I care.
98
00:03:16,062 --> 00:03:17,462
Yes, he is over 50
99
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:20,064
With an uninsurable bmi
and shoulder pain.
100
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:21,600
But the man
is foregoing his breakfast
101
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:22,667
For the death photos.
102
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:24,469
That's sacrifice.
103
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,672
- Hey! Dingleberry?
Who did that?
104
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,141
[both chuckling]
105
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:30,875
Was this you?
- No, it wasn't me.
106
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,144
- Was that you?
107
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:33,612
- No, I don't even know
how to sew, chief.
108
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,280
That's crazy.
- All right, listen up.
109
00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,815
These photos are gonna be
professional.
110
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,750
You're gonna sit up straight.
You're gonna smile.
111
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,885
And don't be the jokester
trying to sneak in
112
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:41,886
Dirty messages.
113
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,021
- Do not be the jokester.
114
00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:44,889
- All right.
- Carry on.
115
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,626
You look good, mickleberry.
116
00:03:47,761 --> 00:03:48,827
- I did do it.
117
00:03:48,963 --> 00:03:50,295
- [chuckles]
- I knew it.
118
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,230
- I knew it.
- I do know how to sew.
119
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:57,502
♪ ♪
120
00:03:57,638 --> 00:04:00,072
- What are you doing?
- Oh, god!
121
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,307
- Are you putting on makeup?
122
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,977
- Wha-- [chuckles]
123
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:06,244
No.
124
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,445
I mean, yes.
125
00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,848
I am putting on makeup,
126
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,383
Uh, to cover my hickeys.
127
00:04:11,518 --> 00:04:13,385
- On your forehead?
- You should see her face.
128
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:14,987
- Barf.
- Oh, whatever.
129
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:15,988
When two people
love each other,
130
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:17,055
That's what they do.
131
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:18,056
- Wait, you've never covered up
132
00:04:18,192 --> 00:04:19,524
Hickeys before.
133
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:20,993
- [gasps]
because those are no hickeys.
134
00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:22,327
Those are botox bruises.
135
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,128
- What? No way.
136
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:26,198
- Yeah, way,
I watched four seasons
137
00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:27,666
Of "botox bunnies" on trutv.
138
00:04:27,802 --> 00:04:29,468
I know
exactly what I'm looking at.
139
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,804
- Okay, fine.
Yes, I got botox.
140
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,205
And it's not the first time.
141
00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,407
Only this time,
I got triple the ccs.
142
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:36,809
- Doesn't look any different.
143
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,210
- Ah, it hasn't kicked in yet.
144
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:41,746
But at any given moment,
this face is gonna freeze,
145
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,748
And these worry lines
will be blasted
146
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,017
Back to 1986.
147
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,019
You should try it sometime.
- I look just fine.
148
00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,353
- Sure you do.
149
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,422
Whatever you do,
don't tell your dad.
150
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,224
- Why not?
- Well...
151
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:54,626
[chuckles] look
at this harley clifford-jones.
152
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,029
He's got rooster throat
but a smooth forehead.
153
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,096
He's not fooling anyone.
154
00:04:58,232 --> 00:04:59,698
- Botox is for dorks.
155
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:00,833
- I totally agree.
156
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,034
There's nothing more attractive
157
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,035
Than aging gracefully.
158
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,769
- Bullshit, penisi.
159
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:06,638
Botox is right up your alley.
- That's ridiculous.
160
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:09,774
- I bet you 5 grand you use it
within the next ten years.
161
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,109
- [chuckles] you're on.
162
00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:12,911
I will never do botox.
163
00:05:13,047 --> 00:05:14,713
- Oh, ho.
164
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,248
- I am three weeks away
from winning that bet.
165
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:17,315
And I want that money.
166
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:18,450
- Why are you risking it
167
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:19,451
With three weeks to go?
168
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:20,919
- I've actually been on botox
169
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,320
The last ten years.
170
00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,788
In fact, I was on botox
when we made the bet.
171
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,390
- You hypocrite.
- Well...
172
00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:27,259
- You will be splitting this
with me, 50-50.
173
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:28,593
- Bullshit.
174
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:29,862
- Well, do you want
to win 2,500
175
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,730
Or lose 5 grand
when I tell my dad?
176
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:34,733
- Oh, you are a rotten
little street rat.
177
00:05:34,869 --> 00:05:36,669
Okay, fine. You're on.
178
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,803
But don't you say a word
to anybody.
179
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:41,206
- Nice doing business with you,
you vain asshole.
180
00:05:41,208 --> 00:05:42,541
- Get out of here.
181
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,876
♪ ♪
182
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,210
- Goodness gracious.
183
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,678
Will you stop
with the primping?
184
00:05:46,813 --> 00:05:48,747
- Easy for you to say.
When you're balding,
185
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,014
All you have to do
is shave your head.
186
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,283
- Excuse you?
187
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:53,017
- This could be
my first and last
188
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:53,952
Department photo, granny.
189
00:05:54,088 --> 00:05:55,087
- Yeah, it's about to be.
190
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:56,755
- [groaning] oh, god.
191
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,490
- Firefighting
is a dangerous job.
192
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:00,625
Chief was right to say,
"take the photo seriously."
193
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,094
Especially when you're
as old as he is.
194
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,362
- What?
195
00:06:03,497 --> 00:06:04,363
- You're constantly
cheating death.
196
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:05,898
- He's right, chief.
197
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,232
You are much closer to death
than all of us.
198
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:08,300
- We're the same age.
199
00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:09,834
[grunts]
- yeah, but...[sighs]
200
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,371
You're the old same age.
I'm the young same age.
201
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,838
My psyche's
in a much better place
202
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,373
'cause I don't feel old.
You know why that is?
203
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,509
- I know why.
204
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:20,712
- It's a little something
called "dostadning."
205
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:23,315
- Dodadning?
- Dostadning.
206
00:06:23,450 --> 00:06:26,118
- Dodesting?
- Dostadning.
207
00:06:26,253 --> 00:06:28,653
- Tostitos?
- It means "death cleaning."
208
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:31,456
It's a swedish custom
my second wife taught me about.
209
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:32,724
When you get to a certain age,
210
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,459
It's the process
of unburdening yourself
211
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,328
Of unnecessary belongings.
212
00:06:36,463 --> 00:06:38,931
- Sounds like european bullshit
to me.
213
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,132
- Oh, I read about that.
214
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:41,533
You get rid
of your physical clutter,
215
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:42,867
And it eliminates
your mental clutter.
216
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,202
You feel younger.
- That's right, probie.
217
00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:45,537
Even the probie knows.
218
00:06:45,672 --> 00:06:47,071
- This whole thing
sounds stupid.
219
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,407
Oh, god, ah.
220
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,344
- Oh, my god.
- Ouch.
221
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,546
- I have a delivery
for granfield smith
222
00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:56,348
From tacoma creative photo.
223
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:57,749
- Oh, shoot.
224
00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:00,352
- Um... [laughs]
225
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:03,555
Wow, I asked you
to deliver that outside.
226
00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:05,958
- What'd you get, granny?
- Just some body cam stuff.
227
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,860
- Oh, cool, cool, cool.
- [chuckles]
228
00:07:08,963 --> 00:07:11,296
♪ ♪
229
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:14,232
- [groaning] oh, boy.
230
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:16,901
- You know, you really should
get that shoulder checked out.
231
00:07:16,903 --> 00:07:18,903
- Ah, it's just old age.
232
00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,306
I know you're full
of false bravado.
233
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,375
But does this old age talk
ever bother you?
234
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:26,244
- Nah, I still kick
so much ass.
235
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:27,846
You know,
I meant what I said out there.
236
00:07:27,982 --> 00:07:29,047
I have no mental clutter,
237
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:30,382
And it keeps me feeling young.
238
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:32,384
But you are clutter city.
239
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:34,186
You can't even let go
of old electric razors.
240
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:35,587
- Why would I throw away
good batteries.
241
00:07:35,722 --> 00:07:39,123
- Well, you need
a good dostadning.
242
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,459
You gotta declutter yourself.
243
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:41,860
Throw away something
you don't want anymore.
244
00:07:41,996 --> 00:07:43,928
- That's rough.
245
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:46,264
Oh, you know that throw pillow
you gave me?
246
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:47,666
- [chuckles]
the one where I'm eating
247
00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,334
The chicken wings on it?
Yeah, yeah.
248
00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:53,071
- This one.
- [laughs]
249
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,206
"sit on this."
250
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:56,341
Oh, man.
That thing is hysterical.
251
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:57,409
- It's pretty funny.
252
00:07:57,544 --> 00:07:59,011
I'm gettin' rid of it.
253
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:01,079
- Okay.
254
00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:02,547
Okay. How'd that feel?
255
00:08:02,549 --> 00:08:03,882
- I feel
like I just unbuckled my belt
256
00:08:04,018 --> 00:08:06,751
After a rack of ribs.
[chuckles]
257
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:08,086
You were right.
I never liked that pillow.
258
00:08:08,222 --> 00:08:09,621
But you did.
So I held onto it.
259
00:08:09,756 --> 00:08:11,556
And, frankly, it was a burden.
- Okay.
260
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:13,358
- [sighs]
but now I feel lighter.
261
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,427
- That's what dostadning
is all about.
262
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:17,896
- Then I'm
dostadning -ing-ing-ing.
263
00:08:18,032 --> 00:08:19,364
- Yeah, you are.
264
00:08:19,366 --> 00:08:22,368
- Okay.
- [laughs]
265
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:26,371
[face creaking]
266
00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:32,310
♪ ♪
267
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,812
Lucy.
268
00:08:35,315 --> 00:08:37,582
- Oh, you look pleased
with yourself.
269
00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:39,984
- The botox kicked in
while I was being smug.
270
00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:42,654
Now I'm stuck in "smug face."
- what?
271
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:45,057
- How the hell
am I gonna hide this?
272
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,659
♪ ♪
273
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:52,931
- I need to avoid terry
until this wears off.
274
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,599
- You're gonna avoid him
for the next three months?
275
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,601
You look like the cat
that swallowed the canary.
276
00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:58,337
- You mean the cat
that got the cream?
277
00:08:58,471 --> 00:08:59,538
- Don't you dare correct me
278
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,340
With that smug look
on your face.
279
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,675
- Hey-o.
- Cover me.
280
00:09:03,677 --> 00:09:06,011
50-50, remember.
- It's 60-40 now.
281
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:08,680
- Such a street rat.
282
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,749
- Eddie, you look like the cat
that caught the mouse.
283
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,818
- Gotta run.
- Huh, okay.
284
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,887
Ever get the feeling
he's too cocky?
285
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:17,423
- Every single day.
286
00:09:18,359 --> 00:09:19,825
- Lucy...
287
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,627
I've decided to do
the swedish dostadning.
288
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:24,163
And in the interest
of decluttering,
289
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,031
I've decided to get
something off my chest.
290
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,232
- Okay.
291
00:09:27,368 --> 00:09:28,567
- You know how
you always asked me
292
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:29,701
Why you didn't have
a birthday party
293
00:09:29,837 --> 00:09:31,036
Until you were seven?
294
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:32,037
- Yes, I recall.
295
00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,705
- Well, in 1998,
296
00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,507
Ken griffey jr.
Led the american league
297
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:36,908
With 55 home runs.
298
00:09:37,044 --> 00:09:38,377
On September 25th,
299
00:09:38,512 --> 00:09:40,779
He was going
for a career high 56.
300
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,581
And I had the tickets.
- Oh.
301
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:45,650
- But, unexpectedly,
vicky went into labor with you
302
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,252
And I had to give up
those tickets.
303
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,720
[chuckles]
304
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,055
That night,
when I was in the hospital,
305
00:09:50,191 --> 00:09:52,524
Ken griffey jr. Hit
his 56th home run.
306
00:09:52,659 --> 00:09:54,593
And because of your birth,
I missed it.
307
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:55,927
- I think you made
the right call
308
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,662
Being there for you daughter--
309
00:09:57,664 --> 00:09:59,464
- And for seven long years,
I held it against you.
310
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,133
It was a very difficult
post-partum time for me.
311
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,802
But now I'm over it.
312
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,737
Whoo. [chuckles]
313
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:08,273
That feels great. Wow.
314
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,141
[chuckles] okay.
315
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:12,511
- Are you fucking kidding?
316
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,747
- Excuse me, hey, chief,
did you want to see me or...
317
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,416
- Oh, yeah.
Come on in, sit down.
318
00:10:17,551 --> 00:10:18,884
- Uh, was it just me
319
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,151
Or was it mickleberry
and them too?
320
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,753
- Just you.
321
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:24,556
- Um, if this is about all,
like, the protein shake
322
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,024
And everything
that was left out,
323
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,492
I think mickleberry
might have got into that.
324
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:28,827
That might not...
325
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:29,828
- This is not
about mickleberry.
326
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,096
This is something else.
327
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:33,298
As a result
of my dostadning,
328
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,499
I've decided to give you
329
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:36,701
One of my most prized
possessions.
330
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:38,904
My joke collection.
- Why me?
331
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:41,773
- Well, I know you have trouble
completing your jokes.
332
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,308
I thought
this could help you out.
333
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,043
- I mean, I--
it's not that I have trouble
334
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:46,912
Completing jokes.
It's that, you know,
335
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,248
Sometimes I'm trying to think
of, like, the perfect--
336
00:10:49,382 --> 00:10:51,182
- [chuckles]
my joke collection.
337
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:54,185
- Oh, whoa.
[chuckles] cool.
338
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,588
What--it's gotta be, like,
50 popsicle sticks in here.
339
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:59,057
- Thousands.
And I've sucked 'em all.
340
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:01,126
- Each one has a joke on it?
- Yeah.
341
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:02,727
My kids didn't want them,
so I figured
342
00:11:02,729 --> 00:11:04,129
I'd give them to you.
343
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,731
- Ah, wait, your kids
didn't want these?
344
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,266
- Yeah, weird, right?
345
00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:09,468
- So many. Okay, uh...
346
00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:12,070
"what's the hardest thing
about learning to ride a bike?"
347
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,605
Both: The pavement!
348
00:11:13,740 --> 00:11:16,207
[both laugh]
349
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:18,543
- 'cause you're gonna fall off
and hit your head.
350
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,345
- You picked the best one
right off the bat.
351
00:11:20,481 --> 00:11:22,013
[laughs]
- oh, that is so funny.
352
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,215
All right--wait,
"what kind of a car
353
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,084
Does an egg drive?"
354
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:28,620
"a yolkswagon."
355
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:31,356
Yolkswagon?
- Yolks-wagon?
356
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:33,292
- "a yo..."
[laughs]
357
00:11:33,426 --> 00:11:34,893
Yolkswagon.
- [chuckles]
358
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:35,961
- Oh, man.
359
00:11:36,097 --> 00:11:37,562
- I didn't get it
the first time either.
360
00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:39,030
- Wait, do you want me
to give you
361
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,499
A handful too and we can,
like, go back and forth?
362
00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:41,566
- No, no, I think that's--
that'll be all.
363
00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:43,569
You're dismissed.
364
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:46,571
- Ugh, so sticky. [chuckles]
365
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,239
You know what, chief?
366
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,041
I actually was having
a hard time telling jokes.
367
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,576
- Don't draw it out.
You can go.
368
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,044
- Do you want it open
or closed?
369
00:11:53,180 --> 00:11:55,246
- Uh, you can keep it open.
- You got it, chief.
370
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:56,581
Yeah!
- Yeah.
371
00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:57,849
[sighs]
372
00:11:57,985 --> 00:12:01,186
Dostadning.
Dostadning.
373
00:12:01,322 --> 00:12:02,787
Doo-stadning.
374
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:05,457
Dostadning. Wow.
375
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:10,261
♪ ♪
376
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,332
- This book is so, so sad.
377
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,334
I think I'm gonna cry.
378
00:12:15,469 --> 00:12:16,735
- Hey, anybody know
379
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:18,137
When the photographer
showin' up?
380
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,270
- Don't know, don't care.
381
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:21,673
- What you lookin' for?
- What?
382
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,274
Uh, nothing.
383
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,076
Has anyone seen
an international plug adapter?
384
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:27,612
- What do you need it for?
- My radio.
385
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,414
- You still have
a plug-in radio?
386
00:12:29,550 --> 00:12:31,416
Cool.
- [chuckles]
387
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:34,619
"because they live in schools."
388
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:37,088
[snorts]
this one gets me every time.
389
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:39,024
- Ike, those popsicle sticks
still look wet.
390
00:12:39,026 --> 00:12:40,492
Please tell me you boiled them.
391
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,694
- Uh, no.
I'm not gonna boil them, lucy.
392
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:44,295
'cause that would erase
the jokes.
393
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:46,631
The jokes are printed on here.
You know that, right?
394
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,299
Oh, here's one.
Hey, here, I got one.
395
00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,570
"what is a cow's favorite
form of entertainment?"
396
00:12:51,705 --> 00:12:52,838
- Moo-vies.
397
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,306
- [laughs]
- [laughs sarcastically]
398
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,442
- Hey, man, what's with
that smug look on your face?
399
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,910
It hasn't changed for an hour.
400
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,512
- This is the way
I always look.
401
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,781
- Hey, cap, did you get
the botox for the picture?
402
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,183
- What?
No, probie, be quiet.
403
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:05,384
- You did. You're frozen.
404
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:06,518
- Whoops. [chuckles]
405
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:07,719
- Okay, fine. A little bit.
406
00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:09,054
- Look at you,
407
00:13:09,190 --> 00:13:12,391
Mr. "I don't care
about the photo. I don't age."
408
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:13,925
[scoffs] so disappointing.
409
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:14,994
- Okay, just keep it quiet.
410
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,728
- Wait, cap,
I got one for you.
411
00:13:16,730 --> 00:13:19,598
"what goes up
but doesn't come down?"
412
00:13:19,733 --> 00:13:22,267
"your age." [laughs]
413
00:13:22,403 --> 00:13:23,668
It's, like, the perfect one.
414
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:25,537
Literally the perfect one
for this moment.
415
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:26,671
- [chuckles weakly]
416
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:28,273
- I feel
like the strawberry ones
417
00:13:28,409 --> 00:13:29,741
Are always the funniest.
418
00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:31,476
- Hey, eddie,
can I see you in my office?
419
00:13:31,612 --> 00:13:33,678
- Me? Now?
420
00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:35,814
- Yeah, now.
Stop being so smug.
421
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:38,217
- But I'm not being smug.
422
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:39,551
Oh, boy.
423
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:44,289
♪ ♪
424
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,025
- Eddie, sit down.
- Nah, I'ma stand.
425
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,492
- No, please, sit down.
Come on.
426
00:13:47,628 --> 00:13:48,827
- No. I'd prefer to stand.
427
00:13:48,962 --> 00:13:51,296
- Please.
It's a dostadning thing.
428
00:13:51,432 --> 00:13:52,697
Come on.
- [sighs]
429
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:54,499
- Sit down, come on.
430
00:13:54,635 --> 00:13:56,101
[exhales heavily]
431
00:13:57,771 --> 00:13:59,304
I didn't think
I'd be this nervous.
432
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,773
[chuckles] okay.
433
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:04,243
In an attempt to get
my affairs in order,
434
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,978
Vicky and I have decided
that in the event
435
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,114
That something
should happen to us,
436
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:14,185
We would be honored
if you would be the guardian...
437
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,954
Of our daughters.
438
00:14:17,258 --> 00:14:19,692
[exhales]
439
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:22,394
I'm being serious.
440
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,596
- Yeah, no, it's incredible.
I'm humbled.
441
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:25,597
- Do you understand
the significance
442
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:26,598
Of what I'm asking?
443
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:27,999
- Yeah.
444
00:14:28,001 --> 00:14:29,000
- Then what's
with the smug face?
445
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:30,201
- Mm-mm, I'm not smug.
446
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:33,004
I'm overjoyed.
- This is overjoyed?
447
00:14:33,006 --> 00:14:35,206
- That's not how I look.
- This is your face.
448
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,809
- That's not how I look.
- Okay, eh?
449
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:39,744
That's exactly how you look.
450
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:41,412
[alarm blares]
- mva.
451
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,815
Engine 24 and rescue...
- Oh, gotta roll.
452
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:45,550
We'll pick this up later.
453
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:49,288
- What's wrong with you,
you smug piece of shit?
454
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,889
♪ ♪
455
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:52,624
- Damn it.
I need to fix my hair again.
456
00:14:52,626 --> 00:14:53,959
The photographer
will be here soon.
457
00:14:53,961 --> 00:14:55,894
- Yeah, got time
to go to the salon, bro.
458
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,997
[both laugh]
459
00:14:58,699 --> 00:15:00,499
- Hey, hey.
Luce, luce, luce.
460
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:02,968
Hey, your dad is gonna want
to talk to me again.
461
00:15:03,104 --> 00:15:06,838
I cannot accept his dostadning
with my face like this.
462
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:08,507
- Well, at least
your dostadning
463
00:15:08,642 --> 00:15:09,841
Was a heartfelt gesture.
464
00:15:09,843 --> 00:15:10,976
He told me a baseball game
465
00:15:11,112 --> 00:15:12,444
Was more important
than my birth.
466
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,113
- Yeah, he hated you forever
for that one.
467
00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,448
He used to cry every time
he changed your diapers.
468
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:17,849
On the flip side, though,
469
00:15:17,985 --> 00:15:19,118
He did give me the tickets
to that game.
470
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,652
So thank you very much.
471
00:15:20,654 --> 00:15:22,787
- It's 70-30 now.
- What?
472
00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:24,123
I'm so mad right now.
473
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,657
- I actually can't even tell.
474
00:15:25,793 --> 00:15:26,925
- Oh, I am furious.
475
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,593
- Here, let me help.
476
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:31,530
♪ ♪
477
00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:33,865
Your face feels like clay.
- I know.
478
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,066
- Okay, hold on, here we go.
[face crackling]
479
00:15:35,068 --> 00:15:36,802
Oh, okay. All right.
480
00:15:36,804 --> 00:15:37,936
We're getting
a little traction.
481
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,604
- Oh.
- Whoa.
482
00:15:39,606 --> 00:15:42,473
- Okay, I feel like I felt
my expression change.
483
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:44,075
- Well...
484
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,677
Your face is actually dead.
485
00:15:45,813 --> 00:15:47,146
[dramatic chord]
486
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,481
- Eddie, can we continue
our conversation, please?
487
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:50,882
- [sighs]
488
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:55,821
♪ ♪
489
00:15:55,823 --> 00:15:57,956
- Ooh. Hi, ike!
490
00:15:58,091 --> 00:15:59,558
- Oh.
- Hi.
491
00:15:59,693 --> 00:16:01,560
- Hey. How's it going?
492
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:03,162
Uh, I--sorry.
493
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,365
Uh, guys, this is billie jean,
my neighbor, billie jean.
494
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,033
- It's 3:00.
495
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:09,501
- Oh, yeah!
No, no, no.
496
00:16:09,503 --> 00:16:10,969
I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, it's 3:00.
497
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:14,173
That--because, um,
billie jean, wanted to,
498
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,374
Have a tour
of the fire station.
499
00:16:15,509 --> 00:16:16,775
She's never been
to a fire station before.
500
00:16:16,910 --> 00:16:18,377
- Guilty.
[both chuckle]
501
00:16:18,512 --> 00:16:19,711
- Okay. Yeah, let's do it.
502
00:16:19,847 --> 00:16:20,979
Um, just right this way.
- Oh, okay.
503
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:24,183
- We can start in here.
- Okay.
504
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,451
- Is billie jean his lover?
- I don't know.
505
00:16:26,587 --> 00:16:28,187
It ain't none of my business.
506
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,722
♪ ♪
507
00:16:30,858 --> 00:16:32,124
- [exhales heavily]
508
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,126
I know I sprung
a big ask on you before,
509
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:37,128
And I'm sorry about that.
510
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:38,597
I should have given you
time to think.
511
00:16:38,732 --> 00:16:40,331
- No, no. I'm honored, really.
512
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:42,333
- Well,
it's just that we're friends
513
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:43,836
And, uh...
514
00:16:44,938 --> 00:16:46,538
Am I catching you
at a bad time here?
515
00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:48,073
- Mm-mm. Why?
516
00:16:48,075 --> 00:16:49,474
- Seems like you don't care
about what I'm saying.
517
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,142
- I do. I totally care.
518
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:53,812
- All right, well, I'm trying
to do a dostadning here,
519
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:54,880
And it seems
like you're refusing
520
00:16:54,882 --> 00:16:56,347
My dostadning.
521
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,017
- No, I fully support
the dostadning.
522
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:01,286
I'm the one who suggested
the dostadning.
523
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:02,754
- Well, I'm not gettin'
a very supportive vibe.
524
00:17:02,890 --> 00:17:04,556
Do you not care about my kids?
525
00:17:04,558 --> 00:17:06,625
- I do. I love your kids.
526
00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,026
- You know what, eddie?
527
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,094
Don't be sarcastic
about someone's kids.
528
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,296
- I'm not.
- That's it.
529
00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:12,898
My offer
is officially rescinded.
530
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,100
- What? No, terry.
Don't rescind it.
531
00:17:15,236 --> 00:17:16,768
- Really?
532
00:17:17,638 --> 00:17:20,972
You know what, from now on,
we keep our relationship
533
00:17:20,974 --> 00:17:23,042
Strictly professional,
you heartless prick.
534
00:17:23,176 --> 00:17:25,711
- Wait, terry.
No, don't be mad.
535
00:17:25,846 --> 00:17:27,378
Te--no, terry.
536
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:28,914
Please come back.
Let's talk about it.
537
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,549
I really want to talk about it.
538
00:17:33,253 --> 00:17:34,386
[rock music]
539
00:17:34,388 --> 00:17:36,588
- He didn't just rescind
the offer.
540
00:17:36,724 --> 00:17:37,989
He rescinded our friendship.
541
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,925
- I know.
I even saw him throw this out.
542
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,793
- His bfff mug.
543
00:17:41,795 --> 00:17:43,128
I gave him this.
544
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:44,796
It's his second favorite mug.
545
00:17:44,932 --> 00:17:46,064
How am I supposed
to make amends
546
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,265
With my face looking like this?
547
00:17:47,267 --> 00:17:48,133
- Tell him the truth.
548
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:50,336
- To the tune of $5,000?
549
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:51,469
No, thank you.
550
00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:53,872
This calls
for extreme measures.
551
00:17:53,874 --> 00:17:55,673
Defib time.
552
00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:56,875
- Oh, my god.
553
00:17:57,010 --> 00:17:59,344
Uncle eddie, no,
no, no, no, no.
554
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,479
[aed whines]
wait, are you kidding?
555
00:18:01,615 --> 00:18:04,349
- Electricity reverses
muscular paralysis.
556
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,284
I need you to zap
the shit out of my face.
557
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,953
- I don't think
this is a good idea.
558
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,621
- I put it
on the lowest setting.
559
00:18:09,623 --> 00:18:10,688
It's gonna be fine.
560
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:11,689
One time I even used these
561
00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:13,091
To wake up your father.
562
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,492
There wasn't
any lasting damage, so...
563
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:15,894
- But there was
temporary damage?
564
00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:17,095
- You never wondered
why there's a gap
565
00:18:17,097 --> 00:18:18,564
Between you and your sisters?
566
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:21,166
- You put it on his nuts?
- Yeah, it was hysterical.
567
00:18:21,301 --> 00:18:23,168
We were laughing for days.
Let's do this.
568
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:24,903
- All right. Fuck it.
569
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:27,439
♪ ♪
570
00:18:27,441 --> 00:18:28,974
- Make it count.
[aed whines, sizzles]
571
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,643
- Ah!
- [groans]
572
00:18:31,645 --> 00:18:33,311
- Oh. [chuckles]
573
00:18:33,447 --> 00:18:37,082
Okay.
That's an improvement-ish.
574
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,852
- And that you would
even consider me
575
00:18:40,988 --> 00:18:43,855
To be the guardian
of your children
576
00:18:43,991 --> 00:18:45,791
Is an honor.
577
00:18:45,926 --> 00:18:48,660
One I will never take lightly.
578
00:18:48,796 --> 00:18:50,796
- Well, you already did.
Then you laughed at me.
579
00:18:50,931 --> 00:18:53,531
- I never laughed.
- First you had your smug face.
580
00:18:53,667 --> 00:18:55,133
Then you looked
like you didn't care.
581
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,602
- And do I still look
like that?
582
00:18:56,737 --> 00:18:58,203
- You look like you're having
a stroke.
583
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,939
- That's because my veins
584
00:19:00,941 --> 00:19:03,008
Are clotted with sadness.
585
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:04,409
- What are you doing
with your face?
586
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:05,811
- Nothing.
587
00:19:05,946 --> 00:19:09,014
♪ ♪
588
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:10,949
[face crackles]
589
00:19:10,951 --> 00:19:12,217
- It's hard.
- No, it's not.
590
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:14,419
- And your forehead's leaking.
- It is?
591
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:17,222
- [gasps] you got the botox.
- No, I didn't.
592
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:18,556
- Your face is pumped
593
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:20,092
So full of filler
you can't emote.
594
00:19:20,227 --> 00:19:21,760
- Fine. I admit it.
595
00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:23,495
I did do the botox.
596
00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:26,498
And that's why you can't tell
how much this means to me.
597
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,767
- Well, I'm happy
you didn't dismiss me earlier.
598
00:19:28,902 --> 00:19:30,902
But I'm sad you felt the need
to inject your face
599
00:19:30,904 --> 00:19:32,438
And look younger.
600
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,973
But then again, I'm happy
that you owe me 5,000 bucks.
601
00:19:34,975 --> 00:19:36,241
[laughs] yes!
602
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,376
- That part makes me
pretty sad.
603
00:19:38,512 --> 00:19:40,578
But I am genuinely touched
604
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,914
That you've made me
the guardian of your children.
605
00:19:42,916 --> 00:19:44,116
- [chuckles] well, hold on.
606
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:45,451
I don't know
if I can trust my kid
607
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:46,652
To someone who pumped
their face
608
00:19:46,787 --> 00:19:48,119
Full of chemicals for vanity.
609
00:19:48,121 --> 00:19:50,388
- Well, terry, I think
the old age thing
610
00:19:50,524 --> 00:19:54,059
Affected me
the same way it affected you.
611
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,662
- Hmm.
- I'm sorry.
612
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:58,530
- What, are we hugging?
- Yeah.
613
00:19:58,666 --> 00:20:00,932
- Okay. [grunts]
614
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:02,468
[sighs] all right.
615
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:03,869
Okay. [chuckles]
616
00:20:04,004 --> 00:20:07,539
- [sighs]
- ow, my shoulder. [groans]
617
00:20:07,675 --> 00:20:08,674
Too hard.
618
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,142
- You know,
I would probably cry
619
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,877
If my tear ducts
weren't paralyzed
620
00:20:12,012 --> 00:20:13,745
With frog poison.
[knock at door]
621
00:20:13,881 --> 00:20:15,147
- The photographer's here.
622
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,948
- Oh, and I haven't even put
my face on.
623
00:20:17,084 --> 00:20:18,750
- And I better take
my face off.
624
00:20:18,886 --> 00:20:20,486
- Yeah. Okay.
625
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,087
$5,000.
626
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,989
[chuckles]
627
00:20:25,559 --> 00:20:26,692
That's a lot of gear, huh?
628
00:20:26,827 --> 00:20:28,360
- What's the deal
with those sunglasses?
629
00:20:28,362 --> 00:20:29,495
Are they blue-blockers?
630
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:32,297
- He looks like german bono.
631
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,632
Oh, granny, need some help?
632
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,434
- No, I got it.
- Probie, help him out.
633
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:37,635
- No, no, I'm good.
634
00:20:37,771 --> 00:20:38,970
- Let me just
- no, don't touch--
635
00:20:39,106 --> 00:20:40,972
Leave it alone.
Hey! Argh.
636
00:20:41,108 --> 00:20:42,440
- Oh, well, well, well.
637
00:20:42,576 --> 00:20:44,176
Granny, what's
with the lighting equipment?
638
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:45,711
- Okay, fine.
639
00:20:45,846 --> 00:20:47,312
White photographers
from the department
640
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:49,647
Don't know how to light
black people properly.
641
00:20:49,783 --> 00:20:51,717
So this year I'm gonna make
myself look good.
642
00:20:51,852 --> 00:20:53,185
- You said the picture
didn't matter.
643
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,853
- It doesn't.
644
00:20:54,855 --> 00:20:56,588
But black lighting does.
645
00:20:56,724 --> 00:20:58,857
♪ ♪
646
00:20:58,859 --> 00:21:00,526
- Oh, honey, new hairdo
for the picture, huh?
647
00:21:00,660 --> 00:21:01,793
Looks great.
648
00:21:01,929 --> 00:21:03,595
[whispering] always tell them
they look great.
649
00:21:03,597 --> 00:21:05,197
- Well, I tried to use
that foreign blow-dryer
650
00:21:05,199 --> 00:21:07,399
Mom got me,
and it just kept zapping me.
651
00:21:07,535 --> 00:21:09,201
- You look like simba.
I love it.
652
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,203
- [growls]
653
00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:13,271
I just wanted to look good.
654
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,472
- Aw, poor baby.
655
00:21:14,608 --> 00:21:16,608
Just so you know,
for these pictures,
656
00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:18,143
We wear our hats.
657
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:19,277
- What?
- We do?
658
00:21:19,413 --> 00:21:20,678
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
659
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,615
- I spent $50 on this hair,
chief.
660
00:21:23,617 --> 00:21:27,352
♪ ♪
661
00:21:27,487 --> 00:21:30,088
- Hey-o.
- Hey, guys.
662
00:21:30,224 --> 00:21:31,623
- Where'd you get the makeup?
663
00:21:31,759 --> 00:21:33,491
- Okay, my friend billie jean
is a makeup artist.
664
00:21:33,627 --> 00:21:35,894
She did a little...
- I thought she was your lover.
665
00:21:35,896 --> 00:21:37,295
- Uh, no, mickleberry.
666
00:21:37,431 --> 00:21:38,764
Billie jean is not my lover.
667
00:21:38,899 --> 00:21:40,232
She's just a girl
668
00:21:40,234 --> 00:21:41,499
Who happens to be
a makeup artist.
669
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:43,034
- What kind exactly?
670
00:21:43,036 --> 00:21:44,970
- I don't know.
I think, like, lots of kind--
671
00:21:45,105 --> 00:21:47,172
Like, professional kinds.
672
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:49,775
I think she works
at a funeral parlor too.
673
00:21:49,910 --> 00:21:51,509
- Ah, that explains it.
674
00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:53,378
- You know,
just because it's a death photo
675
00:21:53,513 --> 00:21:55,513
Doesn't mean
you have to look dead.
676
00:21:55,649 --> 00:21:58,584
- Well, I'm glad no one cares
how they look for their photo.
677
00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:01,319
[laughter]
678
00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:04,456
♪ ♪
679
00:22:04,592 --> 00:22:06,091
- Make love to the camera.
680
00:22:07,194 --> 00:22:10,128
[camera shutter snapping]
681
00:22:10,130 --> 00:22:11,797
- There's my girl.
682
00:22:12,933 --> 00:22:14,532
Here you go.
683
00:22:14,534 --> 00:22:16,334
- "they use swine language"?
684
00:22:16,470 --> 00:22:18,336
I don't get it.
685
00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:19,404
- Okay, that should be
a good one.
686
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:21,807
- You know what?
I like this one.
687
00:22:21,942 --> 00:22:24,476
Thanks.
688
00:22:24,612 --> 00:22:25,811
Please press
the lighting board cue
689
00:22:25,946 --> 00:22:27,012
Before you take the picture,
all right?
690
00:22:27,147 --> 00:22:28,781
- Yeah.
691
00:22:30,884 --> 00:22:31,817
- [groans]
692
00:22:31,952 --> 00:22:33,752
- Aw, dad.
693
00:22:33,887 --> 00:22:36,288
- Looks sexy, chiefy.
694
00:22:36,290 --> 00:22:42,461
♪ ♪
695
00:22:43,964 --> 00:22:45,563
- Hey, eddie,
mark your calendar.
696
00:22:45,699 --> 00:22:48,033
Two tickets, mariners-yankees,
behind home plate
697
00:22:48,168 --> 00:22:49,234
For me and my little buddy.
698
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:50,235
- Aw.
699
00:22:50,370 --> 00:22:51,569
Oh, me and you, skipper?
700
00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:53,171
- Well, you know,
I had 5k to burn,
701
00:22:53,173 --> 00:22:54,772
So I figured what the heck?
- Yeah, you're welcome.
702
00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:57,309
- Hey-o.
Hey, pictures came in.
703
00:22:57,311 --> 00:22:59,044
- Hey, all right.
- Oh, cool.
704
00:22:59,179 --> 00:23:00,779
- Crystal. Mcconky.
705
00:23:00,914 --> 00:23:02,247
Penisi. Mcconky.
706
00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:05,383
Look at that, in order.
- All right, death photo day.
707
00:23:05,519 --> 00:23:07,385
- This was the best choice?
- Looks good.
708
00:23:07,521 --> 00:23:09,787
- I really can't die
until I take another one.
709
00:23:09,789 --> 00:23:12,590
- At least I'm not too dark.
[chuckling]
710
00:23:12,592 --> 00:23:13,992
- That's kind of cool.
711
00:23:13,994 --> 00:23:15,593
I look a little bit sleepy
or something.
712
00:23:15,595 --> 00:23:17,329
- [chuckles]
- you look like a dead mime.
713
00:23:17,331 --> 00:23:18,664
- Oh, "what language do
pigs speak?"
714
00:23:18,798 --> 00:23:21,934
"swine language." [laughs]
715
00:23:22,870 --> 00:23:24,736
- [laughs]
I remember sucking that stick.
716
00:23:24,872 --> 00:23:27,339
- Was it strawberry?
[chuckles] of course it was.
717
00:23:27,475 --> 00:23:29,007
'cause they're
always the funniest.
718
00:23:29,143 --> 00:23:30,876
- Hey, at least I look young.
719
00:23:31,011 --> 00:23:32,478
I'm definitely getting
botox again.
720
00:23:32,612 --> 00:23:33,611
- Let's see yours.
- Hey, hey, let's see it.
721
00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:34,746
- No.
- Da-da-da-da.
722
00:23:34,748 --> 00:23:36,482
- I just had a bad hair day.
723
00:23:36,616 --> 00:23:37,949
- [laughs]
- whoa.
724
00:23:38,085 --> 00:23:39,551
[all chuckle]
725
00:23:39,553 --> 00:23:40,886
- Is that hair attached
to your hat or something?
726
00:23:41,021 --> 00:23:42,354
- Oh.
727
00:23:42,490 --> 00:23:43,489
- This is
actually the best photo
728
00:23:43,623 --> 00:23:45,423
I've ever taken,
look at that.
729
00:23:45,559 --> 00:23:46,825
Eh?
- Yeah, chiefy, noyce.
730
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,894
- Aw, dad,
you look so handsome.
731
00:23:49,029 --> 00:23:51,563
Look at that. [sighs]
732
00:23:54,368 --> 00:23:56,168
Who's hugh janus?
733
00:23:56,303 --> 00:23:57,836
Hugh janus.
734
00:23:57,838 --> 00:23:59,505
Hugh janus?
Hugh jan--
735
00:23:59,639 --> 00:24:01,573
Hugh janus.
- Hugh janus?
736
00:24:01,575 --> 00:24:04,776
- Huge anus? Who did that?
737
00:24:05,445 --> 00:24:06,778
- What, are we hugging?
- Yeah.
738
00:24:06,780 --> 00:24:08,246
- [grunts]
739
00:24:08,382 --> 00:24:09,748
[sighs] all right.
740
00:24:11,318 --> 00:24:13,852
[groaning] oh, my shoulder.
741
00:24:13,854 --> 00:24:15,621
Oh, god.
742
00:24:16,256 --> 00:24:17,322
- It was me.
743
00:24:17,457 --> 00:24:18,656
[laughter]
744
00:24:18,792 --> 00:24:19,925
- Eddie!
745
00:24:20,060 --> 00:24:22,327
- He really got you.