1 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,992 Coffee, gum... 2 00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:09,817 tampons? 3 00:00:10,154 --> 00:00:11,579 Seriously? Tampons. 4 00:00:11,837 --> 00:00:13,487 Wow. Brave new world, fellas. 5 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:15,417 Did she say what kind she wants? 6 00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,459 No, no details. But you know what? 7 00:00:17,691 --> 00:00:19,771 I know a little about tampons 'cause I have a sister. 8 00:00:19,886 --> 00:00:21,486 - I have a mother. - I've got an ex-wife. 9 00:00:21,756 --> 00:00:23,386 We got this. 10 00:00:23,467 --> 00:00:26,535 So the question is do we get the pink box or the purple one? 11 00:00:26,617 --> 00:00:27,632 Desert Mist. 12 00:00:28,071 --> 00:00:29,195 What kind of flavor is that? 13 00:00:29,496 --> 00:00:31,378 It's a scent of mist in the desert. 14 00:00:31,768 --> 00:00:33,370 Okay, man. I don't know. 15 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,140 Do you think she wants a nighttime tampon? 16 00:00:35,169 --> 00:00:36,947 There's a difference between nighttime and daytime? 17 00:00:36,971 --> 00:00:39,154 Yeah, yeah, like that one's got the moon and stars on it. 18 00:00:39,178 --> 00:00:42,018 But so does Lucky Charms, and they're for the morning. 19 00:00:42,118 --> 00:00:44,002 - Huh? - Those are pads. 20 00:00:44,555 --> 00:00:46,222 And there's no such thing as nighttime tampons. 21 00:00:46,246 --> 00:00:47,912 Are to. My wife used to send me 22 00:00:47,937 --> 00:00:49,807 on runs for nighttime tampons all the time. 23 00:00:50,004 --> 00:00:51,909 - Well, she hated you. - Eddie Spaghetti? 24 00:00:52,121 --> 00:00:54,242 Oh! That is you. Eddie Penisi. 25 00:00:54,306 --> 00:00:57,115 - Uh... - Trudy Towers. Do you remember me? 26 00:00:57,306 --> 00:01:00,313 Oh, my God, Trudy Towers. Of course I remember you. 27 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,132 You look good. All grown up. 28 00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,329 Look at you. You're a firefighter. 29 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:05,370 Captain, no less. 30 00:01:06,302 --> 00:01:07,769 - Gosh. - Yeah, well. 31 00:01:07,930 --> 00:01:11,414 Actually, I could use your help with this new carbon monoxide detector. 32 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:12,874 I don't know how to install it. 33 00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:15,469 It's easy. You just plug it in. 34 00:01:15,788 --> 00:01:16,793 Plug it in to what? 35 00:01:16,923 --> 00:01:18,040 Into an outlet. 36 00:01:18,901 --> 00:01:20,763 Then what would I do with my air freshener? 37 00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,593 Rescue 42, 65-year-old male reported chest pains. 38 00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,198 Requested EMS response. 39 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,837 24, responding. I'm so sorry. I got to go save somebody. 40 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,934 Call me at the station. I'll help you out with everything. 41 00:01:31,958 --> 00:01:32,969 All right. Okay, okay. 42 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,993 Okay, Eddie Spaghetti, what was all that about? 43 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,131 - How do you know her? - She took my virginity. 44 00:01:51,768 --> 00:01:55,439 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 45 00:02:00,614 --> 00:02:03,282 It was the summer of '92 when a recently divorced 46 00:02:03,307 --> 00:02:05,974 48-year-old former center-fold became the neighbor 47 00:02:05,976 --> 00:02:08,577 of a horny AF 16-year-old boy. 48 00:02:09,914 --> 00:02:11,914 She was 48 and you were 16. 49 00:02:11,916 --> 00:02:13,516 - Yep. - She was a center-fold? 50 00:02:13,518 --> 00:02:14,898 - Big time. - Really just honed 51 00:02:14,923 --> 00:02:15,924 in on different things there. 52 00:02:15,948 --> 00:02:18,999 Center-fold... July 1972. 53 00:02:19,123 --> 00:02:20,723 And when I met her, she was still super fit 54 00:02:20,725 --> 00:02:22,791 from doing those Paula Abdul workout videos. 55 00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:25,971 To this day, I still get turned on by leggings with stirrups. 56 00:02:26,463 --> 00:02:28,637 - To this day. - Who's Paul Abdul? He sounds hot. 57 00:02:29,199 --> 00:02:30,999 - Sorry, Cap, keep going. - Oh, man. 58 00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:32,095 I would mow her lawn. 59 00:02:32,331 --> 00:02:34,515 And she stepped outside with a fresh pitcher of lemonade. 60 00:02:34,539 --> 00:02:36,438 I knew it was time to go back inside. 61 00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:38,708 Hey. 62 00:02:39,679 --> 00:02:41,119 I can still smell the scent 63 00:02:41,144 --> 00:02:44,325 of fresh cut grass mingled with her perfume. 64 00:02:47,218 --> 00:02:48,715 Infatu-oso. 65 00:02:49,554 --> 00:02:50,753 And she taught me everything. 66 00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:52,480 We even did missionary fifth base. 67 00:02:52,556 --> 00:02:53,756 Sounds like a jazz band. 68 00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:55,158 Wait, what's missionary fifth base? 69 00:02:55,292 --> 00:02:57,045 Mm. Mm-mm. 70 00:02:57,294 --> 00:02:58,360 Missionary, though? 71 00:02:58,362 --> 00:02:59,758 It's tough, but you do it. 72 00:03:00,231 --> 00:03:02,893 So, Miss July, you gonna give her a little summer loving? 73 00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:04,233 Oh, that's not even funny, dude. 74 00:03:04,235 --> 00:03:06,835 You saw her shuffle around back there with the prunes in her cart. 75 00:03:07,037 --> 00:03:09,123 I mean, one good thrust, and she'd turn to powder. 76 00:03:09,774 --> 00:03:12,174 They say you always have a soft spot for your first one. 77 00:03:12,176 --> 00:03:15,498 Yeah, I lost my virginity to Emily Bernard. 78 00:03:15,621 --> 00:03:17,753 And I wish I had another crack at it, you know? 79 00:03:17,778 --> 00:03:18,824 She worked at the zoo. 80 00:03:18,849 --> 00:03:21,516 And there was this mob of baby meerkats 81 00:03:21,518 --> 00:03:23,116 that would watch us get it on. 82 00:03:23,283 --> 00:03:24,630 Man, it was beautiful. 83 00:03:24,655 --> 00:03:26,254 They would just pop up and be like, "Mee, mee, mee." 84 00:03:26,256 --> 00:03:27,456 And I'd be like, "Yeah, yeah." 85 00:03:27,458 --> 00:03:28,657 And they'd be like, "Mee, mee, mee." 86 00:03:28,659 --> 00:03:30,993 I felt like Matt Damon in "We Bought a Zoo." 87 00:03:32,352 --> 00:03:34,795 CJ Thomas at the Dairy King snack shack. 88 00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:36,665 We did it on this ice cream case. 89 00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,467 So now whenever I have sex, I have this thing... 90 00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:40,029 Oh, come on. I don't want to hear this. 91 00:03:40,714 --> 00:03:42,114 Na-na-na-na-na-na! 92 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:45,545 Mine was Mandy Carvallo, senior year. 93 00:03:45,630 --> 00:03:47,030 - High school? - No, college. 94 00:03:47,121 --> 00:03:49,188 Wait, you waited until you were a senior in college. 95 00:03:49,213 --> 00:03:51,686 No, bro. She was a senior in college. 96 00:03:52,293 --> 00:03:53,464 I was 27. 97 00:03:56,390 --> 00:03:58,990 - Right. - I was a full 10 years younger than you 98 00:03:59,015 --> 00:04:00,184 when I lost my virginity. 99 00:04:00,290 --> 00:04:02,401 - You were seven? - Come on! You're her uncle! 100 00:04:02,426 --> 00:04:04,004 And you keep popping out of nowhere. 101 00:04:04,029 --> 00:04:05,054 Talk about sports. 102 00:04:05,417 --> 00:04:07,147 - Sorry. - Okay, Granny, you go. 103 00:04:07,649 --> 00:04:08,734 Erica Kools. 104 00:04:08,995 --> 00:04:11,262 She was the football coach's daughter. 105 00:04:11,287 --> 00:04:12,321 - Oh. - Ooh. 106 00:04:12,346 --> 00:04:13,901 - Nice. - You know what? 107 00:04:14,683 --> 00:04:17,298 That's why I have the hots for the new dispatcher. 108 00:04:17,642 --> 00:04:19,642 She sounds just like Erica did. 109 00:04:19,644 --> 00:04:20,644 Mm-hmm. 110 00:04:20,645 --> 00:04:23,285 Ah, she, the new dispatcher is a dude. 111 00:04:24,248 --> 00:04:26,110 No, she isn't. I've been flirting with her. 112 00:04:26,218 --> 00:04:27,376 - She isn't. - No big deal, 113 00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,241 but you've definitely been flirting with a man. 114 00:04:30,054 --> 00:04:32,304 Can I come back in? Are you guys done now? 115 00:04:34,973 --> 00:04:36,608 That's your fourth cookie, rabbit. 116 00:04:36,927 --> 00:04:39,157 You're gonna get diarrhea from all that chocolate. 117 00:04:39,864 --> 00:04:40,958 Hey, Chiefy. 118 00:04:41,209 --> 00:04:42,442 What, is it mac and cheese day? 119 00:04:42,466 --> 00:04:44,165 Yeah, Pasta Penisi. Go help yourself. 120 00:04:44,353 --> 00:04:46,066 Leave some for the rest of us, okay? 121 00:04:49,654 --> 00:04:51,988 Come on, Chief, we're at a perfectly delightful lunch 122 00:04:52,142 --> 00:04:54,276 until you came in here, started scratching your scaly arms. 123 00:04:54,278 --> 00:04:56,178 Oh, get over, huh? It's that time of the year. 124 00:04:56,239 --> 00:04:57,482 - I get extra dry. - Yeah. 125 00:04:57,507 --> 00:04:59,151 It's that time of the year for me too, Chief... 126 00:04:59,175 --> 00:05:02,492 allergy season. And all the dust in the station is from your skin. 127 00:05:03,888 --> 00:05:05,954 Stop, stop, stop, stop. You need to moisturize. 128 00:05:05,956 --> 00:05:07,698 Nobody needs to moisturize, okay? 129 00:05:07,830 --> 00:05:09,941 It's a fad. It's for girls. 130 00:05:09,966 --> 00:05:11,165 Don't point at me. 131 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,582 There's a lot of guys that moisturize. 132 00:05:12,606 --> 00:05:13,874 - I bet these guys moisturize. - Yeah. 133 00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:16,231 I wear night cream during the daytime 'cause I'm a bad boy. 134 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,807 - How come you don't like it? - I don't know. It's gross. 135 00:05:18,835 --> 00:05:20,336 Makes my arm hair wet. 136 00:05:20,504 --> 00:05:22,821 I can't feel my fingerprints, like the loops and the swirls 137 00:05:22,845 --> 00:05:24,289 get filled up with cream. 138 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:25,904 - Disgusting. - Feel your fingerprints? 139 00:05:25,928 --> 00:05:27,091 That makes no sense. 140 00:05:27,116 --> 00:05:28,755 It literally looks like you're grating cheese. 141 00:05:28,779 --> 00:05:30,645 Yeah, the whole idea of moisturizing cream 142 00:05:30,647 --> 00:05:33,048 is to moisturize it so it doesn't flake like that. 143 00:05:33,050 --> 00:05:34,449 - It's a gross word... moist. - Look at his elbow. 144 00:05:34,451 --> 00:05:35,984 - It's like a White Walker. - Oh, God. 145 00:05:35,986 --> 00:05:37,720 - Come on. - It looks like a root vegetable. 146 00:05:37,722 --> 00:05:38,987 I hope that's not genetic. 147 00:05:38,989 --> 00:05:40,322 You're like a snake shedding skin. 148 00:05:40,324 --> 00:05:42,316 All right. Enough, enough with the lotion talk. 149 00:05:42,341 --> 00:05:43,874 Okay, listen. Just hear me out. 150 00:05:43,994 --> 00:05:46,461 How about this, okay? You try moisturizing. 151 00:05:46,463 --> 00:05:47,662 Just try it for one day. 152 00:05:47,664 --> 00:05:48,931 And we'll all shut up about it. Right, guys? 153 00:05:48,933 --> 00:05:50,306 - Yes. Absolutely. - Yes. 154 00:05:50,331 --> 00:05:51,530 - One day? - It's one day. 155 00:05:51,597 --> 00:05:52,667 - One day? - One day. 156 00:05:52,692 --> 00:05:54,235 - Yeah. - Okay, fine. I will try it 157 00:05:54,236 --> 00:05:55,826 just to make you cry babies shut up. 158 00:05:56,119 --> 00:05:57,250 - Great. - What are we trying? 159 00:05:57,274 --> 00:05:58,356 Quinoa, pilates? 160 00:05:58,446 --> 00:05:59,446 No, it's a... 161 00:05:59,543 --> 00:06:02,110 Station 24, rescue 42. 162 00:06:02,277 --> 00:06:04,079 - See? Wait, - See, sounds like a girl. 163 00:06:04,081 --> 00:06:06,014 - it's totally a dude. - You crazy. 164 00:06:06,016 --> 00:06:07,819 No, you're crazy. You're crazy. 165 00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:09,195 Look... It's a... 166 00:06:09,220 --> 00:06:10,419 - Sounds like Erica. - It's a dude. 167 00:06:10,421 --> 00:06:11,486 - It's a dude. - Sounds like Erica. 168 00:06:11,488 --> 00:06:12,621 Hey! You two, pinch it off. 169 00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:14,757 - Let's go. - Erica had a nut sack... 170 00:06:14,759 --> 00:06:16,225 No, no, no. 171 00:06:31,369 --> 00:06:32,881 Thank you for coming, Eddie. 172 00:06:34,712 --> 00:06:35,845 My pleasure. 173 00:06:42,452 --> 00:06:45,107 Stick it here, in the lower socket. 174 00:06:45,255 --> 00:06:47,189 - See. - Lower socket? 175 00:06:47,191 --> 00:06:48,790 Yeah. Easy as pie. 176 00:06:48,792 --> 00:06:51,635 Sticking an inanimate object into a tight hole, 177 00:06:52,230 --> 00:06:53,659 just like old times, huh? 178 00:06:53,863 --> 00:06:56,008 Yeah. 179 00:06:58,370 --> 00:07:00,002 Would you help me with one more thing? 180 00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:01,211 Yeah, anything. 181 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,872 I have to change the bulb in this fixture. 182 00:07:03,874 --> 00:07:06,177 And I'm really nervous about getting up on the step stool. 183 00:07:06,362 --> 00:07:07,828 Say no more. I'm a firefighter. 184 00:07:07,878 --> 00:07:09,011 I get up on ladders all the time. 185 00:07:09,013 --> 00:07:10,085 All right. 186 00:07:12,737 --> 00:07:14,070 All right. 187 00:07:14,952 --> 00:07:16,277 And we meet again. 188 00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:20,570 There we go. 189 00:07:20,826 --> 00:07:22,119 All right. 190 00:07:22,620 --> 00:07:24,683 Anyway. I should probably be going. 191 00:07:25,739 --> 00:07:27,635 Feels like I've done a lot. 192 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,848 You look terrific. I mean. 193 00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:31,342 I know you're really busy, but, 194 00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:33,811 I have one last favor to ask of you. 195 00:07:34,026 --> 00:07:35,541 Yeah, Trudy, anything. 196 00:07:35,783 --> 00:07:37,616 Will you take me up to my bedroom 197 00:07:37,641 --> 00:07:41,099 and plug your air freshener into my lower socket? 198 00:07:44,982 --> 00:07:46,443 I'm dying. 199 00:07:47,527 --> 00:07:49,330 I've only got two months to live. 200 00:07:50,965 --> 00:07:52,165 Trudy, that's terrible. 201 00:07:52,190 --> 00:07:54,754 And I want to make love to you one last time. 202 00:07:55,059 --> 00:07:57,702 So, like, you were my first and I'd be your last. 203 00:07:58,013 --> 00:08:00,465 If you're dying, I'd be a real shitty person to say no. 204 00:08:00,765 --> 00:08:01,832 Yeah. 205 00:08:13,543 --> 00:08:16,844 Hey. How'd it go with Centrum Silver? 206 00:08:17,014 --> 00:08:19,490 Yeah, did you do a little coo-coo-ca-choo with Mrs. Robinson? 207 00:08:21,285 --> 00:08:23,283 Did she complain about mobile banking? 208 00:08:23,869 --> 00:08:25,349 My grandma always complains about it. 209 00:08:25,575 --> 00:08:27,067 - It's pretty tricky. - You guys are sick. 210 00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:29,171 Why don't you hyenas get your mind out of the gutter. 211 00:08:29,359 --> 00:08:30,692 Hey, oh. Good morning. 212 00:08:30,694 --> 00:08:32,160 - Good morning. Good morning. - Hey. 213 00:08:32,162 --> 00:08:33,464 - Hey. - Hey. How's it going, Chief? 214 00:08:33,488 --> 00:08:34,497 Well, you're in a good mood. 215 00:08:34,521 --> 00:08:36,868 That's because I'm a new man... a new smoother man. 216 00:08:36,954 --> 00:08:39,810 Oh. Yeah, who do I have to thank for this? I mean, look. 217 00:08:39,835 --> 00:08:41,866 I have asked this man to moisturize for how long. 218 00:08:41,905 --> 00:08:44,440 And these are the hands that I married. 219 00:08:44,442 --> 00:08:46,151 Look at them. So soft. 220 00:08:46,199 --> 00:08:48,399 Yeah, you know what we did with these soft hands last night? 221 00:08:48,423 --> 00:08:50,222 Are you familiar with the Kamasutra position 222 00:08:50,247 --> 00:08:51,417 called "The Crunchy Fry"? 223 00:08:51,849 --> 00:08:53,999 - Hey, I don't want to hear that. - Seriously. 224 00:08:54,024 --> 00:08:56,161 They usually smell like corn ships and foot powder, 225 00:08:56,186 --> 00:08:57,719 - but now... - Ugh. 226 00:08:57,721 --> 00:08:58,868 - Lotion! - Yeah. 227 00:08:59,753 --> 00:09:01,828 - What do you got there? - It's a beautifying lotion. 228 00:09:01,852 --> 00:09:02,874 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 229 00:09:02,899 --> 00:09:04,033 - Is it good? - I love it. 230 00:09:04,058 --> 00:09:05,505 It's got cocoa butter in it and stuff. 231 00:09:05,529 --> 00:09:06,724 I use it for my whole body. 232 00:09:07,150 --> 00:09:08,192 It's mine now. 233 00:09:08,618 --> 00:09:10,048 - What? - This is the chief's lotion. 234 00:09:10,072 --> 00:09:12,341 - What are you mugging the guy? - I got a lady to impress. 235 00:09:12,365 --> 00:09:13,429 Aw, come here. Come here, come here. 236 00:09:13,453 --> 00:09:15,230 - Mwah. Mwah. - Mmm.. 237 00:09:15,739 --> 00:09:17,072 Look how moist my lips are. My lips are moist. 238 00:09:17,074 --> 00:09:19,064 Oh, come on, guys. 239 00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:20,984 Grow up. I love this chief. 240 00:09:21,078 --> 00:09:23,196 Yeah, grow up. It's natural. How do you think you got here? 241 00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:26,584 You keep turning back the clock on those paws. 242 00:09:27,017 --> 00:09:28,595 - I will. - Get a room, you guys. 243 00:09:28,620 --> 00:09:29,863 - I'm gonna have another sibling. - Whoo! 244 00:09:29,887 --> 00:09:33,474 That is some stink from you. What is that? Oh, man. 245 00:09:33,691 --> 00:09:36,424 That's that Infatu-oso smell. 246 00:09:36,426 --> 00:09:38,887 You remember that smell of that old lady? 247 00:09:38,962 --> 00:09:40,228 Across the street? 248 00:09:40,230 --> 00:09:42,698 Nude-y Trudy Towers... it was her perfume. 249 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:43,737 It was gross. 250 00:09:43,762 --> 00:09:45,612 Yeah, you know, I helped her out around the house yesterday. 251 00:09:45,636 --> 00:09:47,236 So probably some of it rubbed off on me. 252 00:09:47,638 --> 00:09:48,704 Oh, my God. 253 00:09:48,706 --> 00:09:51,939 Eddie, are you sleeping with Trudy Towers again? 254 00:09:52,313 --> 00:09:54,377 What is wrong with you people? It's like you all ate asshole biscuits 255 00:09:54,401 --> 00:09:55,401 this morning for breakfast. 256 00:09:55,405 --> 00:09:57,265 Eddie, you are such a pervert! 257 00:09:57,290 --> 00:09:58,890 How old is she now? 258 00:09:58,983 --> 00:10:00,316 How should I know? 73. 259 00:10:00,318 --> 00:10:02,449 In other words, too old for me to have sex with. 260 00:10:02,653 --> 00:10:04,934 Oh, yeah. Right. If Diane Sawyer walked in here right now, 261 00:10:04,989 --> 00:10:06,121 you'd make some news with her, huh? 262 00:10:06,123 --> 00:10:07,923 - She's 73. - That's unfair. 263 00:10:07,925 --> 00:10:09,853 You know I have a soft spot for anchorwomen. 264 00:10:10,047 --> 00:10:11,447 It's okay to admit it, Captain. 265 00:10:11,529 --> 00:10:12,995 Gladys Knight is 74 years old, 266 00:10:12,997 --> 00:10:15,766 and I'd ride her "Midnight Train" all the way to Georgia and back. 267 00:10:16,002 --> 00:10:17,335 Joe Biden is 75, 268 00:10:17,378 --> 00:10:20,124 and I'd be on his foreign-relations committee any day of the week! 269 00:10:20,149 --> 00:10:21,893 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 270 00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:25,011 Baby, please. You, stop banging an old lady. 271 00:10:25,045 --> 00:10:26,111 That is disgusting. 272 00:10:26,143 --> 00:10:28,344 Hey, hey, hey, for the last time, 273 00:10:28,346 --> 00:10:31,013 I would never have sex with a 73-year-old. 274 00:10:31,015 --> 00:10:32,348 - Everybody got that? - Okay. 275 00:10:32,350 --> 00:10:34,194 - We're just razzing ya. - Hey, how old do you go? 276 00:10:34,218 --> 00:10:35,857 I'd go grandma from "Moana." 277 00:10:35,897 --> 00:10:36,968 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 278 00:10:36,993 --> 00:10:38,464 And then I'd let her turn into a stingray, 279 00:10:38,488 --> 00:10:39,666 and then I'd do it again. 280 00:10:39,691 --> 00:10:41,030 - She's animated, though. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 281 00:10:41,054 --> 00:10:42,063 Why? What about you? 282 00:10:42,107 --> 00:10:43,215 I always had a thing for that lady 283 00:10:43,239 --> 00:10:44,799 from the "Blade Runner" with the snake. 284 00:10:44,828 --> 00:10:46,143 - Oh. - Always found her hot. 285 00:10:47,164 --> 00:10:48,630 Hey, you. Thanks for calling back. 286 00:10:48,632 --> 00:10:49,898 I'm sorry I missed your call. 287 00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,384 I fell down three times getting the phone. 288 00:10:53,162 --> 00:10:55,274 That's what I get for having my legs up over my... 289 00:10:57,436 --> 00:10:58,685 Did you hear that? What was that? 290 00:10:58,709 --> 00:11:00,776 Yeah. I think that was you pressing the buttons. 291 00:11:00,778 --> 00:11:01,887 No. No. It was different. 292 00:11:02,380 --> 00:11:03,940 That's all right. Phones can be tricky. 293 00:11:04,248 --> 00:11:06,514 It's a 22-year-old I met at a rave last night. 294 00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:08,036 So dumb, she can't even use the phone. 295 00:11:08,156 --> 00:11:09,889 Mm. A rave, huh? 296 00:11:09,987 --> 00:11:11,186 That's how I roll. 297 00:11:11,188 --> 00:11:12,668 Mm. Congrats. 298 00:11:15,793 --> 00:11:17,726 Oh, my God. I cannot stop thinking about you. 299 00:11:17,728 --> 00:11:19,595 - When can I see you again? - How about tomorrow? 300 00:11:19,597 --> 00:11:21,597 Let's meet at the soup station at 11:30. 301 00:11:21,622 --> 00:11:23,509 Make sure that we get one of the booths in the middle. 302 00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:25,467 Otherwise, you can't get the waitress's attention 303 00:11:25,469 --> 00:11:26,589 when you want a refill of... 304 00:11:27,738 --> 00:11:30,272 Aah. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Soup station at 11:30. 305 00:11:31,048 --> 00:11:32,540 I'll see... It's this waitress I'm dating. 306 00:11:32,542 --> 00:11:33,809 She, uh, is working her way through college 307 00:11:33,811 --> 00:11:35,211 'cause that's what young people do. 308 00:11:35,634 --> 00:11:37,982 Trudy, the thing you did with my tingle button last night 309 00:11:38,015 --> 00:11:39,396 was, like, unbelievable. 310 00:11:40,751 --> 00:11:43,364 Paramedic Smith from Station 24 to Dispatch. 311 00:11:44,665 --> 00:11:46,467 Dispatch to Station 24. 312 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:49,802 Hey! Um, I was working on the paperwork 313 00:11:49,827 --> 00:11:51,910 on that cardiac you sent us out on yesterday, 314 00:11:52,162 --> 00:11:53,762 and I don't have the proper address. 315 00:11:53,764 --> 00:11:54,815 Could you give that to me? 316 00:11:55,254 --> 00:11:57,371 3843 Sammish Avenue. 317 00:11:57,768 --> 00:11:59,047 I'm writing it down right now. 318 00:11:59,237 --> 00:12:00,548 Right now, as we speak. 319 00:12:00,638 --> 00:12:02,118 I don't know what I'd do without you. 320 00:12:02,708 --> 00:12:03,710 Oh, don't mention it. 321 00:12:03,831 --> 00:12:05,430 Is there a science lab around here? 322 00:12:05,519 --> 00:12:07,302 'Cause I'm sensing some chemistry. 323 00:12:07,929 --> 00:12:09,960 - What's your name? - I'm Taylor. 324 00:12:10,246 --> 00:12:11,606 Anything else I can help you with? 325 00:12:11,710 --> 00:12:12,762 Oh, no. 326 00:12:12,878 --> 00:12:15,277 You've answered all of my questions, Taylor. 327 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:17,703 ♪ Taylor ♪ 328 00:12:18,491 --> 00:12:20,434 Are we really doing this? We're gonna prank the chief? 329 00:12:20,458 --> 00:12:22,390 Of course we are. He's a lotion bully, 330 00:12:22,392 --> 00:12:23,792 and that's the worst kind of bully. 331 00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:25,527 He's gonna kill us... you know that, right? 332 00:12:25,529 --> 00:12:28,116 No, no. He's gonna realize that it's mayonnaise right away, 333 00:12:28,266 --> 00:12:30,089 and then, once he does, we'll all laugh about it. 334 00:12:30,113 --> 00:12:31,312 He'll be like, "Man... " 335 00:12:31,401 --> 00:12:33,201 He'll be like, "Ha! You guys are my favorite." 336 00:12:33,299 --> 00:12:35,075 Be like, "Ah, man, we have fun here." 337 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,276 - Mm. Okay. - Here. 338 00:12:37,301 --> 00:12:39,562 What? What do I do with it? 339 00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,093 - Well, just put it down. - Yeah. 340 00:12:41,279 --> 00:12:42,878 Yeah, just put it there, yeah, so he can see. 341 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:44,680 Ooh! This must be what cocaine feels like. 342 00:12:44,682 --> 00:12:46,482 - I don't know. - Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! Wee-ooh! 343 00:12:46,484 --> 00:12:47,949 Hey, come check this out. 344 00:12:47,951 --> 00:12:48,980 Gather around, everybody. 345 00:12:49,121 --> 00:12:51,313 Look at this. 346 00:12:52,422 --> 00:12:54,022 - Boom. - Damn! 347 00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,104 Aha! 348 00:12:55,231 --> 00:12:56,430 Wow. That's that lady? 349 00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,960 - Dynamite. - Trudy Towers was hot, dude. 350 00:12:58,962 --> 00:13:00,562 - Whew! - Hey. 351 00:13:00,794 --> 00:13:02,304 What are you guys looking at? What's this? 352 00:13:02,328 --> 00:13:03,588 Oh, a Q&A with Richard Nixon. 353 00:13:04,004 --> 00:13:05,145 I wonder what he's been up to. 354 00:13:05,169 --> 00:13:07,495 This is a 1972 "Playpen" magazine, 355 00:13:07,571 --> 00:13:09,845 and that is the old lady we've been talking about. 356 00:13:10,041 --> 00:13:11,186 Whoa! 357 00:13:11,309 --> 00:13:12,508 You are having sex with her, aren't you? 358 00:13:12,510 --> 00:13:13,697 All right, enough. Enough. 359 00:13:13,746 --> 00:13:17,340 The day I bang a modern-day Trudy Towers is the day 360 00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:20,239 I eat a burrito made out of Granny's cheetah-skin underwear. 361 00:13:20,281 --> 00:13:21,310 Oh! 362 00:13:21,385 --> 00:13:22,518 - Okay. - They're leopard skin. 363 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:23,719 - Okay. - But I'll take it, anyway. 364 00:13:23,721 --> 00:13:25,120 - Whatever. - That's a good bet. 365 00:13:26,129 --> 00:13:27,693 Oh, yeah, um... 366 00:13:27,725 --> 00:13:29,360 - What's that? - What? 367 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:31,368 That's just, um... That's just some lotion. 368 00:13:31,529 --> 00:13:33,128 - Some new lotion? - New lotion, yeah. 369 00:13:33,130 --> 00:13:34,930 It's very super hydrating. 370 00:13:34,932 --> 00:13:36,676 Yeah. Just regular, plain. 371 00:13:36,701 --> 00:13:38,169 - The best kind. - The best kind. 372 00:13:38,194 --> 00:13:39,393 - Yeah. - Go ahead, please. 373 00:13:39,469 --> 00:13:40,924 - Try it out. - Just use a bit. 374 00:13:40,949 --> 00:13:42,148 - Ooh, yeah. - Whoa. 375 00:13:42,173 --> 00:13:43,517 Yeah, you're really putting it on there. 376 00:13:43,541 --> 00:13:45,140 - That's great. - Yeah. 377 00:13:45,142 --> 00:13:46,255 Smells good? 378 00:13:46,323 --> 00:13:48,211 - Wow. It smells... like? - Familiar. 379 00:13:48,278 --> 00:13:49,345 - Uh-huh. - It smells familiar. 380 00:13:49,347 --> 00:13:50,474 - Do you like it? - Well, it says, 381 00:13:50,498 --> 00:13:51,883 Alpine, but it's not Alpine. It's like... 382 00:13:51,907 --> 00:13:52,907 Yeah. 383 00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:54,220 Smells like a... like a picnic. 384 00:13:54,284 --> 00:13:55,949 - Yeah! - Yeah. 385 00:13:55,974 --> 00:13:57,353 Like a fancy picnic, you know? 386 00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:59,068 - We're sorry. - With the good condiments. 387 00:13:59,093 --> 00:14:00,653 - Right? - Yeah, yeah. It's not ketchup. 388 00:14:00,691 --> 00:14:02,290 It's not, you know, mustard. 389 00:14:02,292 --> 00:14:03,759 Like a brown mustard with the seeds in it. 390 00:14:03,761 --> 00:14:05,761 - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, we didn't know. 391 00:14:05,763 --> 00:14:07,563 We were just like, "Ah, let's do it." 392 00:14:07,565 --> 00:14:08,983 - Yeah. - You know what it's like? 393 00:14:09,166 --> 00:14:10,229 It's like mine. 394 00:14:10,888 --> 00:14:12,020 I'm taking this with me. 395 00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:14,102 This is now my lotion, guys. 396 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,016 - Thank you very much. Appreciate it. - Oh, yes but... Sorry, Chief... 397 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,360 Nah, nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, no. 398 00:14:17,403 --> 00:14:19,096 It's mine. My lotion. 399 00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:20,897 What just happened? 400 00:14:21,142 --> 00:14:23,151 H-He didn't know that was mayonnaise. 401 00:14:23,386 --> 00:14:24,690 - Dick-tap! - Ohh! 402 00:14:24,715 --> 00:14:26,897 Ohh! Oho, oh! Good one, Chief. 403 00:14:27,651 --> 00:14:28,786 Mm. 404 00:14:29,046 --> 00:14:31,496 So, I was just filling out my paperwork 405 00:14:31,521 --> 00:14:33,255 for the MVA from yesterday, 406 00:14:33,257 --> 00:14:35,566 and I realized that I don't have the address. 407 00:14:35,929 --> 00:14:36,995 Could you get it for me? 408 00:14:37,351 --> 00:14:39,235 1216 East McKinley. 409 00:14:39,426 --> 00:14:40,960 Thank you so much. 410 00:14:40,985 --> 00:14:43,592 I mean, I have just been slammed with paperwork. 411 00:14:43,704 --> 00:14:44,706 You sound tall. 412 00:14:44,731 --> 00:14:46,220 - How tall are you? - 5'10". 413 00:14:46,245 --> 00:14:49,007 Has anyone ever told you that you sound like Joe Biden? 414 00:14:49,257 --> 00:14:50,364 Is that a good thing? 415 00:14:50,455 --> 00:14:53,642 Oh, it's a great thing... I mean, definitely, in my book. 416 00:14:53,694 --> 00:14:54,904 Uh, thanks. Gotta go. Out. 417 00:14:55,212 --> 00:14:56,544 Aha! 418 00:14:56,546 --> 00:14:57,813 You were on with Dispatch, weren't you? 419 00:14:57,815 --> 00:14:59,942 No, I was just... I just had a paperwork question. 420 00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,949 In the bunk room. Please. 421 00:15:02,086 --> 00:15:04,284 - You were flirting. - Okay, fine. Maybe I was. 422 00:15:04,622 --> 00:15:05,951 But so what? Who cares? 423 00:15:06,044 --> 00:15:07,778 I'm cool with it, as long as you know 424 00:15:07,869 --> 00:15:11,109 you were flirting with my future girlfriend named Taylor. 425 00:15:11,172 --> 00:15:13,842 Actually, I was talking to my future boyfriend, 426 00:15:14,026 --> 00:15:16,026 who happens to be 5'10". 427 00:15:16,051 --> 00:15:18,799 Just like the other 8% of women in Tacoma, you mean? 428 00:15:18,926 --> 00:15:20,636 Where do you get these statistics from? 429 00:15:20,638 --> 00:15:23,171 - Oh, is that Joe Biden? - You ... Get out of here, man! 430 00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:24,725 Stop flirting with my girl. 431 00:15:25,015 --> 00:15:26,090 Taylor's mine. 432 00:15:26,794 --> 00:15:27,861 She's mine! 433 00:15:28,198 --> 00:15:29,829 Oh. Oho, oh. 434 00:15:30,178 --> 00:15:31,576 Oh, you thirsty, boys? 435 00:15:32,207 --> 00:15:33,528 Oh, drink that in. 436 00:15:33,982 --> 00:15:35,213 So wet. 437 00:15:35,987 --> 00:15:37,389 Wet and juicy. 438 00:15:37,901 --> 00:15:39,081 I got juicy knees. 439 00:15:39,723 --> 00:15:41,529 Hey... I got juicy knees. 440 00:15:41,792 --> 00:15:43,259 Goodbye, scaly skin. 441 00:15:43,261 --> 00:15:44,667 Creamy McConky. 442 00:15:45,129 --> 00:15:47,346 Bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup! 443 00:15:48,636 --> 00:15:49,916 Where have you been all my life? 444 00:15:50,334 --> 00:15:51,467 Thanks, Swisshelm! 445 00:15:59,588 --> 00:16:01,713 Whoa, see, I told you that was a bad idea. 446 00:16:01,747 --> 00:16:03,002 Shh! Where is it? 447 00:16:03,884 --> 00:16:06,152 - Do you think he locks this? - Here, here, here, here. I got it. 448 00:16:06,176 --> 00:16:08,334 - Let's go. - Whoa, oh, oh, oh. 449 00:16:08,359 --> 00:16:09,959 - Hey. - What are you guys doing in here? 450 00:16:10,078 --> 00:16:11,238 We're... We're looking for you. 451 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:14,309 You know, see how, uh, the, uh, Swisshelm was... 452 00:16:14,534 --> 00:16:16,348 - How's it... - Working out. 453 00:16:16,373 --> 00:16:17,462 You could have just asked me. 454 00:16:17,486 --> 00:16:18,533 - Yeah. - Oh, how's it... 455 00:16:18,558 --> 00:16:19,958 - How's it working? - Wait a minute. 456 00:16:20,035 --> 00:16:21,518 You guys were trying to steal it, weren't you? 457 00:16:21,542 --> 00:16:23,475 - No way. - You were doing something to it. 458 00:16:23,613 --> 00:16:25,947 Why would we replace it with anything or do anything? 459 00:16:25,988 --> 00:16:27,645 You were pranking the chief's lotion. 460 00:16:27,670 --> 00:16:29,603 - I never did that in my day. - Oh! 461 00:16:29,634 --> 00:16:31,270 - That's some big balls you guys got. - Yeah. 462 00:16:31,294 --> 00:16:32,675 You guys got big balls. 463 00:16:34,334 --> 00:16:36,533 You guys are flying a little too close to the sun, huh? 464 00:16:36,719 --> 00:16:38,119 - Yeah. - Okay. 465 00:16:38,144 --> 00:16:39,702 - You got us. - All right. 466 00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:42,231 I tell you what... you got to wake up pretty early 467 00:16:42,256 --> 00:16:45,048 in the morning to put one over on old Creamy McConky. 468 00:16:45,819 --> 00:16:47,419 Hey, Chief, I don't know if you... you... 469 00:16:47,736 --> 00:16:49,426 - Dismissed! - Okay, thanks. 470 00:16:50,860 --> 00:16:52,378 Station 24 to Dispatch. 471 00:16:52,403 --> 00:16:53,926 This is Lucy and Granny. 472 00:16:53,951 --> 00:16:55,285 We were wondering if we could get an address 473 00:16:55,309 --> 00:16:57,830 on that busted power line from earlier today. 474 00:16:58,332 --> 00:17:00,419 Checking. One moment please. 475 00:17:01,789 --> 00:17:03,054 And how's your week been? 476 00:17:03,267 --> 00:17:05,792 Oh, you know how it is when it's that time of the month. 477 00:17:06,736 --> 00:17:07,823 Payday! 478 00:17:08,097 --> 00:17:09,097 So... 479 00:17:09,751 --> 00:17:11,199 what are your co-workers like? 480 00:17:11,506 --> 00:17:13,035 Oh! Darn it! 481 00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:14,234 I just sat on my nuts! 482 00:17:15,821 --> 00:17:18,469 Come on. I was saving those almonds for later. 483 00:17:19,343 --> 00:17:20,670 That doesn't help us at all. 484 00:17:21,245 --> 00:17:22,497 I've got an idea. 485 00:17:22,728 --> 00:17:23,911 Start the car. 486 00:17:28,547 --> 00:17:29,648 All righty. 487 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,318 Think you're gonna prank the chief, huh? 488 00:17:33,966 --> 00:17:35,574 I'll show you how to prank somebody. 489 00:17:36,612 --> 00:17:37,877 You guys are amateurs. 490 00:17:38,045 --> 00:17:39,046 You don't prank the chief. 491 00:17:39,070 --> 00:17:40,553 Nobody pranks the chief, okay? 492 00:17:43,790 --> 00:17:46,126 Hey, guys, guys! Come here! Come here! 493 00:17:47,270 --> 00:17:49,274 - What's up? - I was making some sandwiches, 494 00:17:49,299 --> 00:17:50,365 and I made a few extra. 495 00:17:50,618 --> 00:17:51,708 Don't you hate when that happens? 496 00:17:51,732 --> 00:17:53,635 And, uh, I was thinking maybe you guys 497 00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,595 might like to eat them, hmm? 498 00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,210 Yeah, they're great. They're really delicious. 499 00:17:58,531 --> 00:17:59,731 Seriously, sit down right now. 500 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:01,466 - I could eat. - Take a bite. 501 00:18:01,490 --> 00:18:02,505 Take a bite. They're really good. 502 00:18:02,529 --> 00:18:03,788 Delicious sandwiches right there. 503 00:18:03,812 --> 00:18:05,092 Hey. Bite them at the same time. 504 00:18:05,204 --> 00:18:06,204 That's always fun. 505 00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:07,383 You want us to bite them at the same time? 506 00:18:07,407 --> 00:18:09,070 - Like friends. - Okay. 507 00:18:12,060 --> 00:18:14,327 Ah! I got you guys! 508 00:18:14,472 --> 00:18:15,502 - That's not mayo. - What? 509 00:18:15,527 --> 00:18:16,612 It's lotion! 510 00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:17,836 - Ohh! - Ohh! 511 00:18:17,952 --> 00:18:19,952 I put the Swisshelm cream on there! 512 00:18:19,977 --> 00:18:20,984 That's a horrible prank! 513 00:18:21,009 --> 00:18:22,239 - Oh, man! - It tastes like... 514 00:18:22,264 --> 00:18:24,033 - Oh, yeah. - ... lotion in my mouth. 515 00:18:24,058 --> 00:18:25,835 - Oh, man. - Oh, you guys are idiots! 516 00:18:25,950 --> 00:18:26,950 Come on! 517 00:18:27,157 --> 00:18:29,196 Ohh! Man! 518 00:18:29,447 --> 00:18:30,455 - Egh! - Hey. 519 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:31,796 That's why you don't prank the chief. 520 00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:33,874 'Cause the chief gonna prank you 10 times harder. 521 00:18:33,899 --> 00:18:35,766 - Man, you got us, Chief. - Oh, man. 522 00:18:35,930 --> 00:18:37,263 - Idiots. - Yeah. 523 00:18:37,288 --> 00:18:39,795 - Oh, I'm gonna feel sick for a while. - Gross! 524 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:43,384 Pretty good sandwich, though. 525 00:18:43,408 --> 00:18:44,756 Yeah, it's not bad, actually. 526 00:18:54,305 --> 00:18:56,172 Guess my brother isn't the deviant scumbag 527 00:18:56,174 --> 00:18:57,558 I thought he was. 528 00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:00,309 Hmm. 529 00:19:06,585 --> 00:19:08,505 What do you think, lawn boy? You thirsty? 530 00:19:08,864 --> 00:19:10,609 - Parched. - Ohh. 531 00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:12,506 You got something? 532 00:19:12,657 --> 00:19:13,974 I'd like you to mow me. 533 00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:20,337 Oh! 534 00:19:23,534 --> 00:19:25,383 - Take me. Take me! - I'm taking you. 535 00:19:31,836 --> 00:19:33,264 He has got to be in here. 536 00:19:33,612 --> 00:19:35,034 I'm sure she is. 537 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:37,947 Dispatch to Engine 3. Commercial fire alarm at... 538 00:19:37,949 --> 00:19:40,033 2-7-1... 84th and Mastery. 539 00:19:40,311 --> 00:19:41,311 It's her? 540 00:19:41,336 --> 00:19:44,069 Engine 8, Engine 14, switch to channel 3. 541 00:19:44,190 --> 00:19:47,746 We have a gas leak at an apartment complex at 2381 542 00:19:47,780 --> 00:19:49,936 - Wilson Avenue. - It's him? 543 00:19:49,961 --> 00:19:51,813 Vehicle accident, multiple cars... 544 00:19:52,048 --> 00:19:53,833 ... westbound on West Valley Highway. 545 00:19:54,056 --> 00:19:55,476 How do they all sound like Taylor? 546 00:19:55,566 --> 00:19:58,011 Excuse me. Is there a Taylor who works here? 547 00:19:58,036 --> 00:19:59,702 Oh, you must mean the TAYLOR... 548 00:19:59,916 --> 00:20:02,877 Tacoma Automated Linguistic Optimization Robot. 549 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,974 - What? - All the dispatchers' voices 550 00:20:04,976 --> 00:20:06,614 are run through that synthesizer. 551 00:20:06,711 --> 00:20:08,978 They found that firefighters' response times are shorter 552 00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:10,400 when we're unidentifiable. 553 00:20:10,670 --> 00:20:12,381 We've actually been having a pretty good time 554 00:20:12,383 --> 00:20:13,449 with the anonymity. 555 00:20:14,324 --> 00:20:16,603 Damn it. I just sat on my nuts. 556 00:20:18,122 --> 00:20:20,130 I was saving those almonds for later. 557 00:20:23,030 --> 00:20:24,904 These boobs are killing me. 558 00:20:24,929 --> 00:20:26,787 I work with a bunch of morons. 559 00:20:27,196 --> 00:20:30,871 Ooh, Ken, this is Paramedic Smith! 560 00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:36,893 Oh, welcome to the science lab, lover boy. 561 00:20:37,408 --> 00:20:40,875 McConky, which one of us sounds like Joe Biden now, huh? 562 00:20:41,677 --> 00:20:44,123 Hey, McConky, don't forget to vote. 563 00:20:45,884 --> 00:20:48,730 Station 24, medical emergency... broken hip. 564 00:20:48,841 --> 00:20:50,953 21219 Proctor Avenue. 565 00:20:50,955 --> 00:20:52,170 Come on, man. That's us. 566 00:20:52,357 --> 00:20:54,108 Hey, just so you guys know, it's not cool to mess 567 00:20:54,132 --> 00:20:55,246 with people's feelings. 568 00:20:57,305 --> 00:20:59,725 - It's totally cool. - Totally cool. 569 00:21:03,835 --> 00:21:05,115 Why was she naked? I don't know. 570 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:07,342 I don't know, I was out, here mowing the lawn. 571 00:21:07,681 --> 00:21:09,438 It's not against the law for a senior citizen 572 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:10,920 to walk around naked in her own home. 573 00:21:11,086 --> 00:21:13,146 - You know that, right? - Cap, I know that, yeah. 574 00:21:13,449 --> 00:21:16,606 How'd she break her hip? 575 00:21:17,034 --> 00:21:20,485 I don't know. I-I was out here, okay, remember? 576 00:21:20,510 --> 00:21:22,651 And I heard what sounded like somebody stepping on a twig, 577 00:21:22,653 --> 00:21:25,121 and then I turned around, and there she was with a broken hip. 578 00:21:25,146 --> 00:21:28,147 Ohhh. 579 00:21:29,367 --> 00:21:30,375 Chunky. 580 00:21:36,848 --> 00:21:38,044 Look at how shiny he is. 581 00:21:38,069 --> 00:21:39,529 - Is he sweating? - Ohh. 582 00:21:39,604 --> 00:21:40,870 Hey, Chief, what are you doing here? 583 00:21:40,872 --> 00:21:42,605 I think the question is, what's Eddie doing here? 584 00:21:42,607 --> 00:21:43,940 Yeah. I mean, how can you hear 585 00:21:43,942 --> 00:21:46,809 the sound of a twig snap while she's inside? 586 00:21:46,811 --> 00:21:48,611 I'm... I'm the one that's traumatized here, okay? 587 00:21:48,613 --> 00:21:49,660 - Like... - Hey. 588 00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:51,258 What the hell is wrong with you? 589 00:21:51,282 --> 00:21:52,976 Having sex with a 73-year-old woman? 590 00:21:53,001 --> 00:21:54,594 - Ohh! - Ohh! 591 00:21:55,081 --> 00:21:56,223 Whoa! 592 00:21:56,487 --> 00:21:57,501 Is that what happened? 593 00:21:57,606 --> 00:21:59,431 - No. - She's got osteoporosis. 594 00:21:59,456 --> 00:22:01,068 Why would you put her in that kind of a position? 595 00:22:01,092 --> 00:22:02,825 Oh, what position? Missionary fifth base? 596 00:22:02,974 --> 00:22:04,804 - Nice. - I was just doing what she wanted. 597 00:22:04,829 --> 00:22:06,283 She's dying, okay? 598 00:22:06,364 --> 00:22:07,521 Actually, I'm not. 599 00:22:07,815 --> 00:22:09,766 I just say that to all my naive boy toys. 600 00:22:09,768 --> 00:22:10,900 Oh! Hey-o! 601 00:22:10,902 --> 00:22:13,315 Hey, EMT man, I like your tight pants. 602 00:22:13,504 --> 00:22:14,971 - They look good. - Wow. 603 00:22:14,973 --> 00:22:16,105 - Wow. - Get it, girl. 604 00:22:16,130 --> 00:22:18,266 - She don't stop. - Oh. 605 00:22:18,509 --> 00:22:19,909 Chief does not look good. 606 00:22:19,911 --> 00:22:22,347 Oh, man. We got to say something. You got to say something. 607 00:22:22,647 --> 00:22:23,807 Hey, Chief. 608 00:22:24,237 --> 00:22:25,268 - Dad! - Chief! 609 00:22:25,293 --> 00:22:26,360 - Oh, my God! - No, no, no. 610 00:22:26,385 --> 00:22:27,785 We're taking this one to the grave. 611 00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:29,554 Chief? Did you trip or something? 612 00:22:35,992 --> 00:22:37,891 That's a virulent strain of salmonella. 613 00:22:38,614 --> 00:22:40,935 I bet I got lotion on that sandwich. 614 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:41,960 Mnh, no, honey. 615 00:22:41,998 --> 00:22:43,866 You can't get salmonella from lotion. 616 00:22:43,868 --> 00:22:44,934 Yes, you can. 617 00:22:44,936 --> 00:22:46,336 I used that lotion all day long, 618 00:22:46,338 --> 00:22:48,997 and then I was fainting, and I was puking. 619 00:22:49,292 --> 00:22:51,382 And the last time I fainted, I had a vision... 620 00:22:51,943 --> 00:22:54,272 I was visited by this guy... St. Ives, 621 00:22:54,657 --> 00:22:56,339 the patron saint of dry skin. 622 00:22:56,553 --> 00:22:59,307 And he said I dishonored him, so that's got to mean something. 623 00:23:00,229 --> 00:23:01,786 - We're gonna head out, Chief. - All right, see you, pal. 624 00:23:01,810 --> 00:23:03,077 Wait, guys. Just hold on. 625 00:23:05,833 --> 00:23:09,625 I just want to say I-I'm feeling an enormous amount of remorse 626 00:23:09,627 --> 00:23:11,227 - for what I did to you guys. - What? 627 00:23:11,229 --> 00:23:13,495 No, don't worry about it, Chief, please. 628 00:23:13,497 --> 00:23:15,431 I fed you guys a lotion sandwich. 629 00:23:15,433 --> 00:23:16,699 - Oh, yeah, right. - One sandwich. 630 00:23:16,701 --> 00:23:18,581 I mean, I've eaten weirder sandwiches than that. 631 00:23:18,915 --> 00:23:20,770 I mean, you could be laying here right now. 632 00:23:24,343 --> 00:23:26,771 - Ohh. God. - Yeah. 633 00:23:26,845 --> 00:23:28,162 You should rest. 634 00:23:28,380 --> 00:23:29,400 Ohh. 635 00:23:30,715 --> 00:23:33,042 And I shouldn't have done it, and I'm sorry about that. 636 00:23:33,067 --> 00:23:34,646 - We're over it. - We're fine. 637 00:23:36,031 --> 00:23:37,096 Can you forgive me? 638 00:23:37,121 --> 00:23:39,081 We forgive you, Chief, all right? Just get better. 639 00:23:39,391 --> 00:23:40,590 - Let's go. - It was Andy's idea. 640 00:23:40,592 --> 00:23:41,924 He switched your lotion for mayo. 641 00:23:41,926 --> 00:23:43,059 I didn't want to do it, but he wanted to do it. 642 00:23:43,061 --> 00:23:44,194 I'm so sorry! 643 00:23:44,196 --> 00:23:45,195 I thought we were going to the grave with that. 644 00:23:45,197 --> 00:23:46,196 No, you said that. You said that. 645 00:23:46,198 --> 00:23:48,130 - I did for both of us. - Mayo? 646 00:23:48,132 --> 00:23:49,799 I mean, how do we know it's the mayo? 647 00:23:49,801 --> 00:23:51,467 Of course it was the mayo. 648 00:23:51,469 --> 00:23:52,869 There's eggs in mayo. 649 00:23:52,871 --> 00:23:54,061 We didn't know that there was eggs in mayo. 650 00:23:54,085 --> 00:23:55,290 No, there's not eggs in mayo. 651 00:23:55,315 --> 00:23:56,910 You gave your chief salmonella? 652 00:23:57,354 --> 00:23:58,877 - Not on purpose. - We didn't try to... 653 00:23:58,902 --> 00:24:00,035 Okay. Your blood pressure's gonna rise. 654 00:24:00,059 --> 00:24:01,788 - Let's calm down. - Get me out of this bed. 655 00:24:01,813 --> 00:24:03,012 No. No, no. You shouldn't get up. 656 00:24:03,014 --> 00:24:04,814 I'm gonna get some bacteria on you guys. 657 00:24:06,551 --> 00:24:07,638 Ohh. 658 00:24:08,191 --> 00:24:09,194 He's gone. 659 00:24:09,671 --> 00:24:12,399 It smells funny. Is he dead? 660 00:24:12,424 --> 00:24:15,157 You guys, get the hell out of here before he wakes up, please. 661 00:24:15,903 --> 00:24:17,400 ♪ Underwear ♪ 662 00:24:17,495 --> 00:24:20,362 ♪ You'll eat my underwear ♪ 663 00:24:20,364 --> 00:24:23,165 ♪ You're eating my underwear ♪ 664 00:24:23,167 --> 00:24:26,102 ♪ Oh, yeah, eating my underwear ♪ 665 00:24:26,104 --> 00:24:28,438 ♪ Yeah ♪ 666 00:24:28,622 --> 00:24:30,191 By the way, you owe me $14 for that.