1
00:00:02,403 --> 00:00:06,004
Ugh. You again.
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,406
(groans)
3
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:10,875
Auntie, I feel
all twisted up inside.
4
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:14,212
Oh, honey, it's just
your monthly room repaint.
5
00:00:14,414 --> 00:00:17,015
-What?
-It's tomato time, baby.
6
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:21,420
Time to hop on your cotton
pogo stick and go, go, go.
7
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:24,222
(chuckles)
you're entertaining the butcher,
8
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:26,759
And he's a natural redhead.
9
00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:29,694
You're shaking
the devil's margarita.
10
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:31,296
(laughs)
11
00:00:31,298 --> 00:00:33,498
Auntie, you don't
make any sense.
12
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,034
It's just your period, baby.
13
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,836
But why does it hurt so bad?
14
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,371
Get used to it, doll.
15
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,307
Welcome to womanhood.
16
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:45,544
Population: Shut up about it.
17
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,913
(school bell ringing)
18
00:00:49,115 --> 00:00:50,448
(groans)
19
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:53,051
Ms. Peahen, please,
can I go to the nurse?
20
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,319
Quit faking it, tuca.
21
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:56,588
I know you didn't study
for that test.
22
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,390
I was going to cheat, I swear.
23
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,359
(exhales)
24
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,928
Huh.
25
00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:06,398
(whistles)
26
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:09,267
Ugh. My period is so annoying.
27
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,203
My cramps are killing me.
28
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:14,539
Don't you hate how the pain
is so bad, you barf... (shouts)
29
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,608
Then you black out,
30
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,343
Then you jolt back
into consciousness
31
00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:20,078
Only to curse out the gods
that made you?
32
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,880
But no god would make
such a beast.
33
00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:24,416
Your body
is an evolutionary joke,
34
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,618
And you were born to suffer.
35
00:01:26,821 --> 00:01:28,286
(panting)
36
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:31,023
-Tampon?
-Ooh, that's way too small.
37
00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:33,291
Do you have a beach towel
and a shop vac?
38
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:34,426
(ducks quacking)
39
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,628
Hello, everyone. My name is...
40
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:39,231
(groans)
tuca.
41
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:42,034
(vomits)
42
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:44,837
(vomiting continues)
43
00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:47,972
-Good tour.
-Pretty good tour.
44
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:49,974
♪ tuca and bertie and tuca and
bertie and bertie and tuca ♪
45
00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:51,576
♪ and tuca and bertie,
tuca and bertie ♪
46
00:01:51,578 --> 00:01:53,345
♪ tu-tu-tuca ♪
47
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:55,980
-♪ tuca ♪
-♪ and bertie. ♪
48
00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:58,350
(vocalizing)
49
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,657
So, how come you've never
pooped while I'm over here?
50
00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:07,325
I want to watch you go.
51
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,727
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tuca, what?
52
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:12,531
Ew. You know I don't
really do that, right?
53
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,199
-What?
-Well, I try not to.
54
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:17,802
That's why I photosynthesize
most of my nutrients.
55
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:21,406
You know, I did think
your booty looked pristine.
56
00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:23,341
That's just a knot.
57
00:02:23,343 --> 00:02:25,410
It's knot a bootyhole?
58
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:27,011
You plants are
freaky-squeaky clean.
59
00:02:27,013 --> 00:02:29,214
Figgy: You're actually
the first non-plant person
60
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,348
I've ever dated.
61
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,217
Your body is so interesting.
62
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:36,688
So much goes in and comes out,
and very little of it is oxygen.
63
00:02:36,691 --> 00:02:39,291
Yep, I'm just a big
wet sack of bird meat.
64
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:43,495
Anyways, let's talk more
about things going in and out.
65
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,364
Hey, I was thinking,
66
00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:47,700
Maybe we could take
a trip sometime.
67
00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:49,568
Have you ever been
to horseville?
68
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:50,969
Horseville?
69
00:02:50,971 --> 00:02:53,638
(horses neighing)
70
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,440
Welcome to horseville.
71
00:02:55,442 --> 00:03:00,079
Choose a horse, and you can
ride it for your entire visit.
72
00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:03,448
Ha-har!
73
00:03:03,650 --> 00:03:05,850
(gasps)
I've always wanted to go there.
74
00:03:06,052 --> 00:03:08,453
-Great. Want to go this weekend?
-Hmm, let me see.
75
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:11,890
Hold on just
un momento, por favor.
76
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:15,828
Oops.
77
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,798
I can't. Uh, I have to, um...
78
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,533
R-repaint my apartment.
79
00:03:21,535 --> 00:03:23,401
(echoes):
Well, we can go another time.
80
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:26,871
I was just trying to be fun
and impulsive, like you.
81
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,742
(strains):
Hormones shifting.
82
00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:32,344
-Do you need help painting?
-(grunts)
83
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,346
No, I'm fine.
84
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:36,949
I need to go. I'll text you!
85
00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:38,951
(howling)
86
00:03:38,953 --> 00:03:42,087
Figgy:
Okay, love you. (howling)
87
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,289
(laughs)
88
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:46,358
(sighs)
she's fun.
89
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,694
(barking)
90
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,699
(groans)
91
00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,769
♪ ♪
92
00:03:58,705 --> 00:04:00,105
(whimpers)
93
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:03,442
(sighs)
94
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:06,545
Being sick is so boring.
95
00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:08,947
(grunting)
96
00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:11,784
(knocking on door)
97
00:04:11,986 --> 00:04:14,453
Bertie:
Tuca, it's me.
98
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,689
I can't move, bertie.
99
00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:19,524
Are you okay?
100
00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:20,459
Do you still want to go
to the salon
101
00:04:20,661 --> 00:04:21,860
With the scary stylist?
102
00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:23,395
You know, from the way
he looks at me,
103
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,664
I can tell he wants to give me
a ruthless makeover.
104
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,131
Ooh, am I tempted?
105
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,667
Am I intrigued by how
he would transform me?
106
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,735
-Yes.
-Bertie.
107
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:33,872
I'm stuck here in the dirt.
I can't move.
108
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:36,475
-Are you having
your monthly thingy?
-Yes.
109
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:38,610
Do you want me to do the thing
where I put my hands
110
00:04:38,813 --> 00:04:41,413
On your body and make
sympathetic noises?
111
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:42,747
Yes.
112
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:47,752
Ah, ooh, I'm healing you.
113
00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,822
It's not working, bertie.
114
00:04:49,824 --> 00:04:53,092
You should leave.
I'm just sucking you down.
115
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:58,831
Bertie, quickly,
escape while you still can.
116
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,366
Um, I'm fine.
117
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:03,568
(groans)
118
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,704
Tuca, you need to see a doctor.
119
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,172
I hate doctors.
120
00:05:07,374 --> 00:05:09,441
They just want to collect
my urine and sell it.
121
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,043
Piss is currency
to them, bertie.
122
00:05:11,245 --> 00:05:13,378
Okay, but, uh,
is this chronic thing
123
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:16,181
Holding you back from
doing stuff you want to do?
124
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,782
Figgy wants to take me
to horseville.
125
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:19,251
I really want to go.
126
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:23,055
I can picture it,
and it's so beautiful, bertie.
127
00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:25,090
♪ ♪
128
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:31,063
Damn, that's messed up.
129
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,933
Horseville. Ouch!
130
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:37,202
Well, that's a great reason
to get fixed.
131
00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,604
You have health insurance
from your work, right?
132
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,940
Yeah, it covers everything
at this place.
133
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,275
Great.
134
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,810
Bertie, no. I don't want to go.
135
00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:47,746
If you let me make
an appointment,
136
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:50,348
I'll let you play
with this glue.
137
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:53,285
I have to stop myself
from putting it in my mouth.
138
00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:54,553
Don't do that.
139
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,955
-Maybe just one bite.
-No, tuca.
140
00:05:56,957 --> 00:06:00,225
I have health insurance now.
I can eat the glue.
141
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,097
Bertie, I don't need
a doctor anymore.
142
00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,966
This website says if I give
myself a celery juice enema,
143
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,235
-I'll be cured.
-Tuca, you have to stop
144
00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:12,837
Letting the internet tell you
what to put up your butt.
145
00:06:12,839 --> 00:06:15,173
-Never.
-Tuca toucan? Right this way.
146
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:16,975
We just need to get
a urine sample.
147
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:20,178
I knew it! Y'all want to collect
my liquid gold right away.
148
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:23,582
-Cha-ching.
-(laughs) that's ridiculous.
149
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,317
We only need it
to assess your health.
150
00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:28,253
Very well, but I just know
this lemonade's gonna end up
151
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:32,324
On the yellow market
for $58 an ounce.
152
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,060
(phone chimes, vibrates)
153
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,863
No, that's tuca's phone.
154
00:06:38,865 --> 00:06:40,732
Mind your own business.
155
00:06:40,735 --> 00:06:42,300
(straining)
156
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:47,139
Figgy:
Hey, tooks, I saw something
that reminded me of you.
157
00:06:47,141 --> 00:06:49,474
Should I buy this for you,
or is it too corny?
158
00:06:49,676 --> 00:06:50,943
(gasps)
159
00:06:50,945 --> 00:06:52,611
Bertie, we've been friends
for over a decade.
160
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:55,747
So now it's time to show you
my most prized possessions.
161
00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:57,750
Okay.
162
00:06:57,952 --> 00:06:59,284
-Whoa!
-Yeah!
163
00:06:59,486 --> 00:07:00,886
(shouting, screaming)
164
00:07:07,161 --> 00:07:08,627
I don't know what to say.
165
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:12,097
I've got a drummer,
a guy on bass and a flautist.
166
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:15,367
If you look closely, his flute
is just a smaller hot dog.
167
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:18,903
Someday my collection
will be complete.
168
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,173
Okay. How do we get out of here?
169
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:25,910
I love it. Get it for me.
170
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,580
This is tuca.
171
00:07:28,783 --> 00:07:31,183
Can you show me what
your pain level has been like
172
00:07:31,185 --> 00:07:32,717
On this scale?
173
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:34,252
Are the hats part of it?
174
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,188
Because I kind of
feel like this one,
175
00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:38,723
But he's wearing a hat
that says "I'm baby,"
176
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:40,458
And I don't think I'm baby.
177
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:41,926
So then don't point to that one.
178
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:43,996
Okay, well, if we're
going off general vibe,
179
00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:46,799
-I guess this one.
-Okay, so not that much pain.
180
00:07:46,801 --> 00:07:48,867
No, a lot of pain.
181
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:51,136
You pointed to a face
with not that much pain.
182
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:53,538
There's nothing else
I can do for you.
183
00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:54,873
Cute beret, though.
184
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,408
But I feel allergic
to my own hormones.
185
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,010
I only have one week a month
186
00:07:58,212 --> 00:08:00,012
Where I don't feel like
chopping off my lower body.
187
00:08:00,214 --> 00:08:03,115
-Does that sound normal to you?
-Hmm.
188
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:05,950
-Mm-mm-mm.
-Look,
189
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:07,552
Can you just give me
a referral to a gyno?
190
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:10,088
Sure, just fill out
these ten pages of paperwork.
191
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,491
This is the same paperwork
I already filled out.
192
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:13,826
Can you just talk to each other?
193
00:08:14,028 --> 00:08:15,828
Ever since our queen died,
this whole hive
194
00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:17,095
Has suffered colony collapse.
195
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:18,497
We don't communicate at all
196
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,165
Because now everyone
thinks they're the queen.
197
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:23,301
Which is crazy because
obviously, I'm the queen.
198
00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:25,437
-What?
-Fill out these forms
in triplicate.
199
00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:27,039
(groans)
200
00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:29,641
It's a long and treacherous way
home, green beads,
201
00:08:29,844 --> 00:08:32,577
-But if you just follow
this twisty road...
-(phone chiming)
202
00:08:32,779 --> 00:08:34,713
...You'll get there safely.
203
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,581
Uhp! Stay the course, red beads.
204
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,316
There is no free will.
205
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:42,320
Thy destiny is but a single path
of loopedy-loops.
206
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,588
(chiming)
207
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:44,923
(moans)
208
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,525
Figgy:
I've been thinking about
209
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,126
Your ideas for bertie's
birthday present.
210
00:08:48,328 --> 00:08:49,461
Whoa.
211
00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:52,197
-Figgy: The piñata
full of spiders.
-(shouts)
212
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,667
-A loaded gun.
-Oh, no.
213
00:08:54,869 --> 00:08:57,269
-A limited-edition collection...
-Ooh.
214
00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:59,271
-...Of loaded guns.
-(groans)
215
00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:01,473
Based on what you've
told me about bertie--
216
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:03,942
See footnotes for citations
of her fear
217
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:07,279
Of spiders and firearms--
I wonder if she wouldn't like
218
00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:11,149
Something more along the lines
of a really nice rolling pin.
219
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:13,418
Or perhaps a picnic?
220
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,620
(sighs) uh, I agree.
221
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:18,490
Those are great ideas
for bertie's birthday.
222
00:09:19,493 --> 00:09:21,426
Sincerely, tuca.
223
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:24,963
(sighs) okay, that's it.
No more texting.
224
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:32,104
Should bertie get
really into hats this year?
225
00:09:32,106 --> 00:09:35,774
How old is too old
to be into boy bands?
226
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,042
How should bertie resolve
her mommy issues?
227
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:41,113
Ooh, a-and also,
her daddy issues?
228
00:09:41,916 --> 00:09:44,416
What's a six-letter word
for "boundaries"?
229
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:49,588
Should bertie get
spicy chips or plain?
230
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,056
Figgy:
Tooks, remember that time
you ate the entire bag
231
00:09:52,058 --> 00:09:55,260
Of scorchin' hot gravel nuggets
and they made you feel bad,
232
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,929
But then you said, "worth it"?
233
00:09:57,131 --> 00:09:58,597
Life is short.
234
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:01,800
Tell bertie to get the spicy
chips if she wants them.
235
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:04,202
Damn, so heckin' wise.
236
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:07,539
I agree. Says me, tuca.
237
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,543
-(phone chimes)
-figgy: Glad I could help.
238
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,678
I am figgy.
239
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,948
-(buzzing)
-(wheels creaking)
240
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,353
Okay, how many babies
do you want?
241
00:10:21,555 --> 00:10:24,022
Between 12 and 18, but
that's not why I'm here today.
242
00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,224
Well, this pain
is in your pelvis,
243
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:28,560
So it might affect
your fertility.
244
00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:31,163
No, ma'am. You're gonna fix
whatever's happening in there,
245
00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:33,431
And then I'm going to have
all my babies
246
00:10:33,434 --> 00:10:36,701
Without any complications the
moment I'm ready. ¿comprende?
247
00:10:36,703 --> 00:10:40,105
Okay, then. I guess
we'll cross that scary bridge
248
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,174
When we come to it.
(laughs)
249
00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:44,643
I also get these stabbing pains
in my bootyhole.
250
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:48,513
Nope, no way. I'm a gyno,
so I only look at the one hole.
251
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:51,516
-Come on, it's right there.
-Out of my jurisdiction.
252
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:54,386
-It's, like, one inch away.
-Nope, I'm the sheriff
253
00:10:54,388 --> 00:10:57,055
Of (cat meows)-town, and that's
across the county line.
254
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:58,390
Pew, pew.
255
00:10:58,392 --> 00:10:59,858
(groans)
256
00:11:01,796 --> 00:11:03,862
(belches, moans)
257
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,397
-Worth it.
-(phone chimes)
258
00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,332
Figgy:
Hey, tooks,
259
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,733
I know you're busy
repainting your apartment,
260
00:11:08,935 --> 00:11:09,868
But I'm in your neighborhood.
261
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,004
Want me to bring you some pizza?
262
00:11:12,006 --> 00:11:14,272
Aw. Tuca would love pizza.
263
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,875
Especially if she's been
painting all day.
264
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:19,544
Yes, bring me pizza.
265
00:11:19,546 --> 00:11:21,814
Heart emoji, tuca.
266
00:11:21,816 --> 00:11:23,215
-Hey, bertie.
-(shouts)
267
00:11:23,217 --> 00:11:24,416
I just got a few more
specialists to see,
268
00:11:24,618 --> 00:11:26,485
-Then we can get out of here.
-Okay.
269
00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,220
Tuca's not painting
her apartment.
270
00:11:28,422 --> 00:11:30,022
Tuca's at the doctor.
271
00:11:30,024 --> 00:11:31,956
Oh, bertie stupid.
272
00:11:32,158 --> 00:11:34,493
-Figgy: Be there in five.
-Eep!
273
00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,161
(phone ringing)
274
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:39,164
Hello, my sweet,
sweetie, sweet...
275
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,765
Speckle! I don't
have time to explain.
276
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,367
I need you to go upstairs
to tuca's apartment
277
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,569
And pretend to be her.
278
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,305
I have no questions.
279
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:51,176
Yoo-hoo! Hi!
280
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,777
That's it, keep waving.
281
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,579
Now, when he rings the intercom,
282
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:57,449
Tell him to leave the pizza
in the lobby.
283
00:11:57,651 --> 00:12:00,719
-(buzzer sounds)
-speckle: Hello, big boy.
284
00:12:00,721 --> 00:12:02,587
Get up here and give me
285
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,122
A big kiss.
286
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,591
No! Why would you do that?
287
00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,061
I feel like that's
what tuca would have said.
288
00:12:09,063 --> 00:12:11,397
(buzzer sounds)
289
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,802
Speckle:
Come on in.
290
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,204
Figgy:
Hey, tooks.
291
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,674
Whoa, what's all this?
292
00:12:21,876 --> 00:12:24,076
Uh, I'm painting.
293
00:12:24,278 --> 00:12:26,278
I-I'm covered in paint.
294
00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:27,946
-Ugh...
-(bertie whimpers)
295
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,348
No problem, I can just leave
the pizza here at the door,
296
00:12:30,551 --> 00:12:33,218
But I would love to see
your place when you're done.
297
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:35,888
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, sounds good,
298
00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:38,223
Barky boy.
299
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:40,024
Hey, that thing I said earlier
about you being
300
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:42,294
The first non-plant I've dated.
301
00:12:42,496 --> 00:12:45,230
I feel like that came out
sounding wrong.
302
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,700
I just really like you.
303
00:12:47,902 --> 00:12:49,701
-All of you.
-Aw.
304
00:12:49,704 --> 00:12:50,969
Aw.
305
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,504
Figgy:
Anyways, I can see you're busy.
306
00:12:52,506 --> 00:12:55,640
-I'll be on my way.
-Uh, I'm not busy at all.
307
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:58,310
Tell me more of the things
you like about me.
308
00:12:58,312 --> 00:13:01,446
Ask me personal questions
about myself
309
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:04,483
-That only I would know.
-No!
310
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,621
(groaning)
311
00:13:18,766 --> 00:13:20,565
I've had it! Enough!
312
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:24,703
I've seen a urologist,
a neurologist, a cloacologist.
313
00:13:24,705 --> 00:13:27,172
All of you are experts
on all these individual parts,
314
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:30,442
But my body is a galaxy,
not just one planet.
315
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:32,644
Whatever is wrong with me
is affecting
316
00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:34,713
My entire body and mind.
317
00:13:34,715 --> 00:13:37,983
Isn't there someone here
who can look at my whole being
318
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,051
And connect all the parts?
319
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:42,654
(melodic buzzing)
320
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,657
♪ we can't find the source
of your distress ♪
321
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:48,459
♪ what's your deal?
It's anybody's guess ♪
322
00:13:48,462 --> 00:13:51,196
♪ though all your problems
are physical and cyclical ♪
323
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:55,867
♪ have you considered that
your brain could be atypical? ♪
324
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,804
♪ it's hormones, it's anxiety ♪
325
00:13:58,806 --> 00:14:01,740
♪ your pelvis is a mystery ♪
326
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:07,278
♪ you could try
losing ten pounds ♪
327
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,814
What? I don't need
to lose weight.
328
00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:11,216
That's not my issue.
329
00:14:11,418 --> 00:14:15,420
♪ that's what we say to every
patient and it never hurts ♪
330
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,489
I think it does hurt.
It's very harmful.
331
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,158
♪ lost nine pounds? ♪
332
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:20,559
♪ try one more ♪
333
00:14:20,561 --> 00:14:22,161
♪ lost 11 pounds? ♪
334
00:14:22,163 --> 00:14:23,695
♪ that's extra good ♪
335
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,431
♪ lose six pounds,
gain five more ♪
336
00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:29,835
♪ everybody's got
to have an equal score ♪
337
00:14:29,837 --> 00:14:32,103
♪ and the thing
you most need to know ♪
338
00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:36,041
♪ aside from all the tests
and diagnoses and vaccines ♪
339
00:14:36,043 --> 00:14:37,843
Yes? What is it?
340
00:14:38,045 --> 00:14:41,380
♪ is this very important bit
of info ♪
341
00:14:41,382 --> 00:14:45,417
♪ listen up, I'll tell you now ♪
342
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:50,922
♪ are you ready? ♪
343
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,724
♪ I'm the queen ♪
344
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,393
-♪ I'm the queen ♪
-♪ I'm the queen ♪
345
00:14:54,395 --> 00:14:55,594
♪ I'm the queen, I'm the queen ♪
346
00:14:55,796 --> 00:15:00,399
♪ queen, queen, queen, queen. ♪
347
00:15:00,401 --> 00:15:02,267
(all buzzing)
348
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:05,136
Shut up.
This is a huge waste of time.
349
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,539
All of you have
terrible bedside manners,
350
00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,074
You've been very unhelpful,
351
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:11,142
And you all are
extremely talented vocalists.
352
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:12,411
And none of you
should be doctors.
353
00:15:12,413 --> 00:15:13,678
You all should have followed
354
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,248
Your performing arts dreams
instead.
355
00:15:17,618 --> 00:15:19,818
Now, behold. I am your queen.
356
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:21,854
(bees gasping, buzzing)
357
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:28,026
Whew, figgy's just left.
358
00:15:28,029 --> 00:15:29,360
We had a good chat.
359
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,362
He seems kind of awesome.
360
00:15:31,565 --> 00:15:33,832
Love him. (sighs)
361
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,901
I can't wait for him to meet me.
362
00:15:35,903 --> 00:15:38,103
The real me.
363
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:39,705
Bertie:
So...
364
00:15:39,907 --> 00:15:41,907
Are you gonna take off
that costume now?
365
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,643
Bertie, it took me a long time
to get into character,
366
00:15:44,645 --> 00:15:47,312
And it's gonna take me
a long time to get out.
367
00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,248
So I'm gonna go hit the clubs.
368
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:51,850
(dance music playing)
369
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,184
(phone beeps)
370
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:54,853
Tuca:
You all must obey my wishes!
371
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,121
Tuca?
372
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,857
As your queen, I command you all
373
00:15:58,859 --> 00:16:00,391
To stop wasting my time
374
00:16:00,394 --> 00:16:02,527
And just tell me
what's wrong with me!
375
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:04,463
Or else
I'll have you all beheaded.
376
00:16:04,465 --> 00:16:06,197
Get it? Bee-headed?
377
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:07,866
-Oh! Aah!
-Tuca.
378
00:16:07,868 --> 00:16:10,669
We've got to get you
to a real hospital.
379
00:16:10,671 --> 00:16:12,271
You heard her, take your queen
380
00:16:12,473 --> 00:16:15,340
To a... (groaning)
real hospital.
381
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,208
♪ ♪
382
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,478
(tuca moaning)
383
00:16:20,547 --> 00:16:22,748
(bertie screaming)
384
00:16:25,886 --> 00:16:27,686
(insects trilling)
385
00:16:27,888 --> 00:16:30,422
Okay, this is just
a quick cat scan.
386
00:16:30,624 --> 00:16:32,291
Please don't sting me.
387
00:16:32,293 --> 00:16:34,526
(all buzzing)
388
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,896
(cat yowling)
389
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,767
♪ ♪
390
00:17:02,923 --> 00:17:04,123
You.
391
00:17:04,325 --> 00:17:06,125
How could you do that to tuca?
392
00:17:06,127 --> 00:17:07,592
Oh, right.
393
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,194
You're tuca's friend.
394
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:10,862
Georgette?
395
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:13,598
-Bertie.
-Really? You look
like a georgette to me.
396
00:17:13,801 --> 00:17:15,467
-I think I know my own name.
-Huh.
397
00:17:15,669 --> 00:17:16,935
Then who's georgette?
398
00:17:17,138 --> 00:17:18,870
Forget about georgette!
399
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,605
Tuca was upset
about you for months,
400
00:17:20,808 --> 00:17:23,675
And you just disappeared.
I mean, who does that?
401
00:17:23,877 --> 00:17:26,411
She was too much for me.
I had to take care of myself.
402
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,013
You know,
tuca would never say this,
403
00:17:28,015 --> 00:17:31,016
Because she has too much grace,
but... Get bent.
404
00:17:31,018 --> 00:17:35,220
In the butt, (bleep, cat meows)
and cloaca.
405
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,955
I only have a cloaca.
406
00:17:36,957 --> 00:17:39,024
Why would I need
three holes down there?
407
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,360
Ooh, my name is kara.
408
00:17:41,562 --> 00:17:43,495
I'm so fancy.
409
00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:46,898
I do all my pee-pee
poo-poos out of one hole.
410
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,633
I've lost the thread
on which one of us
411
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:51,102
Is the weird one in this world.
412
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:53,172
So those are the results.
413
00:17:53,374 --> 00:17:55,240
If you have
any follow-up questions,
414
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,042
You can call this number.
415
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:59,445
Okay. Thank you.
416
00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,914
(groans)
417
00:18:03,050 --> 00:18:04,983
(sighs)
418
00:18:04,985 --> 00:18:06,852
Hey, auntie.
419
00:18:07,054 --> 00:18:09,388
Tuca, you're visiting
early today.
420
00:18:09,390 --> 00:18:12,657
Actually, I was here getting
some tests, trying to figure out
421
00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:14,926
Why I feel so bad each month.
422
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,929
For the first time, I thought
maybe I could find an answer
423
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:20,065
And feel just
a little bit better, you know?
424
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,600
I'll try anything.
425
00:18:21,602 --> 00:18:23,202
I'll butt-chug celery juice
at every meal.
426
00:18:23,404 --> 00:18:24,536
I don't care.
427
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:27,639
I just want to know what to do.
428
00:18:29,810 --> 00:18:32,878
I have the same affliction,
darling.
429
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,079
(chuckles)
430
00:18:34,081 --> 00:18:35,947
Maybe that's
why I'm such a bitch.
431
00:18:35,949 --> 00:18:37,216
(chuckles)
432
00:18:37,418 --> 00:18:41,420
I never got any explanation
other than my "mean uterus"
433
00:18:41,622 --> 00:18:43,889
And my "showoff-y ovaries."
434
00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:45,757
(inhales)
435
00:18:45,759 --> 00:18:48,159
Good for you trying
to take care of yourself.
436
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:52,497
I gave up on finding an answer
long, long ago.
437
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:55,834
But have you thought
about losing ten pounds?
438
00:18:56,036 --> 00:18:58,671
(both laugh)
439
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,106
Hurry, hurry.
440
00:19:01,108 --> 00:19:03,374
Catch up to your family,
blue beads.
441
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:06,612
Stragglers die of exposure
in the cold of night.
442
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:08,980
Hey, how'd it go?
443
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:11,450
All the tests came back
normal or inconclusive.
444
00:19:11,652 --> 00:19:13,985
Aw, we could try a naturopath.
445
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,255
An integrative holistic healer?
446
00:19:16,257 --> 00:19:18,323
Nah, bertie, I quit.
447
00:19:18,325 --> 00:19:20,659
This flare-up will end soon,
and I'll feel fine
448
00:19:20,861 --> 00:19:23,728
For a few days or weeks
until it comes back.
449
00:19:23,731 --> 00:19:25,730
Right now,
I just want to go home.
450
00:19:25,733 --> 00:19:28,533
Let's get out of here
before we run into you-know-who.
451
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:31,202
Okay. Hmm, are you gonna
see figgy tonight?
452
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:32,737
I don't know.
453
00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:35,607
I'm feeling more
"I'm baby" hat than sombrero,
454
00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:37,076
If you know what I mean.
455
00:19:37,278 --> 00:19:40,879
I don't, but, tuca,
he seems like a great guy.
456
00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:43,615
You should tell him
what's going on with you.
457
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:45,784
I bet he'll be
really cool with it.
458
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:48,420
Also, here's your phone back.
459
00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:49,755
Don't look at your text history.
460
00:19:49,957 --> 00:19:51,690
Oh, I never look
at my text history.
461
00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:55,160
There's such a thing
as too much tuca, even for tuca.
462
00:19:55,162 --> 00:19:57,362
(knocking)
463
00:19:57,564 --> 00:19:58,897
Ta-da.
464
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,033
♪ ♪
465
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,103
It's perfect.
466
00:20:04,105 --> 00:20:05,504
How did you know?
467
00:20:05,506 --> 00:20:07,238
You told me.
468
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,707
Wow, the paint looks great.
469
00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:11,176
It dried really fast, huh?
470
00:20:11,178 --> 00:20:13,645
Says me, figgy.
471
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:16,915
Yeah, I guess maybe it did,
says I, tuca.
472
00:20:16,917 --> 00:20:19,718
Listen, I have something
to tell you.
473
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,920
I have this cyclical,
chronic thing that flares up.
474
00:20:22,123 --> 00:20:25,190
It hurts a lot
and makes me really depressed.
475
00:20:25,192 --> 00:20:27,659
It's like the smallest,
most boring roller coaster,
476
00:20:27,861 --> 00:20:30,461
And I might be stuck on it
for the rest of my life.
477
00:20:30,464 --> 00:20:32,864
But I want to be honest
with you.
478
00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:35,667
I like all of you.
479
00:20:35,669 --> 00:20:38,670
Every part of you put together,
no matter whether those parts
480
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:40,872
Are feeling good or bad.
481
00:20:40,874 --> 00:20:44,343
Plus, we all have
our weird body stuff.
482
00:20:44,545 --> 00:20:47,346
I can even use the toilet
in front of you,
483
00:20:47,548 --> 00:20:49,148
If you really want.
484
00:20:49,150 --> 00:20:51,616
I must warn you, it'll be
extremely painful for me.
485
00:20:51,819 --> 00:20:53,152
Lots of splinters.
486
00:20:53,354 --> 00:20:56,287
-(tuca laughs)
-also, I haven't really
487
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:59,758
Talked to you about this before,
but since we are being frank,
488
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,626
I drink a lot.
489
00:21:01,829 --> 00:21:03,895
I know you drink.
It's not a big deal.
490
00:21:03,897 --> 00:21:06,698
Yeah, but it's a lot,
more than you'd think.
491
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:08,900
Really?
Because I can think a ton.
492
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,503
Okay, so maybe it is
what you'd think.
493
00:21:11,505 --> 00:21:13,905
I feel too sick to go
to horseville this weekend,
494
00:21:13,907 --> 00:21:15,707
But can we go another time?
495
00:21:15,709 --> 00:21:17,376
I really want to go.
496
00:21:17,378 --> 00:21:19,444
♪ ♪
497
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:24,649
Ew! Why would you think
this is what horseville is?
498
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:27,986
Have you ever been
to another city before?
499
00:21:28,189 --> 00:21:30,789
Mmm. Horseville.
500
00:21:30,991 --> 00:21:33,258
Of course.
Horseville isn't going anywhere.
501
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:35,126
It'll always be there.
502
00:21:35,128 --> 00:21:38,063
Like the great barrier reef
and the glaciers and the moon.
503
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:40,932
(tuca groans)
504
00:21:40,934 --> 00:21:42,935
Why don't you get in bed?
505
00:21:43,871 --> 00:21:46,405
Can I make you a tea?
506
00:21:46,607 --> 00:21:48,407
Put on a show
you'd like to watch?
507
00:21:48,409 --> 00:21:50,075
That would be really nice.
508
00:21:50,277 --> 00:21:52,477
I like caring
for other people, you know?
509
00:21:52,679 --> 00:21:54,345
It makes me feel good.
510
00:21:54,548 --> 00:21:57,182
So don't worry
about being too much for me.
511
00:21:58,285 --> 00:22:00,185
(sighs)
512
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,200
♪
513
00:22:37,258 --> 00:22:39,191
♪ ♪
514
00:22:48,602 --> 00:22:49,735
Pee-pee!
515
00:22:49,937 --> 00:22:52,604
(dogs barking)