1
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♪♪

2
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[ Shower turns off ]

3
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♪♪

4
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-[ Screams ]

5
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[ Telephone ringing ]

6
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-[ Crunching, munching ]

7
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[ Gulping ]

8
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Mm. Mm.
-Christopher?!

9
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-Coming!

10
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-Come on, Pork Chop!
Breakfast is ready!

11
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There you go, Uncle Murray.

12
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-Pancakes.

13
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Again.

14
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-Morning, Uncle Murray.
Mom.

15
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-There's your breakfast.

16
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-Wait. That's it?
I'm gonna be hungry.

17
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-You're always hungry.

18
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So, hurry up and eat or you're
gonna be hungry and late.

19
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-Late for what?

20
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-Life, boy.

21
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-Nothing ever happens
around here.

22
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♪♪

23
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♪♪

24
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[ Alarm blaring ]

25
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♪♪

26
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-What up, homey?
-Dude!

27
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Can I get a bite of that?

28
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-Whoa.
You can't have any of mine.

29
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But...
you could have this.

30
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Oh!
Oh!

31
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-You're a true friend.

32
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-Well, what can I say?
I know how you are.

33
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♪♪

34
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♪♪

35
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♪♪

36
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♪♪

37
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-We want the Crites.

38
00:04:04,809 --> 00:04:07,377
-Where is
19876 Wallace Avenue,

39
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Livingston, Iowa?

40
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♪♪

41
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♪♪

42
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-Crikey, mate.

43
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You're a long way
from Livingston.

44
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♪♪

45
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♪♪

46
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♪♪

47
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[ Beeps ]

48
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-I've acquired the Crite signal.

49
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Their ship has entered
the planet's atmosphere.

50
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-How much farther?

51
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-10,000 miles.

52
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-Run faster.

53
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:07,437
-Would you rather
get hit by a bus

54
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or choked out by a clown?

55
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-Choked out by a clown.
-What?!

56
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,140
-Yeah.
-You've gotta be kidding me.

57
00:05:15,271 --> 00:05:16,838
Why do dogs always stare at you

58
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when they're going
to the bathroom?

59
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-'Cause they don't have phones?

60
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-Makes sense.

61
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Oh!

62
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Oh.
Dude?

63
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Boom.
You were born for this.

64
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Come on, dude.
-Forget it.

65
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I'm not signing up for a hot dog
eating contest.

66
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-But you eat crazy-fast.

67
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Besides, first place,
that's 500 bucks.

68
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We could finally be ballin'.

69
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Chris, no.
-Please?

70
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-Forget it.

71
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We're gonna be late
for first period

72
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and I can't get
another late slip, dude.

73
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-It's Thursday.
-Okay.

74
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-Dana will be
at the animal shelter in, like,

75
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you know, exactly 10 minutes.

76
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If we leave now,
we could say hello.

77
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-You're not gonna say hello.

78
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-Yes, I will.

79
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It'll be different this time.

80
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-I'm going to class.
-Fine!

81
00:06:03,058 --> 00:06:06,888
I'll sign up for the hot dog
eating contest!

82
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-Deal.
Let's go creep on Dana.

83
00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:11,414
-It's not creeping.
-Oh?

84
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,677
-Me and Dana were
like this in elementary school.

85
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-And then she grew boobs.

86
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And then you grew boobs.

87
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But, hey, why let
that stop you now?

88
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-Thanks for reminding me!

89
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♪♪

90
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♪♪

91
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-[ Sniffing ]

92
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[ Dogs barking ]

93
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-Would you rather have
hot dogs for fingers

94
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or Cap'n Crunch for teeth?

95
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,207
-Well, if the Cap'n Crunch
for teeth is permanent,

96
00:07:05,337 --> 00:07:07,470
milk would taste
so much better, every time.

97
00:07:07,601 --> 00:07:10,212
-But you couldn't floss, ever.

98
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-I don't floss now.

99
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-True.

100
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Here's why I would have
hot dogs for fingers.

101
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Ketchup.
Barbecue sauce.

102
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-You're just gonna
suck on barbecue sauce

103
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like a freak
for the rest of your life?

104
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-That's the plan.

105
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-[ Screaming ]

106
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:29,971
-What's wrong?

107
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:34,454
-Don't look, Christopher.

108
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I know you.
You can't handle it.

109
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-I'm sure whatever it is I --
I can handle it.

110
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[ Screams ]

111
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Sorry. Uh...

112
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Yeah. I can handle this.

113
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-Holy shit.

114
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I thought this was a no-kill
animal shelter.

115
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-This is horrible.

116
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♪♪

117
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♪♪

118
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♪♪

119
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♪♪