1
00:00:12,079 --> 00:00:13,946
- Probie, beer me.
2
00:00:14,081 --> 00:00:16,348
I had the hefeweizen.
- Yeah, I had the ipa.
3
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:18,550
- Hey, you think he knows that
those valves are all hooked up
4
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:20,419
To the same vat of beer?
- [chuckles]
5
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,020
Who cares?
He's just a probie.
6
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,221
Watch the foam.
7
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,623
Who taught you
how to pour beer?
8
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,158
- All right, I'm ready to go in.
- All right.
9
00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:29,494
- Probie, you are about to
take part in a unique odyssey
10
00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,296
The likes of which
you have never seen.
11
00:00:31,431 --> 00:00:33,632
There will be laughs,
there will be tears,
12
00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:36,701
And there will be fights.
- And booze and song.
13
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:39,171
- It's like coachella,
woodstock, and lollapalooza
14
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:40,572
All mixed into one.
15
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:41,640
- Probie, there ain't no party
16
00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:43,241
Like a firefighter's wake.
17
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:46,244
- Yeah, let's go!
Love you, dutch!
18
00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,712
[laughter]
19
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,982
- Welcome to the jungle,
probie.
20
00:00:50,116 --> 00:00:51,784
Buckle up.
- [laughs]
21
00:00:51,918 --> 00:00:54,987
[foreigner's "hot blooded"]
22
00:00:55,121 --> 00:00:57,990
[upbeat rock music]
23
00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:00,392
♪ ♪
24
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:02,995
- ♪ well, I'm hot blooded ♪
25
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:05,464
♪ check it and see ♪
26
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:09,267
♪ I got a fever
of a hundred and three ♪
27
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,904
♪ I'm hot blooded ♪
28
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:16,741
[energetic country rock music]
29
00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,942
- Hey.
30
00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:20,345
♪ ♪
31
00:01:20,481 --> 00:01:22,414
- I guess I expected
a firefighter's wake
32
00:01:22,549 --> 00:01:24,683
To be a more somber affair.
- [cheers]
33
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,351
- Yeah!
- [laughs]
34
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:29,488
- The raucousness all depends
on how much you liked the guy.
35
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:30,955
- And also on the seriousness
36
00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:32,757
Or stupidity
of the cause of death.
37
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,092
You know what I mean?
- I see.
38
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:35,828
- But this'll be a rowdy one.
39
00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:37,029
- Ah, there you go.
40
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:38,563
Now, that's how you take
a death photo.
41
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:39,832
That's a great pic!
42
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:41,633
- Nice chin tilt, strong smile,
43
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:43,635
Always present, never goofy.
44
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,437
- That's why they called him
smilin' dutch engles.
45
00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:46,705
[chuckles]
legend to the end.
46
00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:47,972
- Mm-hmm.
- Cheap as hell though.
47
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,441
- So cheap.
- Oh.
48
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:50,442
- Cheapskate.
- Couldn't find his wallet.
49
00:01:50,577 --> 00:01:51,910
- Didn't have a wallet.
50
00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:53,311
But how do you make it
30 years on the job
51
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,913
Only to die such a dumb way?
52
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:56,981
- He goes his whole career
without a scratch,
53
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,317
And he tries stomping branches
down into a woodchipper
54
00:01:59,319 --> 00:02:00,785
With both feet?
Stupid.
55
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,187
- So dumb. So stupid.
- Stupid.
56
00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:03,188
- Really dumb.
- What a dingbat.
57
00:02:03,323 --> 00:02:04,589
- May he rest in peace.
58
00:02:04,591 --> 00:02:06,591
All: May he rest in peace.
- Amen.
59
00:02:06,727 --> 00:02:08,993
- Let's hit the bar.
All right, who needs one?
60
00:02:08,995 --> 00:02:10,863
[somber music]
61
00:02:10,997 --> 00:02:12,731
[sighs]
62
00:02:12,867 --> 00:02:15,600
There he is, the old bastard.
[chuckles]
63
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:17,536
He will be missed.
- Oof.
64
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:19,738
- That woodchipper really
got the best of him, huh?
65
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:22,607
- Classic cheapskate.
66
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,743
You know, I bet he got
half off on that casket.
67
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:27,011
[laughter]
- come on.
68
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:29,214
- Too soon, too soon.
- You're right.
69
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:32,016
[upbeat rock music]
70
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,552
- My friend,
can I have two bourbon shots
71
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:34,953
And two more beers please?
72
00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,221
- Oh, you're starting strong,
huh?
73
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:37,489
- This is a wake.
- True.
74
00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:38,891
I could use some food though.
- Hey.
75
00:02:39,025 --> 00:02:40,759
- There's the kid.
- Thank you, mickleberry.
76
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,361
- Sausage and peppers, huh?
- Oh.
77
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,628
[both chuckle]
78
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:45,697
- Hey, a word of advice to you.
79
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,365
Watch out for the old timers.
80
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:48,500
- The drunker they get,
81
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:50,168
The more they're
gonna mess with you.
82
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:51,770
- They can't be any rougher
on me than you guys.
83
00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:53,838
- Oh, please, you have no idea
84
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:56,108
How soft hazing has become
since we were probies.
85
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:57,910
- Yeah, we used to have
our asses kicked
86
00:02:58,044 --> 00:02:59,043
Every single day.
87
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:01,113
We had one lieutenant
who was brutal.
88
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:03,047
- This guy hazed everybody.
89
00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:05,584
In fact, he went
after the chief all the time.
90
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,652
To this day, terry's
still scared of the guy.
91
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,122
- Okay, that's ridiculous.
- Oh, is it?
92
00:03:10,257 --> 00:03:12,524
Then how come your voice
goes up two octaves
93
00:03:12,659 --> 00:03:14,793
At the mere mention
of the name mcswiggins?
94
00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:16,061
- [high-pitched]
you have no idea
95
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,797
What you're talking about.
- [laughs]
96
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:20,665
- Okay, that was ages ago.
97
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,801
He's long gone,
and I'm totally over it.
98
00:03:22,803 --> 00:03:25,404
- If I eat any more sausage
and pepper sandwiches,
99
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,706
I'll be long gone.
You feel me?
100
00:03:30,611 --> 00:03:33,211
- Those old timers are gonna
chew you up and spit you out.
101
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,546
- I'm afraid for you.
102
00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:36,681
Eat some bread.
It'll soak up the alcohol.
103
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,483
♪ ♪
104
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,218
- Tonight, I'm gonna do it.
- Do what?
105
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:43,021
- I have always wanted
to sing "danny boy"
106
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,624
At a firefighter wake.
- By yourself?
107
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,091
- What's that supposed to mean?
108
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:50,162
- Your singing voice
is better in a crowd.
109
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:52,965
- Oh, my singing is great.
110
00:03:53,099 --> 00:03:56,034
I'll put tears in every eye
in this place.
111
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:56,835
- Tears of agony.
112
00:03:56,971 --> 00:03:58,771
- Why are you being so bitchy?
113
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,973
- Listen, dutch ran our
fantasy football league, right?
114
00:04:01,107 --> 00:04:02,907
Granny won this year,
but dutch died
115
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:05,110
Before he could pay him,
so granny's a little touchy.
116
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,912
Isn't he?
- Look at him. Smilin' dutch.
117
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:10,315
Cheapskate even in death.
- Hey, come on, man.
118
00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,250
- Why don't you
ask his widow for it?
119
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,251
- Yeah, right.
120
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,586
Oh, mrs. Engels, so sorry
121
00:04:14,721 --> 00:04:15,988
To hear about your husband
being mulch
122
00:04:16,122 --> 00:04:17,722
From the waist down,
but I was wondering
123
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:20,392
If you could, uh, pay
that 1,000 bucks he owes me?
124
00:04:20,527 --> 00:04:21,726
[laughter]
125
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:23,261
- My ears are burning.
126
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,330
- Oh!
- Oh, ms. Engels.
127
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,866
Ah, well, we were just talking
about old dutchy.
128
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,268
Our condolences, by the way.
Such a great, great guy.
129
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,005
- Yeah, top of the line.
- Thank you so much.
130
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:35,007
- Oh, and we love
the photos too, yeah?
131
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,741
Such good memories.
- Oh, yes.
132
00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:40,945
Dutch had so many great photos
on his phone.
133
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,348
Some of the pictures
were not so appropriate...
134
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:44,483
[laughs]
135
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:46,485
But that's a firefighter
for you.
136
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,821
- Yeah.
- [laughs]
137
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,423
Please enjoy yourselves.
138
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:53,826
Dutch would have wanted it
that way.
139
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,160
- Thanks so much.
- All right.
140
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,362
- That's it!
- What? What?
141
00:04:57,364 --> 00:05:00,365
- She said the photos were
coming off dutch's phone.
142
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:01,766
Did he have a cashmo account?
143
00:05:01,768 --> 00:05:03,168
- That's how we paid
our entry fee.
144
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,369
- We just have
to snatch his phone,
145
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:05,770
And we'll get you your money.
146
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,840
- Steal his phone and sell it.
- No, ike.
147
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:09,574
- No!
- Why would--sell his phone?
148
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:11,976
- I'm not selling his--not--
what?
149
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:18,583
♪ ♪
150
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:19,984
- "as we remember dutch,
151
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,453
I begin with
the serenity prayer."
152
00:05:21,588 --> 00:05:22,987
Really?
- Okay.
153
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,322
You mind your own business,
all right?
154
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,657
- Are you gonna use
the notecards too?
155
00:05:25,792 --> 00:05:26,991
- I'm just gathering
my thoughts.
156
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:28,460
- Maybe you should
sit this one out.
157
00:05:28,595 --> 00:05:30,128
- Dutch was my friend
and my mentor.
158
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:32,064
- I know, and you're good
at a lot of things,
159
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,066
But giving toasts
is not one of them.
160
00:05:34,201 --> 00:05:36,669
No disrespect,
but your toasts tend to be
161
00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,470
A little bit serious
and kind of boring.
162
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:41,206
- Well, not everyone wants
to hear andrew dice clay
163
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,474
At their memorial service.
164
00:05:42,609 --> 00:05:44,142
- I am legendary
at these things
165
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:45,210
- Here we go.
166
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,745
- I just happen
to know the formula.
167
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,280
First you open
with a dirty joke,
168
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:49,948
Then you make fun of somebody
in the crowd,
169
00:05:50,084 --> 00:05:52,217
Then you tell
a pandering story,
170
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,286
And you land the whole thing
with a sentimental close
171
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,354
And you finish it all off
by getting everyone
172
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,957
In the room to drink.
It's not rocket surgery.
173
00:05:59,093 --> 00:06:01,293
- Well, that may work for you,
but there are plenty of people
174
00:06:01,428 --> 00:06:04,162
In this room who appreciate
my toasting style.
175
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,831
- Keep telling yourself that.
- Hi, fellas.
176
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:08,833
- Oh, laura.
177
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,703
How are you?
- Laura, come here, laura.
178
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:12,971
- Oh, thank you, honey.
179
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:14,573
- Please accept
our deepest condolences.
180
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:15,974
- I appreciate that.
181
00:06:16,110 --> 00:06:19,444
- But honestly,
what the hell was dutch doing
182
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:20,579
Jumping in a woodchipper?
183
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:21,914
- [laughs]
I know.
184
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:23,848
I told him he needed
to hire someone
185
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,184
To mulch those branches, but--
186
00:06:26,186 --> 00:06:28,921
Well, at least he died
doing what he loved.
187
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,256
- Saving money.
- [laughs]
188
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,058
God, please say that
in your toast.
189
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,860
You are giving a toast, right?
190
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,730
- Of course, I am.
It's the least I can do.
191
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,063
- [clears throat]
192
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,332
Laura, I've also
prepared a toast.
193
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,735
- [laughs]
194
00:06:44,271 --> 00:06:46,805
That's so nice.
195
00:06:46,941 --> 00:06:51,209
Um, but don't feel like
you have to, dearie.
196
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:52,877
I mean--
- come on.
197
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,147
- You don't have to.
- It's the least I could do.
198
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:59,551
- Um, so I--
if you guys will excuse me.
199
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:00,752
- Of course.
200
00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:01,954
- Well, great to see you,
laura.
201
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,822
- [sighs]
- she gets it.
202
00:07:03,958 --> 00:07:05,290
- She wants me
to give a speech.
203
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,891
- You're right, you're right.
Absolutely.
204
00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,160
- Hey, you know what?
205
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,295
My toast is gonna be
the talk of the wake,
206
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,630
And when I give it,
207
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:12,965
You're gonna give me
an apology.
208
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:15,968
- Sure.
- A dry, sincere apology.
209
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,770
- You got it.
- [whimpers]
210
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:18,971
These old dudes are rough.
211
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,305
Four of them tried to pants me
212
00:07:20,307 --> 00:07:21,706
And stick cocktail franks
in my ear.
213
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:22,975
- That sounds about right.
214
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,509
- And another one
in a wheelchair
215
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:26,911
Punched me in the kidney.
- Did you say in the kidney?
216
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:28,713
- Yeah.
- There's only one guy I know
217
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,114
Who loves
giving donkey punches.
218
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:33,986
- [laughing]
well, well, well...
219
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,722
If it isn't that little
chicken shit toilet terry.
220
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,191
- [high-pitched]
mcswiggins.
221
00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:40,391
What are you doing here?
222
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:44,797
- I came to watch you
make your lame-ass toast.
223
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:46,598
- Awesome.
[chuckles]
224
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:50,636
♪ ♪
225
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,039
- Mcswiggins,
I thought you moved to florida.
226
00:07:55,041 --> 00:07:57,242
- I did.
That was two hip replacements
227
00:07:57,244 --> 00:07:58,510
And three heart attacks ago.
228
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,246
But I wasn't gonna miss
dutch's wake.
229
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,981
- Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
230
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,583
- [imitates whimper]
231
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:07,185
All these years, you're still
a mealy-mouthed milquetoast.
232
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,587
- And after all these years,
233
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,455
You're still
a loudmouthed windbag.
234
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:13,892
Is that thing electric,
or does it run on hot air?
235
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:18,731
- [laughs]
236
00:08:18,865 --> 00:08:20,799
You still got it, penis eye.
237
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,000
- Oh, penis eye. Here we go.
238
00:08:22,136 --> 00:08:23,868
- How is it
you're just a captain,
239
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,004
And toilet terry's a chief?
240
00:08:26,873 --> 00:08:31,009
Terry, you been sleeping with
eddie's sister and his dad?
241
00:08:31,145 --> 00:08:33,545
[laughter]
242
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,281
I'll bet terry's big tummy
is acting up
243
00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:38,550
Something fierce right now.
244
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,486
You know, back when
your chief was a probie,
245
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:44,222
And I use my quotation marks
mockingly...
246
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:46,158
- Figured.
- Every call we got,
247
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,427
He had to take a nervous shit.
248
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:50,695
You'd be in a burning building,
break down a door,
249
00:08:50,831 --> 00:08:54,232
Only to find this guy
perched on the shitter.
250
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,367
- That happened once.
251
00:08:55,502 --> 00:08:56,568
- Maybe twice.
- Just once.
252
00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,370
- But that's how
you got your nickname,
253
00:08:58,505 --> 00:08:59,972
Toilet terry.
254
00:09:00,106 --> 00:09:02,174
Word of advice for you, meat.
255
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:05,778
Whatever order he gives you,
do the opposite.
256
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:10,048
Looking forward
to your sincere toast there,
257
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,850
Toilet terry.
258
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,318
Donkey punch!
- Oh, jeez.
259
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,453
- Oh, boy, okay.
- I'm going to the salad bar.
260
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:16,789
- Yeah, great.
- Donkey punch!
261
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:18,056
- Oh, god.
- Okay.
262
00:09:18,192 --> 00:09:20,192
One for the road, right?
- There you go.
263
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,526
- That's great.
264
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:22,795
Hey, it's good seeing you,
mcswiggins.
265
00:09:22,929 --> 00:09:25,397
[upbeat rock music]
266
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:26,865
♪ ♪
267
00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,468
- We need to switch dutch's
phone out with another one
268
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:32,137
So the slideshow doesn't stop.
Ike, hand me your phone.
269
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,405
People are gonna notice
the switch, though,
270
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:34,406
Don't you think?
271
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:35,740
- We just need a distraction.
272
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:36,875
- How about I sing "danny boy"?
273
00:09:37,011 --> 00:09:38,410
- That's not a distraction.
274
00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:40,145
People love to stop and look
at a car crash.
275
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,680
- What is that
supposed to mean?
276
00:09:41,816 --> 00:09:43,281
- You know
what it's supposed to mean.
277
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,549
You can't sing.
- No, no.
278
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,151
It just means we need
a different type
279
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:47,619
Of distraction, that's all.
280
00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,822
- Fine, go, assholes.
281
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:51,223
To dutch!
282
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,826
[all cheering]
283
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,828
[all chanting "dutch"]
284
00:09:55,962 --> 00:09:57,162
- Yeah, to dutch!
285
00:09:58,565 --> 00:09:59,631
- Now we just have to put in
286
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,500
Every four-digit combo
imaginable.
287
00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:03,836
- Ooh!
Uh, 6-9-6-9.
288
00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,504
- Okay.
No.
289
00:10:05,506 --> 00:10:07,172
- D-I-c-k.
- [chuckles]
290
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:08,841
- You know how to do
the letters for the numbers?
291
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,375
- You guys, let's see if we
can get in using voice command.
292
00:10:10,511 --> 00:10:11,910
- Oh, yeah, voice command.
- Ooh.
293
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:13,645
- [strange polish accent]
hmm, uh, hey, this is dutch.
294
00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:17,382
Uh, dutch engels.
Yeah, this is my phone.
295
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,317
And, uh, please open
the phone for me
296
00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,453
Because my name is dutch.
- Is that polish?
297
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,121
I thought dutch
was from chicago.
298
00:10:23,257 --> 00:10:24,656
- Yeah, chicago has
the highest concentration
299
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,526
Of polish people in the u.S.
God, look it up, lucy.
300
00:10:27,528 --> 00:10:29,461
- [jamaican accent]
open up the phone, won't ya?
301
00:10:29,596 --> 00:10:31,329
Don't ya know?
Lord-a-mercy.
302
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,532
Ya got to legalize it!
- Try another one.
303
00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:34,733
You gotta try 'em all.
Who knows?
304
00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:36,601
You never know.
305
00:10:36,603 --> 00:10:38,603
- Ike, why do you have so many
beefcake photos on your phone?
306
00:10:38,605 --> 00:10:40,939
- Ah, they're just
for my portfolio.
307
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,675
Don't worry about it.
People won't notice it.
308
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,678
- Uh, dutch sure does have
a lot of beefcake photos
309
00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,612
Of ike on his phone.
310
00:10:47,748 --> 00:10:51,416
- Dutch was a complicated man.
I tried not to ask questions.
311
00:10:51,552 --> 00:10:52,451
- Hmm.
312
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,487
- You guys, this isn't working.
313
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:57,756
We need to use dutch's
thumbprint to unlock it.
314
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,091
- Ah, I wish dutch
was just here,
315
00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:00,358
And we could just
use his thumbprint
316
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,527
And get this over with.
317
00:11:02,897 --> 00:11:03,762
- [gasps]
318
00:11:03,898 --> 00:11:05,363
♪ ♪
319
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:06,899
- Hey, robertson,
put your shirt on!
320
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,233
- He looks like austin powers.
321
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,701
- Go shave his back,
mickleberry.
322
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,035
- No, I don't want to.
- Hey, that's the chief.
323
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:12,304
You have to do what he says.
324
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:13,906
- And get me a sausage
and pepper sandwich
325
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,107
While you're there.
- Oh, man.
326
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:16,575
I think it's time
to do the toasts.
327
00:11:16,577 --> 00:11:17,976
You still in?
- Yeah, I'm in.
328
00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:19,912
I will not be bullied
into silence
329
00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:22,180
By a 70-year-old man
in a wheelchair.
330
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,582
Right?
- Yeah.
331
00:11:23,584 --> 00:11:25,383
- Oh, do me a favor.
Follow the formula.
332
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,385
It's simple:
Dirty joke,
333
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,987
Make fun of someone
in the crowd,
334
00:11:29,123 --> 00:11:30,655
Pandering story,
sentimental finish,
335
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,992
Everyone drinks.
- I have my own formula.
336
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:35,193
- It's your funeral.
337
00:11:35,329 --> 00:11:36,595
- Actually,
it's dutch's funeral.
338
00:11:36,597 --> 00:11:38,196
- No, actually,
it's dutch's wake.
339
00:11:38,332 --> 00:11:39,798
Go ahead and give a toast.
It'll be your wake.
340
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:40,933
Excuse me.
341
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,667
- What the hell does he mean
by that?
342
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:45,270
- Excuse me, if I could just
have everyone's attention
343
00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,805
For just a second.
344
00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:49,674
Before all of you animals
polish off the free booze...
345
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:50,875
[laughter]
346
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,278
It's time to remember dutch.
- To dutch.
347
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:55,213
- To dutch.
- To dutch.
348
00:11:55,349 --> 00:11:58,283
Laura, my deepest
heartfelt condolences.
349
00:11:58,285 --> 00:11:59,884
You lost your better half,
but really,
350
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,286
You've lost dutch's
better half.
351
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:03,288
[laughter]
352
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,957
We all showered with the guy.
We know.
353
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,424
[laughter]
354
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,293
Wait, fensterman,
why are you laughing?
355
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:09,628
We've showered with you too.
356
00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:10,963
[laughter]
357
00:12:11,098 --> 00:12:13,966
If dutch taught us anything,
it's that life is short,
358
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,033
But so is fensterman.
359
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:16,301
[laughter]
360
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:19,237
♪ ♪
361
00:12:19,373 --> 00:12:22,240
[somber music]
362
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,508
- Oh, sweet dutcharoo.
363
00:12:23,644 --> 00:12:26,244
- Dutch, why did they
do it to you?
364
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,513
[fake sobbing]
- okay, hey.
365
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,716
- [whispers]
distraction.
366
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:32,618
- [snaps]
367
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,521
- [clears throat]
oh, hey, hey, fellas,
368
00:12:36,523 --> 00:12:38,791
Uh, it's 9:30.
Honor guard ended at 9:00.
369
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,592
Chief mcconky told us
to tell you you can go.
370
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,661
Yeah, yeah, we'll get out
of your way so you can, uh...
371
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:51,936
[laughter]
372
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,072
- One story comes to mind
when I think
373
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,674
About smilin' dutch engels,
374
00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:58,210
The st. Patrick's day parade
of 2002.
375
00:12:58,345 --> 00:12:59,611
[laughter]
376
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:01,079
Dutch drank enough green beer
377
00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:02,347
To kill a village
of leprechauns.
378
00:13:02,483 --> 00:13:04,216
[laughter]
379
00:13:05,686 --> 00:13:07,219
- Okay.
380
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,354
Get his finger--
- I got it.
381
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,289
Here we go.
382
00:13:11,425 --> 00:13:12,691
Come on, let's go.
383
00:13:12,693 --> 00:13:14,292
- Come on, hurry up.
- What the--
384
00:13:14,428 --> 00:13:15,760
- Whoa.
385
00:13:15,762 --> 00:13:17,162
All the years I've known dutch,
386
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,296
I didn't know
he had a fake hand.
387
00:13:18,432 --> 00:13:19,698
- What?
- Ugh.
388
00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:22,434
- Okay, I'll just--
sorry, dutch.
389
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,971
Are you kidding me?
- Two fake hands?
390
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,373
You think you know a guy.
391
00:13:28,509 --> 00:13:30,042
- He clearly lost them
in the accident.
392
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:33,445
- I know, but I was like,
"that's--that's crazy."
393
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:35,447
- What do we do know?
- Face id.
394
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:37,382
- Brilliant.
- Yeah.
395
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:41,786
- Yes, we gave dutch shit
about being cheap,
396
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:44,389
But he passed
that boot around every day
397
00:13:44,525 --> 00:13:47,459
To raise money
for that children's hospital
398
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:50,128
In holland,
and the amazing thing is,
399
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:53,331
He wasn't even dutch.
400
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,466
[loud sobbing]
401
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:55,800
Here's to dutch!
402
00:13:55,802 --> 00:13:57,936
All: To dutch!
- Here's to dutch.
403
00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:58,937
- To dutch!
404
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:01,907
[applause]
405
00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:06,411
- Thank you.
- Yes, bravo, eddie!
406
00:14:06,547 --> 00:14:08,146
- It ain't rocket surgery.
407
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:11,517
[upbeat rock music]
408
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:14,819
- Guys, uncle eddie's done.
409
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:16,020
People are gonna start
trickling in here soon.
410
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,422
- Okay, okay.
411
00:14:17,558 --> 00:14:18,423
- I'm gonna go out there
and sing "danny boy"
412
00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:19,424
And distract 'em.
413
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:20,959
- No!
- Stop.
414
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,294
You don't gotta do that.
- Please don't do that.
415
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:23,562
- Yeah, that's fine.
- Hurry up then.
416
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:24,963
- All right.
- Come on, granny.
417
00:14:25,099 --> 00:14:27,299
- It's not working.
Oh, make him smile.
418
00:14:27,434 --> 00:14:30,769
- Of course, smilin' dutch.
Yes.
419
00:14:30,905 --> 00:14:31,970
♪ ♪
420
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:34,239
Okay.
421
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:38,777
All right, dutchman.
Smile, you son of a bitch.
422
00:14:38,913 --> 00:14:39,711
♪ ♪
423
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,714
- Come on, man, bigger.
424
00:14:41,848 --> 00:14:44,182
- This is as big as it goes.
- Make him stretch out.
425
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:45,183
He's dead.
426
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:47,652
♪ ♪
427
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:49,922
- We're going to hell for this.
You know that, right?
428
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,190
♪ ♪
429
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:53,858
- Oh!
[fake sobbing]
430
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:56,861
- Damn you, dutch!
- [fake sobbing]
431
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:59,131
- We just wanted to see him
smile one last time!
432
00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:00,732
That's all.
Five minutes.
433
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,867
We need five minutes alone.
I'm so sorry.
434
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:03,868
♪ ♪
435
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,270
He had no hands!
436
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:06,538
[laughter]
437
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:09,608
- Take it from a sad, old guy
in a wheelchair,
438
00:15:09,610 --> 00:15:11,944
Dutch was larger than life.
439
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:15,347
To dutch, a man who never
half-assed anything
440
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:16,415
Until now.
441
00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:18,216
[laughter]
442
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:19,484
To dutch!
443
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:21,553
- To dutch!
- To dutch.
444
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,555
- Wow, he just pulled off
the joke finish
445
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,624
On top of
a wheelchair sympathy beat.
446
00:15:25,626 --> 00:15:28,761
That's called a treacle-cutter.
Upper level stuff.
447
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:30,428
- I think you might want
to wait a while.
448
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,630
You don't want
to follow that terry.
449
00:15:31,632 --> 00:15:33,165
- Really?
- Let's get another beer.
450
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,633
- Okay.
- And now,
451
00:15:34,635 --> 00:15:36,435
If any of you
need to hit the john,
452
00:15:36,570 --> 00:15:38,703
This is a good time
453
00:15:38,705 --> 00:15:40,773
'cause I'm about
to turn it over
454
00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:45,644
To the worst toast giver
in the history of the tfd.
455
00:15:45,646 --> 00:15:49,181
Toilet terry mcconky!
456
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,583
[chuckles]
- what?
457
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,918
- All right, terry mcconky.
Whoo!
458
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:55,253
- Thank you, everyone,
thank you.
459
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:56,721
- Yeah, yeah, whoo!
460
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,590
- Good luck following me,
toilet boy.
461
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,392
[laughs]
- okay. That's great.
462
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:01,660
- Thank you.
- He loves that.
463
00:16:01,662 --> 00:16:02,861
- [clears throat]
464
00:16:02,863 --> 00:16:04,963
Thank you, buddy mcswiggins.
465
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:10,869
"webster's dictionary"
defines the word hero
466
00:16:11,005 --> 00:16:14,739
As any person of great strength
or courage.
467
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,775
- Who needs one?
On me!
468
00:16:17,611 --> 00:16:19,011
- Keep--keep going.
469
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:20,945
I'm just gonna run to--
- but I--
470
00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:22,280
I was just--
- I'll be right back.
471
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,616
[indistinct chatter]
472
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:27,619
- But seriously...
473
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:29,287
[clears throat]
we all loved dutch
474
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:31,423
Very mulch--
[chuckles]
475
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,091
I mean much.
I meant much.
476
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,494
- Oh, whoa,
did you just do a mulch joke
477
00:16:35,629 --> 00:16:37,629
About a man who died
in a woodchipper?
478
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,498
Real class act, mcconky.
479
00:16:39,633 --> 00:16:43,101
- Hold on a second.
Okay, wait.
480
00:16:43,237 --> 00:16:44,703
All right. [chuckles]
481
00:16:44,839 --> 00:16:48,106
Abraham lincoln once said...
- [groans]
482
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:51,977
- "if a man is late
for his own party..."
483
00:16:57,451 --> 00:17:00,185
Fuck this.
- Oh, there he goes.
484
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,489
Toilet terry!
- [sighs]
485
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,626
- Terry,
wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
486
00:17:07,628 --> 00:17:09,294
Terry, if you slink off
right now,
487
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:10,963
You will never live this down.
- I'm not slinking off.
488
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:12,230
I gotta go.
489
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:15,033
Vicky wants me to pick up
some avocados.
490
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,501
- Forget about that toast.
491
00:17:16,637 --> 00:17:17,970
You did it. It sucked.
492
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:20,839
I told you it would,
but now you gotta stand up
493
00:17:20,841 --> 00:17:23,241
To that guy once and for all.
- Hey, chief.
494
00:17:23,377 --> 00:17:26,110
I really enjoyed your toast.
It seemed very sincere.
495
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:27,579
I hope that guy
didn't upset you.
496
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,381
- Oh.
[chuckles]
497
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:30,983
Now I heard everything.
498
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:33,451
You got the probie
caring about your feelings?
499
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,387
Now you're teaching
the next generation
500
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:38,923
Of firefighters to be a bunch
of soy boy beta cucks like you.
501
00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:40,258
Come here, probie.
502
00:17:40,394 --> 00:17:42,194
Let me give you
a little donkey punch, huh?
503
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:44,128
- Leave him alone, mcswiggins.
- You know what?
504
00:17:44,130 --> 00:17:46,598
He might be softer than you,
toilet terry, huh?
505
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:48,066
- Leave him alone!
506
00:17:48,202 --> 00:17:50,803
- Oh, the hell are you
gonna do about it?
507
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:53,071
Don't make me kick your ass
from this chair.
508
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,807
- [grunts]
- oh!
509
00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:57,275
- Give it your best shot,
asshole.
510
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,478
- Whoa, whoa, when I said
stand up to the guy,
511
00:17:59,613 --> 00:18:01,880
I didn't mean sucker punch
an old man in a wheelchair.
512
00:18:01,882 --> 00:18:04,216
This might not be the flex
you're looking for.
513
00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:05,884
Oh, oh!
514
00:18:05,886 --> 00:18:08,487
- Who the hell you calling
an old man, penis eye?
515
00:18:08,622 --> 00:18:10,355
Game on!
- [screams]
516
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:13,091
[somber music]
517
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,793
- We need another distraction.
518
00:18:16,230 --> 00:18:17,962
- Guys, come quick,
chief is fighting
519
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,964
That old timer
in the wheelchair.
520
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,834
- [quietly]
yes!
521
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,169
Oh, yes.
- Wait, this is our chance.
522
00:18:24,171 --> 00:18:25,637
- No, we gotta go watch
that fight.
523
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,105
- This is a firefighter's wake.
524
00:18:27,241 --> 00:18:28,773
That's just the first fight
of the night.
525
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:30,108
- True.
- Yeah, you're right, okay.
526
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:32,711
[upbeat rock music]
527
00:18:32,847 --> 00:18:35,180
- Hey, let's try
facial recognition again.
528
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:36,314
- Man, I don't think
I can make his smile
529
00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:38,050
Any bigger
than I did last time.
530
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:39,718
- What about the eyes?
Maybe we gotta see the eyes.
531
00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:41,586
- Yes, thank you.
- Okay.
532
00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:44,122
♪ ♪
533
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:47,059
- What on earth?
What are you doing?
534
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:49,194
- Paying our last respects,
saying goodbye.
535
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,996
- You're the young man
in all those racy photos
536
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:55,534
On dutch's phone.
- Uh, yes, ma'am.
537
00:18:55,536 --> 00:18:58,403
- Eh, I learned a long time ago
to not ask questions
538
00:18:58,539 --> 00:19:01,874
About what firefighters do,
so shh.
539
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:03,108
[all chuckle softly]
540
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:06,745
- Sorry for your loss.
- So sorry.
541
00:19:06,881 --> 00:19:09,481
Let's see those eyes.
- Peek-a-boo, dutcharoo.
542
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:11,550
- [chuckles]
543
00:19:11,552 --> 00:19:12,951
[screams]
oh, god.
544
00:19:12,953 --> 00:19:14,219
Okay, that is it!
545
00:19:14,221 --> 00:19:15,620
It's not worth 1,000 bucks
546
00:19:15,622 --> 00:19:16,955
To have these nightmares
for the rest of my life.
547
00:19:17,091 --> 00:19:18,290
- Yeah, let's go watch dad
548
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:19,624
Fight the guy
in the wheelchair.
549
00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:22,026
- Yeah, okay.
- Oh!
550
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:26,431
♪ ♪
551
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:29,033
- Come on, big boy.
552
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,302
- Oh.
- Whoa!
553
00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,504
- Oh, knocked him
on his ass, terry.
554
00:19:32,639 --> 00:19:35,507
- Hard to feel good about that.
- Give me a beer.
555
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:38,510
♪ ♪
556
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:39,912
- Chief!
557
00:19:41,248 --> 00:19:43,115
- You had enough yet,
toilet terry?
558
00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:46,718
Somewhere up there,
smilin' dutch ain't smiling.
559
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,720
If he was here now--
- oh!
560
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,055
- If dutch was here right now,
the first thing he'd do
561
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,191
Is get you
a fresh colostomy bag
562
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:54,793
'cause you're full of shit!
563
00:19:54,795 --> 00:19:56,194
- Not bad.
Kind of a dirty joke.
564
00:19:56,330 --> 00:19:58,663
- I don't shit in no bag.
- [grunts]
565
00:19:58,799 --> 00:20:00,665
- [laughs]
- that's it.
566
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,200
[straining]
567
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,335
[all gasp]
- what?
568
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,003
- Holy sheep shit.
569
00:20:05,005 --> 00:20:07,606
- Chief slapped him so hard
his legs work again.
570
00:20:07,741 --> 00:20:10,208
- You were full of shit.
- So what?
571
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,144
My wheelchair sympathy
was great for the toast,
572
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:14,879
But I'm gonna throw that away
so I can kick your ass.
573
00:20:15,015 --> 00:20:16,548
- Fensterman, once again,
574
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:18,417
You're the shortest guy
in the room.
575
00:20:18,552 --> 00:20:19,418
[laughter]
576
00:20:19,553 --> 00:20:20,953
- Okay, he's doing it.
577
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,487
Dirty joke, then zing somebody
in the crowd.
578
00:20:22,623 --> 00:20:26,291
- Mcswiggins, I'm not gonna
let you ruin dutch's day.
579
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:29,027
When I was a probie
and you used to ride me,
580
00:20:29,029 --> 00:20:30,695
He would tell me
not to listen to you
581
00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:31,830
Because you were a bully,
582
00:20:31,966 --> 00:20:33,499
And bullies
aren't worth the effort.
583
00:20:35,035 --> 00:20:36,635
- Oh!
- Yeah, chief!
584
00:20:36,637 --> 00:20:37,836
- Nice one, chiefy.
585
00:20:37,972 --> 00:20:39,438
- He also told me
I was a good firefighter
586
00:20:39,573 --> 00:20:42,040
And that one day,
I could be a great chief.
587
00:20:42,042 --> 00:20:43,375
He believed in me,
588
00:20:43,510 --> 00:20:45,243
Which makes him
a better man than you.
589
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:47,846
- Pandering story, very nice.
590
00:20:47,982 --> 00:20:50,248
- Oh!
- [groans]
591
00:20:50,384 --> 00:20:54,053
- And that's why dutch deserves
to be praised here tonight.
592
00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:56,588
Donkey punch!
593
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,590
[all cheer]
- donkey punch!
594
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,893
- So let's all raise a glass...
595
00:21:01,796 --> 00:21:04,196
To dutch!
- To dutch!
596
00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:06,398
- [chuckles]
597
00:21:06,533 --> 00:21:09,468
- Sentimental finish,
everyone drinks.
598
00:21:09,470 --> 00:21:13,271
Wow, terry, that may have been
the most legendary wake toast
599
00:21:13,407 --> 00:21:14,673
Of all time.
600
00:21:14,809 --> 00:21:17,942
You hit all the points
all while kicking the ass
601
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,813
Of a senior citizen who was
faking being in a wheelchair.
602
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,547
Well done.
- Thank you.
603
00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:24,883
- But now we gotta get
this wake back on the rails.
604
00:21:25,019 --> 00:21:26,351
- [clearing throat]
605
00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:29,153
[off pitch]
♪ oh, danny boy ♪
606
00:21:29,155 --> 00:21:34,093
♪ the pipes,
the pipes are calling ♪
607
00:21:38,432 --> 00:21:41,834
[together]
♪ from glen to glen ♪
608
00:21:41,968 --> 00:21:47,305
♪ and down the mountainside ♪
609
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:50,775
♪ for summer's gone ♪
610
00:21:50,777 --> 00:21:55,980
♪ and all the roses dying ♪
611
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:59,251
♪ 'tis you, 'tis you ♪
612
00:21:59,386 --> 00:22:04,723
♪ must go and I must bide ♪
613
00:22:04,725 --> 00:22:08,260
♪ and I'll be here ♪
614
00:22:08,395 --> 00:22:13,932
♪ in sunshine or in shadow ♪
615
00:22:13,934 --> 00:22:18,671
♪ oh, danny boy,
oh, danny boy ♪
616
00:22:18,805 --> 00:22:23,808
♪ I love you so ♪
617
00:22:23,810 --> 00:22:25,444
- To dutch!
- To dutch!
618
00:22:27,281 --> 00:22:30,482
[laughter]
619
00:22:31,618 --> 00:22:33,685
- Tell you what, it was
a hell of a speech, mcconky.
620
00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:35,554
- Thank you very much,
mr. Mcswiggins.
621
00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:37,556
And thank you for being
my punching bag.
622
00:22:37,558 --> 00:22:40,024
- It was my pleasure.
[laughs]
623
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:42,761
I'll tell you what, your speech
was a hell of a lot better
624
00:22:42,897 --> 00:22:46,365
Than penisi's toast.
- Be careful, mcswiggins.
625
00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:48,300
I'll put you in that wheelchair
for real.
626
00:22:48,435 --> 00:22:51,035
- Hey, you know what?
Here's to dutch!
627
00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:52,905
- Hey, dutch!
All: To dutch!
628
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:55,840
- I guess we oughta switch ike
and dutch's phones back.
629
00:22:55,976 --> 00:22:58,243
No point in keeping a phone
that I can't unlock.
630
00:22:58,245 --> 00:22:59,912
[phone clicks]
oh.
631
00:23:00,046 --> 00:23:01,980
Holy shit!
You guys.
632
00:23:01,982 --> 00:23:03,315
- What the hell?
633
00:23:04,451 --> 00:23:06,651
- [laughs]
- of course.
634
00:23:06,787 --> 00:23:08,787
Why didn't we think
of the death photo before?
635
00:23:08,789 --> 00:23:10,789
- Oh, my gosh.
Open up the cashmo, bro.
636
00:23:10,925 --> 00:23:13,458
- I'm trying to find it.
- Oh, put it away, put it away.
637
00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:14,793
- Granny.
- Oh!
638
00:23:14,929 --> 00:23:17,996
- I almost forgot,
I have the cash you won
639
00:23:17,998 --> 00:23:19,932
In the fantasy football pool.
640
00:23:20,067 --> 00:23:21,333
Dutch may have been cheap,
641
00:23:21,468 --> 00:23:23,535
But he always honored
people's winnings.
642
00:23:23,670 --> 00:23:26,204
- Laura, girl,
that thousand bucks
643
00:23:26,206 --> 00:23:28,473
Barely crossed my mind, right?
- Yeah.
644
00:23:28,475 --> 00:23:29,808
He wasn't saying
anything about it.
645
00:23:29,944 --> 00:23:31,676
We were like--
- he never brought it up.
646
00:23:31,678 --> 00:23:34,613
- Dutch actually had the cash
in his pocket
647
00:23:34,615 --> 00:23:37,349
When he lost the battle
with the woodchipper.
648
00:23:37,484 --> 00:23:40,619
- What the hell?
- He was such a good man.
649
00:23:40,621 --> 00:23:42,354
- Is that
the whole thousand dollars?
650
00:23:42,489 --> 00:23:44,222
- It's all of it.
651
00:23:44,358 --> 00:23:47,159
- Uh, you know what?
652
00:23:47,294 --> 00:23:48,827
I wouldn't feel right
taking that.
653
00:23:48,963 --> 00:23:50,162
You keep it, laura.
654
00:23:50,297 --> 00:23:53,298
Oh, by the way,
here's dutch's phone.
655
00:23:54,034 --> 00:23:56,635
I didn't want it to get lost
after the slideshow.
656
00:23:56,771 --> 00:24:00,973
- Thanks, granny,
that is so sweet of you.
657
00:24:01,108 --> 00:24:02,441
- Of course.
658
00:24:05,179 --> 00:24:06,378
- Sucker.
659
00:24:06,513 --> 00:24:08,514
- Yeah. [chuckles]