1
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♪♪

2
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♪♪

3
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-Hand my friends over
and I'll let you live!

4
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-You misunderstand.

5
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Bounty hunters don't negotiate.

6
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-Any last words, Crite?

7
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-Yes.

8
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Now!

9
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♪♪

10
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♪♪

11
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-Ah!
-Oh!

12
00:00:45,523 --> 00:00:46,959
-Ladies and gentlemen,

13
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:49,223
it appears there are
hundreds of hairy balls

14
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descending through the air!

15
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-[ Screaming ]

16
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-He brought them to us!

17
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He's gone full-Crite!

18
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Make peace with your gods!

19
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-No!

20
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♪♪

21
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♪♪

22
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-Aah!

23
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-Sheriff,
it's just like the video!

24
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-No shit!

25
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-There are red ones?
What do they do?

26
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:50,458
Oh.
-Yes! Keep eating!

27
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-But the bounty hunters
are gone.

28
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:53,113
Let's get Christopher
and his friends

29
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and get the hell out of here.

30
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-My people have traveled far

31
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and performed marginally
above expectations.

32
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They deserve this feast.

33
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Keep eating!

34
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Keep eating until there
is nothing left to eat!

35
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Oh, yes, I see
it's turning you on.

36
00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:14,264
Deep down, it always did.

37
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The carnage.

38
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The bloodshed.

39
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The mayhem...

40
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[ Choking, gagging ]

41
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Why?

42
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-I won't let you have my son.

43
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Christopher!

44
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-Guys!
-Christopher!

45
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-Everything's gonna be okay!
Come on!

46
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-You came back for us.

47
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-That's how I roll.

48
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Dana, there's something
that I have to tell you.

49
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-I know how you feel about me.

50
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-I knew it!

51
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-Charlie told me.

52
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And if I wasn't such an idiot,

53
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I probably would've
noticed sooner.

54
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Sorry that I didn't.

55
00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:10,886
-Listen, I know that I'm not...

56
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sexy in the traditional sense.

57
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Or...

58
00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:18,763
in any sense anymore, but --
-I think you're beautiful.

59
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-I'm gonna leave you two alone.

60
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-Really?
-Yeah. I do.

61
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-Gonna hit the high road.

62
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♪♪

63
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♪♪

64
00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:51,970
♪♪

65
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-Your very existence
threatens the universe.

66
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You must be destroyed.

67
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-Hey! Delivery guy?

68
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This package is damaged.

69
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-I don't get it.

70
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-Double entendre, bitch!

71
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Oh, hell no!

72
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Wait! Oh, wait!
Don't you have balls?

73
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I was just kidding!

74
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♪♪

75
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[ Stomach rumbles ]

76
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Whoa!

77
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-[ Growls ]

78
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♪♪

79
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-Aah!

80
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-Good shooting, Sheriff.

81
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-We're basically invincible.

82
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-Aah!
That's right, motherfuckers!

83
00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:11,920
♪♪

84
00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:14,052
-Everything's gonna be okay.

85
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[ Screaming ]

86
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-Mom!

87
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♪♪

88
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Mom?
Everything's gonna be okay.

89
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Just stay still.

90
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:31,113
-How bad is it?

91
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:32,636
-Uh...

92
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:35,944
-On a scale of 1 to 10,
with 10 being really bad?

93
00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:38,729
-Oh. Uh...

94
00:05:38,860 --> 00:05:41,123
-4?

95
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:42,690
-Uh...

96
00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:45,997
-Mm, 6?

97
00:05:46,128 --> 00:05:48,086
Uh, uh...

98
00:05:48,217 --> 00:05:51,220
Oh, I'm not gonna make
spin class on Monday.

99
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You may be half-Crite, but
you're nothing like them, Chris.

100
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Your heart is bigger than all
their little bodies together.

101
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:06,714
I love you, Pork Chop.

102
00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:08,280
-I love you, too, Mom.

103
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♪♪

104
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♪♪

105
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-You will achieve
your spot in this world.

106
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Or some other world.

107
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Need any Viagra?

108
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♪♪

109
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♪♪

110
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♪♪

111
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[ High-pitched whine ]

112
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:07,949
[ Both screaming ]

113
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-Aah!

114
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♪♪

115
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:46,683
♪♪

116
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♪♪

117
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-Officials are still
trying to make sense

118
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of the senseless attack
that occurred at Livingston's

119
00:08:00,262 --> 00:08:04,048
45th Annual "Meat Your Destiny"
Hot Dog Eating Championship.

120
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Multiple witnesses are
giving accounts

121
00:08:05,833 --> 00:08:08,923
of "extra-terrestrials"
and "hairy black balls,"

122
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but the attack was apparently
foiled by one heroic senior

123
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from Sotto Valley High School.

124
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-No, my eyes are fine.

125
00:08:16,278 --> 00:08:17,758
What don't you get?

126
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It's my ears.

127
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It's my bleeding ears.

128
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-Chris?

129
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:26,854
-Dana, uh...

130
00:08:26,984 --> 00:08:28,638
Look, I know
what you're thinking.

131
00:08:28,769 --> 00:08:31,249
You said you don't like
destructive assholes.

132
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And look at what I just did.

133
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-I know.

134
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-I guess this is
just who I am.

135
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It's in my blood.

136
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-You don't have to
explain yourself to me.

137
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You were a hero today.

138
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:46,743
Whoa, what are you doing?

139
00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:49,137
-Oh, I -- I thought that, uh...

140
00:08:49,267 --> 00:08:54,403
you wanted...
we were gonna, uh...kiss?

141
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,188
-How about you try
asking me on a date first?

142
00:08:57,319 --> 00:08:59,626
-Dana?
-Yes, Chris?

143
00:08:59,756 --> 00:09:01,366
-Would you like
to go out sometime?

144
00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:02,846
-I'll think about it.

145
00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:08,678
-Guys, I got the prize money
and the trophy!

146
00:09:08,809 --> 00:09:09,853
Let's bail!

147
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:16,207
♪♪

148
00:09:37,359 --> 00:09:39,927
-[ Laughing ]

149
00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:45,672
♪♪

150
00:09:45,802 --> 00:09:55,682
♪♪

151
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♪♪

152
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♪♪

153
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♪♪