1
00:00:32,997 --> 00:00:35,000
<i>♪ Enjoy yourself ♪</i>

2
00:00:35,134 --> 00:00:37,002
<i>♪ It's later than you think ♪</i>

3
00:00:37,136 --> 00:00:39,171
<i>♪ Enjoy yourself ♪</i>

4
00:00:39,304 --> 00:00:41,239
<i>♪ While you're still
In the pink ♪</i>

5
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,476
<i>♪ The years go by ♪</i>

6
00:00:43,609 --> 00:00:45,578
<i>♪ As quickly as a wink ♪</i>

7
00:00:45,710 --> 00:00:50,482
<i>♪ Enjoy yourself enjoy yourself
It's later than you think ♪</i>

8
00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:58,825
<i>Look, honey,
at that beautiful funeral.</i>

9
00:00:58,957 --> 00:01:00,425
<i>I've never seen so many flower.</i>

10
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,228
<i>Yeah,
he was a nice man too,</i>

11
00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:03,862
<i>but never had any fun.</i>

12
00:01:03,996 --> 00:01:06,497
<i>Didn't have time.
Just worked and made money.</i>

13
00:01:06,632 --> 00:01:08,801
<i>He didn't even have time
to enjoy himself.</i>

14
00:01:08,933 --> 00:01:10,202
<i>Poor man.</i>

15
00:01:10,569 --> 00:01:12,504
<i>♪ You're gonna take
That two-week trip ♪</i>

16
00:01:12,638 --> 00:01:14,340
<i>♪ No matter come what may ♪</i>

17
00:01:14,772 --> 00:01:17,009
<i>♪ But every year
You put it off ♪</i>

18
00:01:17,143 --> 00:01:18,677
<i>♪ You just can't get away ♪</i>

19
00:01:18,811 --> 00:01:21,080
<i>♪ Next year for sure
You'll hit the road ♪</i>

20
00:01:21,212 --> 00:01:23,448
<i>♪ You'll really get around ♪</i>

21
00:01:23,582 --> 00:01:25,383
<i>♪ But how far can you travel ♪</i>

22
00:01:25,516 --> 00:01:27,819
<i>♪ When you're six feet
Underground ♪</i>

23
00:01:27,953 --> 00:01:30,056
<i>♪ Enjoy yourself ♪</i>

24
00:01:30,189 --> 00:01:32,157
<i>♪ It's later than you think ♪</i>

25
00:01:32,290 --> 00:01:34,392
<i>♪ Enjoy yourself ♪</i>

26
00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:36,328
<i>♪ While you're still
In the pink ♪</i>

27
00:01:36,462 --> 00:01:38,431
<i>♪ The years go by ♪</i>

28
00:01:38,563 --> 00:01:40,833
<i>♪ As quickly as a wink ♪</i>

29
00:01:40,966 --> 00:01:42,567
<i>♪ Enjoy yourself... ♪</i>

30
00:01:45,436 --> 00:01:47,171
Fucking.
How fucking excited

31
00:01:47,305 --> 00:01:48,573
are you right fucking now?

32
00:01:48,706 --> 00:01:49,841
Whoa, Karen.

33
00:01:49,975 --> 00:01:51,376
<i>I am like physically
fucking shaking,</i>

34
00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:53,412
-<i>I'm so fucking excited.</i>
-Hey!

35
00:01:53,545 --> 00:01:55,381
I'm like wetter than that time
I dragged you guys

36
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:56,849
to see <i>Magic Mike</i> in the IMAX.

37
00:01:56,983 --> 00:01:59,085
Karen, you're on speaker phone
with the boys.

38
00:01:59,218 --> 00:02:00,720
<i>whoops? Your boys?</i>

39
00:02:00,852 --> 00:02:02,154
Hi, boys!

40
00:02:02,287 --> 00:02:04,689
Don't be a potty mouth
like your aunty K, okay?

41
00:02:05,156 --> 00:02:07,625
So, Pam figure out
this fiasco yet?

42
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,762
Nope. She's closing
a huge deal today,

43
00:02:09,895 --> 00:02:11,864
only been home to shower
and sleep all week.

44
00:02:11,997 --> 00:02:13,266
Good.

45
00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:15,568
Because Doug bought
a case of Red Fire.

46
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,535
Isn't that the stuff
that makes you poop red?

47
00:02:17,669 --> 00:02:19,704
Fortunately, I only go
once every other week.

48
00:02:19,838 --> 00:02:21,240
-Like on purpose?
-Help me!

49
00:02:21,373 --> 00:02:22,741
<i>No, not on purpose.</i>

50
00:02:22,875 --> 00:02:24,910
Midlife hormones are a real drag
on digestion.

51
00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:27,013
<i>Like you know those concretes
from Dairy Queen?</i>

52
00:02:27,145 --> 00:02:29,948
Where you turn them upside down
and nothing comes out?

53
00:02:30,081 --> 00:02:31,884
-It's like one of those.
-Oh.

54
00:02:32,018 --> 00:02:34,387
So, how are you gonna get Pam
in that dress?

55
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:36,356
No clue. Any suggestions?

56
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,125
Well. Any bad decision
I ever made in my life

57
00:02:39,258 --> 00:02:41,593
involved vodka,
so I would start there.

58
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,529
Oh, and Mike!

59
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:45,298
Do not forget to go
to the bakery

60
00:02:45,431 --> 00:02:46,765
and pick up that cake.

61
00:02:46,899 --> 00:02:49,569
Don't forget the cake.
Don't forget the cake.

62
00:02:49,701 --> 00:02:51,903
Hey, you're kids
are screaming in there.

63
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:54,206
Settle down,
there's no dogs in there.

64
00:02:54,338 --> 00:02:55,908
Have a lollipop.

65
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,648
<i>We have been working
on this deal for months.</i>

66
00:03:02,781 --> 00:03:05,351
This call has taken
three and a half hours

67
00:03:05,485 --> 00:03:07,153
on a Saturday.

68
00:03:07,286 --> 00:03:08,721
Let's... get it done.

69
00:03:08,854 --> 00:03:11,858
<i>So
what do you say, Larry?</i>

70
00:03:12,157 --> 00:03:14,626
<i>For $1,600 we sign
on the dotted line right now.</i>

71
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,995
<i>I've got a better idea,
Richard.</i>

72
00:03:17,128 --> 00:03:19,064
<i>How about
you do down to the site,</i>

73
00:03:19,198 --> 00:03:20,532
<i>pull down your Armani's,</i>

74
00:03:20,665 --> 00:03:22,167
<i>and run one them willows
up your ass,</i>

75
00:03:22,301 --> 00:03:24,235
<i>because that's exactly
what you're trying to do to me.</i>

76
00:03:24,368 --> 00:03:25,704
Guys.

77
00:03:25,837 --> 00:03:27,205
<i>Oh go fuck yourself,
Larry.</i>

78
00:03:27,338 --> 00:03:28,640
<i>Hang on a second here.</i>

79
00:03:28,774 --> 00:03:30,609
<i>Let's all just take
a deep breath</i>

80
00:03:30,742 --> 00:03:32,443
<i>and reconvene
in a couple of hours.</i>

81
00:03:32,578 --> 00:03:33,946
<i>Yeah, we'll circle back</i>

82
00:03:34,079 --> 00:03:36,048
<i>when you catch
a fucking clue, Richard.</i>

83
00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:38,885
<i>Okay, great. Pam,
are you good with that?</i>

84
00:03:39,018 --> 00:03:40,553
Totally agree, let's, uh...

85
00:03:41,919 --> 00:03:43,222
Let's circle back.

86
00:03:43,855 --> 00:03:45,457
C... Circle back.

87
00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:09,414
I'm so sorry.
I don't think

88
00:04:09,549 --> 00:04:11,751
I'm gonna be able
to make the game today.

89
00:04:12,050 --> 00:04:13,318
Nah, it's okay. It's t-ball.

90
00:04:13,451 --> 00:04:15,020
The kids hardly know
they're making the game.

91
00:04:15,153 --> 00:04:16,788
How are the boys? Can I say hi?

92
00:04:16,922 --> 00:04:19,057
Yeah. Yeah, uh...

93
00:04:19,190 --> 00:04:20,692
Gimme...

94
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:22,361
Yes.

95
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:23,495
<i>How are my dudes?</i>

96
00:04:23,629 --> 00:04:25,465
Daddy left us in the car.

97
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:27,400
<i>Okay, you're a funny boy.</i>

98
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,735
Alright. Go, walk to the field.

99
00:04:30,201 --> 00:04:33,005
-Here's your other.
-Hi. Hey, buddy.

100
00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:34,974
Whatcha playing?

101
00:04:37,341 --> 00:04:38,910
Worst mother ever.

102
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,679
He doesn't even
wanna talk to me. Look.

103
00:04:40,812 --> 00:04:43,047
Look he's gonna dance
with an iPad on his wedding day.

104
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:44,082
<i>Hey, babe.</i>

105
00:04:44,216 --> 00:04:45,918
Right now, it's like this.

106
00:04:46,050 --> 00:04:47,485
Close the deal,

107
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,989
and then we'll slowly
reintroduce you to the kids.

108
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:52,158
Oh, thanks. That's so sweet.

109
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:55,994
<i>♪ A one, two
A one, two, three, four ♪</i>

110
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,665
<i>♪ This here's a story
about a house husband ♪</i>

111
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,599
<i>♪ Who, you know, just has to gt
out of the house ♪</i>

112
00:05:00,733 --> 00:05:03,068
<i>♪ He's been lookin' at, you knw
the kids For days and days ♪</i>

113
00:05:03,201 --> 00:05:05,103
<i>♪ He's been washin' the
dishes And screwin' around</i>

114
00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:07,774
<i>♪ and watching Sesame
Street Till he's going crazy ♪</i>

115
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:11,844
<i>♪ I'm stepping out ♪</i>

116
00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:16,382
<i>♪ I'm stepping out ♪</i>

117
00:05:17,449 --> 00:05:19,084
<i>♪ I'm stepping out ♪</i>

118
00:05:21,153 --> 00:05:23,488
<i>♪ I'm stepping out ♪</i>

119
00:05:39,872 --> 00:05:41,341
Oh!

120
00:05:43,274 --> 00:05:45,377
Almost done.

121
00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:47,347
Either of you smoke?

122
00:05:53,050 --> 00:05:54,519
Okay.

123
00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:57,789
I'm just shooting corporate
an email.

124
00:05:57,923 --> 00:06:00,460
See if we can get that quote
a little lower.

125
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:09,433
Balls.

126
00:06:17,541 --> 00:06:18,477
We're good.

127
00:06:18,877 --> 00:06:20,544
All right, here we go, 25.

128
00:06:20,678 --> 00:06:22,647
Let's take it
for a ride, big boy.

129
00:06:25,117 --> 00:06:27,385
-Yes! Go! Go!

130
00:06:27,519 --> 00:06:28,788
Whoo!

131
00:06:30,355 --> 00:06:32,557
Take two! Take two!

132
00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:34,427
Go, dude!

133
00:06:37,428 --> 00:06:39,030
Now come three. Come three!

134
00:06:43,435 --> 00:06:44,804
Get dirty!

135
00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:46,873
Don't get dirty. Yeah!

136
00:06:47,471 --> 00:06:48,573
Safe!

137
00:07:08,759 --> 00:07:10,995
All right. So you feeling
a little better?

138
00:07:11,129 --> 00:07:12,030
Okay, great.

139
00:07:13,098 --> 00:07:16,102
I'm checking her cognitive
function, Costillo. It's fine.

140
00:07:18,136 --> 00:07:19,038
How's she look?

141
00:07:19,504 --> 00:07:21,006
Let's get that Gatorade.

142
00:07:21,673 --> 00:07:23,975
-Come here.
-Yay, I've won a game.

143
00:07:24,108 --> 00:07:26,977
Yeah. You've got a good game,
go, go, go.

144
00:07:27,112 --> 00:07:28,013
Hi.

145
00:07:28,346 --> 00:07:29,580
Chip off the old block.

146
00:07:29,714 --> 00:07:32,016
Yeah, let's hope his arm
stays attached.

147
00:07:32,651 --> 00:07:34,320
How in the heck did he get

148
00:07:34,452 --> 00:07:36,654
bubblegum stuck inside his ear?

149
00:07:37,154 --> 00:07:38,557
Oh! Look at that.

150
00:07:39,591 --> 00:07:41,659
I used to watch
your daddy play here.

151
00:07:42,060 --> 00:07:44,095
I probably saw
every game he played.

152
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,765
-Until he got drafted.
-What's drafted?

153
00:07:46,899 --> 00:07:49,301
-That's a great question.
-What's drafted? Yeah.

154
00:07:49,435 --> 00:07:50,736
Great game today, Charlie.

155
00:07:50,869 --> 00:07:52,738
Sorry, we're just
in a bit of rush.

156
00:07:52,870 --> 00:07:55,840
So did you hear?
Coach Miller is retiring.

157
00:07:55,973 --> 00:07:58,577
-I didn't.
-Yeah. Search is on.

158
00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:01,347
Maybe you could
throw your name in the hat?

159
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,550
Yeah, that's a big jump
from t-ball.

160
00:08:05,283 --> 00:08:06,250
Hey, Levi!

161
00:08:06,384 --> 00:08:08,019
I heard you're pitching today?

162
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:09,888
I, I am.

163
00:08:10,021 --> 00:08:13,057
You got this, man.
Stay strong.

164
00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:14,926
Good to see you, Charlie.

165
00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:16,595
-Tell your dad hi.
-Will do.

166
00:08:16,995 --> 00:08:18,597
-And call the coach!
-Yeah.

167
00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:23,634
Kids, close your eyes.

168
00:08:23,769 --> 00:08:26,005
Dad is not doing anything.
Close those eyes.

169
00:08:31,744 --> 00:08:33,913
Dad is not texting.

170
00:08:54,933 --> 00:08:55,800
Hey.

171
00:08:56,333 --> 00:08:57,802
Happy birthday.

172
00:09:02,707 --> 00:09:03,574
Yeah.

173
00:09:04,042 --> 00:09:05,811
Called in a sitter
for this place?

174
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,113
Don't worry.
Don't worry. I got you.

175
00:09:08,513 --> 00:09:09,414
Beautiful light.

176
00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:10,983
Wow.

177
00:09:13,485 --> 00:09:15,855
Ah, thank you so much. Wow.

178
00:09:16,688 --> 00:09:17,756
-Good?
-Yep.

179
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,226
-All right. Deal closed?
-Uh, no.

180
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,729
You said the deal
was gonna be closed

181
00:09:23,861 --> 00:09:25,530
-on the first of the
month, It's the first

182
00:09:25,664 --> 00:09:26,931
of the month. Yeah.
That was the plan.

183
00:09:27,065 --> 00:09:28,633
Until two billionaires
with egos the

184
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:30,168
size of Mount
Kiliman-fucking-jaro

185
00:09:30,302 --> 00:09:32,571
decided to put a pause
on a $46 million deal

186
00:09:32,703 --> 00:09:34,305
over two trees
that were left off,

187
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:35,841
mistakenly, on the survey.

188
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:42,949
Choo-choo.

189
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:47,587
Thank you.

190
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:53,124
-How are the boys?
-Ah, well,

191
00:09:53,258 --> 00:09:55,193
since the last time
you saw them. Let's see.

192
00:09:55,326 --> 00:09:56,661
MacGuire started shaving

193
00:09:56,794 --> 00:09:58,463
and the toddler
joined the Merchant Marines, so.

194
00:09:58,596 --> 00:10:01,899
No, they're good. I read them,
bathed them, fed them.

195
00:10:02,033 --> 00:10:03,367
Uh. Hey.

196
00:10:03,501 --> 00:10:06,370
Sitter came early. Said we could
stay out as late as we want.

197
00:10:06,504 --> 00:10:08,305
Haha, I wish.

198
00:10:08,874 --> 00:10:10,475
I mean,
this deal is, like, next level.

199
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:13,745
My year-end bonus means
that we can finally put a dent

200
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:15,080
in paying off law school,

201
00:10:15,212 --> 00:10:17,281
start the 529
for the kids' college.

202
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:20,352
I mean, the kids are, like,
eight years old combined.

203
00:10:20,485 --> 00:10:23,155
We should've started
when they were born, Mike.

204
00:10:23,654 --> 00:10:24,956
All right. Look, babe.

205
00:10:26,191 --> 00:10:29,028
I don't understand
anything that you do,

206
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:32,364
but I get why you do it.
And, honey, I...

207
00:10:32,831 --> 00:10:35,233
I see you, I believe in you.

208
00:10:35,366 --> 00:10:36,267
and I--

209
00:10:37,802 --> 00:10:39,303
Got to answer that text?

210
00:10:39,437 --> 00:10:40,872
Sorry. I just--

211
00:10:41,172 --> 00:10:43,909
don't get a whole lot of
real life adult interaction.

212
00:10:44,042 --> 00:10:46,811
And yet, here we are,
in real life.

213
00:10:46,945 --> 00:10:49,215
Two adults, interacting.

214
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:52,918
Listen. I was thinking.

215
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:55,421
When the deal closes,
which it will,

216
00:10:56,087 --> 00:10:58,289
what if, you and I,

217
00:10:58,822 --> 00:10:59,757
take a trip?

218
00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:01,259
Just the two of us, no kids.

219
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,662
Couple days
on the Bourbon Trail.

220
00:11:04,996 --> 00:11:06,164
That sounds--

221
00:11:14,472 --> 00:11:15,706
Busy day?

222
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:17,409
They wanted to wish you
a happy birthday.

223
00:11:17,542 --> 00:11:19,045
Oh, yeah, I'm sure they do.

224
00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:21,414
Oh.

225
00:11:23,014 --> 00:11:24,081
This is work.

226
00:11:24,216 --> 00:11:25,117
Mmm-hm.

227
00:11:26,585 --> 00:11:28,287
Okay. I, uh, I'm starving.

228
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:31,223
Please order me something.
I'm gonna go powder my nose.

229
00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:33,224
-Okay. What would you like?
-Oh, God.

230
00:11:33,357 --> 00:11:35,427
I can't make
another decision today. Um.

231
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:37,196
No chicken, no beef.

232
00:11:37,328 --> 00:11:39,698
Uh, nothing too starchy.
No dairy.

233
00:11:39,831 --> 00:11:41,933
Just veggies,
but not drowning in sauce.

234
00:11:42,067 --> 00:11:44,335
Okay, so basically air,
medium-rare.

235
00:11:44,470 --> 00:11:46,038
-You got me.
-Got it.

236
00:11:49,908 --> 00:11:51,310
Where are you?

237
00:11:51,442 --> 00:11:53,411
We're gonna order
when she gets back. Thank you.

238
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,047
<i>Don't you dare eat.</i>

239
00:11:55,413 --> 00:11:57,982
My taco guy has been cooking
for, like, <i>tres</i> fucking <i>días.</i>

240
00:11:58,116 --> 00:12:00,117
Karen, the deal didn't close.

241
00:12:00,251 --> 00:12:02,353
She promised the deal
would be closed today,

242
00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:05,290
and it didn't. She has to work
all night. We are fucked!

243
00:12:05,423 --> 00:12:08,325
Oh, no, no, no, buddy.
This party has already set sail.

244
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:10,729
The only thing you need to do
is get her in that dress.

245
00:12:10,861 --> 00:12:12,529
Well, how exactly do I do that?

246
00:12:12,663 --> 00:12:14,198
I don't know, Mike.

247
00:12:14,533 --> 00:12:16,935
Maybe convince her
it's something kinky.

248
00:12:17,302 --> 00:12:18,269
Get here.

249
00:12:18,669 --> 00:12:21,439
Richard, I peed
in my office for you. Okay?

250
00:12:21,573 --> 00:12:23,441
<i>I was on the phone
with you all day long,</i>

251
00:12:23,575 --> 00:12:25,910
<i>I realized I never
wished you happy birthday.</i>

252
00:12:26,043 --> 00:12:27,578
-Thank you.<i>
-Now, that's said.</i>

253
00:12:27,712 --> 00:12:32,450
<i>But while I have you, what if e
buy the seller's stock?</i>

254
00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:33,451
Wait.

255
00:12:33,585 --> 00:12:34,920
Repaper on a Saturday?

256
00:12:35,653 --> 00:12:38,356
Wait. You want me
to recreate 150 pages

257
00:12:38,490 --> 00:12:40,893
so you can assume
the guy's debt?

258
00:12:41,025 --> 00:12:42,026
<i>Is that bad?</i>

259
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,295
Yes, yes, it's very bad.

260
00:12:44,996 --> 00:12:46,897
Okay, look. I'm gonna go eat.

261
00:12:47,264 --> 00:12:49,434
I'll call you in an hour. Okay?

262
00:12:49,567 --> 00:12:53,304
-<i>I want to stop, but we...</i>
-Okay, I'm hanging up now.

263
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,942
-Hey.
-Aw, thanks.

264
00:12:58,177 --> 00:12:59,344
What are you doing?

265
00:12:59,477 --> 00:13:01,245
I'd like to open my gift
with dessert,

266
00:13:01,379 --> 00:13:04,048
-if you don't mind.
-Actually, I kind of do mind.

267
00:13:04,182 --> 00:13:05,416
Well, I'm starving.

268
00:13:05,551 --> 00:13:07,253
Please. It would really
mean a lot to me.

269
00:13:08,385 --> 00:13:09,287
Okay.

270
00:13:15,793 --> 00:13:17,227
Is that my prom dress?

271
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:19,630
Nope,
it's your homecoming dress.

272
00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:21,267
Uh, I'm confused.

273
00:13:21,399 --> 00:13:23,534
Well, your mom had to throw away
your prom dress

274
00:13:23,668 --> 00:13:25,803
because of the slab lake.
You know it got moldy.

275
00:13:25,937 --> 00:13:27,505
No, no, I'm confused
why you're giving

276
00:13:27,639 --> 00:13:29,373
me my homecoming
dress on my birthday.

277
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:31,510
Oh, don't worry.
I got is resized.

278
00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:33,779
Oh, cool. Thank for
clarifying that necessity.

279
00:13:33,912 --> 00:13:35,613
And why? Why did we resize this?

280
00:13:35,746 --> 00:13:37,248
Oh, because I think

281
00:13:37,381 --> 00:13:39,417
you were the sexiest
homecoming queen I ever saw

282
00:13:39,551 --> 00:13:42,654
and I wanna make love to you
tonight in it again.

283
00:13:42,788 --> 00:13:44,924
Oh, okay. Wow.

284
00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:46,525
I knew it.

285
00:13:48,025 --> 00:13:49,593
You're having a mid-life crisis

286
00:13:50,227 --> 00:13:52,963
I wouldn't exactly call it
a crisis, but come on.

287
00:13:53,097 --> 00:13:55,066
Why don't you just
get in there and...

288
00:13:55,701 --> 00:13:56,602
put it on.

289
00:13:59,837 --> 00:14:00,939
Are you having a stroke?

290
00:14:01,072 --> 00:14:02,373
What? No.

291
00:14:02,908 --> 00:14:03,808
Pam.

292
00:14:04,643 --> 00:14:06,878
Go back to the bathroom
and put on that dress.

293
00:14:07,011 --> 00:14:09,313
No, you go to the bathroom
and put on the frickin' dress.

294
00:14:09,447 --> 00:14:11,583
Come on, what's more fun
than a little role playing?

295
00:14:11,716 --> 00:14:14,319
Oh, my God. If this is
some Fifty Shades thing,

296
00:14:14,452 --> 00:14:17,154
you know, you know
that that is not my jam.

297
00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:20,892
Uh.
Just the cheque, please.

298
00:14:21,025 --> 00:14:22,660
I thought you ordered.
I'm starving.

299
00:14:22,793 --> 00:14:25,163
Just the cheque. Thank you.

300
00:14:25,797 --> 00:14:26,698
Mike.

301
00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:28,299
What is happening?

302
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:30,869
You are freaking me out
right now.

303
00:14:33,138 --> 00:14:35,608
All of our friends,
and I mean all of them,

304
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:37,408
are around the corner
at a banquet hall,

305
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:39,778
waiting for you
to arrive in this dress.

306
00:14:40,245 --> 00:14:41,512
Karen and I,
under the impression

307
00:14:41,645 --> 00:14:43,214
that your deal would
be done today, the today

308
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:44,750
you promised
it would be done by,

309
00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:47,252
decided to throw you
a surprise '80s prom party.

310
00:14:47,385 --> 00:14:49,220
I thought
it was just you and me tonight.

311
00:14:49,354 --> 00:14:51,456
I specifically said,
please, whatever you do--

312
00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:53,959
Pam, don't say it,
it's too late.

313
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,529
I just, I just wanna go home.

314
00:14:57,662 --> 00:15:01,066
I wanna eat, go home,
make sexy time, and work.

315
00:15:01,198 --> 00:15:02,867
Do you not
wanna make sexy time with me?

316
00:15:03,001 --> 00:15:05,403
Of course
I wanna make sexy time with you.

317
00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:06,571
After the party.

318
00:15:06,904 --> 00:15:08,472
-Michael.
-Pamela.

319
00:15:08,606 --> 00:15:10,942
-Mike.
-Pam.

320
00:15:15,212 --> 00:15:17,515
-Can I at least get other shoes?
-We don't have time.

321
00:15:17,649 --> 00:15:20,886
I look like I'm going to, like,
a pilgrim prom.

322
00:15:21,019 --> 00:15:22,154
You look great.

323
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:29,628
Shut your pie holes!
They're here!

324
00:15:32,964 --> 00:15:34,133
I got this!

325
00:15:35,432 --> 00:15:38,136
Evening, folks.
Welcome to the Polish American

326
00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:39,670
-Veteran Society.
-Thank you.

327
00:15:39,803 --> 00:15:42,974
-Oh, God. What are you doing?
-All right. Okay.

328
00:15:46,910 --> 00:15:48,278
What is happening?

329
00:15:49,614 --> 00:15:52,984
Oh, looks like Tom Cruise
is ready to have a good time.

330
00:15:53,116 --> 00:15:54,218
There we go.

331
00:15:56,053 --> 00:15:58,656
Dam-din-de-de-de-de.

332
00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:10,034
Surprise!

333
00:16:10,168 --> 00:16:12,438
Happy
motherfucking birthday!

334
00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:14,506
Look at Pam!

335
00:16:15,139 --> 00:16:18,175
Wow. What a surprise.

336
00:16:18,308 --> 00:16:20,044
And what is this?

337
00:16:20,177 --> 00:16:24,115
Bitch, I am finally
Jake Ryan's girlfriend.

338
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:26,351
Just cut it. Okay.
Say your shaloms

339
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:27,586
and then
I'm dragging you

340
00:16:27,719 --> 00:16:29,321
to the bathroom
to fix your face.

341
00:16:29,453 --> 00:16:32,590
Not that there's anything
wrong with it. Much. Move!

342
00:16:33,892 --> 00:16:34,793
Happy birthday.

343
00:16:35,159 --> 00:16:37,428
Crockett and Tubbs.

344
00:16:37,562 --> 00:16:39,865
-Very nice.
-This is Elvis.

345
00:16:39,998 --> 00:16:41,767
Hi, Elvis. P-shhh.

346
00:16:43,301 --> 00:16:44,903
-Hi, Travis.
-Hey, girlfriend.

347
00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:46,404
Happy birthday.

348
00:16:46,538 --> 00:16:48,273
-You did, bro.
-I did it.

349
00:16:48,873 --> 00:16:49,975
Thank you.

350
00:16:50,775 --> 00:16:52,944
Oh, my God,
you invited your parents.

351
00:16:53,077 --> 00:16:54,778
You look lovely,
dear.

352
00:16:54,913 --> 00:16:57,649
I'm surprised this still fits.

353
00:16:58,883 --> 00:17:00,785
Yeah, well, Mike had it resized.

354
00:17:00,918 --> 00:17:03,654
Hey, who do we gotta
kill to get a chair around here?

355
00:17:03,788 --> 00:17:05,356
I'll get you set up, Dad.

356
00:17:07,092 --> 00:17:09,394
Oh, but wait. Okay. Oh!

357
00:17:09,528 --> 00:17:10,829
Pam.

358
00:17:11,195 --> 00:17:13,097
-Freddy, you look amazing.
-I know.

359
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:14,798
Happy birthday.

360
00:17:15,465 --> 00:17:18,169
The bags really tie
that outfit together.

361
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:21,139
You look like a terrorist
at a nudist convention.

362
00:17:21,271 --> 00:17:22,172
Thanks, Dad.

363
00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,541
Ran into old Charlie
the other day.

364
00:17:24,675 --> 00:17:25,743
Who's Charlie?

365
00:17:25,877 --> 00:17:27,211
Blind bat still calling games?

366
00:17:27,345 --> 00:17:30,049
He said
Coach Miller is retiring.

367
00:17:31,281 --> 00:17:33,684
Told you.
Get a teaching credential.

368
00:17:34,051 --> 00:17:35,385
Yeah, you did say that.

369
00:17:35,787 --> 00:17:37,689
-I got you something.
-Oh?

370
00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:39,091
-Yeah.
-Wow.

371
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:40,859
Huh?

372
00:17:41,125 --> 00:17:42,727
Behind this is an online code

373
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:44,095
for my bestselling seminar,

374
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:46,198
"Freddy or not,
you can be rich like me".

375
00:17:46,330 --> 00:17:47,832
-Wow.
-You are welcome.

376
00:17:47,965 --> 00:17:49,666
I will check this out.

377
00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:50,868
I know.

378
00:17:51,435 --> 00:17:54,371
You looking for work? We always
need help at the shop.

379
00:17:54,672 --> 00:17:57,275
I got a job, Dad. Taking care
of your grandchildren.

380
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,577
-Remember?
-Of course.

381
00:18:00,044 --> 00:18:01,446
I meant one for money.

382
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,316
You know, most people think
Nirvana was a '90s band,

383
00:18:05,450 --> 00:18:07,953
but they actually
made <i>Bleach</i> in '89.

384
00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:09,721
-Oh.
-Personally, I'm more

385
00:18:09,855 --> 00:18:11,656
into their earlier
sub-pop type tunes.

386
00:18:11,789 --> 00:18:13,757
Save it, Wheat Thin,
we're boozin'.

387
00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:15,160
Come on.

388
00:18:22,166 --> 00:18:23,267
Hi.

389
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:26,772
I'm
I'm Pam Young.

390
00:18:27,739 --> 00:18:28,874
Shannon.

391
00:18:31,342 --> 00:18:33,445
Shannon Klissanon?

392
00:18:34,346 --> 00:18:36,081
I-- Of course.

393
00:18:36,214 --> 00:18:40,351
Of course. It's,
it's so lovely to see you.

394
00:18:41,986 --> 00:18:43,188
Rowdy.

395
00:18:43,821 --> 00:18:44,856
Excuse me.

396
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,558
-Hi, Pam.
-Hi.

397
00:18:46,691 --> 00:18:48,660
I haven't seen you since, uh...

398
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:51,128
Uh, you know, the um...

399
00:18:51,261 --> 00:18:52,263
High School.

400
00:18:52,396 --> 00:18:53,831
Yes. Yes.

401
00:18:54,231 --> 00:18:56,300
I haven't seen you
since High School.

402
00:18:56,901 --> 00:18:57,703
How are you?

403
00:18:57,836 --> 00:18:58,870
I'm great.

404
00:18:59,002 --> 00:19:01,672
You look... great.

405
00:19:02,339 --> 00:19:03,541
Actually, I'm--

406
00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:06,778
I'm doing really great.

407
00:19:07,178 --> 00:19:08,212
That's good.

408
00:19:08,613 --> 00:19:10,249
Michael, Michael, motorcycle.

409
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:13,118
Serious tactical error
inviting that guy.

410
00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:14,852
Not sure I actually did.

411
00:19:14,986 --> 00:19:17,121
You know
he was a Chippendale's dancer?

412
00:19:17,255 --> 00:19:19,658
And he dove
with Jacques Cousteau.

413
00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:21,858
Apparently
he likes to wear speedos.

414
00:19:21,992 --> 00:19:25,629
I recently
self-published my 11th novel.

415
00:19:26,064 --> 00:19:28,167
Twelfth. If you count

416
00:19:28,299 --> 00:19:31,936
the anthology
of Gothic Poetry I edited.

417
00:19:33,971 --> 00:19:35,173
Awesome.

418
00:19:37,241 --> 00:19:39,177
Will you excuse me
for one second?

419
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:46,451
All right, deadbeats.
Move it upstairs!

420
00:19:47,852 --> 00:19:48,820
Who is that?

421
00:19:49,886 --> 00:19:52,790
You went to Kindergarten
through 12th Grade with her.

422
00:19:53,290 --> 00:19:54,358
I did?

423
00:19:55,093 --> 00:19:56,495
She must look different.

424
00:19:56,627 --> 00:20:00,064
No, she looked pretty bow-house
back then, too.

425
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,334
-I can confirm that.
-Oh.

426
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,936
-What's up, bitch?
-'Sup, whore?

427
00:20:05,269 --> 00:20:08,240
Did you have anything to do
with planning this nightmare?

428
00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,641
Um, my loathing for you
runs deep, big sis,

429
00:20:10,775 --> 00:20:13,277
but not deep enough
to throw you a surprise party.

430
00:20:13,411 --> 00:20:14,745
Thank you for dressing up.

431
00:20:14,878 --> 00:20:16,847
What? And overshadow
your lameness

432
00:20:16,980 --> 00:20:18,181
on your special night?

433
00:20:18,316 --> 00:20:20,319
I would never.

434
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:24,489
Madame D'coy.

435
00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:25,857
Pamela.

436
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,260
So good to see you.

437
00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:31,029
I was flattered

438
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,797
when Michael reached out to me

439
00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:34,031
on the book of the face.

440
00:20:34,164 --> 00:20:35,833
I could not say no.

441
00:20:38,368 --> 00:20:39,870
I never say no.

442
00:20:41,071 --> 00:20:44,908
My mother, she is dying
a slow, horrible death.

443
00:20:45,042 --> 00:20:47,878
The bile of impermanence
consuming her.

444
00:20:48,012 --> 00:20:49,480
I'm so sorry to hear that.

445
00:20:49,614 --> 00:20:51,049
How do we know
we are really alive

446
00:20:51,182 --> 00:20:54,719
until we are pinned
under the razor sharp boot

447
00:20:54,853 --> 00:20:56,255
of suffering.

448
00:20:57,221 --> 00:20:59,658
But tonight, we make party.

449
00:20:59,790 --> 00:21:01,659
O... kay.

450
00:21:01,792 --> 00:21:03,694
Step away
from the birthday girl.

451
00:21:03,828 --> 00:21:04,795
We'll be back.

452
00:21:11,568 --> 00:21:13,504
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

453
00:21:15,038 --> 00:21:16,140
Where'd you get this?

454
00:21:16,273 --> 00:21:18,074
A souvenir
from my stint on Timber.

455
00:21:18,209 --> 00:21:19,644
Do you mean Tinder?

456
00:21:19,778 --> 00:21:22,147
No, it's like Tinder,
but for big and tall people.

457
00:21:22,279 --> 00:21:23,413
You're five-three.

458
00:21:23,548 --> 00:21:25,316
Yes,
and you have to be this tall

459
00:21:25,449 --> 00:21:26,718
to ride this ride.

460
00:21:27,218 --> 00:21:28,320
Okay.

461
00:21:29,386 --> 00:21:30,988
So, who's bright idea was this?

462
00:21:31,122 --> 00:21:32,290
Mike, of course.

463
00:21:32,423 --> 00:21:33,924
He's been planning it
for months.

464
00:21:34,058 --> 00:21:35,559
In his defense. He thought
your deal would close today.

465
00:21:35,693 --> 00:21:37,962
Well, the day is not over yet.

466
00:21:38,762 --> 00:21:39,930
I think he was eager to have

467
00:21:40,065 --> 00:21:42,000
your undivided attention
for the night.

468
00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:44,303
Sorry.

469
00:21:45,036 --> 00:21:46,871
So Madame D'coy is here.

470
00:21:47,438 --> 00:21:48,740
I still can't believe

471
00:21:48,874 --> 00:21:50,809
Travis brought
his French teacher to prom.

472
00:21:50,942 --> 00:21:51,809
Me neither.

473
00:21:52,109 --> 00:21:54,044
The shit you could
get away with back then.

474
00:21:54,179 --> 00:21:55,146
I know.

475
00:21:55,547 --> 00:21:57,382
She would be guaranteed
five to ten

476
00:21:57,516 --> 00:21:59,984
for sophomore shtupping
these days.

477
00:22:00,617 --> 00:22:04,287
So, since his divorce,
have you guys... you know?

478
00:22:04,422 --> 00:22:05,289
Travis and me?

479
00:22:05,423 --> 00:22:06,758
-Yeah.

480
00:22:06,891 --> 00:22:08,559
I thought you always
wanted to .

481
00:22:08,692 --> 00:22:11,028
What? What!

482
00:22:11,895 --> 00:22:12,762
No?

483
00:22:13,130 --> 00:22:14,632
-No!
-Okay.

484
00:22:14,898 --> 00:22:18,336
I mean,  years ago.

485
00:22:20,904 --> 00:22:22,005
Hey. Oh.

486
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,476
Hey, you.
Where've you been hiding?

487
00:22:24,608 --> 00:22:26,243
Who ordered the fucking ceviche?

488
00:22:26,377 --> 00:22:28,812
Coz my insides just went out.

489
00:22:29,614 --> 00:22:32,316
I have some ginger mints
in my purse.

490
00:22:32,450 --> 00:22:33,585
Like candy is gonna cure

491
00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:35,186
20 years
of irritable bowel syndrome.

492
00:22:35,318 --> 00:22:37,855
Listen. I'm going to keep this
on reserve all night.

493
00:22:39,222 --> 00:22:40,524
Good luck with Travis.

494
00:22:42,426 --> 00:22:44,228
I mean, can you blame
her bowels?

495
00:22:44,362 --> 00:22:46,398
She didn't even wash her hands.

496
00:22:47,365 --> 00:22:49,468
Close your mouth.

497
00:22:51,368 --> 00:22:53,838
-Fucking nailed it.
-Yeah, it's...

498
00:22:54,806 --> 00:22:55,707
Yeah.

499
00:23:05,383 --> 00:23:07,585
<i>♪ Life is so strange ♪</i>

500
00:23:07,852 --> 00:23:09,720
<i>♪ When you don't know ♪</i>

501
00:23:09,854 --> 00:23:10,889
Yes.

502
00:23:11,855 --> 00:23:14,658
<i>♪ Where you're going to
You can't be sure ♪</i>

503
00:23:14,792 --> 00:23:17,494
<i>♪ of any situation ♪</i>

504
00:23:17,628 --> 00:23:19,262
<i>♪ Something could change ♪</i>

505
00:23:19,396 --> 00:23:21,465
<i>♪ Then you won't know ♪</i>

506
00:23:24,201 --> 00:23:25,168
Michael.

507
00:23:25,301 --> 00:23:26,436
What do you think?

508
00:23:27,070 --> 00:23:29,506
You know what, I don't care
what your friends say about you,

509
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,176
I think you're pretty great.

510
00:23:34,846 --> 00:23:36,748
Sergeant Sylvester, is it?

511
00:23:36,881 --> 00:23:38,917
Folks around here call me Sarge.

512
00:23:39,049 --> 00:23:40,117
Sarge.

513
00:23:40,251 --> 00:23:42,653
Listen, so what if at midnight

514
00:23:42,787 --> 00:23:45,323
this party is still, you know,

515
00:23:45,455 --> 00:23:46,790
popping off?

516
00:23:47,157 --> 00:23:48,058
Toots.

517
00:23:48,692 --> 00:23:51,328
I was gay before FDR
was on the dime.

518
00:23:51,895 --> 00:23:54,432
Work your magic
on a straight sucker.

519
00:23:55,133 --> 00:23:56,935
You got till midnight!

520
00:24:05,041 --> 00:24:07,711
<i>Have no fear, friends,
the doctor is here</i>

521
00:24:07,846 --> 00:24:11,683
<i>to guide you on this journey
back to your youth,</i>

522
00:24:12,049 --> 00:24:13,817
<i>when the pants were pegged,</i>

523
00:24:14,352 --> 00:24:17,855
<i>the Swatch
was the timepiece of choice</i>

524
00:24:17,989 --> 00:24:19,590
<i>and the only page
you had to like</i>

525
00:24:19,723 --> 00:24:21,291
<i>was your favorite band
on the cover</i>

526
00:24:21,425 --> 00:24:22,859
<i>of your trapper keeper.</i>

527
00:24:22,993 --> 00:24:25,228
<i>Now, if you're wondering
why I'm still anchored</i>

528
00:24:25,363 --> 00:24:29,434
<i>to this festering cauldron
of piping hot tripe water,</i>

529
00:24:29,567 --> 00:24:30,935
<i>called the '80s, let's just say</i>

530
00:24:31,068 --> 00:24:32,669
<i>I'm attempting to live up</i>

531
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:35,640
<i>to certain
financial responsibilities</i>

532
00:24:35,772 --> 00:24:39,009
<i>to two ex-wives and the IRS
that I accrued</i>

533
00:24:39,143 --> 00:24:43,681
<i>during a 16-year ride
on the white line to oblivion.</i>

534
00:24:43,814 --> 00:24:46,350
<i>Basically, I need the scratch.</i>

535
00:24:46,483 --> 00:24:47,952
<i>But enough about me.</i>

536
00:24:48,086 --> 00:24:51,822
<i>Let us now set sail
for those halcyon days</i>

537
00:24:51,955 --> 00:24:54,591
<i>when everybody
wanted to rule the world.</i>

538
00:25:08,538 --> 00:25:09,707
Fuck me.

539
00:25:11,241 --> 00:25:12,142
Punks.

540
00:25:17,615 --> 00:25:18,717
Nerds.

541
00:25:38,935 --> 00:25:40,337
Who are these people?

542
00:25:40,471 --> 00:25:42,740
I told Mike to make
the Facebook invite private.

543
00:25:43,307 --> 00:25:45,443
Wait, this is a public event
on Facebook?

544
00:25:45,576 --> 00:25:47,478
-What is the difference?
-I don't know,

545
00:25:47,612 --> 00:25:49,947
117 strangers
at my birthday party.

546
00:25:50,079 --> 00:25:53,116
-Plus, I'm not even on Facebook.
-These aren't strangers.

547
00:25:53,250 --> 00:25:56,354
We went to Hight School
with these people. I think.

548
00:25:57,087 --> 00:25:59,589
Okay, so is this
a birthday party

549
00:25:59,723 --> 00:26:00,590
or a reunion?

550
00:26:00,724 --> 00:26:02,893
Just for clarification.

551
00:26:03,294 --> 00:26:04,663
-Hi, Janie.
-Doug.

552
00:26:06,396 --> 00:26:07,498
Hello.

553
00:26:07,632 --> 00:26:09,568
-Never gonna happen, Doug.
-Oh.

554
00:26:10,335 --> 00:26:11,670
A boy can dream, can't he?

555
00:26:11,803 --> 00:26:13,871
As long as that dream
includes mouthwash

556
00:26:14,005 --> 00:26:15,906
and ample personal space.

557
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:17,208
Oh!

558
00:26:17,642 --> 00:26:18,876
Thank you.

559
00:26:19,276 --> 00:26:20,645
Ooh. Sick burn.

560
00:26:21,712 --> 00:26:23,147
What's up with the book ends?

561
00:26:24,182 --> 00:26:27,218
No need to whisper, my friend.
They don't speak English.

562
00:26:27,785 --> 00:26:28,686
None?

563
00:26:28,986 --> 00:26:30,755
None. Watch this.

564
00:26:31,521 --> 00:26:32,656
Bananas.

565
00:26:34,625 --> 00:26:35,727
Nothing.

566
00:26:36,727 --> 00:26:38,496
So, are you, uh,

567
00:26:38,628 --> 00:26:39,563
teaching French?

568
00:26:39,696 --> 00:26:42,866
No, I retired after the 2KY.

569
00:26:43,835 --> 00:26:45,637
You mean, Y2K?

570
00:26:45,769 --> 00:26:47,171
It was a bust, I know.

571
00:26:47,305 --> 00:26:49,708
My partner at the time,
he was, how do you say?

572
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:51,041
Two polar.

573
00:26:51,842 --> 00:26:54,779
-It's bipolar.
-Yes.

574
00:26:54,913 --> 00:26:56,180
Very confused.

575
00:26:56,314 --> 00:26:59,250
He convinced me
to move into the woods.

576
00:27:00,050 --> 00:27:03,153
We lived off the land
and had our own fecal compost

577
00:27:03,287 --> 00:27:04,288
for three years.

578
00:27:04,422 --> 00:27:06,825
Until he contracted
Lyme Disease.

579
00:27:09,527 --> 00:27:10,795
Where'd you find them?

580
00:27:10,928 --> 00:27:12,229
They showed up
at my seminar in Prague.

581
00:27:12,363 --> 00:27:14,799
They're marginally famous
contortionists,

582
00:27:14,932 --> 00:27:16,600
but they're looking
to grow their portfolio

583
00:27:16,733 --> 00:27:17,634
of appreciating assets.

584
00:27:17,769 --> 00:27:19,303
Just like the rest of us.

585
00:27:19,737 --> 00:27:21,672
So, they tie themselves
in knots?

586
00:27:22,138 --> 00:27:24,842
They can work themselves
into any sort of kink.

587
00:27:26,210 --> 00:27:27,379
I bet they can.

588
00:27:28,378 --> 00:27:29,546
You know, um...

589
00:27:30,114 --> 00:27:33,785
You're the only teacher to ever
give me a C in High School.

590
00:27:34,818 --> 00:27:36,186
Did you deserve it?

591
00:27:37,721 --> 00:27:38,622
I mean...

592
00:27:38,957 --> 00:27:40,758
I didn't think so at the time.

593
00:27:41,092 --> 00:27:42,460
I drank a lot then.

594
00:27:42,594 --> 00:27:44,996
I was eager to feel something.

595
00:27:45,663 --> 00:27:48,033
Your disappointment fed me.

596
00:27:48,599 --> 00:27:49,967
Kept me alive.

597
00:27:52,001 --> 00:27:53,737
-Mike. Long time.
-Yeah.

598
00:27:53,871 --> 00:27:54,872
How are you?

599
00:27:55,006 --> 00:27:56,173
I'm good. I'm good.

600
00:27:56,307 --> 00:27:58,142
Hey, whatever happened
to baseball?

601
00:27:58,276 --> 00:28:00,978
-I thought I'd seen you on TV.
-Yep. That was the plan.

602
00:28:01,112 --> 00:28:02,880
Then I tore my UCL
right up the ball

603
00:28:03,013 --> 00:28:04,447
and frayed my shoulder.

604
00:28:04,582 --> 00:28:05,984
-Did a little triple A...
-Bummer, That's a bummer

605
00:28:06,116 --> 00:28:07,684
-...got a little TV time.
-But Hey.

606
00:28:07,818 --> 00:28:10,120
It's a kids' game anyway, right?
All right.

607
00:28:14,458 --> 00:28:15,360
Dick.

608
00:28:21,999 --> 00:28:23,101
Boo.

609
00:28:23,733 --> 00:28:26,336
Oh.  Hi.

610
00:28:30,106 --> 00:28:32,776
You know, I was just thinking
about that Algebra II.

611
00:28:33,477 --> 00:28:36,214
Trig? The final we stayed up
all night for?

612
00:28:36,614 --> 00:28:39,918
Oh. We had Algebra II together?

613
00:28:40,518 --> 00:28:41,419
Yeah.

614
00:28:43,421 --> 00:28:45,056
Yeah. You and your dog.

615
00:28:45,689 --> 00:28:47,091
What was his name?

616
00:28:47,458 --> 00:28:48,359
Sting?

617
00:28:50,094 --> 00:28:52,797
-You remember my dog?
-Of course.

618
00:28:54,664 --> 00:28:56,100
He ate all our pizza.

619
00:28:57,801 --> 00:28:59,502
Threw it up
all over your pillow.

620
00:28:59,869 --> 00:29:00,971
Okay?

621
00:29:02,272 --> 00:29:03,173
Wow.

622
00:29:03,674 --> 00:29:06,409
You have, like, a complete...

623
00:29:07,144 --> 00:29:09,380
memory, filled with so much.

624
00:29:10,047 --> 00:29:11,316
I had to, um...

625
00:29:12,148 --> 00:29:14,651
defrag the old hard drives

626
00:29:14,785 --> 00:29:16,120
for the bar exam.

627
00:29:16,252 --> 00:29:19,490
You know.
So that's probably why...

628
00:29:20,557 --> 00:29:21,859
University of Chicago.

629
00:29:22,792 --> 00:29:23,694
Oh!

630
00:29:24,194 --> 00:29:25,929
-You went there too.
-No.

631
00:29:26,663 --> 00:29:27,765
Oh.

632
00:29:28,599 --> 00:29:30,234
That's where you studied law.

633
00:29:30,367 --> 00:29:32,302
I-- I did.

634
00:29:32,636 --> 00:29:33,904
How did you...

635
00:29:34,771 --> 00:29:36,273
I've kept tabs on you.

636
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:39,143
You know, since...

637
00:29:40,009 --> 00:29:41,111
that night.

638
00:29:44,548 --> 00:29:45,450
Okay.

639
00:29:47,817 --> 00:29:49,386
It was so good seeing you.

640
00:29:50,820 --> 00:29:51,922
Okay.

641
00:29:55,692 --> 00:29:56,794
Love you too.

642
00:29:57,362 --> 00:29:58,229
...years ago.

643
00:29:58,761 --> 00:29:59,662
Michael, hi, hi.

644
00:29:59,797 --> 00:30:00,931
-Hey.
-Can I, uh,

645
00:30:01,065 --> 00:30:02,767
-talk to you for a second?
-Sure.

646
00:30:02,900 --> 00:30:04,502
-Like, anywhere but here.
-Oh.

647
00:30:06,403 --> 00:30:09,272
Hey, let's do this real quick.
Come on. Let's take a picture.

648
00:30:09,405 --> 00:30:11,240
It'll be so fun.
Here, turn around.

649
00:30:11,375 --> 00:30:14,044
Push out your belly.
We're gonna do pregnant prom.

650
00:30:14,744 --> 00:30:18,115
My only A is in Wood Shop,
and I'm gonna be a dad!

651
00:30:18,583 --> 00:30:20,484
Jeez,
You're really committed to this.

652
00:30:20,617 --> 00:30:22,052
Come on, isn't this fun?

653
00:30:22,185 --> 00:30:23,987
Actually, no, I'm on verge
of like a panic attack.

654
00:30:24,121 --> 00:30:26,057
-What? Why?
-I'm pretty sure that the uh...

655
00:30:26,191 --> 00:30:28,726
the woman over there that
looks like Sally Scissorhands--

656
00:30:28,858 --> 00:30:30,160
Shannon Klissanon?

657
00:30:30,294 --> 00:30:31,695
Yeah uh, I'm pretty
sure she's the stalker

658
00:30:31,828 --> 00:30:33,129
I never knew I had.

659
00:30:33,262 --> 00:30:35,098
I'm sure she's just excited
to reconnect.

660
00:30:35,232 --> 00:30:36,766
By reconnect you mean go full

661
00:30:36,901 --> 00:30:39,170
Single White Female on me
before I've even cut the cake?

662
00:30:39,303 --> 00:30:41,405
Oh! Fuck! Fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck!

663
00:30:41,538 --> 00:30:42,506
What?

664
00:30:42,638 --> 00:30:43,640
I forgot the cake.

665
00:30:43,773 --> 00:30:44,841
-I'm so sorry.
-Ah, dude.

666
00:30:44,976 --> 00:30:46,310
-Dammit.
-All I wanted was cake.

667
00:30:46,443 --> 00:30:48,144
I thought all you wanted
was sexy time?

668
00:30:48,278 --> 00:30:49,479
Don't make me choose Michael.

669
00:30:49,613 --> 00:30:51,282
You're not going
to like the answer.

670
00:30:51,915 --> 00:30:53,149
Look, I, uh...

671
00:30:53,284 --> 00:30:55,152
I so appreciate
what you've done here.

672
00:30:55,285 --> 00:30:57,722
I can tell that
you went to a ton of trouble.

673
00:30:57,855 --> 00:30:59,490
And I'm so grateful, but...

674
00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:01,692
man, if you didn't forget

675
00:31:01,825 --> 00:31:03,294
what a drag High School was.

676
00:31:03,426 --> 00:31:06,162
I don't understand.
How was it a drag, exactly?

677
00:31:06,297 --> 00:31:07,364
Okay. A.

678
00:31:07,698 --> 00:31:10,101
We were a bunch
of shallow dicks in High School.

679
00:31:10,233 --> 00:31:13,102
And B. Dressing up
in our shallow dick uniforms

680
00:31:13,237 --> 00:31:14,672
is just gonna
remind people of C,

681
00:31:14,805 --> 00:31:17,107
go back to A. We were
a bunch of shallow dicks.

682
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,710
But we were teenagers.
Nobody gives a shit anymore.

683
00:31:19,844 --> 00:31:21,045
I'm guessing a few
of these people

684
00:31:21,179 --> 00:31:22,246
hold some serious resentments.

685
00:31:22,378 --> 00:31:23,847
No joke. It's only human nature.

686
00:31:23,981 --> 00:31:26,015
You are wrong.
Check this out, okay?

687
00:31:26,482 --> 00:31:27,183
The ham-burglar.

688
00:31:27,317 --> 00:31:28,685
Okay, Trudy, fine. Sorry.

689
00:31:28,818 --> 00:31:31,088
I wouldn't be caught dead
with her in High School

690
00:31:31,221 --> 00:31:32,855
now we play Farm Town together.

691
00:31:32,990 --> 00:31:34,759
Okay? She's got a cat
name Sylvester.

692
00:31:34,892 --> 00:31:36,059
Nickname is Sly.

693
00:31:36,192 --> 00:31:37,694
Okay. It sits upright
on the couch

694
00:31:37,828 --> 00:31:40,630
and looks like human being.
She walks it with a leash.

695
00:31:41,097 --> 00:31:42,765
How cool and weird is that?

696
00:31:43,267 --> 00:31:45,603
-Oh, thank you.
-Sure thing.

697
00:31:46,103 --> 00:31:46,970
All right?

698
00:31:47,104 --> 00:31:48,873
Everyone is happy. Okay?

699
00:31:49,006 --> 00:31:51,342
Here to celebrate you.
This is cool.

700
00:31:51,474 --> 00:31:52,376
Okay.

701
00:31:56,346 --> 00:31:58,381
Hey, dark shades. Dark shades.

702
00:31:58,515 --> 00:31:59,250
Dark shades.

703
00:31:59,383 --> 00:32:01,185
Hey, can you play the song?

704
00:32:01,317 --> 00:32:03,687
You know, the one, um,
the one with, like,

705
00:32:03,820 --> 00:32:05,722
the quiet guitar and the...

706
00:32:06,056 --> 00:32:08,192
Boom-boom. The drums.

707
00:32:09,093 --> 00:32:11,528
-Good one.
-No, really. Hey.

708
00:32:11,662 --> 00:32:15,232
It's the song with the,
with the really quiet guitar.

709
00:32:15,365 --> 00:32:18,669
It's ring-ling-ling-ling
and then the ding-ding-ding,

710
00:32:18,803 --> 00:32:20,705
boom-boom-boom, the drums.

711
00:32:20,837 --> 00:32:22,172
-Who's it by?
-Oh.

712
00:32:22,307 --> 00:32:24,208
The guy.
The guy that plays the drums

713
00:32:24,340 --> 00:32:25,909
that goes boom. The--

714
00:32:26,042 --> 00:32:27,577
-Phil Collins?
-No!

715
00:32:27,711 --> 00:32:29,347
Fuck! Damn.

716
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:33,717
It's-- the guy that plays the--
It's the song--

717
00:32:33,851 --> 00:32:36,621
Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't you Google it?

718
00:32:37,288 --> 00:32:38,823
Hush-hush. Bye-bye.

719
00:32:39,557 --> 00:32:42,526
Wow. More like
Doctor Throws Shade.

720
00:32:43,393 --> 00:32:46,830
Did you just shower me
with imaginary jizz?

721
00:32:46,963 --> 00:32:48,931
No. No.

722
00:32:49,232 --> 00:32:51,601
You're getting pretty brave
as you run away.

723
00:32:53,135 --> 00:32:54,537
Ah, that's my jam.

724
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:12,389
You know that guy's got,
like, two million followers.

725
00:33:12,522 --> 00:33:15,325
Yeah, but they're all
Russian bots like those two.

726
00:33:16,426 --> 00:33:17,794
How do I get verified?

727
00:33:18,229 --> 00:33:19,397
No one knows.

728
00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:22,066
Verify me.

729
00:33:49,226 --> 00:33:51,329
Yo, Michael! Whoop-whoop!

730
00:34:01,739 --> 00:34:02,640
Oh, no.

731
00:34:06,876 --> 00:34:08,911
Hey. Walk with me to get smokes.

732
00:34:09,278 --> 00:34:10,680
Someone took my pants.

733
00:34:10,813 --> 00:34:13,517
Oh. Do you need pants
to go buy smokes?

734
00:34:14,284 --> 00:34:15,719
Don't know. Never smoked.

735
00:34:16,586 --> 00:34:17,687
Oh, fuck it.

736
00:34:17,820 --> 00:34:19,221
Dude, this party,

737
00:34:19,588 --> 00:34:23,093
honestly, is a complete
and total fucking disaster.

738
00:34:23,226 --> 00:34:24,627
What are you talking about?

739
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,998
-This party is epic.
-If it isn't your birthday.

740
00:34:28,132 --> 00:34:30,134
Listen.
Let the Red Fire kick in,

741
00:34:30,266 --> 00:34:32,168
-Pam will come around.
-I don't know.

742
00:34:32,603 --> 00:34:35,473
Richard, I know this isn't
how you wanted the day to end.

743
00:34:35,606 --> 00:34:38,876
-I get it.

744
00:34:39,010 --> 00:34:41,612
I'm telling you,
torching the deal at this point

745
00:34:41,744 --> 00:34:44,614
is so stupid. Just talk to him.
You're at the same

746
00:34:44,748 --> 00:34:46,583
charity event.
Just walk on over.

747
00:34:46,717 --> 00:34:49,353
<i>I can't talk
to this guy. Fuck no.</i>

748
00:34:49,485 --> 00:34:51,253
Don't burn this thing
to the ground

749
00:34:51,387 --> 00:34:52,823
over ego. Okay? Bye.

750
00:34:54,458 --> 00:34:56,694
-Hi.
-Hi. Boy,

751
00:34:57,460 --> 00:34:58,995
sounds like a three-alarm.

752
00:34:59,730 --> 00:35:01,165
Didn't know you were
a firefighter.

753
00:35:01,297 --> 00:35:04,267
Oh, no. Just a lawyer.

754
00:35:04,735 --> 00:35:05,636
Oof.

755
00:35:06,869 --> 00:35:07,804
Sorry.

756
00:35:07,938 --> 00:35:09,473
It's okay. So, lemme guess,

757
00:35:09,606 --> 00:35:12,376
you climbed Everest
before the age of 25?

758
00:35:12,777 --> 00:35:15,546
Married the fit Peruvian
shaman lady

759
00:35:15,679 --> 00:35:17,681
who guided you to Machu Picchu.

760
00:35:17,815 --> 00:35:20,585
Sailed around the globe
on a solar-powered boat.

761
00:35:20,717 --> 00:35:22,319
Let me down easy.
What've you been up to

762
00:35:22,452 --> 00:35:24,320
-the past 20 years?
-No, no, uh...

763
00:35:24,688 --> 00:35:27,524
Well, actually, no, I did go
on a cruise to Alaska.

764
00:35:27,990 --> 00:35:29,392
With my ex-wife and our son.

765
00:35:29,994 --> 00:35:32,162
But that was before
she married Claire.

766
00:35:32,295 --> 00:35:34,164
My orthodontist partner.

767
00:35:34,297 --> 00:35:36,666
You're an orthodontist? Huh.

768
00:35:37,166 --> 00:35:39,535
Really? Uh, I thought
the more titillating part

769
00:35:39,670 --> 00:35:42,506
of that story would be my wife
leaving me for another woman.

770
00:35:42,639 --> 00:35:44,241
You always knew
how to surprise--

771
00:35:44,375 --> 00:35:46,376
-Oh. Hold on, sorry.

772
00:35:49,278 --> 00:35:50,914
Twenty-four hour attorney, huh?

773
00:35:51,414 --> 00:35:52,916
-Must pay well.

774
00:35:53,050 --> 00:35:55,953
Don't be fooled by my, uh,
formal attire.

775
00:35:56,586 --> 00:35:58,654
I work out million dollar deals
for my clients all day

776
00:35:58,789 --> 00:36:00,490
and then go home
and try to figure out

777
00:36:00,623 --> 00:36:01,858
if my cheque has deposited

778
00:36:01,992 --> 00:36:04,260
before my cable autopay
has gone through.

779
00:36:04,393 --> 00:36:06,162
-And things like that.

780
00:36:06,297 --> 00:36:07,398
Wow.

781
00:36:11,969 --> 00:36:14,271
-Can I help you?
-A pack of lights

782
00:36:14,405 --> 00:36:15,472
and tin of Wintergreen?

783
00:36:15,606 --> 00:36:17,141
I told Pam I'd quit.

784
00:36:17,273 --> 00:36:18,608
-Did you?
-Not really.

785
00:36:18,943 --> 00:36:20,978
Don't you remember
health class, Doug?

786
00:36:21,112 --> 00:36:22,813
"Tobacco stunts your growth."

787
00:36:24,213 --> 00:36:25,281
Wait.

788
00:36:25,581 --> 00:36:28,184
-Phyllis. Phyllis Okano.
-Yeah.

789
00:36:28,318 --> 00:36:30,354
-Four-eyed Phyllis!
-Oh, he said it.

790
00:36:30,487 --> 00:36:32,222
-Okay.

791
00:36:32,356 --> 00:36:34,758
Hey. What happened
to the other two?

792
00:36:35,092 --> 00:36:38,796
Oh. Total eye replacement.
I grow clones in my basement.

793
00:36:40,597 --> 00:36:42,732
-LOL.
-Yeah.

794
00:36:42,865 --> 00:36:44,033
You look great.

795
00:36:44,168 --> 00:36:46,103
Oh, thank you. So do you.

796
00:36:46,237 --> 00:36:47,771
That is a lie.

797
00:36:47,905 --> 00:36:50,841
I look like High School me
went into anaphylactic shock.

798
00:36:50,974 --> 00:36:51,908
Oh.

799
00:36:52,041 --> 00:36:53,143
True, but...

800
00:36:53,577 --> 00:36:54,811
What happened to your pants?

801
00:36:54,945 --> 00:36:56,680
We're having a big
High School reunion

802
00:36:56,813 --> 00:36:59,582
-over at the banquet hall.
-No, it's, uh, Pam's birthday.

803
00:36:59,717 --> 00:37:02,486
But your welcome to stop by
after your shift is over.

804
00:37:02,619 --> 00:37:04,288
Oh, I'm stuck here
until midnight,

805
00:37:04,422 --> 00:37:06,490
but wish Pam
happy birthday from me?

806
00:37:06,623 --> 00:37:08,157
-I will. I will.
-Thanks.

807
00:37:08,557 --> 00:37:09,726
-Uh, hey, Doug?
-Yeah.

808
00:37:10,260 --> 00:37:13,297
-Can I ask you a weird question?
-Absolutely. What's up?

809
00:37:13,797 --> 00:37:16,833
Did you toilet paper
my parents' house?

810
00:37:19,135 --> 00:37:20,670
What!

811
00:37:20,804 --> 00:37:22,340
It happened a lot in High School

812
00:37:22,472 --> 00:37:24,106
and over the last years
it started up again,

813
00:37:24,240 --> 00:37:25,976
so my dad installed a camera.

814
00:37:27,677 --> 00:37:29,279
Smart.

815
00:37:29,612 --> 00:37:31,481
I ask because he showed it to me

816
00:37:31,614 --> 00:37:33,883
and the guy on there
looks a lot like you.

817
00:37:36,954 --> 00:37:38,422
That's weird.

818
00:37:38,755 --> 00:37:40,923
You know I don't live there
anymore, right?

819
00:37:41,056 --> 00:37:42,125
Not since college.

820
00:37:42,259 --> 00:37:43,360
Yeah.

821
00:37:43,494 --> 00:37:44,996
Of course. Totally.

822
00:37:45,128 --> 00:37:47,030
I know you don't live
with your parents.

823
00:37:47,164 --> 00:37:49,266
You're an adult
and you moved somewhere else.

824
00:37:49,398 --> 00:37:52,402
I don't live with my parents.
Oh, I live with my mom now.

825
00:37:52,536 --> 00:37:56,807
Well see, coz my condo,
it went under in a sinkhole.

826
00:37:56,940 --> 00:37:58,674
-In the ground.
-A literal sinkhole?

827
00:37:58,809 --> 00:38:00,744
Okay. All right.
It's great seeing you.

828
00:38:00,878 --> 00:38:02,646
Yeah, it's great.
Oh, you look great.

829
00:38:02,778 --> 00:38:04,581
Okay. Thank you. So do you.

830
00:38:12,454 --> 00:38:14,624
-Dude, she's onto us.
-Us?

831
00:38:15,793 --> 00:38:18,328
I haven't toilet papered
her house since...

832
00:38:18,461 --> 00:38:19,996
Dave Grohl was a drummer.

833
00:38:22,099 --> 00:38:23,000
Man.

834
00:38:23,266 --> 00:38:25,301
We were such dicks.

835
00:38:25,768 --> 00:38:27,437
That's what Pam just said to me.

836
00:38:27,570 --> 00:38:29,605
I don't--
Do you really think so?

837
00:38:29,739 --> 00:38:32,809
Yeah, buddy, pfft, mega dicks.

838
00:38:34,811 --> 00:38:37,046
Well, she seems
to think you are, uh,

839
00:38:37,481 --> 00:38:39,517
still doing it. The papering.

840
00:38:39,650 --> 00:38:43,186
No, what she said
is a guy that looks like me

841
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:45,222
-is still doing it.
-Mm-hmm.

842
00:38:54,130 --> 00:38:55,398
-Thank you.
-Look.

843
00:38:59,302 --> 00:39:00,204
Uh-oh.

844
00:40:32,728 --> 00:40:34,831
Go, Dougie!

845
00:40:36,032 --> 00:40:36,799
<i>Oh!</i>

846
00:40:37,300 --> 00:40:40,136
<i>So close.
Almost nailed the landing.</i>

847
00:40:41,572 --> 00:40:43,707
-Hey, hey. Hey, buddy.

848
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:45,743
-Grammy?
-No, no, no. Just me, Trav.

849
00:40:45,876 --> 00:40:47,711
Okay. It's all right.
Just breathe now.

850
00:40:47,844 --> 00:40:49,680
-You're gonna be okay.

851
00:40:50,179 --> 00:40:53,049
No, no, no. Don't get up, Doug.
Doug, Doug. Stay down.

852
00:40:53,182 --> 00:40:54,083
Oh, shit.

853
00:40:56,853 --> 00:40:58,288
I think I lost my tooth.

854
00:40:58,422 --> 00:41:01,225
It's gonna be all right.
We'll get you a new tooth.

855
00:41:02,025 --> 00:41:04,928
-Yeah!
-Yeah!

856
00:41:05,996 --> 00:41:08,799
You know that stuff's
good for inflammation?

857
00:41:09,365 --> 00:41:10,833
Turmeric's a power spice.

858
00:41:11,101 --> 00:41:12,002
Huh.

859
00:41:18,273 --> 00:41:19,441
-Pam!
-Hi.

860
00:41:19,576 --> 00:41:20,844
Guess who we ran into?

861
00:41:20,976 --> 00:41:23,145
-Who?
-Four-eyed Phyllis.

862
00:41:23,413 --> 00:41:24,614
Oh, that poor girl.

863
00:41:24,748 --> 00:41:26,116
Why? What happened?

864
00:41:26,248 --> 00:41:28,817
Nothing. Only that we spent
half of our youth

865
00:41:28,952 --> 00:41:31,655
defacing her home
with Charmin's single ply.

866
00:41:31,788 --> 00:41:33,690
Really, it just came down
to geography.

867
00:41:33,822 --> 00:41:35,658
-Exactly.
-It's like her house

868
00:41:35,791 --> 00:41:37,793
is a trading post
on the trail of beers.

869
00:41:37,927 --> 00:41:40,029
Between High School
and Doug's mom's.

870
00:41:40,164 --> 00:41:41,365
Pam, you remember this?

871
00:41:41,697 --> 00:41:43,032
Yeah. Of course.

872
00:41:43,166 --> 00:41:44,300
Running from the police.

873
00:41:44,434 --> 00:41:47,303
Travis puking
under the neighbor's topiary.

874
00:41:47,436 --> 00:41:48,438
Just say shrubs.

875
00:41:48,572 --> 00:41:50,574
Yeah, totally remember. So fun.

876
00:41:50,974 --> 00:41:52,743
You know what?
I'm gonna give a toast.

877
00:41:52,876 --> 00:41:55,346
All right, let's get some shots
lined up, Maverick.

878
00:41:55,478 --> 00:41:56,411
All right.

879
00:41:56,545 --> 00:41:58,081
Everyone, come on-- Trudy.

880
00:41:58,215 --> 00:42:00,150
Shannon. Toast, shots.

881
00:42:00,650 --> 00:42:02,051
Phil Collins.

882
00:42:02,186 --> 00:42:04,054
Um, all right, guys.

883
00:42:04,353 --> 00:42:05,588
So, it's-- Thank you.

884
00:42:05,722 --> 00:42:06,689
It's recently been
brought to my attention

885
00:42:06,822 --> 00:42:08,691
that I-- we all,

886
00:42:08,824 --> 00:42:11,394
I may have been a dick
back in High School.

887
00:42:11,527 --> 00:42:12,896
Which apparently I blocked out.

888
00:42:13,030 --> 00:42:16,567
If that is true,
if I wronged you in any way,

889
00:42:16,699 --> 00:42:18,667
from the bottom of my heart,
I apologize.

890
00:42:19,001 --> 00:42:20,703
Now that I'm not a
popular jerk anymore.

891
00:42:20,836 --> 00:42:23,172
I hope
that I can make it up to you

892
00:42:23,306 --> 00:42:26,475
now that we're adults
and we have mortgages

893
00:42:26,608 --> 00:42:27,510
and hemorrhoids.

894
00:42:27,643 --> 00:42:29,478
Uh, look.

895
00:42:30,179 --> 00:42:32,281
A lot has changed
since High School.

896
00:42:32,648 --> 00:42:35,118
But one thing
has stayed the same.

897
00:42:36,286 --> 00:42:37,755
My love for this woman,

898
00:42:38,088 --> 00:42:38,989
right here.

899
00:42:39,556 --> 00:42:40,457
Pam.

900
00:42:40,958 --> 00:42:42,659
You did it for me then.

901
00:42:43,293 --> 00:42:44,762
You do it for me now.

902
00:42:45,295 --> 00:42:46,297
I love you.

903
00:42:46,829 --> 00:42:47,763
Happy birthday.

904
00:42:47,896 --> 00:42:49,398
-Aw, thank you.
-Cheers.

905
00:42:49,532 --> 00:42:51,768
-Cheers everyone.
-Cheers!

906
00:42:57,539 --> 00:42:58,841
My therapist and I

907
00:42:58,976 --> 00:43:01,045
have talked a lot
about that evening.

908
00:43:01,811 --> 00:43:02,711
-Okay.
-She says

909
00:43:02,846 --> 00:43:04,514
it shaped my character.

910
00:43:04,646 --> 00:43:05,447
Okay.

911
00:43:05,581 --> 00:43:06,782
That even though...

912
00:43:07,349 --> 00:43:08,851
we're born how we are,

913
00:43:09,552 --> 00:43:11,154
there are often incidents

914
00:43:11,789 --> 00:43:14,291
that introduce us
to our true nature.

915
00:43:15,391 --> 00:43:17,093
And that was likely one of them.

916
00:43:18,996 --> 00:43:22,232
I don't know if you read
my sixth self-published book?

917
00:43:22,365 --> 00:43:23,266
No.

918
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:25,735
Why not?

919
00:43:27,070 --> 00:43:29,806
I was able to relive
some of the more

920
00:43:31,141 --> 00:43:32,509
intimate moments

921
00:43:32,643 --> 00:43:34,478
from that long
President's weekend.

922
00:43:34,677 --> 00:43:35,778
You know.

923
00:43:36,579 --> 00:43:37,880
Fictionally, of course.

924
00:43:38,014 --> 00:43:38,948
Um.

925
00:43:40,083 --> 00:43:41,251
Say it.

926
00:43:46,722 --> 00:43:48,524
She--
she's smelling me.

927
00:43:48,824 --> 00:43:50,092
What's up, Shannon?

928
00:43:50,226 --> 00:43:51,260
Hi--

929
00:43:52,963 --> 00:43:54,965
You ever feel
like one of those things?

930
00:43:55,731 --> 00:43:56,699
What things?

931
00:43:56,833 --> 00:44:00,302
Those things. The urinal loaf.

932
00:44:00,971 --> 00:44:03,774
I think it's--
I think it's called a cake.

933
00:44:05,675 --> 00:44:07,210
It's a urinal cake.

934
00:44:10,512 --> 00:44:12,015
Ever feel like one of those?

935
00:44:12,849 --> 00:44:14,117
You know, just...

936
00:44:14,684 --> 00:44:16,887
a huge target on your back.

937
00:44:17,221 --> 00:44:19,522
So big, you can't miss
even when you're drunk.

938
00:44:19,655 --> 00:44:21,056
People just love shooting

939
00:44:21,190 --> 00:44:23,760
their hard stream of hot piss
right up your ass?

940
00:44:23,893 --> 00:44:25,361
Like it's a game?

941
00:44:25,494 --> 00:44:26,929
You ever feel like that?

942
00:44:29,233 --> 00:44:31,401
-All the time.
-Constantly, yeah.

943
00:44:31,802 --> 00:44:33,303
You guys are all right.

944
00:44:33,436 --> 00:44:35,338
Let me give you my card.

945
00:44:35,472 --> 00:44:36,373
What the--

946
00:44:38,074 --> 00:44:39,842
Well, look at that.

947
00:44:41,010 --> 00:44:43,746
That's gotta be 20 years old.

948
00:44:45,514 --> 00:44:46,416
Here you go.

949
00:44:47,650 --> 00:44:48,885
DJ Shades.

950
00:44:49,552 --> 00:44:50,753
DJ Shades.

951
00:44:51,153 --> 00:44:52,855
See you guys after, right?

952
00:44:58,527 --> 00:45:00,263
No, Dougie. That's so gross.

953
00:45:00,396 --> 00:45:02,465
Don't reach into-- Ew!

954
00:45:02,599 --> 00:45:03,933
It's sealed.

955
00:45:04,067 --> 00:45:05,368
Come on there's gotta
be an expiration date

956
00:45:05,501 --> 00:45:06,736
on that shit. Let's go.

957
00:45:09,106 --> 00:45:11,742
No, Dougie. No, Dougie!

958
00:45:13,076 --> 00:45:14,778
Okay, okay. Wait. Maybe.

959
00:45:14,911 --> 00:45:17,547
Maybe it's like wine,
it gets better with age.

960
00:45:18,014 --> 00:45:19,249
Who would know?

961
00:45:20,516 --> 00:45:21,751
Karen.

962
00:45:33,596 --> 00:45:34,497
Boys?

963
00:45:35,097 --> 00:45:36,833
-In here.
-Sweet.

964
00:45:39,168 --> 00:45:41,370
-Come on. Go, go, go, go.
-Okay, okay.

965
00:45:43,940 --> 00:45:45,475
Let me see the stuff? Ooh.

966
00:45:45,608 --> 00:45:46,609
How old is it?

967
00:45:46,742 --> 00:45:48,544
Ah, possibly decades.

968
00:45:49,246 --> 00:45:50,747
That color is concerning.

969
00:45:51,248 --> 00:45:53,517
What is the worst
that could happen?

970
00:45:54,083 --> 00:45:57,619
Sinusoid polyps, paralysis,
early onset death.

971
00:45:57,753 --> 00:45:59,288
So, kind of hard to say.

972
00:46:03,025 --> 00:46:05,228
Do I need to write
up a detention?

973
00:46:06,228 --> 00:46:07,630
What are you three up to?

974
00:46:07,764 --> 00:46:09,165
Nothing, Madame D'coy.

975
00:46:09,297 --> 00:46:11,567
Actually, the boys reclaimed
some vintage cocaine

976
00:46:11,701 --> 00:46:14,304
and we're trying to decide
if it's safe to ingest.

977
00:46:14,570 --> 00:46:16,939
-Hand it over Douglas
-Yes, ma'am.

978
00:46:24,514 --> 00:46:27,250
-Oh, my.
-Madame D'coy, you okay?

979
00:46:27,884 --> 00:46:30,053
Been a long time, Travis.

980
00:46:33,123 --> 00:46:35,158
-No, I'm a state employee now.
-I said.

981
00:46:35,291 --> 00:46:36,192
Hmm-mm.

982
00:46:39,262 --> 00:46:42,799
What do you say
we flee this <i>bordel,</i> you and I?

983
00:46:43,065 --> 00:46:45,935
-Uh, I'm Doug's ride.
-I can Uber.

984
00:46:46,068 --> 00:46:48,537
-Um, take me home, Trav.
-You know,

985
00:46:48,670 --> 00:46:50,840
they say the inside of a nostril

986
00:46:51,108 --> 00:46:54,311
has more pleasure receptors
than the vagina.

987
00:46:56,179 --> 00:46:57,614
Okay, I'm gonna go see

988
00:46:57,746 --> 00:47:00,415
if the caterers are restocking
the kale Caesar.

989
00:47:00,817 --> 00:47:02,519
I'm gonna help her with that.

990
00:47:03,385 --> 00:47:04,287
Hmm.

991
00:47:13,329 --> 00:47:14,832
Whoa!

992
00:47:32,648 --> 00:47:35,352
Thought you were just
really excited to see me.

993
00:47:35,485 --> 00:47:36,386
Sorry.

994
00:47:37,420 --> 00:47:38,121
That's cool.

995
00:47:38,253 --> 00:47:39,321
Your phone screen

996
00:47:39,456 --> 00:47:41,291
is lighting up your cleavage.

997
00:47:42,891 --> 00:47:44,894
-God's pocket.

998
00:47:45,762 --> 00:47:47,297
It's smaller than that.

999
00:48:08,452 --> 00:48:11,455
<i>This next song reminds me
of an evening I spent</i>

1000
00:48:11,588 --> 00:48:14,891
<i>with Paul Westerberg
at the Hilton in Austin.</i>

1001
00:48:15,023 --> 00:48:16,792
<i>Lasted four days.</i>

1002
00:48:52,028 --> 00:48:54,230
Let's make some twirls.
Here we go.

1003
00:48:54,364 --> 00:48:55,965
Then you get in tight and I go.

1004
00:48:56,099 --> 00:48:57,133
Hey.

1005
00:48:57,666 --> 00:48:59,535
-Hey, man. What's up?
-You tell me.

1006
00:48:59,668 --> 00:49:01,737
Not much. Getting a drink.
Need anything?

1007
00:49:01,871 --> 00:49:04,674
For you to stop
molesting my friend out there.

1008
00:49:04,974 --> 00:49:07,510
Oh.
Are you guys together?

1009
00:49:08,043 --> 00:49:08,978
What? Uh...

1010
00:49:09,112 --> 00:49:10,146
No.

1011
00:49:10,278 --> 00:49:11,413
Oh, all right.

1012
00:49:12,014 --> 00:49:15,050
Look man I'm here with those two
Yugoslavian pretzels, all right?

1013
00:49:15,384 --> 00:49:17,788
This? This is just dancing.

1014
00:49:18,288 --> 00:49:19,689
Oh, it's just dancing.

1015
00:49:19,822 --> 00:49:22,592
Okay. You zoot suit-wearing
motherfucker.

1016
00:49:22,726 --> 00:49:23,726
The zoot suit?

1017
00:49:24,427 --> 00:49:26,729
I guess we all don't get
to wear steel-toed shoes

1018
00:49:26,862 --> 00:49:28,131
to work every day.

1019
00:49:28,264 --> 00:49:30,067
What the fuck
is that supposed to mean?

1020
00:49:30,934 --> 00:49:32,268
Times change, Trevo.

1021
00:49:33,168 --> 00:49:34,804
See, you were the shit
in High School.

1022
00:49:35,706 --> 00:49:39,509
In fact, you took a shit
on the hood of my Oldsmobile.

1023
00:49:40,076 --> 00:49:42,044
Yeah, coz you called it the, uh,

1024
00:49:42,177 --> 00:49:44,647
-Shitmobile.
-Yeah.

1025
00:49:44,780 --> 00:49:46,349
That was funny, yeah.

1026
00:49:48,251 --> 00:49:49,753
You know what wasn't funny?

1027
00:49:50,853 --> 00:49:53,855
My dad saved up for six months
to surprise me with that.

1028
00:49:54,590 --> 00:49:56,758
I didn't want to go home
to show him it.

1029
00:49:57,159 --> 00:49:58,161
So, instead,

1030
00:49:58,561 --> 00:49:59,929
I stood in that parking lot

1031
00:50:00,063 --> 00:50:02,032
and I cleaned it
in front of everybody.

1032
00:50:04,132 --> 00:50:05,234
Yeah.

1033
00:50:06,202 --> 00:50:07,537
You were the shit, man.

1034
00:50:10,306 --> 00:50:12,175
But today,

1035
00:50:13,576 --> 00:50:16,446
today you couldn't take a shit
on all the cars I own.

1036
00:50:17,547 --> 00:50:19,649
Even if I gave you
a month to do it.

1037
00:50:20,182 --> 00:50:22,051
Unless you have cholera,
or something.

1038
00:50:22,985 --> 00:50:24,152
-Fuck you.
-Travis.

1039
00:50:24,286 --> 00:50:26,455
-Stop it.
-No, it's okay.

1040
00:50:26,922 --> 00:50:28,023
Karma's a bitch, bro.

1041
00:50:28,157 --> 00:50:30,593
-You wanna dance?
-I just did!

1042
00:50:30,726 --> 00:50:31,594
With your girl.

1043
00:50:36,666 --> 00:50:38,368
Whoa! Hey!

1044
00:50:40,369 --> 00:50:42,438
That's 12 years of jiu-jitsu,
you dumb bitch.

1045
00:50:42,572 --> 00:50:44,674
Kick his ass, Trav!

1046
00:50:46,309 --> 00:50:49,712
All right, sailors,
that's enough.

1047
00:50:50,079 --> 00:50:51,214
Mike? Where's Mike?

1048
00:50:51,748 --> 00:50:54,584
I want a prom king recount,
right now, motherfucker.

1049
00:50:55,117 --> 00:50:57,354
Whoo! Let's go.

1050
00:50:59,355 --> 00:51:01,958
<i>I get a hazard bonus
for fights, FYI.</i>

1051
00:51:02,092 --> 00:51:03,326
<i>-Check the contract.</i>
-Michael.

1052
00:51:03,458 --> 00:51:05,060
Uh, we're gonna leave.

1053
00:51:05,195 --> 00:51:06,196
Oh, really? Already?

1054
00:51:06,329 --> 00:51:07,363
Figured the main event would

1055
00:51:07,496 --> 00:51:08,764
last more than two rounds.

1056
00:51:08,898 --> 00:51:10,333
Not sure I got my money's worth.

1057
00:51:10,465 --> 00:51:13,235
Okay, I'll walk you to the door.

1058
00:51:18,208 --> 00:51:20,143
-Fuck that guy.
-Yeah, fuck that guy.

1059
00:51:20,275 --> 00:51:21,943
-I was about to fuck him up.
-Yeah, you were.

1060
00:51:22,077 --> 00:51:24,647
If he hadn't thrown you
to the ground and pinned you,

1061
00:51:24,780 --> 00:51:27,349
completely immobilizing
your arms, legs, and body,

1062
00:51:27,483 --> 00:51:29,085
you'd have totally
fucked him up.

1063
00:51:29,219 --> 00:51:31,821
-My heart's really pounding.
-That's normal.

1064
00:51:31,954 --> 00:51:34,757
You think it's from the fight
or from the cocaine?

1065
00:51:35,625 --> 00:51:36,526
Yes.

1066
00:51:38,394 --> 00:51:39,795
Good job, son.

1067
00:51:40,297 --> 00:51:42,865
-Lovely party.
-Glad someone had a good time.

1068
00:51:42,998 --> 00:51:44,566
Not us, but someone.

1069
00:51:44,699 --> 00:51:46,168
You okay, Pops?

1070
00:51:46,302 --> 00:51:47,969
Wouldn't be here if I weren't.

1071
00:51:48,103 --> 00:51:49,771
-Goodnight, dear.
-Night, Momma.

1072
00:51:50,373 --> 00:51:52,008
You should apply for that job.

1073
00:51:52,407 --> 00:51:54,109
-Think so?
-What job?

1074
00:51:54,409 --> 00:51:56,445
What the hell?
All they can tell you, is no.

1075
00:51:56,579 --> 00:51:59,115
-What job?

1076
00:52:10,927 --> 00:52:15,165
<i>This evening is testing
my true faith in humanity.</i>

1077
00:52:18,034 --> 00:52:20,403
Oh, seriously, who farted?

1078
00:52:22,505 --> 00:52:23,740
Uh, that would be me.

1079
00:52:24,708 --> 00:52:27,377
Uh, deviled eggs
don't eat themselves.

1080
00:52:29,913 --> 00:52:31,614
All right, you kiddies
get outta here.

1081
00:52:31,746 --> 00:52:33,382
-Send Pam in.
-All right.

1082
00:52:38,487 --> 00:52:40,356
She's not out here, bro.

1083
00:52:41,423 --> 00:52:42,691
Where'd she go?

1084
00:52:43,726 --> 00:52:45,628
Hey! We should do one shirtless.

1085
00:52:46,195 --> 00:52:47,464
Fuck it, let's do it.

1086
00:52:57,206 --> 00:53:00,609
Hey. Enough
with the '80s already.

1087
00:53:00,744 --> 00:53:03,312
-Ain't that the truth.
-It's time to move on.

1088
00:53:03,445 --> 00:53:05,581
-Am I right?
-Yes.

1089
00:53:08,217 --> 00:53:09,251
High five.

1090
00:53:09,385 --> 00:53:11,087
Give me the keys, mayor.

1091
00:53:11,219 --> 00:53:13,322
All right. All yours.

1092
00:53:21,396 --> 00:53:22,498
Jeez.

1093
00:53:23,365 --> 00:53:25,334
Moving on, fuckbags.

1094
00:53:48,456 --> 00:53:50,058
Hey, man. Have you seen my wife?

1095
00:53:50,192 --> 00:53:51,461
-Your wife?
-Yeah.

1096
00:53:51,594 --> 00:53:54,396
You know the Hebrew word
for wife is "eesha".

1097
00:53:54,797 --> 00:53:56,566
Which literally means
"my woman".

1098
00:53:56,699 --> 00:53:58,835
"Eesh" being the word for "man".

1099
00:54:00,101 --> 00:54:01,370
Appreciate your help.

1100
00:54:19,489 --> 00:54:20,724
Fuck me.

1101
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:27,029
-It's not what you think.
-No?

1102
00:54:27,829 --> 00:54:28,730
Uh...

1103
00:54:29,498 --> 00:54:31,133
Pretty sure
it's exactly what I think.

1104
00:54:31,266 --> 00:54:34,469
I just-- I needed a quiet place
to send a quick email.

1105
00:54:37,672 --> 00:54:40,276
Quick email? This is a war room.

1106
00:54:41,376 --> 00:54:43,044
You have a problem, Pam.

1107
00:54:43,179 --> 00:54:44,680
No, that's-- that's not true.

1108
00:54:44,813 --> 00:54:47,282
I think I've been in denial
this whole time.

1109
00:54:47,416 --> 00:54:49,886
There's no going back from this.

1110
00:54:50,686 --> 00:54:52,087
You're a deal junkie.

1111
00:54:52,221 --> 00:54:54,223
That's-- that's not fair.

1112
00:54:54,356 --> 00:54:55,924
I don't think
you're in a position

1113
00:54:56,059 --> 00:54:57,293
to rule on what's fair.

1114
00:54:57,425 --> 00:54:58,527
Councilor.

1115
00:55:00,762 --> 00:55:02,364
Good luck with your deal.

1116
00:55:02,831 --> 00:55:03,999
Mike. Wait.

1117
00:55:04,333 --> 00:55:07,670
I do it for you. I do it
for the kids. I do it for us.

1118
00:55:22,451 --> 00:55:24,520
Bounce! Bounce!

1119
00:55:24,652 --> 00:55:27,423
Bounce! Bounce!

1120
00:55:32,427 --> 00:55:34,897
-Find the missus?
-I did.

1121
00:55:35,632 --> 00:55:36,932
Where is she?

1122
00:55:37,532 --> 00:55:39,934
Faxing her boyfriend
in the janitor's closet.

1123
00:55:40,568 --> 00:55:42,638
Hoo. That sounds hot.

1124
00:55:45,007 --> 00:55:46,375
Thanks for the support.

1125
00:55:55,585 --> 00:55:57,320
-Madame.
-You've lost your shirt.

1126
00:55:57,686 --> 00:55:59,121
Oh, yeah. I guess I have.

1127
00:56:01,255 --> 00:56:04,793
"There's scarcely any passion
without struggle."

1128
00:56:05,327 --> 00:56:06,562
What's that?

1129
00:56:07,063 --> 00:56:08,231
Albert Camus.

1130
00:56:08,630 --> 00:56:09,498
Friend of yours?

1131
00:56:09,632 --> 00:56:10,966
No, just a hero

1132
00:56:11,099 --> 00:56:12,067
who has the courage

1133
00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:13,903
to drive himself into a tree.

1134
00:56:15,271 --> 00:56:16,406
Cool.

1135
00:56:20,175 --> 00:56:21,976
You know, the surprise
is supposed to be

1136
00:56:22,110 --> 00:56:24,880
your guests hiding from you,
not you hiding from you guests?

1137
00:56:27,215 --> 00:56:28,150
What's the matter?

1138
00:56:29,117 --> 00:56:30,786
I'm just...

1139
00:56:31,487 --> 00:56:32,855
so fucking exhausted.

1140
00:56:33,255 --> 00:56:34,889
This is they part
they don't tell you

1141
00:56:35,023 --> 00:56:37,559
about being an adult.
It's just so fucking tiring.

1142
00:56:38,193 --> 00:56:39,161
You okay?

1143
00:56:40,829 --> 00:56:42,131
Will you help me pack?

1144
00:56:43,166 --> 00:56:44,701
Yes, I'll help you pack.

1145
00:56:46,735 --> 00:56:48,137
Is that a fax machine?

1146
00:56:48,269 --> 00:56:49,237
Yeah.

1147
00:56:49,371 --> 00:56:50,573
You're a psycho.

1148
00:57:03,152 --> 00:57:05,421
Oh, Travis!

1149
00:57:05,554 --> 00:57:07,490
We're so primal!

1150
00:57:08,056 --> 00:57:11,125
I want to rip off your face
like a praying mantis.

1151
00:57:11,260 --> 00:57:12,328
Okay. Shut up. Shut up.

1152
00:57:12,461 --> 00:57:14,696
You can't silence my passions!

1153
00:57:14,829 --> 00:57:16,998
They will not be squelched.

1154
00:57:17,132 --> 00:57:19,534
-I shower you. I shower you.
-What is--

1155
00:57:19,668 --> 00:57:21,503
-Stop that! Stop that!
-My passion.

1156
00:57:21,637 --> 00:57:24,640
-Shower you.
-What is wrong with you, lady?

1157
00:57:24,907 --> 00:57:25,875
Come on.

1158
00:57:39,688 --> 00:57:40,721
Gentlemen.

1159
00:57:41,056 --> 00:57:43,760
I think your girl
has gone rogue.

1160
00:57:53,869 --> 00:57:56,238
Karen! Karen!

1161
00:57:56,804 --> 00:57:59,074
Karen!

1162
00:58:03,211 --> 00:58:04,112
Karen!

1163
00:58:08,617 --> 00:58:09,918
Why don't you come
down here

1164
00:58:10,052 --> 00:58:12,021
and call me
Hamburglar to my face?

1165
00:58:13,021 --> 00:58:14,690
And for the record?

1166
00:58:14,824 --> 00:58:17,827
I was a hipster before we were
ever even called that.

1167
00:58:24,833 --> 00:58:26,069
You just invited us to

1168
00:58:26,202 --> 00:58:27,971
make fun of us
on your text chain.

1169
00:58:28,471 --> 00:58:30,440
Like you did when we were kids.

1170
00:58:30,572 --> 00:58:32,975
We didn't even have texts
back then,

1171
00:58:33,108 --> 00:58:34,309
-Elvira.

1172
00:58:34,443 --> 00:58:37,046
We would draw pictures of you
and pass it around

1173
00:58:37,179 --> 00:58:38,213
on folded-up notes.

1174
00:58:44,420 --> 00:58:45,421
Oh.

1175
00:58:45,554 --> 00:58:46,522
-Hey.
-Hi.

1176
00:58:46,655 --> 00:58:47,922
Did you just come out of the--

1177
00:58:48,056 --> 00:58:50,158
Ooh, my bad. I gotta go find--

1178
00:58:51,693 --> 00:58:53,194
Do you have a cigar?

1179
00:58:53,329 --> 00:58:55,632
Um, sorry, I don't smoke.

1180
00:58:56,599 --> 00:59:00,136
Ah. A delusional life extender.

1181
00:59:00,635 --> 00:59:02,538
Your kind disgusts me.

1182
00:59:06,742 --> 00:59:07,977
Get out of here.

1183
00:59:09,144 --> 00:59:10,445
-Thank you.
-You okay?

1184
00:59:10,579 --> 00:59:11,948
-Yeah. Thank you.
-All right.

1185
00:59:13,282 --> 00:59:15,317
You guys are the same
cliquey assholes

1186
00:59:15,451 --> 00:59:16,786
you were in High School.

1187
00:59:17,152 --> 00:59:19,387
Except with a net worth
that's a fraction of mine.

1188
00:59:19,521 --> 00:59:21,289
And most of that is Pam's.

1189
00:59:21,423 --> 00:59:23,125
Pam, good job. I'm a fan.

1190
00:59:23,259 --> 00:59:23,893
Thank you.

1191
00:59:24,025 --> 00:59:25,727
What the fuck is that?

1192
00:59:25,860 --> 00:59:28,196
-What the fuck is what?
-All over your face?

1193
00:59:29,965 --> 00:59:32,500
You smell like Mike and Ikes.

1194
00:59:32,635 --> 00:59:33,970
Oh. Uh.

1195
00:59:35,103 --> 00:59:36,071
Seriously?

1196
00:59:36,505 --> 00:59:37,440
What?

1197
00:59:37,572 --> 00:59:39,641
Again with Professor McGonagall?

1198
00:59:39,775 --> 00:59:41,410
-What do you care?
-That's a...

1199
00:59:41,911 --> 00:59:43,846
great, fucking question.

1200
00:59:44,914 --> 00:59:47,517
Yeah. Well, bon-fucking-jour.

1201
00:59:47,916 --> 00:59:49,951
-Bon, dear, bon.
-Get outta here.

1202
00:59:50,085 --> 00:59:51,953
Right. That's enough!

1203
00:59:52,855 --> 00:59:55,357
You folks are worse
than a shipload of sailors

1204
00:59:55,490 --> 00:59:57,259
on a one-night pass.

1205
00:59:58,793 --> 01:00:00,762
You ought to get out more often.

1206
01:00:00,896 --> 01:00:03,933
And by get out, I mean
some place other than here.

1207
01:00:04,065 --> 01:00:05,434
We haven't had cake yet.

1208
01:00:05,568 --> 01:00:08,571
Enough with the fucking cake,
already, Dougie.

1209
01:00:08,838 --> 01:00:10,806
Anything you leave
can be claimed

1210
01:00:10,940 --> 01:00:12,941
on the street in the morning.

1211
01:00:13,074 --> 01:00:14,276
Savages!

1212
01:00:15,744 --> 01:00:17,312
Jesus Christ.
I can't believe

1213
01:00:17,445 --> 01:00:19,714
I skipped Animal Planet
for this horseshit.

1214
01:00:19,849 --> 01:00:21,484
Who wants to get a real drink?

1215
01:00:21,884 --> 01:00:23,051
I own a bar downtown.

1216
01:00:23,318 --> 01:00:25,921
I've never been there,
but it gets good profit.

1217
01:00:26,054 --> 01:00:28,324
-You had me at "your own bar".
-All right.

1218
01:00:34,530 --> 01:00:36,432
Oh, Michael?
I knew you wouldn't be

1219
01:00:36,565 --> 01:00:39,168
much of an opponent,
but I just felt bad for you.

1220
01:00:39,302 --> 01:00:40,970
Sitting at home
with your kids all day,

1221
01:00:41,103 --> 01:00:42,705
posting all those
mopey pictures.

1222
01:00:43,005 --> 01:00:45,041
I thought this might
cheer you up, but, um,

1223
01:00:45,173 --> 01:00:46,642
if you can't figure out a way to

1224
01:00:46,775 --> 01:00:48,176
wrangle a few digital
sheep into a pen,

1225
01:00:48,309 --> 01:00:51,046
then maybe you shouldn't
be playing this game at all.

1226
01:00:55,983 --> 01:00:58,720
So, I guess I'm gonna be
heading out with those guys. So.

1227
01:01:07,161 --> 01:01:09,464
Hey, you guys wanna get an Uber
to my mom's house?

1228
01:01:09,597 --> 01:01:10,498
Sure.

1229
01:01:10,632 --> 01:01:12,100
I'll get my own. Thanks.

1230
01:01:12,235 --> 01:01:14,003
At this rate I'll probably
sober up in time

1231
01:01:14,135 --> 01:01:16,638
to take my 7 a.m.
power yoga class.

1232
01:01:17,072 --> 01:01:19,574
-Are you kidding me right now?
-What?

1233
01:01:19,842 --> 01:01:22,144
You're just gonna take the loss,
call it a night?

1234
01:01:22,277 --> 01:01:24,380
I tried to pay off
the old sea hag,

1235
01:01:24,514 --> 01:01:26,181
but he's not letting
us back in there.

1236
01:01:26,315 --> 01:01:28,751
I don't mean
to go back in there.

1237
01:01:30,286 --> 01:01:33,021
That's where you guys
wanted to spend my birthday.

1238
01:01:33,155 --> 01:01:35,290
Did it ever
occur to you to wonder

1239
01:01:35,423 --> 01:01:37,959
what I would wanna do
on my birthday?

1240
01:01:38,094 --> 01:01:39,561
Where do you wanna go tonight?

1241
01:01:39,695 --> 01:01:42,598
I don't know. Just something
where I'm the decider.

1242
01:01:42,731 --> 01:01:44,199
Maybe you're never the decider

1243
01:01:44,333 --> 01:01:45,901
because you don't know
what you wanna do.

1244
01:01:46,034 --> 01:01:47,469
Shut up, Doug. I'm thinking.

1245
01:01:47,603 --> 01:01:48,437
Oh.

1246
01:01:48,570 --> 01:01:49,772
Fine.

1247
01:01:52,074 --> 01:01:53,409
I know what I wanna do.

1248
01:01:54,175 --> 01:01:56,378
-Then call it.
-I wanna go toilet papering.

1249
01:01:56,512 --> 01:01:57,813
Ah, four-eyed Phyllis?

1250
01:01:57,945 --> 01:01:59,347
You know she only
has two eyes now.

1251
01:01:59,481 --> 01:02:00,783
I don't--

1252
01:02:00,916 --> 01:02:02,584
I don't care is she's blind
or not blind,

1253
01:02:02,717 --> 01:02:04,552
I wanna do that shit up.

1254
01:02:04,686 --> 01:02:06,589
-Savage.
-Her dad...

1255
01:02:07,155 --> 01:02:08,923
just installed
a surveillance camera.

1256
01:02:09,056 --> 01:02:10,726
It's easily disabled.

1257
01:02:12,862 --> 01:02:17,333
From what I have read
on the internet.

1258
01:02:18,699 --> 01:02:20,335
Are you serious, Councilor?

1259
01:02:21,336 --> 01:02:23,238
Serious as a cease-and-desist.

1260
01:02:23,371 --> 01:02:25,173
I don't think it's a good idea.

1261
01:02:26,474 --> 01:02:28,910
You never took me along

1262
01:02:29,043 --> 01:02:30,745
to vandalize

1263
01:02:30,878 --> 01:02:33,681
that poor girl's house.
Not once.

1264
01:02:33,815 --> 01:02:37,218
Oh, my God. Did we hurt
your feeling?

1265
01:02:37,353 --> 01:02:39,922
Dude,
I spent my entire youth

1266
01:02:40,356 --> 01:02:42,492
wishing I could hang out
with you guys.

1267
01:02:42,625 --> 01:02:44,292
And this is what I was missing?

1268
01:02:44,659 --> 01:02:45,560
Yeah.

1269
01:02:45,994 --> 01:02:47,430
What's it to you?

1270
01:02:48,697 --> 01:02:49,865
Where are you going?

1271
01:02:49,998 --> 01:02:51,133
I'm going downtown
to get a drink.

1272
01:02:51,266 --> 01:02:53,100
Hey. Do you want
me to come with you?

1273
01:02:53,235 --> 01:02:54,003
No.

1274
01:02:54,402 --> 01:02:56,438
You take my sister
toilet papering.

1275
01:02:57,039 --> 01:02:58,540
But you almost did it, Doug.

1276
01:02:59,106 --> 01:03:00,108
I'm proud of you.

1277
01:03:00,409 --> 01:03:02,177
If I was
just a little bit drunker

1278
01:03:02,311 --> 01:03:04,146
and you still
had all your teeth,

1279
01:03:04,278 --> 01:03:05,746
you could've made this work out.

1280
01:03:06,248 --> 01:03:08,050
Progress was made, big buddy.

1281
01:03:08,617 --> 01:03:09,986
Progress was made.

1282
01:03:21,563 --> 01:03:22,565
Phyllis go home?

1283
01:03:22,965 --> 01:03:24,300
She did.

1284
01:03:25,067 --> 01:03:26,602
Are you the guy
that toilet papers

1285
01:03:26,735 --> 01:03:27,670
her folks' house?

1286
01:03:27,802 --> 01:03:29,538
She said he came in tonight.

1287
01:03:30,639 --> 01:03:31,573
No.

1288
01:03:32,373 --> 01:03:34,242
I'm just a very diligent wiper.

1289
01:03:35,143 --> 01:03:37,512
Looks like you're ready
for business, then.

1290
01:03:38,847 --> 01:03:40,015
Yes.

1291
01:03:40,248 --> 01:03:42,350
Hey, Mr. Whipple, car's here,
let's go.

1292
01:03:44,219 --> 01:03:47,254
Well, we all
have our special gifts.

1293
01:03:47,588 --> 01:03:50,425
-I saw you eat a piece of pizza.
-It was delicious.

1294
01:03:56,465 --> 01:03:58,667
Hey, my man,
you mind killing these lights?

1295
01:03:59,101 --> 01:04:00,268
Dude turn off the lights.

1296
01:04:00,402 --> 01:04:01,470
I think he's concerned
he's Ubering us

1297
01:04:01,603 --> 01:04:02,703
on a drive-by.

1298
01:04:03,005 --> 01:04:04,807
-Stop!
-What!

1299
01:04:04,940 --> 01:04:06,507
-That's it.
-What's it?

1300
01:04:06,742 --> 01:04:08,778
That's the song
I've been requesting all night.

1301
01:04:08,911 --> 01:04:10,846
Dude,
this song is from 2006.

1302
01:04:10,980 --> 01:04:14,116
Yeah, Dougie, you know this is
the song that band was playing

1303
01:04:14,248 --> 01:04:16,651
when you stage-dived
and broke your clavicle.

1304
01:04:17,152 --> 01:04:20,455
Oh. At the Osteoporosis Benefit.

1305
01:04:20,856 --> 01:04:23,860
No wonder he didn't know
what I was talking about.

1306
01:04:25,726 --> 01:04:27,262
It's go-time, people.

1307
01:04:35,704 --> 01:04:38,074
Don't worry, I got you, Boo.
Four stars.

1308
01:04:38,840 --> 01:04:41,376
You lose one because of
that Funyun smell in here.

1309
01:04:50,585 --> 01:04:52,954
Guys,
are we really feeling this?

1310
01:04:53,088 --> 01:04:54,556
I'm kinda tired
and the babysitter

1311
01:04:54,690 --> 01:04:55,991
just hit triple digits.

1312
01:04:56,123 --> 01:04:58,459
-Don't be a pussy, Mike.
-Whoa. A pussy? Okay.

1313
01:04:58,594 --> 01:05:01,263
Three hours ago you called me
a dick, now I'm a pussy.

1314
01:05:01,396 --> 01:05:03,065
Who's the dick now, Captain TP?

1315
01:05:03,197 --> 01:05:05,099
Okay, ever since text-a-palooza
happened, over here

1316
01:05:05,233 --> 01:05:07,469
-it's become a fluid situation.
-Ouch.

1317
01:05:07,769 --> 01:05:10,171
-Give me one of those.
-I got you, babe.

1318
01:05:11,306 --> 01:05:14,375
Thank you. It's. You know,
tomorrow's a new day. Okay?

1319
01:05:14,708 --> 01:05:15,743
What is happening?

1320
01:05:16,211 --> 01:05:18,213
I like 40-year old Pam.
She's a badass.

1321
01:05:27,789 --> 01:05:28,723
I'm going in.

1322
01:05:29,157 --> 01:05:30,959
Oh. Leroy Jenkins!

1323
01:05:39,702 --> 01:05:41,570
What can I get you,
mademoiselle?

1324
01:05:42,605 --> 01:05:44,739
Do you know what happened
to the last man

1325
01:05:44,873 --> 01:05:45,908
who said that to me?

1326
01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:50,111
Oh, you smothered him
with your furious passion,

1327
01:05:50,246 --> 01:05:52,147
but denied him the honey
of your fruits,

1328
01:05:52,280 --> 01:05:54,449
causing him
to wither into a husk

1329
01:05:54,583 --> 01:05:57,320
of eternal longing
and desperation?

1330
01:05:58,786 --> 01:06:00,355
How did you know?

1331
01:06:01,655 --> 01:06:02,691
I'm not a chimp.

1332
01:06:07,463 --> 01:06:09,665
Hey,
isn't that Pam's sister?

1333
01:06:10,965 --> 01:06:13,835
Well, I'll be Steven
Patrick Morrissey, it is.

1334
01:06:14,168 --> 01:06:15,569
Your sister's
a real piece of work.

1335
01:06:15,704 --> 01:06:17,073
Yeah, she is.

1336
01:06:17,206 --> 01:06:18,841
She stupidly
married into a fraternity,

1337
01:06:18,974 --> 01:06:21,042
but she works harder
than all of us,

1338
01:06:21,177 --> 01:06:23,545
and she still has time
to raise two rad kids.

1339
01:06:23,679 --> 01:06:26,114
Yeah, well, complicity
is culpability.

1340
01:06:26,248 --> 01:06:28,116
She's not the only lawyer
up in here.

1341
01:06:28,617 --> 01:06:30,552
Pam didn't remember
the defining night

1342
01:06:30,684 --> 01:06:32,053
of my adolescence.

1343
01:06:33,222 --> 01:06:35,457
Sleeping
in your dark living room.

1344
01:06:35,891 --> 01:06:37,760
Crawling into my sleeping bag.

1345
01:06:38,094 --> 01:06:40,562
Caressing cabbage patches
in the dark.

1346
01:06:40,695 --> 01:06:43,532
What are you talking about?
That wasn't Pam, that was me.

1347
01:06:43,664 --> 01:06:45,166
-No.
-Yeah.

1348
01:06:46,233 --> 01:06:47,435
It wasn't--

1349
01:06:48,971 --> 01:06:50,272
-Yeah.
-Wait.

1350
01:06:51,639 --> 01:06:52,573
What?

1351
01:06:52,708 --> 01:06:54,276
Remember, Sting threw up
on a pillow,

1352
01:06:54,409 --> 01:06:56,211
we had to share one
and you were wearing those

1353
01:06:56,344 --> 01:06:58,513
Thundercat underoos.

1354
01:07:01,550 --> 01:07:03,051
-Oh, my God.
-Yeah.

1355
01:07:03,485 --> 01:07:06,221
You were, like, the first
edgy girl I'd ever seen.

1356
01:07:06,588 --> 01:07:09,390
So mysterious.
Smoking those cloves.

1357
01:07:09,523 --> 01:07:13,194
In your short skirts
and those Doc Martens.

1358
01:07:14,295 --> 01:07:16,130
I even hooked up with a girl
freshmen year

1359
01:07:16,264 --> 01:07:18,067
in my dorms who looked like you.

1360
01:07:18,467 --> 01:07:20,702
-You don't say.
-True story.

1361
01:07:20,835 --> 01:07:24,039
You know Klaus Martens
was a doctor in World War II?

1362
01:07:24,172 --> 01:07:26,274
Broke his ankle
skiing in the Bavarian Alps.

1363
01:07:26,407 --> 01:07:28,609
And found that the standard
<i>wehrmacht</i> boots

1364
01:07:28,744 --> 01:07:31,880
were too painful,
so he invented his own.

1365
01:07:32,447 --> 01:07:34,616
Okay. Thanks for the update,
Anne Frank.

1366
01:07:34,750 --> 01:07:36,651
So, where's
the royal court tonight?

1367
01:07:36,784 --> 01:07:39,587
Smashing mailboxes,
tipping cows?

1368
01:07:40,289 --> 01:07:42,591
Close.
A toilet papering mission.

1369
01:07:43,057 --> 01:07:44,292
Did you say toilet papering?

1370
01:07:44,893 --> 01:07:48,263
That pot-bellied motherfucker!

1371
01:07:48,664 --> 01:07:51,067
I thought she was asleep
the whole time.

1372
01:07:52,333 --> 01:07:53,534
-All right.
-Hey.

1373
01:07:55,137 --> 01:07:56,104
Bro.

1374
01:07:58,639 --> 01:08:01,309
Go take it, big boy.
Go, take it.

1375
01:08:02,510 --> 01:08:04,245
Yes! Yes, yes...

1376
01:08:11,987 --> 01:08:15,658
That's it.
Yeah, sweetheart. Good one.

1377
01:08:17,425 --> 01:08:18,727
Here we go.

1378
01:08:21,729 --> 01:08:24,132
-Gotcha!
-Get out of the way.

1379
01:08:40,047 --> 01:08:41,182
Nice.

1380
01:08:42,951 --> 01:08:44,520
Time to bring in the closer.

1381
01:08:55,296 --> 01:08:56,397
Still got it.

1382
01:09:03,971 --> 01:09:06,508
-It's beautiful.
-It really is.

1383
01:09:08,342 --> 01:09:10,879
What if I was meant to do this?

1384
01:09:11,680 --> 01:09:12,748
TP homes?

1385
01:09:13,081 --> 01:09:14,416
I'm serious, dude.

1386
01:09:15,149 --> 01:09:17,751
What if I was meant to do <i>this?</i>

1387
01:09:18,752 --> 01:09:21,723
I'm decidedly mediocre
at everything.

1388
01:09:22,390 --> 01:09:23,691
I always have been.

1389
01:09:25,060 --> 01:09:27,095
I mean, Pam's a super lawyer.

1390
01:09:27,563 --> 01:09:29,998
Karen can design
a store-front window

1391
01:09:30,131 --> 01:09:31,699
that nobody can ignore.

1392
01:09:32,467 --> 01:09:35,703
Mikey can throw a baseball
100 miles an hour.

1393
01:09:36,570 --> 01:09:38,372
Jesus, what can't you do?

1394
01:09:38,506 --> 01:09:41,943
Resist 65-year old poutine,
evidently.

1395
01:09:43,578 --> 01:09:46,848
I mean, what if I was put
on God's green earth

1396
01:09:46,980 --> 01:09:48,683
to do this?

1397
01:09:49,551 --> 01:09:51,854
If you put it as your profession
on your Schedule C,

1398
01:09:51,987 --> 01:09:54,189
you could probably
write off the toilet paper.

1399
01:09:54,322 --> 01:09:55,457
Oh, shit.

1400
01:09:55,990 --> 01:09:56,858
Cops.

1401
01:09:57,259 --> 01:09:59,294
-Quickly, quickly.
-Save these.

1402
01:09:59,427 --> 01:10:01,496
-Let's go.
-Come on, come on.

1403
01:10:01,630 --> 01:10:03,999
-Come on. Follow me.
-My bag!

1404
01:10:04,131 --> 01:10:05,266
Follow me.

1405
01:10:06,967 --> 01:10:07,869
Guys?

1406
01:10:08,802 --> 01:10:09,737
Guys?

1407
01:10:10,338 --> 01:10:12,273
Come on, sweetheart.
Fast as you can.

1408
01:10:12,539 --> 01:10:15,142
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
Come on, give me your hand.

1409
01:10:15,277 --> 01:10:17,213
-Grab one.

1410
01:10:18,046 --> 01:10:19,615
What are you doing?

1411
01:10:19,747 --> 01:10:21,282
These bags are our life, are you
kidding me I can't leave them.

1412
01:10:21,417 --> 01:10:23,485
Leave the bag,
please, I beg you.

1413
01:10:23,618 --> 01:10:25,287
-Bag two.

1414
01:10:26,822 --> 01:10:28,824
-Okay.
-Dammit. Give me your hand.

1415
01:10:28,957 --> 01:10:32,260
-Okay. Good. Pull, pull, pull.
-Ow! I got a splinter.

1416
01:10:32,393 --> 01:10:33,628
Sweetheart.

1417
01:10:33,761 --> 01:10:35,630
I feel like I have a
tweezer in my bag.

1418
01:10:35,764 --> 01:10:39,368
<i>Put your hands up
and walk slowly out to the tre.</i>

1419
01:10:39,501 --> 01:10:41,203
Give it, give it.
Come on!

1420
01:10:41,337 --> 01:10:43,672
-Get your foot up there.
-Oh. Oh. Ow.

1421
01:10:43,805 --> 01:10:46,340
-Ma'am.
-Handcuffs? Come on.

1422
01:10:47,074 --> 01:10:48,309
Ma'am, calm down.

1423
01:10:48,443 --> 01:10:49,812
-Pam!
-Ow. Ow.

1424
01:10:49,944 --> 01:10:52,212
-Watch the phone.
-I've got my own.

1425
01:10:52,346 --> 01:10:53,780
Let's go, ladies. Come on.

1426
01:10:53,914 --> 01:10:55,449
Excuse me,
I am an attorney.

1427
01:10:55,917 --> 01:10:57,352
-Okay?
-Oh, good.

1428
01:10:57,484 --> 01:10:59,821
Then you can represent yourself.

1429
01:11:00,255 --> 01:11:01,390
Fuck.

1430
01:11:02,890 --> 01:11:05,326
-Fuck.
-The rest ran away.

1431
01:11:19,239 --> 01:11:20,408
Where's Pam?

1432
01:11:21,042 --> 01:11:21,976
The cops got her.

1433
01:11:22,710 --> 01:11:24,813
Dude you saved
the crocodile and not your wife?

1434
01:11:24,947 --> 01:11:26,981
Dude, she could be disbarred
for this.

1435
01:11:27,114 --> 01:11:29,517
Why didn't you just
let them take you?

1436
01:11:29,650 --> 01:11:31,152
It's not like you got a job.

1437
01:11:31,686 --> 01:11:32,820
I didn't think of that.

1438
01:11:32,954 --> 01:11:34,656
She's gonna be
so pissed.

1439
01:11:35,523 --> 01:11:36,925
We can't leave her in jail.

1440
01:11:37,059 --> 01:11:38,360
She's too pretty and kind.

1441
01:11:38,493 --> 01:11:40,496
Yeah, and her kids
will be orphans.

1442
01:11:41,462 --> 01:11:43,031
Financially speaking.

1443
01:11:44,298 --> 01:11:45,199
All right.

1444
01:11:45,734 --> 01:11:48,036
Let's go
down to the station,

1445
01:11:48,170 --> 01:11:49,471
tell them the whole story,

1446
01:11:49,604 --> 01:11:51,405
and we'll offer ourselves
in exchange.

1447
01:11:51,538 --> 01:11:52,940
They'll let her out, right?

1448
01:11:53,074 --> 01:11:55,008
I don't think
cops barter, buddy.

1449
01:11:55,777 --> 01:11:58,480
But if that's what you wanna do,
I'm down for whatever.

1450
01:11:58,613 --> 01:12:00,948
-Clearly,<i>mon ami.</i>
-Come on.

1451
01:12:07,288 --> 01:12:08,956
It's not mine. Mine's a duck.

1452
01:12:15,898 --> 01:12:17,566
-Hello?
-<i>Hey Pam?</i>

1453
01:12:17,698 --> 01:12:19,434
Um, no, this is her husband.

1454
01:12:19,568 --> 01:12:22,370
The one who hasn't seen her
in three weeks.

1455
01:12:22,871 --> 01:12:25,541
Because you're too pussy
to cut down a couple of trees.

1456
01:12:25,673 --> 01:12:27,375
<i>Clearly you don't know who I a.</i>

1457
01:12:27,509 --> 01:12:29,010
I know exactly who you are.

1458
01:12:29,144 --> 01:12:32,113
You are the prick who can't tie
his own fucking shoelaces

1459
01:12:32,246 --> 01:12:34,349
without calling my wife
in the middle of the night.

1460
01:12:34,481 --> 01:12:35,849
<i>Why don't you just put Pam on?</i>

1461
01:12:35,984 --> 01:12:38,019
I would love
to put her on the phone,

1462
01:12:38,153 --> 01:12:40,288
but the cops
just took her to jail.

1463
01:12:40,421 --> 01:12:42,424
Because she is so stressed,

1464
01:12:42,556 --> 01:12:45,459
holding your tiny,
little hands, Richard,

1465
01:12:45,592 --> 01:12:46,927
to support our family,

1466
01:12:47,060 --> 01:12:49,196
that she took it out
on four-eyed Phyllis.

1467
01:12:49,331 --> 01:12:50,899
Who has her own house now

1468
01:12:51,032 --> 01:12:53,936
and doesn't even have
four eyes anymore!

1469
01:12:58,974 --> 01:13:01,109
Oh, shit.

1470
01:13:01,542 --> 01:13:03,911
-Okay, now I'm in trouble.
-That was bad.

1471
01:13:19,327 --> 01:13:21,896
<i>♪ Just last night
I was reminded of ♪</i>

1472
01:13:22,029 --> 01:13:24,865
<i>♪ Just how bad it had gotten ♪</i>

1473
01:13:25,000 --> 01:13:25,901
Guys?

1474
01:13:27,201 --> 01:13:28,437
Stop. Stop.

1475
01:13:29,136 --> 01:13:30,171
Oh, shit.

1476
01:13:36,911 --> 01:13:38,446
Where are you folks headed?

1477
01:13:38,579 --> 01:13:40,414
-Like I'm telling you, copper.
-Shut the fuck up, Dougie.

1478
01:13:40,547 --> 01:13:42,016
We're headed down
to the station.

1479
01:13:42,149 --> 01:13:44,218
I think
you just arrested my wife.

1480
01:13:44,819 --> 01:13:47,488
I figured you were the fools
that threw a surprise party

1481
01:13:47,622 --> 01:13:49,124
before her deal was closed.

1482
01:13:49,256 --> 01:13:50,591
She said that to you?

1483
01:13:50,725 --> 01:13:51,959
Yeah, she did.

1484
01:13:52,359 --> 01:13:55,128
The pressure gets to people,
man. Sometimes they pop.

1485
01:13:55,262 --> 01:13:56,731
Well, I was hoping that--

1486
01:13:57,064 --> 01:13:59,833
you would take me instead.
Can we do an exchange?

1487
01:13:59,967 --> 01:14:02,069
It doesn't work like that,
Tom Cruise.

1488
01:14:04,538 --> 01:14:05,640
Travis?

1489
01:14:06,307 --> 01:14:07,408
Hey.

1490
01:14:07,542 --> 01:14:08,910
How'd you end up
with these idiots?

1491
01:14:09,042 --> 01:14:12,012
Uh, are you kidding?
He's the chief idiot.

1492
01:14:12,146 --> 01:14:13,047
Not now.

1493
01:14:14,314 --> 01:14:15,516
Is there anything I can do?

1494
01:14:15,684 --> 01:14:17,585
Other than lose your job
with good benefits

1495
01:14:17,719 --> 01:14:19,388
because you
and your friends decided

1496
01:14:19,520 --> 01:14:20,988
to relive
your juvenile delinquency?

1497
01:14:21,122 --> 01:14:23,057
Come on, Castillo.
We're the assholes

1498
01:14:23,190 --> 01:14:25,892
who did the toilet papering.
Pam wasn't supposed to be there.

1499
01:14:26,027 --> 01:14:27,862
It's not recommended
for civilians.

1500
01:14:27,996 --> 01:14:30,132
-Dude.
-Hey, get it cleaned up.

1501
01:14:30,265 --> 01:14:32,467
I'll convince them
not to press charges.

1502
01:14:32,868 --> 01:14:35,070
You? Get in the car, Maverick.

1503
01:14:35,203 --> 01:14:36,572
Really? Oh, thank you.

1504
01:14:36,704 --> 01:14:38,572
We'll take care of the yard.
Go get your woman.

1505
01:14:38,707 --> 01:14:40,709
-Good luck, Mike.
-Let's go pick up

1506
01:14:40,841 --> 01:14:41,675
the toilet paper.

1507
01:14:41,809 --> 01:14:43,078
Love you, Mike.

1508
01:14:44,813 --> 01:14:47,115
You're a life saver,
thank you so much.

1509
01:14:50,452 --> 01:14:51,553
No.

1510
01:15:08,603 --> 01:15:10,939
Hey, K. I'm sorry.

1511
01:15:11,872 --> 01:15:14,008
Hey. Come on. Karen.

1512
01:15:14,376 --> 01:15:15,310
I know I fucked up.

1513
01:15:15,443 --> 01:15:16,244
I'm sorry.

1514
01:15:16,377 --> 01:15:17,645
Of course you fucked up.

1515
01:15:17,912 --> 01:15:19,413
You always fuck up.

1516
01:15:19,547 --> 01:15:21,815
Especially when it seems
we're on the verge of thinking

1517
01:15:21,949 --> 01:15:24,285
that whatever this mess of
lip blisters and broken dreams

1518
01:15:24,418 --> 01:15:25,786
has been for the last 30 years,

1519
01:15:25,921 --> 01:15:27,722
is finally coming
to fucking fruition.

1520
01:15:27,854 --> 01:15:30,791
Hold on. You never once told me
how you really felt,

1521
01:15:30,925 --> 01:15:32,127
-so how am I--
-No, no, no.

1522
01:15:32,260 --> 01:15:34,096
You don't get
to play dumb anymore.

1523
01:15:34,229 --> 01:15:37,432
You fucking sabotage
this every chance you get.

1524
01:15:37,565 --> 01:15:38,999
-That's not true.
-You know,

1525
01:15:39,134 --> 01:15:42,671
I have always wondered
why I'm not good enough for you.

1526
01:15:43,305 --> 01:15:45,307
When the real
fucking question is

1527
01:15:45,806 --> 01:15:48,543
why I ever thought
you were good enough for me.

1528
01:15:49,711 --> 01:15:50,879
Doug!

1529
01:15:51,412 --> 01:15:52,847
Give me the damn skippy.

1530
01:16:10,931 --> 01:16:12,700
Richard?

1531
01:16:13,402 --> 01:16:15,537
They wouldn't let me
buy your way out.

1532
01:16:15,869 --> 01:16:17,271
So, I'm on my way in.

1533
01:16:17,405 --> 01:16:20,975
You-- you paid to get in here?

1534
01:16:22,342 --> 01:16:24,878
Actually,
I think the term they used

1535
01:16:25,012 --> 01:16:28,815
was attempting to bribe
an officer of the law, but...

1536
01:16:29,182 --> 01:16:31,552
I assured them my attorney
would prove my innocence.

1537
01:16:31,686 --> 01:16:35,522
Oh, I can't even go to jail
without you bothering me.

1538
01:16:35,657 --> 01:16:37,792
Your husband has
made it abundantly clear

1539
01:16:37,925 --> 01:16:41,063
that I have boundary issues.

1540
01:16:41,363 --> 01:16:42,597
Wait. You spoke to Mike?

1541
01:16:42,730 --> 01:16:44,932
He gave me a piece of his mind

1542
01:16:45,065 --> 01:16:47,301
about how I've been abusing you.

1543
01:16:48,469 --> 01:16:49,705
He's protective.

1544
01:16:50,637 --> 01:16:51,772
Seems unstable.

1545
01:16:51,907 --> 01:16:53,141
Well you would be unstable too

1546
01:16:53,274 --> 01:16:54,775
if you had to take care
of two kids,

1547
01:16:54,908 --> 01:16:56,577
do all the laundry,
and the cooking,

1548
01:16:56,712 --> 01:16:58,980
and just hear nothing
but complaints

1549
01:16:59,113 --> 01:17:00,514
from your unappreciative wife

1550
01:17:00,649 --> 01:17:02,817
for throwing her
a lovely surprise party.

1551
01:17:02,949 --> 01:17:05,619
All because she has
a very stubborn client

1552
01:17:05,752 --> 01:17:07,354
who won't just pay to remove

1553
01:17:07,488 --> 01:17:09,957
a couple of willow trees
from an easement.

1554
01:17:13,828 --> 01:17:15,830
I have been a pain in the ass.

1555
01:17:16,597 --> 01:17:18,399
Because I let you.

1556
01:17:20,668 --> 01:17:22,203
I am a deal junkie.

1557
01:17:24,171 --> 01:17:25,339
If it helps,

1558
01:17:25,940 --> 01:17:27,975
I did what you told me to do.

1559
01:17:28,443 --> 01:17:29,644
Oh, boy.

1560
01:17:29,778 --> 01:17:32,847
I talked to doctor, uh,
douche-bag,

1561
01:17:32,980 --> 01:17:34,114
face-to-face.

1562
01:17:34,716 --> 01:17:37,385
And we agreed one of us
would pay for the tree removal

1563
01:17:37,518 --> 01:17:39,821
and the other one
would waive the encroachment.

1564
01:17:39,953 --> 01:17:40,921
Wait, wait.

1565
01:17:41,055 --> 01:17:42,757
So the deal was back on?

1566
01:17:42,890 --> 01:17:45,192
-Soon as I can sign the papers.
-Which I have with me.

1567
01:17:45,326 --> 01:17:46,861
I think
I have the papers with me.

1568
01:17:46,994 --> 01:17:48,862
That is if Mike got them
off the lawn

1569
01:17:48,997 --> 01:17:50,232
when I was hog-tied.

1570
01:17:52,367 --> 01:17:53,268
Just hold on.

1571
01:18:15,456 --> 01:18:16,692
Hey, guys.

1572
01:18:19,594 --> 01:18:21,396
You should be in jail by now.

1573
01:18:21,529 --> 01:18:22,397
We should,

1574
01:18:22,529 --> 01:18:24,031
but unfortunately,

1575
01:18:24,164 --> 01:18:26,634
Pam is the only one
that was incarcerated.

1576
01:18:27,101 --> 01:18:28,903
Mike's worried
she might get disbarred.

1577
01:18:29,037 --> 01:18:31,072
We were hoping
if we cleaned up the mess,

1578
01:18:31,204 --> 01:18:32,973
you might drop the charges.

1579
01:18:33,574 --> 01:18:34,608
Why do you do this?

1580
01:18:35,076 --> 01:18:37,445
My dad is a saint
and he has enough to worry about

1581
01:18:37,578 --> 01:18:39,046
without all this bullshit.

1582
01:18:39,780 --> 01:18:40,981
Not that you'd care.

1583
01:18:41,115 --> 01:18:42,249
I care.

1584
01:18:43,484 --> 01:18:44,351
What's wrong?

1585
01:18:44,484 --> 01:18:45,619
What isn't?

1586
01:18:45,886 --> 01:18:47,354
My dad spends half his week
at hospitals

1587
01:18:47,488 --> 01:18:50,124
and I moved back home
and I quit my job and...

1588
01:18:50,490 --> 01:18:51,392
Whatever.

1589
01:18:52,793 --> 01:18:54,762
My mom has a bum thyroid.

1590
01:18:54,895 --> 01:18:56,497
Mine has skin cancer.

1591
01:18:57,465 --> 01:18:58,500
Mine's gone.

1592
01:19:00,301 --> 01:19:01,403
Two months ago.

1593
01:19:04,704 --> 01:19:05,940
I'm really sorry.

1594
01:19:06,974 --> 01:19:08,076
About everything.

1595
01:19:09,511 --> 01:19:10,678
Life.

1596
01:19:10,811 --> 01:19:12,178
So beautiful.

1597
01:19:12,546 --> 01:19:13,815
And so fleeting.

1598
01:19:20,188 --> 01:19:21,089
Hey!

1599
01:19:22,657 --> 01:19:24,292
You did this!

1600
01:19:31,332 --> 01:19:32,234
Yes, sir.

1601
01:19:33,201 --> 01:19:34,102
I did.

1602
01:19:35,670 --> 01:19:36,772
Me too.

1603
01:19:37,471 --> 01:19:38,405
And me!

1604
01:19:38,773 --> 01:19:39,975
Spartacus.

1605
01:19:40,640 --> 01:19:41,642
Sure.

1606
01:19:41,775 --> 01:19:42,877
Whatever.

1607
01:19:43,411 --> 01:19:44,345
Sorry, Dad.

1608
01:19:44,478 --> 01:19:45,947
We'll clean it up.

1609
01:19:47,215 --> 01:19:48,817
You all need to grow up.

1610
01:19:52,220 --> 01:19:54,156
-Your dad's nice.
-He's not wrong.

1611
01:20:05,934 --> 01:20:08,403
So, I guess I just start
cleaning up, or--

1612
01:20:12,439 --> 01:20:14,574
You know,
they should have a place

1613
01:20:14,708 --> 01:20:17,377
where adults can go and TP
and let off steam

1614
01:20:17,511 --> 01:20:21,048
without the fear
of their spouse being arrested.

1615
01:20:22,182 --> 01:20:23,383
I'd invest in that.

1616
01:20:23,717 --> 01:20:24,617
Really?

1617
01:20:24,918 --> 01:20:25,819
Well, why not?

1618
01:20:26,287 --> 01:20:27,955
They got adult coloring books,

1619
01:20:28,088 --> 01:20:29,856
those mature fidget spinners.

1620
01:20:30,557 --> 01:20:32,492
Couldn't be dumber
than that shit.

1621
01:20:32,792 --> 01:20:33,694
Let's do it.

1622
01:20:33,994 --> 01:20:35,095
All right.

1623
01:20:36,698 --> 01:20:37,599
Hey.

1624
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:41,069
Hey, hey. I got it. I got it.

1625
01:20:44,604 --> 01:20:46,106
Listen, you know this.

1626
01:20:48,109 --> 01:20:49,277
I don't have the best luck with

1627
01:20:49,409 --> 01:20:50,978
people sticking
around in my life.

1628
01:20:51,279 --> 01:20:52,581
But you're still here.

1629
01:20:54,148 --> 01:20:55,383
And the thing that--

1630
01:20:56,550 --> 01:20:57,485
fucking scares me,

1631
01:20:58,819 --> 01:21:00,521
really, fucking scares me,

1632
01:21:01,788 --> 01:21:04,491
is that we give this a go
and you leave me too.

1633
01:21:09,063 --> 01:21:10,165
Well.

1634
01:21:13,167 --> 01:21:15,136
You better man-the-fuck-up.

1635
01:21:17,070 --> 01:21:18,339
Motherfucker.

1636
01:21:22,978 --> 01:21:24,746
All this <i>papier toilette</i>

1637
01:21:25,179 --> 01:21:27,582
and still so much <i>mèrde</i>
in the world.

1638
01:21:48,036 --> 01:21:50,138
Dude, come on.

1639
01:22:26,739 --> 01:22:28,041
Oh, baby.

1640
01:22:28,176 --> 01:22:29,677
-I'm so sorry--
-Tell me you have my bags.

1641
01:22:29,810 --> 01:22:31,212
Of course I do.

1642
01:22:32,011 --> 01:22:33,247
Oh, this is Mike.

1643
01:22:33,948 --> 01:22:35,249
We spoke on the phone.

1644
01:22:35,381 --> 01:22:37,718
-Oh, you're--
-Real husband meet work husband.

1645
01:22:37,851 --> 01:22:38,919
This is Richard.

1646
01:22:39,420 --> 01:22:42,424
All right.
We have a deal to close.

1647
01:22:46,327 --> 01:22:48,029
Here's the last one.

1648
01:22:51,166 --> 01:22:52,834
I'd be lost without your wife.

1649
01:22:53,167 --> 01:22:55,303
Ditto, man. She's the best.

1650
01:22:56,136 --> 01:22:57,270
Get some rest, Pamela.

1651
01:22:57,805 --> 01:23:00,475
Call me, if there are
any last-second hiccups.

1652
01:23:05,078 --> 01:23:06,480
Pamela Young!

1653
01:23:06,847 --> 01:23:08,248
Holy shit.

1654
01:23:08,716 --> 01:23:09,784
Look at you.

1655
01:23:10,518 --> 01:23:12,721
You never cease to amaze me.

1656
01:23:14,854 --> 01:23:16,823
I...

1657
01:23:17,425 --> 01:23:19,627
I appreciate everything
that you do for us.

1658
01:23:19,760 --> 01:23:22,363
I'm so sorry that I hijacked
your birthday.

1659
01:23:22,497 --> 01:23:24,632
I'm sorry that I jumped
that fence before you.

1660
01:23:24,765 --> 01:23:27,868
-That will never happen again.
-Gosh, don't say sorry.

1661
01:23:28,002 --> 01:23:29,704
I finally got to TP a house.

1662
01:23:29,837 --> 01:23:32,740
And I still closed my deal.

1663
01:23:33,740 --> 01:23:36,343
Plus, your birthday
is coming up real soon, so.

1664
01:23:36,911 --> 01:23:38,546
You'd better watch your...

1665
01:23:38,945 --> 01:23:40,047
ass.

1666
01:23:45,886 --> 01:23:47,022
Nice pants, man.

1667
01:23:54,761 --> 01:23:57,031
Happy birthday!

1668
01:23:59,166 --> 01:24:01,703
What did I say about surprises?

1669
01:24:19,987 --> 01:24:21,489
-Look.
-Aw.

1670
01:24:29,029 --> 01:24:30,530
It should be
about the Cubs.

1671
01:24:30,664 --> 01:24:32,432
Tell me
what the Socks have done lately.

1672
01:24:32,567 --> 01:24:36,204
-Michael.
-Oh. Hey, Coach.

1673
01:24:38,405 --> 01:24:41,241
-Where are your pants, son?
-Oh, uh...

1674
01:24:42,576 --> 01:24:44,912
Pam's birthday. Long story.

1675
01:24:45,246 --> 01:24:46,948
Uh, I've been meaning
to call you.

1676
01:24:47,081 --> 01:24:48,182
Don't know if you've heard,

1677
01:24:48,314 --> 01:24:50,383
I already told him
all that stuff.

1678
01:24:50,518 --> 01:24:52,520
Get on with it,
I've got a double-header.

1679
01:24:52,653 --> 01:24:54,321
Having trouble
finding a replacement.

1680
01:24:54,454 --> 01:24:55,955
I don't have
a teaching credential.

1681
01:24:56,090 --> 01:24:58,960
Fortunately, your services
aren't needed to teach Physics.

1682
01:24:59,527 --> 01:25:01,329
Oh, good. Yeah, I, uh,

1683
01:25:01,462 --> 01:25:04,232
the only reason I passed
was by copying Pam anyway.

1684
01:25:04,599 --> 01:25:06,066
Well, why don't you come by
and see me on Monday.

1685
01:25:06,199 --> 01:25:07,200
We'll talk about it.

1686
01:25:07,601 --> 01:25:09,670
-Yes, sir.
-And, uh, Mike,

1687
01:25:10,238 --> 01:25:11,506
wear some god damn pants.

1688
01:25:11,639 --> 01:25:13,274
I'm gonna ask the
principal to come by.

1689
01:25:13,707 --> 01:25:14,975
Pants. Check.

1690
01:25:15,109 --> 01:25:17,110
Oh, and, uh,
happy birthday, Pam.

1691
01:25:17,243 --> 01:25:19,646
Oh, thanks, Coach.

1692
01:25:28,655 --> 01:25:30,590
I'm sure I could still
get the kids to school.

1693
01:25:30,724 --> 01:25:33,661
You know practices are in the
afternoon, a few weekend games.

1694
01:25:33,793 --> 01:25:34,795
Mike.

1695
01:25:35,529 --> 01:25:36,430
Pam.

1696
01:25:37,131 --> 01:25:38,533
Michael.

1697
01:25:40,001 --> 01:25:41,035
Pamela.

1698
01:25:41,402 --> 01:25:42,670
I see you.

1699
01:25:43,170 --> 01:25:44,705
I appreciate you.

1700
01:25:45,005 --> 01:25:46,040
And I love you.

1701
01:25:46,440 --> 01:25:48,574
And if this is
what makes you happy,

1702
01:25:48,708 --> 01:25:51,145
then that's
what I want you to do.

1703
01:25:54,782 --> 01:25:57,218
So am I still
on sexy time restriction?

1704
01:25:59,987 --> 01:26:01,890
Upgraded to probation.

1705
01:26:10,297 --> 01:26:12,799
-I love you, Pam.
-I love you too.

1706
01:26:15,802 --> 01:26:19,739
Now, will you please,
for the love of God,

1707
01:26:19,873 --> 01:26:21,475
take me home.

1708
01:26:22,275 --> 01:26:23,410
Yes, ma'am.

1709
01:26:51,972 --> 01:26:52,873
Hi.

1710
01:26:54,242 --> 01:26:56,544
Hey, I'm thinking
about investing.

1711
01:26:56,810 --> 01:26:58,611
-Hmm.
-Assisted living,

1712
01:26:58,746 --> 01:27:00,381
I hear that's your thing.

1713
01:27:01,414 --> 01:27:03,350
Yeah, I mean, well.

1714
01:27:03,818 --> 01:27:05,753
-I'm a transactional attorney.
-Oh.

1715
01:27:05,886 --> 01:27:08,223
So, yeah.

1716
01:27:09,288 --> 01:27:10,824
Could you help me with that?

1717
01:27:11,759 --> 01:27:12,660
Sure.

1718
01:27:13,359 --> 01:27:15,629
-That'd be really great.
-Okay.

1719
01:27:19,265 --> 01:27:20,367
Thank you.

1720
01:27:21,068 --> 01:27:21,936
Sure.

1721
01:27:23,136 --> 01:27:26,740
Did you know?
Napoleon used to be six-seven.

1722
01:27:27,207 --> 01:27:30,610
He lost his kneecaps
in a ballroom dancing accident

1723
01:27:30,744 --> 01:27:32,746
when he was a--
when he was a teenager.

1724
01:27:33,113 --> 01:27:35,448
And they clashed him down
about three feet.

1725
01:27:35,582 --> 01:27:36,818
-Wow.
-So.

1726
01:27:38,051 --> 01:27:40,987
Did you that LSD
was originally invented