♪♪
[ Shower turns off ]
♪♪
-[ Screams ]
[ Telephone ringing ]
-[ Crunching, munching ]
[ Gulping ]
Mm. Mm. -Christopher?!
-Coming!
-Come on, Pork Chop! Breakfast is ready!
There you go, Uncle Murray.
-Pancakes.
Again.
-Morning, Uncle Murray. Mom.
-There's your breakfast.
-Wait. That's it? I'm gonna be hungry.
-You're always hungry.
So, hurry up and eat or you're gonna be hungry and late.
-Late for what?
-Life, boy.
-Nothing ever happens around here.
♪♪
[ Alarm blaring ]
♪♪
-What up, homey? -Dude!
Can I get a bite of that?
-Whoa. You can't have any of mine.
But... you could have this.
Oh! Oh!
-You're a true friend.
-Well, what can I say? I know how you are.
♪♪
-We want the Crites.
-Where is 19876 Wallace Avenue,
Livingston, Iowa?
♪♪
-Crikey, mate.
You're a long way from Livingston.
♪♪
[ Beeps ]
-I've acquired the Crite signal.
Their ship has entered the planet's atmosphere.
-How much farther?
-10,000 miles.
-Run faster.
-Would you rather get hit by a bus
or choked out by a clown?
-Choked out by a clown. -What?!
-Yeah. -You've gotta be kidding me.
Why do dogs always stare at you
when they're going to the bathroom?
-'Cause they don't have phones?
-Makes sense.
Oh!
Oh. Dude?
Boom. You were born for this.
Come on, dude. -Forget it.
I'm not signing up for a hot dog eating contest.
-But you eat crazy-fast.
Besides, first place, that's 500 bucks.
We could finally be ballin'.
Chris, no. -Please?
-Forget it.
We're gonna be late for first period
and I can't get another late slip, dude.
-It's Thursday. -Okay.
-Dana will be at the animal shelter in, like,
you know, exactly 10 minutes.
If we leave now, we could say hello.
-You're not gonna say hello.
-Yes, I will.
It'll be different this time.
-I'm going to class. -Fine!
I'll sign up for the hot dog eating contest!
-Deal. Let's go creep on Dana.
-It's not creeping. -Oh?
-Me and Dana were like this in elementary school.
-And then she grew boobs.
And then you grew boobs.
But, hey, why let that stop you now?
-Thanks for reminding me!
♪♪
-[ Sniffing ]
[ Dogs barking ]
-Would you rather have hot dogs for fingers
or Cap'n Crunch for teeth?
-Well, if the Cap'n Crunch for teeth is permanent,
milk would taste so much better, every time.
-But you couldn't floss, ever.
-I don't floss now.
-True.
Here's why I would have hot dogs for fingers.
Ketchup. Barbecue sauce.
-You're just gonna suck on barbecue sauce
like a freak for the rest of your life?
-That's the plan.
-[ Screaming ]
-What's wrong?
-Don't look, Christopher.
I know you. You can't handle it.
-I'm sure whatever it is I -- I can handle it.
[ Screams ]
Sorry. Uh...
Yeah. I can handle this.
-Holy shit.
I thought this was a no-kill animal shelter.
-This is horrible.
♪♪