1 00:00:19,731 --> 00:00:20,732 Hello. 2 00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:24,169 He fuckin' pushed me! 3 00:00:55,965 --> 00:00:57,231 Robyn. 4 00:01:05,241 --> 00:01:06,740 Robyn? 5 00:01:06,776 --> 00:01:08,375 Robyn, I think that's your phone. 6 00:01:10,146 --> 00:01:11,545 Oh, shoot. 7 00:01:11,581 --> 00:01:17,683 Uh, if I can just get that threshold and stop, I... I... 8 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:30,129 Uh... Yeah. But, of course, I wouldn't stop. 9 00:01:30,165 --> 00:01:33,731 I'm not sure what triggered it, honestly, some times I feel like I can see it coming, 10 00:01:33,767 --> 00:01:36,268 but some times it... It's just... It's there. 11 00:01:36,304 --> 00:01:38,970 And it takes you by surprise. 12 00:01:39,006 --> 00:01:42,910 So, yeah, we had this fight and I can't really remember what it was about. 13 00:01:43,210 --> 00:01:44,409 Uh... 14 00:01:44,445 --> 00:01:46,780 Me being an idiot again, probably. 15 00:01:50,317 --> 00:01:51,318 I'm sorry. 16 00:01:52,052 --> 00:01:53,053 It's off. 17 00:01:55,122 --> 00:01:56,656 You being an idiot? 18 00:01:57,790 --> 00:02:00,458 Yeah. Right. 19 00:02:00,494 --> 00:02:05,796 So, the next thing I know, I'm in the disabled toilets, hitting the nose bag 20 00:02:05,832 --> 00:02:09,233 and getting a handjob off one of the male waiters. 21 00:02:09,269 --> 00:02:11,304 And the sense of... of... 22 00:02:12,738 --> 00:02:13,972 Uber for Robyn. 23 00:02:16,476 --> 00:02:17,676 Yup. 24 00:02:21,847 --> 00:02:22,981 Thank you. 25 00:02:24,783 --> 00:02:25,784 Bye. 26 00:02:27,275 --> 00:02:31,705 Subtitles by explosiveskull 27 00:02:45,378 --> 00:02:46,610 Hi. 28 00:02:46,646 --> 00:02:47,914 Hey, Rob. 29 00:02:48,881 --> 00:02:50,147 You're late. 30 00:02:51,951 --> 00:02:53,216 - You went to a meeting? - Mmm-hmm. 31 00:02:53,252 --> 00:02:54,284 For real? 32 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:58,221 Baby, that is... Fantastic. Come. 33 00:02:58,257 --> 00:02:59,922 Don't make a thing of it. 34 00:02:59,958 --> 00:03:02,958 Guys, wine's away, diet cokes all around. 35 00:03:02,994 --> 00:03:04,794 - Oh. - Well, we're doing this again, are we? 36 00:03:04,830 --> 00:03:05,795 - Oh... - What? 37 00:03:05,831 --> 00:03:07,930 I'm kidding. Its great news. Great news, Rob. 38 00:03:07,966 --> 00:03:09,465 - Diet coke it is. - That's sweet 39 00:03:09,501 --> 00:03:11,901 but just cause I'm a fuck-up, doesn't have to ruin everyone else's night. 40 00:03:11,937 --> 00:03:14,103 Well, we're here to support you. Right? 41 00:03:14,139 --> 00:03:15,603 Yeah, just tell us whatever you need, sis. 42 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:19,707 I need you to stop treating me like a Make-A-Wish kid and have a drink. 43 00:03:19,743 --> 00:03:21,745 I'm NA, not AA. It's fine. 44 00:03:22,380 --> 00:03:24,014 - You sure? - Yes! 45 00:03:25,015 --> 00:03:26,214 Well, thank Christ for that. 46 00:03:26,250 --> 00:03:28,119 I haven't had dinner, sober since the '90s. 47 00:03:29,086 --> 00:03:30,154 Really proud of you. 48 00:03:32,123 --> 00:03:33,988 Oh no, no, go ahead, serve yourself, babe. 49 00:03:34,024 --> 00:03:34,989 We're good. 50 00:03:35,025 --> 00:03:36,826 - I'm just making sure its... - Not corked. 51 00:04:04,204 --> 00:04:06,703 To be honest, it's kind of strange at first but then, it's liberating. 52 00:04:06,739 --> 00:04:08,171 Like the first time you wear a swimming cap. 53 00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:12,108 God, but all of it? It just seems so exposing! 54 00:04:12,144 --> 00:04:15,778 I mean, God, let's not forget, I have pushed two babies out of that bad boy. 55 00:04:15,814 --> 00:04:16,880 I think you should try it. 56 00:04:16,916 --> 00:04:19,182 You do not get a say in the grooming of my snooch. 57 00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:21,516 - Snooch? - Yes, Sam, my snooch! 58 00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:22,684 Do you have a problem with that? 59 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:23,752 I do not have a problem with your snooch. 60 00:04:23,788 --> 00:04:26,188 Excuse me, my wife's mins you're talking about. 61 00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:29,124 Hmm... Tell you what. I will shave mine if you shave yours. 62 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,025 - Deal. - No! 63 00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:31,960 No, no, porn stars do it all the time. 64 00:04:31,996 --> 00:04:33,695 Don't tell me, you've never shaved your balls. 65 00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:35,663 No, but you are one hairy motherfucker though, man. 66 00:04:35,699 --> 00:04:37,531 Oh, my God, you're right. Where would he start? 67 00:04:37,567 --> 00:04:40,202 It'll be like when you shave a square off a dog for an operation. 68 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:41,936 What if I stop at the knees and the nipples? 69 00:04:43,207 --> 00:04:45,840 I'm serious! Just here to here. Completely hairless. Just zip! 70 00:04:45,876 --> 00:04:47,441 - I'm gonna be okay. - Plus. 71 00:04:47,477 --> 00:04:49,610 It makes your dick look bigger, apparently. So, who will be the one laughing then? 72 00:04:49,646 --> 00:04:51,078 I'm pretty sure it'll still be us, mate. 73 00:04:59,056 --> 00:05:00,991 Hon, you sure you want another? 74 00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:05,025 Well, that is you told. 75 00:05:05,061 --> 00:05:07,827 That it is. Right. I am gonna go for a smoke. 76 00:05:07,863 --> 00:05:09,195 - Oh no, you're not. - Yes, I am. 77 00:05:09,231 --> 00:05:10,700 I'm gonna join you. 78 00:05:11,843 --> 00:05:12,977 Wedded bliss. 79 00:05:14,579 --> 00:05:16,011 Didn't know he was smoking again. 80 00:05:16,047 --> 00:05:17,478 Yeah. 81 00:05:17,514 --> 00:05:18,983 That's an exciting new development. 82 00:05:19,583 --> 00:05:20,817 Hey, Robyn! 83 00:05:22,186 --> 00:05:24,052 Come on, watching people getting slowly drunk is like 84 00:05:24,088 --> 00:05:26,787 being Stevie Wonder in a fireworks display. 85 00:05:26,823 --> 00:05:29,523 I'm going for him, not me. As long as he's happy. 86 00:05:29,559 --> 00:05:31,058 Public relations. 87 00:05:33,997 --> 00:05:36,563 - Hello? - When the phone rings, you answer. 88 00:05:36,599 --> 00:05:37,965 I'm sorry, I just... 89 00:05:38,001 --> 00:05:39,666 I don't care if you be in a car crash, both your arms are broken, 90 00:05:39,702 --> 00:05:40,868 and you've got a mouth full of shattered teeth, 91 00:05:40,904 --> 00:05:43,403 you spit them out, get someone else to hold the phone, 92 00:05:43,439 --> 00:05:44,971 and you murr me a gummy response. 93 00:05:45,007 --> 00:05:46,773 - That clear? - That's pretty clear. 94 00:05:46,809 --> 00:05:48,808 Summer Bolton has been dropped by her record label. 95 00:05:48,844 --> 00:05:50,143 Round table. 9:00 am. 96 00:05:50,179 --> 00:05:51,380 Yup. 97 00:05:52,615 --> 00:05:55,480 One of the mothers at Kelly's school once got it all waxed 98 00:05:55,516 --> 00:05:57,518 and she said, it made her moo like a cow. 99 00:05:58,087 --> 00:05:59,152 Literally. 100 00:05:59,188 --> 00:06:02,922 She was on all fours and she mooed like poked cow. 101 00:06:04,093 --> 00:06:05,094 Mmm-hmm. 102 00:06:07,804 --> 00:06:09,369 Oh, God, no. 103 00:06:09,405 --> 00:06:10,771 Working hard I see. 104 00:06:13,576 --> 00:06:15,512 Is that the guy from Dragon's Den? 105 00:06:16,679 --> 00:06:17,878 What the hell is he doing? 106 00:06:17,914 --> 00:06:19,512 He wants to get on I Miss Celebs. 107 00:06:19,548 --> 00:06:21,681 He sent me an audition tape of him eating things. 108 00:06:21,717 --> 00:06:24,051 He's already eaten three earthworms, a chicken scat strip and now, 109 00:06:24,087 --> 00:06:25,854 he's going for the sheep's testicle. 110 00:06:27,322 --> 00:06:28,987 Ooh! 111 00:06:29,023 --> 00:06:30,289 Tough little bugger those are. 112 00:06:30,325 --> 00:06:32,358 Oh... God! 113 00:06:32,394 --> 00:06:35,260 It's like a meat cream egg. 114 00:06:35,296 --> 00:06:37,229 Don't they have everyone in place for this year? 115 00:06:37,265 --> 00:06:38,963 Yeah, yeah. Weeks ago. 116 00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:41,032 But seeing as you are repeatedly trying to touch 117 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,402 Fanny Lennox at last year's Christmas party, 118 00:06:43,438 --> 00:06:45,537 I thought I'd keep his dreams alive a little longer. 119 00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:46,672 Fanny Lennox? 120 00:06:46,708 --> 00:06:49,107 My new name for the notorious V-A-G. 121 00:06:49,143 --> 00:06:50,675 - So, are you in this round table? - Yup. 122 00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:52,043 Remind me of the deets again. 123 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,645 Ever Cater Price, are you telling me you haven't done your homework? 124 00:06:54,681 --> 00:06:57,415 Okay, so, I was doing it but then I got booty called by the imp. 125 00:06:57,451 --> 00:06:58,516 You shouldn't call him that. 126 00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:00,551 Why? He's like 5'4". That's why he's always so angry. 127 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,019 Anyway, so, we're like half a bottle of Bombay in, 128 00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:05,956 and start having one of those flirty conversations about how kinky we are 129 00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:07,457 at a scale of one to ten. 130 00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:10,460 Hmm. Tricky, 'cause anything under five and you're gonna sound like a prune. 131 00:07:10,496 --> 00:07:13,029 But go too high, and you're basically saying, "Piss on me, I'm slut," I know. 132 00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:14,431 - I think I'll go seven. - That's what I thought. 133 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:17,401 Safe seven. A bit of bondage, bum sex, if forewarned, light spanking, 134 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,535 everyone's a winner. 135 00:07:18,571 --> 00:07:21,106 So, proceedings got underway and suddenly, this happens. 136 00:07:23,175 --> 00:07:24,309 Is that a cigarette burn? 137 00:07:25,243 --> 00:07:27,343 Shouldn't have even been smoking in the flat. 138 00:07:27,379 --> 00:07:29,145 My landlord finds out, she will shit kittens. 139 00:07:29,181 --> 00:07:30,579 Jesus! What did you do? 140 00:07:30,615 --> 00:07:33,449 Well, I elbowed him in the face, broke his nose, blood everywhere. 141 00:07:33,485 --> 00:07:35,751 Unfortunately, this just turned him on even more. 142 00:07:35,787 --> 00:07:37,253 Christ! Eve! 143 00:07:37,289 --> 00:07:40,121 This is good. You're freaking out. 144 00:07:40,157 --> 00:07:42,090 I freaked out. I was worried I was being uptight. 145 00:07:42,126 --> 00:07:44,125 No! You chucked him out, right? 146 00:07:44,161 --> 00:07:45,996 Of course. This morning. 147 00:07:47,131 --> 00:07:48,697 - Eve. - I know. 148 00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:51,135 Not my finest moment. But I did break the guy's nose. 149 00:07:51,802 --> 00:07:53,204 It's always the short ones. 150 00:07:55,072 --> 00:07:56,137 I know right. 151 00:07:56,173 --> 00:07:57,605 Lucky I didn't say I was a ten. 152 00:07:57,641 --> 00:08:00,341 Robyn, here's that info you wanted on Summer Bolton. 153 00:08:00,377 --> 00:08:01,609 Ooh, you sneaky bitch! 154 00:08:01,645 --> 00:08:03,611 I printed it in duplicate. 155 00:08:03,647 --> 00:08:06,079 Is she coming in? My mum loves her. 156 00:08:06,115 --> 00:08:07,615 What are the headlines? 157 00:08:07,651 --> 00:08:10,617 Okay, well, she won Britain's Got Talent, two years ago, when she was 15. 158 00:08:10,653 --> 00:08:13,053 I thought the great dancing granddads won it two years ago. 159 00:08:13,089 --> 00:08:15,456 No, that was last year. But they only made it to the semis' 160 00:08:15,492 --> 00:08:18,625 because they got beaten by those boys with all the talking fruit. 161 00:08:18,661 --> 00:08:22,028 Anyway, her first album won two classical Brits, 162 00:08:22,064 --> 00:08:24,363 then she had a Christmas number one with a charity single 163 00:08:24,399 --> 00:08:26,507 for Help for Heroes called Lovely Boys. 164 00:08:26,543 --> 00:08:28,576 And her manager is her mother, Joan. 165 00:08:28,612 --> 00:08:30,244 Oh, Christ! A momager. 166 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,179 Ruthless beasts. 167 00:08:32,215 --> 00:08:34,448 There was a girl at my prep school whose mother gave a drama teacher 168 00:08:34,484 --> 00:08:37,385 a handjob just so that her daughter could play the lead in the school play. 169 00:08:37,421 --> 00:08:39,720 Which, ironically, happened to be Daisy Pulls It Off. 170 00:08:39,756 --> 00:08:40,721 Thanks for this. 171 00:08:40,757 --> 00:08:42,759 Your hair looks nice, by the way. 172 00:08:44,628 --> 00:08:46,791 Oh, thanks. 173 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:49,054 Few more of those, you'll be able to start your own currency. 174 00:08:49,090 --> 00:08:51,056 I'm doing it for real this time. 175 00:08:51,092 --> 00:08:53,191 Time to grow up. Be a good girl. 176 00:08:53,227 --> 00:08:55,027 You are a good girl. 177 00:08:55,063 --> 00:08:57,195 You're one of the best girls I know. 178 00:08:57,231 --> 00:08:59,598 Are you familiar with the story of the scorpion and the frog? 179 00:08:59,634 --> 00:09:02,334 Did they go out to sea in a beautiful pea green boat? 180 00:09:02,370 --> 00:09:04,101 No, that was somebody else. 181 00:09:04,137 --> 00:09:07,472 So, Scorpion asks Frog for a ride across the river. 182 00:09:07,508 --> 00:09:10,241 Frog's like, "As if. You'll sting me." 183 00:09:10,277 --> 00:09:12,076 The Scorpion's like, "Of course, I won't." 184 00:09:12,112 --> 00:09:13,944 "If I sting you, I'll drown too." 185 00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:16,113 So, Froggy agrees. 186 00:09:16,149 --> 00:09:18,349 They reach the middle of the river and suddenly... 187 00:09:18,385 --> 00:09:21,277 Zap! Scorpion stings the crap out of Frog. 188 00:09:21,313 --> 00:09:24,580 And as they sink slowly in the black water, the frog looks up and is like, 189 00:09:29,053 --> 00:09:30,352 Why did you do that? 190 00:09:30,388 --> 00:09:34,022 And Scorpion stared down at him and says, "It's in my nature." 191 00:09:35,993 --> 00:09:38,026 And they both drown. 192 00:09:38,062 --> 00:09:40,562 As much as I hate to break up this little pow-wow, 193 00:09:40,598 --> 00:09:43,030 Caroline has a rich teenager in her boardroom. 194 00:09:43,066 --> 00:09:45,469 And she doesn't like to keep those waiting. 195 00:09:48,157 --> 00:09:50,957 Okay, Summer's label are going to announce the news on Friday. 196 00:09:50,993 --> 00:09:52,959 So we until then to turn this 197 00:09:52,995 --> 00:09:55,128 from a car crash into the Gumball Rally. 198 00:09:55,164 --> 00:09:58,064 She wants to ditch the classical and move into adult pop. 199 00:09:58,100 --> 00:09:59,731 Our job is a top-down re-brand. 200 00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:01,800 She's heading in a very different direction. 201 00:10:01,836 --> 00:10:02,969 It's much edgier. 202 00:10:03,005 --> 00:10:04,669 She's working with Tiny Temper. 203 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:07,939 Look, people just think of me as a little girl, but I'm not. 204 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:09,342 I wanna be taken seriously. 205 00:10:09,378 --> 00:10:10,609 She wants to be sexy. 206 00:10:10,645 --> 00:10:12,210 Swift sexy or Rihanna sexy? 207 00:10:12,246 --> 00:10:13,712 - Rihanna sexy. - Well... 208 00:10:13,748 --> 00:10:15,213 - Budget? - Limited. 209 00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:16,248 Drug habit? 210 00:10:16,284 --> 00:10:17,749 Few track marks, easily done. 211 00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:19,184 Not very sexy, not for a girl. 212 00:10:19,220 --> 00:10:21,987 Mental breakdown. Shave your head, piss in a bucket, buy a monkey. 213 00:10:22,023 --> 00:10:24,289 No mental breakdowns, no substance abuse. They work only for actresses. 214 00:10:24,325 --> 00:10:26,624 - From an old boyfriend? - Too much of a slow burn. 215 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:27,958 I don't care what I have to do. 216 00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:30,895 I'm 17 years old and I'm not ready for my career to be over. 217 00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:34,098 My best friend works six days a week in H&M for, like, £400. 218 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,735 - Fuck that. - Summer. 219 00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:37,902 What about a sex tape? 220 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,837 There hasn't been a good one of those in a while. 221 00:10:39,873 --> 00:10:41,005 Okay, hang on just a second. 222 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,039 Not really classy. 223 00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:43,742 But is classy really what we're going for here? 224 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,842 Ooh, lesbians. 225 00:10:45,878 --> 00:10:47,644 Lesbians, perfect. 226 00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,913 On trend and much less seedy than straight. 227 00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:51,881 Certainly wouldn't look like a little girl anymore. 228 00:10:51,917 --> 00:10:54,050 It's well shot. Intended for private use. 229 00:10:54,086 --> 00:10:56,252 Grown up, sophisticated. Think Madonna. 230 00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:57,887 Old Madonna. Not old Madonna. 231 00:10:57,923 --> 00:10:59,789 Then it gets leaked, hacked from your Cloud, 232 00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,790 you're horrified, you make a public admission. 233 00:11:01,826 --> 00:11:02,758 How betrayed you feel. 234 00:11:02,794 --> 00:11:05,095 Getting the sympathy vote from the girls. 235 00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,297 Whilst turning yourself into a filthy little minx. 236 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:10,099 Nation's sweetheart's dirty secret. 237 00:11:10,135 --> 00:11:11,967 And if the new album tanks, 238 00:11:12,003 --> 00:11:13,302 sell a tape online, 239 00:11:13,338 --> 00:11:14,670 still make a fortune. 240 00:11:14,706 --> 00:11:16,338 And we can turn this around in 48 hours. 241 00:11:16,374 --> 00:11:18,440 - Absolutely. - Now, hold on just a second. 242 00:11:18,476 --> 00:11:20,275 This is my daughter we're talking about. 243 00:11:20,311 --> 00:11:21,243 It's pornography. 244 00:11:21,279 --> 00:11:23,245 I play golf with men who watch pornography. 245 00:11:23,281 --> 00:11:25,147 Dad, this is my career. 246 00:11:25,183 --> 00:11:26,448 - Summer, you can't... - Mum, tell him. 247 00:11:26,484 --> 00:11:28,450 - Darling. - Joan, you can't seriously... 248 00:11:28,486 --> 00:11:30,026 This is her life, 249 00:11:30,062 --> 00:11:33,329 and if she wants to make a sex tape, she can make a sex tape. 250 00:11:33,365 --> 00:11:37,033 Unless, of course, you want to stop using her royalties to pay off our mortgage. 251 00:11:37,069 --> 00:11:39,035 Oh, no. Of course you can't. 252 00:11:39,071 --> 00:11:40,169 'Cause you got fired from your job 253 00:11:40,205 --> 00:11:43,909 for asking your secretary to sit on the photocopier. 254 00:11:49,047 --> 00:11:50,544 Excellent. 255 00:11:50,580 --> 00:11:52,113 Well, we'll leave you two to discuss, 256 00:11:52,149 --> 00:11:56,720 and I'll get the girls to draw up some ideas. 257 00:12:02,591 --> 00:12:04,691 Hi, I heard there was a problem with the... 258 00:12:04,727 --> 00:12:06,093 Yeah, hi. Um... 259 00:12:06,129 --> 00:12:08,862 I had troubles printing, but it's working again. 260 00:12:08,898 --> 00:12:10,830 Oh, okay. 261 00:12:10,866 --> 00:12:12,001 Great. 262 00:12:12,635 --> 00:12:13,769 Do you want a biscuit? 263 00:12:15,271 --> 00:12:16,670 I made them for the office. 264 00:12:16,706 --> 00:12:20,273 But Eve told me to throw them away 'cause they've got flour in them. 265 00:12:20,309 --> 00:12:23,243 All right. Okay. 266 00:12:23,279 --> 00:12:26,679 Well, I'm sure the guys downstairs would be more grateful. 267 00:12:26,715 --> 00:12:28,714 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 268 00:12:28,750 --> 00:12:30,116 Hot coffee, in my mouth. 269 00:12:30,152 --> 00:12:32,084 And I need you to make me a list of every female celeb 270 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,853 between the ages of 16 and 35 with something to sell. 271 00:12:34,889 --> 00:12:36,822 Records, movies, themselves. 272 00:12:36,858 --> 00:12:37,957 I don't care. 273 00:12:37,993 --> 00:12:39,558 Low moral fiber preferred. 274 00:12:39,594 --> 00:12:40,628 Will do that. 275 00:12:41,863 --> 00:12:43,765 - So, what's she like? - Hmm? 276 00:12:44,032 --> 00:12:45,130 Summer. 277 00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:46,600 Is she nice? 278 00:12:47,335 --> 00:12:48,833 She's a sweetheart. 279 00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:51,103 I knew she would be. 280 00:12:51,139 --> 00:12:53,040 You can help us with her sex tape if you like. 281 00:12:54,250 --> 00:12:56,616 - Sex tape? - Yes. 282 00:12:56,652 --> 00:12:58,092 - Of Summer Bolton? - Yes. 283 00:12:59,038 --> 00:13:00,103 - Having sex. - Yes. 284 00:13:01,206 --> 00:13:03,538 You have a tape of Summer Bolton having sex? 285 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,174 No, we're making a tape of Summer Bolton having sex. 286 00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:06,910 Robin, I think this one's broken. Why don't we get a new one? 287 00:13:06,946 --> 00:13:08,477 Oh, my goodness. 288 00:13:08,513 --> 00:13:09,946 I still need that list, Melody. 289 00:13:09,982 --> 00:13:11,047 Okay. 290 00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:12,583 Oh, my goodness. 291 00:13:13,409 --> 00:13:16,412 Yes, cool. No problem. 292 00:13:17,814 --> 00:13:18,948 That is cool. 293 00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,416 Bless. 294 00:13:22,452 --> 00:13:24,784 If my coffee comes back cold again, I'm just gonna throw it in her face. 295 00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,191 Robin, there's a man in a polyester suit 296 00:13:31,227 --> 00:13:32,995 waiting in the reception for you. 297 00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:35,795 Sorry to bother you at work. 298 00:13:35,831 --> 00:13:38,798 I was just in the area, thought I'd pop in, say hello. 299 00:13:38,834 --> 00:13:40,633 What were you doing in the area? 300 00:13:40,669 --> 00:13:43,705 You know, looking for your office. 301 00:13:46,174 --> 00:13:48,473 Okay, good. Uh, you know, 302 00:13:48,509 --> 00:13:51,877 earlier in the year, I said that I was leaving my position at work 303 00:13:51,913 --> 00:13:54,882 but staying within the company to become a contractor... 304 00:13:57,084 --> 00:13:58,917 Earlier in the year? 305 00:13:58,953 --> 00:14:01,186 Talked to Ruth and you about it loads... No? 306 00:14:01,222 --> 00:14:03,722 Okay. Well, I said it didn't make any sense. 307 00:14:03,758 --> 00:14:06,590 Staying on a salary when they kept hiring these contractors 308 00:14:06,626 --> 00:14:08,525 who were getting paid almost double what I was, 309 00:14:08,561 --> 00:14:10,594 and they were getting to choose their own hours, 310 00:14:10,630 --> 00:14:13,064 and even though there was some minor risk to job security... 311 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,133 Mark, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. 312 00:14:15,169 --> 00:14:16,533 I've lost my job. 313 00:14:16,569 --> 00:14:18,469 - What? - Oh, it's fine. 314 00:14:18,505 --> 00:14:19,906 Just a bit... Bit, um... 315 00:14:20,791 --> 00:14:22,990 The company I'm working for are cutting back, 316 00:14:23,026 --> 00:14:25,860 and as I'm, strictly speaking, no longer an employee, 317 00:14:25,896 --> 00:14:26,696 they, uh... 318 00:14:27,989 --> 00:14:30,588 Hey, I'll find something else, okay? 319 00:14:30,624 --> 00:14:32,057 - When did this happen? - Three months ago. 320 00:14:32,093 --> 00:14:33,591 And Ruth doesn't know? 321 00:14:33,627 --> 00:14:35,560 I felt something else would come up. 322 00:14:35,596 --> 00:14:36,928 And what am I supposed to say to her? 323 00:14:36,964 --> 00:14:39,063 "Hi, honey, how are you? By the way, don't bother fixing dinner, 324 00:14:39,099 --> 00:14:40,398 "'cause I can't afford any food to feed the kids?" 325 00:14:40,434 --> 00:14:42,133 Where the hell have you been going for the past three months? 326 00:14:42,169 --> 00:14:43,170 I don't know, cafes. 327 00:14:43,737 --> 00:14:45,602 Parks. 328 00:14:45,638 --> 00:14:47,839 Or sometimes, I just stay on the circle line till it's time to go home. 329 00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:49,140 You have to tell her. 330 00:14:49,176 --> 00:14:51,075 You, better than anyone, knows what she's like with money. 331 00:14:51,111 --> 00:14:54,011 Remember when she was pregnant? She will freak out. 332 00:14:54,047 --> 00:14:55,915 She's obsessed she'll end up broke like her mum. 333 00:14:58,084 --> 00:15:00,484 Took me three years to persuade her we can afford Sky Television. 334 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:01,988 We still haven't got the movie package. 335 00:15:02,789 --> 00:15:03,787 Why are you telling me? 336 00:15:03,823 --> 00:15:05,622 I don't know, you're... 337 00:15:05,658 --> 00:15:08,828 Good at fixing things for people, and... 338 00:15:10,096 --> 00:15:11,761 Look, there's stuff on the horizon, 339 00:15:11,797 --> 00:15:13,732 I just need something to get through the next few weeks. 340 00:15:15,592 --> 00:15:18,092 If Ruth finds out that I know, and she doesn't, 341 00:15:18,128 --> 00:15:19,694 she's gonna lose her shit, 342 00:15:19,730 --> 00:15:20,795 and I know you've seen my sister angry. 343 00:15:20,831 --> 00:15:22,697 She makes Chris Brown look like a fucking hippie. 344 00:15:22,733 --> 00:15:25,132 Yes, well, I don't know who that is. 345 00:15:25,168 --> 00:15:27,871 But look, Robyn, I'm not asking you for me. 346 00:15:35,536 --> 00:15:37,702 You have one month to sort your shit out, 347 00:15:37,738 --> 00:15:38,940 and then I tell her. 348 00:15:39,807 --> 00:15:41,075 What is it you do, again? 349 00:15:41,943 --> 00:15:43,508 Well, essentially what I do is 350 00:15:43,544 --> 00:15:45,510 design networks for multinational... 351 00:15:45,546 --> 00:15:47,014 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Computers, right? 352 00:15:47,882 --> 00:15:48,983 Right. 353 00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:50,726 So this is how it's gonna work. 354 00:15:50,762 --> 00:15:53,529 We make the tape, we share it discreetly with a few sources, 355 00:15:53,565 --> 00:15:56,464 the highest bidder then leaks it on to their website, 356 00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:59,985 and you get paid a predetermined sum in the form of legal damages. 357 00:16:00,021 --> 00:16:01,753 After an agreed period of time, 358 00:16:01,789 --> 00:16:03,355 we then, remove the tape, 359 00:16:03,391 --> 00:16:06,191 and then place an injunction to prevent other people from using the footage. 360 00:16:06,227 --> 00:16:08,193 At that time, should you so chose, 361 00:16:08,229 --> 00:16:10,628 - we can further monetize the tape. - Monetize it? 362 00:16:10,664 --> 00:16:13,365 This is Mark, our technical communications specialist. 363 00:16:13,401 --> 00:16:14,801 He'll explain how it all works. 364 00:16:16,970 --> 00:16:21,138 Right. Yes. Um... Thank you, Robyn. 365 00:16:21,174 --> 00:16:23,340 Well, what we would do 366 00:16:23,376 --> 00:16:26,944 is set up a number of third party sites 367 00:16:26,980 --> 00:16:28,778 which couldn't be linked back to you. 368 00:16:28,814 --> 00:16:30,747 These sites would then stream the tape 369 00:16:30,783 --> 00:16:33,284 for a fee, your royalties, 370 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,753 all of which would be transferred directly to you. 371 00:16:36,789 --> 00:16:38,855 Minus Mark and our commissions, obviously. 372 00:16:38,891 --> 00:16:40,757 Now, this amount can vary greatly 373 00:16:40,793 --> 00:16:43,860 depending on if you're a Titmuss or a Kardashian. 374 00:16:43,896 --> 00:16:47,297 Let's say, Summer is somewhere between the two. 375 00:16:47,333 --> 00:16:49,634 So here's a list of potential co-stars. 376 00:16:52,111 --> 00:16:53,310 Oh, God, I hate her. 377 00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:57,347 She's lovely. We saw her on Graham Norton, didn't we, Ed? 378 00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:59,682 - Who's that one at the bottom? - She's an Olympian. 379 00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:02,351 - No medals though. - Oh... An Olympian. 380 00:17:02,387 --> 00:17:04,887 - Too muscley. - My personal opinion... 381 00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:07,823 This is the one. Carly Peters. Everyone loves a soap star. 382 00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,325 Plus, she just got her contract canceled, 383 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:12,027 for using the 'n' word on Twitter, so this would be the perfect opportunity, 384 00:17:12,063 --> 00:17:13,764 for her to prove that she's not a racist. 385 00:17:14,932 --> 00:17:16,299 It also means she'll be cheap. 386 00:17:16,335 --> 00:17:17,966 - I like her. - Great. 387 00:17:18,002 --> 00:17:20,135 We'll get her in this afternoon for some STD checks. 388 00:17:20,171 --> 00:17:22,971 - STD checks? - Just to, you know, be on the safe side. 389 00:17:23,007 --> 00:17:25,240 Safe, not sorry, Summer. 390 00:17:25,276 --> 00:17:27,876 Well, you guys sit tight. I'll get to work. 391 00:17:27,912 --> 00:17:30,214 And my assistant will get you some lunch. 392 00:17:34,818 --> 00:17:37,385 Sorry. My mum... My mum just loves you, by the way. 393 00:17:37,421 --> 00:17:40,721 Um, when you did Castle on a Cloud at the Royal Variety, 394 00:17:40,757 --> 00:17:43,293 you had us both gushing. 395 00:17:45,195 --> 00:17:47,027 This is the list of websites you need to talk to. 396 00:17:47,063 --> 00:17:48,728 Right. 397 00:17:48,764 --> 00:17:50,933 - And I need you to sign this. - What's this? 398 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,002 It's a non-disclosure agreement. 399 00:17:54,937 --> 00:17:56,370 This is what you do all day. 400 00:17:56,406 --> 00:17:59,305 I thought you just flounce around drinking white wine and air kissing. 401 00:18:04,446 --> 00:18:05,447 Now, please. 402 00:18:12,288 --> 00:18:14,320 I'm sorry if I was unsupportive earlier. 403 00:18:14,356 --> 00:18:15,988 I think what you're doing is great. 404 00:18:16,024 --> 00:18:17,322 - What? - You know... 405 00:18:17,358 --> 00:18:20,058 NA, Sam, being a grown up. 406 00:18:20,094 --> 00:18:22,194 I only take the piss 'cause it's easier for me to be a hot mess 407 00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:23,729 if my best friend's a hot mess too. 408 00:18:23,765 --> 00:18:25,931 Don't worry, babe. I'll always be a mess. 409 00:18:25,967 --> 00:18:27,499 You know, I think about it sometimes. 410 00:18:27,535 --> 00:18:31,303 Finding the boy to run me baths and cook me dinners. 411 00:18:31,339 --> 00:18:33,505 Problem is, I know the minute I find someone nice enough 412 00:18:33,541 --> 00:18:36,475 to run me a bath, I'd probably drown him in it. 413 00:18:36,511 --> 00:18:38,812 I guess, that's why I'm doomed to life as a human ashtray. 414 00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:41,312 Oh, bull-wax. 415 00:18:41,348 --> 00:18:43,850 - What? - I just pissed on my grandma's ring. 416 00:18:45,869 --> 00:18:48,735 - What is that? - For the STD lady. 417 00:18:48,771 --> 00:18:51,272 - You're getting checked too? - Damn straight. 418 00:18:51,308 --> 00:18:53,041 How often does the mountain come to Mohamed? 419 00:18:53,077 --> 00:18:56,076 Saves me a job this quarter. You should get involved. 420 00:18:56,112 --> 00:18:59,880 Yeah. The last time I pissed in a cup was at Glastonbury. 421 00:18:59,916 --> 00:19:02,852 - Fill your boots. - You almost did. 422 00:19:08,708 --> 00:19:10,539 - Hi. - Come on, then. 423 00:19:10,575 --> 00:19:12,711 I actually just wanted to ask a couple of questions. Is that okay? 424 00:19:13,079 --> 00:19:14,477 Okay. 425 00:19:23,255 --> 00:19:25,521 How reliable is the contraceptive pill? 426 00:19:25,557 --> 00:19:27,690 No form of contraceptive is 100%... 427 00:19:27,726 --> 00:19:29,424 No, I appreciate that, 428 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:33,162 but is that some old wives' tale you tell teenage girls, to stop them from being all slutty 429 00:19:33,198 --> 00:19:35,031 or can I actually get pregnant? 430 00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,734 You can actually get pregnant. 431 00:19:39,271 --> 00:19:41,539 My boyfriend and I are trying for a baby. 432 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:43,474 But you're on the pill? 433 00:19:46,085 --> 00:19:47,286 It's complicated. 434 00:19:50,505 --> 00:19:53,039 My mother was a difficult woman 435 00:19:53,075 --> 00:19:56,042 and she made life difficult 436 00:19:56,078 --> 00:19:59,979 for a lot of people, including her children. 437 00:20:00,015 --> 00:20:03,084 And I... I just wouldn't... 438 00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:07,987 Where do you stand on the whole nature-nurture thing? 439 00:20:08,023 --> 00:20:08,988 I'm just a nurse, honey. 440 00:20:09,024 --> 00:20:11,123 You know, there are still tribes in South America 441 00:20:11,159 --> 00:20:13,792 that believe that babies are made from a combination of sperm, 442 00:20:13,828 --> 00:20:17,528 from multiple males and mom has sex with a bunch of different dudes 443 00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:19,633 and then they all share in the upbringing of the child. 444 00:20:24,038 --> 00:20:26,173 I had sex with some other guy. 445 00:20:27,107 --> 00:20:29,777 A client, actually. And now I'm a week late. 446 00:20:31,761 --> 00:20:33,995 So, let me get this straight. 447 00:20:34,031 --> 00:20:36,730 Your're trying for a baby with your boyfriend, 448 00:20:36,766 --> 00:20:40,268 but you had sex with someone who isn't your boyfriend. 449 00:20:40,304 --> 00:20:44,237 But you're on the pill and you're worried that you're pregnant. 450 00:20:44,273 --> 00:20:46,042 Or you want to be pregnant? 451 00:20:48,111 --> 00:20:53,046 I mess everything up and I wouldn't want to mess up something like that. 452 00:20:53,082 --> 00:20:54,214 Why are you telling me all this? 453 00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:56,916 You have that doctor-patient confidentiality thing, right? 454 00:20:56,952 --> 00:20:58,920 I'm not a doctor, but yes. 455 00:21:00,922 --> 00:21:03,889 I am trying to be better, 456 00:21:03,925 --> 00:21:07,596 but what if I don't actually have "better" in me? 457 00:21:14,802 --> 00:21:18,240 You should find someone to talk to who isn't a stranger. 458 00:21:35,097 --> 00:21:37,730 - Hello. - There's something going on with Mark. 459 00:21:37,766 --> 00:21:39,099 - What do you mean? - I was going through his pockets, 460 00:21:39,135 --> 00:21:40,699 and I found this list of websites. 461 00:21:40,735 --> 00:21:42,935 Rob, you should have seen some of the stuff on there. 462 00:21:42,971 --> 00:21:44,839 Have you ever heard of a boo-cake? 463 00:21:45,774 --> 00:21:47,873 - A what? - It's when a lady 464 00:21:47,909 --> 00:21:49,808 just sits there with her mouth open 465 00:21:49,844 --> 00:21:51,710 while a gang of men hover over her 466 00:21:51,746 --> 00:21:53,979 like they are all angrily watering the same plant. 467 00:21:54,015 --> 00:21:55,513 Oh, bukkake. 468 00:21:55,549 --> 00:21:59,751 It's awful. I've Googled and it says it can have a serious effect on your life. 469 00:21:59,787 --> 00:22:02,053 - Bukkake? - No. Porn addiction. 470 00:22:02,089 --> 00:22:03,421 - What? - It all makes sense. 471 00:22:03,457 --> 00:22:06,224 This is why he's been acting so weird for the last few weeks. 472 00:22:06,260 --> 00:22:09,060 They say it can cause depression, it can affect your relationships, 473 00:22:09,096 --> 00:22:10,561 your work. 474 00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:12,562 Hon, I'm sure there's some more logical explanation. 475 00:22:12,598 --> 00:22:14,531 We've not had sex in nine weeks. 476 00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:15,799 I mean, we've had droughts before, 477 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,869 but usually after a week or two, I at least get a sleepy erection 478 00:22:18,905 --> 00:22:20,271 pressed into the small of my back. 479 00:22:20,307 --> 00:22:22,976 - Too much information. - Do you think I should confront him about it? 480 00:22:23,715 --> 00:22:25,250 No. No, just... 481 00:22:26,887 --> 00:22:28,319 Give it a bit more time. 482 00:22:28,355 --> 00:22:29,757 I'm sure it will sort itself out. 483 00:22:30,399 --> 00:22:31,564 Sort? 484 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,603 Look, I have to go but I'll pop around tomorrow, all right? 485 00:23:51,770 --> 00:23:56,046 This is so exciting. Reminds me of the old days. 486 00:23:56,082 --> 00:23:59,850 I used to be a bit of an actress myself, before I had Summer. 487 00:23:59,886 --> 00:24:01,651 I always loved being on set. 488 00:24:01,687 --> 00:24:02,619 How's she doing? 489 00:24:02,655 --> 00:24:05,524 Yeah, she's great, she's really excited. 490 00:24:07,552 --> 00:24:08,553 Rob? 491 00:24:09,353 --> 00:24:10,418 Carly! 492 00:24:10,454 --> 00:24:12,821 Great to see you! Come in. 493 00:24:12,857 --> 00:24:15,557 Wow, you look great. Love the shoes. 494 00:24:15,593 --> 00:24:18,760 Uh, this is Summer, who you'll be having sex with this morning. 495 00:24:18,796 --> 00:24:21,128 Hiya. 496 00:24:21,164 --> 00:24:25,566 Nice to meet you, Carly. I thought you were just great in Emmerdale. 497 00:24:25,602 --> 00:24:29,169 Oh, listen, just so it's all cleared up, that Twitter stuff... 498 00:24:29,205 --> 00:24:33,510 I was just retweeting a joke someone said. I've got nothing against blacks. 499 00:24:37,504 --> 00:24:41,272 Great. Okay. You two should probably decide what you want to do. 500 00:24:41,308 --> 00:24:43,374 The choreography is totally up for grabs, 501 00:24:43,410 --> 00:24:47,245 but just be prepared that if it's too soft, people are gonna call bullshit. 502 00:24:47,281 --> 00:24:48,713 Sure. 503 00:24:48,749 --> 00:24:51,485 I'm cool. I just don't want to shove anything up anywhere or nothing. 504 00:24:51,785 --> 00:24:53,150 Understood. 505 00:24:53,186 --> 00:24:54,284 You okay with nudity? 506 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:55,687 As long as it's tasteful. 507 00:24:55,723 --> 00:24:58,590 - Hi. - This is Peter, the Director. 508 00:24:58,626 --> 00:25:01,693 So, plan is to keep it really glossy and premium. 509 00:25:01,729 --> 00:25:04,561 We'll go for a narrow depth of field, shooting on 4k, 510 00:25:04,597 --> 00:25:07,297 with a beautiful backlight for that sensual feel. 511 00:25:07,333 --> 00:25:08,899 Sure. 512 00:25:08,935 --> 00:25:11,735 We're going with the narrative that it's Carly's boyfriend behind the camera. 513 00:25:11,771 --> 00:25:12,836 Clever 514 00:25:12,872 --> 00:25:14,139 How's your porn talk? 515 00:25:14,807 --> 00:25:16,406 Porn talk? 516 00:25:16,442 --> 00:25:19,442 Sex tape 101. Nothing worse than seeing a woman with the dead eyes of a shark, 517 00:25:19,478 --> 00:25:23,512 mumbling her way through it like it's homework. Naming no names. Paris Hilton. 518 00:25:23,548 --> 00:25:27,988 So plenty of... 519 00:25:28,024 --> 00:25:30,328 "That's it! That's it!" That kind of thing. 520 00:25:30,364 --> 00:25:32,497 Plenty of squeaks and squeals. 521 00:25:32,533 --> 00:25:36,534 Always good. A little bit of a tremble. 522 00:25:36,570 --> 00:25:39,537 Just have fun with it. Be creative. 523 00:25:39,573 --> 00:25:43,340 "Ooh. Stick it up there. Scissor me. 524 00:25:43,376 --> 00:25:46,312 "Come on, you filthy bitch. Suck it like a fig." 525 00:25:47,513 --> 00:25:50,082 Sorry, I just... 526 00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:57,454 Can somebody get us some mints or something? 527 00:25:57,490 --> 00:26:00,356 Summer! 528 00:26:00,392 --> 00:26:02,762 She's never done anything like this. It must be stage fright. 529 00:26:04,195 --> 00:26:06,562 Summer. It's Robyn. Can I come in? 530 00:26:06,598 --> 00:26:08,600 You know, you don't have to do this. 531 00:26:09,668 --> 00:26:11,300 Sweetie, 532 00:26:11,336 --> 00:26:15,704 there's a lot of people out here putting a lot of effort into getting this done for you. 533 00:26:15,740 --> 00:26:17,439 Remember what we always say. 534 00:26:17,475 --> 00:26:20,174 "Being professional is doing the things that you love to do 535 00:26:20,210 --> 00:26:22,346 "on the days you don't feel like doing them." 536 00:26:23,748 --> 00:26:24,749 She'll be fine. 537 00:26:26,250 --> 00:26:29,317 I remember her first Lion King audition at 11. 538 00:26:29,353 --> 00:26:32,854 Bundle of nerves. All worried about missing school, and all this nonsense. 539 00:26:32,890 --> 00:26:34,722 Get's in the room, blew it. 540 00:26:34,758 --> 00:26:38,459 Can't remember her words, forgets all the steps. Useless. 541 00:26:38,495 --> 00:26:42,630 So when we get home, I make her pay back all our train fares up to London 542 00:26:42,666 --> 00:26:47,236 out of her pocket money. So she'd understand the sacrifices people make for her. 543 00:26:47,905 --> 00:26:49,672 Never fluffed an audition again. 544 00:26:53,027 --> 00:26:57,323 Summer. You open that door right now, young lady. 545 00:27:07,957 --> 00:27:11,933 Summer, if you're not 100% comfortable, we can pull the plug. 546 00:27:11,969 --> 00:27:13,201 I don't want to be unprofessional 547 00:27:13,237 --> 00:27:15,203 - You're not. - Mum would be furious. 548 00:27:15,239 --> 00:27:18,575 Don't take this the wrong way, but your mum is being a bit of an ass. 549 00:27:20,301 --> 00:27:22,200 This is your call. 550 00:27:22,236 --> 00:27:23,836 I'm scared that I'm gonna look like an idiot. 551 00:27:23,872 --> 00:27:27,272 There's a whole team of people out there whose job it is to make sure you look great. 552 00:27:27,308 --> 00:27:30,609 You don't understand, I don't know what I'm doing. 553 00:27:30,645 --> 00:27:32,744 Why don't you just pretend you're having sex with your boyfriend or something? 554 00:27:32,780 --> 00:27:35,349 No, I literally mean I don't know what I'm doing. 555 00:27:39,052 --> 00:27:40,220 I'm a virgin. 556 00:27:44,391 --> 00:27:45,757 And? 557 00:27:45,793 --> 00:27:47,425 Well she's terrified. 558 00:27:47,461 --> 00:27:48,426 And... 559 00:27:48,462 --> 00:27:49,761 She doesn't want to do the tape. 560 00:27:49,797 --> 00:27:51,095 So convince her. 561 00:27:51,131 --> 00:27:54,298 I'm not sure I should be convincing a 17-year-old to do pornography. 562 00:27:54,334 --> 00:27:57,334 What is it you think we do, Robyn? The glossy, well-thumbed magazines... 563 00:27:57,370 --> 00:27:59,570 The websites full of salacious little thumbnails. 564 00:27:59,606 --> 00:28:02,038 The mail online is essentially a porn-hub for the masses. 565 00:28:02,074 --> 00:28:04,040 I thought Pornhub was pornhub for the masses. 566 00:28:04,076 --> 00:28:07,444 In less than 17 hours, news will be out that Summer has been dropped by her label. 567 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:11,214 And when that happens, her career will be over. She'll be on the scrap-heap by 18. 568 00:28:11,250 --> 00:28:13,183 A couple of years of Panto if she's lucky. 569 00:28:13,219 --> 00:28:16,486 And nothing but the wasteland of reality television awaits. 570 00:28:16,522 --> 00:28:19,097 You can't save her soul, focus on her career. 571 00:28:19,133 --> 00:28:22,334 She may be playing coy now, but when she's gone from hot to not, 572 00:28:22,370 --> 00:28:25,969 she'll be sucking a runner off in an alleyway for a 30-second OB on Good Morning, Britain. 573 00:28:26,005 --> 00:28:27,404 Just to keep the dream alive. 574 00:28:27,440 --> 00:28:28,906 - Couldn't we just... - This was your idea. You make it work. 575 00:28:28,942 --> 00:28:32,476 Or instead of a sex tape, we'll be making a snuff tape of me murdering you. 576 00:28:32,512 --> 00:28:35,679 Which I shall sell to recoup the money you've wasted hiring all these people 577 00:28:35,715 --> 00:28:37,283 not to make a sex tape! 578 00:28:45,157 --> 00:28:49,094 Keep it coming. I want to look like a ten-year-old boy before you're done. 579 00:28:51,063 --> 00:28:52,662 I can't believe she's a virgin. 580 00:28:52,698 --> 00:28:57,166 Wow. When I was Summer's age, my hymen was a long-forgotten dream. 581 00:28:57,202 --> 00:28:59,268 We can't force her to lose her virginity. 582 00:28:59,304 --> 00:29:01,371 Oh, come on. It's with a girl. Girls don't count. 583 00:29:01,407 --> 00:29:04,374 I watched her duet with Bryn Turfell in Children in Need. 584 00:29:04,410 --> 00:29:07,278 We could get her drunk. That's what I do when I don't want to have sex with someone. 585 00:29:08,446 --> 00:29:11,279 Look, we've all had to fake it at some point in our lives. 586 00:29:11,315 --> 00:29:13,484 It's an unfortunate inevitability of the human condition. 587 00:29:14,252 --> 00:29:15,417 That's it. 588 00:29:15,453 --> 00:29:16,485 What's what? 589 00:29:16,521 --> 00:29:17,819 A body double. 590 00:29:17,855 --> 00:29:20,255 Where on earth are we going to find a five-foot-three 17-year-old, 591 00:29:20,291 --> 00:29:22,524 who's willing to have sex on camera at such short notice? 592 00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:24,359 What are you? Like, 4'4"? 593 00:29:24,395 --> 00:29:26,360 I'm white, if you haven't noticed. 594 00:29:26,396 --> 00:29:27,962 And I'm not gonna pretend to have sex 595 00:29:27,998 --> 00:29:30,464 with a racist soap actress on camera for money, okay? 596 00:29:30,500 --> 00:29:31,565 There is a line. 597 00:29:31,601 --> 00:29:33,167 Who said anything about money? 598 00:29:33,203 --> 00:29:37,037 Okay. You call every adult entertainment company within a thirty-mile radius 599 00:29:37,073 --> 00:29:39,373 and see if they have anyone who matches Summer's description. 600 00:29:39,409 --> 00:29:41,883 You try escort agencies, massage parlors. 601 00:29:41,919 --> 00:29:44,553 Go to the nearest phone box and look at cards on the wall if you have to. 602 00:29:44,589 --> 00:29:45,956 I'll deal with upstairs. 603 00:29:51,996 --> 00:29:53,561 Ed, Joan, Hi. 604 00:29:53,597 --> 00:29:55,096 Is everything all right? 605 00:29:55,132 --> 00:29:57,465 Of course. We're just ironing out a few kinks. 606 00:29:57,501 --> 00:29:59,167 Do you know where Carly is? 607 00:29:59,203 --> 00:30:02,137 I think she's getting changed. Uh, what sort of kinks? 608 00:30:02,173 --> 00:30:04,038 I'm so sorry. 609 00:30:04,074 --> 00:30:05,573 Hello. 610 00:30:05,609 --> 00:30:08,610 Right. We're set up and ready to go just as soon as I receive the file. 611 00:30:08,646 --> 00:30:10,077 Great. 612 00:30:10,113 --> 00:30:11,312 How are things on your end? 613 00:30:11,348 --> 00:30:13,247 What? Yeah. Fine. 614 00:30:13,283 --> 00:30:15,349 Exciting, isn't it? I feel like a spy. 615 00:30:15,385 --> 00:30:17,117 Yeah. 616 00:30:17,153 --> 00:30:21,121 Listen, Rob. I just wanted to say, thank you very much, again, for helping me out like this. 617 00:30:21,157 --> 00:30:22,021 That's fine. 618 00:30:22,057 --> 00:30:24,325 To be honest, it got to a point where I... 619 00:30:24,361 --> 00:30:25,426 What are you doing out here? 620 00:30:25,462 --> 00:30:26,593 Ah. Nothing. 621 00:30:26,629 --> 00:30:28,061 Is that Ruth? 622 00:30:28,097 --> 00:30:29,462 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 623 00:30:29,498 --> 00:30:33,232 - Who are you on the phone to? - It's... Sorry, it's work. 624 00:30:33,268 --> 00:30:37,670 Yeah, that's fine. I will get on to that just as soon as I have a minute. 625 00:30:37,706 --> 00:30:38,973 I'll be out in a sec. 626 00:30:40,709 --> 00:30:42,575 I thought she thought you were still at work. 627 00:30:42,611 --> 00:30:45,511 Yeah, well, I told her I had to work from home today. 628 00:30:45,547 --> 00:30:48,113 I needed my computers to set up the transfers. 629 00:30:48,149 --> 00:30:49,381 Don't call me again. 630 00:30:49,417 --> 00:30:51,953 - I'll drop the footage by tonight. Okay? - Yeah, Rob, I... 631 00:30:52,153 --> 00:30:53,154 Good. 632 00:31:00,453 --> 00:31:01,720 Carly. 633 00:31:04,501 --> 00:31:05,569 Want one? 634 00:31:09,094 --> 00:31:11,227 How do you feel about having sex with someone else? 635 00:31:11,263 --> 00:31:12,563 What do you mean? 636 00:31:12,599 --> 00:31:15,498 We're looking into getting a body double for Summer. She's... 637 00:31:15,534 --> 00:31:16,565 Shy. 638 00:31:16,601 --> 00:31:17,600 Will it affect me fee? 639 00:31:17,636 --> 00:31:18,701 Nope. 640 00:31:18,737 --> 00:31:21,037 Then I don't care who I'm pretending to have sex with. 641 00:31:25,610 --> 00:31:26,609 Hello. 642 00:31:26,645 --> 00:31:29,244 Okay, something funny is definitely going on. 643 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:30,713 What? 644 00:31:30,749 --> 00:31:32,514 I just walked in on Mark hiding in the shed on the phone to somebody. 645 00:31:32,550 --> 00:31:33,649 So? 646 00:31:33,685 --> 00:31:35,317 So? You should have seen his face. 647 00:31:35,353 --> 00:31:37,986 He looked like Kelly after she's eaten one of my lipsticks. 648 00:31:38,022 --> 00:31:39,587 Last night you said he was addicted to porn. 649 00:31:39,623 --> 00:31:43,358 Yes, well, what if it's worse than that? I don't know, he seemed super shady. 650 00:31:43,394 --> 00:31:46,328 And I heard a woman's voice on the other end of the line. 651 00:31:46,364 --> 00:31:48,295 Mark worships the ground you walk on. 652 00:31:48,331 --> 00:31:50,967 He would never do anything to hurt you or the kids. 653 00:31:53,036 --> 00:31:56,003 I gotta go. Um, I'll pop by after work, okay? 654 00:31:56,039 --> 00:31:57,171 Okay bye. 655 00:31:57,207 --> 00:31:58,308 I love you. 656 00:32:05,484 --> 00:32:07,583 Okay, so there's been a change of plans. 657 00:32:07,619 --> 00:32:09,117 We'll be using a double for Summer, 658 00:32:09,153 --> 00:32:12,287 so we're gonna need to go with the grunge here. Handheld amateur feel, just... 659 00:32:12,323 --> 00:32:15,156 Will this double be expecting a share of the royalty, too? 660 00:32:15,192 --> 00:32:16,558 Robyn, 661 00:32:16,594 --> 00:32:18,426 Can I get a word? 662 00:32:18,462 --> 00:32:20,331 Could you excuse me for just a minute, please? 663 00:32:23,066 --> 00:32:24,699 Okay. So, I've called everywhere. 664 00:32:24,735 --> 00:32:26,100 All the adult film companies 665 00:32:26,136 --> 00:32:27,968 were talking about unions and licenses 666 00:32:28,004 --> 00:32:29,571 and asking if we have a permit. 667 00:32:29,607 --> 00:32:30,938 Okay, okay. What about you? 668 00:32:30,974 --> 00:32:34,174 No escort agencies were happy for their girls to appear on film. 669 00:32:34,210 --> 00:32:35,709 I've got a few leads I can follow up on, 670 00:32:35,745 --> 00:32:36,710 but it's a long shot. 671 00:32:36,746 --> 00:32:38,445 Okay. Keep trying, 672 00:32:38,481 --> 00:32:40,080 but if we have no luck in the next half hour, 673 00:32:40,116 --> 00:32:41,382 I guess we'll just have to cancel. 674 00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:42,419 Cancel? 675 00:32:43,553 --> 00:32:44,718 What about Summer? 676 00:32:44,754 --> 00:32:46,553 This is her career we're talking about. 677 00:32:46,589 --> 00:32:48,489 We're trying everything we can to make this work. 678 00:32:48,525 --> 00:32:50,426 Well, she'll just have to do it herself. 679 00:32:50,693 --> 00:32:51,958 Mrs. Bolton, 680 00:32:51,994 --> 00:32:53,259 your daughter is uncomfortable with this. 681 00:32:53,295 --> 00:32:54,594 Now, that may not be an issue for you, 682 00:32:54,630 --> 00:32:56,813 but I'm afraid it is an issue for me. 683 00:32:56,849 --> 00:32:58,050 I beg your pardon? 684 00:32:59,126 --> 00:33:01,825 Look. We've still got 17 hours left. 685 00:33:01,861 --> 00:33:04,229 We could get her a tattoo or a cocaine addiction. 686 00:33:04,265 --> 00:33:05,496 It's not gonna set the world alight, 687 00:33:05,532 --> 00:33:07,130 But, it may go some way to counteract... 688 00:33:07,166 --> 00:33:08,167 I'll do it. 689 00:33:09,002 --> 00:33:09,833 Excuse me? 690 00:33:09,869 --> 00:33:12,069 Well, we're the same height, same size. 691 00:33:12,105 --> 00:33:14,173 People are always mistaking us for sisters. 692 00:33:14,907 --> 00:33:15,939 Really? 693 00:33:15,975 --> 00:33:17,140 My Pilates teacher 694 00:33:17,176 --> 00:33:19,345 says I still have the body of an 18-year-old. 695 00:33:20,179 --> 00:33:21,378 So, I may as well 696 00:33:21,414 --> 00:33:24,047 let somebody bloody see it for a change. 697 00:33:24,083 --> 00:33:26,148 - Are you sure you... - I spent a lifetime 698 00:33:26,184 --> 00:33:28,318 getting this girl to where she is today. 699 00:33:28,354 --> 00:33:30,487 Not all of us were afforded those opportunities 700 00:33:30,523 --> 00:33:32,221 and I do not intend for it to be over 701 00:33:32,257 --> 00:33:33,456 before it's barely begun. 702 00:33:33,492 --> 00:33:34,490 So... 703 00:33:34,526 --> 00:33:36,428 Let's just get this over and done with, shall we? 704 00:34:32,171 --> 00:34:34,222 Oh, yeah! 705 00:34:34,258 --> 00:34:36,591 Get me the number of her Pilates instructor. 706 00:34:36,627 --> 00:34:39,129 Oh, yeah! Fuck harder. 707 00:34:39,855 --> 00:34:41,020 Girl's a natural. 708 00:34:41,056 --> 00:34:42,021 When's it going live? 709 00:34:42,057 --> 00:34:43,789 Being uploaded tonight. And then it'll leak 710 00:34:43,825 --> 00:34:45,191 before any news of her deal gets out. 711 00:34:45,227 --> 00:34:46,359 Turn it off, now. 712 00:34:46,395 --> 00:34:48,026 It's reminding me of boarding school. 713 00:34:48,062 --> 00:34:49,262 Jesus! 714 00:34:49,298 --> 00:34:50,896 Well, whatever happens with Summer's career, 715 00:34:50,932 --> 00:34:52,675 I think you've done wonders for her parents' marriage. 716 00:34:52,711 --> 00:34:54,666 I'm gonna have to phone my mum and break the news. 717 00:34:54,702 --> 00:34:56,771 Melody? I think this is for you. 718 00:34:59,874 --> 00:35:01,040 Ooh! 719 00:35:01,076 --> 00:35:04,709 IT boy wants to log into your... 720 00:35:04,745 --> 00:35:06,245 Don't know any computer words. Something funny. 721 00:35:06,281 --> 00:35:07,712 Stop it. 722 00:35:07,748 --> 00:35:09,314 Seriously though, you're not really gonna go out with an IT boy, are you? 723 00:35:09,350 --> 00:35:10,982 Melody, go out with whoever you like. 724 00:35:11,018 --> 00:35:12,683 Eve's just jealous, 'cause... 725 00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:13,885 There's no RAM in her hard drive. 726 00:35:13,921 --> 00:35:14,922 Oh! There it is! 727 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:21,678 You know, right now would be 728 00:35:21,714 --> 00:35:24,299 a good time to say something about you keeping your dick in your pants. 729 00:35:24,723 --> 00:35:26,223 I know. I know. 730 00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:27,856 Good. 731 00:35:27,892 --> 00:35:29,728 Really bums me out when you pull stuff like this. 732 00:35:30,594 --> 00:35:31,794 I'm trying. I really do 733 00:35:31,830 --> 00:35:33,394 - want to be better. - I know. 734 00:35:33,430 --> 00:35:35,265 I know you do. I know. 735 00:35:37,234 --> 00:35:38,666 Oh, man. I remember when I did this 736 00:35:38,702 --> 00:35:39,834 for the first time around. 737 00:35:39,870 --> 00:35:41,536 Whoa! 738 00:35:41,572 --> 00:35:43,471 The feeling of it being real just 739 00:35:43,507 --> 00:35:45,305 hits you like a truck. 740 00:35:45,341 --> 00:35:47,542 Like, all at once. 741 00:35:47,578 --> 00:35:48,910 Up until that point in my life, 742 00:35:48,946 --> 00:35:50,279 nothing had ever been so... 743 00:35:51,982 --> 00:35:53,815 Permanent. You know? 744 00:35:53,851 --> 00:35:56,383 I just kept staring at it till my eyes went blurry. 745 00:35:56,419 --> 00:35:59,519 Then, I think I cried for, like, a day. 746 00:35:59,555 --> 00:36:01,391 Then, I was really happy. 747 00:36:02,825 --> 00:36:03,924 You're not helping. 748 00:36:06,963 --> 00:36:08,929 Okay. All right, don't stare at it. 749 00:36:08,965 --> 00:36:11,297 - Just... Mmm... Name the 50 states. - What? 750 00:36:11,333 --> 00:36:12,565 Hey! Just something to take your mind off of it. 751 00:36:12,601 --> 00:36:13,800 I'm not in kindergarten. 752 00:36:13,836 --> 00:36:15,534 - I'm not naming any of the 50 states... - ♪ Alabama 753 00:36:15,570 --> 00:36:17,536 ♪ Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas 754 00:36:17,572 --> 00:36:18,738 ♪ California, Colorado 755 00:36:18,774 --> 00:36:20,840 - ♪ Delaware... Connecticut - You missed Connecticut. 756 00:36:20,876 --> 00:36:22,308 - ♪ Delaware, Florida - Florida... 757 00:36:22,344 --> 00:36:24,977 ♪ Georgia, Hawaii, Idaho 758 00:36:25,013 --> 00:36:26,846 ♪ Illinois, Indiana 759 00:36:26,882 --> 00:36:28,814 ♪ Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky 760 00:36:28,850 --> 00:36:31,383 ♪ Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts 761 00:36:31,419 --> 00:36:33,318 ♪ Michigan, Minnesota 762 00:36:33,354 --> 00:36:35,556 ♪ Missouri, Mississippi... 763 00:36:36,158 --> 00:36:37,159 What does it say? 764 00:36:40,027 --> 00:36:41,326 I'm not pregnant. 765 00:36:41,362 --> 00:36:42,563 Okay! 766 00:36:42,897 --> 00:36:44,396 Okay! 767 00:36:44,432 --> 00:36:45,697 Well, that's good. 768 00:36:45,733 --> 00:36:46,801 That's what you wanted, right? 769 00:36:47,668 --> 00:36:48,803 Absolutely! 770 00:36:50,403 --> 00:36:51,404 Absolutely. 771 00:36:53,040 --> 00:36:54,672 Yeah. Good. 772 00:36:54,708 --> 00:36:57,008 Mommy, I need to poo! 773 00:36:57,044 --> 00:36:59,245 Thank you for letting us know. 774 00:37:00,380 --> 00:37:02,012 - I'll leave you to it. - Okay... 775 00:37:02,048 --> 00:37:03,647 - Thank you. - Hi, honey. 776 00:37:03,683 --> 00:37:04,684 And, next! 777 00:37:05,518 --> 00:37:07,554 Welcome to my weird... 778 00:37:07,987 --> 00:37:08,988 Office. 779 00:37:10,422 --> 00:37:11,523 How may I help you? 780 00:37:15,294 --> 00:37:16,359 Here. 781 00:37:16,395 --> 00:37:17,396 Thank you. 782 00:37:23,402 --> 00:37:24,967 Blimey. 783 00:37:25,003 --> 00:37:27,473 She did not do that on Britain's Got Talent. 784 00:37:38,716 --> 00:37:39,517 You were right. 785 00:37:41,018 --> 00:37:43,518 I opened his laptop to send an email 786 00:37:43,554 --> 00:37:44,820 and it was right there. 787 00:37:44,856 --> 00:37:46,421 Yes. I, um... 788 00:37:46,457 --> 00:37:47,923 - He's a porn addict. - I... What? 789 00:37:52,696 --> 00:37:53,697 Is this a thing? 790 00:37:54,698 --> 00:37:55,997 No! I... 791 00:37:56,033 --> 00:37:58,299 Mark. Seriously, I want you to be honest with me. 792 00:37:58,335 --> 00:37:59,366 I... 793 00:38:06,109 --> 00:38:07,477 I'm addicted to porn. 794 00:38:08,945 --> 00:38:09,944 Jesus. 795 00:38:09,980 --> 00:38:12,949 - Mark. Why wouldn't you tell me? - I'm so sorry. 796 00:38:14,123 --> 00:38:15,124 I... 797 00:38:17,244 --> 00:38:18,346 Was ashamed. 798 00:38:19,413 --> 00:38:21,212 I... Was... 799 00:38:21,248 --> 00:38:22,714 Sorry, I'm just going to mute this for a second. 800 00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:23,982 Maybe I should... 801 00:38:24,018 --> 00:38:26,718 Why would you think you have to lie about something like this? 802 00:38:26,754 --> 00:38:27,755 Mark, I mean... 803 00:38:28,456 --> 00:38:30,488 God, you know... 804 00:38:30,524 --> 00:38:33,490 You need to go off into the shed and have a handy, just... 805 00:38:33,526 --> 00:38:34,795 Lock the door, you know. I don't... 806 00:38:36,730 --> 00:38:38,262 I mean, that's not a relationship, is it? 807 00:38:38,298 --> 00:38:40,266 Where you can't even tell me if something is wrong? 808 00:38:41,301 --> 00:38:43,536 You can talk to me, you stupid a-hole. 809 00:38:43,903 --> 00:38:45,569 God, I mean... 810 00:38:45,605 --> 00:38:46,804 Who knows? Maybe I would even 811 00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,505 wanna watch it with you, you know? 812 00:38:48,541 --> 00:38:50,674 I'm not so vanilla that I can't... 813 00:38:50,710 --> 00:38:52,241 Oh, my god! 814 00:38:52,277 --> 00:38:53,409 - Is that Summer Bolton? - Hmm. 815 00:38:53,445 --> 00:38:55,846 Yeah. Give it to me! Oh... 816 00:38:55,882 --> 00:38:58,648 I'm just gonna leave you to... 817 00:39:01,720 --> 00:39:02,855 My goodness! 818 00:39:04,690 --> 00:39:06,190 What must her poor mother think? 819 00:39:14,008 --> 00:39:15,144 Hey. What's up? 820 00:39:17,678 --> 00:39:19,614 Okay, don't be annoyed at me or anything. 821 00:39:20,281 --> 00:39:21,947 I swear I wasn't being stalker-y, 822 00:39:21,983 --> 00:39:24,218 - I just... I saw it in the bin. - What? 823 00:39:32,126 --> 00:39:33,492 Did you... I mean... 824 00:39:33,528 --> 00:39:38,732 I was a couple of days late, so I did it as a precaution, but I'm not. 825 00:39:40,368 --> 00:39:42,066 Okay. 826 00:39:42,102 --> 00:39:43,934 I'm just... I'm sorry, I just... 827 00:39:43,970 --> 00:39:46,039 I saw it, and then my heart was just like... 828 00:39:46,765 --> 00:39:48,030 I mean, I know we're trying, 829 00:39:48,066 --> 00:39:50,866 but seeing it just made me feel... 830 00:39:50,902 --> 00:39:51,934 Like it was so much more real. 831 00:39:51,970 --> 00:39:53,768 - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to panic you. - Oh, no, no. 832 00:39:53,804 --> 00:39:55,040 I... I wasn't panicked. I was... 833 00:39:56,073 --> 00:39:59,210 I don't know. I was... I was... happy. 834 00:40:00,044 --> 00:40:01,410 - Really? - Yeah. I mean... 835 00:40:01,446 --> 00:40:05,013 It's mental. You know I got a fear because of my dad not being around 836 00:40:05,049 --> 00:40:06,314 and my little sister doing it too young, 837 00:40:06,350 --> 00:40:07,882 and then watching them struggle. 838 00:40:07,918 --> 00:40:10,185 But I saw it, and it just made me feel like... 839 00:40:10,221 --> 00:40:12,856 It was a feeling in my gut. It said, "Yeah, we'd crush it." 840 00:40:14,091 --> 00:40:15,357 Not literally. 841 00:40:15,393 --> 00:40:18,625 I'm sorry. No. I... I know I sound like a nutjob right now. 842 00:40:18,661 --> 00:40:19,760 You weren't scared? 843 00:40:19,796 --> 00:40:21,028 Scared? 844 00:40:21,064 --> 00:40:22,763 No, I was... 845 00:40:22,799 --> 00:40:25,235 Yes, I was scared, but more excited though. 846 00:40:27,003 --> 00:40:28,104 Legit. 847 00:40:29,571 --> 00:40:30,572 I love you. 848 00:40:32,042 --> 00:40:33,742 I love you too, kid. 849 00:40:40,316 --> 00:40:41,617 Do you wanna take another run at it? 850 00:40:42,318 --> 00:40:43,452 Absolutely. 851 00:40:45,588 --> 00:40:46,689 Just give me five minutes. 852 00:42:25,319 --> 00:42:27,054 It's in my nature. 853 00:42:31,611 --> 00:42:36,611 Subtitles by explosiveskull